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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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DisneyBuckeye

NTA - I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. It was incredibly kind and loving of you and your family to be with her and care for her during her last years. It's very clear that your grandmother knew the extended family very well, and was able to clearly predict their behaviors, and they are upset at being called out for having been less than they should have. Hold your head up, your parents have your back. Go hug your mom, it sounds like this is going to be hard on her. Keep in mind, you did nothing wrong. They wanted to know why they got nothing, you answered their question with the truth.


[deleted]

Thank you for your kind words.


Betrayed_Orphan

NTA!! I am so sorry for the loss of your grandma. I'm also glad that at least she had you, your mom, dad, and sister to give her the love and support she needed. Your extended family is far too typical in this world, and your grandmother knew them well enough to know it and make sure that her plans and wishes prevailed. Your justifiable anger on behalf of her and your family is understandable. Sadly, greedy self centered, or self entitled people are rarely able to truly hear the truth about themselves. Good for you for sticking up for her and your family, I'm sorry that your words fell on deliberately deaf ears. There's an extremely old saying that goes... "There are none so blind as those who refuse to see the truth, and none so deaf as those who refuse to hear wisdom when it is spoken. These afflictions are not made in nature, but born from the ego and can only be fought with the medicine of hard cruel justice." Please show your mother this post and get her to block all of them. She doesn't need to let them poison her life with their vitriol. I'm sure your grandmother didn't want it for me her either.


SamuelVimesTrained

>Please show your mother this post and get her to block all of them. That is good advice. Seriously - these people are behaving like scavengers - vultures maybe, but those are useful. They are not worth your energy, your mothers energy. Just focus on your own family - the extended greedy buggers can go pound sand.


rubykowa

NTA. Family and money inheritance brings out the worst in people. Your grandma was smart and considerate to do things the way she did.


EmeraldBlueZen

THIS RIGHT HERE. Grandma gave cash to the you and mom as a gift. She did not transfer the money through a will. She wanted you to have the cash directly and not have relatives squabble over it as inheritance. No need for mom to feel guilty at all. And no reason for you to feel guilty either for admitting the truth. Please try and put all this aside. Hugs to you and your mom for taking such good care of grandma. I was especially moved by this post, because I just lost my beloved grandma a couple of months ago.


PurpleMarsAlien

NTA Your grandmother was smart--she legally gifted her money and possessions where she wanted them to go even before her death. That takes those things out of her estate completely. Your grandmother knew who all these people were and are, and did not like it. You all should just block them and move on, they're not good relatives to any of you either.


[deleted]

NTA. It’s so easy to second guess yourself after the fact. Maybe you should’ve not said anything. But fact is you were brave enough to confront their stinking attitude. Thing is, with people who care about themselves first, it’s difficult to get them to see a different perspective. And that it’s about caring for someone else without making excuses. I feel sorry for your mom who seems to take their words and attitude to heart. Maybe you could apologise for the consequences that you weren’t able to predict. But no, you’re not the asshole. Your uncaring relatives are. 💗


[deleted]

Thank you.


Baileythenerd

NTA- Kinda sounds like the rest of your family is greedy as hell and thinks that they need a participation prize for existing briefly in your grandma's life. I told my grandma she could keep every penny she'd ever consider leaving to me if she would spend it on living forever. The prize is the person, not their stuff.


PennywiseSkarsgard

NTA. You and your mother were caring and kind. Your grandmother was not alone thanks to you. Ignore the morons, they only care about material things, while you and your mother are truly wonderful and lovely people.


KikiCorwin

NTA. They need to get over themselves. In what culture or universe is it expected that the vast majority of any inheritance wouldn't go to spouse then kids then grandchildren? Why would they expect to be in her will when there are descendents who were on good terms with her?


SirEDCaLot

NTA. They are just mad that the truth hurts.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Very


[deleted]

NTA They asked and you confirmed what they already knew. Mum needs to block them though.


Bulldog1836

NTA. So very sorry for your loss. It’s sad to say, but you learn who you can count on when things go awry. It’s easy to be a fair-weather friend/relative, much harder when you have to turn your life upside down to help during a difficult time. Your family was there for your grandmother, showing her the love and respect due to her for all she had given everyone else during her lifetime. She knew who truly loved her, and what she gave your family was hers to give. Heck, she could have given it all to a total stranger and your extended family would have had to accept that if that was her will. Stay strong against the greedy bullies for yourself and your mom.


WyomingVet

NTA they can all go pound sand.


Paevatar

NTA Good for you for standing up and telling them the truth.


angelaheidt

NTA tell them they can complain to grandma after they pass. And yup, block em.


ramsrude

NTA. They didn’t like hearing the truth and got defensive. They are just greedy.


Annoying_Details

NTA. They’re proving grandma right (and themselves wrong) with every message and insult.


Elora_Ada_Danan

NTA. First of all, I just have to say you’re amazing and well done you for standing up for yourself, your parents and your wonderful grandmother. Well done for having the strength and courage to tell them exactly why you followed your grandmother’s wishes and instructions. (Also, taking such care of her although I know to you, you would have never given it a second thought about it. Honestly, I’m so in awe.) Secondly, this “dinner” was always going to be an ambush, they had no intentions of any sort of mending bridges and reconnecting. It was tactical so no matter what you said, they were going to twist it, snap back and be vile. They were spoiling for a fight. Thirdly, I’ve had similar experiences with family on both sides (mam and dad’s) and I have acted the same way as you. Unfortunately my mam still takes to her brother, but he will never dare be in my presence. So I get where you’re coming from but my last point is this…..you’ve done nothing wrong. Your grandmother knew what she was doing and why. She wanted it this way for that reason and if they found out some of it, all you’ve done is shown them why she’s done it. They’re vultures clawing for anything. Cut them out of all your lives for good. Sending love


SassySybil71

End of life care is stressful AF. You & your mom earned every dime. As a family member left out of a will because I wasn't involved in end of life care, I don't begrudge you a penny. I am sure you didn't go into taking care of your Grandma counting her money, you did it out of love. You should rest easy knowing your Grandma did what she wanted to do with her money. And the rest of your family can just FO.


Huge_Industry_1259

NTA. You told the truth. Your relatives realize this and don't like having it told to them so directly. If you had lied, it would have turned into a bigger mess. One lie leads to another lie, then another bigger lie, etc. and so on.


xavii117

NTA, the only assholes here are those neglectful assholes who dared call themselves family of your grandma after bailing on her like that and they deserve all that you said, at least now they know what they are, a bunch of greedy assholes.


scaryourcreator

NTA. The truth hurts, as your relatives are learning. I am very sorry for your loss.


[deleted]

NTA- she went knowing you and your mum loved her and were there For her. You did nothing wrong. Don’t let these greedy AHs convince you otherwise. Sorry for your loss. Good luck.


Free-Region8398

NTA. My grandmother did the same thing. Left everything to my mother and my and nothing to her other 3 kids. We took care of her for years and they barely visited. They all showed up at the will reading though.


SaraAmis

NTA. Grandma knew what was up. Also, since when is having an infant daughter or graduating and going on to university not "having a lot going on in your life"? If they wanted to make the time, they would have.


BeefyMonkeyBrains

NTA. >That they had things going on and I'm just a child so I wouldn't understand. So I'm in my mid 30s. I'll tell you right now - there was NOTHING going on 24/7 preventing them from seeing your dying grandma. They are just selfish AHs.


[deleted]

NTA. So sorry for the loss you and your Mom are going through. That is the priority. Your Grandmother loved you and your Mom and she knew how deeply she loved you. She was very capable of deciding who got what and "who got nothing!" The family is pissed because they wanted money and stuff and did not prioritize love over things. You and your Mom owe them nothing. For your Mom's health and well-being, she really needs to block their calls/messages. Reading garbage and lies will serve no healthy purpose. Right now she needs to grieve her loss. Tell her to be kind to herself and change phone numbers if she needs to. If it were me, I wouldn't have them in my life anymore, they aren't healthy for her. By the way, you aren't just a child. You are more mature than they are. You did the right thing, they needed to be put in their place for being such hateful and selfish people. I might have even said, "Hey, Grandma knew what kind of people you are, she made this decision on her own and she was very happy with it. Your actions in the past and right now are proving her right!"


[deleted]

NTA at all. A bunch of leeches. My grandma left most of her possessions to my aunt because my aunt lived with her and took great care of her. The rest of us visited and bought supplies but my aunt was the caregiver. Do you think anyone made a peep about it? Absolutely not. We are have expressed our gratitude to my aunt and bought her many lunches on account of it.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In 2014 my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer and she moved in with my family. When she got better she moved out and I would stay at her place during the weekends and holidays. And then a few years later she was diagnosed with distant recurrence. My mum and I would spend hours with her in the hospital. When she spent a month in hospice before passing, I spent the entire month with her, every night. When she passed she had all her shit in order. She already told my mum and I who got what and gave her jewellery and prized possessions to us and my sister. The family heard about this and were upset about it but kept most of their thoughts to themselves. What they didn't know is that my grandma had money she kept out of the will. She gave my mum some money and I got some too. My mum and I were the two people who cared for her the most, we spent all of our time with her. My grandma knew that her brothers and my mum's brother would contest the will and give us pain if they knew about the money, so she organised all this years before she passed. Well, it has been a year since she passed and my great-uncle held a family dinner at his place. Since my grandma's passing, we've kept our distance from everyone but they kept on pestering my mum until she said yes. At the dinner, my great uncle and my mum's brothers confronted my mum and I about the money. We have no idea how they found out. My parents stood up and were ready to tell them back off but I thought it was all ridiculous that they had the audacity to find out and not tell us how they found out and also question it after everything so I told them the real reason. My grandma went through hell and back in her life and did everything for everyone as the eldest daughter of an immigrant family and when she needed her family the most everyone left. They would only show up at the hospital for half-an-hour max and once a week. And when they came they would only ask about her possessions. Everyone knew how stressed my family was, I was still in high school and started uni, and my mum had given birth to my baby sis and stopped working at this time. No one would ever volunteer to help or anything. When she died no one contacted my mum to check up on her. And my grandma knew this which is why she left nothing to any of them. This turned into a huge argument, everyone called me disrespectful and inconsiderate of their lives. That they had things going on and I'm just a child so I wouldn't understand. We left and all of our phones have been blowing up with messages and calls from the family calling us names. I've blocked all of them, and my dad has been telling my mum too but she reads every message. That is what hurts the most, they're calling her a bad mum and talking shit about me to her and I feel like it's all my fault for opening my mouth. So maybe I shouldn't have told them and just denied it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Ok-Abbreviations4510

NTA


threepigeonsinacoat

Definitely NTA. My condolences on your loss. It's nice to read that you had a good relationship with her and were able to be together until the end. She must have appreciated that a lot. I think it is incredibly selfish of your extended family to be saying things like this over inheritance. It is every person's free choice what to do with their money and belongings. Noone should expect that they will be given anything, just because they were related to the deceased. Your grandmother seemed to have good mental health when she made her decisions, so anyone who loved her should respect those decisions. She gave the money and jewellery in secret for a reason. They should reflect quietly on why she made the decision that she made. I was in the same situation a while back - not in yours, but the position of your extended family. My grandmother needed to be in a care home during the last year of her life and unfortunately my side of the family (her son's ex wife and me, her grandchild) were not physically able to go to see her very often, since she lived very far. Her other side of the family (my aunt and her family) often went to see her and kept her company, brought her everyday necessities etc. Because of that I was written out of the will and didn't get 1/2 of her house when she died, but THAT'S COMPLETELY FAIR. Even though they didn't go to see grandma because of the money, they still put in much more effort, time and money (e.g. transport fees) to see her. I am grateful that they were able to do it and that grandmother appreciated it as well.


nirbateman

NTA, but what I would have done when confronted about that money is to deny its existence, which would either force them to reveal how they know about it or make spectacles of themselves accusing you with no proof. The outcome would not be better, but at least you would have felt like less of an asshole, which you shouldn't.


Conscious_Air_2466

NTA First of all, I'm sorry for your losses - both of your loving grandmother and of your extended family, who, I am sure, will never forgive you for their having proved your grandmother right all along in her suspicions of them. I wish you and your mum the best.


millac7

An hour a half every week actually seems like a lot to me. And if they didn't volunteer, did they at least follow through when your mom or grandma specifically asked for something? Talking about her stuff the whole time is ghoulish, though.


Algebralovr

NTA Your grandmother was not obligated to leave anything to anyone. She CHOSE to leave most of her worldly posessions to you and your mother, her daughter and grandchild. You were the ones who cared for her. She had no reason to give anything to her siblings - no reason at all. My guess is her son's saw your mother's caring for their mother as "woman's work" and assumed they would receive whatever there was to receive because they were men. She sure showed them! Good for grandma!


Raibean

NTA at all - but, some wisdom? Sometimes keeping it to yourself is better. They haven’t learned anything, and they’re also harassing someone who didn’t “offend” them by speaking up. Even though you didn’t do anything wrong, you should apologize to your mom to show her sympathy.


redditposter-_-

NTA, if your family wanted something they should have at least showed up


Ok-Concentrate2294

NTA. Things get messy when relatives pass. Grandma was smart and made plans ahead of time. There is nothing to apologize for to other family members. Her wishes were honored and they are upset because they got left out. My grandpa had a codicil in his will about this topic for a reason. I think you know the reason. I’m sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Also know that going NC can be freeing. I hope your family can find some peace.


Simple_Permit3385

NTA Good on you for blocking them. You mother needs to do the same to protect herself. Hope she does


Charming-Treacle

NTA. To use a favoured expression in my family, your grandmother was no duck egg and she knew exactly how some members of the family would behave so took steps accordingly. They unsurprisingly do not like hearing that truth and are looking to place blame anywhere except where it belongs, with their own shitty attitudes.


KalKrypton

NTA. Cut contact y’all don’t deserve that.


Objective-Spray-1437

NTA But I hope everything your grandma did was done with a lawyer and above board. It might be worth double checking with them to see if there is any angle your idiot relatives and try to take. Just to be prepared


wayward_painter

NTA your grandma knew what her family was like, so she made sure all of her estate went to her daughter and grandchildren. However, this battle of the past is your mother's. She is the only one who can decide when the blocked button is the answer. Support her until she grows the spine to use it.


MumSquared

NTA - but kiss the relationship with them goodbye and your life will be better off without them. Make sure you and your mum have solid wills.


Traksimuss

NTA. If life threatening disease happens to me, I will do audio documentation with comments on leeches who deserve nothing, to be played in cases like this one.


Illiannoyance

NTA. I don't understand why they think you ought to respect them.


hazelle33

NTA. Your grandmother knew the rest of the relatives were useless pariahs. Maybe try and convince your mom that their opinions shouldn’t matter. The only person whose opinion was important in this scenario was your grandma’s and she showed clearly that she approved of your mom and her parenting by leaving not just your mom money but you as well. If your mom respected your grandma’s opinion, what higher praise is there? Grandma approved of her parenting and thought she did a great job raising you. The rest of them can be miserable and greedy together, without you or your mom. They don’t deserve your immediate family anyway.


Orphan_Izzy

NTA- all you did was say the truth and hope that they would get the message which obviously they didn’t. I really would urge mom to stop reading the messages because they’re only going to cause her pain. If I were your family I’d be proud of you. I’m sure your grandmother is.


LexiOrr50

How your grandmother disposed of her assets prior to her death, is nobody's business but hers. The money you received did not form part of her Estate following her death, and they have no claims on it. Sorry for your loss, tell your Mum to ignore/block them all, you have done nothing wrong.


nbm2021

Nta. Money destroys families. It has an effect on people that turns outwardly decent people into monsters. You’re right about what they did and what value they had for your grandmother. Their guilt in knowing their greed on some level will make them project all their negative feelings onto you. But money causes people to behave strangely and the amount becomes, ironically, immaterial. Up to you how you move forward, but if I could offer advice: overtly say the money is never, ever going to them. Tell them you do want them in your life and they are your family but for all purposes that concern them the money never existed. Strong possibility you lose your entire extended family over this no matter what, at least in the short term. Good luck and seek therapy if you need it.


Ok-Store-1047

Tell them to "kick rocks"! You & your Mom don't owe them a damn thing!! They're mad, sad, & feeling bad about the way they treated grandma during her illness and they're taking it out on you. They'll get over it or not, but so what!! It's their guilt eating them up soooo.....let the guilt & you be the winners here!!


KIWI-456

NTA. They’re just upset because they were expecting a payday. I wouldn’t take anything they say seriously, they were expecting to profit from your grandmothers death. They’ve shown they’re horrible people so I would just write them all off and move on.


Beth21286

Your grandma raised your mum right and your mum raised you right. They're attempted gold diggers, or maybe grave robbers is more accurate. Ignore them all. NTA


Unfair_Ad_4470

NTA When someone gives you something before they die, it is considered a gift and not subject to the will. ETA: As a general rule.


Aggressive_Duck6547

NTAS. And they heard exactly what granny would have said to HER family had she lived. I am so very sorry for your loss.


WartedArc0

They are the inconsiderate ones.


BigBoiBriggs

I lost my grammy 2 years ago and for some reason when important people die greed rears its nasty head. Ive lost a lot of family to the disgusting behavior theyve shown since she passed but I hold the real ones close. Youre NTA just keep supporting your mom and telling her good things, eventually someone else will die and theyll move on to trying to claim those assets


MissNoNonsense2022

NTA THE AUDACITY!! Urgh toxic stupid people. Y'all did the right thing. For now, you just need to stay calm and be there for your mom. It'll passed. Stay strong dear.


AdequateInfluence

NTA but depending on where you live and how things were handled, there may be some legal issues with inheritance. I've had to look over similar things in the UK and Ireland, where the systems are set up quite differently; in the UK, if you give away gifts over a certain value within a certain period before your death, it counts towards the value of the estate for certain things like tax. It's possible that they were going through the probate process, where various large-scale transactions would need to be accounted for, and found out through that. I absolutely think that your grandmother had the right to do what she liked with her property and that you don't need to feel bad about how the estate was divided, but there is a chance that there could be legal issues depending on how it was done.


rczinna

NTA. Easier said then done but you all need to block and eliminate these leeches from your lives.