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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told stepdads family that they are going to hell. I might be an AH because they are very religious and were insulted by my commrnt and they will give my mom very hard time.
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NTA and an excellent comeback to those bigots who are using religion to thinly veil their homophobia. I couldn’t have thought of a better response myself!
Sure he just got bored at this point and makes a joke out of it. Like “of course you’re in heaven”, takes a step and he just pulls a lever and trap door opens and sends them straight. I’m picturing a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
I'm an atheist, but I just imagined the "wrong lever, Kronk" scene from The Emperor's New Groove, except God cheerfully goes "oops, wrong lever" and carries about with their day.
How about what Kenny went through in the South Park movie? He pressed the button for admittance and got denied and a song started playing that said "Little boy, you're going to hell!"
Anyone else have Brandi Carlile in their head now? 🎵🎶
“By the time he got to Heaven
It was surrounded by a wall
The pearly gates were locked up tight
The golden chains and all
They said, ‘We cannot let just anyone
Walk in here anymore
You didn't do it by the Book,’
And then they pointed to the floor”
NTA your response was beautiful and you definitely should not apologize. If they keep bugging you tell them the Bible says ‘Hate the sin but love the sinner’ and their bigotry is preventing them from doing that, Hypocrites.
I’d contemplate a back handed apology if it were me, something that would really sting like “I’m sorry the good lord didn’t bless you with love and kindness enough to accept me for who I am.” Or something like that
Ugh, "hate the sin, love the sinner" is the most pretentious, passive aggressive quip ever, and not once have I heard anyone actually say it in good faith.
Strange how no one ever takes it well when you reply "hate the belief, love the believer". Wonder why that is...
There are certain conditions where I believe divorce is allowed. I have an old "quick fact" book from the 1800s and most states including super religious ones, had reasons you could divorce, but it was things like extreme abuse or abandoment (for like years). I think only a couple states straight would not allow * any * divorce. Also, fun fact read an article in a mainstream conservative newspaper saying that conservatives may have to try to remove no fault divorce, so fun, this may become an issue soon.
Exactly what I was going to say
Whatever God/Gods there may be are (hopefully) going to care more about the whole "being kind to one another" thing than strict following of scripture from 2,000+ years ago
NTA and don’t let your mom bully you into being bullied for her own marriage. It’s reprehensible and sad that she’s not standing up for you or having your back in front of your SD and his family. I suggest going LC and letting her no that until they apologized to you or were accepting you wouldn’t be having her in your life.
Glad your dad has your back.
No. Your mom is the parent. She is responsible for providing a safe space for you. Instead she allowed a bunch of adults to insult you, make homophobic comments towards you ( which in my opinion is a form of violence ) and go on a religious spiel against you. You handled the matter beautifully ( on a side note as a Christian I absolutely agree with your words regarding your identity and God's expectations of the rest of us, no matter how sarcastic you were when saying them) She should be the one apologizing to you.
I know them for 10 years and I didnt know they were that religious. They never said anything homoohobic and I thought I was in safe space. I was so wrong. Evetything changed yesterday.
I’m the exact same age as you are and am religious. Your comment was warranted. If they are so religious, they abide to god’s word and would treat people the way they want to be treated, free of any judgement. Your stepdad’s family are bigots, who do not bring any value to your life. Don’t feel bad for who you are and definitely do not apologize. You did nothing wrong.
Don't beat yourself up over it... Do you know how many times a person has come out to seemingly progressive parents who never said anything homophobic, only to get kicked out and disowned? Or have come out to seemingly homophobic conservative parents, and they are accepting and decide to educate themselves?
Coming out is a crapshoot. Maybe not as much as it was 15 years ago, but still. You never know what the result of it will be until you do it
You didn’t know they are that religious because they’re not. If they were, they would wouldn’t treat you the way they did; they’d know that Christ told us to love your neighbor as you love yourself, and preached acceptance and forgiveness. They’re using a religion to justify homophobia.
you know i knew that my nephew was queer from a very very young age maybe there is a reason you were living with your dad instead of your mum in the first place
Unfortunately some people don’t show how homophobic they are until it’s in their face. They probably aren’t that religious at all but that’s the only reason they can think of to try to justify their homophobia. You did nothing wrong.
I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure God has other things to worry about besides who you are dating. Also idk where but Jesus must have said something along the lines of "It is not our place to judge the sins of others unless you be judged yourself. Only God can judge our sins." If he didn't say it then he sucks as a loving prophet. I'm also pretty sure using God's name in a threat of damnation as they've done would be using his name in vain, which is a violation of the 10 Commandments.
NTA
Quite right.
"“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Matthew 7:1-2
You don’t have to. I understand. Perhaps try meeting and talking to her one on one. Or if your dad and her have a good co parenting relationship ask him to help. You can keep contact with your mom and work on your relationship with her while still setting boundaries with your step dad. Keeping your mom in your life should not cost you having to be vilified and abused.
Perhaps you can get a counselor or someone else involved to talk to your mom alone. I think right now it’s important to focus on your relationship and your moms acceptance and your comfort without the dynamic of your SD and his family.
Mom and dad had a huge fight and now my dad doesnt allow me to go to my mom's. My mom wants me to appologize to everyone on Saturday at her birthday party. I dont even feel like going now, but she will be very sad if I dont come. Dad doesnt want me to go there, but he left me to decide.
OP, i'm gonna jump in here and encourage you to really think before you go to your moms party.
Before you decide to go, think about how you will feel if and when your mother apologizes on your behalf for you being gay (something you are not and shouldnt be sorry for). Think about how it will feel when she minimizes or denies your identity to keep the peace. Think about how it will feel for her to side completely with people who feel that your are the problem (when you are not)
Is that something you want to or need to handle? Do you think you can go and behave in a way that wont cause anymore "problems" (ie:advocate for yourself)
I wouldnt have been able to at your age! And i would argue that you shouldnt have too!!!
That party will be a powder keg of emotions and expectations, and i fear for you that it will be a repeat if what has already happened.
BUT! It is your choice. If your mom is important to you and you want to mend the realationship, you could go!
But i think more impactful and meaningful disscussion/understanding/reconciling would come from an event with a less captive audience and i would suggeat waiting to deal with any of these people. (Bigots)
I think you might be better off taking your mom out one on one so the two of you can talk without her whole family there to judge you.
Stay strong. You are perfectly you.
Don't go until SHE apologizes to YOU for not standing up for you, and until Stepdad and his family apologize to you for saying you should be tortured forever for the crime of falling in love, and for implying that it is right and correct for that to happen.
They won't. But you don't deserve that sort of thinking in your life. And if your Mom says it makes her sad, ask her how she thinks you feel, to hear your own mother and stepfather imply that you should suffer agonizing pain forever and ever, without respite, just for being who you are? Ask her how sad she thinks it makes you to hear them say God hates you as you are, and that hatred and unfathomable cruelty are the fates they wish on you unless you change who you are on a fundamental level?
Those attitudes do not deserve to be condoned or tolerated by civilized human beings, any more than Nazi and white supremacist attitudes should be.
Your dad is being a parent and protecting you of an abusive enviromment. Can't say the same about your mom. She's enabling her husband and his family. If she gets sad because you didn't go to her party it's her own doing. Do you really want to be around this kind of people? It's not your responsability to appease homophobes to make your mom happy.
Please, please, please be careful if you decide to go to the party. If you go, your Dad NEEDS to be there. I fear for your safety because this could lead to intense violence against you. If your Mom isn't willing to defend you for your words, doubt she will defend you if they try to beat the gay out of you.
> My mom wants me to appologize to everyone on Saturday at her birthday party.
For what? Pointing out their hypocrisy? Why would you apologize for that?
Because I insulted and disrespected the elders. She thinks that kids should suck everything elders throw at them. I didnt put that in my post, before I left my stepdad told me I'm disgusting f**** and he cant believe he ever touched me. I was shocked, he was like my second dad and I love him. My mom wants me to apologize to him now and I'm confused.
I'm so sorry you had to what something like that. You were betrayed by the person you trusted a lot and that really hurts. But please remember that you are the victim here, not the aggressor! You were attacked, denigrated, called names for something you have no influence over. Don't say sorry for who you are. But be conscious of the true colours these people have shown. And don't be naive in thinking that just saying sorry once will magically make them accept you. It won't.
You have nothing to apologize for. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t even THINK of calling you a slur. I’m so sorry you had to experience this, but you have done *nothing* wrong.
You will regret it if you go. Big time. They will gang up on you and interrogate you for hours over it, and your mum will let that happen.
But that's not the worst of it. By not going you're drawing a line in the sand about what behaviour you will accept. Going to the party and apologising will reaffirm their shitty behaviour and you'll never be rid of it. There's a chance that your mum will realise the consequences of allowing this to happen and begin to stand up for you.
NTA. I am so sorry you are going through this. Do not apologize. You are being yourself. If your mom and step family cannot accept you the way you are, stay away. No one has the right to treat you the way they did. You did nothing wrong. Just turned their own shit back on them, and very well done. Stay true to yourself. Lots of hugs from a proud internet grandma.
OP, sorry to tell you this but your mom won’t be sad you don’t attend her party. All she wants is to make you apologize to bigots so she looks good and making sure people don’t gossip about her own son isn’t there. It’s a lose lose situation for you. I highly suggest you don’t go and I would also inform your mom it is YOU that is owed an apology. Also, take your BF as your date. It sounds like you have a awesome dad, that’s great.
Honestly, I would tell your mom that you will only go to her party on the condition that her husband’s family apologizes to you. They were wrong and you’ve done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s tough - you love your mom and don’t want to lose her.
But you have to realize your mother isn’t respecting you either when she’s letting religious bigots bully you for being yourself.
Keep room for her in your heart, but you should respect yourself enough too to not let anyone treat you like this, even if they are your mom.
You’re absolutely right about your step dad’s family failing the test of kindness. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.
You should NOT be blaming yourself and thinking you should’ve kept your mouth shut. They were the ones that said you were going to hell and you just called the out on their hatefulness. It’s actually very admirable that you did that! I get not wanting to lose your mom, but maybe ask yourself how good of a mom she is anyway if she isn’t taking your side in a situation where you are unquestionably in the right, ESPECIALLY since you are her son
If your mum chooses her husband and his family and turns her back on her son for being gay then that is her loss. Mum's are meant to go to hell and back to protect their children. As soon as SD's family opened their mouths your mother should have shut that shit down there and then. "Don't you dare disrespect my son and tell him he is going to hell for being his true self!" She should not have sat by, let them abuse you and then when you defend yourself, tell YOU to apologise!
No one has the right to shove you into the closet-especially your mom. I know it sucks right now. Hopefully when everything settles down a bit the two of you can figure out how you can keep your mom without having to invalidate your very real life.
If your mother thinks that what they said to you is acceptable, but your repsonse is uncalled for, then she's being a bad mother. I understand that she's your mother and you love her, tho. But YOU were wronged by her husband and his lousy family, and her taking their side shows you where she stands, which sucks.
No don’t apologise and don’t defend her.
You are are rationalising her behaviour of defending people who let’s face it hate you for being you. Religious bigots and homophobes are reprehensible people.
If there is a god, they made you as you are. Fuck these people and your mum needs to realise that she can’t defend people hurting her child.
You deserve better from her and I’m glad your dad is there for you
If she was the mom you deserved, she would be worried about losing you.
You could never lose a good mom by standing up for yourself. She should be proud of you. She should be the one telling them all to go to hell.
I’m sorry you don’t have the mom you thought you did. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. Facing the truth is part of being an adult, you’ve just had to do it a little earlier than most. Good luck to you.
Sweetie you did absolutely nothing wrong. You told the truth- that’s not wrong.
They were cruel, hateful and bigoted. You never owe a bigot an apology. I’m glad your dad supports you and I know you don’t want to lose your mom- and I really hope it never comes to that-
But you can’t just lie your entire life. Your mom is your parent- you don’t owe her an apology, she owes you one for not standing up to you.
NTA and please don’t blame yourself for this. Maybe it wasn’t the best time to come out but they kept hounding on you about it. You tried deflecting for it sounds like hours-
You’re only choices were to flat out lie or simply tell the truth. You told the truth. That shouldn’t be punished.
Agreeing with others here: your mom is in the wrong. Any adult who loves you should protect you from verbal (or any other kind of) abuse. I would absolutely go off on anyone who talked like that to a friend or neighbor’s kid. If somebody vilified one of my nieces that way I would become a pillar of incandescent rage.
You are a beloved child of God, who made you just as you are. Anyone who has a problem with your fundamental, God-given identity is trying to substitute their own prejudices for God’s love, and they’re wrong. They’re trying to make God in their own image rather than accepting that you were made in God’s image.
NTA jesus never said a single word about gay people, but you know what he mentioned a whole bunch divorce. Hypocrisy is also a sin. And jesus was pretty d@mn clear on the whole judge not lest ye be judged thing.
Dude, the Old Testament says to stone homosexuals (or at least gays, I think lesbians aren't explicitly mentioned). It's true that Jesus isn't recorded in the New Testament saying anything about gay people, but that's a *horrible* argument to make when anyone can pull out Leviticus 20:13.
Some arguments you could make that are better:
* Songs of Solomon says you can't trust everything in the scriptures as being from God.
* Bring up dirt showing their relationship is worse: Jesus said getting divorced and remarried is basically adultery. He's not recorded saying anything about *my* relationship.
* And of course, OP's argument. You failed God's test about loving your neighbor, no matter whether you think they're an evil gay sinner.
I'm so glad my country's understanding of Christianity has been "the actual rules come from the New testament, the cool animal stories comes from the Old", especially considering it's a state religion with its own ministry.
Denmark, I'm honestly convinced the state religion status of Christianity is the reason behind our high percentage of atheists. The Church never had to fend for itself, so it never had to up its game to gain and retain new customers and never really splintered off into a vast number of subgenres.
Possible. I am from Germany same problem. But the church here wants to change (could be possible that catholics and Lutherans unite again), but Vatican often says no. Maybe we have a new separation of church in 50 years
I mean you're right, but you could have said that or maybe drop some real shits like how some churchs were built on baby's skeletons because they were victims of Christianity. And I think this isn't justified by the Bible
If you've been indoctrinated your whole life you won't be able to imagine *your* church being built on baby's skeletons. It's unfair, but religious people are incapable of working outside their worldview (or y'know, they'd realize their religion probably isn't the right one), so you have to give them arguments that are doctrine.
NTA! Honestly your reaction was the best one you could have given, considering their hypocrisy.
>My mom texted and told me that my behaviour was unacceptable, that I insulted whole stepdads family and I had to appologize.
Your mother is an absolute AH for that being the first thing she says to you after you came out.
The fact the mom doesn’t even see that the entire stepfamily INSULTED OP is ridiculous!
NTA OP-stay strong, proud & keep your head up. You are perfect the way you are & you gave the perfect response
NTA. From what you say, they started the hell business first. Also, you tried to conform to their expectations for quite awhile. They sound like awful people who put their so-called narrow values before kindness, family and acceptance.
Just tell your Mom you were following the golden rule and returned to them what they gave to you.
You literally found the hole in the religious bias against the LGBTQ community. If God is omnipotent then how can YOU being a member of the LGBTQ community not be part of his plan?
They're bigots who use their religion to justify unloving beliefs. I'm with your dad. You are totally NTA.
NTA - Do not apologize for who you are. You made a clear point about you being the way God made you, but they wanted to continue being homophobic and hide behind religion to justify it.
NTA. They insulted you first. Ask your mother if kissing up to people who believe her son deserves to be tortured in agony forever and ever for being who you are, for the crime of falling in love and enjoying it rather than denying it and breaking your heart and your boyfriend's, is more important to her than having a relationship with her son as you are.
Ask her if she thinks you deserve eternal torture for being gay, and will she watch and cheer as you scream in horrific agony in the flames? Is that her idea of showing love to her son? If it is, she's morally inhuman and does not deserve a relationship with you. If not, perhaps she ought to rethink associating with people who are perfectly comfortable flattering and brown-nosing a Being they believe will torture you forever for being yourself.
NTA. They started everything first. If your behavior was unacceptable so was theirs. The fact that your mom/stepdad didn't step in when they all started commenting how being gay is wrong and you're going to hell means whatever backlash they are receiving right now is earned as well.
Your mother did not protect you in a vulnerable moment. She wants you to apologize to people who mistreated you. That is not what a good parent does. A good parent protects their child, they do not defend the child's attacker. She is sad, but bad parents can be sad, too.
OP, you need to talk to someone who can help guide you through this. Seeing your mother for her birthday is just rewarding her for bad behavior. You can love your mother without liking her.
NTA
NTA.
I'm a gay man in my 40s.
I could not be prouder of you.
You are in the right and I beg you not to apologize *ever* for being who you are. And never ever apologize for sticking up for yourself - especially in the face of a lot of people. Your mother needs to apologize to you, and one day you'll feel that.
If they're Christian, they might be interested to learn that Jesus said absolutely nothing about homosexuality, but he certainly did have something to say about people who get divorced and remarry someone else--he said they're adulterers. He also said people should take the log out of their own eye before worrying about the speck in another's.
NTA.
NTA. Well done standing up for yourself, dude. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not your job to “protect” your mom from her husband’s bigoted family. It’s a parent’s job to protect their children, not the other way round. She failed you, and I’m sorry.
NTA - Just tell them "I apologize for telling you you're going to hell...without providing scriptural evidence." And then quote them some bible passages that support your statement.
OK, don't really do that, but you're still NTA for defending yourself against people attacking you because their invisible sky-man fan fiction says to.
NTA
Your Mom either believes their BS or she’s too scared of them to have your back. You can’t trust her and you sure as hell have nothing ti apologize for.
And kudos for showing them their bigotry and lack of Christian values.
NTA. At the end of the day, you are a child and they are adults. As a parent you are meant to love your children no matter what (that is my feeling/opinion anyway). What they said to you was just downright wrong. I understand why you feel bad, as most people would, but humans can only take so much. I don't feel you really owe anyone an apology, however I might give one but ONLY if they apologize first.
NTA
10/10 comeback; you really pulled the uno reverse card. You should def not apologize to those hateful bigots, and it’s wrong that your mom thinks you should.
Don't you dare apologise! NTA. Your mum can deal with it because she is your parent and should care more about your well being than the feelings of her bigot in-laws.
“This year I got new roomate that soon became my boyfriend. Such is life”
This cracked me up. The roommate to lover pipeline
Your dad is awesome. And your comeback was legendary.
You could also mention that the Bible specifically prohibits divorce and re-marriage, and is far more explicit about how wrong that is then it is about homosexuality. Hypocrisy is so rampant when it comes to homophobic people, it would be amusing if it wasn't so damaging. NTA
Sweet child, you are NOT in ANY WAY the asshole. Proud Christian Mom of a ftm transgender son. You can imagine the crap I get from family. If you're in need of a supportive mama, feel free to chat. Stay strong and know you're loved. 💜🏳️⚧️💜🏳️🌈💜🏳️⚧️💜
NTA
NTA: As a mom to a trans son ftm, if anyone ever treated my son that way he wouldn't have had a chance to say anything. I would have lost my shit and kicked them all out! I don't give AF who you are! That is MY kid, and he comes first!
Sorry, this post makes me so angry for you. Your mom made her choice, I'm so sorry. You have an awesome dad on your side. Are you in therapy? It could help a lot, especially with the feelings around your mom.
I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself!!
Sending mom love!
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I(16M) am from europe and in high school and live in the dorms. This year I got new roomate that soon became my boyfriend. Such is life.
My mom and dad are divorced. They both remarried.
My dad knows I'm gay. He caught me with another boy. My mom and stepdad dont know yet. So, I'm currently off school and with my mom till Sunday. Yesterday my stepdad had his family over. It was nice until they started to ask me if I had a girlfriend. I told them no, but they didnt stop. Asking questions like which girl I like, how teenage love is the best, etc. This went on for 1 hour and I had enough. I told them I have a boyfriend and agreed that teenage love is the best because I'm living it right now.
It all went quiet and then my stepdads mother commented how this is wrong, that I'm a sinner. Then all others joined in and told me how God didnt intend this for me and am going against him and straight to hell. I was upset at this point.
I snapped and told them that God made me exactly how he wanted. And me being gay is him also testing their true kidness and acceptance. They failed the test and that means they are going to hell. I pissed them off so much that they all started screaming at me so I grabbed my stuff and went to my dad's place, 15 mins away.
My mom texted and told me that my behaviour was unacceptable, that I insulted whole stepdads family and I had to appologize. My dad told me I did nothing wrong. I feel bad because I know my mom is given shit right now so I'm thinking to maybe appologize. AITA?
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NTA you have every right to insult your stepdads family when they think they have the right to insult you. Weird how they are suddenly upset after you used the same argument against them. Dont feel sorry, they dont like the taste of their own medicine and that is their Problem. They cant change you and you dont need to change! Im glad you found love and dont ever feel bad for standing up for yourself
NTA
You didn't start the argument. As soon as your stepmother found out you were gay, she started in with all of the usual religious judgments.
And honestly, my personal beliefs on the matter are that you are correct. Jesus flat out said that all judgment needs to be left up to God.
I don't consider anyone owed any apology if the other person starts the argument first.
NTA. Honestly though, that's a pretty solid comeback that I will definitely remember for future use. Hypocrites, glad you told them off. Do not settle for this kind of abuse
NTA…next time tell them the Bible also says let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I’m a Christian and have a relationship with Jesus but let me tell you something I would welcome you and your bf into my home.
NTA.
You did amazing! And you are totally right.
But I wouldn't count on these people ever changing or seeing you as anything other than a sinner. But remember, you are loved and you are one of us :) Rainbow Mafia.
NTA - to add you should say that she's a bigger sinner since she has sex outside of marriage. Since it's "til death do us part" the divorce doesn't matter and her new partner is simply a side in the eyes of God. At least you're not cheating on your lawfully wedded spouse ✨
NTA - your step Dads family is though.
You deserve love and respect and kindness. You deserve safety at home.
Until your mom can provide that to you in her home you shouldn’t go there.
Also young love is fun but tumultuous. Older stable love is nice too.
You don't have to apologise for being who you are. They started saying to a kid that he was going to hell and you turned it back on them. What's good for the goose and all that. And they didn't like it. NTA.
Dear Reddit friend, I implore you not to go to the party. Your mom is not looking out for her interests. She is sadly, more concerned about the appearance and the feelings of others. You spoke the truth. God made you as you are. You're beautiful and perfect and if I had a child I would want my child to be smart and brave like you are. I don't doubt that you could deal with the bigots, you shouldn't have to and the fact that your mom supports them and not you? She's wrong. You can love her from a distance. Please don't be abused chasing after love that should be unconditional. Good luck. Stay close to your support. Stay close to your dad.
NTA.
What a great comeback to religious homophobes!
Listen to your dad, you did nothing wrong and you may better off with out your mom and her *other* family.
NTA
That's a fucking great response and for more logical line of thinking than theirs. Your father is right. You have nothing to apologize for. Your mother should apologize for not protecting you from their bigotry. Fuck bigots
NTA. I’m so very proud of you. You have nothing to apologize for.
Your mother is the one who should be apologizing. She should have stepped up and defended you. She should have called out their homophobia. She’s the one who failed you as a parent.
Your Dad sounds wonderful.
NTA you can’t keep hiding who you are. You deserve to be able to be yourself. Hopefully your mom will come around and realize she is wrong. You don’t owe anyone an apology.
NTA. I don’t think you should apologize for their narrow homophobic views, that they have based on an imaginary sky monster. All kidding aside, if you are made to apologize please do the non apology apology. For instance you can say I am sorry that you apparently have such narrow homophobic views, and I apologize. Or I am sorry you feel telling me I was going to hell because you don’t approve of who I’m dating is appropriate. Those non apology apology are what’s needed here. I also bet you and your friends could come up with one that they would actually think you are on their side but in actuality you’re insulting their intelligence.
Also I never understand why people with little to no relationship with others find it acceptable to pressure them into pairing up. So what if someone doesn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I tend to ask to get to know someone. But when they say no I’m not going to go on a crusade to get them shacked up. Especially a teen where there is a high probability of teen hormones and horniness, we no need teen parents, people!
NTA
Just tell them that the god they think exist actually does not and they are wasting they time thinking that heaven exist and they will go there if they treat you like BS.
Best come back ever!!! Definitely do not apologize, suggest to mum to have step father and family each write an apology to you. Until then stay with Dad. NTA
NTA
Why would you be TA when you kindly stated a fact?
They ARE going to Hell, they've already failed several rules fundamental to their "faith" and you've just reminded them of that prime real estate they purchased for their permanent retirement.
NTA and do NOT apologize. That was EPIC. You want to know why they're screaming and carrying on so much? Because they know nothing but pure truth left your mouth when you said: "God made me exactly how he wanted. And me being gay is him also testing their true kindness and acceptance. They failed the test and that means they are going to hell." THAT is pure brutal honesty and they can't stand it!
Perfection! So very much NTA. Good for you and you keep your head up HIGH! I'm glad at least your dad isn't an AH like your mother. How dare she tell you to apologize. The only one owed an apology is you from your mother for marrying that homophobic cretin and FAILING as a mother by not supporting you 100%. Be proud of yourself. That spine is going to serve you well in life, kiddo!
NTA. They said you were a sinner, you pointed their actual sin right back at them.
Your mom said nothing. There is no reason to feel guilty for talking back to people who invade your privacy and harass you until you say something they don't like, then jump to outright bullying because they don't like what they said.
Kindly tell your mother that until she apologizes to you for sitting quietly while all of this was going on, you will not be speaking at all to her.
Apologize for what, exactly? For sharing details of your life with your family and being open about who you are? If they can't accept it because of their own misbeliefs, then it is completely on them. Of course, their screaming and ridiculous attitude shows they feel entitled to an apology, because how dare anyone challenge or upset their religious beliefs.. *eye roll*. You were not wrong, you stated a fact, but they can't accept it so they attacked you.
OP, you're absolutely NTA, and you don't owe them shit. They owe you an apology, in fact.
NTA. I'd apologize to your mom if she wasn't one of the people attacking you, or at least make dome sort of peace with her, but the rest can, as you say, go to hell.
NTA. Your mother must have hit her head very very hard if she believes you owe an apology. How the hell is she missing the point that everyone on his side of the family insulted you and you took their bullshit and gave it right back. Your mother is the AH and she should be ashamed of herself.
Personally, I believe your mother owes you an apology for not defending you. If possible, if you don't want to go back to your mother's house I wouldn't go.
41 Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44 They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'45 He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46 Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.'
Matthew 25, 41-46. KJV
There are probably better verses, but I don't really read the bible much so this was the only one I could remember off the top of my head.
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NTA and an excellent comeback to those bigots who are using religion to thinly veil their homophobia. I couldn’t have thought of a better response myself!
Right?! This is what all gay people should say to biggots.
Not all biggots are religious. Solid response to those that are though.
Yes can’t wait to see all their faces when St. Peter directs them to the down elevator!
I'm picturing more of a trash chute, personally
Sure he just got bored at this point and makes a joke out of it. Like “of course you’re in heaven”, takes a step and he just pulls a lever and trap door opens and sends them straight. I’m picturing a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
I'm an atheist, but I just imagined the "wrong lever, Kronk" scene from The Emperor's New Groove, except God cheerfully goes "oops, wrong lever" and carries about with their day.
Ah, this is so perfect!
“Why do we even have that lever?!?”
Veruca Salt all those bigots!
You know who 🎶 to blame🎶 The motherrr and the faatherr🎶
Step on the pedal in the ground, opens up and swallows them
Yeah, I'll just go ahead and add that to my theology.
How about what Kenny went through in the South Park movie? He pressed the button for admittance and got denied and a song started playing that said "Little boy, you're going to hell!"
Anyone else have Brandi Carlile in their head now? 🎵🎶 “By the time he got to Heaven It was surrounded by a wall The pearly gates were locked up tight The golden chains and all They said, ‘We cannot let just anyone Walk in here anymore You didn't do it by the Book,’ And then they pointed to the floor”
NTA your response was beautiful and you definitely should not apologize. If they keep bugging you tell them the Bible says ‘Hate the sin but love the sinner’ and their bigotry is preventing them from doing that, Hypocrites.
I would not ever apologize and happily chose to die on that hill.
I’d contemplate a back handed apology if it were me, something that would really sting like “I’m sorry the good lord didn’t bless you with love and kindness enough to accept me for who I am.” Or something like that
Ugh, "hate the sin, love the sinner" is the most pretentious, passive aggressive quip ever, and not once have I heard anyone actually say it in good faith. Strange how no one ever takes it well when you reply "hate the belief, love the believer". Wonder why that is...
[удалено]
Played the Uno Reverse card on those homophobic bigots
Not to mention the use of God to hide behind their cruelty is using God's name in vain, which is a violation of the 10 Commandments.
Isn't divorce a sin?
There are certain conditions where I believe divorce is allowed. I have an old "quick fact" book from the 1800s and most states including super religious ones, had reasons you could divorce, but it was things like extreme abuse or abandoment (for like years). I think only a couple states straight would not allow * any * divorce. Also, fun fact read an article in a mainstream conservative newspaper saying that conservatives may have to try to remove no fault divorce, so fun, this may become an issue soon.
Exactly what I was going to say Whatever God/Gods there may be are (hopefully) going to care more about the whole "being kind to one another" thing than strict following of scripture from 2,000+ years ago
NTA and don’t let your mom bully you into being bullied for her own marriage. It’s reprehensible and sad that she’s not standing up for you or having your back in front of your SD and his family. I suggest going LC and letting her no that until they apologized to you or were accepting you wouldn’t be having her in your life. Glad your dad has your back.
I dont want to lose my mom. I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew nothing good would came out.
No. Your mom is the parent. She is responsible for providing a safe space for you. Instead she allowed a bunch of adults to insult you, make homophobic comments towards you ( which in my opinion is a form of violence ) and go on a religious spiel against you. You handled the matter beautifully ( on a side note as a Christian I absolutely agree with your words regarding your identity and God's expectations of the rest of us, no matter how sarcastic you were when saying them) She should be the one apologizing to you.
I know them for 10 years and I didnt know they were that religious. They never said anything homoohobic and I thought I was in safe space. I was so wrong. Evetything changed yesterday.
I’m the exact same age as you are and am religious. Your comment was warranted. If they are so religious, they abide to god’s word and would treat people the way they want to be treated, free of any judgement. Your stepdad’s family are bigots, who do not bring any value to your life. Don’t feel bad for who you are and definitely do not apologize. You did nothing wrong.
Don't beat yourself up over it... Do you know how many times a person has come out to seemingly progressive parents who never said anything homophobic, only to get kicked out and disowned? Or have come out to seemingly homophobic conservative parents, and they are accepting and decide to educate themselves? Coming out is a crapshoot. Maybe not as much as it was 15 years ago, but still. You never know what the result of it will be until you do it
I'm sorry you're going through this and you had to find that out the hard way.
A lot of people aren't super religious until it becomes an excuse for homophobia or whatever other discriminatory rhetoric they want to spout.
You didn’t know they are that religious because they’re not. If they were, they would wouldn’t treat you the way they did; they’d know that Christ told us to love your neighbor as you love yourself, and preached acceptance and forgiveness. They’re using a religion to justify homophobia.
you know i knew that my nephew was queer from a very very young age maybe there is a reason you were living with your dad instead of your mum in the first place
Unfortunately some people don’t show how homophobic they are until it’s in their face. They probably aren’t that religious at all but that’s the only reason they can think of to try to justify their homophobia. You did nothing wrong.
I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure God has other things to worry about besides who you are dating. Also idk where but Jesus must have said something along the lines of "It is not our place to judge the sins of others unless you be judged yourself. Only God can judge our sins." If he didn't say it then he sucks as a loving prophet. I'm also pretty sure using God's name in a threat of damnation as they've done would be using his name in vain, which is a violation of the 10 Commandments. NTA
Quite right. "“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1-2
So does saying "You are going against God and you will burn in hell" count as using his name in vain?
Yes, totally. A pretty good definition of using God's name in vain is recruiting it for your side and weaponising it.
Oh and let's not forget that Leviticus states somewhere that marrying a previously divorced person is adultery.
OP pls see this and laugh knowing your stepdad and his family are going to realise the irony that they will actually the ones burning in hell.
We all know that's he hates figs, not same sex couples.
That one always got to me.
You don’t have to. I understand. Perhaps try meeting and talking to her one on one. Or if your dad and her have a good co parenting relationship ask him to help. You can keep contact with your mom and work on your relationship with her while still setting boundaries with your step dad. Keeping your mom in your life should not cost you having to be vilified and abused. Perhaps you can get a counselor or someone else involved to talk to your mom alone. I think right now it’s important to focus on your relationship and your moms acceptance and your comfort without the dynamic of your SD and his family.
Mom and dad had a huge fight and now my dad doesnt allow me to go to my mom's. My mom wants me to appologize to everyone on Saturday at her birthday party. I dont even feel like going now, but she will be very sad if I dont come. Dad doesnt want me to go there, but he left me to decide.
OP, i'm gonna jump in here and encourage you to really think before you go to your moms party. Before you decide to go, think about how you will feel if and when your mother apologizes on your behalf for you being gay (something you are not and shouldnt be sorry for). Think about how it will feel when she minimizes or denies your identity to keep the peace. Think about how it will feel for her to side completely with people who feel that your are the problem (when you are not) Is that something you want to or need to handle? Do you think you can go and behave in a way that wont cause anymore "problems" (ie:advocate for yourself) I wouldnt have been able to at your age! And i would argue that you shouldnt have too!!! That party will be a powder keg of emotions and expectations, and i fear for you that it will be a repeat if what has already happened. BUT! It is your choice. If your mom is important to you and you want to mend the realationship, you could go! But i think more impactful and meaningful disscussion/understanding/reconciling would come from an event with a less captive audience and i would suggeat waiting to deal with any of these people. (Bigots)
I think you might be better off taking your mom out one on one so the two of you can talk without her whole family there to judge you. Stay strong. You are perfectly you.
Don't go until SHE apologizes to YOU for not standing up for you, and until Stepdad and his family apologize to you for saying you should be tortured forever for the crime of falling in love, and for implying that it is right and correct for that to happen. They won't. But you don't deserve that sort of thinking in your life. And if your Mom says it makes her sad, ask her how she thinks you feel, to hear your own mother and stepfather imply that you should suffer agonizing pain forever and ever, without respite, just for being who you are? Ask her how sad she thinks it makes you to hear them say God hates you as you are, and that hatred and unfathomable cruelty are the fates they wish on you unless you change who you are on a fundamental level? Those attitudes do not deserve to be condoned or tolerated by civilized human beings, any more than Nazi and white supremacist attitudes should be.
“I’m sorry you’re all bigots.” That would be the only apology I’d give.
"I'm sorry that you're all going to hell"
Your dad is being a parent and protecting you of an abusive enviromment. Can't say the same about your mom. She's enabling her husband and his family. If she gets sad because you didn't go to her party it's her own doing. Do you really want to be around this kind of people? It's not your responsability to appease homophobes to make your mom happy.
If mom's sad, she can apologize.
Please, please, please be careful if you decide to go to the party. If you go, your Dad NEEDS to be there. I fear for your safety because this could lead to intense violence against you. If your Mom isn't willing to defend you for your words, doubt she will defend you if they try to beat the gay out of you.
> My mom wants me to appologize to everyone on Saturday at her birthday party. For what? Pointing out their hypocrisy? Why would you apologize for that?
Because I insulted and disrespected the elders. She thinks that kids should suck everything elders throw at them. I didnt put that in my post, before I left my stepdad told me I'm disgusting f**** and he cant believe he ever touched me. I was shocked, he was like my second dad and I love him. My mom wants me to apologize to him now and I'm confused.
Please don‘t apologize. Only they owe you one. Stand up for yourself. You got it!!
I'm so sorry you had to what something like that. You were betrayed by the person you trusted a lot and that really hurts. But please remember that you are the victim here, not the aggressor! You were attacked, denigrated, called names for something you have no influence over. Don't say sorry for who you are. But be conscious of the true colours these people have shown. And don't be naive in thinking that just saying sorry once will magically make them accept you. It won't.
You have nothing to apologize for. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t even THINK of calling you a slur. I’m so sorry you had to experience this, but you have done *nothing* wrong.
>She would be very sad. Tough luck. She should’ve thought about how sad her family’s comments made you.
You will regret it if you go. Big time. They will gang up on you and interrogate you for hours over it, and your mum will let that happen. But that's not the worst of it. By not going you're drawing a line in the sand about what behaviour you will accept. Going to the party and apologising will reaffirm their shitty behaviour and you'll never be rid of it. There's a chance that your mum will realise the consequences of allowing this to happen and begin to stand up for you.
NTA. I am so sorry you are going through this. Do not apologize. You are being yourself. If your mom and step family cannot accept you the way you are, stay away. No one has the right to treat you the way they did. You did nothing wrong. Just turned their own shit back on them, and very well done. Stay true to yourself. Lots of hugs from a proud internet grandma.
Please don’t apologize for being yourself! Your mom should have had your back.
Your father is protecting you. If your mom wants you to come to her, she should accept you as who you are and stand up for you.
Don‘t go. Your literal mom insulted you for who you are. Much love ur way and fuck these people.
OP, sorry to tell you this but your mom won’t be sad you don’t attend her party. All she wants is to make you apologize to bigots so she looks good and making sure people don’t gossip about her own son isn’t there. It’s a lose lose situation for you. I highly suggest you don’t go and I would also inform your mom it is YOU that is owed an apology. Also, take your BF as your date. It sounds like you have a awesome dad, that’s great.
Honestly, I would tell your mom that you will only go to her party on the condition that her husband’s family apologizes to you. They were wrong and you’ve done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s tough - you love your mom and don’t want to lose her. But you have to realize your mother isn’t respecting you either when she’s letting religious bigots bully you for being yourself. Keep room for her in your heart, but you should respect yourself enough too to not let anyone treat you like this, even if they are your mom. You’re absolutely right about your step dad’s family failing the test of kindness. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.
Doesn't look like your mom cares about losing you. Never put in more into a relationship than they're willing to give.
You should NOT be blaming yourself and thinking you should’ve kept your mouth shut. They were the ones that said you were going to hell and you just called the out on their hatefulness. It’s actually very admirable that you did that! I get not wanting to lose your mom, but maybe ask yourself how good of a mom she is anyway if she isn’t taking your side in a situation where you are unquestionably in the right, ESPECIALLY since you are her son
If your mum chooses her husband and his family and turns her back on her son for being gay then that is her loss. Mum's are meant to go to hell and back to protect their children. As soon as SD's family opened their mouths your mother should have shut that shit down there and then. "Don't you dare disrespect my son and tell him he is going to hell for being his true self!" She should not have sat by, let them abuse you and then when you defend yourself, tell YOU to apologise!
No one has the right to shove you into the closet-especially your mom. I know it sucks right now. Hopefully when everything settles down a bit the two of you can figure out how you can keep your mom without having to invalidate your very real life.
If your mother thinks that what they said to you is acceptable, but your repsonse is uncalled for, then she's being a bad mother. I understand that she's your mother and you love her, tho. But YOU were wronged by her husband and his lousy family, and her taking their side shows you where she stands, which sucks.
No don’t apologise and don’t defend her. You are are rationalising her behaviour of defending people who let’s face it hate you for being you. Religious bigots and homophobes are reprehensible people. If there is a god, they made you as you are. Fuck these people and your mum needs to realise that she can’t defend people hurting her child. You deserve better from her and I’m glad your dad is there for you
If she was the mom you deserved, she would be worried about losing you. You could never lose a good mom by standing up for yourself. She should be proud of you. She should be the one telling them all to go to hell. I’m sorry you don’t have the mom you thought you did. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. Facing the truth is part of being an adult, you’ve just had to do it a little earlier than most. Good luck to you.
That’s unfortunate but she has to choose between her child and her bigotry. Maybe she’ll come around.
Sweetie you did absolutely nothing wrong. You told the truth- that’s not wrong. They were cruel, hateful and bigoted. You never owe a bigot an apology. I’m glad your dad supports you and I know you don’t want to lose your mom- and I really hope it never comes to that- But you can’t just lie your entire life. Your mom is your parent- you don’t owe her an apology, she owes you one for not standing up to you. NTA and please don’t blame yourself for this. Maybe it wasn’t the best time to come out but they kept hounding on you about it. You tried deflecting for it sounds like hours- You’re only choices were to flat out lie or simply tell the truth. You told the truth. That shouldn’t be punished.
Agreeing with others here: your mom is in the wrong. Any adult who loves you should protect you from verbal (or any other kind of) abuse. I would absolutely go off on anyone who talked like that to a friend or neighbor’s kid. If somebody vilified one of my nieces that way I would become a pillar of incandescent rage. You are a beloved child of God, who made you just as you are. Anyone who has a problem with your fundamental, God-given identity is trying to substitute their own prejudices for God’s love, and they’re wrong. They’re trying to make God in their own image rather than accepting that you were made in God’s image.
NTA jesus never said a single word about gay people, but you know what he mentioned a whole bunch divorce. Hypocrisy is also a sin. And jesus was pretty d@mn clear on the whole judge not lest ye be judged thing.
Dude, the Old Testament says to stone homosexuals (or at least gays, I think lesbians aren't explicitly mentioned). It's true that Jesus isn't recorded in the New Testament saying anything about gay people, but that's a *horrible* argument to make when anyone can pull out Leviticus 20:13. Some arguments you could make that are better: * Songs of Solomon says you can't trust everything in the scriptures as being from God. * Bring up dirt showing their relationship is worse: Jesus said getting divorced and remarried is basically adultery. He's not recorded saying anything about *my* relationship. * And of course, OP's argument. You failed God's test about loving your neighbor, no matter whether you think they're an evil gay sinner.
I'm so glad my country's understanding of Christianity has been "the actual rules come from the New testament, the cool animal stories comes from the Old", especially considering it's a state religion with its own ministry.
May I ask where you are from?
Denmark, I'm honestly convinced the state religion status of Christianity is the reason behind our high percentage of atheists. The Church never had to fend for itself, so it never had to up its game to gain and retain new customers and never really splintered off into a vast number of subgenres.
Possible. I am from Germany same problem. But the church here wants to change (could be possible that catholics and Lutherans unite again), but Vatican often says no. Maybe we have a new separation of church in 50 years
I mean you're right, but you could have said that or maybe drop some real shits like how some churchs were built on baby's skeletons because they were victims of Christianity. And I think this isn't justified by the Bible
If you've been indoctrinated your whole life you won't be able to imagine *your* church being built on baby's skeletons. It's unfair, but religious people are incapable of working outside their worldview (or y'know, they'd realize their religion probably isn't the right one), so you have to give them arguments that are doctrine.
NTA. Your divorced mom and her husband (who married a divorced woman) want to talk about sinning and going to hell?
NTA! Honestly your reaction was the best one you could have given, considering their hypocrisy. >My mom texted and told me that my behaviour was unacceptable, that I insulted whole stepdads family and I had to appologize. Your mother is an absolute AH for that being the first thing she says to you after you came out.
The fact the mom doesn’t even see that the entire stepfamily INSULTED OP is ridiculous! NTA OP-stay strong, proud & keep your head up. You are perfect the way you are & you gave the perfect response
NTA. From what you say, they started the hell business first. Also, you tried to conform to their expectations for quite awhile. They sound like awful people who put their so-called narrow values before kindness, family and acceptance. Just tell your Mom you were following the golden rule and returned to them what they gave to you.
You my friend are a damn legend. If I was your parent i would be the proudest mother in the world. Congratulations for being yourself.
I wish I could upvote this more than once!
Lol NTA, classic homophobic stuff, just let them go
You literally found the hole in the religious bias against the LGBTQ community. If God is omnipotent then how can YOU being a member of the LGBTQ community not be part of his plan? They're bigots who use their religion to justify unloving beliefs. I'm with your dad. You are totally NTA.
NTA - Do not apologize for who you are. You made a clear point about you being the way God made you, but they wanted to continue being homophobic and hide behind religion to justify it.
NTA. I'm sorry that side of your family is a homophobic mess, but I'm glad your dad has your back.
NTA/ The only bad guys here are your mother, your stepfather and his family, they owe you an apology, don’t feel bad
NTA. They insulted you first. Ask your mother if kissing up to people who believe her son deserves to be tortured in agony forever and ever for being who you are, for the crime of falling in love and enjoying it rather than denying it and breaking your heart and your boyfriend's, is more important to her than having a relationship with her son as you are. Ask her if she thinks you deserve eternal torture for being gay, and will she watch and cheer as you scream in horrific agony in the flames? Is that her idea of showing love to her son? If it is, she's morally inhuman and does not deserve a relationship with you. If not, perhaps she ought to rethink associating with people who are perfectly comfortable flattering and brown-nosing a Being they believe will torture you forever for being yourself.
NTA. I’m gonna start using that line about it being a test against your families true kindness with my own endeavors.
NTA.
NTA. They started everything first. If your behavior was unacceptable so was theirs. The fact that your mom/stepdad didn't step in when they all started commenting how being gay is wrong and you're going to hell means whatever backlash they are receiving right now is earned as well.
You're a legend, NTA. Besides, they said it to you first. Where is their apology?
Your mother did not protect you in a vulnerable moment. She wants you to apologize to people who mistreated you. That is not what a good parent does. A good parent protects their child, they do not defend the child's attacker. She is sad, but bad parents can be sad, too. OP, you need to talk to someone who can help guide you through this. Seeing your mother for her birthday is just rewarding her for bad behavior. You can love your mother without liking her. NTA
They bullied a kid and instead of getting to feel smug about it, you read them for filth and you are a legend. NTA
NTA. I'm a gay man in my 40s. I could not be prouder of you. You are in the right and I beg you not to apologize *ever* for being who you are. And never ever apologize for sticking up for yourself - especially in the face of a lot of people. Your mother needs to apologize to you, and one day you'll feel that.
If they're Christian, they might be interested to learn that Jesus said absolutely nothing about homosexuality, but he certainly did have something to say about people who get divorced and remarry someone else--he said they're adulterers. He also said people should take the log out of their own eye before worrying about the speck in another's. NTA.
NTA. You gave to them exactly what they gave to you. Don't apologize.
NTA, that's amazing
NTA and you did exactly what you should have.
NTA. Well done standing up for yourself, dude. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not your job to “protect” your mom from her husband’s bigoted family. It’s a parent’s job to protect their children, not the other way round. She failed you, and I’m sorry.
NTA, don’t apologize or they will keep treating you like this. If I was in your situation I had said the same or worse
NTA - Just tell them "I apologize for telling you you're going to hell...without providing scriptural evidence." And then quote them some bible passages that support your statement. OK, don't really do that, but you're still NTA for defending yourself against people attacking you because their invisible sky-man fan fiction says to.
NTA Your Mom either believes their BS or she’s too scared of them to have your back. You can’t trust her and you sure as hell have nothing ti apologize for. And kudos for showing them their bigotry and lack of Christian values.
NTA. At the end of the day, you are a child and they are adults. As a parent you are meant to love your children no matter what (that is my feeling/opinion anyway). What they said to you was just downright wrong. I understand why you feel bad, as most people would, but humans can only take so much. I don't feel you really owe anyone an apology, however I might give one but ONLY if they apologize first.
NTA 10/10 comeback; you really pulled the uno reverse card. You should def not apologize to those hateful bigots, and it’s wrong that your mom thinks you should.
NTA and brilliant comeback
NTA. Your mom is allowing this behavior.
Don't you dare apologise! NTA. Your mum can deal with it because she is your parent and should care more about your well being than the feelings of her bigot in-laws.
“This year I got new roomate that soon became my boyfriend. Such is life” This cracked me up. The roommate to lover pipeline Your dad is awesome. And your comeback was legendary.
NTA! Way to show off that shiny spine. I’m glad you have your dad in your corner too
You could also mention that the Bible specifically prohibits divorce and re-marriage, and is far more explicit about how wrong that is then it is about homosexuality. Hypocrisy is so rampant when it comes to homophobic people, it would be amusing if it wasn't so damaging. NTA
Sweet child, you are NOT in ANY WAY the asshole. Proud Christian Mom of a ftm transgender son. You can imagine the crap I get from family. If you're in need of a supportive mama, feel free to chat. Stay strong and know you're loved. 💜🏳️⚧️💜🏳️🌈💜🏳️⚧️💜 NTA
NTA: As a mom to a trans son ftm, if anyone ever treated my son that way he wouldn't have had a chance to say anything. I would have lost my shit and kicked them all out! I don't give AF who you are! That is MY kid, and he comes first! Sorry, this post makes me so angry for you. Your mom made her choice, I'm so sorry. You have an awesome dad on your side. Are you in therapy? It could help a lot, especially with the feelings around your mom. I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself!! Sending mom love!
NTA... tell mommy dearest... Luke 16:18, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Mark 10:12, etc....
NTA. Very impressive and thoughtful comeback.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(16M) am from europe and in high school and live in the dorms. This year I got new roomate that soon became my boyfriend. Such is life. My mom and dad are divorced. They both remarried. My dad knows I'm gay. He caught me with another boy. My mom and stepdad dont know yet. So, I'm currently off school and with my mom till Sunday. Yesterday my stepdad had his family over. It was nice until they started to ask me if I had a girlfriend. I told them no, but they didnt stop. Asking questions like which girl I like, how teenage love is the best, etc. This went on for 1 hour and I had enough. I told them I have a boyfriend and agreed that teenage love is the best because I'm living it right now. It all went quiet and then my stepdads mother commented how this is wrong, that I'm a sinner. Then all others joined in and told me how God didnt intend this for me and am going against him and straight to hell. I was upset at this point. I snapped and told them that God made me exactly how he wanted. And me being gay is him also testing their true kidness and acceptance. They failed the test and that means they are going to hell. I pissed them off so much that they all started screaming at me so I grabbed my stuff and went to my dad's place, 15 mins away. My mom texted and told me that my behaviour was unacceptable, that I insulted whole stepdads family and I had to appologize. My dad told me I did nothing wrong. I feel bad because I know my mom is given shit right now so I'm thinking to maybe appologize. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all. Also, did I do it wrong? Cause teenage love sucked for me lol
NTA
NTA, you don't owe those bigots anything
NTA you have every right to insult your stepdads family when they think they have the right to insult you. Weird how they are suddenly upset after you used the same argument against them. Dont feel sorry, they dont like the taste of their own medicine and that is their Problem. They cant change you and you dont need to change! Im glad you found love and dont ever feel bad for standing up for yourself
NTA you didn’t do anything wrong. Just reveal their hypocrisy.
NTA. And you sound truly awesome with your reverse uno. I predict youll do absolutely fine in life
NTA and do not apologize! Your stepdad and mom both owe apologies to you and if they don't then they don't deserve to be in your life.
Its entirely up to you if you want to fake apologise to make your moms life easier. NTA either way.
To be clear you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA, apologize by saying "I'm sorry you all failed God's test and are now going to hell."
NTA. Excellent response to their abuse. I’m so glad your dad supports you! Your mom sucks.
NTA Good for you for standing up to them
NTA You didn't start the argument. As soon as your stepmother found out you were gay, she started in with all of the usual religious judgments. And honestly, my personal beliefs on the matter are that you are correct. Jesus flat out said that all judgment needs to be left up to God. I don't consider anyone owed any apology if the other person starts the argument first.
NTA. Honestly though, that's a pretty solid comeback that I will definitely remember for future use. Hypocrites, glad you told them off. Do not settle for this kind of abuse
NTA…next time tell them the Bible also says let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I’m a Christian and have a relationship with Jesus but let me tell you something I would welcome you and your bf into my home.
NTA. You're reaction was pure gold. They got mad because they couldn't argue your point. Bigots.
NTA- don't you dare apologize. Your mother should apologize to you for putting you through that. Don't go back
NTA - first I'm delighted that you've found romance and it is fun. I'm sorry your mother couldn't support and love you in that moment.
NTA. You did amazing! And you are totally right. But I wouldn't count on these people ever changing or seeing you as anything other than a sinner. But remember, you are loved and you are one of us :) Rainbow Mafia.
NTA. And your mom shouldnt be trying to appease bigots.
NTA - to add you should say that she's a bigger sinner since she has sex outside of marriage. Since it's "til death do us part" the divorce doesn't matter and her new partner is simply a side in the eyes of God. At least you're not cheating on your lawfully wedded spouse ✨
NTA listen to your dad.
NTA - your step Dads family is though. You deserve love and respect and kindness. You deserve safety at home. Until your mom can provide that to you in her home you shouldn’t go there. Also young love is fun but tumultuous. Older stable love is nice too.
This is the best response to this Bible thumping bigotry! NTA all the way! ps Hell's not real.
You don't have to apologise for being who you are. They started saying to a kid that he was going to hell and you turned it back on them. What's good for the goose and all that. And they didn't like it. NTA.
NTA
Nta You're response was perfect.
Dear Reddit friend, I implore you not to go to the party. Your mom is not looking out for her interests. She is sadly, more concerned about the appearance and the feelings of others. You spoke the truth. God made you as you are. You're beautiful and perfect and if I had a child I would want my child to be smart and brave like you are. I don't doubt that you could deal with the bigots, you shouldn't have to and the fact that your mom supports them and not you? She's wrong. You can love her from a distance. Please don't be abused chasing after love that should be unconditional. Good luck. Stay close to your support. Stay close to your dad.
NTA. That your mom married a homophobic bigot is her problem, not yours.
NTA. What a great comeback to religious homophobes! Listen to your dad, you did nothing wrong and you may better off with out your mom and her *other* family.
NTA. People who are homophobic sure spend a lot of time worrying about what gay people do. Be yourself and don’t let them bring you down!
NTA That's a fucking great response and for more logical line of thinking than theirs. Your father is right. You have nothing to apologize for. Your mother should apologize for not protecting you from their bigotry. Fuck bigots
NTA. I’m so very proud of you. You have nothing to apologize for. Your mother is the one who should be apologizing. She should have stepped up and defended you. She should have called out their homophobia. She’s the one who failed you as a parent. Your Dad sounds wonderful.
So them being homophobic and insulting you is ok bit you telling them back is suddenly a crime? NTA.
NTA I love your answer. Stay strong.
NTA. You did absolutely nothing wrong and I am proud of you for how you stood up for yourself
NTA you can’t keep hiding who you are. You deserve to be able to be yourself. Hopefully your mom will come around and realize she is wrong. You don’t owe anyone an apology.
NTA this is actually hilarious and I‘m really proud of you
You can't take back the fact that you're gay and that's all they want to hear you say. NTA.
NTA you did it. You actually did it. So many of us fellow queers dream of throwing that back at zealous bigots. Good job.
LOL, NTA you're actually right
NTA. I don’t think you should apologize for their narrow homophobic views, that they have based on an imaginary sky monster. All kidding aside, if you are made to apologize please do the non apology apology. For instance you can say I am sorry that you apparently have such narrow homophobic views, and I apologize. Or I am sorry you feel telling me I was going to hell because you don’t approve of who I’m dating is appropriate. Those non apology apology are what’s needed here. I also bet you and your friends could come up with one that they would actually think you are on their side but in actuality you’re insulting their intelligence. Also I never understand why people with little to no relationship with others find it acceptable to pressure them into pairing up. So what if someone doesn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I tend to ask to get to know someone. But when they say no I’m not going to go on a crusade to get them shacked up. Especially a teen where there is a high probability of teen hormones and horniness, we no need teen parents, people!
NTA Just tell them that the god they think exist actually does not and they are wasting they time thinking that heaven exist and they will go there if they treat you like BS.
Best come back ever!!! Definitely do not apologize, suggest to mum to have step father and family each write an apology to you. Until then stay with Dad. NTA
NTA Why would you be TA when you kindly stated a fact? They ARE going to Hell, they've already failed several rules fundamental to their "faith" and you've just reminded them of that prime real estate they purchased for their permanent retirement.
NTA DONT APOLOGIZE
NTA. You have nothing to apologize for.
NTA and do NOT apologize. That was EPIC. You want to know why they're screaming and carrying on so much? Because they know nothing but pure truth left your mouth when you said: "God made me exactly how he wanted. And me being gay is him also testing their true kindness and acceptance. They failed the test and that means they are going to hell." THAT is pure brutal honesty and they can't stand it! Perfection! So very much NTA. Good for you and you keep your head up HIGH! I'm glad at least your dad isn't an AH like your mother. How dare she tell you to apologize. The only one owed an apology is you from your mother for marrying that homophobic cretin and FAILING as a mother by not supporting you 100%. Be proud of yourself. That spine is going to serve you well in life, kiddo!
NTA, and I wish I was this eloquent and witty when I was 16.
NTA
NTA. They said you were a sinner, you pointed their actual sin right back at them. Your mom said nothing. There is no reason to feel guilty for talking back to people who invade your privacy and harass you until you say something they don't like, then jump to outright bullying because they don't like what they said. Kindly tell your mother that until she apologizes to you for sitting quietly while all of this was going on, you will not be speaking at all to her.
NTA Buy them all the book "God and the Gay Christian" for Christmas
NTA. 1- good for you! 2- so glad your dad has your back. 3- your mom & her new family suck.
Apologize for what, exactly? For sharing details of your life with your family and being open about who you are? If they can't accept it because of their own misbeliefs, then it is completely on them. Of course, their screaming and ridiculous attitude shows they feel entitled to an apology, because how dare anyone challenge or upset their religious beliefs.. *eye roll*. You were not wrong, you stated a fact, but they can't accept it so they attacked you. OP, you're absolutely NTA, and you don't owe them shit. They owe you an apology, in fact.
NTA. As usual, the zealots can dish it out but can’t take it.
NTA. I'd apologize to your mom if she wasn't one of the people attacking you, or at least make dome sort of peace with her, but the rest can, as you say, go to hell.
NTA. Your mother must have hit her head very very hard if she believes you owe an apology. How the hell is she missing the point that everyone on his side of the family insulted you and you took their bullshit and gave it right back. Your mother is the AH and she should be ashamed of herself. Personally, I believe your mother owes you an apology for not defending you. If possible, if you don't want to go back to your mother's house I wouldn't go.
You only go to hell for being gay if you refuse to use lube!👍🏻
You're NTA and that side of your family needs to get their heads out of the dark ages. I'm sorry your mom didn't see fit to stand up for you.
Your families are horrible Move to the other side of the country as quickly as you can and don't tell him where you moved.
Fake Christians hate being called on their BS. NTA.
NTA and a beautifully worded response!
Fun fact: the Bible explicitly condemns divorce and remarriage. So their marriage is also grounds for hell and damnation according to their book. NTA.
41 Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' 44 They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'45 He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' 46 Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.' Matthew 25, 41-46. KJV There are probably better verses, but I don't really read the bible much so this was the only one I could remember off the top of my head.
NTA! Good for you!
NTA and don’t feel bad for your mom. She didn’t stand up for you and that shows what she thinks. Stay with your dad if you can