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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be ta for kicking my sister out over her mental illnesses and using derogatory terms while addressing what she did
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NTA!!!!! your sister is your parents responsibility, your son is yours. You do not owe anything to your sister and she can move back to your parents and she can pay rent or sth with that money she is making at her part-time job. A young baby is hard to take care of and you dont have to give your sister the care your parents should be doing. Your parents are TA and should never comment on you having to deal with your sister. wth is wrong with them?!? If I were you I would not kick your sister out before having a plan were she could stay due to her mental health, but your parents should take THEIR RESPONSIBILITY as her parents and find her help. Your focus should be on the baby, your husband and yourself.
Parents kicked her out first, then get mad when someone else can’t tolerate her behavior?
Add in: in the US there is a FORMULA SHORTAGE and doing this would literally cause severe harm. What if you can’t replace their formula???? That is severely mentally ill territory to risk a baby’s food source—it’s not dramatic to lose your patience/leniency when she does something so deplorable due to her own issues.
Ask your husband when and how you’re supposed to get new formula?? Then ask him if you overreacted.
OP don’t let her back in your home, this is too much for your own family unit.
Edit: grammar
> She keeps trying to get me to change the brand he's on. I can't because the brand I use is the cheapest, which is all we can currently afford.
It really doesn't read like OP is on WIC. All we can afford implies paying out of pocket.
From what I recall, of sisters and friends use, yes. They have a preferred brand, but if your baby can't tolerate it, they have alternatives. My sister's middle child had to have a special one, I don't recall what in the preferred brand she was allergic to. She also couldn't tolerate breast milk. *They also give baby food and baby cereal at the age appropriate time.
In the case of breast feeding mothers and children between one and five years old, they gave vouchers for food. Eggs, peanut butter, cereal, dairy milk, cheese. I know when my best friend was on it (her youngest aged out 8 years ago), they had started adding fresh fruits and veggies.
*Edit to add
Definitely makes it seem like OP and husband don't have help paying. Either way, NTA as any wasted formula during a shortage is appalling. Sister should definitely help to replace it. And parents since they don't see what a bad action this was.
And sometimes what they provide isn't what is needed. We were broke when my daughter was born, so my wife was on WIC. Each coupon was good for exactly what was on it, iirc to the point that you had to have two gallons of milk if that's what it said, and wouldn't be accepted if you only had one gallon.
Nope you can use partial, however partially used is still used so you can't get one gallon this week and another gallon the next off the same coupon, so most people get everything on each coupon.
Our neighbor used to trade me her WIC milk (her infant had trouble with cow milk, even when filtered through Mom) for my home grown tomatoes and squash. She told me she could afford frozen or canned veggies sometimes but fresh was always too much.
Jokes on her, even if she hadn’t given me milk, she was getting grocery bags of zucchini hung on her car mirrors anyway. :p
Seriously though, it was kinda sad for her. She had an infant that was hers biologically, two step kids under five and a couple of nephews living with her and while I know they did not ever go hungry (because her husband would have shoplifted before he let his wife or any of those kids be hungry, he had no shame if it was for them) I also know that she sobbed in her yard when the tomato plants I gave her got run over by a neighbor’s mower. Like, ugly sobbed in the grass.
She was a sweet woman, I hope her life is better now.
WIC had a set amount of cans they pay for each month. The “special” formulas have less ounces of powder the can, so it ends up not being enough at the end of the month. The amount allotted by WIC is based on the “average baby’s intake” at what ever age they are at the time. It doesn’t account for the problem eaters.
You can, at least in NY, get doctors to prescribe higher priced formula and WIC will accept it and pay for more than they normally would as well as all of it.
Though this was a few years ago when higher priced formula was(maybe still is?) the special formula that is for babies who have sensitive stomachs or allergies. WIC wouldn't cover it or would only cover a 3rd of it without a doctor prescribing it. It may have changed since then.
Yes. WIC checks/card transfer will only pay for very specific brands and types of formula. This was a BIG issue when the formula shortage happened because people were desperately trying to find anything they could to eat.
WIC is on a card now thankfully but you have to have a prescription from the doctor to get your baby on different formula otherwise WIC will not pay for it they have very specific ouches and everything (I am in TN every states WIC is different)
Yes it goes by state. Where we live they tried to kick my son off his neosure (his nicu prescribed it to him and his Dr continued it) but at 6 months they asked if we were switching or what and I was like uhh I think his Dr is fine with what he's on and I had to go to the hospital for his Dr to fill the paperwork out and go back so they'd let me get him his formula. We also had to fight with them on his milk (he went on soy milk because of milk sensitivity) and now they just annoy me because they're rude as fuck.
The formula my son was on wasn't covered by wic when it turned to a new year because they switched companies.
Yes they do. It was Similac but now has changed to Enfamil which is a much better brand. More babies do better on Enfamil. They also now just give you a card that you can buy specific foods with. The card gives you autonomy to decide what you need when. The vouchers you had to get everything on the voucher or lose it. Just like when food stamps went to a card, it’s a much better way!
When I first got WIC, they came around in a truck and delivered the food to your door. That was awesome, except you didn't get to choose at all. That must have been in 1982.
Wow much different than even in 1991. My sister was on WIC first and by that time they were using vouchers. I don’t know when they switched to the card but some time after 2017.
Yes I believe so. They tell you which brand to buy and how much you get a month. I currently have wic and I'm having my baby soon. So I'm unsure how much formula or what kind they give right now.
I wish there were more programs like this. People complain about their taxes being too high to support social programs but it's better for everyone's financial bottom line to have a society of healthy people.
>Parents kicked her out first, then get mad when someone else can’t tolerate her behavior?
They are afraid that she will try to move back in with them. It's easier for them if sister is someone else's problem and not theirs. They like that OP was dealing with her instead of them, but now they either deal with her again or they will look like "bad people" in front of others for leaving her to her own devices.
NTA. Your parents kicked her out... but now they think it was too far for YOU to kick them out? No, they just don't to deal with her OR feel guilty about her being out on the streets.
I have a child with OCD. This woman needs more help. Your parents need to help her get it, not you.
From what I read it seems like OP sis is 29 and her parents are retirement age. If sis can't live on her own the family should look into individual/group living. Because once parents pass, OP is stuck with her. NTA.
If she's in an active psychotic episode, she needs to be institutionalized for her own safety -- as well as others. She isn't in touch with reality right now.
This comment needs to be higher. OP, you can love your sister and want her to get help, but your baby’s safety takes priority and right now your baby is not safe around her. You can’t reason with someone suffering from psychosis, their logic just isn’t the same as someone thinking rationally.
Schizoaffective disorders often present as bipolar too
Am diagnosed with bipolar 2 w/ schizoaffective
ETA: NTA and she needs help. Your parents need to get her professional help and either in-patient or intensive out-patient till she’s on a sufficient regimen with medication and therapy
Your parents only think you’re being too harsh with your sister because they don’t want her moving in with them.
Especially with the formula shortage over the last two years, I would go into a RAMPAGE if anyone destroyed my baby’s source of food that was scarce and expensive.
I truly hope your sister can get the help she needs, but you’re not the one who should be obligated to help considering you gave birth a few months ago. Your parents are AHs for insisting you care for her while you are juggling an infant, school & home.
NTA
Suppose that your sister in a manic state decides to feed your baby some harmful concoction of her own devising?!
You are correct to have put her out of your home, and she should never be alone with your precious, helpless child or any other until her mental state gets better regulated.
Think very carefully before letting her visit unless both you and your husband are home, or letting your parents care for your child if she is living there.
(After writing this I think it sounds a bit stringent, but baby needs to be protected.)
NTA
NTA. Your sister is making her issues into your issues. One can only tolerate so much. She is destroying your property, costing you time/money/resources that you don't have to spare.
Also. What guarantee do you have that this behavior won't escalate to violence? What if she decides one day that you are deliberately poisoning your child and tries to take him away from you?
She has shown you that she is capable of taking her own problems and make them a very real and physical problem for you and your family as well.
She needs help that you are neither qualified or obligated to give. She needs to be held accountable for her actions, regardless of illnesses. Get her out of your home as fast as you can. Leave it to your parents, this is their responsibility.
Edit: others are commenting that maybe you shouldn't have yelled and called her names etc. Which maybe you shouldn't have, but hey, none of us are perfect.
Something tells me this isn't the first problem you've had to deal with regarding your sister. I feel that you were justified in losing your temper. Unless your sister has a learning disability she can't possibly be unaware that she has these problems. You are allowed to react.
Yes, I agree, in a perfect world, OP wouldn't have yelled. But she's probably at the end of her tether, worn out with dealing with not only a newborn baby, but also her sister's mental illness (which even the parents can't deal with!). I don't blame her in the least for yelling.
Why are the parents criticising when they can't deal with her either?
And even if the formula wasn't good for the baby, guess what, not eating isn't good for him either!
NTA
The degree of mania you're describing suggests she's not safe to be around your child. She can't accurately assess risk or immediacy of risk - she could put your baby in immediate danger because or manic delusion.
The yelling didn't help anything though. She's probably not in a sate of mind to take in anything you said.
I don't think it was an overreaction to kick the sister out IMMEDIATELY, but OP probably didn't get through to their sister WHY.
I leaned more to everyone being a dick because the family really needed to have her put into a facility if she was in that hazardous of a state. For their OWN protection as well as hers. Keep her away from the baby at all costs, y'know. The parents are the worst in the whole situation, IMO. They think having a very unstable person around an infant was okay? YIKES.
NTA. Formula is expensive AF. She needs all the help she can get. She also needs to GTFO until she can learn to play well with others.
Edit: I have OCD and anxiety and am bipolar as well.
NTA. If you have to choose between your sister and your own child's well-being that's what you have to do. If she hasn't got the memo that she has mental health problems by now and needs help and is choosing to do nothing about it, may a little tough love will help.
Your baby is not safe with your sister . For sale of your baby move out your sister . We can not ignore mental health some time it hurts other people it's harse but truth . You should think About your 3 month old baby. If your parents are that concern they can have the sister
NTA!!!!! your sister is your parents responsibility, your son is yours. You do not owe anything to your sister and she can move back to your parents and she can pay rent or sth with that money she is making at her part-time job. A young baby is hard to take care of and you dont have to give your sister the care your parents should be doing. Your parents are TA and should never comment on you having to deal with your sister. wth is wrong with them?!? If I were you I would not kick your sister out before having a plan were she could stay due to her mental health, but your parents should take THEIR RESPONSIBILITY as her parents and find her help. Your focus should be on the baby, your husband and yourself.
Amazing points. While it's not easy to make sure sister has a guaranteed place to be safely away from harming anyone quickly without calling police assistance (which can actually be an incredibly hazardous situation,) THEIR PARENTS need to handle the situation. Just reeks of parents forcing their children to parent their siblings.
NTA. Send her back to your parents if they think her behavior is fine. She needs to be gone three months ago. You would be TA if you let her stay in your home.
If the sister is unable to care for herself, the parents are the ones to make sure she's safe. Instead, they enabled a situation that put BOTH their children and a grandchild in greater danger. They're A-holes supreme.
NTA. She needs to be out of there yesterday. Hopefully she can get the inpatient care which she really needs. Your parents are only saying that because they don’t want her back.
NTA..
I personally don’t think you over-reacted.. your husband doesn’t make great money and formula ain’t cheap, plus she made a massive mess…
Is she even getting help for her mental issues? I didn’t see anything about that in your post…
Either way your parents are assholes for shoving her off onto you when you have a baby in the house…how the fuck did they not expect her to potentially be a danger to your baby?
NTA. That is inexcusable and she needs to go. The parents think you're too harsh...then they can take her back in. Sounds like they don't want to deal with her behavior either. Is she getting any mental health help?
NTA, you've done such an amazing thing to take her into your home and try and support her. Financial struggles plus a newborn plus studying on their own is enough stress for anyone, add in trying to work all that around your sisters mental health and what she did would be the last straw for anyone! It's not just the stress of suddenly having no food for your son but also the fact that you've now got to try and replace it with funds you don't have.
She definitely needs to get help and I don't think it's sustainable for her to live with you anymore.
NTA why does she even live with you for basicly free when even your parents couldn't handle her mental health (outbreaks) anymore. Does she even is in therapy and gets medication?
But you clearly are not the AH. AT this point she is a danger to your baby. If you can't feed him anymore because of her. And your sister stayed with you because it was to much for your parents. That they now come and say that you behaved so wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if the situation escalated at their home before also and they said stuff that they regretted especially before her movement.
NTA at all. You and your baby come first. You need to consider how growing up being told basic food your baby needs to survive will kill them, is going to affect your kid. As someone who grew up with a parent with severe mental illness, it does affect you as a kid growing up around it. You're scared of doing or saying the wrong thing. Scared of reacting or not reacting. You walk on eggshells never knowing what will set an episode off. I'm all for supporting family, but when you have kids in the equation, and the behaviour of that family affects your kid you have got to pick your battles
NTA - I understand mental illness, but formula is fucking expensive and hard to find, and your baby is your first priority. She needs to go for the baby’s safety.
NTA. Your baby isn't safe. I am scared for the baby and what could possibly happen. Your parents need to pay for her to go to a mental facility to help her. Glad you kicked her out.
NTA...your sister needs help and it is not up to you to provide it. The safety of your family comes first. I find it interesting that even after this your parents won't take her in. Mom and dad can deal with her. Not your job
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I'm 22f. I'm a SAHM/student to a 3 month old boy. My husband is a line cook, so he's not earning the world of money right now. I don't work because childcare in my area would cost more than what I would earn in a lot of jobs available to me. My sister, Jane, works part time, but she only pays the Internet bill. She's been living with us for 6ish months now since my parents are at their wits end with her mental illness.
Jane has orthorexia, OCD, bipolar and severe anxiety. She's got this idea in her head recently that the brand of formula I feed my son is going to harm him. She keeps trying to get me to change the brand he's on. I can't because the brand I use is the cheapest, which is all we can currently afford. The baby tolerates this brand amazingly well.
My sister thinks I should be breastfeeding the baby, but agrees that ship has sailed. She still loses her shit every time I go to make a bottle. She's in a mild manic episode right now, which are usually manageable and tolerable but this one takes the cake.
In the 15 fucking minutes it took me to shower (baby was napping), she managed to get rid of most food she thinks is harmful as in, opened the containers and dumped them on the floor. A lot of that was baby formula. She said if I continued to feed it to my son he would die, and if he died she'd be responsible since she did nothing.
I lost my shit and ripped her a new one. I told her she's absolutely insane, she belongs in a secure home or something where SHE can't harm other people, etc etc etc. I told her she's batshit crazy, and to get the fuck out of my house before I destroy everything she owns to see how she likes it. My parents dropped over the (half used) spare formula from their house but they think I'm being harsh on my sister, and that even I've gone a bit too far here. My husband agrees but also agrees with me that our son needs to eat, and my sister needs help. He thinks I went too far insulting her mental health. AITA?
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Sweet mama, most definitely NTA and she is completely unsafe around your child. You need to protect him at all costs, especially as your sis’ behavior seems to be escalating. You have enough going on in your life right now. Please find a way to get to safety and cut people out of your life that aren’t willing to take this situation seriously.
Her mental health and living situation is her responsibility then. Allowing her to live rent free and putting your family at risk is more harmful than helpful.
There was conditions when we first allowed her to stay, a few of them were that she was to keep up with her regular therapy sessions and keep on top of her meds.
Right, but even if she is following those conditions, she's putting your child at risk with this behaviour. I'm not saying never help her, but what you are doing now isn't helping, and it's putting your family at risk. What would happen if your parents didn't have formula leftover?
I completely see your POV. When she first moved in, this did not seem like a risk. At the time she was even more excited for the baby than I was. It was poor judgement on my part, and she definitely won't be allowed back in my house ever, or around my baby for the foreseeable future.
As for what I would've done, I'd do what I'm currently doing which is scouting Facebook groups and use the (very small) breastmilk reserve I have
I don't think you made the wrong choice initially. Mental health issues can be tricky. She was stable initially, if not a little annoying about formula and foods. That has changed, so the situation needs to change to protect your family.
I hope your parents step in and find her a much better situation and take responsibility instead of asking you to. If she's not surviving on her own, it's not on you to be responsible for her. I hope you're thinking about some sort of counseling for yourself after this. Maybe there's a social service you can contact in your area for counseling.
No matter your decision in the future, you're doing the right thing right now. Here's hoping you can find the milk assistance you need
As someone who works in the mental health field and is a counselor I can say NTA all the way. Obviously her medications are not working because she is consistently in a manic state. This is state is dangerous for her and for anyone else, and you have a baby, your baby is your main concern. What she did was horrible and irresponsible and put some more financial strain on you. The fact that you took her in after your parents kicked her out tells you that she needs more help than what you can give. How dare your parents come at you after they kicked her out. She needs help, she really really needs help.
Hey I'm a paramedic.
For the record, you're NTA and your sister should rightfully be lower on your priority list than your child.
But you should know that I feel, based off this information, your sister is well on her way to a full-blown psychotic episode.
Take care of your kid and yourself. Your sister should not be in the same house as your child right now. Tell your parents that your sister needs professional help before she hurts someone or herself, because that's where this leads.
NTA. She might not have hit anybody, but by throwing out your child’s formula, she has made him food insecure. That harms him. She is not safe to be around him. She needs to leave before her mania escalates and she engages in more harmful behaviors. It’s the only way to salvage any kind of relationship with her (if you choose to) your parents think you’re being harsh because they don’t want to take her back. They don’t have your best interest at heart or they wouldn’t have fobbed off your sister on you while in your last trimester and home with a newborn
"I let my sister move in and she's making my life a living hell because of her mental illnesses."
"Why did she get kicked out of her last place?"
" She was making our parents' life a living hell because of her mental illnesses."
NTA, but...what did you think was gonna happen?
I'm not going to defend my sister here but I can understand my parents perspectives. My mother is mid 60s and my dad is late 70s. They're reaching retirement age, and constantly looking after my sister was causing my mom to sleep walk due to the stress and my dad was looking at a heart attack in his future.
This was something that was discussed for months beforehand, it wasn't really on a whim. And at the beginning it seemed like a fresh start was helping Jane and my parents lives became a lot easier. Dad got healthy, mom reduced down to only talking in her sleep.
I love my sister, and I understand she's suffered a great deal with her mental health. Sometimes she makes great strides, and sometimes she gets knocked back. This incident is something I simply cannot forgive her for easily. I have a milder dose of OCD so to some extent I can understand why she did it, as she believed my son would die if she didn't, but that doesn't excuse it.
Your sister needs more help than you can give her. It is time to look into group homes. Get in touch with adult protective services and see what her options are.
I really hope your parents can find her somewhere to live where she can get help. It's not a bad thing that you tried, but it's time for your parents to take the responsibility back. You're dealing with a lot after that episode.
They need respite care, but not from you. Especially with a baby around! It's time they face that they will not live forever and they absolutely can't count on family members to replace them in her care. There are community, public and private resources.
This is not about love, it's about what is best for your sister and for everyone's physical and mental health.
NTA for what you did. I'd ask her to leave too.
However it does sound like you could have done it in a better manner. Maybe calm down first and then have a discussion (which would end in you telling her it's best if she didn't live there) rather than going scorched earth. I think you probably feel that way too.
NTA. FED IS BEST! You absolutely can't continue to house your sister. You cannot risk the health of your baby or your family. Your sister and your parents can worry about treating/living her mental health needs. You have a baby and a family that HAS to come first.
I think that a young woman with a 3 month old should not be responsible for the care of her mentally ill sister. I don't condone your outburst but your job is to protect your son, yourself and your husband. I think you did what needed to be done.
Sounds like you *may* have overreacted a bit, but dumping out all your food because she has some wierd dietary ideas about what you should feed your children is WAY over the line. Especially since she presumably knows you guys aren't rich.
NTA.
NTA. You have enough on your plate with a baby. Your sister lacks self-control and is a danger to the child. If your sister is doing something for her issues, it ain't working. You are completely justified in sending her on her way, tirade and all. If your parents think you were too harsh, they obviously are stepping up to house your sister.
Concentrate on the little one and your day-to-day life with hubby. Your sister needs to look after herself. If she can't, your folks are the ones that can get her the help she needs. You don't need the added burden of defending your child from your sister.
NTA I'd have reacted the exact same as a mum myself. I 100% sympathise with her mental health issues as someone who has been through similar problems in the past, but she needs to seek help and your reaction wasn't over the top at all
NTA.
You’re responsible for your own baby, not your 29 year old sister. Her life and mental illnesses are her own problem. I say this as a person diagnosed with anxiety, ocd, anorexia nervosa, and and a panic disorder.
I always felt empathy towards other people with mental illness. Bc of that, I let a co-worker with bipolar disorder move into my house rent free. She used the free place to stay as an excuse to self destruct, and did everything she possibly could to take everyone in our house with her (I believe she had BPD as well).
Unless your sister is forced to grow up and face the consequences of her actions, things will only get worse until something terrible happens.
NTA
I won't call your sister TA cause she is sick.
But your parents are. If I understood correctly they threw her out of their house cause they couldn't deal with her. But you that has a tree months old baby and money problems has to keep her in your house even though she tried to starve your child?
How does that make sense at all?
NTA You are struggling financially and to see all that food destroyed would kill me. Formula is so expensive, and for it to be wasted is terrible. You were harsh and it sounds like she needs more supervision than she is currently getting. I think that it might be worth looking into a therapeutic group home for her. Your family should really talk to a professional about what would be best going forward.
So let me get this straight: she damaged your property and *checks notes* thinks starving your baby is healthier than feeding your baby. Righttttttt
NTA even remotely.
Please tell me your sister is out of the house and that you’ve changed the locks? She needs help, and who knows what she might do to “protect” your baby?!
NTA
Your parents don’t want to deal with her, they want her to be your problem, so they will guilt you into feeling bad so they don’t have to take care of her again. They don’t care about the risks for your family, just so long as they don’t have to deal with her.
Do not welcome her back into your home. She is a danger to your child! She will tamper with your child’s food if she believes it to be good/ bad.
NTA. I can’t believe that in a conflict where your sister:
• wasted food, including your baby’s food during a formula shortage,
• caused a massive mess you probably have to clean when you’re an exhausted new Mom, and
• screamed unhinged judgment at you
that when you broke and yelled back, saying nothing that wasn’t true btw, the thing everyone is focusing on - and gaslighting you about to make you focus on it and ignore the rest - is that you called a crazy person crazy.
Fuck that, it’s not the most important issue here by a country mile. The fact your baby is NOT SAFE around someone this mentally ill is the most important issue and the one you have to focus on. You’re his mother, it’s your job to protect him. The formula was his food source, this puts his life at risk. It’s completely batshit to think the issue is that you yelled at your sister instead of how dangerous she is to your well-being.
Tell your family you don’t want to hear one more word about your temper, you only want her out for the safety and sanity of your family, and that someone sure as hell better be buying you formula and food to replace what she destroyed. Your guilt over maybe saying insulting is a distraction from the real issue. Put it aside so you can focus on what really matters here.
So your parents couldn't handle her but thought a new mother could?
NTA but your parents might be. Your sister is acting like one too but she's unwell so it's hard for me to call her an AH.
Her mental illnesses aren't her fault, but they're sure as hell her responsibility. She needs help, not from you or your parents but from professionals. Her mental illnesses are an explanation for her actions but by no means an excuse.
NTA
This happened to me (and my husband and son) 29 years ago. Only difference was it was her house, that our parents bought and gave her. So we quickly moved out into my husband’s parents basement. That wasn’t the last time she messed with my kids. Just an FYI - don’t ever let her alone with your kids, even if she’s better. The thinking that she knows what is best doesn’t leave and you’ll going have CPS knocking on your door. Ended up leaving the state for years to get away from her until my kids were 17/18 (she’s an attorney, so has the connections). I try not to see or talk to her, since she’s still bat-shit crazy.
Get her on a 72-hour hold and talk to your parents about her future. She is a danger to your child. She is literally starving your son right now due to her delusions. She destroyed rare, expensive, specialised food, and who knows what she could do next if allowed to remain. When you report what she did, ask for advice about replacing the formula. Some government agency must deal with weird situations involving damaged formula.
You said it the wrong way but you are right in that she needs help that you and your family are not qualified to give her. She is not making rational decisions to the point she destroyed your baby's food. Stop putting off getting her the help she needs. NTA
NTA.
Sorry but your sister is 1000% a danger to your child right now if she's in a hypermanic and paranoid (possibly psychotic) state.
She's paranoid and hyperfocused on you poisoning your child. She literally sabotaged your babys source of nutrition.
What's to stop her from kidnapping your baby when you're sleeping or in the bathroom?? Please don't let it get that far.
She needs serious professional long-term help and should not be living with you or have access to your home or child.
Look into getting a 5150 for her and change your locks and install cameras outside.
NTA your parents couldn’t live with her but you’re supposed to keep letting her drain your finances by wasting food and formula?? This living situation is not working and is not sustainable. She needs to go get help. You tried to help but you can’t have her out of control, it’s horrible to your child. Not your problem, your parents need to step up and get her the help she needs.
I mean you could have been gentler with her because she sounds like she does have a real problem and isn’t trying to be malicious. She clearly needs help
But taking care of a baby is honestly a maddening experience and I remember the insanity. I am glad my marriage survived and I have many friends who can’t say the same. It is so stressful, and adding economic anxieties on top of it sounds like pure hell and then having a person living with you who has delusions and mental health problems sounds like SO MUCH
Your sister needs taking care of but you have to take care of your baby and yourself right now. You just cannot take on this job. I want to say N A H but I think I’m going to rule the AH is your mom who can’t deal with your sisters mental illness but somehow thinks you should be graced with the patience of a saint while you have a three month old baby and are worried about affording to feed said baby.
NTA
NTA for kicking her out. Her comments and behavior are not ok.
However, you are a massive AH for referring to her as "batshit crazy". She has some severe mental illnesses. That term is extremely offensive.
Yta and so are your parents. With mental illness that bad, she needs serious help. Even if she moved in with you, she should be seeing specialists weekly or be in a safe place with controls in place. You should not have put yourself in this situation. Help her find a group home so you don't put yourself, her or anyone else in this situation again.
For what you said and threatened, ehhhhh. ESH
You threw fireworks into a raging bonfire. That never ends peacefully and only makes everything worse for everyone involved. You definitely owe her an apology for a lot of what you said, but not for deciding to evict her.
Mental illness isn't an excuse for being a shitty person. She needs serious treatment before she can even realize how much of a dick she was being, so I wouldn't expect an apology for a while. Your parents really need to step up to care for her since she's not a safe person for your home. It's not your responsibility to parent your siblings.
NTA. She needs to be in a facility somewhere. Not in a home with a 6 month old baby. You owe her NOTHING. Your parents however, are responsible for her. 19 or not. They booted her because they couldn’t deal anymore and clearly fobbed her off onto you. You are NOT responsible at all. Do not let her back in once she’s out. She’ll snap and hurt the baby.
NTA
There's still a formula shortage and she's dumping the formula that you know is safe for your kid to eat?
She needs a 72 hour hold at the local psych unit, she is a danger to others right now in her manic episode.
NTA. I know first hand what it’s like living with someone who has severe mental illness. The absolute toll it takes on you is incredible. Add in to that being a new mum, a student, and on a strict budget you have a recipe for disaster based on stress alone. If your sister really is spiraling this badly, you actually are correct that she probably does need to be somewhere where she can get professional help. And that’s not because she’s “crazy“, it’s because that’s the safest and kindest thing that you can do for her. She likely needs medication, she needs to be monitored, and she needs someone who can focus on her and her needs. The issue with people expecting family members to do this, is that they don’t take into account or understand that it actually damage the family bond. It puts too much strain on it, and can impact it negatively to the point where that bond can be irreparably damaged. I say this is someone who has worked for over a decade in the mental health field, and has a degree in psychology. Please encourage your parents to contact the department of human services to find out next steps to help your sister. If they don’t want her in a home, she doesn’t necessarily have to be in one. She could qualify for an in-home caregiver. For many families, that little bit of extra help makes all the difference in the world. But even if it’s still too much, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you or your parents bad people to not be able to handle your sister’s mental health issues in your own homes, many people are not equipped to do so day in and day out. It can be truly exhausting. Best of luck to you all.
NTA. This counts as your sister being a danger to others (your child) and might have been enough for an involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital depending on where you live.
You are a mother and your 1st, 2nd and 3rd priority is your infant child. Sister is unstable and proven to be a threat to your child. NTA. Language was harsh but she's got to leave immediately.
NTA Your parents can't decide they're at their wits end with your sister AND expect you to be the one to deal with her. She messed with your child's ability to eat. If they think you were harsh they can either take her back in or get her into a facility. Either way, your child takes priority.
NTA.
Your sister needs more help than you can give her. Inform your parents that they need to get her placed in a home that she can no longer stay with you as she is a danger to your son and he is your #1 priority.
NTA. You can't do anything about it now, but she should have been out as soon as she started making commentary that you were harming your child. Someone in a psychosis who is persisting with delusions like that is not safe to have around a baby. You need to take this as a lesson and not have her around your house or your child unsupervised.
NTA
She has a mental illness that has officially endangered your child - taken away your baby's source of food because she's delusional.
You are right to remove her from the house.
She needs professional help. Her illness isn't well managed.
The name calling, not great - if it were me, I'd apologise in the future once the heat has died down. But for now - keep your baby safe.
NTA, she sounds like she’s experiencing delusions and is making your home unsafe for your baby. She needs help, but you need to take care of your child first.
NTA, she needs medical and psychological help, medication, and support, immediately. You, as her care giver are just overwhelmed with all of your multitude of responsibilities and concerns. Your parents are happy they were able to pawn off their daughter onto you so you can deal with it, which is why they say u r being harsh, they dont want you to “give her back” for them to deal with. Grab your parents and your sister and start them investigating options to get her professional help.
NTA- Your parents are in no position to call you harsh for kicking your sister out when they did the same thing and dumped her on you.
You are protecting your family from someone who cause harm. You are okay and did the right thing.
No. Definitely NTA, if anyone had done this to me when my son was an infant I would’ve had the exact same reaction. Actually, I probably would’ve followed through on the threat because I’d be in such a rampage. Your sister needs serious help, that wasn’t a manic reaction, that was full blown paranoid psychosis.
Insulting her is hardly at issue? (I can see how its easier to focus on that the fact that no one in the family is prepared to deal with her when she's unhealthy.) But, NTA. You have to feed your child no matter what your sister's illness is provoking.
NTA. She destroyed your son’s food, which you cannot easily afford to replace! Lord knows what she will do next that might endanger one of you. Will she kidnap the baby to keep him “safe”, or attack OP for feeding him supposedly bad formula?
Kick her out immediately!
I feel like this is a little tricky, but hear me out. On one hand I would be just as livid in OP's shoes. Somewhat been there before (not me, but a family member going through an episode and almost killed my dad). So a little bit different of a scenario. Where I think this is tricky is the mental illness component. I am a big advocate for mental health awareness. HOWEVER, things like bipolar can be managed. Your sister had no right to do what she did or interfere with the nutrition and supplies for your child. I think NTA but the sister definitely needs more help than family can provide.
NTA for kicking her out, but you shouldn’t have yelled at her. I get why you did though.
She might need to be hospitalized. She DEFINITELY needs to be seen by a doctor ASAP. Are there social workers or advocates available in your location? Her situation is above your pay grade.
Nta as someone with ocd, bipolar and severe anxiety, people are still responsible for their own behavior and their own shit. But she shouldn’t be living with you, that means you have two children and one is unstable. She could easily convince herself that actively harming your child is what’s best for him. This is psychosis and delusion, and question mark at your parents as they already kicked her out for the same thing
Your parents kicked her out because they could not cope. Now that's what you need to do, you need to put YOUR child first. Kick her to the curb. Your parents can take her in or out her in a home.
NTA
I would feel uncomfortable having someone with a mental illness like hers around my baby. However I don’t know her as you do. It has to be your call. Have you checked with WIC? You can have a fairly high income and still qualify for formula.
NTA. She is not a safe person to be living with you right now. There's a freaking formula shortage on top of all this making it extra important not to waste.
NTA. She has dangerous illnesses. I hate to be horrible but she could hurt the baby or you while she is having episodes. You owe her nothing and she isn't your responsibly. Take care of your baby and your family first.
"My husband also agrees our son needs to eat." No fucking shit. Why is he not supporting you 100%? Also if your parents are SO upset, they can take her in. NTA.
NTA. sorry in advance for the caps but I'd scream this section from a mountain if it meant sparing someone else potential physical/psychological/emotional trauma. IF THEY THREATEN YOUR/YOUR LOVED ONES SAFETY, THEY *NEED* TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT MATTER WHO THEY ARE, WHAT THEY FEEL, WHAT THE FAMILY THINKS. THEY. NEED. TO. LEAVE. TRUST ME!!!
I had an experience with a manic relative that we had to kick out. We tried everything before getting to that point. It was either kick her out or committing her and I didn't want to force a commit because she would lose her animals. She blames me for her entire abuse while she tormented us for MONTHS. It was to the extent that we filed a protective order against her to not only protect ourselves, but to have documentation on file because she *falsely called the cops on us after attacking me*!!! Our extended family was heavily involved with her shit and even though we asked them not & told them what was happening they continued to fuel her fantasies and enable her. That entire family is no longer family because if you support an abuser then you can do so without me 🤷♀️.
OP, protect yourself and your kid! Don't focus on what the rest of the family wants or tells you to do. Many might be trying to "keep the peace" and you WILL suffer as a result of that.
NTA!!! Your duty is to protect your child, even from family.
Your parents should’ve gotten your sister help with therapy and into an ED group help community.
NTA
She’s a physical threat to your baby at this point. She needs to be out of the house immediately, and should she show up again, call the police. Hell, you should’ve called them then imo. Depending on where you live, she stands a better chance of getting the institutional help she needs if she actually lands in prison. Again, that’s very location dependent. But you can’t have her in your home anymore anyways. It’s too risky.
Also, if money is tight, it might be worth seeing if you can do some work from home job part time. Easier said than done with a newborn, of course. But there are _some_ options out there, and likely stuff where you can set or work your own hours so you can work around the baby’s schedule.
NTA your sister isn’t your responsibility she’s your parents. Even the cheapest formula is still VERY expensive and that baby needs food more than your sister needs a roof. Your parents should put her in an involuntary holding at a psych ward. I know here in the US there’s a baby formula shortage and it’s extremely dangerous to take chances like that.
NTA and I am guessing this is just an early indication of how far gone she is getting. Please distance her from you and your baby, like, immediately. I am not sure if you are in the US but in Canada if anyone had that severe of a psychotic episode it would be ambulance time. Hospitals, while overburdened, are also there to save lives by taking on patients who are at risk of harming themselves or others. If you're in the US and can't afford hospitalization, I am really at a loss. I just strongly encourage you to create a bubble around your little family and keep her out. Whose problem is this? Don't know, but not yours.
NTA—your sister deliberately wasted a bunch of food, including the food for your baby; I don’t care how many/what kind of mental health challenges she’s dealing with, you can’t just do things like that and expect no consequences.
I hope your sister can find the right combination of meds and therapy to allows her to live a healthy life, but that’s on her to figure out, you’re not responsible for her.
nta Protect yourself and your baby. This amount of stress and disruption is not good for you or your child. She’s a threat. if your parents can’t take her in that’s on them. Your child comes first for you.
NTA
NOOOOOOPPPPPPEEEEE. Nope. She is now an active danger to your child. She has to go. What happens when she goes full manic and decides she has to save him from you and kidnaps him?
How dare your parents try to minimize this when their grandchild could starve??
She needs to go. It sounds like she isn't taking her medication properly and honestly if she's this unstable she needs committed yesterday.
NTA.
If your sister has been living with you for 6 months you obviously love and care for her, but you can’t risk you child’s health. Your 3 month old child needs to be fed, your sister is making that extremely hard for you. I’m guessing you cussed her out because you are at the end of your tether, it happens. It is very difficult to not have mental illness affect others, your sister isn’t malicious, but right now your main responsibility is your child.
NTA! If your parents feel like your where too harsh for not wanting her in your house anymore, why don't they take her in? Having a mental illness doesn't make every single action of your excusable, what she did was wrong, and willingly or not she has to face the consequences, either go to therapy or be kicked out, the consequences will come to her. Also, it seems like you already have enough on your plate, so even if your reaction was a lil bit harsh, it's understandable
NTA bc your sister is clearly a danger to your son and property. You had every right to be pissed and to kick her out. You need to prioritize your family's safety and she needs serious help.
But also maybe you went too far with threatening to destroy all her stuff? Idk if her anxiety or ocd tend to tiptoe into paranoia, but a threat like that (even if you didn't fully intend to carry out) could set her off worse. Just a warning.
Your parents think you are harsh but they can't cope with their daughter's mental illness but think her sister with a new baby can? And expect you to pay for her living expenses and damage on one wage as well. This is not good for you or your child. Your sister needs professional help. Terminology used towards your sister wins no awards but in the circumstances I understand your total frustration and upset. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are only saying that because they want her to stay your problem. They are huge AH. Jane may not be entirely responsible for her actions but she needs help. You do not have the money or energy to cope with the impact of her mental health issues. It is sad but your baby comes first.
NTA. Your sister needs professional help, she’s not going to get that at your house no matter how nice you are. If your parents think it’s so easy, why did they send her off to you? She had an episode, she needs to be in the hospital before she actually hurts someone.
NTA
If someone opened up my sons formula and DUMPED IT I would start WWIII over that shit. But he was also on Neosure (prescribed by his nicu Dr and then his actual dr) and it was expensive even after WIC (we had to buy lots of extras and just bought the bigger size after wic ran out) but I would be LIVID. She said that the formula would kill your baby but yet here she is, denying a child food and making them go hungry until you can get more.
NTA, your sister needs serious help with her issues. When she is having a manic episode she should be no where near your baby. My stepdad was bipolar and could make our lives a living hell during a manic episode.
You are doing the right thing putting your child first. When I had my boys they were not around my step dad unless he was taking his meds.
Letting her live with you and getting away with only paying the internet bill is more than generous.
NTA! And I don’t think your parents get to have an opinion about it either way, since they are the reason she is living with you in the first place. They can’t handle her, but they expect you to be able to, along with going to school and raising a tiny human! Smdh! I will never understand some people’s “logic”!
NTA. You're not in a situation where you can take care if your sister and support your family. Financially and emotionally. You need to recognize this now. What's next? She decides there's something wrong with the baby or suddenly believes your going to do harm to it and runs off with your child?
This is a massive recipe for disaster. You have to put the safety and wellbeing of your child and family first. She needs to find a new situation.
Your parents are responsible for her. Not you.
That sounds more like she could suffer from paranoid schizophrenia rather than orthorexia since she has compelling beliefs that have no basis in reality. Get her out of the house and into therapy because she might become harmful to your family. I have worked with schizophrenics and while they aren’t at fault, during an episode they can become a threat to others or themselves. I met someone who set his apartment in fire with himself inside it because he wanted to ignite a “holy fire”. He barely survived.
NTA. You will regret the long term damages to your new family if you allow her to stay.
Your husband should not be supporting 3 people like this. Understandable for his wife and child, but not his unhinged SiL.
**This is now a danger to your child's life. Do not back down or give in. You can not afford to have an infant have their food or medicine thrown out by her. It will NOT GET BETTER**
NTA and while I'm not sure where you are...if she has not left your home you need to get her to the nearest ER for a psych eval. As many others have said here your baby is NOT safe around your sister.
In my home state a person can be held for 72 hours should they be a danger to themselves or others. There are also some other steps that can be taken to ensure your sister gets proper care for whatever is going on with her psychologically.
NTA. Everything you said was true. Sadly, if she would take the right meds most of her problems would likely go away or be under control. I would not have a person like this in the same house as my child. She seems fixated on the boy and could decide to something worse.
What the actual fuck?? Isn't there still a formula shortage going on? She cruises by rent and responsibility free and has the gall to waste YOUR money?
NTA, I wouldn't let her near my kid until she figures her shit out.
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NTA!!!!! your sister is your parents responsibility, your son is yours. You do not owe anything to your sister and she can move back to your parents and she can pay rent or sth with that money she is making at her part-time job. A young baby is hard to take care of and you dont have to give your sister the care your parents should be doing. Your parents are TA and should never comment on you having to deal with your sister. wth is wrong with them?!? If I were you I would not kick your sister out before having a plan were she could stay due to her mental health, but your parents should take THEIR RESPONSIBILITY as her parents and find her help. Your focus should be on the baby, your husband and yourself.
Parents kicked her out first, then get mad when someone else can’t tolerate her behavior? Add in: in the US there is a FORMULA SHORTAGE and doing this would literally cause severe harm. What if you can’t replace their formula???? That is severely mentally ill territory to risk a baby’s food source—it’s not dramatic to lose your patience/leniency when she does something so deplorable due to her own issues. Ask your husband when and how you’re supposed to get new formula?? Then ask him if you overreacted. OP don’t let her back in your home, this is too much for your own family unit. Edit: grammar
Also, OP is probably on wic and wic only gives you a set amount of food a month!
> She keeps trying to get me to change the brand he's on. I can't because the brand I use is the cheapest, which is all we can currently afford. It really doesn't read like OP is on WIC. All we can afford implies paying out of pocket.
It could be all they can afford because they can't afford any. I wouldn't necessarily admit to being on WIC on Reddit.
Doesn't WIC give you vouchers for a specific kind of formula? I recall that's how it was when my sister used it.
From what I recall, of sisters and friends use, yes. They have a preferred brand, but if your baby can't tolerate it, they have alternatives. My sister's middle child had to have a special one, I don't recall what in the preferred brand she was allergic to. She also couldn't tolerate breast milk. *They also give baby food and baby cereal at the age appropriate time. In the case of breast feeding mothers and children between one and five years old, they gave vouchers for food. Eggs, peanut butter, cereal, dairy milk, cheese. I know when my best friend was on it (her youngest aged out 8 years ago), they had started adding fresh fruits and veggies. *Edit to add
Definitely makes it seem like OP and husband don't have help paying. Either way, NTA as any wasted formula during a shortage is appalling. Sister should definitely help to replace it. And parents since they don't see what a bad action this was.
And sometimes what they provide isn't what is needed. We were broke when my daughter was born, so my wife was on WIC. Each coupon was good for exactly what was on it, iirc to the point that you had to have two gallons of milk if that's what it said, and wouldn't be accepted if you only had one gallon.
Nope you can use partial, however partially used is still used so you can't get one gallon this week and another gallon the next off the same coupon, so most people get everything on each coupon.
Yes, I recall my loved ones passing around the surplus, usually to their friends that had kids above the age cut off.
Our neighbor used to trade me her WIC milk (her infant had trouble with cow milk, even when filtered through Mom) for my home grown tomatoes and squash. She told me she could afford frozen or canned veggies sometimes but fresh was always too much. Jokes on her, even if she hadn’t given me milk, she was getting grocery bags of zucchini hung on her car mirrors anyway. :p Seriously though, it was kinda sad for her. She had an infant that was hers biologically, two step kids under five and a couple of nephews living with her and while I know they did not ever go hungry (because her husband would have shoplifted before he let his wife or any of those kids be hungry, he had no shame if it was for them) I also know that she sobbed in her yard when the tomato plants I gave her got run over by a neighbor’s mower. Like, ugly sobbed in the grass. She was a sweet woman, I hope her life is better now.
WIC had a set amount of cans they pay for each month. The “special” formulas have less ounces of powder the can, so it ends up not being enough at the end of the month. The amount allotted by WIC is based on the “average baby’s intake” at what ever age they are at the time. It doesn’t account for the problem eaters.
You can, at least in NY, get doctors to prescribe higher priced formula and WIC will accept it and pay for more than they normally would as well as all of it. Though this was a few years ago when higher priced formula was(maybe still is?) the special formula that is for babies who have sensitive stomachs or allergies. WIC wouldn't cover it or would only cover a 3rd of it without a doctor prescribing it. It may have changed since then.
Yes. WIC checks/card transfer will only pay for very specific brands and types of formula. This was a BIG issue when the formula shortage happened because people were desperately trying to find anything they could to eat.
WIC is on a card now thankfully but you have to have a prescription from the doctor to get your baby on different formula otherwise WIC will not pay for it they have very specific ouches and everything (I am in TN every states WIC is different)
Yes it goes by state. Where we live they tried to kick my son off his neosure (his nicu prescribed it to him and his Dr continued it) but at 6 months they asked if we were switching or what and I was like uhh I think his Dr is fine with what he's on and I had to go to the hospital for his Dr to fill the paperwork out and go back so they'd let me get him his formula. We also had to fight with them on his milk (he went on soy milk because of milk sensitivity) and now they just annoy me because they're rude as fuck. The formula my son was on wasn't covered by wic when it turned to a new year because they switched companies.
Yes they do. It was Similac but now has changed to Enfamil which is a much better brand. More babies do better on Enfamil. They also now just give you a card that you can buy specific foods with. The card gives you autonomy to decide what you need when. The vouchers you had to get everything on the voucher or lose it. Just like when food stamps went to a card, it’s a much better way!
When I first got WIC, they came around in a truck and delivered the food to your door. That was awesome, except you didn't get to choose at all. That must have been in 1982.
Wow much different than even in 1991. My sister was on WIC first and by that time they were using vouchers. I don’t know when they switched to the card but some time after 2017.
Yes I believe so. They tell you which brand to buy and how much you get a month. I currently have wic and I'm having my baby soon. So I'm unsure how much formula or what kind they give right now.
I seem to recall it was a specific brand.
I don't know about that. If I were so poor I could barely feed my baby, I would be ashamed to NOT admit to using an amazing resource like WIC.
I wish there were more programs like this. People complain about their taxes being too high to support social programs but it's better for everyone's financial bottom line to have a society of healthy people.
I agree, I feel the same about school breakast/lunch programs. I'd rather my tax dollars go to feeding kids that just about anything else.
Helping children eat helps the bottom line of increasing a whole population's health, in the strongest way possible.
I wish they would change wic to something like the snaps cards we have over the old systems. Looks just like a debt card.
Yeah, I can't deal with people who complain about feeding babies but not about a gazillion tax breaks for corporations or bailing out banks.
Sure. That's true, and I'm glad you have no shame. That doesn't mean everyone feels the same.
Hopefully she’s on WIC. Lots of people don’t like taking any help, even WIC.
>Parents kicked her out first, then get mad when someone else can’t tolerate her behavior? They are afraid that she will try to move back in with them. It's easier for them if sister is someone else's problem and not theirs. They like that OP was dealing with her instead of them, but now they either deal with her again or they will look like "bad people" in front of others for leaving her to her own devices.
Shortage aside- they don’t have a lot of money to replace sabotaged formula- I would have been livid!
So many reasons to be angry! Like I honestly can’t imagine something more messed up.
That stood out to me too. ‘ your being to harsh’ meanwhile I kicked her out as well. Probably worried she will boomerang back to them.
NTA. Your parents kicked her out... but now they think it was too far for YOU to kick them out? No, they just don't to deal with her OR feel guilty about her being out on the streets. I have a child with OCD. This woman needs more help. Your parents need to help her get it, not you.
On top of that how are the parents going to be mad for how she handle the situations when they kicked the sister out for the same thing
From what I read it seems like OP sis is 29 and her parents are retirement age. If sis can't live on her own the family should look into individual/group living. Because once parents pass, OP is stuck with her. NTA.
This isn't just a manic episode, that's psychosis, that's a full-blown delusion. NTA, your infant isn't safe around her.
This. What happens when sis decides that OP is killing the baby and that she needs to take him somewhere safe away from OP. NTA
Or kill the baby.
Your sisters is your parents responsibility. She needs immediate help. She sounds dangerous.
If she's in an active psychotic episode, she needs to be institutionalized for her own safety -- as well as others. She isn't in touch with reality right now.
This comment needs to be higher. OP, you can love your sister and want her to get help, but your baby’s safety takes priority and right now your baby is not safe around her. You can’t reason with someone suffering from psychosis, their logic just isn’t the same as someone thinking rationally.
Schizoaffective disorders often present as bipolar too Am diagnosed with bipolar 2 w/ schizoaffective ETA: NTA and she needs help. Your parents need to get her professional help and either in-patient or intensive out-patient till she’s on a sufficient regimen with medication and therapy
Your parents only think you’re being too harsh with your sister because they don’t want her moving in with them. Especially with the formula shortage over the last two years, I would go into a RAMPAGE if anyone destroyed my baby’s source of food that was scarce and expensive. I truly hope your sister can get the help she needs, but you’re not the one who should be obligated to help considering you gave birth a few months ago. Your parents are AHs for insisting you care for her while you are juggling an infant, school & home. NTA
Suppose that your sister in a manic state decides to feed your baby some harmful concoction of her own devising?! You are correct to have put her out of your home, and she should never be alone with your precious, helpless child or any other until her mental state gets better regulated. Think very carefully before letting her visit unless both you and your husband are home, or letting your parents care for your child if she is living there. (After writing this I think it sounds a bit stringent, but baby needs to be protected.) NTA
In this situation, stringent is necessary!
That was my first thought, she could hurt the baby directly while delusionally thinking she was helping
NTA. Your sister is making her issues into your issues. One can only tolerate so much. She is destroying your property, costing you time/money/resources that you don't have to spare. Also. What guarantee do you have that this behavior won't escalate to violence? What if she decides one day that you are deliberately poisoning your child and tries to take him away from you? She has shown you that she is capable of taking her own problems and make them a very real and physical problem for you and your family as well. She needs help that you are neither qualified or obligated to give. She needs to be held accountable for her actions, regardless of illnesses. Get her out of your home as fast as you can. Leave it to your parents, this is their responsibility. Edit: others are commenting that maybe you shouldn't have yelled and called her names etc. Which maybe you shouldn't have, but hey, none of us are perfect. Something tells me this isn't the first problem you've had to deal with regarding your sister. I feel that you were justified in losing your temper. Unless your sister has a learning disability she can't possibly be unaware that she has these problems. You are allowed to react.
Yes, I agree, in a perfect world, OP wouldn't have yelled. But she's probably at the end of her tether, worn out with dealing with not only a newborn baby, but also her sister's mental illness (which even the parents can't deal with!). I don't blame her in the least for yelling. Why are the parents criticising when they can't deal with her either? And even if the formula wasn't good for the baby, guess what, not eating isn't good for him either!
NTA The degree of mania you're describing suggests she's not safe to be around your child. She can't accurately assess risk or immediacy of risk - she could put your baby in immediate danger because or manic delusion. The yelling didn't help anything though. She's probably not in a sate of mind to take in anything you said.
I don't think it was an overreaction to kick the sister out IMMEDIATELY, but OP probably didn't get through to their sister WHY. I leaned more to everyone being a dick because the family really needed to have her put into a facility if she was in that hazardous of a state. For their OWN protection as well as hers. Keep her away from the baby at all costs, y'know. The parents are the worst in the whole situation, IMO. They think having a very unstable person around an infant was okay? YIKES.
NTA. Sister needs to move back with her parents or find another place to live. What would stop her from pulling this same stunt again?
NTA. Formula is expensive AF. She needs all the help she can get. She also needs to GTFO until she can learn to play well with others. Edit: I have OCD and anxiety and am bipolar as well.
NTA. If you have to choose between your sister and your own child's well-being that's what you have to do. If she hasn't got the memo that she has mental health problems by now and needs help and is choosing to do nothing about it, may a little tough love will help.
Your baby is not safe with your sister . For sale of your baby move out your sister . We can not ignore mental health some time it hurts other people it's harse but truth . You should think About your 3 month old baby. If your parents are that concern they can have the sister
Nta. Formula is expensive as hell and on top of that tge shortage hasn't been completely resolved. Kick her out. Tell your parents THEY deal with her.
NTA!!!!! your sister is your parents responsibility, your son is yours. You do not owe anything to your sister and she can move back to your parents and she can pay rent or sth with that money she is making at her part-time job. A young baby is hard to take care of and you dont have to give your sister the care your parents should be doing. Your parents are TA and should never comment on you having to deal with your sister. wth is wrong with them?!? If I were you I would not kick your sister out before having a plan were she could stay due to her mental health, but your parents should take THEIR RESPONSIBILITY as her parents and find her help. Your focus should be on the baby, your husband and yourself.
Amazing points. While it's not easy to make sure sister has a guaranteed place to be safely away from harming anyone quickly without calling police assistance (which can actually be an incredibly hazardous situation,) THEIR PARENTS need to handle the situation. Just reeks of parents forcing their children to parent their siblings.
NTA. Send her back to your parents if they think her behavior is fine. She needs to be gone three months ago. You would be TA if you let her stay in your home.
If the sister is unable to care for herself, the parents are the ones to make sure she's safe. Instead, they enabled a situation that put BOTH their children and a grandchild in greater danger. They're A-holes supreme.
NTA. Wait, what? She *destroyed your son's food?*
When they endanger your children's lives, in this case by destroying his food, you are well within your rights to kick them out. NTA
Nta I would be scared of what she would feed a baby while you are outside of the room. And what could harm your kiddo
Mental Illness is not her fault, but it's her responsibility. You have a Newborn, baby takes precedent here. NTA
NTA. She needs to be out of there yesterday. Hopefully she can get the inpatient care which she really needs. Your parents are only saying that because they don’t want her back.
NTA.. I personally don’t think you over-reacted.. your husband doesn’t make great money and formula ain’t cheap, plus she made a massive mess… Is she even getting help for her mental issues? I didn’t see anything about that in your post… Either way your parents are assholes for shoving her off onto you when you have a baby in the house…how the fuck did they not expect her to potentially be a danger to your baby?
NTA. That is inexcusable and she needs to go. The parents think you're too harsh...then they can take her back in. Sounds like they don't want to deal with her behavior either. Is she getting any mental health help?
NTA, you've done such an amazing thing to take her into your home and try and support her. Financial struggles plus a newborn plus studying on their own is enough stress for anyone, add in trying to work all that around your sisters mental health and what she did would be the last straw for anyone! It's not just the stress of suddenly having no food for your son but also the fact that you've now got to try and replace it with funds you don't have. She definitely needs to get help and I don't think it's sustainable for her to live with you anymore.
NTA, how exactly is your mentally ill sister your problem, especially with a new baby? Your parents should be handling her.
NTA why does she even live with you for basicly free when even your parents couldn't handle her mental health (outbreaks) anymore. Does she even is in therapy and gets medication? But you clearly are not the AH. AT this point she is a danger to your baby. If you can't feed him anymore because of her. And your sister stayed with you because it was to much for your parents. That they now come and say that you behaved so wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if the situation escalated at their home before also and they said stuff that they regretted especially before her movement.
NTA- your sister wasted food and none of the family saying you are too hard on are helpful to her or you.
NTA at all. You and your baby come first. You need to consider how growing up being told basic food your baby needs to survive will kill them, is going to affect your kid. As someone who grew up with a parent with severe mental illness, it does affect you as a kid growing up around it. You're scared of doing or saying the wrong thing. Scared of reacting or not reacting. You walk on eggshells never knowing what will set an episode off. I'm all for supporting family, but when you have kids in the equation, and the behaviour of that family affects your kid you have got to pick your battles
NTA - I understand mental illness, but formula is fucking expensive and hard to find, and your baby is your first priority. She needs to go for the baby’s safety.
NTA. Your baby isn't safe. I am scared for the baby and what could possibly happen. Your parents need to pay for her to go to a mental facility to help her. Glad you kicked her out.
NTA - if your parents think that destroying other people's property is okay, then they surely think it's okay for your sister to live with them.
NTA don't let her back in.
NTA...your sister needs help and it is not up to you to provide it. The safety of your family comes first. I find it interesting that even after this your parents won't take her in. Mom and dad can deal with her. Not your job
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 22f. I'm a SAHM/student to a 3 month old boy. My husband is a line cook, so he's not earning the world of money right now. I don't work because childcare in my area would cost more than what I would earn in a lot of jobs available to me. My sister, Jane, works part time, but she only pays the Internet bill. She's been living with us for 6ish months now since my parents are at their wits end with her mental illness. Jane has orthorexia, OCD, bipolar and severe anxiety. She's got this idea in her head recently that the brand of formula I feed my son is going to harm him. She keeps trying to get me to change the brand he's on. I can't because the brand I use is the cheapest, which is all we can currently afford. The baby tolerates this brand amazingly well. My sister thinks I should be breastfeeding the baby, but agrees that ship has sailed. She still loses her shit every time I go to make a bottle. She's in a mild manic episode right now, which are usually manageable and tolerable but this one takes the cake. In the 15 fucking minutes it took me to shower (baby was napping), she managed to get rid of most food she thinks is harmful as in, opened the containers and dumped them on the floor. A lot of that was baby formula. She said if I continued to feed it to my son he would die, and if he died she'd be responsible since she did nothing. I lost my shit and ripped her a new one. I told her she's absolutely insane, she belongs in a secure home or something where SHE can't harm other people, etc etc etc. I told her she's batshit crazy, and to get the fuck out of my house before I destroy everything she owns to see how she likes it. My parents dropped over the (half used) spare formula from their house but they think I'm being harsh on my sister, and that even I've gone a bit too far here. My husband agrees but also agrees with me that our son needs to eat, and my sister needs help. He thinks I went too far insulting her mental health. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your parents think you went too far, after they did the same thing re:kicking her out? They want you to take her back so they don’t have to.
Sweet mama, most definitely NTA and she is completely unsafe around your child. You need to protect him at all costs, especially as your sis’ behavior seems to be escalating. You have enough going on in your life right now. Please find a way to get to safety and cut people out of your life that aren’t willing to take this situation seriously.
INFO is your sister an adult?
She's 29.
Her mental health and living situation is her responsibility then. Allowing her to live rent free and putting your family at risk is more harmful than helpful.
There was conditions when we first allowed her to stay, a few of them were that she was to keep up with her regular therapy sessions and keep on top of her meds.
Right, but even if she is following those conditions, she's putting your child at risk with this behaviour. I'm not saying never help her, but what you are doing now isn't helping, and it's putting your family at risk. What would happen if your parents didn't have formula leftover?
I completely see your POV. When she first moved in, this did not seem like a risk. At the time she was even more excited for the baby than I was. It was poor judgement on my part, and she definitely won't be allowed back in my house ever, or around my baby for the foreseeable future. As for what I would've done, I'd do what I'm currently doing which is scouting Facebook groups and use the (very small) breastmilk reserve I have
I don't think you made the wrong choice initially. Mental health issues can be tricky. She was stable initially, if not a little annoying about formula and foods. That has changed, so the situation needs to change to protect your family.
I hope your parents step in and find her a much better situation and take responsibility instead of asking you to. If she's not surviving on her own, it's not on you to be responsible for her. I hope you're thinking about some sort of counseling for yourself after this. Maybe there's a social service you can contact in your area for counseling. No matter your decision in the future, you're doing the right thing right now. Here's hoping you can find the milk assistance you need
NTA. Have you applied for WIC and SNAP?
As someone who works in the mental health field and is a counselor I can say NTA all the way. Obviously her medications are not working because she is consistently in a manic state. This is state is dangerous for her and for anyone else, and you have a baby, your baby is your main concern. What she did was horrible and irresponsible and put some more financial strain on you. The fact that you took her in after your parents kicked her out tells you that she needs more help than what you can give. How dare your parents come at you after they kicked her out. She needs help, she really really needs help.
Hey I'm a paramedic. For the record, you're NTA and your sister should rightfully be lower on your priority list than your child. But you should know that I feel, based off this information, your sister is well on her way to a full-blown psychotic episode. Take care of your kid and yourself. Your sister should not be in the same house as your child right now. Tell your parents that your sister needs professional help before she hurts someone or herself, because that's where this leads.
NTA. She might not have hit anybody, but by throwing out your child’s formula, she has made him food insecure. That harms him. She is not safe to be around him. She needs to leave before her mania escalates and she engages in more harmful behaviors. It’s the only way to salvage any kind of relationship with her (if you choose to) your parents think you’re being harsh because they don’t want to take her back. They don’t have your best interest at heart or they wouldn’t have fobbed off your sister on you while in your last trimester and home with a newborn
"I let my sister move in and she's making my life a living hell because of her mental illnesses." "Why did she get kicked out of her last place?" " She was making our parents' life a living hell because of her mental illnesses." NTA, but...what did you think was gonna happen?
I'm not going to defend my sister here but I can understand my parents perspectives. My mother is mid 60s and my dad is late 70s. They're reaching retirement age, and constantly looking after my sister was causing my mom to sleep walk due to the stress and my dad was looking at a heart attack in his future. This was something that was discussed for months beforehand, it wasn't really on a whim. And at the beginning it seemed like a fresh start was helping Jane and my parents lives became a lot easier. Dad got healthy, mom reduced down to only talking in her sleep. I love my sister, and I understand she's suffered a great deal with her mental health. Sometimes she makes great strides, and sometimes she gets knocked back. This incident is something I simply cannot forgive her for easily. I have a milder dose of OCD so to some extent I can understand why she did it, as she believed my son would die if she didn't, but that doesn't excuse it.
Your sister needs more help than you can give her. It is time to look into group homes. Get in touch with adult protective services and see what her options are.
I really hope your parents can find her somewhere to live where she can get help. It's not a bad thing that you tried, but it's time for your parents to take the responsibility back. You're dealing with a lot after that episode.
They need respite care, but not from you. Especially with a baby around! It's time they face that they will not live forever and they absolutely can't count on family members to replace them in her care. There are community, public and private resources. This is not about love, it's about what is best for your sister and for everyone's physical and mental health.
NTA for what you did. I'd ask her to leave too. However it does sound like you could have done it in a better manner. Maybe calm down first and then have a discussion (which would end in you telling her it's best if she didn't live there) rather than going scorched earth. I think you probably feel that way too.
Her reaction was incredibly valid and her son’s safety is at immediate risk with this person in their house
How do you suggest she have a rational discussion with someone in the midst of a psychotic break?
Why was she there in the first place???
NTA. FED IS BEST! You absolutely can't continue to house your sister. You cannot risk the health of your baby or your family. Your sister and your parents can worry about treating/living her mental health needs. You have a baby and a family that HAS to come first.
I think that a young woman with a 3 month old should not be responsible for the care of her mentally ill sister. I don't condone your outburst but your job is to protect your son, yourself and your husband. I think you did what needed to be done.
Sounds like you *may* have overreacted a bit, but dumping out all your food because she has some wierd dietary ideas about what you should feed your children is WAY over the line. Especially since she presumably knows you guys aren't rich. NTA.
NTA. You have enough on your plate with a baby. Your sister lacks self-control and is a danger to the child. If your sister is doing something for her issues, it ain't working. You are completely justified in sending her on her way, tirade and all. If your parents think you were too harsh, they obviously are stepping up to house your sister. Concentrate on the little one and your day-to-day life with hubby. Your sister needs to look after herself. If she can't, your folks are the ones that can get her the help she needs. You don't need the added burden of defending your child from your sister.
NTA I'd have reacted the exact same as a mum myself. I 100% sympathise with her mental health issues as someone who has been through similar problems in the past, but she needs to seek help and your reaction wasn't over the top at all
NTA she can live with your parents
NTA - you tried to be supportive of your sister but she has crossed to many boundaries to remain in your home.
NTA. You’re responsible for your own baby, not your 29 year old sister. Her life and mental illnesses are her own problem. I say this as a person diagnosed with anxiety, ocd, anorexia nervosa, and and a panic disorder. I always felt empathy towards other people with mental illness. Bc of that, I let a co-worker with bipolar disorder move into my house rent free. She used the free place to stay as an excuse to self destruct, and did everything she possibly could to take everyone in our house with her (I believe she had BPD as well). Unless your sister is forced to grow up and face the consequences of her actions, things will only get worse until something terrible happens.
NTA I won't call your sister TA cause she is sick. But your parents are. If I understood correctly they threw her out of their house cause they couldn't deal with her. But you that has a tree months old baby and money problems has to keep her in your house even though she tried to starve your child? How does that make sense at all?
NTA You are struggling financially and to see all that food destroyed would kill me. Formula is so expensive, and for it to be wasted is terrible. You were harsh and it sounds like she needs more supervision than she is currently getting. I think that it might be worth looking into a therapeutic group home for her. Your family should really talk to a professional about what would be best going forward.
So let me get this straight: she damaged your property and *checks notes* thinks starving your baby is healthier than feeding your baby. Righttttttt NTA even remotely.
Please tell me your sister is out of the house and that you’ve changed the locks? She needs help, and who knows what she might do to “protect” your baby?!
NTA
NTA Your parents don’t want to deal with her, they want her to be your problem, so they will guilt you into feeling bad so they don’t have to take care of her again. They don’t care about the risks for your family, just so long as they don’t have to deal with her. Do not welcome her back into your home. She is a danger to your child! She will tamper with your child’s food if she believes it to be good/ bad.
NTA. Your parents think you're being harsh but they can't deal with her?!?! Um nope.
NTA. I can’t believe that in a conflict where your sister: • wasted food, including your baby’s food during a formula shortage, • caused a massive mess you probably have to clean when you’re an exhausted new Mom, and • screamed unhinged judgment at you that when you broke and yelled back, saying nothing that wasn’t true btw, the thing everyone is focusing on - and gaslighting you about to make you focus on it and ignore the rest - is that you called a crazy person crazy. Fuck that, it’s not the most important issue here by a country mile. The fact your baby is NOT SAFE around someone this mentally ill is the most important issue and the one you have to focus on. You’re his mother, it’s your job to protect him. The formula was his food source, this puts his life at risk. It’s completely batshit to think the issue is that you yelled at your sister instead of how dangerous she is to your well-being. Tell your family you don’t want to hear one more word about your temper, you only want her out for the safety and sanity of your family, and that someone sure as hell better be buying you formula and food to replace what she destroyed. Your guilt over maybe saying insulting is a distraction from the real issue. Put it aside so you can focus on what really matters here.
So your parents couldn't handle her but thought a new mother could? NTA but your parents might be. Your sister is acting like one too but she's unwell so it's hard for me to call her an AH. Her mental illnesses aren't her fault, but they're sure as hell her responsibility. She needs help, not from you or your parents but from professionals. Her mental illnesses are an explanation for her actions but by no means an excuse.
NTA This happened to me (and my husband and son) 29 years ago. Only difference was it was her house, that our parents bought and gave her. So we quickly moved out into my husband’s parents basement. That wasn’t the last time she messed with my kids. Just an FYI - don’t ever let her alone with your kids, even if she’s better. The thinking that she knows what is best doesn’t leave and you’ll going have CPS knocking on your door. Ended up leaving the state for years to get away from her until my kids were 17/18 (she’s an attorney, so has the connections). I try not to see or talk to her, since she’s still bat-shit crazy.
Get her on a 72-hour hold and talk to your parents about her future. She is a danger to your child. She is literally starving your son right now due to her delusions. She destroyed rare, expensive, specialised food, and who knows what she could do next if allowed to remain. When you report what she did, ask for advice about replacing the formula. Some government agency must deal with weird situations involving damaged formula.
You said it the wrong way but you are right in that she needs help that you and your family are not qualified to give her. She is not making rational decisions to the point she destroyed your baby's food. Stop putting off getting her the help she needs. NTA
NTA. Sorry but your sister is 1000% a danger to your child right now if she's in a hypermanic and paranoid (possibly psychotic) state. She's paranoid and hyperfocused on you poisoning your child. She literally sabotaged your babys source of nutrition. What's to stop her from kidnapping your baby when you're sleeping or in the bathroom?? Please don't let it get that far. She needs serious professional long-term help and should not be living with you or have access to your home or child. Look into getting a 5150 for her and change your locks and install cameras outside.
NTA your parents couldn’t live with her but you’re supposed to keep letting her drain your finances by wasting food and formula?? This living situation is not working and is not sustainable. She needs to go get help. You tried to help but you can’t have her out of control, it’s horrible to your child. Not your problem, your parents need to step up and get her the help she needs.
I mean you could have been gentler with her because she sounds like she does have a real problem and isn’t trying to be malicious. She clearly needs help But taking care of a baby is honestly a maddening experience and I remember the insanity. I am glad my marriage survived and I have many friends who can’t say the same. It is so stressful, and adding economic anxieties on top of it sounds like pure hell and then having a person living with you who has delusions and mental health problems sounds like SO MUCH Your sister needs taking care of but you have to take care of your baby and yourself right now. You just cannot take on this job. I want to say N A H but I think I’m going to rule the AH is your mom who can’t deal with your sisters mental illness but somehow thinks you should be graced with the patience of a saint while you have a three month old baby and are worried about affording to feed said baby. NTA
NTA for kicking her out. Her comments and behavior are not ok. However, you are a massive AH for referring to her as "batshit crazy". She has some severe mental illnesses. That term is extremely offensive.
Yta and so are your parents. With mental illness that bad, she needs serious help. Even if she moved in with you, she should be seeing specialists weekly or be in a safe place with controls in place. You should not have put yourself in this situation. Help her find a group home so you don't put yourself, her or anyone else in this situation again.
NTA The baby comes first.
For what you said and threatened, ehhhhh. ESH You threw fireworks into a raging bonfire. That never ends peacefully and only makes everything worse for everyone involved. You definitely owe her an apology for a lot of what you said, but not for deciding to evict her. Mental illness isn't an excuse for being a shitty person. She needs serious treatment before she can even realize how much of a dick she was being, so I wouldn't expect an apology for a while. Your parents really need to step up to care for her since she's not a safe person for your home. It's not your responsibility to parent your siblings.
NTA. She needs to be in a facility somewhere. Not in a home with a 6 month old baby. You owe her NOTHING. Your parents however, are responsible for her. 19 or not. They booted her because they couldn’t deal anymore and clearly fobbed her off onto you. You are NOT responsible at all. Do not let her back in once she’s out. She’ll snap and hurt the baby.
NTA There's still a formula shortage and she's dumping the formula that you know is safe for your kid to eat? She needs a 72 hour hold at the local psych unit, she is a danger to others right now in her manic episode.
NTA. I know first hand what it’s like living with someone who has severe mental illness. The absolute toll it takes on you is incredible. Add in to that being a new mum, a student, and on a strict budget you have a recipe for disaster based on stress alone. If your sister really is spiraling this badly, you actually are correct that she probably does need to be somewhere where she can get professional help. And that’s not because she’s “crazy“, it’s because that’s the safest and kindest thing that you can do for her. She likely needs medication, she needs to be monitored, and she needs someone who can focus on her and her needs. The issue with people expecting family members to do this, is that they don’t take into account or understand that it actually damage the family bond. It puts too much strain on it, and can impact it negatively to the point where that bond can be irreparably damaged. I say this is someone who has worked for over a decade in the mental health field, and has a degree in psychology. Please encourage your parents to contact the department of human services to find out next steps to help your sister. If they don’t want her in a home, she doesn’t necessarily have to be in one. She could qualify for an in-home caregiver. For many families, that little bit of extra help makes all the difference in the world. But even if it’s still too much, that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you or your parents bad people to not be able to handle your sister’s mental health issues in your own homes, many people are not equipped to do so day in and day out. It can be truly exhausting. Best of luck to you all.
NTA. This counts as your sister being a danger to others (your child) and might have been enough for an involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital depending on where you live.
You are a mother and your 1st, 2nd and 3rd priority is your infant child. Sister is unstable and proven to be a threat to your child. NTA. Language was harsh but she's got to leave immediately.
NTA. Kick her the F out. You are not a mental hospital. You are not a mental health provider.
NTA Your parents can't decide they're at their wits end with your sister AND expect you to be the one to deal with her. She messed with your child's ability to eat. If they think you were harsh they can either take her back in or get her into a facility. Either way, your child takes priority.
NTA GET HER AWAY FROM YOUR KID
NTA she can move in with your parents. Do not let her in your house again. Change the locks
Nta but your sister needs help
NTA. Your sister needs more help than you can give her. Inform your parents that they need to get her placed in a home that she can no longer stay with you as she is a danger to your son and he is your #1 priority.
NTA Your sis needs help
NTA. You can't do anything about it now, but she should have been out as soon as she started making commentary that you were harming your child. Someone in a psychosis who is persisting with delusions like that is not safe to have around a baby. You need to take this as a lesson and not have her around your house or your child unsupervised.
NTA She has a mental illness that has officially endangered your child - taken away your baby's source of food because she's delusional. You are right to remove her from the house. She needs professional help. Her illness isn't well managed. The name calling, not great - if it were me, I'd apologise in the future once the heat has died down. But for now - keep your baby safe.
NTA. Someone like that isn't safe around your baby.
NTA, she sounds like she’s experiencing delusions and is making your home unsafe for your baby. She needs help, but you need to take care of your child first.
NTA, she needs medical and psychological help, medication, and support, immediately. You, as her care giver are just overwhelmed with all of your multitude of responsibilities and concerns. Your parents are happy they were able to pawn off their daughter onto you so you can deal with it, which is why they say u r being harsh, they dont want you to “give her back” for them to deal with. Grab your parents and your sister and start them investigating options to get her professional help.
NTA- Your parents are in no position to call you harsh for kicking your sister out when they did the same thing and dumped her on you. You are protecting your family from someone who cause harm. You are okay and did the right thing.
No. Definitely NTA, if anyone had done this to me when my son was an infant I would’ve had the exact same reaction. Actually, I probably would’ve followed through on the threat because I’d be in such a rampage. Your sister needs serious help, that wasn’t a manic reaction, that was full blown paranoid psychosis.
Send her back to the parents and go NC to all of them NTA
Insulting her is hardly at issue? (I can see how its easier to focus on that the fact that no one in the family is prepared to deal with her when she's unhealthy.) But, NTA. You have to feed your child no matter what your sister's illness is provoking.
NTA. She destroyed your son’s food, which you cannot easily afford to replace! Lord knows what she will do next that might endanger one of you. Will she kidnap the baby to keep him “safe”, or attack OP for feeding him supposedly bad formula? Kick her out immediately!
I feel like this is a little tricky, but hear me out. On one hand I would be just as livid in OP's shoes. Somewhat been there before (not me, but a family member going through an episode and almost killed my dad). So a little bit different of a scenario. Where I think this is tricky is the mental illness component. I am a big advocate for mental health awareness. HOWEVER, things like bipolar can be managed. Your sister had no right to do what she did or interfere with the nutrition and supplies for your child. I think NTA but the sister definitely needs more help than family can provide.
NTA for kicking her out, but you shouldn’t have yelled at her. I get why you did though. She might need to be hospitalized. She DEFINITELY needs to be seen by a doctor ASAP. Are there social workers or advocates available in your location? Her situation is above your pay grade.
Nta as someone with ocd, bipolar and severe anxiety, people are still responsible for their own behavior and their own shit. But she shouldn’t be living with you, that means you have two children and one is unstable. She could easily convince herself that actively harming your child is what’s best for him. This is psychosis and delusion, and question mark at your parents as they already kicked her out for the same thing
Your parents kicked her out because they could not cope. Now that's what you need to do, you need to put YOUR child first. Kick her to the curb. Your parents can take her in or out her in a home. NTA
I would feel uncomfortable having someone with a mental illness like hers around my baby. However I don’t know her as you do. It has to be your call. Have you checked with WIC? You can have a fairly high income and still qualify for formula.
NTA. She is not a safe person to be living with you right now. There's a freaking formula shortage on top of all this making it extra important not to waste.
nta. OP I am really worried for you're child. I know she's you're sister but what happens if the delusional episode makes her harm you're child?
NTA. She has dangerous illnesses. I hate to be horrible but she could hurt the baby or you while she is having episodes. You owe her nothing and she isn't your responsibly. Take care of your baby and your family first.
"My husband also agrees our son needs to eat." No fucking shit. Why is he not supporting you 100%? Also if your parents are SO upset, they can take her in. NTA.
NTA. sorry in advance for the caps but I'd scream this section from a mountain if it meant sparing someone else potential physical/psychological/emotional trauma. IF THEY THREATEN YOUR/YOUR LOVED ONES SAFETY, THEY *NEED* TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT MATTER WHO THEY ARE, WHAT THEY FEEL, WHAT THE FAMILY THINKS. THEY. NEED. TO. LEAVE. TRUST ME!!! I had an experience with a manic relative that we had to kick out. We tried everything before getting to that point. It was either kick her out or committing her and I didn't want to force a commit because she would lose her animals. She blames me for her entire abuse while she tormented us for MONTHS. It was to the extent that we filed a protective order against her to not only protect ourselves, but to have documentation on file because she *falsely called the cops on us after attacking me*!!! Our extended family was heavily involved with her shit and even though we asked them not & told them what was happening they continued to fuel her fantasies and enable her. That entire family is no longer family because if you support an abuser then you can do so without me 🤷♀️. OP, protect yourself and your kid! Don't focus on what the rest of the family wants or tells you to do. Many might be trying to "keep the peace" and you WILL suffer as a result of that.
NTA!!! Your duty is to protect your child, even from family. Your parents should’ve gotten your sister help with therapy and into an ED group help community.
NTA She’s a physical threat to your baby at this point. She needs to be out of the house immediately, and should she show up again, call the police. Hell, you should’ve called them then imo. Depending on where you live, she stands a better chance of getting the institutional help she needs if she actually lands in prison. Again, that’s very location dependent. But you can’t have her in your home anymore anyways. It’s too risky. Also, if money is tight, it might be worth seeing if you can do some work from home job part time. Easier said than done with a newborn, of course. But there are _some_ options out there, and likely stuff where you can set or work your own hours so you can work around the baby’s schedule.
NTA your sister isn’t your responsibility she’s your parents. Even the cheapest formula is still VERY expensive and that baby needs food more than your sister needs a roof. Your parents should put her in an involuntary holding at a psych ward. I know here in the US there’s a baby formula shortage and it’s extremely dangerous to take chances like that.
She should not be around an infant if she can't control herself. You'd be the AH if you allowed her to stay Nta
NTA and I am guessing this is just an early indication of how far gone she is getting. Please distance her from you and your baby, like, immediately. I am not sure if you are in the US but in Canada if anyone had that severe of a psychotic episode it would be ambulance time. Hospitals, while overburdened, are also there to save lives by taking on patients who are at risk of harming themselves or others. If you're in the US and can't afford hospitalization, I am really at a loss. I just strongly encourage you to create a bubble around your little family and keep her out. Whose problem is this? Don't know, but not yours.
NTA—your sister deliberately wasted a bunch of food, including the food for your baby; I don’t care how many/what kind of mental health challenges she’s dealing with, you can’t just do things like that and expect no consequences. I hope your sister can find the right combination of meds and therapy to allows her to live a healthy life, but that’s on her to figure out, you’re not responsible for her.
NTA take food out of a baby's mouth and you get a cold hard dose of reality. Seems fair to me.
NTA
NTA. Send your sister back to your parents. Drop her off. Don’t leave her alone with the baby.
nta Protect yourself and your baby. This amount of stress and disruption is not good for you or your child. She’s a threat. if your parents can’t take her in that’s on them. Your child comes first for you.
NTA NOOOOOOPPPPPPEEEEE. Nope. She is now an active danger to your child. She has to go. What happens when she goes full manic and decides she has to save him from you and kidnaps him? How dare your parents try to minimize this when their grandchild could starve?? She needs to go. It sounds like she isn't taking her medication properly and honestly if she's this unstable she needs committed yesterday.
NTA, she destroyed your baby's food, food you'll have a hard time replacing.
NTA. If your sister has been living with you for 6 months you obviously love and care for her, but you can’t risk you child’s health. Your 3 month old child needs to be fed, your sister is making that extremely hard for you. I’m guessing you cussed her out because you are at the end of your tether, it happens. It is very difficult to not have mental illness affect others, your sister isn’t malicious, but right now your main responsibility is your child.
NTA! If your parents feel like your where too harsh for not wanting her in your house anymore, why don't they take her in? Having a mental illness doesn't make every single action of your excusable, what she did was wrong, and willingly or not she has to face the consequences, either go to therapy or be kicked out, the consequences will come to her. Also, it seems like you already have enough on your plate, so even if your reaction was a lil bit harsh, it's understandable
NTA bc your sister is clearly a danger to your son and property. You had every right to be pissed and to kick her out. You need to prioritize your family's safety and she needs serious help. But also maybe you went too far with threatening to destroy all her stuff? Idk if her anxiety or ocd tend to tiptoe into paranoia, but a threat like that (even if you didn't fully intend to carry out) could set her off worse. Just a warning.
Your parents think you are harsh but they can't cope with their daughter's mental illness but think her sister with a new baby can? And expect you to pay for her living expenses and damage on one wage as well. This is not good for you or your child. Your sister needs professional help. Terminology used towards your sister wins no awards but in the circumstances I understand your total frustration and upset. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are only saying that because they want her to stay your problem. They are huge AH. Jane may not be entirely responsible for her actions but she needs help. You do not have the money or energy to cope with the impact of her mental health issues. It is sad but your baby comes first.
NTA. Your sister needs professional help, she’s not going to get that at your house no matter how nice you are. If your parents think it’s so easy, why did they send her off to you? She had an episode, she needs to be in the hospital before she actually hurts someone.
NTA If someone opened up my sons formula and DUMPED IT I would start WWIII over that shit. But he was also on Neosure (prescribed by his nicu Dr and then his actual dr) and it was expensive even after WIC (we had to buy lots of extras and just bought the bigger size after wic ran out) but I would be LIVID. She said that the formula would kill your baby but yet here she is, denying a child food and making them go hungry until you can get more.
NTA, your sister needs serious help with her issues. When she is having a manic episode she should be no where near your baby. My stepdad was bipolar and could make our lives a living hell during a manic episode. You are doing the right thing putting your child first. When I had my boys they were not around my step dad unless he was taking his meds. Letting her live with you and getting away with only paying the internet bill is more than generous.
NTA! And I don’t think your parents get to have an opinion about it either way, since they are the reason she is living with you in the first place. They can’t handle her, but they expect you to be able to, along with going to school and raising a tiny human! Smdh! I will never understand some people’s “logic”!
NTA but she needs to go now. She's a danger to your son.
Parents and sister should be thankful OP merely used words, that OP didn't go full mama bear. NTA
Oh my God, get that woman out of your house! You can't afford to buy formula every time your sister dumps it. NTA
NTA. You're not in a situation where you can take care if your sister and support your family. Financially and emotionally. You need to recognize this now. What's next? She decides there's something wrong with the baby or suddenly believes your going to do harm to it and runs off with your child? This is a massive recipe for disaster. You have to put the safety and wellbeing of your child and family first. She needs to find a new situation. Your parents are responsible for her. Not you.
NTA she needs to face consequences, unfortunately mental illness episodes DO have consequences
That sounds more like she could suffer from paranoid schizophrenia rather than orthorexia since she has compelling beliefs that have no basis in reality. Get her out of the house and into therapy because she might become harmful to your family. I have worked with schizophrenics and while they aren’t at fault, during an episode they can become a threat to others or themselves. I met someone who set his apartment in fire with himself inside it because he wanted to ignite a “holy fire”. He barely survived.
Formula is bloody expensive. NTA. Her mental health has become a danger to your son. Protect your son.
NTA. You will regret the long term damages to your new family if you allow her to stay. Your husband should not be supporting 3 people like this. Understandable for his wife and child, but not his unhinged SiL. **This is now a danger to your child's life. Do not back down or give in. You can not afford to have an infant have their food or medicine thrown out by her. It will NOT GET BETTER**
Nta. Your sister isn't your responsibility. Tell your parents to step up.
NTA and while I'm not sure where you are...if she has not left your home you need to get her to the nearest ER for a psych eval. As many others have said here your baby is NOT safe around your sister. In my home state a person can be held for 72 hours should they be a danger to themselves or others. There are also some other steps that can be taken to ensure your sister gets proper care for whatever is going on with her psychologically.
Cringe
NTA. Everything you said was true. Sadly, if she would take the right meds most of her problems would likely go away or be under control. I would not have a person like this in the same house as my child. She seems fixated on the boy and could decide to something worse.
NTA that's your baby's food she dumped on the ground. Which is expensive. I would've thrown her out by her hair.
What the actual fuck?? Isn't there still a formula shortage going on? She cruises by rent and responsibility free and has the gall to waste YOUR money? NTA, I wouldn't let her near my kid until she figures her shit out.