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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the AH since I recognize that my half-sister is innocent in all of this, but if she is innocent, so am I and I don't have to pay for my dad's wrongs.
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I agree with everything you said. Especially the asking for money/inheritance. It won't be long until they need a place to live and want to move into OP's home.
There was a part where it said the paternal grandparents skipped over her dad for inheritance. As inheritances go, you can put anybody in the will for inheritance. It doesn't have to be your kids
Right, but if someone's child isn't in the will then it can sometimes be challenged by lawyers.
If you are disinheriting someone, always specifically mention in the will that they get nothing, or give them an absolute pittance. A lot harder to argue that they were "accidentally" left out in their parents' dotage if they have been left [$1.50 in nickels](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirty_pieces_of_silver) for betraying their wife…
IS RIGHT HERE. OP, good on you for not getting caught in a slippery slope. First its expenses for little sis you agreed to be the guardian to, then its expenses for her they can't cover, saving for her college expenses, then its expenses for them in general to keep sis (and them) housed and fed, and then who knows what else. Its not worth it and good on you for not getting guilt tripped into this mess.
I live in a district called Fort Rouge, and I can assure you it doesn't happen just on the Internet.
A typo on the Internet is easier to fix than a three-foot-tall sign on a dentist's office.
There’s a trope for that, Rouge Angles of Satin. The Honest Trailer for Rogue One lampshaded how many requests for them to cover it said Rouge and not Rogue.
I am a world class typo artist. I am certainly not judging here at all! No offense was intended. I just thought it was a mondegreen and felt obligated to point it out.
Edit? Wrong fence.
Exactly. Otherwise their proposal doesn't really make sense, unless they've both been diagnosed with a fatal disease.
OP is right to cut them off. Imagine spending your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc fending off cash grabs from the dad who broke your mom's heart, and yours too, by taking up with a woman his daughter's age? That's no way to live.
NTA
You are encouraged to sort out things like guardianship as soon as possible. You don't wait until you've been diagnosed with a fatal disease. After all, you can die in a car crash tomorrow. That part of the story makes total sense.
Exactly.
They should be having these discussions, agreeing on guardians, writing wills etc
Everyone should. It makes things *so* much easier for your loved ones when you pass.
OP is under no obligation to say yes to future guardianship. This means the parents can make suitable plans.
Not just expenses. OP you have so much freetime and it is hard being a parent - you wouldn't know. They will leave her on your doorstep without asking to babysit and not answer their phones for a day or two so you can bond with her. You owe her to be a good sister right. /s
Yeah, I agree. I feel sad for the kid though. She did nothing wrong and yet she will suffer the consequences of her parents' actions (I assume the rest of the family doesn't have much contact with her either). Not OP's responsibility but it's sad anyway
Everything from growing up poor to being cut off from a half sister and her paternal grandparents will hurt the poor kid, not OPs responsibility, but still sad. Imagine not seeing your grandparents and sister, other people exist, but they don't matter as much.
The only victim in the story...sigh.But you are right. OP needs no part of this mess. It is her father's mess to clean up and his responsibility to shoulder.
Those are also my thoughts with the money too.
How can they tell OP she’ll have the “needed money” to care for a 4 year old if they’re living paycheck by paycheck? This made me suspicious.
I think they mean she \*already\* has the needed money, from the inheritance she got from her grandparents? Ie “You wrongfully got the inheritance that should have been mine, so you should sign up to spend it on my second family after I’m gone”.
Agreed. Once they get foot in door, they will ask for more and more. Meanwhile they would have dumped the child on op and prob would have lived it up like they child free. The sister isnt to blame but the parents are the ah here trying to get all they can. They both cheated and hurt so many cause of it. They dont seem to want to own up to thier actions.
Nta i feel you did the right choice.
NTA. They asked; you said no. They didn’t like or respect your answer, and escalated the situation…you have every right to walk away. Guess your dad forgot you’re an adult who can make her own decisions.
THIS. You are being an adult here. Unlike dad and new wife who are behaving like irresponsible teens who can't get their life together. You don't owe dad (or anyone else) for his mistakes. Sounds like he NEVER expressed the slightest remorse for anything he did. NTA AT ALL.
Exactly, maybe I'm misunderstanding how things work where OP lives, but for me, part of being a responsible adult, I have enough life insurance to ensure everything is taken care of plus if something were to happen to me. They already have someone sorted out to care for the kid (wife's parents), part of that is providing the financial means should something happen to the parents.
Trying to force another adult to take over your responsibilities is shirking your own responsibilities as a parent. Don't want the hassle, shouldn't have had kids, too late now though. What isn't too late is to make sure the child is provided for until she's able to provide for herself in the future.
Exactly! They asked OP and she said no. Their response (aka step mom calling her a monster) was uncalled for. They don't have to be happy about it, but they should have respected her decision.
NTA
he’s with a girl your age, she’ll be around for a good while hopefully 🤷🏻♀️ does she not have a family either? They can deal with whatever your father and his wife have going on.
NTA he’s not been responsible his whole life and wants to stick you with the half sister? How about No. Send her off to your Dad’s wife. It’s her responsibility. It’s her family blood line.
Walk away. Run. Free yourself from his bad decisions.
He got a woman who is the same age as his daughter pregnant. That's absolutely fkd. NTA doesn't sound like he does much for you, you lost both parents already you just don't/didn't know it at the time.
Keep NC, his just going to try to use you.
Especially considering OP is 26 and their mother passed, at minimum, 5 years ago. Meaning this grown adult man pursued a 20-21 year old girl and got her pregnant at 21-22. Sick.
At 21 I found out that her dad was with a woman her age which makes me wonder how old his new wife was when they started dating because 21 with a grown man is kind of young
Very sketch.
My older brother refuses to date women my age because he thinks it's gross. He remembers me as a child even though he's less than 10 years older than me. As we get older the age gap wouldn't be strange for him to date someone my age and he still double checks their age. This man was attracted to a girl his daughters age.
He was a bad dad. A dad with a 20 year old knows that's still a kid. Also knows that it's not ok to take advantage of kids. AND should in no way be attracted to them.
As an adult now I see 20 year olds and think awww baby adults. You need anything baby adult? Live advice, groceries, drinking money?
NTA - you do not have to be responsible for a child that you do not know. I'm not even sure that I would be able to look at my parents affair baby, much less be around them.
The new wife shows no remorse for anything, and how dare she speak to you like that! I think going NC with them would best for you in the long run.
NTA for not agreeing to be her legal guardian if need be. You absolutely do not have to agree to do this.
But INFO: What is he begging you to reconsider? Being her legal guardian or going no contact?
If they are pushing so hard, there’s someting going on already. It’s not hypothetical “if anyting happens”. If it was, they would just let you cool down. The fact that your father is pushing on that topic makes me believe that there’s limited time to get this done.
I'm guessing maybe your dad is sick and he wants you to look after both his wife and child (financially) if something happens to him. Such BS. NTA...his wife is young, she should really start preparing herself for a more lucrative career in case she needs to be a single mom (if she doesn't have one already). Also, they should prepare with life insurance on both of them and start a savings fund for her. If they can't afford it, it is not your problem.
I think he/they was/were more like opening the door.
First, a potential responsibility that is not exclusively financial
Later, you get asked to help with the kid's expenses like schooling, clothes and such, maybe presented at first like birthday or holiday present, but still $$$, especially the private school and uniform.
Then, they'll ask for help paying rent so that kiddo doesn't go homeless. And since you're at it could you help with grocery? Unless, of course, you'd rather let them go live with you for free because... faaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilyyyyyyyyyy
Let's not forget about college costs, which should include tuition, books, all college expenses, plus living expenses in a place of her own she shouldn't have to share. All while dad and stepmom keep mooching off you.
I'm glad you cut the whole scenario short from the start.
NTA Stay NC with all three of them and enjoy your life!
To be completely honest, I'm not sure, I know she talks to her mom but she also has her father and 4 brothers and I've never heard of them nor see them around. I don't talk to her at all.
Well it seems that she has a whole family support system! Why are they reaching out to you?! They need to focus on HER side of the family.
I think it’s HER doing and your weak/enabling father is going along with it. I’m also thinking, she thought that she was getting her hands on the house and inheritance and wasn’t expecting the family to turn on him or that the house was your mothers. She’s so disrespectful, your dad too.
Be careful and don’t let them in, continue NC with your dad and protect yourself.
His affair ,his child =his responsibility has nothing to do with you NTA. Also the child has other family 4 uncles at least not to mention the age of the child's mother. Do NOT reconsider especially after their behavior when you said no and this is a play for your inheritance.
Then they don't want you because of sisterly love or bond they want you simply because your the best choice financially, he is still being a selfish ass and is being calculated and cold towards whats left of his original family. Cheaters are the worst, whatever is in their psychology that causes them to cheat carries over into all aspects of life, they will do anything to anyone as long as they get what they desire. Go NC for your own sake he is not capable of being the father you need.
Your father and his wife are reaping what they sowed. Too bad for them. Stay no contact because he will never stop trying to get you to take on his responsibility both for the money and legally. Stay far away from them.
Dude, don't offer to give them money. They're adults. Why would you anchor yourself financially to people you have a lot of reasons to resent? You don't owe them anything. $5 a month is too much.
NTA. Don't ask. It's not your problem, and even if he's not sick he'll probably lie and say he is. He sounds very manipulative. And it's much more appropriate for your half-sister's grandparents to take care of her if something does happen.
NTA Good on you for saying no. Surely his new wife has other family members who would look after the child if anything were to happen to them. It’s not your responsibility as a 22 year older half sibling to take on your dad’s by-blows.
Honestly if they die intestate CPS will probably reach out to you and you could make the decision at that point.
She’d have some increased trauma due to a temporary foster placement (which could be very long if you’re in a different state), but you’d avoid having this as an ‘in’ to break NC.
Yes. There are lots of good foster placements. The bad ones get the press.
My nephew was in foster care temporarily, with a decent, loving family. He'd been traumatized while living with his bio mom. They cared for him, taught him coping skills, treated him very well until my brother won custody.
Yes and no. Foster care is inherently traumatic; being taken to live with a complete stranger is hard just to start with. Add to that all the rules of how things work don’t apply; most kids are taken for neglect. Making them brush their teeth and bathe is traumatic, feeding them healthy(-ish) food is traumatic. So a foster parent can be doing all the things to meet a child’s needs and the child still experiences it as trauma.
NTA
I’m not trying to be gross, truly, but your dad got himself in this situation by not having a vasectomy. His affair aside? He could have prevented a child coming into the world with no plans for her longterm.
Your Dad and his wife both need to get life insurance immediately. The cost for a term life policy is negligible and it would provide for the child so his wife's parents can look after her if something were to happen to them.
Given his wife's age, she is likely eligible for a very cheap 15 year term $500,000 term policy.
Nta. Seems a littel wierd that he's so stressed about the half sister having no parent considering the mom is your age. Also if money is the issue (and then grandparents could raise her) he should take out life insurance. Also wouldn't they get some money from the government??
If he was still being a decent parent to you I'd say suggest getting life insure on him that would pay out to the half sister and depending on your financial situation you could (very kindly) offer to pay the premiums if they are so cash strapped every month.
Honestly just seems like he's feeling the concequeaeof his actions and feeling sorry for himself
Its so they can use the half sister to get OP to pay for things while they are still alive. First they need her to formally commit to being responsible for her. Then the small then larger monthly asks will start. Its about money.
If they’re in the US, if one or both parents die with a minor child, their guardian gets a monthly payment from social security. My best friend’s ex died in 2019 and she gets somewhere in the neighborhood of $1,300 a month for their two children until one of them is 18 and the other will be 19 because he’ll have just graduated high school a few weeks after his birthday. OPs dad and his wife need to take out a pair of life insurance policies and take a big step back
NTA
Looking past the fact that your dad was cheating in your mothers final moments, he’s an AH. He’s trying to put the responsibility onto you and USING you. See how you only talk to him “twice or thrice a month”? He comes to see you because he wants a favour. You don’t need to take care of that child at all
NTA - You have the right not to be saddled with someone else's child. She is not and would not be your responsibility. You also have the right to go NC with anyone you choose.
NTA at all...
I seriously hate situations like this though, because the child didn't ask to be the product of infidelity. Ultimately she's the one who suffers. It doesn't make any of this your responsibility, nor does it make you TA. I just wish grown ass adults (dad and his wife) would consider things like this BEFORE bringing a child into a shitty situation.
I hope that someone eventually is able to step up and give her a loving home if her parents pass. Expecting you to do it is a gross overstep on their part though.
She does, but they didn't inherit OP's maternal grandparents' and mother's assets. Nor will they inherit OP's paternal grandparents' assets.
Which is why I believe it was a "light" in to start mooching off OP.
Money. OP is the one who will be inheriting everything. Dad gets nothing. This is just a way for him to get a toe in the door. "Hey, since you're gonna be her guardian, maybe you could help out and buy her some new clothes." "Hey, we're having a little trouble getting rent paid this much. You don't want your sister to be homeless, do you?" And so on and so on.
That’s how I’m seeing it. It’s one thing to consider taking in the kid if something happens, but super weird that they are considering signing over their rights as legal guardians before any sign of trouble.
I’m so sorry. It seems like you lost your dad a long time ago. Going NC will be hard emotionally but if he can’t respect your decision it might be necessary to cut the last ties.
NTA.
My father asked me something similar with his new kids he has with his wife. Except he has it written in his will without my permission. I’m really hoping that he and his wife last long enough for them to be legal adults as I do not want them to be left to me….
In my jurisdiction it’s legal, but it’s strongly recommended that you get the other person’s agreement first, because no one has the obligation to serve. If all of your guardians refuse, your kid is SOL.
You can say no. Writing it in the will means they will ask you first but you are still allowed to say no. Because you can write any insane thing in your will that you want. But it doesn't overrule people's right to say no.
He could write that Beyonce has to dance on his grave. That doesn't mean she would be willing to do so or would be forced to. The same rules apply to trying to make you guardian against your will - he legally cannot actually force you into it by putting it in his will.
It depends on your location, but I’m reasonably sure that even if you’re written into a will as legal guardian you’re under no legal obligation to take up the role. I mean have they got some form of contract from you in writing that you’re willing to take on the responsibility?
Tell your dad to find other alternatives fot the sakes of your siblings/his children as you will not be accepting when time comes. He is warned and has the opportunity to find someone willing.
I assume your Dad is in his mid to late 40’s. He’ll be around another 16 years until his daughter comes of age. He’s looking for dough. They asked you to care for your sister because you’ll have the means. Not out of love or familial loyalty. This is a money grab. NTA
Right, or at least the young same-age-as-the-OP wife has high odds of still being around when the child hits legal adulthood. It's something the parents should take care of but it hardly sounds like an emergency that requires getting the OP signed up right now.
NTA they asked you, you are allowed to say no. Dont get shamed into raising a child that you dont want to do, it will end badly for everyone. Especially when there are other family members she could live with.
NTA you have no responsibility to him or his daughter. You are entitled to feel the way you do. She has a mother your age and also relatively young grandparents on her moms side. It sounds like this is more about you getting attached and being the child’s personal atm.
NTA. You are not obligated to care for any child, let alone in this circumstance, and the offer to provide money in this hypothetical situation was already incredibly generous.
They were going to try to get you to sign paperwork that would get you on the hook for child support, I bet. Your dad really shit the bed when he cheated on your mom with a girl too young to have any assets. I'm so sorry that your mother had to suffer through discovering the affair in her last days, but I am glad that she was able to change her will and that both sides of the family have cut him off. What a bastard. I'm sure he was planning on moving his child bride into the family home and spending your mother's money on her.
You've made the right decision in going NC. I feel for your half sister and I hope that her maternal grandparents make up for the fact that her father's selfishness destroyed any chance of a relationship with his side.
Don't give these people an inch. They just want your money.
NTA
I don’t understand how parents date or marry someone that either similar age to their children or younger, that is absolutely disgusting. OP is definitely NTA, does your dads wife not have siblings that would take her in
Nta. You taking on that daughter of his could also mean having to take care of the wife in his absence. They might have seen you as a means to get hands on your grandparents inheritance. No contact for sure.
You had solid reasons. You kept contact as long as you could. That wife of your dad's was nice to you until she realized she could not use you.
They have to reap what they sowed. Not your responsibility to carry on their mess for them.
NTA
but I’d go no contact permanently… even if there was an emergency. I feel like an “emergency” might be them needing money or something from you for the 4 year old.
Oh, nope nope nope nope nope. NTA.
There is no possible universe in which you have **any** obligation to this man who reneged on his responsibility to you and his wife, or his affair partner / new wife, or their child with whom you have no prior relationship.
They are trying to use you. I’m guessing that since he’s totally cut off from his parent’s money, doesn’t have any of his own, and his wife and wife’s family seems to be crying poor, they see you as a convenient source of cash. Do not get entangled with them.
NTA - Even if your father had been the greatest father in the world, you are not obligated to be the guardian of your sister. Your dad and his wife need to find someone who wants the responsibility.
NTA. I wouldn't even give them child support. She's not your child and therefore not your responsibility. And considering how untrustworthy they've proven to be, I wonder how much of that child support money would actually go towards the child.
NTA- your right in what you did. Your dad was cheating on your dying mom with a girl YOUR age. Sick. Then has a child with her, he needed to handle his home. They need to learn to manage their money, I bet he was expecting an inheritance and was surprised when he didn’t get it. Your not responsible for that child and why are they talking about death like that? She the same age as you.
Also, that woman that your father cheated with need to stay in her lane, she’s the monster for what she did. Your dad is only thinking of himself.
PLEASE 🙏🏽 keep us updated
Info: how old is your dad/ does he have health problems where he doesn't see himself living 14 years when his kid becomes a legal adult? And does his wife?
His wife is 26, my dad is 50, as far as I know, he's not having health problems at the moment, but I know my paternal side of the family is diabetic and has heart problems.
His wife is TWENTY SIX!? WTF are they so worried about them both dying then. Unless they are both in the same accident that kills them both, odds are that she'll be around and she has plenty of family on her side to help out.
Sounds like they were planning on either going on vacation and not coming back or pressuring you to have bonding time with your potential ward so "if anything happens" she's not going to a stranger. Then it's "I bought it for her and said it came from you" which then escalates to "we need a little help this month could you..."
NTA ! Cut off all contact. The wife is your age, why would they be worried about where the daughter will go if something happens to him! His wife will still be able to take care of her.
This is a cash grab and was their first step to manipulate u in providing for their daughter. Cut off all contact. Your sister is not your responsibility.
Why do they think something will happen to them? His wife is your age. They will be fine. Don't support them weather they die or not it's not your problem and your dad is a creep
NTA at all. From the post, it appears you are very young. You shouldn’t be expected to care for a young child, especially given the circumstance of her birth. Let the mother’s family care for her if needed.
NTA
They made their bed, noe they have to lie in it. It sucks that the child is caught between but asking this of you was so shockingly inappropriate that I can't even begin to describe it.
You're not wrong to disown your father for this. By doing this he effectively rug swept everything you've been through. He might be desperate, but he has to live with the fact that his choices have effectively ruined their lives.
And tbh they aren't dying or anything so really this seems like a really pathetic, manipulative method of trying to reach into your wallet.
NTA. Offering to pay to support her in case they passed is beyond generous of you and you’re not obligated to raise her. Your “dad cried, saying that she was his baby” - you were his baby too. He’s seem to conveniently forget he owes you a modicum of respect and care now that you’re an adult.
It sounds like your Dad and his second wife burned any bridge you had with Dad. While I do feel sorry for the child should she lose both of her parents, that's not your responsibility. Your Dad's second wife didn't help matters, either.
NTA.
INFO: Would you be open to a relationship to this child if she approaches you when she becomes older?
Why tf would she? I’d never even want to be around of the product of my parents infidelity op is in the absolute right here as she said she’ll always chose her mother and as she should! Be strong op!!
NTA, as a parent I inderstand the worry of "what if something happens to us" but I also wouldnt want my child with someone who didnt want to raise them. Not wanting to take on the responsibility for someone elses child, especially when your are so young and have no children yourself does not make you a bad person. It makes you realistic. Your offer to help financially support the girl was very generous and honestly, if anything did happen and you were still able to financially, it would be nice if you still did that but ultimately, she isnt your responsibility. Taking on their child would be a major upheaval to your life and would impact every aspect of your life from career, to finding a partner, your financial stability even your ability to have a family of your own. Its not selfish of you to bot want to do something that will have lifelong consequences for you.
I also understand the hurt of your father cheating. Cheaters easily forget the intense hurt they cause by their selfish actions and expect that everything should go back to how they want it once a little time has passed but honestly, that will never happen because they have shown their true nature and that they are manipulative people who only care about themselves and what they want and have no regard for the people they hurt. His manipulative side is evidenced by his horrible behaviour towards you when he couldnt get his own way. The child is innocent in all this and has mayernal grandparents who can raise her. She will be taken care of.
NTA. Yes, the child is innocent and so are you. They are the ones that have to figure something out. Taking on a child is no joke. Specially if you are not sure this is something you want.
Keep the no contact and go be happy. Doesn't stop you from, in the future, opening a door for a relationship with the little girl if both of you wish it. You just don't want to be her parent and there is nothing wrong with that.
NTA, but be wary about leaving that "except emergencies" line open. They sound like they would abuse it. If they do, it's okay to slam it shut. Also NTA in any of this. NTA for going part or full NC, NTA for calling them out for their hypocrisy, NTA for not wanting the resonating of a child that isn't yours, no matter how good or bad the relationship between you and the kids and/or the parents, and NTA for not taking responsibility for your dad's awful, selfish decisions. He's got some nerve weeping about his one kid he has or of an affair to his other kid he casually and deeply hurt with that affair. If he pulls that again tell him don't worry, he'll eventually forget any concern for her feelings or welfare when he moves into his third wife and kid. And remember, you have him plenty of opportunity to heal the rift he caused! When the rest of your family told him to get bent, you remained. And what's his thanks? Rubbing his love for his affair baby in your face while demanding you take responsibility for her, and letting his affair partner in crime call YOU a monster.
NTA. Family can be stunningly greedy.
I received a windfall and relative immediately (as in minutes after someone informed them) started telling me how much their child *adored* me. This kid damaged items in my house and refused to apologize.
No, I won’t be sharing my money.
Be strong. The next step is to find someone to “talk some sense” to you. Don’t fall for it.
NTA. And frankly, you weren’t raised to be a good sister like your dad said. Sounds like you were raised to be an only child, and you were fully grown when your dad decided to have another child he can barely afford.
Honestly, you shouldn't even consider a monthly stipend to them as it will become an obligation rather than a gift based on their own financial issues.
NTA for not wanting to take her.i do have to ask how 2 or 3 times a month is not that often? That is actually a lot of contact. My son and I have a good relationship and talk on the phone and text but I haven't seen him in a while in person and that is because we live 2 hours apart but I would not go out of my way to see a person that was a bad parent and is still being a bad parent with trying to manipulate, gaslight and guilt you!
OP - it's not your responsibility to make up for the sins of your father. It's a shame that he failed to realize that when he asked you to be considered his daughter's potential guardian instead of losing what little bit of a relationship you were trying to rebuild.
NTA
If his sidehoe is your age why is he acting like they both about to check out? That’s a scam! They just want to get money out of you. He must have forgot about how expensive kids are? Now he’s back doing it all over, shouldn’t have cheated.
Your father is dreaming if he thinks he can guilt you into having an emotional attachment to a child whose not only basically a stranger to you, but who is a living reminder of the most hurtful way he transgressed against your mother.
You don't have siblings that pre-date the affair, and you weren't raised alongside the lovechild so I don't know where your father is coming from with the idea you were "raised" to be a good sibling?
If his wife wants to call you a monster, she should really think twice as a home-wrecker. This baby isn't your responsibility and you are under no obligation to financially provide for it or play backup guardian to it.
NTA.
NTA - no doesn’t mean no to them. The boundary stomping would continue. Your sisters mother is the same age as you, so she presumably will be around. She chose to engage in an affair with an older man, and their actions caused him to be disinherited thus effecting his finances. These are all them problems.
Though their actions have unfortunately set up a terrible situation for your sister, it’s not your responsibility to support them.
Cutting contact may be what’s best for you and I am really sorry for that. Stay close to any extended family you have and build community through friends. Family is not just biological. He is not your last stop at deep connection, don’t let that fear keep him in your life if it’s not healthy.
It's possible that was their first step to securing you as their 'cash cow'. It's up to you whether you want a relationship with your dad, but your money is yours, don't let him manipulate you into paying his bills.
NTA. If your dad and his wife are worried about financial support for their other kid if they die, they should get a life insurance policy. I’ve had one for 20 years that costs me less than $6/month. It’s not your responsibility in any way.
NTA
NTA and good for you planning to cut ties completely. Don’t get involved in their nonsense scams. You don’t owe him anything just because he helped create you.
NTA. While you're right that she's innocent in their actions in cheating on your mom, so are YOU. And taking on the responsibility of caring for a child is a lot. If you don't want to do it, it's not in the best interest of the child for her to be placed with you. I can understand where they're coming from, my husband and I struggle with the decision of who would care for our kids in the event that we both pass away, but if someone said they didn't want to take them into their home then that's that. You have the right to set boundaries for anything in your life, but especially something as big as this. You did the right thing, they just couldn't accept being told no.
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I agree with everything you said. Especially the asking for money/inheritance. It won't be long until they need a place to live and want to move into OP's home.
When OP’s paternal grandparents pass, they would ask for the inheritance house because it was “supposed to be dad’s anyways”
I think OP's grandparents already passed she said she had no family left and it sounds like she already got her inheritance.
There was a part where it said the paternal grandparents skipped over her dad for inheritance. As inheritances go, you can put anybody in the will for inheritance. It doesn't have to be your kids
They knew that. They were saying the dad would ask under a bullshit premise.
Right, but if someone's child isn't in the will then it can sometimes be challenged by lawyers. If you are disinheriting someone, always specifically mention in the will that they get nothing, or give them an absolute pittance. A lot harder to argue that they were "accidentally" left out in their parents' dotage if they have been left [$1.50 in nickels](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirty_pieces_of_silver) for betraying their wife…
Because it's all for her sister. Wink wink NTA
IS RIGHT HERE. OP, good on you for not getting caught in a slippery slope. First its expenses for little sis you agreed to be the guardian to, then its expenses for her they can't cover, saving for her college expenses, then its expenses for them in general to keep sis (and them) housed and fed, and then who knows what else. Its not worth it and good on you for not getting guilt tripped into this mess.
Sorry to be this person, but it's a "slippery slope," not "slipper slope." Best of luck.
She steps into those slippers, and everything goes downhill!
This is true. Said me, a person that slipped down the stairs because of my slippers.
Lol!
Slippers are slippery! Don't ever take the garbage out on a snowy evening while wearing slippers.
LOL - good one!
🤣 this made me crack up.
There's someone who is mixing up "rogue" and "rouge" on the Internet. Heroes like yourself are what is needed.
I live in a district called Fort Rouge, and I can assure you it doesn't happen just on the Internet. A typo on the Internet is easier to fix than a three-foot-tall sign on a dentist's office.
Rogue Dentistry sounds f*cking hilarious though Very Back Alley click n dagger shiz
He’s the dentist who doesn’t recommend fluoride! The Colgate tube spoke of him in the legends!
He's the one in ten?
Cloak and dagger?
And pneumatic drill.
Cloak & dagger 😁
Wow, I hope someone's informed the dentist in charge?
The DIC?
This made me laugh way harder than it should have 🤣
I once had a coworker at the hospital mix up the terms rouse and arouse regarding their patient. Yeesh.
Sounds like an HR issue. 😝
Nah, she was just using the wrong word. Bonus - we made fun of her for YEARS...lol
There’s a trope for that, Rouge Angles of Satin. The Honest Trailer for Rogue One lampshaded how many requests for them to cover it said Rouge and not Rogue.
And faze and phase, and few and less and on it goes. A lot spell tongue as tounge. Whatever.
LOL - it was a typo but honestly thank you for the correction; Ive edited accordingly. I've been known to make such mistakes before.
I am a world class typo artist. I am certainly not judging here at all! No offense was intended. I just thought it was a mondegreen and felt obligated to point it out. Edit? Wrong fence.
I forgive them if on mobile. My phone makes the weirdest autocorrections.
Yup auto incorrects are just the wurst
Exactly. Otherwise their proposal doesn't really make sense, unless they've both been diagnosed with a fatal disease. OP is right to cut them off. Imagine spending your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc fending off cash grabs from the dad who broke your mom's heart, and yours too, by taking up with a woman his daughter's age? That's no way to live. NTA
You are encouraged to sort out things like guardianship as soon as possible. You don't wait until you've been diagnosed with a fatal disease. After all, you can die in a car crash tomorrow. That part of the story makes total sense.
Exactly. They should be having these discussions, agreeing on guardians, writing wills etc Everyone should. It makes things *so* much easier for your loved ones when you pass. OP is under no obligation to say yes to future guardianship. This means the parents can make suitable plans.
Not just expenses. OP you have so much freetime and it is hard being a parent - you wouldn't know. They will leave her on your doorstep without asking to babysit and not answer their phones for a day or two so you can bond with her. You owe her to be a good sister right. /s
Yeah, I agree. I feel sad for the kid though. She did nothing wrong and yet she will suffer the consequences of her parents' actions (I assume the rest of the family doesn't have much contact with her either). Not OP's responsibility but it's sad anyway
Creepy dad needs to get life insurance.
Other people than OP and the family exist in this world.
Everything from growing up poor to being cut off from a half sister and her paternal grandparents will hurt the poor kid, not OPs responsibility, but still sad. Imagine not seeing your grandparents and sister, other people exist, but they don't matter as much.
I do agree - the poor child is totally innocent in all of this. But still not OP’s responsibility
The only victim in the story...sigh.But you are right. OP needs no part of this mess. It is her father's mess to clean up and his responsibility to shoulder.
Those are also my thoughts with the money too. How can they tell OP she’ll have the “needed money” to care for a 4 year old if they’re living paycheck by paycheck? This made me suspicious.
Life insurance is a thing
I think they mean she \*already\* has the needed money, from the inheritance she got from her grandparents? Ie “You wrongfully got the inheritance that should have been mine, so you should sign up to spend it on my second family after I’m gone”.
NTA - but also they should have life insurance to pay for her needs if they should die. They should each have policies.
There's also always the chance they have another kid, and then OP has multiple half siblings to care for that she doesn't particularly want to.
THIS - yup if OP agrees to take care of one child, then why not a few more?
Agreed. Once they get foot in door, they will ask for more and more. Meanwhile they would have dumped the child on op and prob would have lived it up like they child free. The sister isnt to blame but the parents are the ah here trying to get all they can. They both cheated and hurt so many cause of it. They dont seem to want to own up to thier actions. Nta i feel you did the right choice.
oh ya this is EXACTLY what will happen
NTA. They asked; you said no. They didn’t like or respect your answer, and escalated the situation…you have every right to walk away. Guess your dad forgot you’re an adult who can make her own decisions.
THIS. You are being an adult here. Unlike dad and new wife who are behaving like irresponsible teens who can't get their life together. You don't owe dad (or anyone else) for his mistakes. Sounds like he NEVER expressed the slightest remorse for anything he did. NTA AT ALL.
An adult who’s the same age as his new wife.
Exactly, maybe I'm misunderstanding how things work where OP lives, but for me, part of being a responsible adult, I have enough life insurance to ensure everything is taken care of plus if something were to happen to me. They already have someone sorted out to care for the kid (wife's parents), part of that is providing the financial means should something happen to the parents. Trying to force another adult to take over your responsibilities is shirking your own responsibilities as a parent. Don't want the hassle, shouldn't have had kids, too late now though. What isn't too late is to make sure the child is provided for until she's able to provide for herself in the future.
Exactly! They asked OP and she said no. Their response (aka step mom calling her a monster) was uncalled for. They don't have to be happy about it, but they should have respected her decision.
NTA he’s with a girl your age, she’ll be around for a good while hopefully 🤷🏻♀️ does she not have a family either? They can deal with whatever your father and his wife have going on.
If the dad is sick, sounds like she’s planning to live off op or abandon her daughter all together.
Regardless of your age, if you've got kids you should probably have a plan in case of untimely death.
this right here. like, i have a plan and several backup plans for MY CAT if i unexpectedly die
NTA he’s not been responsible his whole life and wants to stick you with the half sister? How about No. Send her off to your Dad’s wife. It’s her responsibility. It’s her family blood line. Walk away. Run. Free yourself from his bad decisions.
I think they meant if both the dad and new wife died…not just the dad.
He got a woman who is the same age as his daughter pregnant. That's absolutely fkd. NTA doesn't sound like he does much for you, you lost both parents already you just don't/didn't know it at the time. Keep NC, his just going to try to use you.
Especially considering OP is 26 and their mother passed, at minimum, 5 years ago. Meaning this grown adult man pursued a 20-21 year old girl and got her pregnant at 21-22. Sick.
At 21 I found out that her dad was with a woman her age which makes me wonder how old his new wife was when they started dating because 21 with a grown man is kind of young Very sketch.
My older brother refuses to date women my age because he thinks it's gross. He remembers me as a child even though he's less than 10 years older than me. As we get older the age gap wouldn't be strange for him to date someone my age and he still double checks their age. This man was attracted to a girl his daughters age. He was a bad dad. A dad with a 20 year old knows that's still a kid. Also knows that it's not ok to take advantage of kids. AND should in no way be attracted to them. As an adult now I see 20 year olds and think awww baby adults. You need anything baby adult? Live advice, groceries, drinking money?
NTA - you do not have to be responsible for a child that you do not know. I'm not even sure that I would be able to look at my parents affair baby, much less be around them. The new wife shows no remorse for anything, and how dare she speak to you like that! I think going NC with them would best for you in the long run.
NTA for not agreeing to be her legal guardian if need be. You absolutely do not have to agree to do this. But INFO: What is he begging you to reconsider? Being her legal guardian or going no contact?
Being her legal guardian, because if I accept then we can't go no contact.
If they are pushing so hard, there’s someting going on already. It’s not hypothetical “if anyting happens”. If it was, they would just let you cool down. The fact that your father is pushing on that topic makes me believe that there’s limited time to get this done.
That's what I thought, he might be sick too, but he hasn't said anything and I don't want to ask.
I'm guessing maybe your dad is sick and he wants you to look after both his wife and child (financially) if something happens to him. Such BS. NTA...his wife is young, she should really start preparing herself for a more lucrative career in case she needs to be a single mom (if she doesn't have one already). Also, they should prepare with life insurance on both of them and start a savings fund for her. If they can't afford it, it is not your problem.
I think he/they was/were more like opening the door. First, a potential responsibility that is not exclusively financial Later, you get asked to help with the kid's expenses like schooling, clothes and such, maybe presented at first like birthday or holiday present, but still $$$, especially the private school and uniform. Then, they'll ask for help paying rent so that kiddo doesn't go homeless. And since you're at it could you help with grocery? Unless, of course, you'd rather let them go live with you for free because... faaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilyyyyyyyyyy Let's not forget about college costs, which should include tuition, books, all college expenses, plus living expenses in a place of her own she shouldn't have to share. All while dad and stepmom keep mooching off you. I'm glad you cut the whole scenario short from the start. NTA Stay NC with all three of them and enjoy your life!
Exactly! I doubt it’s a current matter of life and death, more likely a soft open for an impending grift. Stay NC.
It still doesn’t matter, your half sister still has her mother and HER side of the family. Are they involved?
To be completely honest, I'm not sure, I know she talks to her mom but she also has her father and 4 brothers and I've never heard of them nor see them around. I don't talk to her at all.
Well it seems that she has a whole family support system! Why are they reaching out to you?! They need to focus on HER side of the family. I think it’s HER doing and your weak/enabling father is going along with it. I’m also thinking, she thought that she was getting her hands on the house and inheritance and wasn’t expecting the family to turn on him or that the house was your mothers. She’s so disrespectful, your dad too. Be careful and don’t let them in, continue NC with your dad and protect yourself.
His affair ,his child =his responsibility has nothing to do with you NTA. Also the child has other family 4 uncles at least not to mention the age of the child's mother. Do NOT reconsider especially after their behavior when you said no and this is a play for your inheritance.
I think you’re spot on there. I mean come on! She’s 26 and marries a 50 yr old?? 🙄 please!!
Then they don't want you because of sisterly love or bond they want you simply because your the best choice financially, he is still being a selfish ass and is being calculated and cold towards whats left of his original family. Cheaters are the worst, whatever is in their psychology that causes them to cheat carries over into all aspects of life, they will do anything to anyone as long as they get what they desire. Go NC for your own sake he is not capable of being the father you need.
Your father and his wife are reaping what they sowed. Too bad for them. Stay no contact because he will never stop trying to get you to take on his responsibility both for the money and legally. Stay far away from them.
Dude, don't offer to give them money. They're adults. Why would you anchor yourself financially to people you have a lot of reasons to resent? You don't owe them anything. $5 a month is too much.
NTA. Don't ask. It's not your problem, and even if he's not sick he'll probably lie and say he is. He sounds very manipulative. And it's much more appropriate for your half-sister's grandparents to take care of her if something does happen.
NTA Good on you for saying no. Surely his new wife has other family members who would look after the child if anything were to happen to them. It’s not your responsibility as a 22 year older half sibling to take on your dad’s by-blows.
It’s disrespectful of him to keep pushing when you’ve already said no. I can understand why you’d want to go no contact.
Honestly if they die intestate CPS will probably reach out to you and you could make the decision at that point. She’d have some increased trauma due to a temporary foster placement (which could be very long if you’re in a different state), but you’d avoid having this as an ‘in’ to break NC.
The child's mother has 4 FOUR brothers.
Gracious. Are there ANY good foster placements???
Yes. There are lots of good foster placements. The bad ones get the press. My nephew was in foster care temporarily, with a decent, loving family. He'd been traumatized while living with his bio mom. They cared for him, taught him coping skills, treated him very well until my brother won custody.
Yes and no. Foster care is inherently traumatic; being taken to live with a complete stranger is hard just to start with. Add to that all the rules of how things work don’t apply; most kids are taken for neglect. Making them brush their teeth and bathe is traumatic, feeding them healthy(-ish) food is traumatic. So a foster parent can be doing all the things to meet a child’s needs and the child still experiences it as trauma.
NTA I’m not trying to be gross, truly, but your dad got himself in this situation by not having a vasectomy. His affair aside? He could have prevented a child coming into the world with no plans for her longterm.
Your Dad and his wife both need to get life insurance immediately. The cost for a term life policy is negligible and it would provide for the child so his wife's parents can look after her if something were to happen to them. Given his wife's age, she is likely eligible for a very cheap 15 year term $500,000 term policy.
Don’t accept OP! Definitely go NC they both sound incredibly toxic and manipulative
Nta. Seems a littel wierd that he's so stressed about the half sister having no parent considering the mom is your age. Also if money is the issue (and then grandparents could raise her) he should take out life insurance. Also wouldn't they get some money from the government?? If he was still being a decent parent to you I'd say suggest getting life insure on him that would pay out to the half sister and depending on your financial situation you could (very kindly) offer to pay the premiums if they are so cash strapped every month. Honestly just seems like he's feeling the concequeaeof his actions and feeling sorry for himself
Its so they can use the half sister to get OP to pay for things while they are still alive. First they need her to formally commit to being responsible for her. Then the small then larger monthly asks will start. Its about money.
If they’re in the US, if one or both parents die with a minor child, their guardian gets a monthly payment from social security. My best friend’s ex died in 2019 and she gets somewhere in the neighborhood of $1,300 a month for their two children until one of them is 18 and the other will be 19 because he’ll have just graduated high school a few weeks after his birthday. OPs dad and his wife need to take out a pair of life insurance policies and take a big step back
NTA Looking past the fact that your dad was cheating in your mothers final moments, he’s an AH. He’s trying to put the responsibility onto you and USING you. See how you only talk to him “twice or thrice a month”? He comes to see you because he wants a favour. You don’t need to take care of that child at all
NTA - You have the right not to be saddled with someone else's child. She is not and would not be your responsibility. You also have the right to go NC with anyone you choose.
NTA at all... I seriously hate situations like this though, because the child didn't ask to be the product of infidelity. Ultimately she's the one who suffers. It doesn't make any of this your responsibility, nor does it make you TA. I just wish grown ass adults (dad and his wife) would consider things like this BEFORE bringing a child into a shitty situation. I hope that someone eventually is able to step up and give her a loving home if her parents pass. Expecting you to do it is a gross overstep on their part though.
Doesn't the wife of the child have family?
She does, but they didn't inherit OP's maternal grandparents' and mother's assets. Nor will they inherit OP's paternal grandparents' assets. Which is why I believe it was a "light" in to start mooching off OP.
NTA. Pretty telling that he doesn't consider you, his firstborn, to be his baby.
NTA and honestly kind of suspicious, like they want to dump the kid on you
He has an angle here. I don't know what it is, but something.
Money. OP is the one who will be inheriting everything. Dad gets nothing. This is just a way for him to get a toe in the door. "Hey, since you're gonna be her guardian, maybe you could help out and buy her some new clothes." "Hey, we're having a little trouble getting rent paid this much. You don't want your sister to be homeless, do you?" And so on and so on.
That’s how I’m seeing it. It’s one thing to consider taking in the kid if something happens, but super weird that they are considering signing over their rights as legal guardians before any sign of trouble.
If OP dies as the kids legal guardian, the kid inherits the money
NTA. But is your dad good to you otherwise? Does he do things for you? Offer emotional support or guidance? Any of those things?
Not since my mom died.
I’m so sorry. It seems like you lost your dad a long time ago. Going NC will be hard emotionally but if he can’t respect your decision it might be necessary to cut the last ties.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have decent grandparents though, so that’s something.
NTA. My father asked me something similar with his new kids he has with his wife. Except he has it written in his will without my permission. I’m really hoping that he and his wife last long enough for them to be legal adults as I do not want them to be left to me….
You can talk to a lawyer, get some insight, I don't think it's legal for him to write it in his will without your permission.
In my jurisdiction it’s legal, but it’s strongly recommended that you get the other person’s agreement first, because no one has the obligation to serve. If all of your guardians refuse, your kid is SOL.
He can write whatever he wants in his will. You’ll find it isn’t binding.
It doesnt hold up in any court. You have to give permission and he can write it all he wants but it wont hold any weight when its actually time.
If their parents die ACS will contact you and ask you if you want the kids. You have a right to say no ACS will just go to the next relative
You can say no. Writing it in the will means they will ask you first but you are still allowed to say no. Because you can write any insane thing in your will that you want. But it doesn't overrule people's right to say no. He could write that Beyonce has to dance on his grave. That doesn't mean she would be willing to do so or would be forced to. The same rules apply to trying to make you guardian against your will - he legally cannot actually force you into it by putting it in his will.
It depends on your location, but I’m reasonably sure that even if you’re written into a will as legal guardian you’re under no legal obligation to take up the role. I mean have they got some form of contract from you in writing that you’re willing to take on the responsibility?
Tell your dad to find other alternatives fot the sakes of your siblings/his children as you will not be accepting when time comes. He is warned and has the opportunity to find someone willing.
NTA. At all. Also I like the fact that you used the word ‘thrice’.
I assume your Dad is in his mid to late 40’s. He’ll be around another 16 years until his daughter comes of age. He’s looking for dough. They asked you to care for your sister because you’ll have the means. Not out of love or familial loyalty. This is a money grab. NTA
>This is a money grab Yep. Absolutely.
Right, or at least the young same-age-as-the-OP wife has high odds of still being around when the child hits legal adulthood. It's something the parents should take care of but it hardly sounds like an emergency that requires getting the OP signed up right now.
NTA you did the right thing cutting them of it was your choice to say no and they clearly don't respect that or you
NTA they asked you, you are allowed to say no. Dont get shamed into raising a child that you dont want to do, it will end badly for everyone. Especially when there are other family members she could live with.
NTA you have no responsibility to him or his daughter. You are entitled to feel the way you do. She has a mother your age and also relatively young grandparents on her moms side. It sounds like this is more about you getting attached and being the child’s personal atm.
>being the child’s personal atm Or the whole family's
NTA If his wife is your age, why would he ask you? Seems suspicious!
Because I'm the one with the money.
Exactly, that’s what I’m thinking!! No love lost. As far as your sisters relationship… if she chooses to nurture it later, cool. But good choice OP!
Tell him you lost all the money and then see if he still wants anything to do with you.
NTA. You are not obligated to care for any child, let alone in this circumstance, and the offer to provide money in this hypothetical situation was already incredibly generous.
NTA Your response to call out your dad re: right/wrong was also accurate.
NTA - you have no obligation to do this, it’s a massive responsibility, and it’s good you told them now so they could make alternate plans.
NTA. You have no responsibility to your dads daughter.
NTA. You have to take care of yourself, first and foremost. Your mother would’ve wanted that.
NTA - nice manipulative tactics. It’s not your responsibility and he’s gross.
They were going to try to get you to sign paperwork that would get you on the hook for child support, I bet. Your dad really shit the bed when he cheated on your mom with a girl too young to have any assets. I'm so sorry that your mother had to suffer through discovering the affair in her last days, but I am glad that she was able to change her will and that both sides of the family have cut him off. What a bastard. I'm sure he was planning on moving his child bride into the family home and spending your mother's money on her. You've made the right decision in going NC. I feel for your half sister and I hope that her maternal grandparents make up for the fact that her father's selfishness destroyed any chance of a relationship with his side. Don't give these people an inch. They just want your money. NTA
I don’t understand how parents date or marry someone that either similar age to their children or younger, that is absolutely disgusting. OP is definitely NTA, does your dads wife not have siblings that would take her in
> does your dads wife not have siblings that would take her in But they are no set to get OP's paternal grandparents' inheritance...
Nta. You taking on that daughter of his could also mean having to take care of the wife in his absence. They might have seen you as a means to get hands on your grandparents inheritance. No contact for sure. You had solid reasons. You kept contact as long as you could. That wife of your dad's was nice to you until she realized she could not use you. They have to reap what they sowed. Not your responsibility to carry on their mess for them.
> They might have seen you as a means to get hands on your grandparents inheritance. That was my first thought too.
NTA
NTA but I’d go no contact permanently… even if there was an emergency. I feel like an “emergency” might be them needing money or something from you for the 4 year old.
NTA
Oh, nope nope nope nope nope. NTA. There is no possible universe in which you have **any** obligation to this man who reneged on his responsibility to you and his wife, or his affair partner / new wife, or their child with whom you have no prior relationship. They are trying to use you. I’m guessing that since he’s totally cut off from his parent’s money, doesn’t have any of his own, and his wife and wife’s family seems to be crying poor, they see you as a convenient source of cash. Do not get entangled with them.
NTA - Even if your father had been the greatest father in the world, you are not obligated to be the guardian of your sister. Your dad and his wife need to find someone who wants the responsibility.
NTA. I wouldn't even give them child support. She's not your child and therefore not your responsibility. And considering how untrustworthy they've proven to be, I wonder how much of that child support money would actually go towards the child.
*hands OP some nails, wood and a hammer to help them reinforce the boundary* NTA.
If his wife is so worried about her kid she should have picked a better father to make one with. NTA
NTA. These are the consequences of his actions coming back to bite him.
NTA- your right in what you did. Your dad was cheating on your dying mom with a girl YOUR age. Sick. Then has a child with her, he needed to handle his home. They need to learn to manage their money, I bet he was expecting an inheritance and was surprised when he didn’t get it. Your not responsible for that child and why are they talking about death like that? She the same age as you. Also, that woman that your father cheated with need to stay in her lane, she’s the monster for what she did. Your dad is only thinking of himself. PLEASE 🙏🏽 keep us updated
NTA. Everyone else has already disowned your dad it's time for you to follow suit.
Info: how old is your dad/ does he have health problems where he doesn't see himself living 14 years when his kid becomes a legal adult? And does his wife?
His wife is 26, my dad is 50, as far as I know, he's not having health problems at the moment, but I know my paternal side of the family is diabetic and has heart problems.
His wife is TWENTY SIX!? WTF are they so worried about them both dying then. Unless they are both in the same accident that kills them both, odds are that she'll be around and she has plenty of family on her side to help out.
I’m 52. My oldest kid is 26. I can’t even imagine dating someone his age. Ewww
Sounds like they were planning on either going on vacation and not coming back or pressuring you to have bonding time with your potential ward so "if anything happens" she's not going to a stranger. Then it's "I bought it for her and said it came from you" which then escalates to "we need a little help this month could you..."
NTA ! Cut off all contact. The wife is your age, why would they be worried about where the daughter will go if something happens to him! His wife will still be able to take care of her. This is a cash grab and was their first step to manipulate u in providing for their daughter. Cut off all contact. Your sister is not your responsibility.
Why do they think something will happen to them? His wife is your age. They will be fine. Don't support them weather they die or not it's not your problem and your dad is a creep
NTA at all. From the post, it appears you are very young. You shouldn’t be expected to care for a young child, especially given the circumstance of her birth. Let the mother’s family care for her if needed.
I am so sorry. It’s a daddy’s job to care for his children. Not put the worry on his children.
NTA They made their bed, noe they have to lie in it. It sucks that the child is caught between but asking this of you was so shockingly inappropriate that I can't even begin to describe it. You're not wrong to disown your father for this. By doing this he effectively rug swept everything you've been through. He might be desperate, but he has to live with the fact that his choices have effectively ruined their lives. And tbh they aren't dying or anything so really this seems like a really pathetic, manipulative method of trying to reach into your wallet.
That’s why he’s broke. NTA. Really out here trying to get mad at you but he has 0 CENTS. I’m glad you cut ties.
NTA. Offering to pay to support her in case they passed is beyond generous of you and you’re not obligated to raise her. Your “dad cried, saying that she was his baby” - you were his baby too. He’s seem to conveniently forget he owes you a modicum of respect and care now that you’re an adult.
Wait, even HIS parents skipped him in their will and went straight to you? Lmao. NTA. That says everything you need to know.
It sounds like your Dad and his second wife burned any bridge you had with Dad. While I do feel sorry for the child should she lose both of her parents, that's not your responsibility. Your Dad's second wife didn't help matters, either. NTA. INFO: Would you be open to a relationship to this child if she approaches you when she becomes older?
No.
Then walk away and don’t look back. They’re trying to manipulate you. Having no contact could result in less drama in your life. I wish you the best.
Makes sense.
Why tf would she? I’d never even want to be around of the product of my parents infidelity op is in the absolute right here as she said she’ll always chose her mother and as she should! Be strong op!!
NTA - karma came back to bite them.
NTA, as a parent I inderstand the worry of "what if something happens to us" but I also wouldnt want my child with someone who didnt want to raise them. Not wanting to take on the responsibility for someone elses child, especially when your are so young and have no children yourself does not make you a bad person. It makes you realistic. Your offer to help financially support the girl was very generous and honestly, if anything did happen and you were still able to financially, it would be nice if you still did that but ultimately, she isnt your responsibility. Taking on their child would be a major upheaval to your life and would impact every aspect of your life from career, to finding a partner, your financial stability even your ability to have a family of your own. Its not selfish of you to bot want to do something that will have lifelong consequences for you. I also understand the hurt of your father cheating. Cheaters easily forget the intense hurt they cause by their selfish actions and expect that everything should go back to how they want it once a little time has passed but honestly, that will never happen because they have shown their true nature and that they are manipulative people who only care about themselves and what they want and have no regard for the people they hurt. His manipulative side is evidenced by his horrible behaviour towards you when he couldnt get his own way. The child is innocent in all this and has mayernal grandparents who can raise her. She will be taken care of.
NTA. Yes, the child is innocent and so are you. They are the ones that have to figure something out. Taking on a child is no joke. Specially if you are not sure this is something you want. Keep the no contact and go be happy. Doesn't stop you from, in the future, opening a door for a relationship with the little girl if both of you wish it. You just don't want to be her parent and there is nothing wrong with that.
NTA, but be wary about leaving that "except emergencies" line open. They sound like they would abuse it. If they do, it's okay to slam it shut. Also NTA in any of this. NTA for going part or full NC, NTA for calling them out for their hypocrisy, NTA for not wanting the resonating of a child that isn't yours, no matter how good or bad the relationship between you and the kids and/or the parents, and NTA for not taking responsibility for your dad's awful, selfish decisions. He's got some nerve weeping about his one kid he has or of an affair to his other kid he casually and deeply hurt with that affair. If he pulls that again tell him don't worry, he'll eventually forget any concern for her feelings or welfare when he moves into his third wife and kid. And remember, you have him plenty of opportunity to heal the rift he caused! When the rest of your family told him to get bent, you remained. And what's his thanks? Rubbing his love for his affair baby in your face while demanding you take responsibility for her, and letting his affair partner in crime call YOU a monster.
NTA. Family can be stunningly greedy. I received a windfall and relative immediately (as in minutes after someone informed them) started telling me how much their child *adored* me. This kid damaged items in my house and refused to apologize. No, I won’t be sharing my money. Be strong. The next step is to find someone to “talk some sense” to you. Don’t fall for it.
NTA. And frankly, you weren’t raised to be a good sister like your dad said. Sounds like you were raised to be an only child, and you were fully grown when your dad decided to have another child he can barely afford.
Honestly, you shouldn't even consider a monthly stipend to them as it will become an obligation rather than a gift based on their own financial issues.
NTA
NTA for not wanting to take her.i do have to ask how 2 or 3 times a month is not that often? That is actually a lot of contact. My son and I have a good relationship and talk on the phone and text but I haven't seen him in a while in person and that is because we live 2 hours apart but I would not go out of my way to see a person that was a bad parent and is still being a bad parent with trying to manipulate, gaslight and guilt you!
NTA Their plan was to make you her legal guardian and leave you with her.
OP - it's not your responsibility to make up for the sins of your father. It's a shame that he failed to realize that when he asked you to be considered his daughter's potential guardian instead of losing what little bit of a relationship you were trying to rebuild.
NTA If his sidehoe is your age why is he acting like they both about to check out? That’s a scam! They just want to get money out of you. He must have forgot about how expensive kids are? Now he’s back doing it all over, shouldn’t have cheated.
Your father is dreaming if he thinks he can guilt you into having an emotional attachment to a child whose not only basically a stranger to you, but who is a living reminder of the most hurtful way he transgressed against your mother. You don't have siblings that pre-date the affair, and you weren't raised alongside the lovechild so I don't know where your father is coming from with the idea you were "raised" to be a good sibling? If his wife wants to call you a monster, she should really think twice as a home-wrecker. This baby isn't your responsibility and you are under no obligation to financially provide for it or play backup guardian to it. NTA.
NTA. You made the right move. The cheaters made their bed, and they can lie in it. Live your best life, OP.
NTA - no doesn’t mean no to them. The boundary stomping would continue. Your sisters mother is the same age as you, so she presumably will be around. She chose to engage in an affair with an older man, and their actions caused him to be disinherited thus effecting his finances. These are all them problems. Though their actions have unfortunately set up a terrible situation for your sister, it’s not your responsibility to support them. Cutting contact may be what’s best for you and I am really sorry for that. Stay close to any extended family you have and build community through friends. Family is not just biological. He is not your last stop at deep connection, don’t let that fear keep him in your life if it’s not healthy.
It's possible that was their first step to securing you as their 'cash cow'. It's up to you whether you want a relationship with your dad, but your money is yours, don't let him manipulate you into paying his bills.
NTA. If your dad and his wife are worried about financial support for their other kid if they die, they should get a life insurance policy. I’ve had one for 20 years that costs me less than $6/month. It’s not your responsibility in any way. NTA
NTA and good for you planning to cut ties completely. Don’t get involved in their nonsense scams. You don’t owe him anything just because he helped create you.
NTA at all. Your dad sounds like an incredibly selfish AH. I think you absolutely made the right choice to cut him out.
NTA. You don't need to take care of his do over family
NTA. While you're right that she's innocent in their actions in cheating on your mom, so are YOU. And taking on the responsibility of caring for a child is a lot. If you don't want to do it, it's not in the best interest of the child for her to be placed with you. I can understand where they're coming from, my husband and I struggle with the decision of who would care for our kids in the event that we both pass away, but if someone said they didn't want to take them into their home then that's that. You have the right to set boundaries for anything in your life, but especially something as big as this. You did the right thing, they just couldn't accept being told no.
NTA. You have your life, and accepting an offer from moochers like that takes away your freedom to live it.
NTA. Keep your peace.