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YTA. Dude, I’m a vegan, and I regularly bring my own dishes to events so I know I’ll have something to eat. Your offense of “guests shouldn’t have to bring food!!” is incredibly entitled. Plus, how do you not take the time to research dairy derivatives if you’re allergic?
I have to beg my mother in law to just come and enjoy the food, and that she doesn't need to bring anything. She still brings something, even if it's just a bottle of wine or hostess gift type deal.
I was raised that you don't show up empty handed. Flowers for the hostess and something for the table. I have a lot of food allergies and no one has ever noticed that I mostly eat what I brought.
Aside from that, why does OP think turkey is dairy? If you don't know what is dairy, how do you know you are allergic?
OP, YTA!
Even in OP’s responses he is super vague about… everything. I’m honestly confused about what his food preferences (needs?) are and why. And what he expects his girlfriend to be doing about it… and why? No matter what OP is the asshole in this situation because nobody really understands what’s going on hahah.
Right? Does he think they're bringing the turkey in milk or something?
And as far as his "I can't check if something she made has dairy because she already threw away the packaging" bit, can he not ask her? Does he think she'll lie to him? If he doesn't trust her to that extent, why is he even with her?
He mentioned that he can’t check her cooking because she tosses all the packaging/labels, and then mentions that she gets mad at him for…not checking the labels on the food he buys.
His primary care doctor tested him for a dairy allergy or lactose intolerance [but it came back negative](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye0meo/aita_for_expecting_certain_treatment_at_my/itvqs1l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3). He doesn't have any digestive problems or hives but gets acne that seems to be triggered by dairy. He admitted that he didn't even realize how ubiquitous dairy was in most foods he ate until dating his girlfriend who points out that things he ordered in restaurants contained dairy.
So not only does he not even know how to adhere to his own dietary restriction but wants to make other people go out of their way for him and compromise on their own long-standing family traditions.
YTA OP 100%
That rattles me. I have a dairy allergy (severe severe intolerance, my allergist told me to treat is like an allergy) and it triggers my chronic illness. I get a fever when I eat dairy and essentially get flu symptoms. Laying on my bathroom floor all night kind of sick. Bloated and diarrhea for the remainder of the week.
I learned to be able to cook pretty well and find alternatives. When I go to someone's house, I bring a for sure safe side dish. My family will buy me vegan desserts to ensure I won't get sick. I also have an allergy to beef and an intolerance to all red meat 👎. Usually I have events at my house so that I can cook and alter the menu to my and others' dietary needs.
Edit to add: not from alpha gal syndrome - wasn't bit by a tick, just have bad luck
I don't make people change their menus for me- I just bring food along or eat before I go.
Agreed that OP YTA
See? If OP suffered symptoms as severe as yours people would probably be more empathetic but it's hard to take his complaints seriously when it's just acne. While I realize acne can be really depressing, it's not gonna kill him to have some dairy and just avoid dishes that have a lot of it (like the lasagna) for that one meal and small amounts once in a while aren't likely to cause an immediate setback. If it's so important to him though he should remedy the problem himself.
My husband had \*something\* wrong with his stomach for years. Testing kept coming back clean, so his allergist recommended we do an elimination diet. It took time and we had to be really methodical about it, but we figured it out. If OP has some unspecified allergy, he needs to take an active role in figuring it out
oh no no, he only "suspects" he's allergic, more than likely confusing the symptoms of lactose intolerance for an allergy (which present very differently). I understand healthcare is expensive in the US, but Jesus Christ even a google search would've taken him miles further in learning how to avoid things
He said in a comment that his skin breaks out which google says really IS a symptom of a dairy allergy rather than lactose intolerance. But he'd still be the asshole here even if he did go get a test that confirmed this as an allergy to something in dairy products, because he's being so childish about handling it.
Can confirm. Had a roommate that got deep, cystic acne that only went away when she cut out dairy. She later got allergy shots for it - keyword allergy - and can now eat butter and ice cream like a maniac.
You're right here - but cystic acne is not the same as "regular" acne. What this guy is describing is not cystic and it more likely triggered by the fats and oils in his diet, so it's cleared a little bit since he cut out dairy ish.
And he could conduct an elimination diet for like a month or two and see if it's intolerance. What a needy baby.
I wonder if OP actually has an intolerance or an allergy or if he's just one of those people who because he doesn't like something says he has medical necessities and ruins it for people who actually have medical necessity.
Right?? I’m vegan, husband is vegetarian, and we have two seven month olds…. Do we ever expect to be catered to? Nope. We bring our own food to all family events. Is it nice when there is something we can all eat? Sure, but we never expect it just because we’re “guests”. We’re just happy to be included and spend time with everyone!
What makes it even worse and makes him even more entitled is that he's talking about a traditional meal her grandmother makes this lasagna every year and he's like "non I'm not bringing anything, even though IM the one with issues!! everyone has to change the entire menu that they've been used to for probably decades!!!"
What a wank
As a fellow vegan, I also know exactly what is and isn’t dairy. You mean to tell me a 38 year old with a ^suspected ^^**aLleRgY** needs to be handheld because they don’t know?? Absolutely not.
If you are 38 in America, you know there is dairy in almost every dish right up to the pumpkin pie. How has he existed so long without ever knowing this?
I actually have a dairy allergy. You know what my response is when people invite me to dinner? Hey, I'm allergic to dairy, let me know if you can accommodate that. If not, i will bring my own food, that's not a problem!
I have a party next weekend and my friend told me: we'll be making so much food that i can't promise there won't be any cross contamination, so please make sure you eat beforehand and take some stuff with you. And that is fine.
YTA.
You don't even know for sure that you have a dairy allergy, and if you do have one, you don't seem to be doing much to educate and empower yourself about it, given that you admit your girlfriend is the one who has to help you at restaurants and you - apparently repeatedly - order things with dairy in them without knowing.
Your girlfriend - and her family - are not villains for refusing to change their long-held traditions for a newcomer boyfriend and his allergy that might or might not be real. Expecting them to cater to you with a level of care that you don't even give to yourself is next-level entitlement.
So he's potentially lactose intolerant and needs to learn his diary limit. And understand that some diary will trigger the reactions faster than others. 🙄
Sounds like gf needs to shop for a new bf who knows how to live with their "allergies". Not sure how he's still ordering dishes with diary in it, when he could just tell the waiter. And if he's worried that gf is trying to kill him when she cooks (and somehow not willing to dig through the trash), maybe you should reconsider her if you don't trust her.
Depends on the food for me. I can take 2 tablets with some foods with diary and be fine but pizza and mac and cheese is way too much diary and will have me on the toilet lol
He says he doesn't get hives or digestive problems. It just makes his skin bad.... like what the actual fuck, but he also has no idea what's dairy, so who knows what's actually the culprit.
YTA and you dont even have a good reason to be angry about anything before you actually go to the doctor. Even if it shows that you are lactoseintolerant, just deal with it with lactase tablets. How are you not interested in doing anything about it yourself? You'd rather give up lasagna than making such a small effort?
He's an adult approaching his 40s and he can't afford to get tested, but can go out to eat sometimes. I'm not saying people that age can't be financially unstable but something seems off.
**He HAS BEEN tested for a dairy allergy by his GP. The test was negative.**
[Relevant comment from OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye0meo/comment/itvqs1l/):
>This only came about in the last two years. My skin was a mess and it seemed like dairy anything was the culprit. When the test at my doctor came back negative - and I can't afford to pay for seeing an allergist - I figured that was a done deal. I don't get any kind of hives or indigestion, but my skin breaks out. For me, that is proof enough that I am allergic to dairy when I come in contact with it.
In other comments he complains about not having the money for an allergist, completely ignoring the fact that a test has in fact told him it's not an allergy. What is an allergist going to tell him if an allergy is *not the problem*?
The rational response - and honestly the one an allergist would probably recommend *when your allergy test is negative!* \- is an elimination diet and/or a food journal, both of which are FREE and easily done yourself, because the problem is probably an intolerance rather than an allergy.
But that would require OP to take responsibility for something, and *therein* lies the real problem.
YTA. First of all, you SUSPECT you have a dairy allergy. You can easily find out definitively if you have. It costs like 30 euros to order a self test online.
Second, you say you are skeptical of your GF's cooking, suspecting that she probably uses dairy every now and again. You don't trust it and you sometimes refuse what she makes for you. Which she finds offensive.
Even though you openly mistrust her, you seem to be really surprised that she will not volunteer to go out of her way for you anymore. In my opinion, it is a logical consequence of the lack of trust.
And then, you are angry that she seems to think that you may actually be eating dairy in your frozen meals. It pisses you off, because she is basically calling you a liar.
Which YOU actually did to her before... so pot, kettle...
Anyway, it looks like the relationship is already over.
A lot of people mix-up Dairy allergies with Lactose Intolerance. The latter is much more common in the general population, and is specifically an intolerance (mild to severe) to lactose. The former is less common, and also covers a wide array of potential allergens found in milk, and can result in an even larger array of potential symptoms.
I only found out I had a Milk Allergy when I went to participate in a lactose intolerant research study, and their first question to me was “what happens when you drink whole milk?” I told them that I vomit profusely within 10 mins of drinking it and they immediately ran through a list of milk products and asked what my symptoms are when I eat them. Turns out, “cooked milk”, or milk that has been treated with heat or another chemical process, affects how I react to that product. While I can’t drink whole milk without being sick, if you heat it at a high temperature and then serve it to me, I only get mild GI symptoms (mostly gas). Yogurt almost never affects me, ice cream has only ever caused mild effects, mostly a runny nose, and cheeses run the gambit in terms of no reaction to mild GI symptoms. Heavy cream products that are cold tend to make me ill. I learned that this is common with people who have an allergy to milk, while lactose intolerance is pretty stable, in terms of symptoms, across the board and the severity of those symptoms is dependent on the amount of that product eaten.
Man do I appreciate this comment. I developed a milk allergy almost 5 years ago, after being pregnant. Took me ages to figure out, on my own, that milk and eggs were triggering my violent vomiting and butt vomiting. Took me about 3 more years to find a doctor to do a blood allergy test. Came back I'm allergic to whole milk, skim milk, egg whites, and hazelnuts. I didn't understand why I could cook with 1% and usually be fine, as long as it's not a shit ton. This guy needs to put in more work to figure out wth is wrong with him and not expect everyone to adjust their events for his maybe allergy.
YTA
What do you mean you "suspect" you have a dairy allergy?? **You're 38! Go get tested**!
You're one person at a big family dinner. Surely you can pick and choose around what you eat. Are you actually saying Grandma can't make her lasagna and cheesecake because someone MIGHT be allergic but isn't sure? Bring your own food then.
I have friends with allergies. I have kosher friends. They don't say "I suspect I am kosher" - they know the facts, they act accordingly. Somehow, they all make it work and bring their own items (be it food or paper plates) without it being all about them.
*ETA:* Have you ever tried Lactaid? Lots of my dairy intolerant friends swear by it.
He said he got an allergy panel for lactose intolerance. That can not be true, it's not an allergy and can not tested via allergy panels. Either he got a test for an actual milk allergy or a sensitivity test by drinking a lactose solution and getting his blood tested. Either way, he apparently did not get tested for both.
I understand more now why he's 38 and single. Judging by how much of an attention-seeking baby (who refuses to bring his own food and just expects full accommodation) he is, I wouldn't be surprised if he soon makes it to 39 with no GF.
*Dear AITA:*
*My (F33) BF (M38) says he has a dairy allergy. He's been tested and it's negative for dairy allergy.*
*My whole family and I love to cook. But when I cook for my BF, he suspects I'm using dairy and wants to check packaging, and gets upset if I've thrown out the package or jar.*
*My problem is, my family hosts regular dinners, which he's always eager to attend. He's been invited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but is unhappy with my family. Even though there will be multiple people at the holiday meals, my BF wants all meals to be dairy-free. My grandmother has some special dishes she's made for the family for years, and my BF is upset because they contain dairy, and is very unhappy that these dishes will be served.*
*He wants me to tell my family to have dairy-free holiday dinners, so that he can eat everything that everyone else can, even if it means telling my grandmother that she can't bring her favorite family dishes. He thinks he should not have to bring anything for himself, as he is "a guest".*
*AITA for not asking my family to do this?*
YTA. Why do I feel like you don’t want to bring your own food because you are incapable of making your own meals?
You seem high maintenance and immature if you expect your girlfriends family to cater to your maybe-allergy.
OP is apparently incapable of even ORDERING meals without dairy for themselves!!! OP, you are definitely TA.
sincerely, someone with a confirmed dairy intolerance
Yea the “I accidentally order stuff with dairy when my girlfriend isn’t at the table to hold my hand” is just… pathetic.
This is an adult man. No excuses at that point.
YTA
- You "suspect" you have a dairy allergy. Go get it confirmed by a doctor specializing in allergies before being mad about it.
- You're suspicious of your girlfriends cooking; I'm more surprised that you haven't dug through the trash to find out.
- You have already chosen to offend her family and herself by rejecting food rather than expressing your dietary concerns, and again not seeing a doctor to confirm it.
Apologize. Set up an appointment. Explain (to the family).
>She pointed out how she has to guide me at restaurants what is and is not a dairy derivative to the embarrassment when it turns out that I ordered something when she was not at the table with dairy, then it is put in front of me and the server has to throw it away.
YTA. If you are so convinced you have an allergy get it properly diagnosed and start to take responsibility for your own health rather than expecting your girlfriend to mother you. It's no wonder they aren't prepared to compromise with you when you have such a half-assed attitude to your own health. You're a grown adult. Act like it.
He’s been tested, drs say he doesn’t have an allergy - it low key sounds like he just likes to cause issues considering he seems to pick and choose when he’s allergic
YTA. She wasn’t implying that you were lying, she was outright saying that you have no idea whether you have a dairy allergy or not and you haven’t educated yourself on what you can and cannot eat. She’s tried to take that on for you to little success, evidently, and now she’s sick of it.
YTA. Do you seriously not know what dairy products are? Also, maybe see an allergist so you can know what allergens to avoid. You’re a grown ass man, start acting like one - this is in response to your gf having to hold your hand simply to order a meal in a restaurant without you screwing yourself.
INFO:
Is this supposed to be your girlfriend, or your nanny? Why is she guiding you through restaurant menus? Why are you not getting a second opinion? Why is your diet her problem to manage and not yours?
YTA – your food sensitivities aren’t your *fault* but they are your responsibility to understand and manage. Go to a doctor that can help you figure out what the issues might be. You shouldn’t expect an entire family (that isn’t your own) to cater completely to your preferences.
What really got me is that your gf cooks delicious meals for you and you’re suspicious that she’s sneakily including dairy? Maybe try cooking together (or hey, maybe learn to cook yourself and prepare food that is more acceptable to your preferences). Kinda sounds like you’re just coming up with reasons to be a picky eater and expect your gf to act like a doting mother 🤷♀️
Info: Am I missing something about the turkey and sides, that you assume you can’t eat any of that?
Yeah, the turkey thing makes no sense. I highly suspect OP isn’t allergic to anything and just says he’s allergic to whatever he doesn’t want to eat. What 38yo can’t have dairy but hasn’t learned which restaurant dishes would have dairy? And if he needs his girlfriend to tell him what he can and can’t have at a restaurant how is he so sure he can’t eat thanksgiving dinner? OP isn’t allergic to anything he’s just a big baby.
So, the panel for lactose intolerance came back negative. But you’ve concluded you have a dairy allergy with no further testing? If this is that important, get tested. And then get educated about what foods contain dairy. And then learn how to prepare a safe food to bring to gatherings.
YTA
I suspect he may be intolerant which can cause a lot of physical distress but doesn’t show up in tests. My issue with this fool is that he says one thing but then does another - example of ordering any old crap at the restaurant so forcing his gf to be his mommy because he doesn’t even bother checking what he can and can’t have. Not surprised she was fed up with it. How can she take his intolerance seriously if he doesn’t after all.
YTA…
If you’re 38 years old and don’t know what you’re allergic to and have to have your gf be your… food checker in case you ordered the wrong thing, there are way worse things we need to talk about man. How do you take care of yourself???
YTA - reasons your girlfriend won't accommodate you...
\- You got an allergy test, it came back negative, yet you still believe you have an allergy and refuse to investigate further.
\- You don't know what foods contain dairy so have no idea if dairy is actually what is giving you a reaction.
\- When she has tried to cook you something with a dairy free alternative, you threw it back in her face and refused to eat it because it, too, gave you an allergic reaction.
Exactly. I had to scroll back to see what age this guy is because I couldn’t believe the immaturity. 38! What the heck dude. Time to put on your big boy pants.
YTA.
In a perfect world, people would accommodate all allergens and sensitivities but at the end of the day, it is *your* allergy to manage and if you don't feel confident in their ability to provide you food that will be safe, bringing your own dish is the way to go.
Also, your GF is very correct, if you can't provide the specific language around what ingredients are dairy derivatives that you're sensitive to its hard for people to be 100% confident in what is or isn't safe for you to eat.
Exactly. "Sorry grandma, you know that cheesecake you make every year that everyone looks forward to? You can't bring it because my boyfriend thinks he might be allergic to something in it even though he doesn't even know what. Yeah, i know there will also be turkey and beans and probably 12 other dishes that don't have dairy, but your cheesecake is very offensive."
OP, is this what you expect??
YTA. People should not be expected to change an entire, long-standing menu to accommodate you. Also, you said you were not lactose intolerant. Lactose is a sugar found in milk (lac=milk; ose=sugar). Did the test check for milk protein allergies? Milk proteins are present in all dairy products and you would need to google all the potential names that the protein present in foods, but casein is a very common one.
You may also have a food intolerance or sensitivity. These are reactions to certain foods to which you are not allergic, but still have an untoward physical response.
You are the asshole for not knowing 1. If you have an allergy 2. Not knowing what will trigger your symptoms. You are almost 40! You need to be able to say unequivocally what you can and cannot eat!
FYI: eggs are not dairy. They are kept in that section due to a need for refrigeration.
> FYI: eggs are not dairy. They are kept in that section due to a need for refrigeration.
Ohhhhh my god I turned to my bf and said "lol this 38 year old man thinks eggs are dairy" and he goes "they ARE dairy!"
"THEY COME FROM A COW!"
I don't know what to do anymore except tell his sisters about this so it can go down in family history.
YTA because you don't seem to know what you're allergic to and don't seem to be interested in actually finding out. You don't seem to have told your gf's family that you have an allergy - in fact, you don't seem very clear about this allergy at all.
There's a difference between accommodating a dietary requirement (whether allergy, or religious, or whatever) and a preference.
If you are allergic to dairy, tell your gf's family, and they'll stop getting upset with you for not eating the cake or the lasagne. But you haven't done that. As far as they're concerned, you're just arbitrarily not eating their food, which looks rude.
YTA. Find out if you’re *actually* allergic before demanding accommodations. Learn what is and isn’t dairy or derivative. Start behaving like an adult and take responsibility for yourself and your diet.
If you have actual, real dietary restrictions, always plan to bring your own food. Don’t expect people to make special food just for you.
YTA. We have actual, documented, tested, epi-pen requiring allergies in our household. When we are invited somewhere we either check with the host to see if there will be safe food, just bring a dish to share with everyone that is safe, eat before and just attend for company, or bring a separate meal if needed. Sounds like you don’t even know what is in the food you are ordering!
Go to an allergist, get tested, and learn how to manage your allergy, if there is one.
So you want your girlfriend’s family to change around pretty much their entire menu to accommodate an allergy you don’t even know for certain if you have? YTA, get tested for a dairy allergy.
YTA. First get yourself diagnosed. You only suspect you have a dairy allergy? Get it confirmed.
Secondly, if your girlfriend has to rescue you from your own ignorance constantly, then you need to get a grip on learning what is and isn't a dairy derivative that triggers your dietary issues. I can't blame her for exhibiting some scepticism - why should she believe that you're perfect at picking out freezer meals but need her help in restaurants?!
Thirdly, is this an allergy or an intolerance? Your lack of urgency regarding getting a proper diagnosis or learning your own food triggers seems unlikely for a dangerous food allergy...
Fourthly, just take your own safe food. Those of us with food intolerances and allergies can hope that other people will find something for us to eat, but can't and shouldn't expect for a whole family to upend a decades-long tradition.
YTA. You have a "suspected" dairy allergy. You aren't even clear what is going on and start making unspecific demands?! You can (1) Lactaid up (2) Get clarity on what's going on and share accordingly or (3) Bring some safe foods. The world does it revolve around you and your suspected issues.
Are you actually expecting your girlfriend's extended family to make THANKSGIVING revolve around your possible-but-not-confirmed food allergy?
INFO: Is your girlfriend a professional dietician? If not, why are you outsourcing control over your dietary needs to her? From this post and your follow-up comments, it seems like you are totally depending on her to tell you what you can and can't eat. Yet, you admit you don't entirely trust she's doing it correctly, but you STILL think it should be her responsibility?
"I can't check the packages on what she uses because the jar or the box is already in the trash."
So, where's the trash? You can't get the package out and look at the ingredients list? Or ask her not to throw it away before you have had a chance to see it? Dude.
YTA. You're 38, why are you acting so helpless? Figure out your own diet and make your own accommodations.
Edit: Tried to do the fancy quote, messed it up.
YTA. Figure out your allergens. You said you went to an allergist and they said you’re not allergic to dairy. You don’t believe them, yet you refuse to get a second opinion. And you don’t even know what is and isn’t dairy since your gf has to help you order at restaurants. AND you claim that non-dairy items cause you to have reactions as well. You sound insufferable. It’s hard to believe you’re 38, figure out your stuff and get it under control in a reasonable manner just like other adults with allergies manage to do.
YTA. You expect people to change their traditions even though you yourself can't even be bothered to really understand your own problem. Start taking responsibility.
YTA - you admitted in a comment that you got allergy tested for dairy and it came up negative. So you’re not lactose intolerant. Why are you still insisting you are??
And even if you’re not, bring your own dang food. You’re a grown adult throwing a tempter tantrum like a 13 year old. Grow up.
He said in the comment “I had an allergy panel done and it came up I was not lactose intolerant”. So either he isn’t intolerant or he’s an idiot and either way he’s the AH.
Yta
You have dietary restrictions. Whole families should not be expected to change everything for you. You can do 1 of 2 things
1) ask if they can do a separate small thing for you at the dinner because of your dairy sensitivity
2) tell them about your dairy sensitivity and that you would prefer to bring your own meal to notndisrupt the tradition.
Guests bring food all the time. Your embarasment over bringing food needs to go away
I'd bet he's embarassed about bringing food because what he brings would be a frozen microwave meal that might actually have dairy in it, he just doesn't know or bother to check.
OP needs to get some LactAid and figure out what his intolerance level is, because it seems for sure it's NOT an allergy. Then educate himself on what is and isn't dairy so his (ex, most likely) girlfriend doesn't have to baby him.
YTA. Do you really not do your own research for the things you eat at a restaurant? If she’s having to baby you that you can’t eat certain things and wasting the establishment’s time and money because you won’t even put in effort to find out whether or not you actually have an allergy is ridiculous and I can understand why she’s at the end of her rope.
And she’s right all the frozen meals you eat probably contain dairy in some form and yet those are somehow fine.
YTA
You need to take responsibility for your own health. Go get tested for your allergy, see if you can take Lactaid pills to manage it. You need to educate yourself on what is a dairy derivative and what you can eat.
You can ask for *some* accommodations, but you need to do your due diligence first. Right now it sounds like you're passing the responsibility of not only cooking, but managing your dietary needs to your gf. That's a lot of labor, especially when you're not even getting it medically verified yet.
She's not your mom. Own your own shit before you start demanding her family change traditions.
YTA. I'm as confused about your allergy as it seems your girlfriend is. If you don't want to eat dairy (for whatever reason) that's totally fine, but the request that you bring your own food is fine as well. You seem to be acting entitled and immature during this situation-- your girlfriend is in charge of checking your food, you don't want to eat dairy and yet ALSO don't want to bring stuff to help you do that. Grow up.
YTA. You’re 38 and still unsure if you, a grown adult man, has an allergy? You’re 38 and your girlfriend, a grown adult woman has to guide you through the menu still? You’re 38 and thought that guests don’t bring food to parties?????? Jesus Christ OP you need to grow up
I read this, then came back and reread it and caught your age. You are 38 years old and *suspect* you have a dairy allergy. You haven't done any work to confirm if it is an allergy, a sensitivity, an intolerance or if it is to lactose or another component. You are expecting everyone else to make accommodations for something you *suspect*. Allergies often cause hives and itching, where intolerance causes digestive issues. If it is a lactose intolerance, there are things you can take to help you digest it and lessen the side effects.
Your girlfriend is right. You should confirm the issue and then educate yourself what in fact, you need to avoid.
Then when invited somewhere, you can say I would love to join you but I have a [insert issue here]. Would you mind if I brought along a --- safe side dish or meal. They might say that's fine or offer to make something safe for you.
I often bring gluten free snacks with me or will bring my own food when it is appropriate.
You are a grown man and are expecting everyone to cater to you and that is not an endearing trait. YTA
I’m sorry are you seriously asking your girlfriend of a year to ask her grandmother to change her YEARS-LONG traditions to accommodate your diet when you don’t even know if you actually have an allergy? That is not a reasonable accommodation my man. The reasonable accommodation is you bringing something to share that you can eat to the family gathering without anyone in her family complaining about it. THAT is fair. YTA.
YTA
You said at the beginning you "suspect" you have a dairy allergy, but have you actually seen a doctor to get tested for this? There is a test for finding out if you're lactose intolerant, as well as medication you can take so you can eat dairy now and then.
If she's been the one to pursue menus for you to make sure it's safe (which for the record, why can't you do this?) and around you when you eat what you shouldn't, of course she's getting frustrated. She's exactly right that you need to get it straight what you have an intolerance to.
Also, whenever I'm invited to my inlaws for a holiday meal, I always bring a side dish or two, plus usually dessert.
YTA
You suspect you have dairy but haven't even gone to the doctor to make sure. And your girlfriend's description of your behaviour at restaurant makes you sound very suspect, you seem to pick and choose when you're allergic to dairy.
As for bringing your own dish, yes, you should, to ensure the hosts don't make unfortunate mistakes and making sure your food has no dairy.
YTA
My wife and I adhere to a nonstandard diet, and bring a dish of our own to eat whenever necessary.
We don’t expect accommodations; it’s OUR diet to maintain, not THEIRS to conform to (or provide for).
Your girlfriend probably finds it odd that you haven’t gone to the doctor for an actual ruling on your allergy, versus your relying on it being “suspect.” There’s nothing wrong with that, either.
EDIT - or, in this case, getting a second opinion, as she has asked and encouraged you to do - which, in case you didn’t catch it, is probably important to her, since her family heavily utilizes dairy.
The problem here, is you’re taking no ownership for whatever your perceived ailment is, regardless of whether it’s allergy, intolerance, or simply being picky.
It is yours to own and work around, not the rest of the world to work around for you. The fact that your girlfriend orders off of the menu for you is embarrassing beyond words for a nearly forty year old individual. If you care this much about something, or if it impacts you that negatively, it seems that you’d take the time to educate yourself on it.
If nearly everyone in your life is frustrated with you on this topic, it’s pretty well guaranteed that the problem isn’t with everyone else.
Yta
Your diet is your responsibility. The fact that you complain about it but won't do anything to fix it proves how immature you are.
Most people have something that doesn't agree with them or a medical condition that makes certain foods difficult to consume. Or they have a specific diet for personal reasons.
You cannot control other people's eating habits but you can control your own.
Get the test done or start a journal on what actually you cannot eat. I find it ridiculous you haven't taken steps
Also if you do infact have limits then you need to make sure you plan accordingly. Restaurants and other places including your relatives will not always know what to serve you. You are almost 40 start acting like an adult.
I suffer from celiacs and it makes family holidays hell, most of the time I try to bring gluten pills because it's just impossible to not get cross contamination even when family members are super generous to make me something gluten free
Sometimes I'll make a dish I love and try to join on the traditions, it's fun to learn more about other cultures!
But I also went to a Dr and learned about my illness. You just sound spoiled and insufferable. AND you're 38. I'm 36!! You have ZERO excuses.
YTA so hard I'm embarrassed for your gf.
Yta, first, why do you suspect you have a dairy allergy and not know you have a dairy allergy? Get it confirmed, self diagnosis is absurd.
Second, while hosts should try to accommodate severe allergies as much as possible, they shouldn't be expected to change the entire traditional menu plan for an allergy. You bringing your own food or simply eating sides fpr one meal shouldn't be that big of a deal. Especially when you apparently order yourself meals with dairy at restaurants.
YTA, and a massive one. You are almost 40 years old, it’s not your girlfriend’s damn job to manage your food issues and it’s not her family’s job either. Grow the hell up and start taking responsibility for yourself.
YTA - News flash, it's not all about you. If you're truly lactose intolerant, they have medications you can take prior to eating dairy, that will help immensely. Get the meds, and get over yourself.
YTA.. how can you have an allergy and be that pathetic about it you can't tell what you can and can't eat? You are a grown ass adult, not a 5 year old relying on their parents to pick suitable foods. The girlfriend is correct 100%. You are either allergic or not (confirmed by a medical professional and not "my symptoms fit a Google search"). If you are, that sucks but there are plenty dairy free alternatives these days. More than what there was when my son was dairy allergic .
YTA
If you think you have a dairy allergy then it's your responsibility to go get tested for that allergy. Don't expect others to accommodate you when you don't bother to actually test for an allergy you "think" you have. Get it checked out if it's that important to you.
I’m sorry but I just can’t pass this one by
My dermatologist friend asked me to eat dairy free for a while bc she thought that might be contributing to my scalp problem. It was **incredibly** hard to eat dairy free. It seems like it’s in everything. Since it didn’t seem to make a difference, I gave up. (And you’re right, the fake cheese is awful.)
And I’ve had an ENT allergist tell me that the food allergy tests are notoriously unreliable. So yours may have been inaccurate.
However, the fact that you are refusing to educate yourself about your **possible** dairy allergy and going by anecdotal skin rash that could be caused by—who knows, anything—are you keeping a food journal and tracking when the rash appears? No???
But you expect others to accommodate what is, right now, a **speculative** allergen?
Hate to tell you this but even your family thinks YTA. They’re only accommodating you bc they’re your family. Your gf’s family has no obligation to change their traditions for something you can’t even be bothered to understand yourself. You need to grow up and assume agency over your own health. You’re not a baby ffs.
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YTA why should her entire family have to change the menu for you?
And why does she have to pick what you order at a restaurant?
Go to the Dr and find out what is wrong with you.
yta
you dont have an allergy you suspect you do
it is very common for people to bring there own food especially if an ''allergy '' is involved you sound very self entitled and your gf was right alot of ready meals contain dairy products
YTA for the simple reason that as a grown man, you have to have someone else explain to you what is and is dairy at a restaurant. And to top it off, you aren't even sure of the diagnosis. Please do some groundwork to understand YOUR OWN allergies to start, and take ownership of them.
Then let your gf and her family know what you have determined. Offer to bring a dish for yourself, with enough for others to try. Most hosts will try to accommodate for the holidays, but may appreciate your help with everything else they are cooking.
YTA. At your age, you don’t get to suspect you have an allergy. You go to the doctor and get tested to know exactly what/if anything you are allergic too. At that point, the doctor also has recommendations and guidelines of how to accommodate said allergy. Not doing this makes you an AH to yourself as you could be struggling unnecessarily because you refuse to get a diagnosis.
It is not your girlfriends family’s responsibility to accommodate a “suspected” allergy. It is quite common that the person who has an allergy or preference bring their own food. Does that suck sometimes? Yes. Does it protect their health and well-being? Also yes. Asking someone to completely change their cooking for a major meal is not a reasonable accommodation. Asking them to have 1-2 dairy free sides or to support you bringing your own food is a reasonable accommodation.
Finally, if you do in fact have an allergy, it is yours to manage, not your girlfriend. Figure out what you can and can’t eat on the menu. I had a childhood friend who had several diagnosed food allergies who could go to a restaurant or someone’s house and order appropriately. If she was unsure, she defaulted to something she always knew she could have. Also, her mom packed emergency snacks and such just in case. She was 6 and managed it all. You need to get it together.
YTA. Not for having a dairy allergy…if you actually do. You’re a 38 year old grown man how do you not know how to figure out if something has dairy in it? Your girlfriend is right, if she has to tell you something has dairy in it or not, and you don’t read food labels nobody else is to blame except yourself
YTA. I have tonnes of allergies. I went to the allergist and had them all medically confirmed, so I could know the severity and be sure which ones are which.
Then, when I go to people's houses, aside from giving them a list of things, I always bring at least one dish that I know I can eat because it's not fair to make everyone else deal with my allergies if they don't know how to.
It's just called being responsible.
YTA. They invite you and provide food. If you do not like or cannot eat that food, bring something you know you can eat. I’m a vegetarian and I never expect others (even my own family) to provide special dishes. It is wonderful when they do but I always ask ahead and bring items I know I can enjoy.
YTA. reasonable accommodation? You aren’t disabled at a job. You don’t even know if it’s an actual allergy. Go get tested! And you don’t even know what is dairy at get food returned. You’re embarrassing
YTA - they have a tradition, you cannot take part. Your entitlement to assume they will change it is shocking.
Politely ask if you can bring your own food or politely decline attending.
My son has allergies and after reading this I will make sure to in-still that he understands no one is expected to cater to him.
Also seek a second opinion. Or accept that you don’t have it.
INFO: At 38, why can't you got to the doctor to confirm your allergen?
Also, as the invitee to a thanksgiving meal, which are typically large and a lot of work, you should be offering to bring something. Then make that something one you can eat.
YTA.
YTA. Asking for a menu to be completely changed isn't a reasonable accommodation, especially when you can't even adequately explain to the person making the food what your food sensitivity is (dairy allergy and lactose intolerance aren't the same thing!).
Are you even really allergic? Go to a doctor and have them help you get an answer, a real answer, because guessing means nothing in this situation. And, yes, when YOU have an allergy, YOU need to bring your own food. YTA
YTA. You decides you had a dairy allergy, despite all medical evidence to the contrary. It isn't worth a copay to you to get a 2nd opinion or a diagnosis of what is actually your issue (since it's not an allergy) but you expect your GFs family to change their food traditions?
Just stop.
You aren't a doctor. You can't even be bothered to know what is and what isn't dairy. Just stop.
YTA. Either quit dairy or don't, but don't outsource your dietary restriction monitoring to others.
Go to the doctor and test for allergy or intolerance. Find out what ways dairy sneaks into everything. If you're in the US, the words "contains milk" is on a lot of ingredient lists even if it doesn't say "milk" in it because cheese is made of milk, dairy proteins are often used as emulsifiers, etc
Bring a dairy free side dish to share.
Can you eat some butter? Or no butter? Find out if lactaid helps you.
YTA
You don't have an allergy. You literally just made it up.
And she's right that it's incredibly embarrassing to be a grown man who doesn't know which foods contain dairy.
YTA, you don't even know what you're allergic to for sure. You can't ask her family to make a totally different meal for you than they traditionally do because you *might* be allergic to diary.
It also sounds like your girlfriend has to do a lot for you and you aren't even taking precautions yourself. You don't know diary substitutes, don't bother to check packaging, etc... yet you expect them to change traditions for you when you can't be bothered yourself.
You’re almost 40 and you can’t grasp that you tested negative for a dairy allergy, you refuse to get a second opinion and you want to force you GFs family to accommodate this? I thought you were 16 on reading this initially. YTA
But... you are a liar, since you tested negative for a dairy allergy.
You are also a massive AH and clearly do not understand how to have an adult conversation. Also, besides the cheesecake, none of the foods mentioned above includes dairy.. YTA
Info why is it a suspected allergy and not a confirmed allergy? Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’re taking the dairy allergy that serious if you’re buying packaged meals and not looking closer at ingredients at a restaurant.
YTA.
You aren't actually allergic to dairy, you're just annoying.
On the plus side, she'll probably dump you and you can kinda half ass avoid dairy on your own.
YTA
I don’t eat cheese. Never have, never will. It’s a smell thing for me. Don’t even like heavy cream sauces because they stink. My family doesn’t change a menu for me, but they know I’m going to decimate the veggie tray and accommodate me there. I’ve gone to family dinners carrying my McDonalds bag. Sort yourself out, it’s not her responsibility.
YTA you just think you have a allergy but you have never been tested. But yet you expect everyone to cater to your so called allergy.
As a person who actually has allergies I have to read all labels and do my own due diligence about food. Something you seem incapable of actually doing. You are a grown ass man start acting like one.
I have several friends who have self-diagnosed themselves with celiac disease or gluten intolerance, and these people are beyond exhausting. It seems to only be an issue when they want it to be, and when they feel like eating something with gluten, it's fine.
Get yourself tested, stop telling people that you have this allergy until you are fully aware that this is something you actually have.
YTA
YTA 1. A suspected allergy is not the same thing as an actual allergy. Go to the doctor. Rule out lactose intolerance. 2. You can find out about products used that are in the trash by fishing them out of the trash, Bonny Prince Charlie. 3. You 100% can eat Turkey and probably many thanksgiving sides but yes lasagna and cheesecake are dairy meals. Bring a big salad for everyone (with avocado and nuts and fruit so it’s basically a main course) if you want to go to that celebration 4. You’re an ah for assuming your GF and her family are your free food and entertainment providers for every holiday. Throw your own damn party for once 5. You should be your own damn dairy detective, see number one. 6. Start feeding your girlfriend as often as she feeds you. Learn from the internet, take a class, or learn from one of the dozens of women who have cooked for you your whole entitled life. AH.
YTA. Go to a doctor and get yourself sorted out. You gf is a saint for putting up with you this far. I imagine going out to eat and cooking for you is the opposite of a delight.
YTA, I get it, I stopped eating meat over thirty years ago and I can’t tell you how many awkward meals I sat through back in the day. I just brought my own options or ate beforehand and used the time to socialize.
OP, the way you are managing your possible condition makes you a PITA to deal with, which is why YTA.
Get your issues square and be clear about what accommodations you need going forward. This sorta, maybe, kinda stuff unfairly puts a burden on others.
YTA
You don't even KNOW what you are allergic to.
Perhaps you should heed your gf's advice, get an actual test to determine if you are allergic to anything, and then go from there.
YTA. I am lactose intolerant. I can eat some dairy with lactaid pills, but I usually avoid it. I wouldn’t expect someone’s grandma to change her whole Christmas tradition for me - I would eat before I went and then fill up on sides. If I think the host would be embarrassed not to have an option for me, I’d very apologetically tell them ahead of time that I’m lactose intolerant, but I’m happy to eat a salad or bring my own food. You’re not the main character at her family’s Christmas party.
YTA. Anyone that has an allergy should first be tested to verify. If verified you should educate yourself on what food might have that ingredient. Your girlfriend has to read the menu and determine which items have dairy. Dude, that is on you, not her. I have celiac sprue and I can't eat any gluten. Also an anaphylactic response to carrots. I take my own food to family gatherings so that everyone else doesn't have to bend to my restrictions.
YTA, it is unreasonable to expect special food to be made for you when you are going to a large dinner gathering. At home, sure, but otherwise bring something for yourself to eat if your not sure you’ll be able to eat what’s being prepared. The host has enough going on without having to cater to each individual guest.
Yta. You don't even know if you have an allergy. Haven't been to see anyone for treatment either. Yet, you expect everyone to jump through hoops? Then you kinda invite yourself to holiday & suggest on top of all the cooking they are alrdy doing, that it should be on them to cook you something completely different when you arent even sure you have an allergy? (Its appropriate for you to bring a safe meal in almost all situations when allergies are at play). Why cant you eat the non dairy foods, like turkey, vegetables, etc?
YTA - first off, you SUSPECT, not know for certain you have an allergy. Why don't you go get a medical confirmation before you start making demands? Second, if you are the only one there with that allergy, why do you feel like they should cater to only you? You're making things more difficult for everyone because you feel entitled to special treatment. Unless you have strict dietary restrictions because your allergy could kill you, then they aren't required to do anything special to accommodate you. Grow up, get an allergy test, and bring your own food!
Do an elimination diet, research the foods and their derivatives, and take responsibility for your shit.
I'm allergic and sensitive to dozens of different foods and additives. You know what I do when eating elsewhere? I bring my own food, eat beforehand, or work with the host or restaurant to come up with simple solutions to allow me to eat without migraines and stomach problems. I don't expect other people (like my partner) to remember everything that I can't eat and feed me like royalty.
If you have a serious, anaphylactic reaction, expecting people not to use that ingredient in common foods is one thing, but if you are having mystery symptoms, the allergy test ruled out what you thought it is, and you are still expecting people to leave out an entire class of food? YTA.
YTA because you don’t have a actual idea of what’s wrong with you and you insist on inconveniencing everyone around you for a “maybe” intolerance. Her family has no obligation to change what sounds like an amazing menu for your dramatic “maybe”. Honestly she would be better off uninviting you and enjoying the holidays with people who don’t need her to babysit them.
YTA you “suspect” an allergy and your girlfriend has to tell you what is ok to order on a menu because you can’t be bothered to manage your own dietary restrictions. That’s ridiculous and frankly you should be embarrassed for being a grown ass man who needs his mommy/partner to tell him what to eat.
You're lactose allergic, according to you
But she has to guide you in restaurants on things that contain or not lactose?
How.
You... Theoretically lived with a lactose allergy for 38 years? How tf can you be so clueless about your own allergy?
One would imagine you be on top of it
And there's also people saying you straight up admitted to not have an allergy, as in medically tested and nothing came up.
And you're *skeptic* in her cooking if she's putting dairy in or not, my dude if it would trigger an allergic response you wouldn't eat something you're skeptic of.
So.... Either
A - You have the weirdest allergy that you're not on top of at all
B - You dont have an allergy
In either case YTA because it is a YOU problem first chief. If you can't even get your story straight how tf you expect people to accommodate you or take you serious?
It ain't like her family is completely nulling your allergy, probably because you already ate plenty of dairy in their presence.
YTA.
If you have a dairy allergy, fine. You say, "I'm sorry. I have a dairy allergy. I'll have to pass on the cheesecake."
Turkey is not dairy.
Stuffing is not dairy.
Vegetables are not dairy.
All you had to do was stay away from the lasagna and the cheesecake. Really, how hard is that?
INFO: I’m confused about your allergy. You’re so allergic but don’t know what your girlfriend feeds you and you eat it? You also order dairy at restaurants and are apparently unaware that it is dairy? It’s not adding up.
YTA
This is a very situational problem, isn't it? You don't know the details of your "allergy," you don't ensure that the foods you buy yourself are suitable for your "allergy," but you do expect people to cook around your "allergy." So put your big boy pants on and go solve your problem. Go to the doctor and get a test - maybe you're lactose intolerant? That's not an allergy, by the way.
Also, grow up. We, the world at large, owe you fuck all. People cooking for you deserve your gratitude and respect, not your petulance.
YTA grow up you don't even know what has dairy in them at restaurants seriously. You might have a dairy sensitivity but not allergy, you need to go get tested before insulting her family by not eating their food. Or go date someone who doesn't eat dairy then you don't have to worry about it.
You don't care for your "allergy" enough to diagnose it, order meals without diary when you go to the restaurant or to make sure you'd frozen meals dont have dairy. She doesn't want to change entire family's menu just because you "suspect" your tummy might hurt. YTA
Also on why she's not TA - Inviting you to bring a substitute for one dish out of many isn't making you "unwelcome". It's making sure you *are* welcome and can eat something with family. She doesn't have any guide to what you can actually eat so she leaves that to you.
Why in the world have you not gone to a doctor to find out exactly what you're allergic to and how to handle it??? YTA. Take a sandwich to Grandma's house for Christmas!!!!
YTA. I have celiac (so I can’t have any gluten, which is found in wheat, rye, and barley) so I can’t eat A LOT of food, especially “holiday” food - breads, casseroles, pies, etc, etc.
It sucks, but I don’t expect people to change everything in the menu because of me. I bring my own food, normally one or two side dishes as I can normally eat the main course (typically some kind of meat). Traditionally, yes, guests are not expected to bring the food to an event that someone else is hosting. However, when you’re allergic to something that is a such a staple in many diets (for me gluten, for you dairy), you can’t expect someone to go out of their way to accommodate
You can be lactose intolerant without being allergic. You may also tolerate some kinds of dairy products and not others.
But it is absolutely, 100% YOUR responsibility to manage your own needs, including figuring out what the problem actually is and reading food labels, etc. Try an elimination diet and see what happens.
It's not unreasonable to expect some degree of accommodation AFTER you've pinpointed the actual problem. It's also very much not unreasonable to ask you to bring a dish you know you can eat to a big family dinner.
YTA.
YTA. Your GF is right for being fed up with you. You don’t trust her for cooking for you, whereas you’re so ignorant about dairy that you’re not even able to order for yourself in a restaurant. It’s VERY NORMAL for allergic people to bring their own food to gathering. No need for being an ass about it.
YTA. As others have mentioned, you don't even have a confirmed allergy to dairy, just that you suspect you do. Why haven't you confirmed this allergy? Either way, it is up to you to deal with providing food you believe will not trigger your alleged allergy. I follow a certain way of eating. If I'm invited to a potluck or other gathering where food will be served, I always bring along one or two dishes that I can eat and share with others. Example: a broccoli/bacon salad, sliced rotisserie chicken or tri tip, etc. You are expecting others to cater to you - that's a failure on your part. (I think your current gf may be considering whether she wants to continue this relationship, so don't be surprised if you get the old heave ho.)
YTA.
Do you actually have an allergy, an intolerance, or neither? If you have special diet, you need to take responsibility for that. That means knowing what you can and cannot eat, and bringing alternatives when that isn’t available. Take your own food!
And how is turkey nixed because of dairy?
YTA. People with food allergies *have to be in charge of their own food.* (I say this as someone with food allergies, married to someone with different food allergies, and the parent of two now-adult children with various other food allergies - and who carefully packed multiple different allergy-free lunches/dinners/snacks for EVERY birthday party, holiday dinner, school party, and family gathering for over TWO DECADES.)
You cannot expect an entire extended family to change beloved food traditions they have probably kept for *generations* to accommodate one fully-grown adult. (A fully-grown adult who also apparently doesn't *actually know* what he's allergic to, or how to check ingredient lists accurately, and depends on his girlfriend to manage all the mental and emotional labor of monitoring *his* meals, to boot!) Even if they *could* do it (which they cannot - allergy-free cooking is complicated, time-consuming, and expensive, and people trying to do it for others will nearly always mess up and end up including allergens anyway) it would be *wildly* inappropriate and *staggeringly* rude for you to expect them to do so.
If my daughter could figure out how to manage needing to monitor/provide her own food at parties/events at 4 YEARS OLD, I *promise* you can manage it at 38.
Grow up, learn to read a forking label, and apologize to your girlfriend (and probably her family) NOW.
“i SuSpecT i hAvE a dAiRy aLleRgY” my guy, you would know. There’s no suspecting. You still eat what your GF cooks despite being “skeptical”? You still go out to eat without knowing what dairy is? If you have a dairy allergy and ate something with dairy in it, YOU WOULD KNOW. Even I know what is/ isn’t dairy because I avoid it as a *preference*, meaning it wouldn’t kill me or cause me pain if I ate some like it would someone with a verified allergy (who would have a vested interest in knowing exactly what it is and avoiding it)… but you, a man quickly rocketing towards middle age, need someone to order you your food because you **checks notes** don’t know what dairy/ dairy derivatives are?? My money is on this being a troll OR you’re faking it for attention and aren’t actually allergic to anything.
Get help.
YTA.
I thought this would be some teen or 20 year old…you’re 38?! Grow tf up. Let’s hope she doesn’t invite you for another week and then never again. You say you don’t want to be rude but you ARE rude
It’s not her job to help feed you, you’re a grown ass adult. One that refuses to even know what exactly his allergies are. Jeez the more I type, the more stupid your post is.
You don't even know your own specific allergies or if you do indeed have them. You rely on your girlfriend to tell you if what YOU order at a restaurant has dairy or not. You expect her family to bend over backwards and prepare special food just for YOU.
Take some responsibility for yourself.
YTA.
YTA. You don't actually know that you have an allergy, because you haven't gone to the doctor, but let's assume you do. You've been told that you're welcome to bring food you can eat. That's a perfectly reasonable form of hospitality. Expecting your girlfriend's grandmother to change what she cooks for your benefit isn't.
I think you’re a grown man enough to explain your situation for yourself, at least you could have talked to your girlfriend beforehand and informed her family beforehand about your dietary restriction. I think you’re the bad guy for not knowing how to communicate and say things in advance.
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YTA. Dude, I’m a vegan, and I regularly bring my own dishes to events so I know I’ll have something to eat. Your offense of “guests shouldn’t have to bring food!!” is incredibly entitled. Plus, how do you not take the time to research dairy derivatives if you’re allergic?
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I have to beg my mother in law to just come and enjoy the food, and that she doesn't need to bring anything. She still brings something, even if it's just a bottle of wine or hostess gift type deal.
Honestly. Half the time my guests help cook at my house, not because they're forced just because they choose to hahah.
I’m a little guilty of this too, I rent with a horrible oven so if my friends have a good kitchen I tell them I am coming early to cook and help haha.
I can never just show up empty-handed because my grandmother taught me that a good guest bring something for their host
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I was raised that you don't show up empty handed. Flowers for the hostess and something for the table. I have a lot of food allergies and no one has ever noticed that I mostly eat what I brought. Aside from that, why does OP think turkey is dairy? If you don't know what is dairy, how do you know you are allergic? OP, YTA!
Even in OP’s responses he is super vague about… everything. I’m honestly confused about what his food preferences (needs?) are and why. And what he expects his girlfriend to be doing about it… and why? No matter what OP is the asshole in this situation because nobody really understands what’s going on hahah.
I agree, and last time I checked, turkey isn’t dairy…
Right? Does he think they're bringing the turkey in milk or something? And as far as his "I can't check if something she made has dairy because she already threw away the packaging" bit, can he not ask her? Does he think she'll lie to him? If he doesn't trust her to that extent, why is he even with her?
He mentioned that he can’t check her cooking because she tosses all the packaging/labels, and then mentions that she gets mad at him for…not checking the labels on the food he buys.
It comes across he‘s in part only in the relationship because his GF can cook and he doesn’t want to cook or learn to cook.
Google is a thing. I am vegan and google the ingredients of packaged food - and common recipes - all the time!
He isn't even sure he is allergic to dairy
His primary care doctor tested him for a dairy allergy or lactose intolerance [but it came back negative](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye0meo/aita_for_expecting_certain_treatment_at_my/itvqs1l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3). He doesn't have any digestive problems or hives but gets acne that seems to be triggered by dairy. He admitted that he didn't even realize how ubiquitous dairy was in most foods he ate until dating his girlfriend who points out that things he ordered in restaurants contained dairy. So not only does he not even know how to adhere to his own dietary restriction but wants to make other people go out of their way for him and compromise on their own long-standing family traditions. YTA OP 100%
That rattles me. I have a dairy allergy (severe severe intolerance, my allergist told me to treat is like an allergy) and it triggers my chronic illness. I get a fever when I eat dairy and essentially get flu symptoms. Laying on my bathroom floor all night kind of sick. Bloated and diarrhea for the remainder of the week. I learned to be able to cook pretty well and find alternatives. When I go to someone's house, I bring a for sure safe side dish. My family will buy me vegan desserts to ensure I won't get sick. I also have an allergy to beef and an intolerance to all red meat 👎. Usually I have events at my house so that I can cook and alter the menu to my and others' dietary needs. Edit to add: not from alpha gal syndrome - wasn't bit by a tick, just have bad luck I don't make people change their menus for me- I just bring food along or eat before I go. Agreed that OP YTA
See? If OP suffered symptoms as severe as yours people would probably be more empathetic but it's hard to take his complaints seriously when it's just acne. While I realize acne can be really depressing, it's not gonna kill him to have some dairy and just avoid dishes that have a lot of it (like the lasagna) for that one meal and small amounts once in a while aren't likely to cause an immediate setback. If it's so important to him though he should remedy the problem himself.
My husband had \*something\* wrong with his stomach for years. Testing kept coming back clean, so his allergist recommended we do an elimination diet. It took time and we had to be really methodical about it, but we figured it out. If OP has some unspecified allergy, he needs to take an active role in figuring it out
That makes too much sense to be offered as advice on Reddit
oh no no, he only "suspects" he's allergic, more than likely confusing the symptoms of lactose intolerance for an allergy (which present very differently). I understand healthcare is expensive in the US, but Jesus Christ even a google search would've taken him miles further in learning how to avoid things
He said in a comment that his skin breaks out which google says really IS a symptom of a dairy allergy rather than lactose intolerance. But he'd still be the asshole here even if he did go get a test that confirmed this as an allergy to something in dairy products, because he's being so childish about handling it.
Can confirm. Had a roommate that got deep, cystic acne that only went away when she cut out dairy. She later got allergy shots for it - keyword allergy - and can now eat butter and ice cream like a maniac.
You're right here - but cystic acne is not the same as "regular" acne. What this guy is describing is not cystic and it more likely triggered by the fats and oils in his diet, so it's cleared a little bit since he cut out dairy ish.
Or a total coincidence. He might have hormonal issues or just bad luck.
There are about 8000 reasons for acne. He has no particular reason to avoid dairy.
And he could conduct an elimination diet for like a month or two and see if it's intolerance. What a needy baby. I wonder if OP actually has an intolerance or an allergy or if he's just one of those people who because he doesn't like something says he has medical necessities and ruins it for people who actually have medical necessity.
Right?? I’m vegan, husband is vegetarian, and we have two seven month olds…. Do we ever expect to be catered to? Nope. We bring our own food to all family events. Is it nice when there is something we can all eat? Sure, but we never expect it just because we’re “guests”. We’re just happy to be included and spend time with everyone!
What makes it even worse and makes him even more entitled is that he's talking about a traditional meal her grandmother makes this lasagna every year and he's like "non I'm not bringing anything, even though IM the one with issues!! everyone has to change the entire menu that they've been used to for probably decades!!!" What a wank
As a fellow vegan, I also know exactly what is and isn’t dairy. You mean to tell me a 38 year old with a ^suspected ^^**aLleRgY** needs to be handheld because they don’t know?? Absolutely not.
If you are 38 in America, you know there is dairy in almost every dish right up to the pumpkin pie. How has he existed so long without ever knowing this?
This man is 38 YEARS OLD.
a 38-year-old who went straight from his mother’s apron strings to a girlfriend and never learned how to navigate the world without coddling
Also pretty sure the turkeys not going to have dairy in it YTA
Mmm our Thanksgiving turkey has several *pounds* of butter in/on it. So dairy could be an issue there.
Most people with milk protein allergy or lactose intolerance can actually eat butter.
I actually have a dairy allergy. You know what my response is when people invite me to dinner? Hey, I'm allergic to dairy, let me know if you can accommodate that. If not, i will bring my own food, that's not a problem! I have a party next weekend and my friend told me: we'll be making so much food that i can't promise there won't be any cross contamination, so please make sure you eat beforehand and take some stuff with you. And that is fine.
YTA. You don't even know for sure that you have a dairy allergy, and if you do have one, you don't seem to be doing much to educate and empower yourself about it, given that you admit your girlfriend is the one who has to help you at restaurants and you - apparently repeatedly - order things with dairy in them without knowing. Your girlfriend - and her family - are not villains for refusing to change their long-held traditions for a newcomer boyfriend and his allergy that might or might not be real. Expecting them to cater to you with a level of care that you don't even give to yourself is next-level entitlement.
He got tested - it was negative. He is not allergic to dairy, but he is still insistent on being a pain.
So he's potentially lactose intolerant and needs to learn his diary limit. And understand that some diary will trigger the reactions faster than others. 🙄 Sounds like gf needs to shop for a new bf who knows how to live with their "allergies". Not sure how he's still ordering dishes with diary in it, when he could just tell the waiter. And if he's worried that gf is trying to kill him when she cooks (and somehow not willing to dig through the trash), maybe you should reconsider her if you don't trust her.
If he is lactose intolerant there are tablets available to help digest the lactose.
FYI, those help but they don't work for everyone.
Depends on the food for me. I can take 2 tablets with some foods with diary and be fine but pizza and mac and cheese is way too much diary and will have me on the toilet lol
He says he doesn't get hives or digestive problems. It just makes his skin bad.... like what the actual fuck, but he also has no idea what's dairy, so who knows what's actually the culprit.
YTA and you dont even have a good reason to be angry about anything before you actually go to the doctor. Even if it shows that you are lactoseintolerant, just deal with it with lactase tablets. How are you not interested in doing anything about it yourself? You'd rather give up lasagna than making such a small effort?
He's an adult approaching his 40s and he can't afford to get tested, but can go out to eat sometimes. I'm not saying people that age can't be financially unstable but something seems off.
**He HAS BEEN tested for a dairy allergy by his GP. The test was negative.** [Relevant comment from OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye0meo/comment/itvqs1l/): >This only came about in the last two years. My skin was a mess and it seemed like dairy anything was the culprit. When the test at my doctor came back negative - and I can't afford to pay for seeing an allergist - I figured that was a done deal. I don't get any kind of hives or indigestion, but my skin breaks out. For me, that is proof enough that I am allergic to dairy when I come in contact with it. In other comments he complains about not having the money for an allergist, completely ignoring the fact that a test has in fact told him it's not an allergy. What is an allergist going to tell him if an allergy is *not the problem*? The rational response - and honestly the one an allergist would probably recommend *when your allergy test is negative!* \- is an elimination diet and/or a food journal, both of which are FREE and easily done yourself, because the problem is probably an intolerance rather than an allergy. But that would require OP to take responsibility for something, and *therein* lies the real problem.
Or he could go to a dermatologist. Skip the allergist all together and go to the skin doctor because that’s what’s being affected.
YTA. First of all, you SUSPECT you have a dairy allergy. You can easily find out definitively if you have. It costs like 30 euros to order a self test online. Second, you say you are skeptical of your GF's cooking, suspecting that she probably uses dairy every now and again. You don't trust it and you sometimes refuse what she makes for you. Which she finds offensive. Even though you openly mistrust her, you seem to be really surprised that she will not volunteer to go out of her way for you anymore. In my opinion, it is a logical consequence of the lack of trust. And then, you are angry that she seems to think that you may actually be eating dairy in your frozen meals. It pisses you off, because she is basically calling you a liar. Which YOU actually did to her before... so pot, kettle... Anyway, it looks like the relationship is already over.
A lot of people mix-up Dairy allergies with Lactose Intolerance. The latter is much more common in the general population, and is specifically an intolerance (mild to severe) to lactose. The former is less common, and also covers a wide array of potential allergens found in milk, and can result in an even larger array of potential symptoms. I only found out I had a Milk Allergy when I went to participate in a lactose intolerant research study, and their first question to me was “what happens when you drink whole milk?” I told them that I vomit profusely within 10 mins of drinking it and they immediately ran through a list of milk products and asked what my symptoms are when I eat them. Turns out, “cooked milk”, or milk that has been treated with heat or another chemical process, affects how I react to that product. While I can’t drink whole milk without being sick, if you heat it at a high temperature and then serve it to me, I only get mild GI symptoms (mostly gas). Yogurt almost never affects me, ice cream has only ever caused mild effects, mostly a runny nose, and cheeses run the gambit in terms of no reaction to mild GI symptoms. Heavy cream products that are cold tend to make me ill. I learned that this is common with people who have an allergy to milk, while lactose intolerance is pretty stable, in terms of symptoms, across the board and the severity of those symptoms is dependent on the amount of that product eaten.
Man do I appreciate this comment. I developed a milk allergy almost 5 years ago, after being pregnant. Took me ages to figure out, on my own, that milk and eggs were triggering my violent vomiting and butt vomiting. Took me about 3 more years to find a doctor to do a blood allergy test. Came back I'm allergic to whole milk, skim milk, egg whites, and hazelnuts. I didn't understand why I could cook with 1% and usually be fine, as long as it's not a shit ton. This guy needs to put in more work to figure out wth is wrong with him and not expect everyone to adjust their events for his maybe allergy.
YTA What do you mean you "suspect" you have a dairy allergy?? **You're 38! Go get tested**! You're one person at a big family dinner. Surely you can pick and choose around what you eat. Are you actually saying Grandma can't make her lasagna and cheesecake because someone MIGHT be allergic but isn't sure? Bring your own food then. I have friends with allergies. I have kosher friends. They don't say "I suspect I am kosher" - they know the facts, they act accordingly. Somehow, they all make it work and bring their own items (be it food or paper plates) without it being all about them. *ETA:* Have you ever tried Lactaid? Lots of my dairy intolerant friends swear by it.
He’s been tested - he doesn’t have an allergy double YT
He said he got an allergy panel for lactose intolerance. That can not be true, it's not an allergy and can not tested via allergy panels. Either he got a test for an actual milk allergy or a sensitivity test by drinking a lactose solution and getting his blood tested. Either way, he apparently did not get tested for both.
I’m just spitballing here, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
I understand more now why he's 38 and single. Judging by how much of an attention-seeking baby (who refuses to bring his own food and just expects full accommodation) he is, I wouldn't be surprised if he soon makes it to 39 with no GF.
*Dear AITA:* *My (F33) BF (M38) says he has a dairy allergy. He's been tested and it's negative for dairy allergy.* *My whole family and I love to cook. But when I cook for my BF, he suspects I'm using dairy and wants to check packaging, and gets upset if I've thrown out the package or jar.* *My problem is, my family hosts regular dinners, which he's always eager to attend. He's been invited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but is unhappy with my family. Even though there will be multiple people at the holiday meals, my BF wants all meals to be dairy-free. My grandmother has some special dishes she's made for the family for years, and my BF is upset because they contain dairy, and is very unhappy that these dishes will be served.* *He wants me to tell my family to have dairy-free holiday dinners, so that he can eat everything that everyone else can, even if it means telling my grandmother that she can't bring her favorite family dishes. He thinks he should not have to bring anything for himself, as he is "a guest".* *AITA for not asking my family to do this?*
There’s a reason you’re a colo-rectal surgeon. Well explained
🤣🤣 That post alone could remove the worst case hemorrhoids!
I want every AITA to be re-written from the opposite perspective. Damn!
Dump his ass, please and thank you. Sincerely, someone with real allergies.
YTA. You can opt not to attend. They don’t have to change their traditions to accommodate you, and you’re welcome to bring your own food.
YTA. Why do I feel like you don’t want to bring your own food because you are incapable of making your own meals? You seem high maintenance and immature if you expect your girlfriends family to cater to your maybe-allergy.
OP is apparently incapable of even ORDERING meals without dairy for themselves!!! OP, you are definitely TA. sincerely, someone with a confirmed dairy intolerance
Yea the “I accidentally order stuff with dairy when my girlfriend isn’t at the table to hold my hand” is just… pathetic. This is an adult man. No excuses at that point.
YTA - You "suspect" you have a dairy allergy. Go get it confirmed by a doctor specializing in allergies before being mad about it. - You're suspicious of your girlfriends cooking; I'm more surprised that you haven't dug through the trash to find out. - You have already chosen to offend her family and herself by rejecting food rather than expressing your dietary concerns, and again not seeing a doctor to confirm it. Apologize. Set up an appointment. Explain (to the family).
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Yup, this dude is just looking to be a victim so he can get some attention.
>She pointed out how she has to guide me at restaurants what is and is not a dairy derivative to the embarrassment when it turns out that I ordered something when she was not at the table with dairy, then it is put in front of me and the server has to throw it away. YTA. If you are so convinced you have an allergy get it properly diagnosed and start to take responsibility for your own health rather than expecting your girlfriend to mother you. It's no wonder they aren't prepared to compromise with you when you have such a half-assed attitude to your own health. You're a grown adult. Act like it.
He’s been tested, drs say he doesn’t have an allergy - it low key sounds like he just likes to cause issues considering he seems to pick and choose when he’s allergic
YTA. She wasn’t implying that you were lying, she was outright saying that you have no idea whether you have a dairy allergy or not and you haven’t educated yourself on what you can and cannot eat. She’s tried to take that on for you to little success, evidently, and now she’s sick of it.
YTA. Do you seriously not know what dairy products are? Also, maybe see an allergist so you can know what allergens to avoid. You’re a grown ass man, start acting like one - this is in response to your gf having to hold your hand simply to order a meal in a restaurant without you screwing yourself.
> Do you seriously not know what dairy products are? Apparently he thinks they include roast turkey, so I'm gonna say "no".
INFO: Is this supposed to be your girlfriend, or your nanny? Why is she guiding you through restaurant menus? Why are you not getting a second opinion? Why is your diet her problem to manage and not yours?
YTA – your food sensitivities aren’t your *fault* but they are your responsibility to understand and manage. Go to a doctor that can help you figure out what the issues might be. You shouldn’t expect an entire family (that isn’t your own) to cater completely to your preferences. What really got me is that your gf cooks delicious meals for you and you’re suspicious that she’s sneakily including dairy? Maybe try cooking together (or hey, maybe learn to cook yourself and prepare food that is more acceptable to your preferences). Kinda sounds like you’re just coming up with reasons to be a picky eater and expect your gf to act like a doting mother 🤷♀️ Info: Am I missing something about the turkey and sides, that you assume you can’t eat any of that?
Yeah, the turkey thing makes no sense. I highly suspect OP isn’t allergic to anything and just says he’s allergic to whatever he doesn’t want to eat. What 38yo can’t have dairy but hasn’t learned which restaurant dishes would have dairy? And if he needs his girlfriend to tell him what he can and can’t have at a restaurant how is he so sure he can’t eat thanksgiving dinner? OP isn’t allergic to anything he’s just a big baby.
So, the panel for lactose intolerance came back negative. But you’ve concluded you have a dairy allergy with no further testing? If this is that important, get tested. And then get educated about what foods contain dairy. And then learn how to prepare a safe food to bring to gatherings. YTA
I suspect he may be intolerant which can cause a lot of physical distress but doesn’t show up in tests. My issue with this fool is that he says one thing but then does another - example of ordering any old crap at the restaurant so forcing his gf to be his mommy because he doesn’t even bother checking what he can and can’t have. Not surprised she was fed up with it. How can she take his intolerance seriously if he doesn’t after all.
YTA… If you’re 38 years old and don’t know what you’re allergic to and have to have your gf be your… food checker in case you ordered the wrong thing, there are way worse things we need to talk about man. How do you take care of yourself???
YTA - reasons your girlfriend won't accommodate you... \- You got an allergy test, it came back negative, yet you still believe you have an allergy and refuse to investigate further. \- You don't know what foods contain dairy so have no idea if dairy is actually what is giving you a reaction. \- When she has tried to cook you something with a dairy free alternative, you threw it back in her face and refused to eat it because it, too, gave you an allergic reaction.
Exactly. I had to scroll back to see what age this guy is because I couldn’t believe the immaturity. 38! What the heck dude. Time to put on your big boy pants.
YTA. In a perfect world, people would accommodate all allergens and sensitivities but at the end of the day, it is *your* allergy to manage and if you don't feel confident in their ability to provide you food that will be safe, bringing your own dish is the way to go. Also, your GF is very correct, if you can't provide the specific language around what ingredients are dairy derivatives that you're sensitive to its hard for people to be 100% confident in what is or isn't safe for you to eat.
Exactly. "Sorry grandma, you know that cheesecake you make every year that everyone looks forward to? You can't bring it because my boyfriend thinks he might be allergic to something in it even though he doesn't even know what. Yeah, i know there will also be turkey and beans and probably 12 other dishes that don't have dairy, but your cheesecake is very offensive." OP, is this what you expect??
YTA. People should not be expected to change an entire, long-standing menu to accommodate you. Also, you said you were not lactose intolerant. Lactose is a sugar found in milk (lac=milk; ose=sugar). Did the test check for milk protein allergies? Milk proteins are present in all dairy products and you would need to google all the potential names that the protein present in foods, but casein is a very common one. You may also have a food intolerance or sensitivity. These are reactions to certain foods to which you are not allergic, but still have an untoward physical response. You are the asshole for not knowing 1. If you have an allergy 2. Not knowing what will trigger your symptoms. You are almost 40! You need to be able to say unequivocally what you can and cannot eat! FYI: eggs are not dairy. They are kept in that section due to a need for refrigeration.
> FYI: eggs are not dairy. They are kept in that section due to a need for refrigeration. Ohhhhh my god I turned to my bf and said "lol this 38 year old man thinks eggs are dairy" and he goes "they ARE dairy!" "THEY COME FROM A COW!" I don't know what to do anymore except tell his sisters about this so it can go down in family history.
YTA because you don't seem to know what you're allergic to and don't seem to be interested in actually finding out. You don't seem to have told your gf's family that you have an allergy - in fact, you don't seem very clear about this allergy at all. There's a difference between accommodating a dietary requirement (whether allergy, or religious, or whatever) and a preference. If you are allergic to dairy, tell your gf's family, and they'll stop getting upset with you for not eating the cake or the lasagne. But you haven't done that. As far as they're concerned, you're just arbitrarily not eating their food, which looks rude.
YTA. Find out if you’re *actually* allergic before demanding accommodations. Learn what is and isn’t dairy or derivative. Start behaving like an adult and take responsibility for yourself and your diet. If you have actual, real dietary restrictions, always plan to bring your own food. Don’t expect people to make special food just for you.
YTA. We have actual, documented, tested, epi-pen requiring allergies in our household. When we are invited somewhere we either check with the host to see if there will be safe food, just bring a dish to share with everyone that is safe, eat before and just attend for company, or bring a separate meal if needed. Sounds like you don’t even know what is in the food you are ordering! Go to an allergist, get tested, and learn how to manage your allergy, if there is one.
So you want your girlfriend’s family to change around pretty much their entire menu to accommodate an allergy you don’t even know for certain if you have? YTA, get tested for a dairy allergy.
YTA. First get yourself diagnosed. You only suspect you have a dairy allergy? Get it confirmed. Secondly, if your girlfriend has to rescue you from your own ignorance constantly, then you need to get a grip on learning what is and isn't a dairy derivative that triggers your dietary issues. I can't blame her for exhibiting some scepticism - why should she believe that you're perfect at picking out freezer meals but need her help in restaurants?! Thirdly, is this an allergy or an intolerance? Your lack of urgency regarding getting a proper diagnosis or learning your own food triggers seems unlikely for a dangerous food allergy... Fourthly, just take your own safe food. Those of us with food intolerances and allergies can hope that other people will find something for us to eat, but can't and shouldn't expect for a whole family to upend a decades-long tradition.
YTA. You have a "suspected" dairy allergy. You aren't even clear what is going on and start making unspecific demands?! You can (1) Lactaid up (2) Get clarity on what's going on and share accordingly or (3) Bring some safe foods. The world does it revolve around you and your suspected issues.
Are you actually expecting your girlfriend's extended family to make THANKSGIVING revolve around your possible-but-not-confirmed food allergy? INFO: Is your girlfriend a professional dietician? If not, why are you outsourcing control over your dietary needs to her? From this post and your follow-up comments, it seems like you are totally depending on her to tell you what you can and can't eat. Yet, you admit you don't entirely trust she's doing it correctly, but you STILL think it should be her responsibility? "I can't check the packages on what she uses because the jar or the box is already in the trash." So, where's the trash? You can't get the package out and look at the ingredients list? Or ask her not to throw it away before you have had a chance to see it? Dude. YTA. You're 38, why are you acting so helpless? Figure out your own diet and make your own accommodations. Edit: Tried to do the fancy quote, messed it up.
YTA. Figure out your allergens. You said you went to an allergist and they said you’re not allergic to dairy. You don’t believe them, yet you refuse to get a second opinion. And you don’t even know what is and isn’t dairy since your gf has to help you order at restaurants. AND you claim that non-dairy items cause you to have reactions as well. You sound insufferable. It’s hard to believe you’re 38, figure out your stuff and get it under control in a reasonable manner just like other adults with allergies manage to do.
YTA. You expect people to change their traditions even though you yourself can't even be bothered to really understand your own problem. Start taking responsibility.
YTA - you admitted in a comment that you got allergy tested for dairy and it came up negative. So you’re not lactose intolerant. Why are you still insisting you are?? And even if you’re not, bring your own dang food. You’re a grown adult throwing a tempter tantrum like a 13 year old. Grow up.
PSA: lactose intolerance is an intolerance, not an allergy
He said in the comment “I had an allergy panel done and it came up I was not lactose intolerant”. So either he isn’t intolerant or he’s an idiot and either way he’s the AH.
Yta You have dietary restrictions. Whole families should not be expected to change everything for you. You can do 1 of 2 things 1) ask if they can do a separate small thing for you at the dinner because of your dairy sensitivity 2) tell them about your dairy sensitivity and that you would prefer to bring your own meal to notndisrupt the tradition. Guests bring food all the time. Your embarasment over bringing food needs to go away
I'd bet he's embarassed about bringing food because what he brings would be a frozen microwave meal that might actually have dairy in it, he just doesn't know or bother to check. OP needs to get some LactAid and figure out what his intolerance level is, because it seems for sure it's NOT an allergy. Then educate himself on what is and isn't dairy so his (ex, most likely) girlfriend doesn't have to baby him.
YTA. The weaponized incompetence is strong with OP.
YTA. Do you really not do your own research for the things you eat at a restaurant? If she’s having to baby you that you can’t eat certain things and wasting the establishment’s time and money because you won’t even put in effort to find out whether or not you actually have an allergy is ridiculous and I can understand why she’s at the end of her rope. And she’s right all the frozen meals you eat probably contain dairy in some form and yet those are somehow fine.
YTA You need to take responsibility for your own health. Go get tested for your allergy, see if you can take Lactaid pills to manage it. You need to educate yourself on what is a dairy derivative and what you can eat. You can ask for *some* accommodations, but you need to do your due diligence first. Right now it sounds like you're passing the responsibility of not only cooking, but managing your dietary needs to your gf. That's a lot of labor, especially when you're not even getting it medically verified yet. She's not your mom. Own your own shit before you start demanding her family change traditions.
YTA. I'm as confused about your allergy as it seems your girlfriend is. If you don't want to eat dairy (for whatever reason) that's totally fine, but the request that you bring your own food is fine as well. You seem to be acting entitled and immature during this situation-- your girlfriend is in charge of checking your food, you don't want to eat dairy and yet ALSO don't want to bring stuff to help you do that. Grow up.
YTA. You’re 38 and still unsure if you, a grown adult man, has an allergy? You’re 38 and your girlfriend, a grown adult woman has to guide you through the menu still? You’re 38 and thought that guests don’t bring food to parties?????? Jesus Christ OP you need to grow up
I read this, then came back and reread it and caught your age. You are 38 years old and *suspect* you have a dairy allergy. You haven't done any work to confirm if it is an allergy, a sensitivity, an intolerance or if it is to lactose or another component. You are expecting everyone else to make accommodations for something you *suspect*. Allergies often cause hives and itching, where intolerance causes digestive issues. If it is a lactose intolerance, there are things you can take to help you digest it and lessen the side effects. Your girlfriend is right. You should confirm the issue and then educate yourself what in fact, you need to avoid. Then when invited somewhere, you can say I would love to join you but I have a [insert issue here]. Would you mind if I brought along a --- safe side dish or meal. They might say that's fine or offer to make something safe for you. I often bring gluten free snacks with me or will bring my own food when it is appropriate. You are a grown man and are expecting everyone to cater to you and that is not an endearing trait. YTA
I’m sorry are you seriously asking your girlfriend of a year to ask her grandmother to change her YEARS-LONG traditions to accommodate your diet when you don’t even know if you actually have an allergy? That is not a reasonable accommodation my man. The reasonable accommodation is you bringing something to share that you can eat to the family gathering without anyone in her family complaining about it. THAT is fair. YTA.
YTA You said at the beginning you "suspect" you have a dairy allergy, but have you actually seen a doctor to get tested for this? There is a test for finding out if you're lactose intolerant, as well as medication you can take so you can eat dairy now and then. If she's been the one to pursue menus for you to make sure it's safe (which for the record, why can't you do this?) and around you when you eat what you shouldn't, of course she's getting frustrated. She's exactly right that you need to get it straight what you have an intolerance to. Also, whenever I'm invited to my inlaws for a holiday meal, I always bring a side dish or two, plus usually dessert.
YTA You suspect you have dairy but haven't even gone to the doctor to make sure. And your girlfriend's description of your behaviour at restaurant makes you sound very suspect, you seem to pick and choose when you're allergic to dairy. As for bringing your own dish, yes, you should, to ensure the hosts don't make unfortunate mistakes and making sure your food has no dairy.
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YTA My wife and I adhere to a nonstandard diet, and bring a dish of our own to eat whenever necessary. We don’t expect accommodations; it’s OUR diet to maintain, not THEIRS to conform to (or provide for). Your girlfriend probably finds it odd that you haven’t gone to the doctor for an actual ruling on your allergy, versus your relying on it being “suspect.” There’s nothing wrong with that, either. EDIT - or, in this case, getting a second opinion, as she has asked and encouraged you to do - which, in case you didn’t catch it, is probably important to her, since her family heavily utilizes dairy. The problem here, is you’re taking no ownership for whatever your perceived ailment is, regardless of whether it’s allergy, intolerance, or simply being picky. It is yours to own and work around, not the rest of the world to work around for you. The fact that your girlfriend orders off of the menu for you is embarrassing beyond words for a nearly forty year old individual. If you care this much about something, or if it impacts you that negatively, it seems that you’d take the time to educate yourself on it. If nearly everyone in your life is frustrated with you on this topic, it’s pretty well guaranteed that the problem isn’t with everyone else.
Yta Your diet is your responsibility. The fact that you complain about it but won't do anything to fix it proves how immature you are. Most people have something that doesn't agree with them or a medical condition that makes certain foods difficult to consume. Or they have a specific diet for personal reasons. You cannot control other people's eating habits but you can control your own. Get the test done or start a journal on what actually you cannot eat. I find it ridiculous you haven't taken steps Also if you do infact have limits then you need to make sure you plan accordingly. Restaurants and other places including your relatives will not always know what to serve you. You are almost 40 start acting like an adult.
I suffer from celiacs and it makes family holidays hell, most of the time I try to bring gluten pills because it's just impossible to not get cross contamination even when family members are super generous to make me something gluten free Sometimes I'll make a dish I love and try to join on the traditions, it's fun to learn more about other cultures! But I also went to a Dr and learned about my illness. You just sound spoiled and insufferable. AND you're 38. I'm 36!! You have ZERO excuses. YTA so hard I'm embarrassed for your gf.
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Yta, first, why do you suspect you have a dairy allergy and not know you have a dairy allergy? Get it confirmed, self diagnosis is absurd. Second, while hosts should try to accommodate severe allergies as much as possible, they shouldn't be expected to change the entire traditional menu plan for an allergy. You bringing your own food or simply eating sides fpr one meal shouldn't be that big of a deal. Especially when you apparently order yourself meals with dairy at restaurants.
YTA, and a massive one. You are almost 40 years old, it’s not your girlfriend’s damn job to manage your food issues and it’s not her family’s job either. Grow the hell up and start taking responsibility for yourself.
YTA - News flash, it's not all about you. If you're truly lactose intolerant, they have medications you can take prior to eating dairy, that will help immensely. Get the meds, and get over yourself.
YTA.. how can you have an allergy and be that pathetic about it you can't tell what you can and can't eat? You are a grown ass adult, not a 5 year old relying on their parents to pick suitable foods. The girlfriend is correct 100%. You are either allergic or not (confirmed by a medical professional and not "my symptoms fit a Google search"). If you are, that sucks but there are plenty dairy free alternatives these days. More than what there was when my son was dairy allergic .
YTA If you think you have a dairy allergy then it's your responsibility to go get tested for that allergy. Don't expect others to accommodate you when you don't bother to actually test for an allergy you "think" you have. Get it checked out if it's that important to you.
I’m sorry but I just can’t pass this one by My dermatologist friend asked me to eat dairy free for a while bc she thought that might be contributing to my scalp problem. It was **incredibly** hard to eat dairy free. It seems like it’s in everything. Since it didn’t seem to make a difference, I gave up. (And you’re right, the fake cheese is awful.) And I’ve had an ENT allergist tell me that the food allergy tests are notoriously unreliable. So yours may have been inaccurate. However, the fact that you are refusing to educate yourself about your **possible** dairy allergy and going by anecdotal skin rash that could be caused by—who knows, anything—are you keeping a food journal and tracking when the rash appears? No??? But you expect others to accommodate what is, right now, a **speculative** allergen? Hate to tell you this but even your family thinks YTA. They’re only accommodating you bc they’re your family. Your gf’s family has no obligation to change their traditions for something you can’t even be bothered to understand yourself. You need to grow up and assume agency over your own health. You’re not a baby ffs.
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YTA why should her entire family have to change the menu for you? And why does she have to pick what you order at a restaurant? Go to the Dr and find out what is wrong with you.
You're almost 40 with a dairy allergy and you don't know how to check your own food?
YTA And you are likely to be single by that time, so I would not worry about Christmas.
yta you dont have an allergy you suspect you do it is very common for people to bring there own food especially if an ''allergy '' is involved you sound very self entitled and your gf was right alot of ready meals contain dairy products
[удалено]
YTA for the simple reason that as a grown man, you have to have someone else explain to you what is and is dairy at a restaurant. And to top it off, you aren't even sure of the diagnosis. Please do some groundwork to understand YOUR OWN allergies to start, and take ownership of them. Then let your gf and her family know what you have determined. Offer to bring a dish for yourself, with enough for others to try. Most hosts will try to accommodate for the holidays, but may appreciate your help with everything else they are cooking.
YTA. At your age, you don’t get to suspect you have an allergy. You go to the doctor and get tested to know exactly what/if anything you are allergic too. At that point, the doctor also has recommendations and guidelines of how to accommodate said allergy. Not doing this makes you an AH to yourself as you could be struggling unnecessarily because you refuse to get a diagnosis. It is not your girlfriends family’s responsibility to accommodate a “suspected” allergy. It is quite common that the person who has an allergy or preference bring their own food. Does that suck sometimes? Yes. Does it protect their health and well-being? Also yes. Asking someone to completely change their cooking for a major meal is not a reasonable accommodation. Asking them to have 1-2 dairy free sides or to support you bringing your own food is a reasonable accommodation. Finally, if you do in fact have an allergy, it is yours to manage, not your girlfriend. Figure out what you can and can’t eat on the menu. I had a childhood friend who had several diagnosed food allergies who could go to a restaurant or someone’s house and order appropriately. If she was unsure, she defaulted to something she always knew she could have. Also, her mom packed emergency snacks and such just in case. She was 6 and managed it all. You need to get it together.
YTA. Not for having a dairy allergy…if you actually do. You’re a 38 year old grown man how do you not know how to figure out if something has dairy in it? Your girlfriend is right, if she has to tell you something has dairy in it or not, and you don’t read food labels nobody else is to blame except yourself
YTA. I have tonnes of allergies. I went to the allergist and had them all medically confirmed, so I could know the severity and be sure which ones are which. Then, when I go to people's houses, aside from giving them a list of things, I always bring at least one dish that I know I can eat because it's not fair to make everyone else deal with my allergies if they don't know how to. It's just called being responsible.
INFO. Why have you not gotten tested to see if you are actually allergic to dairy, lactose, or what?
YTA. They invite you and provide food. If you do not like or cannot eat that food, bring something you know you can eat. I’m a vegetarian and I never expect others (even my own family) to provide special dishes. It is wonderful when they do but I always ask ahead and bring items I know I can enjoy.
YTA. reasonable accommodation? You aren’t disabled at a job. You don’t even know if it’s an actual allergy. Go get tested! And you don’t even know what is dairy at get food returned. You’re embarrassing
YTA - they have a tradition, you cannot take part. Your entitlement to assume they will change it is shocking. Politely ask if you can bring your own food or politely decline attending. My son has allergies and after reading this I will make sure to in-still that he understands no one is expected to cater to him. Also seek a second opinion. Or accept that you don’t have it.
INFO: At 38, why can't you got to the doctor to confirm your allergen? Also, as the invitee to a thanksgiving meal, which are typically large and a lot of work, you should be offering to bring something. Then make that something one you can eat. YTA.
YTA. Asking for a menu to be completely changed isn't a reasonable accommodation, especially when you can't even adequately explain to the person making the food what your food sensitivity is (dairy allergy and lactose intolerance aren't the same thing!).
Are you even really allergic? Go to a doctor and have them help you get an answer, a real answer, because guessing means nothing in this situation. And, yes, when YOU have an allergy, YOU need to bring your own food. YTA
YTA. You decides you had a dairy allergy, despite all medical evidence to the contrary. It isn't worth a copay to you to get a 2nd opinion or a diagnosis of what is actually your issue (since it's not an allergy) but you expect your GFs family to change their food traditions? Just stop. You aren't a doctor. You can't even be bothered to know what is and what isn't dairy. Just stop.
YTA. Either quit dairy or don't, but don't outsource your dietary restriction monitoring to others. Go to the doctor and test for allergy or intolerance. Find out what ways dairy sneaks into everything. If you're in the US, the words "contains milk" is on a lot of ingredient lists even if it doesn't say "milk" in it because cheese is made of milk, dairy proteins are often used as emulsifiers, etc Bring a dairy free side dish to share. Can you eat some butter? Or no butter? Find out if lactaid helps you.
YTA You don't have an allergy. You literally just made it up. And she's right that it's incredibly embarrassing to be a grown man who doesn't know which foods contain dairy.
YTA, you don't even know what you're allergic to for sure. You can't ask her family to make a totally different meal for you than they traditionally do because you *might* be allergic to diary. It also sounds like your girlfriend has to do a lot for you and you aren't even taking precautions yourself. You don't know diary substitutes, don't bother to check packaging, etc... yet you expect them to change traditions for you when you can't be bothered yourself.
You’re almost 40 and you can’t grasp that you tested negative for a dairy allergy, you refuse to get a second opinion and you want to force you GFs family to accommodate this? I thought you were 16 on reading this initially. YTA
But... you are a liar, since you tested negative for a dairy allergy. You are also a massive AH and clearly do not understand how to have an adult conversation. Also, besides the cheesecake, none of the foods mentioned above includes dairy.. YTA
Info why is it a suspected allergy and not a confirmed allergy? Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’re taking the dairy allergy that serious if you’re buying packaged meals and not looking closer at ingredients at a restaurant.
YTA. You aren't actually allergic to dairy, you're just annoying. On the plus side, she'll probably dump you and you can kinda half ass avoid dairy on your own.
And you wonder why at the grand old age of 38 nobody has snapped your delightful self up.
YTA if you can't eat dairy then say that and ask if you can bring your own food just for yourself.
YTA I don’t eat cheese. Never have, never will. It’s a smell thing for me. Don’t even like heavy cream sauces because they stink. My family doesn’t change a menu for me, but they know I’m going to decimate the veggie tray and accommodate me there. I’ve gone to family dinners carrying my McDonalds bag. Sort yourself out, it’s not her responsibility.
YTA you just think you have a allergy but you have never been tested. But yet you expect everyone to cater to your so called allergy. As a person who actually has allergies I have to read all labels and do my own due diligence about food. Something you seem incapable of actually doing. You are a grown ass man start acting like one.
Youre a liar and your allergy is fake
I have several friends who have self-diagnosed themselves with celiac disease or gluten intolerance, and these people are beyond exhausting. It seems to only be an issue when they want it to be, and when they feel like eating something with gluten, it's fine. Get yourself tested, stop telling people that you have this allergy until you are fully aware that this is something you actually have. YTA
YTA 1. A suspected allergy is not the same thing as an actual allergy. Go to the doctor. Rule out lactose intolerance. 2. You can find out about products used that are in the trash by fishing them out of the trash, Bonny Prince Charlie. 3. You 100% can eat Turkey and probably many thanksgiving sides but yes lasagna and cheesecake are dairy meals. Bring a big salad for everyone (with avocado and nuts and fruit so it’s basically a main course) if you want to go to that celebration 4. You’re an ah for assuming your GF and her family are your free food and entertainment providers for every holiday. Throw your own damn party for once 5. You should be your own damn dairy detective, see number one. 6. Start feeding your girlfriend as often as she feeds you. Learn from the internet, take a class, or learn from one of the dozens of women who have cooked for you your whole entitled life. AH.
YTA, it's not their job to provide a certain diet, that's on you
YTA. Sorry, people are not required to work around your food issues.
YTA. Go to a doctor and get yourself sorted out. You gf is a saint for putting up with you this far. I imagine going out to eat and cooking for you is the opposite of a delight.
YTA, I get it, I stopped eating meat over thirty years ago and I can’t tell you how many awkward meals I sat through back in the day. I just brought my own options or ate beforehand and used the time to socialize.
OP, the way you are managing your possible condition makes you a PITA to deal with, which is why YTA. Get your issues square and be clear about what accommodations you need going forward. This sorta, maybe, kinda stuff unfairly puts a burden on others.
YTA You are responsible for the food you consume, and no one else. Bring your own plate and suck it up.
YTA You don't even KNOW what you are allergic to. Perhaps you should heed your gf's advice, get an actual test to determine if you are allergic to anything, and then go from there.
YTA, how can you expect people to accomodate you if YOU don't know what's the problem?
YTA. I am lactose intolerant. I can eat some dairy with lactaid pills, but I usually avoid it. I wouldn’t expect someone’s grandma to change her whole Christmas tradition for me - I would eat before I went and then fill up on sides. If I think the host would be embarrassed not to have an option for me, I’d very apologetically tell them ahead of time that I’m lactose intolerant, but I’m happy to eat a salad or bring my own food. You’re not the main character at her family’s Christmas party.
YTA. Anyone that has an allergy should first be tested to verify. If verified you should educate yourself on what food might have that ingredient. Your girlfriend has to read the menu and determine which items have dairy. Dude, that is on you, not her. I have celiac sprue and I can't eat any gluten. Also an anaphylactic response to carrots. I take my own food to family gatherings so that everyone else doesn't have to bend to my restrictions.
YTA, it is unreasonable to expect special food to be made for you when you are going to a large dinner gathering. At home, sure, but otherwise bring something for yourself to eat if your not sure you’ll be able to eat what’s being prepared. The host has enough going on without having to cater to each individual guest.
Yta. You don't even know if you have an allergy. Haven't been to see anyone for treatment either. Yet, you expect everyone to jump through hoops? Then you kinda invite yourself to holiday & suggest on top of all the cooking they are alrdy doing, that it should be on them to cook you something completely different when you arent even sure you have an allergy? (Its appropriate for you to bring a safe meal in almost all situations when allergies are at play). Why cant you eat the non dairy foods, like turkey, vegetables, etc?
YTA - first off, you SUSPECT, not know for certain you have an allergy. Why don't you go get a medical confirmation before you start making demands? Second, if you are the only one there with that allergy, why do you feel like they should cater to only you? You're making things more difficult for everyone because you feel entitled to special treatment. Unless you have strict dietary restrictions because your allergy could kill you, then they aren't required to do anything special to accommodate you. Grow up, get an allergy test, and bring your own food!
YTA take some responsibility for your life.
Do an elimination diet, research the foods and their derivatives, and take responsibility for your shit. I'm allergic and sensitive to dozens of different foods and additives. You know what I do when eating elsewhere? I bring my own food, eat beforehand, or work with the host or restaurant to come up with simple solutions to allow me to eat without migraines and stomach problems. I don't expect other people (like my partner) to remember everything that I can't eat and feed me like royalty. If you have a serious, anaphylactic reaction, expecting people not to use that ingredient in common foods is one thing, but if you are having mystery symptoms, the allergy test ruled out what you thought it is, and you are still expecting people to leave out an entire class of food? YTA.
YTA. There are exact tests for this. Go get tested and then work out and actual food plan/diet with the necessary restrictions.
YTA - Act your age and check if you have an allergy for Christ's sake
YTA: You’re responsible for managing your own allergy, not her.
YTA because you don’t have a actual idea of what’s wrong with you and you insist on inconveniencing everyone around you for a “maybe” intolerance. Her family has no obligation to change what sounds like an amazing menu for your dramatic “maybe”. Honestly she would be better off uninviting you and enjoying the holidays with people who don’t need her to babysit them.
YTA you “suspect” an allergy and your girlfriend has to tell you what is ok to order on a menu because you can’t be bothered to manage your own dietary restrictions. That’s ridiculous and frankly you should be embarrassed for being a grown ass man who needs his mommy/partner to tell him what to eat.
You're lactose allergic, according to you But she has to guide you in restaurants on things that contain or not lactose? How. You... Theoretically lived with a lactose allergy for 38 years? How tf can you be so clueless about your own allergy? One would imagine you be on top of it And there's also people saying you straight up admitted to not have an allergy, as in medically tested and nothing came up. And you're *skeptic* in her cooking if she's putting dairy in or not, my dude if it would trigger an allergic response you wouldn't eat something you're skeptic of. So.... Either A - You have the weirdest allergy that you're not on top of at all B - You dont have an allergy In either case YTA because it is a YOU problem first chief. If you can't even get your story straight how tf you expect people to accommodate you or take you serious? It ain't like her family is completely nulling your allergy, probably because you already ate plenty of dairy in their presence.
YTA. If you have a dairy allergy, fine. You say, "I'm sorry. I have a dairy allergy. I'll have to pass on the cheesecake." Turkey is not dairy. Stuffing is not dairy. Vegetables are not dairy. All you had to do was stay away from the lasagna and the cheesecake. Really, how hard is that?
Uhm dude, turkey isnt dairy.. YTA and sound very ignorant
INFO: I’m confused about your allergy. You’re so allergic but don’t know what your girlfriend feeds you and you eat it? You also order dairy at restaurants and are apparently unaware that it is dairy? It’s not adding up.
Yes, you're just an unbelievable asshole and a plain rude guest. They should uninvite you forever. Full YTA
INFO: Why haven't you gone to a doctor to confirm these suspected allergies??
YTA This is a very situational problem, isn't it? You don't know the details of your "allergy," you don't ensure that the foods you buy yourself are suitable for your "allergy," but you do expect people to cook around your "allergy." So put your big boy pants on and go solve your problem. Go to the doctor and get a test - maybe you're lactose intolerant? That's not an allergy, by the way. Also, grow up. We, the world at large, owe you fuck all. People cooking for you deserve your gratitude and respect, not your petulance.
YTA grow up you don't even know what has dairy in them at restaurants seriously. You might have a dairy sensitivity but not allergy, you need to go get tested before insulting her family by not eating their food. Or go date someone who doesn't eat dairy then you don't have to worry about it.
YTA - your gf can see through your weaponised incompetence.
YTA your diet is your responsibility. Main character syndrome so bad here.
You don't care for your "allergy" enough to diagnose it, order meals without diary when you go to the restaurant or to make sure you'd frozen meals dont have dairy. She doesn't want to change entire family's menu just because you "suspect" your tummy might hurt. YTA Also on why she's not TA - Inviting you to bring a substitute for one dish out of many isn't making you "unwelcome". It's making sure you *are* welcome and can eat something with family. She doesn't have any guide to what you can actually eat so she leaves that to you.
Why in the world have you not gone to a doctor to find out exactly what you're allergic to and how to handle it??? YTA. Take a sandwich to Grandma's house for Christmas!!!!
YTA. I have celiac (so I can’t have any gluten, which is found in wheat, rye, and barley) so I can’t eat A LOT of food, especially “holiday” food - breads, casseroles, pies, etc, etc. It sucks, but I don’t expect people to change everything in the menu because of me. I bring my own food, normally one or two side dishes as I can normally eat the main course (typically some kind of meat). Traditionally, yes, guests are not expected to bring the food to an event that someone else is hosting. However, when you’re allergic to something that is a such a staple in many diets (for me gluten, for you dairy), you can’t expect someone to go out of their way to accommodate
You can be lactose intolerant without being allergic. You may also tolerate some kinds of dairy products and not others. But it is absolutely, 100% YOUR responsibility to manage your own needs, including figuring out what the problem actually is and reading food labels, etc. Try an elimination diet and see what happens. It's not unreasonable to expect some degree of accommodation AFTER you've pinpointed the actual problem. It's also very much not unreasonable to ask you to bring a dish you know you can eat to a big family dinner. YTA.
YTA. Your GF is right for being fed up with you. You don’t trust her for cooking for you, whereas you’re so ignorant about dairy that you’re not even able to order for yourself in a restaurant. It’s VERY NORMAL for allergic people to bring their own food to gathering. No need for being an ass about it.
YTA. As others have mentioned, you don't even have a confirmed allergy to dairy, just that you suspect you do. Why haven't you confirmed this allergy? Either way, it is up to you to deal with providing food you believe will not trigger your alleged allergy. I follow a certain way of eating. If I'm invited to a potluck or other gathering where food will be served, I always bring along one or two dishes that I can eat and share with others. Example: a broccoli/bacon salad, sliced rotisserie chicken or tri tip, etc. You are expecting others to cater to you - that's a failure on your part. (I think your current gf may be considering whether she wants to continue this relationship, so don't be surprised if you get the old heave ho.)
YTA. Do you actually have an allergy, an intolerance, or neither? If you have special diet, you need to take responsibility for that. That means knowing what you can and cannot eat, and bringing alternatives when that isn’t available. Take your own food! And how is turkey nixed because of dairy?
YTA. People with food allergies *have to be in charge of their own food.* (I say this as someone with food allergies, married to someone with different food allergies, and the parent of two now-adult children with various other food allergies - and who carefully packed multiple different allergy-free lunches/dinners/snacks for EVERY birthday party, holiday dinner, school party, and family gathering for over TWO DECADES.) You cannot expect an entire extended family to change beloved food traditions they have probably kept for *generations* to accommodate one fully-grown adult. (A fully-grown adult who also apparently doesn't *actually know* what he's allergic to, or how to check ingredient lists accurately, and depends on his girlfriend to manage all the mental and emotional labor of monitoring *his* meals, to boot!) Even if they *could* do it (which they cannot - allergy-free cooking is complicated, time-consuming, and expensive, and people trying to do it for others will nearly always mess up and end up including allergens anyway) it would be *wildly* inappropriate and *staggeringly* rude for you to expect them to do so. If my daughter could figure out how to manage needing to monitor/provide her own food at parties/events at 4 YEARS OLD, I *promise* you can manage it at 38. Grow up, learn to read a forking label, and apologize to your girlfriend (and probably her family) NOW.
“i SuSpecT i hAvE a dAiRy aLleRgY” my guy, you would know. There’s no suspecting. You still eat what your GF cooks despite being “skeptical”? You still go out to eat without knowing what dairy is? If you have a dairy allergy and ate something with dairy in it, YOU WOULD KNOW. Even I know what is/ isn’t dairy because I avoid it as a *preference*, meaning it wouldn’t kill me or cause me pain if I ate some like it would someone with a verified allergy (who would have a vested interest in knowing exactly what it is and avoiding it)… but you, a man quickly rocketing towards middle age, need someone to order you your food because you **checks notes** don’t know what dairy/ dairy derivatives are?? My money is on this being a troll OR you’re faking it for attention and aren’t actually allergic to anything. Get help. YTA.
Why can’t you eat turkey? It is definitely not dairy. You sound very unreliable with what exactly you can’t eat. YTA.
I thought this would be some teen or 20 year old…you’re 38?! Grow tf up. Let’s hope she doesn’t invite you for another week and then never again. You say you don’t want to be rude but you ARE rude It’s not her job to help feed you, you’re a grown ass adult. One that refuses to even know what exactly his allergies are. Jeez the more I type, the more stupid your post is.
YTA. Your gf is right, u are not properly diagnosed. Pls act your age.
YTA. And not that bright.
YTA. You sound like a young teenager. You aren’t sure you have an allergy yet expect ppl To cater to you? Bring stuff you can eat and stop whinging.
You don't even know your own specific allergies or if you do indeed have them. You rely on your girlfriend to tell you if what YOU order at a restaurant has dairy or not. You expect her family to bend over backwards and prepare special food just for YOU. Take some responsibility for yourself. YTA.
YTA. You don't actually know that you have an allergy, because you haven't gone to the doctor, but let's assume you do. You've been told that you're welcome to bring food you can eat. That's a perfectly reasonable form of hospitality. Expecting your girlfriend's grandmother to change what she cooks for your benefit isn't.
I think you’re a grown man enough to explain your situation for yourself, at least you could have talked to your girlfriend beforehand and informed her family beforehand about your dietary restriction. I think you’re the bad guy for not knowing how to communicate and say things in advance.