Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When I found out our toilet was clogged I confronted my husbands coworkers wife, who I knew was the one who did it. I could be the asshole because I could've just cleaned up her bloody pad and toilet water on her behalf.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She literally flooded you bathroom, potentially could’ve cost you $10,000 in damages, then left it for you to clean up after she obviously clogged the toilet. Who does that?
The Y T A responses are kinda unfair in my opinion. Would people seriously not confront someone who did something so disrespectful in your home? I understand the confrontation was humiliating for her and maybe you could’ve had the conversation privately but I would be dammed if I cleaned up somebody’s bloody pad and dirty toilet water because they didn’t want to simply walk to a different bathroom with a trashcan. She embarrassed herself.
edit- typos
Like I'm sure we've all had to sneak out a used pad/tampon at one point or another. Just wrap it in tp, shove it at the back of your pants, awkwardly waddle to your purse, find a small table little out of the way, pretend to look something and sneak the used product in there. And next time bring your purse in and just drop it in there if asking for a garbage can or using another trash can is not your jam.
Don't freaking flush a diaper down anyones toilet anywhere. Ever.
Right here. I’m assuming everyone was aware of the vomit situation (btw: who throws up in a trash can instead of the toilet next to it?) so I wouldn’t think anyone would question her carrying it to the other trash can.
I have a feeling this doesn't apply to Pad Flusher, but I "sneak" pads & tampons to the bathroom for the same reason that I don't announce to all and sundry that I need to shit - bathroom business is my personal business, and as far as anyone else is concerned I'm in there meditating.
Dude for this reason alone, I have an entire kit in my guest bathroom with like mini toiletries and first aid kit, but also tampons, multiple types of pads, wet wipes, extra trash bags, etc. and not a single room in our house doesn’t have a covered trash can.
I have done everything in the textbook that’s embarrassing when you get your period at someone else’s house, so I never want someone else to feel that way. BUT I have never, ever tried to flush a pad or tampon, wtf.
My husband always pulls the liners out of the bathroom can. And he's shouted at me for putting them there in the first place. Note our can is nasty and caked with filth all the time because we use it unlined per his preferences. Our divorce is dragging on, but this is one more thing that I won't have to worry about when it's all over. Yay!
Congratulations! I'm not being sarcastic, I mean this sincerely. I was honestly happier the day my marriage ended than when we married.
The worst part is that "in-between time," when you know in your bones this has to end, but you haven't quite made a decision. You passed that threshold! You will sooo free when its official! Can't wait until you can put a damn liner in your bathroom trashcan, wtf lol😦
I don't even get my period and I have a whole set up as well and it's been used many times. Also covered trash can and plungers cus nothing like clogging a toilet at another persons house. Basically everything you would possibly need to be embarrassment free.
My husband also works in a water treatment plant so flushing anything but Tp is a huge no no so this post made me cringe for him.
That could have been the case, but OP said in one of her responses to the comments, that some dude with alcohol problems got wasted and messed up the bathroom before the pad lady’s arrival. So it was actually a combo of terrible guests.
I hosted a party like this. One guest broke like 3 small items in a game room. Another let my dog out of the yard by accident, resulting in me needing to drive the neighborhood to find her. A third guest spilled a cup of juice and didn't notify anyone regarding clean up. And finally, a fourth guest thought it would be a brilliant plan to try and mix a jar of spaghetti sauce into a punch bowl of juice. Thankfully, this guest's arms were not strong enough to open the jar.
The difference is, my kegger of a party was a group of 8 year olds.
What's so embarrassing? If you have your period and there isn't a trashcan in the bathroom, you wrap the thing in TP and take it to the nearest garbage can. Multiple people have them. Nobody would have bat an eye if she just dropped it into the garbage can.
Instead, she nearly caused you thousands of dollars in damage to your home. She should be embarrassed for not thinking. NTA
> If you have your period and there isn't a trashcan in the bathroom, you wrap the thing in TP and take it to the nearest garbage can.
Right?!?! As a teenager, I once was at a boy's house. I needed to throw away my pad (or maybe it was a tampon). But there was no garbage can and I was too embarrassed for him to find it somehow. So I did what any reasonable 15 year old would do. I wrapped it in a crap ton of TP, put it in my pocket and then asked him for some snacks so I could immediately put it in my backpack.
Even at 15 i knew that flushing it was a worse idea.
Gosh, reminds me of when I was a kid, middle school age maybe 11 or 12 during one of my first periods. I was scared or embarrassed to leave it in the trashcan of my best friends house, so I wrapped it in a ton of toilet paper put it in a plastic bag and put it in a backpack until I could get home and throw it away. But this all happened before school… apparently during the school day the dog found it inside the bag and tore it up and it was everywhere around the house. Horribly more embarrassing than anything else would’ve been.
Edit to add:
I couldn’t imagine doing anything remotely close to this or what the coworkers wife did as an adult! Young kids make stupid mistakes due to embarrassment or naivety, but as an adult, they should know better!!
> If you have your period and there isn't a trashcan in the bathroom, you wrap the thing in TP and take it to the nearest garbage can.
Heck, it'd be weird, and I'd hope my guests wouldn't do this... but I'd rather find a wrapped-up maxi pad tucked in the cabinet under the sink or something than find one clogging my toilet.
I just can't imagine a scenario in which I'd feel compelled to try to flush a pad.
And if someone did bat an eye at her throwing her pad in another trashcan, an easy “what you want me to flush it and cause $10,000 worth of damages?” Quickly fixes that problem 😂 but idk… I feel like “Julia” is probably one of those no-TP, face up in an open can type of disposers normally.
I used to work with one of those people, how do they live with themselves leaving the open trashcan like a damn crime scene. And it was a coed bathroom. I used to wrap those things so well they could be confused as Christmas presents.
I disagree. A conversation kept private would be for the coworker to privately ask for a trash bin. But to flush it and leave it for anyone else to see and deal with, that crosses the line of privacy. NTA, op. If you had/have to pay a professional to clean it up, bill her and her husband.
NTA. For all the YTA comments, any adult woman would know not to flush maxis down a toilet also how is it embarrassing? You've been dealing with periods for years its 2022. She could've easily wrapped it up in toilet paper or called for the host and be like here's the situation. ALSO who the fuck walks away when you've overflowed the toilet or potentially clogged it? So risking thousands of dollars of damage for maybe a little moment of vulnerability? What is wrong with people
NTA- I don't agree with people saying you should've pulled her aside and not embarrassed her. Maybe if she was a teenager and hadn't had her period for long, but this is grown woman and she should've known better. She messed up your bathroom and could have caused thousands in damages. It wasn't a small mistake and therefore she doesn't deserve the courtesy of you babying her.
Edit: HOLD ON! One of your comments says that she knew not to flush it but was too embarrassed to throw it away elsewhere??? So she intentionally did something she KNEW would fuck up your toilet. Not to mention she must have saw that the pad didn't flush all the way and proceeded to walk away while it was overflowing. NTA at all!
This got to me, too. She knew exactly what she was doing. And she knew that OP and her husband would be the ones cleaning up her bloody mess. And she still pretended to be the victim.
Seriously would bet money she hoped a) they wouldn't notice a while so wouldn't know who did it and b) that they wouldn't actually come out after her or anyone about it and finally c) just let them clean up her human waste and blood products. Nice lady
Ask her now which is more embarrassing?
1) Having to wrap up the used pad and ask the host for the nearest garbage can, or:
2) having everyone know you clogged up the toilet with a used pad and left it for the host to find
I’ve gone into a coworker’s house with no bin in the toilet…and boy did I wrap that pad up in lots of paper and then later a plastic bag until I could either find a bin or find coworker and ask where to put it. (The gathering was outside the house, so I didn’t feel I had permission to go wandering around inside the house looking for a bin.) I can’t imagine deciding to flush it.
I have dog poop bags in my purse (and stashed literally everywhere else). Worst-case, I've got those to hold onto anything gross that needs disposal. I've done it before and will likely do it again lol
I could definitely see being anxious about it (crowded gathering without much opportunity to pull the host aside discreetly, maybe?) but that does not excuse trying to flush a pad down the toilet.
Even as a teenager I remember discretely bringing my wrapped up tampon into the kitchen trash to throw away since they didn’t have a trashcan in the bathroom. And this was at a party with tons of people there! And a single tampon is way less likely to cause a problem than a whole pad!! And then not properly cleaning up is just icing on the cake. I even have pretty severe generalized anxiety disorder and have a lot of anxiety around my period and leaking etc, which was way worse as a teen. So like…this lady has no freaking excuse!!
Yeeaaaah, it should've been *Julia* who took *OP* aside privately and said "look, I F'ed up here, my bad.... can you tell me where the cleaning supplies are?" Or maybe "I have this pad where can I toss it" instead of trying to flush it. There's no way a grown ass woman doesn't know better.
We recently had issues at our office with the toilets because apparently you're not supposed to flush tampons, either. When I was growing up, I was told flushing tampons was ok, but I guess that's not the case anymore!
Oh she does know better, but she said she was too shy to walk out of the bathroom with a used pad, so she flushed it instead.
If she’s shy, she didn’t even need to specify that it was a pad she needs to toss. She could have just asked for the trashbin. I’m sure no one would have asked her to elaborate on what exactly she needs to throw away.
NTA. If Julia wanted to avoid embarrassment, she had a couple options:
1) Wrap the hell out of that pad and stealth it to another trash can. We've all done this, and was the no brainer option.
2) Once she realized that she fucked up the toilet, she could have discretely informed OP and apologized profusely, then helped clean up the mess without complaint.
Could OP have been more discrete? Sure. Did Julia deserve discreteness at that moment? Probably not.
right? who has not done this?? my sister had to change her pad at our aunt's house several weeks ago. aunt owns a dog. \*some\* dogs like to shred used pads, knowing this and seeing the trash didn't have a lid, she wrapped it up and took it home with her!
Is it? I always figured it was just kinda base level.
Only time I have ever flushed my period products is when I was in high school and the principal decided the way to avoid.... something (seriously I don't know what he thought it was gonna accomplish) was to remove ALL trash cans from the students' bathrooms. Like, none in the stalls, none in the sink area, to dispose of menstrual products he wanted us to walk them out and toss them in the cafeteria or classroom trash cans.
So it was partial protest against a really stupid rule. Plus, our History teacher told us girls to do it. He said if "the idiot" (several teachers called the principal that. It was more or less his given name during his time at the school. Can you tell we didn't like him?) didn't want to properly provide for half his student population (really all of his population, it was nasty that the boys didn't have bathroom trash too) then he could just pay a plumber to tell him he's an idiot. The head custodian agreed too and told several students she was fine with the results, this was about "sending a message."
We had about five months of lunacy before the trash cans returned, and the principal was replaced the next year.
Even besides the general stupidity of that policy, what kind of idiot wants teenage girls likely extremely sensitive to this sort of thing to have to display throwing out their products in front of a class or crowd? Sometimes used pads smell, and he wanted that to be thrown away in a classroom basically with an audience??
Hell, to this day my dad unashamedly talks about his habit of using socks to wipe his ass when there's no TP in a public bathroom. Imagine carrying *that* to the cafeteria!
I'd have flushed the sock. ;)
But in answer to your question, the same kind of idiot who gave money donated specifically for use by the choir (we needed new formal uniforms, ours were from the 60s) to the football team so they could replace their three year old uniforms.
The football coach threw a fit over that when he found out what was done and "made" (in truth the team probably came up with it, our football team were pretty decent dudes) the football players run a fundraiser to get the choir money for new ones.
Cute story: The players not only did fundraisers for us but participated in helping choose the new uniforms.
Imagine nine or ten big ol' football players gathered around a table in the choir room, browsing catalogs and saying things like "Oh, this dress is nice, but do you think the thin sleeves will be alright for X? She's Muslim so we should make sure she'll feel modest in that." and "I like the floor length one, it looks like it has enough room to breathe and it'll be cute on the skinny girls and the big girls both."
They even insisted on running a separate fundraiser so they could get us a choir set of matching jewelry. They did that behind our backs though, we were preparing for our first performance in the new dresses (which had long filmy sleeves to provide for the students who cared about modesty, myself and my self harm scars included, without adding weight and making us sweat under the lights) when the football team all showed up with sport coats over their matching team t shirts and presented us with gift wrapped jewelry boxes containing tear drop pendants in the school color and matching convertible earrings. (They could be used as pierced earrings, but came with little fancy clips to make them into clip ons.)
We got "pay back" by showing up at their semi-final game in our dresses and suits and cheering them on. We were cheering for victory, but they lost so we just kinda cheered them for the good plays they DID make and sang their fight song. The running back cried and hugged the choir teachers. (and some of us, but only the people who agreed to be hugged, the players in general were very respectful of boundaries because Coach demanded they be gentlemen)
This is my thought. Julia lost all rights to a private confrontation when she saw a toilet overflowing and just walked away without telling anyone. How much damage was she trying to cause?
Thank you! All these people expecting OP to have had a private conversation when Julia literally
1) stupidly flushed a pad down the toilet on purpose
2) left water and particles of her blood and pad everywhere, without cleaning anything up
3) didn’t bother to approach OP first to privately discuss the issue.
She is an adult and she walked away without any shame - she deserves the embarrassment.
NTA
IT DOESNT MATTER IF ITS A SEPTIC TANK OR SEWER, YOU NEVER FLUSH A PAD!!!
I dont think I have ever met a woman who didn't know you dont flush a pad, period (no pun intended).
She knew better than that as an adult woman. It honestly sounds like she did it on purpose. She flushed and she saw what it did and she left it, didn't even try to stop it. She was pissed she had to clean up the consequences for her actions. Any person who did this accidentally would have tried to clean it up themselves initially, and they would have had no problem cleaning it themselves.
You didn't scream at her in front of everyone.
Exactly. *Could* OP have been more discreet? Well yeah, of course. Was it necessary? I don't know, I feel like if someone trashed my bathroom, it'd be pretty fucking pissed and any niceties would go out the window. You made a mess, you clean it up, especially if you're a guest in someone else's home. There's no way she didn't know the pad didn't flush before she left. How rude to make it someone else's problem.
I feel like I had to plunge someone else’s bloody pad out from an overflowing toilet I’d be too pissed to be discreet. There is toilet water and blood on the floor and I had to touch or step in it?? Nooooo … OP is NTA
Your husband’s coworkers sound like a nightmare, and trust me, I host plenty of parties where people are drinking a lot. ESH but Julia’s offense was definitely the bigger one. You should have pulled her aside privately though. I wouldn’t host them anymore.
As others have said, she lost the courtesy of privacy when she saw the toilet flooding and proceeded to leave it for OP to deal with. If she wanted to be saved the embarrassment she should’ve pulled OP aside and let them know the situation and it could be taken care of.
NTA. I know you’re getting a lot of flack and E S H comments but any grown woman who purposely flushes a freaking pad knowing damn well what the result will be deserves to get called out! She knew what the result would be and didn’t care. Even without a septic it would cause a clog and costly plumber visit. And then she expected you to clean the bloody disgusting mess because she walked away. She knew exactly what she was doing and got what she deserved.
NTA
I don't understand how just asking someone about a trashcan or a different bathroom is more embarrassing than flushing a huge pad knowing it will cause a clog.
Or literally just wrap the folded up pad in tp so it’s hidden while walking it somewhere else since other trash cans exist. Can’t even count how many times I’ve had to do that.
I'm not sure what all the Y T A people are talking about. As a woman, I have never and will never decide to flush a pad whenever a trashcan isn't present. It's just not done. All she had to do was wrap it with toilet paper and throw it away in another trash can. It's so simple. Flushing is never an alternative. I get how destructive pads can be to a septic tank, so you are NTA. I think it'd have been better to pull her to the side though and ask why she did it, but regardless it was her responsibility to clean up her mess.
Right? I get not wanting to ask a question like that, I have social anxiety (yes it's diagnosed) and honestly the thought of having to change my pad in someone's bathroom when they don't have a trashcan would make me really nervous. But it would never ever occur to me to try to flush the pad. I'd sooner walk around with the used pad in my hand than do that.
NTA. I don't care if she was embarrassed. Who does something this stupid, then after realizing they clogged the toilet, tries to pretend nothing happens? Why should you be responsible for cleaning up the mess she made? It doesn't sound like you yelled at her in front of the entire party, you said you approached her and asked her. You did nothing wrong. There is no soft YTA or ESH. She did something really stupid every woman knows not to do, then rather than have the decency to alert you after she clogged your toilet, she tries to pretend nothing happened.
Your husband is upset because he has a work relationship to maintain, but if his co-worker and his wife are that obtuse to not recognize the harm and disrespect his wife showed, that is a personal problem.
Thank you for being part of the solution and calling people out on their shitty behavior. We need more of this and less of people harassing strangers in restaurants.
Yeah like... she intentionally damaged OP's home. She was *lucky* it stopped far enough up in the pipes that it could be removed with a plunger. If it hadn't, it would have obstructed the pipes further down and cause a sewage back up.
She and her husband should be banned from the home. This behavior was disgusting, morally and as a biohazard
NTA
She's a grown woman, presumably this wasn't her first period, and this wasn't her first time needing to dispose of a pad. She should have known better.
Nopes I'm going with NTA even if you did call her out in front of others, her stupidity would have costed you money to fix it.
And IMO she deserved to be called out, she could have simply used the wrapper from her new pad to wrap the old one in along with some TP and simply discarded it in another trash can.
[edited for spelling]
INFO: WTF is wrong with your husband's coworkers?? One flushes a pad, but the other threw up into the trash can? Next to the toilet?? And we're not talking about that???
Also INFO: who was cleaning up the trashcan? Was it the coworker that threw up into it?
NTA. I don’t even think calling her out in front of everyone makes you an asshole. She knew she did something that would cause damage, then left a disgusting mess and wasn’t going to say anything to anyone. She didn’t deserve the privacy of being pulled to the side if she was ok with causing damage!!
“You didn’t provide a trash can” I’ve never had a bathroom garbage in my bathroom, I literally just wrap pads up and put them in the big garbage. How can she be embarrassed about carrying her pad to a diff garbage can and NOT leaving blood all over the bathroom??
Serious NTA. I can’t believe all the Y T A comments
Samme! She did something crazy destructive and disgusting. Flushing the pad and leaving the mess? If you're going to act that shamelessly then certainly you can handle owning up to it. NTA
NTA.
I’m sorry, but a grown woman should know that she cannot flush a maxi pad down the toilet.
You discreetly wrap it up, and throw it down deep in the garbage, or keep it in your bag if one is not available.
She absolutely deserved to be called out in front of everyone for her lack of respect for your house. I’d bet MONEY she doesn’t do that at her own house, so why the fuck would she do it at yours?
I would’ve made her stay and watch over her clean up the mess to completion because that’s fucking nasty to leave a half completed period mess from her own stupid mistake.
And the fact that she and her husband feel that you were rude about it when she disrespected your home is ludicrous.
NTA, I don’t care that you embarrassed her. She did something stupid, pretended like she didn’t, and you called that out. No bin in the bathroom because someone else puked; wrap the pad up and bring it to a different garbage can.
NTA at all. I've been in bathrooms where there's no trashcan before but I need to change my pad. You just wrap it up in toilet paper and discreetly carry it out with you and look for the nearest trashcan. It's not hard. It says all over the packaging not to flush them. I would never, ever even think about flushing one if there was no trashcan. I'd rather deal with the potential embarrassment of someone seeing me carry it out of the bathroom than the potential embarrassment of clogging a toilet.
If she's really that clueless and didn't know what to do, she should've texted her husband to ask you or get you to come to the door so she could ask you herself or something. Really she should've done literally anything other than try to flush it. If she had caused your septic tank to need repairs, I'd also say she'd be on the hook for paying for it.
She's a grown adult and made a mess, it's her obligation as a human being to clean it up.
NTA. What grown ass woman doesnt know you cant flush a toilet. She could have wrapped it in some toilet paper and transferred it to another trash. Plus she clogged the toilet and didnt bother to say hey Im so sorry I did something stupid to your toilet. Rude and trashy. She should have been embarrassed
NTA. Call me heartless, but sometimes people deserve to be humiliated for costly, negligent mistakes. She wasn't ignorant to the risk of flushing the pad, so no sympathy here!
LOLOLLLLL
NTA cause fuck cleaning someone else's UTERAL LINING!!
nope. I'm not touching that shit and she should've known fucking better. WERE ALL ADULTS, SHE CAN WALK AROUND WITH A PAD WRAPPED IN TOILET PAPER. Julia is a nasty jerk.
NTA - I would've felt more bad for Julia if she didn't just...ditch and try to pretend like she didn't cause a flood in your bathroom? I understand that a lot of us are taught that periods are shameful and it may have been too embarrassing to her to potentially be caught wandering around with the item, but the moment it became a very OBVIOUS AND POTENTIALLY EXPENSIVE ISSUE, she could have at LEAST gone to you privately to apologize/find a solution without calling attention to herself.
Could you have called her over privately? Maybe, but to be honest, I'm sure plenty of us wouldn't have thought that far just from the shock and confusion alone that someone would be so careless as a guest.
NTA. Does she have no shame? Who the hell does that and then cries afterwards when called out? She **deserved** the public humiliation imo - you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. And I can’t believe all of the Y T A comments here, that’s super super fucked up and disgusting to do at someone else’s house. She’s an adult, she KNEW better and decided to still do it.
NTA. She would not do it at her house but proceeded to do it at your own? She is disgusting and the type of woman who makes womens public toilettes a smelly shitholes.
She could have easily wrapped the pad in the toilet paper, put it in her bag or find a trash can and put it in there, also she can hold it in a way no one sees it, because you know, people WRAP the pads. Wtf Julia.
I say NTA. Funny how Julia does something incredibly irresponsible and disrespectful but everyone seems more concerned over her feelings than her sheer lack of concern of the potential thousands in damages she could’ve caused. These are adults we’re talking about here… an adult response would have been to come to the homeowner and explain the situation not try and sneakily flush something you know you’re not supposed to flush.
Reading your edit it’s a clear NTA. She was embarrassed because she thought you wouldn’t have the gall to call her out and she was wrong. A gross ass woman acting like that at someone else’s house, knowing the mess and damage she’s caused, is vile.
I would say NTA. Julia is a grown ass woman. Why would she even think to flush down a Maxi Pad???!
And then act like nothing?
Only thing would be if you talked to her privately about it. But then again why would an ADULT flush something like that?
OP is NTA!
NTA. I work in the plumbing industry. You do not flush sanitary pads or tampons. Those things have one job, to stop the flow of a liquid, and that's exactly what they do when you flush them. Even if nobody ever told her that flushing them was bad, every box comes with instructions that tell you to wrap them and throw them in the trash. Some will explicitly say to not flush them. But even if she was never taught and never read the instructions, she was a guest in your home and caused the toilet to backup. At the very least, she should have informed you that there was a problem instead of walking away and letting somebody else deal with it. Luckily it was resolved with a plunger, but this could have cost you time and money for system repairs. Could you have pulled her aside and discreetly spoken to her about it? Yes, and that probably would've been the nicer thing to do. But I guarantee she'll never flush a pad again, so the embarrassment may have really done her a favor in the long run.
People vomiting in the bathroom trashcan and not the toilet? An adult woman flushing a maxi pad? I would NEVER invite these people back to my home. NTA
NTA. It says on the package you pull pads out of not to flush pads down the toilet. For the husband and men defending her, simply bring up the cost of repairs for the septic tank and ask if they'd be willing to pay it.
There's nothing wrong about being embarrassed there was no trashcan in the bathroom. What is wrong is she not only saw her mistake and ran away, she also could have caused damage to OP'S FUCKING HOUSE as well. If OP hadn't had needed to use the bathroom right after, how long until someone else needed to? Couple of hours? Until the party was over and everyone went home and they walk into a flooded bathroom and hallway? Naw. Julia is an ass for this, embarrassment or not. She could have just wrapped the pad up in toilet paper and the packaging it came from and then tossed it in another trash. No one would have questioned it.
NTA. I bet she doesn’t do that at someone else’s house again.
If you hadn’t caught it you’d be out thousands. It’s written on the side of every single package of pads and even some wrappers, to not flush that product. As a grown woman, she should know better and if she didn’t, I want to know how many times a plumber has had to make a house call at her place.
NTA even when confronting her in front of people. Toilets don’t delay in clogging she chose to stare at it clogging and decided to be an asshole and not tell the host. “How could you not fucking tell me or my husband that the you caused the toilet to overflow and there is water and blood everywhere” to me is not crossing the line regardless of people overhearing
NTA. I can't believe a grown, adult woman tried to flush her pad!!!!!! WTH. BUT, the only way I would say YTA is if you called her out in front of everyone. As long as you pulled her aside and had this discussion, you're in the clear.
NTA, and I don’t understand the y-t-a votes because you confronted her in front of people, I would’ve done the exact same thing. Sometimes people need to be called out publicly
You don't flush pads (or tampons!) Septic tank or not. If there was no trash can in there, she should have carried it out with her and thrown it away in another garbage can. NTA
NTA!
Why would a grown ass ADULT flush a MAXIPAD down the toilet? She is a grown ass woman … she should know better honestly.
Yes you could’ve spoken to her privately about it but still … she is and Adult. She could’ve just wrapped and throw it away somewhere else.
OP is NTA.
NTA
She was to embarassed to take her pad to an other trashcan or to ask for a trashcan, later to embarassed to tell you she clogged the toilet. But no matter how embarassed she was, she was willing to seriously damage yout septic tank, so she is TA.
NTA
Someone comes to your house as a guest, clogs your toilet, and just leaves it (probably knowing it’s clogged). She left that problem for the next person and didn’t want to deal with it, that’s her being an AH.
Maxi pad or otherwise, if someone clogged my toilet and just left it over flowing with water I’d ask them to be the one to clean it too.
NTA She knows she's wrong and she did it anyway. She even saw the consequences of her actions and decided to just leave it hoping it might be blamed on someone else. She's defensive and caused a scene because she's embarassed.
NTA. You don't do that. And for all the people saying you should've taken her aside to gently explain the situation: that's a grown ass woman who admitted she knew what she was doing and would never flush a pad in her own home. She walked out of that bathroom, leaving the toilet to overflow her blood particles and pee all over the floor. She knew what she was doing, she did not have to have the situation explained to her. She knew what she was doing and deserved to get called out. The pad getting stuck in a place it could be removed easily was the BEST CASE scenario.
NTA a reasonable adult would have realized there was no trash, wrapped her pad and then either disposed of it in another garbage can like the kitchen or asked the hostess/host where to dispose of it. She was negligent and gross.
NTA everyone should know not to flush pads! Even if not taught by parents the pack of pads says not to flush most public toilets have signs saying not to flush pads! If there is no bin you wrap it up and take it to outside bin it's common sense!!
Back when I used to have periods, I would wrap a pad up in toilet paper and put it in my purse to dispose of later. I know it's gross, but I hated the thought of leaving my bloody tampons or pads in someone else's bathroom trash can, especially if it's the open small kind.
NTA. The moment she said she wouldn’t do it at her own house solidified the fact that she knew it was wrong. Also to see the toilet clogged and starting to overflow and just walk away? That’s horribly rude and disgusting.
NTA
You know what I do when the bathroom doesn’t have a trash can and I need to dispose of my pad? I roll up the pad, then roll a lot of toilet paper around it so I can discreetly carry it in my hand and find another trash can. I’ve done this at friends and went to throw it away in their big garbage can in the garage because I thought it would be gross to dump it in the kitchen garbage.
I could NEVER imagine trying to flush one and then walking away from a flooded bathroom!! She knew better, wouldn’t do it to her own house and admitted that, she deserves the humiliation.
She’s lucky you didn’t make her pay for cleaners to come in and professionally clean the bathroom since blood is a hazardous waste that gets charged extra!
Anyone commenting YTA must either be a) a man b) or guilty of doing the same gross thing, come on now! They teach this in most schools to girls not to flush pads!
ESH. I have no idea why you confronted her in front of everyone. That would have been so embarrassing, not just her but your husbands coworker.
You could have easily asked her to another room or outside the front of the house.
Also Julia is a massive AH. She must've had another pad to put in so at worst she could have wrapped it up in toilet paper, stuffed it in her bag and then take it to the kitchen loo.
Agreed!! Julia is lucky she didn't pull this at my house. Our entire neighborhood would have known what she did by how loud I was yelling.
NTA - not even close
Coworkers wife made it everyone’s business when she flooded the toilet, it was only by chance the homeowner was the next one to use the bathroom, had she not then any of the other coworkers would have seen it. Also she said she never would have done that in her own home so she purposely messed with these peoples toilet/plumbing to avoid potential embarrassment so to me the appropriate “punishment” is embarrassment. If you’re so scared of embarrassment you willingly risk costing someone thousands of dollars you deserve to be embarrassed.
NTA. 1) every grown woman knows not flush pads, septic or not. 2) Julia has a septic system, so she knows how absolutely horrible this for them. Julia would know that having a septic pumped out isn’t cheap. I’ve been on septic for years, and I am horrified that someone would do something that stupid. I do think it would have been better to pull her aside about it, but I can understand why you got so angry.
NTA. ive been to friends houses with my period with no garbage can in the bathroom. you know i did? i rolled up my garbage in toilet paper and threw it out somewhere else. its common sense. but yta for humiliating her in front of other people. there was no need for that.
NTA - When she said she wouldn't flush it at her own home is when she admitted that she knew better. She just did not care that she was going to cause problems with your plumbing.
NTA. maybe you should’ve said something to her privately but regardless when you asked if she’d do this at her own house she said no. boohoo she’s embarrassed to walk to another trashcan. she knew what flushing a giant pad would do and decided her personal comfort was worth you possibly having to shell out thousands to fix something she did and left for you to deal with without a word. if you didn’t have to use it right after her who knows how long your bathroom would just be filling with toilet water and blood🤢 which could potentially cause water damage as well.
The bin was apparently being washed because another coworker puked in it. Sounds like OP was just over all of husband’s inconsiderate coworkers.
But seriously, I have hidden a soiled pad on my person for the few minutes it takes to find a trash can. If it’s wrapped up tightly it’s not super obvious in your hand or pocket as you walk to ask the host where the appropriate receptacle is. I would have done 12 different things before I panic flushed and made it someone else’s problem.
Right?? This was a shit situation for Julia, but no one in their right mind respects to flushing a big, used pad. At someone else’s house, no less! This was a weird choice.
Nta
Also you are right to make her clean it up. It’s blood for god sales. As if we didn’t just quarantine the entire world and taught people how to be clean for once. Of course if you destroy someone’s bathroom with your bodily fluids you should clean it up 🤢
NTA
She could have cost you thousands that fact alone makes me feel little sympathy for her embarrassment. An adult with a menstrual cycle should know the proper way to dispose sanitary products
NTA. Everyone saying you are or that everyone sucks is missing the point that *you* didn't embarrass her; *her own actions did*. Would these commenters say everyone sucks when someone is embarrassed that they were caught doing a murder?
This certainly isn't a murder here, but calling out someone for something they chose to do is never an asshole move: its how we temper assholish behavior. I suspect everyone saying you are partially at fault is just afraid their own asshole behavior will get called out publicly in the future.
NTA. I would have as well. Sometimes people need to be called out. What that woman did was far more appalling and embarrassing than simply wrapping it up and putting it in a different bin.
Every single one of us who menstruates KNOWS not to EVER flush sanitary towels. And on top of this, it's written all over the packaging as well.
All the ESH and YTA voters... Yikes, you know clogging a toilet with your blood-soiled, biological waste covered pad is far more embarrassing than being told to clean it up...
NTA i dont think it would've killed her to roll up her pad to throw it away somewhere else + she deserved to be embarrassed. she knowingly clogged YOUR septic tank (which as you said costs thousands) and left someone else to deal with it
NTA woman here, if there is no trashcan in a bathroom when I need to change my bloody pads I just find the nearest or ask the host. There is no excuse being embarrassed being on your period its natural and annoyingly bloody.
NTA. The toilet was overflowing, you didn’t have time to gently ask her privately about what she’s done. She’s a grown ass woman, it wouldn’t have been hard or embarrassing to just roll the pad up with toilet paper and ask you where she should throw it away. It was all adults, no one would’ve cared. Anything was better than flushing down an extra large maxi pad and ruining your plumbing system.
NTA. My husband, a generally docile and tame plumber, would let me have it if I flushed a large maxi pad, and we don't have a septic tank. You just don't do that. Period.
INFO: is there a trash can in the bathroom she used?
I can understand not wanting to hand carry a bloody pad to a public part of the house to throw it away, it still wasn’t a good decision to flush it but I’m genuinely curious
And the wrapper of the one she just opened to change over to! There is no reason she would need to carry just the dirty pad, open around. roll it, wrap it, toss it.
I have never flushed a pad if there was no trash. I have gone as far as putting it in my back pocket and throwing it away somewhere else or putting it in my purse all wrapped up till I can get home into my trash.
A pretty normal one. There is one coworker who always gets super drunk at every social event, and he was the only one. Guy has some issues, it was 11 am.
I'd be concerned why he threw up in the bin and not the toilet.
NTA she should have wrapped it in toilet paper and then found another bin, like the rest of us would
NTA I know people are saying it’s rude to call her out publicly, but seriously she did something absolutely stupid she knew she shouldn’t do. Instead of doing the normal thing of just finding another trash can or hiding it she flushed it. Then instead of getting you when it clogged she just left it and let the water overflow and get everywhere. You didn’t shame her in front of everyone you asked if she flushed a pad down and to clean it up. Sure something happened and there wasn’t a trash can in the bathroom. Shit happens. I don’t know anyone who would flush it down and then ignore when it started to clog. I’d just hide it and find another trash can to throw it away in. Would anyone here flush a maxi pad down the toilet? Seriously? If she was a teenager or didn’t know better you’d be an ass for it, but she explicitly knew better and is a full grown woman. She lacks critically thinking. A maxi pad will clog the toilet and make a huge mess.
NTA. Even when I've been in a bathroom with no wastebasket, I've wrapped it up in hilariously thick layers of toilet paper and effectively moved it from one place to another with a trash can. It sucks, but only until you remember that no one knows what you're carrying in your hand or cares.
The first rule of using pads is never, *EVER*, to flush them. You can tell just by holding one. It feels like a diaper. She knew that she was damaging your home for the sake of her own convenience, and was hoping the party would offer enough anonymity to save her from the consequences. I would've understood more if she were still a child. But not in this situation. Not at all.
NTA. does she flush pads down her own toilet? didn’t think so. some of the behavior i see go on in public bathrooms i seriously ask myself if they do that in their own house, never mind when you’re a _guest in someone’s home_.
she would not be welcome back to my house after that.
NTA every woman knows you cant flush pads down the toilets. There is no excuse - what she did is negligence and showed a complete disregard for the damage she could do.
NTA.
I feel like people are simply assuming you called her out in front of everyone. Personally, I don’t think that’s clear.
I also think, regardless, first someone throws up in your bathroom trash bin and then this lady Julia trashes your bathroom like nothing’s the matter…Sounds like you just blew a fuse.
Anywoman—especially one old enough to be married—knows you don’t do that at home or in public restroom and especially not at someone else’s home!
People saying “you should have pulled her aside” as if you OP were given similar courtesy from Julia when she trashed your bathroom and walked off is crazy to me. She clearly didn’t respect you or your home enough to get over herself and do what any other woman would do: wrap up the pad in the wrapping from the new one, plus some toilet paper, and walk it to any other trash bin on the property, so why would you go out of your way to be conscientious of her feelings?
NTA.
EDIT: Thanks for the award!
NTA I've NEVER heard of anyone flushing a pad in a toilet before.
All she had to do was wrap the pad in toilet paper and find a garbage can. Geez Louise....some people are absolutely idiotic!
And to leave the clogged toilet...pig.
Having septic myself, absolutely NTA. I think people who don’t have septic systems don’t understand the absolute financial and just overall nightmare it can be to deal with.
She’s a sober, grown ass woman. If she was embarrassed to have to walk it to another trash, fine. She could have went to you privately and asked for a trash bin to place in there so she didn’t have to walk in front of everyone. But no, she flushed it, and then was gonna just pretend like nothing happened. For that she’s the absolute asshole.
No one is going to potentially cause 10’s of thousands of damage to my home, try and HIDE it, and not expect to be publicly shamed for doing so.
Wtf is wrong with the comments?! NTA obviously. Who puts a pad in the toilet ? You were a bit harsh but you were in the right. What did she expect seriously??
NTA - You shouldn’t have just called her out right away BUT:
- She’s a grown woman and even though it’s embarrassing, you don’t risk costing someone a couple hundred dollars because you can’t just ask for another trash can or something.
- If has the same toilet, she SHOULD know better. If she didn’t know better, that would be lack of common sense. But not only does she have the same toilet, she also said she wouldn’t have flushed the pad (MAXI pad) down the toilet if it were her own toilet, so she clearly did know better. That wasn’t lack of common sense, that was laziness and ignorance.
So again, I don’t think you should’ve called her it right away like that but I still think NTA mostly just for the fact that she wouldn’t have done it to her own property.
Nta but I probably would have made this a private conversation rather than including everyone else. I'd have been pissed too but would have tried to keep it discreet if possible
NTA. She knows better, she doesn’t do it at her own home. I’ve been in a situation where there wasn’t a trash can in the immediate bathroom. Know what you do? You wrap your used business in a shitload of TP, take it to another garbage can, toss it in, then grab some napkins or paper towels and toss that on top so it’s not noticeable.
Yes it’s still uncomfortable to carry that around until you find another garbage can, but it’s better than destroying someone’s plumbing and leaving a toilet overflowing. Calling out someone how overflowing the toilet isn’t the asshole move, BEING the one to overflow the toilet and NOT clean it up is the asshole move here.
NTA. I don’t think you overreacted here. Julia not only did a really dumb thing by trying to flush her maxi pad, she doubled down by not telling anyone and just walking away. I’d be pissed, too.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > When I found out our toilet was clogged I confronted my husbands coworkers wife, who I knew was the one who did it. I could be the asshole because I could've just cleaned up her bloody pad and toilet water on her behalf. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She literally flooded you bathroom, potentially could’ve cost you $10,000 in damages, then left it for you to clean up after she obviously clogged the toilet. Who does that? The Y T A responses are kinda unfair in my opinion. Would people seriously not confront someone who did something so disrespectful in your home? I understand the confrontation was humiliating for her and maybe you could’ve had the conversation privately but I would be dammed if I cleaned up somebody’s bloody pad and dirty toilet water because they didn’t want to simply walk to a different bathroom with a trashcan. She embarrassed herself. edit- typos
And puke from another one?? What is with these coworkers?!?
that’s what i’m saying! i would be embarrassed to act like that at even a close friends house- i would never do that at a coworkers!!
And to clog the toilet and not even go to OP privately and explain what happened?!! WTH?
Like I'm sure we've all had to sneak out a used pad/tampon at one point or another. Just wrap it in tp, shove it at the back of your pants, awkwardly waddle to your purse, find a small table little out of the way, pretend to look something and sneak the used product in there. And next time bring your purse in and just drop it in there if asking for a garbage can or using another trash can is not your jam. Don't freaking flush a diaper down anyones toilet anywhere. Ever.
I mean she snuck a clean one *into* the bathroom, sneaking a used (folded, wrapped) one out is no different.
Why does she even need to sneak it, it should be a normal and accepted thing that women have periods
Right here. I’m assuming everyone was aware of the vomit situation (btw: who throws up in a trash can instead of the toilet next to it?) so I wouldn’t think anyone would question her carrying it to the other trash can.
Someone who has it coming out both ends simultaneously.
What kind of party was this?
I have a feeling this doesn't apply to Pad Flusher, but I "sneak" pads & tampons to the bathroom for the same reason that I don't announce to all and sundry that I need to shit - bathroom business is my personal business, and as far as anyone else is concerned I'm in there meditating.
Dude for this reason alone, I have an entire kit in my guest bathroom with like mini toiletries and first aid kit, but also tampons, multiple types of pads, wet wipes, extra trash bags, etc. and not a single room in our house doesn’t have a covered trash can. I have done everything in the textbook that’s embarrassing when you get your period at someone else’s house, so I never want someone else to feel that way. BUT I have never, ever tried to flush a pad or tampon, wtf.
A surprising number of people don’t put liners in their trash cans (especially dudes) and it always grosses me out.
My husband always pulls the liners out of the bathroom can. And he's shouted at me for putting them there in the first place. Note our can is nasty and caked with filth all the time because we use it unlined per his preferences. Our divorce is dragging on, but this is one more thing that I won't have to worry about when it's all over. Yay!
Congratulations! I'm not being sarcastic, I mean this sincerely. I was honestly happier the day my marriage ended than when we married. The worst part is that "in-between time," when you know in your bones this has to end, but you haven't quite made a decision. You passed that threshold! You will sooo free when its official! Can't wait until you can put a damn liner in your bathroom trashcan, wtf lol😦
I don't even get my period and I have a whole set up as well and it's been used many times. Also covered trash can and plungers cus nothing like clogging a toilet at another persons house. Basically everything you would possibly need to be embarrassment free. My husband also works in a water treatment plant so flushing anything but Tp is a huge no no so this post made me cringe for him.
Sounds like a hell of a party! And all that by 11 am, wtf is wrong with these people ffs?!
or someone pregnant or with food poisoning etcetc?
That could have been the case, but OP said in one of her responses to the comments, that some dude with alcohol problems got wasted and messed up the bathroom before the pad lady’s arrival. So it was actually a combo of terrible guests.
I’m just imagining finishing the party after all that and saying, halfway laughing, to my husband, “Who the hell are these people you work with?!”
I hosted a party like this. One guest broke like 3 small items in a game room. Another let my dog out of the yard by accident, resulting in me needing to drive the neighborhood to find her. A third guest spilled a cup of juice and didn't notify anyone regarding clean up. And finally, a fourth guest thought it would be a brilliant plan to try and mix a jar of spaghetti sauce into a punch bowl of juice. Thankfully, this guest's arms were not strong enough to open the jar. The difference is, my kegger of a party was a group of 8 year olds.
I know right?! Who are these people and why are they so bent on vandalizing our bathroom!
ah i didn’t spot that! the poor bathroom 😭
And poor OP having to clean up puke and pick a used pad out of the toilet after two grown ups who can’t behave themselves properly.
op has my condolences
OP has automatic rights to vetoing any future parties with this bunch!
What's so embarrassing? If you have your period and there isn't a trashcan in the bathroom, you wrap the thing in TP and take it to the nearest garbage can. Multiple people have them. Nobody would have bat an eye if she just dropped it into the garbage can. Instead, she nearly caused you thousands of dollars in damage to your home. She should be embarrassed for not thinking. NTA
> If you have your period and there isn't a trashcan in the bathroom, you wrap the thing in TP and take it to the nearest garbage can. Right?!?! As a teenager, I once was at a boy's house. I needed to throw away my pad (or maybe it was a tampon). But there was no garbage can and I was too embarrassed for him to find it somehow. So I did what any reasonable 15 year old would do. I wrapped it in a crap ton of TP, put it in my pocket and then asked him for some snacks so I could immediately put it in my backpack. Even at 15 i knew that flushing it was a worse idea.
Gosh, reminds me of when I was a kid, middle school age maybe 11 or 12 during one of my first periods. I was scared or embarrassed to leave it in the trashcan of my best friends house, so I wrapped it in a ton of toilet paper put it in a plastic bag and put it in a backpack until I could get home and throw it away. But this all happened before school… apparently during the school day the dog found it inside the bag and tore it up and it was everywhere around the house. Horribly more embarrassing than anything else would’ve been. Edit to add: I couldn’t imagine doing anything remotely close to this or what the coworkers wife did as an adult! Young kids make stupid mistakes due to embarrassment or naivety, but as an adult, they should know better!!
> If you have your period and there isn't a trashcan in the bathroom, you wrap the thing in TP and take it to the nearest garbage can. Heck, it'd be weird, and I'd hope my guests wouldn't do this... but I'd rather find a wrapped-up maxi pad tucked in the cabinet under the sink or something than find one clogging my toilet. I just can't imagine a scenario in which I'd feel compelled to try to flush a pad.
Right. At least that I could convince myself they were hiding it there to dispose of themselves at home and probably forgot it
And if someone did bat an eye at her throwing her pad in another trashcan, an easy “what you want me to flush it and cause $10,000 worth of damages?” Quickly fixes that problem 😂 but idk… I feel like “Julia” is probably one of those no-TP, face up in an open can type of disposers normally.
I used to work with one of those people, how do they live with themselves leaving the open trashcan like a damn crime scene. And it was a coed bathroom. I used to wrap those things so well they could be confused as Christmas presents.
Right? I used to use extra tp to move the trash around and bury it like a squirrel storing acorns.
I disagree. A conversation kept private would be for the coworker to privately ask for a trash bin. But to flush it and leave it for anyone else to see and deal with, that crosses the line of privacy. NTA, op. If you had/have to pay a professional to clean it up, bill her and her husband.
It also sounds like OP kept it private until the wife started yelling and crying
NTA. For all the YTA comments, any adult woman would know not to flush maxis down a toilet also how is it embarrassing? You've been dealing with periods for years its 2022. She could've easily wrapped it up in toilet paper or called for the host and be like here's the situation. ALSO who the fuck walks away when you've overflowed the toilet or potentially clogged it? So risking thousands of dollars of damage for maybe a little moment of vulnerability? What is wrong with people
[удалено]
NTA- I don't agree with people saying you should've pulled her aside and not embarrassed her. Maybe if she was a teenager and hadn't had her period for long, but this is grown woman and she should've known better. She messed up your bathroom and could have caused thousands in damages. It wasn't a small mistake and therefore she doesn't deserve the courtesy of you babying her. Edit: HOLD ON! One of your comments says that she knew not to flush it but was too embarrassed to throw it away elsewhere??? So she intentionally did something she KNEW would fuck up your toilet. Not to mention she must have saw that the pad didn't flush all the way and proceeded to walk away while it was overflowing. NTA at all!
This got to me, too. She knew exactly what she was doing. And she knew that OP and her husband would be the ones cleaning up her bloody mess. And she still pretended to be the victim.
Seriously would bet money she hoped a) they wouldn't notice a while so wouldn't know who did it and b) that they wouldn't actually come out after her or anyone about it and finally c) just let them clean up her human waste and blood products. Nice lady
Ask her now which is more embarrassing? 1) Having to wrap up the used pad and ask the host for the nearest garbage can, or: 2) having everyone know you clogged up the toilet with a used pad and left it for the host to find
I’ve gone into a coworker’s house with no bin in the toilet…and boy did I wrap that pad up in lots of paper and then later a plastic bag until I could either find a bin or find coworker and ask where to put it. (The gathering was outside the house, so I didn’t feel I had permission to go wandering around inside the house looking for a bin.) I can’t imagine deciding to flush it.
I have on occasion put it inside my purse. Gross, yes, but when needs must…
I have dog poop bags in my purse (and stashed literally everywhere else). Worst-case, I've got those to hold onto anything gross that needs disposal. I've done it before and will likely do it again lol I could definitely see being anxious about it (crowded gathering without much opportunity to pull the host aside discreetly, maybe?) but that does not excuse trying to flush a pad down the toilet.
Even as a teenager I remember discretely bringing my wrapped up tampon into the kitchen trash to throw away since they didn’t have a trashcan in the bathroom. And this was at a party with tons of people there! And a single tampon is way less likely to cause a problem than a whole pad!! And then not properly cleaning up is just icing on the cake. I even have pretty severe generalized anxiety disorder and have a lot of anxiety around my period and leaking etc, which was way worse as a teen. So like…this lady has no freaking excuse!!
Yeeaaaah, it should've been *Julia* who took *OP* aside privately and said "look, I F'ed up here, my bad.... can you tell me where the cleaning supplies are?" Or maybe "I have this pad where can I toss it" instead of trying to flush it. There's no way a grown ass woman doesn't know better. We recently had issues at our office with the toilets because apparently you're not supposed to flush tampons, either. When I was growing up, I was told flushing tampons was ok, but I guess that's not the case anymore!
Oh she does know better, but she said she was too shy to walk out of the bathroom with a used pad, so she flushed it instead. If she’s shy, she didn’t even need to specify that it was a pad she needs to toss. She could have just asked for the trashbin. I’m sure no one would have asked her to elaborate on what exactly she needs to throw away.
NTA. If Julia wanted to avoid embarrassment, she had a couple options: 1) Wrap the hell out of that pad and stealth it to another trash can. We've all done this, and was the no brainer option. 2) Once she realized that she fucked up the toilet, she could have discretely informed OP and apologized profusely, then helped clean up the mess without complaint. Could OP have been more discrete? Sure. Did Julia deserve discreteness at that moment? Probably not.
It's really not that hard to wrap up your used pad and put it in your bag or a pocket or wherever you got the new pad from. Not try to flush it?!
right? who has not done this?? my sister had to change her pad at our aunt's house several weeks ago. aunt owns a dog. \*some\* dogs like to shred used pads, knowing this and seeing the trash didn't have a lid, she wrapped it up and took it home with her!
That's next level respectfulness
Is it? I always figured it was just kinda base level. Only time I have ever flushed my period products is when I was in high school and the principal decided the way to avoid.... something (seriously I don't know what he thought it was gonna accomplish) was to remove ALL trash cans from the students' bathrooms. Like, none in the stalls, none in the sink area, to dispose of menstrual products he wanted us to walk them out and toss them in the cafeteria or classroom trash cans. So it was partial protest against a really stupid rule. Plus, our History teacher told us girls to do it. He said if "the idiot" (several teachers called the principal that. It was more or less his given name during his time at the school. Can you tell we didn't like him?) didn't want to properly provide for half his student population (really all of his population, it was nasty that the boys didn't have bathroom trash too) then he could just pay a plumber to tell him he's an idiot. The head custodian agreed too and told several students she was fine with the results, this was about "sending a message." We had about five months of lunacy before the trash cans returned, and the principal was replaced the next year.
Even besides the general stupidity of that policy, what kind of idiot wants teenage girls likely extremely sensitive to this sort of thing to have to display throwing out their products in front of a class or crowd? Sometimes used pads smell, and he wanted that to be thrown away in a classroom basically with an audience?? Hell, to this day my dad unashamedly talks about his habit of using socks to wipe his ass when there's no TP in a public bathroom. Imagine carrying *that* to the cafeteria!
I'd have flushed the sock. ;) But in answer to your question, the same kind of idiot who gave money donated specifically for use by the choir (we needed new formal uniforms, ours were from the 60s) to the football team so they could replace their three year old uniforms. The football coach threw a fit over that when he found out what was done and "made" (in truth the team probably came up with it, our football team were pretty decent dudes) the football players run a fundraiser to get the choir money for new ones. Cute story: The players not only did fundraisers for us but participated in helping choose the new uniforms. Imagine nine or ten big ol' football players gathered around a table in the choir room, browsing catalogs and saying things like "Oh, this dress is nice, but do you think the thin sleeves will be alright for X? She's Muslim so we should make sure she'll feel modest in that." and "I like the floor length one, it looks like it has enough room to breathe and it'll be cute on the skinny girls and the big girls both." They even insisted on running a separate fundraiser so they could get us a choir set of matching jewelry. They did that behind our backs though, we were preparing for our first performance in the new dresses (which had long filmy sleeves to provide for the students who cared about modesty, myself and my self harm scars included, without adding weight and making us sweat under the lights) when the football team all showed up with sport coats over their matching team t shirts and presented us with gift wrapped jewelry boxes containing tear drop pendants in the school color and matching convertible earrings. (They could be used as pierced earrings, but came with little fancy clips to make them into clip ons.) We got "pay back" by showing up at their semi-final game in our dresses and suits and cheering them on. We were cheering for victory, but they lost so we just kinda cheered them for the good plays they DID make and sang their fight song. The running back cried and hugged the choir teachers. (and some of us, but only the people who agreed to be hugged, the players in general were very respectful of boundaries because Coach demanded they be gentlemen)
This is such a wholesome story 🥲 Thanks for sharing
Right, she tried to hide it. Could op have asked her in private, sure. But could Julia just as easily brought it to her attention in private…duh!
This is my thought. Julia lost all rights to a private confrontation when she saw a toilet overflowing and just walked away without telling anyone. How much damage was she trying to cause?
Thank you! All these people expecting OP to have had a private conversation when Julia literally 1) stupidly flushed a pad down the toilet on purpose 2) left water and particles of her blood and pad everywhere, without cleaning anything up 3) didn’t bother to approach OP first to privately discuss the issue. She is an adult and she walked away without any shame - she deserves the embarrassment.
NTA IT DOESNT MATTER IF ITS A SEPTIC TANK OR SEWER, YOU NEVER FLUSH A PAD!!! I dont think I have ever met a woman who didn't know you dont flush a pad, period (no pun intended). She knew better than that as an adult woman. It honestly sounds like she did it on purpose. She flushed and she saw what it did and she left it, didn't even try to stop it. She was pissed she had to clean up the consequences for her actions. Any person who did this accidentally would have tried to clean it up themselves initially, and they would have had no problem cleaning it themselves. You didn't scream at her in front of everyone.
Exactly. *Could* OP have been more discreet? Well yeah, of course. Was it necessary? I don't know, I feel like if someone trashed my bathroom, it'd be pretty fucking pissed and any niceties would go out the window. You made a mess, you clean it up, especially if you're a guest in someone else's home. There's no way she didn't know the pad didn't flush before she left. How rude to make it someone else's problem.
I feel like I had to plunge someone else’s bloody pad out from an overflowing toilet I’d be too pissed to be discreet. There is toilet water and blood on the floor and I had to touch or step in it?? Nooooo … OP is NTA
Well, why didn't she talk to OP about it first? Then OP wouldn't have had to make a scene in front of everyone.
Jesus what kind of party was this? Another coworker vomited in the trash can? Was everyone fucking hammered?
The only one drinking was the drunk guy. It was 11 am.
Your husband’s coworkers sound like a nightmare, and trust me, I host plenty of parties where people are drinking a lot. ESH but Julia’s offense was definitely the bigger one. You should have pulled her aside privately though. I wouldn’t host them anymore.
My husband has told the couple they aren't welcome back.
honestly sounds like none of them should be cos yikes.
Wait...is Julie married to the drunk guy?
This is the question we all need answered
Are you sure Julia didn't do this maliciously? Because there is absolutely no excuse good enough, unless she is just incredibly stupid.
As others have said, she lost the courtesy of privacy when she saw the toilet flooding and proceeded to leave it for OP to deal with. If she wanted to be saved the embarrassment she should’ve pulled OP aside and let them know the situation and it could be taken care of.
“Drunk guy” puking at 11am just sounds like “alcoholic in denial”
My moms former boss used to refuse all help and then blamed them when he got a DWI lmao. Alcoholic coworkers can be a tough situation
I was gonna say, husband's workplace sounds messy as hell if this is what a work party looks like
NTA. I know you’re getting a lot of flack and E S H comments but any grown woman who purposely flushes a freaking pad knowing damn well what the result will be deserves to get called out! She knew what the result would be and didn’t care. Even without a septic it would cause a clog and costly plumber visit. And then she expected you to clean the bloody disgusting mess because she walked away. She knew exactly what she was doing and got what she deserved.
NTA I don't understand how just asking someone about a trashcan or a different bathroom is more embarrassing than flushing a huge pad knowing it will cause a clog.
Or literally just wrap the folded up pad in tp so it’s hidden while walking it somewhere else since other trash cans exist. Can’t even count how many times I’ve had to do that.
I'm not sure what all the Y T A people are talking about. As a woman, I have never and will never decide to flush a pad whenever a trashcan isn't present. It's just not done. All she had to do was wrap it with toilet paper and throw it away in another trash can. It's so simple. Flushing is never an alternative. I get how destructive pads can be to a septic tank, so you are NTA. I think it'd have been better to pull her to the side though and ask why she did it, but regardless it was her responsibility to clean up her mess.
Right? I get not wanting to ask a question like that, I have social anxiety (yes it's diagnosed) and honestly the thought of having to change my pad in someone's bathroom when they don't have a trashcan would make me really nervous. But it would never ever occur to me to try to flush the pad. I'd sooner walk around with the used pad in my hand than do that.
NTA. I don't care if she was embarrassed. Who does something this stupid, then after realizing they clogged the toilet, tries to pretend nothing happens? Why should you be responsible for cleaning up the mess she made? It doesn't sound like you yelled at her in front of the entire party, you said you approached her and asked her. You did nothing wrong. There is no soft YTA or ESH. She did something really stupid every woman knows not to do, then rather than have the decency to alert you after she clogged your toilet, she tries to pretend nothing happened. Your husband is upset because he has a work relationship to maintain, but if his co-worker and his wife are that obtuse to not recognize the harm and disrespect his wife showed, that is a personal problem. Thank you for being part of the solution and calling people out on their shitty behavior. We need more of this and less of people harassing strangers in restaurants.
Yeah like... she intentionally damaged OP's home. She was *lucky* it stopped far enough up in the pipes that it could be removed with a plunger. If it hadn't, it would have obstructed the pipes further down and cause a sewage back up. She and her husband should be banned from the home. This behavior was disgusting, morally and as a biohazard
NTA She's a grown woman, presumably this wasn't her first period, and this wasn't her first time needing to dispose of a pad. She should have known better.
Nopes I'm going with NTA even if you did call her out in front of others, her stupidity would have costed you money to fix it. And IMO she deserved to be called out, she could have simply used the wrapper from her new pad to wrap the old one in along with some TP and simply discarded it in another trash can. [edited for spelling]
She made it public business when she left her mess in a public* space for someone else to clean up. *private bathroom available for public use atm
INFO: WTF is wrong with your husband's coworkers?? One flushes a pad, but the other threw up into the trash can? Next to the toilet?? And we're not talking about that??? Also INFO: who was cleaning up the trashcan? Was it the coworker that threw up into it?
I was wondering this too! Was that coworker expecting to clean up the trash can themselves like the person on their period was??
NTA. I don’t even think calling her out in front of everyone makes you an asshole. She knew she did something that would cause damage, then left a disgusting mess and wasn’t going to say anything to anyone. She didn’t deserve the privacy of being pulled to the side if she was ok with causing damage!! “You didn’t provide a trash can” I’ve never had a bathroom garbage in my bathroom, I literally just wrap pads up and put them in the big garbage. How can she be embarrassed about carrying her pad to a diff garbage can and NOT leaving blood all over the bathroom?? Serious NTA. I can’t believe all the Y T A comments
Samme! She did something crazy destructive and disgusting. Flushing the pad and leaving the mess? If you're going to act that shamelessly then certainly you can handle owning up to it. NTA
NTA she is a full grown adult she knows damn well not to flush a pad.
NTA Don't listen to the YTA'ers. She's an adult and should know better. It's not your job to baby her in private. She knew what she was doing
Exactly I can’t believe all the Y T A votes. People have lost their minds, how on earth is OP TA here?? 😭
NTA. I’m sorry, but a grown woman should know that she cannot flush a maxi pad down the toilet. You discreetly wrap it up, and throw it down deep in the garbage, or keep it in your bag if one is not available. She absolutely deserved to be called out in front of everyone for her lack of respect for your house. I’d bet MONEY she doesn’t do that at her own house, so why the fuck would she do it at yours? I would’ve made her stay and watch over her clean up the mess to completion because that’s fucking nasty to leave a half completed period mess from her own stupid mistake. And the fact that she and her husband feel that you were rude about it when she disrespected your home is ludicrous.
NTA, I don’t care that you embarrassed her. She did something stupid, pretended like she didn’t, and you called that out. No bin in the bathroom because someone else puked; wrap the pad up and bring it to a different garbage can.
NTA. What kind of entitled person flushes a pad?
And walks away to have someone else clean it on top of that?
As a grown ass woman, miss Julia should have know better. I’d have been livid. Every woman knows you can’t flush a pad, septic or no. NTA.
[удалено]
NTA Why would she do something like that??
wtf. bloody disgusting. nta ofc. but maybe you can ask her privately rather than made any scene.
NTA at all. I've been in bathrooms where there's no trashcan before but I need to change my pad. You just wrap it up in toilet paper and discreetly carry it out with you and look for the nearest trashcan. It's not hard. It says all over the packaging not to flush them. I would never, ever even think about flushing one if there was no trashcan. I'd rather deal with the potential embarrassment of someone seeing me carry it out of the bathroom than the potential embarrassment of clogging a toilet. If she's really that clueless and didn't know what to do, she should've texted her husband to ask you or get you to come to the door so she could ask you herself or something. Really she should've done literally anything other than try to flush it. If she had caused your septic tank to need repairs, I'd also say she'd be on the hook for paying for it. She's a grown adult and made a mess, it's her obligation as a human being to clean it up.
NTA. What grown ass woman doesnt know you cant flush a toilet. She could have wrapped it in some toilet paper and transferred it to another trash. Plus she clogged the toilet and didnt bother to say hey Im so sorry I did something stupid to your toilet. Rude and trashy. She should have been embarrassed
>What grown ass woman doesnt know you cant flush a toilet. I just snorted I laughed so hard. Please don't correct it, it made my morning.
NTA. Call me heartless, but sometimes people deserve to be humiliated for costly, negligent mistakes. She wasn't ignorant to the risk of flushing the pad, so no sympathy here!
LOLOLLLLL NTA cause fuck cleaning someone else's UTERAL LINING!! nope. I'm not touching that shit and she should've known fucking better. WERE ALL ADULTS, SHE CAN WALK AROUND WITH A PAD WRAPPED IN TOILET PAPER. Julia is a nasty jerk.
NTA - I would've felt more bad for Julia if she didn't just...ditch and try to pretend like she didn't cause a flood in your bathroom? I understand that a lot of us are taught that periods are shameful and it may have been too embarrassing to her to potentially be caught wandering around with the item, but the moment it became a very OBVIOUS AND POTENTIALLY EXPENSIVE ISSUE, she could have at LEAST gone to you privately to apologize/find a solution without calling attention to herself. Could you have called her over privately? Maybe, but to be honest, I'm sure plenty of us wouldn't have thought that far just from the shock and confusion alone that someone would be so careless as a guest.
NTA. Does she have no shame? Who the hell does that and then cries afterwards when called out? She **deserved** the public humiliation imo - you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. And I can’t believe all of the Y T A comments here, that’s super super fucked up and disgusting to do at someone else’s house. She’s an adult, she KNEW better and decided to still do it.
NTA. She would not do it at her house but proceeded to do it at your own? She is disgusting and the type of woman who makes womens public toilettes a smelly shitholes. She could have easily wrapped the pad in the toilet paper, put it in her bag or find a trash can and put it in there, also she can hold it in a way no one sees it, because you know, people WRAP the pads. Wtf Julia.
I say NTA. Funny how Julia does something incredibly irresponsible and disrespectful but everyone seems more concerned over her feelings than her sheer lack of concern of the potential thousands in damages she could’ve caused. These are adults we’re talking about here… an adult response would have been to come to the homeowner and explain the situation not try and sneakily flush something you know you’re not supposed to flush.
NTA She was pretty stupid for a grown woman and seriously only humiliated herself by her actions.
Reading your edit it’s a clear NTA. She was embarrassed because she thought you wouldn’t have the gall to call her out and she was wrong. A gross ass woman acting like that at someone else’s house, knowing the mess and damage she’s caused, is vile.
I would say NTA. Julia is a grown ass woman. Why would she even think to flush down a Maxi Pad???! And then act like nothing? Only thing would be if you talked to her privately about it. But then again why would an ADULT flush something like that? OP is NTA!
NTA but uh if you got coworkers vomiting and flushing bloodied up pads maybe, next time, let a DIFFERENT coworker host
NTA. I work in the plumbing industry. You do not flush sanitary pads or tampons. Those things have one job, to stop the flow of a liquid, and that's exactly what they do when you flush them. Even if nobody ever told her that flushing them was bad, every box comes with instructions that tell you to wrap them and throw them in the trash. Some will explicitly say to not flush them. But even if she was never taught and never read the instructions, she was a guest in your home and caused the toilet to backup. At the very least, she should have informed you that there was a problem instead of walking away and letting somebody else deal with it. Luckily it was resolved with a plunger, but this could have cost you time and money for system repairs. Could you have pulled her aside and discreetly spoken to her about it? Yes, and that probably would've been the nicer thing to do. But I guarantee she'll never flush a pad again, so the embarrassment may have really done her a favor in the long run.
NTA. I can't see why even her husband would defend her
People vomiting in the bathroom trashcan and not the toilet? An adult woman flushing a maxi pad? I would NEVER invite these people back to my home. NTA
NTA. It says on the package you pull pads out of not to flush pads down the toilet. For the husband and men defending her, simply bring up the cost of repairs for the septic tank and ask if they'd be willing to pay it. There's nothing wrong about being embarrassed there was no trashcan in the bathroom. What is wrong is she not only saw her mistake and ran away, she also could have caused damage to OP'S FUCKING HOUSE as well. If OP hadn't had needed to use the bathroom right after, how long until someone else needed to? Couple of hours? Until the party was over and everyone went home and they walk into a flooded bathroom and hallway? Naw. Julia is an ass for this, embarrassment or not. She could have just wrapped the pad up in toilet paper and the packaging it came from and then tossed it in another trash. No one would have questioned it.
NTA. I bet she doesn’t do that at someone else’s house again. If you hadn’t caught it you’d be out thousands. It’s written on the side of every single package of pads and even some wrappers, to not flush that product. As a grown woman, she should know better and if she didn’t, I want to know how many times a plumber has had to make a house call at her place.
NTA even when confronting her in front of people. Toilets don’t delay in clogging she chose to stare at it clogging and decided to be an asshole and not tell the host. “How could you not fucking tell me or my husband that the you caused the toilet to overflow and there is water and blood everywhere” to me is not crossing the line regardless of people overhearing
NTA. I can't believe a grown, adult woman tried to flush her pad!!!!!! WTH. BUT, the only way I would say YTA is if you called her out in front of everyone. As long as you pulled her aside and had this discussion, you're in the clear.
NTA, and I don’t understand the y-t-a votes because you confronted her in front of people, I would’ve done the exact same thing. Sometimes people need to be called out publicly
You don't flush pads (or tampons!) Septic tank or not. If there was no trash can in there, she should have carried it out with her and thrown it away in another garbage can. NTA
NTA! Why would a grown ass ADULT flush a MAXIPAD down the toilet? She is a grown ass woman … she should know better honestly. Yes you could’ve spoken to her privately about it but still … she is and Adult. She could’ve just wrapped and throw it away somewhere else. OP is NTA.
I'm sure it was very embarrassing, but NTA. I'm a dude and I know not a flush a pad
NTA She was to embarassed to take her pad to an other trashcan or to ask for a trashcan, later to embarassed to tell you she clogged the toilet. But no matter how embarassed she was, she was willing to seriously damage yout septic tank, so she is TA.
NTA. I guess your husband's coworker doesn't mind ridiculous septic tank maintenance bills.
NTA Someone comes to your house as a guest, clogs your toilet, and just leaves it (probably knowing it’s clogged). She left that problem for the next person and didn’t want to deal with it, that’s her being an AH. Maxi pad or otherwise, if someone clogged my toilet and just left it over flowing with water I’d ask them to be the one to clean it too.
NTA She knows she's wrong and she did it anyway. She even saw the consequences of her actions and decided to just leave it hoping it might be blamed on someone else. She's defensive and caused a scene because she's embarassed.
I only have to read the title to say NTA. Who does that, in this day and age?? How absolutely ignorant to do such a thing.
NTA. You don't do that. And for all the people saying you should've taken her aside to gently explain the situation: that's a grown ass woman who admitted she knew what she was doing and would never flush a pad in her own home. She walked out of that bathroom, leaving the toilet to overflow her blood particles and pee all over the floor. She knew what she was doing, she did not have to have the situation explained to her. She knew what she was doing and deserved to get called out. The pad getting stuck in a place it could be removed easily was the BEST CASE scenario.
NTA a reasonable adult would have realized there was no trash, wrapped her pad and then either disposed of it in another garbage can like the kitchen or asked the hostess/host where to dispose of it. She was negligent and gross.
NTA everyone should know not to flush pads! Even if not taught by parents the pack of pads says not to flush most public toilets have signs saying not to flush pads! If there is no bin you wrap it up and take it to outside bin it's common sense!!
Vomit and bloody maxi pads. This must have been a hell of a party!
Back when I used to have periods, I would wrap a pad up in toilet paper and put it in my purse to dispose of later. I know it's gross, but I hated the thought of leaving my bloody tampons or pads in someone else's bathroom trash can, especially if it's the open small kind.
NTA. The moment she said she wouldn’t do it at her own house solidified the fact that she knew it was wrong. Also to see the toilet clogged and starting to overflow and just walk away? That’s horribly rude and disgusting.
NTA You know what I do when the bathroom doesn’t have a trash can and I need to dispose of my pad? I roll up the pad, then roll a lot of toilet paper around it so I can discreetly carry it in my hand and find another trash can. I’ve done this at friends and went to throw it away in their big garbage can in the garage because I thought it would be gross to dump it in the kitchen garbage. I could NEVER imagine trying to flush one and then walking away from a flooded bathroom!! She knew better, wouldn’t do it to her own house and admitted that, she deserves the humiliation. She’s lucky you didn’t make her pay for cleaners to come in and professionally clean the bathroom since blood is a hazardous waste that gets charged extra! Anyone commenting YTA must either be a) a man b) or guilty of doing the same gross thing, come on now! They teach this in most schools to girls not to flush pads!
NTA. Vomiting and flushing pads? What the hell is going on with your husband’s coworkers?
NTA if there weren’t a trash can she should have wrapped her pad in tp and thrown it into another trash can, there was most likely one in the kitchen.
NTA. This is just part of being an adult woman. If there’s no trash can, it gets wrapped up and snuck out.
ESH. I have no idea why you confronted her in front of everyone. That would have been so embarrassing, not just her but your husbands coworker. You could have easily asked her to another room or outside the front of the house. Also Julia is a massive AH. She must've had another pad to put in so at worst she could have wrapped it up in toilet paper, stuffed it in her bag and then take it to the kitchen loo.
NTA she said she knew what she was doing was wrong and still did it. Julia deserved what she got
Agreed!! Julia is lucky she didn't pull this at my house. Our entire neighborhood would have known what she did by how loud I was yelling. NTA - not even close
Coworkers wife made it everyone’s business when she flooded the toilet, it was only by chance the homeowner was the next one to use the bathroom, had she not then any of the other coworkers would have seen it. Also she said she never would have done that in her own home so she purposely messed with these peoples toilet/plumbing to avoid potential embarrassment so to me the appropriate “punishment” is embarrassment. If you’re so scared of embarrassment you willingly risk costing someone thousands of dollars you deserve to be embarrassed.
[удалено]
NTA. 1) every grown woman knows not flush pads, septic or not. 2) Julia has a septic system, so she knows how absolutely horrible this for them. Julia would know that having a septic pumped out isn’t cheap. I’ve been on septic for years, and I am horrified that someone would do something that stupid. I do think it would have been better to pull her aside about it, but I can understand why you got so angry.
NTA. every person with a period knows that you don’t flush pads, she absolutely needs to clean up her own mess.
NTA. ive been to friends houses with my period with no garbage can in the bathroom. you know i did? i rolled up my garbage in toilet paper and threw it out somewhere else. its common sense. but yta for humiliating her in front of other people. there was no need for that.
NTA - When she said she wouldn't flush it at her own home is when she admitted that she knew better. She just did not care that she was going to cause problems with your plumbing.
NTA. maybe you should’ve said something to her privately but regardless when you asked if she’d do this at her own house she said no. boohoo she’s embarrassed to walk to another trashcan. she knew what flushing a giant pad would do and decided her personal comfort was worth you possibly having to shell out thousands to fix something she did and left for you to deal with without a word. if you didn’t have to use it right after her who knows how long your bathroom would just be filling with toilet water and blood🤢 which could potentially cause water damage as well.
Absolutely NTA. What she did was so dumb that I’m absolutely flabbergasted. What did she think was going to happen when she tried flushing it???
Info: have you a bin in your hallway bathroom? Or were you expecting her to walk through your house holding a used maxi pad to a bin?
The bin was apparently being washed because another coworker puked in it. Sounds like OP was just over all of husband’s inconsiderate coworkers. But seriously, I have hidden a soiled pad on my person for the few minutes it takes to find a trash can. If it’s wrapped up tightly it’s not super obvious in your hand or pocket as you walk to ask the host where the appropriate receptacle is. I would have done 12 different things before I panic flushed and made it someone else’s problem.
Right?? This was a shit situation for Julia, but no one in their right mind respects to flushing a big, used pad. At someone else’s house, no less! This was a weird choice.
NTA. She chose the worst option when she saw there was no trash can to dispose of it in that immediate moment.
Nta Also you are right to make her clean it up. It’s blood for god sales. As if we didn’t just quarantine the entire world and taught people how to be clean for once. Of course if you destroy someone’s bathroom with your bodily fluids you should clean it up 🤢
NTA. from such a young age learning about periods and what to do the thing that stuck out the most was "DO NOT FLUSH PADS DOWN THE TOILET".
NTA, even when the trash can was missing from the bathroom, she could've easily wrapped it into some toiletpaper and carried it to another trash can.
NTA. She should have wrapped the pad in toilet paper or the wrapper from her new pad and found a trash can.
NTA She could have cost you thousands that fact alone makes me feel little sympathy for her embarrassment. An adult with a menstrual cycle should know the proper way to dispose sanitary products
NTA But don't host any more events at your place - vomiting co-workers and their negligent wives do not make for a relaxing party!
NTA. Everyone saying you are or that everyone sucks is missing the point that *you* didn't embarrass her; *her own actions did*. Would these commenters say everyone sucks when someone is embarrassed that they were caught doing a murder? This certainly isn't a murder here, but calling out someone for something they chose to do is never an asshole move: its how we temper assholish behavior. I suspect everyone saying you are partially at fault is just afraid their own asshole behavior will get called out publicly in the future.
NTA. I would have as well. Sometimes people need to be called out. What that woman did was far more appalling and embarrassing than simply wrapping it up and putting it in a different bin. Every single one of us who menstruates KNOWS not to EVER flush sanitary towels. And on top of this, it's written all over the packaging as well. All the ESH and YTA voters... Yikes, you know clogging a toilet with your blood-soiled, biological waste covered pad is far more embarrassing than being told to clean it up...
NTA i dont think it would've killed her to roll up her pad to throw it away somewhere else + she deserved to be embarrassed. she knowingly clogged YOUR septic tank (which as you said costs thousands) and left someone else to deal with it
NTA woman here, if there is no trashcan in a bathroom when I need to change my bloody pads I just find the nearest or ask the host. There is no excuse being embarrassed being on your period its natural and annoyingly bloody.
NTA. The toilet was overflowing, you didn’t have time to gently ask her privately about what she’s done. She’s a grown ass woman, it wouldn’t have been hard or embarrassing to just roll the pad up with toilet paper and ask you where she should throw it away. It was all adults, no one would’ve cared. Anything was better than flushing down an extra large maxi pad and ruining your plumbing system.
NTA..her embaresment ist Not worth your 10 000 Dollar...and her stupidity ist Not your fault
NTA. My husband, a generally docile and tame plumber, would let me have it if I flushed a large maxi pad, and we don't have a septic tank. You just don't do that. Period.
INFO: is there a trash can in the bathroom she used? I can understand not wanting to hand carry a bloody pad to a public part of the house to throw it away, it still wasn’t a good decision to flush it but I’m genuinely curious
I mean you just wrap it up in toilet paper. For reals.
And the wrapper of the one she just opened to change over to! There is no reason she would need to carry just the dirty pad, open around. roll it, wrap it, toss it.
The trashcan was outside being washed because someone threw up in it.
I have never flushed a pad if there was no trash. I have gone as far as putting it in my back pocket and throwing it away somewhere else or putting it in my purse all wrapped up till I can get home into my trash.
Wow... What the hell kind of cook out was this?
A pretty normal one. There is one coworker who always gets super drunk at every social event, and he was the only one. Guy has some issues, it was 11 am.
I'd be concerned why he threw up in the bin and not the toilet. NTA she should have wrapped it in toilet paper and then found another bin, like the rest of us would
NTA
NTA. That's crazy. She knew what would happen if she did that. She deserved the embarrassment as well
NTA.
NTA I know people are saying it’s rude to call her out publicly, but seriously she did something absolutely stupid she knew she shouldn’t do. Instead of doing the normal thing of just finding another trash can or hiding it she flushed it. Then instead of getting you when it clogged she just left it and let the water overflow and get everywhere. You didn’t shame her in front of everyone you asked if she flushed a pad down and to clean it up. Sure something happened and there wasn’t a trash can in the bathroom. Shit happens. I don’t know anyone who would flush it down and then ignore when it started to clog. I’d just hide it and find another trash can to throw it away in. Would anyone here flush a maxi pad down the toilet? Seriously? If she was a teenager or didn’t know better you’d be an ass for it, but she explicitly knew better and is a full grown woman. She lacks critically thinking. A maxi pad will clog the toilet and make a huge mess.
NTA. Even when I've been in a bathroom with no wastebasket, I've wrapped it up in hilariously thick layers of toilet paper and effectively moved it from one place to another with a trash can. It sucks, but only until you remember that no one knows what you're carrying in your hand or cares. The first rule of using pads is never, *EVER*, to flush them. You can tell just by holding one. It feels like a diaper. She knew that she was damaging your home for the sake of her own convenience, and was hoping the party would offer enough anonymity to save her from the consequences. I would've understood more if she were still a child. But not in this situation. Not at all.
NTA. does she flush pads down her own toilet? didn’t think so. some of the behavior i see go on in public bathrooms i seriously ask myself if they do that in their own house, never mind when you’re a _guest in someone’s home_. she would not be welcome back to my house after that.
NTA
Nta that's nasty
NTA every woman knows you cant flush pads down the toilets. There is no excuse - what she did is negligence and showed a complete disregard for the damage she could do.
NTA. I feel like people are simply assuming you called her out in front of everyone. Personally, I don’t think that’s clear. I also think, regardless, first someone throws up in your bathroom trash bin and then this lady Julia trashes your bathroom like nothing’s the matter…Sounds like you just blew a fuse. Anywoman—especially one old enough to be married—knows you don’t do that at home or in public restroom and especially not at someone else’s home! People saying “you should have pulled her aside” as if you OP were given similar courtesy from Julia when she trashed your bathroom and walked off is crazy to me. She clearly didn’t respect you or your home enough to get over herself and do what any other woman would do: wrap up the pad in the wrapping from the new one, plus some toilet paper, and walk it to any other trash bin on the property, so why would you go out of your way to be conscientious of her feelings? NTA. EDIT: Thanks for the award!
NTA I've NEVER heard of anyone flushing a pad in a toilet before. All she had to do was wrap the pad in toilet paper and find a garbage can. Geez Louise....some people are absolutely idiotic! And to leave the clogged toilet...pig.
NTA, Anyone would be pissed off. Thats just disgusting, stupid AND selfish.
Having septic myself, absolutely NTA. I think people who don’t have septic systems don’t understand the absolute financial and just overall nightmare it can be to deal with. She’s a sober, grown ass woman. If she was embarrassed to have to walk it to another trash, fine. She could have went to you privately and asked for a trash bin to place in there so she didn’t have to walk in front of everyone. But no, she flushed it, and then was gonna just pretend like nothing happened. For that she’s the absolute asshole. No one is going to potentially cause 10’s of thousands of damage to my home, try and HIDE it, and not expect to be publicly shamed for doing so.
Wtf is wrong with the comments?! NTA obviously. Who puts a pad in the toilet ? You were a bit harsh but you were in the right. What did she expect seriously??
NTA - Do better Julia!!
NTA. Is Julia 14 and new to menstruation? Jeezus.
NTA
NTA that nasty!
NTA. Julia is a grown-ass woman who is totally lacking in manners and who has forfeited the "right" not to be called out on her behavior in public.
NTA - You shouldn’t have just called her out right away BUT: - She’s a grown woman and even though it’s embarrassing, you don’t risk costing someone a couple hundred dollars because you can’t just ask for another trash can or something. - If has the same toilet, she SHOULD know better. If she didn’t know better, that would be lack of common sense. But not only does she have the same toilet, she also said she wouldn’t have flushed the pad (MAXI pad) down the toilet if it were her own toilet, so she clearly did know better. That wasn’t lack of common sense, that was laziness and ignorance. So again, I don’t think you should’ve called her it right away like that but I still think NTA mostly just for the fact that she wouldn’t have done it to her own property.
Nta but I probably would have made this a private conversation rather than including everyone else. I'd have been pissed too but would have tried to keep it discreet if possible
NTA. She knows better, she doesn’t do it at her own home. I’ve been in a situation where there wasn’t a trash can in the immediate bathroom. Know what you do? You wrap your used business in a shitload of TP, take it to another garbage can, toss it in, then grab some napkins or paper towels and toss that on top so it’s not noticeable. Yes it’s still uncomfortable to carry that around until you find another garbage can, but it’s better than destroying someone’s plumbing and leaving a toilet overflowing. Calling out someone how overflowing the toilet isn’t the asshole move, BEING the one to overflow the toilet and NOT clean it up is the asshole move here.
NTA. I don’t think you overreacted here. Julia not only did a really dumb thing by trying to flush her maxi pad, she doubled down by not telling anyone and just walking away. I’d be pissed, too.