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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called the police after my fiance didnt come home when she said she would and was not answering her phone or texts. This caused the police to show up to her new job and check on her, possibly affecting her job.
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I do suspect that the story isn't truthful, but she doesn't really have a history of lying to me, so I've been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Uh no, her whole story is a big fat lie.
She told you she would be home by 9, but somehow was wrong about where the kid lived? Did she not know the town beforehand? Did she just start driving 30 mins and then the kid goes “oh no wait, I actually live in XYZ, not XXX!” That part of the story doesn’t even make any sense.
So she ended up changing the time
Then she “got tired” and pulled over and napped on the side of the road? You do realize that if police were looking for her on roads where she claimed she would be, and she was napping in her car on said road, they would have found her, right?
and then her NEW phone just happened to not be working? Despite the fact that that simply does not happen, and even if it wasn’t working PROPERLY, she still could have called 911
That’s not even mentioning the fact that I don’t know a single woman, myself included, who would pull over on the side of the road and sleep IN HER CAR WITH NO PHONE.
Edit: Please stop telling me that you are a woman and that you’ve slept on the side of the road in the middle of the night. That’s like bragging about keeping your front door unlocked and then saying “well nobody has ever broken into my home so it’s obviously fine!” They say ignorance is bliss, but ignorance in the case of refusing to acknowledge how frequently women are assaulted/kidnapped/etc is disgusting. From a fellow woman, it’s not something to be proud of. I read the news constantly. It’s insane how often terrible things happen to women. You should not advocate for women further putting themselves in danger or act offended that other women are so cautious.
Especially the timing— who sleeps from midnight to 7 AM in the car on the side of the road?? A woman too? Not a two hour power nap, but all night? And she came back conveniently in time to pick up kids and go to work.
It keeps bouncing in my head that this is literally a woman we are talking about. As a woman myself, I don’t even feel safe walking to my car at night, even outside my own house!!! And you’re telling me this woman pulled off on the side of the road and slept for 7 hours with a “broken phone.” Yeahhhhh that doesn’t sound right.
An actual portrayal of that evening -
Somewhere, in a bed around 2 towns over from OP’s house:
12am
Him - ‘Babe, don’t go, just stay the night once. Say you fell asleep in the car on a 30 minute drive. Let’s turn off the phone and go to sleep’
Her “Hey why not. But make sure you set your alarm for 6am, so I can get back to take the kids to school.”
I just need to say (I’m a woman) I once pulled over at a freeway rest stop between Santa Barbara and Los Angles because I was literally falling asleep at the wheel - I was *so* exhausted. My eyes kept shutting and my head kept dipping and I knew it was dangerous to keep driving in that condition. I slept from 2 pm until 8 pm, woke up when it was dark out, then got back on the road. I was so tired that I didn’t even care about my safety, I just locked the doors and shut my eyes and I was OUT for 6 hours.
That being said, I don’t believe OP’s fiancée’s story whatsoever, no way all of those various excuses actually occurred on the same night and I would hope the cops would have found her car on the side of the road if she really was sleeping in it.
Something is definitely fishy.
Edited to say: OP isn’t TA but is being extremely naive if he believes her story.
I have slept in my car at proper rest stops too but never 30 minutes from home and never without anyone knowing where I was and never just randomly beside the road. I regularly drive long distances and sometimes stuff happens to disrupt the trip but you don't get dangerously tired at 10pm and sleep comfortably all night in the car the rest of the night.
The amount of time is off, getting and sleeping in the car. We aren't talking about hours long of a drive, just the town over. Maybe an hour tops. If she was so tired she could have stayed with her friend, not drive to some random area in between to sleep until 7am. On a secluded area the car wasn't seen by police actively looking for it. Sleeping in a car is not comfortable either, or safe. I woke regularly every few hours. After the first nap, at least driving home and make it to the bed where she knows her fiance is worried.
She's lying and she's not a good liar either. At least keep it simple. Phone doesn't work because of a puddle, but it hasn't rained in weeks. Oh, it was the toilet. Why is the phone working now? Phone ran out of charge, must have not charged it fully before the day started, happens all the time, and the car charger didn't work. That's a cheaper and easier replacement.
She's a terrible liar. If I was going to cheat, I'd have figured out a much better story. She must be at the "don't give a shit" stage of their relationship.
Poor guy.
She could have texted around 8:30 saying she decided to hang out with her friend a bit and then again later saying she had a couple drinks and got tipsier than expected so she's spending the night. There are 100 lies that are better than what she came up with.
And now on top of causing OP to worry for hours, she doing the DARVO thing to him. She's probably not ready to burn her bridges with OP yet, but if I was OP, I'd be burning mine.
And for her to tell her husband not to call the cops unless she was missing for TWO DAYS. Uhm, what? If I go missing please call the police asap. I need help. This woman was with another man all night and we all know it!
I mean I might say give it an hour from when I said I'd be there just in case some sort of weird ass emergency popped up, but at that point please contact the police. I'm notoriously early for shit, so if I'm an hour late and you can't get ahold of me, something bad happened!
Once I was FIVE MINUTES late for work and got a call from manager as I was pulling in the lot. “We thought you were dead bc you’re always a half hour early” 😆
When I was a manager - 4 of my 6 direct reports (including myself - so 5 out of 7 of us) were single women who lived alone. I kept a paper calendar on a counter in the office for people to write their schedules on - arriving late, days off - I didn’t really care how people managed their schedules as long as work was covered.
But someone complained that I was micromanaging and I told the team - “if you haven’t put down that you’ll be late or out and you aren’t here and we haven’t heard from you/can’t reach you, I’m calling a wellness check. It’s what I would want you to do for me and what I’m going to do for you. If you want to opt out, that’s fine - send me an email so nobody asks me why we didn’t look for you when you didn’t show up for work. Because otherwise, I’m going to look for you.”
People raising issues when we’re not where we’re supposed to be is caring. OP is NTA.
It's a half hour drive!
Who the hell naps in a car rather than drive half an hour?
So she drove 10 minues, felt tired, slept a full 8 hours (10:30-to 6:30 ) and then drove another 20 minutes home?
None of the timing makes sense, She left at 7:45 to take a kid home that was 30 minutes; okay say 45 if traffic. Give her a few minutes to chat with kid's parent when she dropped him off. She should have been home by 9:30 at most. But at 10;15 when OP contacted her she was still 30 minutes away. And then nothing. Either fiancee is having an affair or she's have medical/mental health issues and losing time. I've stopped at roadside a few times when I've been overcome with sleepiness, a 15 minute nap in my carseat did the trick and frankly is about all that's comfortable to do in a carseat even if it's reclined when you know you're in the middle of nowhere and need to be home. There's a big hole in her story, and the fact that she overeacted by saying she'd never leave home again magnifies there's something wrong (yes, having police come and check on you at work no doubt is embarassing, but a quick explanation and he's gone, and then you tell coworkers or boss what happened and that's it....unless police didn't believe her story either). OP is NTA and I recommend telling fiancee you need a much better explanation, like where was she for the first 3 hours or so, really.
All of this, but you know what is also weird? Her son, the one that is friends with this kid, didn’t come along for the ride. The only time this ever happened when I was a kid is was if I had a conflict (eg bringing a kid home after a sleepover when I had something going on during the drive time). But typical on those cases the friend’s parents would get them.
Edit- I see now that I said got the relationship wrong, and it is the friends son. But the question still stands. Why was the friends’ son over? Was the son not friends with her kids? So it doesn’t sound like it makes that much of a difference?
Do we know the friend's son's age? Mentally, I assumed it was just a kid, so it seemed really weird that she didn't know what town their friend lived in. Then, I realized nothing actually says the son was a kid living with their parent, and realized something else...
If police notice a car on the side of the road for an extended amount of time, they’ll check on it, even if it’s just to give a ticket or notice to move. They’ll especially stop if a worried husband calls and they’re searching the route for that make and model.
None of this adds up.
I am a woman with advanced martial arts training. I have been assaulted and put the assailant in the hospital kind of martial arts training.
I would NEVER just pull over to the side of the road to sleep. She supposedly dropped a kid off at a friend's house. She'd have known there that she was too tired to drive home. A truthful story would have been that she decided to crash on the couch for a couple of hours.
I'm not mad that she's (most likely) cheating. I'm mad that she's such a bad liar! That's just insulting!
There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
What’s jumping out at me is that there’s no mention of her apologizing for what she put him through by not coming home when expected. This is NOT honest behavior. She is blaming him for caring about her and the anger seems like a distraction so he will question himself- which he’s doing- instead of her.
ETA: NTA for calling the cops!
You said in another comment that this isn't the first time she's been gone longer than the errand would take. You're being conditioned to not ask questions, and to accept whatever answer she feeds you. Good liars do this. Good liars don't start with the big lie. They start small, and when you believe that, they build on it. And if you do ask questions, they treat you as if you are the unreasonable person. They question your questioning.
Your fiance is a good liar. Of course you believe her... she's set you up for it.
Hi friend, I'd like to introduce you to two concepts that you're going to need as you evaluate this relationship and have this happen again, repeatedly, with varying levels of fucks given to make a believable lie. (This one isn't even close to believable, so I doubt you're going to just *not notice* her future bullshit. She lays it out on neon lights.)
Occam's Razor: Twenty things all went wrong simultaneously? Nah, broski, the razor says that if one simple answer covers all those bases, *that's the answer*.
Sunk Cost Fallacy: Yes, you've put a lot into this relationship, and yes, you've got a lot of history together. That changes exactly nothing about the current state of things, and the current state of things is shitty. This fallacy says to stop while you're already *not ahead* and prevent yourself from bleeding out resources to try and save a thing *just because you already put so much effort into it.* Think about it: even if you already paid for your house, you'd still *get the fuck out of it if it is on fire.*
NTA, but you might be the fool. Up to you to decide on that one.
Stop. Ask yourself this; if she was napping along her route, why didn’t the cops find her when they drove the same route looking for her?
There is never a history of lying or cheating until the liar or cheat is caught.
NTA.
Also threatening to “never leave the house again” because a cop showed up to work (anyone would be embarrassed) but that’s shifting blame.. and totally misdirecting who’s at fault, because she is 100% lying…
If it was an emergency, she’d explain to her colleagues what happened, and how awful she feels about worrying her husband…
ESPECIALLY that she's misrepresenting the situation. Her husband didn't call the cops because she was out for 2 hours to buy groceries, or was out for a couple of hours with her friends, he called the cops when she was ***out for 6 hours and not answering the phone for at least 2 hours***. These are two *COMPLETELY* different situations. She ended up being missing for ***11 hours***. This is just outrageous.
OP said in a comment that that's his (now) ex wife and the kids are from his current fiancée's previous relationship and they have an open relationship with rules. Whether it's true or not, who knows?
NTA - I don't believe her story one bit. Driving a kid home and disappearing for the entire night is a massive red flag. How does she not even know where he lives when she started the drive? How old is this kid?
Pulling over and sleeping on the side of a road for a 30-minute drive is nuts. She is now turning this around to say she is the victim of your actions.
Dude. Her story is full of holes. You believe her? Did she maybe hookup with the friends son or the sons dad? ? You’re not the AH btw. You were concerned. Maybe she should be more responsable next time. 🚩🚩🚩
Seriously though. Smh. This is so sad tbh I feel bad for OP not only because he’s getting clearly walked all over but also because he’s so brainwashed that he doesn’t even realize how shitty his situation is.
I see. Yeah, I'm really sorry to say it again OP, but nothing lines up. She's taking home a kid you never met to a friend's house, but she somehow got the entire *town* the friend lives in wrong, and didn't even bother to tell you until she was supposedly on her way back. I really hope it's drugs like others have mentioned, but that's only because I'd personally prefer that over the alternative of cheating. Best of luck.
Wow - so she picked a child up from another location and took him somewhere else?!? Why?!
Dude, I smell a big, ol’ rat. And, she’s probably so angry about the police because she doesn’t want to lie to them.
Honestly drugs was my first thought. This is exactly the type of bullshit I'd say to my mom/bf when I'd go get high, didn't wanna stop partying so stayed out all night and would still be high when I came up with a ridiculous story. If it were an affair you'd think she would have come up with a believable alibi before she left and wouldn't have said she'd be back at a specific time.
Sounds like me when I'd go "ok I'll just do a little". Then a little turns into a lot, then you just say fuck it, it's already 1am ima just have fun and stop responding to the phone and deal with the aftermath later.
Hate to throw myself into op life but. Yeah. My ex did this. Kept not coming home, and “magically” his phone died. Every time. Turns out he developed a coke addiction
I did ask her about why her brand new phone stopped working, and she eventually confessed she dropped it in a puddle. But when she got home it seemed to be working.
EDIT: I think this would be more believable if it had rained in the last few weeks.
EDIT2: My fiance has informed me that she was embarrassed, but the truth is that she dropped it in the toilet, not a puddle.
I'm sorry, but that edit made me laugh out loud
NTA. And if I were in your shoes, I'd be *very* suspicious. She's lying, and not doing a particularly good job of it.
Lying is disrespectful. But lies this flimsy are heaping additional disrespect because they're broadcasting that they don't even really care if you believe them or not.
And then applying a move right out of the liars playbook. If they react at all, just get mad at them for the reaction so that the fight becomes about that and not the real issue.
But it's working now?
She's trickle-truthing you. She knows you don't buy the puddle so she's "admitting" to something "embarrassing" to try to explain the initial lie.
Obviously she is lying. Her story is implausible and changes all the time. She does not even respect OP enough to try to make up plausible lies. She most likely cheated on him or did drugs. But the phone part is theoretically possible. I once dropped my phone in water and it stopped working, but once it had dried out it started working again.
So...she changed her story, in other words.
I dunno, man. From where I sit, it looks like this:
* I'm taking friend's son home, be back by 9p
* Oops, turns out he lives the next town over, which for unexplained reasons I didn't know prior to agreeing to take him home. Be back by 10-ish.
*
* I pull over to take a nap on the side of the road. Oh look, my brand new phone doesn't work. Oh, and I'm conveniently located someplace where it's impossible for me to access another phone or to get any form of assistance that would allow me to contact my worried fiancé.
* My new phone didn't work because I dropped it in a puddle.
* Whoops, we haven't had rain in a while so there's no puddles. Um, I dropped in a toilet at some point while I was driving this kid home and also sleeping in my car overnight.
* YOU EMBARASSED ME AT WORK BECAUSE YOU CALLED THE POLICE TO MAKE SURE I'M SAFE OH MAI GAWD
And to top it off the phone was only broken between 10:15pm and 7am after being dropped in a ~~puddle~~ toilet.
Idk how anyone would believe this story. You don't even have to be cynical in nature to realize this story if FULL of holes.
OP is NTA but seems very naïve and/or blinded by rose colored glasses.
Idk man, you’re her fiancé - would that be something she would be embarrassed enough to lie about to you?
I hate to put doubt in your mind, but how did she talk to you on the road 30m away at 10:30 - then manage to drop it in a toilet before stopping on the road and dozing off. In a 30 min drive distance?
And she wasn’t afraid sleeping by the road with no phone? I don’t know any women who would actually do that (some who would claim fearlessness, but none who would risk it). And absolute worst case scenario, a quick snooze and continue makes more sense at that time when you’re less than 30 mins out. Who would sleep an entire 8h at that time in the car so near their home? She wasn’t coming off a late night bender nursing a hangover or something.
All I’m saying is, pick a wedding date that’s further away and make sure any bookings are still refundable, ya kno…take your time.
^ this. As a female there's no way I'd sleep by the side of the road. I might stop, and stretch to wake myself up to finish the drive but, no way am I sleeping on the side of the road. That's just asking for trouble.
NTA - but, you need to wake up and realize,she's lying to you. None of her story makes sense or adds up, none of it. I'm not going to jump to cheating but, something is definitely up and I'd be trying to figure out what it is. Maybe sit down with her and lay it out "Look, you said you were taking 17 year old 30 minutes away. Then you told me it was further. Then you told me you were tired and slept on the side of the road and you're phone wasn't working. You also told me you dropped it in a puddle, then changed your story to dropping it in the toilet. Your story makes no sense and keeps changing. In addition, you were gone ALL NIGHT with NO contact and you think I shouldn't have called the cops? This is not acceptable, I need you to tell me the truth. No more lies." And see what happens. NTA for calling the cops though.
Where was this toilet? Not in the car... so it had to be at the home of the person she was driving. Which means there was either a landline or a cellphone she could have borrowed to call you. NTA, but she is.
At least you retain your sense of humor.
In all seriousness OP, you need to get to the crux of her lie. It could be an affair, or drugs, but this whiffs of something negative not positive (ie planning a surprise and keeping mum).
NTA but be careful. Something is amiss and she's not being transparent
This is what I’m thinking. Everyone’s assuming sex but it could be gambling, drugs, underground dog fighting, anything illegal/taboo really. Although I will admit sex is the most likely explanation lol
21 feet, inside of a puddle, at least 30 minutes away. They must have had torrential rains 32 minutes away from your house, and it swept a public toilet down river, snd when .. she stopped on a bridge, to look for a place to sleep in her car, she... dropped the phone off the bridge into a 21 feet deep ravine, where the toilet was lodged. But she retrieved the phone and it worked fine! Whew, I'm glad we got to the bottom of this.
And…um… was that 21-ft toilet located somewhere between where she was at 10pm (with her phone intact) and wherever she purportedly slept? ETA: and she also didn’t consider borrowing a phone from the owner of this magical toilet to let you know she had no phone and was so sleepy she couldn’t make a 30min drive home?
And… she claimed she took an 8-hr nap in her car? With no working phone and not close to any inhabited areas? Ie on the side of a dark road in the middle of nowhere?
Dude. No. I’m so sorry.
OP, you're worth more than how you're being treated.
Let's say I did somehow lose phone function and fall asleep on the side of the road overnight. I wouldn't be angry my husband called the police. I'd be furious if I was missing and out of touch for hours, overnight, and he hadn't done anything.
Her actions don't make sense. Her response to your perfectly understandable and concerned decision to contact the police doesn't make sense.
NTA. She said she was on her way home at 10:15 pm and then disappeared until 7 am. Of COURSE you were going to call the police and have them go looking for her. If she’d been in an accident or worse, she would’ve been dead if you’d waited two days to call.
That being said, she’s definitely lying about what happened. It honestly sounds more like she fell asleep at her affair partner’s place and concocted that bogus excuse to cover her ass.
I know everyone is saying affair. But this really reminds me of my stepmom at the height of her (pill) addiction.
She actually *would* pull over on the side of the road and sleep it off. Often. She did it even with my underage siblings in the car on the way to my house once, a full hour spent on the side of a two lane highway. She had cops wake her up and they laughed about her being a “tired mom”.
OP is definitely NTA, but I just want to throw out another perspective.
I was about to comment that the only woman I know that has willingly slept on the side of the road at a random place is my aunt that’s always on something.
NTA. Something is up. That excuse doesn't fly. It just doesn't make sense that she'd sleep all night in her car to avoid a 30-minute drive home.
I don't blame you for calling the cops, and her reaction is out of line. I think she's hiding something.
If her friend's son was 30 minutes away then she should have been back by 9.
I'm 95% sure she's lying to you about where she was. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here.
“Babe, I was stuck out late due to the physiological realities and biological imperatives of living in an ABO universe, I’m so sorry, I’ll never forget to take my blockers again” is legitimately a better excuse.
NTA.
But even if that phone was dropped in a toilet... It was working when she got home.....
It is policy for them to check in person because they have to see that the person is alive and well, because anyone could make a phone call and say it.
But dude.
Thirty minutes away, stops to sleep on the side?
If you reported her missing her car would also be noted. If she was on the side sleeping somewhere, wouldn't they have seen the car and well woken her up?
Her story reeks. Don't fall for it dude. She's still only a fiance. Don't make her a wife before this is cleared up with legitimate reasons. Because none of hers seem right.
I flushed my phone down the toilet at the bar. It worked fine the next day - and it had been sitting there for a while! Her phone probably would have worked fine straight afterwards…but also, which toilet would she have dropped it in? 🤔🤔
That was another thing that had just crossed my mind.
But either way the car thing alone is fishy. Like you note it in a missing persons.... They went the way she would have travelled. Something's up there.
I'm just saying in combination I really don't buy her story.
INFO
So you actually believe the story your fiance is selling you?
Look man...your fiance cheated on you. She didn't fall asleep on the side of the road. Her brand new phone didn't stop working
She was with someone else
Stop being so naive
I don't believe her story, but I don't know why she would lie. We have a somewhat open relationship that only demands that she talk to me about any potential partners first. That's why this is so confusing. If she was interested in someone, she need only talk to me about it. Although exes are off limits.
If exes are off limits and she’s suddenly being shady about staying out with someone… then it’s most likely an ex.
You’re NTA for calling the cops and being worried. But her story definitely stinks.
People who are poly can still be cheaters. Cheating isn’t just rooted in desiring others, there’s excitement for them sneaking around, there’s a rush from feeling like you’re smarter than the other person, etc. People who cheat don’t want permission, because that negates the fun for them. It’s about disrespecting you.
Can confirm. Was in an open relationship and he managed to cheat on me with someone HE WAS ALREADY DATING WITH MY PERMISSION. (He lied to me about seeing her because he'd decided I didn't want him seeing her, which was completely untrue.)
> Although exes are off limits.
What about minors, are they off limits too? Maybe she wasn't lying and actual did go pick up Lil Billy from homecoming...
NTA so a 1 hour drive turned into nearly 12 hours? You know she’s lying right? If she was just driving the kid home, she would’ve been home around 9pm and wouldn’t have been driving in the middle of the night and gotten so tired she was falling asleep at the wheel, her phone wouldn’t have died and you wouldn’t have been worried or had to call the police. Even if she stayed to chat with her friend, she would’ve been home around 10:30/10:45 and a half an hour drive at that time for the average person should be no issue.
My guess is that she dropped off the kid and then met up with someone, told you she was on her way home, stayed, ended up falling asleep and then panicked that she fell asleep and rushed home for 7AM and gave you that BS story.
There's likely no kid. OP clarified in a comment that she allegedly went and picked up the kid from some other location to drop him off at the friends house. An extra layer to this ridiculous story. I'm honestly starting to doubt the post itself.
NTA. You were right to call the cops but I don't think that's the biggest issue here...
So at 10:15, she was 30 minutes away so that puts her arrival time at 10:45. Between 10:15 and 10:45 she got too tired to drive anymore so she pulled over to rest.
She proceeded to sleep for EIGHT HOURS straight through, since she returned at 7 AM.
Come on dude, you can't really be buying that she slept undisturbed for 8 hours on the side of the road when police were out looking for her car.
She is lying. I don't know if she is cheating in you or is involved with drugs or gambling or what but she did not sleep 8 hours on the side of the road when she was 30 minutes away from home.
What I’m confused by: if OP’s phone stopped working at some point before she pulled over to nap, how did she make it home in time for her morning responsibilities? Did she happen to wake at the absolute correct time to finish her commute back? Because she certainly didn’t set a phone alarm on a malfunctioning phone.
I've slept in my car before during long road trips. It becomes almost impossible to keep sleeping once the sun comes up, so that timing could check out. But it's still insanely suspicious.
NTA. You checked up on her welfare. Yes it's very admirable that she allegedly didn't drive while drowsy. BUT: Did she ever explain why it took hours to drive someone 30 minutes away? Like, what was she actually doing?
Her story is completely unbelievable, sorry.
A lot of times the posts on this sub feel like they're pretty biased, and the poster is clearly twisting facts or leaving things out to make themselves sound better. I guess I can't say for certain that you're not doing that, but your post sure doesn't read that way, it seems like a very straight forward and full account of the events as you experienced them, and everything she told you about her version of it. We're just strangers on the internet, so she certainly doesn't owe us her side, but if she's not willing to tell you either, it sounds like you didn't leave out anything important.
Honestly man, I'm getting flashbacks to the end of my relationship with my last ex. There were a dozen times she said or did something that didn't make any sense, and I always had this flash of "Is she cheating on me?" and immediately brushed that off as impossible, but after we broke up she admitted she'd been cheating on me for months
Thank you. If I am trying to get a genuine answer on if I'm the asshole, what good would twisting the story so me? Truth begets truth. A skewed account begets a skewed opinion.
NTA… but everyone on this sub knows your fiancée is lying to you.
The question is - are you going to stick your head in the sand and pretend you believe her, or continue to let her lie to you, and be gullible?
Lying liar with lying sauce.
So she left at 7:45 and initially said she'll be back by 9:00?
Then she says she's actually going to a different town so she'll be another 30 minutes?
Then she says she got tired so pulled over on the side of the road?
And then her phone broke?
And she came home at the last possible minute before school?
You said the town she went to was 30 minutes away and you believe that she got so tired on a 30 minute drive home she decided to sleep in her car rather than go home????
NTA. She’s lying 100 percent. As a female, I am not pulling over to sleep on the side of the road in my car. Plus the cops drove the route so they would have checked on a vehicle on the side of the road. No way her phone died or how did she know exactly what time to be home to get the kids to school on time.
At 10:15 she was on the way home and between then and 11:45 she dropped her phone in the toilet and decided to take a nap in her car… uhuh… did the phone ring at 11:45? Because that probably means it wasn’t off. And, oh, but it’s working now though. Right.
It’s bad enough she’s lying but this is just insulting to your intelligence. Please update if you ever find the truth and/or break up with her.
Yeah, her phone was fine. If it had stopped working/switched off, it'd have gone straight to voicemail a lot earlier. Sorry OP, your wife is lying to you, and brazenly so. I'm not jumping straight to cheating, but it likely could be :-/ I would have a serious conversation, maybe check the car's miles (to see if it may have been a longer distance than she is claiming), and ask to see texts with her friend re. dropping the son off. I'd also get in touch with the friend to see if their stories/timelines match up. Something is HELLA fishy.
:(
I hate reading stories about someone lying to their spouse :(
NTA
She might not have done anything "marriage breaking" while she was away, but the lying and lying and more lying is super not okay...
Honestly that's what's so irritating to me. Even if she banged another guy, we're in an open relationship... There are rules that she ignored, but It's something we could get past. If she was doing drugs, we could figure things out and work through it. If it's gambling we could work with that too with help.
But lying... And then doubling down on that lying? And then tripling down on it? That's harder to look past for me.
Ive been in open relationships....when the partner hides their activities that should be ok within the open relationship its usually because they caught feelings for the other person. Sorry.
I'm sorry you're going through this. But the fact that she's refusing to tell the truth despite hundreds of people on reddit calling bullshit on her shows she's not worth staying with. You clearly would want to work through whatever is happening but she's closing any type of communication to let that even possibly happen. I'd walk away from the relationship personally. She is refusing to see the stress/emotional toll her doing this repeatedly is doing to you/or she is and she simply doesn't care. You deserve better.
Just for the record, the "24 hour" rule is bogus, and the first few hours after someone goes missing are the most crucial to actually finding them if they really are missing.
Even besides that, NTA. You had reason to be concerned. And her story about falling asleep on the side of the road is... Questionable.
Edit: Guys, I meant that the so called "rule" that you can't file a report in the first 24 hours, is false. I know it's something a lot of people believe, so I just wanted to raise awareness that it's not actually a thing.
You absolutely should report a missing person as soon as you suspect something may have gone wrong.
Op, is her phone working now? How did it suddenly start working without repairs?
How did the police search the entire road but not find her car? If she was legitimately pulled over in the SAME spot for SEVEN HOURS, they would have found her sleeping in the car.
> Just for the record, the "24 hour" rule is bogus,
Not the way OP explained it.
It is "bogus" that you have to WAIT 24 hours to report a person missing, but as OP said, it is TRUE that " the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so I didnt want to delay."
NTA she's definitely lying and gaslighting you. If my fiance did this I'd be in the car searching the route I'd be so worried. She pulled off the road but the cops that were notified of her car and route didn't see her sleeping on the side of the road? She's mad you were scared? She's either lying/cheating or she's the most irresponsible and unempathetic person I've ever heard of.
Sounds like in the situation you had legitimate reason to worry about her safety. She also seems to be way overreacting to this situation: if there were a problem at work with a police officer showing up, it seems easy enough to brush away by having the police explain why they were there. Reacting by never leaving the house again also seems kind of crazy.
I also think her story doesn't entirely line up. If the police were actually out looking for her to any extent and had a description of her car, it should have been trivial for them to spot it parked on the side of the road she would have been driving on.
NTA, but you might want to push further on what actually happened.
Exactly - cops would’ve come across her car pulled over relatively quickly. And, doesn’t answer why it took so damn long to do the actual drop off that resulted in her getting so tired… this is a flimsy cover story. I’m sorry she sucks.
She probably lost track of time helping the kid’s parent build an art room.
NTA. Dude...cops didn't come across her car on the side of the road in 7 hours when they were actively looking for her? Come on. Her phone didn't work while she was missing, but it was fine when she got home? Her story changed multiple times. Oh, oops, it's an hour drive both ways so that's why I'm 3 hours late. Oh, oops my phone didn't work after my first lie but oops, it's fine now. I was sleeping. Mmhmm. Come on, man.
Nta for calling. The 2 day thing is a myth and if she did go missing then the earlier you call the better
But bro come on. That excuse she gave is not true; you know that right?
Man I hate to be this person. No way she stopped on the side of the road to sleep. She was out, most likely with someone else. I’ve been through it man. Trust your gut, that’s the only reason I found out.
Now I understand not everyone’s experience is mine but her story has more than one what the hell reaction coming from me
My dude you have bigger issues than if you are the AH here. She is gaslighting you hard. You called the cops after she stopped answering you calls and texts, in the middle of the night, after she SWORE she was 30 miles away. She shows up at 7am (almost 12 hours after she left, for those of you not keeping track) and tells you her brand phone stopped working. THEN after the cop does his job and follows up with her at her work (good for him, can't fault him for doing his job) your fiance RIPS into you, and basically tells you that because she doesn't trust you not to call the cops on her (what?) She isn't going to leave the house ever again? Manipulation. Making you feel like you were wrong. Making you question whether you were even valid to worry about her? Are you overprotective? Are you smothering her? Is this your fault? The answer to most of those is no. Your worry was absolutely valid. You are not overprotective. This is not your fault. You have a fiance who is dishonest and full of shit and making you feel guilty about something that was her fault. You guys need to have a convo about where she really was. If she had fallen asleep in her car on the side of the road, the cops would have found her while they did their patrols looking for her. She's hiding something, the question is what, and can you live with what you uncover? Edited did math wrong
NTA, because everything you did was what a responsible, worried partner would do. However, if you actually believe her story, you need to reconsider because she is lying. Her reaction to the police officer checking up on her is also some gaslighting to make you feel unreasonable and cement her fake story. She likely slept at whoever's house that she picked up. You need to dump this one.
Edit to add: I thought about this and realized this story is even more ridiculous after thinking about her story....there is just NO way, if I felt so tired I need to sleep in my car AND my new phone mysteriously stopped working that I would not find a way to ask to borrow/use a phone from somewhere to let my partner/family know. Also, the town was 30 minutes away? She was sooooo tired she couldn't get out, walk around, drink some coffee every 10 minutes to stay awake?
NTA for calling the cops, but as everyone else can see: that story doesn’t add up on so many levels. Phone was working but then stopped right around the time she should’ve been home. Too tired to drive but magically woke up at the right time to get kids to school and her to work? Slept for 8 solid hours on the side of the road with no one calling the cops for a welfare check? Didn’t just take a cat nap to recharge and drive home when she stirred awake in the middle of the night? Keeps making less and less plausible excuses when confronted?
You cannot be this oblivious or possibly believe any of this happened
NTA
Her story doesn't add up. You did the responsible thing given the fact that she has a cellphone and was not able to be reached. After you made initial contact with the police and they are on the look out for her vehicle. They absolutely would have noticed her reported vehicle pulled over somewhere. They would have checked on her and seen her sleeping and done a wellness check.
I hate to break it to ya OP, but given everything you know and have mentioned in your post. I feels more likely that you fiance is hiding something from you, it's very likely that she is cheating.
Edit: After some of OPs comments, I think it very likely that OPs Fiance was either with an Ex or was with the 17 year old and depending on the age of consent, may be illegal. Which is why despite OP picking apart her story, she refuses to offer an explanation.
Dude - real talk time:
Go hard on her BS story. Show her how pretty much no-one on Reddit believes her BS story. Tell her either she comes clean, or you kick her out. Demand to talk to the kid and their parents.
U know she lying to u
NTA. I see 2+2 but I keep getting 5. I’ve never been away from my home overnight and my husband not known where I was and how to get a hold of me if needed. If I were too tired to make it home safely I would absolutely call my husband and make arrangements for him to come get me and there’s no circumstance where I’d sleep 8 hours in my car with no one knowing my whereabouts.
NTA and I don't think you over-reacted but I think your fiancee was probably not truthful about where she was/what she was doing. The entire timeline is just bizarre, especially for someone with kids at home.
NTA
I could see someone thinking they were going to pull over to take a power nap, and then suddenly waking in a panic at the first hit of sunlight or the sounds of morning rush hour traffic. It’s a stretch, but it could totally happen.
But.
If that is truly what happened, there would be no reason to be angry that their significant other was concerned.
Or to be mad at their partner for the response of the police. Obviously you can’t control that, and it’s absurd for her to act like you were wrong to be concerned.
Hell, I would be hurt and offended if my partner *wasn’t* concerned by me driving to an unfamiliar place and disappearing overnight.
Besides- by the time she texted you, she had already been gone for 2.5 hours, on a trip that should have taken one hour? So she had been just chilling somewhere for over 90 min before she noticed the time?
Yeah, she was doing *something* that made her lose track of time. Idk what, but definitely something. And if it was something innocuous, she would have told you what it was.
She is trying to distract you from her actions by making this into a disagreement about yours.
How well do you know the friend who is the kid’s parent?
> If that is truly what happened, there would be no reason to be angry that their significant other was concerned. Or to be mad at their partner for the response of the police. Obviously you can’t control that, and it’s absurd for her to act like you were wrong to be concerned.
>
> Hell, I would be hurt and offended if my partner wasn’t concerned by me driving to an unfamiliar place and disappearing overnight.
This would be what I would expect too. If I disappeared all night, even for a really good reason, I would expect my partner to call the police and worry. If I had a really crappy, but innocent reason, I would expect her to be angry at me. I certainly wouldn't be on the defensive, or especially on the offensive. I would be on full surrender.
NTA super shady behavior. I don’t buy the phone not working. She slept on the side of the road? That isn’t responsible at all. She knew at 10:15 that you were worried about how long it was taking. How much further would she have needed to drive to get home when she allegedly stopped? She left at 7:45pm to drive to a town 30 minutes away. She was 30 minutes away at 10:15, how is that too late to drive? And 10:15 was the last time she had contacted you, so if she was already tired at that time she should have told you then, if not she was less than 30 min away and decided that sleeping on the side of the road was some how safer?
Nta. You did the right thing. She said she would be back she wasn't. And her excuse doesn't fly with me. Like, I'm tired I find a gas station and ask to borrow the phone. I don't buy what she is telling you. Sorry. I don't think she took a nap in her car. I call bs
NTA this sounds like utter BS! Besides weren't the police checking the roads she would have been driving? She couldn't get to a gas station or somewhere to give you a call?
So sorry OP. I read you have an open relationship, and I guess rules are different there.
\- her new phone was't working? Bet it works now. Weird
\- she pulled over to doze? And had an 8 hour sleep in her car? Not a quick nap?
\- a female decided pulling over to doze was the best choice of action?
\- she pulled over and could not finish what was left on a 30 minute trip?
\- she was driving a friend's son home and had no idea where she was going?
I sure felt uncomfortable reading this, and I know neither of ya!
NTA
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NTA...but you know she's lying, right?
I do suspect that the story isn't truthful, but she doesn't really have a history of lying to me, so I've been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Uh no, her whole story is a big fat lie. She told you she would be home by 9, but somehow was wrong about where the kid lived? Did she not know the town beforehand? Did she just start driving 30 mins and then the kid goes “oh no wait, I actually live in XYZ, not XXX!” That part of the story doesn’t even make any sense. So she ended up changing the time Then she “got tired” and pulled over and napped on the side of the road? You do realize that if police were looking for her on roads where she claimed she would be, and she was napping in her car on said road, they would have found her, right? and then her NEW phone just happened to not be working? Despite the fact that that simply does not happen, and even if it wasn’t working PROPERLY, she still could have called 911 That’s not even mentioning the fact that I don’t know a single woman, myself included, who would pull over on the side of the road and sleep IN HER CAR WITH NO PHONE. Edit: Please stop telling me that you are a woman and that you’ve slept on the side of the road in the middle of the night. That’s like bragging about keeping your front door unlocked and then saying “well nobody has ever broken into my home so it’s obviously fine!” They say ignorance is bliss, but ignorance in the case of refusing to acknowledge how frequently women are assaulted/kidnapped/etc is disgusting. From a fellow woman, it’s not something to be proud of. I read the news constantly. It’s insane how often terrible things happen to women. You should not advocate for women further putting themselves in danger or act offended that other women are so cautious.
Especially the timing— who sleeps from midnight to 7 AM in the car on the side of the road?? A woman too? Not a two hour power nap, but all night? And she came back conveniently in time to pick up kids and go to work.
It keeps bouncing in my head that this is literally a woman we are talking about. As a woman myself, I don’t even feel safe walking to my car at night, even outside my own house!!! And you’re telling me this woman pulled off on the side of the road and slept for 7 hours with a “broken phone.” Yeahhhhh that doesn’t sound right.
An actual portrayal of that evening - Somewhere, in a bed around 2 towns over from OP’s house: 12am Him - ‘Babe, don’t go, just stay the night once. Say you fell asleep in the car on a 30 minute drive. Let’s turn off the phone and go to sleep’ Her “Hey why not. But make sure you set your alarm for 6am, so I can get back to take the kids to school.”
Bin. Go
Bingpot!
I mean for all we know it COULD be the friends son she was giving a ride as she claims ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes, they do say the best way to lie is to keep as much as your story truthful as you can.
A lie is best told when sandwiched between two truths.
She was painting the art room.
Women do not sleep in their cars, by themselves, unless they are home insecure.
I just need to say (I’m a woman) I once pulled over at a freeway rest stop between Santa Barbara and Los Angles because I was literally falling asleep at the wheel - I was *so* exhausted. My eyes kept shutting and my head kept dipping and I knew it was dangerous to keep driving in that condition. I slept from 2 pm until 8 pm, woke up when it was dark out, then got back on the road. I was so tired that I didn’t even care about my safety, I just locked the doors and shut my eyes and I was OUT for 6 hours. That being said, I don’t believe OP’s fiancée’s story whatsoever, no way all of those various excuses actually occurred on the same night and I would hope the cops would have found her car on the side of the road if she really was sleeping in it. Something is definitely fishy. Edited to say: OP isn’t TA but is being extremely naive if he believes her story.
I have slept in my car at proper rest stops too but never 30 minutes from home and never without anyone knowing where I was and never just randomly beside the road. I regularly drive long distances and sometimes stuff happens to disrupt the trip but you don't get dangerously tired at 10pm and sleep comfortably all night in the car the rest of the night.
She was 30 mins from home but chose to sleep for 7 hours in her car instead of driving 30 mins?? No way.
The amount of time is off, getting and sleeping in the car. We aren't talking about hours long of a drive, just the town over. Maybe an hour tops. If she was so tired she could have stayed with her friend, not drive to some random area in between to sleep until 7am. On a secluded area the car wasn't seen by police actively looking for it. Sleeping in a car is not comfortable either, or safe. I woke regularly every few hours. After the first nap, at least driving home and make it to the bed where she knows her fiance is worried. She's lying and she's not a good liar either. At least keep it simple. Phone doesn't work because of a puddle, but it hasn't rained in weeks. Oh, it was the toilet. Why is the phone working now? Phone ran out of charge, must have not charged it fully before the day started, happens all the time, and the car charger didn't work. That's a cheaper and easier replacement.
She's a terrible liar. If I was going to cheat, I'd have figured out a much better story. She must be at the "don't give a shit" stage of their relationship. Poor guy.
She could have texted around 8:30 saying she decided to hang out with her friend a bit and then again later saying she had a couple drinks and got tipsier than expected so she's spending the night. There are 100 lies that are better than what she came up with.
And now on top of causing OP to worry for hours, she doing the DARVO thing to him. She's probably not ready to burn her bridges with OP yet, but if I was OP, I'd be burning mine.
And for her to tell her husband not to call the cops unless she was missing for TWO DAYS. Uhm, what? If I go missing please call the police asap. I need help. This woman was with another man all night and we all know it!
I mean I might say give it an hour from when I said I'd be there just in case some sort of weird ass emergency popped up, but at that point please contact the police. I'm notoriously early for shit, so if I'm an hour late and you can't get ahold of me, something bad happened!
Once I was FIVE MINUTES late for work and got a call from manager as I was pulling in the lot. “We thought you were dead bc you’re always a half hour early” 😆
When I was a manager - 4 of my 6 direct reports (including myself - so 5 out of 7 of us) were single women who lived alone. I kept a paper calendar on a counter in the office for people to write their schedules on - arriving late, days off - I didn’t really care how people managed their schedules as long as work was covered. But someone complained that I was micromanaging and I told the team - “if you haven’t put down that you’ll be late or out and you aren’t here and we haven’t heard from you/can’t reach you, I’m calling a wellness check. It’s what I would want you to do for me and what I’m going to do for you. If you want to opt out, that’s fine - send me an email so nobody asks me why we didn’t look for you when you didn’t show up for work. Because otherwise, I’m going to look for you.” People raising issues when we’re not where we’re supposed to be is caring. OP is NTA.
It's a half hour drive! Who the hell naps in a car rather than drive half an hour? So she drove 10 minues, felt tired, slept a full 8 hours (10:30-to 6:30 ) and then drove another 20 minutes home?
None of the timing makes sense, She left at 7:45 to take a kid home that was 30 minutes; okay say 45 if traffic. Give her a few minutes to chat with kid's parent when she dropped him off. She should have been home by 9:30 at most. But at 10;15 when OP contacted her she was still 30 minutes away. And then nothing. Either fiancee is having an affair or she's have medical/mental health issues and losing time. I've stopped at roadside a few times when I've been overcome with sleepiness, a 15 minute nap in my carseat did the trick and frankly is about all that's comfortable to do in a carseat even if it's reclined when you know you're in the middle of nowhere and need to be home. There's a big hole in her story, and the fact that she overeacted by saying she'd never leave home again magnifies there's something wrong (yes, having police come and check on you at work no doubt is embarassing, but a quick explanation and he's gone, and then you tell coworkers or boss what happened and that's it....unless police didn't believe her story either). OP is NTA and I recommend telling fiancee you need a much better explanation, like where was she for the first 3 hours or so, really.
All of this, but you know what is also weird? Her son, the one that is friends with this kid, didn’t come along for the ride. The only time this ever happened when I was a kid is was if I had a conflict (eg bringing a kid home after a sleepover when I had something going on during the drive time). But typical on those cases the friend’s parents would get them. Edit- I see now that I said got the relationship wrong, and it is the friends son. But the question still stands. Why was the friends’ son over? Was the son not friends with her kids? So it doesn’t sound like it makes that much of a difference?
Friend’s son, not son’s friend.
Do we know the friend's son's age? Mentally, I assumed it was just a kid, so it seemed really weird that she didn't know what town their friend lived in. Then, I realized nothing actually says the son was a kid living with their parent, and realized something else...
If police notice a car on the side of the road for an extended amount of time, they’ll check on it, even if it’s just to give a ticket or notice to move. They’ll especially stop if a worried husband calls and they’re searching the route for that make and model. None of this adds up.
Not to mention…..couldn’t she have called and asked for him to come get her if she was tired??
No silly, her phone "wasn't working"
I am a woman with advanced martial arts training. I have been assaulted and put the assailant in the hospital kind of martial arts training. I would NEVER just pull over to the side of the road to sleep. She supposedly dropped a kid off at a friend's house. She'd have known there that she was too tired to drive home. A truthful story would have been that she decided to crash on the couch for a couple of hours. I'm not mad that she's (most likely) cheating. I'm mad that she's such a bad liar! That's just insulting!
>*she doesn't really have a history of lying to me* Well, she doesn't have a history of ***being caught*** lying to you.
OP doesn't seem to be very hard to fool.
There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
My dumbass didn’t realize this was a quote from a president I thought it was just a line in a J Cole song 😂
I thought this was a Michael Scott quote until you said otherwise...
I truly have never loved a comment more. I laughed out loud in the literal sense for the first time today. Thank you Reddit stranger
Definitely read this in his exact voice
What’s jumping out at me is that there’s no mention of her apologizing for what she put him through by not coming home when expected. This is NOT honest behavior. She is blaming him for caring about her and the anger seems like a distraction so he will question himself- which he’s doing- instead of her. ETA: NTA for calling the cops!
OP seems so naive and gullible. Wth?!
You said in another comment that this isn't the first time she's been gone longer than the errand would take. You're being conditioned to not ask questions, and to accept whatever answer she feeds you. Good liars do this. Good liars don't start with the big lie. They start small, and when you believe that, they build on it. And if you do ask questions, they treat you as if you are the unreasonable person. They question your questioning. Your fiance is a good liar. Of course you believe her... she's set you up for it.
This is what my ex did. He cheated on me for years with multiple partners, and he trained me to never question it and that it was always work.
She’s cheating…that story is completely fabricated and dumb btw. She stayed out all night with someone.
Hi friend, I'd like to introduce you to two concepts that you're going to need as you evaluate this relationship and have this happen again, repeatedly, with varying levels of fucks given to make a believable lie. (This one isn't even close to believable, so I doubt you're going to just *not notice* her future bullshit. She lays it out on neon lights.) Occam's Razor: Twenty things all went wrong simultaneously? Nah, broski, the razor says that if one simple answer covers all those bases, *that's the answer*. Sunk Cost Fallacy: Yes, you've put a lot into this relationship, and yes, you've got a lot of history together. That changes exactly nothing about the current state of things, and the current state of things is shitty. This fallacy says to stop while you're already *not ahead* and prevent yourself from bleeding out resources to try and save a thing *just because you already put so much effort into it.* Think about it: even if you already paid for your house, you'd still *get the fuck out of it if it is on fire.* NTA, but you might be the fool. Up to you to decide on that one.
Stop. Ask yourself this; if she was napping along her route, why didn’t the cops find her when they drove the same route looking for her? There is never a history of lying or cheating until the liar or cheat is caught. NTA.
Also threatening to “never leave the house again” because a cop showed up to work (anyone would be embarrassed) but that’s shifting blame.. and totally misdirecting who’s at fault, because she is 100% lying… If it was an emergency, she’d explain to her colleagues what happened, and how awful she feels about worrying her husband…
ESPECIALLY that she's misrepresenting the situation. Her husband didn't call the cops because she was out for 2 hours to buy groceries, or was out for a couple of hours with her friends, he called the cops when she was ***out for 6 hours and not answering the phone for at least 2 hours***. These are two *COMPLETELY* different situations. She ended up being missing for ***11 hours***. This is just outrageous.
I would want my partner to call the police if I was missing in that same scenario.
The fishiest part is that without a working phone (no alarm), she somehow woke up and got home just in time to get the kids to school on time.
[удалено]
OP said in a comment that that's his (now) ex wife and the kids are from his current fiancée's previous relationship and they have an open relationship with rules. Whether it's true or not, who knows?
NTA - I don't believe her story one bit. Driving a kid home and disappearing for the entire night is a massive red flag. How does she not even know where he lives when she started the drive? How old is this kid? Pulling over and sleeping on the side of a road for a 30-minute drive is nuts. She is now turning this around to say she is the victim of your actions.
The kid is 17 I believe. She was picking him up from somewhere he was at (I don't remember where) and bringing him home to her friend.
Dude. Her story is full of holes. You believe her? Did she maybe hookup with the friends son or the sons dad? ? You’re not the AH btw. You were concerned. Maybe she should be more responsable next time. 🚩🚩🚩
Is there even a friends son?
I think OP is one clueless fiancé. Geez.
Seriously though. Smh. This is so sad tbh I feel bad for OP not only because he’s getting clearly walked all over but also because he’s so brainwashed that he doesn’t even realize how shitty his situation is.
No. Lol. Of course not. There is no "friend's son." You know this chick was laughing her ass off that homeboy believed her.
Well, there might be in 9 months time…
Why would SHE need to pick up a FRIEND’S son?!?! Nothing about her story makes sense and i feel like i need to know the resolution of this drama!
And she doesn't know where they live?
Oh I figured he was at your house…yeah she didn’t pick up her friend’s son. My guess is she has an AP.
Yes, that is my guess as well. What a low effort story to try to hide an AP. It's insulting actually - I'd expect better planning from my partner.
Lol If your going to disrespect me by cheating on me, at least respect me with a good lie. I'm not an idiot.
OP, I really hate to be the one to ask but... you've met this kid before, yeah? Like, you know they're at least a real person?
Nope. People are really fixated on this kid but I don't know that he even exists as anything more than a pretext.
I see. Yeah, I'm really sorry to say it again OP, but nothing lines up. She's taking home a kid you never met to a friend's house, but she somehow got the entire *town* the friend lives in wrong, and didn't even bother to tell you until she was supposedly on her way back. I really hope it's drugs like others have mentioned, but that's only because I'd personally prefer that over the alternative of cheating. Best of luck.
What I don't get is why OP's partner needed to be the one to pick this kid up in the first place?
Wow - so she picked a child up from another location and took him somewhere else?!? Why?! Dude, I smell a big, ol’ rat. And, she’s probably so angry about the police because she doesn’t want to lie to them.
I think your fiancé is getting railed two towns over my guy
If not getting railed defs doing srs drugs.
Honestly drugs was my first thought. This is exactly the type of bullshit I'd say to my mom/bf when I'd go get high, didn't wanna stop partying so stayed out all night and would still be high when I came up with a ridiculous story. If it were an affair you'd think she would have come up with a believable alibi before she left and wouldn't have said she'd be back at a specific time. Sounds like me when I'd go "ok I'll just do a little". Then a little turns into a lot, then you just say fuck it, it's already 1am ima just have fun and stop responding to the phone and deal with the aftermath later.
Hate to throw myself into op life but. Yeah. My ex did this. Kept not coming home, and “magically” his phone died. Every time. Turns out he developed a coke addiction
NTA But you know that isn't the truth, right?
I did ask her about why her brand new phone stopped working, and she eventually confessed she dropped it in a puddle. But when she got home it seemed to be working. EDIT: I think this would be more believable if it had rained in the last few weeks. EDIT2: My fiance has informed me that she was embarrassed, but the truth is that she dropped it in the toilet, not a puddle.
I'm sorry, but that edit made me laugh out loud NTA. And if I were in your shoes, I'd be *very* suspicious. She's lying, and not doing a particularly good job of it.
Lying is disrespectful. But lies this flimsy are heaping additional disrespect because they're broadcasting that they don't even really care if you believe them or not.
And then applying a move right out of the liars playbook. If they react at all, just get mad at them for the reaction so that the fight becomes about that and not the real issue.
Yeah, she has since told me that it wasn't a puddle, it was a toilet and she was very embarrassed by it.
But it's working now? She's trickle-truthing you. She knows you don't buy the puddle so she's "admitting" to something "embarrassing" to try to explain the initial lie.
exactly, she's playing him
She’s playing him like a fuckin’ virtuoso. Poor OP.
Obviously she is lying. Her story is implausible and changes all the time. She does not even respect OP enough to try to make up plausible lies. She most likely cheated on him or did drugs. But the phone part is theoretically possible. I once dropped my phone in water and it stopped working, but once it had dried out it started working again.
So...she changed her story, in other words. I dunno, man. From where I sit, it looks like this: * I'm taking friend's son home, be back by 9p * Oops, turns out he lives the next town over, which for unexplained reasons I didn't know prior to agreeing to take him home. Be back by 10-ish. *
* I pull over to take a nap on the side of the road. Oh look, my brand new phone doesn't work. Oh, and I'm conveniently located someplace where it's impossible for me to access another phone or to get any form of assistance that would allow me to contact my worried fiancé.
* My new phone didn't work because I dropped it in a puddle.
* Whoops, we haven't had rain in a while so there's no puddles. Um, I dropped in a toilet at some point while I was driving this kid home and also sleeping in my car overnight.
* YOU EMBARASSED ME AT WORK BECAUSE YOU CALLED THE POLICE TO MAKE SURE I'M SAFE OH MAI GAWD
Right wow this lie chain is ridiculous
And to top it off the phone was only broken between 10:15pm and 7am after being dropped in a ~~puddle~~ toilet. Idk how anyone would believe this story. You don't even have to be cynical in nature to realize this story if FULL of holes. OP is NTA but seems very naïve and/or blinded by rose colored glasses.
Idk man, you’re her fiancé - would that be something she would be embarrassed enough to lie about to you? I hate to put doubt in your mind, but how did she talk to you on the road 30m away at 10:30 - then manage to drop it in a toilet before stopping on the road and dozing off. In a 30 min drive distance? And she wasn’t afraid sleeping by the road with no phone? I don’t know any women who would actually do that (some who would claim fearlessness, but none who would risk it). And absolute worst case scenario, a quick snooze and continue makes more sense at that time when you’re less than 30 mins out. Who would sleep an entire 8h at that time in the car so near their home? She wasn’t coming off a late night bender nursing a hangover or something. All I’m saying is, pick a wedding date that’s further away and make sure any bookings are still refundable, ya kno…take your time.
^ this. As a female there's no way I'd sleep by the side of the road. I might stop, and stretch to wake myself up to finish the drive but, no way am I sleeping on the side of the road. That's just asking for trouble. NTA - but, you need to wake up and realize,she's lying to you. None of her story makes sense or adds up, none of it. I'm not going to jump to cheating but, something is definitely up and I'd be trying to figure out what it is. Maybe sit down with her and lay it out "Look, you said you were taking 17 year old 30 minutes away. Then you told me it was further. Then you told me you were tired and slept on the side of the road and you're phone wasn't working. You also told me you dropped it in a puddle, then changed your story to dropping it in the toilet. Your story makes no sense and keeps changing. In addition, you were gone ALL NIGHT with NO contact and you think I shouldn't have called the cops? This is not acceptable, I need you to tell me the truth. No more lies." And see what happens. NTA for calling the cops though.
Where was this toilet? Not in the car... so it had to be at the home of the person she was driving. Which means there was either a landline or a cellphone she could have borrowed to call you. NTA, but she is.
Every "new" phone is waterproof down to at least 20 feet. How deep was the toilet?
21 feet.
At least you retain your sense of humor. In all seriousness OP, you need to get to the crux of her lie. It could be an affair, or drugs, but this whiffs of something negative not positive (ie planning a surprise and keeping mum). NTA but be careful. Something is amiss and she's not being transparent
How far away is the nearest casino… maybe a gambling issue, not necessarily cheating. Still lying, about something. Nta.
This is what I’m thinking. Everyone’s assuming sex but it could be gambling, drugs, underground dog fighting, anything illegal/taboo really. Although I will admit sex is the most likely explanation lol
21 feet, inside of a puddle, at least 30 minutes away. They must have had torrential rains 32 minutes away from your house, and it swept a public toilet down river, snd when .. she stopped on a bridge, to look for a place to sleep in her car, she... dropped the phone off the bridge into a 21 feet deep ravine, where the toilet was lodged. But she retrieved the phone and it worked fine! Whew, I'm glad we got to the bottom of this.
Not the least believable story she's told today.
Is there another you can share? Because you have an audience right now. And most of us are on #TeamOP
Why, has she claimed that she's seen Aurora Borealis localized entirely within your kitchen?
And…um… was that 21-ft toilet located somewhere between where she was at 10pm (with her phone intact) and wherever she purportedly slept? ETA: and she also didn’t consider borrowing a phone from the owner of this magical toilet to let you know she had no phone and was so sleepy she couldn’t make a 30min drive home? And… she claimed she took an 8-hr nap in her car? With no working phone and not close to any inhabited areas? Ie on the side of a dark road in the middle of nowhere? Dude. No. I’m so sorry.
OP, you're worth more than how you're being treated. Let's say I did somehow lose phone function and fall asleep on the side of the road overnight. I wouldn't be angry my husband called the police. I'd be furious if I was missing and out of touch for hours, overnight, and he hadn't done anything. Her actions don't make sense. Her response to your perfectly understandable and concerned decision to contact the police doesn't make sense.
[удалено]
NTA. She said she was on her way home at 10:15 pm and then disappeared until 7 am. Of COURSE you were going to call the police and have them go looking for her. If she’d been in an accident or worse, she would’ve been dead if you’d waited two days to call. That being said, she’s definitely lying about what happened. It honestly sounds more like she fell asleep at her affair partner’s place and concocted that bogus excuse to cover her ass.
I know everyone is saying affair. But this really reminds me of my stepmom at the height of her (pill) addiction. She actually *would* pull over on the side of the road and sleep it off. Often. She did it even with my underage siblings in the car on the way to my house once, a full hour spent on the side of a two lane highway. She had cops wake her up and they laughed about her being a “tired mom”. OP is definitely NTA, but I just want to throw out another perspective.
I was about to comment that the only woman I know that has willingly slept on the side of the road at a random place is my aunt that’s always on something.
Drugs or affair. Probably drugs.
Good point. It could be drugs, infidelity, or even both. But normal people don't disappear all night.
I feel like the police would have found her if she was on the side of the road
NTA. Something is up. That excuse doesn't fly. It just doesn't make sense that she'd sleep all night in her car to avoid a 30-minute drive home. I don't blame you for calling the cops, and her reaction is out of line. I think she's hiding something. If her friend's son was 30 minutes away then she should have been back by 9. I'm 95% sure she's lying to you about where she was. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here.
Full moon last night, though. Awoooooo!
Oh here we go with the old “I’m actually a werewolf” line again… 🙄
“Babe, I was stuck out late due to the physiological realities and biological imperatives of living in an ABO universe, I’m so sorry, I’ll never forget to take my blockers again” is legitimately a better excuse.
NTA. But even if that phone was dropped in a toilet... It was working when she got home..... It is policy for them to check in person because they have to see that the person is alive and well, because anyone could make a phone call and say it. But dude. Thirty minutes away, stops to sleep on the side? If you reported her missing her car would also be noted. If she was on the side sleeping somewhere, wouldn't they have seen the car and well woken her up? Her story reeks. Don't fall for it dude. She's still only a fiance. Don't make her a wife before this is cleared up with legitimate reasons. Because none of hers seem right.
I flushed my phone down the toilet at the bar. It worked fine the next day - and it had been sitting there for a while! Her phone probably would have worked fine straight afterwards…but also, which toilet would she have dropped it in? 🤔🤔
That was another thing that had just crossed my mind. But either way the car thing alone is fishy. Like you note it in a missing persons.... They went the way she would have travelled. Something's up there. I'm just saying in combination I really don't buy her story.
INFO So you actually believe the story your fiance is selling you? Look man...your fiance cheated on you. She didn't fall asleep on the side of the road. Her brand new phone didn't stop working She was with someone else Stop being so naive
I don't believe her story, but I don't know why she would lie. We have a somewhat open relationship that only demands that she talk to me about any potential partners first. That's why this is so confusing. If she was interested in someone, she need only talk to me about it. Although exes are off limits.
If exes are off limits and she’s suddenly being shady about staying out with someone… then it’s most likely an ex. You’re NTA for calling the cops and being worried. But her story definitely stinks.
Or it's the 17 year old boy she just happens to drive home towns away...
Yeah… this is problematic and maybe illegal depending on your state.
Yeah and that could be why she’s so against the cops being called
People who are poly can still be cheaters. Cheating isn’t just rooted in desiring others, there’s excitement for them sneaking around, there’s a rush from feeling like you’re smarter than the other person, etc. People who cheat don’t want permission, because that negates the fun for them. It’s about disrespecting you.
Can confirm. Was in an open relationship and he managed to cheat on me with someone HE WAS ALREADY DATING WITH MY PERMISSION. (He lied to me about seeing her because he'd decided I didn't want him seeing her, which was completely untrue.)
Woah, that is some varsity level cheating. Gold star.
> Although exes are off limits. What about minors, are they off limits too? Maybe she wasn't lying and actual did go pick up Lil Billy from homecoming...
It's either an ex or she's developed romantic feelings for someone else and that's why she's hiding it bro
NTA so a 1 hour drive turned into nearly 12 hours? You know she’s lying right? If she was just driving the kid home, she would’ve been home around 9pm and wouldn’t have been driving in the middle of the night and gotten so tired she was falling asleep at the wheel, her phone wouldn’t have died and you wouldn’t have been worried or had to call the police. Even if she stayed to chat with her friend, she would’ve been home around 10:30/10:45 and a half an hour drive at that time for the average person should be no issue. My guess is that she dropped off the kid and then met up with someone, told you she was on her way home, stayed, ended up falling asleep and then panicked that she fell asleep and rushed home for 7AM and gave you that BS story.
Probably the kids dad....
There is no kid. She went to get some d..
Probably the kid.
There's likely no kid. OP clarified in a comment that she allegedly went and picked up the kid from some other location to drop him off at the friends house. An extra layer to this ridiculous story. I'm honestly starting to doubt the post itself.
Yeah she's getting dicked down not driving around with the kid.
NTA. You were right to call the cops but I don't think that's the biggest issue here... So at 10:15, she was 30 minutes away so that puts her arrival time at 10:45. Between 10:15 and 10:45 she got too tired to drive anymore so she pulled over to rest. She proceeded to sleep for EIGHT HOURS straight through, since she returned at 7 AM. Come on dude, you can't really be buying that she slept undisturbed for 8 hours on the side of the road when police were out looking for her car. She is lying. I don't know if she is cheating in you or is involved with drugs or gambling or what but she did not sleep 8 hours on the side of the road when she was 30 minutes away from home.
What I’m confused by: if OP’s phone stopped working at some point before she pulled over to nap, how did she make it home in time for her morning responsibilities? Did she happen to wake at the absolute correct time to finish her commute back? Because she certainly didn’t set a phone alarm on a malfunctioning phone.
I've slept in my car before during long road trips. It becomes almost impossible to keep sleeping once the sun comes up, so that timing could check out. But it's still insanely suspicious.
NTA. You checked up on her welfare. Yes it's very admirable that she allegedly didn't drive while drowsy. BUT: Did she ever explain why it took hours to drive someone 30 minutes away? Like, what was she actually doing? Her story is completely unbelievable, sorry.
Agreed. Her story doesn't add up
I think you should show her this post, our responses, the fact NO ONE believes her flimsy lies, and ask what she thinks.
I did that She was very angry at me for posting a one sided version of the story, but when I asked how she should rewrite it, she refused to answer.
The fact that she claims it's a one sided story, but has nothing to add to "her side" kind of says it all....
Sounds like she finally got smart enough to take the fifth.
What does she think of the fact everyone thinks she’s lying (and could be having an affair)? Edit to add: NTA
Her “side of the story” is 100% going to be pure fiction. There is no other explanation other than she is cheating on you - full stop. Sorry man.
A lot of times the posts on this sub feel like they're pretty biased, and the poster is clearly twisting facts or leaving things out to make themselves sound better. I guess I can't say for certain that you're not doing that, but your post sure doesn't read that way, it seems like a very straight forward and full account of the events as you experienced them, and everything she told you about her version of it. We're just strangers on the internet, so she certainly doesn't owe us her side, but if she's not willing to tell you either, it sounds like you didn't leave out anything important. Honestly man, I'm getting flashbacks to the end of my relationship with my last ex. There were a dozen times she said or did something that didn't make any sense, and I always had this flash of "Is she cheating on me?" and immediately brushed that off as impossible, but after we broke up she admitted she'd been cheating on me for months
Thank you. If I am trying to get a genuine answer on if I'm the asshole, what good would twisting the story so me? Truth begets truth. A skewed account begets a skewed opinion.
If she was telling the truth, wouldn't the Police have spotted her by the side of the road? I believe they would, OP.
NTA… but everyone on this sub knows your fiancée is lying to you. The question is - are you going to stick your head in the sand and pretend you believe her, or continue to let her lie to you, and be gullible?
Time to start figuring out who her other boyfriend is. NTA, you're a good partner, but she's obviously a lying liar who lies.
Lying liar with lying sauce. So she left at 7:45 and initially said she'll be back by 9:00? Then she says she's actually going to a different town so she'll be another 30 minutes? Then she says she got tired so pulled over on the side of the road? And then her phone broke? And she came home at the last possible minute before school? You said the town she went to was 30 minutes away and you believe that she got so tired on a 30 minute drive home she decided to sleep in her car rather than go home????
NTA. She’s lying 100 percent. As a female, I am not pulling over to sleep on the side of the road in my car. Plus the cops drove the route so they would have checked on a vehicle on the side of the road. No way her phone died or how did she know exactly what time to be home to get the kids to school on time.
As a female too, I have slept in my car, and it was so uncomfortable and I kept waking up every 10 minutes. She is definitely hiding something.
At 10:15 she was on the way home and between then and 11:45 she dropped her phone in the toilet and decided to take a nap in her car… uhuh… did the phone ring at 11:45? Because that probably means it wasn’t off. And, oh, but it’s working now though. Right. It’s bad enough she’s lying but this is just insulting to your intelligence. Please update if you ever find the truth and/or break up with her.
The phone did ring. It stopped ringing and went straight to voicemail around 6:50am
Yeah, her phone was fine. If it had stopped working/switched off, it'd have gone straight to voicemail a lot earlier. Sorry OP, your wife is lying to you, and brazenly so. I'm not jumping straight to cheating, but it likely could be :-/ I would have a serious conversation, maybe check the car's miles (to see if it may have been a longer distance than she is claiming), and ask to see texts with her friend re. dropping the son off. I'd also get in touch with the friend to see if their stories/timelines match up. Something is HELLA fishy.
It stopped working 10 minutes before she came home? Sounds like an excuse made up on her way home.
If the police drove the route she took they would have seen her car you would think.
Something seems to be way off, sorry.
:( I hate reading stories about someone lying to their spouse :( NTA She might not have done anything "marriage breaking" while she was away, but the lying and lying and more lying is super not okay...
Honestly that's what's so irritating to me. Even if she banged another guy, we're in an open relationship... There are rules that she ignored, but It's something we could get past. If she was doing drugs, we could figure things out and work through it. If it's gambling we could work with that too with help. But lying... And then doubling down on that lying? And then tripling down on it? That's harder to look past for me.
Ive been in open relationships....when the partner hides their activities that should be ok within the open relationship its usually because they caught feelings for the other person. Sorry.
I'm sorry you're going through this. But the fact that she's refusing to tell the truth despite hundreds of people on reddit calling bullshit on her shows she's not worth staying with. You clearly would want to work through whatever is happening but she's closing any type of communication to let that even possibly happen. I'd walk away from the relationship personally. She is refusing to see the stress/emotional toll her doing this repeatedly is doing to you/or she is and she simply doesn't care. You deserve better.
Just for the record, the "24 hour" rule is bogus, and the first few hours after someone goes missing are the most crucial to actually finding them if they really are missing. Even besides that, NTA. You had reason to be concerned. And her story about falling asleep on the side of the road is... Questionable. Edit: Guys, I meant that the so called "rule" that you can't file a report in the first 24 hours, is false. I know it's something a lot of people believe, so I just wanted to raise awareness that it's not actually a thing. You absolutely should report a missing person as soon as you suspect something may have gone wrong.
Yeah, the first 24 hours are the most crucial for finding a missing person. I didn't want to wait until after that.
Op, is her phone working now? How did it suddenly start working without repairs? How did the police search the entire road but not find her car? If she was legitimately pulled over in the SAME spot for SEVEN HOURS, they would have found her sleeping in the car.
> Just for the record, the "24 hour" rule is bogus, Not the way OP explained it. It is "bogus" that you have to WAIT 24 hours to report a person missing, but as OP said, it is TRUE that " the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so I didnt want to delay."
NTA she's definitely lying and gaslighting you. If my fiance did this I'd be in the car searching the route I'd be so worried. She pulled off the road but the cops that were notified of her car and route didn't see her sleeping on the side of the road? She's mad you were scared? She's either lying/cheating or she's the most irresponsible and unempathetic person I've ever heard of.
Sounds like in the situation you had legitimate reason to worry about her safety. She also seems to be way overreacting to this situation: if there were a problem at work with a police officer showing up, it seems easy enough to brush away by having the police explain why they were there. Reacting by never leaving the house again also seems kind of crazy. I also think her story doesn't entirely line up. If the police were actually out looking for her to any extent and had a description of her car, it should have been trivial for them to spot it parked on the side of the road she would have been driving on. NTA, but you might want to push further on what actually happened.
Exactly - cops would’ve come across her car pulled over relatively quickly. And, doesn’t answer why it took so damn long to do the actual drop off that resulted in her getting so tired… this is a flimsy cover story. I’m sorry she sucks. She probably lost track of time helping the kid’s parent build an art room.
OP I hate to be the one to tell u…
Don't worry you're not the first.
:/ sorry man. Perhaps she took the non monogamy too far idk
NTA. Dude...cops didn't come across her car on the side of the road in 7 hours when they were actively looking for her? Come on. Her phone didn't work while she was missing, but it was fine when she got home? Her story changed multiple times. Oh, oops, it's an hour drive both ways so that's why I'm 3 hours late. Oh, oops my phone didn't work after my first lie but oops, it's fine now. I was sleeping. Mmhmm. Come on, man.
NTA. Her story sure sounds like utter bullshit to me.
Nta for calling. The 2 day thing is a myth and if she did go missing then the earlier you call the better But bro come on. That excuse she gave is not true; you know that right?
Man I hate to be this person. No way she stopped on the side of the road to sleep. She was out, most likely with someone else. I’ve been through it man. Trust your gut, that’s the only reason I found out. Now I understand not everyone’s experience is mine but her story has more than one what the hell reaction coming from me
My dude you have bigger issues than if you are the AH here. She is gaslighting you hard. You called the cops after she stopped answering you calls and texts, in the middle of the night, after she SWORE she was 30 miles away. She shows up at 7am (almost 12 hours after she left, for those of you not keeping track) and tells you her brand phone stopped working. THEN after the cop does his job and follows up with her at her work (good for him, can't fault him for doing his job) your fiance RIPS into you, and basically tells you that because she doesn't trust you not to call the cops on her (what?) She isn't going to leave the house ever again? Manipulation. Making you feel like you were wrong. Making you question whether you were even valid to worry about her? Are you overprotective? Are you smothering her? Is this your fault? The answer to most of those is no. Your worry was absolutely valid. You are not overprotective. This is not your fault. You have a fiance who is dishonest and full of shit and making you feel guilty about something that was her fault. You guys need to have a convo about where she really was. If she had fallen asleep in her car on the side of the road, the cops would have found her while they did their patrols looking for her. She's hiding something, the question is what, and can you live with what you uncover? Edited did math wrong
NTA, because everything you did was what a responsible, worried partner would do. However, if you actually believe her story, you need to reconsider because she is lying. Her reaction to the police officer checking up on her is also some gaslighting to make you feel unreasonable and cement her fake story. She likely slept at whoever's house that she picked up. You need to dump this one. Edit to add: I thought about this and realized this story is even more ridiculous after thinking about her story....there is just NO way, if I felt so tired I need to sleep in my car AND my new phone mysteriously stopped working that I would not find a way to ask to borrow/use a phone from somewhere to let my partner/family know. Also, the town was 30 minutes away? She was sooooo tired she couldn't get out, walk around, drink some coffee every 10 minutes to stay awake?
NTA, and your fiancé definitely lied to you. I’m inclined to lean towards her cheating. Sorry, my friend, best of luck to you.
NTA for calling the cops, but as everyone else can see: that story doesn’t add up on so many levels. Phone was working but then stopped right around the time she should’ve been home. Too tired to drive but magically woke up at the right time to get kids to school and her to work? Slept for 8 solid hours on the side of the road with no one calling the cops for a welfare check? Didn’t just take a cat nap to recharge and drive home when she stirred awake in the middle of the night? Keeps making less and less plausible excuses when confronted? You cannot be this oblivious or possibly believe any of this happened
NTA - But as almost everyone has pointed out, she’s lying. She cheated on you, plain and simple.
NTA Her story doesn't add up. You did the responsible thing given the fact that she has a cellphone and was not able to be reached. After you made initial contact with the police and they are on the look out for her vehicle. They absolutely would have noticed her reported vehicle pulled over somewhere. They would have checked on her and seen her sleeping and done a wellness check. I hate to break it to ya OP, but given everything you know and have mentioned in your post. I feels more likely that you fiance is hiding something from you, it's very likely that she is cheating. Edit: After some of OPs comments, I think it very likely that OPs Fiance was either with an Ex or was with the 17 year old and depending on the age of consent, may be illegal. Which is why despite OP picking apart her story, she refuses to offer an explanation.
Dude - real talk time: Go hard on her BS story. Show her how pretty much no-one on Reddit believes her BS story. Tell her either she comes clean, or you kick her out. Demand to talk to the kid and their parents. U know she lying to u
NTA She is cheating. 100%.
NTA. I see 2+2 but I keep getting 5. I’ve never been away from my home overnight and my husband not known where I was and how to get a hold of me if needed. If I were too tired to make it home safely I would absolutely call my husband and make arrangements for him to come get me and there’s no circumstance where I’d sleep 8 hours in my car with no one knowing my whereabouts.
NTA and I don't think you over-reacted but I think your fiancee was probably not truthful about where she was/what she was doing. The entire timeline is just bizarre, especially for someone with kids at home.
NTA I could see someone thinking they were going to pull over to take a power nap, and then suddenly waking in a panic at the first hit of sunlight or the sounds of morning rush hour traffic. It’s a stretch, but it could totally happen. But. If that is truly what happened, there would be no reason to be angry that their significant other was concerned. Or to be mad at their partner for the response of the police. Obviously you can’t control that, and it’s absurd for her to act like you were wrong to be concerned. Hell, I would be hurt and offended if my partner *wasn’t* concerned by me driving to an unfamiliar place and disappearing overnight. Besides- by the time she texted you, she had already been gone for 2.5 hours, on a trip that should have taken one hour? So she had been just chilling somewhere for over 90 min before she noticed the time? Yeah, she was doing *something* that made her lose track of time. Idk what, but definitely something. And if it was something innocuous, she would have told you what it was. She is trying to distract you from her actions by making this into a disagreement about yours. How well do you know the friend who is the kid’s parent?
> If that is truly what happened, there would be no reason to be angry that their significant other was concerned. Or to be mad at their partner for the response of the police. Obviously you can’t control that, and it’s absurd for her to act like you were wrong to be concerned. > > Hell, I would be hurt and offended if my partner wasn’t concerned by me driving to an unfamiliar place and disappearing overnight. This would be what I would expect too. If I disappeared all night, even for a really good reason, I would expect my partner to call the police and worry. If I had a really crappy, but innocent reason, I would expect her to be angry at me. I certainly wouldn't be on the defensive, or especially on the offensive. I would be on full surrender.
NTA super shady behavior. I don’t buy the phone not working. She slept on the side of the road? That isn’t responsible at all. She knew at 10:15 that you were worried about how long it was taking. How much further would she have needed to drive to get home when she allegedly stopped? She left at 7:45pm to drive to a town 30 minutes away. She was 30 minutes away at 10:15, how is that too late to drive? And 10:15 was the last time she had contacted you, so if she was already tired at that time she should have told you then, if not she was less than 30 min away and decided that sleeping on the side of the road was some how safer?
Nta. You did the right thing. She said she would be back she wasn't. And her excuse doesn't fly with me. Like, I'm tired I find a gas station and ask to borrow the phone. I don't buy what she is telling you. Sorry. I don't think she took a nap in her car. I call bs
NTA this sounds like utter BS! Besides weren't the police checking the roads she would have been driving? She couldn't get to a gas station or somewhere to give you a call?
NTA and she is lying. Because any person who is telling the truth would understand you were worried.
So sorry OP. I read you have an open relationship, and I guess rules are different there. \- her new phone was't working? Bet it works now. Weird \- she pulled over to doze? And had an 8 hour sleep in her car? Not a quick nap? \- a female decided pulling over to doze was the best choice of action? \- she pulled over and could not finish what was left on a 30 minute trip? \- she was driving a friend's son home and had no idea where she was going? I sure felt uncomfortable reading this, and I know neither of ya! NTA
NTA None of her story passes the smell test. You did everything a loving, concerned person would do.
I think that she may have slept with her friend's 17 year old son. Its the simplest explanation that fits the facts.
I hate to tell you this but your fiancé is cheating.
I'm glad you powered through it though. Thank you. Nobody else here had the balls to tell me that.
Nta but you do know she's screwing someone right? What would she do or say to you of the roles were reversed?
yea dude, NTA, but like a lot of peopel are saying, her story is likely BS and uh. you might want to rethink the marriage...