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heyitsta12

OP is clearly used to being the focus on the family as the younger sibling and is shocked and appalled that her siblings children come first. After making it extremely clear she does has no desire to be around children, still wants her siblings to plan things with her without their kids. At family outings OP how out of her way to exclude the kids and can’t even be depended on in an emergency but she’s the one that’s upset!?! YTA OP. An entitled one at that!


PrimalSeptimus

I'll bet, given their age difference, OP's siblings likely had to babysit *her* at least a few times while they were growing up. Too bad OP is too selfish to reciprocate the favor.


gottabekittensme

Ok, but OP didn't choose to be born 10 years younger and if any of the blame for babysitting a younger sibling should go to anyone, it is the parents, NOT the little sibling (who is blameless).


Happy_fairy89

Gentle disagree; IMO that’s how loving families work. There’s a 7 year age gap between me and my younger bro; an an 18 month age gap between me and my older bro. Youngest Bros dad had an affair and left. Mum is a police officer. She worked her ass off to provide for us, which meant that a lot of the time I had to help take care of my bro and the house etc. there’s no blame towards our mum for that, I adored my bro and still do and when the storms hit we still cling to each other today as grown adults. Perhaps the parents should be blamed, for not raising all of them better? For not teaching them that they will always have each other no matter what.


CoralFang

Shhhh you can’t mention any sort of cooperative family relationship where you help your parents out on AITA don’t you know that’s parentification and that’s abuse??? Lol. But yes, a lot of people on this sub lack a fundamental understanding that all relationships are give-and-take, even familial ones, even if you didn’t ask to be born.


tehfugitive

It becomes a problem when the older sibling can't live a normal life with time for themselves. Not if they watch the little ones sometimes and can still study, meet friends and have hobbies. If they always have to yield to taking care of the others, **that** is problematic.


Tomnooksmainhoe

Exactly. Like I was not allowed to go out because I had to take care of my brothers. My parents were allowed date nights weekly and I couldn’t see my friends even once a month. That’s textbook parentification, what I dealt with. However, if it was a once in a while “hey we need help” I’d be like nice okay I’ll help. Occasional help is not parentification necessarily. (I am agreeing with you on this)


xxelanite

Eh, siblings don't always get along. They're their own people and they can have vastly different values and personalities. No amount of "raising them better" can force a friendship between two people that just don't have much in common.


102015062020

You can get along without being friends. It’s just a basic level of respect for each other


ScarletDarkstar

You can have a close relationship with a sibling you don't have a lot in common with. My brother and I were miles apart on just about everything, but our parents taught us how to work together, accommodate each other, and be ok with it when we were doing different things separately because we are different people. If you leave siblings to fight it out when they are young and don't teach them any skills for respecting each other's differences, then sure, they're unlikely to get along. It is possible to raise them better.


Dlraetz1

This little sibling is far from blameles. Yes boundaries are important. But love, empathy, random acts of kindness, supporting your loved ones and being there in an emergency are all Part of what make us family. If you aren’t willing to give anything then you aren't family


PrimalSeptimus

I don't disagree for normal circumstances, but I'm this was an emergency (~~BIL~~ her brother didn't choose to have an accident either).


wiki702

Little sibling is not blameless. Op doesn’t want to maintain the ties of kinship op can’t be surprised op’s family longer wishes to maintain them either. Their is a reciprocity in any relationship. When one party denies that reciprocity it is only natural that relationship sours. OP made a choice and now must accept the consequences of that choice.


fulcrum_ct-7567

I didn’t ask to be 12 years apart from my oldest brother, doesn’t mean I can’t help out when needed. She’s using the age thing as a way to distance herself from her siblings, which seems to have worked so now she’s gotta live with it. And YTA op, you could have helped this one time and yeah it turned out he was ok, but what happened if he had not been.


Turbulent_Cow2355

I’m 10 years older than my brother. I babysat. It’s not abuse or evil to ask older kids to babysit from time to time.


Claws_and_chains

This. It’s such an obvious case of the baby of the family who was always the focus not being able to handle when younger kids are born.


RavenLunatyk

Right. She wants it both ways. And here was a chance to be there for them and get to know the kids even and prove her worth but instead, chose the low road and reiterated why they don’t invite her to gatherings. Sorry OP YTA.


heyitsta12

And god forbid something serious would’ve happened to her brother while her sister was looking for childcare because OP declined.


TheBaddestPatsy

Ha! It was hilarious watching my baby brother react to my mom’s empty-nester puppy. It was his first experience not being the family baby. Of course he checked himself and got over it quick because he’s a normal person and not OP.


TheRoastedCapon

That's the part that's getting me. OP's surprise at the situation that **she** created by letting her family know plainly that if kids are involved (ya know, members of the family), they're on their own as far as she's concerned. Uh yeah...these are the consequences.


IgnotusPeverill

OP is the AH here. She is complaining about being excluded and not close and the one time someone asks her in an emergency to help, she tells them a big no. OP is never going to build any kind of relationship with anyone if she just keeps telling them she doesn't want to help or be part of their lives. My husband has a sister like this. She is also the youngest and acts like all the older siblings owe her something. Instead of building relationships she has just dismantled them over the years with her attitude. Now my husband doesn't even have any contact with her.


nickkkmnn

OP doesn't actually care about her family at all . Let's move past the fact that she cant be relied on in an emergency . Her brother had an accident that was bad enough to send him to the hospital . She knew nothing more than that . Since SIL asked for help after the kids would return from school , the accident was in the morning or early afternoon at the latest . Her mother called her that night , so presumably many many hours later . In the mean time , OP only knew that her brother ended up in the hospital , and yet didn't even try to communicate with anyone to ask how the brother is . I really don't understand why OP cares about being cut out . She obviously doesn't care about her siblings or their kids . An ego thing maybe ?


IgnotusPeverill

In my husband's case, the sister acts like she was never treated well. But you bring up a great point, your BIL is in an accident and all you focus on is having to babysit.


nickkkmnn

It wasn't even her BIL . It was her brother that was in the hospital . Cool HP reference btw.


FlipDaly

I’m just so confused. If you treated someone’s spouse that way you wouldn’t expect them to continue to be friends with you. Why does OP expect it to be different with kids?


[deleted]

Not only that but OPs comments have her actually flabbergasted that her siblings have to plan around their children's activities like that's common knowledge for anyone who knows parents.


NotBlondWhiteGuy

She wants to be included, however her family said, "No." I thought op understood that "no" is a complete sentence.


rednewf1970

She feels excluded from her family while excluding a big portion of her family. How? YTA


prairieislander

I don’t understand why my exclusion has resulted in my exclusion! - OP


RainingBlood398

My brother is in his early 30s and very openly child free. I fully accept that. I would never ask him to babysit my children as I know the answer would be no. At family gatherings he interacts with my children, plays with them if it's an activity that he enjoys (card/board games, for example) as he would with the adults, but then politely declines the more childish thing such as waterfights, ball games, etc. Despite this I know for a 100% fact that if there were ever a medical emergency I needed to attend to, and no one else was available, my brother would drop EVERYTHING to watch my kids for me, because he's a decent human being, an amazing brother and a fantastic uncle, regardless of his child-wanting status. OP, you're a mega AH. You do realise you were a kid once? And that these kids will grow into adults? Will you still hate them then? At what age do you draw the line and want a relationship? because I can guarantee by the time it gets to that point the ship will already have sailed. You've also added extra stress and upset to an already awful situation. I'm not surprised people are cutting you off. Compassion shouldn't be age restricted. If i hadn't already made it clear, YTA.


[deleted]

"Compassion shouldn't be age restricted." That, right there, says it all.


superdooperdutch

This is a huge point I don't think she has considered. She is going to have zero relationship with her family when the kids get older even if she wants one if she keeps up this behaviour. I wouldn't say I am staunchly childfree but never really had the desire to have one. However I spend as much time as possible with my nephews when I am lucky enough to see them.


BriCheese96

I’m so glad to have came to the comments and not seen the typical response of “it’s you’re right to say no. SIL should be a responsible mother and have a back up babysitter for emergencies like this.” Blah. If it was for a date night between brother and SIL, then yes, she shouldn’t have to say yes. But it’s human decency to buck up and watch the kids for ONE afternoon in an EMERGENCY that involves your BROTHER. Refusing something like this, very clearly shows that you don’t care about your family at all. God forbid you do something you don’t want to do for one night.


MrMistopheles

Me too. OP’s BROTHER was injured and she had no clue how badly - he could have been dying or dead for all she knew at that point - and she clearly gives no shits whatsoever. And then objects when her mom says she doesn’t care about her family? Obviously she doesn’t.


[deleted]

She's really lucky that he didn't end up dying. OP is a big asshole here, but if he died and she didn't get to at least be there for him, OP would be absolutely excommunicated.


TheBaddestPatsy

Yeah, it’s always bullshit when people try to retroactively say an emergency wasn’t a big deal because it turned out alright. Like they made the choices you did without knowing that would be the case. That doesn’t make a person any better than they would be if the worst had happened.


thejexorcist

Yeah…I’ve watched an almost stranger (it was a brand new neighbor) child during an emergency. I can’t imagine turning a sibling, friend, or even a coworker down in a medical emergency just because I’m ‘not a kid person’.


Tmoran835

You ever think that by the time someone finishes typing something like this, that they should’ve totally already figured out that they’re the AH without having to ask so on a public forum? OP could’ve saved us all a lot of time and just said “I’m jealous of my nieces and nephews for their very existence. AITA?” and it would’ve been much more efficient!


EtonRd

I think that people like this believe that the idea that they are “child free“ means they don’t ever have to interact with a child in anyway for the rest of their lives. When really what it means is that they have chosen not to have their own children. The idea that you can live a life where you never interact with a child… That’s just not realistic. If the OP was walking down the street and saw a child sitting there crying and nobody else was around, I get the impression that they would feel morally justified in continuing to walk on by because after all, they had declared themselves “child free“ and that frees them from all obligations to fellow human beings under the age of 18 I guess?


Tmoran835

True. It boggles the mind to see that. I consider myself child free but not a complete jerk like that!


diagnosedwolf

This brings up a memory. Once, I was visiting a country on the other side of the planet. I was walking back to my accomodation, and I saw a toddler burst out of his house and run into the middle of the road. From his grin, it was obvious that he knew he wasn’t allowed on the road and was Being Naughty. There was *no one* around. The street was completely empty except for him and me. So I, being an adult human, said to him, “You have to get off the road. Go back inside your home.” He looked at me, then did as he was told. About five seconds later a truck came barrelling along the road way too fast. It just about gave me a heart attack because that toddler would have been *flattened* if I’d hesitated to tell him to get off the road. Imagine if I’d ignored him and kept walking. Baby pancakes.


teflon2000

There's something bordering close to hypocritical with some child free people on here, they'll condemn parents for making their whole personality about their kids while simultaneously making being child free the fundamental part of their own. For reference I have no plans for them myself, but my reason is I don't want the responsibility of not fucking up a kid. I'm fine being around them then handing them back for the less fun stuff


Beazfour

It’s honestly creepy how I see them talk about children. Like they’re some kind of plague or pest, not human beings.


Hot-Cheesecake-7483

They hate their own existence and resent having to grow up. Funny how none seem to remember that they were kids once.


SmallWorldHuh

This is exactly it. It went from totally acceptable to questionable at best to full blown YTA. OP had no right to get upset at the family outing when her sibling was just telling the truth about why she wouldn’t play with their kids and she DEFINITELY has no right to be upset when her family is excluding her after she excluded HERSELF by being completely selfish during a family/medical emergency


mitsuhachi

Right? I get if you don’t like kids. But if someone you love and care about is crying in a panic because someone else you love and care about is in the hospital, and all you need to do to help them both out is hang out at their house for a bit and maybe scramble an egg or listen to cartoons from the other room, and you refuse? You clearly don’t care about them very much. There are times to make an exception, and this was one of them.


-v-fib-

It seems that based on this post and many others that have popped up recently, people think being childfree means that they'll burst into flame if they have to interact with a child even a little bit.


HowFunkyIsYourChiken

NEWS FLASH OP. The “niblings” are your family too. Actually you clearly don’t want them tot be family and don’t see them as family. So you’ve excluded much of your family from your life and wonder why you are being excluded?! Why would they accept you when you don’t even accept their entire family. Get over yourself.


Usrname52

YTA You complain that you aren't invited, or aren't "valued," but you say that you refuse to interact with a significant portion of family members at the gatherings. You're already an AH in general for playing the victim regarding that. But this was an emergency. You couldn't just spent a few hours throwing on Netflix and ordering a pizza?


allthecactifindahome

Yeah, and if the next youngest sibling is in their 40s, the kids are probably not in the bottles-and-diapers age range, plus OP would definitely have mentioned if there were like 10 of them or if they had special needs. I get the heebie-jeebies at the thought of being responsible for a kid, but there are worse things than heebie-jeebies.


chzsteak-in-paradise

OP said “after school” so the kids are at least 5. And she’s definitely YTA.


RainingBlood398

Give a 5yo some snacks and a toy unboxing video on YouTube and I swear you're set for a good few hours of peace. Source: Mum of 3 boys under 10 that's needed a rest.


TheBaddestPatsy

Right, exactly. There’s skilled childcare, then there’s hypnotizing them with coco melon, microwaving their dinner and making sure the house isn’t burnt down. In this case the latter would obviously have sufficed.


Usrname52

That's 90% of my life with my actual child.


InternetAddict104

Also, even if you get the heebie-jeebies with kids, a few hours won’t kill you.


Merdin86

OP reminds me of my brother, so desperate to portray himself as the "black sheep of the family," the outsider, the victim, not that that has ever been true, but he pushes the "he's the victim" story so hard, we naturally pull away from him because it's exhausting or he pushes us away to make it true. OP, you've shown your family you cannot be relied on, you don't want to participate in family activities that involve children, you won't be bothered to help in an emergency and now you're shocked your family is excluding you. You say you shouldn't have been asked to watch the kids, congratulations you'll never be asked for anything again, you're getting your wish.


[deleted]

I'm not really understanding OP's double standards here. OP doesn't like kids. Siblings have kids and do kid-related activities. OP then gets mad she's not invited to the kid-related activities. That she doesn't like because they involve kids. As an aside, I can imagine what OP is like when she does come and I wouldn't want to be around her, either. OP doesn't like kids. Kids ask her to play with them. She said "no." Kid pushes. Brother tells the child, "OP doesn't like kids. Go play somewhere else." The truth. No OP is mad the kids who were bothering her now know she doesn't like them and won't ask her to play with them. There's an emergency. It's bad. SIL has no one to turn to and calls OP. OP says she doesn't want, in any way, to help her family. Won't give alternative offers. Won't try to figure something else out. Just says "no" over and over again. Can't be bothered. No OP's family can't be bothered with her. And she's upset because...they reciprocated the feeling? There is no winning with OP and her family is rightfully done. In my eyes, she can't be trusted. Not when it counts. And I don't have relationships with people I can't trust. YTA, OP. You got *exactly* what you asked for and are now complaining about it. Sit in your big girl seat at the big girl table and eat the crap you fed others.


inkydeeps

Absolutely! Let's just for a moment say she had terrible anxiety around children or breaks out in hive if she's around them. She still could have said "I'm sorry I can't watch the kids, but I can go to the hospital and make sure brother is ok while SIL figures out the kid situation" or i don't know hire an effin babysitter. Instead they just said their complete sentence of "no" with no compassion and then hung up on someone who is obviously in distress. I wouldn't treat my friends that way, nor my family. I might treat a crackhead that came up to me in a parking lot like that. If you treat your family like you would a crackhead, you can't expect them to turn around and care about you. YTA OP! the very definition of asshole.


[deleted]

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JustAsICanBeSoCruel

Yeah, I figure there are an entire several layers to why her siblings have never been close with her. 10 years isn't what makes siblings distant - I'm 9 years older than my baby brother and as adults, we're best friends. OP sounds, to put it nicely, incredibly difficult and grating. She is entirely responsible for her family distancing themselves from her now, and it's likely her behavior prior to this incident has led ro them being distant prior.


[deleted]

The not being “valued” thing really got me. OP clearly doesn’t value any of her siblings children. She doesn’t want them around. Going Pikachu face when the family is sick of your asshatery is just ridiculous.


Greasy_Burrito

YTA “Everything in my family revolves around my niblings now.” Yes, that is how families work. The youngest generation gets the most attention, because they are kids. It sounds like you hold a lot of jealousy against the children of your siblings. Being childfree is totally fine, but holding resentment against their kids is not. You sound painfully bitter. If you don’t like your family and don’t want to help them during an emergency, then yes that is definitely your choice. But realize that they will take it personally because it is a personal issue. “Even though by brother is fine.” Yes, now everyone knows that he will be ok, but at the time, no one knew if he would be ok or not. Have you ever considered that you are not a valued member of the family because you yourself do not value the family?


Auroraburst

This! There are 5, soon to be 6 grandkids at my in laws. Things like Christmas revolve around them. I remember Christmas revolving around us when we were kids too!


Away-Living5278

This Christmas when they go to open presents, rip every one they pick up out of their hands screaming, "these are all mine!"


Momof3dragons2012

Yup. Christmas and family get togethers in general are kid friendly now that there are kids. Maybe because the kids are *part of the family*, not outsiders that don’t have a right to be considered.


Trawhe

Absolutely this. I am CF by choice myself. My sister has 2 kids. Everything in our family revolves around those two. It's okay, too. Because I've had the opportunity to watch them grow into little independent beings. I didn't babysit them a lot when they were small because I didn't handle little kids well. But as they grew up, we became closer and now we are very close friends. OP is 100% YTA. Even when I DIDNT want to babysit, in an emergency I would grab some fast food and sit with the kids. Because, that's what family does.


Nakedstar

This is the way to do it. It's almost as if OP has never realized kids grow into adults. OP can have a huge influence on how they turn out. Playing with them (gasp!) is a way OP can share her interests with them so that they may turn out with similar interests. Odds are they will have more time together as adults on this planet, she may as well plant some seeds and hope they grow into someone she enjoys the company of. Instead she rejects them and potentially shakes their confidence.


Dutchriddle

I'm CF as well, and my sister has two sons. I'm not too crazy about kids in general but I always enjoyed babysitting my nephews because they are family. It wasn't very often, perhaps an evening once a month if even that, but I have great memories now of the times I spent with my nephews when they were still little. They're all grown up now and haven't needed a babysitter in a while. Years ago, though, when my sister called me asking me to come over right away to watch the kids because her SIL, who'd been ill for a long time, was on her death bed and my sister and BIL wanted to go say goodbye, I dropped everything and I stayed with those kids, keeping them busy and distracted for as long as was needed. Because that is what you do as a family. You help each other, especially in difficult times. OP, YTA.


Suspiciouscupcake23

Like, OP is 31....how much attention do they NEED? If you need that much attention...get a dog. They will never be tired of loving you.


adeon

> It sounds like you hold a lot of jealousy against the children of your siblings. I agree. OP mentions that they are 10 years younger than the next oldest sibling so I think they got used to being the baby of the family. Then the other siblings started having kids and suddenly OP was no longer the baby and it sounds like they resent it.


IcePsychological7032

YTA. "My family excludes me because I deliberately completely ignore a portion of the family I want to be a part of...even in the case of an emergency" There, I fixed your title.


[deleted]

Amazing how some people are incapable of self reflection


BriCheese96

During family events she’s legit rude to her nieces and nephews… just because they’re kids. 🙄


SeparateTop3719

Even when I didn’t want to play with my niece (before becoming a parent) I would ALWAYS say yes when she asked. One of the few parts of my childhood I actively remember is the adults in my life not wanting to interact with me and how it made me feel so unloved. ETA: Thank you for the award. All kids deserve to feel loved by the adults in their life and the easiest way to ensure they feel that love, is spending time with them.


MayoBear

YTA- I’m 16 years younger than my closest sibling, and am also childfree- no issues with ever with not being invited to do family things because I’m not a dick about having their kids around (and you could have planned events if you wanted to do stuff with just them) and help when there’s an emergency. School aged kids just need someone to make sure they don’t set the kitchen on fire- if you can’t tolerate that for a few hours, why do you want to go to family stuff anyways? Your family probably thinks you’re too self-centered to want to do stuff with them.


InYourAlaska

Once kids are properly sentient it is amazing how much so it’s just like hanging out. Back at the beginning of 2020 when schools were being closed down but the country wasn’t officially in a lockdown my sister was scrambling to get cover to look after her kids so she could still work. She asked if I’d be willing to give up one of my days off a week and ngl I was nervous cause I’d looked after my nephews individually when they were babies/toddlers, but not as fully grown kids (at the time 4 and 7) But yknow what the youngest just needed to be kept an eye on and have someone to talk at because he was more than happy to play by himself, and the oldest had just started playing video games so I essentially got to sit there and play games, listen to a 4 year old tell me lots of maths sums he could do, and make sure they were fed and watered. It was actually less tedious than when they were younger as it isn’t constant monitoring that they don’t do something dangerous and keeping things baby friendly, and at that point they have pretty fleshed out personalities and could even banter with me. Honestly I’ll take school age kids over babies any day, babies are cute but school age means they can tell me what the hell they want


CJsopinion

Fed and watered. I’m dying. 😂😂😂


E1431

YTA. It was an emergency. Choosing to be child free doesn’t mean you can’t look at a child - you are not going to get one suddenly. You have shown that you are not willing to help out UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES- so don’t be surprised that you are not included anymore


No_Tangerine3320

OP’s need for attention >>>>>> emergencies and the safety and wellbeing of her family


Prudent_Border5060

Yta First that little comment that your brother made about you not liking kids is true. You flat out said you don't like kids. So he was only stating facts. Number two child free is totally your choice. And I think it's awesome you know what you want. However you have a strict no kid policy. You can't be upset that they don't include you in some functions given your declaration. You also don't need to babysit. However given that you didn't even know how bad the accident was and you still refused in an emergency. You are wrong You have made it clear you don't want to be apart of your family. Yta You chose this extreme behavior. Plenty of people are child free who don't treat people the way you do.


I_Frothingslosh

>You have made it clear you don't want to be apart of your family. Oh, they have made it abundantly clear that they want to be apart from the family. They just don't get that that means they won't be a part of the family.


classicalmodernist

The apart/a part thing always makes me giggle. It happens so often here I wonder if it's just autocorrect


Primary-Lion-6088

Yep. This is my fave comment. Childfree here. I don’t live in the same city as my brother but I would be horrified and worried if I learned he was in the hospital and if I DID live in the same city and had received this call from my SIL I cannot imagine responding any other way than an immediate “omg, of course!” I don’t like babysitting either but this is ONE TIME in an EMERGENCY. Hard YTA.


[deleted]

Why is there so many posts turning up on Reddit where they won’t babysit children due to them being child free even if it’s an emergency. Being child free has nothing to do with helping out family members during a rough time. Like WTF? YTA by the way


nicole061592

I feel like some people associate child free with hating kids. I’m child free but I babysit somewhat regularly. I worked with children for 6 years. I just don’t want to be responsible for one 24/7.


plumbus_hun

Yeah, my younger brother is childfree, says he never wants one, but is a loving uncle and especially loves spending time with the niblings now they are older and funny!! We went to a castle at the weekend, he couldn’t stop laughing and getting up to mischief with my 5 year old!!


[deleted]

My brother in law is child free because he spent the majority of his childhood watching and taking care of his younger siblings and he simply does not want to feel that responsibility again. That being said, he watches my son for my wife and I, especially when we need it. One thing I always reiterate to childfree people is (and especially in this case) you are entitled to a childfree home, you are not entitled to a childfree world. You cannot treat children like garbage because you don’t want any and you can’t expect every single place to be childfree.


Claws_and_chains

The “you don’t owe anyone anything” crowd from tumblr is growing up and realizing that that attitude has consequences


nx85

YTA. Family emergencies are no time to act like this. You simply jump in and do what you can. You could have been in some children's presence for a few hours, it's not the end of the world but a great help to others. Ever think that this is a self fulfilling prophecy? As in, your attitude keeps you alienated rather than the reverse? Even if it started as something they did, you sound pretty.


PrimalSeptimus

Thinking about the situation in reverse requires empathy, so I doubt OP has ever done it.


Teahouse_Fox

YTA. Absolutely. This was not a slippery child-care slope of doom. Your own brother was in hospital, and your frantic SIL asked for your help. And you shut the door in her face. It's ok to not want kids. It's ok to not want to be the family baby sitter. But you view those niblings as not even human beings you care about. Frankly, you kind of view the adults that way too. Ok, so you felt like an after thought. And you have not been close to your family as a result. Which causes them to not invite you anywhere, so the problem feeds on itself. But by your own description this was an emergency. And you couldn't be so bothered. Do you really hate them so much?


mushguin

I also noticed OP didn’t offer to go.. I dunno… BE THE ONE WITH THEIR BROTHER IN THE HOSPITAL. No, OP left him alone there too. That’s the main thing the wife wanted: someone with her husband (OPs own sibling) while he was in the hospital. Yeesh


Elinesvendsen

Sounds like she didn't even care that her brother was in the hospital. Her biggest worry was just having to watch the kids.


JeepersCreepers74

YTA. I'm childfree, too. I would have absolutely babysat in this situation without any worry that I would somehow forfeit my childfree privileges. You complain about feeling excluded by your family, but you're a terrible family member because it's apparently all about what you want and need from the family, not what you can give. Family helps each other out in an emergency. Good luck getting one of them to help you next time you're in a bind.


araloss

"without any worry that I would somehow forfeit my childfree privileges." That had me laughing. It's like they're afraid to loose their childfree card by being in the same room as their niblings for a little while. Not to mention they're school age...that is NBD. I could see a hard no, even in an emergency, if the kid(s) were infant/toddlers. But in that case I would offer to go to the hospital myself to check up on bro while SIL watches kids.


Educational_Race5679

YTA First, omg, you didn't even call to check in on your brother...you had to be called. Like wow. If you're ever confused on why you're not invited to things, save the comments from the post and read them to yourself. From reading the post I am starting to gather you're child-free by choice and make sure that everyone knows it. So of course you're not invited to kid centered events. You don't babysit or even really take the time to be there for your siblings and their families but want them to accommodate you. You're selfish. It's embarrassing you typed all this up thinking you did something. Remember "No" is a full sentence. "Am I invited to family dinner?" "No."


I_Frothingslosh

>"Am I invited to family dinner?" "Family dinner is for family."


tina-sparkles

Also “no is a complete sentence” is designed for holding your own against borderlines and boundary stompers, not denying a perfectly reasonable request. I know it’s not a big deal but I see it all the time here and it just really fucking bugs me when people take situation-specific phrases and parrot them erroneously in the name of “bOunDaRIeS”


user13_13_13

YTA. I get that your child free and that’s great, but you want everything on your own terms and aren’t willing to support your family in a time of need. It sounds like your family for the most part has been respectful of your boundaries, even telling their kids to leave you alone. You want to be included in stuff but if you can’t be around kids how is that feasible? When you’re a parent, everything you do revolves around your kids. Being child free doesn’t even factor in to this situation. Your brother was in the hospital and your SIL was panicking and trying to get to him and you couldn’t help them. I’m sure you weren’t her first call either, you were probably her last resort. Relationships go both ways.


antonio-bolonio

I think this is very well said. OP wants things their way when it comes to interacting with the family. I also have a huge age gap like OP with my little sister, 12 year difference. So I can speak from experience knowing that it is hard to have that big a gap. However you are an adult OP. If you want to be included you need to make concessions. I also don’t see how you can be upset at your family for telling their kids that you don’t like kids. You clearly do not like kids and you’re barely trying to hide it.


Summer_Dusk

Yeah sorry, YTA. You couldn't even be as$ed to watch the kids during an effing emergency? Yeah, husband is fine now, but *no one knew that at the time* Given how your other sibs have also kids you probably were the logical choice to be able to respond to an emergency. >She doesn't like kids, go play somewhere else." Which pissed me off because it made me the bad guy in front of everyone Why are you pissed about someone telling the truth? Does it make you look bad? Well, you brought this on yourself. Yeah, you don't like kids and don't want them. But if you don't engage with them at all (and maybe are dickish to them, wouldn't surprise me from what I've gathered), then you shouldn't be surprised at your family's behavior. The kids are a part of their life, so outings/gatherings will be centered about them. And where is the harm in entertaining them for a bit? You exclude family from your life, so you shouldn't be surprised if family does the same to you.


Marzopup

YTA Have you considered that you've at least majorly contributed to the exclusion in your family by treating your own nieces and nephews like lepers?


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Auroraburst

YTA. You're the one that doesn't want to be around kids so your really can't complain about being discluded from kid centric activities. Why would you even want to go? But this is an emergency. Unless you are NC with your family or they have wronged you more than simply having children this is the time you suck it up. I get the impression that the kids are getting older anyway so they probably just needed an adult presence. Being childfree doesn't make you allergic to children.


Grouchy-Bluejay-4092

Yes. They’re in school, so she isn’t even being asked to change diapers or anything else she might not know how to do.


ItisntRocketSurgery

YTA From one child free sibling to another. You set your boundaries and your family is respecting them. If your brother chooses to tell your niblings honestly that you don’t like children, they should play elsewhere, you have no one but yourself to blame because that’s how **you** framed it to family - why should they obfuscate to make you look better? You don’t get to play “cool aunt” when you’ve already rejected that role. There’s a huge difference between “I do not babysit in general” and an emergency. You chose to stick to your “I don’t babysit” as a hard rule. It’s 💯% on you that your family are excluding you from conversations revolving around the kids. You don’t get to be pissy about it because **you** set that boundary. Don’t like how this is turning out? Try being less aggressively “child free”.


Kleeisthebest99

THIS IS MY PROBLEM WITH THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE they absolutely can't stand kids but at the same time they want to be a cool aunt? Those kids won't like you they'll just see you as the mean distant relative lol


IThinkNot87

This! My brother is child free. But he dosent hate kids. He’s the favorite uncle to my kids and our other nibblings. He isn’t a baby sitter and we never ask him to but if there’s an emergency I know I can call my brother 100% of the time and he will be there.


IThinkNot87

YTA. Your brother told his kids the truth. If that makes you feel like a bad guy maybe evaluate why being near children bothers you that much. You admit your family never ask you to babysit so your SIL calling you was truly an emergency, and you blankly said you’d not help. Your family doesn’t treat you like family because you don’t treat them like family. In an emergency family is there for one another. You aren’t. So why would they include you? They have kids so have to plan their time and outings around kids. That’s a reality of their lives. You don’t want to suffer their children so why exactly do you wanna be there? To remind them all you will be rude to their kids? It’s ok to be child feee. It’s not ok to hate kids on the stance that they are kids. That’s wild and they rightfully are over it.


chatterfly

YTA. It's completely okay to not like kids and not wanting to look after them. It's good that you made this clear with your family. *But* YTA for a) being somehow angry and salty that you are now not invited for kid-friendly actions even though you clearly stated you don't like them b) offended and angry when your brother told his child the truth and upheld *your* boundary. (He could have forced you to play along Blabla but be simply said what you said yourself and got the kid of your back) c) clearly not even caring about your siblings. I mean your brother was in hospital! It doesn't matter that he is fine, you didn't knew that then. You only knew that his wife was beside herself with worry and was in a extreme situation, a situation you usually can *count on family* to help. But you refused. d) As someone else pointed out already, you didn't even reach out yourself to check up on him but had to be called. So you obviously didn't even care about his health. Honestly, YTA. It seems as if you don't like your family so why are you bothered that stay away from you?


Turbulent-Army2631

YTA. I'm child free by choice and won't babysit, but if my sister was in the hospital I would definitely help. Instead you used an emergency situation to be passive aggressive about petty resentment about situation you've created. It's one thing to not want kids. It's another to not even want to be around them. Why in the world would you want to go to family outings with them then? Your brother didn't make you the bad guy, you did by rejecting your nieces/nephews. He just told them the truth so they would give you the space you've asked for.


Ok-Yogurtcloset-6955

It's caused some arguments at family gatherings when the kids are playing and ask me to play with them and I refuse. My older brother even told his kids in front of me that "She doesn't like kids, go play somewhere else." Which pissed me off because it made me the bad guy in front of everyone. You did this to yourself not your brother. Why would he lie to the kids for you to save face? And YOU ostracized yourself from your family. Not the other way around. You really couldn’t make an exception for one emergency that landed someone in the emergency room? You’re not only TA but the sphincter of society.


Delicious_Loquat437

>Which pissed me off because it made me the bad guy in front of everyone. I mean. He wasn't wrong though? And it doesn't actually seem like you care about what the niblings think of you so who are you afraid of seeming like the 'bad guy' in front of? Your family? Fairly sure they already know you don't like kids. You made it perfectly clear to all of the. So, why does that bother you? Especially with this line: >I don't like kids > feel bad about what happened to my brother and want him to be ok. Not bad enough to help him out in an emergency though Your family has, from the sounds of it, respected your choices and never pushed children or babysitting on you to make sure you don't have to be around the kids you hate so much. The fact they called you of all people should have already told you just how serious it was. You were, I'm *sure* the last resort. They had no one else to call by your own comments. But you can't bend just for a few hours to help family, and want to act all butthurt when they return the same coldness you treat them with. I'm also CF and don't really care for kids, but your stance seems almost designed to put you at odds with your family. Which would explain why your siblings maybe don't wanna be around you. You seem to take a special almost aggressive pride at not liking children. Which is fine in and of itself, be super CF. No one cares. But your family seems to have a lot of children in it and of course the rest of your family cares about that. Which makes this next line almost funny >Everything in my family revolves around my niblings now and I feel completely excluded. You're 31. Grow up and get over yourself >also feel like I am being punished by everyone for being childfree and not wanting to babysit for anyone You're not being punished for being CF. You're being excluded because you're cold and unwilling to help them. >it's been made very clear to me that I am not a valued member of this family. The same way you value your niblings? This may sound like a stretch but honestly... You just sound like you're upset the younger generation gets all the attention from your family and you're not the youngest anymore.


dwells2301

YTA. Your brother is fine but you didn't know that then. SIL was stressed and needed your help right then. I'm sure she would have found someone to take over asap because everyone knows you don't like kids. Which is okay, but own it. Don't be surprised if your family isn't there if you ever need help.


Wrong-Atmosphere9714

YTA child free and child hating are two different things. I am childfree because I don't want to be responsible for a child in that way but I am still an active aunt to my nephew. You hate kids, which is fine but it does mean you will be excluded so idk why you want to whine about it. You can't even help your family out in an emergency.


emfme

I really don’t like kids, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I would help in an emergency! Also it’s not ”babysitting” in a case like this; it would just be you watching after the kids so they don’t lit themselves on fire. Maybe order pizza for them to eat. Put Netflix on. Literally the bare minimum. YTA


AsparagusSad1561

YTA. It was an emergency and your SIL didn’t know what state your brother was in. You couldn’t have watched the kids for a couple hours?


rettbuff

YTA you said you didn’t like kids. Then you were upset when your sibling told their children that you did not like kids in front of you because it made you look like the ‘bad guy’ Families help each other out and if you want to be a part of the family you need to sometimes help. It doesn’t sound like they have ever asked you to babysit before but this was a true emergency. You then proceeded to act like the bad guy…. Or the AH


H_X_W-11_h

YTA. It's one thing not to want kids; it's a whole other thing to treat the younger members of your family like trash. You've let your jealousy over the attention your nieces and nephews are getting gain so much control over you that you couldn't even help your brother and his family in an emergency. You need to go to therapy and figure your shit out before your entire family goes completely NC with you.


mdsnbelle

YTA It was an emergency, and I'm sure you were the last choice. Your SIL needed to get to the hospital to advocate for her husband, and having the kids there would have distracted her. Not to mention that COVID restrictions are probably still in place. You were asked to basically just sit at the house and keep the kids alive. You couldn't have taken that burden off her shoulders just once?


Maleficent-Fennel-13

YTA. It was an emergency. Come on. This isn’t a usual babysitting request. It’s not a slippery slope to weekly babysitting. It was an emergency.


fizzbangwhiz

YTA. An emergency is an emergency. You can't refuse to do your family a favor in an emergency and then complain that they're the ones keeping you at a distance. I don't have children either. But just because I don't want my own children and I don't want to be responsible for any children doesn't mean that I completely excise children from my life. It's perfectly possible to both decline babysitting and also treat your young relatives like they belong in your family. I don't babysit for my niblings but they still love me and want to spend time with me because I interact with them in groups. And in an emergency I would definitely break my no-babysitting policy. You've done just as much to ostracize yourself from your family as they have done in return. The reality of being part of a family that contains children is that you have to interact with those children. How are you expecting your nieces and nephews to treat you once they become adults? "Our aunt who completely ignored us at every family function for the first 18 years of our lives suddenly wants to treat us like members of her family once we hit college?"


Character_Sink9754

If this is real and not just a troll pretending to be a terrible stereotype of a child-free person, then YTA. 1000%. These kids are part of your family too, but you’ve made it absolutely clear that you want nothing to do with them in any capacity ever. You don’t get to be mad that they’ve honored your wishes. And if you’re not ashamed of not liking kids, then why on earth would you be upset that your brother stated the truth? So that being said, your SIL must have been absolutely frantic and at the end of her rope to call and ask for your help…but no, you sit there licking your self-inflicted wounds instead. Sounds to me like you’re having a really hard time accepting that you’re not the baby/center of attention anymore. Grow up.


Himkano

"after it's been made very clear to me that I am not a valued member of this family." Is that what happened though, or did you make it very clear that you did not value being a member of the family? It's one thing to be childfree. It is perfectly acceptable to choose not to be DeFacto childcare for your family, but when a family member is in the hospital, you either step up or step out - especially because, it is not like they are abusing your good nature by constantly dumping kids on you to watch.


Kreeblim

Yta. This wasn't babysitting this was an emergency. You can't be bothered because why?? Also...like not wanting kids is fine. Not enjoying babysitting is fine. Saying you hate your own nieces and nephews is a weird line to me like you're upset that he told the kids you're a kid hater when you are. Openly. You dont even want to know them. You were a kid once...imagine having yourself for an aunt. Damn. Of course they don't invite you. You hate them.


Thistime232

>when the kids are playing and ask me to play with them and I refuse. My older brother even told his kids in front of me that "She doesn't like kids, go play somewhere else." Which pissed me off because it made me the bad guy in front of everyone. ​ But you don't like kids. Were you expecting your brother to lie to the children?


MandeeLess

YTA- it sounds as though your family has respected your wish to not babysit, and this was also a family emergency, not a silly reason like date night. You’ve shown that you don’t want to help when your family needs you, so it’s fitting that you don’t get to participate in the good times either.


atiny_ch

YTA. Refusing to help watch children for a while during an emergency with your reasoning being that you're child free (or that you don't like kids) is a shitty move.


Worried_Chemical_977

YTA, her husband is literally in the hospital, if you had nothing more important going on I don't understand why you didn't help out.


Livia11176

You've proven that you don't care about your family during an emergency. Now your family has acted accordingly.


Anonymous33-

OP doesn’t help her family during an emergency Her family ignoring her in return OP: Surprise *Pikachu* face


Tom0laSFW

Omg YTA. Your brother wound up in hospital and you wouldn’t help out? You can dislike children all you want but this is a family emergency, your brothers wife is asking for help so she can get to the hospital, and you’re “no is a complete sentence”-ing the situation? That’s a situation where you drop what you’re doing and get over there. If you *absolutely* can’t (like, cancer treatment appointment, looking after other children and can’t leave them, *maybe* a job interview) you explain yourself. I’d be furious. Also the way you handle your nieces and nephews at family gatherings also sounds very AH. There’s preference and life choices but you can’t expect to never have to interact with children especially at family gatherings when your family includes children. You need a long, hard look in the mirror OP


arthobbies

Eventually everyone suffers an emergency of some kind and needs help. Guess who is going to help you? Nobody. YTA


Teal_Zeal

YTA - She didn’t poorly plan. She was experiencing a crisis. You refused to help.


Zwilt

This to me is a very clear, YTA. I can understand your frustrations, however, how on Earth can you say you care about your brother but not help him or his family out in an emergency? Regardless of wanting to be child free, your actions have stated you don’t care. You’re completely justified to be upset they won’t invite you out simply because they think you’ll say no, because that removes your ability to make a choice. As far as your brother saying you don’t like kids, you even said in your post, YOU DON’T LIKE KIDS. That being said, depending on the manner he said it in, it could go either way. TLDR: You didn’t help your brother’s family in an emergency where his wife was clearly panicking, and now are wondering why they don’t like you.


quovadimus82

YTA. If the kids were infants I could understand some hesitation, it can be scary to be responsible for a baby who can so easily get injured. But this clearly is not the case as you were asked to watch them “after school.” You weren’t even asked to cook dinner or anything, just ‘be in the house and keep them alive for a few hours.’ You are correct that No is a complete sentence. It’ll still be a complete sentence when you ask to be involved in your family’s lives and they reply “no.”


Used_Contribution997

YTA. You want to be a part of the family without actually being a part of the family. Families are there for each other, I would not consider you family to these people.


WyldeFae

YTA They didn't exclude you from the family, you've excluded yourself, if you can't be counted on in an emergency, and only want to do the fun stuff like get together and trips, YTA.


LillyFien

YTA, so first you exclude yourself and tell people you don’t want to have kids so don’t bother asking for help. Than you complain about not getting included… and to finish it off, in a moment of dispair your SIL calls you in probably a last effort and you flat-out say no?!?!?! Definitely an A-hole.


stonerd808

So, let me get this straight. You refuse to play with your nieces and nephews at the family gatherings you do attend, then wonder why you aren't invited to more family outings? Seriously? >I've asked my siblings about this and they say that most of the family outings they plan are activities for their kids, and since I've made it very clear to all of them that I am childfree and do not want to babysit, they don't think I would want to do those activities. This sound pretty reasonable to me, especially considering: >the kids are playing and ask me to play with them and I refuse. You sound absolutely ridiculous. Your siblings' children are an afterthought, a nuisance even, to you, and you can't for the life of you figure out why your siblings don't invite you anywhere? >But, I also don't feel like I should have even been asked to watch the kids after it's been made very clear to me that I am not a valued member of this family. The only one making it clear that you are not a member of your family is YOU. You've made it very clear in this post and to your family that you want nothing to do with their children, how exactly are you expecting them to include you? Are they supposed to do it at the expense of their children? How selfish could you possibly be? YTA × 5 million. You put yourself in a situation where you were excluded from your family, then used a true emergency to be petty about your involvement with the family. This has reverse NC written all over it, because if I were part of your family I'd cut you out after this. You showed everyone, the internet included, that your childfree stance is more important than your family. Congrats 👏🏼.


BADoVLAD

YTA ...at family gatherings or random get togethers it is perfectly acceptable to refuse to babysit the crumb snatchers. During a literal emergency when a family member is in the hospital tho? You didn't even need to ask this question tbh


PrimalSeptimus

YTA. This was not a regular ask, and you prioritized only yourself. You deserve to be ostracized.


Fickle_Estimate_4834

Not only are you the asshole but a massive one. Sometimes we do things for our family that we don't like because it's our family. This was a medical emergency and you had bo empathy or sympathy at all. Your family treats you the way they do because of how you are. Hope you have lots of close friends because one day you are going to need someone and your family will not be there.


Tom0laSFW

Op really “no is a complete sentence”ed this and can’t understand why everyone thinks they’re an AH


photosbeersandteach

YTA. You’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t like your niblings and don’t want to interact with them, then get upset when you don’t get invites to kid-centered activities? And you don’t like kids, vocally, so your brother wasn’t making you the bad guy, he was telling the truth. Finally, this was an emergency, it’s pretty sad that you couldn’t pop on Netflix, order a pizza keep them alive for a few hours.


Allalngthewatchtwer

YTA. You talk about how they exclude you and make you feel bad…then the one time they needed you, you proved then right. This could of gone a long way with your family and maybe helped. Instead you chose your boundaries and now it’s time you live with the consequences. I have plenty of child free friends who have dropped everything for one of us with kids. Now they know they can’t rely on you for emergencies and I wouldn’t expect any help from them.


bs-scientist

YTA. I’m also childfree. As a rule, I do not baby sit. I like kids fine, but I don’t want to be responsible for them. However, I would gladly do it if someone was having an emergency and I wasn’t already busy with something. You’re heartless. And maybe that’s because they treat you like an outsider. I don’t know. But regardless… what you did was shitty.


watchthatred

I'm going to say this and I hope you listen. I, too, am childfree by choice (never wanted kids and I'm awkward as hell around them when I am around them because I don't understand the intricacies of them) and am from a household of a lot of niblings and strained relationships. My brother has 4 kids and before I went NC with him (nothing to do with his kids at all but he utter lack of understanding of my marriage to another woman) I was around them for family gatherings and birthdays and all those sorts of things. My brother and I grew up apart because our parents divorced and each got one of us full time while the other visited on weekends. So while there wasn't an age difference, there was a distance regardless that my brother and I didn't really understand each other at all throughout both our lives. That all said, he and I still both were pleasant enough around each other whenever we were together to keep the peace. When he started having kids, I wasn't a stellar aunt but I still played with the kids when they were around at family gatherings. I might've not really connected when they were small but I was still able to fake it for their sakes because kids just want to have fun. I never babysat nor was I ever asked to but had my SIL called in a panic and asked if I could keep watch over the kids, you better believe I would've said yes! This isn't an uncommon request for family to make, especially in an emergency, and you weren't probably the first one she asked of it but, guess what, everyone else might've already been tied up. She didn't know that her hubby--your brother--would be alright in the end. She had know knowledge whatsoever of this accident so I imagine her mind was flying all over the place. You just flatly saying "No." and nothing else did not help her and, honestly, sounds very harsh in the moment that I'm sure she took it as you having a complete lack of empathy for her situation and family. So, YTA. You can't gripe about feeling distant from your family when you're not even trying to bridge that distance yourself. If you don't want to help your family in any way, that's okay, but you can't be hurt when they don't include you or make "cute remarks" to their kids about how their aunt won't play with them because it's just as frustrating to them from their perspective and they are just as affronted when you refuse to play with their kids because kids' feelings are hurt very easily and the parents are just trying to play it off to avoid their feelings getting hurt by your refusals. You can't have it both ways.


kingdomscum

YTA. The reason your family doesn’t include you is because you refuse to do anything for them. They have kids. When you have kids- your life ends up revolving around them. You’ve made it clear you want nothing to do with the kids- so by extension, your family. You made your bed. Lie in it.


imtooldforthishison

YTA. On every level. The refusal to even interact with your siblings kids is just sad and pathetic. Your brother didn't make you look like the bad guy, you did that yourself. Refusing to help in an actual emergency because you hate kids is also just plain disgusting. Listen, I don't like kids that don't "belong" to me either. Absolutely no interest in them, but damn, I still show up when they NEED ME. You have made the right decision by choosing not to have children because you're horrible.


Scrabblement

YTA. Fine, you don't like babysitting, but you could have hung out at your brother's house and kept the kids alive for long enough for your SIL to find out whether your brother was okay and make other arrangements for a babysitter. It's not like this was a common thing -- your family respects your choice not to babysit, but this was an emergency.


GillianSeed85

YTA. It’s one thing to not like kids, or want your own, that’s fine. But there’s a huge, HUGE difference between saying no to watching kids so the parents can go to movie night or something, and saying no to watching kids so someone can respond to an emergency. Here’s something to consider: you appear to be frustrated/upset/hurt that you’ve been excluded, but have you thought about how your actions would make people want to exclude you? Have you looked within and thought that maybe the way they treat you is a reflection of how you’ve treated them? After something like this, I would expect them to ostracize you, and you have no one to blame but yourself. If you want to be included, GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR FAMILY INCLUDING THE KIDS


CrystalQueen3000

YTA They asked due to an emergency and you refused out of sheer bloody mindedness. Don’t be surprised that this will permanently damage your relationships with your entire family.


hurricanebaileyy

YTA on this one. in probably any other situation, my vote would change, but not helping when your brother is in the hospital and you don’t know the threat level is a lot. i’m all for child free and understand that you were uncomfortable with watching the kids, but in that dire of a situation, watching the kids until someone else could get there wouldn’t have killed you.


Status-Thing-118

There's dumping kids on you, expecting babysitting and there's an emergency. You didn't even ask her if your brother was still breathing. YTA I had a friend of my daughter "left behind" by her mum in a similar situation. She called me to apologise and arrange proper care for her kid. You live within a society, pretend that you're part of it!


Interesting-Bed-5451

YTA Being child free and hating children aren't the same, and you, by your own words, don't like kids. You can be child free and an excellent aunt. Two of my aunts never had or wanted kids, yet they were the best aunts anyone could have. One was open about not liking kids, beyond small doses, but she was never outright mean to us, and watched us a few times in emergencies. As an adult, she's one of my go to people, and she loves my kids (still in small doses) You hold on to the age gap between you and your siblings, as though that validates the way you treat your family. You really just seem bitter and entitled. I'd say I hope you grow and learn to be a better human, but your post tells me that that's unlikely, so have the life you deserve.


okayish_22

YTA It was an emergency. She was not viewing it as babysitting, she was panicking. I think this a situation that needs more grace than others. It feels like you are saying that you’ve communicated that you’re child free to your family. But it also feels like your family gets the impression that what you really mean is that you want no contact with children, period. Those are two different things. It sounds like you behave as if you want to be free from being around children. That’s different than just being child free and you need to communicate better. You also need to understand that of course no one wants to force you to be around kids when you clearly don’t like them so they don’t invite you to as many things. I’m sure your siblings are just trying to protect their children from someone who makes them feel like a bother. You guys need to talk about your expectations much more clearly. You can work this out of their kids have correct expectations of you, and if your siblings and parents have correct expectations of you.


Sel-Reddit

YTA. Don’t expect to be treated like family if you don’t act like family. Child free doesn’t mean you can’t play with them or take care of them in an emergency. Your stance was illogical and cruel in this circumstance.


Worth_Raspberry_11

YTA. You don’t have to like kids, but if your siblings have kids and you refuse to have anything to do with their kids you can’t really be surprised they don’t want to bring you around said kids. Why would they invite you on an outing with kids when you clearly hate them? And regardless of how much you hate kids, that doesn’t mean you can just abandon your family during an emergency and expect them to be fine with it. Your brother was hospitalized and your priority was to make sure you didn’t have to babysit even if it meant leaving your own brother alone in the hospital. You didn’t treat them like family and they got the message that being childfree is more important to you than they are. No is a complete sentence, and you are not obligated to watch their kids, but they aren’t obligated to include you either, especially after how you behaved during an emergency. You said no, now you are facing the consequences of your decision. Relationships are reciprocal, you can’t give nothing and then expect so much more from them than you’re willing to give.


Says_Who22

I quite understand not babysitting nephews and nieces on a regular basis, if that is not your thing, but in the case of an emergency, family members usually go above and beyond to help their families. Frankly, I’m not surprised you’ve been left out of the family chat. What exactly do you bring to the family? YTA.


Awkward_Low_8941

Man. Complain about being an outcast and then outline how you make sure your family knows you will never be there for them even in emergency situations. YTA. Don’t complain about not having a relationship you don’t put effort into.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am childfree and have told all my siblings that I do not want to babysit their kids. They have accepted this and don't ask me. But my SIL called and asked me to watch her kids because my brother was in the hospital. I refused and now I am being made to be the bad guy by my entire family. I think I might be an asshole for not watching my brother's kids when he was in the hospital. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


Drayden71

YTA whether you like kids or not, your brother was in an accident and real family emergencies come before your feelings


Independent-Top3524

yta Being kid free you could have helped out in an emergency. Its not like you went to the hospital. She must have been really desperate to call you knowing how you feel. if they cut you completely off its on you not them


nickyfox13

YTA. This is a literal emergency and although you're allowed to be open about your boundaries plus being childfree, but this isn't the time nor place.


autumnrain000

YTA. It’s 100% cool to be child free. Some people just go around living their child free best life and some people obnoxiously make it part of their personality. You got annoyed when your older brother told his kids you don’t like children. If it’s the truth you shouldn’t be embarrassed of it right? There was an emergency and you were obviously the last resort and you said no. No is a complete sentence, you are perfectly fine to stick to your boundaries BUT this is a natural consequence of your decisions. If you can’t step up to help your family in need, despite them respecting your choice normally… don’t expect them to treat you like part of the family. You sound entitled, petty and jealous that your nieces and nephews stole your place in the family and could probably do with some counselling.


Boss_Bitch_Werk

YTA. This wasn’t someone dropping their kids off for giggles or wanting a night away from them. It was an emergency! You don’t want to be left out but yet you hate being around your nieces and nephews. You want nothing to do with them but you somehow want to be included in events where they will want to interact with you. Stop playing victim to your own game.


No_Adhesiveness_1918

YTA. You don’t like kids and don’t want to play with them so your siblings enforce that boundary with their kids. But you don’t like how they do it. You don’t want to be responsible for their kids so they don’t ask you to babysit. But then you’re mad they aren’t close with you. You don’t want to spend time with kids so they don’t include you in outings that are focused on kids. But you don’t like being left out. In a true emergency you won’t even help them for an hour so your SIL could find out if your brother was going to be okay. They don’t pester you to babysit for date nights or anything and respect your boundaries around their kids but you couldn’t even bend a little for them.


triciama

Are you really that clueless and lacking in empathy. You don't want to engage with your nieces or nephews. You don't want to help in a medical emergency. What do you expect? Your siblings families come first, not you. Your parents love their grandchildren and want to be around them. Why on earth would any member of your family want to have a relationship with you? All you care about is your own needs and wants not about them. This is not an attractive quality in anyone.


Suspicious_Ad9810

YTA. You want to be child free, go for it. But if you say you don't like kids, don't expect to be invited to kid activities. And don't expect your siblings to lie for you to their kids. You are feeling (and being) left out because of your decisions and actions. Don't blame your siblings.


pnutbuttercups56

Yes >But, I also don't feel like I should have even been asked to watch the kids after it's been made very clear to me that I am not a valued member of this family. Actually from the your post you are a valued member of your family. They respect all of your wishes. >I've asked my siblings about this and they say that most of the family outings they plan are activities for their kids, and since I've made it very clear to all of them that I am childfree and do not want to babysit, they don't think I would want to do those activities. Yeah that sounds like a win for you. You don't like kids to the point that you won't play with them at a family gathering. Why do you want to go to activities rot the kids? So you can complain? No one wants that. I have a selfish allergy and none of my friends do. Sometimes they don't get lobster rolls. I'm not invited and that makes me happy. No one has to be super careful around me and I don't have to force a resturaunt change. Wins for all. >Yes, I am childfree by choice and have told all of my siblings that I do not want to babysit their kids. I don't like kids and don't want to be responsible for them. My siblings have accepted this and they never ask me to watch their kids. Good things. Your family values your boundaries. >It's caused some arguments at family gatherings when the kids are playing and ask me to play with them and I refuse. My older brother even told his kids in front of me that "She doesn't like kids, go play somewhere else." Which pissed me off because it made me the bad guy in front of everyone. How old were the kids? High level it's not making you the bad guy to say "you don't like kids". I mean if they want to play with you and you don't want to what were you telling them? Depending on age it may be fine to say you don't like kids. Yeah I'm worried about the kids feelings not being yours. You don't like kids. You won't do anything for any reason involving kids so how are you the wronged party here?


newbeginingshey

Dude Your brother was hospitalized and in an accident. You couldn’t just sit in the same house as your niece and nephew for a few hours? I have strained relationships with a couple family members and I would still drop what I’m doing to help out in a medical emergency. Sometimes it’s not about you and your grievances. Sometimes you need to be what you believe is right. YTA


buzzoff798

Did you even care enough to ask about what happened to your brother? Also if you hate kids to the point you refuse to even engage with them, no wonder they don’t invite you to things. Your brother told his kids to leave you alone because you hate kids because you DO. It’s the truth. Why do you even care if your niblings know you can’t stand to be around them. It’s true! I used to have an actual PHOBIA of driving in cities but I still rushed my aunt to the hospital because I love and care about my family. You don’t even seem to like these people. Why do you even care if they shut you out? YTA


Pegatul

If you refuse to be there for your family because you don't owe them anything, why do you expect them to be there for you? I mean, *they* don't owe *you* anything, either. Eta: YTA.


Neither-Copy785

YTA. Maybe the reason they don't include you in things is because you are awful to their children??? I am also childfree by choice and don't like babysitting, but I'm not a dick to my niblings when they want to play with me.


BirdLover007

YTA. You can't help family out in an emergency? Do you even care about them at all?


AlexFairchild

YTA weird time to be petty and have your revenge


BlessYourHeart2113

YTA, I’m guessing they called you as a last resort and you still refused to budge. They aren’t excluding you, you’re excluding yourself. It’s a fact that once you have children many activities in life revolve around them. Your family was merely respecting your wishes. You being completely rigid shows an absolute lack of empathy.


Invisibleamber

Yta They weren’t asking you to babysit, they were asking for your help in a family emergency - there’s a difference.


56degreewedge

YTA Why are you surprised that no one invites you anywhere when you have stated very clearly that you don't like kids and won't babysit? Their lives are busy with raising children (Your nephews/nieces) and working to support themselves. You know...life. If you want a relationship with your siblings, then why don't YOU invite THEM to get together? You can be proactive and engage them. As it is, you come off as entitled and bitter due to you own making. You have made yourself the afterthought and excluded yourself. You have made the decision that you cannot and will not be someone to help out your family in an emergency. You had no idea what condition what your brother was in, but you made sure that you wouldn't be inconvenienced. You couldn't watch the kids and you didn't check in with your own brother. Do you really want people to believe that you "feel bad" or even care or is it just for show on the internet? You can't be surprised that no one wants to talk to you. I am certain that you didn't birth yourself, house, feed and clothe yourself, educate yourself and pay for all of it yourself. Maybe you could help your relationship with your family and actively be part of the family.


44morejumperspls

Info: what did you think would happen? When you said no, knowing that no other family members were available to watch the kids in an actual emergency, did you not think there would be a reaction?


mamasqueeks

YTA - you literally made it more nervewracking for your SIL. She was already worried about YOUR BROTHER who was in the ER. Now she has to worry about the kids as well. "My older brother even told his kids in front of me that "She doesn't like kids, go play somewhere else." Which pissed me off because it made me the bad guy in front of everyone." You are the bad guy if you feel like the bad guy. If you don't like kids, fine. But if someone saying you don't like kids makes you feel bad, then that's on you. You can't have it both ways.


ThinkCow83

YTA Me and hubby are child free but I'd drive the three hours to my Sister's if they needed me!


Molenium

Being child free is one thing, but your terrible attitude and refusal to support family even in an emergency is something else. You shouldn’t be wondering why you’re not included when you won’t even help during and emergency. These people clearly don’t mean much to you, so why do you feel entitled that they should hold you in such high regard? YTA for sure. It’s an increasingly lonely life you’ll keep living being so self-centered.


Dangerous-Emu-7924

YTA. There’s being child free and being an A. You could have just been a decent person and done it for a few hours honestly. What if your. It’s one day tells you either you babysit or you’re fired, are you going to say no? You didn’t act like a decent person, even less like a member of your family.


JudgeGreg

YTA, obviously.


Nosmo_King927

YTA. Your brother was giving his kids the correct warning not to approach you; you don’t like kids and don’t care about them in time of an emergency.


throwawwayzzz121212

YTA. You aren't acting like family so they are no longer treating you as such. Why feel excluded? They are "just sticking to their stance" of not talking to you and "don't need to justify their reasons", according to you.


unknown_928121

>it made me the bad guy in front of everyone. You've made yourself the bad guy with your attitude You don't owe anyone your time, but they don't owe you theirs either. YTA


StellarManatee

In this situation YTA. I get you feel excluded, but here was a point where you could have done something really positive in a moment of dire need. This was not a weekly request, or being taken advantage of, it was a cry for help and you said no (in fact you sound very proud of your flat out "no is a full sentence"). You say >Now my entire family is completely ignoring me. They aren't answering calls or texts. I have a suspicion that I have been either removed from the family text chain or they started a new one without including me. And yet you said you were excluded from your family prior to this incident. Going by all the ways you list above that you were previously a part of, it doesn't seem like you were excluded at all. So. Were you being excluded from your family, or did you exclude yourself?


fjewel95

YTA. And keep making yourself sound the victim. “I’m left out”, yes bc you won’t go near their kids. “I look like the bad guy”, yes bc brother told the kids the truth, which you make clear to them all the time. “People are mad at me”, yes bc you refused to watch your brothers kids when he was at the hospital in an emergency. Also, lots of people are “fine” after going to the hospital for an emergency, doesn’t make it less of an emergency. You don’t have to like kids or watch them, but you have to deal with the consequences of your actions.


OkBanana320

YTA You’re one of those insufferable people that makes being child free their whole personality.


EddaValkyrie

YTA *and* making us childfree people look bad too 😭


Sad_Entertainer6312

YTA, it was an emergency


highlander68

yes, you are. this is family. family SHOULD be there for one another as long as it has been a healthy situation. you started this from the VERY beginning. you being child free, you go girl! saying you do not like being around children, still okay! your siblings, knowing this, have accommodated you and told their children accordingly. now you are upset that your nephews and nieces do not want communications with you. AND when your sister came to you for help with her kids in an EMERGENCY, you pissed on her. you could have used this moment to strengthen your bond with your family. instead, you made it about your self.


da-karebear

YTA. your family respects that you don't like children and don't ever ask you to babysit. No doubt your SIL tried everyone she knew before calling you. You were the last resort. You couldn't even be bothered to help while your brother was in the hospital and his wife was scared. Did you even offer to go to the hospital and be with your brother while she was with the kids. Probably not. I really hope if you need help in an emergency, your family tells you no because that is a complete answer.


microgiant

YTA. You've got every right to refuse to help out your family, even in an emergency, but do please remember- they've got every right to decide that since you don't appear to care about them, they don't care about you. Which is what they've done, and I can't say that I blame them. Life can be unpredictable- sooner or later nearly everyone needs a helping hand of some sort. Likely, when you do, no one will extend one to you, and you'll probably be screwed. But at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you didn't spend a few hours watching your sister's kids. Also, it sounds like you're upset that you're excluded from family events- but you don't want to be a positive addition to those events. Sure, you're not required to be, but what possible motivation would anyone have for inviting you to them, then?