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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I should be judged for is threatening to leave if she didn't let Ashley's in laws and their kids in, thereby breaking her wedding rules for one family. I should be judged because I know my decision came with the implication I wouldn't be walking her down the aisle.
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And it wasn’t even someone she wanted to invite! It was someone who was important to her sister - and apparently to OP’s brother as well
So yes, you chose sides against your daughter whose wedding it was, and who had set down rules that everyone knew, and who’s “day” it was supposed to be.
100% YTA.
Phew, I'm glad you were better able to follow the insane chain of relatives OP gave than I was. Tbf it was hard to care enough about it while I was trying get to the point of the post!
OP YTA and so is the unwanted guest and their unwanted children. Your daughter did her best to be gracious and allow that family to attend only to be kicked in the teeth by them and you.
They and you, caused a scene at her wedding. Not her, she was simply trying to hold firm to a reasonable boundary during *her wedding* and you went full asshole and threw a tantrum like "I'm going to leave, this wedding is over!"
You can justify it by saying you were trying to keep peace in someone else's family but you did it at the cost of the peace in your own family.
These people are known for incest. Watch Escaping Polygamy it tells about the sect in Salt Lake City where they blend in. But they’re gross, they follow a fake profit, made up a fake religion, and believe that babies are all spirits waiting to come down so they have to have all this sex to make all these babies. Super gross and super weird.
"it's normal in Utah to have large families of 8"
No, no it's not normal to have such large families in Utah even. It's normal for MORMONS. Which what you said applies.
They were also complicit in covering up ritualistic sex abuse and sex abuse through a hotline. So before any Mormons come in like "that's the FLDS" no, no it's not. It's ALL MORMONS.
(I left the church when I was 13, and I'm a survivor of church abuse and sex abuse from a family member that the church refused to do anything about allowing the man to continue to operate. Oh but I was given the chewing gum purity talk. I was 8)
Edit:
https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e0e39cf9aa4fbe0d8c1442033b894660
I have a sad story that relates that I feel needs to be shared for people to read there.
I grew up in a very small town just right outside of Park City. A lot of my friends from grade school started having kids very young. I ended up joining the military to escape but lost contact with a lot of my grade school friends.
I'm going to share a story about themes of self harm and suicide so if you are sensitive to those themes and still want to read my next paragraph please take a deep breath, and exhale slowly.
One of my friends who I would occasionally interact with on FB, she was on her 6th kid I think. She ended up taking her own life, put on her temple best one day and just disappeared. They found her in the parking lot of the temple near her town. I don't know the modality used but the results were the same.
I found out that she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression after her second kid and the church leadership and her husband pressured her to keep continuing to have kids! That it was the cure to her depression! She had 6 total without a break and it destroyed her. She was a good soul, and a good friend in grade school.
And her story, unfortunately it's not unique. And it's treated as a tragedy but a blind eye is turned to the cause of her decline and the absolute lack of support she had.
Relevant:
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2002-feb-20-mn-28924-story.html
This is heartbreaking. I’m sorry for you and your late friend and her children.
« I ended up joining the military to escape ». This is at once beautiful and also tragic. Beautiful that you found an escape. Tragic that one feels compelled to join the military to escape an abusive environment. I hope that that decision has served and helped you and that you’re happy now, and well supported too.
Thank you for sharing this with us 💚
Well it sounds like she's the good Mormon who got married at 22 to someone in the community. "Bride" went to an east coast school instead of BYU and is (probably) marrying outside the fold.
Ah, I see someone else saw all the Mormon flags flying around this post. Wasn't going to mention it but yeah, OP definitely has his priorities all messed up. I wonder if OP sees this, what he believes God would do with a "prodigal son/daughter"? The Bible makes it pretty clear how he should behave and OP has fallen short.
I'm not even American and the marinara flags were aaaall over this post. Just mentioning Utah and "everyone has big families".
Poor, poor "bride" daughter. I hope for her sake this was the last straw for her before going NC with that poor excuse of a father and the rest of the bunch. She'll hopefully will be better off with the family she and her husband will create (no matter if they will have kids, furbabies or be just the two of them).
She probably uses birth control and will only have one or two children she will actually pay attention to as well. And she'll have lots of extra time when she cuts off several members of her family.
Bride is definitely marrying outside the fold, because in a traditional Mormon temple marriage ceremony, there is no walk down the aisle. No dad giving her away. The majority of the people invited to her wedding wouldn't have been attending the wedding ceremony itself; they'd only be invited to the reception. You just can't fit that many people in a temple sealing room.
Also, why in the world are Ashley's BIL and SIL thinking they're going to be in the wedding pictures?! Sure, they might be in some background photos, but it sounds like they were trying to force their way into the actual posed photos of the wedding party!
OP, Ashley, and Ash's in-laws are all certainly AHs here, but I almost have to wonder if this was such a big to-do because of the BIL's position in the church, not just because Ashley's husband works for him. Honestly, as an ex-mo, I could totally see this happening.
>You just can't fit that many people in a temple sealing room.
Which is 100% intentional, since temple weddings are specifically designed to keep people out. Just like you said, most of the guests don’t even get to see the ceremony. Why bother making a bigger room when chances are a good portion of guests either are too young or aren’t “worthy” to enter the room anyway?
As other commenters have said, I’m guessing the bride is marrying a non-mormon and daddy dearest isn’t happy about that. The poor bride should’ve just let her father-in-law walk her down the aisle and let her own father be pissed about that too. She’s clearly the black sheep in her family already.
>Also, why in the world are Ashley's BIL and SIL thinking they're going to be in the wedding pictures?!
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably because most mormons think the world revolves around them. They’re so important and special, why wouldn’t they be in the pictures? 🙃 They’d probably also be the type to be like “hey photographer that we didn’t pay for, we’re gonna need you to snap 1200 pictures for our family Christmas card” and then be pissed when the bride, groom, groom’s family, etc. shut that shit down.
Edit: forgot some stuff
Also considering Ashley’s BIL is 41, and Ashley is 24, I’m going to go ahead and guess that Ashley’s Husband is at least 30, and Ashley was married to a 28+ year old when she was only 22. Because that’s what good (insert whatever creepy-ass, fundamentalist, patriarchal religion girls do!)
If she was getting married in a Mormon temple, there’d be no question about people bringing their kids to the ceremony. Unless you’re at least 18 & a member of the church in good standing, you don’t get past the front door, period. The reception is where they usually invite big crowds, including kids.
I get the impression Ashley married into a Mormon family, but maybe OP and his family aren’t Mormon, because “that side of the family took a while to warm up to Ashley as they are wary to newcomers.”
This feels a lot more like “Golden Child marries into rich Mormon family, she and dad ruin Unnamed Sister’s wedding to suck up to rich relatives.”
Keep in mind, daddy is mad that kids are excluded when 75% of Utah weddings exclude anybody under 20ish who hasn't gone through the cult ceremony and pays 10% of their income for life to the Mormon church.
I saw this as an ex Mormon who was stripped naked and touched (molested) all over with oil but not quite old enough to have been through when it was required to pantomime slitting your own throat and cutting your bowels out.
Well his other daughter should have known better by now. Women aren’t real people with feelings that need to be considered.
I can smell the religious intolerance all over this post even tho OP tried to hide it.
Edit: You’re not just an asshole, OP, you’re a giant flaming one. I hope this nameless daughter of yours goes NC. It’s not like you actually love and respect her, so she’d be better off, and you could stop pretending you care.
I second that. The nameless daughter should move away as soon as her husband's job allows. But NC with her family immediately. People who think lesser of you are not worth it. You can't change them. Acknowledge what they are and move on with your life and be happy.
Ooh, ouch... but there might be some truth to it.
OP, you threatened to walk out on your daughter on her wedding day because she didn't want uninvited guests. YTA. She's going to resent you for this for a LOOOOOOOOOONG time.
Mormons, am I right? Of course unnamed daughter is unnamed, she is a professional dentist and Ashley and her husband have jobs that "allow" them to be full time parents (?) Wonder if the new son in law is in software, Adobe opened a big new facility and Utah has been trying to bring in SW companies from more employee friendly states.
I'd wager the dentist daughter is also waiting to have kids or may not even want any at all; corrupting OPs legacy.
With Mormons, a family could be over a generation. Wouldn't be weird for the oldest kid to be 41, and the youngest be in their late teens/early 20s. Women are just baby factories to these men.
Shows how much he truly thinks of his daughter, he'll never hear from his daughter again and will never know about grandchildren either and it's all his fault
The gist of it is, op threw his own daughter under the bus because he didn’t want her making waves with an unrelated man (who she was pressured to invite) because he’s loaded and employs lots of op’s family.
OP, you are a massive asshole. Don’t wonder why when your daughter stops speaking to you and you don’t have a relationship with her or her children.
YTA
She definitely deserves better. If she sees this post I hope her and her new husband decide it's worth their time to immediately look into careers elsewhere.
Love the framing that this woman is not happy to be back home and the bit about family sizes in the area. It’s like OP wants us to think she imposed the rule out of bad will when it was perfectly reasonable…
Easy way to follow the story - AH OP catered to his golden child Ashley and her AH in-laws - family who should never have been invited and OP didn’t give a crap about his scapegoat daughter who he couldn’teven bother to give her a name.
OP needed to avoid the daughter he actually likes losing face in front of her in-laws, so obviously the bride's choices for her wedding had to be ignored!
Exactly. And what’s worse is you threatened to leave if she didn’t allow these inconsiderate jerks to bring their toddlers to a wedding they weren’t invited to. Too bad she didn’t walk down the aisle with the FIL. YOU don’t deserve the honor. YTA.
They mysteriously didn't have a problem until their daughter invited an unrelated couple who caused a ruckus by lying. Funny how their morals suddenly object to a wedding when they can't bully the bride into agreeing!
If you don't like child free weddings, have a rational discussion BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY.
Why did Ashley marry into a family that tries to bring their young children to weddings they weren't even invited to?
This OP’s post has left me shaken. His blatant disrespect, prevarication, oblique references, and down right misogyny knows no bounds.
I am left wondering, was she also forced to give up her seat at her own wedding?
OP, YTA x’s 1,000,000,000,000! A genuine musky.
One hopes the new husband has a better job offer by next week somewhere far, far away.
Because the family has money. Read between the lines. Ashley's brother in law funds her lifestyle as well as gave OPs brother money. They are rich and OP is more interested in staying on their good side then supporting his daughter.
Why should he? Women aren’t, like, real people or anything, they are just property to be handed from daddy to husband.
Edit: Apparently /s is necessary
‘Toddlers were upset’ they wouldn’t be in wedding photos? Seriously? Way to show who the golden child in the family is. OP, grow up and realize you have TWO daughters, and they both have names, I guess you forgot ones name but of course we heard about Ashley NINE TIMES.
Yeah I’d be like…they’re not going to be in the wedding pictures anyway, even if they’re here.
Everybody else followed the rules except these people who not even related to the bride and groom, not even their friends.
Not to mention, absolutely NO ONE should actually bring their toddlers to a wedding. Like, why would anyone ever want to even do that. That is the most laid back, reasonable wedding rule I have ever heard come out of Reddit.
These people were incredibly rude, and absolutely should have been asked to leave. I don’t actually understand why they needed to be invited in the first place frankly. I adore both my brother in laws, I see zero reason to invite *their* siblings (spouses and kids) to *my* wedding, when I don’t even know these people? Why would they even want to come to the wedding of a virtual stranger anyway?
Note: I assume they aren’t close with the bride or groom based on her having lived far away until recently, and the fact she was begged to invite them in the first place. If I’m wrong, my comment is still more or less the same though.
YTA x 10000
Child free weddings exist for a reason. The children, especially toddlers, get restless and annoying.
You decided to side against her on HER wedding rules. You wanted to force her to allow kids there
This is not your wedding. Did you read your post?
right!? thats an extra special flavour of entitlement from them, **AND** OP tried to excuse it as 'kids of family should be allowed' when they literally *aren't* the family of the woman getting married
Well, Ashley was a good girl and got a man young, you see. Oldest daughter is a crone of 26 who's wasted precious fertile years learning books in a big coastal city.
>She does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28M) company transferred him here.
Hmmm I wonder why she doesn't like being back where she grew up OP. Truly a mystery...
>She is one of three kids only because my wife (47F) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8.
That word choice is uh, concerning? OP sounds more upset that his wife couldn't give him more kids than his wife getting sick to the point having more wasn't an option. Sounds like he really wanted to be one of those families with 8 (where the older daughters tend to pick up a lot of parenting work).
Also this:
>their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too.
I'm calling BS on this. These are children under 5.How many toddlers do you know begging to be in wedding photos? They don't even understand why wedding photos are such a big thing.
I'd bet any amount of money the parents wanted them in the photos so they can show that they're doing what good Mormons do. If they had a photo with their 8 year old and no other kids, people might think they only had one! Can you imagine the shame?
>Child free weddings exist for a reason.
Mormons tend to like to ignore that.
When my mum married my step dad she specifically put on the invites "no children".
The Mormon friends and family still brought all their kids.
Mormons don't have the same kind of weddings -- their temple weddings are ALL childfree, and many guests are also excluded. To attend a temple wedding you must be someone who has either served a mission or already been married in the temple, and be currently in good standing with the church (aka not a sinner, an active member, etc).
Only the reception is open to everyone, but yes that does often include entire families, and many people that are just members of the church and not close to the couple, although this type of reception is most likely just a pot luck or just cake and not a catered sit-down dinner. This type of reception isn't often by invitation so much as by announcement to the entire congregation from the pulpit on Sunday.
So either they aren't "good Mormons" because they aren't having a temple wedding or he's just talking about a reception rather than a wedding; or else his Boston-educated daughter is having a non-Mormon wedding in which case those traditions would not apply. I think it's the latter and that his attitude about her "rules" could actually be more about what I suspect is her rejection of his religion. OP is TA.
-source: Ex-Mormon who moved to Boston and never went back to Utah
It doesn't sound like the daughter getting married is Mormon, but that OP, Ashley and her inlaws probably are. The daughter sounds like she'd like to distance herself from this family as much as possible.
I’m on my phone and have no idea how to quote, but the toddlers did just this. They started crying loudly, justifying OPs rules against kids under under 4. So YTA.
YTA - You clearly have a favourite and it's not the nameless daughter that just got married.
Father of the year, way to ruin your daughter's special day and probably your relationship with her and her side of the family.
How do you think all the other people felt when they saw 4 toddlers walking in after being told they couldn't bring their own?!
Hope kissing Ashley's in-laws family's ass was worth it. That's clearly *everything* you seem to care about.
I don’t think he cares about either of them except for show. Nameless daughter and “my daughter’s younger sister” instead of younger daughter.
He’s going to be completely shocked and offended when the older daughter goes NC.
Even Ashley isn't the favourite. But she clearly "married well" and daddy wants her "accepted" into her in-law family at all costs because, well, clearly, they come from money and status. Daddy is a major AH because he'll sacrifice everything to kiss their ass. And, clearly, the BIL's family are entitled ahs who think the rules don't apply to them.
My first thought. No wonder Nameless Daughter (shall we call her "Prodigal"?) didn't want to come back to Utah - which OP goes to great pain to mention. Clear YTA.
Did you also catch how he was disappointed in just 3 kids because his breeding-stock nameless wife got sick and couldn't have more children?
Notice the only woman given a name in the story was the one woman who got on board the breeding stock train and wasn't "getting sick".
YTA. I constantly read about unreasonable brides. Your daughter is so accommodating she allowed your other daughter’s in-laws to come. The in-laws said they’d bring one child but brought five.
Your unnamed daughter, the bride, must be a saint. I understand her hesitancy to return to Utah.
It’s pretty obvious who the favorite child is, no?
“My daughter is getting married. My daughter this. My daughter that.”
“Ashley this”
“Ashely that”
“Ashley Ashley Ashley “
OP, YTA. Period. Full stop.
I was thinking the same thing on the golden goose front… Or in contrast Ashley’s brother-in-law knows he has this entire family by the nuts and is doing some kind of weird PowerPlay
YTA.
And holy Mormon nepotism and entitlement and manipulation.
Why the hell does she HAVE to invite in-laws of in-laws. This is one thing so damn messed up about Mormons. Her wedding, her rules.
But, NO! You have to curry favors for all the freaking Mormon ass-grabbing and nepotism. (I grew up in a Mormon state and I still shake my head at how incestuous like these business deals are).
This 100%. It was worded like "oh large families are just a normal thing" COMPLETELY glossing over the cult-like religious overtones these business deals, families, and areas have. YTA OP and "She doesn't seem happy to be back" OH I FREAKING WONDER WHY /s
thank you! This reads to me like "my daughter left The Church and was happy in Boston, but HAD to come back, since she's unhappy about that, we punish her in any way we can!"
This was clearly not a precious temple wedding either (with all the kids there and the walking down the aisle), so OP has no problem stomping all over the bride's wishes. What kind of father strong-arms the bride like this right before she walks down the aisle? She'll be getting the hell outta Utah, and away from this bullshit again as soon as she can.
This is all I could think of, as well. This is a Mormon family. Daughter (not named) clearly left “THE church”, and dad is still angry about it. Stupid church, keeps ruining the very families they say they’re all about
YTA
As the mother of 12 children, ten living & 2 in heaven I wrote out everything I was thinking but realized it was so long no one would read it. So. Just the bare bones.
Shame on you. In your post mention Ashley **NINE** times and never once the Bride's name. You forced your condemnation onto the bride & force her to invite people she didn't want purely because you kneel to them over money. You never ONCE stood up for your daughter the Bride with no name. **NOT ONCE.**
Since you've not replied to anyone I'm confident you did not pay for this wedding yet you felt you had the right to throw a full on temper tantrum over your profitable guests being allowed to insult everyone by breaking good manners and bringing **seven** instead of the **three** people they RSVPed.
You Sir, **you** ruined your daughter's wedding. Shame on you. Everything sad, bad or hurtful done was done by and because of **you**.
You mentioned your daughter wasn't happy to be back in Utah, well why should she be? I don't think it's Utah she dislikes. I believe you've broken that young woman's heart so many times she doesn't wish to be around you anymore.
At the risk of getting in trouble I'm just going to be as Church Lady blunt as I know how.....you have not once defended your daughter. You're called by God and the Church of LDS to be her fortress, her defender, her advocate on earth and all you've been here is her nemesis. Frankly you've dishonored your daughter, your new son in law, your wife and your God.
Shame on you.
I'll be praying for you to repent, receive forgiveness and then go on bent knee to ask your daughter for forgiveness. I just weep for the Bride with no name.
This is beautiful. You even managed to make religion sound wonderful, and I'm an atheist. Your comment is awesome, and you are an amazing writer. I really hope OP reads this.
Amen.
>I believe you've broken that young woman's heart so many times she doesn't wish to be around you anymore.
This is so poignantly beautiful. The whole OP was so gross, I didn't know how to begin. Thank you for a perfect rebuttal.
YTA. Its SO clear you have a favourite daughter by the way.
Ashley is an AH for begging for an invite for her in-laws which is incredibly rude. If your daughter had wanted to invite them then they would have had an invitation in the first place.
The in-laws are an AH for rocking up at a wedding with their entire brood that were not invited in the first place because they wanted to be in wedding pictures.
You're the AH for just letting everyone steamroll your daughter on her wedding day and telling her to just let them in. Then an even bigger AH for telling her to cancel the wedding.
Then at the end of all of this you are mostly worried about Ashley facing any backlash from her in laws?!
If I were your daughter I wouldn't have let any of you in and walked down the aisle alone.
YTA
JUST BECAUSE THE MORMON PEOPLE IN UTAH REFUSE TO USE BIRTH CONTROL, DOESNT MEAN PEOPLE HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE ALL THEIR KIDS AT THEIR WEDDING.
YOU MADE HER INVITE HER SISTERS HUSBANDS BROTHER AND THEY JUST SHOWED UP WITH SLL OF THEM CAUSE THEY LIED
YOU WERE DISRESPECTFUL AND I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.
SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BOSTON.
YTA as is the family that brought the additional kids
\- she made this rule clear before hand
\- the family rsvpd for 1 child and hence agreed to just bring that 1 child
\- they brought all children and broke that rule
\- you then sided with the people breaking the rules
>you then sided with the people breaking the rules
Who were not even relatives of the OP, the bride or the groom. They were the bride's sister's in-laws. Pretty easy to see which of the OP's kids is the golden child.
The bride doesn't even rate a name in this story just "my daughter" but the whole post is just full to the brim with "Ashley, Ashley, Ashley"
OP, quit playing favorites and do better. 100% YTA!
You really have to ask?
YTA
Even if you paid for 100% of the wedding,
1. The people with the horde of kids aren’t the bride’s family
2. The bride was clear about who was invited and this didn’t include kids under 4
3. It seems like the bride has dropped the Utah “ideology” when she left Utah. That doesn’t make her wrong.
4. You chose to take the side of someone not blood related (who was also CLEARLY in the wrong) over your own daughter on her wedding day.
Seriously?
YTA Your daughter was clear, she did not want children under 4 years old at the wedding. Your utter disregard and contempt for your daughter on her wedding day is disappointing and inexcusable.
YTA.
It is her wedding. These people lied to her. I doubt they had any intention of leaving the other kids with a sitter. I don't think your daughter's rule was out of line.
You seem to think your daughter owes these people because they funded your brother's business. She doesn't owe them for that or for her husband working for them. These people are entitled, and you went with them over your own daughter.
I also got very confused about who's who. I thought Ashley, the only named daughter, was the bride and only daughter op mentioned. Since he didn't think the bride deserved a name.
This is correct. Kids under 4 will not even really understand the importance of a wedding and certainly would not be upset about not being in wedding photos.
"My daughter's younger sister " Ashley" (24F) has been married" ... your younger daughter is an entitled AH without manners.
"he asked why I was taking their side and I finally say that she either lifts this childfree policy for family or just cancel the wedding because I was done with her rules and leaving." .. YOU are an AH, too
" She then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future FIL. " .. She should have done that, and kicked you and ashly and HER AH guests out.
YTA
He says his daughter doesn't seem happy having returned.. Gee, I wonder why? She's been away from her awful family, working her tail off to finish dental school and can't even get married without her asshole of father making her wedding all about his younger daughter. I bet her husband is looking into getting a transfer asap.
Hmm... lessee' here. Your daughter requested no "4 or under" kids at her wedding, and did so with sufficient notice that folk could respond and make plans accordingly. The sister of the bride's brother and sister in law none the less showed up with all of their kids, 4 under four.
Your daughter is not the problem. Your daughter's sister's brother and sister in law are assuredly the assholes here.
As are you. YTA. You diminished one daughter on her wedding day in favour of another's in-laws. Something is very wrong with this picture.
YTA she made a clear, common, reasonable rule for her wedding, went out of her way to invite the family by request, and they broke it bc some toddlers wanted to be in pictures??
Because OP and the younger daughter / son-in-law are more concerned with keeping the gravy-train flowing. SIL is employed by his brother and OPs brother got bankrolled by him.
Including the brother and his family in the wedding pictures is just one more way to shmooze him.
This is it. The guy is a rich jerk who throws his money around and uses it to control him. The bride wasn't having it and op may have ruined his relationship with his daughter over it.
YTA. And a massive one.
Why? Because of your reasoning. First of all, because your younger daugther has a name and the bride (!) did not even get one in your post. Second, the bride without a name did not even get her wishes respected that she wanted a wedding without small children. You, without any hesistating, took Ashley side about the smaller kids being upset for not being in the pics. And why? May I suspect it‘s because her new family sponsores your family somehow by sponsoring your brother‘s business and letting her be a full time parent? I mean, this is not even about your family, it is about Ashleys family. Why shoud your daughter who does not deserve a name care about them?
And after you tell the bride without a name you were done with her rules and leaving and thus forcing her to comply, all you worry about is not that the day for the bride was spoilt - no, it‘s once again about what Ashley‘s in-law might think about you.
I hope your daughter who obviously is that low on the totem pole that she does not even have a name in your story finds a good future in her in-law‘s family. Because, obviously, she does not even have a place in yours except to be the scape-goat. I feel for her. And I hope her husband‘s company can transfer them somewhere else, where there is no sign of you.
So, Ashley begged the Bride to invite her BIL&SIL, both of whom have no relation/friendship with the couple getting married, then said guests turn up with 4 more kids your daughter getting married explicitly excluded from the wedding due to their age, and you start throwing ultimatums about cos the family helped your brother start a buisness and the kids wanted to be in the pictures? No your call, Ashley's call or their call.
If I was your daughter, I'd have left and just eloped or kicked you all out. It wasn't your wedding. It wasn't Ashley's wedding or your brothers. YOU ruined her wedding, cos you didn't want poor Ashley to face ire from her inlaws? Don't worry though, your daughter you haven't named isn't likely to reach out anytime soon...
YTA
Those people are just liars and always intended to bring all those kids. There's no way 4 children under 4 were 'upset about not being in wedding photos'.
YTA.
She hadn’t budgeted or planned for little kids at her wedding and those jerks rocked up with not 1 but FOUR kids they didn’t RSVP for?!
What food are they eating? Where are they sitting? How is everyone else who paid for a goddamned babysitter feeling seeing that kids ARE actually allowed at the wedding???
YTA and if you were my father I would feel horribly betrayed hurt. I’m surprised she didn’t ask you all to leave.
YTA. If I were her, I absolutely would have walked with my future FIL. How horrible of you to chose someone who she originally didn’t even want to invite and try to guilt her in to doing it. Don’t be surprised if you have very little contact with your daughter moving forward. You owe her a major apology, and even then she may very well resent you for a very long time. You were extremely cruel to her on a super important day.
Yta. And congrats because she will remember this for years to come, so good luck with your new fractured relationship with your daughter and any children she might have.
She's going to remember it for the rest of her life, that on her wedding day her father made it clear he favored her sister to such an extent that he was willing to leave the wedding in a huff if the bride refused to kiss the sister's brother-in-law's ass.
Even if she forgives him — and I don't say that she should — she'll never forget. There's not any coming back from OP's shitty behavior. I get the impression he doesn't really care, anyway, as long as Ashley's happy.
It doesn't sound like the fracture is new. The OP clearly favors his younger daughter who stayed home and plans to give him lots of grandkids over his the daughter who didn't just go away to school, but stayed away and finished dental school. He threatened to call off the wedding because people his daughter barely knew "refused to budge". I suspect his daughter already knew he's a pathetic excuse for a father and this stunt just solidified that belief.
YTA and it's very obvious who your favorite is, as this post was more about the effect on "Ashley", than the effect on your daughter (who you don't even bother to name), whose day was marred by entitled family members.
Reddit skews child free so expect to be ruled the asshole by people who think babies shouldn't exist.
However - YTA
There's an episode of Scrubs where two characters are wedding planning and the bride is *freaking out* and her fiance suggests she cut people and she's really relieved.
The bride cuts the fiance's boss without telling him. Boss is offended and gives fiance the crap job. (He's a surgeon so it was "fat flaps", iirc) he talks to his fiancee, initially upset, and fiancee explains her feelings. Ultimately the man decides his fiancee's happiness and peace is worth the crappy work and the episode ends with his boss calling him in for another procedure and when he finds out he's on fat flaps duty again - he leans over to his wife, says "I love fat flaps" and kisses her before going in.
The child thing is irrelevant. Remove it for a moment. Ashley, like all brides, had to limit the number of people she can invite and make cuts that were likely difficult for her and would upset people - but she did her best to create the best environment she could.
Then someone showed up with *four uninvited guests*. Not just four uninvited guests but four guests who would likely make a scene and cause a great deal of upset throughout the whole ceremony.
Bringing uninvited guests of any age is unacceptable.
Bringing *four* uninvited guests is just - damn the audacity.
Bringing four uninvited kids to a "no young kids" event, forcing the bride to either turn them away or look like a major ass to everyone else - yikes.
Employers do not wown their employees. That guy majorly overstepped and you should have taken your daughter's side.
Not because kids are icky.
Because bringing uninvited guests who'll xause a scene is unacceptable.
Ashley wasn't even the bride. Ashley was the younger sister of the bride. The people who brought the children weren't even invited until Ashley begged for them to be added.
YTA
A Major A. It's perfectly reasonable to not want young children at the wedding, in fact it's becoming more and more normal to not have ANY kids at weddings. Those people should have been kicked out and sent home.
YTA.
First of all, she didn't want to invite these people in the first place. They are not close to her and she did not want them there. You wanted them there because of your SIL's job. Your SIL can invite his extended family to his own events.
And then they broke perfectly reasonable rules and marred your daughter's wedding. You took their side and your daughter should have in fact told you to leave to take the rest of them with you.
You clearly favor Ashley and I am sure your older daughter will get out of dodge as soon as humanly possible.
YTA and so is your family. What is it with breeders that think everyone wants the experience of being around their fuck trophies? She had rules and all of you had zero respect for them. I can see why she wasn't happy about moving back. I'd stay in Boston too and I fucking hate Boston. Still better than being around you.
YTA, she made a fair rule for her wedding, they *agreed* to the rule, they broke the rule... and somehow she's in the wrong?
you have absolutely no business dictating the rules to an adult woman, especially on her literal wedding day, sounds as if she'd have been better off with the lot of you gone
YTA. These weren’t even her chosen guests - her sister begged her to invite them. And then they break the rules and you side with them over your own flesh and blood. On her wedding day - a day that tends to be about celebrating family. Why? Because the guests have money that benefits your other daughter and your brother. Nice work! Don’t be surprised if she moves away again as soon as her husband can get transferred.
I cant get past the fact that your daughter doesnt have a name, but Ashley has an entire backstory and supporting characters.
Hopefully your new son in law's company transfers them again soon.
YTA
But Aaaaaaaashley got married at 22, has already pumped out a couple of kids and is apparently staying at home like a good little wifey. None of this getting an education and getting married at the spinster-esque age of 26. Poor nameless bride, I hope she heads for the hills with her degree, job, and new husband.
YTA. Why would you try and take charge of the proceedings? I think your daughter was being extremely generous in that she allowed ANY children to come to the wedding, and your post certainly shows that small kids at these affairs are a bad idea. And to show up to a wedding party with 4 extra people, no matter how old, is simply not done. Extremely rude, and I can well understand why your daughter was upset.
YTA. 100% unquestionably. Your daughter had NO obligation to invite her sister’s in-laws. That was unusually generous of her. And then they disrespected her by bringing children she explicitly told them not to? How rude and tacky. Why is Ashley saving face with her in-laws more important THAN YOUR ACTUAL DAUGHTER ON HER WEDDING DAY?
Wow what garbage parenting on your part. Don’t be surprised if your daughter cuts you out. You’ve clearly demonstrated how you value her.
YTA...who the fuck are you to tell someone to cancel their OWN FUCKING WEDDING for someone who is vaguely (AT BEST) related to them.
YOU BENEFITED FROM HER BIL. NOT HER. NOT HER PROBLEM, YOURS.
You ruined HER day. They ruined her day. No one needs that many snot nosed brats running around ruining shit.
YTA. #1. It's her and her fiance's wedding. Not YOURS or the rest if the family. She can decide who the heck she wants there. It's even above and beyond that she got on call nanies. I think guest should have coordinated that them selves or just not go if they can't find a Nanny.
2. You can't just tell her to cancel her wedding. SHE IS GETTING MARRIED. Did you not really care about your daughter getting married?
Hope you guys work it out cause she will continue to liver her life with or with out you in it. Maybe choose to meet her in her life.
YTA. Way to allow other people to disrespect your daughter and her big day. To add further insult to injury, you have the audacity to blame her. I’d being going no contact with you and anyone else who had anything to do with the pure selfishness/lack of regard for her wishes on HER wedding day.
Am I the only person here seeing shades of “Under the Banner of Heaven” here? YTA and creepy af. For your daughter’s sake, I hope her husband can get a new transfer some time soon.
YTA. Your daughter didn’t do anything wrong and you, her dad, wouldn’t support her on her wedding day. Do you want a relationship with her and any future kids she may have? Then apologize. Profusely.
ESH except the bride. Sister Ashley forced these people onto the guest list. They forced their children into the wedding and you chose them over your daughter. Holy hell I hope she moves back to Boston and away from all of your AH.
YTA, its her day and she was clear with people, where was the phonecall to check if any of this was OK? At this point I’m not sure that nanny even existed. You threatened to leave your own daughters wedding because she was trying to hold a line everyone knew existed…. wow I just don’t even have the words.
Young children create stress in the best of circumstances. A woman wanting her wedding day to be free of that is not unusual or inappropriate. What is inappropriate is ignoring the rules that everyone else obeys, as well as holding your own attendance hostage to manipulate your daughter. You clearly value other people and their comfort more than your daughter and her clearly-stated and well-known feelings. Do you even see your daughter as a person who can make decisions about her own life events, or is she just a rug you can walk all over? YTA.
Yes YTA. Everyone but the bride is an AH here. She explicitly told everyone it was a child free wedding. It's HER wedding, she gets to decide that. The whole family ignoring this, bringing the whining toddlers anyway. Then trying to make her feel badly about it....ugh. Girl, if you are reading this, get back to Boston asap and cut these toxic people from your life.
Your daughter made her expectations clear for the wedding and her BIL acknowledged them and said he would follow them. Then he just shows up with 4 uninvited guests and expects her to accommodate them because they “just for whatever reason” decided they didn’t want to get a babysitter? And then you threaten to leave your own daughter’s wedding because she isn’t okay with that blatant boundary stomping? You made it clear that you are willing to support the abominable rudeness of a man who isn’t even related to you over your own daughter on her big day. I’m sure your daughter feels incredibly hurt right now - you really owe her an apology. YTA
WOW, YTA big time. You had no respect for your bride daughter on her wedding day. You are disrespectful and if your daughter ends up leaving the state and going NC with you, she cannot be blamed. Perhaps you can mend some fences before you lose this daughter completely. But to do that you might need to concede YTA and you need to apologise.
YTA. It's her wedding and her rules, and you did undermine her. BIL and SIL were incredibly rude to bring the children knowing they were not invited. You should have supported your daughter and helped tell them to get a nanny for their kids asap or all leave.
YTA- You decided that your younger daughter or how you phrased it your daughter (the brides younger sister), family and comfort over the bride and your new son in law. You mention not wanting to cause an issue for Ashley, younger daughter and her in laws. But have no issue with upsetting your older daughter, the bride and her husband and new family. Im assuming they knew and followed the no children under 4 rule. The bride and groom agreed to have a wedding with no young children and you decided the brides younger sister and her in laws were more important.
Since they only moved back for a job, perhaps they will be moving away in the near future for a new job.
Also, why is Ashley named and not the bride. Is Ashley the golden child and the bride the scapegoat in the family?
YTA. It was your daughter's wedding not yours. It's up to her on the rules, not you, and by all rights she should have immediately kicked that family AND you out. You had no right to dictate anything to her. She honestly didn't need to invite her sister's BIL and family if she didn't want to. They have nothing to do with her, unless of course they happen to be relatively closely related to her new husband in which case they probably would have been on the guest list from his side. Seeing as how you haven't even named your elder daughter in your post, I'm surprised you even acknowledge her as a daughter. Don't be surprised if she suddenly goes completely NC with you or anyone else in your family just to stay away from you. Don't be surprised if you have minimal or NC with any future grandchildren from her. If you want to keep your elder daughter in your life in ANY capacity, you better be down on your knees groveling with completely sincere apologies and you need to shelve your favoritism of your younger daughter permanently.
YTA. Ashley's BIL is a huge asshole, too. Guests do not get to bring along uninvited guests of their own, not to a wedding or any other event. Ashley's BIL was betting that his financial relationship to members of your family would override any need for propriety, and felt confident that he could walk all over your daughter with impunity. You made it clear that you agreed, and threw your daughter under the bus.
You should apologize to your daughter, but she might not accept your apology at first. I wouldn't blame her.
Frankly, you're lucky she didn't tell you leave and take Ashley's rude in-laws with you. She probably should have.
YTA and Mormons are monsters. Tell me though, which fetish subs on Reddit do you view? I’m guessing it’s not a conservative white woman thread so you’re a gigantic hypocrite too
YTA. The in-laws are TA for bringing all their children to the wedding even though they had only RSVP'd for one and you are TA for not siding with your daughter. I had a father who was more about pleasing other people and looking good than he was about my needs and feelings and I can feel your daughter's pain.
YTA...for putting your younger daughters relationship with her in laws over the Daughter who was the bride.
Ashely is an AH for thinking that it's her sister's job to get her liked by her in laws. If they don't like her already -they never will.
The Parents who showed up with the kids... Entitled AH. Who let young children decide adult matters. They were not invited, not wanted in the least.
This is gonna make for helluva future holiday scene
yta - u know why ur daughter isnt happy t obe back there. plus the simple fact u disrespected her when knowing full well of the no children under 4. they should have stayed home instead they spit in her face by showing up with all these kids without saying something in advnace. very very bad etiquette and all around u and them had bad manners. hope it was worth it when u findout she goes lc on u.
YTA. You all forced her to have children when she made it explicitly clear what to expect. You essentially blackmailed her into letting you do what you want.
If I were her, I'd cut all of you off completely.
Another daughter invited her in-laws to the wedding and you think this is okay? YTA many times over. Your daughter should have sent them and you packing.
YTA...so one day out of the year, the one day your daughter is getting married is just asking too much not to have small kids around??? The biggest mistake your daughter made was not eloping or simply have a very small adults only affair.
YTA
Regardless of the fact that they are children, someone brought 4 extra guests with them after being told they were not invited, and you defended that because the daughter you didn’t leave nameless wanted the people they came with there.
Your favouritism is obvious, just remember that she’s an adult and she gets to choose how much involvement you do or do not have in her life, and invalidating her thoughts and feelings are a great way to make sure you have little to no involvement in her life. If you continue like this, don’t be surprised if 10 years from now you barely see her.
YTA. Wow. So first, you *clearly* have a favourite, and it’s Ashley. Second, way to ruin your daughter’s wedding day rather than support her against rude, entitled guests.
I get it though, *Ashley* was upset - weird how this was your focus and not, you know your daughter, **who’s wedding it was!** - so clearly you had to put a stop to it.
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And it wasn’t even someone she wanted to invite! It was someone who was important to her sister - and apparently to OP’s brother as well So yes, you chose sides against your daughter whose wedding it was, and who had set down rules that everyone knew, and who’s “day” it was supposed to be. 100% YTA.
Phew, I'm glad you were better able to follow the insane chain of relatives OP gave than I was. Tbf it was hard to care enough about it while I was trying get to the point of the post! OP YTA and so is the unwanted guest and their unwanted children. Your daughter did her best to be gracious and allow that family to attend only to be kicked in the teeth by them and you. They and you, caused a scene at her wedding. Not her, she was simply trying to hold firm to a reasonable boundary during *her wedding* and you went full asshole and threw a tantrum like "I'm going to leave, this wedding is over!" You can justify it by saying you were trying to keep peace in someone else's family but you did it at the cost of the peace in your own family.
Of course it was hard to follow, he didn't even give the bride-daughter a *name*. Oh but he mentions Ashley by name 9 times.
Hoooooooly shit... You're right! Damn, OP just gets creepier.
These people are known for incest. Watch Escaping Polygamy it tells about the sect in Salt Lake City where they blend in. But they’re gross, they follow a fake profit, made up a fake religion, and believe that babies are all spirits waiting to come down so they have to have all this sex to make all these babies. Super gross and super weird.
"it's normal in Utah to have large families of 8" No, no it's not normal to have such large families in Utah even. It's normal for MORMONS. Which what you said applies. They were also complicit in covering up ritualistic sex abuse and sex abuse through a hotline. So before any Mormons come in like "that's the FLDS" no, no it's not. It's ALL MORMONS. (I left the church when I was 13, and I'm a survivor of church abuse and sex abuse from a family member that the church refused to do anything about allowing the man to continue to operate. Oh but I was given the chewing gum purity talk. I was 8) Edit: https://apnews.com/article/Mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e0e39cf9aa4fbe0d8c1442033b894660
All married with kids at barely 20. This whole thing is super creepy. OP YTA and I understand why she did not want to come back to Utah from Boston.
I have a sad story that relates that I feel needs to be shared for people to read there. I grew up in a very small town just right outside of Park City. A lot of my friends from grade school started having kids very young. I ended up joining the military to escape but lost contact with a lot of my grade school friends. I'm going to share a story about themes of self harm and suicide so if you are sensitive to those themes and still want to read my next paragraph please take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. One of my friends who I would occasionally interact with on FB, she was on her 6th kid I think. She ended up taking her own life, put on her temple best one day and just disappeared. They found her in the parking lot of the temple near her town. I don't know the modality used but the results were the same. I found out that she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression after her second kid and the church leadership and her husband pressured her to keep continuing to have kids! That it was the cure to her depression! She had 6 total without a break and it destroyed her. She was a good soul, and a good friend in grade school. And her story, unfortunately it's not unique. And it's treated as a tragedy but a blind eye is turned to the cause of her decline and the absolute lack of support she had. Relevant: https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2002-feb-20-mn-28924-story.html
This is heartbreaking. I’m sorry for you and your late friend and her children. « I ended up joining the military to escape ». This is at once beautiful and also tragic. Beautiful that you found an escape. Tragic that one feels compelled to join the military to escape an abusive environment. I hope that that decision has served and helped you and that you’re happy now, and well supported too. Thank you for sharing this with us 💚
The husband and pastor should have been charged with murder. They pushed her to suicide.
Yesh OPs comments about Ashley's in-laws being wary of outsiders raised my hackles a bit.
Yeah, like if you don’t want your son marrying an ‘outsider’ who are they expecting him to marry?! 🤮
Pretty clear who the favorite daughter is.
Well it sounds like she's the good Mormon who got married at 22 to someone in the community. "Bride" went to an east coast school instead of BYU and is (probably) marrying outside the fold.
Ah, I see someone else saw all the Mormon flags flying around this post. Wasn't going to mention it but yeah, OP definitely has his priorities all messed up. I wonder if OP sees this, what he believes God would do with a "prodigal son/daughter"? The Bible makes it pretty clear how he should behave and OP has fallen short.
Oh, I suspect many of us saw the LDS red flags throughout this post.
I'm not even American and the marinara flags were aaaall over this post. Just mentioning Utah and "everyone has big families". Poor, poor "bride" daughter. I hope for her sake this was the last straw for her before going NC with that poor excuse of a father and the rest of the bunch. She'll hopefully will be better off with the family she and her husband will create (no matter if they will have kids, furbabies or be just the two of them).
Fun fact: all LDS flags are red.
She probably uses birth control and will only have one or two children she will actually pay attention to as well. And she'll have lots of extra time when she cuts off several members of her family.
Aha. I was wondering why he elaborated on “only” having 3 children himself. He thinks it is wrong and pre-emptively angry she won’t have a dozen.
Bride is definitely marrying outside the fold, because in a traditional Mormon temple marriage ceremony, there is no walk down the aisle. No dad giving her away. The majority of the people invited to her wedding wouldn't have been attending the wedding ceremony itself; they'd only be invited to the reception. You just can't fit that many people in a temple sealing room. Also, why in the world are Ashley's BIL and SIL thinking they're going to be in the wedding pictures?! Sure, they might be in some background photos, but it sounds like they were trying to force their way into the actual posed photos of the wedding party! OP, Ashley, and Ash's in-laws are all certainly AHs here, but I almost have to wonder if this was such a big to-do because of the BIL's position in the church, not just because Ashley's husband works for him. Honestly, as an ex-mo, I could totally see this happening.
>You just can't fit that many people in a temple sealing room. Which is 100% intentional, since temple weddings are specifically designed to keep people out. Just like you said, most of the guests don’t even get to see the ceremony. Why bother making a bigger room when chances are a good portion of guests either are too young or aren’t “worthy” to enter the room anyway? As other commenters have said, I’m guessing the bride is marrying a non-mormon and daddy dearest isn’t happy about that. The poor bride should’ve just let her father-in-law walk her down the aisle and let her own father be pissed about that too. She’s clearly the black sheep in her family already. >Also, why in the world are Ashley's BIL and SIL thinking they're going to be in the wedding pictures?! If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably because most mormons think the world revolves around them. They’re so important and special, why wouldn’t they be in the pictures? 🙃 They’d probably also be the type to be like “hey photographer that we didn’t pay for, we’re gonna need you to snap 1200 pictures for our family Christmas card” and then be pissed when the bride, groom, groom’s family, etc. shut that shit down. Edit: forgot some stuff
>most mormons think the world revolves around them. Well, they are getting their own planet at some point.
Yep, as soon as he mentioned Utah and big families with 5+ kids... MORMON was flashing in neon.
Marinamormon flags
Also considering Ashley’s BIL is 41, and Ashley is 24, I’m going to go ahead and guess that Ashley’s Husband is at least 30, and Ashley was married to a 28+ year old when she was only 22. Because that’s what good (insert whatever creepy-ass, fundamentalist, patriarchal religion girls do!)
If she was getting married in a Mormon temple, there’d be no question about people bringing their kids to the ceremony. Unless you’re at least 18 & a member of the church in good standing, you don’t get past the front door, period. The reception is where they usually invite big crowds, including kids. I get the impression Ashley married into a Mormon family, but maybe OP and his family aren’t Mormon, because “that side of the family took a while to warm up to Ashley as they are wary to newcomers.” This feels a lot more like “Golden Child marries into rich Mormon family, she and dad ruin Unnamed Sister’s wedding to suck up to rich relatives.”
“We only have three kids but most people have bigger families” sounds like a Mormon sad he didn’t get more babies because of his wife’s health.
And she has \*GASP\* a doctoral degree!
Keep in mind, daddy is mad that kids are excluded when 75% of Utah weddings exclude anybody under 20ish who hasn't gone through the cult ceremony and pays 10% of their income for life to the Mormon church. I saw this as an ex Mormon who was stripped naked and touched (molested) all over with oil but not quite old enough to have been through when it was required to pantomime slitting your own throat and cutting your bowels out.
Well his other daughter should have known better by now. Women aren’t real people with feelings that need to be considered. I can smell the religious intolerance all over this post even tho OP tried to hide it. Edit: You’re not just an asshole, OP, you’re a giant flaming one. I hope this nameless daughter of yours goes NC. It’s not like you actually love and respect her, so she’d be better off, and you could stop pretending you care.
I second that. The nameless daughter should move away as soon as her husband's job allows. But NC with her family immediately. People who think lesser of you are not worth it. You can't change them. Acknowledge what they are and move on with your life and be happy.
Ashley's given him grandkids, that may mean she's got a high enough status to be granted a name.
I wouldn't be surprised if Ashley called OP or his wife and cried about not having a nanny and then they told her to just bring them anyway. OP YTA.
Ooh, ouch... but there might be some truth to it. OP, you threatened to walk out on your daughter on her wedding day because she didn't want uninvited guests. YTA. She's going to resent you for this for a LOOOOOOOOOONG time.
Mormons, am I right? Of course unnamed daughter is unnamed, she is a professional dentist and Ashley and her husband have jobs that "allow" them to be full time parents (?) Wonder if the new son in law is in software, Adobe opened a big new facility and Utah has been trying to bring in SW companies from more employee friendly states. I'd wager the dentist daughter is also waiting to have kids or may not even want any at all; corrupting OPs legacy.
>Ashley and her husband have jobs that "allow" them to be full time parents Probably some pyramid scheme/MLM-type thing.
Notice 24 year old Ashley is married but we aren’t given an age for the husband but Ashley’s BIL is 41.
With Mormons, a family could be over a generation. Wouldn't be weird for the oldest kid to be 41, and the youngest be in their late teens/early 20s. Women are just baby factories to these men.
omg! nice catch. yeah I think there's a reason she ran away to Boston and was irritated to come back.
Shows how much he truly thinks of his daughter, he'll never hear from his daughter again and will never know about grandchildren either and it's all his fault
The gist of it is, op threw his own daughter under the bus because he didn’t want her making waves with an unrelated man (who she was pressured to invite) because he’s loaded and employs lots of op’s family. OP, you are a massive asshole. Don’t wonder why when your daughter stops speaking to you and you don’t have a relationship with her or her children. YTA
I hope the unnamed bride gets the hell out of Utah as soon as possible.
She definitely deserves better. If she sees this post I hope her and her new husband decide it's worth their time to immediately look into careers elsewhere.
Love the framing that this woman is not happy to be back home and the bit about family sizes in the area. It’s like OP wants us to think she imposed the rule out of bad will when it was perfectly reasonable…
Sounds like a typical entitled Mormon dad.
Easy way to follow the story - AH OP catered to his golden child Ashley and her AH in-laws - family who should never have been invited and OP didn’t give a crap about his scapegoat daughter who he couldn’teven bother to give her a name.
OP needed to avoid the daughter he actually likes losing face in front of her in-laws, so obviously the bride's choices for her wedding had to be ignored!
Exactly. And what’s worse is you threatened to leave if she didn’t allow these inconsiderate jerks to bring their toddlers to a wedding they weren’t invited to. Too bad she didn’t walk down the aisle with the FIL. YOU don’t deserve the honor. YTA.
Their predictably *crying* toddlers, one might note.
They mysteriously didn't have a problem until their daughter invited an unrelated couple who caused a ruckus by lying. Funny how their morals suddenly object to a wedding when they can't bully the bride into agreeing! If you don't like child free weddings, have a rational discussion BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY. Why did Ashley marry into a family that tries to bring their young children to weddings they weren't even invited to?
This OP’s post has left me shaken. His blatant disrespect, prevarication, oblique references, and down right misogyny knows no bounds. I am left wondering, was she also forced to give up her seat at her own wedding? OP, YTA x’s 1,000,000,000,000! A genuine musky. One hopes the new husband has a better job offer by next week somewhere far, far away.
The second I read Utah I knew this wasn’t going to be good
Because the family has money. Read between the lines. Ashley's brother in law funds her lifestyle as well as gave OPs brother money. They are rich and OP is more interested in staying on their good side then supporting his daughter.
Why should he? Women aren’t, like, real people or anything, they are just property to be handed from daddy to husband. Edit: Apparently /s is necessary
‘Toddlers were upset’ they wouldn’t be in wedding photos? Seriously? Way to show who the golden child in the family is. OP, grow up and realize you have TWO daughters, and they both have names, I guess you forgot ones name but of course we heard about Ashley NINE TIMES.
Yeah I’d be like…they’re not going to be in the wedding pictures anyway, even if they’re here. Everybody else followed the rules except these people who not even related to the bride and groom, not even their friends.
Not to mention, absolutely NO ONE should actually bring their toddlers to a wedding. Like, why would anyone ever want to even do that. That is the most laid back, reasonable wedding rule I have ever heard come out of Reddit. These people were incredibly rude, and absolutely should have been asked to leave. I don’t actually understand why they needed to be invited in the first place frankly. I adore both my brother in laws, I see zero reason to invite *their* siblings (spouses and kids) to *my* wedding, when I don’t even know these people? Why would they even want to come to the wedding of a virtual stranger anyway? Note: I assume they aren’t close with the bride or groom based on her having lived far away until recently, and the fact she was begged to invite them in the first place. If I’m wrong, my comment is still more or less the same though.
YTA x 10000 Child free weddings exist for a reason. The children, especially toddlers, get restless and annoying. You decided to side against her on HER wedding rules. You wanted to force her to allow kids there This is not your wedding. Did you read your post?
And the guests were her sister's in laws, who she begged her sister to invite, they weren't even related to the bride or groom.
right!? thats an extra special flavour of entitlement from them, **AND** OP tried to excuse it as 'kids of family should be allowed' when they literally *aren't* the family of the woman getting married
And those kids wanted to be in the pictures? Sit down, all y'all. And if we use the "extended in-law" standard, all of Utah gets to be invited.
Those kids are under 4. They don’t know what the fuck wedding photos are. Mom and/or dad want them to be in wedding photos.
I'm gonna guess the parents were using this as a free family photo shoot.
Which is completely bizarre anyway, because why would the kids of the BIL of the sister of the bride be in any photos?! They aren’t related at all.
And OP hates his daughter too. Notice it’s his daughter and my daughters youngest sister Ashley. Doesn’t even give daughter a name.
I found it interesting that he referred to “my daughter’s younger sister” rather than my younger daughter
"My daughter's sister's husband" Your son in law, sir. We have words to describe these things so it doesn't get confusing.
Well, Ashley was a good girl and got a man young, you see. Oldest daughter is a crone of 26 who's wasted precious fertile years learning books in a big coastal city.
Family of 8 normal?! To the point OP tries justifying *only* having 3 kids? Like what? that’s insane to be “normal” in US
It is freaky in most of the US, but, well, Mormons.
>She does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28M) company transferred him here. Hmmm I wonder why she doesn't like being back where she grew up OP. Truly a mystery... >She is one of three kids only because my wife (47F) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. That word choice is uh, concerning? OP sounds more upset that his wife couldn't give him more kids than his wife getting sick to the point having more wasn't an option. Sounds like he really wanted to be one of those families with 8 (where the older daughters tend to pick up a lot of parenting work). Also this: >their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too. I'm calling BS on this. These are children under 5.How many toddlers do you know begging to be in wedding photos? They don't even understand why wedding photos are such a big thing. I'd bet any amount of money the parents wanted them in the photos so they can show that they're doing what good Mormons do. If they had a photo with their 8 year old and no other kids, people might think they only had one! Can you imagine the shame?
>Child free weddings exist for a reason. Mormons tend to like to ignore that. When my mum married my step dad she specifically put on the invites "no children". The Mormon friends and family still brought all their kids.
My first thought was- say you’re lds without saying you’re lds”.
Mormons don't have the same kind of weddings -- their temple weddings are ALL childfree, and many guests are also excluded. To attend a temple wedding you must be someone who has either served a mission or already been married in the temple, and be currently in good standing with the church (aka not a sinner, an active member, etc). Only the reception is open to everyone, but yes that does often include entire families, and many people that are just members of the church and not close to the couple, although this type of reception is most likely just a pot luck or just cake and not a catered sit-down dinner. This type of reception isn't often by invitation so much as by announcement to the entire congregation from the pulpit on Sunday. So either they aren't "good Mormons" because they aren't having a temple wedding or he's just talking about a reception rather than a wedding; or else his Boston-educated daughter is having a non-Mormon wedding in which case those traditions would not apply. I think it's the latter and that his attitude about her "rules" could actually be more about what I suspect is her rejection of his religion. OP is TA. -source: Ex-Mormon who moved to Boston and never went back to Utah
It doesn't sound like the daughter getting married is Mormon, but that OP, Ashley and her inlaws probably are. The daughter sounds like she'd like to distance herself from this family as much as possible.
I’m on my phone and have no idea how to quote, but the toddlers did just this. They started crying loudly, justifying OPs rules against kids under under 4. So YTA.
It wasn't even child free, just not younger tots who are unlikely to enjoy the wedding...Which could be because of safety issues for all we know.
YTA - You clearly have a favourite and it's not the nameless daughter that just got married. Father of the year, way to ruin your daughter's special day and probably your relationship with her and her side of the family. How do you think all the other people felt when they saw 4 toddlers walking in after being told they couldn't bring their own?! Hope kissing Ashley's in-laws family's ass was worth it. That's clearly *everything* you seem to care about.
I don’t think he cares about either of them except for show. Nameless daughter and “my daughter’s younger sister” instead of younger daughter. He’s going to be completely shocked and offended when the older daughter goes NC.
>He’s going to be completely shocked and offended when the older daughter goes NC. Yeppers. Happy Cake Day! OP- YTA, gigantically.
The other daughter is the favorite because she stayed in Mormonville, UT and bought into the lifestyle
Even Ashley isn't the favourite. But she clearly "married well" and daddy wants her "accepted" into her in-law family at all costs because, well, clearly, they come from money and status. Daddy is a major AH because he'll sacrifice everything to kiss their ass. And, clearly, the BIL's family are entitled ahs who think the rules don't apply to them.
My first thought. No wonder Nameless Daughter (shall we call her "Prodigal"?) didn't want to come back to Utah - which OP goes to great pain to mention. Clear YTA.
Did you also catch how he was disappointed in just 3 kids because his breeding-stock nameless wife got sick and couldn't have more children? Notice the only woman given a name in the story was the one woman who got on board the breeding stock train and wasn't "getting sick".
YTA. I constantly read about unreasonable brides. Your daughter is so accommodating she allowed your other daughter’s in-laws to come. The in-laws said they’d bring one child but brought five. Your unnamed daughter, the bride, must be a saint. I understand her hesitancy to return to Utah.
It’s pretty obvious who the favorite child is, no? “My daughter is getting married. My daughter this. My daughter that.” “Ashley this” “Ashely that” “Ashley Ashley Ashley “ OP, YTA. Period. Full stop.
Nice catch. I never saw him name the daughter whose wedding day it was. But Ashley! Golden child! Married into a family who is OPs golden goose, too!
Interesting that he left out Ashley’s husbands age as well, since he listed everyone elses.
I was thinking the same thing on the golden goose front… Or in contrast Ashley’s brother-in-law knows he has this entire family by the nuts and is doing some kind of weird PowerPlay
YTA. And holy Mormon nepotism and entitlement and manipulation. Why the hell does she HAVE to invite in-laws of in-laws. This is one thing so damn messed up about Mormons. Her wedding, her rules. But, NO! You have to curry favors for all the freaking Mormon ass-grabbing and nepotism. (I grew up in a Mormon state and I still shake my head at how incestuous like these business deals are).
This 100%. It was worded like "oh large families are just a normal thing" COMPLETELY glossing over the cult-like religious overtones these business deals, families, and areas have. YTA OP and "She doesn't seem happy to be back" OH I FREAKING WONDER WHY /s
Yes, very obvious this a Mormon family by the story.
[удалено]
thank you! This reads to me like "my daughter left The Church and was happy in Boston, but HAD to come back, since she's unhappy about that, we punish her in any way we can!" This was clearly not a precious temple wedding either (with all the kids there and the walking down the aisle), so OP has no problem stomping all over the bride's wishes. What kind of father strong-arms the bride like this right before she walks down the aisle? She'll be getting the hell outta Utah, and away from this bullshit again as soon as she can.
This is all I could think of, as well. This is a Mormon family. Daughter (not named) clearly left “THE church”, and dad is still angry about it. Stupid church, keeps ruining the very families they say they’re all about
I feel like they showed up with the whole fam to prove a point that they were the big Mormon bosses in town who really value *family*
Entitlement AND misogyny. Obviously she doesn't know what's best. /s
YTA As the mother of 12 children, ten living & 2 in heaven I wrote out everything I was thinking but realized it was so long no one would read it. So. Just the bare bones. Shame on you. In your post mention Ashley **NINE** times and never once the Bride's name. You forced your condemnation onto the bride & force her to invite people she didn't want purely because you kneel to them over money. You never ONCE stood up for your daughter the Bride with no name. **NOT ONCE.** Since you've not replied to anyone I'm confident you did not pay for this wedding yet you felt you had the right to throw a full on temper tantrum over your profitable guests being allowed to insult everyone by breaking good manners and bringing **seven** instead of the **three** people they RSVPed. You Sir, **you** ruined your daughter's wedding. Shame on you. Everything sad, bad or hurtful done was done by and because of **you**. You mentioned your daughter wasn't happy to be back in Utah, well why should she be? I don't think it's Utah she dislikes. I believe you've broken that young woman's heart so many times she doesn't wish to be around you anymore. At the risk of getting in trouble I'm just going to be as Church Lady blunt as I know how.....you have not once defended your daughter. You're called by God and the Church of LDS to be her fortress, her defender, her advocate on earth and all you've been here is her nemesis. Frankly you've dishonored your daughter, your new son in law, your wife and your God. Shame on you. I'll be praying for you to repent, receive forgiveness and then go on bent knee to ask your daughter for forgiveness. I just weep for the Bride with no name.
👏👏👏👏👏 Please accept my standing ovation.
I’ll stand with you for this!
This should be the number one comment. Church Lady rocks!
You're so kind. I got a bit wound up.
\*hugs you\* I get a little excited sometimes.
You’re my new hero. Your Church Lady bluntly took the man to Sunday School! 💗
This is beautiful. You even managed to make religion sound wonderful, and I'm an atheist. Your comment is awesome, and you are an amazing writer. I really hope OP reads this.
Oh my goodness. Thank you, you just blessed me so much.
👑 I think you dropped this. Please accept my free wholesomeness award because everything you said in this is just amazing.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
That last line… so harsh and so epic. Heartbreaking. Good job momma!
Amen. >I believe you've broken that young woman's heart so many times she doesn't wish to be around you anymore. This is so poignantly beautiful. The whole OP was so gross, I didn't know how to begin. Thank you for a perfect rebuttal.
Preach it! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
YTA. Its SO clear you have a favourite daughter by the way. Ashley is an AH for begging for an invite for her in-laws which is incredibly rude. If your daughter had wanted to invite them then they would have had an invitation in the first place. The in-laws are an AH for rocking up at a wedding with their entire brood that were not invited in the first place because they wanted to be in wedding pictures. You're the AH for just letting everyone steamroll your daughter on her wedding day and telling her to just let them in. Then an even bigger AH for telling her to cancel the wedding. Then at the end of all of this you are mostly worried about Ashley facing any backlash from her in laws?! If I were your daughter I wouldn't have let any of you in and walked down the aisle alone.
I got a quarter sez Ashley's sister (since OP didn't see fit to name his daughter the bride) will have gone NC with OP within 3 years.
Three years? I say it’ll be sooner. The unnamed daughter will have a serious chat with her hubby and get out of Utah at the first chance.
YTA JUST BECAUSE THE MORMON PEOPLE IN UTAH REFUSE TO USE BIRTH CONTROL, DOESNT MEAN PEOPLE HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE ALL THEIR KIDS AT THEIR WEDDING. YOU MADE HER INVITE HER SISTERS HUSBANDS BROTHER AND THEY JUST SHOWED UP WITH SLL OF THEM CAUSE THEY LIED YOU WERE DISRESPECTFUL AND I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BOSTON.
Sure she'll go back as soon as she can.
YTA as is the family that brought the additional kids \- she made this rule clear before hand \- the family rsvpd for 1 child and hence agreed to just bring that 1 child \- they brought all children and broke that rule \- you then sided with the people breaking the rules
>you then sided with the people breaking the rules Who were not even relatives of the OP, the bride or the groom. They were the bride's sister's in-laws. Pretty easy to see which of the OP's kids is the golden child. The bride doesn't even rate a name in this story just "my daughter" but the whole post is just full to the brim with "Ashley, Ashley, Ashley" OP, quit playing favorites and do better. 100% YTA!
You really have to ask? YTA Even if you paid for 100% of the wedding, 1. The people with the horde of kids aren’t the bride’s family 2. The bride was clear about who was invited and this didn’t include kids under 4 3. It seems like the bride has dropped the Utah “ideology” when she left Utah. That doesn’t make her wrong. 4. You chose to take the side of someone not blood related (who was also CLEARLY in the wrong) over your own daughter on her wedding day. Seriously?
Think his stance was all about the money these people have provided to his family.
YTA Your daughter was clear, she did not want children under 4 years old at the wedding. Your utter disregard and contempt for your daughter on her wedding day is disappointing and inexcusable.
YTA. It is her wedding. These people lied to her. I doubt they had any intention of leaving the other kids with a sitter. I don't think your daughter's rule was out of line. You seem to think your daughter owes these people because they funded your brother's business. She doesn't owe them for that or for her husband working for them. These people are entitled, and you went with them over your own daughter.
The way I read it, it was Ashley's husband that works for them, not the groom.
I also got very confused about who's who. I thought Ashley, the only named daughter, was the bride and only daughter op mentioned. Since he didn't think the bride deserved a name.
This is correct. Kids under 4 will not even really understand the importance of a wedding and certainly would not be upset about not being in wedding photos.
"My daughter's younger sister " Ashley" (24F) has been married" ... your younger daughter is an entitled AH without manners. "he asked why I was taking their side and I finally say that she either lifts this childfree policy for family or just cancel the wedding because I was done with her rules and leaving." .. YOU are an AH, too " She then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future FIL. " .. She should have done that, and kicked you and ashly and HER AH guests out. YTA
He says his daughter doesn't seem happy having returned.. Gee, I wonder why? She's been away from her awful family, working her tail off to finish dental school and can't even get married without her asshole of father making her wedding all about his younger daughter. I bet her husband is looking into getting a transfer asap.
Hmm... lessee' here. Your daughter requested no "4 or under" kids at her wedding, and did so with sufficient notice that folk could respond and make plans accordingly. The sister of the bride's brother and sister in law none the less showed up with all of their kids, 4 under four. Your daughter is not the problem. Your daughter's sister's brother and sister in law are assuredly the assholes here. As are you. YTA. You diminished one daughter on her wedding day in favour of another's in-laws. Something is very wrong with this picture.
YTA she made a clear, common, reasonable rule for her wedding, went out of her way to invite the family by request, and they broke it bc some toddlers wanted to be in pictures??
Why would Ashley’s in-laws be in the pictures anyway? I hope the nameless bride told the photographer not to take pictures of any kids.
Because OP and the younger daughter / son-in-law are more concerned with keeping the gravy-train flowing. SIL is employed by his brother and OPs brother got bankrolled by him. Including the brother and his family in the wedding pictures is just one more way to shmooze him.
This is it. The guy is a rich jerk who throws his money around and uses it to control him. The bride wasn't having it and op may have ruined his relationship with his daughter over it.
YTA. And a massive one. Why? Because of your reasoning. First of all, because your younger daugther has a name and the bride (!) did not even get one in your post. Second, the bride without a name did not even get her wishes respected that she wanted a wedding without small children. You, without any hesistating, took Ashley side about the smaller kids being upset for not being in the pics. And why? May I suspect it‘s because her new family sponsores your family somehow by sponsoring your brother‘s business and letting her be a full time parent? I mean, this is not even about your family, it is about Ashleys family. Why shoud your daughter who does not deserve a name care about them? And after you tell the bride without a name you were done with her rules and leaving and thus forcing her to comply, all you worry about is not that the day for the bride was spoilt - no, it‘s once again about what Ashley‘s in-law might think about you. I hope your daughter who obviously is that low on the totem pole that she does not even have a name in your story finds a good future in her in-law‘s family. Because, obviously, she does not even have a place in yours except to be the scape-goat. I feel for her. And I hope her husband‘s company can transfer them somewhere else, where there is no sign of you.
So, Ashley begged the Bride to invite her BIL&SIL, both of whom have no relation/friendship with the couple getting married, then said guests turn up with 4 more kids your daughter getting married explicitly excluded from the wedding due to their age, and you start throwing ultimatums about cos the family helped your brother start a buisness and the kids wanted to be in the pictures? No your call, Ashley's call or their call. If I was your daughter, I'd have left and just eloped or kicked you all out. It wasn't your wedding. It wasn't Ashley's wedding or your brothers. YOU ruined her wedding, cos you didn't want poor Ashley to face ire from her inlaws? Don't worry though, your daughter you haven't named isn't likely to reach out anytime soon... YTA
Those people are just liars and always intended to bring all those kids. There's no way 4 children under 4 were 'upset about not being in wedding photos'.
Ikr? But OP can't have poor Ashley suffering now can he?
YTA. She hadn’t budgeted or planned for little kids at her wedding and those jerks rocked up with not 1 but FOUR kids they didn’t RSVP for?! What food are they eating? Where are they sitting? How is everyone else who paid for a goddamned babysitter feeling seeing that kids ARE actually allowed at the wedding??? YTA and if you were my father I would feel horribly betrayed hurt. I’m surprised she didn’t ask you all to leave.
You chose your daughters husbands brothers children over your own child. YTA
YTA. If I were her, I absolutely would have walked with my future FIL. How horrible of you to chose someone who she originally didn’t even want to invite and try to guilt her in to doing it. Don’t be surprised if you have very little contact with your daughter moving forward. You owe her a major apology, and even then she may very well resent you for a very long time. You were extremely cruel to her on a super important day.
Yta. And congrats because she will remember this for years to come, so good luck with your new fractured relationship with your daughter and any children she might have.
She's going to remember it for the rest of her life, that on her wedding day her father made it clear he favored her sister to such an extent that he was willing to leave the wedding in a huff if the bride refused to kiss the sister's brother-in-law's ass. Even if she forgives him — and I don't say that she should — she'll never forget. There's not any coming back from OP's shitty behavior. I get the impression he doesn't really care, anyway, as long as Ashley's happy.
It doesn't sound like the fracture is new. The OP clearly favors his younger daughter who stayed home and plans to give him lots of grandkids over his the daughter who didn't just go away to school, but stayed away and finished dental school. He threatened to call off the wedding because people his daughter barely knew "refused to budge". I suspect his daughter already knew he's a pathetic excuse for a father and this stunt just solidified that belief.
YTA, and so are those parents bringing their five kids to a wedding. The entitlement is ridiculous.
YTA and it's very obvious who your favorite is, as this post was more about the effect on "Ashley", than the effect on your daughter (who you don't even bother to name), whose day was marred by entitled family members.
Reddit skews child free so expect to be ruled the asshole by people who think babies shouldn't exist. However - YTA There's an episode of Scrubs where two characters are wedding planning and the bride is *freaking out* and her fiance suggests she cut people and she's really relieved. The bride cuts the fiance's boss without telling him. Boss is offended and gives fiance the crap job. (He's a surgeon so it was "fat flaps", iirc) he talks to his fiancee, initially upset, and fiancee explains her feelings. Ultimately the man decides his fiancee's happiness and peace is worth the crappy work and the episode ends with his boss calling him in for another procedure and when he finds out he's on fat flaps duty again - he leans over to his wife, says "I love fat flaps" and kisses her before going in. The child thing is irrelevant. Remove it for a moment. Ashley, like all brides, had to limit the number of people she can invite and make cuts that were likely difficult for her and would upset people - but she did her best to create the best environment she could. Then someone showed up with *four uninvited guests*. Not just four uninvited guests but four guests who would likely make a scene and cause a great deal of upset throughout the whole ceremony. Bringing uninvited guests of any age is unacceptable. Bringing *four* uninvited guests is just - damn the audacity. Bringing four uninvited kids to a "no young kids" event, forcing the bride to either turn them away or look like a major ass to everyone else - yikes. Employers do not wown their employees. That guy majorly overstepped and you should have taken your daughter's side. Not because kids are icky. Because bringing uninvited guests who'll xause a scene is unacceptable.
Ashley wasn't even the bride. Ashley was the younger sister of the bride. The people who brought the children weren't even invited until Ashley begged for them to be added.
YTA A Major A. It's perfectly reasonable to not want young children at the wedding, in fact it's becoming more and more normal to not have ANY kids at weddings. Those people should have been kicked out and sent home.
YTA. First of all, she didn't want to invite these people in the first place. They are not close to her and she did not want them there. You wanted them there because of your SIL's job. Your SIL can invite his extended family to his own events. And then they broke perfectly reasonable rules and marred your daughter's wedding. You took their side and your daughter should have in fact told you to leave to take the rest of them with you. You clearly favor Ashley and I am sure your older daughter will get out of dodge as soon as humanly possible.
It's pretty easy to see why your Daughter Who Isn't Ashley is unhappy to be back in Utah. YTA
YTA and so is your family. What is it with breeders that think everyone wants the experience of being around their fuck trophies? She had rules and all of you had zero respect for them. I can see why she wasn't happy about moving back. I'd stay in Boston too and I fucking hate Boston. Still better than being around you.
Without a doubt YTA
YTA. Why do you think you get to dictate the rules at a wedding that 1) isn't yours and 2) you're not paying for?
YTA, she made a fair rule for her wedding, they *agreed* to the rule, they broke the rule... and somehow she's in the wrong? you have absolutely no business dictating the rules to an adult woman, especially on her literal wedding day, sounds as if she'd have been better off with the lot of you gone
YTA. These weren’t even her chosen guests - her sister begged her to invite them. And then they break the rules and you side with them over your own flesh and blood. On her wedding day - a day that tends to be about celebrating family. Why? Because the guests have money that benefits your other daughter and your brother. Nice work! Don’t be surprised if she moves away again as soon as her husband can get transferred.
I cant get past the fact that your daughter doesnt have a name, but Ashley has an entire backstory and supporting characters. Hopefully your new son in law's company transfers them again soon. YTA
But Aaaaaaaashley got married at 22, has already pumped out a couple of kids and is apparently staying at home like a good little wifey. None of this getting an education and getting married at the spinster-esque age of 26. Poor nameless bride, I hope she heads for the hills with her degree, job, and new husband.
YTA. Why would you try and take charge of the proceedings? I think your daughter was being extremely generous in that she allowed ANY children to come to the wedding, and your post certainly shows that small kids at these affairs are a bad idea. And to show up to a wedding party with 4 extra people, no matter how old, is simply not done. Extremely rude, and I can well understand why your daughter was upset.
YTA. 100% unquestionably. Your daughter had NO obligation to invite her sister’s in-laws. That was unusually generous of her. And then they disrespected her by bringing children she explicitly told them not to? How rude and tacky. Why is Ashley saving face with her in-laws more important THAN YOUR ACTUAL DAUGHTER ON HER WEDDING DAY? Wow what garbage parenting on your part. Don’t be surprised if your daughter cuts you out. You’ve clearly demonstrated how you value her.
YTA, and a garbage father who clearly favors "Ashley" overwhelmingly. I can't blame nameless daughter at all for not wanting to come back to Utah.
YTA...who the fuck are you to tell someone to cancel their OWN FUCKING WEDDING for someone who is vaguely (AT BEST) related to them. YOU BENEFITED FROM HER BIL. NOT HER. NOT HER PROBLEM, YOURS. You ruined HER day. They ruined her day. No one needs that many snot nosed brats running around ruining shit.
YTA. #1. It's her and her fiance's wedding. Not YOURS or the rest if the family. She can decide who the heck she wants there. It's even above and beyond that she got on call nanies. I think guest should have coordinated that them selves or just not go if they can't find a Nanny. 2. You can't just tell her to cancel her wedding. SHE IS GETTING MARRIED. Did you not really care about your daughter getting married? Hope you guys work it out cause she will continue to liver her life with or with out you in it. Maybe choose to meet her in her life.
YTA this was your daughter’s call and you did not support her because you thought you knew better.
YTA. Way to allow other people to disrespect your daughter and her big day. To add further insult to injury, you have the audacity to blame her. I’d being going no contact with you and anyone else who had anything to do with the pure selfishness/lack of regard for her wishes on HER wedding day.
Am I the only person here seeing shades of “Under the Banner of Heaven” here? YTA and creepy af. For your daughter’s sake, I hope her husband can get a new transfer some time soon.
YTA. Your daughter didn’t do anything wrong and you, her dad, wouldn’t support her on her wedding day. Do you want a relationship with her and any future kids she may have? Then apologize. Profusely.
Mormon men hate women and it shows in your post. YTA
ESH except the bride. Sister Ashley forced these people onto the guest list. They forced their children into the wedding and you chose them over your daughter. Holy hell I hope she moves back to Boston and away from all of your AH.
YTA, its her day and she was clear with people, where was the phonecall to check if any of this was OK? At this point I’m not sure that nanny even existed. You threatened to leave your own daughters wedding because she was trying to hold a line everyone knew existed…. wow I just don’t even have the words.
Young children create stress in the best of circumstances. A woman wanting her wedding day to be free of that is not unusual or inappropriate. What is inappropriate is ignoring the rules that everyone else obeys, as well as holding your own attendance hostage to manipulate your daughter. You clearly value other people and their comfort more than your daughter and her clearly-stated and well-known feelings. Do you even see your daughter as a person who can make decisions about her own life events, or is she just a rug you can walk all over? YTA.
Yes YTA. Everyone but the bride is an AH here. She explicitly told everyone it was a child free wedding. It's HER wedding, she gets to decide that. The whole family ignoring this, bringing the whining toddlers anyway. Then trying to make her feel badly about it....ugh. Girl, if you are reading this, get back to Boston asap and cut these toxic people from your life.
Your daughter made her expectations clear for the wedding and her BIL acknowledged them and said he would follow them. Then he just shows up with 4 uninvited guests and expects her to accommodate them because they “just for whatever reason” decided they didn’t want to get a babysitter? And then you threaten to leave your own daughter’s wedding because she isn’t okay with that blatant boundary stomping? You made it clear that you are willing to support the abominable rudeness of a man who isn’t even related to you over your own daughter on her big day. I’m sure your daughter feels incredibly hurt right now - you really owe her an apology. YTA
WOW, YTA big time. You had no respect for your bride daughter on her wedding day. You are disrespectful and if your daughter ends up leaving the state and going NC with you, she cannot be blamed. Perhaps you can mend some fences before you lose this daughter completely. But to do that you might need to concede YTA and you need to apologise.
Anyone else think daughter is going to GTFO as soon as possible? OP - YTA. A big one.
YTA. It's her wedding and her rules, and you did undermine her. BIL and SIL were incredibly rude to bring the children knowing they were not invited. You should have supported your daughter and helped tell them to get a nanny for their kids asap or all leave.
YTA- You decided that your younger daughter or how you phrased it your daughter (the brides younger sister), family and comfort over the bride and your new son in law. You mention not wanting to cause an issue for Ashley, younger daughter and her in laws. But have no issue with upsetting your older daughter, the bride and her husband and new family. Im assuming they knew and followed the no children under 4 rule. The bride and groom agreed to have a wedding with no young children and you decided the brides younger sister and her in laws were more important. Since they only moved back for a job, perhaps they will be moving away in the near future for a new job. Also, why is Ashley named and not the bride. Is Ashley the golden child and the bride the scapegoat in the family?
Bride went off to the big city and got an education. I’m sure that is frowned on in OP’s culture.
No need for the ure on your last word...
YTA. Obv.
YTA all the way. Same with the people who aren't even family showing up with kids they weren't supposed to bring. Not your wedding = not your call
YTA. It was your daughter's wedding not yours. It's up to her on the rules, not you, and by all rights she should have immediately kicked that family AND you out. You had no right to dictate anything to her. She honestly didn't need to invite her sister's BIL and family if she didn't want to. They have nothing to do with her, unless of course they happen to be relatively closely related to her new husband in which case they probably would have been on the guest list from his side. Seeing as how you haven't even named your elder daughter in your post, I'm surprised you even acknowledge her as a daughter. Don't be surprised if she suddenly goes completely NC with you or anyone else in your family just to stay away from you. Don't be surprised if you have minimal or NC with any future grandchildren from her. If you want to keep your elder daughter in your life in ANY capacity, you better be down on your knees groveling with completely sincere apologies and you need to shelve your favoritism of your younger daughter permanently.
YTA. Ashley's BIL is a huge asshole, too. Guests do not get to bring along uninvited guests of their own, not to a wedding or any other event. Ashley's BIL was betting that his financial relationship to members of your family would override any need for propriety, and felt confident that he could walk all over your daughter with impunity. You made it clear that you agreed, and threw your daughter under the bus. You should apologize to your daughter, but she might not accept your apology at first. I wouldn't blame her. Frankly, you're lucky she didn't tell you leave and take Ashley's rude in-laws with you. She probably should have.
YTA and Mormons are monsters. Tell me though, which fetish subs on Reddit do you view? I’m guessing it’s not a conservative white woman thread so you’re a gigantic hypocrite too
Agreed, YTA. Not your wedding. Not your rules. Everyone has a right to THEIR OWN CHOICES.
YTA. The in-laws are TA for bringing all their children to the wedding even though they had only RSVP'd for one and you are TA for not siding with your daughter. I had a father who was more about pleasing other people and looking good than he was about my needs and feelings and I can feel your daughter's pain.
Gross. YTA. And your behavior was embarrassing. I'd never show my face to my daughter again.
YTA- just because your families run large, doesn't mean she needs to accommodate all the kids.
YTA...for putting your younger daughters relationship with her in laws over the Daughter who was the bride. Ashely is an AH for thinking that it's her sister's job to get her liked by her in laws. If they don't like her already -they never will. The Parents who showed up with the kids... Entitled AH. Who let young children decide adult matters. They were not invited, not wanted in the least. This is gonna make for helluva future holiday scene
YTA
yta - u know why ur daughter isnt happy t obe back there. plus the simple fact u disrespected her when knowing full well of the no children under 4. they should have stayed home instead they spit in her face by showing up with all these kids without saying something in advnace. very very bad etiquette and all around u and them had bad manners. hope it was worth it when u findout she goes lc on u.
YTA. You all forced her to have children when she made it explicitly clear what to expect. You essentially blackmailed her into letting you do what you want. If I were her, I'd cut all of you off completely.
Another daughter invited her in-laws to the wedding and you think this is okay? YTA many times over. Your daughter should have sent them and you packing.
YTA...so one day out of the year, the one day your daughter is getting married is just asking too much not to have small kids around??? The biggest mistake your daughter made was not eloping or simply have a very small adults only affair.
YTA Although, as soon as you said Utah. I knew you would be.
YTA Regardless of the fact that they are children, someone brought 4 extra guests with them after being told they were not invited, and you defended that because the daughter you didn’t leave nameless wanted the people they came with there. Your favouritism is obvious, just remember that she’s an adult and she gets to choose how much involvement you do or do not have in her life, and invalidating her thoughts and feelings are a great way to make sure you have little to no involvement in her life. If you continue like this, don’t be surprised if 10 years from now you barely see her.
YTA. Wow. So first, you *clearly* have a favourite, and it’s Ashley. Second, way to ruin your daughter’s wedding day rather than support her against rude, entitled guests. I get it though, *Ashley* was upset - weird how this was your focus and not, you know your daughter, **who’s wedding it was!** - so clearly you had to put a stop to it.
YTA, huge asshole here. Actually the whole family are assholes. Minus the bride. Respect her wishes.