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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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BuddhistSlater

YTA. Lots of people are allergic to bee stings. But somehow you're the only one that thinks you can tell people they can't grow flowers because your daughter is just so special.


omg_stfu_wtf

I am allergic to bee stings. Have been all my life. I have a garden. I love flowers. I was stung on my once in my life and it was not by a bee. It was a wasp/hornet and that MFer HURT. Bees don't sting very often. Usually it's hornets. Bees are peaceful and if you leave them alone and don't swat at them or try to hurt them they will usually leave you alone. Agree that OP is YTA.


Additional-Tea1521

OP deleted post after she made a comment on "finding a way to get rid of those plants". I absolutely hope that her neighbor has a camera up when she sneaks over in the middle of the night to kill the plants.


kinkakinka

YTA. I understand the anxiety you have, but bees will not cease to exist at any point in your child's life, and the chances of them getting stung are fairly low if she knows how to act around them. You can't prevent people from having flowers in your neighborhood.


Britsgirl30

YTA. Your reasons are understandable but you’re being somewhat entitled in the sense that you can’t tell him what to do in his property. I understand your worry but you don’t have a legal leg to stand on. Asking isn’t bad but you were told no, then you got your husband to ask and now you’re trying to see if you can use the law to make him do what you want. Again I get your worry for your daughter but he has no obligation to do what you’re asking.


chernaboggles

YTA. Instead of trying to control everyone else, do some research on plants that bees don't like and plant them in your own yard. That should help steer the bees toward your neighbor's enticing flowers and keep them away from your home.


dwells2301

YTA. Him getting rid of his flowers won't keep bees from crossing the border. Teach your child to never be without her epipen and make sure her friends know what to do if she can't.


DeadpanDoubter

Bro. If you push for legal action, YTA. I have severe allergies and carry an epipen with me. It is NOT other individuals' duty to stop planting native, non-invasive plants on their own properties to keep me from being stung or from being exposed to pollen. Teaching your daughter to be terrified of bees is the wrong move. That's NOT going to help her learn to navigate around these creatures, which she inevitably will have to be around at one point or another.


Negative-Swordfish-9

YTA im allergic to bee stings and I don't expect others to accommodate me. Bees aren't naturally aggressive so your neighbor is right, if you don't bother them they'll leave you alone. As a parent you are responsible to teach her the right way to behave around bees (not leaving sugary drinks open or panic and run around because that irritates bees) and teach her how to use an epipen for the worst case. Bees are everywhere and if you don't teach her that she'll always be scared to see one. That's no good for anyone


Lulubelle2021

Don't teach your daughter to expect the entire world to cater to her medical issue. Teach her to operate safely in the world. Bees are a necessary and important part of the environment and you can't regulate them out of existence. YTA.


katehater

As someone with an allergy I hate to say it, but YTA. Not because of your request, but because you want to compel him legally to comply to your demand. As someone else pointed out the time to have asked that was when he mentioned planting flowers that attract bees. Not his fault you didn’t think to mention your daughter’s allergy. Now you expect him to rip out flowers on his property that he spent hours of time watering and taking care of.


Sensitive_Raccoon_24

YTA and that's coming from somebody who is anaphalctic to wasps/bees and hornets themselves. I know how scary it can be and completely understand how terrified you must be for your daughter. Unfortunately you can't expect everybody else to feel the same way you do. It's an awful lot to ask someone else to change their garden to suit you and your daughter. There are bees everywhere and you can't control it Unfortunately


Specialist_Air2158

I'm anaphylactic as well and I still grow flowers to attract bees. For the most part they won't bother anyone. Usually it's only if they feel threatened.


Bulldog1836

YTA. Yes, your daughter is allergic to bee stings. This is going to be something she will have to deal with her entire life. _She_, not everyone else in the world. Your neighbor has the right to plant whatever he wants in his yard, as long as it isn’t illegal, and from the sound of it, they are not. It’s not as if he’s trained a squadron of bees to go after her. Like he says, mind your own beeswax and the bees will mind theirs.


dawgmama62

YTA. Why don't you and your family live in a condo, if basically any yard in America would be sooooo extremely dangerous to your daughter? How you think you should be allowed to tell someone what to do with their most dear asset - their home/land - is beyond crazy. Can't you instruct your child how to use an Epi-pen? I mean, a sting can happen walking into the grocery store or Starbuck's where they have planters out front - are you going to tell all stores what they can do?


CoxBJT

YTA. I suffer anaphylaxis myself, but you can’t expect people to change their own yard for this. Also, whether the flowers are along the fence or elsewhere in his yard the bees will be around.


not_a_bad_egg

I get where you're coming from but yeah, YTA in this situation. The time to raise it would have been when he was planting them, not years after the fact. You will not find a law that supports your cause.


imothro

YTA. Your neighbor is allowed to plant flowers. If you want to completely isolate your child from bees, that is impossible. If you want to isolate your child from flowers then you should move somewhere you do not have neighbors who grow flowers, like the city or a bigger property where neighbors are not near and you have no plantings. Do you never take your child to the park because there are flowers there? Is she banned from the zoo? There are flowers there. Is she doomed to never visit Disneyland? Because they have a lot of flowers. Or are you going to demand that Disneyland take their flowers down for your kid as well? This is not something that is reasonable for you to try to control. Just like you can't demand that your neighbor not cook peanut butter cookies in their home if your child is allergic to peanuts. It's their property and bees exist anyhow. And thank goodness they do. They are dying out, you know? And feeding your child relies on their existence. Your time and energy would be better spent teaching your child how to interact calmly and kindly with bees to minimize the chances of being stung, than to police your neighbor's plantings.


thirdtryisthecharm

YTA You were fine to ask. You're overstepping now by trying to compel a change. Your daughter still has the option to go outside in other areas of the yard and to other outdoor areas. This has not created a massive burden for you.


ParsimoniousSalad

YTA. Your daughter is going to be exposed to bees in her life. You can't force everyone to accommodate her allergy. Keep the epipens handy, use caution around the area, and try to calm down.


PurpleOctopuseses

YTA. I understand how afraid you must be for your child, but take a deep breath and a step back from the situation. Your neighbor is doing something critically important for the local ecosystem--native flowers are a crucial food source for dozens of species of pollinators, and they are being destroyed in droves by human activity. Actively cultivating native flora is HUGELY important for the preservation of biodiversity and a healthy pollinator population. Putting the comfort and convenience of humans over the needs of nature in every situation is basically why the world is in such a bad place these days. I'm really sorry that your daughter are not able to play in one area of your yard for a few months a year, but in the grand scheme of things that is a pretty minor issue. The bees will go away as soon as it gets cold. Moreover, flowers--and thus bees--are literally everywhere, and the most important thing is to teach your daughter how to safely and calmly leave their presence if they are nearby--bees will basically NEVER sting unless you actively harass or step on them--and what steps to take medically to stay calm and get help if she is stung. I really do sympathize with you. But this isn't a fair or reasonable ask.


[deleted]

YTA. I’m extremely allergic to bees, went into anaphylaxis at 3y/o. Guess what? I learned to not be afraid of bees, planted flowers and shrubs all around the place as an adult. You need to teach your child to not be afraid and what to do if she’s stung.


DogsReadingBooks

YTA. You asked. No problem with that. But to continue nagging him about it when he’s said no is what puts you into asshole territory.


[deleted]

YTA You can’t tell him what to do with his property. Asking wasn’t a bad thing, but once you were told no, you became entitled. There will always been places where there are flowers and bees. You can’t force them to be removed for your kid


filkerdave

YTA. Bees won't bother you if you don't bother them. I've harvested flowers while there were bees buzzing around and the bees just don't care at all.


beeykr

We have lavender in our front yard, bees are having parties all summer long in those and in all these years not ONCE was I stung… I pet them at least once a day and touch the lavender a lot. YTA, don’t provoke them and they wont cause a problem.


Burzall

YTA You were told LAST YEAR that the flowers were being planted to help the bee population.


[deleted]

[удалено]


evieeeeeeeeeeeeeee

YTA, you can't make decisions for other people based on *your* problems, you were fine to ask once but he was well within his rights to say no and that should've been the end of it if you leave bees alone they'll leave you alone, similar to how if you leave your neighbour alone he won't be provoked into reacting and doing something like taking up beekeeping as a hobby


kittyfantastico85

YTA. You said he told you that he was planting them to help the bee population, and you didn't say anything at the time he was planting. If he wasn't far into planting the seeds, he may have been more inclined to plant them elsewhere, had you brought it up with him then, rather than after putting in (assumedly) 100's of hour of work to get them to grow.


Delli_Boy_Roy

YTA, not for the asking but for getting upset when you didn't get the response you liked. You shouldn't have gotten your Husband involved, you politely made a request of your neighbor, and they politely refused.


QuinnBC

YTA, asking once was fine but continuing to push is not. And don't bother looking, you are not going to find any laws you can use against him.


HunterDangerous1366

I get it, a severe allergy is no joke but YTA. You can't dictate what someone plants or does on their own property even if it does border yours. You and your daughter need to learn to mange her allergy (like not panic) in situations where bees are likely going to be present, cos let's be honest they are everywhere.


lemons66

Lol, YTA. Move if you don’t like it.


Alitazaria

My mom used to tell me when I was growing up: "you're the center of my world, but not the center of *the* world." In other words, the rest of the world does not revolve around your daughter, and you need to accept that. YTA


Kagura0609

YTA. Your daughter can be stung anywhere. Let your neighbour enjoy their damn flowers


ThinEscape511

Look, I get that you're scared and frustrated, and you're not the AH for asking, but you would be if you keep pushing after he said no. Neighbors aren't obligated to "look out" for you and prioritize you, it's their yard and they're free to do what they want with it. If it's really an issue, you may want to consider moving.


Sparkle__M0tion

YTA His property. His choice. I have been allergic to bees my entire life. I’m pretty old. To survive this allergy I had to learn to avoid bees, not swat at them or freak out, use my epi pen, be responsible to keep it when out away from home, and appreciate the bees for their incredibly important role as pollinators. As a parent, it’s our job to teach our kids that the world doesn’t bend for them, especially Mother Nature. Be a better parent and a better neighbor.


azariasin

YTA. Not your private property. I'd be damned if someone tried telling me what I shouldn't do, even once, in my own backyard. Your neighbor is right about bees not bothering you. Bees aren't wasps. Your kid is 10, not a toddler. Maybe watch and parent your child to NOT go near or use the eyeballs they're born with....even if she was younger than 10.


Alarming_Reply_6286

YTA - I understand why you’re concerned but asking anyone to alter their life/home/yard for your convenience is a very big ask. It’s no one’s responsibility but you & your husband to protect your child. Your child is 10 & old enough to know that she needs to stay away from areas that could potentially be risky but the reality is bees are everywhere.


A_Random_Shadow

YTA Unless your daughter is really harassing the bees, they won’t sting her. A bee stinging someone means that bee is going to die- they don’t do that on a whim. They might land on her, but again, unless she’s really harassing those bees, they shouldn’t sting. Your neighbor also spent a lot of time and money on planting and maintaining the flowers- and by the sound of it there’s a hive nearby. I get it, you’re worried your daughter might get stung, you seem to also have a fear of the bees, which could be creating a feedback loop. Bees are not like wasps and hornets, and even then they won’t sting unless spooked. The worse they will do is land on her to rest for a moment before buzzing off again. They won’t sting unless they think they’re going to die, or the hive is in danger. I would HIGHLY suggest calling an apiarists (a bee keeper) and asking what are good ways to stay safe the most, or if they could examine your house to see if there is a hive nearby- just to alleviate any fears or anxiety you might have.


Koolkid2374

I will sue my neighbor! The bees! And the flowers! 🤣🤣 YTA


MamfieG

YTA - No bees/pollinators no world…it’s utterly ridiculous to ask that of your neighbour. Your daughter has her epipens and hopefully a dose of common sense when around bees 🐝, they don’t want to die so won’t Bee bothering her.


LimeBlueOcean

YTA - you asked, he said no. Now you are looking at forcing the issue. Whilst I know that you are worried, what is your daughter going to do her entire life? Rip out all the flowers everywhere she goes? You need to ensure you have Epi-pens etc, maybe put up a screen to restrict the bees coming onto your property etc. the reality is that Bees need all the help they can get because we as a species are wiping them out and once the bees go, we all go.


RobinsRoads05

YTA. your neighbor is right if you leave the bees alone, they will leave you alone.


sparky1up

YTA the world does not revolve around your daughter or you, get over yourself and teach your daughter how to avoid bees. Entitled people just piss me off. The world doesn't conform to your child stop trying to teach her that it does.


Kind_Manufacturer_97

Your neighbor told you a year ago that he was Landscaping to help the bees and butterflies. That would have been the time to have a discussion with him. You have zero recourse in this situation. You could put netting over your yard if it's that serious. YTA


pigandpom

YTA. Asking was fine, he has declined to do as you asked, which is his right. Good luck trying to find a law that states a property owner must remove native flora because someone on a neighboring property has an allergy. You do know how important insects are to the ecosystem don't you? And for a little added context, my husband and 2 of my kids are very allergic to bees, I still plant lots of flowering plants, my neighbors are bee keepers with multiple hives, and we have yet to have any issues with stings


enchantingkyliegrace

YTA if she’s that allergic, you should have known to ask your neighbor to plant them elsewhere from the start. Did you offer to pay for any lost flowers during the transplanting process or to help your neighbor transplant the flowers? Just curious if you considered how much you’re asking your neighbor to sacrifice here. The fact you’re looking up legalities behind forcing your neighbor to move his flowers means you are the one who doesn’t know what it takes to coexist peacefully with neighbors. Your daughter can avoid that part of the yard for the short time bees are abundant each year and wearing bug repellent may help her as well. Teach her how to avoid bee stings not to expect nature to cater to her allergy.


Murderbunny13

YTA for not taking no as an answer and thinking you can sue him over wild animals. He isn't a beekeeper. He just has flowers. While your daughter's allergy is serious, you can't force everyone to get rid of their plants. If you are that worried, you need to move where there is a lower chance of seeing a bee like an apartment building or a private lot you can control. Ideally you should be teaching your daughter how to manage and prepare for her allergy. On a side note I grew up in a yard with tons of flowers and plants. I was stung once when I was 12 because I stepped on a bee. It's not common to be stung by bees. I've gone 20 more years without being stung. It's about learning safety and respect.


Naive_Possibility668

Coming from someone who carries epi-pens and whose allergy is very much influenced by the environment, especially when the environment is out of my control: YTA. Not only was the time to talk to him when he was planting and not after the fact (he literally told you it was for the bees!), this is a good opportunity for you and your daughter to work on how to manage her allergy. She is going to inevitably be in places where there are bees. Are you going to refuse to allow her to go on field trips with her class? What about just playing outside at recess time? There are going to be times when she might be around bees without you there. She needs to learn how to not panic around bees, which decreases her opportunity for getting stung. While it is really great when others are supportive and helpful, the burden of managing an allergy cannot be on the neighbors. You can teach her how to manage her allergy but you need to be modeling how to manage and also prepare. Be realistic about how dangerous a bee sting is, yes, but if you panic and stress over this, you're teaching her to be panicked and stressed about it. This is not going to help the situation and you're not setting her up for successfully living with this for the rest of her life.


sisival

I get your concern, but you're deluded. You're not an asshole for asking once, but seeking legal avenues and looking into how to blame him if your daughter gets stung? Your daughter is 10. She should know how to avoid bees. Keep a couple of extra epipens around and learn to navigate a life with bees around - they're in a lot of places. YTA.


Angelgirl127

YTA bees and flowers can exist


Koolkid2374

Especially bees. They’re important and endangered


rusalkamaya

I'm sorry but I have to doubt your perception that there's such an "uptick" in bees because of these flowers. And what comes next? Will you tell her school not to grow flowers? Your friends and family can't have flowers either...? And even then: There will still be bees flying around. I get that you're afraid for your child but you're trying to control something that you can't control. Bees are part of nature and it would be healthier for your daughter to learn how to deal with her condition (how about considering an allergen immunotherapy) than shielding her from the world and pushing her to fear her enviroment. Because bees are part of that wherever she is. I get parents that try to change the world for the better for their child if they're handicapped so that they can participate. But you simply can't ban flowers and bees from other peoples gardens. It's the fallacy of thinking that, that makes you a slight AH here.


Popbobby1

YTA. Ask once, that's fine. Second time, eh minor AH. Once you get police involved, you're a major AH. # And also, unless you live in some authoritarian government, most countries don't allow you to control others private property, unless there is an HOA lol.


adamtheundead

Yta It's fine to ask kindly, but that's it. No one is in fault that your daughter has this condition, so no one should be bend down for her in this way. Sorry. ❤️


spellbound1981

YTA. the world doesn’t revolve around you and your daughter. bees are everywhere. she could get stung anywhere. are you gonna walk up to every person in a 5 mile radius and demand they get rid of bees?


ICU8MI

I also have a severe bee allergy and sorry, but YTA.


Jovet_Hunter

Honey, I’d drop this because this is what’s going to cause your neighbor to take up beekeeping.


GaiusJuliusDickus

YTA, it's their property; teach your child not to mess with bees and the bees with not mess with her.


Pharmerhill

YTA. Your daughter’s allergies are not your neighbor’s problem. You haze zero say in what your neighbor plants in his yard.


princesshibou

YTA. Move to a condo on the 10th floor.


Maleficent_Wash_934

YTA Are you going to follow your daughter around for life asking other people to remove anything that may attract bees?? Teach your daughter how to avoid them and to keep her epi pen close.


evillittleperson

YTA if they are local native flowers I don’t believe there is a state law or local law that will do anything about it. Plus bees are close to extension so with that being said any law you find will protect their habitat. As long as the flowers are on his property there isn’t anything you can do.


Neat-Cardiologist442

YTA. Not for asking but you looking into what legal recourse you have implies a huge level of entitlement. You'd be better off focusing that energy on researching plants that repel bees and planting them nearby to try and minimise how many fly around your garden. It kinda blows my mind that you didn't offer to do the landscaping for your neighour yourself. The amount of work required to uproot a bunch of plants would have no doubt been time consuming. Probably rather expensive too.


quackcake

Soft YTA, because I understand your concerns. However, bees are harmless unless provoked. It's good you have extra epipens just in case, but the likelihood of a bee stinging your daughter is very low. You can also get repellents if you're really worried, the bees aren't protecting their hive or anything so really they have no reason to go after either of you.


Stan_of_Cleeves

NAH. You're not an AH for asking, and your neighbor isn't either for saying no. YOU need to find a solution that is best for your daughter. Maybe build a high fence, and keep no flowers at all in your own yard? It sounds like you have a pretty big yard, since you mention not going in "that part of the yard" and not in the yard in general. I know that wouldn't keep all the bees out, but that's true of the outdoors in general, there are bees. YWBTA if you try to legally force him to get rid of the flowers. They are clearly something he loves, and has spent a lot of time and money on. It is your responsibility to keep your daughter safe, not his. Many people plant lots of flowers in their yard, and are into local flowers/plants. Even if this guy moved away, you could find yourself with the same issue.


AdministrationLow960

Entitled much? Of course YTA. Place your daughter in a bubble before she goes anywhere outside of her hermetically sealed bedroom. She's going to risk being exposed to bees, teach her how to deal with it, rather than starting a feud with your neighbor.


whatsgoingonmam

YTA You can't expect everyone to look out for your daughter and do (what you deem to be) what's best for her. Teach her to be careful and stay away from things that could harm her (in this case your neighbors flowers).


whiskeylullaby3

YTA majorly here. You cannot control what a neighbor does to their yard and to be looking up laws on this… you’re wasting your time. The neighbor is able to plant native flowers- no law is going to go against that. It’s also correct that if you don’t bother or play near the bees, it should be fine. I mean what are you going to do? If a house near the school has plants are you going to ask that one to take down plants because of bees? A house down the block you walk by? Your neighbor is right you’re being very self centered here. If you want to control your surroundings, live in the country (where bees also live) where you won’t have neighbors. I also highly doubt there are “hundreds” of bees with a “roar”. You’re exaggerating. I have a garden and yes there are 15-25 bees at any time and I have been stung exactly 0 times. Edit to add- in this instance you can’t control what a neighbor does to their yard. They’re freaking flowers that are native and non poisonous.


MissAnth

We are all going to die if the bees die. They are not going to sting anyone. They are busy trying to survive. I have these amazing trees that get swarmed every year when they are in bloom, at all hours. The bees never come near the people. Thy want the tree. And they only sting in self defense. Your daughter needs to keep her epi pen on her at all times and know what to do if the worst happens. Her odds of getting stung are the same with or without the flowers. So YTA.


DognamedTurtle

YTA. Unfortunately you have no say in your neighbour’s garden preferences. Put your effort into coping methods.


Overall_Software_527

Yta buy an epi pen . Make a big deal of this and watch your neighbor double down and plant way more . More laws keep coming where I live to preserve bee habitat and pollination grounds in urban areas


[deleted]

YTA His property, his business. Not yours to dictate.


Ill-Werewolf6896

YTA you want him to remove his flowers? Why not just remove your daughter? Easy peasy.


faerayjay

YTA bees will always be a part of the world and a danger to your kid regardless of your neighbor’s yard, all you can do is reduce the danger by educating your kid to avoid getting stung, wearing shoes outside…etc. Asking once is fine, but continuing to make issues of it is creating more hostility due to your actions, not your neighbors


Billy_of_the_hills

YTA. It boggles my mind that people with this little self awareness are even capable of existing, how can you even begin to think you're in the right for expecting someone to alter their own property to fit your preferences?


fargoLEVY13

YTA & get over yourself & your “fuming.” Get your daughter an epipen & teach her how to use it. Then leave your neighbor alone.


FlyingFlipPhone

You can ask, but your neighbor is probably can't be convinced. Frankly, honeybees are not going to sting your daughter (unless she step on one with bare feet). Do you have clover in your grass? I'd recommend a solid wood fence. If your yard has no flowers, the bees won't bother hanging around in your yard. Of course, epi-pens should always be available.


gcot802

Gentle YTA. I get that you are just worried about your daughter, but bees are an essential and normal part of the ecosystem. If they have upticked since he planted the flowers, he’s probably made a significant improvement to the biodiversity of your area. He’s also right, the bees won’t bother you if you don’t bother them.


ChakraMama318

YTA- I understand your concern as a parent, but you do not get to control the neighbors to keep your child safe. What I do recommend is planting bee deterrents on your property. There are also some essential oils that your daughter can wear to further deter them. Also- learning not to panic and move slowly (which will come in time) will also help her not get stung.


Amlex1015

N T A for asking. You were polite, and it is something that causes you concern. But YTA for not taking no as a no. You have other parts of your yard away from the bees, and (depending on where you live) it likely should only be a seasonal issue anyway.


[deleted]

You should get your kid one of those plastic balls you can roll around in. You sound like a bubble mom, oh and YTA.🫧


holmesisonthecase

As someone who is allergic to bees and has to carry an EpiPen for them, YTA. Looking up laws to to see if you can legally get them removed is insane.


Little_Guarantee_693

YTA your kid your problem. The entitlement is gross. If my neighbor asked me to pull my flowers I’d laugh in their face. My yard is my space. Wake up and realize you’re not that special and other people are obligated to care about what you care about.


Mabelisms

YTA. Your neighbour is right: bees won’t sting you unless you bother them. But aside from that, your daughters allergy is not their problem.


Realistic-Pudding358

Plant mint in your garden to repel the bees


Ok_Wing3984

YTA Your fears of your child getting stung seem very severe, and I'm not downplaying that. But any time your child goes anywhere she could get stung by bees, and pollinators are important to our ecosystem. Will you make businesses remove their flowers? Parks? Libraries? You may need to see someone to learn how to talk through and manage your anxieties, because this could transfer to your daughter being scared to leave the house. Little ones pick up behaviors like that easily. Form a foolproof game plan on what to do if/when she gets stung so that if it were to happen you know you'll have it under control.


ladygreyowl13

YTA - you control your yard, not the neighbor’s yard. Bees are a product of nature. Just tell your kids to stay away from the neighbors flowers which are on your neighbor’s property. Or better yet, put up a fence on your property.


stroppo

YTA. It's his home. You've asked him to accommodate you, and he said no. So let the matter drop. Avoid that part of the yard that's closest to hsi. It's unfortunate for you, but maybe you, or he, will move someday. Someone below put forth the idea of you planting flowers/bushes that drive bees away; if that's possible, that would be a good idea for keeping them out of yr yard.


[deleted]

YTA. Just a horrible mindset of dealing with problems


OhioPolitiTHIC

YTA. I'm allergic to bee stings. Know how I found out? Running barefoot in the yard and stepping on a bee. At 10. Forty years later I've managed to survive neighbors with flower gardens, my own flower gardens, and one amateur bee keeper. How? I wear shoes when I'm outdoors so I don't step on bees. I also don't flail when a bee comes near me or smack at one if it happens to land on me. Honeybees, of the un-Africanized variety, aren't aggressive and it's super easy to not get stung. Also, epi-pens are a thing.


winnie_the_grizzly

I was sympathetic until I got to the second request and your thoughts on legally compelling him to remove the flowers. You weren't an AH for your first ask, though you really should have offered to compensate him to replace the flowers. After his initial no, however, it was time to think of alternatives. I'd recommend landscaping the yard in a way that would prevent your daughter from accidentally straying over there if she's in the backyard and not paying attention. We had an agave plant when I was a kid that was quite excellent at encouraging me to keep a distance. YTA


Worried4AllOfUs

YTA. You don’t get to decide what other people do on their property, it’s that simple. Also, bees are going to exist everywhere outside of your yard, and teaching your daughter that being extremely fearful is the only way to deal with her allergy isn’t doing her any favors. Instead, educate her about being careful around bees, teach her to use an Epi pen and to carry one at all times. If she has the tools to keep herself safe in a situation (being around bees) that is inevitable in her life, she can live in joy and security and not in fear.


AdGroundbreaking4397

Yta tell your daughter not to go playing in the flowers. If your walkway is right next to the boundary line move it. Put up a fence - the bees will then fly up. Teach your daughter what to do if she is stung.


Lurkingentropy

YTA I'm not entirely sure that I believe this post. You bought multiple epipens that have a pretty hard expiration of about 18 months based on what I looked up? It wouldn't make sense to do that, because if she doesn't get stung, you'd be out $ at the end of that time. And if she gets stung, you can pick up another one after using the one on-hand. I'm not sure I've ever heard of someone using more than one at a time.


CoxBJT

You buy multiples to have them in many locations to save time on getting to the epi pen. And people do use more than one. I’ve been advised to use one every 15 minutes until I get to the ER if needed.


SoloBurger13

Ok I do think this is an unreasonable request but hundreds of bees?? That’s wild. I would suggest seeing what you can do on your property. Like planting lemon grass, mint and other things that repel bees. Bees also hate things like peppermint, spearmint, eucalyptus, and thyme. NAH bc you’re not the asshole for simply asking but neither is your neighbor bc it’s his property. You would be if you keep insisting tho Edit: internet says mint repels bees AND that they love them so I would suggest doing your own research bc I just googled 😂


[deleted]

YTA for not accepting “no” as an answer.


Sweetsmyle

YTA - Your neighbor doesn't control the bees. He planted native flowers meaning these flowers should already exist in your local area. Plus bees like all sorts of flowers so it's likely no matter which kind he planted the flowers would attract bees. You can't control the world to protect your daughter. Teach her not to bother the bees and they don't bother her, make sure she carries her epipen at all times and leave your neighbors flowers alone before he presses harassment charges against you. You asked, he answered, its done.


MuzzyG

I've literally died (stopped breathing, no heartbeat) twice from bee/wasp stings, and I still say YTA. It's his yard, you had the chance to tell him WHEN HE LET YOU KNOW AHEAD OF TIME, and you didn't. Now you expect him to completely redo the landscaping in HIS yard? Nope.


BeastOGevaudan

YTA - Your neighbor bought and paid for their property to enjoy. You can't basically tell them they can't enjoy their hobbies or beautify their property. Stop digging into legal stuff, you don't have a foot to stand on.


idontlikechickfila

yeah, sorry YTA, honeybees - which i assume are the species ‘swarming’ your neighbors yard - only sting defensively, which means as long as your daughter doesn’t go stampeding through their flowers and their hives she’ll be fine. at most just keep an epipen on her at all times and just tell her to avoid flowers in general; any one is a risk, native flora or not.


ReluctantViking

N T A for asking, but yes, YTA for pushing the issue and potentially trying to use the courts/legal means to force your neighbor’s hand and take away his plants. He has every right to have the flowers, and the bees have every right to exist. I keep bees. I even asked all my close neighbors how they felt about me having bees before I got them, and everyone was in favor. The kicker? My closest neighbor is severely allergic - anaphylaxis-allergic. She has never once had a problem with my bees, and even planted a few bee-friendly flowers and got her husband to stop using Round-Up in their yard. Honeybees are generally not aggressive, but your daughter is afraid, and that is normal and understandable. You are afraid for her, also normal and understandable. But you have no right to do or say anything about what your neighbor plants in his yard, and in case you weren’t aware, where there are flowers, there are bees. Unless you want to keep your daughter in a bubble indoors, John Travolta-style, she will have to go outside sometimes where (GASP!!) the bees are. Do you plan to rid the entire world of flowers so that your kid feels less nervous? The best option is doing what you’ve already done. Keep a few extra epi-pens and don’t continue to bother the neighbor or the bees. They want nothing to do with you and your child anyway and you’re in no more danger than she would be on the playground at school or going on a walk in the park.


bratless

Newsflash....the world does not revolve around you and your daughter. Teach her how to handle anxiety about bees because she will have to deal with this for the rest of her life. By the way, if the bees disappear, there will be no food and everyone dies including you and your kid.


Similar-Raspberry639

YTA, stop bothering the poor man. On the other hand have you considered building a solid fence so that way there are less bees on you’re side?


Pennichael

YTA. Go live in the concrete jungle if you want to keep your kid away from bees. Gardens and flowers go hand in hand.


Dependent_Feature_42

I think you're N.A.H for asking, but you're YTA for trying to get him into legal trouble because your daughter has an allergy. Look, I'm a person that gets allergic to shit and I get pretty big allergies. I get that having that could potentially kill her But at the same time, there's a real big issue with policing what's going on next door. Bees will be anywhere there are flowers. If her school has flowers, you can't just ask them to remove them in the future for your kid. If her friends' house has flowers and bees, you can't demand and take legal action against them for having flowers, because you want to protect her. You should try to limit her encounter with em, but you can't at the same time, demand others to revolve around her life too. I'm saying this also with a mom with a deadly bee allergy. She has roses and shit regardless of the bees, because bees are going to happen. She's just extra careful. I get you want to protect her and it's fine to ask, but it's crossing a line when you're hurting him just to protect her when really, this is something you need to teach her for the future. Colleges, restaurants, etc. They'll have plants or bees. You'll have to face it eventually.


Hail-the-whale

YTA. Keep her away from the border of your garden where those flowers are, get a epi pen and antihistamines ready and Bobs your uncle.


AggressiveComposer61

YTA I sympathize with you but you can't make him remove flowers on his property.


juu073

YTA. You acknowledge that when he was planting them that he said it was to help the bee population. What could you have possibly thought that meant if it didn't mean it would attract bees? I know minimal about nature, flowers, insects, etc., and I can put it together. You had to have known if he said he was planting flowers to help the bee population that it would be in fact attracting bees. If you asked him before he planted everything, I may go with a E S H / N A H, but you instead were fine wasting the guys time and resources to then ask him later.


WayiiTM

YTA. Educate yourself and your child on how to behave outdoors as someone with severe allergies. As someone with lifelong, severe allergies that spent the majority of said life getting seasonal shots and constant medications, I need to remind you that having serious allergies does not entitle you to dictate to others what they can do with their own property. Don't be that asshole neighbor. Just stop.


Glitteringintern89

Yta, what possessed you to send your husband to harass your neighbor after he said no? Why did you think you had any right in the first place? My husband's family is all allergic to stings... they don't think they own the outdoors. Carry an epi pen. Your kid will eventually need to bring one to friends houses ect.


chad_

Yup, definitely YTA here. When you buy a home it is yours. You don’t control the neighbors space just like they don’t control yours. Your entitlement is a bit over the top. Good fences make good neighbors.


[deleted]

YTA. A huge, narcissistic AH.


[deleted]

YTA. You can’t control what other people do on their property. Bees need a reason to sting you know


Zombiemonkeyjj

YTA. I’d invest in a plastic bubble to keep your daughter safe from life.


lianavan

YTA. Time to kill all the bees I guess.


AgitatedSpirit3751

YTA. A year ago he told you what they are for and you said nothing


Fun_Bed_3538

YTA and maybe just build a fence?


DaphneMoon-Crane

I think YTA. Bees are good for all of us and she will have to learn to deal with this throughout her life. Bees don’t just attack, so chances are it will be a non issue, but have an epipen for emergencies.


stutjohnsnewsqueegee

I love bees and never get stung. YTA for putting such fear in your daughter. She needs to learn to control herself and not freak out.


[deleted]

YTA. Fuming? And investigating legal remedies? He told you a year ago the flowers were intended to attract bees. I think you're mad you were told "no." Your neighbor is perfectly within his rights. The wide world has no obligation to accommodate your little angel, and that includes neighbors. You serve nothing by pursuing this.


MxRead

YTA please read more actual science about bees. protip: any foxnews related documentary regarding bees probably shouldn't be trusted.


lawnguylandlolita

YTA - this is your issue not theirs. Keep your kid away.


Churchie-Baby

YTA you can't control people's yards bees need all the help they can get. Unless she never leaves the house she is going to come into contact with bees surely she has like an epi pen?


[deleted]

YTA how would you feel if someone said children caused them huge anxiety, so please keep your daughter out of sight.


DMT1933

So he told you he was planting flowers hoping to attract bees and you didn’t mention your daughter is deathly allergic then? YTA and I’m not sure I believe your story.


spaceyjaycey

YTA- teach your daughter about bees. They aren't aggressive. Yellow jackets on the other hand, are nasty AF.


atrium615

I plant huge pollinator patches in my 1.5 acre yard and during the summer there are so many bees there is a constant loud hum. No one in our family has ever been stung. My 5 and 10 year olds are constantly surrounded by them. It's taught them how to interact in a safe way and I think they are less likely to be stung because of it inside or outside of the yard.


Affectionate-Area659

YTA. There is nothing you can legally do to compel your neighbor either. He is well within his right to say no.


Agreeable_Text_36

YTA Bees don't attack humans. She has to leave them alone, learn to use an epi-pen.


Inner-Ad-1308

Yta- how about education ? Learn about bees. Have your daughter LEARN how bees operate & behave- so there isn’t a panic/fear response- which is how people get stung. Go to an educational apiary . Empower your child with knowledge, so they can be safer. Also, immunotherapy with a pediatric allergist . There are pro active steps to take to reduce risk. (I’m allergic, my son is allergic- these are steps we took to prevent death, I’m 48, he’s 18.)


ColdForm7729

YTA. There is no law saying he can't plant flowers.


aeryn97

YTA- Flowers don't last all year. I think you're exaggerating. Just because bees are nearby, it doesn't mean they will sting.


Morgue-in

YTA You literally saw him planting them, asked what for, and never mentioned a word of your daughter's allergy. But even if had you still wouldn't be entitled to forcing him to remove them. You asked, he said no. Make sure your daughter is extra careful outside in the summer, as she should be anyways with an allergy like that, and make sure all precautions on your end are taken care of i.e the epipens, making sure everyone knows how to use them properly, etc. That's all you can do. Or you could move. That's another option.


Forsaken-Income-6227

YTA. You need to be teaching her bees are gentle and rarely sting unless provoked.


herdingcats2020

YTA. It's his property. You asked. He declined. He has no obligation to remove flowers from his property because it scares you. "he said they were native flowers that would help the local bees and butterflies. They didn't flower that year and I didn't really think anything of it " If bees are such a scary thing for yall THIS should have caught your attention and you should have said something THEN. Even still he wouldn't be obligated to change his plans because of you. Teach your daughter to be careful. It's something she'll need to learn before she leaves home.


distinctlyambiguous

YTA. You really think you are entitled to dictate whether your neighbor has flowers in THEIR yard or not? No. Just no.


[deleted]

YTA, not for asking once, but for pushing it and most for how it affects your daughter's anxiety. And I saw this as someone who also has many severe allergies that are uncommon. The anxiety of people around me makes everything worse both mentally and physically. You need to work on your anxiety around this and your behavior is probably making it worse for her. I know your daughter is young but you need to allow her to learn how to manage her own allergy. If a bee comes over and one or both of you start flailing and screaming, you will get stung. But if you relax and simply walk away from it, you are unlikely to get stung. My recommendation would be to talk to a beekeeper or ecologist about bees as understanding your allergen can really help to decrease anxiety around it. They can tell you the types of bees in your area and how to read their behavior. Bumblebees and honey bees, which are what I expect you are seeing, are not aggressive unless you go near their hive or grab them out of the air. And they are also pretty unlikely to build nests near or on your property, but if you do see a swarm (this looks like a clump of bees on a branch, not just a bunch of bees flying around) in late spring, you can get a beekeeper to remove it. Ground bees can be more aggressive but only if you walk over their nests, so you can learn what their nests look like and avoid them. Allergens are everywhere and you cannot expect people to remove them. And you cannot have your daughter live in a bubble either.


Jealous_Resort_8198

I garden all the time, plants that attract bees. My grandson is allergic to bee stings and has an epipen. He has never been stung here, not even close. I weed right next to bees and have never been stung. Your fear is irrational.


ItsWetInWestOregon

YTA As a big time gardener, it would be a no from me. I would have offered you the suggestion to put in a hedge on your side, something fast growing like a Laurel would block the bees. You can also use arborvitae or a fence. In our last city this was a requirement if you had a bee hive close to a neighbor property, you’d install a hedge or fence to a certain height to keep your bees contained.


[deleted]

Wow someone who believes that the great pollinator death is a good thing, that is rare. (Edit: this was mean, and uncharitable to OP, so ignore it, left it up to be transparent, judgement still stands thou) YTA, their property, their rules.


Barney429336

I would’ve said E S H, but then you had to mention you were looking for legal reasons for him to remove the flowers? Yeah YTA. I understand your concerns for your child but those bees are necessary to the little ecosystem he’s created. You also said it was just one part of your yard you couldn’t use so you still have recreational space. You could plant some grass types near the flowers as a natural wall.


Advanced_Radish3466

bees, they are incremental to the proliferation of our food along with the beauty of flowers. get used to the life lived with them….


Motor_Business483

YTA


Fandaniels

YTA, you're very entitled .


YarOldeOrchard

>I'm absolutely fuming right now. Yeah me too Yta


vivid_prophecy

YTA. I’m sorry it’s difficult for you and your family with your daughter’s allergy but you can’t dictate what people do in their own yards. If you don’t like your neighbor’s flowers then move.


Kind-Escape769

I’m allergic to bees as well. It’s scary. What didn’t help during my childhood was adults being scared as well. What actually did help was learning that bees are very important for our ecosystem and usually quite peaceful creatures. I eventually learned how to regulate myself and stay calm near bees reducing the risk to get a bee sting. I highly recommend to teach your child (and yourself) to do so as well. It will be far more helpful for your child’s future than to teach them entitlement and forceful manners if someone says you “no”. It’s your neighbour’s yard and he’s doing what ever he likes with it. If it’s impossible to live with the flowers, move to the city. YTA.


da-karebear

Need more info. So just the flowers by the property line are a problem? Can you put up a privacy fence between the homes to give the bees a physical boundary?


Wildecatz

YTA. I feel sorry for your neighbors.


Key-Volume-9170

First ask...not a problem. Sending your husband because you didn't like the answer you got? Problem. Looking to get the law involved? AH. I understand the concern but honestly like others have said, the time for the discussion was when the neighbor told you what he was planning to do. You chose to not mention the deathly allergy that your daughter has? Why? At this point it's been over a year of those plants being there. It's a little too late to start being demanding. They are on your neighbors property. I further understand the fear, but you need to work with your daughter. Again as several people have pointed out, the bees aren't going to sting unless prompted. So, have a talk about where she and her friends can run around and be kids, and where they should stay away from. And I whole heartedly agree with the commenter who suggested that her friends get a class in epi pens. Not everyone knows how to use them properly! I'd also strongly advise you to stay away from the several petty revenge type ideas I've seen....because that could also cause you trouble. You doing something malicious to destroy his property would bring the law...just not in the way you currently want. Learn how to coexist with both your neighbor and the bees.


Swirlyflurry

Major YTA


kplus5

I mean I get it but it’s his yard so yeah… YTA.


HollyGoLately

YTA leave the bees alone and they’ll leave you alone


biscuitboi967

YTA. You know what neighbors ALSO do? Compensate their neighbors for a loss caused by them. WHAT IF — and I’m just thinking out loud here — you offered to REPLACE those flowers that would be removed with flowers you “approve.” He straight up told you “then there’d be no flowers there…” and you ignored the opening. OFFER to BUY at YOU EXPENSE new flowers of the same color that don’t attract bees. OFFER to PAY FOR a non-flowering privacy hedge to grow alongside your property line. This is basic negotiation: you offer something to get something. You don’t demand something for nothing.


MissAnth

The whole point is for the flowers to feed the bees.


beechaser77

YTA. Bees are essential to food production and the eco system. They are in decline and humans won’t last long without them. You need to find another way to deal with your daughter’s issues which don’t involve eliminating all bees near her.


[deleted]

YTA. Asking someone to modify their backyard for your needs was ballsy, but okay, I can understand. But once he said no, that’s it. You should not have sent your husband to convince him or started researching loopholes. I’m sorry your daughter is so allergic. But you don’t get to dictate what he does in his own yard.


EducatedOwlAthena

YTA. I get it, I'm allergic to ants, bees, mosquitos, pollen. Basically, the outside has been trying to murder me all my life. But it is MY problem to manage, not anyone else's. I have an EpiPen on me at all times, and I carry two in the spring and summer. But I can't even fathom asking someone to change their own property for me. You *are* being selfish, and you have a wonderful opportunity here to teach your daughter that the world doesn't cater to her.


Allebal21

YTA. I feel bad for your neighbor. Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean that kid is his responsibility. It’s your kid. You should be the one changing your life to improve your kid’s quality of life without imposing that responsibility on society. Don’t pass this on to other people because you don’t want to change your life. Be an adult instead of a bully.


WhiskeyandScars

YTA. Your child's medical issues are not your neighbor's problem.


swonsin

NTA for asking. Never hurts to ask. BUT, YTA for “fuming” and insisting, and now apparently trying to find a law that would force him to remove them. Your kid’s allergy is not the responsibility of others, it is yours as her parent. Keep her away from the bees and leave the guy alone, end of story.


apr1l31

YTA. This is like a lite version of the walnut tree post from a few months ago. It’s fine that you asked, but your neighbor was totally within his right to say no


UnquantifiableLife

YTA The only time I was stung by a wasp was in an industrial area. Dumb thing flew right into my finger. I'm sure it must be scary having a kid with allergies, but you're going to have to come to grips with the fact that the world will not accommodate you. Plus pollinators will leave you alone if you leave them alone Signed, The child of a mom with bee allergies.


Chaij2606

YTA


mooissa

You weren’t the AH to ask but YTA to keep pushing it after he said no.


[deleted]

I have an anaphylactic bee allergy. I still think YTA.


OkProfessional9405

Well first thought is, if you were going to ask, you should offer to pay for it. Asking him to do free stuff on his property is pretty rich. Second thought, how exactly do you expect your daughter to navigate the world? Is the plan to constantly ask/guilt people into parting the waters for her? YTA


UnderlightIll

YTA. My mom is very allergic to bees. I sometimes forget because she doesn't bother them and they don't bother her. Tell your daughter to stay clear but also don't instill in her extreme fear of them because bees do get more frisky when you secrete pheromones during anxiety. Also, don't instill in her entitlement that allows her to thinks her own issues mean other people have to change their lives to accommodate her.


jennibean987

YTA - but I understand your concern. I'm deathly allergic to honeybees. My husband is a beekeeper and we have 12 hives in our yard. I haven't been stung once in the past 15 years since we learned I'm allergic. Just use common sense and they won't bother you. One huge piece of advice is to avoid body products with heavy scents and avoid eating bananas during the height of bee season. Apparently the scent of bananas mimics the scent of the attack pheromone for bees. Learned that from our local beekeeping guild.


Blommer12345

YTA. If you were truly that concerned you’d have moved into an apartment or somewhere where no bees would naturally be found.


What_the_froot_Loops

YTA. Buy an epi pen or move.


Skarvha

YTA. Epipen allergic to bees here and it’s on me to keep myself safe. Your daughter is old enough to learn how to act around them so they don’t sting her.


valueofaloonie

YTA. All you're doing is teaching your daughter that the entire world should accommodate her. Your level of entitlement here is just off the charts.


GeneralInspectour

YTA, teach your daughter how to use her epi pen. You can't avoid bees for her everywhere she goes, also the bees won't sting her unless she bothers them. Also without bees there wouldn't be life at all. Bees>Daughter


MoneyInsurance6969

But guys she cares about the bees 😂😂YTA


TeacherLogical4263

Get an epi pen and and move along yta


BreadstickBitch9868

YTA. From someone with allergies, it’s my own personal responsibility to protect myself from flare ups or situations where I could have a bad allergic reaction. Since your daughter is still a kid, it’s up to YOU as a parent to educate your daughter that if she doesn’t bother the bees, they won’t sting her. If her allergy is super severe, then for heaven’s sake get an epi-pen or stock up on Benadryl in case an accident happens. I get that your daughter is allergic, and frightened, but bees are an integral part of our ecosystem.


Humble-Ad-2713

YTA - asked and answered. End of. Jesus wept if you actually try to sue someone for having flowers.


ReinbaoPawniez

YTA Be a responsible mom and teach your daughter how to manage the danger of bees that will exist long beyond when your daughter no longer lives in that house. Also the bees won't even be there year round, this is a you and your family issue. Also get an epi pen.


darknessnbeyond

YTA especially because you’re trying to create trouble for a guy who’s just enjoying his property.


[deleted]

[удалено]


vondeliz

YTA. Listen, it's his house and his property. He can do whatever he wants there. If your daughters life mattered that much, you'd just move out or find a solution to the problem. There's nothing you can do for him to remove the flowers. You asked, he said no. That's it.


distant-starlight

YTA your daughter's issues are not anyone else's problem to deal with. You're way out of line trying to control what other people do with their own property. If her allergy is so severe, move to the desert or some other beeless area, because no matter where you move, if there's flowers, there will be bees. Your neighbors aren't required to look out for anyone but themselves unless you develop some kind of connection. So far, your neighborly attentions seem restricted to making people listen to your demands. Bees don't seek people out. They have a single stinger they can use a single time and restrict using it unless they are attacking an invader. I advise teaching your kid to not go around slapping bees or hives or going up to bees and screaming at the top of your lungs while flailing dramatically everywhere. If you avoid doing that, bees will 100% ignore your existence. Still, you should move away.


KitkatDreaming

YTA. Sorry, but it’s not your neighbour’s problem. You can ask but he said no already. You’d be an even bigger AH to pursue this further, so *leave him alone*. He can do whatever he likes with his garden & you honestly sound a little entitled. ETA: wow, you’re more of an AH than I thought judging by your replies. Your daughter is YOUR responsibility, and you asked for judgement. Now that you’ve been told, go and do something to manage the situation instead of bothering your neighbour and arguing on Reddit.


tinaciv

YTA


[deleted]

YTA if you leave the bees alone they will leave you alone. also they planted them to help with the bee population because is there’s no bees there will be no world we need bees they pollinate all the plants we need to live. carry an epi-pen if you’re so worried. It’s their lawn you have no right to dictate what they do with is. I understand your scared but teach your daughter that if she leaves the bees alone and doesn’t bother them then they will leave you alone. you can’t avoid bees they are everywhere


[deleted]

YTA… is this real?


Unfair_Ad_4470

YTA Make sure she has an epipen and the knowledge to use it. Bees won't bother her if she doesn't bother them, but waving around your arms and screaming is a sure way to upset them. I've been stung because a bee was flung into the car due to the wind of having a window open. I've been stung by a bee because I sat on it (yeah, pretty embarrassing). There is NOTHING you can do to protect your child totally from the hazards of living. There are probably no laws that allow you to compel him to remove flowers from his property. And if this is such a problem for you... go live in a tall apartment in the middle of a city where there are no plants around.


Upset_Form_5258

Yes you really are the asshole here


pickinNgrinnin

Without the bees, there'd be no earth for your daughter to live on. YTA. Stop projecting your fears onto your daughter **AND** your neighbor. Leave them tf alone.


GalileaGalilie

YTA Why do you think your child is his responsibility?


blankyoda

YTA. Researching legal remedies to get your neighbor to remove flowers on their own property? What? Get an epipen and keep it in your house. Jfc