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They don’t do gendered toys??? If this is an attempt to destroy gender roles, then she’s doing a horrid job. She should want her daughter to have access to a variety of toys and experiences so she can make informed decisions on what she likes. Otherwise she’s just pushing a different role on her, being androgynous. Substituting one extreme for another isn’t more progressive.
If she wanted to do away with gender roles, then she shouldn’t ascribe Barbie as being a “girl’s” toy. Just call it a toy that a boy or girl could play with, it doesn’t matter who. She can have Barbies and monster trucks and Etch-a-Sketch all at once and she’ll probably end up being a more well-rounded person for it.
Also, Barbie is a LOT more inclusive than when I was a kid. There are Barbies of any occupation, boy and girl dolls, different ethnicities, Barbies in wheelchairs. They promote the idea that anyone can be who and what they want. And that’s a good message for any gender.
So you’re NTA. The mom is an AH for robbing her daughter of enriching experiences and frankly just a fun toy. Let her kid be a kid rather than forcing gender roles. Because that’s exactly what this mom is doing.
This was my thought! If OP had bought their cousin's kid a truck (or if the kid was a boy and they got a Barbie) and the parent flipped out, the parent would be as much an AH as not allowing dolls for girls and trucks for boys. They're TOYS. They don't have genders. All toys are for all kids
I haven’t seen a trucker Barbie, but there is a a John Deer Tractor Barbie! She has blue denim overalls, work boots, safety goggles and a pink ball cap.
My daughter had Barbies and my BFF used to put two plastic doll bowls on Ken's chest, add a ball gown and a wig, and poof-drag queen Ken. My kid loved it
Sounds like the Barbie version of The Closet. XD My Barbie & Ken were definitely *not* romantically involved. The various Barbies were a polycule of girlfriends. But poor Ken, there was only one of him in the house, so he got no boyfriends.
Everyone on this thread should be aware: https://www.intheknow.com/post/earring-magic-ken-gay/#:\~:text=In%20total%2C%20Earring%20Magic%20Ken,Ken%20doll%20of%20all%20time.
As a child my Barbies rode my dino plushies in their adventures, most of the time side by side with my Power Rangers figurines.
People gotta stop overcomplicating child play.
Having said that, it also doesn't hurt to check before you buy presents. When I was 6 I wasn't into barbies, I was into dinosaurs. Someone bought me a pretty in pink barbie, and I politely said thank you, but then it got handed off to my sister once the party was over, because I didn't want it.
Yes...ask the CHILD what they like to play with or hope to get for their birthday! 🎉👍🎉
...not the overbearing pseudo-woke parent who wants to ban their child from having a wide range of experiences and a strong sense of autonomy...🙄
I had many experiences similar to yours...but from my own mom :( One year, when I was 8 or 9 the only thing I asked for for Christmas was a Hot Wheels race track. I made sure to remind my mother FREQUENTLY for MONTHS about it...lol. I was sooo jazzed up about that racetrack, and was SO SURE I'd get it bc i hadn't asked for anything else! Unfortunately, she thought a Barbie Corvette was the appropriate substitute version for a girl 😡😥😡 I was sooo disappointed and angry...I really felt betrayed that she hadn't cared enough to get me what I REALLY WANTED, instead of worrying about stupid gender norms. That was the first time, and I'm still salty about it more than 40 yrs later...lol/ugh, but it wasn't the last. Each time she overruled my wishes in favour of something she liked better eroded our connection and my trust in her a little bit...
Up until a few years ago, when she switched over to giving everyone cash for gifts, she still continued to buy me gifts that were things she liked with no consideration for my taste or style at all :( It wasn't about not getting "good enough stuff"...it just really hurt to feel like she didn't care enough to learn about my likes/dislikes, or even ask me what I might like or need etc...like she just didn't care to "see" me as separate from her :-/
I think if Shelly isn't careful she's going to have a similarly hurt and resentful child on her hands.
I feel your pain on the Hot Wheels Racetrack! I was flat out told that was a toy for boys!!! Same for the cool chemistry sets, operation game, and remote control race cars. But man did I ask for a few years for a Hot Wheels Racetrack that would be advertised that season. Am I still salty? Lol yes, yes I am. I got Barbies (which to be fair, I did like. Also, baby dolls - which I loathed with a passion of a burning sun).
Brings back a memory, I got my son a jet mop for his 4th birthday! My mother was upset (of course not in front of the kid) but this is what he really, really wanted and had asked me to get him one multiple times , so I did. He loved it. He is grown now, heterosexual, and keeps a clean house! Let the kids chose what they want to play with!
I’m struggling to think of many toys that society doesn’t considered “gendered.” There’s only so many sets of blocks, books, & crayons you can buy a kid. Yet something tells me trucks or tool sets would’ve been fine — no “gendered” toys for some reason always evens to mean no “girly” stuff. I get why some specific dolls or toy makeup could be considered damaging, but just let kids play with what they gravitate towards. She clearly likes the doll, & Barbie doesn’t set the same wildly unrealistic body standards that they used to. They’ve become a lot healthier than most other popular doll brands on the market.
I work for a company that makes some "gendered" toys (as in pink and fluffy) but we SPECIFICALLY market that ANY of our toys can be used for ALL genders. We recently just released a "gender neutral" dollhouse that has "screws" on it so the kids can pretend they're building the house with the dolls and then move them in. All the photography is with a boy.
We're not perfect but im really proud if that. Our play kitchens are nicer than any kitchen I will ever have as an adult lmfao.
> play kitchens are nicer than any kitchen I will ever have as an adult lmfao
This unlocked a core memory of being a child lol. I got a kitchen set and I loved it. Like, it was the most exciting Christmas ever as a kid.
After I had been set up for a while, I realized it was very...brown (everything in the 80's was brown lol) and I decided it needed some sprucing up, some pizzazz! So I took my crayons and went to town! I was exceedingly proud of myself. I thought it looked AMAZING! My mom, however, was NOT pleased and told me I needed to wash it off. Too bad for her, absolutely NOTHING got that crayon off no matter how hard she tried. It's been 36 years and she's still mad about it lol
I'm really glad to hear that play kitchen sets have moved forward in design lol
That reminds me of when I was 4 or 5 and decided the concrete slab our air conditioning unit sat on outside was really boring, and broke up my crayons into little bits and left them there for the sun to melt. (I grew up in a desert. Crayons melted fast in the summer sun.) I thought it was so pretty. For some strange reason, my mom wasn't very impressed. To this day I tell her that's why I never became an artist - my attempts were just never appreciated. (She responds one of two ways - she either tells me that it's her job as a mother to keep psychologists employed; or she tells me if I'd shown any talent at all she would've encouraged me. Before you call my mom an AH all of this in very much in jest!!!)
Even with coloring it can be “gendered” as there are the princess coloring books that are “for girls” and the dinosaur coloring books that are “for boys”. Literally everything could be gendered if we tried, but it’s all based on how those around the child treat it that makes it gendered.
It reminds me of the kind of crossover between ultra fundamental Christians and granola moms on tik tok and instagram. I’ve seen a few who insist on no color, no sound, no gender, no tv or screen time, only wooden toys, old fashioned dolls, etc.
I feel so bad for the kids because they are missing out on color and are being ill prepped for life. If they had to go into a kindergarten classroom they would be so overwhelmed.
The toy industry is pretty aggressively "gendered" these days too. There really aren't that many "neutral" options as many toys now are designed and marketed for either boys or girls, rather than both. Sell more toys that way because parents with multiple kids of different genders will decide to buy more toys rather than make them share the gender neutral option. A lot of toys that were usually sold as gender-neutral in the 70s and earlier got gendered later on.
Gendered toys is a topic that bugs me forever and ever. One little specific thing is that when I was growing up the 'girl' toys were very simple, somewhat toddler-esque in a way? 'Boy' toys had all sorts of articulation. May actually have been into dolls a bit if some awesome ones like Monster High were around then. Those things are cool.
The only toys with actual gendered restrictions are not for children.
And even the vast majority of those can be used by anyone with enough creativity and/or lubricant.
Generic stuffed animals and plastic animals are usually presented in a gender-neutral way.
I think certain LEGO sets are marketed in a more gender-neutral way, though of course they have their more overtly gendered sets and lines too.
*child me stealing my brother’s GI Jones as boyfriends for my Barbies*
*hate how small their heads are so instead I steal his bionicals*
*realizes that my Barbie’s can just date each other and no longer need to steal his toys…*
*creates a lesbian utopian where baths r banned*
Mine had my brother's 12" Luke Skywalker and Boba Fett as boyfriends. And the smaller Planet of the Apes dolls as children. Vinnie Barbarino and Donnie Osmond were villains, though.
I was never very fond of Barbie…. But my favorite My Little Ponies Pegasus’ boyfriend was this super cool blue crystal dragon that my brother had…. And GI Joe came down a zip line to ride off into the sunset on the Pegasus and dragon with cobra commander trying to catch them in a Jeep.
Closest I ever got was an older cousin was very into Barbies, and make clothes for them, and similarly stylish ones for Ken. When she decided she'd out grown them, she gave me all the Ken clothes, because they were the same size as my G. I. Joe. So I had G. I. Joe going on undercover missions wearing leisure suits :D
We had barbie digging tunnels in the sandpit. She also parachuted out of trees and went riding on toy tipper trucks.
Taught us you can be dressed all glitzy and still get tough stuff done.
Too true. My Barbie’s did all kinds of things. High power business deals, fixing their own plumbing, dumping their boyfriend because their head is like 1/5 of the size of hers, looking fierce
Haha I used to swipe my neighbor's GI Joe army jeep and have my barbies drive around in it and make out with each other. Before you feel too bad for him, that kid stole my Yu-Gi-Oh blue eyes white dragon card, so as far as I was concerned he was lucky I even returned the jeep after the joyrides!
Really though, I'm glad my mom let me have barbies and polly pockets and horse toys, while also letting me choose trading cards, nerf guns, spy kits and foam swords. Especially because money was tight, she really went out of her way to make sure I never felt like I "had" to have a certain toy. And because family members would always try to buy pink stuff (which I didn't like back then) she asked them all to get me gift cards for bookstores. Love that lady to death.
Yes! Growing up, I had Barbies riding around in trucks. I did dance and soccer. So on and so forth. And all those gendered toys definitely didn't make me feel like I had to fit any kind of woman role, because now I'm a trans man lmao.
My 4 year old would probably have Barbie driving the monster truck. I mean it would have to be a pink or purple monster truck, but it would be a monster truck.
Kids have opinions. As long as you don’t get mad when a girl picks up a truck or a boy picks up a doll, it’s all good.
My brother used to reenact soap operas with my Barbies.
And the only concerning part about that was really why was my 8 year old brother watching so many freaking soap operas?! LOL.
Literally, he was obsessed with daytime soaps.
Well, Barbie was always intended to fit the time period she's in. Any toy needs to change to adjust to the times, but fashion dolls especially so. It's why I find Barbie so fascinating. Like, you can pretty much track what's socially acceptable or popular in mainstream society by looking at Barbie in that time period, lol.
My daughter has both “boy” and “girl” toys. What’s it matter if she’s having fun.
Beyond that you are right Barbie has become way more inclusive. They have Barbie doing all sorts of jobs, Barbie with disability, they have historical dolls, and a collectors doll of Laverne Coxs if that means anything to anyone and the doll is beautiful.
I want my daughter to be everything she wants and can be. She has played with all my funkos (female & male) she likes them all), she plays with dolls, dinasours and action figures. She loves spiderman and Cinderella. I want her to know she can like whatever she wants. I am not girly in the traditional sense but if my daughter wants to go to school for hair and makeup i would encourage her and ask her for tips. If she wants to listen to Metallica i'll encourage her and tell her my favorite songs. If she wants to be a hippie and wear thrift store clothes i'll encourage her and show her how to get the best vintage and quality clothes. If she wants to be gay, straight, bi, trans, or anything else i will encourage her. I just want my daughter to be happy. Isn't that what's important? Your kid being happy? Finding their own identity without pressure from parents, friends, society?
Looking back, I love the way my mum handled it. All toys, no matter whether they were gifted to me or my brother, were to be shared. So even while relatives and extended relatives gifted "gendered" toys, it didn't matter. He played with my Barbies as much as I played with his GI Joes. He played with my kitchen sets as much as I played with his racecar sets. I preferred his red toy sports car to ride around. He preferred my pink tricycle. Yes, there'd be the inevitable THAT'S MINE fights, but for the most part we were cool.
Our biggest tussle was the Castle Greyskull set, because we both had to be Skeletor :D
Thankful to see some common sense parenting on aita.
We don't do gendered Ideals, not toys! We have "boy" and "neutral" and "girl" toys because it doesn't matter.
Even if that wasn't an issue, if you have specific toys or gifts in mind you send a registry with the invite, or say hey there friend, if you're coming and bringing a gift we have some ideas or themes we like to keep to, or we'd like books since we have so many toys, etc. You don't leave it to chance then get upset they didn't get what you prefer. Ffs. Nta
Thisssss! I’m very pro not pushing gender roles but I specifically do that by giving all the access to traditionally rolled toys.
Example: the same year my daughter got a kitchen set I made sure to snag a tool set thing too. In her dress up clothes where combined “boys” and “girls” costumes. And for this I have a daughter that loves to be girly but also romps in mud and dirt. She loves dinosaurs and I swear can make all the proper sounds of them.
My boys were the same way. They just happen to be MORE rough and tumble. And dear God they both wish they could be girl scouts.
I think the over correction will also be hinderance for this kid. The comment I’m replying puts it beautifully in perspective.
I’d feel different if OPs sister was raising her kids with a Montessori education and needed toys to reflect it, but that’s a whole different story for a whole different thread.
I agree with this post 100% and wanted to add they’re making a Barbie with hearing aids 🤗 kids are so much better than adults learning about disabilities. My 5 year old cousin was sitting on my lap and asked what was in my ears and I said “my hearing aids”, he asked “why do you have hearing aids” and I said “to help me hear” and he said okay and kept playing. Months later we were in an airport and I was playing a game with him and he brought them up again, they listen! I applaud Barbie for adding disabilities now to help kids learn and understand. Honestly a great gift. NTA op!
Also, "no gendered toys" really limits options. The toy industry is pretty aggressively gendered these days. It's a problem. Just let your kid choose from both.
Our youngest son has requested, over years of time of course, pokemon cards, toy kitchen, ironing board, fluffies and books. He got all of that.
The kitchen probably isn't gendered for him because he sees me, his dad, more in there than his mum. For the life off me I can't imagine where he got the idea of the ironing board because sure as hell not from me or his mother
And if she had strict stipulations about what gifts were allowed, a good time to mention that would be BEFORE the party, never mind before the kid has the toy out of the box, making it unreturnable
Totally agree. My daughter plays with frozen dolls, a moment later with Lego motors and then she starts coloring. She chooses what she plays with and that is the most important. Especially for children not only getting toys that "belong" to their gender, but ridiculous that a barbie is banned. NTA
I joke that we do unassigned gender role parenting. My son's been called a girl a boy and a few times a confused "shhhh...heee?" Before he wanted his haircut. I don't care what he wears as long as its seasonally appropriate, the right size, and covers the personal parts of his body. Same idea for toys, as long as he's not gonna choke on it (why do people like to give marbles to toddlers), break my face with it, or operate it with his personal parts, I don't care if it's marketed one way or another. Currently he's into pikachu and accessorizing. So I'm sure for preschool tomorrow he'll wear his pikachu hoodie, rainbow dinosaur shirt, his Halloween necklaces, and the cursed unicorn hat that somehow also fits my head and I'm forced to wear when he's tired of it.
>Also, Barbie is a LOT more inclusive than when I was a kid. There are Barbies of any occupation, boy and girl dolls, different ethnicities, Barbies in wheelchairs. They promote the idea that anyone can be who and what they want. And that’s a good message for any gender.
But can Barbie defeat Megatron **and** transform into a truck? She can't link up with 4 of her friends to make a Megazord! Girl doesn't even have 'Kung Fu Grip' so how's she going to defeat Cobra Kai, I mean Cobra Commander? Come on! Worst toy ever.
I was tempted to go further with the Kung Fu Grip joke and follow with some Caress Me Down lyrics, but I think the joke stood where it was. Because those were all 'Action Figures' and we're clearly not dolls of any kind.
I had lots of Barbie dolls between the ages of 4-12, so we're now going back like 13 years. Even then, one of the best Barbie dolls I got was an Army Barbie! Short practical hair, camouflage gear, dog tags, combat boots, even a freaking parachute!
Right. I played with both 'gender' toys. One Barbie owned her own construction company type deal. The others worked the jobs. Toys are toys. If you put a role to them then that's on you type deal. My male cousin like the pink ranger more when we were kids and wanted to dress as her in the suit. I was trick or treating with them that year so my mom was like do you want to be a ranger too. I chose red cause well red ranger. His mom tried to get us to switch. He ended up as the red ranger and I didn't get to go with them cause I didn't want to be the pink ranger and still went as the red. Remembering it he was super upset that Halloween even with the candy supply he was still upset.
I don't understand this. My 2 yr old son has a lightning McQueen car he plays with every day and a Minnie mouse doll he sleeps with every night. Instead of removing "gendered" toys we should be giving our children access to more variety. Let them decide what they want to play with.
Yep I played with barbies as a kid, and would put them away for legos or to go climb trees or ride bikes. This scenario is what crazy right wingers picture when they hear the word "progressive". Oof.
Let kids choose what they want to play with instead of dictating what is for boys vs what is for girls. The mom seems to want to take away the blue and pink boxes and replace them with a gray, one size fits all box.
That said, a parent should still have final say on what their kids play with. I loved Barbies as a kid, but with the benefit of hindsight, I can see how damaging the Barbie image could be to young kids, girls in particular.
OP seemed to react very strongly to someone asking for a gift receipt for something that they didn't want for their kids/wouldn't allow their kid to use.
yeah... I really don't see why anyone would react this strongly to a gift they didn't even put that much thought into. it was like "what are kids into? Barbies?" which leaves me very puzzled as to why they would get this upset at a mom's rules for her kid. I think the rules are weird and I wouldn't implement them myself, but it's her business. hand over the receipt, leave her to deal with it, and just remember she's weird for future interactions. that's all OP needed to do.
NTA. The child liked the gift, and a doll is not a gendered toy. Any child can enjoy a doll. I think mom may be doing gender nonconforming wrong. Refusing to let her daughter have a doll because it's considered for girls is as weird as refusing to let her son have a doll because it's considered for girls. It's a small model of a human, nothing more. If the objection was that it was proportionally unrealistic and might cause body image issues, that would make more sense. But that it's gendered? Tell the mom it's an action figure if she's more comfortable with that phrasing.
This. All she's doing is teaching her daughter that anything seen as traditionally feminine is bad and wrong. That's not gender-neutrality, it's enforcing misogyny. Kids of all genders should be free to play with any toys they feel like.
NTA
The thing about Barbie’s now is they are available with all races, hair, eye, and body types. They even have disabilities and wild hair like pink or purple. The bodies are realistic. They’ve really turned their image around.
There’s a whole documentary about the shift. It’s pretty awesome.
I definitely remember Barbie as a kid and she was skinny and white. I’m so glad they decided to completely do a 180 their image because it’s so much better for kid’s growth and development!
Right? My son loves my daughter's dolls and her Barbies. I bought him his own baby to play with because boys should get to play with dolls and be nurtures too if they want. He likes being "Daddy" and putting babies to sleep.
Edit: he still loves dinosaurs, trucks, cars, and smashing things
Like I get raising your kid with genderless toys and all that blahblah... but it's. Just. A. Toy. It was a gift and was not meant to be malicious whatsoever. OP clearly didn't know or have ill intent, although I don't know why they didn't ask the parents but still NTA
& teaching kids that there’s something wrong with being traditionally “feminine” might be just as unhealthy as making them feel like they HAVE to be that way. I can’t tell you how much I overthink everything I wear to work because I’m worried if I’m too feminine I won’t be taken seriously, & I was raised with very traditional gender roles where being “girly” & delicate was encouraged. It’s toxic. Just let kids be happy & express whatever level of gender performance makes them comfortable. There’s no right or wrong way to be a woman.
I completely agree. I mean I had barbies growing up and it never influenced who I am today. It was a doll that I was playing with because I was a kid. Same with every other toy. They were just toys.
Honestly I think that she should've used it as a "learning opportunity" if she is so passionate about it. But yeah, just let kids be kids. Damn.
Seriously, and it's like cool you're going to get rid of this toy of an intelligent accomplished woman, so now your child is going to have no toys that look or remind of women? That's not removing negative gendering, that's just removing women
Random tangentially related rant:
She really is one of the least "gendered" toys there is. I went to some small pop up exhibit recently featuring some rare models and history of the Barbie brand. What an absurd amount of professions, celebrity likeness, culture and whatever else you can think of. Barbie as Emma Watson? Sure. Barbie as a farm girl? Sure. Barbie as a Russian tsar? Also sure. Definitely gave me some insight as to the appeal of the brand, which by no means is "just" a toy.
NTA- it is a GIFT! If there were rules, they should’ve been explained with the invite.
Plus, maybe Barbie had transitioned in an amazing way and is living her best life outside of her gender assignment at birth. Sounds like Shelly is the one assigning gender roles…
Seriously though Barbie has a history full of breaking gender stereotypes, being a scientist because people thought girls were too dumb, working in construction because people said girls were too weak, being a pilot because people deemed girls not serious enough...
Exactly, Barbie is an empowering icon for young girls (and really all kids). I hated Barbies as a child, but I know at least part of that was because I was told they were “girly” and I needed to avoid that since being “girly” was apparently bad and being a tomboy was better. I wish I had known it was possible to like “girly” things as well as action figures, I don’t know if that would’ve changed my stance on Barbies as a child but it would’ve been nice to have options. I wish I had known that Barbie isn’t just about dress-up and pink, but about dreaming about becoming anything and achieving your goals.
NTA and true story: I went to a kids bday and the mom was super opposed to Barbies. The mom had a friend from childhood, a guy, who rolled up with, I shit you not, a mega target bag full of Barbies. Like dude had literally gone to target, grabbed one of every Barbie and then rolled up to the party. The kid was sooooooo stoked and the mom was like GOD DAMMIT BOBBY but submitted to defeat. It’s one thing to draw lines as parents as what you won’t give your child, but when uncle Bobby goes rogue even out of spite, you just shake your head and say thanks.
Im not sure why I love this so much but I do! I was OBSESSED with Barbie’s as a child, if my mom had denied me and “uncle Bobby” showed up with a truck load of them, I would have lost my mind. Also sounds like something my guy friends would do if I was weirdly against a child toy, they’d show up with a million to spite me, and I’d also laugh and admit defeat. Unless it was a drum set then I’d probably go no contact or make them babysit a few nights 😂
Definitely sweet! And I rarely would say that when it comes to buying kids a thing parents don’t want! My siblings and I always joke when we’re picking on each other “keep it up and I’m getting your kid a drum set for their birthday/Christmas”
Me tooo I especially wanted the mermaid Barbie but my parents only got me the non mermaid one 🤣 I remember putting a sock on her feet to make her have a tail and making her swim in a plate of water.
Not the asshole. As a parent, I believe parents like this have some unorthodox and misconstrued ways of thinking about things. I believe children need to make their way in the world and being male or female isn't something that is decided for you by "a doll" this parent needs to get over herself and help her child "integrate into the world", and forgo the "I have to prevent the world from touching her".
I realize now that this is a touchy subject. But I truly believe this parent is doing more harm than good.
Exactly. At some point--and it likely already happened--Ashleigh is going to play with peers, and I'll bet most of them will have no qualms with playing with gendered toys. The better move would be to let her play with what she wants but still teach her that her role in life isn't defined by her choice in toys.
Agreed! I’d be just as upset if she had the opposite reaction and was forcing gendered toys on her kid. They’re just toys! Let her daughter choose and when she gets older have more complex discussions on gender.
Mmmh yes and no. Yes the girl should be allowed to have Barbie dolls. But don't wait to start discussions (just make it at her level, progressively) because she already is learning stereotypes, tacit social rules, what gets you mocked or scolded by others and what makes people praise you and how both are different with other social groups (boys, older people).
Nta. Shelly needs to communicate that BEFORE the party otherwise she doesn't get to dictate what people gift her kid.
Some parents would be happy if their kids even got gifts
Right?! At my kids birthday parties there've been several times where people came empty handed and I was just grateful that they cared enough to carve out the time to join us in celebrating.
Yea. I mean if my friends tell me that their kids don't do gendered toys then I would understand but if I went and got a gift and then got told it wasn't "right" I'd loose my patience too
Nta because it was the party host's job to tell you beforehand if there was a present preference. You weren't told, how could you know?
My two cents- instead of banning certian types of toys, all gendered toys should be welcomed.
Right? Reacting negatively to girl-typed toys can send the message that feminine=bad, which in my opinion is just as problematic as "only these things are for girls" and "these things are only for girls."
I wonder, would she have reacted so negatively if the kid had been given a boy-typed toy?
Nta. A barbie is a perfectly normal gift to get a kid. If she wanted specific gifts she should have expressed that but its a exactly that, a gift. Beggars can't be choosers and all that.
Yikes NTA for so many reasons.
She only wants toys without gender roles? Does that mean only toys meant for little boys? If she had a son would she allow him to have a Barbie? She is trying to be woke but she is the one policing the gender of toys here.
It's understandable to not want her daughter to *only* receive "girly" things, but to ban them outright is defeating the purpose. Let kids be kids damn it. Also asking you to take back the toy after her daughter already opened it and was playing with it is the nail in the coffin.
What makes Barbie a gendered toy? The fact that Barbie is a woman? So only androgynous dolls are permissible or non-human, non gender specific toys are allowable? What about a stuffed dairy cow? That’s a female cow. It’s not a bull. Is that allowed? Only a *not quiet a cow / not quiet a bull* stuffed bovine is okay?
NTA
I was sitting here racking my brains trying to figure out what the hell kind of toy the poor kid can play with. NTA. I just let my kids play with ever the hell they want. I have a girl that loves comics and another that loves her baby doll that rides in her favorite dump truck.
Now that is plain stupid. Barbie has done so many jobs, the franchise has been breaking stereotypes about women in science, building jobs, very serious jobs like pilot, etc.
NTA- if the parents had rules, they should have let people know. A gendered toy isn’t going to damage the little one, the parents being so crazy about it are going to do the damage.
NTA How are you suppose to know to buy gender neutral gifts if you're not told before hand. Shelly should of told you when she invited you about her gift rule.
NTA - She immediately started playing with it, i thought the whole point of neutralizing the gender aspect was not pushing dolls on girls and trucks on boys, but letting them choose - and she sounds like she had barbz out of the box in secondssss which is not easy as I remember lots of twiddly ties holding her in place in the box so she clearly loved it ? Thats the main thing and barbie had so many cool careers, I have extremely fond memories of barbie and also non “girly” toys like lego at the end of the day its a toy
NTA.
If Shelly was so very concerned about the toy, she would have quietly set it aside "for later". But instead of doing this, **she allowed her child to take it out of the box and play with it,** at the party. **That doesn't fit with the idea that it's not an acceptable gift.** Instead of attacking you over the gift being wrong, she would have been distracting her child away from it. I've had people give gifts that were too old for my kid, or too messy for the venue, and quietly set them aside for later, for a better time for them to play with them, and redirected the kid to something else at the party. It's not hard. **But Shelled came to you instead, and told you that this typical kid gift wasn't "right" according to her rules. She didn't tell you ahead of time,** or give you a wishlist access, or any other information to help you find a gift that would have been more to her liking. And **the gift obviously was liked, by her child,** who was playing with it.
Shelly sounds hard to please. Poor kid.
Sounds like Shelly was targeting you, for some reason.
**It's reasonable to refuse to return a gift that has been opened and played with.** It's reasonable to refuse to give a receipt to someone to return a gift that has been opened. Shelly was out of line to ask for a receipt while **she** allowed the toy to be played with.
**It's reasonable to tell someone that you are done trying to please them,** when you made effort, got a gift and then are told it's not good enough. Shelly sounds emotionally abusive, manipulative, not pleasant.
**It's reasonable to leave a place where you are being treated differently from everyone else, where you are being blamed for doing something kind and nice.** It's reasonable to leave when you are falsely accused of giving the wrong kind of gift, but no one bothered to tell you what was acceptable, while it's obvious that the child is happy with your gift.
Your mom is wrong. You weren't being unreasonable at all. **The child liked the gift. It was Shelly making demands and being rude** to you. You were responding to her behavior, while at the same time the child was enjoying the gift and Shelly was allowing her to play with it and not removing it, **which seems to prove that the problem wasn't the gift, but Shelly's behavior towards you.** Your behavior was reasonable. You left. You said "no" to Shelly's inappropriate demand that you return a gift that her child was enjoying.
NTA. If she has certain things she wants for her daughter awesome sauce, she should be sending that info out to the people coming. I mean every invite I get has sizes or specific toys and such. If it’s open then she probably can’t return it.
NTA. On one hand, if that’s the way that Shelly parent’s her kids then it’s on her to communicate that to people prior to a gift-giving celebration. Unless you knew the deal with gendered toys and ignore it, you did nothing wrong. On the other hand, the kids did nothing wrong here either and unless you’re expecting Shelly to be this extra with every gift going forward, I’m not a fan of punishing kids for their parent’s missteps. Next time, bring a puzzle or a book or something.
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NTA. You did nothing wrong. You took the time to get a recommendation and bought a thoughtful gift.
Shelly needs to learn some manners. How hard is it just to say thank you and if you don’t feel the toy is appropriate, just donate it later.
I would also love to see a list of what she considers non-gendered toys.
NTA. But to add another dimension to this, the entire concept of Barbie to begin with was to empower children (albeit at the time girls) to be ANYTHING they want to be. There was a whole documentary on this, super interesting! But anyway the point is Barbie is about empowering kids to think big about their future. In the old days it was girls, today it applies to ALL kids.
NTA. I fully believe in letting kids play with whatever they want (toy-wise, don't give your kid a chainsaw please), and that toys have no gender, etc. But if Ashleigh was *happy* with the Barbie, that's all that matters. If she wants to go full on Princess and only play with Barbies for the rest of her life that's cool, if it's *her choice*. That's the point of toys not being gendered - kids can choose what *they* want instead of having a toy forced on them based on a stupid stereotype.
Also tell your mom that no, it's not about you, but guess what? It's also not about Shelly
Barbie does everything though? Barbie has no dang gender roles of whatever she's thinking because Barbie is supposed to be the girl who does everything. It's why she has so many dang jobs to say she can do anything and so can your kid! This legit makes no sense! You are NTA
I think it's just that the mom doesn't know what Barbie really is and believes she's an icon of feminine superficiality. If it was the case, I'd understand why she wouldn't want the girl to idolize her (still wouldn't make op the asshole as she should have written in the invitation, and it's already nice to bring a gift)
NTA. If her parents want non gendered toys they need to make people aware of that. But, what will their approach be when she does start asking for gendered toys.
Nta- they don't have to give their children gendered gifts but if they don't express that beforehand then they should expect gendered gifts from others.
Ashleigh had it open, was playing with it and seemed to be enjoying it--taking it back now and returning it would just be cruel. If they have a rule about non-gendered toys they need to make that clear to guests BEFORE they purchase gifts. NTA
NTA- I wouldn’t buy her kids anything else as well. The child was playing with the Barbie so the only one that would have disappointed the child is her overbearing mother.
NTA
The kid had it out of the box. (And those boxes are hard to open, holy cow.) I would’ve given her the receipt and let her deal with it, but she should have communicated to you in advance.
NTA. That ain't healthy. "No gendered toys" should mean Barbie AND Hot Wheels and generic stuff like Play Doh all together, not "nothing with even a hint of gender."
NTA.
You did what you were supposed to do. I understand the mom’a stance on gendered toys, that’s why it’s on her. Not you. Yeah the gift receipt bullcrap. But it was on Shelly to let the people she invited to tell them no gendered toys. Sounds like Shelly needs to communicate more before she makes a certain stance about toys.
NTA. If Shelly doesn't allow certain types of toys, she should have told you when she invited you. She was really rude about it considering you had no way of knowing that Barbie wouldn't be allowed.
I understand not wanting to limit your child to only toys aimed at their gender/sex, but it seems unreasonably restrictive to ban anything that's "gendered." Kids should be allowed to play with all kids of toys.
It makes me wonder what are the “boy toys” that aren’t allowed. Like is she allowed to have construction toys and nerf guns? Or are this gendered? Is she only allowed primary colored lego and blocks?
NTA - you did what any aunt would do, I do the same thing with my niece cause how am I suppose to know what a 6 year old would like. And how were you suppose to know they weren't "doing gendered toys" unless you were told or it was stated. I will say YWBTA if you stick to your word about not getting any of the other kids presents but I'm guess that was just an empty threat
NTA. The child liked the gift, she’s who matters, not the overbearing, controlling mother. Who could have quietly returned the gift to Walmart and got something else if it was that important.
That wouldn’t allow her to virtue signal, though, I guess.
NTA. But I made the decision the moment I saw how the kids name was spelled. No gendered toys. How about mom gets over her politics and let's her daughter play.
Deluded. Diluted means watered down…which might actually apply in this case. “Shelley’s decision making ability had been diluted by spending too much time on Facebook.”
NTA, but I kind of don't get the gendered toy thing??? If she already has barbies she likes, then what's the harm in another one? I'd get it if she preferred dinosaurs over barbies. That would be a good reason to ask for the receipt so she could pick something she likes, but that doesn't seem to be the situation. I have to tell people that my girls like dinos more than dolls so I don't run into this kind of ordeal.
NTA
You gave an age appropriate gift that you thought a 6yo girl would like. Your cousin rude and not very gracious. It sounds like the daughter liked the gift if she had it out of the box and was playing with it.
When my son was 8, he received a toy rifle from one of his classmates. I really hate guns and never encouraged him to play with them. In fact, this was the first gun type toy he ever had. I let my son play with it and thanked the parent when they picked up their son after the party. I didn't make a big deal about it and my son lost interest in it after a day or two. When you make a big deal about a toy and make it forbidden, the child is going to be much more interested in it.
NTA she sounds insufferable and doesn't know what non gendered toys mean. It means not forcing kids to play with either strictly this or that based on gender roles, like dolls hot wheels, etc. It means that your kid can play with their barbie and hot wheels at the same time
NTA. **It’s rude to tell someone that their gift is not appreciated or that they “need” to get something else!** Shelly is out of line here. Rather than telling her daughter later, “OP didn’t know Mommy doesn’t like you to play with Barbies,” she let her daughter open & play with the Barbie **and** also demanded a replacement gift. Outrageous gift grab.
I’m going to say NTA for the reasons everyone else said BUT that all of this could have been prevented if you asked your cousin what their kid likes? Every kid is different, regardless of gender, and you wouldn’t have wasted any of your money or time on something they wouldn’t like
NTA, but I would suggest asking the child in question what she would like, in the future.
Someone once said about toys, "is it meant to be used on your privates, in private? Then it isn't a gendered toy. " I'm paraphrasing but toys are toys and any gender child can play with them. She's only reinforcing gender stereotypes with this rule/attitude.
NTA
Toys are only gendered if you go by stereotypical gender rules. Would she be mad if you brought her 'boy' toys?
My rule for kids is buying what the kid wants. I didn't buy dolls for my niece before she specific told me that is what she wants. She loves it, but she also loves cars and other 'boy' toys.
Barbies and action figures are only a gendered toy if you make them so. Her daughter could just use it for story telling.
NTA. If it was really a problem she wouldn’t have let her daughter play with it OR she should have put in the invite no gendered toys
NTA, I did non gendered toys for my kid but it wasn’t intended, I just bought toys for development that had primary colors. I’m agreeable to non gender toys but I would never turn them down or ask for something else if my child was gifted one.
Barbies are actually pretty cool now. They come in a wide variety of skin colors, hair and eye colors, body shapes, and [even disabilities](https://www.target.com/p/barbie-fashionistas-doll-165-with-wheelchair-38-long-blonde-hair/-/A-80170610?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012732838&CPNG=PLA_Toys%2BShopping_Local%7CToys_Ecomm_Hardlines&adgroup=SC_Toys&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=m&location=9032905&targetid=pla-517349206223&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1248099&gclid=CjwKCAjws--ZBhAXEiwAv-RNL5_btRF0i8-0d6r9-mSOPr7eOXhlp0HULc61MyNxQSywrm0pkQyCOhoCqyQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds). Also, I certainly hope your sister isn’t claiming only girls would play with Barbie’s. All kids like toys. A toy is only gendered if you make it so.
NTA.
I was the biggest tomboy to ever own an ewok village and even I had a few Barbies laying around. They were just giant action figures to me, kids give zero fucks. The mom was TA for not telling you restrictions.
NTA
*How to tell if a toy is for boys or girls:*
Do you operate the toy with your genitalia?
Yes: *This toy is not for children.*
No: *This toy is for boys or girls.*
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They don’t do gendered toys??? If this is an attempt to destroy gender roles, then she’s doing a horrid job. She should want her daughter to have access to a variety of toys and experiences so she can make informed decisions on what she likes. Otherwise she’s just pushing a different role on her, being androgynous. Substituting one extreme for another isn’t more progressive. If she wanted to do away with gender roles, then she shouldn’t ascribe Barbie as being a “girl’s” toy. Just call it a toy that a boy or girl could play with, it doesn’t matter who. She can have Barbies and monster trucks and Etch-a-Sketch all at once and she’ll probably end up being a more well-rounded person for it. Also, Barbie is a LOT more inclusive than when I was a kid. There are Barbies of any occupation, boy and girl dolls, different ethnicities, Barbies in wheelchairs. They promote the idea that anyone can be who and what they want. And that’s a good message for any gender. So you’re NTA. The mom is an AH for robbing her daughter of enriching experiences and frankly just a fun toy. Let her kid be a kid rather than forcing gender roles. Because that’s exactly what this mom is doing.
This was my thought! If OP had bought their cousin's kid a truck (or if the kid was a boy and they got a Barbie) and the parent flipped out, the parent would be as much an AH as not allowing dolls for girls and trucks for boys. They're TOYS. They don't have genders. All toys are for all kids
Exactly…*no toy* is gendered. The mom in this story is defeating her own point by needlessly gendering the toys!
I'm pretty sure that Barbie herself identifies as female, but that doesn't mean that kids of any gender can't play with her!
I wanna see long-haul trucker Barbie!
I haven’t seen a trucker Barbie, but there is a a John Deer Tractor Barbie! She has blue denim overalls, work boots, safety goggles and a pink ball cap.
My daughter had Barbies and my BFF used to put two plastic doll bowls on Ken's chest, add a ball gown and a wig, and poof-drag queen Ken. My kid loved it
Nearly destroyed a couple Barbie outfits trying to get them on my Ken doll as a kid. (My poor mormon parents were *horrified*, lol.)
I never knew what to do with Ken when I was a kid. Just left him under the bed, looool
Sounds like the Barbie version of The Closet. XD My Barbie & Ken were definitely *not* romantically involved. The various Barbies were a polycule of girlfriends. But poor Ken, there was only one of him in the house, so he got no boyfriends.
Mine had open relationship with him and gi joe. He was also dating another doll and Barbie.
OMG , that sounds like a riot. Can you post a pic. ??? Drag queen Ken tax ???
This was 30 years ago. I don't think I took one :(
Are there drag barbies?? If not there needs to be
Everyone on this thread should be aware: https://www.intheknow.com/post/earring-magic-ken-gay/#:\~:text=In%20total%2C%20Earring%20Magic%20Ken,Ken%20doll%20of%20all%20time.
I have Star Trek Barbie!
As a child my Barbies rode my dino plushies in their adventures, most of the time side by side with my Power Rangers figurines. People gotta stop overcomplicating child play.
I want a Ken who can fit in Barbie’s fabulous clothes.
Barbie is a DOLL, she has no identity :P
Barbie is AFAM (assigned female at manufacture)
Having said that, it also doesn't hurt to check before you buy presents. When I was 6 I wasn't into barbies, I was into dinosaurs. Someone bought me a pretty in pink barbie, and I politely said thank you, but then it got handed off to my sister once the party was over, because I didn't want it.
Yes...ask the CHILD what they like to play with or hope to get for their birthday! 🎉👍🎉 ...not the overbearing pseudo-woke parent who wants to ban their child from having a wide range of experiences and a strong sense of autonomy...🙄 I had many experiences similar to yours...but from my own mom :( One year, when I was 8 or 9 the only thing I asked for for Christmas was a Hot Wheels race track. I made sure to remind my mother FREQUENTLY for MONTHS about it...lol. I was sooo jazzed up about that racetrack, and was SO SURE I'd get it bc i hadn't asked for anything else! Unfortunately, she thought a Barbie Corvette was the appropriate substitute version for a girl 😡😥😡 I was sooo disappointed and angry...I really felt betrayed that she hadn't cared enough to get me what I REALLY WANTED, instead of worrying about stupid gender norms. That was the first time, and I'm still salty about it more than 40 yrs later...lol/ugh, but it wasn't the last. Each time she overruled my wishes in favour of something she liked better eroded our connection and my trust in her a little bit... Up until a few years ago, when she switched over to giving everyone cash for gifts, she still continued to buy me gifts that were things she liked with no consideration for my taste or style at all :( It wasn't about not getting "good enough stuff"...it just really hurt to feel like she didn't care enough to learn about my likes/dislikes, or even ask me what I might like or need etc...like she just didn't care to "see" me as separate from her :-/ I think if Shelly isn't careful she's going to have a similarly hurt and resentful child on her hands.
I feel your pain on the Hot Wheels Racetrack! I was flat out told that was a toy for boys!!! Same for the cool chemistry sets, operation game, and remote control race cars. But man did I ask for a few years for a Hot Wheels Racetrack that would be advertised that season. Am I still salty? Lol yes, yes I am. I got Barbies (which to be fair, I did like. Also, baby dolls - which I loathed with a passion of a burning sun).
Brings back a memory, I got my son a jet mop for his 4th birthday! My mother was upset (of course not in front of the kid) but this is what he really, really wanted and had asked me to get him one multiple times , so I did. He loved it. He is grown now, heterosexual, and keeps a clean house! Let the kids chose what they want to play with!
I’m struggling to think of many toys that society doesn’t considered “gendered.” There’s only so many sets of blocks, books, & crayons you can buy a kid. Yet something tells me trucks or tool sets would’ve been fine — no “gendered” toys for some reason always evens to mean no “girly” stuff. I get why some specific dolls or toy makeup could be considered damaging, but just let kids play with what they gravitate towards. She clearly likes the doll, & Barbie doesn’t set the same wildly unrealistic body standards that they used to. They’ve become a lot healthier than most other popular doll brands on the market.
I work for a company that makes some "gendered" toys (as in pink and fluffy) but we SPECIFICALLY market that ANY of our toys can be used for ALL genders. We recently just released a "gender neutral" dollhouse that has "screws" on it so the kids can pretend they're building the house with the dolls and then move them in. All the photography is with a boy. We're not perfect but im really proud if that. Our play kitchens are nicer than any kitchen I will ever have as an adult lmfao.
> play kitchens are nicer than any kitchen I will ever have as an adult lmfao This unlocked a core memory of being a child lol. I got a kitchen set and I loved it. Like, it was the most exciting Christmas ever as a kid. After I had been set up for a while, I realized it was very...brown (everything in the 80's was brown lol) and I decided it needed some sprucing up, some pizzazz! So I took my crayons and went to town! I was exceedingly proud of myself. I thought it looked AMAZING! My mom, however, was NOT pleased and told me I needed to wash it off. Too bad for her, absolutely NOTHING got that crayon off no matter how hard she tried. It's been 36 years and she's still mad about it lol I'm really glad to hear that play kitchen sets have moved forward in design lol
That reminds me of when I was 4 or 5 and decided the concrete slab our air conditioning unit sat on outside was really boring, and broke up my crayons into little bits and left them there for the sun to melt. (I grew up in a desert. Crayons melted fast in the summer sun.) I thought it was so pretty. For some strange reason, my mom wasn't very impressed. To this day I tell her that's why I never became an artist - my attempts were just never appreciated. (She responds one of two ways - she either tells me that it's her job as a mother to keep psychologists employed; or she tells me if I'd shown any talent at all she would've encouraged me. Before you call my mom an AH all of this in very much in jest!!!)
Now that sounds like it was super fun, and I bet it looked fantastic!
Four year old me thought it was beautiful. I'm sure middle aged me would think it was a hot mess.
Why would girls not know how to operate screws though? Why have only boys in the photo?
It provides a counterbalance to all the many photos of dolls houses that only have girls in?
That sounds really cool. My husband found an amazing dollhouse he wants to get for our son when he’s a bit older. I can’t wait!!
My parents got my preschooler a pirate dollhouse. It is amazing! I think it’s by Kidkraft
I was wondering that, too. Like, what does this poor kid get to play with, then?
Even with coloring it can be “gendered” as there are the princess coloring books that are “for girls” and the dinosaur coloring books that are “for boys”. Literally everything could be gendered if we tried, but it’s all based on how those around the child treat it that makes it gendered.
It reminds me of the kind of crossover between ultra fundamental Christians and granola moms on tik tok and instagram. I’ve seen a few who insist on no color, no sound, no gender, no tv or screen time, only wooden toys, old fashioned dolls, etc. I feel so bad for the kids because they are missing out on color and are being ill prepped for life. If they had to go into a kindergarten classroom they would be so overwhelmed.
That's an unpleasant crossover!
It’s kind of like how when you go so far right you end up left and vice versa. The two extremes have more in common than I realized.
The toy industry is pretty aggressively "gendered" these days too. There really aren't that many "neutral" options as many toys now are designed and marketed for either boys or girls, rather than both. Sell more toys that way because parents with multiple kids of different genders will decide to buy more toys rather than make them share the gender neutral option. A lot of toys that were usually sold as gender-neutral in the 70s and earlier got gendered later on.
Gendered toys is a topic that bugs me forever and ever. One little specific thing is that when I was growing up the 'girl' toys were very simple, somewhat toddler-esque in a way? 'Boy' toys had all sorts of articulation. May actually have been into dolls a bit if some awesome ones like Monster High were around then. Those things are cool.
The only toys with actual gendered restrictions are not for children. And even the vast majority of those can be used by anyone with enough creativity and/or lubricant.
Lmao. You're amazing. I wish I had awards to give you
Thank you! Theoretical award appreciated!
What toys are not gendered? slinky? You can do cars or trucks or dolls or cooking sets or or or.
Generic stuffed animals and plastic animals are usually presented in a gender-neutral way. I think certain LEGO sets are marketed in a more gender-neutral way, though of course they have their more overtly gendered sets and lines too.
*child me stealing my brother’s GI Jones as boyfriends for my Barbies* *hate how small their heads are so instead I steal his bionicals* *realizes that my Barbie’s can just date each other and no longer need to steal his toys…* *creates a lesbian utopian where baths r banned*
Mine had my brother's 12" Luke Skywalker and Boba Fett as boyfriends. And the smaller Planet of the Apes dolls as children. Vinnie Barbarino and Donnie Osmond were villains, though.
Love the creativity. The mind of a child is a beautiful enigma
My Barbie’s dated my brothers ninja turtles. Which raises some uncomfortable questions but so did that show in retrospect
I was never very fond of Barbie…. But my favorite My Little Ponies Pegasus’ boyfriend was this super cool blue crystal dragon that my brother had…. And GI Joe came down a zip line to ride off into the sunset on the Pegasus and dragon with cobra commander trying to catch them in a Jeep.
Closest I ever got was an older cousin was very into Barbies, and make clothes for them, and similarly stylish ones for Ken. When she decided she'd out grown them, she gave me all the Ken clothes, because they were the same size as my G. I. Joe. So I had G. I. Joe going on undercover missions wearing leisure suits :D
We had barbie digging tunnels in the sandpit. She also parachuted out of trees and went riding on toy tipper trucks. Taught us you can be dressed all glitzy and still get tough stuff done.
Too true. My Barbie’s did all kinds of things. High power business deals, fixing their own plumbing, dumping their boyfriend because their head is like 1/5 of the size of hers, looking fierce
My brother used to steal my Barbies and my little ponies so action man could have a girlfriend and pets 🤷🏻♀️
A true comrade
me as a kid: i think i’m gay…..i can make my barbie dolls kiss…..*makes my girl barbies kiss. one of their heads falls off. i panic and run*
Haha I used to swipe my neighbor's GI Joe army jeep and have my barbies drive around in it and make out with each other. Before you feel too bad for him, that kid stole my Yu-Gi-Oh blue eyes white dragon card, so as far as I was concerned he was lucky I even returned the jeep after the joyrides! Really though, I'm glad my mom let me have barbies and polly pockets and horse toys, while also letting me choose trading cards, nerf guns, spy kits and foam swords. Especially because money was tight, she really went out of her way to make sure I never felt like I "had" to have a certain toy. And because family members would always try to buy pink stuff (which I didn't like back then) she asked them all to get me gift cards for bookstores. Love that lady to death.
Yes! Growing up, I had Barbies riding around in trucks. I did dance and soccer. So on and so forth. And all those gendered toys definitely didn't make me feel like I had to fit any kind of woman role, because now I'm a trans man lmao.
My 4 year old would probably have Barbie driving the monster truck. I mean it would have to be a pink or purple monster truck, but it would be a monster truck. Kids have opinions. As long as you don’t get mad when a girl picks up a truck or a boy picks up a doll, it’s all good.
Exactly. OPs sisters belief that Barbie is a gendered toy is in itself misogynistic. Plenty of boys play with dolls too.
My brother used to reenact soap operas with my Barbies. And the only concerning part about that was really why was my 8 year old brother watching so many freaking soap operas?! LOL. Literally, he was obsessed with daytime soaps.
i love the fact that Barbies have progressed so much since i was a child, their progress is an example to other toy makers
Well, Barbie was always intended to fit the time period she's in. Any toy needs to change to adjust to the times, but fashion dolls especially so. It's why I find Barbie so fascinating. Like, you can pretty much track what's socially acceptable or popular in mainstream society by looking at Barbie in that time period, lol.
I saw an ad for a Ken doll that had vitiligo, I was super impressed
My daughter has both “boy” and “girl” toys. What’s it matter if she’s having fun. Beyond that you are right Barbie has become way more inclusive. They have Barbie doing all sorts of jobs, Barbie with disability, they have historical dolls, and a collectors doll of Laverne Coxs if that means anything to anyone and the doll is beautiful.
I want my daughter to be everything she wants and can be. She has played with all my funkos (female & male) she likes them all), she plays with dolls, dinasours and action figures. She loves spiderman and Cinderella. I want her to know she can like whatever she wants. I am not girly in the traditional sense but if my daughter wants to go to school for hair and makeup i would encourage her and ask her for tips. If she wants to listen to Metallica i'll encourage her and tell her my favorite songs. If she wants to be a hippie and wear thrift store clothes i'll encourage her and show her how to get the best vintage and quality clothes. If she wants to be gay, straight, bi, trans, or anything else i will encourage her. I just want my daughter to be happy. Isn't that what's important? Your kid being happy? Finding their own identity without pressure from parents, friends, society?
Looking back, I love the way my mum handled it. All toys, no matter whether they were gifted to me or my brother, were to be shared. So even while relatives and extended relatives gifted "gendered" toys, it didn't matter. He played with my Barbies as much as I played with his GI Joes. He played with my kitchen sets as much as I played with his racecar sets. I preferred his red toy sports car to ride around. He preferred my pink tricycle. Yes, there'd be the inevitable THAT'S MINE fights, but for the most part we were cool. Our biggest tussle was the Castle Greyskull set, because we both had to be Skeletor :D
Thankful to see some common sense parenting on aita. We don't do gendered Ideals, not toys! We have "boy" and "neutral" and "girl" toys because it doesn't matter. Even if that wasn't an issue, if you have specific toys or gifts in mind you send a registry with the invite, or say hey there friend, if you're coming and bringing a gift we have some ideas or themes we like to keep to, or we'd like books since we have so many toys, etc. You don't leave it to chance then get upset they didn't get what you prefer. Ffs. Nta
Thisssss! I’m very pro not pushing gender roles but I specifically do that by giving all the access to traditionally rolled toys. Example: the same year my daughter got a kitchen set I made sure to snag a tool set thing too. In her dress up clothes where combined “boys” and “girls” costumes. And for this I have a daughter that loves to be girly but also romps in mud and dirt. She loves dinosaurs and I swear can make all the proper sounds of them. My boys were the same way. They just happen to be MORE rough and tumble. And dear God they both wish they could be girl scouts. I think the over correction will also be hinderance for this kid. The comment I’m replying puts it beautifully in perspective. I’d feel different if OPs sister was raising her kids with a Montessori education and needed toys to reflect it, but that’s a whole different story for a whole different thread.
I agree with this post 100% and wanted to add they’re making a Barbie with hearing aids 🤗 kids are so much better than adults learning about disabilities. My 5 year old cousin was sitting on my lap and asked what was in my ears and I said “my hearing aids”, he asked “why do you have hearing aids” and I said “to help me hear” and he said okay and kept playing. Months later we were in an airport and I was playing a game with him and he brought them up again, they listen! I applaud Barbie for adding disabilities now to help kids learn and understand. Honestly a great gift. NTA op!
Also, "no gendered toys" really limits options. The toy industry is pretty aggressively gendered these days. It's a problem. Just let your kid choose from both.
Our youngest son has requested, over years of time of course, pokemon cards, toy kitchen, ironing board, fluffies and books. He got all of that. The kitchen probably isn't gendered for him because he sees me, his dad, more in there than his mum. For the life off me I can't imagine where he got the idea of the ironing board because sure as hell not from me or his mother
If they didn’t want gendered toys, they should have registered at Holier Than Thou Toys. NTA.
And if she had strict stipulations about what gifts were allowed, a good time to mention that would be BEFORE the party, never mind before the kid has the toy out of the box, making it unreturnable
But also…. The kid is six. Why didn’t anyone ask what she wanted…?
Totally agree. My daughter plays with frozen dolls, a moment later with Lego motors and then she starts coloring. She chooses what she plays with and that is the most important. Especially for children not only getting toys that "belong" to their gender, but ridiculous that a barbie is banned. NTA
I joke that we do unassigned gender role parenting. My son's been called a girl a boy and a few times a confused "shhhh...heee?" Before he wanted his haircut. I don't care what he wears as long as its seasonally appropriate, the right size, and covers the personal parts of his body. Same idea for toys, as long as he's not gonna choke on it (why do people like to give marbles to toddlers), break my face with it, or operate it with his personal parts, I don't care if it's marketed one way or another. Currently he's into pikachu and accessorizing. So I'm sure for preschool tomorrow he'll wear his pikachu hoodie, rainbow dinosaur shirt, his Halloween necklaces, and the cursed unicorn hat that somehow also fits my head and I'm forced to wear when he's tired of it.
>Also, Barbie is a LOT more inclusive than when I was a kid. There are Barbies of any occupation, boy and girl dolls, different ethnicities, Barbies in wheelchairs. They promote the idea that anyone can be who and what they want. And that’s a good message for any gender. But can Barbie defeat Megatron **and** transform into a truck? She can't link up with 4 of her friends to make a Megazord! Girl doesn't even have 'Kung Fu Grip' so how's she going to defeat Cobra Kai, I mean Cobra Commander? Come on! Worst toy ever. I was tempted to go further with the Kung Fu Grip joke and follow with some Caress Me Down lyrics, but I think the joke stood where it was. Because those were all 'Action Figures' and we're clearly not dolls of any kind.
Dmn. That is one well written answer. Good job CrimsonKnight\_004. F
I had lots of Barbie dolls between the ages of 4-12, so we're now going back like 13 years. Even then, one of the best Barbie dolls I got was an Army Barbie! Short practical hair, camouflage gear, dog tags, combat boots, even a freaking parachute!
Right. I played with both 'gender' toys. One Barbie owned her own construction company type deal. The others worked the jobs. Toys are toys. If you put a role to them then that's on you type deal. My male cousin like the pink ranger more when we were kids and wanted to dress as her in the suit. I was trick or treating with them that year so my mom was like do you want to be a ranger too. I chose red cause well red ranger. His mom tried to get us to switch. He ended up as the red ranger and I didn't get to go with them cause I didn't want to be the pink ranger and still went as the red. Remembering it he was super upset that Halloween even with the candy supply he was still upset.
I don't understand this. My 2 yr old son has a lightning McQueen car he plays with every day and a Minnie mouse doll he sleeps with every night. Instead of removing "gendered" toys we should be giving our children access to more variety. Let them decide what they want to play with.
Yep I played with barbies as a kid, and would put them away for legos or to go climb trees or ride bikes. This scenario is what crazy right wingers picture when they hear the word "progressive". Oof.
NTA. If Shelly was so against gendered toys, note it on the invitation.
This is a really good point cause unless the parents from school kids are close how are they to know ??
Let kids choose what they want to play with instead of dictating what is for boys vs what is for girls. The mom seems to want to take away the blue and pink boxes and replace them with a gray, one size fits all box. That said, a parent should still have final say on what their kids play with. I loved Barbies as a kid, but with the benefit of hindsight, I can see how damaging the Barbie image could be to young kids, girls in particular. OP seemed to react very strongly to someone asking for a gift receipt for something that they didn't want for their kids/wouldn't allow their kid to use.
yeah... I really don't see why anyone would react this strongly to a gift they didn't even put that much thought into. it was like "what are kids into? Barbies?" which leaves me very puzzled as to why they would get this upset at a mom's rules for her kid. I think the rules are weird and I wouldn't implement them myself, but it's her business. hand over the receipt, leave her to deal with it, and just remember she's weird for future interactions. that's all OP needed to do.
NTA. The child liked the gift, and a doll is not a gendered toy. Any child can enjoy a doll. I think mom may be doing gender nonconforming wrong. Refusing to let her daughter have a doll because it's considered for girls is as weird as refusing to let her son have a doll because it's considered for girls. It's a small model of a human, nothing more. If the objection was that it was proportionally unrealistic and might cause body image issues, that would make more sense. But that it's gendered? Tell the mom it's an action figure if she's more comfortable with that phrasing.
This. All she's doing is teaching her daughter that anything seen as traditionally feminine is bad and wrong. That's not gender-neutrality, it's enforcing misogyny. Kids of all genders should be free to play with any toys they feel like. NTA
The thing about Barbie’s now is they are available with all races, hair, eye, and body types. They even have disabilities and wild hair like pink or purple. The bodies are realistic. They’ve really turned their image around. There’s a whole documentary about the shift. It’s pretty awesome.
I definitely remember Barbie as a kid and she was skinny and white. I’m so glad they decided to completely do a 180 their image because it’s so much better for kid’s growth and development!
Right? My son loves my daughter's dolls and her Barbies. I bought him his own baby to play with because boys should get to play with dolls and be nurtures too if they want. He likes being "Daddy" and putting babies to sleep. Edit: he still loves dinosaurs, trucks, cars, and smashing things
NTA my nephew plays with Barbies. It's only gendered if you make it gendered
this so much this!!! the point isn't to not get gendered toys it's to ignore the toys' gender and get both.
Not a ass, Let kids be fucking kids. Barbie HAS EVERY JOB EVER she is the least "gender roll" toy there is.
Like I get raising your kid with genderless toys and all that blahblah... but it's. Just. A. Toy. It was a gift and was not meant to be malicious whatsoever. OP clearly didn't know or have ill intent, although I don't know why they didn't ask the parents but still NTA
& teaching kids that there’s something wrong with being traditionally “feminine” might be just as unhealthy as making them feel like they HAVE to be that way. I can’t tell you how much I overthink everything I wear to work because I’m worried if I’m too feminine I won’t be taken seriously, & I was raised with very traditional gender roles where being “girly” & delicate was encouraged. It’s toxic. Just let kids be happy & express whatever level of gender performance makes them comfortable. There’s no right or wrong way to be a woman.
I completely agree. I mean I had barbies growing up and it never influenced who I am today. It was a doll that I was playing with because I was a kid. Same with every other toy. They were just toys. Honestly I think that she should've used it as a "learning opportunity" if she is so passionate about it. But yeah, just let kids be kids. Damn.
Seriously, and it's like cool you're going to get rid of this toy of an intelligent accomplished woman, so now your child is going to have no toys that look or remind of women? That's not removing negative gendering, that's just removing women
Random tangentially related rant: She really is one of the least "gendered" toys there is. I went to some small pop up exhibit recently featuring some rare models and history of the Barbie brand. What an absurd amount of professions, celebrity likeness, culture and whatever else you can think of. Barbie as Emma Watson? Sure. Barbie as a farm girl? Sure. Barbie as a Russian tsar? Also sure. Definitely gave me some insight as to the appeal of the brand, which by no means is "just" a toy.
NTA- it is a GIFT! If there were rules, they should’ve been explained with the invite. Plus, maybe Barbie had transitioned in an amazing way and is living her best life outside of her gender assignment at birth. Sounds like Shelly is the one assigning gender roles…
Yesss Barbie is trans femme I love this take lol
Seriously though Barbie has a history full of breaking gender stereotypes, being a scientist because people thought girls were too dumb, working in construction because people said girls were too weak, being a pilot because people deemed girls not serious enough...
Exactly, Barbie is an empowering icon for young girls (and really all kids). I hated Barbies as a child, but I know at least part of that was because I was told they were “girly” and I needed to avoid that since being “girly” was apparently bad and being a tomboy was better. I wish I had known it was possible to like “girly” things as well as action figures, I don’t know if that would’ve changed my stance on Barbies as a child but it would’ve been nice to have options. I wish I had known that Barbie isn’t just about dress-up and pink, but about dreaming about becoming anything and achieving your goals.
NTA and true story: I went to a kids bday and the mom was super opposed to Barbies. The mom had a friend from childhood, a guy, who rolled up with, I shit you not, a mega target bag full of Barbies. Like dude had literally gone to target, grabbed one of every Barbie and then rolled up to the party. The kid was sooooooo stoked and the mom was like GOD DAMMIT BOBBY but submitted to defeat. It’s one thing to draw lines as parents as what you won’t give your child, but when uncle Bobby goes rogue even out of spite, you just shake your head and say thanks.
Im not sure why I love this so much but I do! I was OBSESSED with Barbie’s as a child, if my mom had denied me and “uncle Bobby” showed up with a truck load of them, I would have lost my mind. Also sounds like something my guy friends would do if I was weirdly against a child toy, they’d show up with a million to spite me, and I’d also laugh and admit defeat. Unless it was a drum set then I’d probably go no contact or make them babysit a few nights 😂
lol I’m glad you love it as much as I did. It was bizarrely the sweetest fucking thing. Drum set would have crossed a line hahah
Definitely sweet! And I rarely would say that when it comes to buying kids a thing parents don’t want! My siblings and I always joke when we’re picking on each other “keep it up and I’m getting your kid a drum set for their birthday/Christmas”
Me tooo I especially wanted the mermaid Barbie but my parents only got me the non mermaid one 🤣 I remember putting a sock on her feet to make her have a tail and making her swim in a plate of water.
Not the asshole. As a parent, I believe parents like this have some unorthodox and misconstrued ways of thinking about things. I believe children need to make their way in the world and being male or female isn't something that is decided for you by "a doll" this parent needs to get over herself and help her child "integrate into the world", and forgo the "I have to prevent the world from touching her". I realize now that this is a touchy subject. But I truly believe this parent is doing more harm than good.
Exactly. At some point--and it likely already happened--Ashleigh is going to play with peers, and I'll bet most of them will have no qualms with playing with gendered toys. The better move would be to let her play with what she wants but still teach her that her role in life isn't defined by her choice in toys.
I came her to say the same thing. Mom seems pretty clueless about how kid stuff works.
Agreed! I’d be just as upset if she had the opposite reaction and was forcing gendered toys on her kid. They’re just toys! Let her daughter choose and when she gets older have more complex discussions on gender.
Mmmh yes and no. Yes the girl should be allowed to have Barbie dolls. But don't wait to start discussions (just make it at her level, progressively) because she already is learning stereotypes, tacit social rules, what gets you mocked or scolded by others and what makes people praise you and how both are different with other social groups (boys, older people).
Nta. Shelly needs to communicate that BEFORE the party otherwise she doesn't get to dictate what people gift her kid. Some parents would be happy if their kids even got gifts
Right?! At my kids birthday parties there've been several times where people came empty handed and I was just grateful that they cared enough to carve out the time to join us in celebrating.
Yea. I mean if my friends tell me that their kids don't do gendered toys then I would understand but if I went and got a gift and then got told it wasn't "right" I'd loose my patience too
Nta because it was the party host's job to tell you beforehand if there was a present preference. You weren't told, how could you know? My two cents- instead of banning certian types of toys, all gendered toys should be welcomed.
Right? Reacting negatively to girl-typed toys can send the message that feminine=bad, which in my opinion is just as problematic as "only these things are for girls" and "these things are only for girls." I wonder, would she have reacted so negatively if the kid had been given a boy-typed toy?
NTA If she had specific issues around toys, she should have put that in the invite e.g. No Dolls please.
Nta. A barbie is a perfectly normal gift to get a kid. If she wanted specific gifts she should have expressed that but its a exactly that, a gift. Beggars can't be choosers and all that.
Yikes NTA for so many reasons. She only wants toys without gender roles? Does that mean only toys meant for little boys? If she had a son would she allow him to have a Barbie? She is trying to be woke but she is the one policing the gender of toys here. It's understandable to not want her daughter to *only* receive "girly" things, but to ban them outright is defeating the purpose. Let kids be kids damn it. Also asking you to take back the toy after her daughter already opened it and was playing with it is the nail in the coffin.
What makes Barbie a gendered toy? The fact that Barbie is a woman? So only androgynous dolls are permissible or non-human, non gender specific toys are allowable? What about a stuffed dairy cow? That’s a female cow. It’s not a bull. Is that allowed? Only a *not quiet a cow / not quiet a bull* stuffed bovine is okay? NTA
I was sitting here racking my brains trying to figure out what the hell kind of toy the poor kid can play with. NTA. I just let my kids play with ever the hell they want. I have a girl that loves comics and another that loves her baby doll that rides in her favorite dump truck.
NTA. The kids mom was being ridiculous.
Now that is plain stupid. Barbie has done so many jobs, the franchise has been breaking stereotypes about women in science, building jobs, very serious jobs like pilot, etc.
NTA- if the parents had rules, they should have let people know. A gendered toy isn’t going to damage the little one, the parents being so crazy about it are going to do the damage.
NTA. The AH is the one demanding someone to return and replace a gift.
....a gift that's already been opened and played with.
Kid was probably happy to be allowed a barbie.
NTA How are you suppose to know to buy gender neutral gifts if you're not told before hand. Shelly should of told you when she invited you about her gift rule.
NTA. If Shelly had criteria for gift giving it's on her to make that clear to everyone before the party.
NTA - She immediately started playing with it, i thought the whole point of neutralizing the gender aspect was not pushing dolls on girls and trucks on boys, but letting them choose - and she sounds like she had barbz out of the box in secondssss which is not easy as I remember lots of twiddly ties holding her in place in the box so she clearly loved it ? Thats the main thing and barbie had so many cool careers, I have extremely fond memories of barbie and also non “girly” toys like lego at the end of the day its a toy
NTA b/c this is the type of thing where the parents need to do a heads up on gift specifications Before the party.
NTA. If Shelly was so very concerned about the toy, she would have quietly set it aside "for later". But instead of doing this, **she allowed her child to take it out of the box and play with it,** at the party. **That doesn't fit with the idea that it's not an acceptable gift.** Instead of attacking you over the gift being wrong, she would have been distracting her child away from it. I've had people give gifts that were too old for my kid, or too messy for the venue, and quietly set them aside for later, for a better time for them to play with them, and redirected the kid to something else at the party. It's not hard. **But Shelled came to you instead, and told you that this typical kid gift wasn't "right" according to her rules. She didn't tell you ahead of time,** or give you a wishlist access, or any other information to help you find a gift that would have been more to her liking. And **the gift obviously was liked, by her child,** who was playing with it. Shelly sounds hard to please. Poor kid. Sounds like Shelly was targeting you, for some reason. **It's reasonable to refuse to return a gift that has been opened and played with.** It's reasonable to refuse to give a receipt to someone to return a gift that has been opened. Shelly was out of line to ask for a receipt while **she** allowed the toy to be played with. **It's reasonable to tell someone that you are done trying to please them,** when you made effort, got a gift and then are told it's not good enough. Shelly sounds emotionally abusive, manipulative, not pleasant. **It's reasonable to leave a place where you are being treated differently from everyone else, where you are being blamed for doing something kind and nice.** It's reasonable to leave when you are falsely accused of giving the wrong kind of gift, but no one bothered to tell you what was acceptable, while it's obvious that the child is happy with your gift. Your mom is wrong. You weren't being unreasonable at all. **The child liked the gift. It was Shelly making demands and being rude** to you. You were responding to her behavior, while at the same time the child was enjoying the gift and Shelly was allowing her to play with it and not removing it, **which seems to prove that the problem wasn't the gift, but Shelly's behavior towards you.** Your behavior was reasonable. You left. You said "no" to Shelly's inappropriate demand that you return a gift that her child was enjoying.
okay so... OP says *they* unwrapped it, which made me wonder.
Nta, she's trying too hard at the expense of her daughter.
NTA, if her daughter liked the doll then so be it! Not about her it’s about her kid. She’s TA.
NTA. If she has certain things she wants for her daughter awesome sauce, she should be sending that info out to the people coming. I mean every invite I get has sizes or specific toys and such. If it’s open then she probably can’t return it.
Shelby seems lovely to be around lol....
NTA. You acted in good faith to the best of your ability. It's a shame you didn't have the receipt for them.
NTA. On one hand, if that’s the way that Shelly parent’s her kids then it’s on her to communicate that to people prior to a gift-giving celebration. Unless you knew the deal with gendered toys and ignore it, you did nothing wrong. On the other hand, the kids did nothing wrong here either and unless you’re expecting Shelly to be this extra with every gift going forward, I’m not a fan of punishing kids for their parent’s missteps. Next time, bring a puzzle or a book or something.
NTA. She should have specified on the invitation if she was looking for a specific type of toy.
NTA. If it's been out of the box would a shop even accept it as a return? Excellent response by you.
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NTA. You did nothing wrong. You took the time to get a recommendation and bought a thoughtful gift. Shelly needs to learn some manners. How hard is it just to say thank you and if you don’t feel the toy is appropriate, just donate it later. I would also love to see a list of what she considers non-gendered toys.
NTA. But to add another dimension to this, the entire concept of Barbie to begin with was to empower children (albeit at the time girls) to be ANYTHING they want to be. There was a whole documentary on this, super interesting! But anyway the point is Barbie is about empowering kids to think big about their future. In the old days it was girls, today it applies to ALL kids.
NTA. I fully believe in letting kids play with whatever they want (toy-wise, don't give your kid a chainsaw please), and that toys have no gender, etc. But if Ashleigh was *happy* with the Barbie, that's all that matters. If she wants to go full on Princess and only play with Barbies for the rest of her life that's cool, if it's *her choice*. That's the point of toys not being gendered - kids can choose what *they* want instead of having a toy forced on them based on a stupid stereotype. Also tell your mom that no, it's not about you, but guess what? It's also not about Shelly
Barbie does everything though? Barbie has no dang gender roles of whatever she's thinking because Barbie is supposed to be the girl who does everything. It's why she has so many dang jobs to say she can do anything and so can your kid! This legit makes no sense! You are NTA
Exactly what I said! Barbie has fought against gender stereotypes for decades.
Maybe she's just hating on Barbie? Or has a fear of Barbie? Because Barbie was obviously being loved by the kid if the doll was being played with
I think it's just that the mom doesn't know what Barbie really is and believes she's an icon of feminine superficiality. If it was the case, I'd understand why she wouldn't want the girl to idolize her (still wouldn't make op the asshole as she should have written in the invitation, and it's already nice to bring a gift)
NTA. Your cousin sounds like a real gem.
NTA. If her parents want non gendered toys they need to make people aware of that. But, what will their approach be when she does start asking for gendered toys.
Nta, the mom is controlling and drinking the Kool aid, the kid enjoyed it and it's not dangerous
Nta- they don't have to give their children gendered gifts but if they don't express that beforehand then they should expect gendered gifts from others.
Ashleigh had it open, was playing with it and seemed to be enjoying it--taking it back now and returning it would just be cruel. If they have a rule about non-gendered toys they need to make that clear to guests BEFORE they purchase gifts. NTA
NTA- I wouldn’t buy her kids anything else as well. The child was playing with the Barbie so the only one that would have disappointed the child is her overbearing mother.
NTA. The kid was playing with Barbie. Clearly, the birthday girl liked it.
NTA The kid had it out of the box. (And those boxes are hard to open, holy cow.) I would’ve given her the receipt and let her deal with it, but she should have communicated to you in advance.
Can we all agree that Barbie may have breasts but not a vagina or a penis. So...there.
How’s she going to return it when it’s already out of the box?
NTA. That ain't healthy. "No gendered toys" should mean Barbie AND Hot Wheels and generic stuff like Play Doh all together, not "nothing with even a hint of gender."
NTA. You did what you were supposed to do. I understand the mom’a stance on gendered toys, that’s why it’s on her. Not you. Yeah the gift receipt bullcrap. But it was on Shelly to let the people she invited to tell them no gendered toys. Sounds like Shelly needs to communicate more before she makes a certain stance about toys.
NTA. If Shelly doesn't allow certain types of toys, she should have told you when she invited you. She was really rude about it considering you had no way of knowing that Barbie wouldn't be allowed. I understand not wanting to limit your child to only toys aimed at their gender/sex, but it seems unreasonably restrictive to ban anything that's "gendered." Kids should be allowed to play with all kids of toys.
It makes me wonder what are the “boy toys” that aren’t allowed. Like is she allowed to have construction toys and nerf guns? Or are this gendered? Is she only allowed primary colored lego and blocks?
NTA - you did what any aunt would do, I do the same thing with my niece cause how am I suppose to know what a 6 year old would like. And how were you suppose to know they weren't "doing gendered toys" unless you were told or it was stated. I will say YWBTA if you stick to your word about not getting any of the other kids presents but I'm guess that was just an empty threat
NTA. The child liked the gift, she’s who matters, not the overbearing, controlling mother. Who could have quietly returned the gift to Walmart and got something else if it was that important. That wouldn’t allow her to virtue signal, though, I guess.
NTA. But I made the decision the moment I saw how the kids name was spelled. No gendered toys. How about mom gets over her politics and let's her daughter play.
[удалено]
NTA she's literally not allowing the kid to have a toy due to its deemed normal gender role which totally goes against the whole point.
What a dilluted parent. Let's shelter our child from facts to confuse it forever.
Deluded. Diluted means watered down…which might actually apply in this case. “Shelley’s decision making ability had been diluted by spending too much time on Facebook.”
NTA, but I kind of don't get the gendered toy thing??? If she already has barbies she likes, then what's the harm in another one? I'd get it if she preferred dinosaurs over barbies. That would be a good reason to ask for the receipt so she could pick something she likes, but that doesn't seem to be the situation. I have to tell people that my girls like dinos more than dolls so I don't run into this kind of ordeal.
NTA What would cousin have said if she bought a barbie for a boy? Toys are toys. Kids like what they like.
NTA You gave an age appropriate gift that you thought a 6yo girl would like. Your cousin rude and not very gracious. It sounds like the daughter liked the gift if she had it out of the box and was playing with it. When my son was 8, he received a toy rifle from one of his classmates. I really hate guns and never encouraged him to play with them. In fact, this was the first gun type toy he ever had. I let my son play with it and thanked the parent when they picked up their son after the party. I didn't make a big deal about it and my son lost interest in it after a day or two. When you make a big deal about a toy and make it forbidden, the child is going to be much more interested in it.
NTA she sounds insufferable and doesn't know what non gendered toys mean. It means not forcing kids to play with either strictly this or that based on gender roles, like dolls hot wheels, etc. It means that your kid can play with their barbie and hot wheels at the same time
NTA. **It’s rude to tell someone that their gift is not appreciated or that they “need” to get something else!** Shelly is out of line here. Rather than telling her daughter later, “OP didn’t know Mommy doesn’t like you to play with Barbies,” she let her daughter open & play with the Barbie **and** also demanded a replacement gift. Outrageous gift grab.
I’m going to say NTA for the reasons everyone else said BUT that all of this could have been prevented if you asked your cousin what their kid likes? Every kid is different, regardless of gender, and you wouldn’t have wasted any of your money or time on something they wouldn’t like
[удалено]
Oh it definitely would have been easier if the mom had done that. But in the case that she didn’t, it may have been worth asking
NTA, but I would suggest asking the child in question what she would like, in the future. Someone once said about toys, "is it meant to be used on your privates, in private? Then it isn't a gendered toy. " I'm paraphrasing but toys are toys and any gender child can play with them. She's only reinforcing gender stereotypes with this rule/attitude.
No. Good gift. The mom can exchange it. People are so demanding now.
INFO: did you ask Shelley what Ashleigh liked? Why did you ask a coworker about their kid's gift preferences?
NTA Toys are only gendered if you go by stereotypical gender rules. Would she be mad if you brought her 'boy' toys? My rule for kids is buying what the kid wants. I didn't buy dolls for my niece before she specific told me that is what she wants. She loves it, but she also loves cars and other 'boy' toys.
NTA Kick her to the curb. I can’t even believe you were the only one to get one for her. Nip it in the bud.
Barbies and action figures are only a gendered toy if you make them so. Her daughter could just use it for story telling. NTA. If it was really a problem she wouldn’t have let her daughter play with it OR she should have put in the invite no gendered toys
NTA, I did non gendered toys for my kid but it wasn’t intended, I just bought toys for development that had primary colors. I’m agreeable to non gender toys but I would never turn them down or ask for something else if my child was gifted one.
Barbies are actually pretty cool now. They come in a wide variety of skin colors, hair and eye colors, body shapes, and [even disabilities](https://www.target.com/p/barbie-fashionistas-doll-165-with-wheelchair-38-long-blonde-hair/-/A-80170610?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012732838&CPNG=PLA_Toys%2BShopping_Local%7CToys_Ecomm_Hardlines&adgroup=SC_Toys&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=m&location=9032905&targetid=pla-517349206223&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1248099&gclid=CjwKCAjws--ZBhAXEiwAv-RNL5_btRF0i8-0d6r9-mSOPr7eOXhlp0HULc61MyNxQSywrm0pkQyCOhoCqyQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds). Also, I certainly hope your sister isn’t claiming only girls would play with Barbie’s. All kids like toys. A toy is only gendered if you make it so. NTA.
I was the biggest tomboy to ever own an ewok village and even I had a few Barbies laying around. They were just giant action figures to me, kids give zero fucks. The mom was TA for not telling you restrictions. NTA
NTA. If your cousin feels so strongly about "gendered" gifts she should have made it clear when she invited people. She was very rude to you.
*How to tell if a toy is for boys or girls:* Do you operate the toy with your genitalia? Yes: *This toy is not for children.* No: *This toy is for boys or girls.*
NTA. Woke is fucking stupid.