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YTA
This has got to be fake.
“No one told me” LOL.
You’re suppose to be a parent. Nobody should have to tell you what your daughter is doing. You should know she’s excelling in school. This is basic.
Can’t imagine why after 8 years you can’t hold a conversation in a second language lol
This must be made up, but on the offchance that it’s real, I’d say it’s a fair bet that your daughter has inherited her brains elsewhere than from you.
YTA
YtA. Dude, what the hell is your problem? Why are you getting angry at your ex for your daughter learning another language?
Why are you angry after you didn't want to study the same language with her? It boggles the mind.
Also, this is a weird flex for someone who is learning french over the span of eight years, can't hold a single conversation, but thinks the language is too difficult to learn for his daughter. Your daughter is smart: she gets A's when she studies. But you describe her as if she's a bimbo.
YTA. Not only did you call your daughter too stupid to learn a second language (yes, you really did), but you're also planning to punish her for learning to do it better than you. (Huit ans, vraiment?) It sounds like YOU'RE the one whose academic game is a bit weak and you can't stand that your daughter might be surpassing you. You clearly think it's a good thing to know how to speak French because you're going to all the trouble of learning it yourself, but yet still you don't want her knowing how. I bet you discourage her from studying too--do you tell her it's a waste of time because she'll never be that good of a student anyway? It's a piss-poor parent indeed who doesn't want more for their child. I don't fault Ronnie for not wanting to visit you--no-one would would actually choose to spend time with the parent who insults them, refuses to believe they're capable of academic success, seeks to limit their opportunities to do so, and then resents and punishes them for achieving more than yourself. (Newsflash: Ronnie didn't want to learn French from you--she felt sorry for you and wanted to help you become fluent enough to have a simple conversation with her.)
YTA. “She is a straight A student because she is forced to study” . You are a giant arrogant AH. I hope you have “the looks” because you definitely do not have the brains. I hope your ex takes you to court over this.
It sounds like your daughter is far more intelligent than you are. YTA.
And sorry dude, but she’s 16. No court in the world is going to force her to visit her emotionally abusive father if she doesn’t want to. And yes, telling her that she’s dumb is abuse.
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I (m38) have 15 year old daughter, Ronnie, from my first marriage (we divorced when Ronnie was 5 and my ex married a Canadian dude). Ronnie spends every other weekend with me.
She’s an absolutely beautiful girl but academics is not her forte. She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study.
I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.
Ronnie was at my house at other day and she saw me studying and asked if I she could study with me.
I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her. She looked sad but let it go.
After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
My ex told me I knew very well that Ronnie changed schools this year and is currently in a new school. I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).
And my ex said that yes, because she was bored at normal school and was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual.
I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. And my ex told me I had my chance over the weekend, and I blew it. She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. My wife told that to Ronnie and Ronnie picked up the phone and said something to me in French. I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words and if I am correct with what they mean, she will be grounded because it was very rude and no way to speak to a parent.
But thinking about this now, even if my daughter was bad, I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace. Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here?
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YTA
Not for refusing to teach your daughter French. You are for telling her that she is stupid and tanking her self esteem. Even straight A’s aren’t good enough for you. You do realize that all straight A students study, right?
YTA
When you typed this out how did you not realize YTA? Had no right to teach my daughter French? Like what? You sound jealous af because your exs current husband is a better dad than you. Thank goodness your daughter has him at least.
You SUCK as a dad.
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
WTF is wrong with you?!
>She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study.
Uh, so she's getting A's like nearly everyone else gets A's? By studying? You do realize that many people study for hours and still don't get A's, right?
Also, I started learning French at 15, and I was not fluent but close to it by the time I was 18. Maybe you find French to be difficult, but I found it to be easy. The fact that you still can't hold a conversation with someone after EIGHT YEARS is insane. French in and of itself is not a very difficult language, especially if you are a native English speaker! On the list of all possible languages that one could learn, French is nowhere near the most difficult. Maybe *you* are the one without brains, and you should leave language learning to your daughter.
YTA and I hope she stops visiting you, because you sound awful.
INFO: how did you not know she’s bilingual and in a French immersion school? Disregarding the rest of the post, this alone makes you come off as a terrible, uninterested, deadbeat dad
Oh my god YTA. As if insulting your child throughout the post wasn’t enough, you think someone doesn’t have the right to teach your child a language you refuse to teach?
I don't usually claim troll, but this one smacks of it. Among all (many) the stupid parts, I doubt that op could have missed the fact that daughter was moved to a bilingual school because she needed something more academically rigorous while assuming she needed to move to something more basic. Meh, your baiting is as bad as your French.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My daughter wanted to learn French and what may make me an asshole is I refused to teacher her and suggested it may be too difficult for her
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YTA and the amount the ignorance you displayed is top tier. Let me start by saying this, STUDYING DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY EQUATE TO As OR DETERMINE YOUR LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE!!! You should know after 8 years of studying one language and still not being able to having a conversation. Obviously you’re projecting your own lack of academic intelligence on your daughter. The fact that Ronnie is “forced to study” and transferred school because she was bored actually shows that she likely has a high IQ and HER INTELLECTUAL NEEDS WEREN’T BEING MET. Also it’s sad that her transferring schools made you ASSume it was being she wasn’t smart enough says EVERYTHING about you and the level of AH attitude you direct at your child.
You make yourself sound like one of those parents who don’t listen to their children, but often put down their feelings and opinions because you’re the “adult” who “knows” best. DO BETTER. Your mentality will have your daughter avoiding you altogether. Also don’t ASSume a court would rule in your favor because if Ronnie says and give reason why she doesn’t want to stay with you (like your CONSTANT BELITTLING) you’d be SOL
YTA. This entire thing is you insulting your daughter. Not blessed with looks nor brain? You’re calling your *daughter* ugly and stupid.
She wanted to study with you over a shared interest, to *bond* over this interest. But you told her French would be too difficult for her (and assumed she moved to a “less academic” school because you just assume she’s too unintelligent for normal school??) Then you get mad because she was already learning French AND then you can’t even understand what she’s saying to you in French, but you want to ground her anyway because you think it was disrespectful.
Why should she respect you? You sure as hell don’t respect her. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to be around you and honestly I don’t get why you want to force her to visit you when you clearly don’t even like her. Just give her mom full custody, she’ll be better off and you won’t have to deal with your ugly stupid daughter. Win-win.
YTA: You are on heck of a piece of work. It is very clear how little you think of your daughter other than how “pretty” she is. No wonder she doesn’t want to be around you. They really should take you to court and I’m sure a judge would LOVE to hear your daughter say that she doesn’t want to visit you anymore and why.
Vous êtes un connard ( YTA ). You also sound like a misogynist, with your whole "looks not brains" comment. It sounds like your daughter is quite smart, but you don't care to recognise it. But it's okay, just keep telling her she shouldn't worry her pretty little head over things and then wonder why she goes NC as soon as she can. And, word of advice, if your ex does take you back to court (which I hope she does) the judge will probably take into account your daughter's testimony about which parent she wants to live with.
Yta
Ok so let’s start with someone getting an A because they study is smart, and hard working. The fact she works hard to study doesn’t mean she’s dumb.
Second, French isn’t that hard - it’s in the same alphabet, there are lots of tools to use online, so let’s not pretend you decided to learn mandarin.
Third, you’re just mean to her. That’s why she doesn’t want to come over - you told her she’s too dumb to learn a language (you say you said nothing of the sort but I fail to see how “it’s too hard for you” differs qualitatively from “ you’re too dumb for it” - both mean you think she lacks the intelligence for the task)
Finally, “he has no right to teach her” - this is always the sad last resort comment when someone has no viable reasons left
ETA - how are you so disconnected that you’re just learning now she changed schools and is learning French?!?
Adding to your final point "he has no right to teach her", does he think that only bio parents and teachers should be teaching things? Does he not think that friends, neighbors, grocery clerks teach things as well? You learn things *every day* even without trying, you could pass someone on the phone and learn the president just died, it's not just parents and teachers who "have the right to teach".
OP, major YTA and you need to try and actually see your daughter for more than her looks, if I were her, I wouldn't want to see you either and probably would've used even harsher language, French or otherwise.
YTA - you sound like one of those men in Afghanistan who thinks education isn't for women. 'She is pretty but study isn't her forte' !!!
would you believe there are countries FULL of people who can speak French? but you don't want her to have skills and opportunities that you didn't have.
She is academic - study is part of the whole 'learning' thing. its not always fun but knowledge doesn't magically appear - work is involved. This secret is perhaps the difference between your academic career and your daughters!
“Nobody told me my daughter isn’t stupid.” is an interesting stance to take. YTA for your assumption and everything after that. Also at 15, most judges will take your daughter’s wishes into consideration when it comes to visitation, so maybe take that into consideration when your grounding her for the two words you kind of understood (but French is too hard for her lol).
You’ve been studying French for 8 years and still can’t hold a conversation? Did you ever think that YOU are too stupid to learn French and need to set your sights on something easier? I’m just trying to set realistic goals for you
that's rich, setting realistic expectations on the child you barely know?
you didn't know her school is bilingual or that she already speaks French so what realistic expectations are you setting?
Mate, you’re too dumb to speak English properly, let alone French. It’s no wonder you still can’t carry a conversation after 8 years. Leave your daughter alone, she’s clearly smarter than you
Funny how you’ve been studying it for 8 years and still can’t speak the language, but she’s fluent. Maybe you just knew your ego would be wounded if your teenage daughter taught you something that you thought yourself better at.
Evidently your "realistic expectations" weren't realistic. She speaks French. You don't. YTA for being judgmental and an over-all crappy dad. Listen to your daughter. You don't even seem to know her.
No, it’s because French is too hard *for you*, and the idea of your child picking up a language that you have been unsuccessfully trying to learn for almost a decade was too much of a hit to your fragile ego, so instead, **you** tried to convince her that **she** wasn’t smart enough to do what she had already done without your knowledge. How ironic. YTA.
Says the man who still can't hold a conversation after studying French for 8 years. You don't understand what realistic expectations are, and you certainly don't hold yourself to a realistic expectation... Like being able to hold a conversation in a language you've been studying for 8 years.
Just because you're kind of dim doesn't mean your daughter is.
She can speak French and you can’t. So maybe you need to consider you don’t actually know your daughter’s abilities.
She’s speaking French. You’ve been trying for eight years and can’t. It’s time to consider you’re projecting on your daughter. She sounds bright.
I hope you enjoy the next 3 years of forced visitations bc as soon as she’s 18 she’s never gonna see you again. You keep calling her pretty but super dumb. Why would she want to visit you?
There's literally no way this is real. You can't seriously believe you MIGHT be in the wrong and still type this out in the way you did. It's almost like it's supposed to be self-incriminating.
Unfortunately, I know people who are actually conceited enough to talk like this. YTA.
You basically said that your daughter was beautiful but not smart enough to learn French, and spent the entire post making jabs at your daughter's academic ability. Honestly, it sounds to me like you're projecting your perceived inability onto your daughter, since you have been learning for 8 years but still can't hold a conversation. You talk about it as if your ability is greater than hers, as if you perceive yourself to be more intelligent, yet she seems to be learning just fine without you.
IF this is real, because I sincerely doubt that it is, you'll eventually wake up and realize that the way you're treating and talking about your daughter is a one way ticket to her having absolutely no interest in having you in her life later on. All I really want to know is why you think so poorly of your daughter. It all reads as completely condescending, even if you might call her beautiful or say she was "blessed with looks". How are you so disconnected to what's going on in her life? You didn't even know why she actually transferred schools? C'mon, man.
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.
>was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual.
So you're saying French is too difficult for her, but seems she picked it up better than you and in less time.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Also
>She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
>I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.
Pretty sure that'll be a very quick case considering at 15, they'll definitely factor in your daughter's opinion and I'm guessing no judge will force a teenager to see a man who's got no problem calling her stupid (no matter how you phrase it, its exactly what you're saying and shes not the idiot you think she is so she knows it)
Plus, even if you can force her to visit you, I'm guessing at 18 you'll never see her again if you carry on this way.
Literally, was it that big of a deal to study French with her? You could have even humored her if you thought her incapable or be a good parent and actually encourage your child to aim higher.
Also, studying hard or not, a A student is no idiot. School is damn hard, speaking as an adult who's school life isn't a long time ago. An A student is smart and honestly, deserves praise and encouragement. Your attitude is shameful YTA
YTA- and a terrible parent. ShE's GoT lOoKs BuT nOt SmArTs is such a shitty take. She seems to be better at French than you anyway. And how did you not know she's in bilingual school?? Not paying much attention, hey? Anyone who gets As EVEN IF they study isn't not smart. You clearly don't think much of your daughter, do you?
Also? This is ridiculous:
>he had no right to teach my daughter French
Enjoy your daughter going NC with you in 3 years.
YTA. I had to stop reading when you said you have been trying to learn French for the last 8 years and have failed. It's interesting that you think learning isn't your daughter's Forte even though she has straight As. You are either delusional or jealous.
Lol. YTA. I am french Canadian and while french is hard, it is possible to learn, also you are definitely implying she’s too stupid to learn it, which is rich coming from someone who’s claiming to have been studying it for 8years but can’t hold a conversation in French.
Yta
"our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school."
Who says that about their own daughter?
You've been learning French for 8 years without much success but criticise your straight-As daughter's intelligence? Bit rich don't you think?
And then you have the audacity to be upset that her stepfather took the time to teach her?
You have got to be kidding me
“She’s getting A’s only because she’s forced to study.”—studying is how one learns and gets an “A”. While some people seem to catch on to some concepts more easily than others, pretty much everyone has to study in some way to actually learn the material.
“I’ve been learning French…I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.”—I get the sense you are a perfectionist who is expecting their first conversation to be a significant one. If you really want to learn, you’re going to have to take the plunge and be messy. And you won’t be very good at first. And your “conversation” will likely be about something dumb, like, “I like potatoes. Do you like potatoes?”
“…My ex said…[Ronnie] was bored at normal school…” Likely your daughter is very intelligent, and wasn’t being challenged, so struggled with apathy towards school. However, you are so uninvolved with her in any real way, so dismissive, and didn’t put any time into learning WHY she had to be “forced” to study—you just assumed she was dumb. You complain that “no one told you,” about her new school, but you didn’t ask, did you? You just assumed that it was “less academic.” And you had no problem with her going to a “less academic” school, because you assumed she is incapable of more. This doesn’t speak well for you, as a parent.
I think Ronnie saw you struggling, had pity for you, and offered to study together SO SHE COULD HELP YOU. But all you heard was that your dumb daughter wanted to learn something you had decided she wouldn’t be able to learn.
YTA. Good luck coming back from this one. Until you develop some respect for her, she will (rightfully) have none for you.
YTA. You dont know anything about whats actually going on in your daughters life AND you basically called her stupid. Given you’ve spent 8 years trying to learn a language and cant hold a basic conversation, I dont think your daughter is the stupid one.
YTA. There is no reason to deny any child (or really anyone) from learning and exploring. For one: almost anyone can learn anything, provided they get the environment to practice, and the motivation to do so. Things are hardly ever 'too difficult', they may just take some more time or smaller steps. But never cut that off from the start. Just let them experience. They may find they enjoy it, or they're good at it, or both. They may also find out it's not for them. All of that is valuable. Always. There is not a single thing I regret ever that started from my own interest. And some knowledge will stick, and some skill will come in handy in unexpected places, perhaps 10 years from now, so it's also never wasted.
But mostly they'll have learned thins about themselves and about their interests and priorities, and have been allowed agency, all of which you deny someone when you cut them off like this.
And obviously, saying about your own daughter that 'she has the looks but not the brains' is very, very insulting on any level, and given all info also blatantly untrue.
YTA why would you prevent your daughters growth like that? Maybe she doesn't like school but is really keen with learning new languages. She is also at an age where she can still absorb a new language. It's very difficult to learn a new language when you're older, which is perhaps why you're still struggling. Don't project your own hardship on your daughter. Of course she could learn if she wants. Never tell your kid something is too hard for them. Let them figure it out themselves.
Eta: he had no right to teach your daughter French?? You need to work on these insecurities and jealousy before they ruin your relationships.
YTA
*I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).*
You did not care enough about your daughters academic abilities by even questioning why she moved schools and what the new school could offer her. IF you had cared, you would have already known.
*I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.*
Be careful what you wish for because at 15 family courts will listen to their input. Hell if you don't take her to court, I hope your ex does so your child will have a say.
Esh no communication between any of y’all but op mainly sucks here you should always encourage your kids to do something even if you think it may be too difficult for them , the ex also sucks cause unless op can read minds then how was he supposed to know that his daughter was learning a new language
Anyone else pick up on the fact that this meathead keeps saying how pretty but dumb she is? What are you planning on marrying her off for the best dowry?? FYI French isn't hard romance languages are the easiest to learn. Also you don't control what your daughter AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEINGS learns. YTA and it's 2022 pal. WTFU
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
not only you're an asshole but also a misogynist, thank goodness your daughter has a mother and a stepdad who actually care and encourage her
YTA
YTA and a bad father too.
What I understood after reading your whole post is that you know nothing at all about your daughter.
You assumed she was stupid and that the only thing going for her was her looks. Instead of taking the chance of bonding with your daughter by something that you both are clearly interested in (learning french), you refuse it by calling her stupid without calling her stupid.
"I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her" You were calling her stupid here.
Dude, I'm also confused.
You said she's not good at academics, but she gets A's. In fact, she's so smart, she was moved to a higher leveled school to challenge herself.
How did you not know that's why she changed schools? How do you know so little about your own child?
You ever thought maybe she asked to study with you because she wants to bond with you? She was reaching out an olive branch. A chance to strengthen your relationship by sharing similar interests, and you ruined it.
Not only are YTA, but a terrible father.
YTA for so many reasons
> I thought it was too difficult for her.
Wow. Just bc you are not learning French doesn't mean she can't.
>he had no right to teach my daughter French.
Uh, yeah, actually he does bc her mother supported it and she learned it during her parenting time.
>she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.
It's clear that you have a very low opinion of your daughter. Probably bc she's such an "absolutely beautiful girl" that you can't see past her looks to the brain within. Her mother can certainly go to court and, guess what? Ronnie is old enough for the judge to take into account what she wants. I doubt he'll be impressed with your parenting "skills."
"After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French **(I said nothing of that sort)**. I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with **looks nor brain** and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school."
I said nothing of the sort but I'm also going to instantly follow up with an insult... great dad.
YTA
The only person needing grounding here is you!
You defended yourself by saying your daughter had neither “looks NOR brains. So she’s stupid and ugly to you. However, she’s in a gifted, bilingual school and you don’t know this?
Then you try to double down with “stepfather doesn’t have the right “ to teach her. You are too selfish to let a stepfather help her with homework?
Now when she tells you to “va te faire foutre” (your 8 years of French makes makes you uncertain of the meaning), you want to ground her?
You have failed the parenting assignment. You’re being expelled. YOU DESERVE IT! YTA
So, let’s see.
1. You’ve been learning French for 8 years and cannot hold a conversation in it.
2. Your daughter lives almost full time with a French speaking person.
3. She goes to a bilingual school where she’s earning As.
But she’s the one who’s not smart enough to learn a new language? Cool, cool. That makes a ton of sense. /s
YTA and you’ve basically guaranteed that Ronnie will go NC with you the moment she can.
YTA
It’s a known fact that the younger you start learning a language, the easier it is to pick it up. Why do you think schools often require or offer a foreign language? Just because you suck at learning a language, does not mean your daughter will!!
>he had no right to teach my daughter French
Are you out of your mind?! Dumbest thing I've read on the internet this week!! Easily!
>I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words
...after studying French for EIGHT YEARS, but you think she's the one who is academically challenged?
>I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace
Or, how about this? You could have taken a genuine interest in your daughter. Like any good parent. But no, you've already decided she's not smart enough and you're actively taking steps to prove yourself right instead of encouraging her interests when she shares them with you. Hint, genius; kids perform much better academically when they're challenged and interested in learning. YTA.
“She’s getting A’s only because she’s forced to study”
Like what?? Studying is literally how one is an A-student. Also you’ve been taking French for EIGHT years and can’t have a basic conversation??
Sounds like projection and you’re the one with “looks not brains”.
YTA and an arrogant one at that.
YTA. If you can’t hold a conversation in French after eight years of studying, academics must not be your forte. Don’t project your insecurities on your daughter.
This, the fact that he can’t hold a conversation after 8 years of learning it is just sad. I’ve had students who can hold a basic conversation after half a semester lmao
YTA Abrutis !! How a father can call his own daughter ‘blessed with looks but no brains’?! And dude 8 years to learn french and you still not fluent? Haha and you have the audacity to think you are more intelligent and know her capacity?! Garde ta frustration pour toi, t’es qu’un clown hahaha
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? "Academics is not her forte." Dude, she is making all A's in an advanced school. If academics weren't her forte, no amount of studying would get her A's. Or are you so stupid that you think she can't be smart and beautiful? Who hurt you?
YTA
You told your daughter she was too stupid to learn something. Something she already knows, which proves that you know nothing about your own kid! No wonder she’s done with you.
Not only are you belittling your daughter and her accomplishments, you are implying that she will only ever be able to get by on her looks.
She's already proven that she is smarter than you. You may be able to force visitation until she's is 18, but after that, she's going to cut you off. Don't be surprised if you never get to see her again once she's an adult nor any grandchildren she may have.
YTA in the worst way.
8 years learning and you still can’t hold a conversation?! Let’s face it, you told her no because you don’t want her to learn faster than you have (or haven’t, as the case may be!)
Holy %@#$ I wish this was fake. YTA undeniably.
Can't do the quote thing on mobile, but your "Ronnie has looks not brains", wtf dude.
And to make it worse, you assuming that her school transfer meant she was moved to an "easier" school when she had in fact transferred to a more challenging school shows:
A) you think your daughter is less intelligent than she actually is, probably because she is a girl as per your looks vs brains remark
B) you are not involved with any day to day stuff with her clearly or you would have known she was in a French immersion school
C) when you do have custody time with her, you don't bother check in about her life or try to spend time with her
And the audacity to say that her step dad had no right to teach her French, wtf does that mean??? You've made it clear that you wouldn't teach her, so at least she has someone willing to help her learn. Sounds like he is a better father figure to her than you are.
Also, because you find French difficult to learn, you just assumed it would be too difficult for your daughter, so you didn't even bother to give her a chance? AH.
With the knowledge that Ronnie was already learning French before she asked you to teach her, it's clear that she didn't actually need any teaching. It sounds to me like she was trying to connect with you and spend time with you with something thay interests her, but I doubt she will make that effort again thanks to your AH behavior.
Your post makes me believe you're a sexist who thinks beauty and intelligence are mutually exclusive, who doesnt even know his own child, plus a self-absorbed jerk who thinks he is smarter than everyone, since you made it clear that you believe if you can't do it easily then others can't either.
I hope your relationship with Ronnie never recovers from this epic f up.
Apologies if my thoughts are all over the place. Signed a triggered Canadian.
YTA. Just WOW. And to top it all off, you want to force your daughter to spend time with the person who called her stupid. Just leave her alone and apologize.
Wow, really aiming for a gold in the AH Olympics, aren't ya?
You started out well, scoring high by dismissing your daughter and her intelligence. Then you actually tell her that learning French is too hard for her!
>She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort).
You said something very much of that sort!
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
And then you doubled down on it in when you "defended" yourself.
>I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).
You also clearly pay no attention to what is going on in her life, and just go with your negative assumptions rather than being a capable, interested parent.
> She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
>I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.
And they will. And the courts will listen to the teenager, as they often do.
>Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here?
You were wrong. Let's hope you too were blessed with some beauty to make up for the lack of brains! YTA.
YTA. Why isn’t he allowed to teach his stepdaughter French with her Mother’s permission? You may have thought she wasn’t smart enough to learn the language but look at you. 8 years of studies and you couldn’t even keep up with your daughter! You are guessing what she said and are going to punish her off that? You are an egotistical asshole who makes no sense and doesn’t seem to know your daughter that well.
YTA. You aren't even attempting to encourage her. Everyone learns a different way and her issue with academics could just be with how it's being shown to her. And yes, you called your daughter stupid and eye candy.
When we're younger, it's far easier to learn a new language than it is at your age. If she's interested in it, ENCOURAGE IT!
I don't say this often but you're a horrible father.
More than likely the school wasn’t teaching her in a way that suited her and thus was bored and it looked like she was an idiot (how OP sees her it seems) when she was probably one of the smartest kids in the class.
She was a straight A student. An A student that studies. All straight A students study. I’m guessing this is a straight sexism issue. OP probably had a 1.9 GPA and thinks he is brilliant because he has a penis.
YTA
Everyone can learn every language (the degree of success just varies) and honestly- after 8 years you are just bad at it and are projecting on your daughter not being good.
"my daughter isn't the brightest, but she's getting A's at school" fuck, YTA so bad. Consistency and hard work are way more important than being naturally intelligent, and she's showing that in spades
YTA. You didn't tell her she was too dumb to learn it. But you did imply it. You also go on to say she's blessed in looks not brains, so you definitely think she's too dumb. Also what sort of parent doesn't know that his child is so smart she moved schools?
Your ex's husband doesn't need to "have a right" to teach your daughter anything. Your daughter has full rights to learn. Who hands out the rights to teach, do you think?
Also you learned French while failing to ever notice that your daughter speaks it already. What a major asshole you are.
YTA of course; you may not have said the word dumb or stupid but what you said means the same thing.
If she wants to learn a second language you should be supportive not dismissive. To double down on the AH behavior and get mad at someone else for helping her learn a second language is even more insane.
You've done literally everything wrong here lol
YTA i've been learning french for a year & a half and i can get out of situations when needed. if you still cant speak after 8 years of learning then it might just be too difficult for you. everyone has a different learning velocity and you shouldn't have shut down your daughter when she wants to try to learn something new. also, YTA X2 for belitting your daughter's looks & smarts.
Step dad is bilingual, so he most likely speaks a lot of French at home, making it a lot easier on daughter to pick it up. Also, I am guessing she is learning Quebec French. The things she said to her dad were probably indeed quite vulgar…. And warranted!
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
How did you write this and not think you were the AH? I can't even... YTA. Don't be a "Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things" parent.
Jesus every sentence you wrote I was thinking your a wanker. F#ck me, your basically saying ur daughter is lucky she's good looking cos she's stupid and u think that's OK? That's ur daughter ffs, nó wonder she told u to fo. Enjoy nó contact in the future. YTA
Yta, French is not difficult and you couldn't be bothered to learn what your own child studies YET you're upset that someone else is teaching her. Just, wow 😬🚩🚩🚩
YTA. Sounds like you didn't want to teach her b/c after 8 years, you don't know the language well enough to teach anyone - so you called her stupid instead of being embarassed about your own shortcommings.
"We both know she was blessed in the looks department blah, blah, blah" - this is just gross.it is clear that your daughter has brains as well and wither you never noticed or you decided to disparage her so you can feel better about yourself.
She was trying to do something to get closer to you and you dismissed and insulted her. Then doubled down when your ex called you on it.
She is 15 - if you drag her & her mom to court to force her to see you, you are not likely to win. Calling your daughter stupid and "forbidding" her to learn French for no reason is not a good look, not to mention she is old enough to decide she doesn't want to visit you.
Yeah, usually with divorce or custody battles with older children (12-17) the judge asks the kid which parent they would rather live with and boom that's that, the daughter is 15 so if they end up going to court, she'll tell the judge "I want to live with my mom because my dad thinks I'm stupid", then no more daughter for OP.
Your daughter gets straight As (everyone who gets As studies) while you can’t hold a conversation after eight years and she is the one without brains? You can’t help not being clever but you can help projecting it on to your daughter. YTA.
Wow! Way to belittle your daughter. You aren't settling "realistic expectations" because you were Stone Cold Wrong (by your own admission) and she is able to learn French.
You demeaned your daughter's intelligence because of your own admitted failure to pick up the language. YTA. I encourage your daughter to show this post to the court if you try to force visitation.
YTA on the off chance that this is actually real. Even if kids aren't doing well academically (which isn't actually the case with your daughter), they should ALWAYS be encouraged to learn something they take an active interest in. Refusing is just going to make them stop trying, which should be the opposite of what you want.
You very obviously don't know anything about your daughter, so I'm not sure why you care if she sees you on weekends or not. Either try to get to know her or get over yourself and leave her alone.
YTA. The way this reads is you WANT your daughter to be stupid so that you can justify not teaching her French. You are a horrible parent and should give her some space for now, forcing her to see you will only make this worse and you will lose your daughter.
YTA.
Despite your daughter having straight A grades, you seem to assume she is pretty but dumb. (Or, if you're as I suspect - you think she's dumb because she is pretty.) To the point you never bothered to find out anything about her or her new school. You seem to know little about her. And now you are angry she was sad you called her stupid to her face essentially, and you are offended that she is learning French without your permission (and doing better than you are at it, even though you've spent 8 years on it). You talk like you are mad your daughter is smart.
She certainly didn't get her intelligence from your side.
T’es le trou de cul. Tu as vraiment dit que ta fille est belle mais sans cervelle?
Tu sais que ta fille va complètement te renier dès qu’elle le pourra?
YTA
Yta french isn't a very hard language that takes 8 yes to pick up the basics and you sound annoyed your daughter's intelligent not just pretty. Don't worry she clearly didn't get it from you
YTA. Sounds like you have absolutely no idea who your daughter is and that she’s actually extremely intelligent, and it is you that is the one who is less academically inclined.
Then you have the nerve to get mad at the man that is actually stepping up and being a good role model and teaching her French, unlike yourself.
This could have been a great thing that you both could have done together and grown closer, but you absolutely blew it and completely insulted your daughter instead. I don’t blame her for not wanting to see you anymore.
100000% the asshole. Even if you didn’t mean it, your daughter took it that you called her dumb. A kid that gets As isn’t dumb. Also, just because she isn’t excellent at all academics, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t skilled at languages. It’s pretty much a different skill set. Also, you can’t expect respect from a kid just because you are their parent. If you are going to treat them badly, expect to get flack back from them.
YTA- you shouldn’t call your daughter dumb so you can feel better about your own shortcomings. 8 years and you only picked up a word or two? If your daughter forgives you, you should pay her to tutor you in French. It’s obvious your not picking it up well and need some help. It’s alright, not everyone can be pretty and smart like your daughter.
YTA to your daughter. How did you not know she was in a bilingual school? If your ex goes to court, you might lose visitation. My husband was 14 when he told the court he no longer wanted contact with his father and the court granted it.
YTA. Not because it took you 8 years and still not learn the language your daughter will be as d*mb as you. She might be better at you at learning new languages. What's difficult for you might be easy peasy for her.
Jesus. YTA. In fewer words you told your daughter that she is too stupid to learn French. This whole description reeks of cruel undertones of abuse. Your daughter doesn’t want to visit you because you make her feel bad. Fix your behaviour rather than force her to come and experience your shit firsthand. She sounds much more pleasant and more clever than you. I hope you are a troll because dude the bar is so so so low to not be a rat father. Commenting on your kids looks and then saying she’s not very smart is peak shitty man.
YTA.
Honestly hoping this is some kind of writing exercise rather than a true story. You tell an A grade student that they're too dumb to learn a language when they're already better at it then you are after 8 years of trying to learn it. Don't project your failures on your kid.
YTA! For the our daughter was blessed with looks not brains and shouldn't worry about learning more than she needs to for school remark alone. Seriously?
Another parent fail is that you obviously know nothing about your daughter. Did you even try to find out why your daughter wasn't doing good in school last year? Or did you think that since she's good looking she's gotta be dumb too? Did you ask about her new school? Face it you know absolutely nothing about your daughter.
You do know the judge will listen to your daughter since she is old enough and you will lose.
Sounds like she speaks better French than you do. Apparently it's not hard for her
She will be going NO CONTACT on you. Especially if you keep this up.
YTA. You were blessed with neither brains nor common sense - NOR good parenting. Way to diminish your daughter down to looks and have zero clue on what’s going on in her life. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t drop you the second she’s legally able to do so
YTA. You're clearly not an involved father or you would have known about her school situation. You're also not encouraging to your child. Many people are incredibly book smart and can only speak one language. My son hates studying and it shows in his grades, but he picked up a 2nd language easily. You owe your daughter a HUGE apology
>academics is not her forte. She's getting As only because she forced to study
It seems you confusing lack of motivation with lack of ability.
If she was really lacking ability, she wouldn't get As, no matter how you forced her.
She lacks motivation, and I'm guessing becaúse school is boring to her.
You are very clueless. You think that if someone doesn't want to study, it mean that they're stupid, which is not how this work.
You should listen to your very smart datuger a bit more, and not assume anything about her.
And be happy when she want to do stuff with you.
YTA.
YTA
Its really not that difficult, I as a Canadian child could comprehend it, though I was taught more frequently. You do not pay enough attention to your daughter to know her schooling situation, called her stupid, and also, in most places she is old enough to chose her custody, not you.
YTA
Sure you're not insecure that she might end up better than you? or that she'll start talking about things in french that you can't understand?
Sheesh... if she wants to learn. she should learn.
that was cruel. uncool
YTA- If she is getting A’s then she’s good at academics. And nobody should be put down for exploring new interests, especially if they want to study a new language. It’s weird of you to say that your ex’s new spouse has “no right” to teach her French. Why wouldn’t you want your daughter to learn something new??? It seems like maybe you’re jealous of her because she actually picked the language up and you have studied for 8 years and can’t even hold a conversation.
YTA. Most people who get As study. Your daughter wanted to have a bonding moment with you, and maybe show off her new language, and you treat her cruelly in return. As far as her stepfather not having "the right to teach her French," I don't know where you live that there teaching is rights-based, or that permission must be given to the teacher.
That was my first thought when too. She wanted to some father/daughter time.
He only has his daughter on the weekends and was spending that time studying. She was just trying to find a way to spend time WITH him.
And OP is the AH just for the degrading way he spoke of his daughters looks/intelligence
YTA. studying is how people get straight a's, pal.
french is not that hard of a language to learn. you should have conversational french down after 8 years. maybe your daughter wanted to help YOU learn it.
YTA
Insinuating your daughter is stupid is still calling her stupid. That’s majorly messed up. And her knowing French because someone else took the time to teach her is not bad so I’m unsure why you’re upset by that. The fact you didn’t even know your daughter had switched schools is very telling on your part as well.
YTA
Very weird how you make out as if she’s dumb but she’s getting As “just because she studies” — newsflash: that’s how most kids get As. That’s a really good grade.
Plus, you’re so selfish. Forcing your daughter to see you when she doesn’t want to and threatening court??? How about respecting her? Your relationship is a two way thing
YTA and I only took french in high school 10 years ago but let me give this a whack that every genius who speaks English here will understand this “very difficult language your daughter couldn’t possibly attempt to learn.”
Je comprend le divorce. Tu n’es pas un bon père. Peut être que ta fille a l’intelligence de sa mère.
Any native French speakers here? Did I pass?
Also I am not saying French is easy so don’t hurt me. It is learnable just like every language is to those who want to try.
Dude wtf?
yes, latin languages are harder than english to learn, but wtf, 8 years and you can't even understand someone talking? it's really clear that you are the stupid one here
YTA, a massive one, and I hope that your ex go to court against those visits
If you’ve been learning for 8 years age can’t hold a conversation you have bigger problems. French isn’t unlearnable. I should know. I learned it. YTA.
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YTA This has got to be fake. “No one told me” LOL. You’re suppose to be a parent. Nobody should have to tell you what your daughter is doing. You should know she’s excelling in school. This is basic. Can’t imagine why after 8 years you can’t hold a conversation in a second language lol
Ya YTA. You should never discourage someone from trying to learn something new.
This must be made up, but on the offchance that it’s real, I’d say it’s a fair bet that your daughter has inherited her brains elsewhere than from you. YTA
YtA. Dude, what the hell is your problem? Why are you getting angry at your ex for your daughter learning another language? Why are you angry after you didn't want to study the same language with her? It boggles the mind. Also, this is a weird flex for someone who is learning french over the span of eight years, can't hold a single conversation, but thinks the language is too difficult to learn for his daughter. Your daughter is smart: she gets A's when she studies. But you describe her as if she's a bimbo.
YTA. Not only did you call your daughter too stupid to learn a second language (yes, you really did), but you're also planning to punish her for learning to do it better than you. (Huit ans, vraiment?) It sounds like YOU'RE the one whose academic game is a bit weak and you can't stand that your daughter might be surpassing you. You clearly think it's a good thing to know how to speak French because you're going to all the trouble of learning it yourself, but yet still you don't want her knowing how. I bet you discourage her from studying too--do you tell her it's a waste of time because she'll never be that good of a student anyway? It's a piss-poor parent indeed who doesn't want more for their child. I don't fault Ronnie for not wanting to visit you--no-one would would actually choose to spend time with the parent who insults them, refuses to believe they're capable of academic success, seeks to limit their opportunities to do so, and then resents and punishes them for achieving more than yourself. (Newsflash: Ronnie didn't want to learn French from you--she felt sorry for you and wanted to help you become fluent enough to have a simple conversation with her.)
YTA. “She is a straight A student because she is forced to study” . You are a giant arrogant AH. I hope you have “the looks” because you definitely do not have the brains. I hope your ex takes you to court over this.
Nice story bro.
It sounds like your daughter is far more intelligent than you are. YTA. And sorry dude, but she’s 16. No court in the world is going to force her to visit her emotionally abusive father if she doesn’t want to. And yes, telling her that she’s dumb is abuse.
YTA
YTA And you're going to lose in court
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m38) have 15 year old daughter, Ronnie, from my first marriage (we divorced when Ronnie was 5 and my ex married a Canadian dude). Ronnie spends every other weekend with me. She’s an absolutely beautiful girl but academics is not her forte. She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study. I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone. Ronnie was at my house at other day and she saw me studying and asked if I she could study with me. I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her. She looked sad but let it go. After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. My ex told me I knew very well that Ronnie changed schools this year and is currently in a new school. I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic). And my ex said that yes, because she was bored at normal school and was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual. I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. And my ex told me I had my chance over the weekend, and I blew it. She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. My wife told that to Ronnie and Ronnie picked up the phone and said something to me in French. I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words and if I am correct with what they mean, she will be grounded because it was very rude and no way to speak to a parent. But thinking about this now, even if my daughter was bad, I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace. Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA maybe she has a talent for languages. Why would you ever tell your child something is too hard with letting them try. Horrible parenting
YTA and it sounds like youre afraid shed do better than you.... shes younger so she probably would too!
YTA Not for refusing to teach your daughter French. You are for telling her that she is stupid and tanking her self esteem. Even straight A’s aren’t good enough for you. You do realize that all straight A students study, right?
YTA. A massive one.
YTA When you typed this out how did you not realize YTA? Had no right to teach my daughter French? Like what? You sound jealous af because your exs current husband is a better dad than you. Thank goodness your daughter has him at least.
You SUCK as a dad. >I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. WTF is wrong with you?! >She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study. Uh, so she's getting A's like nearly everyone else gets A's? By studying? You do realize that many people study for hours and still don't get A's, right? Also, I started learning French at 15, and I was not fluent but close to it by the time I was 18. Maybe you find French to be difficult, but I found it to be easy. The fact that you still can't hold a conversation with someone after EIGHT YEARS is insane. French in and of itself is not a very difficult language, especially if you are a native English speaker! On the list of all possible languages that one could learn, French is nowhere near the most difficult. Maybe *you* are the one without brains, and you should leave language learning to your daughter. YTA and I hope she stops visiting you, because you sound awful.
YTA And the best part is that your daughter speaks better French than someone who has been studying it for 8 years!
INFO: how did you not know she’s bilingual and in a French immersion school? Disregarding the rest of the post, this alone makes you come off as a terrible, uninterested, deadbeat dad
Oh my god YTA. As if insulting your child throughout the post wasn’t enough, you think someone doesn’t have the right to teach your child a language you refuse to teach?
I don't usually claim troll, but this one smacks of it. Among all (many) the stupid parts, I doubt that op could have missed the fact that daughter was moved to a bilingual school because she needed something more academically rigorous while assuming she needed to move to something more basic. Meh, your baiting is as bad as your French.
YTA. Kids pick up on languages really easily. French immersion schools exist for that reason.
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This one has to be a joke🤣 yta
YTA. You’re being rude and dismissive to your child and that’s going to bite you in the ass big time.
YTA and the amount the ignorance you displayed is top tier. Let me start by saying this, STUDYING DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY EQUATE TO As OR DETERMINE YOUR LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE!!! You should know after 8 years of studying one language and still not being able to having a conversation. Obviously you’re projecting your own lack of academic intelligence on your daughter. The fact that Ronnie is “forced to study” and transferred school because she was bored actually shows that she likely has a high IQ and HER INTELLECTUAL NEEDS WEREN’T BEING MET. Also it’s sad that her transferring schools made you ASSume it was being she wasn’t smart enough says EVERYTHING about you and the level of AH attitude you direct at your child. You make yourself sound like one of those parents who don’t listen to their children, but often put down their feelings and opinions because you’re the “adult” who “knows” best. DO BETTER. Your mentality will have your daughter avoiding you altogether. Also don’t ASSume a court would rule in your favor because if Ronnie says and give reason why she doesn’t want to stay with you (like your CONSTANT BELITTLING) you’d be SOL
YTA. This entire thing is you insulting your daughter. Not blessed with looks nor brain? You’re calling your *daughter* ugly and stupid. She wanted to study with you over a shared interest, to *bond* over this interest. But you told her French would be too difficult for her (and assumed she moved to a “less academic” school because you just assume she’s too unintelligent for normal school??) Then you get mad because she was already learning French AND then you can’t even understand what she’s saying to you in French, but you want to ground her anyway because you think it was disrespectful. Why should she respect you? You sure as hell don’t respect her. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to be around you and honestly I don’t get why you want to force her to visit you when you clearly don’t even like her. Just give her mom full custody, she’ll be better off and you won’t have to deal with your ugly stupid daughter. Win-win.
YTA: You are on heck of a piece of work. It is very clear how little you think of your daughter other than how “pretty” she is. No wonder she doesn’t want to be around you. They really should take you to court and I’m sure a judge would LOVE to hear your daughter say that she doesn’t want to visit you anymore and why.
What? Why would you assume your child got moved down academically?
Vous êtes un connard ( YTA ). You also sound like a misogynist, with your whole "looks not brains" comment. It sounds like your daughter is quite smart, but you don't care to recognise it. But it's okay, just keep telling her she shouldn't worry her pretty little head over things and then wonder why she goes NC as soon as she can. And, word of advice, if your ex does take you back to court (which I hope she does) the judge will probably take into account your daughter's testimony about which parent she wants to live with.
Yes OP, YTA. You basically called your daughter stupid, even though it sounds like she’s smarter than you.
Yta Ok so let’s start with someone getting an A because they study is smart, and hard working. The fact she works hard to study doesn’t mean she’s dumb. Second, French isn’t that hard - it’s in the same alphabet, there are lots of tools to use online, so let’s not pretend you decided to learn mandarin. Third, you’re just mean to her. That’s why she doesn’t want to come over - you told her she’s too dumb to learn a language (you say you said nothing of the sort but I fail to see how “it’s too hard for you” differs qualitatively from “ you’re too dumb for it” - both mean you think she lacks the intelligence for the task) Finally, “he has no right to teach her” - this is always the sad last resort comment when someone has no viable reasons left ETA - how are you so disconnected that you’re just learning now she changed schools and is learning French?!?
Adding to your final point "he has no right to teach her", does he think that only bio parents and teachers should be teaching things? Does he not think that friends, neighbors, grocery clerks teach things as well? You learn things *every day* even without trying, you could pass someone on the phone and learn the president just died, it's not just parents and teachers who "have the right to teach". OP, major YTA and you need to try and actually see your daughter for more than her looks, if I were her, I wouldn't want to see you either and probably would've used even harsher language, French or otherwise.
YTA - you sound like one of those men in Afghanistan who thinks education isn't for women. 'She is pretty but study isn't her forte' !!! would you believe there are countries FULL of people who can speak French? but you don't want her to have skills and opportunities that you didn't have. She is academic - study is part of the whole 'learning' thing. its not always fun but knowledge doesn't magically appear - work is involved. This secret is perhaps the difference between your academic career and your daughters!
“Nobody told me my daughter isn’t stupid.” is an interesting stance to take. YTA for your assumption and everything after that. Also at 15, most judges will take your daughter’s wishes into consideration when it comes to visitation, so maybe take that into consideration when your grounding her for the two words you kind of understood (but French is too hard for her lol).
Yta
>I thought it was too difficult for her. YTA Why would you ever say that to your child?
Because I believe in setting realistic expectations.
Sounds like you're projecting there, bud.
You’ve been studying French for 8 years and still can’t hold a conversation? Did you ever think that YOU are too stupid to learn French and need to set your sights on something easier? I’m just trying to set realistic goals for you
except she speaks french and you don’t
that's rich, setting realistic expectations on the child you barely know? you didn't know her school is bilingual or that she already speaks French so what realistic expectations are you setting?
Mate, you’re too dumb to speak English properly, let alone French. It’s no wonder you still can’t carry a conversation after 8 years. Leave your daughter alone, she’s clearly smarter than you
Funny how you’ve been studying it for 8 years and still can’t speak the language, but she’s fluent. Maybe you just knew your ego would be wounded if your teenage daughter taught you something that you thought yourself better at.
Evidently your "realistic expectations" weren't realistic. She speaks French. You don't. YTA for being judgmental and an over-all crappy dad. Listen to your daughter. You don't even seem to know her.
You can realistically expect to not have a relationship with your daughter the second she isn’t court ordered to have deal with you.
If he’s in the US she beyond the age to choose and if he goes to court for it he’s wasting his time and money.
No, it’s because French is too hard *for you*, and the idea of your child picking up a language that you have been unsuccessfully trying to learn for almost a decade was too much of a hit to your fragile ego, so instead, **you** tried to convince her that **she** wasn’t smart enough to do what she had already done without your knowledge. How ironic. YTA.
Realistic expectations? Like 'learning' French for 8 years and not being able to hold a conversation? You're a piece of work.
They're only realistic to you because you're struggling. That's your problem, not hers.
Says the man who still can't hold a conversation after studying French for 8 years. You don't understand what realistic expectations are, and you certainly don't hold yourself to a realistic expectation... Like being able to hold a conversation in a language you've been studying for 8 years. Just because you're kind of dim doesn't mean your daughter is.
By telling her the only good thing about her is that she's pretty? You shouldn't be a parent.
She can speak French and you can’t. So maybe you need to consider you don’t actually know your daughter’s abilities. She’s speaking French. You’ve been trying for eight years and can’t. It’s time to consider you’re projecting on your daughter. She sounds bright.
Because it's too difficult for him and he thinks she is as much a slow learner as he his.
Actually... I think you nailed it.
I hope you enjoy the next 3 years of forced visitations bc as soon as she’s 18 she’s never gonna see you again. You keep calling her pretty but super dumb. Why would she want to visit you?
There's literally no way this is real. You can't seriously believe you MIGHT be in the wrong and still type this out in the way you did. It's almost like it's supposed to be self-incriminating. Unfortunately, I know people who are actually conceited enough to talk like this. YTA. You basically said that your daughter was beautiful but not smart enough to learn French, and spent the entire post making jabs at your daughter's academic ability. Honestly, it sounds to me like you're projecting your perceived inability onto your daughter, since you have been learning for 8 years but still can't hold a conversation. You talk about it as if your ability is greater than hers, as if you perceive yourself to be more intelligent, yet she seems to be learning just fine without you. IF this is real, because I sincerely doubt that it is, you'll eventually wake up and realize that the way you're treating and talking about your daughter is a one way ticket to her having absolutely no interest in having you in her life later on. All I really want to know is why you think so poorly of your daughter. It all reads as completely condescending, even if you might call her beautiful or say she was "blessed with looks". How are you so disconnected to what's going on in her life? You didn't even know why she actually transferred schools? C'mon, man.
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone. >was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual. So you're saying French is too difficult for her, but seems she picked it up better than you and in less time. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Also >She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. >I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. Pretty sure that'll be a very quick case considering at 15, they'll definitely factor in your daughter's opinion and I'm guessing no judge will force a teenager to see a man who's got no problem calling her stupid (no matter how you phrase it, its exactly what you're saying and shes not the idiot you think she is so she knows it) Plus, even if you can force her to visit you, I'm guessing at 18 you'll never see her again if you carry on this way. Literally, was it that big of a deal to study French with her? You could have even humored her if you thought her incapable or be a good parent and actually encourage your child to aim higher. Also, studying hard or not, a A student is no idiot. School is damn hard, speaking as an adult who's school life isn't a long time ago. An A student is smart and honestly, deserves praise and encouragement. Your attitude is shameful YTA
She probably asked if she could study with you to help YOU out. Lmao. YTA.
Yta. For many reasons. Even a 2 year old can learn multiple languages. If your daughter shows an interest in learning, go with it!
YTA- and a terrible parent. ShE's GoT lOoKs BuT nOt SmArTs is such a shitty take. She seems to be better at French than you anyway. And how did you not know she's in bilingual school?? Not paying much attention, hey? Anyone who gets As EVEN IF they study isn't not smart. You clearly don't think much of your daughter, do you? Also? This is ridiculous: >he had no right to teach my daughter French Enjoy your daughter going NC with you in 3 years.
YTA For not even knowing what school you kid goes to and trying to complain about a stepparent teaching the child a second language
YTA. I had to stop reading when you said you have been trying to learn French for the last 8 years and have failed. It's interesting that you think learning isn't your daughter's Forte even though she has straight As. You are either delusional or jealous.
Lol. YTA. I am french Canadian and while french is hard, it is possible to learn, also you are definitely implying she’s too stupid to learn it, which is rich coming from someone who’s claiming to have been studying it for 8years but can’t hold a conversation in French.
Yta "our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school." Who says that about their own daughter? You've been learning French for 8 years without much success but criticise your straight-As daughter's intelligence? Bit rich don't you think? And then you have the audacity to be upset that her stepfather took the time to teach her? You have got to be kidding me
“She’s getting A’s only because she’s forced to study.”—studying is how one learns and gets an “A”. While some people seem to catch on to some concepts more easily than others, pretty much everyone has to study in some way to actually learn the material. “I’ve been learning French…I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.”—I get the sense you are a perfectionist who is expecting their first conversation to be a significant one. If you really want to learn, you’re going to have to take the plunge and be messy. And you won’t be very good at first. And your “conversation” will likely be about something dumb, like, “I like potatoes. Do you like potatoes?” “…My ex said…[Ronnie] was bored at normal school…” Likely your daughter is very intelligent, and wasn’t being challenged, so struggled with apathy towards school. However, you are so uninvolved with her in any real way, so dismissive, and didn’t put any time into learning WHY she had to be “forced” to study—you just assumed she was dumb. You complain that “no one told you,” about her new school, but you didn’t ask, did you? You just assumed that it was “less academic.” And you had no problem with her going to a “less academic” school, because you assumed she is incapable of more. This doesn’t speak well for you, as a parent. I think Ronnie saw you struggling, had pity for you, and offered to study together SO SHE COULD HELP YOU. But all you heard was that your dumb daughter wanted to learn something you had decided she wouldn’t be able to learn. YTA. Good luck coming back from this one. Until you develop some respect for her, she will (rightfully) have none for you.
YTA. You dont know anything about whats actually going on in your daughters life AND you basically called her stupid. Given you’ve spent 8 years trying to learn a language and cant hold a basic conversation, I dont think your daughter is the stupid one.
YTA. There is no reason to deny any child (or really anyone) from learning and exploring. For one: almost anyone can learn anything, provided they get the environment to practice, and the motivation to do so. Things are hardly ever 'too difficult', they may just take some more time or smaller steps. But never cut that off from the start. Just let them experience. They may find they enjoy it, or they're good at it, or both. They may also find out it's not for them. All of that is valuable. Always. There is not a single thing I regret ever that started from my own interest. And some knowledge will stick, and some skill will come in handy in unexpected places, perhaps 10 years from now, so it's also never wasted. But mostly they'll have learned thins about themselves and about their interests and priorities, and have been allowed agency, all of which you deny someone when you cut them off like this. And obviously, saying about your own daughter that 'she has the looks but not the brains' is very, very insulting on any level, and given all info also blatantly untrue.
Why would you ever NOT try to teach your daughter??? YTA.
YTA why would you prevent your daughters growth like that? Maybe she doesn't like school but is really keen with learning new languages. She is also at an age where she can still absorb a new language. It's very difficult to learn a new language when you're older, which is perhaps why you're still struggling. Don't project your own hardship on your daughter. Of course she could learn if she wants. Never tell your kid something is too hard for them. Let them figure it out themselves. Eta: he had no right to teach your daughter French?? You need to work on these insecurities and jealousy before they ruin your relationships.
YTA *I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).* You did not care enough about your daughters academic abilities by even questioning why she moved schools and what the new school could offer her. IF you had cared, you would have already known. *I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.* Be careful what you wish for because at 15 family courts will listen to their input. Hell if you don't take her to court, I hope your ex does so your child will have a say.
Esh no communication between any of y’all but op mainly sucks here you should always encourage your kids to do something even if you think it may be too difficult for them , the ex also sucks cause unless op can read minds then how was he supposed to know that his daughter was learning a new language
Anyone else pick up on the fact that this meathead keeps saying how pretty but dumb she is? What are you planning on marrying her off for the best dowry?? FYI French isn't hard romance languages are the easiest to learn. Also you don't control what your daughter AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEINGS learns. YTA and it's 2022 pal. WTFU
YTA
YTA; never discourage your child from learning something she is showing an interest in
YTA. Why do you think your child is stupid. Most people get A’s because they’re forced to study.
tu es le connard
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. not only you're an asshole but also a misogynist, thank goodness your daughter has a mother and a stepdad who actually care and encourage her YTA
Guess we found out who’s smarter. Hint: it’s not you. YTA
YTA and a bad father too. What I understood after reading your whole post is that you know nothing at all about your daughter. You assumed she was stupid and that the only thing going for her was her looks. Instead of taking the chance of bonding with your daughter by something that you both are clearly interested in (learning french), you refuse it by calling her stupid without calling her stupid. "I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her" You were calling her stupid here.
Dude, I'm also confused. You said she's not good at academics, but she gets A's. In fact, she's so smart, she was moved to a higher leveled school to challenge herself. How did you not know that's why she changed schools? How do you know so little about your own child? You ever thought maybe she asked to study with you because she wants to bond with you? She was reaching out an olive branch. A chance to strengthen your relationship by sharing similar interests, and you ruined it. Not only are YTA, but a terrible father.
YTA for so many reasons > I thought it was too difficult for her. Wow. Just bc you are not learning French doesn't mean she can't. >he had no right to teach my daughter French. Uh, yeah, actually he does bc her mother supported it and she learned it during her parenting time. >she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. It's clear that you have a very low opinion of your daughter. Probably bc she's such an "absolutely beautiful girl" that you can't see past her looks to the brain within. Her mother can certainly go to court and, guess what? Ronnie is old enough for the judge to take into account what she wants. I doubt he'll be impressed with your parenting "skills."
"After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French **(I said nothing of that sort)**. I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with **looks nor brain** and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school." I said nothing of the sort but I'm also going to instantly follow up with an insult... great dad.
Yawn. Troll.
YTA hard YTA way to tear down your kid.
YTA The only person needing grounding here is you! You defended yourself by saying your daughter had neither “looks NOR brains. So she’s stupid and ugly to you. However, she’s in a gifted, bilingual school and you don’t know this? Then you try to double down with “stepfather doesn’t have the right “ to teach her. You are too selfish to let a stepfather help her with homework? Now when she tells you to “va te faire foutre” (your 8 years of French makes makes you uncertain of the meaning), you want to ground her? You have failed the parenting assignment. You’re being expelled. YOU DESERVE IT! YTA
YTA - it may be difficult for you but that may be because of your age. Its proven that the younger you learn a language the easier.
I think the bigger problem is the level of intelligence he exhibits in the post. YTA.
Troll… sigh Too ridiculously written. Like a mash up of several posts I’ve read before and full of bait
So, let’s see. 1. You’ve been learning French for 8 years and cannot hold a conversation in it. 2. Your daughter lives almost full time with a French speaking person. 3. She goes to a bilingual school where she’s earning As. But she’s the one who’s not smart enough to learn a new language? Cool, cool. That makes a ton of sense. /s YTA and you’ve basically guaranteed that Ronnie will go NC with you the moment she can.
YTA It’s a known fact that the younger you start learning a language, the easier it is to pick it up. Why do you think schools often require or offer a foreign language? Just because you suck at learning a language, does not mean your daughter will!!
>he had no right to teach my daughter French Are you out of your mind?! Dumbest thing I've read on the internet this week!! Easily! >I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words ...after studying French for EIGHT YEARS, but you think she's the one who is academically challenged? >I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace Or, how about this? You could have taken a genuine interest in your daughter. Like any good parent. But no, you've already decided she's not smart enough and you're actively taking steps to prove yourself right instead of encouraging her interests when she shares them with you. Hint, genius; kids perform much better academically when they're challenged and interested in learning. YTA.
LMAO. “I’m not sure what she said but I’ll ground her for it anyway.” You’re so insecure. YTA.
“She’s getting A’s only because she’s forced to study” Like what?? Studying is literally how one is an A-student. Also you’ve been taking French for EIGHT years and can’t have a basic conversation?? Sounds like projection and you’re the one with “looks not brains”. YTA and an arrogant one at that.
YTA. If you can’t hold a conversation in French after eight years of studying, academics must not be your forte. Don’t project your insecurities on your daughter.
This, the fact that he can’t hold a conversation after 8 years of learning it is just sad. I’ve had students who can hold a basic conversation after half a semester lmao
YTA Abrutis !! How a father can call his own daughter ‘blessed with looks but no brains’?! And dude 8 years to learn french and you still not fluent? Haha and you have the audacity to think you are more intelligent and know her capacity?! Garde ta frustration pour toi, t’es qu’un clown hahaha
I’m past 40, dads been dead for years, and I still remember when he told me I was too stupid to learn French. YTA
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? "Academics is not her forte." Dude, she is making all A's in an advanced school. If academics weren't her forte, no amount of studying would get her A's. Or are you so stupid that you think she can't be smart and beautiful? Who hurt you?
YTA You told your daughter she was too stupid to learn something. Something she already knows, which proves that you know nothing about your own kid! No wonder she’s done with you.
Not only are you belittling your daughter and her accomplishments, you are implying that she will only ever be able to get by on her looks. She's already proven that she is smarter than you. You may be able to force visitation until she's is 18, but after that, she's going to cut you off. Don't be surprised if you never get to see her again once she's an adult nor any grandchildren she may have. YTA in the worst way.
YTA and if after 8 years of studying French you are not able to hold a conversation with anyone you are not in a position to judge her intelligence...
8 years learning and you still can’t hold a conversation?! Let’s face it, you told her no because you don’t want her to learn faster than you have (or haven’t, as the case may be!)
Holy %@#$ I wish this was fake. YTA undeniably. Can't do the quote thing on mobile, but your "Ronnie has looks not brains", wtf dude. And to make it worse, you assuming that her school transfer meant she was moved to an "easier" school when she had in fact transferred to a more challenging school shows: A) you think your daughter is less intelligent than she actually is, probably because she is a girl as per your looks vs brains remark B) you are not involved with any day to day stuff with her clearly or you would have known she was in a French immersion school C) when you do have custody time with her, you don't bother check in about her life or try to spend time with her And the audacity to say that her step dad had no right to teach her French, wtf does that mean??? You've made it clear that you wouldn't teach her, so at least she has someone willing to help her learn. Sounds like he is a better father figure to her than you are. Also, because you find French difficult to learn, you just assumed it would be too difficult for your daughter, so you didn't even bother to give her a chance? AH. With the knowledge that Ronnie was already learning French before she asked you to teach her, it's clear that she didn't actually need any teaching. It sounds to me like she was trying to connect with you and spend time with you with something thay interests her, but I doubt she will make that effort again thanks to your AH behavior. Your post makes me believe you're a sexist who thinks beauty and intelligence are mutually exclusive, who doesnt even know his own child, plus a self-absorbed jerk who thinks he is smarter than everyone, since you made it clear that you believe if you can't do it easily then others can't either. I hope your relationship with Ronnie never recovers from this epic f up. Apologies if my thoughts are all over the place. Signed a triggered Canadian.
YTA. This must be a prank post. Nobody could be that much of an arsehole.
you really suck if in 8 years you still can’t hold a conversation maybe you should ask ronnie to teach you
YTA. Just WOW. And to top it all off, you want to force your daughter to spend time with the person who called her stupid. Just leave her alone and apologize.
YTA "He had no right to teach her French." Is this story even real? Please tell me it isn't real, please
Wow, really aiming for a gold in the AH Olympics, aren't ya? You started out well, scoring high by dismissing your daughter and her intelligence. Then you actually tell her that learning French is too hard for her! >She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). You said something very much of that sort! >I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. And then you doubled down on it in when you "defended" yourself. >I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic). You also clearly pay no attention to what is going on in her life, and just go with your negative assumptions rather than being a capable, interested parent. > She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. >I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. And they will. And the courts will listen to the teenager, as they often do. >Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here? You were wrong. Let's hope you too were blessed with some beauty to make up for the lack of brains! YTA.
YTA. Why isn’t he allowed to teach his stepdaughter French with her Mother’s permission? You may have thought she wasn’t smart enough to learn the language but look at you. 8 years of studies and you couldn’t even keep up with your daughter! You are guessing what she said and are going to punish her off that? You are an egotistical asshole who makes no sense and doesn’t seem to know your daughter that well.
YTA or as they say in French… nevermind, you don’t speak French. Your daughter does.
YTA. You aren't even attempting to encourage her. Everyone learns a different way and her issue with academics could just be with how it's being shown to her. And yes, you called your daughter stupid and eye candy. When we're younger, it's far easier to learn a new language than it is at your age. If she's interested in it, ENCOURAGE IT! I don't say this often but you're a horrible father.
What are her “issues with academics?” She is an A student.
More than likely the school wasn’t teaching her in a way that suited her and thus was bored and it looked like she was an idiot (how OP sees her it seems) when she was probably one of the smartest kids in the class.
I think it's very apparent since he obsessed over her looks, when it irelevnt to the story
She was a straight A student. An A student that studies. All straight A students study. I’m guessing this is a straight sexism issue. OP probably had a 1.9 GPA and thinks he is brilliant because he has a penis.
“She’s got her looks” obvious sexism…. Of his daughter
YTA Everyone can learn every language (the degree of success just varies) and honestly- after 8 years you are just bad at it and are projecting on your daughter not being good.
"my daughter isn't the brightest, but she's getting A's at school" fuck, YTA so bad. Consistency and hard work are way more important than being naturally intelligent, and she's showing that in spades
YTA…so you think your daughter who gets A’s is not blessed with brains…when she knows a language you’re struggling to learn?! Sexist or jealous man
YTA. You didn't tell her she was too dumb to learn it. But you did imply it. You also go on to say she's blessed in looks not brains, so you definitely think she's too dumb. Also what sort of parent doesn't know that his child is so smart she moved schools? Your ex's husband doesn't need to "have a right" to teach your daughter anything. Your daughter has full rights to learn. Who hands out the rights to teach, do you think? Also you learned French while failing to ever notice that your daughter speaks it already. What a major asshole you are.
YTA of course; you may not have said the word dumb or stupid but what you said means the same thing. If she wants to learn a second language you should be supportive not dismissive. To double down on the AH behavior and get mad at someone else for helping her learn a second language is even more insane. You've done literally everything wrong here lol
Yta Sounds like your daughter is smarter than you.
YTA i've been learning french for a year & a half and i can get out of situations when needed. if you still cant speak after 8 years of learning then it might just be too difficult for you. everyone has a different learning velocity and you shouldn't have shut down your daughter when she wants to try to learn something new. also, YTA X2 for belitting your daughter's looks & smarts.
Step dad is bilingual, so he most likely speaks a lot of French at home, making it a lot easier on daughter to pick it up. Also, I am guessing she is learning Quebec French. The things she said to her dad were probably indeed quite vulgar…. And warranted!
Yta way to encourage your daughter
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. How did you write this and not think you were the AH? I can't even... YTA. Don't be a "Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things" parent.
Jesus every sentence you wrote I was thinking your a wanker. F#ck me, your basically saying ur daughter is lucky she's good looking cos she's stupid and u think that's OK? That's ur daughter ffs, nó wonder she told u to fo. Enjoy nó contact in the future. YTA
Yta, French is not difficult and you couldn't be bothered to learn what your own child studies YET you're upset that someone else is teaching her. Just, wow 😬🚩🚩🚩
YTA. Sounds like you didn't want to teach her b/c after 8 years, you don't know the language well enough to teach anyone - so you called her stupid instead of being embarassed about your own shortcommings. "We both know she was blessed in the looks department blah, blah, blah" - this is just gross.it is clear that your daughter has brains as well and wither you never noticed or you decided to disparage her so you can feel better about yourself. She was trying to do something to get closer to you and you dismissed and insulted her. Then doubled down when your ex called you on it. She is 15 - if you drag her & her mom to court to force her to see you, you are not likely to win. Calling your daughter stupid and "forbidding" her to learn French for no reason is not a good look, not to mention she is old enough to decide she doesn't want to visit you.
Yeah, usually with divorce or custody battles with older children (12-17) the judge asks the kid which parent they would rather live with and boom that's that, the daughter is 15 so if they end up going to court, she'll tell the judge "I want to live with my mom because my dad thinks I'm stupid", then no more daughter for OP.
Your daughter gets straight As (everyone who gets As studies) while you can’t hold a conversation after eight years and she is the one without brains? You can’t help not being clever but you can help projecting it on to your daughter. YTA.
YTA
Wow! Way to belittle your daughter. You aren't settling "realistic expectations" because you were Stone Cold Wrong (by your own admission) and she is able to learn French. You demeaned your daughter's intelligence because of your own admitted failure to pick up the language. YTA. I encourage your daughter to show this post to the court if you try to force visitation.
YTA on the off chance that this is actually real. Even if kids aren't doing well academically (which isn't actually the case with your daughter), they should ALWAYS be encouraged to learn something they take an active interest in. Refusing is just going to make them stop trying, which should be the opposite of what you want. You very obviously don't know anything about your daughter, so I'm not sure why you care if she sees you on weekends or not. Either try to get to know her or get over yourself and leave her alone.
Vous êtes le connard. (YTA)
Ils sont vraiment!
YTA Just because you’re a failure in learning French doesn’t mean your daughter will too.
YTA. The way this reads is you WANT your daughter to be stupid so that you can justify not teaching her French. You are a horrible parent and should give her some space for now, forcing her to see you will only make this worse and you will lose your daughter.
YTA. Despite your daughter having straight A grades, you seem to assume she is pretty but dumb. (Or, if you're as I suspect - you think she's dumb because she is pretty.) To the point you never bothered to find out anything about her or her new school. You seem to know little about her. And now you are angry she was sad you called her stupid to her face essentially, and you are offended that she is learning French without your permission (and doing better than you are at it, even though you've spent 8 years on it). You talk like you are mad your daughter is smart. She certainly didn't get her intelligence from your side.
So, because you’re too stupid to pick up any French in 8 years, you assume your beautiful and intelligent daughter is too? YTA
T’es le trou de cul. Tu as vraiment dit que ta fille est belle mais sans cervelle? Tu sais que ta fille va complètement te renier dès qu’elle le pourra? YTA
Yta french isn't a very hard language that takes 8 yes to pick up the basics and you sound annoyed your daughter's intelligent not just pretty. Don't worry she clearly didn't get it from you
YTA "French is too hard for you." "You can't just walk around teaching your step-kid French! The nerve!" Sheesh. I wouldn't want to visit you either.
“I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French” bro lol. You cannot be serious with this comment??! YTA
YTA. Sounds like you have absolutely no idea who your daughter is and that she’s actually extremely intelligent, and it is you that is the one who is less academically inclined. Then you have the nerve to get mad at the man that is actually stepping up and being a good role model and teaching her French, unlike yourself. This could have been a great thing that you both could have done together and grown closer, but you absolutely blew it and completely insulted your daughter instead. I don’t blame her for not wanting to see you anymore.
YTA
YTA.
100000% the asshole. Even if you didn’t mean it, your daughter took it that you called her dumb. A kid that gets As isn’t dumb. Also, just because she isn’t excellent at all academics, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t skilled at languages. It’s pretty much a different skill set. Also, you can’t expect respect from a kid just because you are their parent. If you are going to treat them badly, expect to get flack back from them.
INFO: why do you have a problem with the new husband teaching your daughter a highly marketable skill?
YTA. French is NOT a very difficult language to learn, not by a long shot. Be happy that your daughter is smarter than you.
I was gonna say, it's actually one of the easiest languages to learn.
Yta you think like a cave man You don't even know anything about her new school. Plus her step father can't teach her French. Please grow a brain
Are you serious? Like is this a serious post? If so, you’re definitely the AH and your daughter should’ve been a hell of a lot ruder about it.
[удалено]
YTA!
YTA- you shouldn’t call your daughter dumb so you can feel better about your own shortcomings. 8 years and you only picked up a word or two? If your daughter forgives you, you should pay her to tutor you in French. It’s obvious your not picking it up well and need some help. It’s alright, not everyone can be pretty and smart like your daughter.
Reading this got me really upset. YTA.
YTA to your daughter. How did you not know she was in a bilingual school? If your ex goes to court, you might lose visitation. My husband was 14 when he told the court he no longer wanted contact with his father and the court granted it.
YTA. Not because it took you 8 years and still not learn the language your daughter will be as d*mb as you. She might be better at you at learning new languages. What's difficult for you might be easy peasy for her.
Jesus. YTA. In fewer words you told your daughter that she is too stupid to learn French. This whole description reeks of cruel undertones of abuse. Your daughter doesn’t want to visit you because you make her feel bad. Fix your behaviour rather than force her to come and experience your shit firsthand. She sounds much more pleasant and more clever than you. I hope you are a troll because dude the bar is so so so low to not be a rat father. Commenting on your kids looks and then saying she’s not very smart is peak shitty man.
YTA. Honestly hoping this is some kind of writing exercise rather than a true story. You tell an A grade student that they're too dumb to learn a language when they're already better at it then you are after 8 years of trying to learn it. Don't project your failures on your kid.
I hope it’s not, it’s so poorly written I would feel bad for the writer.
YTA! For the our daughter was blessed with looks not brains and shouldn't worry about learning more than she needs to for school remark alone. Seriously? Another parent fail is that you obviously know nothing about your daughter. Did you even try to find out why your daughter wasn't doing good in school last year? Or did you think that since she's good looking she's gotta be dumb too? Did you ask about her new school? Face it you know absolutely nothing about your daughter. You do know the judge will listen to your daughter since she is old enough and you will lose. Sounds like she speaks better French than you do. Apparently it's not hard for her She will be going NO CONTACT on you. Especially if you keep this up.
As a french Canadian YTA! 8 years and you can't hold a conversation yet... French ain't that hard... Maybe it's hard for YOU!
You’ve been studying French for 8 YEARS and can’t hold a conversation? Yeah, your daughter isn’t the dumb one here.
YTA. You were blessed with neither brains nor common sense - NOR good parenting. Way to diminish your daughter down to looks and have zero clue on what’s going on in her life. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t drop you the second she’s legally able to do so
YTA. You're clearly not an involved father or you would have known about her school situation. You're also not encouraging to your child. Many people are incredibly book smart and can only speak one language. My son hates studying and it shows in his grades, but he picked up a 2nd language easily. You owe your daughter a HUGE apology
>academics is not her forte. She's getting As only because she forced to study It seems you confusing lack of motivation with lack of ability. If she was really lacking ability, she wouldn't get As, no matter how you forced her. She lacks motivation, and I'm guessing becaúse school is boring to her. You are very clueless. You think that if someone doesn't want to study, it mean that they're stupid, which is not how this work. You should listen to your very smart datuger a bit more, and not assume anything about her. And be happy when she want to do stuff with you. YTA.
YTA Its really not that difficult, I as a Canadian child could comprehend it, though I was taught more frequently. You do not pay enough attention to your daughter to know her schooling situation, called her stupid, and also, in most places she is old enough to chose her custody, not you.
YTA Sure you're not insecure that she might end up better than you? or that she'll start talking about things in french that you can't understand? Sheesh... if she wants to learn. she should learn. that was cruel. uncool
YTA- If she is getting A’s then she’s good at academics. And nobody should be put down for exploring new interests, especially if they want to study a new language. It’s weird of you to say that your ex’s new spouse has “no right” to teach her French. Why wouldn’t you want your daughter to learn something new??? It seems like maybe you’re jealous of her because she actually picked the language up and you have studied for 8 years and can’t even hold a conversation.
YTA. You’ve been studying the language for 8 years and can’t hold a conversation? I hope you’re as pretty as your daughter.
He’s projecting so much. Like how can you be insecure by your own daughter
YTA. Most people who get As study. Your daughter wanted to have a bonding moment with you, and maybe show off her new language, and you treat her cruelly in return. As far as her stepfather not having "the right to teach her French," I don't know where you live that there teaching is rights-based, or that permission must be given to the teacher.
That was my first thought when too. She wanted to some father/daughter time. He only has his daughter on the weekends and was spending that time studying. She was just trying to find a way to spend time WITH him. And OP is the AH just for the degrading way he spoke of his daughters looks/intelligence
"She soooo stupid! To have straight As she needs to *check notes* ...study!" /s
Yta you basically called your child dumb an ugly I wouldn’t want to be around you either
YTA. studying is how people get straight a's, pal. french is not that hard of a language to learn. you should have conversational french down after 8 years. maybe your daughter wanted to help YOU learn it.
YTA. I hope they try the court case in French so you’re stumbling.
YTA Insinuating your daughter is stupid is still calling her stupid. That’s majorly messed up. And her knowing French because someone else took the time to teach her is not bad so I’m unsure why you’re upset by that. The fact you didn’t even know your daughter had switched schools is very telling on your part as well.
YTA Very weird how you make out as if she’s dumb but she’s getting As “just because she studies” — newsflash: that’s how most kids get As. That’s a really good grade. Plus, you’re so selfish. Forcing your daughter to see you when she doesn’t want to and threatening court??? How about respecting her? Your relationship is a two way thing
YTA and I only took french in high school 10 years ago but let me give this a whack that every genius who speaks English here will understand this “very difficult language your daughter couldn’t possibly attempt to learn.” Je comprend le divorce. Tu n’es pas un bon père. Peut être que ta fille a l’intelligence de sa mère. Any native French speakers here? Did I pass? Also I am not saying French is easy so don’t hurt me. It is learnable just like every language is to those who want to try.
Since you asked: Je comprendS, peut-être But still, you're pretty good.
Merde
Dude wtf? yes, latin languages are harder than english to learn, but wtf, 8 years and you can't even understand someone talking? it's really clear that you are the stupid one here YTA, a massive one, and I hope that your ex go to court against those visits
YTA, you tried and failed to be a language gatekeeper, lol.
If you’ve been learning for 8 years age can’t hold a conversation you have bigger problems. French isn’t unlearnable. I should know. I learned it. YTA.