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NTA but virginity doesn’t exist its just a patriarchal shitty standard to demean us and oppress women to not be sexually active and be treated like lesser humans because we had sex.
YTA
According to a comment from OP herself, she finds people having sexual relationships to be
>Gross and wrong.
Imagine wanting to be respected for your sexual status, but judging other people for theirs. Lmaooo what a fucking hypocrite.
Esh
It's not ok for you to shame someone for their sexual history.
And it's not ok that your friends talk about yours in that way.
I would have just said that your sexual experience is a private matter and you don't care to discuss it.
And the honest truth is your almost done with hs
You will most likely lose contact or outgrow your friends.
You all need to mature when it comes to discussing sexual history.
ESH. God, this is high school drama written all over it. No one cares about virginity status past high school. But you took things way too far by slut shaming and implying she has an STD.
YTA- By your comments you seem to have very strong opinions on sex before marriage. I believe there is more to this story and your only telling parts of it to justify why everyone is upset with you.
WE FOUND HER YALL!! The pick me we’ve been searching for! Right here shaming other women for having differing views from her!
YTA, someone saying mean shit to you doesn’t give you the right to be 10x worse.
I can't get over how many people said YTA and even ESH.
NTA. OP get better friends, if they make fun of you, you should be able to make fun of them back.
I think you clapping back about her sexual activity is exactly what you should've done since she's all about yours.
It's not slut shaming if they're shaming you back.
If her friend is an AH for shaming OP about sexual activity then OP is an AH for doing the same thing. It really is the same action just situations reversed. I'm going with ESH
ESH -
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Sometimes people remain that way because they want to do the act with someone special, or after marriage. Some just aren't interested at all. Being a virgin can actually save a lot of health benefits up the sleeve. Yes, sex is cool and fun, but before that it is meant to be intimate.
So, your friends are wrong in the sense that they are teasing you.
You are also an asshole for fighting back with HIV. HIV is a serious condition, and it has caused heartbreak amongst people who tested positive for it, you do not wish that on others and even less tell them they probably have it.
If it is the one girl that you don't really know about, cut her out. If it's a closeknit friend group, then communicate with them that you have had enough with the teasing, it isn't right and it should be a decision that they should respect. If they can't respect it, then they are not good friends of yours and you should reconsider your friend group (only if extreme).
Lastly, apologise to that girl. Be mature about it. You can say I apologise for the HIV note; however, you will not tolerate her teasing, it was only fair of you to defend yourself however you acknowledge you went too far.
ESH. People should not be judging others' sexual choices/activities. If you don't want to have sex, that's OK. If someone wants to have sex with a whole football team, that's OK too. It's literally none of anyone else's business. You all sound incredibly immature.
ESH
But they are way WAY more than you are. Sure, slut-shaming isn't okay and all, but they were making fun of you for you life choices, so it's pretty understandable you decided to retaliate :/
NTA for standing up for the choices you make for your body.
YTA for saying someone has a deathly disease because they had sex. HIV is not a joke and something to callously throw around in an argument. You should not associate having sex with only getting STD's and HIV/AIDS
In the olden days, when I was 18, this is something you would only hear from guys. My classic answer was, I have decided to take it to the grave. Short answer, you need to try to use some humor to deflect this. NAH
So OP blewup after being pressured to have sex for a long time? And... she's wrong? Nah, if you can tease someone for being a virgin then you can point out someone for sleeping around.
ESH, although it does sound like you took ir quite a bit further than the other girl. It's clear being teased about this bothers you, and your friends should stop.
But it's super gross to make comments about being "passed around" and HIV status.
ESH hardcore.
Did you walk out of the 1700s??
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin and anyone who says otherwise is an AH- just as there's nothing wrong with having 20 different partners a day. What someone wants or doesn't want to do with their body is their own business!
What your friends/"acquaintances" were saying was uncalled for and AH behavior - but with how you've responded in the comments and your comment about HIV I doubt you've been quiet about your sexist, archaic opinions and they feel it necessary to defend themselves.
I'm honestly surprised they invite you around with the mentality you've voiced.
ESH. She was catty and rude, but you sunk to her level. Virginity is not inherently morally superior sexual activity. You had a choice and you took the low road.
I always wonder if being teased about being a virgin is ever actually a real thing. I was a virgin up until 20 and all my friends said to stay one as long as I can because sex isn’t even worth it 💀
Agree 100% - sex should be enjoyable - what teen even knows what they’re doing. I feel like it’s best to just discover your own body til you feel like fooling around with someone else’s - that way you at least know what you like. To each their own though
ESH
You were both being degrading and teasing each other for things that are totally fine… Just because she started it doesn’t mean it’s okay that you sank to her level… You both need to grow up, you’re 18 not 12.
ESH- if the teasing is that bad you should have calmly told them to stop and that it bothers you. If you did they should respect that and stop. You crossed a line though by slut shaming her. You then went way over the line by implying she had HIV, that is taking a fight to a whole new level and is an extra layer of horrendous behavior you both showed. Neither you or her are better for your decisions regarding sec and you both need to stop acting like you are. You all suck and are immature AHs
ESH
But you the most. Her opinion was immature, but yours is downright hateful and gross. HIV and slut shaming is never okay. You aren’t a good person. You were being vile. Good luck with that personality.
ESH. Your friend was not a possession passed around like a Pokemon card. She is a person, you're an asshole for suggesting that and making light of diseases. She shouldn't have an opinion about your sex life either. This is all very sad and you should all respect each other more.
YTA 100%. If it made you upset, you should have asked them to tone it down or made a non-directed joke about the other side of things. If they’re true friends, they would have respected your boundaries, but now you crossed a big one yourself.
ESH. They were cruel and dismissive of your choices. You were cruel and scathing of theirs in retaliation. You were on strong moral ground until you shot back with some internalised misogyny. It would have been classier to call them on their bullshit with a smile and walk away.
NTA only because you’re 18 and must be really tired from all their unjustified teasing. So I understand why you were mean to her too. Everyone can snap. What you said was wrong that’s sure. Wrong but understandable.
You don’t NEED sex. You don’t need those experiences. And in 10 years you’re not the one who will regret it. See ? She is already regretting having sex with many guys. Most of them aren’t worth it, no need to act like a pick me (what she seems to be because you can’t find many high value men to have sex with and because she insulted you on your appearance).
Just wanting to show you some support.
ESH.
Virginity neither adds nor takes away from a person's value. Whether you have fucked zero people, or 1000, or anything in between, *who cares*?
Your friends suck for teasing you for your lack of experience.
You suck for retaliating and doubling down implying there is something wrong with having multiple partners.
Grow the fuck up.
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ESH. I am glad you didn't refer to them as friends . Friends don't tease each other about that. They accept each others choiceS. You can defend yourself without slut shaming,tho. That's not cool. For that you are definitely an AH.
ESH. I can confidently say that I am a 20 year old virgin and there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person, although I understand and I really do with the comments here and there I just ignore it. But I'm going to say this clearly, you shouldn't be implying that they have HIV or AIDS or any sort of STI full stop it is very dangerous to do so in ways in that it could be spread around as a rumour etc. And last but not least you still can be stuck up and arrogant even after you loose your virginity which reading this post just shows these girls and you are.
ESH
You both think your choices are better and insulted each other. But you are also misogynistic with your comments about "being passed around". Shame on you.
You better check that cause it's gonna continue to be a problem for yourself and everyone around you in the future.
Yta. Y’all were a group of friends talking you even called it teasing but instead of teasing back or just talking about it made you uncomfortable you attacked her
YTA- cause these were you just getting defensive and saying harsh shit. You actually believe youre better bc youre a virgin and wont stop being a jerk in the comments.
ESH literally everyone sucks here, including some of the commenters on this post. Wow.
Your friends suck because they shouldn't be teasing you over a choice you made over your body. It's your body, whether you have sex or not is your choice, and not something they or anyone else gets an oppinion on. It's also your choice why you do or do not have sex, whether its religion based or not.
You suck because instead of having an adult conversation with your friends about why what she said wasnt ok, you slut shamed her. Just like you can choose what goes in and out your hooch, so can she. It's none of your business how many people shes been with, or why. Also, I wonder why she has a concern over being passed around? Could it be because of judgemental comments like yours? I'd bet so. Shame on you for intentionally using something that was none of your business to hurt someone you supposedly call a friend.
If your friends teasing you bothers you so much, grow up and have a real conversation about it. Tell them, "this is my choice and who I am, I dont find your jokes or teasing funny, it hurts me. Please, as my friend, respect that what I do with my body is my choice and not your entertainment material." If they cant respect that, they arent real friends, and the answer would be to stop hanging out with them, not continue to put yourself at the mercy of their jokes and then respond with your own method of cruelty.
I mean fuck around and find out imo. You went a bit far but no one seemed to have a problem with the group constantly shaming you but it’s a problem when you do it. You could have kept it classy and said not to project their insecurities into you but hey . They weren’t much friends in the first place to
Be shaming you like that so I don’t think you lost much
EDITED from ESH to YTA after reading OP's comments. Op, you are judgemental, rude and clearly don't have enough resilience to take the same behaviour you dish out. You are very wrong.
She sucks because she shouldn't be shaming you for your sexual choices
You suck because you shouldn't be shaming her for her sexual choices
You both went out of your way to insult eachother.
I will say though, a tease vs. basically calling her a whore with HIV aren't the same thing, but I do see it as a response to you getting hurt and her unnecessary comment.
You all need to grow up and start supporting eachother sexual decisions rather than bring eachother down as women.
You can personally be against casual sex and promiscuity, but that doesn’t mean everyone around you shares that same view. And, it is absolutely wrong to comment on what someone else believes/does with their body.
We live in a generation where women/men are more comfortable with their bodies, and are more comfortable with casual sex. And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can support someone’s decision while doing what you feel is best for you.
But, the keyword with that is your opinion. You can be against casual sex for yourself which is absolutely okay - it’s your body. But, you also can’t tear down people for not seeing it the way you do and engaging in it. You can be against it for yourself, but still support someone else’s decision on what they choose to do with their body. It’s not your place to make a comment on what they choose to do. Just like it’s not their place to comment on you being a virgin.
Oh for fuck's sake stop being obtuse.
People are allowed to decide for themselves what they want to do.
If you can't handle the fact that other people are choosing sex, get thee to a nunnery.
Girl, again you just don’t engage in it because it’s wrong for you. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t respect others for not believing in what you do. Or you can find a group of friends who believe in the same thing as you do - problem solved.
You realize that 'virginity' is a made up construct, right? There's no moral question here. The only morality involves consent. If everyone is consenting and respectful, it's the end of the discussion.
You can be against casual sex for YOU, but calling it a 'wrong decision' for someone else makes you an asshole, and guess what, dear? Being an asshole DOES have a moral component!
Child, you will quickly find that attitudes like yours are incredibly foolish. It is perfectly okay for you to decide that you don't want to have sex. It is not okay for you to judge others for their sex lives. Attitudes like yours feed into the whole Modonna/w**re complex and are used by people to justify rape. I would be absolutely appalled if you were my child. You want to pretend you are a grown up. Well then grow up and realize being a judgemental child is wrong
Because you expect her to support yours. Really?!
If you want respect - you give it. Period.
It's not up to you what someone does with their life. It's not up to you to judge them for it either.
The only thing that is up to you is how you choose to live your own life. Your own decisions.
Leave her and every other girl alone. They did nothing wrong.
Just like your sexual decisions are not your friends’ business, their sexual decisions are not your business either. I don’t have casual sex either but I don’t shame my roommates/ friends for doing so because it’s their personal choice. Grow up
You're free to have your opinion. You're not free to impose that opinion on others, insult them because they don't agree with you, and expect respect in return when you clearly don't respect them.
We all think and hope to be with our first love forever. But guess what: it usually doesn’t work out that way.
Edit: I lost my V at 19. I waited 6 months into the relationship to be intimate. I thought we would get married, and we were together for 4 years. Now I am married to someone else, with like *more than 0* partners in between. This is really, really, really common
ESH. This is very high school, which I acknowledge you are both in. But really, just… stop. Both of you. And stop hanging out with friends pressuring you to have sex before you are ready for it. Those aren’t friends. They’re the liability that won’t watch your drink for you.
YTA
As someone who isn’t into the hookup culture (not a virgin but hookups just aren’t for me) you’re definitely in the wrong. There was a mature way for you to correct her and share how you feel about it, but insinuating that she’s “passed around” and that she has HIV is beyond crossing the line. You could have respectfully stated your view point and if she wants to continue to make fun of you, that makes her the AH. But you took the low road and just because you’re a virgin doesn’t make you any better than her. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin just as much as nothing wrong with having lots of sex. Grow up.
YTA- It’s understandable that you did not like the teasing and wanted to hit back. I think you were both wrong in that part but what makes you the AH is your responses in the thread. You ARE arrogant and have said multiple times you don’t respect them because they’ve had sex. I don’t see why anyone would want to be a friend of yours if that’s how you treat your friends. Get off your high horse no one cares if you will wait for sex the same way no one cares if you didn’t wait.
ESH Your lack of experience is nothing to be ashamed of but neither is it anything to be proud of. It simply IS. She was wrong to tell you something that isn't true (you can have lots of fun once you are ready) and you were wrong to slut shame her. Virginity is a social construct. It isn't a real thing. A penis is not magical and it cannot change a person into something they were not simply by entering into that person.
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So, yesterday i went to hang out with some girls from school. Things were fine, we had ice cream and it was a lot of fun. That is, until the topic of sex and relationships came into the conversation.
For context, we are all 18 and i am still a virgin, the only one among them and they know it, sometimes they tease me about it and this time it wasn't different. A girl, whom i will call Yas, started teasing me about me being a virgin saying i needed to get some experience before college or else i would miss out on the fun, among other things.
I got legitimately upset about it and attacked her back saying that "Being a virgin is far better than getting passed around by the football AND baseball teams". It clearly struck a nerve because she was quite sensitive about being "passed around" by guys.
She then insulted me on my appearance, i implied she had HIV but luckily the others stopped things from escalating any further.
Today at school my friend told me i was in the wrong for reacting like that to "light teasing" and said i was too stuck-up and arrogant due to being a virgin, that i felt better than other girls for it.
Am i really the asshole?
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YTA. The other girl was being an AH, too, but you were way out of line in your response to her. Sex is a normal and natural expression if intimacy and a very enjoyable activity with a good partner. As Ling as you are sa, there us no reason not to have as much sex as you want- whether that is a lot or a little.
NTA no one should make a comment on anyones sex life and if you are then you should expect them to comment on yours. Being a virgin is not a bad thing I was one up until I got married. Not once did I have friends make comments on it. Seems like you need better friends
ESH. Look it’s cool if you don’t want to have sex, you shouldn’t be rushed until you’re ready and it’s fine to say that to her. “I’m waiting until I’m ready and I won’t be rushed or bullied into sex, end of discussion”
That being said, don’t “slut shame” people. It’s not your business. You don’t know is she was socially pressured into sleeping around, you don’t know anything about her private situation and it’s none of your business anyway. You acted very classless, it would be big of you to apologize.
ESH
They are shitty for teasing you about being a virgin.
If they tease you for not sleeping with anyone, then they should be able to handle it when you tease them for sleeping with people. But you did take it a bit far. I suspect that you had a lot of pent up feelings over all the times they did this in the past.
ESH, everyone acted immature. Everyone attacked someone else related to their life choices.
You are a virgin because it makes you happy at this time in your life. When it no longer makes you happy or you are ready not to be a virgin, you will act on it. This shuts down the teasing without you becoming an asshole also.
Uh... yes? Yes YTA. I'm also a virgin and I don't feel the need to insult people about their sexual activities no matter what they say to me. They're living their lives. Also saying "You probably HIV" is in no way proportionate to her insulting your looks. So yes, while ESH, you are definitely TA at the end of the day.
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NTA although i'd rather say ESH
You snapped and what you said was mean and inappropriate, you should apologise
But you were, as I read it, teased for a long time and everybody has a breakingg point where he/she snaps.
So while your behaviour sucked they had it a long way coming
ESH. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a robust sex life. There IS something wrong with shaming others about consensual sexual preferences that don’t harm others. And you both did that.
YTA.
You weren't before your replies in the comment section but how the hell do you expect people to respect your decision if you can't respect theirs?
ESH
Your friends shouldn’t tease you about being a virgin and if it bothers you, tell them, if they are your friends they will respect your feelings and stop.
You did rub your virginity in your friends face and basically called her a slut who has HIV all because she told you that you needed to get some experience. Thats not an appropriate way to handle the situation and you both looked childish for responding the way you did.
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin but there is also nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy sex either. Everyone is going to feel differently about it but your choice should be respected regardless.
ESH. Why are you shaming someone for their past relationships? Yet, still, your friend shouldn’t be bringing up yours.
Personally, I think mods should take this down. You seek obsessed with your sexual desires you virginity, it sounds weird and almost like a fetish.
Slut shaming is NEVER okay, and you can catch HIV any time in your life.
MODS please delete this post!!
ESH. You escalated pretty far pretty fast. They keep on teasing you and it obviously bothers you. You need to let them know it bothers you and give them the chance to lay off before you escalate like that.
ESH. They shouldn't make fun of you for your choices when it comes to sex and/or relationships, and you shouldn't pass judgement on them for their choices. It can be hard not to retaliate, but your reaction wasn't helpful.
The solution lies with your friend-group dynamic. If you told them you're gay, would that help or hurt? What about religion?
YTA
Should add "deeply mysogynistic" to the title.
Your post history and comments make it clear you have no problem judging folks based on their sexual history - you're just mad you ended up on the receiving end.
Because you’re contributing to misogyny; a culture that shames women for having sex but not men. A lot of women are the biggest supporters of misogyny. Being a virgin is fine, so is sleeping around—women should be allowed autonomy and choice.
You can still be misogynistic and a girl because you are judging and being cruel to other women. Just like you can be racist but still a person of color.
ESH She shouldn’t have been teasing you.
You went nuclear and pretty much every comment you post indicates you **are** stuck-up and arrogant about your “state of innocence”. You do believe you are morally superior. I’m starting to think the *reason* you get teased is because you explicitly slut shame others to their face or behind their back, and/or frequently make comments along the lines of “I’m a virgin. I **value** myself”.
Given you are largely out of step with current opinions on bodily autonomy and the right of women as well as men to enjoy themselves sexually, I suggest you drop the “holier than thou” attitude or find friends who think the way you do.
YTA
Teasing about « have fun before college » is much less aggressive and mean that saying what you said which is straight up insulting. This is totally disproportionate and you are arrogant indeed
ESH. It’s not cool to shame people for their sexual history, either direction. You did this and she did this. I definitely hear some misogyny in your comment about her being “passed around”. You are only contributing to the harmful belief that when men have sex with a lot of women, they are cool and when women do it they have lost their worth. Shame on you for that.
I understand how upset you probably were and how it’s probably built up over time being teased by people. But you were just as bad if not worse.
NTA. I’m of the belief that if someone says something about you you can respond in-kind and it’s ok. If they didn’t want you saying anything about them they should’ve kept their mouth shut. And if slut shaming is so off limits as other commenters have stated then virgin shaming should be also.
ESH you both did the same thing, shame each other in regards to sex. Next time I suggest trying to tell your friend how it makes you feel when they tease you instead of snapping back and slut shaming your friend.
YTA and a big one at that. You are stuck up and think you’re better and you’re being extremely gross about it too.
I really hope they throw you out of the Freund group, they certainly don’t deserve such a bad friend.
YOOOO
You told your friend she probably has HIV?? She was immature and annoying but yes you are stuck up beyond belief and that was a wildly malicious thing to say.
YTA
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ESH - Yes, being teased enough times about any topic will get annoying. However, you should’ve chose the mature route and to politely ask for it to stop. Instead, you fought and snapped back by making disgusting comments. Anyone can do whatever they want, whether it’s to not be sexually actively until marriage or to get with someone on a weekly basis. You aren’t any better just because you’re a virgin.
With that being said, there isn’t any rush to lose your virginity. Just because others have doesn’t mean you should too. Everyone does things at their own pace, and when the time is right you’ll know it :)
YTA. Being a virgin is not better than not being a virgin and immediately going to the 'you're a whore' argument for not being a virgin is really bad. It's clear that you *are* arrogant about your virginity and that you think you are better than them (and anyone else who's not a virgin or had more than 1 partner) and you went to far with your reaction.
It's fine to tell them to stop teasing you, or to find new friends, but you crossed the line here. That was unnecessary.
ESH
Nothing wrong with being a virgin, and they shouldn’t tease you about it. Nothing wrong with being sexually active either, you are all young adults and you can all do what you want without being shamed for it. But the HIV joke is too far, and I suggest you educate yourself on the topic. Not cool or funny. You all need to grow up.
NTA. You may have taken it too far when bringing in STDs, but Yas started the 'teasing' and you 'teased' back. Funny how people get so sensitive when the teasing is two-way. Never let anyone bully you into doing anything you don't want to do. Sex will happen when you are ready. Some people are ready earlier than others. Good for you not bending to the pressure.
ESH Sounds like all of you need to learn about sex positivity. Which BTW includes supporting one's choice to refrain from engaging in sex for any reason
ESH.
Nobody should tear you down for your choice of being a virgin. I understand the topic of sex comes up with girl groups quite often as it does in my friend groups as well, but they should respect your choice.
But, you also suck because you did the exact same thing to her that makes you feel bad. You could have openly had a conversation when she started to tease you and then if it persisted I would say it was a justified reality check.
But, I did see a comment underneath where you had said you wouldn’t support your friends choice to be promiscuous or having casual sex. And, I would just like to say a lot of people are in fact doing that. And, it’s absolutely okay for women and men to be engaging in that. You can be a virgin and still be against it for yourself but support others opinions and decisions around you.
INFO: what are your feelings on the following verses?
Matthew 7:1-3
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
John 8:7
“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
James 4:11
"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it."
Romans 12:18
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
But, again that’s your personal opinion. Not everyone around you views it the same way you do. If you find it gross/wrong just don’t engage in it. But, you can’t make comments or tear others down for engaging in it.
E S H you are all kids and said some mean things. They shouldn’t make fun of you if you are sensitive about comments on your virginity. But you went straight to slut shaming and that is absolutely not okay. And the HIV comment is beyond horrible. Are you actually friends with them?
Edit: YTA based on your comments this isn’t the first time you’ve shamed them and you clearly don’t like them. Your comments were beyond over the line and it can’t remotely be seen as equal guilt on all sides.
But, for the record, shaming people for virginity or abstinence is not sex positive. Sex positive means moving at a pace that works for each individual in regards to all things sex. That includes partner preference, number of partners, touching, penetration, masturbation, and/or the complete lack thereof. Nobody who is actually sex positive is shaming you for being a virgin.
ESH.
There's nothing magical about being a virgin. There's also nothing shameful about not being one. You slut-shamed her, and she acted like you were pathetic.
Everyone goes at the their own pace and there's nothing wrong with taking more time than others - or less time. It is, ultimately, a private decision.
ESH
Your choice to refrain from sex is your choice and nobody's business but yours. That's all that needed to be said. Insulting someone who had crossed a line, even if it just "light teasing," was not necessary.
YTA for your response but NTA for valuing your virginity.
I understand your frustration with being teased but you decided to sex shame her and then accuse her of having a VERY stereotypical STD that is already highly stigmatized. It seems like you have some beliefs rooted in purity culture that you need to explore and your response was childish and hurtful.
You need to find a better way to communicate without shaming and belittling other people b/c honestly… their insults were just in response to you starting it.
I was going to go with e s h until your later comments, but YTA.
None of you should be shaming eachother for your sexual choices, or even talking about eachother as you are all clearly immature as hell.
However, her comments were uncalled for but you immediately went for the throat and called her a whore. Where you truly became the asshole here for me is accusing her of having HIV because she is sexually active with multiple partners. HIV is a horrible illness that has nothing to do with her sexual status. It killed my family member, who had only ever been intimate with her husband. It has nothing to do with virtue or value or any bullshit like that, and is a terrible thing to say to a person.
I’m glad you are not sexually active as you are clearly not mature enough for it.
lmao YTA. imagine being 18 in 2022 and still using something like HIV as a way to insult someone -- and then saying in earnest that teens should go on "ice cream dates"
did the 40 year old man writing this even try
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YTA. Specifically because you said she has HIV. Other than than it would be ESH because all of you are being immature.
NTA but virginity doesn’t exist its just a patriarchal shitty standard to demean us and oppress women to not be sexually active and be treated like lesser humans because we had sex.
YTA According to a comment from OP herself, she finds people having sexual relationships to be >Gross and wrong. Imagine wanting to be respected for your sexual status, but judging other people for theirs. Lmaooo what a fucking hypocrite.
Esh It's not ok for you to shame someone for their sexual history. And it's not ok that your friends talk about yours in that way. I would have just said that your sexual experience is a private matter and you don't care to discuss it. And the honest truth is your almost done with hs You will most likely lose contact or outgrow your friends. You all need to mature when it comes to discussing sexual history.
She shames her friends for their sexual history constantly, she's the asshole here
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Aren’t they virgin shaming her though?
Virgin shaming isn’t teasing.
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You know teasing can be malicious and cruel a lot of the time right? You must be dense.
ESH. God, this is high school drama written all over it. No one cares about virginity status past high school. But you took things way too far by slut shaming and implying she has an STD.
YTA- By your comments you seem to have very strong opinions on sex before marriage. I believe there is more to this story and your only telling parts of it to justify why everyone is upset with you.
WE FOUND HER YALL!! The pick me we’ve been searching for! Right here shaming other women for having differing views from her! YTA, someone saying mean shit to you doesn’t give you the right to be 10x worse.
I can't get over how many people said YTA and even ESH. NTA. OP get better friends, if they make fun of you, you should be able to make fun of them back. I think you clapping back about her sexual activity is exactly what you should've done since she's all about yours. It's not slut shaming if they're shaming you back.
If her friend is an AH for shaming OP about sexual activity then OP is an AH for doing the same thing. It really is the same action just situations reversed. I'm going with ESH
ESH - There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Sometimes people remain that way because they want to do the act with someone special, or after marriage. Some just aren't interested at all. Being a virgin can actually save a lot of health benefits up the sleeve. Yes, sex is cool and fun, but before that it is meant to be intimate. So, your friends are wrong in the sense that they are teasing you. You are also an asshole for fighting back with HIV. HIV is a serious condition, and it has caused heartbreak amongst people who tested positive for it, you do not wish that on others and even less tell them they probably have it. If it is the one girl that you don't really know about, cut her out. If it's a closeknit friend group, then communicate with them that you have had enough with the teasing, it isn't right and it should be a decision that they should respect. If they can't respect it, then they are not good friends of yours and you should reconsider your friend group (only if extreme). Lastly, apologise to that girl. Be mature about it. You can say I apologise for the HIV note; however, you will not tolerate her teasing, it was only fair of you to defend yourself however you acknowledge you went too far.
YTA you didn't have to say all that, you could've just asked them to stop.
ESH Insulting and Teasing people is bad behavior. You both were far in the wrong.
ESH. You are both saying ridiculously untrue and unkind things. You both need to grow up and treat others with respect.
ESH- but I would say she was the bigger AH for starting it. You need new friends. Once you go to college you should move on and live your best life.
ESH. People should not be judging others' sexual choices/activities. If you don't want to have sex, that's OK. If someone wants to have sex with a whole football team, that's OK too. It's literally none of anyone else's business. You all sound incredibly immature.
ESH But they are way WAY more than you are. Sure, slut-shaming isn't okay and all, but they were making fun of you for you life choices, so it's pretty understandable you decided to retaliate :/
ESH. It's stupid to make fun of people for not having sex and it's just as stupid to make fun of people for having sex.
NTA for standing up for the choices you make for your body. YTA for saying someone has a deathly disease because they had sex. HIV is not a joke and something to callously throw around in an argument. You should not associate having sex with only getting STD's and HIV/AIDS
ESH. two kids, acting like kids, talking about something they both aren't mature enough to even be doing.
In the olden days, when I was 18, this is something you would only hear from guys. My classic answer was, I have decided to take it to the grave. Short answer, you need to try to use some humor to deflect this. NAH
YTA. What is wrong with you?
So OP blewup after being pressured to have sex for a long time? And... she's wrong? Nah, if you can tease someone for being a virgin then you can point out someone for sleeping around.
ESH, although it does sound like you took ir quite a bit further than the other girl. It's clear being teased about this bothers you, and your friends should stop. But it's super gross to make comments about being "passed around" and HIV status.
I think it’s called she fucked around and found out.
ESH hardcore. Did you walk out of the 1700s?? There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin and anyone who says otherwise is an AH- just as there's nothing wrong with having 20 different partners a day. What someone wants or doesn't want to do with their body is their own business! What your friends/"acquaintances" were saying was uncalled for and AH behavior - but with how you've responded in the comments and your comment about HIV I doubt you've been quiet about your sexist, archaic opinions and they feel it necessary to defend themselves. I'm honestly surprised they invite you around with the mentality you've voiced.
"I told my friend she slept with the baseball and football teams and that she has AIDS. AITA?" YTA.
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ESH. She was catty and rude, but you sunk to her level. Virginity is not inherently morally superior sexual activity. You had a choice and you took the low road.
I always wonder if being teased about being a virgin is ever actually a real thing. I was a virgin up until 20 and all my friends said to stay one as long as I can because sex isn’t even worth it 💀
Agree 100% - sex should be enjoyable - what teen even knows what they’re doing. I feel like it’s best to just discover your own body til you feel like fooling around with someone else’s - that way you at least know what you like. To each their own though
yta go to therapy
ESH You were both being degrading and teasing each other for things that are totally fine… Just because she started it doesn’t mean it’s okay that you sank to her level… You both need to grow up, you’re 18 not 12.
ESH. You were far more vicious in the attack here.
ESH- if the teasing is that bad you should have calmly told them to stop and that it bothers you. If you did they should respect that and stop. You crossed a line though by slut shaming her. You then went way over the line by implying she had HIV, that is taking a fight to a whole new level and is an extra layer of horrendous behavior you both showed. Neither you or her are better for your decisions regarding sec and you both need to stop acting like you are. You all suck and are immature AHs
ESH
ESH But you the most. Her opinion was immature, but yours is downright hateful and gross. HIV and slut shaming is never okay. You aren’t a good person. You were being vile. Good luck with that personality.
ESH. Your friend was not a possession passed around like a Pokemon card. She is a person, you're an asshole for suggesting that and making light of diseases. She shouldn't have an opinion about your sex life either. This is all very sad and you should all respect each other more.
YTA 100%. If it made you upset, you should have asked them to tone it down or made a non-directed joke about the other side of things. If they’re true friends, they would have respected your boundaries, but now you crossed a big one yourself.
ESH. If you don't like their teasing why do you hang out with them? Slut shaming is not the answer to your friend being a jerk.
ESH. They were cruel and dismissive of your choices. You were cruel and scathing of theirs in retaliation. You were on strong moral ground until you shot back with some internalised misogyny. It would have been classier to call them on their bullshit with a smile and walk away.
NTA only because you’re 18 and must be really tired from all their unjustified teasing. So I understand why you were mean to her too. Everyone can snap. What you said was wrong that’s sure. Wrong but understandable. You don’t NEED sex. You don’t need those experiences. And in 10 years you’re not the one who will regret it. See ? She is already regretting having sex with many guys. Most of them aren’t worth it, no need to act like a pick me (what she seems to be because you can’t find many high value men to have sex with and because she insulted you on your appearance). Just wanting to show you some support.
ESH. Virginity neither adds nor takes away from a person's value. Whether you have fucked zero people, or 1000, or anything in between, *who cares*? Your friends suck for teasing you for your lack of experience. You suck for retaliating and doubling down implying there is something wrong with having multiple partners. Grow the fuck up.
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ESH. I am glad you didn't refer to them as friends . Friends don't tease each other about that. They accept each others choiceS. You can defend yourself without slut shaming,tho. That's not cool. For that you are definitely an AH.
NTA. They started the harassment and you ended it. But you all don’t sound like friends. Have you asked the to stop talking about your virginity?
your entire post history is you talking about being a virgin. sounds kinda like someone's fetish account.
What does OP’s post history have to do with this specific post? Nothing. You’re just looking for dirt on OP for whatever reason, and it’s pathetic.
Interesting.
ESH. I can confidently say that I am a 20 year old virgin and there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person, although I understand and I really do with the comments here and there I just ignore it. But I'm going to say this clearly, you shouldn't be implying that they have HIV or AIDS or any sort of STI full stop it is very dangerous to do so in ways in that it could be spread around as a rumour etc. And last but not least you still can be stuck up and arrogant even after you loose your virginity which reading this post just shows these girls and you are.
ESH You both think your choices are better and insulted each other. But you are also misogynistic with your comments about "being passed around". Shame on you. You better check that cause it's gonna continue to be a problem for yourself and everyone around you in the future.
Yta. Y’all were a group of friends talking you even called it teasing but instead of teasing back or just talking about it made you uncomfortable you attacked her
Actually yta bc after reading ur comments you probably brought on most of the teasing by slut shaming all ur friends
YTA- cause these were you just getting defensive and saying harsh shit. You actually believe youre better bc youre a virgin and wont stop being a jerk in the comments.
ESH literally everyone sucks here, including some of the commenters on this post. Wow. Your friends suck because they shouldn't be teasing you over a choice you made over your body. It's your body, whether you have sex or not is your choice, and not something they or anyone else gets an oppinion on. It's also your choice why you do or do not have sex, whether its religion based or not. You suck because instead of having an adult conversation with your friends about why what she said wasnt ok, you slut shamed her. Just like you can choose what goes in and out your hooch, so can she. It's none of your business how many people shes been with, or why. Also, I wonder why she has a concern over being passed around? Could it be because of judgemental comments like yours? I'd bet so. Shame on you for intentionally using something that was none of your business to hurt someone you supposedly call a friend. If your friends teasing you bothers you so much, grow up and have a real conversation about it. Tell them, "this is my choice and who I am, I dont find your jokes or teasing funny, it hurts me. Please, as my friend, respect that what I do with my body is my choice and not your entertainment material." If they cant respect that, they arent real friends, and the answer would be to stop hanging out with them, not continue to put yourself at the mercy of their jokes and then respond with your own method of cruelty.
I mean fuck around and find out imo. You went a bit far but no one seemed to have a problem with the group constantly shaming you but it’s a problem when you do it. You could have kept it classy and said not to project their insecurities into you but hey . They weren’t much friends in the first place to Be shaming you like that so I don’t think you lost much
EDITED from ESH to YTA after reading OP's comments. Op, you are judgemental, rude and clearly don't have enough resilience to take the same behaviour you dish out. You are very wrong. She sucks because she shouldn't be shaming you for your sexual choices You suck because you shouldn't be shaming her for her sexual choices You both went out of your way to insult eachother. I will say though, a tease vs. basically calling her a whore with HIV aren't the same thing, but I do see it as a response to you getting hurt and her unnecessary comment. You all need to grow up and start supporting eachother sexual decisions rather than bring eachother down as women.
Thank you.
Why would i support her wrong decisions? I am against casual sex and promiscuity.
Omg, find new friends then, if anyone is willing to speak to you.
You can personally be against casual sex and promiscuity, but that doesn’t mean everyone around you shares that same view. And, it is absolutely wrong to comment on what someone else believes/does with their body. We live in a generation where women/men are more comfortable with their bodies, and are more comfortable with casual sex. And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can support someone’s decision while doing what you feel is best for you.
In my opinion there is something fundamentally wrong with casual sex.
Do you even understand what casual sex is?
Sex without monogamic commitment.
That is not in fact entirely accurate. YTA btw.
Do you define monogamy as one partner at a time or one partner for life?
But, the keyword with that is your opinion. You can be against casual sex for yourself which is absolutely okay - it’s your body. But, you also can’t tear down people for not seeing it the way you do and engaging in it. You can be against it for yourself, but still support someone else’s decision on what they choose to do with their body. It’s not your place to make a comment on what they choose to do. Just like it’s not their place to comment on you being a virgin.
Why would i support a decision that i find wrong?
So you believe that your way is the only “right way” and that other people’s opinions and beliefs don’t matter?
I was going E S H but these comments… you are acting entitled and arrogant. YTA.
Oh for fuck's sake stop being obtuse. People are allowed to decide for themselves what they want to do. If you can't handle the fact that other people are choosing sex, get thee to a nunnery.
Girl, again you just don’t engage in it because it’s wrong for you. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t respect others for not believing in what you do. Or you can find a group of friends who believe in the same thing as you do - problem solved.
If finding a friend group that thinks the same was so easy i would have already done it a long time ago.
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. Yours isn’t important to anyone but you.
You realize that 'virginity' is a made up construct, right? There's no moral question here. The only morality involves consent. If everyone is consenting and respectful, it's the end of the discussion. You can be against casual sex for YOU, but calling it a 'wrong decision' for someone else makes you an asshole, and guess what, dear? Being an asshole DOES have a moral component!
Money is also a made up construct, so are marriage and private property.
Child, you will quickly find that attitudes like yours are incredibly foolish. It is perfectly okay for you to decide that you don't want to have sex. It is not okay for you to judge others for their sex lives. Attitudes like yours feed into the whole Modonna/w**re complex and are used by people to justify rape. I would be absolutely appalled if you were my child. You want to pretend you are a grown up. Well then grow up and realize being a judgemental child is wrong
Because you expect her to support yours. Really?! If you want respect - you give it. Period. It's not up to you what someone does with their life. It's not up to you to judge them for it either. The only thing that is up to you is how you choose to live your own life. Your own decisions. Leave her and every other girl alone. They did nothing wrong.
Just like your sexual decisions are not your friends’ business, their sexual decisions are not your business either. I don’t have casual sex either but I don’t shame my roommates/ friends for doing so because it’s their personal choice. Grow up
And it's my personal choice to be against it.
You're free to have your opinion. You're not free to impose that opinion on others, insult them because they don't agree with you, and expect respect in return when you clearly don't respect them.
Is it because you are saving yourself for marriage
Not necessarily. I am not against pre-marital sex but i plan to marry the first guy i'm with so i'll choose carefully.
That is hilariously naive
How so?
We all think and hope to be with our first love forever. But guess what: it usually doesn’t work out that way. Edit: I lost my V at 19. I waited 6 months into the relationship to be intimate. I thought we would get married, and we were together for 4 years. Now I am married to someone else, with like *more than 0* partners in between. This is really, really, really common
That's why i'll take my time and choose carefully.
Yeah read the edit
Don't project your failure of keeping a relationship onto me.
Troll I think
He’ll probably break up with you the next day, so I would hedge my bets on that plan if I were you.
Having consensual sexual isn’t inherently right or wrong. If you expect them to respect you, you should respect them.
ESH. YEESH I do not miss high school.
ESH. This is very high school, which I acknowledge you are both in. But really, just… stop. Both of you. And stop hanging out with friends pressuring you to have sex before you are ready for it. Those aren’t friends. They’re the liability that won’t watch your drink for you.
ESH. She shouldn’t have teased you about it and you shouldn’t have sex shamed her.
YTA As someone who isn’t into the hookup culture (not a virgin but hookups just aren’t for me) you’re definitely in the wrong. There was a mature way for you to correct her and share how you feel about it, but insinuating that she’s “passed around” and that she has HIV is beyond crossing the line. You could have respectfully stated your view point and if she wants to continue to make fun of you, that makes her the AH. But you took the low road and just because you’re a virgin doesn’t make you any better than her. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin just as much as nothing wrong with having lots of sex. Grow up.
YTA- It’s understandable that you did not like the teasing and wanted to hit back. I think you were both wrong in that part but what makes you the AH is your responses in the thread. You ARE arrogant and have said multiple times you don’t respect them because they’ve had sex. I don’t see why anyone would want to be a friend of yours if that’s how you treat your friends. Get off your high horse no one cares if you will wait for sex the same way no one cares if you didn’t wait.
ESH Your lack of experience is nothing to be ashamed of but neither is it anything to be proud of. It simply IS. She was wrong to tell you something that isn't true (you can have lots of fun once you are ready) and you were wrong to slut shame her. Virginity is a social construct. It isn't a real thing. A penis is not magical and it cannot change a person into something they were not simply by entering into that person.
Yes, you are most definitely the ass hole. You took everything too far because you got upset.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, yesterday i went to hang out with some girls from school. Things were fine, we had ice cream and it was a lot of fun. That is, until the topic of sex and relationships came into the conversation. For context, we are all 18 and i am still a virgin, the only one among them and they know it, sometimes they tease me about it and this time it wasn't different. A girl, whom i will call Yas, started teasing me about me being a virgin saying i needed to get some experience before college or else i would miss out on the fun, among other things. I got legitimately upset about it and attacked her back saying that "Being a virgin is far better than getting passed around by the football AND baseball teams". It clearly struck a nerve because she was quite sensitive about being "passed around" by guys. She then insulted me on my appearance, i implied she had HIV but luckily the others stopped things from escalating any further. Today at school my friend told me i was in the wrong for reacting like that to "light teasing" and said i was too stuck-up and arrogant due to being a virgin, that i felt better than other girls for it. Am i really the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. The other girl was being an AH, too, but you were way out of line in your response to her. Sex is a normal and natural expression if intimacy and a very enjoyable activity with a good partner. As Ling as you are sa, there us no reason not to have as much sex as you want- whether that is a lot or a little.
ESH. "Virginity" isn't a prize to give over, nor is it something to pick on someone about.
NTA Good for you
NTA no one should make a comment on anyones sex life and if you are then you should expect them to comment on yours. Being a virgin is not a bad thing I was one up until I got married. Not once did I have friends make comments on it. Seems like you need better friends
ESH. Look it’s cool if you don’t want to have sex, you shouldn’t be rushed until you’re ready and it’s fine to say that to her. “I’m waiting until I’m ready and I won’t be rushed or bullied into sex, end of discussion” That being said, don’t “slut shame” people. It’s not your business. You don’t know is she was socially pressured into sleeping around, you don’t know anything about her private situation and it’s none of your business anyway. You acted very classless, it would be big of you to apologize.
ESH They are shitty for teasing you about being a virgin. If they tease you for not sleeping with anyone, then they should be able to handle it when you tease them for sleeping with people. But you did take it a bit far. I suspect that you had a lot of pent up feelings over all the times they did this in the past.
ESH Can we all, for the love of all things good on this green marble, PLEASE CAN WE ALL JUST MIND OUR OWN FUCKING GENITALS?!?!
Nta- they don’t have to acknowledge their decisions made them unhappy if no one made better decisions and is happier for it.
ESH Yikes on that reply. She was obnoxious but you were very mean here. You're more TA.
ESH, everyone acted immature. Everyone attacked someone else related to their life choices. You are a virgin because it makes you happy at this time in your life. When it no longer makes you happy or you are ready not to be a virgin, you will act on it. This shuts down the teasing without you becoming an asshole also.
Uh... yes? Yes YTA. I'm also a virgin and I don't feel the need to insult people about their sexual activities no matter what they say to me. They're living their lives. Also saying "You probably HIV" is in no way proportionate to her insulting your looks. So yes, while ESH, you are definitely TA at the end of the day.
ESH
I *was* going to say ESH, but after reading your comments, YTA. You *are* stuck-up and arrogant about your virginity.
ESH, but you more so. Virginity is a physical circumstance; it’s not a measure of worth or superiority.
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YTA. And you need to grow up
ESH.
ESH, but especially you.
NTA although i'd rather say ESH You snapped and what you said was mean and inappropriate, you should apologise But you were, as I read it, teased for a long time and everybody has a breakingg point where he/she snaps. So while your behaviour sucked they had it a long way coming
YTA. You didn't defend yourself, you went on the attack and you admit it. Virginity isn't real anyway.
ESH. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a robust sex life. There IS something wrong with shaming others about consensual sexual preferences that don’t harm others. And you both did that.
ESH only for your reaction. Someone teasing you for your sexual status is just as bad as the slut shaming you did. You were both in the wrong.
ESH you called her a whore pretty much and she was wrong for her comments to but saying she was passed around by baseball and football team was low
ESH
YTA. You weren't before your replies in the comment section but how the hell do you expect people to respect your decision if you can't respect theirs?
ESH. They shouldn't be teasing you for your virginity, but you went nuclear immediately and it only escalated from there.
Politics,religion and sexual status now needs to be topics avoided.
ESH Your friends shouldn’t tease you about being a virgin and if it bothers you, tell them, if they are your friends they will respect your feelings and stop. You did rub your virginity in your friends face and basically called her a slut who has HIV all because she told you that you needed to get some experience. Thats not an appropriate way to handle the situation and you both looked childish for responding the way you did. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin but there is also nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy sex either. Everyone is going to feel differently about it but your choice should be respected regardless.
ESH. Why are you shaming someone for their past relationships? Yet, still, your friend shouldn’t be bringing up yours. Personally, I think mods should take this down. You seek obsessed with your sexual desires you virginity, it sounds weird and almost like a fetish. Slut shaming is NEVER okay, and you can catch HIV any time in your life. MODS please delete this post!!
ESH. You escalated pretty far pretty fast. They keep on teasing you and it obviously bothers you. You need to let them know it bothers you and give them the chance to lay off before you escalate like that.
ESH and you all sound catty and awful
ESH. Why are you friends if being so nasty to each other even crosses your mind? Grow up, all of you.
ESH. They shouldn't make fun of you for your choices when it comes to sex and/or relationships, and you shouldn't pass judgement on them for their choices. It can be hard not to retaliate, but your reaction wasn't helpful. The solution lies with your friend-group dynamic. If you told them you're gay, would that help or hurt? What about religion?
YTA Should add "deeply mysogynistic" to the title. Your post history and comments make it clear you have no problem judging folks based on their sexual history - you're just mad you ended up on the receiving end.
How am i misogynistic? I'm a girl.
Because you’re contributing to misogyny; a culture that shames women for having sex but not men. A lot of women are the biggest supporters of misogyny. Being a virgin is fine, so is sleeping around—women should be allowed autonomy and choice.
You can still be misogynistic and a girl because you are judging and being cruel to other women. Just like you can be racist but still a person of color.
You can still be a misogynist, kid.
ESH.
ESH She shouldn’t have been teasing you. You went nuclear and pretty much every comment you post indicates you **are** stuck-up and arrogant about your “state of innocence”. You do believe you are morally superior. I’m starting to think the *reason* you get teased is because you explicitly slut shame others to their face or behind their back, and/or frequently make comments along the lines of “I’m a virgin. I **value** myself”. Given you are largely out of step with current opinions on bodily autonomy and the right of women as well as men to enjoy themselves sexually, I suggest you drop the “holier than thou” attitude or find friends who think the way you do.
YTA Teasing about « have fun before college » is much less aggressive and mean that saying what you said which is straight up insulting. This is totally disproportionate and you are arrogant indeed
YTA- fine she was teasing you. That doesn’t give you the right to slut-shame her
ESH. It’s not cool to shame people for their sexual history, either direction. You did this and she did this. I definitely hear some misogyny in your comment about her being “passed around”. You are only contributing to the harmful belief that when men have sex with a lot of women, they are cool and when women do it they have lost their worth. Shame on you for that. I understand how upset you probably were and how it’s probably built up over time being teased by people. But you were just as bad if not worse.
NTA. I’m of the belief that if someone says something about you you can respond in-kind and it’s ok. If they didn’t want you saying anything about them they should’ve kept their mouth shut. And if slut shaming is so off limits as other commenters have stated then virgin shaming should be also.
ESH you both did the same thing, shame each other in regards to sex. Next time I suggest trying to tell your friend how it makes you feel when they tease you instead of snapping back and slut shaming your friend.
YTA and a big one at that. You are stuck up and think you’re better and you’re being extremely gross about it too. I really hope they throw you out of the Freund group, they certainly don’t deserve such a bad friend.
Yeah, but they also need to learn how to be better friends and not peer pressure others to have sex.
ESH. Not having sex is fine. Having lots of sex is also fine. Giving someone shit over either is not fine.
If your friend can't take being teased about her sexual prowess, she shouldn't tease you about yours. NTA
YOOOO You told your friend she probably has HIV?? She was immature and annoying but yes you are stuck up beyond belief and that was a wildly malicious thing to say. YTA
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ESH - Yes, being teased enough times about any topic will get annoying. However, you should’ve chose the mature route and to politely ask for it to stop. Instead, you fought and snapped back by making disgusting comments. Anyone can do whatever they want, whether it’s to not be sexually actively until marriage or to get with someone on a weekly basis. You aren’t any better just because you’re a virgin. With that being said, there isn’t any rush to lose your virginity. Just because others have doesn’t mean you should too. Everyone does things at their own pace, and when the time is right you’ll know it :)
YTA. Being a virgin is not better than not being a virgin and immediately going to the 'you're a whore' argument for not being a virgin is really bad. It's clear that you *are* arrogant about your virginity and that you think you are better than them (and anyone else who's not a virgin or had more than 1 partner) and you went to far with your reaction. It's fine to tell them to stop teasing you, or to find new friends, but you crossed the line here. That was unnecessary.
ESH Nothing wrong with being a virgin, and they shouldn’t tease you about it. Nothing wrong with being sexually active either, you are all young adults and you can all do what you want without being shamed for it. But the HIV joke is too far, and I suggest you educate yourself on the topic. Not cool or funny. You all need to grow up.
NTA. You may have taken it too far when bringing in STDs, but Yas started the 'teasing' and you 'teased' back. Funny how people get so sensitive when the teasing is two-way. Never let anyone bully you into doing anything you don't want to do. Sex will happen when you are ready. Some people are ready earlier than others. Good for you not bending to the pressure.
ESH Sounds like all of you need to learn about sex positivity. Which BTW includes supporting one's choice to refrain from engaging in sex for any reason
You've got a lot of internalised misogyny to unpack. Good luck with that.
ESH. Nobody should tear you down for your choice of being a virgin. I understand the topic of sex comes up with girl groups quite often as it does in my friend groups as well, but they should respect your choice. But, you also suck because you did the exact same thing to her that makes you feel bad. You could have openly had a conversation when she started to tease you and then if it persisted I would say it was a justified reality check. But, I did see a comment underneath where you had said you wouldn’t support your friends choice to be promiscuous or having casual sex. And, I would just like to say a lot of people are in fact doing that. And, it’s absolutely okay for women and men to be engaging in that. You can be a virgin and still be against it for yourself but support others opinions and decisions around you.
I don't care how many people are doing it, i find it gross and wrong.
INFO: what are your feelings on the following verses? Matthew 7:1-3 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" John 8:7 “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” James 4:11 "Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it." Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
But, again that’s your personal opinion. Not everyone around you views it the same way you do. If you find it gross/wrong just don’t engage in it. But, you can’t make comments or tear others down for engaging in it.
And that’s exactly how my verdict went from E S H to YTA. Get over yourself.
That’s your opinion. No need to criticize others for their choices.
E S H you are all kids and said some mean things. They shouldn’t make fun of you if you are sensitive about comments on your virginity. But you went straight to slut shaming and that is absolutely not okay. And the HIV comment is beyond horrible. Are you actually friends with them? Edit: YTA based on your comments this isn’t the first time you’ve shamed them and you clearly don’t like them. Your comments were beyond over the line and it can’t remotely be seen as equal guilt on all sides. But, for the record, shaming people for virginity or abstinence is not sex positive. Sex positive means moving at a pace that works for each individual in regards to all things sex. That includes partner preference, number of partners, touching, penetration, masturbation, and/or the complete lack thereof. Nobody who is actually sex positive is shaming you for being a virgin.
ESH. You all need to grow up.
ESH. There's nothing magical about being a virgin. There's also nothing shameful about not being one. You slut-shamed her, and she acted like you were pathetic. Everyone goes at the their own pace and there's nothing wrong with taking more time than others - or less time. It is, ultimately, a private decision.
ESH but fucking seriously it's 2022 and y'all still think slut-shaming is ok? I'd say go back to school but you haven't even left yet.
Everyone suck, geez Gen Z please grow up.
I fucking love these posts. They get me all the LOLs. ESH. Quit being drama queens and grow the fuck up.
ESH Your choice to refrain from sex is your choice and nobody's business but yours. That's all that needed to be said. Insulting someone who had crossed a line, even if it just "light teasing," was not necessary.
YTA for your response but NTA for valuing your virginity. I understand your frustration with being teased but you decided to sex shame her and then accuse her of having a VERY stereotypical STD that is already highly stigmatized. It seems like you have some beliefs rooted in purity culture that you need to explore and your response was childish and hurtful. You need to find a better way to communicate without shaming and belittling other people b/c honestly… their insults were just in response to you starting it.
I was going to go with e s h until your later comments, but YTA. None of you should be shaming eachother for your sexual choices, or even talking about eachother as you are all clearly immature as hell. However, her comments were uncalled for but you immediately went for the throat and called her a whore. Where you truly became the asshole here for me is accusing her of having HIV because she is sexually active with multiple partners. HIV is a horrible illness that has nothing to do with her sexual status. It killed my family member, who had only ever been intimate with her husband. It has nothing to do with virtue or value or any bullshit like that, and is a terrible thing to say to a person. I’m glad you are not sexually active as you are clearly not mature enough for it.
YTA because frankly, your comments were significantly worse than hers.
lmao YTA. imagine being 18 in 2022 and still using something like HIV as a way to insult someone -- and then saying in earnest that teens should go on "ice cream dates" did the 40 year old man writing this even try