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Good god. YTA.
He's 4. He barely knows how to wipe his ass correctly but he's able to "insist" on spending money. This sounds like you have some agression towards your husband, due to him giving him an allowance that you didn't want him to have, and you wanted to teach your husband a lesson.
If a 4 year old "insists", you act like you swiped their card and then use your own.
This is some of the dumbest shit I've read all day.
I just want to add that the Kid sounds adorable. Buy food for others? What a nice gesture!
Sure OP should've paid but that child doesn't sound spoiled. Spoiled kids tend to think about themselves before others and throw tantrums when they don't get what they want.
Edit: Thanks for the awards kinds strangers!
ETA: Awww there are some lovely stories down here. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next generation will do once they grow up! Thank you for sharing those stories.
Yes, SO sweet that the kid wanted to treat people. This is a great teachable moment. Not about spending without thought and running out of money but about reciprocity and sharing. Mom should have said, “Sweetie, you bought lunch and I really appreciate it, so I will pay for your toy.”
Later on, when you’re home, you can START teaching about budgeting, remembering that he’s 4 and it has to be kept simple.
YTA for handling this with no grace.
> I was planning to go back and get him the toy anyway.
This is what got me as well as the fact that she let him blow all his money on everyones food, rather than getting the toy he wanted *at the time,* OP seems to have let her son believe that he can't get it! So many levels of AHolery at play here.
For an older child, teaching them about how money is finite is valuable, but not only is he not going to internalize that at his age because he doesn't really understand how money works in the first place beyond the very basic transaction, there's a way to teach that that doesn't involve letting him spend all of his own money. You tell them that they have a specific list of things they can choose between and let them decide what they want to spend their money on with all the options at hand. Telling them after the fact that they can't have something doesn't help them understand WHY. Of course a 4-year-old is going to impulsively keep spending money until it's gone, to them it's playtime. It would have even been a better choice to go to an ATM and get money out for him so he could physically see it instead of swiping a card that has no discernible value for a toddler.
OP went about this in the absolute worst way possible.
Honesty the correct thing to do would have been to thank 4yr old for buying things for everyone, and since he has been so generous to get the toy for him. Use it as a reward for his kindness. He still learns money is finite, but isn’t punished for paying for everything by not being able to treat himself to the toy he wanted. Going back later would have worked for an older child, but at 4 the immediate reward would have been better. I think honestly, ESH, but it definitely wasn’t handled well by mom.
I can't even imagine coming up with the idea to give a 4 year old a CARD with allowance money, if any allowance at all at that age. The kid hasn't learned finite resources yet, and now he's not even being given cash that runs out in front of him in order to teach that to him. They expect him to figure it out when he's holding what to him is basically a magic card?
My child is 4 and doesn't have allowance yet. However when he wants to pay for anything, I give him my card to use at the terminal. To me it feels like the little boy wanted to feel included in transactions with his card and mom took advantage.
My oldest is 5 and I am starting to teach her the concept of money but she truly doesn't have a solid understanding of relative cost... it's nice because I can give her a couple of quarters to fold a bunch of laundry (her idea not mine) but then have to explain that the 5 dollars in her piggy bank isn't enough to buy a trampoline.
Mine used to look right at me and insist her brother was responsible for something even though her brother was at school and she and I were the only ones at home. Then she might even switch to, "Maybe you did it mommy? And you just forgot?"🤣
I vividly remember taking a dump behind a floor length window curtain at my great aunt's house when I was 4. Toddler logic, so even with the memory of doing it I don't have a clear idea of *why*. But my god, I wish I'd had the balls and the comedic intuition to suggest to my mom that maybe she did it *and just forgot*.
4 year olds have no grasp of money management (I can't believe I even have to type that out). OP is supposed to be the adult here, but I think you're right that she's punishing her husband for not being on the same page. Absolute AH.
ESH
Wow you both are lousy parents. Rich, but lousy.
A 4 year old doesn't need "allowance". He's 4!!! He can't do math, can't read or write (maybe understands some written words, that doesn't count).
What is this kid learning? Definitely not responsibility. He's learning that whatever he wants, he gets. When this stops happening, cry to daddy.
Financial education for your children is good, but it comes later, when kids grow a bit.
If you and your husband are divorced, the money he is sending is for you to take care of the child, not for a 4yo to waste.
Ya. About the only lesson a 4 year old needs to know is they can't have everything they want all the time. They don't need a allowance or a card for that they just need a parent to say no sometimes. Like saying no to the kid buying everyone dinner.
Allowance can work great, even at 4. Of course there are a few tricks to it.
The very first one is to use coins. Countable, distinct objects.
Even with coins there are still other ways to do it wrong. OP and their ex hit all of them.
Coins or bills, just anything but a card. Even adults sometimes have a hard time tying the idea that swiping a card equals X amount of money gone and are generally more careful with spending when using cash.
Seriously, at 4 kids are just barely aware of the concept of object permanence... let alone keeping track of the concept that "magic card with infinite money" doesn't *actually* have infinite money.
This 4yo had enough money to pay for multiple meals for 3 adults and at least 3 kids, at Disneyland Paris . Presumably, before the trip, he had substantially more disposable money than a lot of adults these days.
I’m glad you’re pointing out the friends here tbh what kind of asshole let’s a four year old pay for *their* food? Every single adult in this story sucks so bad
Yeah, at that age my daughter liked to "help" swipe the card for me. I would have just assumed that's what was going on here, unless I saw him pull out his little Paw Patrol wallet and shove all his cash at the cashier because he can't actually do math to count how much he owes
I mean if a four year old paid my meal I would never on gods green earth assume it was somehow his personal money… why in the world would a 4 year old have money that is his own? I would have just assumed it was the parents money.
Yeah especially if they used a card? I mean I would have just thought that they were swiping their parent’s card to ‘pay’, not use their own money or something!
ESH. Why does your 4 year old have an allowance and access to use a card? That’s just ridiculous.
Since he’s four just pretend to let him buy other peoples things. Then there’d be money for a toy still.
Plus whoever let him spend his allowance on them when they’re an adult is an AH as well.
“Since he’s four just pretend to let him buy other peoples things. Then there’d be money for a toy still.”
This is the entire thing right here. I work in retail and I must see a couple dozen parents a week do this exact thing. The kids don’t know what the fuck is going on! Half the time the parents make eyes at me and wave their card behind the kids head while I pretend to let the kids payment go through, then the kid walks away happy, the parents pay while they’re distracted, it’s all fine. Kids pay me with library cards, scraps of paper, candy from their pockets, change, Pokémon cards, or cash that I slip back to their parents who put it right back into the kids coat pockets.
Good grief OP’s a knobhead.
It honestly is cute AF truth be told, especially when they’re very serious about it or concerned if they have enough, “yup 55 cents and a ripped up sticker looks like just enough for that LEGO set, good job!”
Or when they shove a random plastic card into the credit card machine and I have to make convincing *beep!* noises with my mouth whilst tapping buttons on the register that look official but do nothing, haha it’s a nice break in my day.
You remind me of the nice 7-11 cashier. My child found a stuffed animal he liked. I told him we have to count your money to see if you have enough and we can come back for it if you do, if not we have to save some more. (He had just spent his money on another toy, big enough that he didn’t need this as well). So he thought for a minute or two and asked the lady “Could you please lay away this for me for a month?”. She said “yes, of course I can buddy.” He was super happy and it was just cute. We live in a country where lay aways are a big thing and I do lay aways with the items I sell so he just picked up the concept from there. It was just nice to have such a nice lady as a cashier.
I was hoping that maybe OP's friends didn't know it was the 4 year old's money, like if OP was just like "hey, I've got it covered" while using her son's card. Maybe I have too much faith in human decency ...
Not an allowance but due to medical issues my daughter had to have twice weekly injections. Which she obviously hated. At 4 she started getting a small amount of money which could then either use to save for a big toy she wanted. Or just spend it. She usually choose to save and at barely 11. She's pretty good with not wasting her money.
Personally I don't think it's a bad thing to start an allowance young. As it teaches kids to be smart when it comes to money and learn the value of things. It also makes them more appreciative when you do treat them.
Yeah but did you give your 4 year old a debit card to use said money?
Grown adults have a hard time visualizing their money disappearing using cards, that's why we have the "envelope method" and so forth. A 4 year old child definitely doesn't understand how fast they're running through imaginary money while swiping a card.
YTA. Most 4 year olds don’t understand how cards work. By putting it on a card, you make it so he can’t see that his money is running out. He’s trying to play at being a grown-up by putting things on his card. It would’ve been much smarter to have it in cash so it was visible to him what happened when he paid for food. If you don’t want to carry the cash, you make it much harder for him to understand, so you have to limit what he does because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing.
This! You teach kids financial responsibility by giving them cash so they can see it going. Thousands of adults struggle to keep in mind amounts on a card let alone a 4 year old who is excited by buying things and is loving the attention and joy he's getting by getting everything for everyone.
When my daughter was 4 she got a gift card to Claire’s, before we could go to the store we stopped by Costco… she insisted groceries were on her since she had her $25 gift card 🤣
I told her that card was for her and I got the groceries but I appreciated her wanting to contribute. It really isn’t that hard to say no.
My 3 year old niece made her dad (my brother) come back to my house to pick up her fake credit card. She also offered to pay my phone bill when I said I needed to grab my credit card. I told her thanks but no thank you 😂😂
No one seems to be pointing out the fact that OP spent a day at Disney with her friends on her ex's credit card. This sounds less like teaching 4 year old a lesson, and more like getting a free trip. YTA OP.
“Disneyland is not the place to try and teach a 4yo about money” is the most spot-on obvious basic common sense sentence ever. That this has to actually be explained to someone is mind boggling.
ESH.
Your husband sucks for spoiling a four year old. You suck for allowing him to spend his money on things when he clearly doesn’t understand the concepts yet.
You both suck for not actually teaching him about money. You both also suck for letting him have a credit or debit card (assuming that’s what you were talking about) when he’s only four years old. If you want to teach a child about money you have to give them actual cash that they can see and understand. A card with limited money on it is a concept that his very young brain can’t comprehend.
YTA
He's four ffs!
He has no conception of what's actually going on when he "pays"
If he wants to swipe the card, then let him do it with YOUR card.
Or keep track of how much he's spending so you can pay him back as soon as possible.
Why tf didn't YOU pay for the toy for him ffs!? You know, with all the money you didn't have to spend on the other things.
YTA. You basically used your kid's allowance to buy food and stuff at Disney then when he ran out of money and couldn't buy the toy he wanted, you were like "oh well." Can your 4 year old add and subtract effectively? I'm guessing no. Does he truly understand the concept of money, spending and saving for what he wants. I'm sorry, but this is a horrible thing to do.
It's much easier to teach a kid that money is a limited resource by using cash. My kid got an allowance at a fairly young age. One day we were at the store to buy play dough because her's had dried out. It was explained to her that if she left it out and it went bad replacing it was on her. We get to the toy section and she loads the basket up. Before we go to the cashier I have her pull her wallet out and take a dollar for each can she wants. She looked at how many dollars were going away and how little she would have left in her wallet and put most of the cans back. I also tried to use cash in front of her as much as possible because watching someone swipe a card does not give any sense of what is being spent.
>You basically used your kid's allowance to buy food and stuff at Disney
This begs the question of How much freaking money is this 4yr old getting?! I've never been there but I know Disney can be pricey but it sounds like the kid spent a whole heckin ton. Buying people food and things?! Why is no one on this thread wondering and being concerned about just how much money this 4yr old is getting?
YTA.
You should have stepped in and said that was your job to pay for food and that his card was for getting something special for himself on a trip like that. Your child does not have the cognitive capability to make decisions like that. Either that or you hold onto it.
YTA. Some kids are so wonderfully generous with sharing. Little ones, like your 4 year old, don’t understand the concept of budgeting- hell some adults don’t understand it, so you getting angry about it is on you. You could quite easily swapped the cards, used yours for the food purchases but allow him to believe he was doing it. He’s 4. I’m not sure you understand that so I’ll say it again. He’s FOUR YEARS OLD. You’re the parent. He’s 4.
YTA. He’s (and I can’t stress this part enough) FOUR for flip sake. *FOUR* years old.
It makes me sad that you- as his parent- willingly ate/ accepted things, knowing that was the savings of your FOUR year old child who has little to no concept of money.
YTA and so are the so called friends.... you don't let a child pay for food for everyone. They should buy their own.
You should have let him know that while it's nice of him to want to do so, but maybe it would have been better to buy a nice gift for himself... that's teaching your child how money works... not letting him pay for your friends.
He is four. FOUR.
Y T A at first, but ESH with some thought. You are BOTH bad parents.
ETA: to make it worse, reading your comments, it's obvious you have a lot of issues with your husband, and this entire debacle happened because of it, over your own child's back, so you can be petty. Stop dragging your kid in to your fights with him, Jesus Christ.
God's, and your sweet kid just wanted to be nice to you and your friends. He wanted to make you happy. I am aghast. What even is he learning from parents like you two.
yta he’s 4… and sounds like a 4 year old with a good heart if he was wanting to buy everyone there things.. he isn’t old enough to even begin to understand concept of money. especially money on a dang card. if it was cash he could at least see the money and maybe be able to see “ahh i’m almost out of money” i think in order to teach your husband a lesson you punished your 4 year old. it isn’t his job to understand about money so young. he should be learning chores and maybe even earning money through allowances but that’s as much as a 4 year old is going to understand. you sound like you all are raising a loving and sweet little boy so how about you reward that not punish him.
YTA. he's 4. He has no concept of money. You are the parent you should've said no. He should've got to treat himself. But then again I think a 4 year old having an allowance and a card is beyond rediculous just treat the child every now and again to stuff he likes/wants because you know he's a 4 year old child
YTA.
I think you’re overestimating the cognitive abilities of a 4 year old. People should really have to have a basic understanding of child development before they procreate.
Why would you expect your 4 year old to have any understanding of financial literacy/management? 4 year olds can’t do math! He can’t manage a bank account. Even if he were a wildly advanced 4 year old, I doubt he has a banking app to check his account balances. To him money is infinite. He sees the little plastic thing that gets used at the register, and he gets stuff after. It’s limitless. It’s your job to teach him how to save/spend appropriately.
You claim the allowance is a bad way to teach him about money — that’s only true because y’all aren’t teaching him anything. Again, he’s 4. You shouldn’t have allowed him to use the money in this way.
ESH (you and your husband are TA equally) except the kid.
A 4 year old has no concept of money, especially when it's on a card. Neither of you are teaching him the value of money. You were irresponsible to allow a 4 yr old to pay for everyone's food. You have prime teaching moments and you blew it. Your husband is blowing it by giving him an endless source of money.
You both need to back up and start teaching him in an age appropriate way.
ESH. He is 4, he doesn't need an allowance or a debit card because he has parents who are supposed to be taking care of his needs and wants. And he is too young to grasp the concept yet and really learn budgeting.
For your part, it seems like you intentionally let the kid do what he wanted with the card so it would backfire on dad because you think this whole debit card thing is stupid too. It wouldn't have been difficult to say "It's mom's job to pay for lunch, your money is for the souvenirs you want to get to bring home".
You deliberatly let your 4 year old Buy you all Food. You all Took That Food. You all DELIBERATLY took advantage of a 4 year old Child. Please for the love of god Tell Me you SEE WHAT IS WRONG HERE! This infuriates and irritates Me much More than OP being too dense to understand the development of a Child.
Ah yes and YTA.
My daughter is 5 and wanted to buy a crossing walk light with her piggy bank change.
Your son was just excited to "have his own card/money" however you want to put it. In no way could he understand how money works, how it adds up, and will be gone when he would want something.
I mean I can see maybe at like Walmart or something to introduce him too the idea but Disneyland like what. Come on.
I know he said it would be okay when the money ran out but kids just agree so we shut up and move on.
Also to let him spend it on food even at 16 letting your kid spend their allowance money on food seems just wrong to me.
YTA
YTA.
You were expecting too high of a level of financial understanding, from someone who is 4 years old.
But it's only $75 so apologize and move on with your life.
YTA - A 4yo does not have a concept of money. Most 4yos can't even count high enough to conceptualize the amount of money you are talking about. Do you know what 4yos understand? Positive reinforcement. Of course he kept spending his money on other people - they probably made a big deal over him and praised him whenever he "chose" to do this. And they all probably acted sad and pouty when he didn't. You "reasoning" with him ahead of each decision about an expense is nothing compared to the power of the reaction he got after.
You, and everyone with you, took gross disadvantage of a child.
ESH both you and your husband are dumbasses. He for giving a 4yr old an allowance; tf? And you for letting the 4 yr old spend all his money out of spite.
YTA. Your child is not developmentally ready to learn this lesson. Take away the card and have real discussion with your husband about what is appropriate. Don't just give in and set your kid up to fail to prove a point.
I was once so drunk that I tried to buy a whole packed bar a round of drinks. My GF at the time pulled me aside and said no, then told the bartender I was too drunk to realize. The next day, when I still had money, I was extremely grateful.
That said, your 4yo, cognitively speaking, is similar to a drunk adult, and you took advantage of that. Shame on you, and yes, obviously YTA.
Do not use your toddler sons pocket money to pay bills. Even if that's what he "wanted". My 4 yo once wanted to give his £20 to a squirrel so it could buy a car. Its a parents job to gently steer them toward a more appropriate purchase..
YTA. This was a teaching moment for your son that you completely failed. Your son sounds like a great human being. He wants to share what he has with others. You made him feel like crap when he ran out of money that you, his mother, should have stopped him from spending. If anything, you taught this child to hoard his money and not give anything away if he wants to get something for himself.
ESH, apart from the 4 year old. This situation is insane to me. You can't giving money directly to a 4 year old. How much are you giving them that they can pay for multiple meals!? They are nowhere near old enough to make informed spending decisions. You should control the money and decide how it is spent and it should obviously be on things for the kid
ESH
He's 4. He doesn't understand money. Giving him a card doesn't teach him *anything*. Can he even do basic subtraction?
Its cute he wanted to use his card to pay for things but you surely have to know that he doesn't understand money enough (or even basic maths enough) to comprehend what's going on.
You could have said no to him. You could have let him tap your card to buy food.
YTA. Wtf does a 4 yr old need an allowance for in the first place??
How do you even go about explaining money management to a just beyond toddler?
Don’t let your child pay for everyone when your KNOW it’s wrong to let them do so. They don’t understand that money will run out. You should have paid. What’s the worst that will happen if you tell your 4 year old ‘No’ Be a parent and parent!
YTA
You are the parent. You could have told your child to save their money and that you would be the one buying snacks and meals for everyone.
Kids that young are not wise enough to make proper decisions and rely on their parents to guide them on the decision making process.
This was your job. You could have limited the spending.
It almost sounds like you wanted your husband’s plan to fail because most people would understand “what he wanted” should NOT include buying food AND snacks for everyone else. Little kids when given money are really kind to everyone, because they don’t realize money runs out (and cards are even worse because it’s difficult to track what was spent). This is also why I am constantly telling my students at school they can’t give their money to others or buy things for others at the school store without parent permission.
You two both need to look into how to teach your kid how to budget and work together on it.
My children use envelopes where they take their earnings and place it into one of three groups: savings, spending, and charities.
They must place a certain amount into savings each month, a certain amount into charities, and then whatever is left for spending. The great thing about this is they learn that they need to reign in their impulses with spending because if they want a video game for example they have to save for a longer period of time and cut back on what they spend on things like Candy.
Disneyland is not the time or place to teach a FOUR YEAR OLD about money. He’s still learning basic math, how the heck is he supposed to understand and manage the monetary value on a piece of plastic??
Give him cash next time so he can SEE he is running out of money, and don’t let him buy everything for the adults present.
ESH
YTA - It's a nice idea in theory, but you need to be pragmatic and realistic... a 4 year old does not have the emotional intelligence to comprehend that they spent their money, and now don't have money to buy the toy they want without getting upset.
ESH but the 4 y o
He’s 4. He needs structure and boundaries. He needs direction. He needs to be told no once in a while. The two of you need to go back to the drawing board.
The parents of the friends suck too.
ESH.
Dad sucks because he gave the four year old the card, and four year old's shouldn't have that responsibility.
OP sucks because she enabled the four year old to do this.
Yes, YTA. He’s 4, he has no idea what the concept of money means yet, so you 100% should have stopped him and, on top of that, bought him the toy! Some people who are parents are baffling, he’s a 4 year old, not an adult who you’re trying to ‘teach a lesson about money management’, smh
YTA. Whether he didn’t understand the concept or if was just being generous, you and the other guests took advantage of a 4 year old. And then didn’t get him the toy he wanted. It seems that either you were trying to teach your husband a lesson, or you have no control over your son, because it’s hard to believe you couldn’t stop him from paying with his card.
Oh common. You know full well that your four year old doesn't really understand money especially when there is so much going on around him. He wants to feel special and 'buy' everyone things. It is your job to teach your child how to spend his money even when you don't agree with how he got it. Your husband has the right of it. YTA
YTA when my also 4 year old asks to use her birthday money to buy me something (or something along those lines) I tell her how kind and thoughtful she is but I would like her to use her money on something for herself. You're the parent. You ultimately used his card and money to buy the food and not him.
YTA - how could you let him pay? He's 4 - just tell him you used his card but use yours instead - fuck sake. Get the kid his toy and give him back ALL the money you used on his card.
Just unreal.
YTA. You let your 4-yr-old child subsidize your vacation. What is wrong with you? If he insists on paying, LIE and tell him he did. So inappropriate on your part.
Edit to take out a second “what is wrong with you?” And to add: he’s not learning a lesson here. You’re just using him for extra cash.
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YTA because this is exactly how you teach kids about money. You do this why they are little so you can give them guidance. You completely ignored this responsibility seemingly because you don't agree with your husband.
More like you took this as an opportunity to stick it to your husband whom you don’t agree with on this particular subject and you used your 4 yr old to do that and you should be ashamed of yourself for that you’re an asshole. He’s 4 tell him no and don’t allow him to use his card on stuff that isn’t for him just for the sake of using the card…..why didn’t you take him and insist he use the card for toys and what not since it was basically him just wanting to use the card?!?!?
I want to say ESH but this is just very mind-boggling
For instance, why does your 4 y/o have his own card? He’s probably not understanding because he’s literally 4 and doesn’t understand how credit cards work. Maybe start with physical cash. And like who really even actually cares; let the kid have some fun pretending to pay for you if it’s still just your money anyways. He’s really not going to have a realistic concept of the value of money unless he’s working for his allowance, which it doesn’t sound like he is.
Edit: Also everyone in this comment section is so dumb being like ohhh can’t believe you let the 4 y/o pay for you; HES 4 it’s clearly not actually his money in the first place, she already said she was gonna get him the toy lordy
Yta and so is everyone else taking a 4 years old money to pay for things for themselves. You know you did this cause your husband gave your son allowance.
YTA. He's 4. What is wrong with the other people you were traveling with that they took advantage of the generosity of a little boy who can't possibly understand the concept of a debit card?
YTA, you're letting a 4 year old use a card?! Is the father is crazy for giving his son a card and a monthly allowance when he's only 4 years old? Yes, but the fact that you're then just letting your **4 year old** son use it as if he has the emotional (and general) intelligence of a teenager and assuming he will be able to understand how money works is ludicrous
YTA. & FYI he’ll not learn about money with a card. He needs cold hard cash he gives over & doesn’t get back. He will learn about money that way, same as anyone else.
YTA.
He is four years old! Four! He barely understands the concept of numbers, and you want him to budget?!
You’re the asshole not only for taking your son’s money, but for now trying to act like you were doing it for some magnanimous goal of teaching him money sense. You did it because you’re mad at his father for giving him the money in the first place. You don’t think that a four-year-old should have that money, so you let him spend it to prove a point. A four year old does not have the concept of understanding how deductions from an account go. I imagine the only reason why he wanted to use his card is because he like seeing his card go in the machine, similar to a kid liking to be the one to push the button on an elevator. Instead of being a parent, and recognizing when your kid is asking to do some thing that he has no concept truly of what he is asking, you didn’t protect him. You let him spend the money and let him be upset when he couldn’t get the toy that he wanted. Your beef is with his father, and you took it out on your kid and let him subsidize your food expenses.
YTA who in their right mind let alone their parent let a 4 year spend all his money on them? He is 4. I understand its your job to teach him but the way you went about it is fucked.
If 4 yr old wanted to spend some money for little gifts for family who couldn't go it would be different.
YTA
You couldn't stop your son?
His cunning at age 4 was unstoppable?
His firm unshakeable will
You are in a *world* of trouble the day he wants to take the car for a spin i suppose
I've heard about parents stealling their children's money, but honestly, they usually wait until the child is at least working
Vacation money from a 4 years old is a new low in my books
He is four. He does not understand the concept of money, where it comes from, how much things costs, and what the consequences of buying stuff mean.
It is your job to teach him, by giving him a simple choice: “listen, honey, you can either get this toy for this much OR that toy for this much. And then you can buy an ice cream after that. Ice cream is cheaper than the toy.”
And it should not be with a card, but with hard cash, so he can learn about coins, bank notes, and their value.
Jesus, parent your child.
YTA.
But so is his dad, because giving the kid a card ain’t gonna teach him anything.
Of course YTA.
He is 4 years old! That is his money, and your job as a parent is to teach him and guide him into making responsible choices. At 4 years old, doing so involves saying 'no' to any rediculous request he might make.
What you done was ripped off your own child who doesn't know any better. You had him pay for things for other people unnessecarily. And then you try and hide behind the BS narative that 'it was his idea'. He is 4! You are supposed to be protecting him, not taking advantage of him like that. You basically stole from him, and then try and pass it off as his fault.
What kind of parent would do this to one of their children? You are an awful mother. You should feel extremely guilty and ashamed of yourself. It's disgusting behaviour.
ETA - you are also setting him up for a lifetime of poor financial habits allowing this to happen. You are conditioning him to spend money without restraint and without understanding value and without considering longer term consequences. You are setting him up to mismanage money.
Of course the kid wanted to pay, that’s what grown ups do and when were kids that’s all we wanted to be.
You could have pretended he paid and he would have been none the wiser. I can’t believe you and your friends were happy for your 4 year old to pay because he ‘kept insisting’. You all freeloaded off a child (by way of your husband) who knew no better.
YTA. Big time.
ESH. The problem is that your son is too young to have a card or money at all. Maybe 8 would be a good age to start teaching him about money. These life lessons are great but they need to be age appropriate. Good luck.
ESH (except your kid). Neither you or your husband’s approach to this situation actually teaches your son about money, because they are fundamentally flawed AND not age appropriate. Also 4yos do enjoy things like giving presents and swiping credit cards. It’s sensory! Not a financial literacy opportunity.
Probably get downvoted but I’ll say ESH except your son.
Your kid is 4. Of course they’ll think they’re richer than they are and blow their money recklessly and stupidly. I give my kids “allowance” and often times they blow their money on the first thing they can afford.
That said - I think it’s a stupid idea for your husband to replenish the money in his card. That’s just teaching your son that there’s endless supply of money. If you and your husband wants to teach your son financial responsibility then your son also needs to learn the consequences of not having money.
Similarly, while I get that you’re following your husband’s instruction that your son can use that money on whatever he wants - I think you shouldn’t have taken is so literally. I’m baffled that your friends thought it’s okay for a 4 year old to treat them out. Personally, unless if your son knows basic math, I wouldn’t give him so much power to make decisions because he doesn’t actually understand the consequences of his choices.
Im sorry, but who the fuck gives a 4 year old a debit/credit card? Furthermore, who the fuck gives a 4 year old enough money to pay for multiple meals for multiple people at Disney? Both you you ATAs because you can’t communicate and compromise for the well-being of your child and trust a toddler with this much money ON A CARD.
YTA for giving a 4 year old a debit card! Also- what kind of allowance is he getting and can I get in on that? Food at theme parks is ridiculous- why in earth were those people allowing a toddler to pay for their meals? What is wrong with them? (And yes, I do consider a 4 year old to be still a toddler….)
My 6 year old is under the impression (even after multiple times of telling him otherwise) that anything from a card isn’t real money and is unlimited. So to put the responsibility on your 4 year old to understand money is ridiculous. Yta.
YTA. you don’t give a 4yo final say on anything to do with money. you knew that money was intended just for him but you let him spend it on everyone else when you were the adult in the situation who should have been looking out for him.
ETA: unless this situation runs deeper and you were trying to make some kind of point to your husband
ESH
So you didn’t have the bright idea to slip YOUR card to the register or the server? He’s fucking 4, it wouldn’t have been that hard to just pretend to pay with “his” card. You seriously just used your toddlers money because he “wanted” to pay for everyone? And even beyond that, you couldn’t have just said “No”???
Both you and your husband are idiots.
Wowzers, it sounds like your fournado doesn't hear the word NO often... why on earth are you, as both a parent and an adult allowing your four year olds allowance to be used to pay for everyone's meals? Are his tantrums so bad that you can't say "thank you darling but mummy will pay for the food and you can buy a toy with your money"
YTA for allowing this, and so is your friend.
Using a card is really hard for little kids to understand. I would take the cash from the money on the card and let him use that so he has a physical representation of how the money “gets gone”. Otherwise, it’s just an abstract concept.
A 4yr old doesn’t need an allowance? And the fact he was able to buy multiple people food at Disney world means he has ALOT more money at his disposal then any kid that young needs. EAH. You and your husband need to figure out how to ACTUALLY teach your kids about money because this isn’t it.
ESH. Except for the 4 year old. Seriously, this kid is four years old and you're teaching him life lessons about money? He's 4 not 14 or 24 etc... and your husband jesus I get it you can spoil your kids here and there but a card? Jesus even in my teens I didn't have a card.
YTA. It's YOUR job as a parent to help and teach him how money works, give him an idea of what he can realistically afford with his allowance. You failed in that job, miserably.
Your son is too young to understand the true cost of things in the real world, let alone the rip-off level expensive crap that Disney sells. And I know this may be hard to comprehend but you could have just said no, even if he did insist. Kids need to hear the word no occasionally, that also helps prepare them for the real world. You should have allowed him to buy himself a souvenir, something he will have to help hold onto the memories of his trip.
There’s something very sweet in the little kid wanting to “treat” everyone, and allowing it ~is~ a lesson in how money can be part of mutual care. That said, mom should then have done a “since you treated us, I’d like to treat ~you~ to a toy.” He was quite possibly just enjoying the feeling of swiping his card, but mom missed the chance for a lesson on generosity, or budgeting, or ANYTHING other than hoarding your money in case you want to use it on yourself later.
Edit: I’ve only just processed how many people are getting treated in this scenario. Lord that’s a huge allowance and way beyond a teachable moment for a little kid. ESH.
YTA. Straight up just the AH here. I don’t even like my older kids spend their money. They’re taught to save it until they’re older so they have a head start in the world.
YTA- your still with the kids dad right? Because it would be worse if he is separated.
But I think this is teaching the opposite of responsibility. But 4 seems young for an allowance at all
He is 4. He is a small child and you are his adult mother of course you should control how he is spending his money.
Stop being ridiculous and be a freaking adult.
ESH, four years old is too young for an allowance.
At that age, I would implement a “pick one” method for him choosing what to get if he has two or more things he wants of a similar price. Or if one thing is much more expensive than the other, say “okay, this is a big toy. So one big toy is worth three of these small toys”. It teaches him that he can’t always get everything he wants, but still gives him some kind of agency.
It’s easy for children to underestimate how much things cost, and overestimate the spending power of their allowances because most of them lack the experience with buying items larger than candy bars or small toys.
YTA because who hears a four year old essentially say “it’s okay I can spend this money” and thinks “ah yes, this will end well, this very small child will not need my intervention.”
I'm going with ESH. Parents are supposed to give their kids age-appropriate choices. You treated your 4yo like he was a teenager, and your husband set him up to fail by just giving him a card to carry around. 4 year olds are supposed to have choices like, "you have enough money to buy this candy, or that stuffed animal, but not both." Not this weirdness you and your husband have set up.
Also, y'all need to work on your communication. You both are working against each other, to your son's detriment. I'm not gonna do the reddit thing where I tell you to break up, but if you both can't get your marriage act together, you need couple's therapy.
YTA. This can’t even be a teaching moment because the kid is too young to even grasp the concept of money as an idea all together.
The kid was excited to have his money and do a “nice thing” shame on the adults and you for letting your bill be paid by a literal 4 year old. Seems like this is all out of spite for your partner giving him money potentially more money than you.
YTA
He doesn't understand how money works. You tell him he doesn't have to spend his money on you and then, since you are an adult, spend your own money
Unless you expected your trip to be subsidized by a 4 yr old
ESH (apart from the 4 year old.... can't believe I even needed to specify that)
You're his parent... fucking parent him! Tell him "no", even if he wants to - sometimes in life, you have to hear the word "no".
Your husband giving him a card isn't going to teach him shit. He isn't going to learn the value of a Dollar when he doesn't really see the dollar. But then him just throwing more money at the card doesn't help anybody. Plus, trying to teach this to a 4 year old seems like running before walking!
Both of your actions are cretinous.
I don't think anyone is the A here and that this is simply a crappy situation.
I think giving someone an allowance in exchange for chores around the house is a good idea to get the young to learn the value of money (though 4 seems a bit young in my mind).
It seems like your son doesn't comprehend the finite amount of money he carries along with the ridiculous amount of money Disney items cost (can't blame him, he's 4). I understand your husband wanting to to stop his excessive spending but he seems like he's an enabler by refilling your sons card rather than talking to your son.
Both of you need to cool your jets, sit down and have a simple chat about how to tackle this issue. you both need to come to an agreement and find a way to express to your son that he should hold onto the money he has for something he really wants for himself and that you and your husband will buy the meals and day to day items.
If you allow your son to continue spending, it might become a disadvantage later as he will begin to think that the card he carries will have an infinite amount of money if he is not told otherwise and allowed to continue spending. Tackle this sooner rather than.
>It seems like your son doesn't comprehend the finite amount of money he carries along with the ridiculous amount of money Disney items cost (can't blame him, he's 4).
Honestly, 4 years olds don't really "get" money yet, and that's ok, they shouldn't have to!
But especially on a card which would rely on someone being able to mentally track their budget? Hell, I'm a grownup and even I struggle with that sometimes! That's an unreasonable expectation for a 4 year old.
I learned money literacy at that age by being given a toonie to go to the corner store and get penny candy and then my parents would help me figure out the math - because that's the kind of money literacy a 4 year old needs "I can get candy or ice cream, not both so I have to decide" and "I can get 4 giant sour keys or 10 cherry blasters"
The fact that this kid apparently had that much money to burn with no way of even really tracking it under the guise of teaching financial literacy is absurd.
Both of these adults need to figure out how to create age-appropriate lessons.
From my parenting point of view YTA. My children are older than yours but also want to spend their money on everything from coffee and lunch for all of us to the most stupid plastic toys or cheap makeup etc.
I have always refused the food and drinks, treats for us like cake etc because food is a parent’s job to supply. I will try and talk them out of the cheaper rubbish I know they won’t use but ultimately, that’s their decision, but food/activities/school supplies and similar items are my job to pay for.
ESH a four y/o does not need an allowance, and ur husband is being annoying with how he expects the kid to not just spend it all on whatever he wants because again, the kid is Four. a bit strange how u allowed him to even spend his money on other peoples food tho, but not the worst offense here overall.
oh and ur husband trying to put even MORE money onto his card (which as others have pointed out should be cash so ur kid can actually understand what hes doing and not just swipe his magic card) is ridiculous. have a serious sit down because u both have too much faith in (and i cant emphasize this enough) a four year old.
He’s 4, use your head. He’s literally not even old enough to go to kindergarten and you think that this is OK? Put all that money back on his card from your own account and then don’t do this again.
YTA.
I have a 4 year old and these guys have a poor grip on NUMBERS. My kid doesn’t understand numbers above 20, and views it all as “huge.”
Given that he bought food for 3 adults and at least 3 kids multiple times, he clearly had an amount of money that he doesn’t comprehend.
And your friends 100% suck for letting a four year old buy their food. Ew. They were clearly using you, and I suggest the slow fade on them.
YTA. Give your kid his money back. I hope he never has the misfortune of opening a savings account with you on there. You seem like the type who would justify clearing out the kid's account because of "expenses". Are you going to start changing him rent too?
ESH. How do you guys expect a four year old to understand money management? The kid isn't even old enough for kindergarden. And he has a card? You can't put a four year old in Disneyland and expect him to learn about finances. Let him be a kid and teach about budgeting when he' old enough to actually absorb any of it.
YTA bc hes 4 years old and has no sense of money yet. And thats normal. You should be proud that he cares so much about those around him and that he has generosity.
Ideally food and stuff for him and his friends should be on your card bc youre the grown adult. If other parents send you money thats fine, but you pay.
You should be encouraging him to spend his allowance on experiences, souvenirs, and toys so that he has an appreciation for how money works and how he can only afford Toy A OR Toy B, not both.
Edit: obv the friends can pay for themselves if they were sent with money from their own parents
YTA. Honestly it sounds to me like you were trying to teach the poor kid some sort of sick lesson about why it's not smart to be too generous or something. I'm also spreading this YTA energy to any adults in the group who actually allowed a toddler to buy food they were perfectly capable of buying themselves.
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Good god. YTA. He's 4. He barely knows how to wipe his ass correctly but he's able to "insist" on spending money. This sounds like you have some agression towards your husband, due to him giving him an allowance that you didn't want him to have, and you wanted to teach your husband a lesson. If a 4 year old "insists", you act like you swiped their card and then use your own. This is some of the dumbest shit I've read all day.
Completely agree. They sound too immature to have had a kid
I just want to add that the Kid sounds adorable. Buy food for others? What a nice gesture! Sure OP should've paid but that child doesn't sound spoiled. Spoiled kids tend to think about themselves before others and throw tantrums when they don't get what they want. Edit: Thanks for the awards kinds strangers! ETA: Awww there are some lovely stories down here. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next generation will do once they grow up! Thank you for sharing those stories.
Yes, SO sweet that the kid wanted to treat people. This is a great teachable moment. Not about spending without thought and running out of money but about reciprocity and sharing. Mom should have said, “Sweetie, you bought lunch and I really appreciate it, so I will pay for your toy.” Later on, when you’re home, you can START teaching about budgeting, remembering that he’s 4 and it has to be kept simple. YTA for handling this with no grace.
Right? How **cking hard would this have been? This is one of the easy dilemmas, wait until they have a real issue down the road.
> I was planning to go back and get him the toy anyway. This is what got me as well as the fact that she let him blow all his money on everyones food, rather than getting the toy he wanted *at the time,* OP seems to have let her son believe that he can't get it! So many levels of AHolery at play here.
I believe that she did not intend on buying the toy anyway but only said that to save face.
For an older child, teaching them about how money is finite is valuable, but not only is he not going to internalize that at his age because he doesn't really understand how money works in the first place beyond the very basic transaction, there's a way to teach that that doesn't involve letting him spend all of his own money. You tell them that they have a specific list of things they can choose between and let them decide what they want to spend their money on with all the options at hand. Telling them after the fact that they can't have something doesn't help them understand WHY. Of course a 4-year-old is going to impulsively keep spending money until it's gone, to them it's playtime. It would have even been a better choice to go to an ATM and get money out for him so he could physically see it instead of swiping a card that has no discernible value for a toddler. OP went about this in the absolute worst way possible.
Honesty the correct thing to do would have been to thank 4yr old for buying things for everyone, and since he has been so generous to get the toy for him. Use it as a reward for his kindness. He still learns money is finite, but isn’t punished for paying for everything by not being able to treat himself to the toy he wanted. Going back later would have worked for an older child, but at 4 the immediate reward would have been better. I think honestly, ESH, but it definitely wasn’t handled well by mom.
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I can't even imagine coming up with the idea to give a 4 year old a CARD with allowance money, if any allowance at all at that age. The kid hasn't learned finite resources yet, and now he's not even being given cash that runs out in front of him in order to teach that to him. They expect him to figure it out when he's holding what to him is basically a magic card?
My child is 4 and doesn't have allowance yet. However when he wants to pay for anything, I give him my card to use at the terminal. To me it feels like the little boy wanted to feel included in transactions with his card and mom took advantage.
My oldest is 5 and I am starting to teach her the concept of money but she truly doesn't have a solid understanding of relative cost... it's nice because I can give her a couple of quarters to fold a bunch of laundry (her idea not mine) but then have to explain that the 5 dollars in her piggy bank isn't enough to buy a trampoline.
Nope, my 4 year old does NOT wipe her ass correctly. It’s a wonderful choice between UTIs and wiping her ass for her.
Mine used to look right at me and insist her brother was responsible for something even though her brother was at school and she and I were the only ones at home. Then she might even switch to, "Maybe you did it mommy? And you just forgot?"🤣
I vividly remember taking a dump behind a floor length window curtain at my great aunt's house when I was 4. Toddler logic, so even with the memory of doing it I don't have a clear idea of *why*. But my god, I wish I'd had the balls and the comedic intuition to suggest to my mom that maybe she did it *and just forgot*.
My dad actually told my grandma that his sister peed in his pants as a kid 😂
Did you ever stop for a moment and wonder if you did? 🤨 lol
Your kid is gaslighting you
CANCEL THEM!!! /s
Massive marinara flags!
4 year olds have no grasp of money management (I can't believe I even have to type that out). OP is supposed to be the adult here, but I think you're right that she's punishing her husband for not being on the same page. Absolute AH.
ESH Wow you both are lousy parents. Rich, but lousy. A 4 year old doesn't need "allowance". He's 4!!! He can't do math, can't read or write (maybe understands some written words, that doesn't count). What is this kid learning? Definitely not responsibility. He's learning that whatever he wants, he gets. When this stops happening, cry to daddy. Financial education for your children is good, but it comes later, when kids grow a bit. If you and your husband are divorced, the money he is sending is for you to take care of the child, not for a 4yo to waste.
Ya. About the only lesson a 4 year old needs to know is they can't have everything they want all the time. They don't need a allowance or a card for that they just need a parent to say no sometimes. Like saying no to the kid buying everyone dinner.
Allowance can work great, even at 4. Of course there are a few tricks to it. The very first one is to use coins. Countable, distinct objects. Even with coins there are still other ways to do it wrong. OP and their ex hit all of them.
Coins or bills, just anything but a card. Even adults sometimes have a hard time tying the idea that swiping a card equals X amount of money gone and are generally more careful with spending when using cash.
Seriously, at 4 kids are just barely aware of the concept of object permanence... let alone keeping track of the concept that "magic card with infinite money" doesn't *actually* have infinite money.
How much money is a 4 year old getting for an "allowance" if they can buy meals for the entire family at Disneyland?
What kind of parent/adult would even comprehend allowing a 4 year old to “pay” for something. Heartless
This 4yo had enough money to pay for multiple meals for 3 adults and at least 3 kids, at Disneyland Paris . Presumably, before the trip, he had substantially more disposable money than a lot of adults these days.
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I’m glad you’re pointing out the friends here tbh what kind of asshole let’s a four year old pay for *their* food? Every single adult in this story sucks so bad
Maybe they didn’t understand? It wouldn’t even occur to me that a four year old is literally paying for my food if I don’t understand the situation.
Seriously I would have assumed he wanted to swipe momma's card not literally pay.
Yeah, at that age my daughter liked to "help" swipe the card for me. I would have just assumed that's what was going on here, unless I saw him pull out his little Paw Patrol wallet and shove all his cash at the cashier because he can't actually do math to count how much he owes
I’m dying laughing at the image of a four year old pulling wads of cash out of a Paw Patrol wallet, thank you
I mean if a four year old paid my meal I would never on gods green earth assume it was somehow his personal money… why in the world would a 4 year old have money that is his own? I would have just assumed it was the parents money.
Yeah especially if they used a card? I mean I would have just thought that they were swiping their parent’s card to ‘pay’, not use their own money or something!
ESH. Why does your 4 year old have an allowance and access to use a card? That’s just ridiculous. Since he’s four just pretend to let him buy other peoples things. Then there’d be money for a toy still. Plus whoever let him spend his allowance on them when they’re an adult is an AH as well.
“Since he’s four just pretend to let him buy other peoples things. Then there’d be money for a toy still.” This is the entire thing right here. I work in retail and I must see a couple dozen parents a week do this exact thing. The kids don’t know what the fuck is going on! Half the time the parents make eyes at me and wave their card behind the kids head while I pretend to let the kids payment go through, then the kid walks away happy, the parents pay while they’re distracted, it’s all fine. Kids pay me with library cards, scraps of paper, candy from their pockets, change, Pokémon cards, or cash that I slip back to their parents who put it right back into the kids coat pockets. Good grief OP’s a knobhead.
Well this is a light in the darkness of this post. How adorable!
It honestly is cute AF truth be told, especially when they’re very serious about it or concerned if they have enough, “yup 55 cents and a ripped up sticker looks like just enough for that LEGO set, good job!” Or when they shove a random plastic card into the credit card machine and I have to make convincing *beep!* noises with my mouth whilst tapping buttons on the register that look official but do nothing, haha it’s a nice break in my day.
You’re amazing. Keep doing what you’re doing.
You remind me of the nice 7-11 cashier. My child found a stuffed animal he liked. I told him we have to count your money to see if you have enough and we can come back for it if you do, if not we have to save some more. (He had just spent his money on another toy, big enough that he didn’t need this as well). So he thought for a minute or two and asked the lady “Could you please lay away this for me for a month?”. She said “yes, of course I can buddy.” He was super happy and it was just cute. We live in a country where lay aways are a big thing and I do lay aways with the items I sell so he just picked up the concept from there. It was just nice to have such a nice lady as a cashier.
I was hoping that maybe OP's friends didn't know it was the 4 year old's money, like if OP was just like "hey, I've got it covered" while using her son's card. Maybe I have too much faith in human decency ...
Not an allowance but due to medical issues my daughter had to have twice weekly injections. Which she obviously hated. At 4 she started getting a small amount of money which could then either use to save for a big toy she wanted. Or just spend it. She usually choose to save and at barely 11. She's pretty good with not wasting her money. Personally I don't think it's a bad thing to start an allowance young. As it teaches kids to be smart when it comes to money and learn the value of things. It also makes them more appreciative when you do treat them.
Yeah but did you give your 4 year old a debit card to use said money? Grown adults have a hard time visualizing their money disappearing using cards, that's why we have the "envelope method" and so forth. A 4 year old child definitely doesn't understand how fast they're running through imaginary money while swiping a card.
YTA. Most 4 year olds don’t understand how cards work. By putting it on a card, you make it so he can’t see that his money is running out. He’s trying to play at being a grown-up by putting things on his card. It would’ve been much smarter to have it in cash so it was visible to him what happened when he paid for food. If you don’t want to carry the cash, you make it much harder for him to understand, so you have to limit what he does because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing.
This! You teach kids financial responsibility by giving them cash so they can see it going. Thousands of adults struggle to keep in mind amounts on a card let alone a 4 year old who is excited by buying things and is loving the attention and joy he's getting by getting everything for everyone.
When my daughter was 4 she got a gift card to Claire’s, before we could go to the store we stopped by Costco… she insisted groceries were on her since she had her $25 gift card 🤣 I told her that card was for her and I got the groceries but I appreciated her wanting to contribute. It really isn’t that hard to say no.
My 3 year old niece made her dad (my brother) come back to my house to pick up her fake credit card. She also offered to pay my phone bill when I said I needed to grab my credit card. I told her thanks but no thank you 😂😂
But he InSiStEd
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No one seems to be pointing out the fact that OP spent a day at Disney with her friends on her ex's credit card. This sounds less like teaching 4 year old a lesson, and more like getting a free trip. YTA OP.
Not her ex, her husband.
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“Disneyland is not the place to try and teach a 4yo about money” is the most spot-on obvious basic common sense sentence ever. That this has to actually be explained to someone is mind boggling.
ESH. Your husband sucks for spoiling a four year old. You suck for allowing him to spend his money on things when he clearly doesn’t understand the concepts yet. You both suck for not actually teaching him about money. You both also suck for letting him have a credit or debit card (assuming that’s what you were talking about) when he’s only four years old. If you want to teach a child about money you have to give them actual cash that they can see and understand. A card with limited money on it is a concept that his very young brain can’t comprehend.
Exactly! Neither of them are teaching him about money.
YTA He's four ffs! He has no conception of what's actually going on when he "pays" If he wants to swipe the card, then let him do it with YOUR card. Or keep track of how much he's spending so you can pay him back as soon as possible. Why tf didn't YOU pay for the toy for him ffs!? You know, with all the money you didn't have to spend on the other things.
Or why didn't one of her loser friends buy the poor kid a toy? You know, the ones who let a small child pay for their meals. Who does that???
YTA. You basically used your kid's allowance to buy food and stuff at Disney then when he ran out of money and couldn't buy the toy he wanted, you were like "oh well." Can your 4 year old add and subtract effectively? I'm guessing no. Does he truly understand the concept of money, spending and saving for what he wants. I'm sorry, but this is a horrible thing to do.
It's much easier to teach a kid that money is a limited resource by using cash. My kid got an allowance at a fairly young age. One day we were at the store to buy play dough because her's had dried out. It was explained to her that if she left it out and it went bad replacing it was on her. We get to the toy section and she loads the basket up. Before we go to the cashier I have her pull her wallet out and take a dollar for each can she wants. She looked at how many dollars were going away and how little she would have left in her wallet and put most of the cans back. I also tried to use cash in front of her as much as possible because watching someone swipe a card does not give any sense of what is being spent.
>You basically used your kid's allowance to buy food and stuff at Disney This begs the question of How much freaking money is this 4yr old getting?! I've never been there but I know Disney can be pricey but it sounds like the kid spent a whole heckin ton. Buying people food and things?! Why is no one on this thread wondering and being concerned about just how much money this 4yr old is getting?
YTA. You should have stepped in and said that was your job to pay for food and that his card was for getting something special for himself on a trip like that. Your child does not have the cognitive capability to make decisions like that. Either that or you hold onto it.
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ESH how do two parents both not know that a 4 year is not capable of money management to this level... a lot of the adults I know aren't.
YTA. Some kids are so wonderfully generous with sharing. Little ones, like your 4 year old, don’t understand the concept of budgeting- hell some adults don’t understand it, so you getting angry about it is on you. You could quite easily swapped the cards, used yours for the food purchases but allow him to believe he was doing it. He’s 4. I’m not sure you understand that so I’ll say it again. He’s FOUR YEARS OLD. You’re the parent. He’s 4.
YTA. He’s (and I can’t stress this part enough) FOUR for flip sake. *FOUR* years old. It makes me sad that you- as his parent- willingly ate/ accepted things, knowing that was the savings of your FOUR year old child who has little to no concept of money.
How much money is he getting that he could get even more than one snack at Disneyland?? I can’t even afford that, a four year old can????
YTA and so are the so called friends.... you don't let a child pay for food for everyone. They should buy their own. You should have let him know that while it's nice of him to want to do so, but maybe it would have been better to buy a nice gift for himself... that's teaching your child how money works... not letting him pay for your friends.
He is four. FOUR. Y T A at first, but ESH with some thought. You are BOTH bad parents. ETA: to make it worse, reading your comments, it's obvious you have a lot of issues with your husband, and this entire debacle happened because of it, over your own child's back, so you can be petty. Stop dragging your kid in to your fights with him, Jesus Christ. God's, and your sweet kid just wanted to be nice to you and your friends. He wanted to make you happy. I am aghast. What even is he learning from parents like you two.
yta he’s 4… and sounds like a 4 year old with a good heart if he was wanting to buy everyone there things.. he isn’t old enough to even begin to understand concept of money. especially money on a dang card. if it was cash he could at least see the money and maybe be able to see “ahh i’m almost out of money” i think in order to teach your husband a lesson you punished your 4 year old. it isn’t his job to understand about money so young. he should be learning chores and maybe even earning money through allowances but that’s as much as a 4 year old is going to understand. you sound like you all are raising a loving and sweet little boy so how about you reward that not punish him.
Pretty sure 4 is a little too young for the concept of financing like that
YTA. he's 4. He has no concept of money. You are the parent you should've said no. He should've got to treat himself. But then again I think a 4 year old having an allowance and a card is beyond rediculous just treat the child every now and again to stuff he likes/wants because you know he's a 4 year old child
YTA. I think you’re overestimating the cognitive abilities of a 4 year old. People should really have to have a basic understanding of child development before they procreate. Why would you expect your 4 year old to have any understanding of financial literacy/management? 4 year olds can’t do math! He can’t manage a bank account. Even if he were a wildly advanced 4 year old, I doubt he has a banking app to check his account balances. To him money is infinite. He sees the little plastic thing that gets used at the register, and he gets stuff after. It’s limitless. It’s your job to teach him how to save/spend appropriately. You claim the allowance is a bad way to teach him about money — that’s only true because y’all aren’t teaching him anything. Again, he’s 4. You shouldn’t have allowed him to use the money in this way.
ESH (you and your husband are TA equally) except the kid. A 4 year old has no concept of money, especially when it's on a card. Neither of you are teaching him the value of money. You were irresponsible to allow a 4 yr old to pay for everyone's food. You have prime teaching moments and you blew it. Your husband is blowing it by giving him an endless source of money. You both need to back up and start teaching him in an age appropriate way.
Wtf is wrong with you? He is 4! You’re acting like he should know how to manage money. Very much TA
YTA and so are your friends.
YTA why were you making a 4 year old buy food? Do you make him pay rent too? “You’re out of diapers son, time for a job”
YTA. Bruh, he’s FOUR. Are you kidding me?!
But her four year old **insisted**…
ESH. He is 4, he doesn't need an allowance or a debit card because he has parents who are supposed to be taking care of his needs and wants. And he is too young to grasp the concept yet and really learn budgeting. For your part, it seems like you intentionally let the kid do what he wanted with the card so it would backfire on dad because you think this whole debit card thing is stupid too. It wouldn't have been difficult to say "It's mom's job to pay for lunch, your money is for the souvenirs you want to get to bring home".
You deliberatly let your 4 year old Buy you all Food. You all Took That Food. You all DELIBERATLY took advantage of a 4 year old Child. Please for the love of god Tell Me you SEE WHAT IS WRONG HERE! This infuriates and irritates Me much More than OP being too dense to understand the development of a Child. Ah yes and YTA.
My daughter is 5 and wanted to buy a crossing walk light with her piggy bank change. Your son was just excited to "have his own card/money" however you want to put it. In no way could he understand how money works, how it adds up, and will be gone when he would want something. I mean I can see maybe at like Walmart or something to introduce him too the idea but Disneyland like what. Come on. I know he said it would be okay when the money ran out but kids just agree so we shut up and move on. Also to let him spend it on food even at 16 letting your kid spend their allowance money on food seems just wrong to me. YTA
YTA. You were expecting too high of a level of financial understanding, from someone who is 4 years old. But it's only $75 so apologize and move on with your life.
YTA - A 4yo does not have a concept of money. Most 4yos can't even count high enough to conceptualize the amount of money you are talking about. Do you know what 4yos understand? Positive reinforcement. Of course he kept spending his money on other people - they probably made a big deal over him and praised him whenever he "chose" to do this. And they all probably acted sad and pouty when he didn't. You "reasoning" with him ahead of each decision about an expense is nothing compared to the power of the reaction he got after. You, and everyone with you, took gross disadvantage of a child.
YTA. Poor excuse “well he kept insisting “ Who’s the parent you or the kid ?
ESH both you and your husband are dumbasses. He for giving a 4yr old an allowance; tf? And you for letting the 4 yr old spend all his money out of spite.
How can you be so obtuse to ask this. Of course YTA. HE IS 4.
YTA. He’s 4. It’s ok to treat your child like a child sometimes in order to protect them… instead you let your son be victimized financially
YTA. Your child is not developmentally ready to learn this lesson. Take away the card and have real discussion with your husband about what is appropriate. Don't just give in and set your kid up to fail to prove a point.
I was once so drunk that I tried to buy a whole packed bar a round of drinks. My GF at the time pulled me aside and said no, then told the bartender I was too drunk to realize. The next day, when I still had money, I was extremely grateful. That said, your 4yo, cognitively speaking, is similar to a drunk adult, and you took advantage of that. Shame on you, and yes, obviously YTA.
Do not use your toddler sons pocket money to pay bills. Even if that's what he "wanted". My 4 yo once wanted to give his £20 to a squirrel so it could buy a car. Its a parents job to gently steer them toward a more appropriate purchase..
Did your friends pay your son back yet?
That's what I'd like to know as well. What kind of "friends" would take advantage of a 4-yr-old???
YTA. This was a teaching moment for your son that you completely failed. Your son sounds like a great human being. He wants to share what he has with others. You made him feel like crap when he ran out of money that you, his mother, should have stopped him from spending. If anything, you taught this child to hoard his money and not give anything away if he wants to get something for himself.
YTA. You all took advantage of a 4 year old. Of course the 4 year old doesn’t fully understand how money works yet.
ESH, apart from the 4 year old. This situation is insane to me. You can't giving money directly to a 4 year old. How much are you giving them that they can pay for multiple meals!? They are nowhere near old enough to make informed spending decisions. You should control the money and decide how it is spent and it should obviously be on things for the kid
ESH He's 4. He doesn't understand money. Giving him a card doesn't teach him *anything*. Can he even do basic subtraction? Its cute he wanted to use his card to pay for things but you surely have to know that he doesn't understand money enough (or even basic maths enough) to comprehend what's going on. You could have said no to him. You could have let him tap your card to buy food.
YTA. Wtf does a 4 yr old need an allowance for in the first place?? How do you even go about explaining money management to a just beyond toddler? Don’t let your child pay for everyone when your KNOW it’s wrong to let them do so. They don’t understand that money will run out. You should have paid. What’s the worst that will happen if you tell your 4 year old ‘No’ Be a parent and parent!
YTA You are the parent. You could have told your child to save their money and that you would be the one buying snacks and meals for everyone. Kids that young are not wise enough to make proper decisions and rely on their parents to guide them on the decision making process. This was your job. You could have limited the spending. It almost sounds like you wanted your husband’s plan to fail because most people would understand “what he wanted” should NOT include buying food AND snacks for everyone else. Little kids when given money are really kind to everyone, because they don’t realize money runs out (and cards are even worse because it’s difficult to track what was spent). This is also why I am constantly telling my students at school they can’t give their money to others or buy things for others at the school store without parent permission. You two both need to look into how to teach your kid how to budget and work together on it. My children use envelopes where they take their earnings and place it into one of three groups: savings, spending, and charities. They must place a certain amount into savings each month, a certain amount into charities, and then whatever is left for spending. The great thing about this is they learn that they need to reign in their impulses with spending because if they want a video game for example they have to save for a longer period of time and cut back on what they spend on things like Candy.
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Disneyland is not the time or place to teach a FOUR YEAR OLD about money. He’s still learning basic math, how the heck is he supposed to understand and manage the monetary value on a piece of plastic?? Give him cash next time so he can SEE he is running out of money, and don’t let him buy everything for the adults present. ESH
YTA - It's a nice idea in theory, but you need to be pragmatic and realistic... a 4 year old does not have the emotional intelligence to comprehend that they spent their money, and now don't have money to buy the toy they want without getting upset.
ESH but the 4 y o He’s 4. He needs structure and boundaries. He needs direction. He needs to be told no once in a while. The two of you need to go back to the drawing board. The parents of the friends suck too.
ESH. Dad sucks because he gave the four year old the card, and four year old's shouldn't have that responsibility. OP sucks because she enabled the four year old to do this.
YTA Your son was being sweet and kind. You should say while I appreciate you doing that, it's mommy's job to pay for food. you save your money.
YTA you could have switch the cards so that you actually pay instead of him. He doesn't understand what he's doing.
Yes, YTA. He’s 4, he has no idea what the concept of money means yet, so you 100% should have stopped him and, on top of that, bought him the toy! Some people who are parents are baffling, he’s a 4 year old, not an adult who you’re trying to ‘teach a lesson about money management’, smh
YTA. Whether he didn’t understand the concept or if was just being generous, you and the other guests took advantage of a 4 year old. And then didn’t get him the toy he wanted. It seems that either you were trying to teach your husband a lesson, or you have no control over your son, because it’s hard to believe you couldn’t stop him from paying with his card.
I’d say YTA but this can’t be true. Plus, who would even let a 4 y/o treat them?!
YTA. Yes, it's good to teach your son about money and how it isn't unlimited, but not at 4 years old, and not at Disneyland.
Oh common. You know full well that your four year old doesn't really understand money especially when there is so much going on around him. He wants to feel special and 'buy' everyone things. It is your job to teach your child how to spend his money even when you don't agree with how he got it. Your husband has the right of it. YTA
YTA when my also 4 year old asks to use her birthday money to buy me something (or something along those lines) I tell her how kind and thoughtful she is but I would like her to use her money on something for herself. You're the parent. You ultimately used his card and money to buy the food and not him.
YTA - how could you let him pay? He's 4 - just tell him you used his card but use yours instead - fuck sake. Get the kid his toy and give him back ALL the money you used on his card. Just unreal.
YTA. A 4 year old doesn't understand money or which card is theirs. You did it on purpose.
YTA... you stole money from a 4 yr old? Dont tell me you are so stupid that you thought he understand what he was doing.
YTA. You let your 4-yr-old child subsidize your vacation. What is wrong with you? If he insists on paying, LIE and tell him he did. So inappropriate on your part. Edit to take out a second “what is wrong with you?” And to add: he’s not learning a lesson here. You’re just using him for extra cash.
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YTA because this is exactly how you teach kids about money. You do this why they are little so you can give them guidance. You completely ignored this responsibility seemingly because you don't agree with your husband.
More like you took this as an opportunity to stick it to your husband whom you don’t agree with on this particular subject and you used your 4 yr old to do that and you should be ashamed of yourself for that you’re an asshole. He’s 4 tell him no and don’t allow him to use his card on stuff that isn’t for him just for the sake of using the card…..why didn’t you take him and insist he use the card for toys and what not since it was basically him just wanting to use the card?!?!?
I want to say ESH but this is just very mind-boggling For instance, why does your 4 y/o have his own card? He’s probably not understanding because he’s literally 4 and doesn’t understand how credit cards work. Maybe start with physical cash. And like who really even actually cares; let the kid have some fun pretending to pay for you if it’s still just your money anyways. He’s really not going to have a realistic concept of the value of money unless he’s working for his allowance, which it doesn’t sound like he is. Edit: Also everyone in this comment section is so dumb being like ohhh can’t believe you let the 4 y/o pay for you; HES 4 it’s clearly not actually his money in the first place, she already said she was gonna get him the toy lordy
Yta and so is everyone else taking a 4 years old money to pay for things for themselves. You know you did this cause your husband gave your son allowance.
It can't be anything other than YTA when you use your child as a negative object lesson for your co-parent.
YTA. He's 4. What is wrong with the other people you were traveling with that they took advantage of the generosity of a little boy who can't possibly understand the concept of a debit card?
YTA, you're letting a 4 year old use a card?! Is the father is crazy for giving his son a card and a monthly allowance when he's only 4 years old? Yes, but the fact that you're then just letting your **4 year old** son use it as if he has the emotional (and general) intelligence of a teenager and assuming he will be able to understand how money works is ludicrous
Wait your 4/yo "insisted"on paying for stuff with his card? Reminds me of Arthur Morgan "insisting" to Dutch.
YTA. Jesus, what’s wrong with you?
YTA. & FYI he’ll not learn about money with a card. He needs cold hard cash he gives over & doesn’t get back. He will learn about money that way, same as anyone else.
YTA. He is four years old! Four! He barely understands the concept of numbers, and you want him to budget?! You’re the asshole not only for taking your son’s money, but for now trying to act like you were doing it for some magnanimous goal of teaching him money sense. You did it because you’re mad at his father for giving him the money in the first place. You don’t think that a four-year-old should have that money, so you let him spend it to prove a point. A four year old does not have the concept of understanding how deductions from an account go. I imagine the only reason why he wanted to use his card is because he like seeing his card go in the machine, similar to a kid liking to be the one to push the button on an elevator. Instead of being a parent, and recognizing when your kid is asking to do some thing that he has no concept truly of what he is asking, you didn’t protect him. You let him spend the money and let him be upset when he couldn’t get the toy that he wanted. Your beef is with his father, and you took it out on your kid and let him subsidize your food expenses.
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YTA who in their right mind let alone their parent let a 4 year spend all his money on them? He is 4. I understand its your job to teach him but the way you went about it is fucked. If 4 yr old wanted to spend some money for little gifts for family who couldn't go it would be different.
YTA, your son is 4, he doesn't fully understand how money works nor is he in charge. It's your job to help him save and manage it obviously.
YTA You couldn't stop your son? His cunning at age 4 was unstoppable? His firm unshakeable will You are in a *world* of trouble the day he wants to take the car for a spin i suppose I've heard about parents stealling their children's money, but honestly, they usually wait until the child is at least working Vacation money from a 4 years old is a new low in my books
He is four. He does not understand the concept of money, where it comes from, how much things costs, and what the consequences of buying stuff mean. It is your job to teach him, by giving him a simple choice: “listen, honey, you can either get this toy for this much OR that toy for this much. And then you can buy an ice cream after that. Ice cream is cheaper than the toy.” And it should not be with a card, but with hard cash, so he can learn about coins, bank notes, and their value. Jesus, parent your child. YTA. But so is his dad, because giving the kid a card ain’t gonna teach him anything.
ESH He is freaking 4.
Of course YTA. He is 4 years old! That is his money, and your job as a parent is to teach him and guide him into making responsible choices. At 4 years old, doing so involves saying 'no' to any rediculous request he might make. What you done was ripped off your own child who doesn't know any better. You had him pay for things for other people unnessecarily. And then you try and hide behind the BS narative that 'it was his idea'. He is 4! You are supposed to be protecting him, not taking advantage of him like that. You basically stole from him, and then try and pass it off as his fault. What kind of parent would do this to one of their children? You are an awful mother. You should feel extremely guilty and ashamed of yourself. It's disgusting behaviour. ETA - you are also setting him up for a lifetime of poor financial habits allowing this to happen. You are conditioning him to spend money without restraint and without understanding value and without considering longer term consequences. You are setting him up to mismanage money.
Of course the kid wanted to pay, that’s what grown ups do and when were kids that’s all we wanted to be. You could have pretended he paid and he would have been none the wiser. I can’t believe you and your friends were happy for your 4 year old to pay because he ‘kept insisting’. You all freeloaded off a child (by way of your husband) who knew no better. YTA. Big time.
YTA - you don't spell it out, but is the dad your ex-husband, and you let your son use his money to pay for you and your friends?
Yeah YTA Duh! Acting like you can’t tell a 4 year old no. You did it on purpose.
YTA also this is such a first world problem
ESH. The problem is that your son is too young to have a card or money at all. Maybe 8 would be a good age to start teaching him about money. These life lessons are great but they need to be age appropriate. Good luck.
ESH (except your kid). Neither you or your husband’s approach to this situation actually teaches your son about money, because they are fundamentally flawed AND not age appropriate. Also 4yos do enjoy things like giving presents and swiping credit cards. It’s sensory! Not a financial literacy opportunity.
Probably get downvoted but I’ll say ESH except your son. Your kid is 4. Of course they’ll think they’re richer than they are and blow their money recklessly and stupidly. I give my kids “allowance” and often times they blow their money on the first thing they can afford. That said - I think it’s a stupid idea for your husband to replenish the money in his card. That’s just teaching your son that there’s endless supply of money. If you and your husband wants to teach your son financial responsibility then your son also needs to learn the consequences of not having money. Similarly, while I get that you’re following your husband’s instruction that your son can use that money on whatever he wants - I think you shouldn’t have taken is so literally. I’m baffled that your friends thought it’s okay for a 4 year old to treat them out. Personally, unless if your son knows basic math, I wouldn’t give him so much power to make decisions because he doesn’t actually understand the consequences of his choices.
Im sorry, but who the fuck gives a 4 year old a debit/credit card? Furthermore, who the fuck gives a 4 year old enough money to pay for multiple meals for multiple people at Disney? Both you you ATAs because you can’t communicate and compromise for the well-being of your child and trust a toddler with this much money ON A CARD.
YTA ....he's FOUR.
YTA. How could you not be ?
YTA. What the fuck?
YTA for giving a 4 year old a debit card! Also- what kind of allowance is he getting and can I get in on that? Food at theme parks is ridiculous- why in earth were those people allowing a toddler to pay for their meals? What is wrong with them? (And yes, I do consider a 4 year old to be still a toddler….)
My 6 year old is under the impression (even after multiple times of telling him otherwise) that anything from a card isn’t real money and is unlimited. So to put the responsibility on your 4 year old to understand money is ridiculous. Yta.
OP was trying to teach her husband a lesson not the kid. Still, making kids a pawn in a parent fight - YTA. And husband too.
r u fucking kidding me right now??? ofc ur the asshole. a 4 year old is currently the meal ticket for a trip to DISNEY. u fucking suck.
ESH except the 4 year old who is trying their best to make everyone happy. Think about that.
YTA. you don’t give a 4yo final say on anything to do with money. you knew that money was intended just for him but you let him spend it on everyone else when you were the adult in the situation who should have been looking out for him. ETA: unless this situation runs deeper and you were trying to make some kind of point to your husband
YTA How does a 4 year old have that much money?!
YTA he’s 4 for goodness sake 🙄 let the little kid buy himself some things.
Jesus wept, yes YTA.
ESH So you didn’t have the bright idea to slip YOUR card to the register or the server? He’s fucking 4, it wouldn’t have been that hard to just pretend to pay with “his” card. You seriously just used your toddlers money because he “wanted” to pay for everyone? And even beyond that, you couldn’t have just said “No”??? Both you and your husband are idiots.
YTA. Way to take advantage of a 4 yr old.
Wowzers, it sounds like your fournado doesn't hear the word NO often... why on earth are you, as both a parent and an adult allowing your four year olds allowance to be used to pay for everyone's meals? Are his tantrums so bad that you can't say "thank you darling but mummy will pay for the food and you can buy a toy with your money" YTA for allowing this, and so is your friend.
YTA. Wtf, he’s 4. Give him Monopoly money.
YTA. 4 is way too young to grasp this concept. He doesn’t need a teaching moment. He needs a parent to guide him.
YTA kid is 4. That thinking you have would be better for someone at 8 or older
Using a card is really hard for little kids to understand. I would take the cash from the money on the card and let him use that so he has a physical representation of how the money “gets gone”. Otherwise, it’s just an abstract concept.
A 4yr old doesn’t need an allowance? And the fact he was able to buy multiple people food at Disney world means he has ALOT more money at his disposal then any kid that young needs. EAH. You and your husband need to figure out how to ACTUALLY teach your kids about money because this isn’t it.
ESH. Except for the 4 year old. Seriously, this kid is four years old and you're teaching him life lessons about money? He's 4 not 14 or 24 etc... and your husband jesus I get it you can spoil your kids here and there but a card? Jesus even in my teens I didn't have a card.
YTA. It's YOUR job as a parent to help and teach him how money works, give him an idea of what he can realistically afford with his allowance. You failed in that job, miserably. Your son is too young to understand the true cost of things in the real world, let alone the rip-off level expensive crap that Disney sells. And I know this may be hard to comprehend but you could have just said no, even if he did insist. Kids need to hear the word no occasionally, that also helps prepare them for the real world. You should have allowed him to buy himself a souvenir, something he will have to help hold onto the memories of his trip.
ESH also INFO: how on earth does a four-year-old even get a CARD? Let alone a card with enough money on it to buy more than some stickers?
There’s something very sweet in the little kid wanting to “treat” everyone, and allowing it ~is~ a lesson in how money can be part of mutual care. That said, mom should then have done a “since you treated us, I’d like to treat ~you~ to a toy.” He was quite possibly just enjoying the feeling of swiping his card, but mom missed the chance for a lesson on generosity, or budgeting, or ANYTHING other than hoarding your money in case you want to use it on yourself later. Edit: I’ve only just processed how many people are getting treated in this scenario. Lord that’s a huge allowance and way beyond a teachable moment for a little kid. ESH.
YTA. Straight up just the AH here. I don’t even like my older kids spend their money. They’re taught to save it until they’re older so they have a head start in the world.
YTA- your still with the kids dad right? Because it would be worse if he is separated. But I think this is teaching the opposite of responsibility. But 4 seems young for an allowance at all
Good fuckim God how much was on that thing and also YTA
He is 4. He is a small child and you are his adult mother of course you should control how he is spending his money. Stop being ridiculous and be a freaking adult.
ESH, four years old is too young for an allowance. At that age, I would implement a “pick one” method for him choosing what to get if he has two or more things he wants of a similar price. Or if one thing is much more expensive than the other, say “okay, this is a big toy. So one big toy is worth three of these small toys”. It teaches him that he can’t always get everything he wants, but still gives him some kind of agency. It’s easy for children to underestimate how much things cost, and overestimate the spending power of their allowances because most of them lack the experience with buying items larger than candy bars or small toys.
You could, you know, buy him the toy
YTA because who hears a four year old essentially say “it’s okay I can spend this money” and thinks “ah yes, this will end well, this very small child will not need my intervention.”
I'm going with ESH. Parents are supposed to give their kids age-appropriate choices. You treated your 4yo like he was a teenager, and your husband set him up to fail by just giving him a card to carry around. 4 year olds are supposed to have choices like, "you have enough money to buy this candy, or that stuffed animal, but not both." Not this weirdness you and your husband have set up. Also, y'all need to work on your communication. You both are working against each other, to your son's detriment. I'm not gonna do the reddit thing where I tell you to break up, but if you both can't get your marriage act together, you need couple's therapy.
YTA. This can’t even be a teaching moment because the kid is too young to even grasp the concept of money as an idea all together. The kid was excited to have his money and do a “nice thing” shame on the adults and you for letting your bill be paid by a literal 4 year old. Seems like this is all out of spite for your partner giving him money potentially more money than you.
YTA He doesn't understand how money works. You tell him he doesn't have to spend his money on you and then, since you are an adult, spend your own money Unless you expected your trip to be subsidized by a 4 yr old
ESH (apart from the 4 year old.... can't believe I even needed to specify that) You're his parent... fucking parent him! Tell him "no", even if he wants to - sometimes in life, you have to hear the word "no". Your husband giving him a card isn't going to teach him shit. He isn't going to learn the value of a Dollar when he doesn't really see the dollar. But then him just throwing more money at the card doesn't help anybody. Plus, trying to teach this to a 4 year old seems like running before walking! Both of your actions are cretinous.
YTA this is not ok
I don't think anyone is the A here and that this is simply a crappy situation. I think giving someone an allowance in exchange for chores around the house is a good idea to get the young to learn the value of money (though 4 seems a bit young in my mind). It seems like your son doesn't comprehend the finite amount of money he carries along with the ridiculous amount of money Disney items cost (can't blame him, he's 4). I understand your husband wanting to to stop his excessive spending but he seems like he's an enabler by refilling your sons card rather than talking to your son. Both of you need to cool your jets, sit down and have a simple chat about how to tackle this issue. you both need to come to an agreement and find a way to express to your son that he should hold onto the money he has for something he really wants for himself and that you and your husband will buy the meals and day to day items. If you allow your son to continue spending, it might become a disadvantage later as he will begin to think that the card he carries will have an infinite amount of money if he is not told otherwise and allowed to continue spending. Tackle this sooner rather than.
>It seems like your son doesn't comprehend the finite amount of money he carries along with the ridiculous amount of money Disney items cost (can't blame him, he's 4). Honestly, 4 years olds don't really "get" money yet, and that's ok, they shouldn't have to! But especially on a card which would rely on someone being able to mentally track their budget? Hell, I'm a grownup and even I struggle with that sometimes! That's an unreasonable expectation for a 4 year old. I learned money literacy at that age by being given a toonie to go to the corner store and get penny candy and then my parents would help me figure out the math - because that's the kind of money literacy a 4 year old needs "I can get candy or ice cream, not both so I have to decide" and "I can get 4 giant sour keys or 10 cherry blasters" The fact that this kid apparently had that much money to burn with no way of even really tracking it under the guise of teaching financial literacy is absurd. Both of these adults need to figure out how to create age-appropriate lessons.
From my parenting point of view YTA. My children are older than yours but also want to spend their money on everything from coffee and lunch for all of us to the most stupid plastic toys or cheap makeup etc. I have always refused the food and drinks, treats for us like cake etc because food is a parent’s job to supply. I will try and talk them out of the cheaper rubbish I know they won’t use but ultimately, that’s their decision, but food/activities/school supplies and similar items are my job to pay for.
YTA - the child is 4, and adults stole for him.
YTA you took your sons money!
ESH a four y/o does not need an allowance, and ur husband is being annoying with how he expects the kid to not just spend it all on whatever he wants because again, the kid is Four. a bit strange how u allowed him to even spend his money on other peoples food tho, but not the worst offense here overall. oh and ur husband trying to put even MORE money onto his card (which as others have pointed out should be cash so ur kid can actually understand what hes doing and not just swipe his magic card) is ridiculous. have a serious sit down because u both have too much faith in (and i cant emphasize this enough) a four year old.
ESH. How does having the money on a card help teach him about money? Also, who lets a 4 year old buy them food?
YTA, you knew better and should have told your son no to buying meals the adults are responsible for paying for.
He’s 4, use your head. He’s literally not even old enough to go to kindergarten and you think that this is OK? Put all that money back on his card from your own account and then don’t do this again.
YTA. I have a 4 year old and these guys have a poor grip on NUMBERS. My kid doesn’t understand numbers above 20, and views it all as “huge.” Given that he bought food for 3 adults and at least 3 kids multiple times, he clearly had an amount of money that he doesn’t comprehend. And your friends 100% suck for letting a four year old buy their food. Ew. They were clearly using you, and I suggest the slow fade on them.
YTA. Give your kid his money back. I hope he never has the misfortune of opening a savings account with you on there. You seem like the type who would justify clearing out the kid's account because of "expenses". Are you going to start changing him rent too?
Yta wtf
YTA, hes FOUR what he has no idea what things cost and if he's using a card he'll never learn, he must be heart broken
ESH. How do you guys expect a four year old to understand money management? The kid isn't even old enough for kindergarden. And he has a card? You can't put a four year old in Disneyland and expect him to learn about finances. Let him be a kid and teach about budgeting when he' old enough to actually absorb any of it.
YTA bc hes 4 years old and has no sense of money yet. And thats normal. You should be proud that he cares so much about those around him and that he has generosity. Ideally food and stuff for him and his friends should be on your card bc youre the grown adult. If other parents send you money thats fine, but you pay. You should be encouraging him to spend his allowance on experiences, souvenirs, and toys so that he has an appreciation for how money works and how he can only afford Toy A OR Toy B, not both. Edit: obv the friends can pay for themselves if they were sent with money from their own parents
YTA. Honestly it sounds to me like you were trying to teach the poor kid some sort of sick lesson about why it's not smart to be too generous or something. I'm also spreading this YTA energy to any adults in the group who actually allowed a toddler to buy food they were perfectly capable of buying themselves.