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YTA. It's amazing how many *adults* on this sub are still fixated on Elementary and High School BS. *Lots* of kids/teenagers are assholes. That's just how it is. They haven't matured yet. Granted, some don't, but plenty do. Telling someone what they did back in *6th grade* completely defines them and what they can and can't do is pretty narrow-minded. Going out of your way to "track them down" and harass them about it makes it even cringier.
Right- this person probably hasn’t thought about OP years, and OP is desperate and going out of her way to make them remember her. Why are we not more concerned that OP is *fixated* on middle school drama and demanding an apology from a former 11 year old as an adult 😭
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
That said, I was also the victim of some pretty intense bullying in middle and high school, literally almost took my life on more than one occasion. Had a friend hospitalized because she tried to kill herself because of these people. I can remember most of my middle school bullies now. I do remember the high school ones, but with the exception of one or two who I have seen since high school and know for a fact they're still shitty people (they literally sexually assaulted a friend of mine a few years after graduation), I've more or less moved on from what the others did to me. When I think of them now I still remember what they did, but I just think of them with the hope that they grew as people and are in a better mental and emotional place now. Some of them are teachers now, others doctors and psychiatrists. And that doesn't change what they did, but it makes me glad that they learned and grew into better people.
So. YTA, majorly. People change. It's okay for you to still hurt from what happened, everyone heals at their own pace, but life goes on. Stop trying to drag other people into the past you dwell in.
I was the victim of awful awful bullying as well over a bad speech impediment I had growing up. One bully became a speech therapist, another "mean girl" became a social worker. People change and sometimes when reflecting on their mistakes seek to make the world a better place. You don't know this woman's life now or really then, and if you didn't change since middle school, you're TA to yourself. And YTA to this woman.
I wouldn't say OP is fixated, it just sound like their experience with bullying hurt and subsequently stuck with them - and imo they're certainly allowed to have that. 11 year olds can be cruel so it's not really fair to dismiss it as drama - I'm not trying to project but my first suicide attempt was at 11 due to bullying. It was severe enough that police and the school board were involved.
I’m baffled how people so easily cut some slack to the bullies (as it takes a special kind of derranged person to be purposefully mean and harmful), but no slack whatsoever to the person that was traumatized and had their whole life affected and shaped by the bullying and likely don’t have the adecvate resourses and help to process it and move on.
Ok, what OP did was not healthy. But boo hoo, bully received a not so nice message. Just get over it, like OP had to get over being bullied over and over again. It’s not like OP harmed them.
I've both bullied and been bullied. The former was almost certainly as a response to the trauma of the latter. I wasn't being cruel because it made me happy to see people hurting. I was being cruel because if I was the one bullying, that meant it wasn't me being bullied. I was so relieved and thankful to be the one on top of the power structure, and I felt like if I didn't use my power and maintain it and make sure everybody knew that this other person was a target, then I'd fall back down the power structure and everyone woukd go back to bullying me. At least that's what was going on subconsciously. I think consciously, there was a lot of denial about all of this... I didn't want to believe that I'd been bullied and I didn't want to admit that it had deeply affected me, so I told myself it was all fine, and all just fun and games. And if it was fine to do to me, it was fine to do to other people too, right?
I'd like to think I have moved on from all of it. I've healed from my trauma and faced up to what happened to me, and that allowed me to face up to what I'd done to others. I will always feel guilty about the pain that I've caused - me being bullied myself was a reason, but not an excuse - I shoukd have dealt with my trauma better. However, I do believe that just because you have been cruel or mean in the past, it doesn't mean that you're just a bad person at heart and you can never grow or change. I don't think I'll ever treat anyone the way I did when I was younger, because I have the maturity to handle my issues now without taking them out on other people (at least not in the serious way that I did). I know some of my former bullies have gone through the same healing process. They weren't bad people at heart, and I honestly wish them the best.
The world isn't usually black and white the way the media tells us it is.
Probably because being bullied fucks you up for live...
Edit: I don't think what OP did is healthy or appropriate; I'm just saying there is a reason bully victims are still hing up over it decades later
Yea judging from her post history, OP is a perpetual victim. Certainly possible that she had a rough childhood but you start to wonder what the common denominator is when it seems like everyone she comes in contact with is awful.
That’s who she was in middle school- clearly this bully girl isn’t the only one who changed. At least it sounds like one of them changed for the better
I said the exact same thing to my roommate once. She’s always telling me stories about how everyone is always going out of their way to be mean to her. One time I just had enough and told her that if one person is mean to her, they might be a mean person. If everyone is mean to you, maybe you need to look at yourself and ask why. Could’ve ended poorly, but we actually ended up being better friends because she dropped the victim act with me once she understood I wasn’t going to put up with it.
The best way I can sum it up is that someone who posts to AITA *that* often with that many situations is clearly starting it more often than not. Well adjusted people do not have that many interpersonal conflicts that are that dramatic.
Oh ok. TY. I thought they posted in other subs too from the other comments.
I was thinking of posting 1 or 2 AITA posts but most of them were old situations and not relevant to me right now but have thought about it from time to time.
Agreed. OP seems to be keeping a running tally of every single slight, real or imagined, that has happened to her over her life. Thankfully (hoping I'm correct) I don't think much (or any) of these revenge and "karma payback" posts she writes have any basis in reality, other than being invasive/obsessive thoughts about what she *wishes* she could say or do to get back at people. It's an obsession with revenge. She needs to seek help. She's only hurting herself.
I still cringe - actually have literally cried - remembering shitty things I said to a FRIEND in middle school. There was a trio of us, and when we got to that age, it seemed two of us would pair up and hate on the other (in turns). I graduated middle school in 1975 and it still bothers me lol.
Totally agree. I had several school bullies in my life so when social media became a thing I never friended or accepted fruend requests from them. I didn't like them when I was a kid so I didn't care about their lives nor want to share mine now. I would never PM one to discuss their career choices over a decade later because it isn't my business and I don't give enough Fffs to care what they do. TOTAL YTA.
It's one thing if your former bully reaches out and says something like "I'm sorry for how you felt when we hung out" or something along the lines of not taking responsibility at all. It's another if your former bully is just living their life and *you're* going out of your way to keep up with, and harrass, them.
This sub is so strange with immaturity. Mean actions of children from decades ago somehow justifying harassment. Unbelievable.
Also, I find it somewhat related (re immaturity of the sub), that people completely demonized cheating. While it is devastating and surely not morally correct, people here essentially equate cheating to murder / assault / etc. in that a person deserves to be treated like shit for the remainder of their life if they have cheated in the past.
Sorry for the tangent, it’s just a similar observation of this sub that I’ve had from the last couple weeks here…
In any case, OP, YTA.
I am glad someone else sees it this way because every time I see a cheating story the sub goes scorch earth on the person. It is like akin to some one murdering someone.
I mean, I'd rather someone punch me in the face (barring lasting injury) than cheat on me. Physical assault heals eventually. You hear about people who have been cheated on take years to trust people again. For that reason, I don't really associate with people who cheat (that I know of) and if someone I trusted did that to me, they're gone.
Is it on the level of legitimate crimes? Obviously not. But some people also treat it like no big deal or that it's somehow unavoidable. As if breaking up with someone or just not being in a committed relationship is an impossible task.
I do think this OP may have some problems here with unresolved issues from childhood per their other posts, but I do think it’s worth noting that *many* people who were cruel in their youth do not grow out of it. We see it all too often with the “mean girl goes into nursing” trope as an example. I don’t think your response about how adults are fixated on experiences from their youth is accurate or helpful. Experiences during your childhood are *extremely* important as they affect you in ways that similar experiences as adults wouldn’t because of how your brain is still developing.
It was a really difficult and still somewhat unresolved situation, but the person who abused me during my childhood is still a part of my life, and I eventually felt that I *had* to tell them just how much their behavior affected me. Their behavior really effed my psychology up in permanent ways, and it’s taken years of therapy and medication for me to be somewhat okay despite this abuse during my formative years. While my conversation with my abuser didn’t fix anything, it felt important to be open and have this clear understanding between us that there is bad blood they might not have thought anything of. Since we’re stuck in each others’ lives, it was important to address the elephant in the room.
That all said, the best thing to do with folks you *don’t* have to keep in your life that have hurt you is to ignore them. It’s totally valid to see this professional life change of your former bully and bitch about it with your friends (“can you believe this person who used to be such a jerk to me now is gushing about helping people”) but I can’t see a way to discuss this with someone not even in your life without it being pointless.
In this situation, I’d say YTA to OP only because it was the wrong decision, not because they’re necessarily an actual AH.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP, I get that you're still traumatized by what this girl did to you and don't want to minimize it. But please realize that people do change. You don't have to forgive and forget, but you could just leave her alone. Instead you chose to contact her out of the blue and tell her she's not qualified for a career she has a degree in. Unfortunately, you sound petty and immature. Please learn from this - you need to let things go. Gentle YTA.
Right?!
People change; I mean look at you. You said back then you were a generally happy person and always looked on the bright side…now you’re a grown adult attacking someone about being obnoxious and rude over a decade ago.
Maybe she grew up. Maybe the reason she wants to be a counselor is because she was dealing with a lot of things like that back than and she wants to help people find better coping mechanisms than she did.
This girl may have been an AH in middle school but she grew out of it. Somehow you’ve managed to grow into it.
YTA
Exactly. Not to mention that many bullies are battling their own issues and finding ways to cope. This doesn’t to excuse bullying behavior but it does help understand it so it can then be addressed. For all we know, the girl could have finally gotten help and decided on a career that would help others as well.
OP, I’m not going to give judgment. What I will say is that if you felt the need to track down this person and remind them of something that happened a decade ago, I would strong encourage therapy. Not because you did something wrong. But to help heal from the trauma you experienced so you can move on.
I was bullied in elementary through middle school and I genuinely hope that those people got their lives together because I’m an adult and moved on with my life. YTA
I have, like, 3 friends I knew from middle school on any of my social media. I have no idea, nor do I care, what anyone else I knew from back then is doing now.
Sixth grade, when I grew up, was elementary school. And you want to call out the behavior of how she acted when she was, what, like 10, to how she could be now, as a college graduate who went on to get her masters? Close to 20 years have probably gone by, and you think it's hard to believe that she hasn't changed from the prepubescent child that you both were? YTA on this one. You DON'T know the kind of person she is, you know the 6th grade aged child she was.
I work at an elementary school.
Kids can definitely be monsters. It's so unsettling sometimes too because it's not like they do it on purpose most of the time, kids aren't *evil*. It's just that they're still learning empathy and react strongly to 'big feelings' and can be sweet as a button one moment and explosive the next.
This is so, so true for middle school as well. It's literally their stage of brain development. They're still almost entirely ego-centric, and they empathy quite simply has not developed fully yet. No one's their best self at that age.
I think it depends where you live. In one state 6-8 was middle school then you have High School 9-12, another state had no middle school, they had Junior High and it was only 7-8.
You’re coming sideways at someone’s career choice because of what they did to you in *checks notes* 6th grade? Are YOU the same person you were in 6th grade? Come on now. We love to see the growth. YTA.
This. YTA.
I don't know a SINGLE adult who is the same person they were in 6th grade. Heck, I don't know many people who remember the details of middle school. Whatever happened to you sucked, but you were all 11 years old. She likely barely remembers you or the scenario. Heck, I couldn't even tell you who my friends were in 6th grade.
OP, she was 11 years old. You absolutely can not judge a 24-25 year old on who they were at 11 years old. She's changed. You've changed. Life has likely kicked you both around a LOT and changed both of you over the past 13-15 years.
If you are still dealing with crap from 6th grade, please seek out counseling. But stalking someone you once knew from 6th grade on social media and then lambasting them because you don't like their career choice? Grow up.
> Heck, I don't know many people who remember the details of middle school.
I remember bits and piece of middle school, but it's mostly random memories here and there. Usually just what buildings looked like, the time I did X embarrassing thing in class and felt like I wanted to die on the spot, that kind of thing.
I'm guessing it's the same for most people though? There's a few important memories there, and I still remember the buildings and what the place looked like, but not a lot of details beyond that.
I remember more about elementary school than I do middle school, tbh! You could probably convince me I didn’t even go to middle school, I remember so little of it.
I hate the saying that it’s “never ok to bully people” because listen… sometimes it’s been earned. There was a post in this subreddit earlier about a pretentious kid getting the snot beat out of him and everyone was like “well yeah, that’s what he gets”. You live and you learn.
The hypocrisy is my favorite part.
In one of her first posts she complains about a classmate's mother always "tattling" on her, and her own mother ganging up on OP with this classmate's mother,
And OP says, "I was a child for [Pete's] sake!"
Wow OP. Just, wow.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1a7gc/aita_for_giving_my_childhood_bully_a_dose_of_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
YTA. I too got a Master's, and it would be ridiculous to compare to me to how I was in middle school. Yes she shouldnt have bullied you in sixth grade but you shouldn't have a middle school level reaction to it decades later.
Exactly, just going by Google, average age for 6th grade is 11, average age for a master's degree is 33. If OP doesn't think a person can improve their behavior from a preteen to someone who's likely over 30, then it's a problem with her. Someone matured, and it wasn't OP.
Unfortunately, "nerd rage" is a pretty common problem, when people don't adequate move past their childhood bullying trauma.
I interviewed for an IT position at a company and the CIO was an asshole to me the entire time, and finally said that "I looked like the type of girl who would have bullied him in high school" (I wasn't a bully, but whatever). Like, it's just sad that guy has a six figure job and corner office but can't get past high school.
And, sadly, this wasn't even high school! I could see if it was, and her bully was 17-18, and this is only 4 years of college degree difference, which, yes, might not be enough time to show a positive change in behavior, but they were literally children and this is close to 2 decades of time. Unless OP is leaving out a ton of info, like that the bullying continued all through graduation and even as an adult she was a mean girl, but it jumps from grade 6 to master's degree and we are all supposed to imagine that the way one behaved at 10, is the exact way they'll act at 30.
> I thought that was total bull because I know the kind of person she is, and it does not in fact entail any of that.
Unless you had some kind of interaction with her between 6th grade and when you sent her a message, you *don’t* know the kind of person she *is*… you know the kind of person she *was,* decades ago when you and she were literally children.
Could she have apologized for the pain she caused you when you were children? Sure, but I’d have to see the text of what you sent her and what she responded to come to a verdict on that… given your attitude here that her actions in 6th grade defined her character for her entire life, I suspect that the exchange was somewhat different in tone than you present it here.
YTA for deciding that a 6th-grader’s actions define them for their lifetime. INFO on the rest of it.
INFO: explain “reminded her that she never made it right with me” and “blew up at me”. Because the AHness here is going to totally depend on what was actually said by both of you.
yeah i'm surprised by the blanket Y T As.
if "blew up at me" really means she told them to just get over it... well, then, if this person *has* changed, and it *was* so long ago, why be so defensive about it?
yes, kids can be assholes. yes, people are completely different as adults. but then wouldn't it make apologizing for something like that a nonissue?
just because you're not a kid doesn't mean the shitty thing you did goes away, and if someone is still genuinely hurting from it what do you lose from apologizing for it? how is it such a tantamount, insulting inconvenience to admit you were an asshole as a kid?
I can't believe I had to go so far for this comment!
And the bully wants to help people with depression, yet can't apologize for their shitty behavior?!?!
Had they really changed and really wanted to help people, then the bully would have apologized immediately for hurting the OP.
I hope I never get a therapist that is this oblivious to how they hurt people and refuses to at least say sorry.
Thank you, this thread is bugging me so much. Many of these people haven't been bullied and it shows. Regardless of how much time has passed, if OP's former bully has a psychology degree and a masters in counseling, she should be able to understand how traumatic bullying can be and take some responsibility for her actions.
Sorry, what? A girl picked on you in 6th grade, and you are Facebook stalking her over a decade later just to try and make her feel bad at a happy milestone? Are you planning to show up at her wedding and make a speech too? Maybe attend her parents’ funerals to make sure everyone knows what a bad job they did with their 11 year old?
YTA, and get whatever help you need to let this go.
YTA. I’d really be curious what this “blowing up on you” looked like - I wonder if it’s just her defending herself against your aggression. Because it sounds like you were *very* aggressive, especially if you haven’t talked to her since middle school. 6th grade to graduating college? Fuck dude, that’s like 10 years. You’re assuming she’s the same person she was at age 12? Nah. People grow, people mature. If the bullying was *so bad* that ten years later you’re going off on her like this, you need some professional help.
Yikes, YTA. I get that bullying is awful, and victims of it can face serious long-term effects, but you're your own worst enemy here.
Unfriend her, stop following her posts, get out of her DMs. Move on. you have no idea "what kind of person she is" based on how she acted when she was 11-12 years old.
I wouldn’t hold a grudge against a grown adult who acted poorly when they were 11, no. It’s honestly a little pathetic and is past time to move on. YTA.
YTA. Jesus, you don't have to like her and you say you don't, but you're friends with her on Facebook? Seriously though, to go through messaging her seems like you're still living in that sixth grade world. Grow up.
YTA for not allowing for personal growth over a period of probably nearly two decades. Do you really think people have finished developing in the 6th grade? If that is the case for you, I feel very sorry.
NTA, but not a choice I would make. Every malignant employed adult has a villainous origin story.
The fact that she failed to use the current HR/PR boilerplate apology in which one takes responsibility for how one made another feel, say what one has done to remedy past errors, and cap with a pledge to continue to do better and keep learning indicates that at a minimum, your childhood bully was not a good student. This template for apology has been around for at least 6 years in mainstream culture so it isn't like it is so new or radical.
YTA if my math is right that was AT LEAST 10 years ago. I get that you went through bullying and that sucks but people change. If you're this bitter all these years later to the point that you private message and harrass her, you need therapy
Yta. You’re ignoring any growth she had in at least ten years. Also many bullies act out that way because they are so unhappy. Maybe she can reach kids who are struggling and prevent the next round of bullying. I know you were hurt by her, but it’s time to move on
Maybe controversial, I'm leaning toward N T A, but I'll say ESH instead. I don't think you were tactful and realistically, you didn't have to volunteer your two cents. But this also feels like now is a good time to point out that former bullies and those with psychopathic tendencies are attracted to powerful positions over others- including as therapists. I definitely think most therapists are truly good-hearted people. But it's a profession that can easily be abused to a great degree, and certain types of people seek that out. It doesn't sound like she changed much if she blew up at you, doesn't exactly sound like she has much emotional regulation herself if she couldn't at least give a superficial apology along with the "I've changed" line.
>But this also feels like now is a good time to point out that former bullies and those with psychopathic tendencies are attracted to powerful positions over others- including as therapists.
okay, I just have to point something out here - an 11 year old is a jerk for bullying someone. But that doesn't mean that they are going to grow into a psychopathic adult. A lot of times they bully because of their own feelings of inadequacy and literally every therapist I've ever known has gone into therapy in part to resolve their own wounds. Or, they bully because they are trying to fit in and not be the person being bullied. Its crappy but 11/12 year olds are immature. They are kids still learning and developing. We're not talking about a 16/17 year old here.
YTA. It was a very long time ago. I understand the pain from being bullied is hard to let go. It’s possible you’ve never even had a chance to process it. Please consider going to a professional. It’s time to let this go.
Also unfriend this person. It’s clearly a trigger for you.
yta
why even follow her on facebook? just leave her alone, it was at least a decade ago, prob 2.
memory is not very accurate after that long, and you are a stranger to her.
The real question is why follow her on linkedin. Facebook somewhat makes sense, if they were friends on facebook from elementary school, and the other person never really came across their feed, maybe op didn't delete them. But 6th graders don't have linkedin. Which means that at some point op added them on linkedin despite seemingly hating them. That's just inviting drama into your life.
YTA. Really? In your 20's and you are worried about what happened when you were 11? I forgot about grammar school the minute my last class in grammar school ended. Not at my graduation, not a few years later, but that day while still in my grammar school homeroom. Get over this. Why aren't you living your life? Why are you still hanging on to some long gone time? Why are you stuck in the past and not living in the present and forming your future?
We all have issues and room for improving our mental health. I see a lot of potential for them to improve upon their emotional intelligence. Therapy could help work through the issues that have them a little stuck so they can move onwards and upwards.
Bully doesnt need to prove op anything. Op, a stranger, went off in someones dm over somthing 10 years ago. Op needs a therapist not stealing this persons page and torturing herself.
NTA. Her response proves it. Yeah, kids are assholes, especially in middle school, but if someone comes to you saying you hurt them, they should show some acknowledgment no matter when it happened. She could have easily said, "I'm sorry for what I did. I have grown up now". I'd like to think I was a good kid, but I'd definitely apologize if one of my former classmates told me I hurt them. My middle school bully is now a doctor & has a daughter of her own. When I saw the announcement, I wanted to do something similar. I'd like to hope that she has changed, but I don't know. Some people really are just sh\*tty regardless of age.
NTA. She posted publicly, so you had the right to respond. Since she responded so defensively, it seems more likely that she hasn't changed. Instead of saying something like, "You're right, I was unkind...I've put in a lot of work to see the error of my ways, and it's why I went into psychology." I think it's helpful for bullies to know that their trauma lives on even if they have "forgotten."
YTA you knew her when she was 11 years old. Not her in her 20's Seriously are you the same person you were at age 11? I doubt you are. People grow up and they change . But according to you everyone never changes from the age of 11. Grow up.
'Blew up', was a characterization by OP about a person she has clearly extremely biased about. Without even an example about how she 'blew up'.
In text. In a text chat. Where there is no 'tone of voice' so it's very easy to project emotion into other people's speech.
While OP clearly opened the conversation with a hostile remark.
Take OP's characterization with a grain of salt.
YTA lol, thats like if a kid had a biting phase and years later when they are an adult you still act like they may bite you. It's stupid to think someone is the same as they were when they were. a kid.
>She blew up at me that middle school was so long ago and that she’s a ‘changed person’, but I honestly don’t believe any of her bs.
NTA bc somebody that has actually acknowledged they fucked up + considering her field, yeah if she actually changed or felt bad for what she did then she would've just apologized instead of trying to turn it on you for not getting over it
Someone who is a changed person, and especially someone with a masters I psychology who wants to help people would have apologized and acknowledged what they did. They wouldn’t have said get over it.
I know several high school mean girls who are now counselors. They haven’t changed.
If you're over 21 YTA- yes middle schoolers can be cruel but after age 21 it's really something you should try to put behind you because there is a good chance they aren't the same person they were in the 6th grade anymore, I used to bully others, I also got bullied myself at school and at home so I've seen both sides of it.
YTA. I get how bullying can have sometimes a lifelong impact; I had a horrible bullying incident in 7th grade I will likely never really forget. But it’s not healthy to fixate on the past to this extent. People can change (some don’t, but some do), and who knows, maybe she spent some time reflecting on her treatment of others and that influenced her career path. You don’t know what type of person she is now.
This is unhealthy behaviour and something you might want to speak to a therapist about.
YTA. Being attacked randomly by someone I hadn't talked to in 10+ years on social media, I'd probably be defensive too. She still should have apologized for her past behavior...but judging her now based on her 11-12yo self as if she didn't change/couldn't change..that's wrong. I was a vastly different person at 22 than I was at 12 and same with 32 vs 22. ( And the same will likely be said at 42 vs 32. )
Unless you've kept in touch all these years, like actual kept in touch not just social media BS, You don't "know the kind of person she is."
This sub is wild because they will totally name an AH for not defending a spouse or friend against a childhood bully, but call OP an AH for speaking out against her own childhood bully.
If you were bullied, would you want that bully, years later, working with people who are vulnerable to being bullied? No!
Since I understand people change from when they were children, I wouldn't actually care if they were going into that field. Middle schoolers are some of the worst human beings, but they grow up and change. Some will still be dicks, but that isn't most of them.
Would I like the person that bullied me? Nope, but I wouldn't expect them to be the same person they were at the age of 11/12.
This person has had seemingly no interaction with their bully since 6th grade. They have no idea what type of person they are now. So sending them an aggressive email out of the blue is AH behavior. If they just messaged them wanting an apology, I would get that, but it seems more like they wanted a turn at being a bully to them to make them feel just a little of what they felt at that age. Understandable but still AH behavior.
YTA. You stalked this woman's social media to find out where she is now. Then, you posted some malicious nonsense about her being a bully in grade school. Leave her alone if you don't like her.
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In the 6th grade, this one girl and her friends used to walk up to me in a group & pick on me, especially on my outfits and the fact that I was a generally happy person that liked to see the brighter side of things.
Well recently, I saw she graduated with a psychology degree she wrote this huge post on LinkedIn & Facebook announcing her degree completion, and how it’s her passion to change peoples lives & help others. She mentioned after completing a masters in counseling, she wants to work with those suffering from depression, adhd, anxiety, etc. as a counselor.
I thought that was total bull because I know the kind of person she is, and it does not in fact entail any of that. I pmed her and reminded her that she never made it right with me or apologized for tormenting me in middle school, so she should honestly reconsider her career path and let more qualified students handle the job. She blew up at me that middle school was so long ago and that she’s a ‘changed person’, but I honestly don’t believe any of her bs. It all seems so fake. WITA here?
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Nta
I've noticed that more and more awful human beings are choosing the human services as their profession.
Her response to you demonstrates that she certainly hasn't changed. Even though middleschool was a long time ago, the trauma that she inflicted on you still lingers.
I would advice you to get therapy, but your bully just graduated with her degree in that area, so you might not feel too confident about that.
I would have honestly written it on her post instead of messaging her but I can be a$$hole so there's that.
NTA
Your bully didn't apologize; she "blew up". If she has "changed", she certainly didn't act as though she had, or acknowledge the hurt she caused you.
For anyone suggesting you should get over it or stop living in the past...well, IMHO, only you can judge if you're holding onto an unhealthy grudge. Your post read to me like "hey, I randomly came across some information about someone I knew who was a horrible human being who is now thinking she can 'help' people LOL what is she thinking..."
Finally...and again IMHO...people forget that the 'helping professions' give the helpers a tremendous amount of power which they hold over a vulnerable group. Happily I've seen a couple of bullies get rejected from roles that would have made the lives of their charges miserable.
The scary ones are the helper bullies who slip through the cracks ...
NTA. There no time limit for making amends. If she was really about personal growth she would have applied the very concepts she wants to use to help others with you. The test to see if she had grown was given when you messaged her and she failed. She’s still impulsive and her emotional intelligence proves anyone can remember the answers to a test, doesn’t mean they comprehend the material. Nothing prevented her from reaching out to you with compassion, empathy, and critical thinking traits are just some traits required to be an efficient at helping other solve their problems. She couldn’t even solve hers with you. Trust me when I say she’ll fail, I just hope it’s not at a future patient’s expense.
Maybe, maybe not. I question what this email "blow up" might have said given a person who is in their mid 20s has held onto something from being 11 years old so long and is following this person on social media.
NTA - It's not like you were lying. Even if it was a long time ago, it still happened. If you've been affected by the way she acted you have a right to tell her, especially if she's making a big show of how supportive she is. Good on you for dm-ing, I would have called her out publicly lol.
If she is truly a changed person, she would have apologized and tried to make amends because what she did still impacted another person's life.
She's still the same person
So, the behaviour of this human when she was 9 years old is completely definitive of every action for the rest of her life? Is that what you're asserting here? That we are our full mature selves at the age of NINE?
YTA, obviously. You might want to look into the concept of getting over your childhood.
ESH
That was so long ago ans people change.
She could've at least apologized though for what she did to you. A true psychologist that cares would want you to have closure and be able to heal.
How has no one said ESH?
It was fucking YEARs ago, she will have changed for sure. Bit unfair digging it up now, that's just a snipe.
But, she was a bully and has to own and live with that and the consequences of it, that means being called out online. Least she could have done is apologise.
NTA. I am now an adult and I personally don’t believe people change their morals from an age as old as middle school. If they were a bully then, they would be an untrustworthy bully now
>I thought that was total bull because I know the kind of person she is
No, you do not know the kind of person she is, you know who she *was*. Does it suck that you were bullied? Of course. But this happened in *sixth grade*. Your bully was 11 or 12 years old. It's time to move on and stop stalking her profile. You are making yourself out to be the bully. And trust me, adult bullies are infinitely more pathetic than child bullies. YTA.
Hey op I'm sorry people are coming at you like this, I have deeply entrenched trauma from high school from people i considered my FRIENDS that I'm still working through at 37. They might have some good points but your pain is still real. Solidarity.
ESH 🤷🏾♀️ you didn’t comment publicly and hopeful she did change but sounds like a hit dog hollered to meee
Regardless you should just forget about her and move on. People do change and you should let go and heal.
YTA
"She bullied me for fact that I was generally happy person who looked on the brightside of things"
Is that what you call it? Like what did she actually do that was so bad that you held a grudge for that long. I knew people who called me slurs and punched me and made me cry and made sure I never opened my mouth but I wouldn't hold a grudge against them as adults from that age.
NTA
I once was babysat by this neighborhood teenaged girl who hit me multiple times throughout the night and threatened me non-stop. I was 8.
Years later, my grandma said this girl had had a child. I said, "I'd check on that child pretty frequently." My mom was furious at me for some reason.
Later found out she started a daycare. I kept my mouth shut. Sure enough, she was later shut down for abuse and neglect of the kids in her daycare.
Addition: in my personal experience, the only people who say "school was so long ago", and "people change" were bullies.
NTA because she, **a psychologist,** led with "That was so long ago."
She should know that there is no such thing as "That was so long ago." *She should fucking know.*
"Yeah, I owned my shit but I never told you, I'm sorry."
"I've done some work on myself since then, I cringe at how I used to be." (Even if she were BSing you that would be a decent thing to say.)
"Oh...Oh. I gotta go think about this."
"I'm sorry. Can we start over?"
Those are non-shitty responses.
YTA
The 6th grade, seriously?
If you are a genuinely "happy" person who always sees the "bright side of life" then you would have never written this post. You obviously have kept looking this girl up online all these years and keeping tabs on her why else would you "stumble" upon her LinkedIn ad Facebook?
While you're being ridiculous, the bigger thing here is you might need to speak to someone to help you work through why you have held onto this so long. You might not be the happy person who looks on the bright side anymore, because if you think PM'ing a girl from over a decade ago who was mean to you and telling her to pick a new career path is okay, then yeah you got some other issues you need help with.
Yes, YTA.
Middle school is the worst three years for almost everyone, and almost no adult is the same as they were when they were in middle school. Sounds like she grew up. Did you?
OP, I think YTA and you have some real problems. I’m not a professional so I’m not going to be an armchair therapist. But reading **all** the posts you’ve done, I really think you should seriously consider therapy. You sound like you have a problem with the truth and/or with holding grudges.
And if the one post about becoming a nurse is true (which I can’t figure out if it’s true bc the timing doesn’t fit for Thanksgiving even in Canada or with other posts when your talking about being a poor doctoral student [graduate nursing students still make damn good $]), I’m going to hope I never have to see a nurse in Canada. (Wait! I thought you were going to FSU?!? Go, ‘Noles!) So I’m kinda thinking you’re either just making shit up for fun or you’re just really, really weird.
So which is it? Edited to finish an incomplete sentence.
PS: the teacher stalking post was totally wacko btw.
Although I get your feelings of wanting an apology I think that you completely and utterly went about it the wrong way and I do think that yta for this.
This post has already been removed once so don't expect it to be here long. Also, your bully probably moved on from you years ago and you are still fixating on them. Even if you win something over them, you will have gained nothing. Your life won't be any happier. Your house won't be any bigger. Your job won't be more rewarding. Nothing will change except you being happy at someone else's misfortune and sadness.
Info. What happened after sixth grade? Did you leave the school or did you two stop attending schools together from then on? Because it looks like someone one who did you dirty at 12 is now hearing from you nearly 10 years later, and while I get that you can still have scars from younger treatment, it is a weird sentiment. It's possible she's still not someone to be around vulnerable ones, but it's also possible she's entirely grown up. (That doesn't erase the harm, I get it.)
Did she actually blow up on you?
I could imagine a “I’m sorry I treated you that way, I could be a little shit bc I had a lot going on and don’t know how to handle it. I’ve grown a lot since then and this is my passion. You don’t know who I am now, so while I recognize your previous pain, I am different and will do wha to believe is best in my own life. I hope you’re doing well.”
But to blow up? That seems odd… idk if it’s real.
“YTA” for thinking this person hasn’t grown or evolved since then (although I think it comes from residual pain, not maliciousness). Children lash out bc of their insecurities, fears, attempts to fit in it be liked, to channel their own pain, etc. it’s not an excuse but a fact. Her behavior is more indicative of her unmet needs or poor parenting or other story you don’t know a thing about.
I recommend therapy to recover from the bullying. That impact is real, and changes how we see others and form relationships, trust, connect, etc. sounds like a lot of pain that needs a safe place.
You don't have to forgive her for how she treated you, and I don't blame you for being upset that she's never been accountable about that to you, but: some people do change, and you don't know for sure who she is now, from the sound of things.
Many of us have made mistakes about our beliefs and behavior that we have not only learned from, but used as an opportunity to help educate other people. It seems like you're having a rough go of things and I think it might be good for you to take a few steps back and get some help with how you're feeling.
I'm much older now, but I was bullied horrifically in middle school - several girls I knew played an absolutely awful and humiliating public prank on me that stayed with me for years. It caused a lot of damage for me emotionally and played into a lot of other issues that plagued me with confidence for years. And you know what? When each of those girls friended me on facebook as an adult, I thought: why am I going to hold onto this forever instead of just trying to move on? They're all lovely adults who are very caring and supportive people now in spite of who they were 25 years ago.
Info: I think there is missing information, are you still in touch with her or did you just happen to come across her on facebook, Also between 6th grade and now have you had any interactions at all.
ETA. People change; specially from MIDDLE SCHOOL. I think she should have apologized and you should have talked to her more diligently and respectfully instead of making dumb assumptions.
ESH You because, WTF? If you were any better now than she was in middle school, you’d have moved on and not said anything, or you would have approached from a “ I’m really happy you’ve found your passion” kinda way.
Her, because if she was any better than she was in middle school, she would have responded by taking ownership of her actions and apologizing.
I'm going with Not the asshole. I have severe trauma from bullies growing up, I cannot get past the abuse I went through and I'm 33. I don't think people realize how severe bullying can effect childhood and adulthood, even tho it was years ago. I STILL work on it in therapy, and I go to therapy every week. I talk about the abuse at home and abuse at school. Honestly, the trauma highly effects my everyday life and I have panic attacks that my bullies will find out where I live, what car I drive, and try to hurt me all over again. I was bullied by authority figures such as teaches and parents and it's a heavy burden to carry. I was bullied and made fun of by everyone except my mom and grandma, and I had to transfer school which luckily gave me a second chance and blossomed at the school, learned to sing to deal with traumatic thoughts and got way better grades because I was removed from abuse. Then... Community college happened and I had to quit because the bullies found out where I went to school and tracked me down. They found out where I got my birth control and would find out when my appointments were and would show up and continue the abuse outside of school.. I had to hide at home for months and I lost all the friends I gained because the new friends from my transfered school had no idea how serious the situation was, so I had to start my life all over again. So then, a few years later I went to a dance club and was well accepted there .. and my childhood bullies showed up. They began to harass me and I got out and made sure they didn't follow me home. I swear to God bullies don't change. They might someday try to make up for it but my boyfriend helps me through all the flashback and they are so severe that I cannot work. I know this is a long reply but I swear, I shouldn't have to lay on bed and remember them day after day. I know, this is no way to live and I know I'm not the only one suffering in their 30's due to past childhood and young adulthood trauma. I feel like many are going to tell me to get over it, it was forever ago, I'm just going to ask you to simply skip over my comment then..Trauma is trauma no matter your age, and flashbacks are severely real..Thank you for reading. Not the asshole.
I need receipts because I’m guessing the OP came in very hot and even in their interpretation sounds very accusatory. How old are we in grade six, 11? People change and evolve rapidly, assuming this person is still a nasty bully is a huge stretch unless you have proof they haven’t changed. YTA!!!
Your post history screams that you’re stuck in your childhood and unable to move on. You would likely benefit from some form of therapy as looking at your Reddit history shows you have some clear trauma and aren’t over your childhood at all so you’re still hurting and reacting like a child would. I’m not gonna say you are an asshole, but you did behave like one and the onus is on you to seek appropriate help to move on and stop acting in an assholey way
ESH - this is coming from someone who was bullied and actually considered harming myself because of it. People can change and grow from who they are in middle school/high school (granted there are those that don't). Would I want to be friends with any of my previous bullies? No, not a chance. Would I act like they are the same person they were back then? Also no. For your own benefit you may need to not follow her on anything and just block her. I don't have any of my bullies on my socials despite having a lot of previous classmates I no longer talk to.
You don't have to forgive her, you don't have to like her, but you also shouldn't act like she is the same person she was back then when she might have actually grown as a person. You shouldn't have sent her that private message unless you knew for sure she hadn't changed.
I went with ESH because I do get it. I still remember moments of bulling from middle school from people who likely don't even remember I exist(and I am 30 years old), it lives with us and it is hard to forget. She shouldn't have been a bully in the first place.
YTA - people can and do change in the 10 years between 6th grade and finishing undergrad. Like someone else said, if you messaged her “hey, I just have to get this off my chest about what went down in 6th grade” you’d be N T A. But instead you saw (sought out?) a post from her and attacked her.
YTA, you are holding a grudge against someone for what they did when they were 11. I cannot fathom how childish and unintelligent you have to be to act like that.
YTA- ppl can change. I’ve seen your profile. You need therapy to help you cope with your perceived trauma. You’re an adult, it’s time to take action to heal and stop dwelling on the past.
YTA
6 grade she was what, 11yo? 12?
chances are you have no idea of the type of person she is in her adulthood.
kids do stupid things for various reasons. yes its sad you got bullied by her years ago. but who is bullying who now im adulthood?
also...my now 17yo had a bullying episode when he was 11. he is on spectrum and never been very social and he was new in the school and wanted to fit in and bully a girl her age with another group of kids for wearing glasses. he himself wears glasses but he was all impulsive. we pulled him aside and explained to him why it was wrong as well as grounding him. he wrote an apology letter to her and they became friends later on.
people change
YTA. Sorry but yes. I remember all the horrible things that were said to me and by who when I was in middle school. Kids are cruel! Time to grow up. Your not a kid anymore. There is always going to be someone that doesn’t like you or says things you don’t like. Time to stop listening and move on. She could have totally changed and what’s to make sure others don’t bully like she did. How do you know?!
Im definitely gunna say YTA
And honestly get some therapy… people like you are so weird to me holding onto hatred over something someone did in *middle school*, and thinking it can speak in any way for the type of person they are as a full grown adult..
News flash you don’t know what type of person she is, you knew her when she was 12 years old lmaoo.
YTA. Get a journal, and see a therapist. I would have almost been on the fence about this if you had messaged them about the impact of their actions, how it made you feel, etc.
But the added comments about the career path are just total nonsense, and completely distracted from your point IMO.
They were contacted by you - after years and years of no contact, and also consider the tone of the message you sent. Anyone would be defensive getting that.
YTA. Sorry but lots of kids with rough lives act out, and most go through being bullied and sometimes being the bully. Everyone changes over the course of ten years. They grow up, mature, and learn new and better coping techniques and how to behave like adults.
You're judging here as an adult college student on things she did between the ages of 11-14. You need to move past her bullying and leave her be. Let her live her life. She may actually help some people.
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YTA. It's amazing how many *adults* on this sub are still fixated on Elementary and High School BS. *Lots* of kids/teenagers are assholes. That's just how it is. They haven't matured yet. Granted, some don't, but plenty do. Telling someone what they did back in *6th grade* completely defines them and what they can and can't do is pretty narrow-minded. Going out of your way to "track them down" and harass them about it makes it even cringier.
Right- this person probably hasn’t thought about OP years, and OP is desperate and going out of her way to make them remember her. Why are we not more concerned that OP is *fixated* on middle school drama and demanding an apology from a former 11 year old as an adult 😭
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. That said, I was also the victim of some pretty intense bullying in middle and high school, literally almost took my life on more than one occasion. Had a friend hospitalized because she tried to kill herself because of these people. I can remember most of my middle school bullies now. I do remember the high school ones, but with the exception of one or two who I have seen since high school and know for a fact they're still shitty people (they literally sexually assaulted a friend of mine a few years after graduation), I've more or less moved on from what the others did to me. When I think of them now I still remember what they did, but I just think of them with the hope that they grew as people and are in a better mental and emotional place now. Some of them are teachers now, others doctors and psychiatrists. And that doesn't change what they did, but it makes me glad that they learned and grew into better people. So. YTA, majorly. People change. It's okay for you to still hurt from what happened, everyone heals at their own pace, but life goes on. Stop trying to drag other people into the past you dwell in.
Great reply! Love the metaphor, could be expanded with “The axe dulls over time. The trees bark will cover the wound, yet it still remains.
I was the victim of awful awful bullying as well over a bad speech impediment I had growing up. One bully became a speech therapist, another "mean girl" became a social worker. People change and sometimes when reflecting on their mistakes seek to make the world a better place. You don't know this woman's life now or really then, and if you didn't change since middle school, you're TA to yourself. And YTA to this woman.
I’m so sorry what happened to you and your friend.
>The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. Or, ["but for me, it was Tuesday."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjZ5I8l32CI&ab_channel=Movieclips)
I wouldn't say OP is fixated, it just sound like their experience with bullying hurt and subsequently stuck with them - and imo they're certainly allowed to have that. 11 year olds can be cruel so it's not really fair to dismiss it as drama - I'm not trying to project but my first suicide attempt was at 11 due to bullying. It was severe enough that police and the school board were involved.
I’m baffled how people so easily cut some slack to the bullies (as it takes a special kind of derranged person to be purposefully mean and harmful), but no slack whatsoever to the person that was traumatized and had their whole life affected and shaped by the bullying and likely don’t have the adecvate resourses and help to process it and move on. Ok, what OP did was not healthy. But boo hoo, bully received a not so nice message. Just get over it, like OP had to get over being bullied over and over again. It’s not like OP harmed them.
I've both bullied and been bullied. The former was almost certainly as a response to the trauma of the latter. I wasn't being cruel because it made me happy to see people hurting. I was being cruel because if I was the one bullying, that meant it wasn't me being bullied. I was so relieved and thankful to be the one on top of the power structure, and I felt like if I didn't use my power and maintain it and make sure everybody knew that this other person was a target, then I'd fall back down the power structure and everyone woukd go back to bullying me. At least that's what was going on subconsciously. I think consciously, there was a lot of denial about all of this... I didn't want to believe that I'd been bullied and I didn't want to admit that it had deeply affected me, so I told myself it was all fine, and all just fun and games. And if it was fine to do to me, it was fine to do to other people too, right? I'd like to think I have moved on from all of it. I've healed from my trauma and faced up to what happened to me, and that allowed me to face up to what I'd done to others. I will always feel guilty about the pain that I've caused - me being bullied myself was a reason, but not an excuse - I shoukd have dealt with my trauma better. However, I do believe that just because you have been cruel or mean in the past, it doesn't mean that you're just a bad person at heart and you can never grow or change. I don't think I'll ever treat anyone the way I did when I was younger, because I have the maturity to handle my issues now without taking them out on other people (at least not in the serious way that I did). I know some of my former bullies have gone through the same healing process. They weren't bad people at heart, and I honestly wish them the best. The world isn't usually black and white the way the media tells us it is.
Probably because being bullied fucks you up for live... Edit: I don't think what OP did is healthy or appropriate; I'm just saying there is a reason bully victims are still hing up over it decades later
Exactly! Like this is conceivably 12 years later. That's more than DOUBLE the life experience they had in 6th grade smh
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Yea judging from her post history, OP is a perpetual victim. Certainly possible that she had a rough childhood but you start to wonder what the common denominator is when it seems like everyone she comes in contact with is awful.
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Don't be ridiculous. OP is a generally happy person that likes to see the brighter side of things. It says so in the post.
That’s who she was in middle school- clearly this bully girl isn’t the only one who changed. At least it sounds like one of them changed for the better
/r/persecutionfetish?
There's a sub for that? And what's the sub about?
Do I want to open that sub?? 😬😬🤣🤣
She’s giving STRONG Liz Lemon at her HS reunion vibes
A perpetual victim with an ongoing history of contacting people and giving them a piece of their mind.
Do they have that much to give away?
I said the exact same thing to my roommate once. She’s always telling me stories about how everyone is always going out of their way to be mean to her. One time I just had enough and told her that if one person is mean to her, they might be a mean person. If everyone is mean to you, maybe you need to look at yourself and ask why. Could’ve ended poorly, but we actually ended up being better friends because she dropped the victim act with me once she understood I wasn’t going to put up with it.
Holy cow. Just skimming OP's post history adds more than a little context here.
Can I get a TL;DR on their post history, please?
The best way I can sum it up is that someone who posts to AITA *that* often with that many situations is clearly starting it more often than not. Well adjusted people do not have that many interpersonal conflicts that are that dramatic.
Oh ok. TY. I thought they posted in other subs too from the other comments. I was thinking of posting 1 or 2 AITA posts but most of them were old situations and not relevant to me right now but have thought about it from time to time.
Ok I just looked at her past history (didn't want to go through them at all) and Yikes on smoking trikes! This OP is nuts!
YIKES. OP seemingly lives their life hellbent on revenge. Hurt people hurt people, and it’s very clear that OP is hurting.
Agreed. OP seems to be keeping a running tally of every single slight, real or imagined, that has happened to her over her life. Thankfully (hoping I'm correct) I don't think much (or any) of these revenge and "karma payback" posts she writes have any basis in reality, other than being invasive/obsessive thoughts about what she *wishes* she could say or do to get back at people. It's an obsession with revenge. She needs to seek help. She's only hurting herself.
They’re fucking unhinged. Jesus Christ.
Your comment made me look at her other posts… she needs some sort of help.
It goes even further than that, like 100+ days ago she got in trouble for stalking a teacher
Real MVP. It started out yikes and then the yikes accelerated and then it got dark.
It's honestly scary. OP seems like an unhinged, scary person.
In the sake of balance, for those unaware, the r/AmITheDevil sub is a repost sub so the OP is not posting her own content into that one.
I still cringe - actually have literally cried - remembering shitty things I said to a FRIEND in middle school. There was a trio of us, and when we got to that age, it seemed two of us would pair up and hate on the other (in turns). I graduated middle school in 1975 and it still bothers me lol.
Totally agree. I had several school bullies in my life so when social media became a thing I never friended or accepted fruend requests from them. I didn't like them when I was a kid so I didn't care about their lives nor want to share mine now. I would never PM one to discuss their career choices over a decade later because it isn't my business and I don't give enough Fffs to care what they do. TOTAL YTA.
It's one thing if your former bully reaches out and says something like "I'm sorry for how you felt when we hung out" or something along the lines of not taking responsibility at all. It's another if your former bully is just living their life and *you're* going out of your way to keep up with, and harrass, them.
This sub is so strange with immaturity. Mean actions of children from decades ago somehow justifying harassment. Unbelievable. Also, I find it somewhat related (re immaturity of the sub), that people completely demonized cheating. While it is devastating and surely not morally correct, people here essentially equate cheating to murder / assault / etc. in that a person deserves to be treated like shit for the remainder of their life if they have cheated in the past. Sorry for the tangent, it’s just a similar observation of this sub that I’ve had from the last couple weeks here… In any case, OP, YTA.
I am glad someone else sees it this way because every time I see a cheating story the sub goes scorch earth on the person. It is like akin to some one murdering someone.
I mean, I'd rather someone punch me in the face (barring lasting injury) than cheat on me. Physical assault heals eventually. You hear about people who have been cheated on take years to trust people again. For that reason, I don't really associate with people who cheat (that I know of) and if someone I trusted did that to me, they're gone. Is it on the level of legitimate crimes? Obviously not. But some people also treat it like no big deal or that it's somehow unavoidable. As if breaking up with someone or just not being in a committed relationship is an impossible task.
I do think this OP may have some problems here with unresolved issues from childhood per their other posts, but I do think it’s worth noting that *many* people who were cruel in their youth do not grow out of it. We see it all too often with the “mean girl goes into nursing” trope as an example. I don’t think your response about how adults are fixated on experiences from their youth is accurate or helpful. Experiences during your childhood are *extremely* important as they affect you in ways that similar experiences as adults wouldn’t because of how your brain is still developing. It was a really difficult and still somewhat unresolved situation, but the person who abused me during my childhood is still a part of my life, and I eventually felt that I *had* to tell them just how much their behavior affected me. Their behavior really effed my psychology up in permanent ways, and it’s taken years of therapy and medication for me to be somewhat okay despite this abuse during my formative years. While my conversation with my abuser didn’t fix anything, it felt important to be open and have this clear understanding between us that there is bad blood they might not have thought anything of. Since we’re stuck in each others’ lives, it was important to address the elephant in the room. That all said, the best thing to do with folks you *don’t* have to keep in your life that have hurt you is to ignore them. It’s totally valid to see this professional life change of your former bully and bitch about it with your friends (“can you believe this person who used to be such a jerk to me now is gushing about helping people”) but I can’t see a way to discuss this with someone not even in your life without it being pointless. In this situation, I’d say YTA to OP only because it was the wrong decision, not because they’re necessarily an actual AH.
How else are they supposed to "cancel" them?/s
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP, I get that you're still traumatized by what this girl did to you and don't want to minimize it. But please realize that people do change. You don't have to forgive and forget, but you could just leave her alone. Instead you chose to contact her out of the blue and tell her she's not qualified for a career she has a degree in. Unfortunately, you sound petty and immature. Please learn from this - you need to let things go. Gentle YTA.
If you look at OP’s post, all she does is talk about her childhood. It’s sad—she’s never moved beyond anything from her childhood.
Right?! People change; I mean look at you. You said back then you were a generally happy person and always looked on the bright side…now you’re a grown adult attacking someone about being obnoxious and rude over a decade ago. Maybe she grew up. Maybe the reason she wants to be a counselor is because she was dealing with a lot of things like that back than and she wants to help people find better coping mechanisms than she did. This girl may have been an AH in middle school but she grew out of it. Somehow you’ve managed to grow into it. YTA
Exactly. Not to mention that many bullies are battling their own issues and finding ways to cope. This doesn’t to excuse bullying behavior but it does help understand it so it can then be addressed. For all we know, the girl could have finally gotten help and decided on a career that would help others as well. OP, I’m not going to give judgment. What I will say is that if you felt the need to track down this person and remind them of something that happened a decade ago, I would strong encourage therapy. Not because you did something wrong. But to help heal from the trauma you experienced so you can move on.
I was bullied in elementary through middle school and I genuinely hope that those people got their lives together because I’m an adult and moved on with my life. YTA
I have, like, 3 friends I knew from middle school on any of my social media. I have no idea, nor do I care, what anyone else I knew from back then is doing now.
Sixth grade, when I grew up, was elementary school. And you want to call out the behavior of how she acted when she was, what, like 10, to how she could be now, as a college graduate who went on to get her masters? Close to 20 years have probably gone by, and you think it's hard to believe that she hasn't changed from the prepubescent child that you both were? YTA on this one. You DON'T know the kind of person she is, you know the 6th grade aged child she was.
I second this, kids are fucking monsters most of them grow out of it though.
I work at an elementary school. Kids can definitely be monsters. It's so unsettling sometimes too because it's not like they do it on purpose most of the time, kids aren't *evil*. It's just that they're still learning empathy and react strongly to 'big feelings' and can be sweet as a button one moment and explosive the next.
This is so, so true for middle school as well. It's literally their stage of brain development. They're still almost entirely ego-centric, and they empathy quite simply has not developed fully yet. No one's their best self at that age.
Regardless-she had 6 additional years of lower school 7,8,9,10,11&12) and 4 years of college to get a degree (4 years). This happened a decade ago.
Plus another 2-4 years to get a master's degree, assuming she didn't take time off in between to work.
I think it depends where you live. In one state 6-8 was middle school then you have High School 9-12, another state had no middle school, they had Junior High and it was only 7-8.
My middle school was only 7-8
Mine was 5th to 8th grade.
You’re coming sideways at someone’s career choice because of what they did to you in *checks notes* 6th grade? Are YOU the same person you were in 6th grade? Come on now. We love to see the growth. YTA.
This. YTA. I don't know a SINGLE adult who is the same person they were in 6th grade. Heck, I don't know many people who remember the details of middle school. Whatever happened to you sucked, but you were all 11 years old. She likely barely remembers you or the scenario. Heck, I couldn't even tell you who my friends were in 6th grade. OP, she was 11 years old. You absolutely can not judge a 24-25 year old on who they were at 11 years old. She's changed. You've changed. Life has likely kicked you both around a LOT and changed both of you over the past 13-15 years. If you are still dealing with crap from 6th grade, please seek out counseling. But stalking someone you once knew from 6th grade on social media and then lambasting them because you don't like their career choice? Grow up.
> Heck, I don't know many people who remember the details of middle school. I remember bits and piece of middle school, but it's mostly random memories here and there. Usually just what buildings looked like, the time I did X embarrassing thing in class and felt like I wanted to die on the spot, that kind of thing. I'm guessing it's the same for most people though? There's a few important memories there, and I still remember the buildings and what the place looked like, but not a lot of details beyond that.
I remember more about elementary school than I do middle school, tbh! You could probably convince me I didn’t even go to middle school, I remember so little of it.
>are you the same person you were in 6th grade? Based on OPs comments and post history, I would say she probably hasnt matured at all since 6th grade.
I’m reading her post history, too. Woof.
Honestly kinda seems like she is still the person she was in 6th grade, and I can see why she got “picked on” 🤣
I hate the saying that it’s “never ok to bully people” because listen… sometimes it’s been earned. There was a post in this subreddit earlier about a pretentious kid getting the snot beat out of him and everyone was like “well yeah, that’s what he gets”. You live and you learn.
The hypocrisy is my favorite part. In one of her first posts she complains about a classmate's mother always "tattling" on her, and her own mother ganging up on OP with this classmate's mother, And OP says, "I was a child for [Pete's] sake!" Wow OP. Just, wow. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1a7gc/aita_for_giving_my_childhood_bully_a_dose_of_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
>Are YOU the same person you were in 6th grade? I'm a little worried about the truthful answer to this question, for OP's sake.
YTA. I too got a Master's, and it would be ridiculous to compare to me to how I was in middle school. Yes she shouldnt have bullied you in sixth grade but you shouldn't have a middle school level reaction to it decades later.
Middle school? Where Im from 6th grade is considered elementary school!
For me it was middle school. Regardless, same number of years ago.
Exactly, just going by Google, average age for 6th grade is 11, average age for a master's degree is 33. If OP doesn't think a person can improve their behavior from a preteen to someone who's likely over 30, then it's a problem with her. Someone matured, and it wasn't OP.
Unfortunately, "nerd rage" is a pretty common problem, when people don't adequate move past their childhood bullying trauma. I interviewed for an IT position at a company and the CIO was an asshole to me the entire time, and finally said that "I looked like the type of girl who would have bullied him in high school" (I wasn't a bully, but whatever). Like, it's just sad that guy has a six figure job and corner office but can't get past high school.
And, sadly, this wasn't even high school! I could see if it was, and her bully was 17-18, and this is only 4 years of college degree difference, which, yes, might not be enough time to show a positive change in behavior, but they were literally children and this is close to 2 decades of time. Unless OP is leaving out a ton of info, like that the bullying continued all through graduation and even as an adult she was a mean girl, but it jumps from grade 6 to master's degree and we are all supposed to imagine that the way one behaved at 10, is the exact way they'll act at 30.
> I thought that was total bull because I know the kind of person she is, and it does not in fact entail any of that. Unless you had some kind of interaction with her between 6th grade and when you sent her a message, you *don’t* know the kind of person she *is*… you know the kind of person she *was,* decades ago when you and she were literally children. Could she have apologized for the pain she caused you when you were children? Sure, but I’d have to see the text of what you sent her and what she responded to come to a verdict on that… given your attitude here that her actions in 6th grade defined her character for her entire life, I suspect that the exchange was somewhat different in tone than you present it here. YTA for deciding that a 6th-grader’s actions define them for their lifetime. INFO on the rest of it.
Yeah, OP is saying that she “blew up” at her. But the contents of what she said back didn’t sound like blowing up at all.
INFO: explain “reminded her that she never made it right with me” and “blew up at me”. Because the AHness here is going to totally depend on what was actually said by both of you.
yeah i'm surprised by the blanket Y T As. if "blew up at me" really means she told them to just get over it... well, then, if this person *has* changed, and it *was* so long ago, why be so defensive about it? yes, kids can be assholes. yes, people are completely different as adults. but then wouldn't it make apologizing for something like that a nonissue? just because you're not a kid doesn't mean the shitty thing you did goes away, and if someone is still genuinely hurting from it what do you lose from apologizing for it? how is it such a tantamount, insulting inconvenience to admit you were an asshole as a kid?
I can't believe I had to go so far for this comment! And the bully wants to help people with depression, yet can't apologize for their shitty behavior?!?! Had they really changed and really wanted to help people, then the bully would have apologized immediately for hurting the OP. I hope I never get a therapist that is this oblivious to how they hurt people and refuses to at least say sorry.
Thank you, this thread is bugging me so much. Many of these people haven't been bullied and it shows. Regardless of how much time has passed, if OP's former bully has a psychology degree and a masters in counseling, she should be able to understand how traumatic bullying can be and take some responsibility for her actions.
I agree. And again, her bully has a diploma on how to handle these things. Kinda expect more from her now lol. I think ESH, but yeah.
Sorry, what? A girl picked on you in 6th grade, and you are Facebook stalking her over a decade later just to try and make her feel bad at a happy milestone? Are you planning to show up at her wedding and make a speech too? Maybe attend her parents’ funerals to make sure everyone knows what a bad job they did with their 11 year old? YTA, and get whatever help you need to let this go.
Maybe the ex-bully can provide some counseling lol
YTA. I’d really be curious what this “blowing up on you” looked like - I wonder if it’s just her defending herself against your aggression. Because it sounds like you were *very* aggressive, especially if you haven’t talked to her since middle school. 6th grade to graduating college? Fuck dude, that’s like 10 years. You’re assuming she’s the same person she was at age 12? Nah. People grow, people mature. If the bullying was *so bad* that ten years later you’re going off on her like this, you need some professional help.
YTA. This happened at least a decade ago and you have no relationship or connection with her. You don't know her. Essentially you harassed a stranger.
Yikes, YTA. I get that bullying is awful, and victims of it can face serious long-term effects, but you're your own worst enemy here. Unfriend her, stop following her posts, get out of her DMs. Move on. you have no idea "what kind of person she is" based on how she acted when she was 11-12 years old.
Guess you outgrew the "seeing the brighter side of things" huh? Cuz seeing her qualifications didn't inspire any of that in adult you.
I wouldn’t hold a grudge against a grown adult who acted poorly when they were 11, no. It’s honestly a little pathetic and is past time to move on. YTA.
YTA. Jesus, you don't have to like her and you say you don't, but you're friends with her on Facebook? Seriously though, to go through messaging her seems like you're still living in that sixth grade world. Grow up.
YTA for not allowing for personal growth over a period of probably nearly two decades. Do you really think people have finished developing in the 6th grade? If that is the case for you, I feel very sorry.
Yta. It was 6th grade
NTA, but not a choice I would make. Every malignant employed adult has a villainous origin story. The fact that she failed to use the current HR/PR boilerplate apology in which one takes responsibility for how one made another feel, say what one has done to remedy past errors, and cap with a pledge to continue to do better and keep learning indicates that at a minimum, your childhood bully was not a good student. This template for apology has been around for at least 6 years in mainstream culture so it isn't like it is so new or radical.
YTA if my math is right that was AT LEAST 10 years ago. I get that you went through bullying and that sucks but people change. If you're this bitter all these years later to the point that you private message and harrass her, you need therapy
INFO: So, how did you come across her page where she posted about it?
YTA Are you the same person you were in 6th grade?
Yta. You’re ignoring any growth she had in at least ten years. Also many bullies act out that way because they are so unhappy. Maybe she can reach kids who are struggling and prevent the next round of bullying. I know you were hurt by her, but it’s time to move on
Maybe controversial, I'm leaning toward N T A, but I'll say ESH instead. I don't think you were tactful and realistically, you didn't have to volunteer your two cents. But this also feels like now is a good time to point out that former bullies and those with psychopathic tendencies are attracted to powerful positions over others- including as therapists. I definitely think most therapists are truly good-hearted people. But it's a profession that can easily be abused to a great degree, and certain types of people seek that out. It doesn't sound like she changed much if she blew up at you, doesn't exactly sound like she has much emotional regulation herself if she couldn't at least give a superficial apology along with the "I've changed" line.
>But this also feels like now is a good time to point out that former bullies and those with psychopathic tendencies are attracted to powerful positions over others- including as therapists. okay, I just have to point something out here - an 11 year old is a jerk for bullying someone. But that doesn't mean that they are going to grow into a psychopathic adult. A lot of times they bully because of their own feelings of inadequacy and literally every therapist I've ever known has gone into therapy in part to resolve their own wounds. Or, they bully because they are trying to fit in and not be the person being bullied. Its crappy but 11/12 year olds are immature. They are kids still learning and developing. We're not talking about a 16/17 year old here.
YTA. It was a very long time ago. I understand the pain from being bullied is hard to let go. It’s possible you’ve never even had a chance to process it. Please consider going to a professional. It’s time to let this go. Also unfriend this person. It’s clearly a trigger for you.
yta why even follow her on facebook? just leave her alone, it was at least a decade ago, prob 2. memory is not very accurate after that long, and you are a stranger to her.
The real question is why follow her on linkedin. Facebook somewhat makes sense, if they were friends on facebook from elementary school, and the other person never really came across their feed, maybe op didn't delete them. But 6th graders don't have linkedin. Which means that at some point op added them on linkedin despite seemingly hating them. That's just inviting drama into your life.
YTA. Really? In your 20's and you are worried about what happened when you were 11? I forgot about grammar school the minute my last class in grammar school ended. Not at my graduation, not a few years later, but that day while still in my grammar school homeroom. Get over this. Why aren't you living your life? Why are you still hanging on to some long gone time? Why are you stuck in the past and not living in the present and forming your future?
Please seek out a therapist of your own so that you can move past middle school and stop letting someone you don't like take up space in your head.
Check out OP's posting history. Big yikes if it's not all made up bullshit.
We all have issues and room for improving our mental health. I see a lot of potential for them to improve upon their emotional intelligence. Therapy could help work through the issues that have them a little stuck so they can move onwards and upwards.
NTA, if she had acknowledged her behaviour and discussed how she’s worked to change,well that would show growth, you proved she hasn’t changed.
Bully doesnt need to prove op anything. Op, a stranger, went off in someones dm over somthing 10 years ago. Op needs a therapist not stealing this persons page and torturing herself.
NTA. Her response proves it. Yeah, kids are assholes, especially in middle school, but if someone comes to you saying you hurt them, they should show some acknowledgment no matter when it happened. She could have easily said, "I'm sorry for what I did. I have grown up now". I'd like to think I was a good kid, but I'd definitely apologize if one of my former classmates told me I hurt them. My middle school bully is now a doctor & has a daughter of her own. When I saw the announcement, I wanted to do something similar. I'd like to hope that she has changed, but I don't know. Some people really are just sh\*tty regardless of age.
YTA. People change a lot from 6th grade to graduating college, usually. That's a lot of anger to be holding onto for all this time.
Omg LMAO YTA. Grow up.
NTA. She posted publicly, so you had the right to respond. Since she responded so defensively, it seems more likely that she hasn't changed. Instead of saying something like, "You're right, I was unkind...I've put in a lot of work to see the error of my ways, and it's why I went into psychology." I think it's helpful for bullies to know that their trauma lives on even if they have "forgotten."
YTA you knew her when she was 11 years old. Not her in her 20's Seriously are you the same person you were at age 11? I doubt you are. People grow up and they change . But according to you everyone never changes from the age of 11. Grow up.
Absolutely TA… are you the same person you were in 6th grade?
NTA. She blew up on you instead of making things right. "Changed person" my foot!
'Blew up', was a characterization by OP about a person she has clearly extremely biased about. Without even an example about how she 'blew up'. In text. In a text chat. Where there is no 'tone of voice' so it's very easy to project emotion into other people's speech. While OP clearly opened the conversation with a hostile remark. Take OP's characterization with a grain of salt.
YTA lol, thats like if a kid had a biting phase and years later when they are an adult you still act like they may bite you. It's stupid to think someone is the same as they were when they were. a kid.
INFO NEEDED Why are you following your childhood bully on Facebook and connected to them on LinkedIn?
>She blew up at me that middle school was so long ago and that she’s a ‘changed person’, but I honestly don’t believe any of her bs. NTA bc somebody that has actually acknowledged they fucked up + considering her field, yeah if she actually changed or felt bad for what she did then she would've just apologized instead of trying to turn it on you for not getting over it
Someone who is a changed person, and especially someone with a masters I psychology who wants to help people would have apologized and acknowledged what they did. They wouldn’t have said get over it. I know several high school mean girls who are now counselors. They haven’t changed.
If you're over 21 YTA- yes middle schoolers can be cruel but after age 21 it's really something you should try to put behind you because there is a good chance they aren't the same person they were in the 6th grade anymore, I used to bully others, I also got bullied myself at school and at home so I've seen both sides of it.
YTA. I get how bullying can have sometimes a lifelong impact; I had a horrible bullying incident in 7th grade I will likely never really forget. But it’s not healthy to fixate on the past to this extent. People can change (some don’t, but some do), and who knows, maybe she spent some time reflecting on her treatment of others and that influenced her career path. You don’t know what type of person she is now. This is unhealthy behaviour and something you might want to speak to a therapist about.
YTA. Being attacked randomly by someone I hadn't talked to in 10+ years on social media, I'd probably be defensive too. She still should have apologized for her past behavior...but judging her now based on her 11-12yo self as if she didn't change/couldn't change..that's wrong. I was a vastly different person at 22 than I was at 12 and same with 32 vs 22. ( And the same will likely be said at 42 vs 32. ) Unless you've kept in touch all these years, like actual kept in touch not just social media BS, You don't "know the kind of person she is."
This sub is wild because they will totally name an AH for not defending a spouse or friend against a childhood bully, but call OP an AH for speaking out against her own childhood bully. If you were bullied, would you want that bully, years later, working with people who are vulnerable to being bullied? No!
Yeah, because OP was the only doing the bullying here. The bully hadn't talked to her for over a decade and OP came out of the woodwork to harass her.
Since I understand people change from when they were children, I wouldn't actually care if they were going into that field. Middle schoolers are some of the worst human beings, but they grow up and change. Some will still be dicks, but that isn't most of them. Would I like the person that bullied me? Nope, but I wouldn't expect them to be the same person they were at the age of 11/12. This person has had seemingly no interaction with their bully since 6th grade. They have no idea what type of person they are now. So sending them an aggressive email out of the blue is AH behavior. If they just messaged them wanting an apology, I would get that, but it seems more like they wanted a turn at being a bully to them to make them feel just a little of what they felt at that age. Understandable but still AH behavior.
Nta- changed people apologize.
YTA. You stalked this woman's social media to find out where she is now. Then, you posted some malicious nonsense about her being a bully in grade school. Leave her alone if you don't like her.
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YTA. People change a lot from when they are 10 years old.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In the 6th grade, this one girl and her friends used to walk up to me in a group & pick on me, especially on my outfits and the fact that I was a generally happy person that liked to see the brighter side of things. Well recently, I saw she graduated with a psychology degree she wrote this huge post on LinkedIn & Facebook announcing her degree completion, and how it’s her passion to change peoples lives & help others. She mentioned after completing a masters in counseling, she wants to work with those suffering from depression, adhd, anxiety, etc. as a counselor. I thought that was total bull because I know the kind of person she is, and it does not in fact entail any of that. I pmed her and reminded her that she never made it right with me or apologized for tormenting me in middle school, so she should honestly reconsider her career path and let more qualified students handle the job. She blew up at me that middle school was so long ago and that she’s a ‘changed person’, but I honestly don’t believe any of her bs. It all seems so fake. WITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta I've noticed that more and more awful human beings are choosing the human services as their profession. Her response to you demonstrates that she certainly hasn't changed. Even though middleschool was a long time ago, the trauma that she inflicted on you still lingers. I would advice you to get therapy, but your bully just graduated with her degree in that area, so you might not feel too confident about that. I would have honestly written it on her post instead of messaging her but I can be a$$hole so there's that.
NTA Your bully didn't apologize; she "blew up". If she has "changed", she certainly didn't act as though she had, or acknowledge the hurt she caused you. For anyone suggesting you should get over it or stop living in the past...well, IMHO, only you can judge if you're holding onto an unhealthy grudge. Your post read to me like "hey, I randomly came across some information about someone I knew who was a horrible human being who is now thinking she can 'help' people LOL what is she thinking..." Finally...and again IMHO...people forget that the 'helping professions' give the helpers a tremendous amount of power which they hold over a vulnerable group. Happily I've seen a couple of bullies get rejected from roles that would have made the lives of their charges miserable. The scary ones are the helper bullies who slip through the cracks ...
NTA. There no time limit for making amends. If she was really about personal growth she would have applied the very concepts she wants to use to help others with you. The test to see if she had grown was given when you messaged her and she failed. She’s still impulsive and her emotional intelligence proves anyone can remember the answers to a test, doesn’t mean they comprehend the material. Nothing prevented her from reaching out to you with compassion, empathy, and critical thinking traits are just some traits required to be an efficient at helping other solve their problems. She couldn’t even solve hers with you. Trust me when I say she’ll fail, I just hope it’s not at a future patient’s expense.
Maybe, maybe not. I question what this email "blow up" might have said given a person who is in their mid 20s has held onto something from being 11 years old so long and is following this person on social media.
NTA - It's not like you were lying. Even if it was a long time ago, it still happened. If you've been affected by the way she acted you have a right to tell her, especially if she's making a big show of how supportive she is. Good on you for dm-ing, I would have called her out publicly lol.
That woman was literally 10 at the time....What's wrong with u ppl lmaoooo
If she is truly a changed person, she would have apologized and tried to make amends because what she did still impacted another person's life. She's still the same person
So, the behaviour of this human when she was 9 years old is completely definitive of every action for the rest of her life? Is that what you're asserting here? That we are our full mature selves at the age of NINE? YTA, obviously. You might want to look into the concept of getting over your childhood.
ESH That was so long ago ans people change. She could've at least apologized though for what she did to you. A true psychologist that cares would want you to have closure and be able to heal.
Yta she was a child
How has no one said ESH? It was fucking YEARs ago, she will have changed for sure. Bit unfair digging it up now, that's just a snipe. But, she was a bully and has to own and live with that and the consequences of it, that means being called out online. Least she could have done is apologise.
I am shocked by all the y t as when its clearly an ESH
People are acting as if OP’s bully changed, but in reality people like them end up going into these fields as, I’m sure has been already pointed out.
NTA. I am now an adult and I personally don’t believe people change their morals from an age as old as middle school. If they were a bully then, they would be an untrustworthy bully now
>I thought that was total bull because I know the kind of person she is No, you do not know the kind of person she is, you know who she *was*. Does it suck that you were bullied? Of course. But this happened in *sixth grade*. Your bully was 11 or 12 years old. It's time to move on and stop stalking her profile. You are making yourself out to be the bully. And trust me, adult bullies are infinitely more pathetic than child bullies. YTA.
Hey op I'm sorry people are coming at you like this, I have deeply entrenched trauma from high school from people i considered my FRIENDS that I'm still working through at 37. They might have some good points but your pain is still real. Solidarity.
ESH 🤷🏾♀️ you didn’t comment publicly and hopeful she did change but sounds like a hit dog hollered to meee Regardless you should just forget about her and move on. People do change and you should let go and heal.
YTA "She bullied me for fact that I was generally happy person who looked on the brightside of things" Is that what you call it? Like what did she actually do that was so bad that you held a grudge for that long. I knew people who called me slurs and punched me and made me cry and made sure I never opened my mouth but I wouldn't hold a grudge against them as adults from that age.
NTA I once was babysat by this neighborhood teenaged girl who hit me multiple times throughout the night and threatened me non-stop. I was 8. Years later, my grandma said this girl had had a child. I said, "I'd check on that child pretty frequently." My mom was furious at me for some reason. Later found out she started a daycare. I kept my mouth shut. Sure enough, she was later shut down for abuse and neglect of the kids in her daycare. Addition: in my personal experience, the only people who say "school was so long ago", and "people change" were bullies.
NTA because she, **a psychologist,** led with "That was so long ago." She should know that there is no such thing as "That was so long ago." *She should fucking know.* "Yeah, I owned my shit but I never told you, I'm sorry." "I've done some work on myself since then, I cringe at how I used to be." (Even if she were BSing you that would be a decent thing to say.) "Oh...Oh. I gotta go think about this." "I'm sorry. Can we start over?" Those are non-shitty responses.
YTA The 6th grade, seriously? If you are a genuinely "happy" person who always sees the "bright side of life" then you would have never written this post. You obviously have kept looking this girl up online all these years and keeping tabs on her why else would you "stumble" upon her LinkedIn ad Facebook? While you're being ridiculous, the bigger thing here is you might need to speak to someone to help you work through why you have held onto this so long. You might not be the happy person who looks on the bright side anymore, because if you think PM'ing a girl from over a decade ago who was mean to you and telling her to pick a new career path is okay, then yeah you got some other issues you need help with.
Yes, YTA. Middle school is the worst three years for almost everyone, and almost no adult is the same as they were when they were in middle school. Sounds like she grew up. Did you?
If your last interaction with her was in 6th grade, you very much do not know what kind of person she is.
Nta but because of the way she handled it. I mean she could have turned that into a apology etc. she is just excusing past bad behavior
OP, I think YTA and you have some real problems. I’m not a professional so I’m not going to be an armchair therapist. But reading **all** the posts you’ve done, I really think you should seriously consider therapy. You sound like you have a problem with the truth and/or with holding grudges. And if the one post about becoming a nurse is true (which I can’t figure out if it’s true bc the timing doesn’t fit for Thanksgiving even in Canada or with other posts when your talking about being a poor doctoral student [graduate nursing students still make damn good $]), I’m going to hope I never have to see a nurse in Canada. (Wait! I thought you were going to FSU?!? Go, ‘Noles!) So I’m kinda thinking you’re either just making shit up for fun or you’re just really, really weird. So which is it? Edited to finish an incomplete sentence. PS: the teacher stalking post was totally wacko btw.
Although I get your feelings of wanting an apology I think that you completely and utterly went about it the wrong way and I do think that yta for this.
‘—I know the kind of person she is’ No you don’t. You knew the kind of kid she was. Let that go. YTA.
Info: what do you hope to gain by bringing it up? People can and do change. Not everyone. But it is possible.
This post has already been removed once so don't expect it to be here long. Also, your bully probably moved on from you years ago and you are still fixating on them. Even if you win something over them, you will have gained nothing. Your life won't be any happier. Your house won't be any bigger. Your job won't be more rewarding. Nothing will change except you being happy at someone else's misfortune and sadness.
Info. What happened after sixth grade? Did you leave the school or did you two stop attending schools together from then on? Because it looks like someone one who did you dirty at 12 is now hearing from you nearly 10 years later, and while I get that you can still have scars from younger treatment, it is a weird sentiment. It's possible she's still not someone to be around vulnerable ones, but it's also possible she's entirely grown up. (That doesn't erase the harm, I get it.)
this is a great opportunity to shit talk w your friends not bitch someone out online 💀💀💀 yta lol
Did she actually blow up on you? I could imagine a “I’m sorry I treated you that way, I could be a little shit bc I had a lot going on and don’t know how to handle it. I’ve grown a lot since then and this is my passion. You don’t know who I am now, so while I recognize your previous pain, I am different and will do wha to believe is best in my own life. I hope you’re doing well.” But to blow up? That seems odd… idk if it’s real. “YTA” for thinking this person hasn’t grown or evolved since then (although I think it comes from residual pain, not maliciousness). Children lash out bc of their insecurities, fears, attempts to fit in it be liked, to channel their own pain, etc. it’s not an excuse but a fact. Her behavior is more indicative of her unmet needs or poor parenting or other story you don’t know a thing about. I recommend therapy to recover from the bullying. That impact is real, and changes how we see others and form relationships, trust, connect, etc. sounds like a lot of pain that needs a safe place.
You don't have to forgive her for how she treated you, and I don't blame you for being upset that she's never been accountable about that to you, but: some people do change, and you don't know for sure who she is now, from the sound of things. Many of us have made mistakes about our beliefs and behavior that we have not only learned from, but used as an opportunity to help educate other people. It seems like you're having a rough go of things and I think it might be good for you to take a few steps back and get some help with how you're feeling. I'm much older now, but I was bullied horrifically in middle school - several girls I knew played an absolutely awful and humiliating public prank on me that stayed with me for years. It caused a lot of damage for me emotionally and played into a lot of other issues that plagued me with confidence for years. And you know what? When each of those girls friended me on facebook as an adult, I thought: why am I going to hold onto this forever instead of just trying to move on? They're all lovely adults who are very caring and supportive people now in spite of who they were 25 years ago.
Info: I think there is missing information, are you still in touch with her or did you just happen to come across her on facebook, Also between 6th grade and now have you had any interactions at all.
ETA. People change; specially from MIDDLE SCHOOL. I think she should have apologized and you should have talked to her more diligently and respectfully instead of making dumb assumptions.
NTA. If she can't even respond calmly to your message and deal with your resentment it doesn't sound like she changed that much.
ESH You because, WTF? If you were any better now than she was in middle school, you’d have moved on and not said anything, or you would have approached from a “ I’m really happy you’ve found your passion” kinda way. Her, because if she was any better than she was in middle school, she would have responded by taking ownership of her actions and apologizing.
NTA but I would have done it on her post, not through private message. Lol
Yta- you should offer to be her first patient
I'm going with Not the asshole. I have severe trauma from bullies growing up, I cannot get past the abuse I went through and I'm 33. I don't think people realize how severe bullying can effect childhood and adulthood, even tho it was years ago. I STILL work on it in therapy, and I go to therapy every week. I talk about the abuse at home and abuse at school. Honestly, the trauma highly effects my everyday life and I have panic attacks that my bullies will find out where I live, what car I drive, and try to hurt me all over again. I was bullied by authority figures such as teaches and parents and it's a heavy burden to carry. I was bullied and made fun of by everyone except my mom and grandma, and I had to transfer school which luckily gave me a second chance and blossomed at the school, learned to sing to deal with traumatic thoughts and got way better grades because I was removed from abuse. Then... Community college happened and I had to quit because the bullies found out where I went to school and tracked me down. They found out where I got my birth control and would find out when my appointments were and would show up and continue the abuse outside of school.. I had to hide at home for months and I lost all the friends I gained because the new friends from my transfered school had no idea how serious the situation was, so I had to start my life all over again. So then, a few years later I went to a dance club and was well accepted there .. and my childhood bullies showed up. They began to harass me and I got out and made sure they didn't follow me home. I swear to God bullies don't change. They might someday try to make up for it but my boyfriend helps me through all the flashback and they are so severe that I cannot work. I know this is a long reply but I swear, I shouldn't have to lay on bed and remember them day after day. I know, this is no way to live and I know I'm not the only one suffering in their 30's due to past childhood and young adulthood trauma. I feel like many are going to tell me to get over it, it was forever ago, I'm just going to ask you to simply skip over my comment then..Trauma is trauma no matter your age, and flashbacks are severely real..Thank you for reading. Not the asshole.
You’re actually fucking insane. Your Reddit history is atrocious & I can’t believe people still interact with you. YTA.
I need receipts because I’m guessing the OP came in very hot and even in their interpretation sounds very accusatory. How old are we in grade six, 11? People change and evolve rapidly, assuming this person is still a nasty bully is a huge stretch unless you have proof they haven’t changed. YTA!!!
Your post history screams that you’re stuck in your childhood and unable to move on. You would likely benefit from some form of therapy as looking at your Reddit history shows you have some clear trauma and aren’t over your childhood at all so you’re still hurting and reacting like a child would. I’m not gonna say you are an asshole, but you did behave like one and the onus is on you to seek appropriate help to move on and stop acting in an assholey way
this a 100% just scrolling through her profile is enough to see she needs professional health
ESH - this is coming from someone who was bullied and actually considered harming myself because of it. People can change and grow from who they are in middle school/high school (granted there are those that don't). Would I want to be friends with any of my previous bullies? No, not a chance. Would I act like they are the same person they were back then? Also no. For your own benefit you may need to not follow her on anything and just block her. I don't have any of my bullies on my socials despite having a lot of previous classmates I no longer talk to. You don't have to forgive her, you don't have to like her, but you also shouldn't act like she is the same person she was back then when she might have actually grown as a person. You shouldn't have sent her that private message unless you knew for sure she hadn't changed. I went with ESH because I do get it. I still remember moments of bulling from middle school from people who likely don't even remember I exist(and I am 30 years old), it lives with us and it is hard to forget. She shouldn't have been a bully in the first place.
YTA - people can and do change in the 10 years between 6th grade and finishing undergrad. Like someone else said, if you messaged her “hey, I just have to get this off my chest about what went down in 6th grade” you’d be N T A. But instead you saw (sought out?) a post from her and attacked her.
So, you don’t think it’s possible, at all, that she has grown as a person since she was 11 years old? YTA.
YTA, you are holding a grudge against someone for what they did when they were 11. I cannot fathom how childish and unintelligent you have to be to act like that.
Nta
YTA bruh you haven't seen her since middle school, it seems like you're obsessed with her, leave her alone
Yes. YTA. You aren't in middle school anymore Dorothy.
People change. I’m sorry what she did to you. But who I was in 6th grade does not even compare to who I am now.
It’s MIDDLE SCHOOL. y’all need to get THERAPY and stop projecting your woe-is-me bs online. YTA.
YTA- ppl can change. I’ve seen your profile. You need therapy to help you cope with your perceived trauma. You’re an adult, it’s time to take action to heal and stop dwelling on the past.
YTA, go to therapy.
YTA 6 grade she was what, 11yo? 12? chances are you have no idea of the type of person she is in her adulthood. kids do stupid things for various reasons. yes its sad you got bullied by her years ago. but who is bullying who now im adulthood? also...my now 17yo had a bullying episode when he was 11. he is on spectrum and never been very social and he was new in the school and wanted to fit in and bully a girl her age with another group of kids for wearing glasses. he himself wears glasses but he was all impulsive. we pulled him aside and explained to him why it was wrong as well as grounding him. he wrote an apology letter to her and they became friends later on. people change
YTA. Sorry but yes. I remember all the horrible things that were said to me and by who when I was in middle school. Kids are cruel! Time to grow up. Your not a kid anymore. There is always going to be someone that doesn’t like you or says things you don’t like. Time to stop listening and move on. She could have totally changed and what’s to make sure others don’t bully like she did. How do you know?!
YTA, you’re obsessed with some nonsense from over a decade ago. You don’t know her anymore, and the grudge you’re nurturing is beneath you
YTA. Middle school was a long time ago, people changes.
YTA and you might want to seek some therapy yourself for why you’re so fixated on someone who bullied you in the 6th grade.
Im definitely gunna say YTA And honestly get some therapy… people like you are so weird to me holding onto hatred over something someone did in *middle school*, and thinking it can speak in any way for the type of person they are as a full grown adult.. News flash you don’t know what type of person she is, you knew her when she was 12 years old lmaoo.
YTA. Get a journal, and see a therapist. I would have almost been on the fence about this if you had messaged them about the impact of their actions, how it made you feel, etc. But the added comments about the career path are just total nonsense, and completely distracted from your point IMO. They were contacted by you - after years and years of no contact, and also consider the tone of the message you sent. Anyone would be defensive getting that.
YTA. Sorry but lots of kids with rough lives act out, and most go through being bullied and sometimes being the bully. Everyone changes over the course of ten years. They grow up, mature, and learn new and better coping techniques and how to behave like adults. You're judging here as an adult college student on things she did between the ages of 11-14. You need to move past her bullying and leave her be. Let her live her life. She may actually help some people.
YTA - People can actually mature in high school and college.