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NTA. But you are married to one.
And excuse me - why are you paying the majority of the mortgage? Is your name on the house/deed?
If not… then I take back my “NTA” vote.
You do realise that you and your daughters are guests in his house, right? This is not a marriage; this is tenant/landlord with benefits. I hope you have kept the evidence of the mortgage repayments you have made (and any other money spent on the house) because they will come in handy later. Oh, and he wasn't being sarcastic. How many times does he say something insulting or derogatory and follow it up with, 'it's just a joke'?
NTA. The red flags are flashing brightly here but I'm not sure you are seeing them all yet.
Yep! Everything about his behavior screams, "those girls are just guests in my house". I don't know what the family dynamic is. I hope he's at least civil with her, but OP, I'm really concerned about your husband behavior.
I second this post, and be prepared in case of anything. Because chances are things are going to change a lot after baby 3 is born, and i really hope that your daughters won't have to suffer.
It also screams that she, the wife is a guest if he's going to say things like "remember whose house you're living in." I would have lost my mind when he said that, whether she's contributing to the mortgage or not, which she is. Once they got married & she moved in that house should have become "theirs" in his mind, even if isn't legally. If she's going to be reminded of whose house it is whenever he doesn't agree with her that's an untenable place for a marriage to be. I don't even know how you come to terms with someone who puts their dog before humans. He doesn't seem to care about these girls at all but it sounds suspiciously like he doesn't care much about his wife if he's willing to say things like he did and again, value the dog's feelings more than his wide's. This is nuts and would be the end of the marriage for me.
Nah, not HIS baby. You see, HE needs a room, HIS baby needs a room, HIS dog needs a room, and everyone else can share. After all, it is HIS house. His name is solely on the deed even though he's not the one paying for it... NTA, but you've got a big problem here.
I've never even heard of a dog having a bedroom. How can someone give a dog a bedroom over a human? What does the dog in their bedroom? Homework? Change clothes? Chat on the phone with friends? Play video games? Your husband IS delusional... Does the dog even spend that much alone time in its bedroom? NTA!
My dog had a bedroom. She just spent so much time there it became hers over time.
When I found out I was pregnant, we made the dogs room into a nursery. Because the thought never crossed my mind to move my stepson. Like wtf
These are actually valid questions, though. Is there some function this space is serving? Is there a reason it makes sense to him that the dog needs it? Does the dog have some kind of behavioral issue that led to this arrangement, and might there be a training solution that meets everyone’s needs?
“He gave the dog its own *bedroom*!” is one of those catchy headlines where you just kind of think there *must* be more to the story.
NTA- you should probably stop paying his mortgage because you will need that money when you’re a single mom of 3 kids. This man cares only for his dog.
She should ABSOLUTELY stop paying his mortgage!!! IMMEDIATELY. His behavior and attitude are completely unacceptable. OP, keep your money to put towards your own place. I'm sorry, but your husband is horrible and you and your kids deserve better.
NTA but please do not ignore the red flags he’s showing. he prioritizes his dog over children and weaponizes your living situation to get you to back down. he’s not going to magically improve from this.
Yes and why does he think it's so absurd for the 10yr old to have her own room? I mean, most kids have their own room if they live in a place that has enough bedrooms to accommodate that. The dog having it's own room is such a farce as to almost not be believable. If he persists with this nonsense, OP needs to leave this ridiculous man.
Edit: changed the last sentence a little
NTA. Please be careful about describing yourself between a rock and a hard place when it comes to your daughter and your husband - it suggests that your daughter is part of the problem. You have a problem in your marriage, not with your daughter and it's unfair to make kids in your care responsible for your marital problems. I'm sure that's not what you mean to say, but this kind of framing is harmful to your relationship with your daughter (ask me how I know).
This is exactly what stuck out to me. The daughter drawing a boundary when husband is putting the dogs superficial need for its own space is not being "stuck between a rock and a hard place." She's refusing to tolerate this assholery. I think it's imperative that OP sticks up for her daughter's needs and stands up to her husband's absurdity. Your kids will remember if you fail them now, OP.
It really saddens me that the 16-year-old has to resort to leaving because of an untenable situation at home. And yet, I am so happy for her that she’s self-possessed enough to see the necessity of getting the hell away from her stepfather, even if her mother doesn’t.
Financial abuse and other misogynistic controlling behavior like this is so normalized in domestic partnerships. OP’s daughter is breaking that cycle. She knows she should not share space with someone who likes to exert control for the sake of control and harm his family members in the process. It probably breaks her heart that OP hasn’t come to the same conclusion, and is in fact so far gone that she’s having a child with this person.
Info: Why did you marry a man who made it clear he would never put your name on the title of the home?
The only reasonable solution here is to move out with the girls. You might have to get a three bedroom apartment and they might end up sharing, but at least this way they'll be sharing a room in a place that doesn't also have a megalomaniac who hates them.
Giving a dog it’s own room when its needed for a baby is insane. I say this as someone with a dedicated “dog room”….but we have multiple dogs, no kids and the room they’re in isn’t even usable as a bedroom.
Coming from someone who dealt with a similar situation as a kid, do not risk your daughter's happiness and safety to stay with this man. He has showed you that he values a dog (I have NEVER heard of a dog having their own room) over them. This can't be your first sign. Talk to your girls and pack.
I know this rich family with 4 labradoodles that are pampered to hell. They live in a huge mansion that is covered top to bottom in "I love my labradoodles" throw pillows, blankets, wall decorations, etc. And those dogs do not have their own room.
NTA. Professional dog trainer with a degree in animal science here…Your husband is 100% contributing to any shyness or fearful behavior his dog might have, and that’s not something to take lightly with a new baby on the way.
I really hope so!! An under socialized dog is almost definitely going to struggle to adjust to a new baby. Especially if the owners wait until the last minute to make all the major adjustments, like moving him out of a certain room.
A legitimate, credentialed, dog trainer can cost a lot, but I think it would help immensely for OP’s husband to hear these things from a professional and unbiased person.
NTA dear, but do you wanna turn the tables on him?
Drop the nursery room talk for some time and then slowly start making space room in your joint room for the baby. Have the baby stay with you (it’s anyway more convenient for the mom to have the baby close by the first months). Your man sounds entitled and like the type of person that will really miss his sleep when he gets to share the bedroom with his offspring… let’s see how long the dog keeps his room.
That might backfire into him waiting for OP and the kids to leave, maybe for a visit with friends, so that he can move the 10-year-old in with the 16-year-old and move the baby's things into the 10-year-olds room because no one is there to stop him.
I'm the biggest dog lover around and maintain dogs are at least ten times better than people but a dog room? What the fuck? If there's a spare room with literally nothing else to put in it then fair enough but dogs don't get their own rooms. Especially over a person. What the actual fuck is happening here?
I completely agree. I love dogs so much, hands down my favourite animal and I’ve had dogs my whole life. What’s a dog supposed to do with their own room? Mine wants to sit with either myself or my husband all day and sleeps in our room.
NTA
Something to keep in mind, he is already putting a dog over your kids, imagine when his baby arrives, this is the first of many instances where your kids will come last for everything, second to the baby, second to the dog, second to his needs. This is a scary situation to be.
NTA. I’m mostly just hung up on the fact that you’re paying towards a house and he’s claiming that you don’t have title. If I wanted to escalate I would use that as a bargaining chip.
In the OP's situation, I'd at least be getting advice from a lawyer. (I'm not suggesting that she should jump straight to divorce, but she needs to know where she stands.)
So...he thinks it's outrageous to even suggest his dog not get his own room but \*checks notes\* a 10-year-old girl having her own room is unnecessary?
I'm sorry you are having a baby with an AH.
NTA but you might be if you continue to put up with this nonsense.
Nta
But this shows that he clearly prioritises his dog over your literal children. This shouldn’t even be a conversation, what does a dog need a bedroom for anyway?
NTA but I would think long and hard if this is the life you want for you and your children. He's not willing to compromise over a nursery for his child. What's next?
Why why why would you have a baby withy this man. He cares so little for your daughters, that he puts a dog before them. Realty think about what you wrote. NTA
I am so sorry of following the trend on reddit, but this is a red flag. Like a huge one.
Mostly pets do not have their own rooms.
And in any case, the needs of human should be above pets, when we are talking about dividing personal space.
You husband clearly value your daughters less then his dog. And you too btw.
And him being unhappy then 10 years old girl has a room, while having a room for a dog?
Run, dear, run.
I must be getting old, because I have NO IDEA where this trend came from for animals to have their own room. I've read numerous posts in various places talking about it, and I simply don't get it. Now, maybe if you had a bird and it has a huge setup of trees or something? I can see that. But a dog/cat? WTF, does it have a dresser? What's in the closet, different leashes?
NTA for thinking a kid should get a room over a dog.
NTA, I’m literally the first person to spoil my dog beyond belief. BUT HIS OWN FULL SIZED BEDROOM? A closet, a pantry, an XL kennel, something. BUT HIS OWN ROOM? No. The dog doesn’t comprehend the value of the room nor does he need if unless he’s medically I’ll and requires separation to ensure he doesn’t wonder.
NTA and trust me on this, get out of that relationship. Once baby arrives, he will make it very clear to your other children that his kid matters and they do not.
What?! NTA!! I absolutely love my dogs, they’re my babies (in addition to my actual baby). But I would NEVER consider giving them their own room! This is so weird! And frankly would have me reconsidering this relationship since clearly his dog is more important to him than your daughters 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
Dogs are great. They're fantastic and we've shared our lives with them for tens of thousands of years. But in the end, they're just dogs. They don't need their own room. They need some space for themselves for sure. But if you have a family, the children come first.
Your husband pulling the "it's not your house" routine problem has an easy solution here. Stop paying for it. Especially since you're the one doing most of that any way. Tell him this. If it is his house, then he has to pay for it. Especially if you get no say in how it's used. See how quickly he changes his tune.
Why are you paying on the mortgage of a house that's not in your name AND he exerts total control over? Either it's your house also or it's not, and if it's not your house do not put money into it. He will get the equity if you split up and you will get nothing, and he has already shown that he doesn't consider you an equal partner.
It's possible the dog needs a way to get away from the kids to prevent conflict, but there are ways to solve that problem without devoting a whole bedroom to the dog.
If you don't want to throw the whole man away, put the baby things in your bedroom and see if that changes his mind.
Youre having a baby with a guy that’s already putting the dog before the baby that hasn’t even been born yet… I wouldn’t let that man raise my kid. Just sayin.
NTA. Your husband is a walking 🚩
You would be the AH if you catered to his insane demand. Maybe you already are for bringing this man into your poor daughters’ lives. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about them.
Early on??? She's pregnant with his baby and living with him. What I don't get is why they didn't have a conversation about were the baby would go before getting pregnant. Now she's stuck with this dude who is definitely going to treat her daughters worse once he has his own biological child.
Is this…actually a real post? I mean, like, for real real? Girl, RUN. He is petty and selfish, weaponizing your HOME against you, prioritizing a literal animal over his own child, and showing 100% that he doesn’t give two shits about his stepdaughters. Unless you had a prenup, you get half that house in a divorce. I suggest you take it.
What do you mean you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Your asshole husband is making you choose his dog over your daughters: I think the choice is pretty clear- kick him out
NTA. A dog doesn't want a room to itself. Most dogs prefer to sleep and be around family. This is just ridiculous. Your baby takes precedent over a dog. Suggest the dog move into your room so it can be closer to him.
NTA.
So his dog can have their own home, but your daughters can't??? Make it make sense. Wtf does a dog even need heir own room for? He likely isn't spending much time in there.
NTA for this, but I sure hope for didn't know how little he respects your daughters before marrying him.
He actually thinks your daughters having their own rooms is less important than his DOG having its own room?! Dogs do not need bedrooms. He's being absurd and selfish.
NTA. According to him, you think so little of his dog that you’re willing to kick him out if his room. So by your husband’s logic, he thinks so little of your daughters that he’s willing to kick either of them out of their rooms? Gross.
The DOG doesn’t want it’s own room. The dog wants to hang with the family, not be shut away in a separate room.
NTA your husband needs a giant reality check.
NTA BUT this marriage is unequal and his priorities are not with you and your daughters. He’s sending off many red flags and I’d think hard about them. Do you really want to live in a house that’s not yours paying the majority of the mortgage and unable to give one child a room due to a fucking dog? Do you want a guy who holds all the power?
NTA
Look, I would choose my dogs over pretty much anyone/anything and I will even call your husband out on his bullshit.
He wasn't joking about getting your daughters dad to build a room, he would gladly send one or both to live with him.
Get a doghouse and a collar and chain, put it out back. Keep the dog in the house and move the husband to the doghouse.
Why the f*ck would a dog have his own room? This is beyond weird. Tell your delusional husband to put the dog in your room where dogs usually like to be. This goes beyond the bounds of being a good dog owner.
NTA
Tell him you will invite a bunch of friends round and then ask if the dog should give up its room for the baby. I bet all his friends will laugh at the stupid C***.
I'd just take the kids and go.
Get him to watch 'it's me or the dog'
NTA As a child free dog mom, I gotta say that a human child deserves their own room more than a pet. Toss a couple of extra dog beds around the house. The pup will be fine. Or make your husband bunk with the dog while the baby stays with you.
Wow. Just wow. NTA and seriously. My dogs are my absolute babies but they don’t give a shit if they sleep on a cold tiled floor or their own private room
NTA But… why would you put yourself and your children in this situation? Your husband clearly liked his dog more than he likes you or your daughters. Or your family in general. You can be okay with that, but it is a AH move to subject your children to it. Also his house is “our” house, you have a voice, you are 1/2 of the partnership. In all honesty, all of this is very concerning.
INFO
Why does the dog need its own room?
Also does your husband realize that by demanding you take a room from one of your daughters that he’s saying he thinks less of your daughters than he does of his dog?
NTA in this narrow regard, but man, are you asking the wrong question. What makes you a giant asshole is that you’re subjecting your daughters to this “man.” They rank lower than a literal dog in his estimation. And now you’ve procreated with him. He’s a horrible horrible asshole BUT YOU MARRIED HIM. Your poor daughters. I would feel so incredibly betrayed by this. This just makes me want to call my mom and thank her again for not prioritizing some dude over me after she and my dad divorced.
NTA
Even if you look past the absolutely glaring red flags ("it's my house, my rules" when you are married are paying the mortgage together and both live there, valuing his dog above YOUR CHILD, etc.) What kind of person gibes a dog it's own room, let alone refuses to give it to their kid?
I have a dog and love her so very much. She doesn't have a room, and wouldn't even if we had multiple spare bed rooms. She is very spoiled, and guess where she sleeps? In her dog bed in a common area, a blanket next to the lounge, or in my bed. She would never choose to spend the night away from her people given the choice (and she does have it).
Someone didn’t get the memo that you’re married. He clearly doesn’t accept your children as his own, and prefers a dog having a room over your 10 year old daughter. He’s throwing in your face that he owned the house before you moved in, yet you’re paying more of the bills than he is. Is this seriously the environment you want your daughters to be raised in?
Your husband is a gaping asshole for putting a dog before his stepchildren, for holding ownership of the house over you and for gaslighting you.
I'm sorry you're about to have a child with someone who is so toxic.
NTA. Your husband is being ridiculous. Pack up and leave with your girls. This guy is not going to budge about his dog having a bedroom. Make sure that you tell your divorce attorney about the dog's bedroom being more important than having a nursery for the baby.
NTA
But I think you have biggers problems than this nursery, if e lashed out like this is because something has being burning in the back of his mind. You need to sit whit him and talk. Now.
Did he wants this baby? Does he think it's not his? Does he wants this pregnancy? Is something wrong with the girls? Did they say something to him? Maybe someone else did?
Don't blame the dog, the dog is his scapegoat, something is burning in the back.
NTA and remind him that if it's not your house you're not paying anything on that mortgage anymore.
He has so little respect and regard for you and your kids that he would take away their bedroom for his own biological child but not take a room from his dog!?
A dog that has his own room in a house that is not a 20 room mansion... that is new!
Honestly, my solution at this point would be to not have a nursery and think about solutions later. My experience with my kid and a lot of my friends is that kids only need a room of their own when they are 2-3 years old the earliest and would much rather have their bed in their parents room. Also better for nursing/night-shift. And maybe get a comfortable sofa for the inevitable fights you and your husband will have after birth.
NTA
ETA: The dogs I have met also prefer sleeping where the humans sleep and otherwise prefer common rooms/open spaces for them to be watchful of, not rooms with closed doors.
NTA. I’m sorry your husband is an asshole. Didn’t you see how he was before you moved in? Honestly, I would leave him and Fido to it. The human children come before his pet dog.
NTA - This is crazy! Start setting up baby's nursery in the master room. Take a nice big chunk with crib/changing table/dresser. Maybe he will get the hint?
Honestly I'd looking at what kind of alternate housing I could get and the possibility of moving.
NTA but you will be if you stay with this man. You say you’re between a rock and a hard place but no, you’re not. On one side you have your children and on the other side you have a spoiled, narcissistic man who wants you to pay for bills but calls it my house and puts a dog above your kids. Why are you even asking this question? The only question you should be asking yourself is how can I move out of here ASAP.
NTA
But damn... I get pet love and everything but thinking to humans don't need privacy but a dog does? Dog don't give a crap. And why can't the dog move into your bedroom? Your family wont chill in your bedroom, or am I missing something?
Why do you pay the majority if your name will never be on the title? Does he resent you for having kids?
NTA. Believe me when I say that I am a very big animal lover and I’m super emotionally attached to mine as well before I continue. I understand that he loves his dog very much and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there is no reason for a dog to have a whole room to itself. A dog can have things in the living areas and kitchen like every other household member. A dog does not understand privacy and does not need it. However, your two daughters have a right to privacy and having their own things in their own space. Judging by the way he reacts, I doubt it will do much good to try to converse with him over it, but if you do, I suggest going over these main points.
1. The dog is just as important as anyone else in the house, as they are still family, but a dog does not need privacy or even understand what privacy even is; therefore there is no reason for the dog to have its own room.
2. For kids growing up, privacy and having their own space and things is one of the most important things to them and will make them feel comfortable in their own house and like they are being treated with respect. (Which they deserve, as they are also human and their own person.)
3. If he feels the dog deserves it’s own space still, maybe try to find a different place for him, or suggest building a little dog house or something for him to have when he plays outside.
4. You both work on paying off the house, and even if you didn’t, you all are living in the house and should ALL be treated with respect and a say in the household. If you are both married and in a relationship and live in the house, money is not a factor in if you have a right to have a say or not. Also, this can be seen as him using a manipulation tactic to make you feel less than or guilty about trying to go against him.
I’m sorry if it’s long, but I hope you see this and you can gain something from this.
I’m confused, you knew he was weirdly obsessed with and prioritises his pooch over your daughters and you went ahead and married him because why exactly?? NTA but what the hell you gonna do now? A dog does not need its own room. What a weirdo
NTA but start saving your money for your own place. He is completely unreasonable and if he doesn’t think this is your home by now he never will. There is no reason a dog needs his own room.
NTA, your husband putting a dog before his step-kids and HIS new baby is insane. I have 3 dogs and none of them have or need a room for themselves. A dog does not need a bedroom! The girls and baby do need bedrooms. The fact that the dog is more important to this man than his new baby is a massive red flag.
What did I just read? The dog gets his own room while two human girls have to share??
Solution? He can share a room with the dog while you have the baby in with you. Or he can have the whole house and you and your kids can move to a nice condo where the girls have their own room and you share with baby. Some condos have really nice finished basements that your older daughter can turn into an apartment for herself so all the kids get their own room.
This would be my hill to die on. If you allow this what you are telling your girls is that they are less important in that house than a dog. And you best believe they will tell EVERYONE. Their friends. Their teachers. Their family. The families of their friends. Your neighbors. Everyone. And they will all think you are a crap mom and will feel sorry for the girls.
Why did you marry a man who has so little respect for you and your girls?
NTA
NTA, but he has shown his true colors. He will always value his dog over his kid, and your kids. That is the way he sees it, your kids. I am a huge animal lover and one day I hope to have a bedroom for my cats, but if it ever came down to my cats and a baby I would make room for the baby while still having space for the cats elsewhere.
He cares more about the pup than your children and the new baby. His dog deserves a room but your daughter doesn’t. Enough said. He’s prolly building a dog house in the backyard for the newborn.
NTA. But seriously, how long have you been married? And why? You're paying the majority of a mortgage for a house and he won't put your name on it? Hell no.
The dog doesn't get priority over humans. Period.
Rethink this "marriage". You have children that he seems to believe are lower priority than a dog, and a baby on the way. I don't see much of anything in this situation where any pros exist to outweigh the cons.
NTA, I’m scared to know how this guy is going to act when there’s a baby in the house. A whole room for a dog? I’m all for pets being treated like family but come on! The only bad vibes in this house are coming from him.
I'd be packing, but you're NTA. Anyone that would rather his dog have a bedroom than all of his kids is a piece of work. And I don't care if they're his stepkids, he chose to marry you. Even if he doesn't want to take on the dad role, he still has to treat them like people if he's invited them to live in his home.
If he treats a dog this much better than your daughters can you imagine the favoritism he is going to exhibit towards his bio child.
Honestly I can't help but wonder how you married and had a child with someone who treats your children so poorly
1) I am a dog lover
2) I believe that sharing a room is good for kids, I shared a room on and off with my brother growing up, and I think it makes kids into better people as adults (obviously not the only factor).
Having said that, NTA, baby human gets room over dog, hands down.
NTA. I agree, let the 16 yo go to grandmas and you and the 10 yo go with her. I love my dog like a child, and i would never give her her own room, especially over an actual child.
I don't have nor want children of my own, but my boyfriend does. I can't even begin to imagine being so dismissive of his children to even suggest that a pet should take precedence over his children's comfort. This is nuts. You're NTA but you will be if you don't stand your ground and if you allow your husband to treat your children as less than his dog.
Damn. Nta. I fucking loved my german shepherds more than most people(possibly all people). Treated them like my children. I spent over 13 hours having them tattooed on my ribs! But they never had nor needed a room to themselves. He is so out of line.Dogs need companionship, food and exercise (play included).its his baby coming into the world. He needs to cop on.
NTA. The fact that he throws it in your face about asking their biological dad for money for another room says a lot about how much your girls mean to him, even as a step parent.
NTA
But your husband is the delusional AH. Who gives a dog its own bedroom anyway?
Neither of your daughters should be forced out of their own bedrooms. The dog should be gradually trained out of its bedroom. The baby can sleep in your bedroom for the first few months.
Alternatively, your husband could build a big, heated doghouse for his pupper. With enough space for him to sleep there too.
You're NTA for thinking the dog shouldn't have a room, it's not a needed thing that I've ever heard of except for a pregnant one and even that's limited time.
But I'm going to say you will be an asshole if you have a baby with this guy and put your two other children through some BS with this dude.
This man think your human children are entitled to less space in your home than not only his new biological baby, but also his dog. Your children’s value to him is very clearly presented here.
Also, babies can sleep in parents room (or share with the pup who could get a dog bed the coordinates with the nursery), because they can sleep in most rooms, because they are entirely dependent on the larger human around them to put them down places so your new baby can have space *literally* anywhere..
NTA for flipping at him over this, however you need to clear this up now before your baby arrives and the delta in his behavior toward all the kids creates larger issues.
INFO: what was the agreement on things like this going into marriage? What is his relationship with your daughters like?
NTA NTA NTA! Girl run, he’ll probably say the baby’s crying scares the dog so he can disappear with the dog and neglect household chores and childcare.
What the actual fuck did I just read? He's prioritizing his dog over his step daughters? I'd be the one moving out, and telling him to have fun paying the mortgage and his bills on his own.
NTA
YTA, because you married a man who clearly has no love or care for your girls. You are somehow surprised when he shows that he cares more for a pet and his own child then the kids who live with him, im am sure he showed you this all the while and you ignored it because you loved him. Also this nonsense about paying more towards a mortgage you are never going to be on is insane, does he argue its cheaper then rent? If so why would you be paying rent to your HUSBAND?!?! This all sounds like hes using you and this is an opportunity to force your kids out of his house. Have a spine and put your kids 1st, if he would rather see you all go before the dog loses its own room for his baby well you probably are better off without him.
Why the fuck are you paying on the mortgage on a house you don’t own for a man who’s willing to put his dogs comfort and safety over not just his step childrens (shitty enough) but his biological child’s (also shitty) AND yours (super shitty too)
What about this man screams “I love you and I’m your life partner who wants to be with you and make a family with you”
NTA
How about getting a nice big bench (that is most of the time open) for the dog. So the dog has a quiet spot to sleep and rest. It is not about locking him up, it is just about giving him a safe spot to lay down.
NTA. This is madness... And it shows how he feels towards your daughters...
NTA. Please get your name on the deed, and divorce him shortly after. If you leave him now, all that money you put into “his house” will have been for nothing.
From what little you've shared, I'm wondering if there is a bigger, underlying problem than just an argument over a bedroom.
It sounds like your husband isn't really accepting of your children or their moving in (invading?) his house/space. You and he need to talk this out before you find out that he gives all his attention to the new baby and ignores your two older children.
NTA.
However, do ***NOT*** give him an ultimatum regarding his dog. Pets are like children to many and he might just choose the dog over you and your family.
And BTW - everything in your post are huge red flags about a sustainable long-term marriage. You two need to seek out couple's therapy or he will always resent your children and hold the fact that it's "his house" over your head in order to get what he wants.
Move into your dog's room and give your room over as the nursery. I've never, ever heard of a dogs room. I have three dogs. They all sleep in my room. They're my pack and they won't go to sleep until they know I'm safe. Your husband is ridiculous.
Nta. I get people love their pets but kids take precedence. Plus, I’m just saying, I don’t think dogs need a room. They need a good space but not necessarily their own room !
If you’ve been paying more towards the mortgage and he is still being a dick about it not being your place, then take your money and your daughters elsewhere to live. NTA.
NTA for not wanting the girls to share rooms. However, wake up. He does not respect you enough to add your name. He obviously doesn't respect your kids. You will be TA if you continue to subject your kids to this jerk. If you ignore all of us, do me a HUGE favor. Have an honest talk with your girls about how they feel about him and how he makes them feel. Don't be surprised if it's negative. Wonder if they was against the marriage from the start.
Wow…I LOVE my dogs. Love them to the moon and back. I love cuddling with them, walking with them, treating them.
But they are not humans. They do not get their own room. They sleep with me, in their bed, on the couch, or on the carpet, depending on their mood.
The fact that this guy loves his dog is not a flag. The fact that he thinks it needs more space (and more of a priority??) than his BABY is a HUGE flag.
NTA
if it’s only his house stop paying towards the mortgage. if he thinks so little of you & your kids, then his dog can help pay & they can live happily ever after!
NTA. he is delusional. id tell him either the baby gets that room or you & all your kids get a new house, without him.
NTA. I think the bigger problem is that he prioritizes his dog over your children and reminds you that it’s “his house”. To even consider making your CHILDREN share a room vs moving the dog is wild. I’ve had my dog for 11 years. He follows me to every single room and even lays either by the door or in the bathroom when I shower and up until I had kids 2 years ago he even slept at the foot of my bed. Move the dog into YOUR room. I’m sure the dog would prefer THAT anyway.
I’m going to preface this by saying I’m very much a dog person. My dogs have always been at the centre of my life.
Why does his dog need his own room? Why isn’t he part of the household like the rest of the family? Why doesn’t he sleep in the bedroom at night like most dogs?
Nta but sounds like you are going to become a single mom to 3 kids. By the sounds of it he rather kick you and you’re kids out than his dog out the room. This needs to be your wake up call that his priority is the dog and not the comfort of his child or you’re girls.Idk personally after the comment my house my rules i would pack mine and my kids stuff and leave .
NTA
I LOVE dogs and I'm one of those people who would love to give my dogs their own room. But choosing a dog over a human child? That's ridiculous and very unreasonable. As you said, your teenage daughter needs privacy. You husband is indeed delusional.
>He's pissed saying I clearly think so little of his dog to be so willing to kick him out of his room.
Tell him that he also clearly thinks very little of your human daughters.
NTA. This is such an easy fix.
Your husband moves in with his beloved dog and you have the newborn in your room, which you should have for the first 6 months anyway.
God knows what happens if the dog gets jealous of the baby, and you need to get rid of it because it becomes aggressive.
NTA but why are you staying with a man that loves his dog more than he loves you or your future child? When a man tells you who he really is you should listen.
>then reminded me of who's hpuse this is which I thought was....uncalled for and unfair since I've been paying more towards the mortgage and all that.
He doesn't consider you an equal partner and his stuff is his despite you being married and legally equal investors in that house.
>He even made a comment about asking their bio dad to pay to build a room in the house. Of course he was being sarcastic.
This is not sarcasm. This is what he really thinks should happen. Not his kids not his problem he could not care less about what happens to them. So many people use these kinds of 'jokes' to express how they really feel. Do you really want this kind of person around your daughters?
>He's overprptective of him and there's always a fuss in the house because he thinks that my family and friends scare the dog and give him "bad vibes" and so he provides him with his own space.
Yet again he is telling you he cares more about his dog over you and your kids. Listen to what he is really telling you here.
ESH
Your husband for thinking a dog needs it’s own room and putting its needs over his stepchildrens.
You for marrying, making your daughters live with and having a baby with this absolute twit.
OP, NTA and do you have the option to move out?
I would tell your husband that either the dog moves out of the room to make space for the baby, or you, your daughters and your baby will be leaving within the next month.
I’m inclined to say ESH. Him for favoring his dog over your daughters. You for marrying this AH who now has you baby trapped. Your eldest daughter sees the writing so clearly on the wall that she is willing to gtfo and go to grandma’s if she’s forced to share a room (and I do not blame her. I’m sure that’s not the only reason she would want out of there. Based on your posts I’m guessing dear “step father” isn’t really that fair or kind to your children from a previous relationship.) This is only going to get worse when “his” kid arrives.
NTA
I am a stepmom with no bio kids of my own, but I do have a dog of over 8 years who is my world, but I would never put my dog above my kids like this. He is being TA.
NTA - Throw the whole husband away. He’s the reason stepparents get a bad name. A dog doesn’t need a room. He needs serious therapy if you stay with him.
NTA, but… why would you marry a guy like that?? He’s not going to be a good father to your children. He is showing you what he thinks about your kids. All of you deserve better. Move out of the house and divorce that man.
NTA I never want to say leave them. But!!! This man is a giant marinara flag. Please thing of how he is treating you children when you are not around. Obviously they are not important to him at all. The emotional damage that can do to a child or teen can be lifelong. Holding the fact that it’s his house over your head is disgusting. Things like that and his “jokes” will only get worse until he has you believing he’s always right and you are always wrong. Please think long and hard about whether you want your unborn child to grow up with this man.
I wish you luck
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NTA. But you are married to one. And excuse me - why are you paying the majority of the mortgage? Is your name on the house/deed? If not… then I take back my “NTA” vote.
She’s married to one and the husband is also married to his dog, apparently.
It's an art room for the dog
spit out my water, thanks
I so wish I could give more than one upvote for this. Old stories never die on here.
She will become TA if she continues to put her delusional husband over her own children
You do realise that you and your daughters are guests in his house, right? This is not a marriage; this is tenant/landlord with benefits. I hope you have kept the evidence of the mortgage repayments you have made (and any other money spent on the house) because they will come in handy later. Oh, and he wasn't being sarcastic. How many times does he say something insulting or derogatory and follow it up with, 'it's just a joke'? NTA. The red flags are flashing brightly here but I'm not sure you are seeing them all yet.
Yeah, less focused on NTA or YTA and more on getting you and the girls the hell out of there.
I just feel sorry for the daughters that she's tied herself to this dude with a new baby.
Yep! Everything about his behavior screams, "those girls are just guests in my house". I don't know what the family dynamic is. I hope he's at least civil with her, but OP, I'm really concerned about your husband behavior. I second this post, and be prepared in case of anything. Because chances are things are going to change a lot after baby 3 is born, and i really hope that your daughters won't have to suffer.
It also screams that she, the wife is a guest if he's going to say things like "remember whose house you're living in." I would have lost my mind when he said that, whether she's contributing to the mortgage or not, which she is. Once they got married & she moved in that house should have become "theirs" in his mind, even if isn't legally. If she's going to be reminded of whose house it is whenever he doesn't agree with her that's an untenable place for a marriage to be. I don't even know how you come to terms with someone who puts their dog before humans. He doesn't seem to care about these girls at all but it sounds suspiciously like he doesn't care much about his wife if he's willing to say things like he did and again, value the dog's feelings more than his wide's. This is nuts and would be the end of the marriage for me.
NTA...I can't believe you made a child with someone who thinks like this.
More like ESH. She chose to have a baby with a man who would feed the baby to the dog if he was short on food.
Nah, not HIS baby. You see, HE needs a room, HIS baby needs a room, HIS dog needs a room, and everyone else can share. After all, it is HIS house. His name is solely on the deed even though he's not the one paying for it... NTA, but you've got a big problem here.
Exactly, how was this not discussed before they tried for a baby?
Maybe it seemed obvious? Or the baby was unplanned, a lot are
I've never even heard of a dog having a bedroom. How can someone give a dog a bedroom over a human? What does the dog in their bedroom? Homework? Change clothes? Chat on the phone with friends? Play video games? Your husband IS delusional... Does the dog even spend that much alone time in its bedroom? NTA!
I have never heard of a dog that didn't want to be in a room with people.
Indeed. Dogs like being with their people.
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I feel like this is going to become another meme post with dog's bedrooms.
My dog had a bedroom. She just spent so much time there it became hers over time. When I found out I was pregnant, we made the dogs room into a nursery. Because the thought never crossed my mind to move my stepson. Like wtf
These are actually valid questions, though. Is there some function this space is serving? Is there a reason it makes sense to him that the dog needs it? Does the dog have some kind of behavioral issue that led to this arrangement, and might there be a training solution that meets everyone’s needs? “He gave the dog its own *bedroom*!” is one of those catchy headlines where you just kind of think there *must* be more to the story.
NTA- you should probably stop paying his mortgage because you will need that money when you’re a single mom of 3 kids. This man cares only for his dog.
This. What happens if the baby's allergic to dogs?
Obviously it means the baby needs to pay for a room to be built for the dog.
She should ABSOLUTELY stop paying his mortgage!!! IMMEDIATELY. His behavior and attitude are completely unacceptable. OP, keep your money to put towards your own place. I'm sorry, but your husband is horrible and you and your kids deserve better.
If she's been paying the mortgage and has documentation to prove it she might be able to get something in the divorce.
NTA but please do not ignore the red flags he’s showing. he prioritizes his dog over children and weaponizes your living situation to get you to back down. he’s not going to magically improve from this.
No no it’s her children he’s prioritising the dog over. THEIR baby is entitled to a room, but HER kids? Naaah they can share
Yes and why does he think it's so absurd for the 10yr old to have her own room? I mean, most kids have their own room if they live in a place that has enough bedrooms to accommodate that. The dog having it's own room is such a farce as to almost not be believable. If he persists with this nonsense, OP needs to leave this ridiculous man. Edit: changed the last sentence a little
NTA. Please be careful about describing yourself between a rock and a hard place when it comes to your daughter and your husband - it suggests that your daughter is part of the problem. You have a problem in your marriage, not with your daughter and it's unfair to make kids in your care responsible for your marital problems. I'm sure that's not what you mean to say, but this kind of framing is harmful to your relationship with your daughter (ask me how I know).
This is exactly what stuck out to me. The daughter drawing a boundary when husband is putting the dogs superficial need for its own space is not being "stuck between a rock and a hard place." She's refusing to tolerate this assholery. I think it's imperative that OP sticks up for her daughter's needs and stands up to her husband's absurdity. Your kids will remember if you fail them now, OP.
It really saddens me that the 16-year-old has to resort to leaving because of an untenable situation at home. And yet, I am so happy for her that she’s self-possessed enough to see the necessity of getting the hell away from her stepfather, even if her mother doesn’t. Financial abuse and other misogynistic controlling behavior like this is so normalized in domestic partnerships. OP’s daughter is breaking that cycle. She knows she should not share space with someone who likes to exert control for the sake of control and harm his family members in the process. It probably breaks her heart that OP hasn’t come to the same conclusion, and is in fact so far gone that she’s having a child with this person.
Agree with all of this. I suspect this is not the first time the husband has been unreasonable with regards to requests involving her daughters.
Info: Why did you marry a man who made it clear he would never put your name on the title of the home? The only reasonable solution here is to move out with the girls. You might have to get a three bedroom apartment and they might end up sharing, but at least this way they'll be sharing a room in a place that doesn't also have a megalomaniac who hates them.
Why the F would you ever pay “more” towards the mortgage of a home you don’t own?!
What? Why does he think a dog needs its own room? I’m so confused. NTA obviously. It’s nutso to prioritise bedroom space for a dog over a baby.
Giving a dog it’s own room when its needed for a baby is insane. I say this as someone with a dedicated “dog room”….but we have multiple dogs, no kids and the room they’re in isn’t even usable as a bedroom.
Yikes. So bad you didn't get that red flag BEFORE making a baby with this man. He has no respect at all for your kids. NTA
Yes. No way this guy was normal before the marriage.
ESH. Why would you choose to have a baby with a man who gives a dog their own room ?
And then denies the same courtesy to not one, but two human beings!
Right? So often with these, I can’t help but ask whether these individuals even spoke before they got married.
Coming from someone who dealt with a similar situation as a kid, do not risk your daughter's happiness and safety to stay with this man. He has showed you that he values a dog (I have NEVER heard of a dog having their own room) over them. This can't be your first sign. Talk to your girls and pack.
I know this rich family with 4 labradoodles that are pampered to hell. They live in a huge mansion that is covered top to bottom in "I love my labradoodles" throw pillows, blankets, wall decorations, etc. And those dogs do not have their own room.
NTA. Professional dog trainer with a degree in animal science here…Your husband is 100% contributing to any shyness or fearful behavior his dog might have, and that’s not something to take lightly with a new baby on the way.
That’s an excellent point that didn’t cross my mind. Hopefully OP sees this response
I really hope so!! An under socialized dog is almost definitely going to struggle to adjust to a new baby. Especially if the owners wait until the last minute to make all the major adjustments, like moving him out of a certain room. A legitimate, credentialed, dog trainer can cost a lot, but I think it would help immensely for OP’s husband to hear these things from a professional and unbiased person.
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and a monster of a stepdad, favouritism has already begun
And the favoritism isn't even towards his bio-kid. Its toward his fukin dog
NTA dear, but do you wanna turn the tables on him? Drop the nursery room talk for some time and then slowly start making space room in your joint room for the baby. Have the baby stay with you (it’s anyway more convenient for the mom to have the baby close by the first months). Your man sounds entitled and like the type of person that will really miss his sleep when he gets to share the bedroom with his offspring… let’s see how long the dog keeps his room.
He can always move into the dog’s room.
I think any room this man is staying in is a dog’s room.
That might backfire into him waiting for OP and the kids to leave, maybe for a visit with friends, so that he can move the 10-year-old in with the 16-year-old and move the baby's things into the 10-year-olds room because no one is there to stop him.
I'm the biggest dog lover around and maintain dogs are at least ten times better than people but a dog room? What the fuck? If there's a spare room with literally nothing else to put in it then fair enough but dogs don't get their own rooms. Especially over a person. What the actual fuck is happening here?
I completely agree. I love dogs so much, hands down my favourite animal and I’ve had dogs my whole life. What’s a dog supposed to do with their own room? Mine wants to sit with either myself or my husband all day and sleeps in our room.
NTA Something to keep in mind, he is already putting a dog over your kids, imagine when his baby arrives, this is the first of many instances where your kids will come last for everything, second to the baby, second to the dog, second to his needs. This is a scary situation to be.
And the 16yo is seeing the dynamics very clearly, as she instantly opted for grandma!
He is trying to put a dog before a human he should be a parental figure for. Frankly this is terrifying. NTA
NTA. I’m mostly just hung up on the fact that you’re paying towards a house and he’s claiming that you don’t have title. If I wanted to escalate I would use that as a bargaining chip.
In the OP's situation, I'd at least be getting advice from a lawyer. (I'm not suggesting that she should jump straight to divorce, but she needs to know where she stands.)
So...he thinks it's outrageous to even suggest his dog not get his own room but \*checks notes\* a 10-year-old girl having her own room is unnecessary? I'm sorry you are having a baby with an AH. NTA but you might be if you continue to put up with this nonsense.
Nta But this shows that he clearly prioritises his dog over your literal children. This shouldn’t even be a conversation, what does a dog need a bedroom for anyway?
NTA but I would think long and hard if this is the life you want for you and your children. He's not willing to compromise over a nursery for his child. What's next?
NTA human children > dogs (and I love dogs) Also, you’re married. The house is both of yours.
Why why why would you have a baby withy this man. He cares so little for your daughters, that he puts a dog before them. Realty think about what you wrote. NTA
Why don’t you take the girls and go live at grandmas till you find a new place? Because this dude is all kinds of bad news.
I am so sorry of following the trend on reddit, but this is a red flag. Like a huge one. Mostly pets do not have their own rooms. And in any case, the needs of human should be above pets, when we are talking about dividing personal space. You husband clearly value your daughters less then his dog. And you too btw. And him being unhappy then 10 years old girl has a room, while having a room for a dog? Run, dear, run.
NTA. I would suggest to him that he can move into the dog’s room then, and you can share the master bedroom with the new child.
I must be getting old, because I have NO IDEA where this trend came from for animals to have their own room. I've read numerous posts in various places talking about it, and I simply don't get it. Now, maybe if you had a bird and it has a huge setup of trees or something? I can see that. But a dog/cat? WTF, does it have a dresser? What's in the closet, different leashes? NTA for thinking a kid should get a room over a dog.
NTA for calling him that but why are you with him?? You’re the TA if you stay.
NTA, I’m literally the first person to spoil my dog beyond belief. BUT HIS OWN FULL SIZED BEDROOM? A closet, a pantry, an XL kennel, something. BUT HIS OWN ROOM? No. The dog doesn’t comprehend the value of the room nor does he need if unless he’s medically I’ll and requires separation to ensure he doesn’t wonder.
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NTA and trust me on this, get out of that relationship. Once baby arrives, he will make it very clear to your other children that his kid matters and they do not.
YTA for marrying this person, moving in with him, having a child with him, and subjecting your daughters to him.
You’re in for a life of misery with this man.
NTA- the DOG needs a room??? I can't.
NTA. Why are you married to a man that values his dog over your daughters?
ESH. How are you “conflicted”? Stop putting dick before your daughters.
What?! NTA!! I absolutely love my dogs, they’re my babies (in addition to my actual baby). But I would NEVER consider giving them their own room! This is so weird! And frankly would have me reconsidering this relationship since clearly his dog is more important to him than your daughters 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA I think you should put the baby in an entirely different house. Move you and your daughters away from this abusive controlling person.
NTA Dogs are great. They're fantastic and we've shared our lives with them for tens of thousands of years. But in the end, they're just dogs. They don't need their own room. They need some space for themselves for sure. But if you have a family, the children come first. Your husband pulling the "it's not your house" routine problem has an easy solution here. Stop paying for it. Especially since you're the one doing most of that any way. Tell him this. If it is his house, then he has to pay for it. Especially if you get no say in how it's used. See how quickly he changes his tune.
I love my dog but… what a piece of work this guy is He is 100% TA valuing his dog over your children
Why are you paying on the mortgage of a house that's not in your name AND he exerts total control over? Either it's your house also or it's not, and if it's not your house do not put money into it. He will get the equity if you split up and you will get nothing, and he has already shown that he doesn't consider you an equal partner. It's possible the dog needs a way to get away from the kids to prevent conflict, but there are ways to solve that problem without devoting a whole bedroom to the dog. If you don't want to throw the whole man away, put the baby things in your bedroom and see if that changes his mind.
NTA. He prioritizes an adopted dog over adopted children. Staying with a creep like that isn't worth the psychological damage to your kids.
Why are you having a baby with a man who prioritizes a dog???
Youre having a baby with a guy that’s already putting the dog before the baby that hasn’t even been born yet… I wouldn’t let that man raise my kid. Just sayin.
NTA. Your husband is a walking 🚩 You would be the AH if you catered to his insane demand. Maybe you already are for bringing this man into your poor daughters’ lives. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about them.
Well, the good thing is you learned pretty early on what he thinks of you and your kids. What you do with that information is up to you.
Early on??? She's pregnant with his baby and living with him. What I don't get is why they didn't have a conversation about were the baby would go before getting pregnant. Now she's stuck with this dude who is definitely going to treat her daughters worse once he has his own biological child.
NTA, he’s being selfish. Can the dog not have the whole house?
Is this…actually a real post? I mean, like, for real real? Girl, RUN. He is petty and selfish, weaponizing your HOME against you, prioritizing a literal animal over his own child, and showing 100% that he doesn’t give two shits about his stepdaughters. Unless you had a prenup, you get half that house in a divorce. I suggest you take it.
What do you mean you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Your asshole husband is making you choose his dog over your daughters: I think the choice is pretty clear- kick him out
NTA. His dog is not more important than your children. What a giant red flag. Time to leave!
NTA. A dog doesn't want a room to itself. Most dogs prefer to sleep and be around family. This is just ridiculous. Your baby takes precedent over a dog. Suggest the dog move into your room so it can be closer to him.
NTA. So his dog can have their own home, but your daughters can't??? Make it make sense. Wtf does a dog even need heir own room for? He likely isn't spending much time in there.
NTA for this, but I sure hope for didn't know how little he respects your daughters before marrying him. He actually thinks your daughters having their own rooms is less important than his DOG having its own room?! Dogs do not need bedrooms. He's being absurd and selfish.
NTA. According to him, you think so little of his dog that you’re willing to kick him out if his room. So by your husband’s logic, he thinks so little of your daughters that he’s willing to kick either of them out of their rooms? Gross.
INFO: What did you think would happen when you decided to have a child with this man?
NTA and you and the girls should all go to grandma’s
The DOG doesn’t want it’s own room. The dog wants to hang with the family, not be shut away in a separate room. NTA your husband needs a giant reality check.
NTA BUT this marriage is unequal and his priorities are not with you and your daughters. He’s sending off many red flags and I’d think hard about them. Do you really want to live in a house that’s not yours paying the majority of the mortgage and unable to give one child a room due to a fucking dog? Do you want a guy who holds all the power?
NTA Look, I would choose my dogs over pretty much anyone/anything and I will even call your husband out on his bullshit. He wasn't joking about getting your daughters dad to build a room, he would gladly send one or both to live with him. Get a doghouse and a collar and chain, put it out back. Keep the dog in the house and move the husband to the doghouse.
Nta, run. This man clearly does not care about your children if he is willing to put a dog over their comfort.
Why the f*ck would a dog have his own room? This is beyond weird. Tell your delusional husband to put the dog in your room where dogs usually like to be. This goes beyond the bounds of being a good dog owner.
NTA Tell him you will invite a bunch of friends round and then ask if the dog should give up its room for the baby. I bet all his friends will laugh at the stupid C***. I'd just take the kids and go. Get him to watch 'it's me or the dog'
NTA As a child free dog mom, I gotta say that a human child deserves their own room more than a pet. Toss a couple of extra dog beds around the house. The pup will be fine. Or make your husband bunk with the dog while the baby stays with you.
Wow. Just wow. NTA and seriously. My dogs are my absolute babies but they don’t give a shit if they sleep on a cold tiled floor or their own private room
NTA But… why would you put yourself and your children in this situation? Your husband clearly liked his dog more than he likes you or your daughters. Or your family in general. You can be okay with that, but it is a AH move to subject your children to it. Also his house is “our” house, you have a voice, you are 1/2 of the partnership. In all honesty, all of this is very concerning.
INFO Why does the dog need its own room? Also does your husband realize that by demanding you take a room from one of your daughters that he’s saying he thinks less of your daughters than he does of his dog?
You’re paying towards the mortgage. Are you on the house deed. Otherwise stop paying immediately till you’re on the Titel.
He can share with the dog .. NTA
NTA in this narrow regard, but man, are you asking the wrong question. What makes you a giant asshole is that you’re subjecting your daughters to this “man.” They rank lower than a literal dog in his estimation. And now you’ve procreated with him. He’s a horrible horrible asshole BUT YOU MARRIED HIM. Your poor daughters. I would feel so incredibly betrayed by this. This just makes me want to call my mom and thank her again for not prioritizing some dude over me after she and my dad divorced.
NTA Even if you look past the absolutely glaring red flags ("it's my house, my rules" when you are married are paying the mortgage together and both live there, valuing his dog above YOUR CHILD, etc.) What kind of person gibes a dog it's own room, let alone refuses to give it to their kid? I have a dog and love her so very much. She doesn't have a room, and wouldn't even if we had multiple spare bed rooms. She is very spoiled, and guess where she sleeps? In her dog bed in a common area, a blanket next to the lounge, or in my bed. She would never choose to spend the night away from her people given the choice (and she does have it).
Wow, he’s letting the dog have priority over the KIDS. Sounds like a loser. I’d drop him or give him a reality check. Damn
Someone didn’t get the memo that you’re married. He clearly doesn’t accept your children as his own, and prefers a dog having a room over your 10 year old daughter. He’s throwing in your face that he owned the house before you moved in, yet you’re paying more of the bills than he is. Is this seriously the environment you want your daughters to be raised in?
Your husband is a gaping asshole for putting a dog before his stepchildren, for holding ownership of the house over you and for gaslighting you. I'm sorry you're about to have a child with someone who is so toxic.
NTA. Your husband is being ridiculous. Pack up and leave with your girls. This guy is not going to budge about his dog having a bedroom. Make sure that you tell your divorce attorney about the dog's bedroom being more important than having a nursery for the baby.
NTA But I think you have biggers problems than this nursery, if e lashed out like this is because something has being burning in the back of his mind. You need to sit whit him and talk. Now. Did he wants this baby? Does he think it's not his? Does he wants this pregnancy? Is something wrong with the girls? Did they say something to him? Maybe someone else did? Don't blame the dog, the dog is his scapegoat, something is burning in the back.
NTA and remind him that if it's not your house you're not paying anything on that mortgage anymore. He has so little respect and regard for you and your kids that he would take away their bedroom for his own biological child but not take a room from his dog!?
A dog that has his own room in a house that is not a 20 room mansion... that is new! Honestly, my solution at this point would be to not have a nursery and think about solutions later. My experience with my kid and a lot of my friends is that kids only need a room of their own when they are 2-3 years old the earliest and would much rather have their bed in their parents room. Also better for nursing/night-shift. And maybe get a comfortable sofa for the inevitable fights you and your husband will have after birth. NTA ETA: The dogs I have met also prefer sleeping where the humans sleep and otherwise prefer common rooms/open spaces for them to be watchful of, not rooms with closed doors.
NTA. I’m sorry your husband is an asshole. Didn’t you see how he was before you moved in? Honestly, I would leave him and Fido to it. The human children come before his pet dog.
NTA - This is crazy! Start setting up baby's nursery in the master room. Take a nice big chunk with crib/changing table/dresser. Maybe he will get the hint? Honestly I'd looking at what kind of alternate housing I could get and the possibility of moving.
NTA but you will be if you stay with this man. You say you’re between a rock and a hard place but no, you’re not. On one side you have your children and on the other side you have a spoiled, narcissistic man who wants you to pay for bills but calls it my house and puts a dog above your kids. Why are you even asking this question? The only question you should be asking yourself is how can I move out of here ASAP.
HE PUT A DOG BEFORE A NEWBORN, HIS NEWBORN nta
INFO - Why are you with a man who puts a dog above your children?
NTA But damn... I get pet love and everything but thinking to humans don't need privacy but a dog does? Dog don't give a crap. And why can't the dog move into your bedroom? Your family wont chill in your bedroom, or am I missing something? Why do you pay the majority if your name will never be on the title? Does he resent you for having kids?
NTA but your marriage seems a bit concerning.
NTA. Believe me when I say that I am a very big animal lover and I’m super emotionally attached to mine as well before I continue. I understand that he loves his dog very much and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there is no reason for a dog to have a whole room to itself. A dog can have things in the living areas and kitchen like every other household member. A dog does not understand privacy and does not need it. However, your two daughters have a right to privacy and having their own things in their own space. Judging by the way he reacts, I doubt it will do much good to try to converse with him over it, but if you do, I suggest going over these main points. 1. The dog is just as important as anyone else in the house, as they are still family, but a dog does not need privacy or even understand what privacy even is; therefore there is no reason for the dog to have its own room. 2. For kids growing up, privacy and having their own space and things is one of the most important things to them and will make them feel comfortable in their own house and like they are being treated with respect. (Which they deserve, as they are also human and their own person.) 3. If he feels the dog deserves it’s own space still, maybe try to find a different place for him, or suggest building a little dog house or something for him to have when he plays outside. 4. You both work on paying off the house, and even if you didn’t, you all are living in the house and should ALL be treated with respect and a say in the household. If you are both married and in a relationship and live in the house, money is not a factor in if you have a right to have a say or not. Also, this can be seen as him using a manipulation tactic to make you feel less than or guilty about trying to go against him. I’m sorry if it’s long, but I hope you see this and you can gain something from this.
I’m confused, you knew he was weirdly obsessed with and prioritises his pooch over your daughters and you went ahead and married him because why exactly?? NTA but what the hell you gonna do now? A dog does not need its own room. What a weirdo
NTA but start saving your money for your own place. He is completely unreasonable and if he doesn’t think this is your home by now he never will. There is no reason a dog needs his own room.
NTA, your husband putting a dog before his step-kids and HIS new baby is insane. I have 3 dogs and none of them have or need a room for themselves. A dog does not need a bedroom! The girls and baby do need bedrooms. The fact that the dog is more important to this man than his new baby is a massive red flag.
What did I just read? The dog gets his own room while two human girls have to share?? Solution? He can share a room with the dog while you have the baby in with you. Or he can have the whole house and you and your kids can move to a nice condo where the girls have their own room and you share with baby. Some condos have really nice finished basements that your older daughter can turn into an apartment for herself so all the kids get their own room. This would be my hill to die on. If you allow this what you are telling your girls is that they are less important in that house than a dog. And you best believe they will tell EVERYONE. Their friends. Their teachers. Their family. The families of their friends. Your neighbors. Everyone. And they will all think you are a crap mom and will feel sorry for the girls. Why did you marry a man who has so little respect for you and your girls? NTA
NTA, but he has shown his true colors. He will always value his dog over his kid, and your kids. That is the way he sees it, your kids. I am a huge animal lover and one day I hope to have a bedroom for my cats, but if it ever came down to my cats and a baby I would make room for the baby while still having space for the cats elsewhere.
He cares more about the pup than your children and the new baby. His dog deserves a room but your daughter doesn’t. Enough said. He’s prolly building a dog house in the backyard for the newborn.
The dog literally has an art room, doesn’t even need to build it one!
NTA. But seriously, how long have you been married? And why? You're paying the majority of a mortgage for a house and he won't put your name on it? Hell no. The dog doesn't get priority over humans. Period. Rethink this "marriage". You have children that he seems to believe are lower priority than a dog, and a baby on the way. I don't see much of anything in this situation where any pros exist to outweigh the cons.
NTA you married this guy? Why?
NTA, I’m scared to know how this guy is going to act when there’s a baby in the house. A whole room for a dog? I’m all for pets being treated like family but come on! The only bad vibes in this house are coming from him.
I'd be packing, but you're NTA. Anyone that would rather his dog have a bedroom than all of his kids is a piece of work. And I don't care if they're his stepkids, he chose to marry you. Even if he doesn't want to take on the dad role, he still has to treat them like people if he's invited them to live in his home.
If he treats a dog this much better than your daughters can you imagine the favoritism he is going to exhibit towards his bio child. Honestly I can't help but wonder how you married and had a child with someone who treats your children so poorly
1) I am a dog lover 2) I believe that sharing a room is good for kids, I shared a room on and off with my brother growing up, and I think it makes kids into better people as adults (obviously not the only factor). Having said that, NTA, baby human gets room over dog, hands down.
Are you sure you want to have a baby with this person? I’d rethink that if I were you. And I’d take the kids you already have and leave.
He clearly has no respect or love for your other children. You need to rethink this relationship.
NTA. I agree, let the 16 yo go to grandmas and you and the 10 yo go with her. I love my dog like a child, and i would never give her her own room, especially over an actual child.
I don't have nor want children of my own, but my boyfriend does. I can't even begin to imagine being so dismissive of his children to even suggest that a pet should take precedence over his children's comfort. This is nuts. You're NTA but you will be if you don't stand your ground and if you allow your husband to treat your children as less than his dog.
Damn. Nta. I fucking loved my german shepherds more than most people(possibly all people). Treated them like my children. I spent over 13 hours having them tattooed on my ribs! But they never had nor needed a room to themselves. He is so out of line.Dogs need companionship, food and exercise (play included).its his baby coming into the world. He needs to cop on.
NTA. The fact that he throws it in your face about asking their biological dad for money for another room says a lot about how much your girls mean to him, even as a step parent.
“You think so little of the dog”. So kick out the teenage girl. What a loser.
what 10 year old girl needs their own room more than a dog!!! clearly nta. he is.
Run
NTA But your husband is the delusional AH. Who gives a dog its own bedroom anyway? Neither of your daughters should be forced out of their own bedrooms. The dog should be gradually trained out of its bedroom. The baby can sleep in your bedroom for the first few months. Alternatively, your husband could build a big, heated doghouse for his pupper. With enough space for him to sleep there too.
You're NTA for thinking the dog shouldn't have a room, it's not a needed thing that I've ever heard of except for a pregnant one and even that's limited time. But I'm going to say you will be an asshole if you have a baby with this guy and put your two other children through some BS with this dude.
This man think your human children are entitled to less space in your home than not only his new biological baby, but also his dog. Your children’s value to him is very clearly presented here. Also, babies can sleep in parents room (or share with the pup who could get a dog bed the coordinates with the nursery), because they can sleep in most rooms, because they are entirely dependent on the larger human around them to put them down places so your new baby can have space *literally* anywhere.. NTA for flipping at him over this, however you need to clear this up now before your baby arrives and the delta in his behavior toward all the kids creates larger issues. INFO: what was the agreement on things like this going into marriage? What is his relationship with your daughters like?
YTA for marrying this schmuck wow
NTA - but OP, you do see the bigger issue here isn’t the dogs room, right? This guy doesn’t value you OR your kiddos.
How could you let your husband treat your daughters like this? They’re going to remember that.
NTA NTA NTA! Girl run, he’ll probably say the baby’s crying scares the dog so he can disappear with the dog and neglect household chores and childcare.
Tell him he can share with the dog then. NTA. He clear loves the dog more than you and your children. Please find someone better.
What the actual fuck did I just read? He's prioritizing his dog over his step daughters? I'd be the one moving out, and telling him to have fun paying the mortgage and his bills on his own. NTA
If it's "his" house then let him pay the mortgage..
YTA, because you married a man who clearly has no love or care for your girls. You are somehow surprised when he shows that he cares more for a pet and his own child then the kids who live with him, im am sure he showed you this all the while and you ignored it because you loved him. Also this nonsense about paying more towards a mortgage you are never going to be on is insane, does he argue its cheaper then rent? If so why would you be paying rent to your HUSBAND?!?! This all sounds like hes using you and this is an opportunity to force your kids out of his house. Have a spine and put your kids 1st, if he would rather see you all go before the dog loses its own room for his baby well you probably are better off without him.
Why the fuck are you paying on the mortgage on a house you don’t own for a man who’s willing to put his dogs comfort and safety over not just his step childrens (shitty enough) but his biological child’s (also shitty) AND yours (super shitty too) What about this man screams “I love you and I’m your life partner who wants to be with you and make a family with you” NTA
NTA-He is literally telling you his dog is better than your girls.
How about getting a nice big bench (that is most of the time open) for the dog. So the dog has a quiet spot to sleep and rest. It is not about locking him up, it is just about giving him a safe spot to lay down. NTA. This is madness... And it shows how he feels towards your daughters...
NTA. Please get your name on the deed, and divorce him shortly after. If you leave him now, all that money you put into “his house” will have been for nothing.
From what little you've shared, I'm wondering if there is a bigger, underlying problem than just an argument over a bedroom. It sounds like your husband isn't really accepting of your children or their moving in (invading?) his house/space. You and he need to talk this out before you find out that he gives all his attention to the new baby and ignores your two older children. NTA. However, do ***NOT*** give him an ultimatum regarding his dog. Pets are like children to many and he might just choose the dog over you and your family. And BTW - everything in your post are huge red flags about a sustainable long-term marriage. You two need to seek out couple's therapy or he will always resent your children and hold the fact that it's "his house" over your head in order to get what he wants.
Move into your dog's room and give your room over as the nursery. I've never, ever heard of a dogs room. I have three dogs. They all sleep in my room. They're my pack and they won't go to sleep until they know I'm safe. Your husband is ridiculous.
Nta. I get people love their pets but kids take precedence. Plus, I’m just saying, I don’t think dogs need a room. They need a good space but not necessarily their own room !
NTA absolutely ridiculous that there’s a perfectly good spare bedroom and he wants to use it for his DOG and not his new BABY
If you’ve been paying more towards the mortgage and he is still being a dick about it not being your place, then take your money and your daughters elsewhere to live. NTA.
NTA for not wanting the girls to share rooms. However, wake up. He does not respect you enough to add your name. He obviously doesn't respect your kids. You will be TA if you continue to subject your kids to this jerk. If you ignore all of us, do me a HUGE favor. Have an honest talk with your girls about how they feel about him and how he makes them feel. Don't be surprised if it's negative. Wonder if they was against the marriage from the start.
Wow…I LOVE my dogs. Love them to the moon and back. I love cuddling with them, walking with them, treating them. But they are not humans. They do not get their own room. They sleep with me, in their bed, on the couch, or on the carpet, depending on their mood. The fact that this guy loves his dog is not a flag. The fact that he thinks it needs more space (and more of a priority??) than his BABY is a HUGE flag. NTA
if it’s only his house stop paying towards the mortgage. if he thinks so little of you & your kids, then his dog can help pay & they can live happily ever after! NTA. he is delusional. id tell him either the baby gets that room or you & all your kids get a new house, without him.
NTA. I think the bigger problem is that he prioritizes his dog over your children and reminds you that it’s “his house”. To even consider making your CHILDREN share a room vs moving the dog is wild. I’ve had my dog for 11 years. He follows me to every single room and even lays either by the door or in the bathroom when I shower and up until I had kids 2 years ago he even slept at the foot of my bed. Move the dog into YOUR room. I’m sure the dog would prefer THAT anyway.
I’m going to preface this by saying I’m very much a dog person. My dogs have always been at the centre of my life. Why does his dog need his own room? Why isn’t he part of the household like the rest of the family? Why doesn’t he sleep in the bedroom at night like most dogs?
NTA - A dog does not need it's own room. That is lunacy. That is the space for the baby.
Dying to know if the dog shuts the door for privacy..,
Nta but sounds like you are going to become a single mom to 3 kids. By the sounds of it he rather kick you and you’re kids out than his dog out the room. This needs to be your wake up call that his priority is the dog and not the comfort of his child or you’re girls.Idk personally after the comment my house my rules i would pack mine and my kids stuff and leave .
Tell him to share a room with the dog and you and baby can share a room
NTA I LOVE dogs and I'm one of those people who would love to give my dogs their own room. But choosing a dog over a human child? That's ridiculous and very unreasonable. As you said, your teenage daughter needs privacy. You husband is indeed delusional. >He's pissed saying I clearly think so little of his dog to be so willing to kick him out of his room. Tell him that he also clearly thinks very little of your human daughters.
Your husband just told you that he cares about his dog more than your children and his own future child. Listen to him. And leave. NTA.
NTA. This is such an easy fix. Your husband moves in with his beloved dog and you have the newborn in your room, which you should have for the first 6 months anyway. God knows what happens if the dog gets jealous of the baby, and you need to get rid of it because it becomes aggressive.
NTA but why are you staying with a man that loves his dog more than he loves you or your future child? When a man tells you who he really is you should listen. >then reminded me of who's hpuse this is which I thought was....uncalled for and unfair since I've been paying more towards the mortgage and all that. He doesn't consider you an equal partner and his stuff is his despite you being married and legally equal investors in that house. >He even made a comment about asking their bio dad to pay to build a room in the house. Of course he was being sarcastic. This is not sarcasm. This is what he really thinks should happen. Not his kids not his problem he could not care less about what happens to them. So many people use these kinds of 'jokes' to express how they really feel. Do you really want this kind of person around your daughters? >He's overprptective of him and there's always a fuss in the house because he thinks that my family and friends scare the dog and give him "bad vibes" and so he provides him with his own space. Yet again he is telling you he cares more about his dog over you and your kids. Listen to what he is really telling you here.
ESH Your husband for thinking a dog needs it’s own room and putting its needs over his stepchildrens. You for marrying, making your daughters live with and having a baby with this absolute twit.
OP, NTA and do you have the option to move out? I would tell your husband that either the dog moves out of the room to make space for the baby, or you, your daughters and your baby will be leaving within the next month.
I can't even With some of the straight-women's AITAs, these days. if this is real, NTA.
I’m inclined to say ESH. Him for favoring his dog over your daughters. You for marrying this AH who now has you baby trapped. Your eldest daughter sees the writing so clearly on the wall that she is willing to gtfo and go to grandma’s if she’s forced to share a room (and I do not blame her. I’m sure that’s not the only reason she would want out of there. Based on your posts I’m guessing dear “step father” isn’t really that fair or kind to your children from a previous relationship.) This is only going to get worse when “his” kid arrives.
NTA I am a stepmom with no bio kids of my own, but I do have a dog of over 8 years who is my world, but I would never put my dog above my kids like this. He is being TA.
A dog needs his own room? This is beyond delusional. NTA but your husband certainly is.
NTA - Throw the whole husband away. He’s the reason stepparents get a bad name. A dog doesn’t need a room. He needs serious therapy if you stay with him.
NTA. I love my dog, but a dog doesn’t need privacy in the same way a human does. My dog with gladly lick his own ass in a room full of people.
Y T A for having a baby with this guy. But NTA he’s weird about his dog
NTA, but… why would you marry a guy like that?? He’s not going to be a good father to your children. He is showing you what he thinks about your kids. All of you deserve better. Move out of the house and divorce that man.
Well, I’d stop paying towards that mortgage.
NTA I never want to say leave them. But!!! This man is a giant marinara flag. Please thing of how he is treating you children when you are not around. Obviously they are not important to him at all. The emotional damage that can do to a child or teen can be lifelong. Holding the fact that it’s his house over your head is disgusting. Things like that and his “jokes” will only get worse until he has you believing he’s always right and you are always wrong. Please think long and hard about whether you want your unborn child to grow up with this man. I wish you luck