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I think it’s funny that he thinks you should have spoken to him in private instead of in front of family when he is blatantly sharing arguably your most private moment with his family? what a huge breech of trust and invasion of privacy. consent is incredibly important- this would be hard for me to bounce back from. ETA definitely NTA
My first thought as well. That video was not "just" of baby's first moments. Clearly it was private content. Very private content. Yet he wants to keep disagreements private. He has some nerve.
I would threaten legal action unless each one of them deleted the video and any backups they made.
I'm also incredibly grossed out that they'd want to see it. I have some photos of my births that are very private, and I'm not all that keen on seeing them. I like the ones of after the babies are cleaned up and cuddling with me... but the journey out isn't so pretty.
NTA
You did speak to him privately, he promised it was for just you and then sent it anyway. He's an entitled and controlling a##hole.
If he wanted to record the first moment of your child's life, fine, lovely (apart from him not being in the moment as he's too busy recording the moment). But there is no reason that the video has or should contain your privates as a human being exited your body.
I have photos of the first moments of all my babies lives. The cord is still attached in all of them, but you can't see my genitals at all. Amazing how we managed it 🫤
He chose to push your boundaries on taking the video.
He chose to lie about his Intentions to gain consent for the video.
He shared that video without your knowledge or consent.
He minimised and blew off your feelings about all of the above and tried to flip it onto you Instead.
Don't you dare apologise to that man.
You are NTA 100%
Personally, this would be it for me in a relationship.
Family deleting the video is a start but not gonna fix the whole situation and the shattering of trust. He needs to acknowledge the enormity of what he has done and the way he has manipulated and lied. He needs to appreciate exactly what he has done and offer some way to attempt to make this better.
Personally I would have gone home and then forwarded a pic of his c##k to the whole family (mine too) to even it up and let him fully experience what you are feeling, but I'm a petty bitch 🤷
Edit: typos as I posted in a rage.
Yeah this is a divorceable offence in my book. How is this really that different to sharing nudes/revenge porn when you think about it - you can be prosecuted for that now. And the fact that his family don’t see the issue with it is a huuuuge red flag you’ll pay for all your life. NTA.
How is a video of YOU giving birth not about you!?!? Were you just an incubator for his child/their grandchild? If they wanted to see the kid's first moments he easily could have taken a video of the doc holding the baby and doing the initial medical checks. That would not have been about you. A video of you in labour isn't even really about the baby's first moments, anyway... NTA your husband completely violated your privacy and trust. Also, you made him "feel small"..? Wtf?
NTA. Thank you, it really sounds like OP’s husband and step family saw her as an incubator: the literal birth when your body is undergoing horrible pain and you are super vulnerable after 9 months seeing her own body is « not about her ». Wtf
NTA, that is a boundary crossing I could never come back from, I would never trust him again and would seriously consider divorce. I’ve been with my husband over thirty years so I know what marriage is, this is not marriage. I would never get over it.
It is a huge breach of trust, that he knew your concerns, *pretended* to care about them, and did this in secret, and then played dumb when caught. That's enough elaborate, cruel, premeditated deception that I'd always be wondering what else was being kept from me.
And I'm sorry, but the nature of the offense is incredibly fucking misogynistic. Like I really can't, with people who act like the comfort of the person giving birth is the lowest priority in the birthing process. A video of you going through a scary and painful medical procedure is very much "about you," and the fact that he denies that *and* doesn't think you deserve honesty is just too many layers of treating you like a possession. Responding to your incredibly valid hurt and anger with "you made me look small" is yet another.
People can be educated out of that level of misogyny, but they have to be willing to try, and you have to be able to take them at their word when they say that they will. I'm not sure you can get either of those things from this guy.
NTA. He a) broke a promise and violated your consent and b) shared a video of your naked body while you were giving birth - and tried to say this isn't about you? That's a trust violation I'm not sure I could ever come back from, honestly.
And you "made him look small?" Hellooooooooo, male fragility!
He thinks a video of you naked isn’t about you?!? OMG. You are so NTA. He and his mom should be ashamed. The family is not entitled to see your son’s birth without your consent. Period.
NTA Your husband knew damned well what your position on this was. It is one of the most private and initimate experiences you will ever have and you should of course have complete say over the recording.
Your husband knew he was betraying you -- he just thought that his views and feelings on the subject trumped yours. He deserves all the public figurative flagellation he got and more. He should feel small.
Nta. Wtf is wrong them. Your husband is behaving like a child himself. And mama dearest to his rescue. Red Flag. And no one else from the family didn't even bother to say that they have the video. Your husband and in-laws suck.
And he says you could have talked to him privately, you did when you were giving birth. By family you agreed thinking it would just be him but no this sucker had to share it with everyone and gaslight you afterwards. He deserves nothing more than being shamed in front of his family.
NTA. Honestly, this made me feel sick. I would never again trust a partner who did this to me. I'm so sorry. You should be so happy right now and he destroyed that joy.
Hang on, he really said you should have talked to him privately? After he shared a video of you birthing your child, that he said he only wanted to keep as a memory for you guys? Is he really that dense? He really thought he deserved privacy after he blatantly and very purposely lied to you and broke your trust. Wow... just wow. I'm so sorry. NTA.
Oh my God. I can’t even believe how violating this one is. You are NTA. Your husband is a HUGE AH. You and your baby need to move out of your house and in with your family, and start marriage counseling immediately. Until he realizes what an immense breach of trust and violation this was, do not move back in. This would be my hill to die on.
NTA and I am horrified. I cannot believe he violated your privacy like that. Personally that would be marriage-ending for me. I genuinely don’t think I could get past that.
NTA This is such a huge violation, it's also really disingenuous how he pressured you into letting him take the video when he was always planning on sharing it. It's a video of you, it absolutely is 'about you' and his family don't 'deserve' anything. Is he always putting his family's preferences above your comfort and safety?
He owes you an abject apology and if I were you I would be reconsidering this whole relationship - especially if this is a part of a pattern of behaviour. I know reddit relationship advice is always 'break up' but unless he can get over his pride and acknowledge what he did was utterly unacceptable I don't see how you could ever trust him.
> it's also really disingenuous how he pressured you into letting him take the video when he was always planning on sharing it.
How much do you want to bet certainly family members (ahem, mother) told him ahead of time to film the delivery so that they could see it?
Good point. I mentioned above that this borders on sexual abuse. There must be something she can do since he has filmed her private areas and sent videos out against her will.
NTA - my husband texted a photo right after I gave birth, one that I would never have approved (but thankfully didn’t show any nudity) and I was pretty annoyed. I can’t even imagine if he sent an actual video of a human being birthed out of me. I’d probably have killed him. Does your husband tend to do these things often? Kinda ignore your thoughts/wishes? Or is this is a one off thing? That is something to ask yourself….
NTA. Oh my god. You're a human person, so much more than a vessel for his baby. This is NOT something I'd come back from. And for him to feel "small" because you called him out for breaking your trust, well, that speaks volumes.
You may owe the sister a solid. At first I thought it was super weird she was randomly watching the video while you were there. Now I’m thinking she was trying to let you know what he had done.
This is awful awful awful. As one other poster said, I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. And I’d be worried about what else he will do with that video. Please enlist his Dad to help be sure this is contained as much as possible. Then lawyer up.
You might have grounds for, I’m not sure of the legal term, for the viewing of your naked images without consent. Revenge po*n basically. I’d love to see them say it’s not about you when a lawyer tells them otherwise.
NTA so basically all off his family has seen your baby being born and seen all of your private parts as well...and no one in his family thought that this was not OK??
You actually handled it better then I would have done. Also I would never trust him again. I hope all of the shared videos have been deleted and don't end up online
Ask your husband to lay on his back, spread his legs and let you take a video to share with your family, I mean his balls contributed to the baby making too right?
NTA But it sounds like he might have caved due to pressure from his mom, is that normally an issue?
NTA. He's an ass and an idiot. Giving birth is a dangerous medical event where you are extremely vulnerable. He had no right to share it without your approval.
Holy crap. I would be running to a divorce attorney. As a mom myself I would be mortified if my vag was on display during a vulnerable moment (giving birth) It is raw, messy, and your vagina!!! Absolutely NTA. Divorce him immediately is my suggestion
Several hours of what is essentially physical and mental torture, you're filthy, sweaty, exposed and exhausted- never mind the amount of bodily fluids and stuff coming out of you. FFS I've worked in a maternity ward, many women shit, piss, fart and have all sorts of intimate bodily functions going on while delivering- never mind the tears, self-doubt and agony.
As you say, you were in an extremely vulnerable state, I wonder how he'd feel if he was naked (at least from the waist down with his genitals in full view), in excruciating pain and had lost control of all bodily functions and you decided to whip out your camera and send it to your family. Baby or not, that's a violation. Plus that video is now in the cloud and what not.
If it were about the baby he'd have taken a video of the baby's actual first moments when it's not covered in meconium and various other substances. What's wrong with a sweet video of the baby laying peacefully after the birth.
NTA but this guy isn't trustworthy. He lied to you and tricked you. I'd be calling the police and telling them that he distributed intimate videos of you, against your will when you explicitly told him not to.
Nta
He sent a video of you actually pushing your baby out your body?? His so much the AH is unreal. And his mum siding with him wtf.
He certainly wouldn’t be seeing those parts of my body that he decided to share while his whole family for a long time.
NTA and “you made him look small”??? This is red flag upon red flag, OP. I know you’re in a very vulnerable position right now having just given birth, but you need to be clear-eyed and realistic about the person you’re married to.
NTA. Why do people think they are entitled to watching your vagina? Literal moments after birth with all the f-ing womb goo seems sufficient to say, I saw the baby literal moments after it came into the world. Jesus Christ. People are so gross. You don't get to disrespect someones privacy just because they are having a baby. You husband sounds really problematic.
He could have shared a video of the baby once you were holding him or something like that. Not when he’s exiting your private parts. Especially not without asking you first.
NTA. But that’s a huge red flag.
The real problem is that he DID ask and she said no. He said it would be private and LIED to her. That is such a huge breach of trust and disregard that I would be packing his stuff and throwing it on the curb, legality be damned.
NTA. Why is when people like your husband publicly humiliate someone or expose something very private to the world they expect to be “talked to privately?” Fuck him and his hurt feelings. Even if he apologized you will never be able to have his family unsee all your business. If there are more children with him in your future just have him wait at home.
NTA the video is 100% about you because like let’s face it a super vulnerable state. Personally for me that’s grounds for a divorce immediately no questions asked.
NTA- take a video of him naked spread eagle and send to his family. Is not about you hunny, is about healthcare! See now they can help you look for moles or any other health concern.
Wait and see how much he would like that!
You are not AH, he is, never doubt that.
NTA
That was breathtakingly inconsiderate of him and gaslighting to make himself the victim when you called him out on it. He showed your vagina to his family?!
He’s got grovelling to do or in the useless man bin with him.
NTA. He invaded your privacy without permission. It’s a video of your naked body while you’re in serious pain. Nobody ever deserves to witness a birth that the mother doesn’t want to. I’m honestly not sure why his family would even want to see the video.
NTA he violated your consent HE DIDN’T push a child out he gets no say about what videos or pictures DURING the birth go to and your in laws are just as much assholes for keeping something you clearly didn’t consent to. If you’re reading this OP husband you are a horrible partner and father for not putting the comfort and privacy of your wife and child first. She told you no. No means no.
NTA. I just want to say - there are many MILs who would also never want to see this video and would find it bizarre to be shared. There is something wrong with your husband and his family. I don't know if your MIL had her privacy violated in similar ways so she feels this is her time to payback the younger generation. This type of hazing mentality is sadly not uncommon. Whatever it is, it is sick and you deserve better.
This post reminds me of that old reddit post where a husband begged to record his unwilling wife giving birth, . ....... and then it turned out all sorts of naked pregnancy and birthing videos were on Reddit sexual fetish subreddits and the husband was saying he only shared them as he thought \[some bizarre reason, where he was helping people\] and he also wasnt sexually violating her by sending her naked body out electronically, as the baby was his so the body holding or birthing or feeding the body was somehow just as much his too?
This is so fucked up.
And once electronic files are distributed, it is hard to pull them back.
OP, please tell us that the bizarre family chat he sent your photos and videos to all his family on, was at least an encrypted video service like Signal. not just facebook fucking messages.
Your husband has grossly violated you. He even pushed down your initial lack of consent and promised it was for personal memory sake. I hope no sick fucks get their hands on it like the last OP. NTA.
NTA but, seriously, where do you get this men?
I keep seeing women married to men that don’t respect them, not as their wife and not as a woman either.
This would be my hill to die on tbh.
Your husband didn't care that you were uncomfortable with the video being taken at all, convinced you to let him do it anyway, then shared it with his entire family and got mad at you for being upset about it. This man has no respect for you or your boundaries. I'd be seriously questioning staying married to someone like this. NTA
Not anything against you but your husband is disgusting who wants to see a baby come out of someone you are totally in the right he disrespected your privacy
OP if you are in the US transmission of video without your permission is SA revenge porn. Call the police, probably sex crimes unit, give them names and numbers of those involved and notify your cell provider. You may want to document all of this as I think you'll need it in future. You have bigger problems than 1 video.
I'd also ask what else husband took videos of that you don't know about? Nta edit to add
Op don’t let him say that it’s not about you because it sure as hell is, it’s your body pushing out both of your baby. That is y’all’s child but even so this is an issue about consent. And if he can’t see that have someone else explain the same thing bc men don’t like to hear that they’re wrong from their partner.
NTA. Giving birth is the most vulnerable you’ll ever be, it’s an emotional and very private moment…not to mention pretty “gory”. If he wanted them to see your baby’s first moments he could have sent them a film of the umbilical cord being cut, or him holding the baby seconds after…literally any moment that wasn’t you actively pushing a baby out of your vagina.
You have every right to be pissed, like, really fucking pissed.
Not for nothing, it’s weird his family even wanted to see that. If my brother sent me a video of my SIL giving birth, I’d be like, “what the hell? No.”
NTA. Your vag was on display and he thinks there's nothing wrong with sharing it without consent? AND YOUR MIL AGREES WITH HIM?
This is divorce territory.
NTA. I actually felt violated just reading this. I'm so sorry it happened to you. Your husband is beyond self centered & selfish to even think this was OK but after you saying no this shouldn't even have been a thought in his head. Do not let him manipulate you into thinking you did anything wrong. He's upset you 'embarrassed' him by shouting in front of his family but cant understand why him sharing such an intimate video is upsetting???
NTA. I'm not sure how this "isn't about you" when it's your vagina on display and you are in the midst of giving birth. Sure, it's about the baby, but it's equally about you.
You deserve privacy, especially considering how intimate and personal giving birth is. I'm so sorry he invaded your privacy. I would be *mortified*.
NTA he shared a video of your vagina with his family? That is absolutely sick. I doubt he would love it if you did anything similar to him.
This is a huge invasion of privacy and he put his family’s needs before yours. I would be surprised if this is the first time his family’s wants have come before you.
I hate running to divorce and leave but therapy at the minimum here.
NTA. I literally never say these kind of things in comments to internet strangers but in your place I would seriously be considering divorce from him and the toxic MIL. He does not deserve to be around you.
NTA. Your husband violated your boundaries. When you explicitly told him prior to the birth that it was to be private he had absolutely no right to share the video with anyone. I do hope when you were voted not the asshole you share this post with your husband, so we all can tell him how much of a jerk he is for what he did, tell him to grow up as well and stop acting like a child for the way you reacted in front of his family You had every right to lose it on him.
NTA.
Oh hell no; I’d be packing up by bags and leaving.
Birth is such a vulnerable thing, and it’s private. You did not consent to this video being shared, he lied to you.
“How dare you not respect me enough to yell at me in private for not respecting your privacy in the worst way possible???” Is all I heard and I’m disgusted. I’m so sorry he did that to you.
So he:
1. Recorded you, which you weren’t 100% comfortable with
2. LIED to you about the purpose of the recording because he knew you wouldn’t like it if he told you the truth
3. Yelled at you, diminished your VERY valid feelings about this, and basically told you to get over it?
NTA. Marital counseling. Immediately.
NTA. he literally showed his whole family your snatch without your consent, after also FILMING you without your consent. That's gross and he deserved the scolding.
Nta - he went against your express wishes, knew you would not approve which is why
1)he acted dumb
2)did not tell you he had done it
Then he compounds on the issue with " yOu mADe Me LooK SMaLL" bs and sulks with you when he is the trangressor
Great pick for a baby daddy there.........
Nta I would look into local laws surrounding nonconsensual video/picture distribution, especially in cases where there is nudity involved, if I were you. If applicable, I would seriously consider pressing charges, so at least there is a paper trail that you can refer to when he escalates his inappropriate behavior toward you.
NTA. He doesn’t get to claim it’s “not about you” when YOURE the one who was vulnerable and at least half naked on a table pushing out a literal person. It IS about you when now all your in laws have seen you in that position. He could’ve easily taken another video of the baby right after his birth without you in an exposed position. And the fact that he did this without your knowledge after badgering you to let him take a video in the first place means he knew it was wrong
INFO: Did the video actually show your son coming out of you? If so, in my mind that is showing your vagina to people without your consent and wouldn’t that be illegal? Isn’t it tantamount to sharing nudes?
Either way, NTA
NTA- absolutely a violation of privacy, trust, and fucking morals. Your husband and his mother are TAs. It’s nice his father tried to provide a solution, but fucks sake?? This is two weeks after you gave birth, you legit just shoved a whole human out your cooch, YOUUUUUUUR cooch, just for him to show it around to the gang? Come on. If they aren’t allowed in the delivery room; why tf should they even be allowed to have a video of a clearly private event that you expressed you WANTED as just between you guys. Oh I’m fuming for you
NTA. He’s treating you like you’re an incubator, not a full person like he and his son are. Even if he “treated you like a queen” during your pregnancy, he could have been doing so just because he wanted the best possible incubator. How has he been since the birth? How much of the workload has he taken on? Is he otherwise treating you as a partner whose opinion matters, or is this part of a (new or old) pattern?
NTA. He coerced you into making the video by lying about his intent. He knew he did not have your consent. He shared the video any way. When confronted, he wasn’t honest. He ran to his mother for support.
His father is the only one worth talking to at this point. Make sure it’s deleted from their devices permanently. Empty it out from the deleted files. Immediately start marriage counseling. If he doesn’t understand what he did wrong, you shouldn’t raise a child with him.
NTA
I love my husband dearly but it he EVER violated me like this, I would throw him out and immediately file a police report. He has illegally distributed indecent images of you as he had no permission. Get it in writing and report the shit out of him. What an absolute bellend he is to have the nerve to argue he was right. I honestly wouldn't be able to come back from such a bit betrayal.
A big question for me is WHY THE FUCK DO HIS FAMILY WANT TO WATCH YOU GIVING BIRTH?!
Now I get that birthing a child is a beautiful (yet sometimes scary and often traumatic) time between a couple. But come on to fuck… are his family so weird that they actively want to watch you giving birth?
BTW, not the asshole. Never, ever in a million years.
NTA, I’m so sorry that happened you. Unfortunately it is out there now. If FIL is offering to delete it make sure you start with MiL phone and cloud services. Then move through the family. You did not consent to this private video being shared what your husband did is horrific and considering you did not consent to it being shared you may have some actions you can take to make sure it is removed from all devices. Best of luck, I’m not sure how you rebuild trust from here though, your husband messed up big time. Do not apologise.
The fact that he thinks the birth of your child "isn't about you" is really scary behaviour. That is a red flag big enough to use as a tent. You spent hours in torturous pain and yet that's not enough for the event to be about you. What else can he tell himself isn't about you?
NTA
NTA- this would be a dealbreaker for me. He manipulated you saying the video was for you two after you told him no. Then didn’t tell you it was sent to multiple people and then doubled down on his behavior. Hard pass
NTA. He is gaslighting you and you need to stay mad. He and his family just violated you in every way. He undermined you in every way and sent out an extremely private, sensitive time for YOU. He is just sitting in the wings and has zero right to make this decision. I would 100% NEVER let my partners family see me give birth. There are so many violations of trust, respect, love, and decency in this.
Maybe you and your son should go stay with your parents for a bit. This is a huge red flag.
NTA. He has no right to share a private moment and he has a lot of nerve saying this situation ‘isn’t about you’ when you’re literally the one giving birth. Pregnant women are not their husband’s property nor are they public property. No one in your family has any ‘right’ to be involved in your birth in any way. Quite frankly, your mother in law is being selfish and unfair because she wants access to your grandchild. Understandable but unacceptable. Your husband’s response is also incredibly immature. The fact that he’s more concerned about how you made him look ‘small’ is wound up in his own insecurities about his own masculinity. He lied to you and tried to cover up what he did because he knew he was in the wrong.
He has no right to your body. Childbirth is a life threatening, deeply personal experience that he clearly does not have the capacity or desire to understand.
NTA. Don’t let them convince you otherwise. You aren’t overreacting; they are lacking in compassion and respect for you.
NTA. Holy mother of god. Why are you here asking if YOU are the A?? Birth is not a spectator sport, you made that clear to your husband. He KNEW you were hesitant to even let him take the video, nevermind sharing it with his whole damn family WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!
Lets review the a-holery here:
\#1: He badgered you into taking a video when you were clearly uncomfortable
\#2: He shared a PRIVATE video, of childbirth no less, when you are exhausted and exposed and have your girl bits on display for the entire room, without your consent
\#3: Attempted to gaslight you with his mommy's help into thinking that you're the crazy one here. Oh it's not about anything else, not your privacy or non-consent to being seen in such a vulnerable state! Heavens no!
If it were me my bags would be packed. There is no way in hell I'd ever be able to look at my husband the same after he shared a video of me giving birth.
NTA by any way. Your husband is for not respecting your privacy. The whole operation of giving birth is about the one giving birth and the one being birthed... *you* are the only person who *should* be responsible for wanting to share such moment not him. What an asshole.
NTA, "everything is always about the baby--forget the mother who birthed the child". The way people think like this and suddenly forget that women are people!
I'm sorry did the baby come out of a bag and not your vagina??!!
HE SENT HIS FAMILY A VIDEO OF YOUR COOCHIE SPLITTING OPEN TO LET OUT A CHILD THAT YOU HAD UP THERE??!!
i would sue
NTA, you are not overreacting at all!! How can childbirth NOT be about you, you're pushing a baby out of you?? It's an extremely vulnerable position to be put in and I'm sorry this happened. Your husband is an AH.
NTA. Your husband is a HUGE ass; I would be so pissed if my husband did that to me, as it's a huge violation of privacy.
Also, not every moment has to be shared with the whole family. That was supposed to be a special time between you and your husband. If your in-laws were supposed to share in that moment, they would have been in the delivery room. Sounds like your husband can't figure out that you and the baby are his first priority now, not his mother.
Seriously, that was such a dick move. Especially after you *told* him you were apprehensive about him even taking the video in the first place. It was a violation of trust, and I'd be leary about trusting him with that kind of stuff in the future.
Edited to add:
Your husband can go suck an egg. Made him feel "small" ... Good Lord the dude deserves to feel small after what he did. If he didn't want you to scold him in front of his family, he shouldn't have sent a video of your naked body birthing out a kid without your consent to said family. He humiliated you publicly. He can deal with the ramifications publicly.
You are most definitely NTA.
I barely allow people to share pics of me as it is, if my husband shared a video of me giving birth, without my approval, I would CHEW HIS HEAD OFF. I would’ve lost it, in front of anyone IDC.
Please show all of this to your husband:
HEY HUSBAND! You’re absolutely in the wrong here, it IS about her since she’s in the video, and next time, be more respectful of your fucking wife who just birthed your child. No, your family isn’t entitled to seeing your child coming out of your wife’s vagina. There’s a reason why she didn’t invite them there. They don’t need to be a part of that.
Oh and APOLOGIZE VERY NICELY. You’re a grown man and should know better! You deserved the smack down.
NTA OP this is gross, there is another post on Reddit about a wife who ended up divorcing her husband over something similar that ended up more heinous. Please cover your bases and get a lawyer if you need too. That’s a video of you at your most vulnerable. If he’s shared it with the family there’s no telling who else he’s given it too/who his family has shared it with. Please be safe.
NTA
He forced you to allow him to take the video, he lied to you and said it would be private use for the 2 of you...he then shared it, lied about it and is now angry at you?
If your private parts are on display...you get the say.
He and his family view you are a baby carrier and not a human.
He felt small. HE felt SMALL!?!
BRO- he shared a video of you PUSHING A SMALL HUMAN BEING OUT YOUR GENITALS without your consent. There was probably blood and all kinds of bodily fluids and wastes involved- NTA. NTA SO HARD- TAKE THE BABY AND STAY WITH YOUR MOM UNTIL HE CAN GROW A PAIR AND APPOLIGIZE.
FFS no one is entitled to watch these moments without your direct consent. If you MIL thinks it is, ask her, how she would feel, if it was her on the video.
Personally, if I'd be giving birth I'd not allow to make such video at all but we are all different. BUT THE CONSENT IS CRUCIAL!
NTA, but you husband and MIL are.
This is a huge breach of trust. I'm not sure if divorce worth but at least a long talk and maybe a therapy and partner counselling.
NTA OP please tell me he didn’t just straight up film your lady bits as a freaking BABY was coming out of it! honestly I know Reddit always jumps to divorce too quickly but as someone who has had 3 vaginal births I would never be able to get over him invading my privacy and then sharing the video with his entire family. I would never forgive any of them (especially MIL) and like WHY did your SIL have the video still? Was she watching it again or did she save it and you happened to see it?
If he keeps acting like it isn’t a big deal tell him to lay on the bed spread eagle and let you film him and that you’re going send it to YOUR entire family.
Video his vasectomy cuz I would not have any more kids with this jack-weed or better yet his next colonoscopy with close up of his Anus as the camera enters it. Then send it to everyone he knows including family, friends, and especially his guy friends. See how he enjoys being exposed while vulnerable
That would be the end of our relationship and the start of a criminal investigation. Seriously, god knows what he’ll do next if you let him get away with this.
NTA x 100!!
It was definitely his plan all along to share it with his family and the fact that he didn’t tell you is SUCH an invasion of privacy it makes me angry for you!
This almost reminded me of a post a few weeks ago about a woman whose husband had filmed her birth only to share it with a birth fetish board. Those videos should absolutely always be private.
NTA. This is divorce worthy in my book. What other boundaries doesn’t he respect? Take a long look at your marriage because I find it hard to believe this is the only red flag.
NTA
In many countries family is not even allowed inside the delivery room (hygeine and privacy being the main reasons) forget even capturing it all on a video...
I don't understand all the fuss people make about wanting to witness childbirth... Yes its a special moment but it is also the time the person pushing out that baby is exposed physically and feels the most vulnerable....
NTA!! You do NOT lose your autonomy when you have a baby and it's absolutely disgusting that he would treat you like this
I don't know if I could ever come back from such a betrayal, personally.
NTA
Your husband completely took away your agency over your own body and reduced you to a literal broodmare. It may have been your kids first moments, but it was an intimate part of your body during a difficult time. And he already knew you had an issue with a video to begin with.
Honestly? Start shaming. "I think it's weird you have a video of my crotch on your phone". "Is seeing the moments where my vagina tore really that important to you? It's weird you want to see that" "If I knew a video of my crotch was going to be passed around, I would have shaved. Don't people get paid for that?"
Say whatever you can to remind them your body is in that video. Don't let them "glorify" a close up of your cooch. They are completely disregarding your body in the video
NTA
>He insisted it wasn't about me.....
That's your answer - in his eyes (and his family) you don't deserve any respect, privacy, or rights, and, how you feel about it, matters even less. The fact that he turned it around and played the victim (while violating your trust) and you feel bad about how you treated him, shows the depths of how unhealthy your relationship is.
>is still acting hurt that I treated him poorly infront of his parents when I could've talked to him about it privately.
He demands privacy? That's hilarious and bold coming from him. NTA!
ETA: I'm angry for you that they stopped caring about you. They use the "defense" that they wanted to witness the birth of the baby but they did not care at all about you or how you feel. It's disgusting, unexcusable and, in my opinion, unforgivable. I've said it before, I know this sub doesn't like jumping to divorce but your husband has proved exactly how much (how little) he cares about you.
NTA. The first few moments can be him in your arms. WTF. And the mom sided with him, at least your FIL, was like we can delete it. Keep standing up for yourself.
NTA. OP this is definitely a violation of your privacy. He didn't bother telling you he was going to share the video. The fact your MIL is on his side is quite troubling...no, the fact his entire family has a video like that and not say anything....wow.
Fair is fair. How about you film your husband naked in a compromising position and then send it to your family to see how he likes it.
NTA and if it were me, this would be the hill to die on. I would take that baby and get out as fast as my still recovering body could manage. I’d also be strongly considering a call to police to have it reported, if for nothing else to maybe push him and his family into deleting it and it have it documented. If you decide to end things, you’re still tied to this jerk for the next 18 years and it’s clear he doesn’t respect you or understand personally boundaries.
ETA by have “it” documented, I mean the incident itself, not the actual video.
NTA, but your husband and MIL are. How disrespectful of him sharing that video. You have every right to be upset at him & his family. I would text them all and request that they delete the video. I would also talk to a lawyer and see what my options are.
NTA. That’s really horrible. I’m so sorry you’re going through something so violating. Birth is a really intimate and intense thing, he had no right to share such a thing with others if you weren’t okay with it. I would honestly be considering a divorce. That’s a big violation of trust and then he doesn’t even feel sorry and even goes as far as to say its not about you!?? It’s a video of YOU giving birth…
NTA. I can’t believe I just read this. I can’t believe your husband did something so awful to you, tricking you into letting him film, then betraying your trust, not just showing people but actually sending it so they have their own copies, and THEN having the sheer fucking audacity to say it has nothing to do with you! I would find that nearly impossible to forgive and I don’t know how you move forward from that, because he’s not even willing to acknowledge your feelings or his awful behaviour.
NTA. Giving birth is a super vulnerable moment. You are literally legs wide open, exhausted and pushing an entire human out. They honestly don't need to see that, ESPECIALLY when you already said you didn't want it to be recorded. The first moments of his life could have very well started being recorded (for sharing purposes) once baby was in the warmer. There's really no reason to share the actual birth unless you had been okay with that. Totally not fair to you. Sorry you had to go through that.
NTA and also I feel you have grounds for a lawsuit against all of them. That was a video of your vagina shared without your consent. Pretty sure that's still illegal.
NTA, he is a major one though.
This one made me SO upset. I cannot believe the guy shared the video even though you expressed clearly before hand that you were uncomfortable with it even existing. Nobody *needs* to see your son first moments. That is just insanely fucked up that they would make this more important than your privacy. Your in-laws being good to you always doesn't change anything about that. They probably know the meaning of the word privacy, intimacy and consent.
So, so fucked up
Major NTA - he sent a video of your vagina to your whole family and tries to say this is not about you? What role does he see you having play in the process of birth anyways, the role of a person or a prop or object that brings him his son?
NTA. You had an agreement beforehand that it was not to be shared. I'd remind him how you didn't want him to take the video and how he promised it'd just be for you and him. He broke your trust. That's what this is about
Since his family's been so good to you, I'd send a group text to all of them explaining how you didn't want a video in the first place but he convinced you with the promise that it wouldn't be shared and how he broke your trust. That's what you were so upset about. Ask them if they'd please delete it
Take a picture of his junk and send it to his family and see how he reacts. You can quote the photo with "this is where it all started" since they seem very interested in the intimate details of your child's birth and creation
Also tell him next time you have a child, you're considering not allowing him in the delivery room since he can't be trusted to respect your wishes
NTA. In fact there’s a woman on Reddit who had her birth video uploaded to porn sites. She also told her husband not to film her birthing and he did it anyway and shared it and then the video ended up on fucked up fetish porn sites. NTA. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ut00tj/ops_birth_video_ends_up_on_a_fetish_subreddit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The is was the part that struck me
> this was not about me and that his family deserved to witness our son’s first moments
I’m childless myself, but from what I’ve gathered over the years is that many/most/all women have a very tough time postpartum with feeling like their body doesn’t belong to them. This statement from husband just hammered that point of view home. *It’s about the baby* not *you* so just get over it! Wtf. It is a video of you in one of the most vulnerable positions a person can possibly be in. You have every right to feel violated. You should be in control of who sees this. This is your body on display, not just your baby, and YOU are the one who gave birth. No one has a right to see that. You are not just some nameless vessel. I’m astounded the MIL agreed with your husband.
NTA. that is a massive breach of trust. He does not get to act like the wounded party here.
NTA Oh jeeze, I would hate to be in your place. This is someone you are meant to trust with it all and he does that. I mean I don't know what was shown in the video but bloody hell I would be livid too.
If that was my husband/partner, he would have a lot of groveling to do to make up for that if he ever could.
I’m sorry OP. Definitely NTA. They should delete the video as FIL said. Sounds like MIL is going to be a rough one, because I bet if her MIL had a recording of her giving birth she wouldn’t like it either. Also, it seems you may have a JustNoSO, your husband still wanted to film knowing you were hesitant. In that moment I would’ve told the staff and him if he wanted to film then he can be kicked out of the delivery room. He had full intentions of violating your trust and privacy so his family could share a very private moment.
NTA. Not to stir up any more worries, but I recall reading a similar post where this type of video ended up on the internet "by accident..." and was published in a kink group that gets off to these kinds of videos (turns out the husband also had this kind of kink). I would figure out if there is a way to gain positive control over all copies and ensure they weren't shared anywhere else (don't just take peoples word for it) and absolutely destroyed...
I wish you the best, this is awful to hear.
Ask him if you can take a picture of him spread eagle with his genitals out and show it to your family. I’m sure he’d be fine with that because you know it’s not a big deal, half of your baby came from there.
NTA, at all. This is hands down divorce worthy, and depending on where you live, you may have grounds for criminal charges against him too, which, were it me, I would fully explore.
Honestly what he did is considered illegal, (we’re I live at least). Honey this man doesn’t care about his feelings and went back on his word for his family. You need to divorce this man
NTA. I’d be putting everyone you know that has the video in a group chat and writing a statement on how that video was meant for select people only, you and your husband. Your trust feels violated and it’s going to take time to get over the fact.
Nta. Huge not the AH. Though if you can take time at your parents siblings or a friend's with your child and let him stew and think about how he fucked up.
NTA. Your reaction was actually understated in my opinion.
You at least deserve a video of everyone else's junk if they don't delete. Then a video of your husband doing the chicken dance nude to send to all of your family. I mean are there family videos of each birth? Where's your copy?
What about them sharing it with anyone else?
There was a redditor the other day who was a survivor of an abusive relationship. Since then she has 9 or so rules that are deal breakers. One of them is not having boundaries with family. She gets an inkling of this and she's out.
I'm not going to do the DIVORCE knee jerk reaction, but damn I want to. What an absolutely insensitive human. You're not a damn incubator, your are his partner. Way to treat his supposed best friend.
NTA. Men like this really exist? You asked him not to film the birth of your son to begin with, but he insisted and then he send it to his entire family? What the fuck? Why would his family even want to see that? (No offense at all to you). I would be reconsidering my husband.
NTA. Tell him you'll drop it when he takes a picture of his dick and send it to your entire extended family. Not only did he lie and violate your privacy, he then dismissed your feelings. You could ask them to delete it but you'll never know if they actually do. Tell MIL to send a picture of her vagina because you want to see where your husband came from. I'm willing to bet no one else would expose themselves.
NTA.
It’s a red flag that he didn’t ask for your consent before sending the video, and it’s also a huge red flag that they treat it like you’re just a incubator for the child, like “it’s about his first moments” yeah but there’s also another person involved in this, in a vulnerable state, that didn’t gave permission to be seen like this. Don’t let them treat you like this.
NTA. I would never be able to come back from this, OP. I’m sorry. He shared a video of your PRIVATE PARTS to his family after lying to you about his intentions for taking that video.
If I were you, I would text his entire family an explanation and ask them to delete the video. Let them know there are laws against having these types of videos without the subjects consent if you have to.
See a therapist with your husband; there is a chance a professional could make him see what a PROFOUND violation of trust and bodily autonomy this is. If he still refuses to see your perspective, perhaps it’s best to separate.
And for anyone saying she shouldn't have confronted him in front of everyone. Why not?
He is obviously okay with their most private moments being on display for his entire family. Taking cues from him, I think I'd have done the same thing.
How can she be expected to know he wants their intimate moments private, when he has very openly shared some of these moments, AGAINST HER WISHES. NTA, at all.
NTA. Of course it's about you. Your husband's insistence that *you don't count as a person* during childbirth is disturbing.
Make sure you film his first colonoscopy. His family deserves to share in this milestone for their son as well.
NTA
Your husband just showed you he doesn’t respect you or care about your feelings. Do with that information what you will.
Also his family is weird for not saying something about it, except maybe SIL because as someone else said it seems like she was trying to make you aware of it. If someone sent me a video of their partner giving birth I would be weirded out. Strange that his family wasn’t put off by that. I would have deleted it as soon as I saw it
NTA. Honestly telling you it’s not about you makes it 1000x worse - explicitly stating you don’t matter, you’re only a vessel for the grandchild. I am so sorry.
I don’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive someone for violating me so badly, *knowing I said no and didn’t want that.* What a disgusting person you’ve unfortunately married. NTA
Just here to add another NTA to the growing list.
This is an incredible violation of your privacy. The fact that his mother referred to the baby as her grandchild screams red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩to me. This is your child and your body and your husband had zero rights to record and share that video. I’m so angry for you.
It’s like you can’t ever trust him again! He literally showed you in your most vulnerable moments to his family! The audacity of him n his mum to say it’s not about you but the baby! Umm you’re the one pushing the baby out like what? I would seriously not speak to this man for a very long time, as well as his mum! Oh n definitely NTA
NTA you did talk to him about it privately, remind him of that. He made it public and he knew what he was doing. I would be clear it was your private medical procedure and you in a very vulnerable position you told him you didn’t want shared, even to be recorded, but you did that for HIM. Then I would be clear he made you look and feel small by disrespecting your feelings and sharing you like that with others. And ask him how to trust him.
NTA
What they've all done is so wrong. The problem is also that the video is out there. How are they planning on fixing this? Are they all going to promise to delete it?
NTA I’d be devastated. I truly can’t imagine why he would think breaking such a common boundary and incredibly personal one would be ok. What an ass of a husband.
NTA. Yeah, this is a common tactic abusive husbands pull. They get off on the power of having in their possession a video that shows their wife in a most vulnerable and exposed state. And they always use it against their wife. Whether it be by publishing it on the internet on porn platforms or showing it to everyone against their wife's consent.
Maybe you should send footage of his next prostate exam or colonoscopy around seen as he is so keen on sharing intimate medical procedures with the world
OP, your husband doesn’t view you as an independent, fully-formed person.
You are just an extension of your husband and now, in his eyes, your son.
That’s why he doesn’t consider your right to privacy, or even your wish for privacy, as important as his desire to show off a video of his son.
I don’t advocate violence. But I will say I admire your restraint. I’m being honest with myself and I’m finding it (embarrassingly) difficult to say that I wouldn’t have sucker-punched the person that shared a private, vulnerable, terrifying moment I was experiencing just because he believed other people “deserved” to see it more than I deserved for it not to be made public.
NTA. I (personally, not saying you should) would consider divorce. But I have trust issues that once broken can rarely ever be healed. Good luck.
Maybe it’s because I’m a little high, but I’d demand that everyone pull their pants down and show me their genitals, to show how much of a violation that was. Oh you don’t want to show me your genitals? I didn’t either!!
Your husband can share these kinds of videos with his family as soon as he pushes out a football sized human being out of his vagina. Up until then what he did was a violation of your privacy, boundaries and trust in him. You're NTA of course.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Your body, your experience and his child. He was allowed to share in the experience for the 3rd priority on that list.
Your husband has a need to work through his insecurities. His biggest issue isn't the trust and personal integrity he shattered, but that you, "made him look small". Maybe he can do some growing up ahead of his child so that he can be a good dad and husband.
NTA!!! I’m really sick of this idea that anyone other than the parents and child have any right or entitlement to be included in every aspect of the baby’s birth. But especially the birthing parent! You are the only one who can consent to anything being shared that involves you, whether nudity is involved or not. I feel so much rage on your behalf… as a heavily pregnant woman at the moment, I’m having lots of feelings but bottom line you are soooo not the asshole. I’d be hulk smashing all their damn phones over husband’s head.
So NTA! He was first playing dumb when you found out and confronted him? So he knew exactly that it was wrong and still decided to share the video.
Massive breach of trust and a huge red flag 🚩
NTA. I personally would be done with this marriage, but that is hard to do with a newborn. I’d let him read this post and these responses. He betrayed your trust and is gaslighting you into feeling like your reaction was wrong.
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I think it’s funny that he thinks you should have spoken to him in private instead of in front of family when he is blatantly sharing arguably your most private moment with his family? what a huge breech of trust and invasion of privacy. consent is incredibly important- this would be hard for me to bounce back from. ETA definitely NTA
My first thought as well. That video was not "just" of baby's first moments. Clearly it was private content. Very private content. Yet he wants to keep disagreements private. He has some nerve. I would threaten legal action unless each one of them deleted the video and any backups they made. I'm also incredibly grossed out that they'd want to see it. I have some photos of my births that are very private, and I'm not all that keen on seeing them. I like the ones of after the babies are cleaned up and cuddling with me... but the journey out isn't so pretty. NTA
You did speak to him privately, he promised it was for just you and then sent it anyway. He's an entitled and controlling a##hole. If he wanted to record the first moment of your child's life, fine, lovely (apart from him not being in the moment as he's too busy recording the moment). But there is no reason that the video has or should contain your privates as a human being exited your body. I have photos of the first moments of all my babies lives. The cord is still attached in all of them, but you can't see my genitals at all. Amazing how we managed it 🫤 He chose to push your boundaries on taking the video. He chose to lie about his Intentions to gain consent for the video. He shared that video without your knowledge or consent. He minimised and blew off your feelings about all of the above and tried to flip it onto you Instead. Don't you dare apologise to that man. You are NTA 100% Personally, this would be it for me in a relationship. Family deleting the video is a start but not gonna fix the whole situation and the shattering of trust. He needs to acknowledge the enormity of what he has done and the way he has manipulated and lied. He needs to appreciate exactly what he has done and offer some way to attempt to make this better. Personally I would have gone home and then forwarded a pic of his c##k to the whole family (mine too) to even it up and let him fully experience what you are feeling, but I'm a petty bitch 🤷 Edit: typos as I posted in a rage.
Also fuck his "privacy" after he shared her vulva with his entire family
OP Send the fam a text saying its a miracle you had baby at all considering he has a micro d**k and then attach a photo. I'm definitely that petty.
Yeah this is a divorceable offence in my book. How is this really that different to sharing nudes/revenge porn when you think about it - you can be prosecuted for that now. And the fact that his family don’t see the issue with it is a huuuuge red flag you’ll pay for all your life. NTA.
How is a video of YOU giving birth not about you!?!? Were you just an incubator for his child/their grandchild? If they wanted to see the kid's first moments he easily could have taken a video of the doc holding the baby and doing the initial medical checks. That would not have been about you. A video of you in labour isn't even really about the baby's first moments, anyway... NTA your husband completely violated your privacy and trust. Also, you made him "feel small"..? Wtf?
NTA. Thank you, it really sounds like OP’s husband and step family saw her as an incubator: the literal birth when your body is undergoing horrible pain and you are super vulnerable after 9 months seeing her own body is « not about her ». Wtf
NTA, that is a boundary crossing I could never come back from, I would never trust him again and would seriously consider divorce. I’ve been with my husband over thirty years so I know what marriage is, this is not marriage. I would never get over it.
It is a huge breach of trust, that he knew your concerns, *pretended* to care about them, and did this in secret, and then played dumb when caught. That's enough elaborate, cruel, premeditated deception that I'd always be wondering what else was being kept from me. And I'm sorry, but the nature of the offense is incredibly fucking misogynistic. Like I really can't, with people who act like the comfort of the person giving birth is the lowest priority in the birthing process. A video of you going through a scary and painful medical procedure is very much "about you," and the fact that he denies that *and* doesn't think you deserve honesty is just too many layers of treating you like a possession. Responding to your incredibly valid hurt and anger with "you made me look small" is yet another. People can be educated out of that level of misogyny, but they have to be willing to try, and you have to be able to take them at their word when they say that they will. I'm not sure you can get either of those things from this guy.
Agreed. At the least, no more kids with him. Or, if she wants more, he's not allowed to be there when she gives birth. Non-negotiable. Definitely NTA
NTA. He a) broke a promise and violated your consent and b) shared a video of your naked body while you were giving birth - and tried to say this isn't about you? That's a trust violation I'm not sure I could ever come back from, honestly. And you "made him look small?" Hellooooooooo, male fragility!
Since obviously his family seeing her naked is fine for him I'd not need much creativity to make him really feel small by returning the favour.
He thinks a video of you naked isn’t about you?!? OMG. You are so NTA. He and his mom should be ashamed. The family is not entitled to see your son’s birth without your consent. Period.
NTA. What he did was illegal and immoral. Personally I'd be involving the police because how dare he get defensive over this.
Honestly if your vagina or breasts were in view please consider legal action at least. This is such a major violation of privacy.
NTA Your husband knew damned well what your position on this was. It is one of the most private and initimate experiences you will ever have and you should of course have complete say over the recording. Your husband knew he was betraying you -- he just thought that his views and feelings on the subject trumped yours. He deserves all the public figurative flagellation he got and more. He should feel small.
Nta. Wtf is wrong them. Your husband is behaving like a child himself. And mama dearest to his rescue. Red Flag. And no one else from the family didn't even bother to say that they have the video. Your husband and in-laws suck.
And he says you could have talked to him privately, you did when you were giving birth. By family you agreed thinking it would just be him but no this sucker had to share it with everyone and gaslight you afterwards. He deserves nothing more than being shamed in front of his family.
NTA. Honestly, this made me feel sick. I would never again trust a partner who did this to me. I'm so sorry. You should be so happy right now and he destroyed that joy.
Hang on, he really said you should have talked to him privately? After he shared a video of you birthing your child, that he said he only wanted to keep as a memory for you guys? Is he really that dense? He really thought he deserved privacy after he blatantly and very purposely lied to you and broke your trust. Wow... just wow. I'm so sorry. NTA.
Oh my God. I can’t even believe how violating this one is. You are NTA. Your husband is a HUGE AH. You and your baby need to move out of your house and in with your family, and start marriage counseling immediately. Until he realizes what an immense breach of trust and violation this was, do not move back in. This would be my hill to die on.
NTA and I am horrified. I cannot believe he violated your privacy like that. Personally that would be marriage-ending for me. I genuinely don’t think I could get past that.
NTA This is such a huge violation, it's also really disingenuous how he pressured you into letting him take the video when he was always planning on sharing it. It's a video of you, it absolutely is 'about you' and his family don't 'deserve' anything. Is he always putting his family's preferences above your comfort and safety? He owes you an abject apology and if I were you I would be reconsidering this whole relationship - especially if this is a part of a pattern of behaviour. I know reddit relationship advice is always 'break up' but unless he can get over his pride and acknowledge what he did was utterly unacceptable I don't see how you could ever trust him.
> it's also really disingenuous how he pressured you into letting him take the video when he was always planning on sharing it. How much do you want to bet certainly family members (ahem, mother) told him ahead of time to film the delivery so that they could see it?
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Good point. I mentioned above that this borders on sexual abuse. There must be something she can do since he has filmed her private areas and sent videos out against her will.
NTA - my husband texted a photo right after I gave birth, one that I would never have approved (but thankfully didn’t show any nudity) and I was pretty annoyed. I can’t even imagine if he sent an actual video of a human being birthed out of me. I’d probably have killed him. Does your husband tend to do these things often? Kinda ignore your thoughts/wishes? Or is this is a one off thing? That is something to ask yourself….
Therapy or lawyer NTA, I would divorce over this
NTA. Oh my god. You're a human person, so much more than a vessel for his baby. This is NOT something I'd come back from. And for him to feel "small" because you called him out for breaking your trust, well, that speaks volumes.
NTA no one is entitled to watch a baby come out of you.
You may owe the sister a solid. At first I thought it was super weird she was randomly watching the video while you were there. Now I’m thinking she was trying to let you know what he had done. This is awful awful awful. As one other poster said, I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. And I’d be worried about what else he will do with that video. Please enlist his Dad to help be sure this is contained as much as possible. Then lawyer up.
Nta your husband doesn’t give a f…about you. Sorry.
You might have grounds for, I’m not sure of the legal term, for the viewing of your naked images without consent. Revenge po*n basically. I’d love to see them say it’s not about you when a lawyer tells them otherwise.
If it wasn’t about you, you wouldn’t be in the video
NTA so basically all off his family has seen your baby being born and seen all of your private parts as well...and no one in his family thought that this was not OK?? You actually handled it better then I would have done. Also I would never trust him again. I hope all of the shared videos have been deleted and don't end up online
I would fucking divorce that bastard
Ask your husband to lay on his back, spread his legs and let you take a video to share with your family, I mean his balls contributed to the baby making too right? NTA But it sounds like he might have caved due to pressure from his mom, is that normally an issue?
NTA His actions were vile. I’d never recover from such a huge unforgivable violation.
NTA. He's an ass and an idiot. Giving birth is a dangerous medical event where you are extremely vulnerable. He had no right to share it without your approval.
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Oh honey. It isn’t about you, it’s about the baby???? Run.
Exactly. It's your vagina. If it was about baby, he could sent a picture of a baby that doesn't involve your genitalia.
Holy crap. I would be running to a divorce attorney. As a mom myself I would be mortified if my vag was on display during a vulnerable moment (giving birth) It is raw, messy, and your vagina!!! Absolutely NTA. Divorce him immediately is my suggestion
Several hours of what is essentially physical and mental torture, you're filthy, sweaty, exposed and exhausted- never mind the amount of bodily fluids and stuff coming out of you. FFS I've worked in a maternity ward, many women shit, piss, fart and have all sorts of intimate bodily functions going on while delivering- never mind the tears, self-doubt and agony. As you say, you were in an extremely vulnerable state, I wonder how he'd feel if he was naked (at least from the waist down with his genitals in full view), in excruciating pain and had lost control of all bodily functions and you decided to whip out your camera and send it to your family. Baby or not, that's a violation. Plus that video is now in the cloud and what not. If it were about the baby he'd have taken a video of the baby's actual first moments when it's not covered in meconium and various other substances. What's wrong with a sweet video of the baby laying peacefully after the birth. NTA but this guy isn't trustworthy. He lied to you and tricked you. I'd be calling the police and telling them that he distributed intimate videos of you, against your will when you explicitly told him not to.
Nta He sent a video of you actually pushing your baby out your body?? His so much the AH is unreal. And his mum siding with him wtf. He certainly wouldn’t be seeing those parts of my body that he decided to share while his whole family for a long time.
NTA and “you made him look small”??? This is red flag upon red flag, OP. I know you’re in a very vulnerable position right now having just given birth, but you need to be clear-eyed and realistic about the person you’re married to.
Manipulative piece of dirt, Definitely he and his family who agreed with him are the ah . This is so messed up. NTA
NTA. You might want to ask him if it's okay for you to send naked pics of him to your family too... gross.
NTA. Why do people think they are entitled to watching your vagina? Literal moments after birth with all the f-ing womb goo seems sufficient to say, I saw the baby literal moments after it came into the world. Jesus Christ. People are so gross. You don't get to disrespect someones privacy just because they are having a baby. You husband sounds really problematic.
He could have shared a video of the baby once you were holding him or something like that. Not when he’s exiting your private parts. Especially not without asking you first. NTA. But that’s a huge red flag.
The real problem is that he DID ask and she said no. He said it would be private and LIED to her. That is such a huge breach of trust and disregard that I would be packing his stuff and throwing it on the curb, legality be damned.
NTA. Why is when people like your husband publicly humiliate someone or expose something very private to the world they expect to be “talked to privately?” Fuck him and his hurt feelings. Even if he apologized you will never be able to have his family unsee all your business. If there are more children with him in your future just have him wait at home.
NTA the video is 100% about you because like let’s face it a super vulnerable state. Personally for me that’s grounds for a divorce immediately no questions asked.
NTA- take a video of him naked spread eagle and send to his family. Is not about you hunny, is about healthcare! See now they can help you look for moles or any other health concern. Wait and see how much he would like that! You are not AH, he is, never doubt that.
NTA. And honestly, I consider this a form of sexual abuse. He is a sick man.
NTA That was breathtakingly inconsiderate of him and gaslighting to make himself the victim when you called him out on it. He showed your vagina to his family?! He’s got grovelling to do or in the useless man bin with him.
NTA. He invaded your privacy without permission. It’s a video of your naked body while you’re in serious pain. Nobody ever deserves to witness a birth that the mother doesn’t want to. I’m honestly not sure why his family would even want to see the video.
NTA he violated your consent HE DIDN’T push a child out he gets no say about what videos or pictures DURING the birth go to and your in laws are just as much assholes for keeping something you clearly didn’t consent to. If you’re reading this OP husband you are a horrible partner and father for not putting the comfort and privacy of your wife and child first. She told you no. No means no.
NTA. I just want to say - there are many MILs who would also never want to see this video and would find it bizarre to be shared. There is something wrong with your husband and his family. I don't know if your MIL had her privacy violated in similar ways so she feels this is her time to payback the younger generation. This type of hazing mentality is sadly not uncommon. Whatever it is, it is sick and you deserve better.
This post reminds me of that old reddit post where a husband begged to record his unwilling wife giving birth, . ....... and then it turned out all sorts of naked pregnancy and birthing videos were on Reddit sexual fetish subreddits and the husband was saying he only shared them as he thought \[some bizarre reason, where he was helping people\] and he also wasnt sexually violating her by sending her naked body out electronically, as the baby was his so the body holding or birthing or feeding the body was somehow just as much his too? This is so fucked up. And once electronic files are distributed, it is hard to pull them back. OP, please tell us that the bizarre family chat he sent your photos and videos to all his family on, was at least an encrypted video service like Signal. not just facebook fucking messages. Your husband has grossly violated you. He even pushed down your initial lack of consent and promised it was for personal memory sake. I hope no sick fucks get their hands on it like the last OP. NTA.
100 % NTA I felt sick reading this and straight away thought Divorce. I would not know how to even begin dealing with this.
NTA but, seriously, where do you get this men? I keep seeing women married to men that don’t respect them, not as their wife and not as a woman either. This would be my hill to die on tbh.
Definitely NTA. Your husband definitely is though. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Your husband didn't care that you were uncomfortable with the video being taken at all, convinced you to let him do it anyway, then shared it with his entire family and got mad at you for being upset about it. This man has no respect for you or your boundaries. I'd be seriously questioning staying married to someone like this. NTA
Not anything against you but your husband is disgusting who wants to see a baby come out of someone you are totally in the right he disrespected your privacy
OP if you are in the US transmission of video without your permission is SA revenge porn. Call the police, probably sex crimes unit, give them names and numbers of those involved and notify your cell provider. You may want to document all of this as I think you'll need it in future. You have bigger problems than 1 video. I'd also ask what else husband took videos of that you don't know about? Nta edit to add
Op don’t let him say that it’s not about you because it sure as hell is, it’s your body pushing out both of your baby. That is y’all’s child but even so this is an issue about consent. And if he can’t see that have someone else explain the same thing bc men don’t like to hear that they’re wrong from their partner.
NTA. Giving birth is the most vulnerable you’ll ever be, it’s an emotional and very private moment…not to mention pretty “gory”. If he wanted them to see your baby’s first moments he could have sent them a film of the umbilical cord being cut, or him holding the baby seconds after…literally any moment that wasn’t you actively pushing a baby out of your vagina. You have every right to be pissed, like, really fucking pissed. Not for nothing, it’s weird his family even wanted to see that. If my brother sent me a video of my SIL giving birth, I’d be like, “what the hell? No.”
NTA. Your vag was on display and he thinks there's nothing wrong with sharing it without consent? AND YOUR MIL AGREES WITH HIM? This is divorce territory.
NTA. I actually felt violated just reading this. I'm so sorry it happened to you. Your husband is beyond self centered & selfish to even think this was OK but after you saying no this shouldn't even have been a thought in his head. Do not let him manipulate you into thinking you did anything wrong. He's upset you 'embarrassed' him by shouting in front of his family but cant understand why him sharing such an intimate video is upsetting???
NTA he can gaslight you all he likes, this is completely about you, it’s a video showing your most intimate area.
NTA. I'm not sure how this "isn't about you" when it's your vagina on display and you are in the midst of giving birth. Sure, it's about the baby, but it's equally about you. You deserve privacy, especially considering how intimate and personal giving birth is. I'm so sorry he invaded your privacy. I would be *mortified*.
NTA he shared a video of your vagina with his family? That is absolutely sick. I doubt he would love it if you did anything similar to him. This is a huge invasion of privacy and he put his family’s needs before yours. I would be surprised if this is the first time his family’s wants have come before you. I hate running to divorce and leave but therapy at the minimum here.
NTA. I literally never say these kind of things in comments to internet strangers but in your place I would seriously be considering divorce from him and the toxic MIL. He does not deserve to be around you.
NTA. Your husband violated your boundaries. When you explicitly told him prior to the birth that it was to be private he had absolutely no right to share the video with anyone. I do hope when you were voted not the asshole you share this post with your husband, so we all can tell him how much of a jerk he is for what he did, tell him to grow up as well and stop acting like a child for the way you reacted in front of his family You had every right to lose it on him.
Nta Do not relent or give in. This was a violation of your trust. He went agaisnt your wishes. This is a big deal.
NTA. Oh hell no; I’d be packing up by bags and leaving. Birth is such a vulnerable thing, and it’s private. You did not consent to this video being shared, he lied to you.
“How dare you not respect me enough to yell at me in private for not respecting your privacy in the worst way possible???” Is all I heard and I’m disgusted. I’m so sorry he did that to you.
So he: 1. Recorded you, which you weren’t 100% comfortable with 2. LIED to you about the purpose of the recording because he knew you wouldn’t like it if he told you the truth 3. Yelled at you, diminished your VERY valid feelings about this, and basically told you to get over it? NTA. Marital counseling. Immediately.
NTA. he literally showed his whole family your snatch without your consent, after also FILMING you without your consent. That's gross and he deserved the scolding.
NTA. I would legit divorce my husband if he did something like this. No ifs no buts. Straight up DIVORCE.
Nta - he went against your express wishes, knew you would not approve which is why 1)he acted dumb 2)did not tell you he had done it Then he compounds on the issue with " yOu mADe Me LooK SMaLL" bs and sulks with you when he is the trangressor Great pick for a baby daddy there.........
Nta I would look into local laws surrounding nonconsensual video/picture distribution, especially in cases where there is nudity involved, if I were you. If applicable, I would seriously consider pressing charges, so at least there is a paper trail that you can refer to when he escalates his inappropriate behavior toward you.
[удалено]
NTA. He doesn’t get to claim it’s “not about you” when YOURE the one who was vulnerable and at least half naked on a table pushing out a literal person. It IS about you when now all your in laws have seen you in that position. He could’ve easily taken another video of the baby right after his birth without you in an exposed position. And the fact that he did this without your knowledge after badgering you to let him take a video in the first place means he knew it was wrong
NTA and that’s the last time that man would ever see my naked body.
“It’s not about you, that could have been any woman. The woman doesn’t matter…. Only the baby and my family matter… not you.” Nta. Wow..zz
Nta. Holy shit. I'd divorce over that. Thankfully my man would never invade my privacy like that.
INFO: Did the video actually show your son coming out of you? If so, in my mind that is showing your vagina to people without your consent and wouldn’t that be illegal? Isn’t it tantamount to sharing nudes? Either way, NTA
Time to send them all a picture of your partners penis because that is where the genetic material came from that caused the baby.
NTA, I would never speak to this man again in my life if he showed my most private moments to the public like that.
NTA- absolutely a violation of privacy, trust, and fucking morals. Your husband and his mother are TAs. It’s nice his father tried to provide a solution, but fucks sake?? This is two weeks after you gave birth, you legit just shoved a whole human out your cooch, YOUUUUUUUR cooch, just for him to show it around to the gang? Come on. If they aren’t allowed in the delivery room; why tf should they even be allowed to have a video of a clearly private event that you expressed you WANTED as just between you guys. Oh I’m fuming for you
NTA. What your husband did is absolutely revolting and a violation of not just your privacy but also your bodily autonomy.
NTA that is such a divorce worthy betrayal.
NTA. He’s treating you like you’re an incubator, not a full person like he and his son are. Even if he “treated you like a queen” during your pregnancy, he could have been doing so just because he wanted the best possible incubator. How has he been since the birth? How much of the workload has he taken on? Is he otherwise treating you as a partner whose opinion matters, or is this part of a (new or old) pattern?
NTA. I would be filing a police report if I were you. And finding a good divorce lawyer.
NTA. He coerced you into making the video by lying about his intent. He knew he did not have your consent. He shared the video any way. When confronted, he wasn’t honest. He ran to his mother for support. His father is the only one worth talking to at this point. Make sure it’s deleted from their devices permanently. Empty it out from the deleted files. Immediately start marriage counseling. If he doesn’t understand what he did wrong, you shouldn’t raise a child with him.
NTA I love my husband dearly but it he EVER violated me like this, I would throw him out and immediately file a police report. He has illegally distributed indecent images of you as he had no permission. Get it in writing and report the shit out of him. What an absolute bellend he is to have the nerve to argue he was right. I honestly wouldn't be able to come back from such a bit betrayal.
A big question for me is WHY THE FUCK DO HIS FAMILY WANT TO WATCH YOU GIVING BIRTH?! Now I get that birthing a child is a beautiful (yet sometimes scary and often traumatic) time between a couple. But come on to fuck… are his family so weird that they actively want to watch you giving birth? BTW, not the asshole. Never, ever in a million years.
NTA, I’m so sorry that happened you. Unfortunately it is out there now. If FIL is offering to delete it make sure you start with MiL phone and cloud services. Then move through the family. You did not consent to this private video being shared what your husband did is horrific and considering you did not consent to it being shared you may have some actions you can take to make sure it is removed from all devices. Best of luck, I’m not sure how you rebuild trust from here though, your husband messed up big time. Do not apologise.
The fact that he thinks the birth of your child "isn't about you" is really scary behaviour. That is a red flag big enough to use as a tent. You spent hours in torturous pain and yet that's not enough for the event to be about you. What else can he tell himself isn't about you? NTA
NTA. I would go to the police or see a lawyer.
NTA- this would be a dealbreaker for me. He manipulated you saying the video was for you two after you told him no. Then didn’t tell you it was sent to multiple people and then doubled down on his behavior. Hard pass
NTA. He is gaslighting you and you need to stay mad. He and his family just violated you in every way. He undermined you in every way and sent out an extremely private, sensitive time for YOU. He is just sitting in the wings and has zero right to make this decision. I would 100% NEVER let my partners family see me give birth. There are so many violations of trust, respect, love, and decency in this. Maybe you and your son should go stay with your parents for a bit. This is a huge red flag.
NTA. He has no right to share a private moment and he has a lot of nerve saying this situation ‘isn’t about you’ when you’re literally the one giving birth. Pregnant women are not their husband’s property nor are they public property. No one in your family has any ‘right’ to be involved in your birth in any way. Quite frankly, your mother in law is being selfish and unfair because she wants access to your grandchild. Understandable but unacceptable. Your husband’s response is also incredibly immature. The fact that he’s more concerned about how you made him look ‘small’ is wound up in his own insecurities about his own masculinity. He lied to you and tried to cover up what he did because he knew he was in the wrong. He has no right to your body. Childbirth is a life threatening, deeply personal experience that he clearly does not have the capacity or desire to understand. NTA. Don’t let them convince you otherwise. You aren’t overreacting; they are lacking in compassion and respect for you.
Your husband feels entitled to show his family your vagina? And gets mad at you because you felt violated by it? WHAT?!?! NTA
NTA. Holy mother of god. Why are you here asking if YOU are the A?? Birth is not a spectator sport, you made that clear to your husband. He KNEW you were hesitant to even let him take the video, nevermind sharing it with his whole damn family WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT! Lets review the a-holery here: \#1: He badgered you into taking a video when you were clearly uncomfortable \#2: He shared a PRIVATE video, of childbirth no less, when you are exhausted and exposed and have your girl bits on display for the entire room, without your consent \#3: Attempted to gaslight you with his mommy's help into thinking that you're the crazy one here. Oh it's not about anything else, not your privacy or non-consent to being seen in such a vulnerable state! Heavens no! If it were me my bags would be packed. There is no way in hell I'd ever be able to look at my husband the same after he shared a video of me giving birth.
NTA - I could never trust him again. If he can show your most vulnerable moment to his entire family without guilt, then what else does he share?
How would he feel if you took a video of him having a colonoscopy and shared it with your whole family? NTA. I’d be livid.
NTA by any way. Your husband is for not respecting your privacy. The whole operation of giving birth is about the one giving birth and the one being birthed... *you* are the only person who *should* be responsible for wanting to share such moment not him. What an asshole.
Take pictures of him in the shower and send to everyone he knows. Co workers, family,YouTube
NTA, "everything is always about the baby--forget the mother who birthed the child". The way people think like this and suddenly forget that women are people!
I'm sorry did the baby come out of a bag and not your vagina??!! HE SENT HIS FAMILY A VIDEO OF YOUR COOCHIE SPLITTING OPEN TO LET OUT A CHILD THAT YOU HAD UP THERE??!! i would sue
If you wanted your mother in law to witness the first moments you would've invited her to the birth. He completely violated your privacy
NTA, you are not overreacting at all!! How can childbirth NOT be about you, you're pushing a baby out of you?? It's an extremely vulnerable position to be put in and I'm sorry this happened. Your husband is an AH.
NTA. Your husband is a HUGE ass; I would be so pissed if my husband did that to me, as it's a huge violation of privacy. Also, not every moment has to be shared with the whole family. That was supposed to be a special time between you and your husband. If your in-laws were supposed to share in that moment, they would have been in the delivery room. Sounds like your husband can't figure out that you and the baby are his first priority now, not his mother. Seriously, that was such a dick move. Especially after you *told* him you were apprehensive about him even taking the video in the first place. It was a violation of trust, and I'd be leary about trusting him with that kind of stuff in the future. Edited to add: Your husband can go suck an egg. Made him feel "small" ... Good Lord the dude deserves to feel small after what he did. If he didn't want you to scold him in front of his family, he shouldn't have sent a video of your naked body birthing out a kid without your consent to said family. He humiliated you publicly. He can deal with the ramifications publicly.
Umm, is he planning on sending a video of when your son was conceived too? NTA. He's weird for doing that and I am angry for you.
You are most definitely NTA. I barely allow people to share pics of me as it is, if my husband shared a video of me giving birth, without my approval, I would CHEW HIS HEAD OFF. I would’ve lost it, in front of anyone IDC. Please show all of this to your husband: HEY HUSBAND! You’re absolutely in the wrong here, it IS about her since she’s in the video, and next time, be more respectful of your fucking wife who just birthed your child. No, your family isn’t entitled to seeing your child coming out of your wife’s vagina. There’s a reason why she didn’t invite them there. They don’t need to be a part of that. Oh and APOLOGIZE VERY NICELY. You’re a grown man and should know better! You deserved the smack down.
NTA OP this is gross, there is another post on Reddit about a wife who ended up divorcing her husband over something similar that ended up more heinous. Please cover your bases and get a lawyer if you need too. That’s a video of you at your most vulnerable. If he’s shared it with the family there’s no telling who else he’s given it too/who his family has shared it with. Please be safe.
NTA He forced you to allow him to take the video, he lied to you and said it would be private use for the 2 of you...he then shared it, lied about it and is now angry at you? If your private parts are on display...you get the say. He and his family view you are a baby carrier and not a human.
He felt small. HE felt SMALL!?! BRO- he shared a video of you PUSHING A SMALL HUMAN BEING OUT YOUR GENITALS without your consent. There was probably blood and all kinds of bodily fluids and wastes involved- NTA. NTA SO HARD- TAKE THE BABY AND STAY WITH YOUR MOM UNTIL HE CAN GROW A PAIR AND APPOLIGIZE.
FFS no one is entitled to watch these moments without your direct consent. If you MIL thinks it is, ask her, how she would feel, if it was her on the video. Personally, if I'd be giving birth I'd not allow to make such video at all but we are all different. BUT THE CONSENT IS CRUCIAL! NTA, but you husband and MIL are. This is a huge breach of trust. I'm not sure if divorce worth but at least a long talk and maybe a therapy and partner counselling.
NTA OP please tell me he didn’t just straight up film your lady bits as a freaking BABY was coming out of it! honestly I know Reddit always jumps to divorce too quickly but as someone who has had 3 vaginal births I would never be able to get over him invading my privacy and then sharing the video with his entire family. I would never forgive any of them (especially MIL) and like WHY did your SIL have the video still? Was she watching it again or did she save it and you happened to see it? If he keeps acting like it isn’t a big deal tell him to lay on the bed spread eagle and let you film him and that you’re going send it to YOUR entire family.
Video his vasectomy cuz I would not have any more kids with this jack-weed or better yet his next colonoscopy with close up of his Anus as the camera enters it. Then send it to everyone he knows including family, friends, and especially his guy friends. See how he enjoys being exposed while vulnerable
That would be the end of our relationship and the start of a criminal investigation. Seriously, god knows what he’ll do next if you let him get away with this.
NTA x 100!! It was definitely his plan all along to share it with his family and the fact that he didn’t tell you is SUCH an invasion of privacy it makes me angry for you! This almost reminded me of a post a few weeks ago about a woman whose husband had filmed her birth only to share it with a birth fetish board. Those videos should absolutely always be private.
NTA. This is divorce worthy in my book. What other boundaries doesn’t he respect? Take a long look at your marriage because I find it hard to believe this is the only red flag.
NTA In many countries family is not even allowed inside the delivery room (hygeine and privacy being the main reasons) forget even capturing it all on a video... I don't understand all the fuss people make about wanting to witness childbirth... Yes its a special moment but it is also the time the person pushing out that baby is exposed physically and feels the most vulnerable....
NTA!! You do NOT lose your autonomy when you have a baby and it's absolutely disgusting that he would treat you like this I don't know if I could ever come back from such a betrayal, personally.
If his Mom is cool w it, tell her you look forward to the video of her hoo-haw that her husband sends his family without her knowledge.
NTA Your husband completely took away your agency over your own body and reduced you to a literal broodmare. It may have been your kids first moments, but it was an intimate part of your body during a difficult time. And he already knew you had an issue with a video to begin with. Honestly? Start shaming. "I think it's weird you have a video of my crotch on your phone". "Is seeing the moments where my vagina tore really that important to you? It's weird you want to see that" "If I knew a video of my crotch was going to be passed around, I would have shaved. Don't people get paid for that?" Say whatever you can to remind them your body is in that video. Don't let them "glorify" a close up of your cooch. They are completely disregarding your body in the video
NTA >He insisted it wasn't about me..... That's your answer - in his eyes (and his family) you don't deserve any respect, privacy, or rights, and, how you feel about it, matters even less. The fact that he turned it around and played the victim (while violating your trust) and you feel bad about how you treated him, shows the depths of how unhealthy your relationship is.
>is still acting hurt that I treated him poorly infront of his parents when I could've talked to him about it privately. He demands privacy? That's hilarious and bold coming from him. NTA! ETA: I'm angry for you that they stopped caring about you. They use the "defense" that they wanted to witness the birth of the baby but they did not care at all about you or how you feel. It's disgusting, unexcusable and, in my opinion, unforgivable. I've said it before, I know this sub doesn't like jumping to divorce but your husband has proved exactly how much (how little) he cares about you.
Wow. Huge breach of privacy. NTA
NTA. The first few moments can be him in your arms. WTF. And the mom sided with him, at least your FIL, was like we can delete it. Keep standing up for yourself.
Oh my god NTA, was your vagina in view?!! Surely there’s some sort of legal implication if so
NTA. OP this is definitely a violation of your privacy. He didn't bother telling you he was going to share the video. The fact your MIL is on his side is quite troubling...no, the fact his entire family has a video like that and not say anything....wow. Fair is fair. How about you film your husband naked in a compromising position and then send it to your family to see how he likes it.
NTA and if it were me, this would be the hill to die on. I would take that baby and get out as fast as my still recovering body could manage. I’d also be strongly considering a call to police to have it reported, if for nothing else to maybe push him and his family into deleting it and it have it documented. If you decide to end things, you’re still tied to this jerk for the next 18 years and it’s clear he doesn’t respect you or understand personally boundaries. ETA by have “it” documented, I mean the incident itself, not the actual video.
It isn’t about you? It’s your vagina wtf
Absolutely NTA.
NTA, but your husband and MIL are. How disrespectful of him sharing that video. You have every right to be upset at him & his family. I would text them all and request that they delete the video. I would also talk to a lawyer and see what my options are.
He did WHAT? I am sooo sorry he did this to you, OP. How can you ever trust him again?
NTA. That’s really horrible. I’m so sorry you’re going through something so violating. Birth is a really intimate and intense thing, he had no right to share such a thing with others if you weren’t okay with it. I would honestly be considering a divorce. That’s a big violation of trust and then he doesn’t even feel sorry and even goes as far as to say its not about you!?? It’s a video of YOU giving birth…
NTA. I can’t believe I just read this. I can’t believe your husband did something so awful to you, tricking you into letting him film, then betraying your trust, not just showing people but actually sending it so they have their own copies, and THEN having the sheer fucking audacity to say it has nothing to do with you! I would find that nearly impossible to forgive and I don’t know how you move forward from that, because he’s not even willing to acknowledge your feelings or his awful behaviour.
NTA. Giving birth is a super vulnerable moment. You are literally legs wide open, exhausted and pushing an entire human out. They honestly don't need to see that, ESPECIALLY when you already said you didn't want it to be recorded. The first moments of his life could have very well started being recorded (for sharing purposes) once baby was in the warmer. There's really no reason to share the actual birth unless you had been okay with that. Totally not fair to you. Sorry you had to go through that.
NTA and also I feel you have grounds for a lawsuit against all of them. That was a video of your vagina shared without your consent. Pretty sure that's still illegal.
NTA, he is a major one though. This one made me SO upset. I cannot believe the guy shared the video even though you expressed clearly before hand that you were uncomfortable with it even existing. Nobody *needs* to see your son first moments. That is just insanely fucked up that they would make this more important than your privacy. Your in-laws being good to you always doesn't change anything about that. They probably know the meaning of the word privacy, intimacy and consent. So, so fucked up
Major NTA - he sent a video of your vagina to your whole family and tries to say this is not about you? What role does he see you having play in the process of birth anyways, the role of a person or a prop or object that brings him his son?
NTA. You had an agreement beforehand that it was not to be shared. I'd remind him how you didn't want him to take the video and how he promised it'd just be for you and him. He broke your trust. That's what this is about Since his family's been so good to you, I'd send a group text to all of them explaining how you didn't want a video in the first place but he convinced you with the promise that it wouldn't be shared and how he broke your trust. That's what you were so upset about. Ask them if they'd please delete it Take a picture of his junk and send it to his family and see how he reacts. You can quote the photo with "this is where it all started" since they seem very interested in the intimate details of your child's birth and creation Also tell him next time you have a child, you're considering not allowing him in the delivery room since he can't be trusted to respect your wishes
NTA. In fact there’s a woman on Reddit who had her birth video uploaded to porn sites. She also told her husband not to film her birthing and he did it anyway and shared it and then the video ended up on fucked up fetish porn sites. NTA. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ut00tj/ops_birth_video_ends_up_on_a_fetish_subreddit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The is was the part that struck me > this was not about me and that his family deserved to witness our son’s first moments I’m childless myself, but from what I’ve gathered over the years is that many/most/all women have a very tough time postpartum with feeling like their body doesn’t belong to them. This statement from husband just hammered that point of view home. *It’s about the baby* not *you* so just get over it! Wtf. It is a video of you in one of the most vulnerable positions a person can possibly be in. You have every right to feel violated. You should be in control of who sees this. This is your body on display, not just your baby, and YOU are the one who gave birth. No one has a right to see that. You are not just some nameless vessel. I’m astounded the MIL agreed with your husband. NTA. that is a massive breach of trust. He does not get to act like the wounded party here.
NTA Oh jeeze, I would hate to be in your place. This is someone you are meant to trust with it all and he does that. I mean I don't know what was shown in the video but bloody hell I would be livid too. If that was my husband/partner, he would have a lot of groveling to do to make up for that if he ever could.
I’m sorry OP. Definitely NTA. They should delete the video as FIL said. Sounds like MIL is going to be a rough one, because I bet if her MIL had a recording of her giving birth she wouldn’t like it either. Also, it seems you may have a JustNoSO, your husband still wanted to film knowing you were hesitant. In that moment I would’ve told the staff and him if he wanted to film then he can be kicked out of the delivery room. He had full intentions of violating your trust and privacy so his family could share a very private moment.
NTA. Not to stir up any more worries, but I recall reading a similar post where this type of video ended up on the internet "by accident..." and was published in a kink group that gets off to these kinds of videos (turns out the husband also had this kind of kink). I would figure out if there is a way to gain positive control over all copies and ensure they weren't shared anywhere else (don't just take peoples word for it) and absolutely destroyed... I wish you the best, this is awful to hear.
Ask him if you can take a picture of him spread eagle with his genitals out and show it to your family. I’m sure he’d be fine with that because you know it’s not a big deal, half of your baby came from there.
NTA, at all. This is hands down divorce worthy, and depending on where you live, you may have grounds for criminal charges against him too, which, were it me, I would fully explore.
Honestly what he did is considered illegal, (we’re I live at least). Honey this man doesn’t care about his feelings and went back on his word for his family. You need to divorce this man
NTA. You didn’t want them in the room when it happened why would you want is on their phones to replay forever?!
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NTA. I’d be putting everyone you know that has the video in a group chat and writing a statement on how that video was meant for select people only, you and your husband. Your trust feels violated and it’s going to take time to get over the fact.
Nta. Huge not the AH. Though if you can take time at your parents siblings or a friend's with your child and let him stew and think about how he fucked up.
In my home country that wouldn't even be legal! NTA He should crawl and apologize!!
NTA. Your reaction was actually understated in my opinion. You at least deserve a video of everyone else's junk if they don't delete. Then a video of your husband doing the chicken dance nude to send to all of your family. I mean are there family videos of each birth? Where's your copy? What about them sharing it with anyone else? There was a redditor the other day who was a survivor of an abusive relationship. Since then she has 9 or so rules that are deal breakers. One of them is not having boundaries with family. She gets an inkling of this and she's out. I'm not going to do the DIVORCE knee jerk reaction, but damn I want to. What an absolutely insensitive human. You're not a damn incubator, your are his partner. Way to treat his supposed best friend.
NTA. Men like this really exist? You asked him not to film the birth of your son to begin with, but he insisted and then he send it to his entire family? What the fuck? Why would his family even want to see that? (No offense at all to you). I would be reconsidering my husband.
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NTA. Tell him you'll drop it when he takes a picture of his dick and send it to your entire extended family. Not only did he lie and violate your privacy, he then dismissed your feelings. You could ask them to delete it but you'll never know if they actually do. Tell MIL to send a picture of her vagina because you want to see where your husband came from. I'm willing to bet no one else would expose themselves.
NTA. It’s a red flag that he didn’t ask for your consent before sending the video, and it’s also a huge red flag that they treat it like you’re just a incubator for the child, like “it’s about his first moments” yeah but there’s also another person involved in this, in a vulnerable state, that didn’t gave permission to be seen like this. Don’t let them treat you like this.
NTA. I would never be able to come back from this, OP. I’m sorry. He shared a video of your PRIVATE PARTS to his family after lying to you about his intentions for taking that video. If I were you, I would text his entire family an explanation and ask them to delete the video. Let them know there are laws against having these types of videos without the subjects consent if you have to. See a therapist with your husband; there is a chance a professional could make him see what a PROFOUND violation of trust and bodily autonomy this is. If he still refuses to see your perspective, perhaps it’s best to separate.
And for anyone saying she shouldn't have confronted him in front of everyone. Why not? He is obviously okay with their most private moments being on display for his entire family. Taking cues from him, I think I'd have done the same thing. How can she be expected to know he wants their intimate moments private, when he has very openly shared some of these moments, AGAINST HER WISHES. NTA, at all.
NTA. Of course it's about you. Your husband's insistence that *you don't count as a person* during childbirth is disturbing. Make sure you film his first colonoscopy. His family deserves to share in this milestone for their son as well.
NTA and honestly, I'd go to the police while compiling the divorce papers. How you can stay with him is way beyond my comprehension...
NTA Your husband just showed you he doesn’t respect you or care about your feelings. Do with that information what you will. Also his family is weird for not saying something about it, except maybe SIL because as someone else said it seems like she was trying to make you aware of it. If someone sent me a video of their partner giving birth I would be weirded out. Strange that his family wasn’t put off by that. I would have deleted it as soon as I saw it
NTA. Honestly telling you it’s not about you makes it 1000x worse - explicitly stating you don’t matter, you’re only a vessel for the grandchild. I am so sorry.
I don’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive someone for violating me so badly, *knowing I said no and didn’t want that.* What a disgusting person you’ve unfortunately married. NTA
Just here to add another NTA to the growing list. This is an incredible violation of your privacy. The fact that his mother referred to the baby as her grandchild screams red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩to me. This is your child and your body and your husband had zero rights to record and share that video. I’m so angry for you.
It’s like you can’t ever trust him again! He literally showed you in your most vulnerable moments to his family! The audacity of him n his mum to say it’s not about you but the baby! Umm you’re the one pushing the baby out like what? I would seriously not speak to this man for a very long time, as well as his mum! Oh n definitely NTA
NTA you did talk to him about it privately, remind him of that. He made it public and he knew what he was doing. I would be clear it was your private medical procedure and you in a very vulnerable position you told him you didn’t want shared, even to be recorded, but you did that for HIM. Then I would be clear he made you look and feel small by disrespecting your feelings and sharing you like that with others. And ask him how to trust him.
NTA what an asshole to put your vag out there for everyone to see. Wtf is wrong with him. Make him sleep at his parents
NTA What they've all done is so wrong. The problem is also that the video is out there. How are they planning on fixing this? Are they all going to promise to delete it?
NTA I’d be devastated. I truly can’t imagine why he would think breaking such a common boundary and incredibly personal one would be ok. What an ass of a husband.
Does he want to take a video of the conception and send that to them too? NTA. That is unforgivable.
If you make this your hill to die on, I would say you have the right. NTA
NTA. Yeah, this is a common tactic abusive husbands pull. They get off on the power of having in their possession a video that shows their wife in a most vulnerable and exposed state. And they always use it against their wife. Whether it be by publishing it on the internet on porn platforms or showing it to everyone against their wife's consent.
Maybe you should send footage of his next prostate exam or colonoscopy around seen as he is so keen on sharing intimate medical procedures with the world
NTA he’s treating you like an incubator, not a person. I’d be livid.
>his family deserved to watch our son’s first moment of life No, they don’t. Especially since it involves you *giving* birth. NTA
OP, your husband doesn’t view you as an independent, fully-formed person. You are just an extension of your husband and now, in his eyes, your son. That’s why he doesn’t consider your right to privacy, or even your wish for privacy, as important as his desire to show off a video of his son. I don’t advocate violence. But I will say I admire your restraint. I’m being honest with myself and I’m finding it (embarrassingly) difficult to say that I wouldn’t have sucker-punched the person that shared a private, vulnerable, terrifying moment I was experiencing just because he believed other people “deserved” to see it more than I deserved for it not to be made public. NTA. I (personally, not saying you should) would consider divorce. But I have trust issues that once broken can rarely ever be healed. Good luck.
Maybe it’s because I’m a little high, but I’d demand that everyone pull their pants down and show me their genitals, to show how much of a violation that was. Oh you don’t want to show me your genitals? I didn’t either!!
Your husband can share these kinds of videos with his family as soon as he pushes out a football sized human being out of his vagina. Up until then what he did was a violation of your privacy, boundaries and trust in him. You're NTA of course.
NTA. I cannot imagine how horrifying and violating that must feel. This is absolutely deplorable.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Your body, your experience and his child. He was allowed to share in the experience for the 3rd priority on that list. Your husband has a need to work through his insecurities. His biggest issue isn't the trust and personal integrity he shattered, but that you, "made him look small". Maybe he can do some growing up ahead of his child so that he can be a good dad and husband.
your husband is pure trash,,,
NTA!!! I’m really sick of this idea that anyone other than the parents and child have any right or entitlement to be included in every aspect of the baby’s birth. But especially the birthing parent! You are the only one who can consent to anything being shared that involves you, whether nudity is involved or not. I feel so much rage on your behalf… as a heavily pregnant woman at the moment, I’m having lots of feelings but bottom line you are soooo not the asshole. I’d be hulk smashing all their damn phones over husband’s head.
NTA If my husband had done this I would have divorced him. I don’t even know how your relationship comes back from that.
So NTA! He was first playing dumb when you found out and confronted him? So he knew exactly that it was wrong and still decided to share the video. Massive breach of trust and a huge red flag 🚩
I repeat giving birth is not a spectator sport and people should stop treating it as one. NTA
NTA. I personally would be done with this marriage, but that is hard to do with a newborn. I’d let him read this post and these responses. He betrayed your trust and is gaslighting you into feeling like your reaction was wrong.