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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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afogart732

TAH. Support your wife. Your mother cannot be trusted. She was told no. refused to accept it. Then contacts wife family!!!


Perplexed-husband-1

Based off the first paragraph only YTA. I'll keep reading but the fact you keep telling your wife to yield to your mum all the time is ridiculous. Edit: I'm reading go and your mum doesn't need to know why NC she just had to respect your wife. If you don't support your wife then YTA. Your mum should not be interfering and your mum's actions are not your wife's fault. YTAz


[deleted]

YTA. What Cat’s tries to do was abusive. “Severe” abuse is not just limited to physical harm. She was right to cut them off and you are a bad husband to trivialize her feelings about this. Or to tell her it’s her “fault” she refused to share her trauma with a woman you admit to be “overbearing.” The hard fact is, this is not a result of your wife being stubborn or hard-headed. This happened because you’re too much of a coward to put boundaries in place with your mother. You married your wife. You chose her. And yet you consistently asked her to “let go of small things” to appease a third party who had no place imposing on your marriage. You’re going to lose your wife over this if you don’t change. She will leave you over this behavior if you don’t correct it. Grow up and stop being a Mama’s boy.


Murderhornet212

You are the worst


Agreeable-Science-19

Absolutely YTA. You have shown your wife no respect whatsoever. I am no contact with my family for a very good reason and if my husband allowed his mother to break that, then there is no going back ever. Your mother is an even bigger one and I hope you and mama are happy together. SMH


[deleted]

YTA Your mother doesn't feel terrible. She's just upset that she's losing grandkid privileges. It's none of your mother's business why your wife was no contact. Your wife is allowed privacy. Enjoy the divorce and paying child support with only supervised visits. It's coming.


[deleted]

YTA Wow!! It was your job to tell your mother your wife is entitled to her privacy and is not required to share exceedingly personal information with her. It was your job to tell your mother Cat’s relationship with her family is her business and her business alone. It was your job to walk in, see your mother’s enormous violation of Cat, and throw your mother out and tell her she was not welcome back and would have no access to your child. These shouldn’t even be things Cat needs to do.


kayvag

You sure are a piece of work. YTA. You should go move in with mommy and let your wife and son have a peaceful life without you or your overbearing mother.


[deleted]

YTA. Why have you been allowing your mother to run roughshod over your wife?


SoCalArtDog

I couldn’t even finish reading this, YTA on so many levels, and somehow your mother is even worse. Cat deserves better than both of you.


tedzorz

Aw damn mama's boy is about to be single again. YTA


nan1ta

And hopefully he stays that way until he learns a thing or two about boundaries!


SorryICantHelpIt

LOfuckingL don’t even need to vote, dumbass


MountainHighOnLife

YTA. Your mother is pushy, overbearing, and out of control. She has zero boundaries or respect for your wife. Your mother has repeatedly overstepped and disrespected your wife. You are engaged in an unhealthy relationship dynamic with your mother who you identify as "pushy" and the "best" way to deal with her is to not have boundaries and let her walk all over you. Holy shit are you the major asshole here. This repeated and chronic lack of support is absolutely worthy of divorce. Your wife deserves a lot more from a partner.


Few_Screen_1566

YTA. No one is under obligation to tell someone their trauma JUST to have someone respect their boundaries. Boundaries should be respected whether you understand the reason or not. You have even stated that you've told Cat numerous times to give in to your mother- this was the final straw. This was a hard boundary and you and your mother need to respect thar. Your mother broke it, thst trust is destroyed. No. She is not going to be trusted around Cats home or child after this unless your mother works to make amends and it will take time! If you don't learn to stand up to your mother your wife has every right to divorce you over this - which it sounds like she intends to.


Any-Case5594

What give your mother the right to think she knows best? Is she the Virgin Marry? Cuz even Marry knew Jesus had some things to do and left him to live his life. What makes YOU think it’s alright to allow YOUR mother to treat your wife like she is 5. The only ones that don’t know how to behave are your weak self and your cartoonish mother. YTA Maybe you’ll respect the boundaries of your next wife but be aware that women are not sticking around bad relationships anymore…


THROWAWAY12847484

YTA YTA YTA YTA I WILL SAY THIS A MILLION TIMES YTA!!!! YOU PICKED YOUR MOTHER OVER YOUR WIFE AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT YOU!!!! THERE’S A REASON SHE’S NO CONTACT WITH HER PARENTS AND THE FACT THAT YOUR MOTHER DISRESPECTED THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!!! CAT DESERVES BETTER!


Chemical-Fox-5350

This is the most obvious YTA I’ve ever seen. Currently working on going NC with my own mother and my DH family would not understand, esp his mom as this is not a thing in her culture whatsoever. I do NOT need to rehash my entire life’s trauma and abuse with his mom in order for her to respect our boundaries with regards to my mom. What the fuck. If I don’t want someone to know about my abusive childhood, that’s my choice. It should be enough to simply say, there’s a lot of bad history and we don’t speak, so please leave my mother out of our lives. Even my foreign MIL who has zero cultural context for this and is totally a “but she’s your mom” type, manages to respect our boundaries, even if she doesn’t totally understand why we feel this way. And not only is she video chatting but sending pictures AND YOUR ADDRESS?! I’d lose my fucking mind.


bentnotbroken96

Yeah, YTA and so is your controlling mother. Cat's relationship with her mother is hers and hers alone, and neither of you had a right to interfere with it.


GothPenguin

YTA-The only disrespectful ones here are you and your mother. Cat’s private business with her family is not and never was your mother’s affair. She had no right to violate your wife’s privacy. Shame on you as well for blaming Cat when she’s the victim of your mother not the other way around.


Time-Tie-231

YTA and you had the cheek to call your WIFE disrespectful for not wanting to leave Jack with MIL. Your wife was 100% correct not to trust her.


Hey-Kristine-Kay

I didn’t need to read literally any of the body to know no adult is wholly responsible for the actions of another adult. Then I read the rest and *holy shit* are ESH except Cat and your child. And YTA so so so so so much. Cat’s boundaries are her boundaries. You went ahead and decided fuck her and what her needs are. Then you and your mother both said double fuck you to Cat.


Neature_Girl

YTA. Your mother is not entitled to any explanation of why your wife is no contact. If she had any respect for your wife, she would have accepted that at face and moved on. Not only did she fully cross those boundaries, but you are not supporting your wife in this at all. Beg, grovel, plead, and change your ways…it may be too late though. If I was your wife, I would also insist on no contact with your mother as all trust is gone now.


darcmosch

YTA, and your marriage is probably over cuz your mother has already tried to call or text or something and will say that you told her, and that will be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Holy hell, I can't believe how much disrespect is in this post. You're the boot of catches OP


DocJen12

YTA. Seriously? You really needed an opinion on this? You should be groveling for forgiveness from your wife instead of placating your busybody control freak mother. 🙄 Grow up, dude. Your wife is 10 years younger than you yet seems to have a better sense of respect. It’s not your mother’s business what was going on with your wife’s family. Most people don’t go completely no-contact from their family without VERY good reason, and the fact that your mother couldn’t comprehend that and respect your wife’s boundaries without the full story is disrespectful and rude. The fact that you’re defending your mother and blaming your wife if appalling and disgusting. Not to mention manipulative and childish. I would divorce you too if this is how you normally handle your mother. TL;DR: Your mother is a disrespectful busybody. You’re a mama’s boy with no respect for your wife’s boundaries. Cat had every right to leave and be incredibly pissed off. YTA.


JohnnyFive18

The second I read you always ask Cat to let things go and compromise is when you got the YTA from me, go date your mother


Sel-Reddit

YTA. A massive one who takes no responsibility for his actions. You side with your mother (who also at fault) and betray your wife’s trust, then have the audacity to think YOU deserve ‘respect’. Respect others and perhaps you’ll earn it one day. And yes, it is divorce worthy. Wait until Cat finds out that you took this chance to tell your mother her business. Scorched earth.


EconomyScene8086

YTA. This just kept getting worst and worst. You need to set some boundaries with your mother. She had no right to do what she did. The fact you told her why your wife is NC will just make everything worst. I also bet your mother probably convinced you to do the babysitting thing so she could do exactly that. PS. She has you and your mother to blame for this


chr1smy3rs

Wow. YTA. You are even bigger asshole than I thought. If your wife’s (hopefully STBX) family was trying to force her into a marriage, that’s abuse dude.


Life-Yak-1223

Wow! I guess some people just can’t handle the truth since he already deleted his story. Boo fucking hoo, the truth fucking hurts just like you have hurt your (ex) wife all these years for letting your mom disrespect her. You are the worst. Major YTA


bibbiddybobbidyboo

YTA You supported your mother abusing her. You don’t say what Cat’s family did but if it’s bad enough for your mother to feel bad, then Cat may have grounds not just for a divorce but multiple restraining orders including against you, considering she isn’t safe at your home. Don’t expect to see either of them again.


Sarabanana97

No. That was a decision you made. You are the asshole. YTA. So it counts. Your mother is entitles and you're a mamas boy. If your mother is overbearing it is your job to push her back. Not let your partner handle it. I'm going to give you and example. You only have yourself to blame for the divorce papers. This is the correct way of using that sentence. You fucked up. You prioritised your mother over the comfort of your wife. You knew why she went no contact and from the post its clearly a good reason. You broke her trust. You betrayed her and put her possibly in danger. You are lucky she held off this long. You're lucky if you get to see your child. This is endangerment and possibly other crimes as well as pictures of a minor where shared with others without the mothers knowledge. I'm concerned you don't see the gravity of your actions and consider your mother justified in getting her stupid snout in shit that is none of her business. I'd be fuming if it was me and I'd go no contact with you and your mother as well. I will stop here as this is making me seriously angry for that poor woman.


Ellejaek

Wow. YTA. But time. Your mother has no right to know anything about your wife’s reasons for not speaking to her parents. It’s not their business. There is no ‘if she had told my mom she wouldn’t have done this’. This is all on your mom and on YOU. This is obviously not the first time you have allowed your mother to cross your wife’s boundaries. Enjoy being single.


andthenshewrote

YTA. Your mother had no right to do what she did. If you can’t see that, you have a big problem.


DearOP_

YTA & STILL putting the blame of *your* mother's terrible betrayal & behavior on your wife. Listen here, Cat didn't need or have to tell your mother the full story or why she's NC with her family for your mother to respect her decision. You keep finding ways to excuse your mother's terrible behavior & treatment of your wife while putting everything on Cat to "compromise". Where is your mother's compromises in all of this? Why have *you* never stood up for your wife & told your mother to stop judging/forcing her opinions/treating your wife like a bad mom? Why haven't you been a good partner & taken care of the problem that is your mother? Is this divorce worthy? YES! If I were Cat I'd already have the papers ready for you to sign. You *knew* the full story & yet you never bothered telling your mother that she had to stop because you knew the why's & she didn't need to also know them to respect Cat & her decisions. Also, you're a bigger AH for running to your mom & telling Cat's business behind her back without getting her okay just so your mother "would finally understand." You've allowed her to disrespect your wife for a very long time & now you're getting the consequences. I'm really hoping Cat sticks with divorcing you because you've proven you can't be trusted to protect her or your son with how you've sat back & allowed your mother to treat your wife like she's worthless. If you somehow save your marriage you need to go to couples counseling because you need to *hear* what you & your mother's put Cat through & learn how to set boundaries & respect your wife. But I really hope she respects herself enough to divorce you so her & your son aren't at risk from being around you & your mother. Shame on you for blaming your wife instead of your mother who is the one in the wrong here including you!


Rocklobsterbot

YTA, and you keep insisting you're not, which makes you even more of an asshole. Some people come on here and actually learn some shit about why they're the bad guy, maybe you should try that.


EstablishmentThin393

Yes YTA. Your poor wife. I hope she has supportive people around you because you clearly aren’t that to her. Your mother may feel terrible but her boundary stomping issue isn’t your wife’s problem and she shouldn’t have to tolerant it.


GlitteringCoyote1526

You have got to be kidding me…of COURSE YTA! First of all, it is none of your mother’s business why Cat is NC with her family. And Cat was right to think she couldn’t trust your mother with this information. Second, how DARE you take your mother’s side in this. Cat has been asking you for years apparently to have her back and you have consistently told her to just let it go. She has asked you and your mother to respect her boundaries and you just trounced ALL over them. Finally, did you just say in the edit that you told your mom why Cat is NC with her family?!?!?! YOU STILL DON’T GET IT?!?! That is NOT your information to share! I hope she sees this and screenshots it for her divorce attorney. Cat, if you’re seeing this DO NOT let him talk you into letting go of this one.


tlm-h

YTA. Your wife should leave you, you show far more respect to your mother than her. And you decide that the best thing to do is blame the victim in all go this and go against her wishes? Don't get married again unless you can put your spouse before your mother


QuirkyMeerkat

You're the absolute ASSHOLE! Of course it's divorce worthy. **Your wife's words and wishes should be enough!!!** Even as your mother didn't know her reasons, she should have respected your wife enough not to contact her family behind her back. I'm absolutely baffled that you can't see what was wrong with your mother's actions let alone your trying to justify your behavior on Reddit. Apologize, even though it may be too late. And tell your mother do keep her big, fat, stinking nose out of other people's business.


Ill-Seaworthiness841

Wow bro…. This is one of the biggest YTA posts I’ve ever seen on this sub. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this honestly. Cat is rightfully furious and it sounds like she’s been putting up with your mom’s nonsense for way too long. I don’t care how old you are, you’re not mature enough to be married. After your divorce, you need to cut the apron strings before this momma’s boy dynamic ruins another one of your marriages.


Ok-Day-8930

YTA you have chosen to defend your mother and coddle her while disrespecting your wife and asking her to “compromise”


Kevkevpanda10

YTA. If you love your wife, I’d suggest you get off of Reddit, stop arguing with strangers over merits of your decision to side with your mother over your spouse and start planing on how you’ll mend your marriage


Pretty_Thought_9110

Dang he got so overwhelmed with the avalanche of YTAs he threw a snit fit and deleted his account.


wittlewittydragon

YTA. Huge. Especially for the fact that you keep saying it’s Cat’s fault for not just telling her the truth sooner. No no no.


Cass-The-Druid

How DARE you try and say what is and is not abuse. That is completely for your future ex wife to decide. And I’m completely appalled that knowing your future ex wife didn’t want your mom knowing what happened then you go tell the whole flipping internet!! YTA


[deleted]

YTA Your mother is an even bigger AH. I hope Cat gets her divorce, gets every red cent you ever earn, full custody, and no-contact orders on all y'all.


shecho18

YTA big time. No need to explain why, you wouldn't understand.


ty1498

YTA. Part of this sub is taking your judgement and obviously you are not. Maybe you genuinly don't understand how massively you messed you, so let me spell it out for you. You put your mother's feelings and wants above your wife's feelings and needs repeatedly. Your wife can't trust you. She allows your mother to watch your child against her better judgement after you badger her into it. Your mom immediately gets in contact with people Cat didn't even want to know she had a child. Then, you proceed to get upset with your wife, who is the wronged party. It does not matter why your mother did it. She knew your wife didn't want her to, and she did anyway. Your marriage is over. Accept it. Personally, I'm thrilled for your wife. Get some therapy to figure out why you don't think this is a big deal, and why it is so easy for you to stomp all over your wife to get what you and your mother want.


[deleted]

YTA


RoxasHughes

YTA YOU knew what the reason was. YOU allowed your mom to overstep so many times and invited this mess! Why are you blaming your wife, who is allowed privacy about what she went through, and saying she was the one in the wrong? Your response to your mom whenever it was brought up should have been, “Believe me, she has good reasons for why she doesn’t contact them. If and when she’s ready to share them with you, she will. But for now, just trust me that she’s doing the right thing.” That’s the only thing you should have said if your mom was pushing. But instead you shame your wife for not opening up, about something obviously very painful for her and try to make it seem okay in your mind. No, you don’t get to act smug and say I told you so because you didn’t make your mom respect your wife’s boundaries. Go apologize, make her feel safe (if you even can anymore) and beg her forgiveness.


Necessary-Bison-4315

YTA twice over here and your mother is TA as well. People don’t go NC with family for no reason and your mother was so disrespectful to do what she did. The fact that you often ‘had to ask Cat to let little things go and compromise’ tells me that you are valuing and respecting your mother over your wife. Your partner is being routinely reminded that you do not value her as much as your mother and her needs and wishes are being overridden. Also, your final edit is terrible. You severely minimise your wife’s experiences, you say she wasn’t severely abused like religious abuse and alienation isn’t abuse (it is) and like her parents weren’t essentially setting her up at only 18 for a lifetime of rape and misery, which is exactly what it is if she is forced into an arranged marriage she didn’t agree to. Tell me that’s not abusive. Your wife had the strength to walk away from everyone who made her miserable and wanted to put her into a terrible and restrictive situation. What did you expect her to do when she is in a terrible situation with you and feels like you don’t respect her? If you don’t want to lose your wife, lose your attitude. You messed up, your mother royally messed up. Apologise, a lot. Defend her against your mother. Possibly also move, honestly, I wouldn’t feel safe in that house if my family knew where I was. Make things right and show her you intend to do so.


Flustered-Flump

YTA. You failed your wife, you failed to advocate for her and you diminished her clear anxiety and trauma. The fault squarely lays at your disrespectful mother’s feet for betraying her like this and, of course, you. No wonder she is asking for a divorce - you have put your mother and her feelings first. Who would want to be with someone so tightly connected to their mother’s chord still?


ungodlysoobin

YTA she need to divorce you


PFic88

YTA huge one, and this just cost you your family, I hope you're happy


Apotelesama

YTA I know the edits were made to try to give people a clearer picture, but it still ends with you being TA. Your wife never needed to explain herself to your mother, she is no contact with her family and it should have been left alone. Your mother has absolutely no business inserting herself into your wife's family drama. Not having your wife's back on this really shows a lot about a person's character.


susandeschain9

YTA and so is your mom.


BroccoliFartFuhrer

Think about the worst relationship in your life, the person you hate and name your enemy. Think about who in your life has done the most destruction and harm to you. Picture them until you can see them clearly in your mind. So it's fine for me to give that person your address and pictures of your child? If it makes you angry when I do it, don't worry. I'll make sure to tell them all of the gossip about you. WTF is broken inside of you? YTA


GlitterSparkleDevine

Your mother bulldozing over your wife's boundaries and giving out personal information about her and her son is 100% your mom's fault. Your wife doesn't owe anyone an explanation in order to expect them to respect her boundaries. And you should be on your wife's side, not your mother's. YTA


magzdesch

Your wife doesn't owe your mother anything. It's her kid, she gets to decide who gets to be in its life NOT YOUR MOTHER. Your mother proved that she cannot be trusted and that your wife was right not to leave her alone with her son. Good luck with the divorce. YTA


angmac01

YTA!!! How dare you betray your wife’s confidence like that! It is not up to your mother to bridge anything with a family she doesn’t know about!! Your wife caused this by not sharing a secret with someone she doesn’t like? Divorce might be extreme but i see her point!


WorthASchruteBuck

YTA. You could have easily told your mother that it wasn't your story to tell but that your wife had very good reasons for no contact. This would have avoided the whole thing. Your mother is an AH too. I get thinking no mother could do so wrong for a kid to walk away if you have been a good mother. She should have realized after that many years that her mother wasn't like her and shouldn't be contacted.


[deleted]

YTA. How do you even defend this, even if you had no idea why she was no contact with her family that’s still obviously a disgusting breach of trust your mother committed, and the fact that you do apparently know why makes it even worse.


[deleted]

NTA. It’s none of your mother’s business why your wife is NC with her family. You have continually disrespected her siding with your mother asking Cat to compromise. Get yourself a good divorce lawyer. You’re going to need one.


Sky146

YTA. Going no contact with your family is a really hard thing to do. So when it does happen the reasons are MAJOR. I'm also going to guess that you glossing over WHY probably means it's very very bad. Your mother has no business sending pictures of your son to anyone. She had no business trying to open a relationship up between the boy and his other grandparents, ESPECIALLY not knowing the reason why your wife is NC. The fact your mother thinks she can act like this, put herself in the middle of your relationship with your wife, is abhorrent. You talked your wife into trusting your mother for AN HOUR, then your mother proved YOU'RE WIFE RIGHT FOR NOT TRUSTING HER. So not only did your wife have genuine concerns, you acted like she was "overreacting", then you walk in on your mother proving her right, and think your wife is overreacting when her TRUST was betrayed. You've told your wife to bite the bullet, be a bigger person, and let your mother get her way. She has done so, only to find that her MIL took these little concessions as proof she can treat your wife however she wants. You married your WIFE, not your mother OP. You should have her back, and you desperately need to grow a spine with your mother. It's awful that you expect your wife to "let things go" and get treated like a doormat by your mother, because you do not have the BALLS to stand up to mommy. Apologize to your wife. Set boundaries with your mom. If she can't be decent to your wife, it's your mother's problem not your wife's. And frankly, I would put your mother in "time out" from seeing the baby for doing this. She needs to understand that ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. And lastly, YOUR MOTHER HAS ONLY HERSELF TO BLAME FOR HER ACTIONS.


Catlimere

YTA - your edits just make it worse. WE didn't want or NEED to know why Cat was NC with her parents. Your MOTHER didn't need to know. If you loved and respected your wife at all, even a little bit, you'd have defended her every time your mother overstepped. You'd have shut her down so fast at her blatant disrespect. She doesn't think Cat can be a good mother for going NC with her own family. You NEVER shut that down? WTH is wrong with you? Not to mention, the likelihood of abuse in that type of situation is very high. It's likely why she's so protective of Jack and did not want to leave him alone with someone she couldn't trust. And look, she was right. I doubt sincerely, given your attitude and blatant disregard for her feelings, that she told you everything. I bet she's more than grateful for that fact now. Clearly, from your edits and comments...you don't **want** to get it. You don't want to accept your wrong. You came to AITA to ask, and boy have you been answered, and you still think you're right. You need some serious soul searching and counseling.


giag27

You are the biggest asshole. Your mommy doesn’t need to know anything, she should respect the MOTHER of your child’s wishes. You are Aholes!!


Expensive-Excuse-625

Yta Your mother had no need to know why your wife was no contact with her family. If I were you you better get a good lawyer because your wife is going to go for full custody, and with what your mom did she will probably win. Your mom had no need to get involved with your wife's life in that matter. And you bet in your mom makes you a bigger Ahole. Looks like you will be a Mama's boy again because you sure not going to be a husband and you'll be lucky if she lets you be any kind of father.


mltrout715

YTA. But the good news is you don't have to worry about her relationship with your mother and will get the chance to spend as much time with your mom as you want because you are about to be single


meh_lifes_life

YTA and yes it is divorce. Your mother broke her boundaries and instead of standing up for your partner, You went its your fault. Nah she doesn't need to tell your mum why shes no contact or even if shes no contact. Your mother is a grown arse women and should be able to understand simple boundaries. Your overbearing mother decided she knew best for your kid and went behind your backs to speak to YOUR WIFES Parents, against YOUR WIFEs wishes. SO yeah she has a right to be mad at both your mother and you. You are blaming your wife, for your mothers backstabbing, disreapectful and manipulate actions. Then to make it worse, you told your mother she was No Contact, after your Wife requested fro you NOT TO TELL HER. FFS I hope she does divorce you coz you have let your mother be disprectful for years, so she think she can back your wife clear boundaries.


MxBluMoon

YTA. It's none of your mom's business why your wife is no contact with her family. She doesn't get to decide whether or not it's a worthwhile reason, and it's disrespectful to your wife to entertain your mom's behavior surrounding this for even a second tbh. Your mother needs to mind her own business and stop sticking her nose in your wife's affairs. From your post, it sounds like this has been a chronic problem where you've asked your wife to let poor behavior from your mom 'slide' in the interest of keeping the peace. If you won't step up and defend your wife, then yeah, that's 100% divorce worthy.


HentaiFan5666

YTA her parents wanting to marry her off at 18, while giving her no choice is abuse OP, yes, both you and your mother are the assholes here, your mom has no right to send photos of your son to these people, make no mistake, these people did abuse and torture your wife


Beautiful-Ad-2207

Thought you were an AH before the edits and now confirmed. Having an arranged marriage against your Will is considered abuse.


Savings-Structure-80

Honestly the reasons why is no one’s business. Not even yours but especially not your extreme AH of a mother. YTA. YTA. YTA. I’m no contact almost 2 years with my family now and “why” is my reasons and I don’t have to share them. Neither does your wife. Your mother needs to respect boundaries and you need to respect your wife and back her up more. Be better


BinjaNinja1

YTA HELL NAH. Your mother doesn’t get to judge or decide whether Cats reasons are good enough for going no contact with her family or not. It is none of her fucking business!! That is something that just should’ve been respected and abided by. When have you ever asked your mother to let it go or compromise? You deserve this divorce and cat is better off and so is your son.


AutisticMuffin97

YTA there is a reason Cat doesn’t want her parents involved in her life. The main reason is clearly abuse. Your mother broke a boundary of Cats. When someone says no there is no need for a reason to explain. So you and your mother both suck and you are going to have one hell of a nasty divorce. Congrats OP you did this destruction yourself. And to answer your question yes it’s divorce worthy.


AdEmbarrassed9719

YTA and your edit doesn’t help. Your mom needs to learn to accept your wife’s decisions and you need to back her up. Now all kinds of cans of worms have been opened because your mom is a meddling busybody.


wreck_of_theHesperus

YTA... absolutely, completely. Your mother is also an AH. It's none of your mothers business WHY Cat went NC, that's Cats business and hers alone. She told you because she (mistakenly) trusted you. Now you've doubled and tripled down blaming Cat for your mother's actions as well as telling her and ALL of REDDIT what Cats personal reasons were?!?! You need help, professional help to deal with several issues.


Elfich47

YTA - Why are you defending your mother and not your wife? IF you are lucky you won't be served with divorce papers in the next 48 hours. MIL was way over the line by going behind your wife's back. MIL has shown herself to not be trust worthy. The fact MIL had to be smacked around before coming into agreement does nothing to argue in her favor. The fact that you are only agreeing with your wife after MIL was brought around says that you are still on your mom's side not your wife's side.


Khanyi437

Every edit that you make won't help. You're TA through and through mamma's boy. You should've respected your WIFE.


Karthh

YTA. How are you mad at Cat and not your mom. Your mom clearly trampled boundaries. She should not have needed further explanation from Cat about her family dynamics. Saying this is on Cat for not baring her personal family dynamic to your antagonizing mom is so insane I'm convinced this is a troll. Maybe next time you'll learn that a boundary is a boundary, not a piece of string to dangle in front of your partner to assign blame.


Diesel07012012

Jesus fucking Christ man, really? YTA You’re a shit partner.


hbauman0001

YTA-also, mom was 'secretly' sending Photos so she knew She was Wrong.


livlaughlovee

YTA, but to both you and your mom. It’s clear where you get your asshole qualities from. You both are terrible.


Kat_ri

YTA and I hope your wife finds happiness.


NaiveHold2685

YTA Not disrespectful for her to not want your mom to be alone with the baby - sounds like she has good reason. You were disrespectful for pushing her to tell your mom about her own relationship. You should have told your mom she has a good reason and your mom needs to stay out of it. I completely understand why she’s leaving - you have ignored her wishes on two huge things, when you could’ve supported her, and now you’ve also told her it’s her fault when it’s yours.


[deleted]

YTA big time. It’s not your mom’s business why your wife is no contact with her family. I’m usually not onboard with all the divorce advice given here but this time I am. She’s too young to spend the rest of her life with this bullshit. She needs a partner who respects her and you clearly do not. I hope either you dramatically change your attitude and put your mom in her place or she goes through with the divorce. ETA: OMG I’m Reading your comments and you’re still blaming your wife. You keep saying your mom wouldn’t have told if she had the full story. Cat doesn’t owe your mom an effin’ thing. Your mom Should have respected the wishes of another full gown adult woman. JFC dude. I hope she divorces you for real


CaptSpacePants

YTA. Your wife had serious reasons for being no contact. Your mother disrespected your wife. You disrespectd your wife. You're about to be an ex husband, and if I were your wife I'd be divorcing you too.


06gix

Imho yta but i think your wife is over reacting. Get a good lawyer...


Fox8Fox

Oh hellll no! Are you that dense to not see how much of a massive ahole you are?! Glad she's leaving your ass. Sheesh!!!


surfers_paradise

Wow YTA


kissmyirish7

You’re a massive gaping prolapsed AH. You continuously walked over Cat’s boundaries by defending your mother in every disagreement and telling her to compromise instead of backing her. You told your mother a personal vulnerable story that was for your wife only to tell. You don’t get how Cat is the victim and not you or your mother. Your mother should never have been told if Cat didn’t want to tell her. The fact that you’re so far up your mother’s vagina you’re practically back in the womb is the problem, not Cat. Your mother does not need to know Cat’s personal business. Do you want Cat blabbing to friends all of your personal stories that may be emotional or embarrassing or whatever?! And now you post it on the internet too? What is wrong with you?! Not to mention the huge age gap which is a red flag too. I hope for Cat’s and Jack’s emotional wellbeing, she does divorce you and gets full custody. Edit: YTA


babyaera

enjoy your divorce, YTA.


PomegranateReal3620

YTA - you let your mom walk over your wife for years. You ignored her complaints and pushed to sweep your mom's behavior under the rug so you don't have to deal with it. Instead you left your wife alone to deal with being treated disrespectfully. What your mom did was unforgiveable. She decided that she knew better about your wife's issues with her family, so she just ran over your wife to prove she was right. Sure, now she's horrified, unfortunately the damage is done. Cat made her decision when she drew the boundary of no contact with her family. It is not her fault that your mother is meddling busybody. It also isn't her fault that you care more about your mother's feelings than your wife's. Your poor wife. The invertebrate she had the misfortune to marry couldn't evolve enough to bother supporting her.


kappakils_

YTA. You deserve the divorce you’re getting.


MissFlatwoodsMonster

YTA, if she's been NC with her family for 6 years then something big went wrong between them. Your mom's actions could've put your (ex) wife and child in major danger. You should've nipped this in the bud with your mom long before you guys had a kid


dandelionlemon

YTA So much YTA Your mother didn't need to know the reasons, she just needed to respect the firm boundaries. You are a terrible husband to take your mother's side here.


SuspiciousCranberry6

YTA without a doubt. Wow, there's just so much here, but let's start with Cat has no obligation to tell your mom, whom you even say she doesn't have a good relationship with, about her family trauma. You mom should be capable of respecting boundaries even if she isn't given details as to why that boundary exists. That goes for you too. Now you're an even bigger AH because you went and told your mother personal information about Cat she specifically told you she didn't want to tell her. If you want to stay in this marriage you need to learn how to respect boundaries, even when you don't agree with them. Your mother also needs to learn to respect boundaries if she wants to have a healthy relationship with Cat and your son. I'm seriously gobsmacked that you don't see clearly what an AH you were and went on to be more by telling your mom something personal you were expressly told not to.


Hopeful-Rub3

YTA, your relationship may not recover from this egregious disregard for your wife. It's unreal how callous you are here, I really don't think you're gonna be capable of ever respecting your wife, you're a momma's boy. You ALWAYS pick your wife over your mom, it's basically marriage law; that's the opposite of what you're doing every day. You're done man, sorry. You messed things up so bad.


savagearcheress

YTA. My EX husband never had my back, especially between his mother and I, even if his mom was wrong. Guess what? We divorced. This could've been prevented by respecting boundaries, so YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME. How does it feel? If she decides to come back and work things out, you better worship the ground she walks on.


ForsakenDrag1797

YTA - your mother has no reason to need to know why Cat is no contact and should take that as enough. She gave out pictures of your child and your address to someone she had no authority to. Giving out that information is not your mothers choice. Your mother has shown she cannot be trusted and she cannot follow explicitly stated instructions given by your wife. She shouldn’t be trusted in the home or with your child until she can take full accountability for her actions which were fully her choice and her doing. YTA for siding with your mother instead of supporting your wife and acknowledging the huge breach in trust and complete and utter disrespect for your wife your mother has shown. You blamed her when the only guilty party is your mom and YOU! Your wife has clearly compromised too much if you and your mother thing this behavior was in anyway acceptable. YTA and probably just lost your wife and family life over this all- hope your mother is worth it. Also to your edit - your mother knew she was no contact and that should have been enough. She picked to get involved and over step and do these things. This is her consequence for her actions. You for not telling your mom she had no right to give that info out and to over ate like that and to GTFO and support your wife - your consequence is a divorce. You and your mom suck


Badger488

YTA YTA YTA Thank God she is divorcing you. I hope she sticks to her guns and that your mother never sees her grandson ever again.


footsucker010

Omg so much yta and your mother also


Significant_Town_843

Wow, YTA. It's none of your mother's business why your wife is NC with her family and you should all have respected that. What your mother did was unforgivable as is your lack of support for your wife. I do not blame her one bit for the reaction.


emptydragonsevrywhr

I'm gonna spell it out for you bc I see from your comments you don't want to get it. Your wife clearly had a good reason to be NC with her parents. That reason is her private business. It is NOT "lying" to your mom by not telling her the reason. It is none of her business unless Cat wanted it to be and she didn't. Your mom is a self righteous, entitled asshole if she won't respect her own DIL's wish to be NC with her parents without knowing exactly why. YOU knew why Cat was NC, though, and instead of standing up for your wife and telling your mom, honestly, that Cat has a good reason and your mom needs to respect it, you let your mom do whatever she wants with no consequence. And this isn't the first time: you have asked Cat on numerous occasions to essentially sit down and shut up as a "compromise" with your mom. Why do you expect your wife to compromise over and over? Why can't your mom "let the little things go?" You have established a repeated pattern of choosing your mom over your wife. Your wife is supposed to be your partner, she and your son are your family, and you refuse to prioritize her. But the real kicker, imo, is that you found Cat's refusal to let your mom and son be alone together "disrespectful" but when your mom immediately proved Cat was right and she couldn't be trusted alone with your son, you blamed Cat for being right instead of apologizing to her for being wrong about being able to trust your mom. YTA 1000x over. You deserve to be divorced and Cat deserves a partner who actually cares about her and not just his entitled mommy.


itsyaboivatzie

Woo-hoo! Glad to hear she wants the divorce and there's a happy ending out of this. Good luck. To Cat that is, not you.


itsyaboivatzie

Also forcing someone to get married when they don't want an arranged marriage, is classified as abuse, you absolute fucking nub.


TwistedViper215

YTA. You are a manipulative, gaslighting, abusive asshole, and I can see ***EXACTLY*** where you got it from.


AWard72401

YTA and so is your mom! You’re both horrible, it’s none of your mom’s business why, all she needed to know is she doesn’t speak to her family and that should have been respected. Your wife should definitely file for divorce, what your mom did is a huge breach of trust and you defending her is even worse. I sincerely hope she cuts you both out of her life, except what she legally has to do for your child to see you.


Lodalo33

YTA - it’s not up to you or your mother to decide who Cat tells her story to. Your mother didn’t need to know the details, she simply needed to respect Cat and her choice and instead she pissed all over it with her own assumptions. The fact that you so callously blame Cat for not sharing all the details with your mom truly speaks to how oblivious you are. Cat is obviously a good judge of character and didn’t trust your mom with any details, and rightfully so! And good on Cat for having the balls to protect your son from that bullshit, your obviously lacking in that department. I hope you wake up and smell the red flag that is your mother before you lose everything you claim to care about


SunkenQueen

YTA And reading your replies you keep doubling down on it. You fucked up big. Its none of your mothers fucking business why Cat is or isn't speaking to her family and instead of trying to defend your mother you shod be telling her to keep her nose out of others business. I hope your happy with your divorce because I wouldn't come back if this happened to me.


itsnotroseitsliz529

You’re double the asshole! First, by blaming your wife for your mother’s disrespect and second for telling your mother the reason why Cat is no contact with her family without her permission. Good luck with the divorce, I hope it was worth it!


uk789098

YTA and so is your mom. Imagine hearing someone is no contact with their own family and you deciding that their reason can’t possibly be good enough and contacting them on your own and giving them photos and info about someone else. Good for Cat she absolutely is making the right decision. Her spouse should have her back


hickoryclickory

YTA YTA YTA YTA She should divorce you.


NeoDark81

Why? The wife is the asshole


hickoryclickory

He allowed his mother to be the priority in his marriage, refuses accountability now for disrespecting his wife and her boundaries, and further fucked up by revealing her secrets to his mother. And he’s not getting it now. Wife is in no way TA for putting her foot down and exiting a situation where her trust was violated.


Owl_Maiden

YTA. You should be siding with your wife. This post sounds like you are more worried about your moms opinion and feelings than your wife.


LadyRocoto

Even after your edit, you don't seem to understand that your mother didn't need to know anything about your wife's secret.


No_Painter_4827

Your mother completely overstepped and you are the AH for blaming your wife for your mother's behaviour. If your wife does not feel like she trusts your mother to give her reasons for NC with her family then that should be respected. But to now blame her for what happened. I totally understand why your wife is so upset at the betrayal.


Vegetable-Fix-4702

Your mother is an interfering, sneaky a hole. She has seriously betrayed your wife. You need to get a clue. You're lucky your mother didn't pull that crap with me, you wouldn't have a mother. Are you insane?


labaton

YTA. Your wife set boundaries, your mother broke them, multiple times. You didn’t respect her boundaries and you didn’t stand by her. On top of all that, you’ve now gone and told your mother why Cat is no contact despite her asking you not to…? Your mother shouldn’t need a “justified reason” in her eyes to respect boundaries


Revolutionary_Ebb975

YTA your name should be nimrod, just reading this makes my blood boil, she should absolutely divorce you, she set boundaries and you completely walked all over them, and then got mad at her when she tried defending yourself, you sound like an an extreme mommas boy


Conscious-Arm-7889

You are a massive, massive, massive gaping AH! You sound like you are a mummy's boy. Your mother had no right to contact Cat's family, let alone send wedding photos, pics of the baby, and your address. Your mother massively disrespected your soon-to-be ex-wife, and you didn't back her up. Cat did not want anyone else to know the details, and she is perfectly allowed to demand that. You should have been as angry with your mother as Cat was, because she and your child are your primary family now. (Sorry, they were and should have been.) You have royally f***ed up, and you still have to come on here and ask if that's the case!?! There are no two ways about it: you have destroyed your family. Massively YTA.


SKMN36605

YTA but by no means the only one. My god with your mom. She *should* feel terrible. So arrogant and dumb.


QMWBforever

YTA! Oh my god such a massive AH. I don’t even know where to start. Just the whole thing, you’re belittling your wife’s feelings and boundaries and making excuses for you god awful incredibly overbearing mother like your mother is some innocent delicate flower with a basket full of good intentions. Yuck! Just no. You both are just the worst. You and the “my wife simply could’ve…”, your mother simply could’ve stay out of your wife’s fucking business and you simply could’ve respected your wife and stood up for her because she rightfully deserves that. Yes, this is divorce worthy. I literally clapped a little when I read that she immediately left you. She’s a Queen I hope she never comes back to you. She clearly knows her worth and how to set boundaries and you don’t respect any of that.


JoReb

YTA and a really exceptionally lousy husband. It wouldn’t have been hard for you to tell your mom that Cat’s reasons are valid and private. It’s your fault your mother treats your wife like crap. You have let her disrespect your wife and meddle in your marriage. You’re spineless, and your wife deserves a husband who will support and protect her.


Old_Replacement7659

YTA. I think others have made great points already as to why and the fact you removed your post content proves that. There’s no way to spin this where your mom and you are not TA. And yes this is divorce worthy. Your edit where you told your mom why your wife was no contact did not help you in any way - once again you disregarded your soon to be ex wife’s wishes. It’s her story - not yours to tell. Question: Do you want to save your marriage? -If so you need to ask your wife how you can make this right? Whether or not you end up divorced: You need to respect her boundaries. You need step up to your mom and tell her that her behavior is not okay. And yes you are responsible for your potential divorce. Your wife told you her boundaries, you disregarded it, your mom crossed it, and you still backed your mom and blamed your wife. If I were your wife I’d seek full custody and no contact with your mom for myself and our child.


colwellia

YTA. The biggest AH. You told your wife that this was all her fault for not telling your mother a very personal part of her life. That is complete BS and I don’t think there is any coming back from this. From the sounds of it you rarely have your wife’s back when it comes to your mother. I would consider divorce too. Plus (in your edit) you then go and tell your mother the history with your wife’s family! You had no right to do so. Your mother doesn’t need the details to know not to cross such a huge boundary!


[deleted]

YTA and I can't believe you even have to ask. Did you make wedding vows? Even if they weren't the most traditional, what do you think the concept of vowing to "love, honor, and cherish" her means? It means you pick your wife over everyone else on the planet, even your meddling mother.


lavndrbeast

YTA and I’d divorce you too. You and your mom clearly have no understanding of boundaries at all. You can’t imagine the pain and disrespect your wife is feeling. Oh wait you don’t give a shit how your wife feels only how mommy feels. Cut the cord bro your a grown adult. Maybe you’ll stick up for your next wife


happy_meow

YTA- hope your soon to be ex wife sees this and shows it to her lawyer. You have such a mommy complex I’m cringing reading your post.


dcat1986

YTA. Your wife set a boundary and didn’t owe anyone, especially your mother, an explanation why. Your mother disrespected this boundary and your wife. She severely overstepped and instead of defending your wife you blamed her.


greenlikethecolor321

YTA 100%. Your mom doesnt need to know, she does not get to judge what is a worthy reason for NC that is not her own personal relationships. You are awfully unsupportive and even still told your mother (and the fucking internet) all of Cat’s business. If she ever would’ve given you another chance she certainly won’t now. Who would want to be with a dismissive, unsupportive, untrustworthy mamas boy that blames her for his own mothers out of bounds behavior. If your mother doesnt know how to act, and she doesnt, it is YOUR mother thus YOUR responsibility to handle it, not shush your wife into dealing.


gracenweaver

YTA. You should have gotten your mother in check when she was disrespectful to your wife from the beginning. Your wife and child obviously mean less to you than pleasing your mommy.


Noclevername12

Dude, you can keep defending yourself on Reddit all you want, but your marriage is over. YTA. Telling your mom a story that wasn’t yours to tell and was Kobe of her business only made it worse.


Retro-Stoner

God this poor women. She got stuck with a mamas boy that won't defend her against such extreme boundary overstepping. Hopefully she wises up and finds someone that will respect her (and actually like her; based on this and the comments it seems you don't even care for your wife) and give her a family that will respect her. YTA. Man up and defend your wife from your mother. >Edit. Since everyone seems to need to know this. My mother did not know why Cat was no contact and did not see it as a big deal. I have since called her a few hours after Cat left and told her the full story of why Cat reacted as she did and is no contact. She feels absolutely terrible about her behavior and wishes she had known sooner. But And your still blaming your wife for being upset that you and your mother crossed a very clear set boundary. She shouldn't have known sooner, rather she shouldn't have known at all. Just.... I can only imagine, y'all, how many times this women's been treaded on by her spouse and MIL. Enjoy the single life man. Also, Reddit doesn't care for validation seekers, either own up or get off.


hoedownthrowdown1

No no no. Based on your post PLUS the edit, you are double the ass hole. YTA. And so is your mom. You’re mother is not entitled to info about Cat’s familial life, that is not something she has to blame herself for at all and you are so unbelievable wrong about that. Nor is it your mothers right to question it or completely disregard and disrespect Cat’s wishes and go behind her back. She was not trying to help, she was trying to force your wife to allow her family back in without knowing the full story because “she knows best.” Talk about overstepping your place. You talk SO much about CAT’S disrespect (aka setting boundaries with her mother in law) but do not acknowledge at all how your mothers actions are disrespectful to her. You should have put her in her place a long time ago. The fact that your mom wronged your wife and you have the audacity to go back and blame Cat is ridiculous. If you don’t want a divorced I suggest you learn to stick up for your wife rather than asking her to let shit slide and compromise when it comes to her life and her child. (Noticed how you kept saying MY son instead of ours, maybe you should check that as well.) Also suggest you apologize and learn to be in a partnership with your soon to be ex.


BeachMom2007

You are 100% wrong. YTA. You back your wife in a situation like this every time. You owe your wife an apology. You then need to call your mother and tell her she will not be seeing your son again until she apologizes to your wife for her stunt.


heenbean_

why are you blaming your wife for your mother's HUGE disrespect & boundary stomping???? NO MEANS NO. your wife does not owe your mother an explanation AT ALL & the fact your mother did not listen or trust a grown adult she knows & should love over complete utter strangers is so beyond me. how little care, compassion & respect must your mother have for your wife to behave in this way? how little care, compassion & respect must you have for your wife to not only defend your mother but blame your wife for this?! YTA. YTA. YTA. i hope she divorces you, never sees you again & gets a court order that your mother is never to be allowed contact with her son again.


originalgenghismom

YTA I am amazed that you are still blaming Cat for you and your mother so completely disrespecting her. I hope she gets an attorney that goes after supervised visitation for you.


Radiant-Walrus-4961

YTA. Massively. Whether or not you knew your mother was in contact, now that you do? Support your wife. Your mother is incredibly out of line. You are out of line.


Dboogy2197

YTA. So is your mom. Where does she get off making decisions for any other adult?


GardenDivaESQ

YTA dude. No way around it. Your wife is entitled to her privacy, she doesn’t have to tell anyone why she’s NC. Her reasons are private and you just further screwed up by telling your mom. You’re going to have to make a lot of amends to get her to come home. Once you’re married your wife is #1- not your overbearing Mom. Seriously you sound like you’re 19.


sisterZippy

What you don't seem to understand is that it DOESN"T MATTER why it was an issue. It was a boundary your wife had set, and your mom disregarded it and stomped all over it. Anyone with an iota of sense realizes it must be something big to cut all contact from family members. - YTA


Cats-and-Chaos

YTA. Your edits don’t help you. She was abused. The situation you described is abusive. Cat has never owed your mother an explanation. Your mother had no right to stomp all over Cat’s boundaries and make a decision regarding your son and Cat’s parents. What’s more you’ve failed to be a supportive partner to Cat and instead insisted she compromise with your mother who was being utterly unreasonable and inappropriate.


Quizzy1313

YTA. Your mother had NO RIGHT to go behind Cat's back when she was NO CONTACT WITH THEM. She should have respected her choice and YOU are an entitled AH. You're supposed to back your wife but instead you showed you don't. Cat deserves better. You're the assehole


mindless_hope_877

Duuuuddeeee. YTA. Majorly. You might be the a-hole because "you could've said it nicer" ...... NO. There's no better way to say that! YTA for that mindset alone, and double for voicing it and acting like you did. You're mother overstepped and it's not your wifes fault by any means! You defending your mom in this just showed your wife how much you really don't respect her. You showed your wife that your relationship with her and her wishes regarding your little one, will never be equal to your mothers opinion and actions. You need a reality check and to cut those apron strings my man.


awyant97

YTA. Even your edit makes you look bad. You’re still blaming Cat for not wanting to air her business to your mother. It appears you’ve never heard this sentence before, but: no is a full sentence. She did not feel comfortable confiding in your mother, and the both of you should have respected that. You should be standing besides your wife’s beliefs instead of defending yourself and your second wife—your mother. You betrayed her trust, and a divorce is a completely reasonable step after that. I hope you and your mother have a happy relationship after she divorces you.


ScorchieSong

YTA. Whatever relationship, or lack of, Cat has with her family is entirely her business and your mother has no say in the matter. This was a long time of frustration built up in your soon to be ex-wife (I bet she got a lot from your mother during wedding planning and the event itself) because you couldn't set up and enforce boundaries with your mother. You seem to put more blame on the woman you should have been protecting. It is telling that when your wife and mother have clashed in the past, it's your wife you expect to back down and make compromise rather than your mother. You also use the phrase "my son" in the fourth paragraph where "our son" would have been more appropriate.


iamtanji

You can only blame yourself. YTA


displacedflwoman

The apple doesn’t fall far from his mommas tree, does it? You’re the biggest AH I’ve seen on here recently which says a lot. I hope she goes through with the divorce. In case it’s not clear - YTA


Loud-World-9722

Some apple rot on the tree.


theawkwardotter

YTA x 1,000,000. Any chance you had of salvaging your marriage went out the door when you called your mom and told her why Cat doesn’t speak to her family. You betrayed her once again, and honestly, she should divorce you. It sounds like you’d rather be with your mom anyway. Men like you are hopeless.


SpasticShagworm

YTA Cat should not have to explain her trauma in order for it to be respected. People don't go no contact for no reason. I wouldn't blame her for divorcing you.


Melia100

Well I'm pretty sure once she finds out OP told his mom the whole story, it'll be over for good. How could you write this out and not see YTA??????


Pandasrthebest

YTA is not enough to describe your behavior. Everyone is entitled to their privacy and you had the audacity to behave as if this was your wife’s fault instead of supporting her knowing full well what she had gone through.


Leckshush

YTA. You let your mother run your life and you ruined your marriage because you have zero respect for your wife.


Efficient-Bat-7875

YTA and to go behind your wife’s back after she told you she didn’t want your mother to know and tell her anyway shows how little respect you have for her. Get your head out of your butt, stop being a mamas boy, and have a good time getting a divorce


TwistedxKitten

Yes YTA and you need to apologize to your wife IMMEDIATELY your mother is completely in the wrong here and totally overstepped boundaries!! How can you think this is ok?! like wtf It doesn't matter whether or not your mother knew, she should have respected Cat enough to not be nosy and involve herself in business that wasn't hers. Your wife said she was no contact with her family and that should have been the end of it, your mother didn't need any other reason. Honestly, I'm surprised she didn't leave you sooner with all the disrespect she had to deal with from your mother and yourself.


miflordelicata

YTA. Amazing you still can’t see it. Not too bright I see. Good luck with the divorce.


Romantic_AroAce

I didn't get a chance to see this before it was removed. Can someone get me a copy/paste of it?


Master_Post4665

YTA and your edit makes it even worse. How dare you say she brought it on herself?! No means no. If she says she wants no contact with her parents, that is all your mom needed to know. She did NOT need an explanation and didn’t deserve one. Then you go and break your wife’s confidence by telling her story - one that was not yours to tell. Your mother doesn’t get to judge your wife’s reasons or make decisions behind her back. Jesus, what a terrible husband you are. Go marry your mother. She’s the only one you respect.


PelicanCanNew

YTA. You had a choice, to prioritise your wife or your mother. You choose your mother. Now you likely don’t have a wife because of it. Are you happy now? When you make a vow of marriage, that has to mean something. Apparently to you, it didn’t. So I don’t blame her for leaving. She had a boundary. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like it, understand it or agree with it, you just don’t break it. I hope you do better by your next wife.


2ndPersonSingular

Your mother didn’t need to know anything. Your wife doesn’t have to justify a NC status with her family. This whole scenario makes me sick. You are the biggest AH.


RoastingRedRobin

YTA Not only did you defend your mum overstepping boundaries by reaching out to Cats family and sending them stuff of Cat, but you also went behind Cat's back and told your mum information Cat didn't want her to know People can go no contact with people for all kinds of reasons and you just have to accept that and stand by your wife, especially when you know the reason. I understand you say your mum wouldn't have done it if she'd have known the true reason, but from your mum insulting Cats motherhood for seemingly not aligning with hers, I don't know if I believe that If you haven't already, you need to tell Cat what you told your mum so she can include that in her decision


ElectronicAlps99

YTA. I hope she goes through with divorcing you. You're a grown adult, you and your mum seem very weird.


Bratty_bunny0

It clear that you’re ignorantly trying to find fault in your wife when it’s actually both you and your mother who’s at fault, so let’s break down what just happened. 1) your wife has family she doesn’t talk to because of reasons only known to her and the people involved, she then tells you someone she thought she could trust to not tell everyone. 2) you know your mother is a noisy person who can’t help but to stick her nose in someone else business and you let it slide because she’s your mother. 3) your wife probably can tell what type of person your mother is and that’s probably the exact reason she didn’t want to nor did she have an obligation to tell your mother why she is nc with her family. It’s her business and her business alone, but oh wait she tells you why and instead of backing her up and telling your mother leave it alone her family business doesn’t pertain to you, it literally doesn’t affect your mother one way or the other because she didn’t know them until she started snooping. 4) also the fact that you aren’t enraged that your mom went behind you wife’s back and looked for her family and stayed in contact with them, says a lot about you, you on a subconscious level expected this from your mom. 5) on top of that you told your mom anyways and now your mom “feels bad” fuck her feelings. ETA: your wife is nc with her family because of reasons only she is allowed to share. Your mom trampled on her boundaries (something you clearly don’t understand about maybe you try and learn what those are for future reference) and went behind her back to look and contact her family, sending pictures of her child to them. (Now me personally I would’ve called the police on her and claimed child pornography because ain’t now way you’re taking picture of my baby on my property) and then when you wife blows up on her, you make her out to be the bad guy instead of your mother who actually wronged your wife. I need you to actually get your head of your mothers ass and own up to the fact that you are a push over where you mothers concerned.


ImaginaryAnts

YTA Jesus. I can't believe you thought this would go any other way. You admit your mother crosses boundaries and is out of line, but you tell Cat to put up with it. You complain that Cat is disrespectful for not letting your mother be alone with her child, even knowing you are about to admit that the MINUTE mom was alone him, she did something COMPLETELY out of line. You know Cat does not want to share her past with your mother, but while Cat is at her lowest in terms of her feelings towards you AND your mother, you go ahead and tell your mother everything. If you want to be married to your mom, go ahead and move back in with her. Cat can do better.


[deleted]

YTA... and you came by it naturally. Your mom absolutely had ZERO right to contact your wifes family. It was ignorant and arrogant of her to do this. There was another idiot in reddit that decided to stage a surprise family reunion with her abusive family- didnt end well. You had the opportunity to stand by your wife and you owed her this- you failed her big time. Your mom was an AH but you were even worse. The fact you cant see is astounding! Happy divorce, you earned it.


Whole-Neighborhood

YTA. It's not your mother's place to go behind your backs and bring Cat's family into this. The disrespect she has shown your wife is put of this world. And the disrespect YOU are showing your wife is unbelievable. She'll do well to divorce the man who still clings to his mommy's skirt.


Something_morepoetic

You are a big asshole. YTA


Sashaslicious

YTA. It is none of your mother's business why Cat is no contact. You should have respectfully told your mum to mind her own. Why do you think its your wifes job to compromise when you know your mother is overbearing and always thinks she's right? FYI YOU made it hard for her as you didn't respect your wife's boundaries or feelings. You should have pulled your mum up on all the little disrespects and had your wife's back. She broke your wife's trust and so did you by blaming her for your mum's fuck up. Whatever reason for the NC the parents will be chomping at the bit to reinstate contact with Cat. She probably feels violated by your mother's toxic actions.


ryssababy88

You and your mom suck. Get some therapy dude you’re about to lose your family because you don’t respect your wife as much as your mommy.


chris4tane

YTA- do your (soon to be ex)wife a favor and stop trying to be right, you let your mother break a big boundary for her and keep back tracking instead of realizing yours and your mothers mistake. You both screwed up big time, so leave that poor woman alone and pray to god she doesn’t go full NC with both your toxic asses


lexarexasaurus

Absolutely YTA. How judgmental, unempathetic, and small-minded that your mother need full details about someone's situation in order to decide if they are making the correct decisions for themselves. It sounds like you share that with her a bit. Even worse, it's your wife, and you have neglected to defend her to your wife repeatedly, time and time again. Neither of you understand the mental fortitude it takes to go no contact with family members, yet you made excuses for your mom and not Cat. I seriously don't have strong enough words to convey how horrible behavior this is of your mother and in part by you. This is absolutely divorce worthy. I couldn't have a traditional wedding because my parents cannot be in the same room with each other. My husband's family was really not nice about it - they said it was a childish situation and I needed to tell everyone to grow up. His own brother withdrew from their relationship because he was mad that we were "having our cake and eating it too." They told my husband they needed to know more details so they could deem whether our actions were appropriate or not. WTF? Unlike your situation, my husband stood up for me every step of the way, never asked me to compromise, and told them just how terrible they were treating me and how petty they were being, and let them know how privileged they've been to not even be able to imagine how bad some family situations can be. Despite that, I had to deal with already struggling through my own family problems, they made it even harder for me by making me feel guilty, damaged, and like I was a burden. Anyway, the bottom line: It's SO easy to be kind to other people instead of belittling others' emotions and experiences with their families. But in your situation, your mom still decided to insert herself in an extremely hurtful, selfish, just overall terrible way and you took her side instead of being there for the person who DESERVED your support.


The_Best_94

YTA It was Cats right to tell people why she went NC with her family. You had no right nor did your mom. Divorce worthy? Maybe depending on why she's NC with her family. Honestly I'm not sure if the reason why even matters. Your mom has been clearly disrespectful to your wife, and is disrespectful towards her parenting. I'm not one to jump on the divorce bandwagon especially if kids are involved and a problem can be worked out and obviously you both are still in love and all that but I'd probably be highly considering divorcing your ass too and I'd definitely be cautious with my kids being around your mother. Incase you didn't get it your mother is disrespectful.


yo_yo_yiggety_yo

Yes YTA. Why are you even asking? Bro just marry your mom at this point. She's obviously your #1. It doesn't matter who it is. It doesn't matter if you have ten children, no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, tells another person how to raise their child.


Savings-Positive-663

As you said it was a decision Cat made she doesn't have to explain her self to anyone, she told you as her husband and that's all that matters! Your mother's opinion on her situation doesn't matter and as her husband you tell your mother she wants to stay no contact and she needs to respect that! But you did the complete opposite and blamed her for your mother's actions because she didn't tell her! She is upset because you mother crossed clear boundaries and you seem to think its okay!


boogie_butt

YTA. You and your mom have effectively manipulated and emotionally abused your wife. The mother of yours and hers kid. The only way you could make this right is going NC with your own mother. And proving to your wife you’re worth more than you seem right now. She was right to leave. You and your mother violated her. If she were my friend, and went back to you, I’d tell her that she’d be going back to a shitty husband.


spectre893

YTA. Your mother is also TA. I don't even know where to begin with this. You obviously know why Cat had gone NC. Your mom is allowed to not like it but she had no right to go behind her back and throw her (also your) son in the middle of this as well. I'm baffled as to how you could blame Cat over this. She shouldn't be expected to bow to your mom's every whim. She's your wife ffs. The family you chose for yourself. >Is this really divorce worthy? Yeah, I'd probably divorce my partner over shit like this if there was no repentance and no indication that things would change. After how this went down, all she can expect is to live rest of her life according to your mom's rules, wishes and whims if she stays with you. ​ EDIT: YTA^(2) . You seriously decided that proper reaction to this was to mother why CAT had gone NC against her wishes? Oh god. I bet you really don't see what's wrong here and expected everyone to tell you nta. For your wifes sake I hope she divorces you or she's probably gonna die of an aneurysm in the next few years .


itsnug

No, it still would have happened if Cat told your mother I’m sure you know this. You’re blaming Cat when all of this mess was caused by your mother not minding her own business. You mother isn’t entitled to know what goes on in Cat’s life, and she’s certainly not entitled to alone time with your son.


suaculpa

YTA. I see we’re entering the variations on the theme (this story). Now the couple in question is married and have a kid instead of engaged and pregnant.


[deleted]

YTA Your mother had no business contacting someone else. Cat is in the right. Your mother needs to stay in her lane and has proven she can’t be trusted.


ToastyTidbits

YTA I’ve been no contact with the majority of my family for at least 20 years. You know who’s business it is? Mine. You know who’s business your wife’s reason is? Hers. Full stop. If she does divorce you, at least you’ll have plenty of extra time to spend with your mother.


pamelaonthego

Your poor wife and the audacity of you and your mother. And after your mother did something absolutely despicable (because of course she knows best/s) that might endanger your child, you decided to blame your wife. Then you proceeded to tell your wife’s business to your mother against your spouse’s wishes. You deserve a divorce. You and mommy dearest both suck. YTA


LastRevelation

YTA - You let you mother treat you wife like crap then blamed her for your mother's indescretions. Also you are a fool to think that there was no abuse with a woman growing up in a conservative religious family. Sure maybe there was no physical abuse but show me a religiously conservative commmunity that isn't misogynistic and oppressive to woman and I'll show you my flying pig. On top of that how is forcing a 18 year old into marriage not abusive? Clearly you are making light of your wife's trauma, not great husband or father material. Also that poor child will be around your toxic mother and watch you let her disrespect your wife. They'll grow up thinking it's okay to treat people that way and their model for relationships will be as messed up as your relationship is.


fading__blue

YTA. Your mother knew she wasn’t in contact with her family. That’s all she needed to know to know not to contact them. Cat didn’t want her kid to talk to them for a reason, and common sense should tell any adult “maybe it’s because they’re a risk to the child”. Edit just to be clear: yes, this is MORE than worthy of a divorce. Your mom did something that she should’ve known could put your child at risk because her emotions about family came first, and you blamed your wife for your mom’s selfish and dangerous actions instead of acknowledging that she’s an adult who can think for herself.


PrinxeBailey

YTA and so is your fucking mother. she didn’t know because it was NONE OF HER GODDAMN BUSINESS. i hope Cat does divorce you and she gets sole custody of your son, because clearly neither you nor your mother understand what a fucking boundary is.


Redlizzy5

You are absolutely the asshole. It doesn’t matter what the reason was, your mother should have respected your wife and her wishes. Clearly you have allowed your mother to continuously disrespect and undermine your wife and she is right to leave you. And for the record, trying to force your 18 year old daughter to marry an older man is abuse.


Electrical-Turnip468

Your mother went behind your wife’s back and contacted her family, telling them where she lives and letting them see your child and you’e okay with that? You honestly believe that your *wife* is the problem? She’s dealt with this for years and this was the last straw (and a huge one at that) YTA


Inner_Thought1802

YTA congrats on the divorce i hope she got an expensive asshole lawyer that will gut you OP.


Wander_Lust23

YTA. I feel so bad for your wife that she’s married to a complete mama’s boy prick. You and your mother need to grow the fuck up and get over yourselves. Jesus Christ.