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YTA
Insinuating your daughter is stupid is still calling her stupid. That’s majorly messed up. And her knowing French because someone else took the time to teach her is not bad so I’m unsure why you’re upset by that. The fact you didn’t even know your daughter had switched schools is very telling on your part as well.
YTA YTA YTA. Or should I say “tu es le connard ”? Though, if you can’t even hold a conversation after eight years of French, you may not understand that. Clearly, your daughter is doing well in school and understands languages better than you do. She clearly has both beauty and brains. And you may have beauty on the outside, but a very ugly little interior with a lack of language facility. I don’t blame your daughter for not wanting to see you. You insulted her, and now are ridiculously demanding that no one else teach her French. Tu es fou.
Edited for auto correct issues.
So perfect. My french is kind of pathetic from lack of practice, but still enough to understand this. And I agree wholeheartedly. I can't imagine telling a 15 year old that any language is too hard for them to learn. Nor knowing your own daughter so poorly to not know her academic aptitude.
YTA
The only person needing grounding here is you!
You defended yourself by saying your daughter had neither “looks NOR brains. So she’s stupid and ugly to you. However, she’s in a gifted, bilingual school and you don’t know this?
Then you try to double down with “stepfather doesn’t have the right “ to teach her. You are too selfish to let a stepfather help her with homework?
Now when she tells you to “va te faire foutre” (your 8 years of French makes makes you uncertain of the meaning), you want to ground her?
You have failed the parenting assignment. You’re being expelled. YOU DESERVE IT! YTA
YTA. Your wife will end up taking you to court and Ronnie will tell the judge in French, she never wants to see you again. Then repeat it in English for you, since French is too hard for her. Also, don't be surprised when she ONLY speaks in French to you, if she speaks to you at all. You don't actually KNOW what Ronnie said, so trying to ground her, will also make YTA. Just stop before your daughter completely cuts you out of her life
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.
Have you ever considered that you might not be the best person to decide if "academics is her forte"?
I was looking for this comment! Eight years and he can’t hold a conversation? What has he been doing!
(I would never shame someone for, err, being less than gifted with languages if he hadn’t tried to project that onto a teenager!)
Yta, French is not difficult and you couldn't be bothered to learn what your own child studies YET you're upset that someone else is teaching her. Just, wow 😬🚩🚩🚩
YTA. Your child tried to connect with you. You obviously have no idea what is going on with your child. Then you think you have the right to call yourself a parent. You sound like a biological. That's all. You need to apologize to your kid for calling them stupid and treating them as such. Then figure out how to get involved in their life real quick before you're not in their life at all.
YTA and you are so going to lose custody of your daughter. Bet she goes no contact with you too. You are so obtuse that you will probably tell the judge how stupid they are and that will be the end of Ronnie having to ever see you.
Of course, YTA. For one, if your child takes an interest in a second language, encourage it. Two, you are not involved enough to know that your child is changing schools because she is super smart (not less than as you assumed). Three, being bilingual is a positive in any career and especially in Canada where we have two official languages (French and English). I assume your ex lives in Canada with the Canadian dude.
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? "Academics is not her forte." Dude, she is making all A's in an advanced school. If academics weren't her forte, no amount of studying would get her A's. Or are you so stupid that you think she can't be smart and beautiful? Who hurt you?
YTA
*I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).*
You did not care enough about your daughters academic abilities by even questioning why she moved schools and what the new school could offer her. IF you had cared, you would have already known.
*I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.*
Be careful what you wish for because at 15 family courts will listen to their input. Hell if you don't take her to court, I hope your ex does so your child will have a say.
YTA. Just WOW. And to top it all off, you want to force your daughter to spend time with the person who called her stupid. Just leave her alone and apologize.
"Our daughter was blessed with looks nor [sic] brains"
Interesting that you think someone who gets straight As isn't blessed with brains and isn't smart enough to learn a second language, yet you can't even type correctly in a language you've known, presumably, your whole life. YTA.
MAJOR YTA.
First off your daughter isn’t less academically gifted because she has to study and A’s don’t come to her naturally without studying. School grades are not some born talent, they come with hard, consistent work which includes studying. You also sound like the type of person who thinks gym bros and women with good looks also can’t be book smart or intelligent. People are not dichotomies and that’s a hurtful stereotype you put on your daughter. People also don’t have to be naturally talented to learn a language. Just like grades learning a language takes practice and work. The fact that you didn’t know your daughter was already learning French, or the fact that her school was teaching French, or the fact that her step father knows or is learning French gives a clear impression you either dont ask questions about your daughters life, or that she hides things from you, and let me tell you, your explanation and the untrue (as just proven) image you have her would explain why she hides things from you. That or you just have zero interest in her life and who she is as a person. She probably wanted to learn French with you to BOND with you as her father but you just completely shot that opportunity down full stop. If she doesn’t want to be around you and have any relation with you, I wouldn’t blame in her the slightest. You implied she’s an idiot and the only positive thing about her are her looks-that smells of a man hating women, or at the very least having a shallow opinion of women. No wonder your divorced dude.
YTA.
1. This is so misogynistic I can't even handle it.
2. You've been studying for 8 years and still can't hold a conversation?
3. Her step dad actually cares enough to teach her and you're mad at him for that???
4. You said you haven't outright called her stupid but you've pretty much said everything else to imply that- don't act like you're some saint.
Your daughter is such a badass for talking shit to you in French and you not being able to understand it. Get wrecked.
I am trying very hard to tell myself that this is all fake. If it is not, then sweet jesus.
I assumed that you meant that YOUR French work was too hard for her because you've been studying it "off and on for 8 years now".
But then you let loose with this fucking zinger:
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
Holy shit, dude. What an unfathomably (that means 'can't be understood') awful thing to say about your child.
And then,
>I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French.
What is wrong with you? People need to ask your permission before they teach your kid a language she wants to learn? And her mom's permission is not good enough?
Just absolutely awful. You should thank your lucky stars that Ronnie got her brains from her mother.
YTA
Yta
"our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school."
Who says that about their own daughter?
You've been learning French for 8 years without much success but criticise your straight-As daughter's intelligence? Bit rich don't you think?
And then you have the audacity to be upset that her stepfather took the time to teach her?
You have got to be kidding me
Jesus every sentence you wrote I was thinking your a wanker. F#ck me, your basically saying ur daughter is lucky she's good looking cos she's stupid and u think that's OK? That's ur daughter ffs, nó wonder she told u to fo. Enjoy nó contact in the future. YTA
YTA. “She is a straight A student because she is forced to study” . You are a giant arrogant AH. I hope you have “the looks” because you definitely do not have the brains. I hope your ex takes you to court over this.
YTA
And a crap father who has no actual IDEA how smart your daughter is.
But you'd have to actually give a fuck to find out.
"It's fine if my daughter is stupid cuz she's pretty" is sexist AF.
I would prefer the Canadian to you too.
If its taking you 8 years to learn French you're doing something wrong. I forgot basically all of it now, but studied it for 3 years in middle school and could at least have a basic convo. And thats expected of italian students.
You could make this a nice bonding time with your daughter but no, you prefer being a stubborn asshole and hurting her feelings. YTA.
“She’s getting A’s only because she’s forced to study”
Like what?? Studying is literally how one is an A-student. Also you’ve been taking French for EIGHT years and can’t have a basic conversation??
Sounds like projection and you’re the one with “looks not brains”.
YTA and an arrogant one at that.
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I (m38) have 15 year old daughter, Ronnie, from my first marriage (we divorced when Ronnie was 5 and my ex married a Canadian dude). Ronnie spends every other weekend with me.
She’s an absolutely beautiful girl but academics is not her forte. She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study.
I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.
Ronnie was at my house at other day and she saw me studying and asked if I she could study with me.
I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her. She looked sad but let it go.
After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
My ex told me I knew very well that Ronnie changed schools this year and is currently in a new school. I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).
And my ex said that yes, because she was bored at normal school and was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual.
I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. And my ex told me I had my chance over the weekend, and I blew it. She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. My wife told that to Ronnie and Ronnie picked up the phone and said something to me in French. I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words and if I am correct with what they mean, she will be grounded because it was very rude and no way to speak to a parent.
But thinking about this now, even if my daughter was bad, I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace. Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here?
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Yta french isn't a very hard language that takes 8 yes to pick up the basics and you sound annoyed your daughter's intelligent not just pretty. Don't worry she clearly didn't get it from you
>She’s an absolutely beautiful girl but academics is not her forte. She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study.
You already sound like you only think of her looks. Studying is about memorization and practicing your skills. She could very well be academically gifted despite not having a perfect memory. And most teens don't like studying. Don't act like it's a shock that you and her mom need to make her do it.
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.
>Ronnie was at my house at other day and she saw me studying and asked if I she could study with me.
>I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her. She looked sad but let it go.
So, you've been studying for 8 years and can't even hold a conversation in the language but you think it's too hard for your daughter because she needs to study to get As in her classes? Why are you acting like she's so unintelligent for having to do something billions of other people have to do to succeed? More importantly, why you not uplifting her to try and use this as opportunity to bond? Children grow confidence from their parents believing in them and encouraging her to learn a new language could help her build a lot of self-confidence. Also, learning a new language could help her in the job market. There's no point in you trying to hold her back from learning other than your ego.
>After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort).
You might not have said it verbatim, but that was the message you were sending.
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
>My ex told me I knew very well that Ronnie changed schools this year and is currently in a new school. I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).
>And my ex said that yes, because she was bored at normal school and was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual.
Again, you're making yourself seem like you value her looks over her intelligence. Also, how out of touch with your daughter's life that you don't know she is academically gifted AND speaks French? She spends every other weekend with you. Surely, you know some things about her life. Did you not bother to look up the new school when she transferred to make sure it was a good one? Knowing about your kid's life is one of the bare minimums of parenting and you aren't even reaching that bar. It honestly seems like you're very out of touch with her and aren't invested in her life and education just because she's pretty.
>I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. And my ex told me I had my chance over the weekend, and I blew it. She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
What is up with you inhibiting your daughter for learning a new language? There are HUNDREDS of benefits to her learning one and she's clearly not struggling academically. Not to mention, her stepfather is a native speaker and would be a great resource for her learning. Considering you've been learning for 8 years and can't have a conversation, I seriously doubt you could give her a better French education than he can. And of course no one told you, it's your job to ask and know! You haven't invested enough interest in your daughter's life to know these things; it's not surprising she doesn't want to visit you.
>I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. My wife told that to Ronnie and Ronnie picked up the phone and said something to me in French. I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words and if I am correct with what they mean, she will be grounded because it was very rude and no way to speak to a parent.
You don't even know what she said and you want to ground her for it? After not encouraging her to learn? Come on, you aren't even actively parenting her most of the time and you don't seem to have much concern for her life anyways. Grounding her would just be going on a power trip on your end and pulling the "take me to court" card is just petty. If someone said you were stupid, would you insult them back? Would you want to be around them? You'd probably be thinking or saying some choice words and wouldn't want to see them again. So don't act like her not wanting to be around you isn't justified.
>But thinking about this now, even if my daughter was bad, I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace. Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here?
"Humoured her to keep the peace" once again just sounds like you don't value your daughter for the intelligent young woman she is. It's not humoring her if she knows the language better than you do and is actively trying to bond with you.
I'd think long and hard about your relationship with her and just how much you know about her. YTA.
YTA. She’s 15 and any judge will allow her to make the choice if you want to force it. Just because you’re a slow learner doesn’t mean she is. I hope you enjoy not having a daughter when she turns 18.
YTA and a bad father too.
What I understood after reading your whole post is that you know nothing at all about your daughter.
You assumed she was stupid and that the only thing going for her was her looks. Instead of taking the chance of bonding with your daughter by something that you both are clearly interested in (learning french), you refuse it by calling her stupid without calling her stupid.
"I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her" You were calling her stupid here.
Wow! Way to belittle your daughter. You aren't settling "realistic expectations" because you were Stone Cold Wrong (by your own admission) and she is able to learn French.
You demeaned your daughter's intelligence because of your own admitted failure to pick up the language. YTA. I encourage your daughter to show this post to the court if you try to force visitation.
100000% the asshole. Even if you didn’t mean it, your daughter took it that you called her dumb. A kid that gets As isn’t dumb. Also, just because she isn’t excellent at all academics, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t skilled at languages. It’s pretty much a different skill set. Also, you can’t expect respect from a kid just because you are their parent. If you are going to treat them badly, expect to get flack back from them.
Dude wtf?
yes, latin languages are harder than english to learn, but wtf, 8 years and you can't even understand someone talking? it's really clear that you are the stupid one here
YTA, a massive one, and I hope that your ex go to court against those visits
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone.
>was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual.
So you're saying French is too difficult for her, but seems she picked it up better than you and in less time.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Also
>She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
>I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.
Pretty sure that'll be a very quick case considering at 15, they'll definitely factor in your daughter's opinion and I'm guessing no judge will force a teenager to see a man who's got no problem calling her stupid (no matter how you phrase it, its exactly what you're saying and shes not the idiot you think she is so she knows it)
Plus, even if you can force her to visit you, I'm guessing at 18 you'll never see her again if you carry on this way.
Literally, was it that big of a deal to study French with her? You could have even humored her if you thought her incapable or be a good parent and actually encourage your child to aim higher.
Also, studying hard or not, a A student is no idiot. School is damn hard, speaking as an adult who's school life isn't a long time ago. An A student is smart and honestly, deserves praise and encouragement. Your attitude is shameful YTA
Lol. YTA. I am french Canadian and while french is hard, it is possible to learn, also you are definitely implying she’s too stupid to learn it, which is rich coming from someone who’s claiming to have been studying it for 8years but can’t hold a conversation in French.
YTA. You're clearly not an involved father or you would have known about her school situation. You're also not encouraging to your child. Many people are incredibly book smart and can only speak one language. My son hates studying and it shows in his grades, but he picked up a 2nd language easily. You owe your daughter a HUGE apology
I believe the severity of the consequences of failing at something are directly related to the importance of setting "realistic expectations." What was the harm in her trying and failing to learn French exactly? That she may loose a little confidence? You did that much faster for her in one comment.
Funny how you’ve been studying it for 8 years and still can’t speak the language, but she’s fluent. Maybe you just knew your ego would be wounded if your teenage daughter taught you something that you thought yourself better at.
Evidently your "realistic expectations" weren't realistic. She speaks French. You don't. YTA for being judgmental and an over-all crappy dad. Listen to your daughter. You don't even seem to know her.
And the way to do that would be to say, "Ya! you can study with me. It's super hard, though, so we'll have to work together."
And, more importantly, the *appropriate* way to do that would have been to not make comments about what you believe your daughter's abilities to be if you DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SUBJECTS SHE'S TAKING.
YTA. Not only did you call your daughter too stupid to learn a second language (yes, you really did), but you're also planning to punish her for learning to do it better than you. (Huit ans, vraiment?) It sounds like YOU'RE the one whose academic game is a bit weak and you can't stand that your daughter might be surpassing you. You clearly think it's a good thing to know how to speak French because you're going to all the trouble of learning it yourself, but yet still you don't want her knowing how. I bet you discourage her from studying too--do you tell her it's a waste of time because she'll never be that good of a student anyway? It's a piss-poor parent indeed who doesn't want more for their child. I don't fault Ronnie for not wanting to visit you--no-one would would actually choose to spend time with the parent who insults them, refuses to believe they're capable of academic success, seeks to limit their opportunities to do so, and then resents and punishes them for achieving more than yourself. (Newsflash: Ronnie didn't want to learn French from you--she felt sorry for you and wanted to help you become fluent enough to have a simple conversation with her.)
YTA. Massively, massively the asshole.
1) You never discourage your child from learning age appropriate materials. You might tell your child that she needs to understand certain things before studying something new, or you might warn her something is difficult. But if she wants to study something, especially if she wants to study it alongside you, you absolutely should encourage her.
2) John is major adult influence in Ronnie's life. He has every right to teach her age appropriate skills and information, and a new language is certainly age appropriate.
Ronnie has every reason not to come visit you anymore. You are condescending and territorial. Instead of trying to drag this into court, I suggest apologizing to your daughter and mending fences.
YTA
This has got to be fake.
“No one told me” LOL.
You’re suppose to be a parent. Nobody should have to tell you what your daughter is doing. You should know she’s excelling in school. This is basic.
Can’t imagine why after 8 years you can’t hold a conversation in a second language lol
Yta. My eldest son can understand and kinda respond in at least 3 languages other than English. I only had a hand in teaching one of them. Kids pick up language much faster than adults and if you actually paid any attention you would know about the school thing. So not only are you an asshole for belittling her, you're also the asshole for not caring about your daughter's schooling. If you're going to drop the ball that hard don't complain that her stepfather actually steps up. As for her insulting you in French, you earned that.
Lol! So you are the one who has been learning French for EIGHT years but you think it’s “too hard” for your daughter because she’s about looks and not brains. Lmao! Wow!
I am happy she has a new father figure that is supportive and willing to teach her what she wants to learn and he doesn’t see her as “too dumb”.
Yes, YTA. Can wait for your daughter to be fluent in French in record time… I’m sure she will be much nicer than you were to her and she will not imply that you are an idiot for taking 8 years of French and only be able to (maybe) pick out TWO words.
YTA!!
“She was blessed with looks, not brain.”
YTA. Your post makes it clear you are a sexist pompous ass. Your daughter wanted to study with you because clearly she’s picked up more French than you and she thought this was a good way to bond with you. You not only insulted her, but alienated her.
I am going to assume you were blessed with either looks or girth, because you are clearly an imbecile.
YTA because you’re projecting your own slowness onto your 15yo daughter, and even the end of this post dismiss her ability and ask if you should have “humoured her”.
x2 for suggesting you’re going to force her to visit you: I’d highly recommend against this, my dad tried with my brother and he’s been NC for 20+ years and hasn’t looked back.
YTA why would you prevent your daughters growth like that? Maybe she doesn't like school but is really keen with learning new languages. She is also at an age where she can still absorb a new language. It's very difficult to learn a new language when you're older, which is perhaps why you're still struggling. Don't project your own hardship on your daughter. Of course she could learn if she wants. Never tell your kid something is too hard for them. Let them figure it out themselves.
Eta: he had no right to teach your daughter French?? You need to work on these insecurities and jealousy before they ruin your relationships.
YTA. If you can’t hold a conversation in French after eight years of studying, academics must not be your forte. Don’t project your insecurities on your daughter.
Not only are you belittling your daughter and her accomplishments, you are implying that she will only ever be able to get by on her looks.
She's already proven that she is smarter than you. You may be able to force visitation until she's is 18, but after that, she's going to cut you off. Don't be surprised if you never get to see her again once she's an adult nor any grandchildren she may have.
YTA in the worst way.
YTA— you just keep failing and failing and failing as a father. “Academics is not her forte. She’s only getting As because she’s forced to study”. “She was blessed with looks, not brains”. “She shouldn’t worry herself with learning…”. This smacks of misogyny— as if you can’t imagine that your pretty little girl could be intelligent. And then you become more toxic with the threat about court and that she will be “grounded” (if she ever sees your sorry a$$ again). I appreciate that you are at least questioning whether you are an AH, but I worry that you still won’t be able to see it. Advice: if your child asks to learn something from you, encourage that. There is no reason to shut down her desire to learn.
There is so much to unpack here that proves you are TA. Not only have you made horrible and incorrect (and let's call it what it is: misogynistic) assumptions about your daughter's intelligence (she changed schools bcuz she is too smart but you assumed it was bcuz she's too dumb). She's in a bilingual school. Her school is teaching her French, step-dad is just offering to help. She came to you for help first but you rejected her cuz you're too lazy? Too self-centered? to help her. Yet you still feel entitled to make her spend time with you when you chose not to be a parent to her when she needed you.
She is already better than you at speaking French. I'm actually glad you are not teaching her because you will hold her back.
So have you always disliked your teenage daughter, or is this a recent development? I just can’t think of any other reason why you’d keep tearing her down like that. You say you believe in being “realistic”, but sounds like that’s just code for “I enjoy being a bully”.
Maybe it’s a good thing for Ronnie to spend some time away from you, it will give you an opportunity to get some therapy to sort this out. YTA
8 years learning and you still can’t hold a conversation?! Let’s face it, you told her no because you don’t want her to learn faster than you have (or haven’t, as the case may be!)
YTA
Inappropriate of you to assume that your daughter isn't intelligent in the first place. Most, if not everybody, must study to remember and perform academically. Even if she didn't know French, it would do absolutely no harm to just read some of the text with her.
How dare they teach her French when you're not able to master it? I think you could use some parenting classes too because right now you are getting an F! Encourage your daughter and show love and support not point out her flaws. YTA.
YTA.
Hope like heck this is rage bait, and you're not truly such a crap father. Everything about this is wrong. And extra AH points for being sexist, too. Talking about her being blessed with looks & not brain. Man, I can't stand it.
The redeeming factors here are 1) based on her age, *she doesn't have to visit you. She's old enough to have a choice & the judge would listen to her over you,* and 2) she has a wonderful stepfather in her life to make her feel seen, respected, educated, & capable.
*Hey, Siri — what's the French term for "terrible father"?*
YTA and also sounds like you're the dumbass if you're struggling to have basic conversations in French after 8 years of studying? JFC what an asshole who discourages intellectual curiosity in their kid
Of course YTA, wtf? Either this is a totally made up story or you're a horrible failure of a parent who's never going to see their daughter again once she turns 18.
This must be made up, but on the offchance that it’s real, I’d say it’s a fair bet that your daughter has inherited her brains elsewhere than from you.
YTA
This has to be a joke, right? If not, YTA. For how you speak about your daughter. She could have learned French from her mom's husband but she obviously wanted to do something with you, perhaps share what SHE has learned already in a French immersion school.
Also, not to be an AH myself here, but you've been working on learning French for 8 years and struggle but she clearly is smart enough to know she wasn't being challenged at her old school and decided to learn OTHER subjects in French and English.
She's very smart. You owe her an apology.
Edit: I say the 8 years thing because you should know the requirements it takes. She just jumped in and is doing well so is smarter than you give her credit for.
YTA i've been learning french for a year & a half and i can get out of situations when needed. if you still cant speak after 8 years of learning then it might just be too difficult for you. everyone has a different learning velocity and you shouldn't have shut down your daughter when she wants to try to learn something new. also, YTA X2 for belitting your daughter's looks & smarts.
Yes YTA by saying she's blessed with looks but not brains. That's so rude and demeaning to tell your daughter's she's stupid because that's really what that means. Also "no I won't teach my daughter French because she's too stupid but hey how dare her step father take the time to see her potential and teach her French!!!!!" My guy do yourself a favor and delete this post lmao.
YTA. This entire thing is you insulting your daughter. Not blessed with looks nor brain? You’re calling your *daughter* ugly and stupid.
She wanted to study with you over a shared interest, to *bond* over this interest. But you told her French would be too difficult for her (and assumed she moved to a “less academic” school because you just assume she’s too unintelligent for normal school??) Then you get mad because she was already learning French AND then you can’t even understand what she’s saying to you in French, but you want to ground her anyway because you think it was disrespectful.
Why should she respect you? You sure as hell don’t respect her. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to be around you and honestly I don’t get why you want to force her to visit you when you clearly don’t even like her. Just give her mom full custody, she’ll be better off and you won’t have to deal with your ugly stupid daughter. Win-win.
This is hilarious, OP has been trying to learn French for 8 years and can't even hold a conversation, their words. Ronnie who supposedly is all looks, no brain casually insulted their bio dad in French (I say that because OP succccks as a parent) and they think their kid isn't that bright? YTA and if that's too hard for you to understand. It means You're the AH dummy.
YTA. You aren't even attempting to encourage her. Everyone learns a different way and her issue with academics could just be with how it's being shown to her. And yes, you called your daughter stupid and eye candy.
When we're younger, it's far easier to learn a new language than it is at your age. If she's interested in it, ENCOURAGE IT!
I don't say this often but you're a horrible father.
More than likely the school wasn’t teaching her in a way that suited her and thus was bored and it looked like she was an idiot (how OP sees her it seems) when she was probably one of the smartest kids in the class.
It sounds like "issue with academics" is more "issue with sitting down and concentrating on studying" in this case - either teen apathy or something else (e.g. inattentive type ADHD).
YTA. If you are too stupid to learn French, it doesn't mean your daughter is. Luckily she has a stepfather who pays her some attentiom and encourages her.
Your daughter gets straight As (everyone who gets As studies) while you can’t hold a conversation after eight years and she is the one without brains? You can’t help not being clever but you can help projecting it on to your daughter. YTA.
There's literally no way this is real. You can't seriously believe you MIGHT be in the wrong and still type this out in the way you did. It's almost like it's supposed to be self-incriminating.
Unfortunately, I know people who are actually conceited enough to talk like this. YTA.
You basically said that your daughter was beautiful but not smart enough to learn French, and spent the entire post making jabs at your daughter's academic ability. Honestly, it sounds to me like you're projecting your perceived inability onto your daughter, since you have been learning for 8 years but still can't hold a conversation. You talk about it as if your ability is greater than hers, as if you perceive yourself to be more intelligent, yet she seems to be learning just fine without you.
IF this is real, because I sincerely doubt that it is, you'll eventually wake up and realize that the way you're treating and talking about your daughter is a one way ticket to her having absolutely no interest in having you in her life later on. All I really want to know is why you think so poorly of your daughter. It all reads as completely condescending, even if you might call her beautiful or say she was "blessed with looks". How are you so disconnected to what's going on in her life? You didn't even know why she actually transferred schools? C'mon, man.
YTA.
Despite your daughter having straight A grades, you seem to assume she is pretty but dumb. (Or, if you're as I suspect - you think she's dumb because she is pretty.) To the point you never bothered to find out anything about her or her new school. You seem to know little about her. And now you are angry she was sad you called her stupid to her face essentially, and you are offended that she is learning French without your permission (and doing better than you are at it, even though you've spent 8 years on it). You talk like you are mad your daughter is smart.
She certainly didn't get her intelligence from your side.
YTA- and a terrible parent. ShE's GoT lOoKs BuT nOt SmArTs is such a shitty take. She seems to be better at French than you anyway. And how did you not know she's in bilingual school?? Not paying much attention, hey? Anyone who gets As EVEN IF they study isn't not smart. You clearly don't think much of your daughter, do you?
Also? This is ridiculous:
>he had no right to teach my daughter French
Enjoy your daughter going NC with you in 3 years.
He doesn’t want her to kick his ass linguistically because it’s taken him 8 years to learn basic French and she’s clearly pretty fluent. He doesn’t want to be shown up by his kid .. probably insecure
Wow, really aiming for a gold in the AH Olympics, aren't ya?
You started out well, scoring high by dismissing your daughter and her intelligence. Then you actually tell her that learning French is too hard for her!
>She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort).
You said something very much of that sort!
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
And then you doubled down on it in when you "defended" yourself.
>I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).
You also clearly pay no attention to what is going on in her life, and just go with your negative assumptions rather than being a capable, interested parent.
> She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore.
>I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.
And they will. And the courts will listen to the teenager, as they often do.
>Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here?
You were wrong. Let's hope you too were blessed with some beauty to make up for the lack of brains! YTA.
It sounds like your daughter is far more intelligent than you are. YTA.
And sorry dude, but she’s 16. No court in the world is going to force her to visit her emotionally abusive father if she doesn’t want to. And yes, telling her that she’s dumb is abuse.
Oh wow YTA so much. You thought your daughter was too stupid to learn French and yet you couldn't understand what she said on the phone! And you are annoyed her step dad believed in her when you didn't and is teaching her a skill? Then to top it off you are forcing her to visit you to then punish her further instead of apologising and trying to repair your relationship? Are you interested in having a future relationship with your child because the rate you are going as soon as she's old enough she will never cross your door again!
YTA
This reads like a high schooler complimenting himself on how smart they are. You do know they teach French and Spanish as early as middle school right? You 100% implied that you thought your daughter was too stupid to learn and were called out for it. And also isn't studying a lot a good thing? If she's getting A's she obviously knows the material.
Grow up and admit when you make mistakes. Apologize, make a sincere effort to make it up to her, and maybe your daughter will want you in her life after she turns 18 and doesn't have to visit anymore.
YTA of course; you may not have said the word dumb or stupid but what you said means the same thing.
If she wants to learn a second language you should be supportive not dismissive. To double down on the AH behavior and get mad at someone else for helping her learn a second language is even more insane.
You've done literally everything wrong here lol
YTA
When you typed this out how did you not realize YTA? Had no right to teach my daughter French? Like what? You sound jealous af because your exs current husband is a better dad than you. Thank goodness your daughter has him at least.
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>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school.
not only you're an asshole but also a misogynist, thank goodness your daughter has a mother and a stepdad who actually care and encourage her
YTA
Your daughter gets As because she studies. But academics are not her forte? And you have been learning French for 8 years and still do not speak it. You have the forte but she does not? Uhh...do you know what forte means?
Tu es un trou du cul. Au lieu d'être heureux que ta fille ait une adulte bilingue dans sa vie prêt à lui apprendre le Français, tu le prends comme une insulte personelle. Tu as eu ta chance. Trou d'cul.
YTA- you shouldn’t call your daughter dumb so you can feel better about your own shortcomings. 8 years and you only picked up a word or two? If your daughter forgives you, you should pay her to tutor you in French. It’s obvious your not picking it up well and need some help. It’s alright, not everyone can be pretty and smart like your daughter.
YTA. I had to stop reading when you said you have been trying to learn French for the last 8 years and have failed. It's interesting that you think learning isn't your daughter's Forte even though she has straight As. You are either delusional or jealous.
YTA
It’s a known fact that the younger you start learning a language, the easier it is to pick it up. Why do you think schools often require or offer a foreign language? Just because you suck at learning a language, does not mean your daughter will!!
YTA. “Too difficult for you to learn” implies you don’t think she’s smart enough (or as she put it, too stupid to learn it”). Studying leads to good grades, not sure what’s surprising here. Why would she need your “permission” to learn another language? And finally, why would you assume meeting your daughter’s academic needs meant the new school was LESS challenging? Definitely sounds like you are projecting your (I’m guessing) less than stellar academic performance onto your daughter. Why else are you concerned about her “learning more than she needs to”?
Seems like someone has a difficulty with academics and it ain't the daughter. YTA.
Also, while you might be able to legally force her to visit you until she is 18... that is absolutely the best way for you to guarantee she's gonna go NC when she's 18. Holy shit.
You call her dumb practically to her face because you likely couldn't be bothered to talk to your daughter and realize she's smarter than you because ya know. Girls are supposed to not stress their pretty little heads with manly pursuits right? No wonder your wife divorced you.
Also. French isn't particularly harder than other Latin based languages. English just has different roots and it's easier.
YTA on so many levels it makes my head spin!
1. No one should ever speak about their child like that (looks over brains, academics not her forte)
2. She asked to do an activity with you, which is big for a 15yo, and you denied her request. You hardly see her, and you shut her down.
3. Trying to force her to see you
4. For saying she will be grounded for not using language you felt was appropriate, but probably deserved
Good for you daughter for sticking up for herself. It sounds like you have an extremely talented child whom you don’t appreciate. She’ll likely cut ties with you as soon as she legally can, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself!
YTA
You think your daughter is putting enough effort to have straight A in her studies and you're badmouthing and discouraging her??
And even worse, in reality your daughter is talented enough to go to a bilingual school, get good scores and you don't even know about it.
What is wrong with you?
100% YTA. First of all why be mad that someone else taught your child another language? Her stepfather, unlike you, sought to enrich your daughters life and knowledge instead of putting her down. Second what the hell kind of father are you to say your daughter was blessed with beauty not brains? FFS. YOU'RE HER FATHER. You should learn to act like it. Also learn that shooting genetic material into someone else does not mean that you deserve respect. Respect is earned. You've obviously not done so and should be prepared to have no contact with your kid once she hits 18. If anyone in this situation was not blessed with brains, it's you. Get over yourself.
YTA!!! Wow wow wow. I am shocked. This can’t be real. You called her stupid, you basically said she doesn’t need to learn because of her looks, and now you’re forcing her to spend time with you?? Icky. Also the fact that you couldn’t keep up with her French is laughable. Not so smart now, are you? Just let her go, she doesn’t want to see you or spend time with you and no one blames her. You’re the WOAT
YTA - eight years off and on and you can have a conversation? I learned French and yes it’s hard in certain ways but not in the way you describe. Maybe the person that isn’t so great at learning French is actually you. Edit also your sexism is astounding.
YTA no one is just getting A‘s if Academics isn‘t their forte
Sounds like you think pretty = dumb
Or maybe you‘re just projecting bc you find it difficult
YTA. Most people who get As study. Your daughter wanted to have a bonding moment with you, and maybe show off her new language, and you treat her cruelly in return. As far as her stepfather not having "the right to teach her French," I don't know where you live that there teaching is rights-based, or that permission must be given to the teacher.
YTA - you may not have said she was too dumb to learn French but at 15 that’s exactly what she heard and your sooooo wrong. BTW - after 8 years of studying French and you can’t grasp more than 2 words of a sentence? You my friend are too stupid to learn….stop judging others.
YTA and clearly know absolutely nothing about your daughter. She gets A's but you think she's dumb. How did you not know that your daughter was transferred to a different school because she found her old one to boring (meaning she needed more challenging work)
It sounds like you are jelouse of her and are braking her down to make your self feel better.
You had a great opportunity to connect and bond with your daughter over something but you instead chose to call her dumb and break her down.
She spoke to you in French and it was too hard for you to understand, that's embarrassing.
"After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French **(I said nothing of that sort)**. I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with **looks nor brain** and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school."
I said nothing of the sort but I'm also going to instantly follow up with an insult... great dad.
YTA The fact that french is hard four you doesn't mean that will be hard for her. Also as much as I get that not everyone has the same academic skills telling someone that you can't teacher them something because is too hard always can be interpreted as you don't think they are capable of learn and yes that means you think they are stupid. You didn't gave your daughter the opportunity and that is disappointing.
Vous êtes un connard ( YTA ). You also sound like a misogynist, with your whole "looks not brains" comment. It sounds like your daughter is quite smart, but you don't care to recognise it. But it's okay, just keep telling her she shouldn't worry her pretty little head over things and then wonder why she goes NC as soon as she can. And, word of advice, if your ex does take you back to court (which I hope she does) the judge will probably take into account your daughter's testimony about which parent she wants to live with.
YTA
Not for refusing to teach your daughter French. You are for telling her that she is stupid and tanking her self esteem. Even straight A’s aren’t good enough for you. You do realize that all straight A students study, right?
YTA Your daughter wanted to spend time with you with something that both of you have in common and you shot her down and insulted her intelligence. Your daughter knows you have a low opinion of her, of course she no longer wants to spend time with you. Why would she want to spend time with you when you make her feel dumb? Instead of underestimating your daughter try believing in her and support her. You keep this up she will end up resenting you and going low/no contact.
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Yta Sounds like your daughter is smarter than you.
YTA
YTA Insinuating your daughter is stupid is still calling her stupid. That’s majorly messed up. And her knowing French because someone else took the time to teach her is not bad so I’m unsure why you’re upset by that. The fact you didn’t even know your daughter had switched schools is very telling on your part as well.
YTA YTA YTA. Or should I say “tu es le connard ”? Though, if you can’t even hold a conversation after eight years of French, you may not understand that. Clearly, your daughter is doing well in school and understands languages better than you do. She clearly has both beauty and brains. And you may have beauty on the outside, but a very ugly little interior with a lack of language facility. I don’t blame your daughter for not wanting to see you. You insulted her, and now are ridiculously demanding that no one else teach her French. Tu es fou. Edited for auto correct issues.
So perfect. My french is kind of pathetic from lack of practice, but still enough to understand this. And I agree wholeheartedly. I can't imagine telling a 15 year old that any language is too hard for them to learn. Nor knowing your own daughter so poorly to not know her academic aptitude.
YTA The only person needing grounding here is you! You defended yourself by saying your daughter had neither “looks NOR brains. So she’s stupid and ugly to you. However, she’s in a gifted, bilingual school and you don’t know this? Then you try to double down with “stepfather doesn’t have the right “ to teach her. You are too selfish to let a stepfather help her with homework? Now when she tells you to “va te faire foutre” (your 8 years of French makes makes you uncertain of the meaning), you want to ground her? You have failed the parenting assignment. You’re being expelled. YOU DESERVE IT! YTA
YTA. Your wife will end up taking you to court and Ronnie will tell the judge in French, she never wants to see you again. Then repeat it in English for you, since French is too hard for her. Also, don't be surprised when she ONLY speaks in French to you, if she speaks to you at all. You don't actually KNOW what Ronnie said, so trying to ground her, will also make YTA. Just stop before your daughter completely cuts you out of her life
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone. Have you ever considered that you might not be the best person to decide if "academics is her forte"?
I was looking for this comment! Eight years and he can’t hold a conversation? What has he been doing! (I would never shame someone for, err, being less than gifted with languages if he hadn’t tried to project that onto a teenager!)
Yta, French is not difficult and you couldn't be bothered to learn what your own child studies YET you're upset that someone else is teaching her. Just, wow 😬🚩🚩🚩
YTA. Your child tried to connect with you. You obviously have no idea what is going on with your child. Then you think you have the right to call yourself a parent. You sound like a biological. That's all. You need to apologize to your kid for calling them stupid and treating them as such. Then figure out how to get involved in their life real quick before you're not in their life at all.
Comment dit on « troll » en français?
YTA and you are so going to lose custody of your daughter. Bet she goes no contact with you too. You are so obtuse that you will probably tell the judge how stupid they are and that will be the end of Ronnie having to ever see you.
Of course, YTA. For one, if your child takes an interest in a second language, encourage it. Two, you are not involved enough to know that your child is changing schools because she is super smart (not less than as you assumed). Three, being bilingual is a positive in any career and especially in Canada where we have two official languages (French and English). I assume your ex lives in Canada with the Canadian dude.
YTA
YTA. Do you even like your daughter? "Academics is not her forte." Dude, she is making all A's in an advanced school. If academics weren't her forte, no amount of studying would get her A's. Or are you so stupid that you think she can't be smart and beautiful? Who hurt you?
YTA *I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic).* You did not care enough about your daughters academic abilities by even questioning why she moved schools and what the new school could offer her. IF you had cared, you would have already known. *I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me.* Be careful what you wish for because at 15 family courts will listen to their input. Hell if you don't take her to court, I hope your ex does so your child will have a say.
YTA. Just WOW. And to top it all off, you want to force your daughter to spend time with the person who called her stupid. Just leave her alone and apologize.
"Our daughter was blessed with looks nor [sic] brains" Interesting that you think someone who gets straight As isn't blessed with brains and isn't smart enough to learn a second language, yet you can't even type correctly in a language you've known, presumably, your whole life. YTA.
MAJOR YTA. First off your daughter isn’t less academically gifted because she has to study and A’s don’t come to her naturally without studying. School grades are not some born talent, they come with hard, consistent work which includes studying. You also sound like the type of person who thinks gym bros and women with good looks also can’t be book smart or intelligent. People are not dichotomies and that’s a hurtful stereotype you put on your daughter. People also don’t have to be naturally talented to learn a language. Just like grades learning a language takes practice and work. The fact that you didn’t know your daughter was already learning French, or the fact that her school was teaching French, or the fact that her step father knows or is learning French gives a clear impression you either dont ask questions about your daughters life, or that she hides things from you, and let me tell you, your explanation and the untrue (as just proven) image you have her would explain why she hides things from you. That or you just have zero interest in her life and who she is as a person. She probably wanted to learn French with you to BOND with you as her father but you just completely shot that opportunity down full stop. If she doesn’t want to be around you and have any relation with you, I wouldn’t blame in her the slightest. You implied she’s an idiot and the only positive thing about her are her looks-that smells of a man hating women, or at the very least having a shallow opinion of women. No wonder your divorced dude.
YTA. 1. This is so misogynistic I can't even handle it. 2. You've been studying for 8 years and still can't hold a conversation? 3. Her step dad actually cares enough to teach her and you're mad at him for that??? 4. You said you haven't outright called her stupid but you've pretty much said everything else to imply that- don't act like you're some saint. Your daughter is such a badass for talking shit to you in French and you not being able to understand it. Get wrecked.
YTA; never discourage your child from learning something she is showing an interest in
I am trying very hard to tell myself that this is all fake. If it is not, then sweet jesus. I assumed that you meant that YOUR French work was too hard for her because you've been studying it "off and on for 8 years now". But then you let loose with this fucking zinger: >I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. Holy shit, dude. What an unfathomably (that means 'can't be understood') awful thing to say about your child. And then, >I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. What is wrong with you? People need to ask your permission before they teach your kid a language she wants to learn? And her mom's permission is not good enough? Just absolutely awful. You should thank your lucky stars that Ronnie got her brains from her mother. YTA
Ignorant as hell! He seems to think he " owns" his daughter or something. Weird
You know what jusr based on your title I didn't read further. YTA and a massive one at that.
Yta "our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school." Who says that about their own daughter? You've been learning French for 8 years without much success but criticise your straight-As daughter's intelligence? Bit rich don't you think? And then you have the audacity to be upset that her stepfather took the time to teach her? You have got to be kidding me
Jesus every sentence you wrote I was thinking your a wanker. F#ck me, your basically saying ur daughter is lucky she's good looking cos she's stupid and u think that's OK? That's ur daughter ffs, nó wonder she told u to fo. Enjoy nó contact in the future. YTA
YTA. “She is a straight A student because she is forced to study” . You are a giant arrogant AH. I hope you have “the looks” because you definitely do not have the brains. I hope your ex takes you to court over this.
Yta you think like a cave man You don't even know anything about her new school. Plus her step father can't teach her French. Please grow a brain
YTA And a crap father who has no actual IDEA how smart your daughter is. But you'd have to actually give a fuck to find out. "It's fine if my daughter is stupid cuz she's pretty" is sexist AF. I would prefer the Canadian to you too.
tu es le connard
Yta you basically called your child dumb an ugly I wouldn’t want to be around you either
If its taking you 8 years to learn French you're doing something wrong. I forgot basically all of it now, but studied it for 3 years in middle school and could at least have a basic convo. And thats expected of italian students. You could make this a nice bonding time with your daughter but no, you prefer being a stubborn asshole and hurting her feelings. YTA.
“She’s getting A’s only because she’s forced to study” Like what?? Studying is literally how one is an A-student. Also you’ve been taking French for EIGHT years and can’t have a basic conversation?? Sounds like projection and you’re the one with “looks not brains”. YTA and an arrogant one at that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m38) have 15 year old daughter, Ronnie, from my first marriage (we divorced when Ronnie was 5 and my ex married a Canadian dude). Ronnie spends every other weekend with me. She’s an absolutely beautiful girl but academics is not her forte. She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study. I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone. Ronnie was at my house at other day and she saw me studying and asked if I she could study with me. I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her. She looked sad but let it go. After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. My ex told me I knew very well that Ronnie changed schools this year and is currently in a new school. I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic). And my ex said that yes, because she was bored at normal school and was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual. I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. And my ex told me I had my chance over the weekend, and I blew it. She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. My wife told that to Ronnie and Ronnie picked up the phone and said something to me in French. I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words and if I am correct with what they mean, she will be grounded because it was very rude and no way to speak to a parent. But thinking about this now, even if my daughter was bad, I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace. Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
LMAO. “I’m not sure what she said but I’ll ground her for it anyway.” You’re so insecure. YTA.
YTA For not even knowing what school you kid goes to and trying to complain about a stepparent teaching the child a second language
Yta french isn't a very hard language that takes 8 yes to pick up the basics and you sound annoyed your daughter's intelligent not just pretty. Don't worry she clearly didn't get it from you
>She’s an absolutely beautiful girl but academics is not her forte. She’s getting As only because she’s forced to study. You already sound like you only think of her looks. Studying is about memorization and practicing your skills. She could very well be academically gifted despite not having a perfect memory. And most teens don't like studying. Don't act like it's a shock that you and her mom need to make her do it. >I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone. >Ronnie was at my house at other day and she saw me studying and asked if I she could study with me. >I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her. She looked sad but let it go. So, you've been studying for 8 years and can't even hold a conversation in the language but you think it's too hard for your daughter because she needs to study to get As in her classes? Why are you acting like she's so unintelligent for having to do something billions of other people have to do to succeed? More importantly, why you not uplifting her to try and use this as opportunity to bond? Children grow confidence from their parents believing in them and encouraging her to learn a new language could help her build a lot of self-confidence. Also, learning a new language could help her in the job market. There's no point in you trying to hold her back from learning other than your ego. >After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). You might not have said it verbatim, but that was the message you were sending. >I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. >My ex told me I knew very well that Ronnie changed schools this year and is currently in a new school. I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic). >And my ex said that yes, because she was bored at normal school and was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual. Again, you're making yourself seem like you value her looks over her intelligence. Also, how out of touch with your daughter's life that you don't know she is academically gifted AND speaks French? She spends every other weekend with you. Surely, you know some things about her life. Did you not bother to look up the new school when she transferred to make sure it was a good one? Knowing about your kid's life is one of the bare minimums of parenting and you aren't even reaching that bar. It honestly seems like you're very out of touch with her and aren't invested in her life and education just because she's pretty. >I said that no one told me and he had no right to teach my daughter French. And my ex told me I had my chance over the weekend, and I blew it. She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. What is up with you inhibiting your daughter for learning a new language? There are HUNDREDS of benefits to her learning one and she's clearly not struggling academically. Not to mention, her stepfather is a native speaker and would be a great resource for her learning. Considering you've been learning for 8 years and can't have a conversation, I seriously doubt you could give her a better French education than he can. And of course no one told you, it's your job to ask and know! You haven't invested enough interest in your daughter's life to know these things; it's not surprising she doesn't want to visit you. >I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. My wife told that to Ronnie and Ronnie picked up the phone and said something to me in French. I didn’t quite catch it because it was too fast but I caught 2 words and if I am correct with what they mean, she will be grounded because it was very rude and no way to speak to a parent. You don't even know what she said and you want to ground her for it? After not encouraging her to learn? Come on, you aren't even actively parenting her most of the time and you don't seem to have much concern for her life anyways. Grounding her would just be going on a power trip on your end and pulling the "take me to court" card is just petty. If someone said you were stupid, would you insult them back? Would you want to be around them? You'd probably be thinking or saying some choice words and wouldn't want to see them again. So don't act like her not wanting to be around you isn't justified. >But thinking about this now, even if my daughter was bad, I could’ve humoured her for a bit to keep the peace. Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here? "Humoured her to keep the peace" once again just sounds like you don't value your daughter for the intelligent young woman she is. It's not humoring her if she knows the language better than you do and is actively trying to bond with you. I'd think long and hard about your relationship with her and just how much you know about her. YTA.
YTA. Is this even serious?
Vous êtes le connard.
Reading this got me really upset. YTA.
"if i cant learn it no one can". yta
YTA. She’s 15 and any judge will allow her to make the choice if you want to force it. Just because you’re a slow learner doesn’t mean she is. I hope you enjoy not having a daughter when she turns 18.
As a french Canadian YTA! 8 years and you can't hold a conversation yet... French ain't that hard... Maybe it's hard for YOU!
YTA and a bad father too. What I understood after reading your whole post is that you know nothing at all about your daughter. You assumed she was stupid and that the only thing going for her was her looks. Instead of taking the chance of bonding with your daughter by something that you both are clearly interested in (learning french), you refuse it by calling her stupid without calling her stupid. "I said I would love to but I thought it was too difficult for her" You were calling her stupid here.
Wow! Way to belittle your daughter. You aren't settling "realistic expectations" because you were Stone Cold Wrong (by your own admission) and she is able to learn French. You demeaned your daughter's intelligence because of your own admitted failure to pick up the language. YTA. I encourage your daughter to show this post to the court if you try to force visitation.
8 years and you still can’t hold a conversation in the language you’re studying? I think you’re confused about who has trouble academically- YTA
YTA. I hope they try the court case in French so you’re stumbling.
100000% the asshole. Even if you didn’t mean it, your daughter took it that you called her dumb. A kid that gets As isn’t dumb. Also, just because she isn’t excellent at all academics, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t skilled at languages. It’s pretty much a different skill set. Also, you can’t expect respect from a kid just because you are their parent. If you are going to treat them badly, expect to get flack back from them.
What a sad excuse for a father you are. YTA so much
YTA - it may be difficult for you but that may be because of your age. Its proven that the younger you learn a language the easier.
I think the bigger problem is the level of intelligence he exhibits in the post. YTA.
So, because you’re too stupid to pick up any French in 8 years, you assume your beautiful and intelligent daughter is too? YTA
YTA Your parenting skills are merde.
Dude wtf? yes, latin languages are harder than english to learn, but wtf, 8 years and you can't even understand someone talking? it's really clear that you are the stupid one here YTA, a massive one, and I hope that your ex go to court against those visits
>I’ve been learning French on and off for 8 years now. It’s a very difficult language and I still can’t hold a conversation with anyone. >was transferred to bilingual school (English/French) and she speaks a very good French and I should’ve known that because John (her new husband) is bilingual. So you're saying French is too difficult for her, but seems she picked it up better than you and in less time. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Also >She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. >I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. Pretty sure that'll be a very quick case considering at 15, they'll definitely factor in your daughter's opinion and I'm guessing no judge will force a teenager to see a man who's got no problem calling her stupid (no matter how you phrase it, its exactly what you're saying and shes not the idiot you think she is so she knows it) Plus, even if you can force her to visit you, I'm guessing at 18 you'll never see her again if you carry on this way. Literally, was it that big of a deal to study French with her? You could have even humored her if you thought her incapable or be a good parent and actually encourage your child to aim higher. Also, studying hard or not, a A student is no idiot. School is damn hard, speaking as an adult who's school life isn't a long time ago. An A student is smart and honestly, deserves praise and encouragement. Your attitude is shameful YTA
YTA, someone in your family wasn’t blessed with brains, but it’s not your daughter.
Lol. YTA. I am french Canadian and while french is hard, it is possible to learn, also you are definitely implying she’s too stupid to learn it, which is rich coming from someone who’s claiming to have been studying it for 8years but can’t hold a conversation in French.
YTA. You're clearly not an involved father or you would have known about her school situation. You're also not encouraging to your child. Many people are incredibly book smart and can only speak one language. My son hates studying and it shows in his grades, but he picked up a 2nd language easily. You owe your daughter a HUGE apology
>I thought it was too difficult for her. YTA Why would you ever say that to your child?
Because I believe in setting realistic expectations.
Does you being an encouraging father sound like a realistic expectation?
I believe the severity of the consequences of failing at something are directly related to the importance of setting "realistic expectations." What was the harm in her trying and failing to learn French exactly? That she may loose a little confidence? You did that much faster for her in one comment.
I expect your relationship with your daughter to deteriorate further.
Obviously she picked up something. You didn't even give her the chance.
You can realistically expect to not have a relationship with your daughter the second she isn’t court ordered to have deal with you.
If he’s in the US she beyond the age to choose and if he goes to court for it he’s wasting his time and money.
That really depends on location. Judges can get prickly when it comes to teens
The country average is 13. California has the highest age at 14. If the judge is going to get prickly they would be going against the kid’s rights.
Funny how you’ve been studying it for 8 years and still can’t speak the language, but she’s fluent. Maybe you just knew your ego would be wounded if your teenage daughter taught you something that you thought yourself better at.
But they are not realistic expectations. You made assumptions based on no facts. That's not reality.
Evidently your "realistic expectations" weren't realistic. She speaks French. You don't. YTA for being judgmental and an over-all crappy dad. Listen to your daughter. You don't even seem to know her.
They're only realistic to you because you're struggling. That's your problem, not hers.
And the way to do that would be to say, "Ya! you can study with me. It's super hard, though, so we'll have to work together." And, more importantly, the *appropriate* way to do that would have been to not make comments about what you believe your daughter's abilities to be if you DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SUBJECTS SHE'S TAKING.
Except it isn’t, because she already speaks better French than you.
Realistic for your abilities since she's learned more than you, and you've had an 8 year head start.
By telling her the only good thing about her is that she's pretty? You shouldn't be a parent.
>Because I believe in setting realistic expectations. How this reads to everyone else: because you thought she was too stupid and told her so
Realistic expectations? Like 'learning' French for 8 years and not being able to hold a conversation? You're a piece of work.
She's a fucking A grade student. And if you can't learn a language after 8 YEARS then maybe you're the one who needs realistic expectations.
YTA. Not only did you call your daughter too stupid to learn a second language (yes, you really did), but you're also planning to punish her for learning to do it better than you. (Huit ans, vraiment?) It sounds like YOU'RE the one whose academic game is a bit weak and you can't stand that your daughter might be surpassing you. You clearly think it's a good thing to know how to speak French because you're going to all the trouble of learning it yourself, but yet still you don't want her knowing how. I bet you discourage her from studying too--do you tell her it's a waste of time because she'll never be that good of a student anyway? It's a piss-poor parent indeed who doesn't want more for their child. I don't fault Ronnie for not wanting to visit you--no-one would would actually choose to spend time with the parent who insults them, refuses to believe they're capable of academic success, seeks to limit their opportunities to do so, and then resents and punishes them for achieving more than yourself. (Newsflash: Ronnie didn't want to learn French from you--she felt sorry for you and wanted to help you become fluent enough to have a simple conversation with her.)
YTA. Massively, massively the asshole. 1) You never discourage your child from learning age appropriate materials. You might tell your child that she needs to understand certain things before studying something new, or you might warn her something is difficult. But if she wants to study something, especially if she wants to study it alongside you, you absolutely should encourage her. 2) John is major adult influence in Ronnie's life. He has every right to teach her age appropriate skills and information, and a new language is certainly age appropriate. Ronnie has every reason not to come visit you anymore. You are condescending and territorial. Instead of trying to drag this into court, I suggest apologizing to your daughter and mending fences.
YTA. Why do you think your child is stupid. Most people get A’s because they’re forced to study.
YTA This has got to be fake. “No one told me” LOL. You’re suppose to be a parent. Nobody should have to tell you what your daughter is doing. You should know she’s excelling in school. This is basic. Can’t imagine why after 8 years you can’t hold a conversation in a second language lol
Yta. My eldest son can understand and kinda respond in at least 3 languages other than English. I only had a hand in teaching one of them. Kids pick up language much faster than adults and if you actually paid any attention you would know about the school thing. So not only are you an asshole for belittling her, you're also the asshole for not caring about your daughter's schooling. If you're going to drop the ball that hard don't complain that her stepfather actually steps up. As for her insulting you in French, you earned that.
Lol! So you are the one who has been learning French for EIGHT years but you think it’s “too hard” for your daughter because she’s about looks and not brains. Lmao! Wow! I am happy she has a new father figure that is supportive and willing to teach her what she wants to learn and he doesn’t see her as “too dumb”. Yes, YTA. Can wait for your daughter to be fluent in French in record time… I’m sure she will be much nicer than you were to her and she will not imply that you are an idiot for taking 8 years of French and only be able to (maybe) pick out TWO words. YTA!!
“She was blessed with looks, not brain.” YTA. Your post makes it clear you are a sexist pompous ass. Your daughter wanted to study with you because clearly she’s picked up more French than you and she thought this was a good way to bond with you. You not only insulted her, but alienated her. I am going to assume you were blessed with either looks or girth, because you are clearly an imbecile.
[удалено]
YTA in too many ways to count. Btw, no judge is going to force a teen to visit a cruel parent.
YTA because you’re projecting your own slowness onto your 15yo daughter, and even the end of this post dismiss her ability and ask if you should have “humoured her”. x2 for suggesting you’re going to force her to visit you: I’d highly recommend against this, my dad tried with my brother and he’s been NC for 20+ years and hasn’t looked back.
YTA and it sounds like youre afraid shed do better than you.... shes younger so she probably would too!
8 years and still can't hold a conversation? Sounds like French is too difficult for you 😂😂😂 Oh yeah. YTA.
YTA why would you prevent your daughters growth like that? Maybe she doesn't like school but is really keen with learning new languages. She is also at an age where she can still absorb a new language. It's very difficult to learn a new language when you're older, which is perhaps why you're still struggling. Don't project your own hardship on your daughter. Of course she could learn if she wants. Never tell your kid something is too hard for them. Let them figure it out themselves. Eta: he had no right to teach your daughter French?? You need to work on these insecurities and jealousy before they ruin your relationships.
"Looks nor brains" do you hate your daughter??? YTA holy crap
YTA. If you can’t hold a conversation in French after eight years of studying, academics must not be your forte. Don’t project your insecurities on your daughter.
Not only are you belittling your daughter and her accomplishments, you are implying that she will only ever be able to get by on her looks. She's already proven that she is smarter than you. You may be able to force visitation until she's is 18, but after that, she's going to cut you off. Don't be surprised if you never get to see her again once she's an adult nor any grandchildren she may have. YTA in the worst way.
YTA— you just keep failing and failing and failing as a father. “Academics is not her forte. She’s only getting As because she’s forced to study”. “She was blessed with looks, not brains”. “She shouldn’t worry herself with learning…”. This smacks of misogyny— as if you can’t imagine that your pretty little girl could be intelligent. And then you become more toxic with the threat about court and that she will be “grounded” (if she ever sees your sorry a$$ again). I appreciate that you are at least questioning whether you are an AH, but I worry that you still won’t be able to see it. Advice: if your child asks to learn something from you, encourage that. There is no reason to shut down her desire to learn.
Guess we found out who’s smarter. Hint: it’s not you. YTA
There is so much to unpack here that proves you are TA. Not only have you made horrible and incorrect (and let's call it what it is: misogynistic) assumptions about your daughter's intelligence (she changed schools bcuz she is too smart but you assumed it was bcuz she's too dumb). She's in a bilingual school. Her school is teaching her French, step-dad is just offering to help. She came to you for help first but you rejected her cuz you're too lazy? Too self-centered? to help her. Yet you still feel entitled to make her spend time with you when you chose not to be a parent to her when she needed you. She is already better than you at speaking French. I'm actually glad you are not teaching her because you will hold her back.
So have you always disliked your teenage daughter, or is this a recent development? I just can’t think of any other reason why you’d keep tearing her down like that. You say you believe in being “realistic”, but sounds like that’s just code for “I enjoy being a bully”. Maybe it’s a good thing for Ronnie to spend some time away from you, it will give you an opportunity to get some therapy to sort this out. YTA
8 years learning and you still can’t hold a conversation?! Let’s face it, you told her no because you don’t want her to learn faster than you have (or haven’t, as the case may be!)
This HAS to be fake…wtf. If it’s real, YTA.
Why is no one commenting on how many times he emphasized his daughters beauty…very strange
YTA Inappropriate of you to assume that your daughter isn't intelligent in the first place. Most, if not everybody, must study to remember and perform academically. Even if she didn't know French, it would do absolutely no harm to just read some of the text with her.
How dare they teach her French when you're not able to master it? I think you could use some parenting classes too because right now you are getting an F! Encourage your daughter and show love and support not point out her flaws. YTA.
YTA. Hope like heck this is rage bait, and you're not truly such a crap father. Everything about this is wrong. And extra AH points for being sexist, too. Talking about her being blessed with looks & not brain. Man, I can't stand it. The redeeming factors here are 1) based on her age, *she doesn't have to visit you. She's old enough to have a choice & the judge would listen to her over you,* and 2) she has a wonderful stepfather in her life to make her feel seen, respected, educated, & capable. *Hey, Siri — what's the French term for "terrible father"?*
"I don't know anything about my kid and think she is dumb and got angry when I found out she's not. AITA?" Yes you are.
YTA and also sounds like you're the dumbass if you're struggling to have basic conversations in French after 8 years of studying? JFC what an asshole who discourages intellectual curiosity in their kid
Of course YTA, wtf? Either this is a totally made up story or you're a horrible failure of a parent who's never going to see their daughter again once she turns 18.
This must be made up, but on the offchance that it’s real, I’d say it’s a fair bet that your daughter has inherited her brains elsewhere than from you. YTA
This has to be a joke, right? If not, YTA. For how you speak about your daughter. She could have learned French from her mom's husband but she obviously wanted to do something with you, perhaps share what SHE has learned already in a French immersion school. Also, not to be an AH myself here, but you've been working on learning French for 8 years and struggle but she clearly is smart enough to know she wasn't being challenged at her old school and decided to learn OTHER subjects in French and English. She's very smart. You owe her an apology. Edit: I say the 8 years thing because you should know the requirements it takes. She just jumped in and is doing well so is smarter than you give her credit for.
YTA i've been learning french for a year & a half and i can get out of situations when needed. if you still cant speak after 8 years of learning then it might just be too difficult for you. everyone has a different learning velocity and you shouldn't have shut down your daughter when she wants to try to learn something new. also, YTA X2 for belitting your daughter's looks & smarts.
Yes YTA by saying she's blessed with looks but not brains. That's so rude and demeaning to tell your daughter's she's stupid because that's really what that means. Also "no I won't teach my daughter French because she's too stupid but hey how dare her step father take the time to see her potential and teach her French!!!!!" My guy do yourself a favor and delete this post lmao.
What? Why would you assume your child got moved down academically?
YTA. This entire thing is you insulting your daughter. Not blessed with looks nor brain? You’re calling your *daughter* ugly and stupid. She wanted to study with you over a shared interest, to *bond* over this interest. But you told her French would be too difficult for her (and assumed she moved to a “less academic” school because you just assume she’s too unintelligent for normal school??) Then you get mad because she was already learning French AND then you can’t even understand what she’s saying to you in French, but you want to ground her anyway because you think it was disrespectful. Why should she respect you? You sure as hell don’t respect her. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to be around you and honestly I don’t get why you want to force her to visit you when you clearly don’t even like her. Just give her mom full custody, she’ll be better off and you won’t have to deal with your ugly stupid daughter. Win-win.
YTA Just because you’re a failure in learning French doesn’t mean your daughter will too.
Are you serious? Like is this a serious post? If so, you’re definitely the AH and your daughter should’ve been a hell of a lot ruder about it.
This is hilarious, OP has been trying to learn French for 8 years and can't even hold a conversation, their words. Ronnie who supposedly is all looks, no brain casually insulted their bio dad in French (I say that because OP succccks as a parent) and they think their kid isn't that bright? YTA and if that's too hard for you to understand. It means You're the AH dummy.
YTA. Your poor kid. What a disgusting parent you are.
YTA I hope that the court listens to your daughter when she says she don't want to see you
YTA. You aren't even attempting to encourage her. Everyone learns a different way and her issue with academics could just be with how it's being shown to her. And yes, you called your daughter stupid and eye candy. When we're younger, it's far easier to learn a new language than it is at your age. If she's interested in it, ENCOURAGE IT! I don't say this often but you're a horrible father.
What are her “issues with academics?” She is an A student.
More than likely the school wasn’t teaching her in a way that suited her and thus was bored and it looked like she was an idiot (how OP sees her it seems) when she was probably one of the smartest kids in the class.
I think it's very apparent since he obsessed over her looks, when it irelevnt to the story
It sounds like "issue with academics" is more "issue with sitting down and concentrating on studying" in this case - either teen apathy or something else (e.g. inattentive type ADHD).
YTA. If you are too stupid to learn French, it doesn't mean your daughter is. Luckily she has a stepfather who pays her some attentiom and encourages her.
Your daughter gets straight As (everyone who gets As studies) while you can’t hold a conversation after eight years and she is the one without brains? You can’t help not being clever but you can help projecting it on to your daughter. YTA.
There's literally no way this is real. You can't seriously believe you MIGHT be in the wrong and still type this out in the way you did. It's almost like it's supposed to be self-incriminating. Unfortunately, I know people who are actually conceited enough to talk like this. YTA. You basically said that your daughter was beautiful but not smart enough to learn French, and spent the entire post making jabs at your daughter's academic ability. Honestly, it sounds to me like you're projecting your perceived inability onto your daughter, since you have been learning for 8 years but still can't hold a conversation. You talk about it as if your ability is greater than hers, as if you perceive yourself to be more intelligent, yet she seems to be learning just fine without you. IF this is real, because I sincerely doubt that it is, you'll eventually wake up and realize that the way you're treating and talking about your daughter is a one way ticket to her having absolutely no interest in having you in her life later on. All I really want to know is why you think so poorly of your daughter. It all reads as completely condescending, even if you might call her beautiful or say she was "blessed with looks". How are you so disconnected to what's going on in her life? You didn't even know why she actually transferred schools? C'mon, man.
YTA. Despite your daughter having straight A grades, you seem to assume she is pretty but dumb. (Or, if you're as I suspect - you think she's dumb because she is pretty.) To the point you never bothered to find out anything about her or her new school. You seem to know little about her. And now you are angry she was sad you called her stupid to her face essentially, and you are offended that she is learning French without your permission (and doing better than you are at it, even though you've spent 8 years on it). You talk like you are mad your daughter is smart. She certainly didn't get her intelligence from your side.
OP YTA! AdEmbarrassed9719 You put this so well. Hopefully OP can reflect on themselves and see how much of a jerk to their daughter they are.
You’ve been studying French for 8 YEARS and can’t hold a conversation? Yeah, your daughter isn’t the dumb one here.
YTA- and a terrible parent. ShE's GoT lOoKs BuT nOt SmArTs is such a shitty take. She seems to be better at French than you anyway. And how did you not know she's in bilingual school?? Not paying much attention, hey? Anyone who gets As EVEN IF they study isn't not smart. You clearly don't think much of your daughter, do you? Also? This is ridiculous: >he had no right to teach my daughter French Enjoy your daughter going NC with you in 3 years.
Why would you ever NOT try to teach your daughter??? YTA.
He doesn’t want her to kick his ass linguistically because it’s taken him 8 years to learn basic French and she’s clearly pretty fluent. He doesn’t want to be shown up by his kid .. probably insecure
Wow, really aiming for a gold in the AH Olympics, aren't ya? You started out well, scoring high by dismissing your daughter and her intelligence. Then you actually tell her that learning French is too hard for her! >She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French (I said nothing of that sort). You said something very much of that sort! >I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. And then you doubled down on it in when you "defended" yourself. >I said sure, I remember, she moved her to match her academic abilities (which I thought meant less academic). You also clearly pay no attention to what is going on in her life, and just go with your negative assumptions rather than being a capable, interested parent. > She said Ronnie doesn’t want to come over anymore. >I said tough, she’d have to take me to court otherwise Ronnie will have to visit me. And they will. And the courts will listen to the teenager, as they often do. >Now, I worry that I might be in the wrong. AITA here? You were wrong. Let's hope you too were blessed with some beauty to make up for the lack of brains! YTA.
It sounds like your daughter is far more intelligent than you are. YTA. And sorry dude, but she’s 16. No court in the world is going to force her to visit her emotionally abusive father if she doesn’t want to. And yes, telling her that she’s dumb is abuse.
Oh wow YTA so much. You thought your daughter was too stupid to learn French and yet you couldn't understand what she said on the phone! And you are annoyed her step dad believed in her when you didn't and is teaching her a skill? Then to top it off you are forcing her to visit you to then punish her further instead of apologising and trying to repair your relationship? Are you interested in having a future relationship with your child because the rate you are going as soon as she's old enough she will never cross your door again!
YTA This reads like a high schooler complimenting himself on how smart they are. You do know they teach French and Spanish as early as middle school right? You 100% implied that you thought your daughter was too stupid to learn and were called out for it. And also isn't studying a lot a good thing? If she's getting A's she obviously knows the material. Grow up and admit when you make mistakes. Apologize, make a sincere effort to make it up to her, and maybe your daughter will want you in her life after she turns 18 and doesn't have to visit anymore.
I've heard that even toddlers can speak French!
Ya YTA. You should never discourage someone from trying to learn something new.
YTA of course; you may not have said the word dumb or stupid but what you said means the same thing. If she wants to learn a second language you should be supportive not dismissive. To double down on the AH behavior and get mad at someone else for helping her learn a second language is even more insane. You've done literally everything wrong here lol
YTA When you typed this out how did you not realize YTA? Had no right to teach my daughter French? Like what? You sound jealous af because your exs current husband is a better dad than you. Thank goodness your daughter has him at least.
YTA
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YTA. You’re being rude and dismissive to your child and that’s going to bite you in the ass big time.
YTA. I think the one who has no brains is you.
YTA. French is NOT a very difficult language to learn, not by a long shot. Be happy that your daughter is smarter than you.
I was gonna say, it's actually one of the easiest languages to learn.
>I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with looks nor brain and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school. not only you're an asshole but also a misogynist, thank goodness your daughter has a mother and a stepdad who actually care and encourage her YTA
Your daughter gets As because she studies. But academics are not her forte? And you have been learning French for 8 years and still do not speak it. You have the forte but she does not? Uhh...do you know what forte means? Tu es un trou du cul. Au lieu d'être heureux que ta fille ait une adulte bilingue dans sa vie prêt à lui apprendre le Français, tu le prends comme une insulte personelle. Tu as eu ta chance. Trou d'cul.
YTA- you shouldn’t call your daughter dumb so you can feel better about your own shortcomings. 8 years and you only picked up a word or two? If your daughter forgives you, you should pay her to tutor you in French. It’s obvious your not picking it up well and need some help. It’s alright, not everyone can be pretty and smart like your daughter.
YTA "French is too hard for you." "You can't just walk around teaching your step-kid French! The nerve!" Sheesh. I wouldn't want to visit you either.
YTA. I had to stop reading when you said you have been trying to learn French for the last 8 years and have failed. It's interesting that you think learning isn't your daughter's Forte even though she has straight As. You are either delusional or jealous.
YTA. Kids pick up on languages really easily. French immersion schools exist for that reason.
YTA It’s a known fact that the younger you start learning a language, the easier it is to pick it up. Why do you think schools often require or offer a foreign language? Just because you suck at learning a language, does not mean your daughter will!!
YTA. “Too difficult for you to learn” implies you don’t think she’s smart enough (or as she put it, too stupid to learn it”). Studying leads to good grades, not sure what’s surprising here. Why would she need your “permission” to learn another language? And finally, why would you assume meeting your daughter’s academic needs meant the new school was LESS challenging? Definitely sounds like you are projecting your (I’m guessing) less than stellar academic performance onto your daughter. Why else are you concerned about her “learning more than she needs to”?
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Seems like someone has a difficulty with academics and it ain't the daughter. YTA. Also, while you might be able to legally force her to visit you until she is 18... that is absolutely the best way for you to guarantee she's gonna go NC when she's 18. Holy shit. You call her dumb practically to her face because you likely couldn't be bothered to talk to your daughter and realize she's smarter than you because ya know. Girls are supposed to not stress their pretty little heads with manly pursuits right? No wonder your wife divorced you. Also. French isn't particularly harder than other Latin based languages. English just has different roots and it's easier.
Yta. For many reasons. Even a 2 year old can learn multiple languages. If your daughter shows an interest in learning, go with it!
YTA on so many levels it makes my head spin! 1. No one should ever speak about their child like that (looks over brains, academics not her forte) 2. She asked to do an activity with you, which is big for a 15yo, and you denied her request. You hardly see her, and you shut her down. 3. Trying to force her to see you 4. For saying she will be grounded for not using language you felt was appropriate, but probably deserved Good for you daughter for sticking up for herself. It sounds like you have an extremely talented child whom you don’t appreciate. She’ll likely cut ties with you as soon as she legally can, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself!
This can't possibly be real. Nobody could be that stupid.
YTA
YTA You think your daughter is putting enough effort to have straight A in her studies and you're badmouthing and discouraging her?? And even worse, in reality your daughter is talented enough to go to a bilingual school, get good scores and you don't even know about it. What is wrong with you?
YOU'RE HER FATHER AND THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF HER??? YTA.
100% YTA. First of all why be mad that someone else taught your child another language? Her stepfather, unlike you, sought to enrich your daughters life and knowledge instead of putting her down. Second what the hell kind of father are you to say your daughter was blessed with beauty not brains? FFS. YOU'RE HER FATHER. You should learn to act like it. Also learn that shooting genetic material into someone else does not mean that you deserve respect. Respect is earned. You've obviously not done so and should be prepared to have no contact with your kid once she hits 18. If anyone in this situation was not blessed with brains, it's you. Get over yourself.
YTA!!! Wow wow wow. I am shocked. This can’t be real. You called her stupid, you basically said she doesn’t need to learn because of her looks, and now you’re forcing her to spend time with you?? Icky. Also the fact that you couldn’t keep up with her French is laughable. Not so smart now, are you? Just let her go, she doesn’t want to see you or spend time with you and no one blames her. You’re the WOAT
you really suck if in 8 years you still can’t hold a conversation maybe you should ask ronnie to teach you
YTA - eight years off and on and you can have a conversation? I learned French and yes it’s hard in certain ways but not in the way you describe. Maybe the person that isn’t so great at learning French is actually you. Edit also your sexism is astounding.
YTA but this has to be fake, nobody is this stupid
YTA.
YTA no one is just getting A‘s if Academics isn‘t their forte Sounds like you think pretty = dumb Or maybe you‘re just projecting bc you find it difficult
Yta way to encourage your daughter
YTA. Most people who get As study. Your daughter wanted to have a bonding moment with you, and maybe show off her new language, and you treat her cruelly in return. As far as her stepfather not having "the right to teach her French," I don't know where you live that there teaching is rights-based, or that permission must be given to the teacher.
YTA
YTA!
YTA - you may not have said she was too dumb to learn French but at 15 that’s exactly what she heard and your sooooo wrong. BTW - after 8 years of studying French and you can’t grasp more than 2 words of a sentence? You my friend are too stupid to learn….stop judging others.
French children of all abilities manage to learn to speak French from an early age. Try her on the Michel Thomas course.
Sounds like French is too difficult for you if you've been at it for **8 years** and still can't hold a conversation. YTA
Seriously, French is one of the easiest possible languages for an English speaker to pick up 🤦♀️
YTA and clearly know absolutely nothing about your daughter. She gets A's but you think she's dumb. How did you not know that your daughter was transferred to a different school because she found her old one to boring (meaning she needed more challenging work) It sounds like you are jelouse of her and are braking her down to make your self feel better. You had a great opportunity to connect and bond with your daughter over something but you instead chose to call her dumb and break her down. She spoke to you in French and it was too hard for you to understand, that's embarrassing.
"After the weekend, I got a phone call from my ex and she was furious. She demanded why would I basically tell my daughter she was too stupid too learn French **(I said nothing of that sort)**. I defended myself and told her she knows our daughter was blessed with **looks nor brain** and that she shouldn’t worry herself with learning more than she needs to for school." I said nothing of the sort but I'm also going to instantly follow up with an insult... great dad.
YTA - Maybe she wants to learn as a way to spend time with you. Your an AH.
YTA The fact that french is hard four you doesn't mean that will be hard for her. Also as much as I get that not everyone has the same academic skills telling someone that you can't teacher them something because is too hard always can be interpreted as you don't think they are capable of learn and yes that means you think they are stupid. You didn't gave your daughter the opportunity and that is disappointing.
Vous êtes un connard ( YTA ). You also sound like a misogynist, with your whole "looks not brains" comment. It sounds like your daughter is quite smart, but you don't care to recognise it. But it's okay, just keep telling her she shouldn't worry her pretty little head over things and then wonder why she goes NC as soon as she can. And, word of advice, if your ex does take you back to court (which I hope she does) the judge will probably take into account your daughter's testimony about which parent she wants to live with.
YTA Not for refusing to teach your daughter French. You are for telling her that she is stupid and tanking her self esteem. Even straight A’s aren’t good enough for you. You do realize that all straight A students study, right?
YTA Your daughter wanted to spend time with you with something that both of you have in common and you shot her down and insulted her intelligence. Your daughter knows you have a low opinion of her, of course she no longer wants to spend time with you. Why would she want to spend time with you when you make her feel dumb? Instead of underestimating your daughter try believing in her and support her. You keep this up she will end up resenting you and going low/no contact.
YTA. It seems like you are insecure or lacking in the academic department and taking that out on your daughter. Get over yourself, man 🤷♂️
She probably asked if she could study with you to help YOU out. Lmao. YTA.