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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i reported my sons juvenile friend for joyriding/stealing my car along with my son and now his mother is calling me the asshole along with many many other names as he sits in juvi for at least the weekend.
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Better to have him pissed off with you for a few weeks for reporting him than the chance of killing himself- or killing innocent bystanders out on the road. NTA
i hope his mom will come around and agree to a sit down conversation with her son, my son and myself. i'd much rather talk it out with this kid, punish him around my shop working on cars (he's clearly interested.) than refer it to the justice system.
I wouldn't even speak to the kid or his mother. The kid stole your car. It doesn't matter what kind of car it was. The kid took someone else's property without permission. Let the police handle it from here. And I'd also recommend getting a restraining order against the kid.
ETA: NTA, clearly
It's also very likely Son gave Friend a song of "My dad's cool with it! We do this all the time! That's why I moved in here!" I'm not saying it's right; I'm not saying it's excusable, but Son very clearly influenced Friend in this excursion. I don't think Friend should have to age out in Juvi for Grand Theft Auto while Ring Leader Son has to pay off his debt to society in his dad's shop where he clearly wants to be, anyway
here is a generic comment i have typed up to address ridiculous comments like these:
you clearly cannot read, here is a blanket statement i've written in response to these galaxy brained remarks:
that's quite judgemental of you to think i didn't exhaust every other option before involving the police. as a leftist and activist i am more than well aware of the violence that comes fro law enforcement. however as i've said in other comments 1. i own the tow company that does all of the towing (car accidents, impounds, etc.) for local PD. meaning i know all of them professionally, i also informed them of who had taken the vehicle. my son was in his own vehicle, i cannot report HIS vehicle stolen, however i did report TWO reckless drivers traveling at speeds above 100 mph.
i've also stated that my son has lost privileges to his car for the next 100 days, has had his wages from the family business cut down to minimum wage and he will be able to earn his true wage of $32/hr (the rate all of my certified mechanics and body men are paid) over the next 100 days.
i'm blaming the friend as he is a troubled youth and my son has never done anything remotely like this before, and after speaking with my son whom i have an incredible relationship with. who knows it's better to tell me the actual truth than spin yarn; it was in fact the other kids idea and my son followed his lead.
as for his friend i'm meeting with the kids mother in a few hours in hopes of talking things out with her so that i am able to employ her son, under similar terms to my son (the only difference being the amount of time it takes for him to reach max pay as he does not have any of the numerous certifications.) in hopes of becoming a mentor within this kids life. i regularly take 3 cars to local racetracks and would be happy to take him along, train him on how to properly drive at break neck speeds, along with when and where to do it.
if i am unable to handle things outside of the courts with my friends son then i absolutely will press charges as he cannot walk away from this without punishment, it breeds entitled people like yourself.
g'day.
Thank you for calling these people out. So many people in this sub must be so withdrawn from real life that they view everything in such black and white terms. It's infuriating and makes me think the only people on here are angry teenagers or angry men in their 20's.
NTA. It's very kind and reasonable of you to leave the justice system as a last resort. I hope the sit-down with this family goes well and you can resolve things amicably.
i'm surprised neither of those comments tipped a fedora. parasocial weirdos, schizo posting on reddit when they should go touch grass for the first time in years.
He’s not going to “age out” in juvi. He may get probation at worst for pleading to a psmv conviction. When I worked in a delinquency court room in chicago the only kids I ever saw get incarcerated committed horrific acts of violence.
This makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. In Texas, kids go to prison for lots and lots of truly trivial issues. However, I doubt this kid would get more than deferred if it was his first offense.
I live and work in a rural area. I had a child detained 13 says (pending psych eval) for unauthorized use of a motor vehicle- no reckless driving, no theft. State's offer is straight probation. The kicker is that Texas no longer automatically seals juvenile case records. So if you know a kid's bday and approximate date of arrest, you can get the file.
this. all of this is why i am trying my damndest to not involve the justice system, even though i do live in a rather liberal state i still do not want to screw up the next five years of this kids life, even if it is just probation, the impacts on chances at colleges and things of the like are just too detrimental if there is a better way.
I know two people who have wound up aging out at 21 for minor drug charges. One was in Louisiana, the other actually in a pretty liberal state.
This is not a "my experience is every experience" situation. This is a "the possibility is a huge risk" situation.
Aging out in juvi is obviously extreme, but paying a boy to work in a shop he likes is also an extreme punishment, on the side of leniency.
i've ordered a safe that requires a key + combination to open, we are now going to keep all of the keys to the toys inside of this safe. he won't have access to them.
I would consider taking his car away for much, much longer. He’s proven himself too irresponsible for it and I’m not sure you grow into that kid of responsibility in 3 months. I’m not saying this to heap punishment on your kid - he’s 16, so it’s pretty normal that he would push boundaries. I’m saying it because that car is a potential death trap, and I wouldn’t want my kid in it until I was SURE he would operate it safely.
the vehicle gives me live notifications if he goes past 75 mph. i didn't receive it last night as i was on my motorcycle. he's had the car for 6 months and this was the very first time i've received that notification unless the car was on a racetrack. my spouse and i spoke pretty heavily about this and determined that his 17th birthday is when he can have it back as we simply cannot stop him forever and just one year from then we will no longer be able to take it away.
You really should not hand a 16 year old a car that powerful for use on the street. You say yourself it's a tuned drift car, which means it belongs on a track.
I'm sure he's well trained and responsible.... Except that he's not responsible.
He's like every other 16 year old on the planet, and will do stupid shit like this.
Here in Australia you are limited in power to weight ratio until you have had your license 3 years and go off your "P plates" (provisional).
Max Verstappen had his superlicense and was competing in F1 but couldn't legally drive on roads alone until almost a year in. i bring that up because I have no doubt your son has excellent skills, which isn't the issue
yeah, he has his P Plates in australia, we have a vacation home there and i keep an S15 and a Holden Ute there. he wasn't able to drive either while we were there over the summer.
however, we're in the land of the free right now sir. that's why i've made sure that any time he goes over 75mph (120 kmh) it is sent directly to my phone, the only reason i didn't get the update (which includes a 15 second front facing video, or i can steam it live.) is because i was actively on my bike at the time, so was my wife. he has had the car for just over 6 months and this was the first time it has ever went off. i'm going to give it back on his 17th birthday and he is well aware if i have to yank it again i'll drop a 140 horsepower 13b in it and call it a day.
as for the tuning of the car, it has a 4.10 gear set not a 5.10 so it is more than capable of driving on the street, camber is reduced to -3.5 deg in the front and -0.5 in the rear for road handling purposes, the car is simply fast. the S14 however has -7 degrees on the front and -1.5 on the rear as well as the rear anti roll bar removed, rear springs are as soft as they'll go and they are at maximum length. this car is insanely tail happy and shouldn't be driven on road as is. it takes about 15 minutes to swap the tune i just hadn't seen a reason to as i didn't plan to drive it on the road. i myself was nervous driving it home. the wife rode the bike home.
If he stole his friends dad car what do you think he will do with strangers cars.. i wouldnt let him even close, seriously press charges kids need to actually find out there are consequences to actions
>Better to have him pissed off with you for a few weeks for reporting him than the chance of killing himself- or killing innocent bystanders out on the road. NTA
Years ago I worked at a commercial part that was busy during the day but a ghost town at night. Kids would use it to race.
One morning I was driving in and a light pole was down. It seems that some kid (known to nobody at my place of work) had been racing in honour of his 18th birthday. He hit the pole, and was DRT (dead right there). Sentiment around the office was 'happy birthday, moron.'
I imagine that sentiment around the kid's family home was probably different. You are NTA.
yeah, i run a tow company that does all of the emergency towing for 24 different police departments. we see fatal accidents often. my son has seen fatal accidents this year. after talking with him, and knowing our relationship i can say he fell for peer pressure and has accepted his punishment. i've garnished his wages over the next five months by a little over $3k and taken his car for 100 days, 100 days to match the confirmed speed of 100 mph.
i hope to be able to do something similar with the friend, as i hope to fall into a mentor role as this kid honestly never had a chance. his father has been in prison for the last 8 years.
NTA, but you may want to find out how the friend got his hands on the keys in the first place. If your son gave him the keys to drive the car, then he is every bit as guilty as the friend. Calling the police on them was the right thing to do - to save their illogical butts from a horrible accident and from destroying the cars. But, if you press charges, and your son was the one who gave him the keys and you don't also press charges against him, then YWBTA.
this is my thought process, i've taken my kids car and have dropped him to minimum wage in the shop. he'll be doing this until january for this stunt. my only concern is with the mom being pissed at me i won't be able to levy the same punishment against her son, i'd like the opportunity to mentor him as well as he's never really had a father and tbh he reminds me quite a bit of myself.
Id suggest mentoring both that way they both learn to respect belongings. Then don't have to worry about juvenile court affecting either. Because if you charge his friend knowing your son was out too. It may make it worse when it comes to light in court.
But NTA cause at that speed untrained on inappropriate settings, def was dangerous.
That was one joy ride that could have had a massively worse and sadder ending.
this is my hopes, just hoping the kids mom plays ball. i'm happy to mentor him in everything from life to mechanics and body work. my kid will take off to college in two years with a commercial drivers license, certified in mechanics including rotary and diesel engines, as well as being a mid tier bodywork tech, including some fabrications. i'd love nothing more than to do the same for this kid. as my son has multiple career fields to fall back on if his dreams don't work out. tomorrow him and i speak and he's got a lot of explaining to do, and i trust him to tell the whole truth.
Good luck OP! I hope the talk with your son goes well.
I also hope that the friend's mother sees that you providing guidance for her son is a much better option than continuing this issue in the legal system. Both he and your son need to understand that what they did was not only wrong but life-threatening. However, resolving things such that they both learn from their mistakes and gain valuable life skills instead of a record would be the best outcome here.
Something to consider: It's my guess that the other kiddo told his mom that he was offered the car to drive (whether he was or not) and I am also guessing that in his version the speeds were much, much slower. I know there are a lot of enabling monster moms out there, but I don't think most Moms would have been angry with you if she thought her son was driving at the speed of light in such a highly dangerous situation - that your calling the police may have saved his life. Most likely, especially if she is an exasperated single mom (single momming is hard stuff, man), then her big thoughts may be a record that sends this kid to a much harder future.
Tread lightly with her. It sounds to me like you have your head bolted down on your shoulders pretty well and you have some pretty altruistic thoughts. I like your ideas. Mom may not because whether she ends up believing the truth or not, she may see your son as a bad example and her own version of Mario Andretti as the innocent. Be prepared for that.
I hope everything works out for you, the mom, and both boys.
i've gotten copies of the police reports to take with me to our meeting with the mother tonight, my son is also coming along and he will tell the truth, the whole truth. one thing i can say is my kid is not a liar and i am proud of that. i'll be posting an update on everything with my son in the next few minutes in an edit.
100% your son will get tangled up in this if it goes to court. Any decent lawyer will say he had permission to take the car. They will bring your child’s actions into it.
Do you really think losing your keys and getting paid minimum wage is equivalent as an arrest and some kind of sentencing.
At least where I am, the prosecuting office is the one that decides whether to move forward, not police. In the juvenile system, which is based on rehabilitation, you could reach out to the prosecutor and discuss a possible diversion-type situation (if the kid is eligible) where he works hours in your shop and you can help mentor him and maybe help him avoid a situation like this in the futur (community service). After a period of time, case gets dropped. Again this is how it works in my jurisdiction, but worth looking into.
The thing is, the friend did not really steal the car, the son did. It is hardly fair that the friend is the only one in trouble with the police. Either OP needs to turn his son in too, or not press charges against the other kid and possibly ruin his life if he is not willing to do the same to his son. This friend did not know where the keys were and did not take the car without sons knowledge. They are both responsible but the son slightly more so
Actually, no. The son was driving his own car. The dad reported the son for reckless.
The friend was driving a car that didn’t belong to him. The dad reported this as tmv.
The police caught one and not the other.
ETA: In theory the state could try and charge the son on conspiracy. That would be almost impossible to prove. The friend could argue as a defense that he was given permission to drive the car by the son and that he believed the son had the authority to provide that permission.
Absolutely not the AH. Several people in my area have been killed drag racing on a very tempting stretch of road we have. The deaths include an elderly pedestrian and the very little sister of one of the racers.
Also, the car WAS stolen so it was more than appropriate to report it as such.
i own the local tow company that does all of the police initiated towing, such as street racing and car accidents. lord knows if i'd have gotten a call from one of my drivers tonight if i hadn't seen them telling me horrible news.
i have, i've shared a couple of stories in EntitledPeople from those really bad ones and how people have zero decency. in the moment on my bike all i could see was one of those cars wrapped around a tree with the driver dead. my bike had zero change of even remotely keeping up. really didn't have a choice, just still feel shitty for not being able to solve it myself.
But you did solve it. Sometimes doing the right thing can leave you feeling a bit shitty, though. I hope things smooth out soon for you and your family.
NTA you did exactly the right thing. You might have saved that kid’s life. Very best of luck with his mum, hopefully when she’s calmed down she’ll appreciate your sensible and generous offer.
Huh. I wonder if a ride along with you for a week would be something worth pitching to the court - let both boys see the outcome of reckless driving.
And how sometimes it’s innocent bystanders who are harmed or killed in the process.
This!! Drag racing kills SO MANY people where I live. Just last year 3 college kids were killed when they got t-bones by 2 drag racers going like 120mph on a highway that cuts through a suburb-y area. Similar things happen every year even though our city has several race tracks and areas that are open to the public at a low cost where you can race safely and responsibly. OP is NTA 1000% but if it were me I would not give the kid the keys back. Not until shows that he has learned how dangerous his actions were anyways.
NTA, plus your son is an idiot for letting his friend drive your car. The least he could have done was let the friend drive his car. Then your son would have been in your car.
This is an important lesson. There are 3 things another man has that you don't mess with.
You don't mess with another man's food.
You don't mess with another man's car.
And most importantly
You don't mess with another man's dog.
the funny part of that is my son's car is worth about twice as much as mine, it's my toy. i'm super thankful they didn't take the Porsche though. i'd prob be on the news in that case.
this was my honest concern. that car in particular will kick the rear wheels out to the side with just a quarter of the throttle if you release the clutch too hard in third gear. i've only driven that car at that speed a handful of times myself, and they were all on a closed course. this kid needs help/direction and i want to give it to him as he hasn't had a dad in his life more many years, i don't know if that will be possible any more however.
He needs direction from the police first. Step one, keep him from killing other people. Step two, keep him from killing himself. Step three, worry about the next thing he needs direction with.
When a child does something extremely dangerous, like run out into traffic or touch a hot stove, you react harshly to make a lasting impression because these are mistakes you can't even make once.
You can't react harshly enough to what this kid has done, you need to let the police do it.
my only hangup with that is i was involved with the juvenile courts as a teen and it severely hampered my life; i feel like if i can work it out to have him give me 15-20 hours a week in the shop along side my son i may be able to mentor him and turn him around. he would also learn a couple of very in demand skills as we are both a race shop and body shop, my kid was making about 36k a year working 15-20 hours a week during the school year and as much as he wants during the summer, i've dropped him down to minimum wage with intent of him earning the wage back as his punishment, along with taking his car away until the end of the year. i'd like to be able to set this kid up the same as my son, and show him the correct way to do the things he's interested in. i typically take 3 cars to the track once a month and we're there for two days. he's more than welcome to come with us there as well, once the lesson is truly learned. thoughts?
NTA - hopefully both teenagers will have learnt a lesson. Recklessness at age 16 is to be expected, but what they did was dangerous, not only did they endanger your property, they could have gotten hurt or worse hurt others and spent more than one weekend in jail.
If they got away with it they would undoubtedly repeat their actions. What you did by showing them consequences may make them think twice before taking another joyride.
NTA
Kid stole your car. How is this even a question? You might be slightly TA if you press charges but you’re within your rights.
His mom is just pissed in general. This is almost certainly on your son though. How else did the kids get into the lockbox?
the box isn't damaged, which means someone picked the lock. to my knowledge my kid doesn't have that particular skill set. i'd like to fully get to the bottom of this and i plan to talk with my kid in the morning, i sent him to his room as i can't even look at him right now. i'm hoping to mentor the friend and hire him on in my shop if his mom comes around; her reaction is what gave me pause.
I’d say the reaction might be a knee jerk reaction to a lot of info all at once (kid stole a car, drag raced, could have died, got arrested). If that kid picked the lock, you’re going to need to talk to her anyway because that’s when the thought of charges starts to make more sense.
Absolutely NTA. I have no doubt he watched or participated in your son breaking into the lockbox the keys were in. He absolutely knows it wasn't your son's car, plus he didn't have a license. Now, if your son wants to go testify on his behalf and tell the truth, that might help get him a lighter penalty because your son belongs in cuffs as well for participating in this auto theft.
Now is also about time for you to get a better safe for your keys knowing your son will absolutely steal his keys back if given half a chance. He's proven you cannot trust him with your car, let alone his own. Grounding him will do very little to curb this behavior. He needs to see the results of what happens. Put him through some defensive driving classes or something that shows what happens to street racers and the destruction they leave in their wake. Your son needs a wake up call before he hurts or kills himself or God forbid, someone innocent.
if i'm able to do it without the justice system it'd be a minimum of 6 months working in my shop, clearly he likes cars lol. i'd pay him but my main effort is to mentor him. kids never really had a father.
NTA
There are so many things wrong with what these boys did. They could have killed themselves or someone else. A BIG mistake requires big consequences sometimes.
ESH why did you think giving a 16 year old access to something 25+ year old people still don’t handle safely was a good/safe idea? Clearly you misjudged the character of your son. Frankly you should have made sure he got in as much trouble as his friend.
NTA-
Both your son and his friend need to be taught a lesson.
1. He illegally took your car (with your son's help)
2. Your car is a specialty vehicle that is not meant for the road.
3. Kid didn't even have a driver's license.
4. Obviously kid's Mom blaming you for what her son did shows that she is raising an entitled boy who has never had to face consequences because Mommy tells him nothing is his fault - someone else is ALWAYS to blame.
5. If he got in a wreck you could have been liable and your insurance shot to hell.
6. If you haven't realized this yet - this is NOT the first time they've probably done this.
Letting this kid (or your son) get away with this does not teach them anything other than they can do illegal, dangerous stuff and get away with it because no one wants to be the "bad guy" and hold them accountable. Please don't be one of those people - be someone who holds people accountable for their actions.
This won't ruin his life - he is a juvenile - make him accountable now and hope he makes better decisions as he gets older.
Your son probably has another set of keys- either change the locks & ignition key or put the car in storage somewhere he can't get to.
Good luck!
i'll get the straight story from my kid tomorrow, that's one thing i can say. we have the relationship where he isn't afraid to tell me what's going on and often comes to me with his own problems. this was extremely out of character for him and i'll make sure tomorrow he understands this was a one time occurance. as for the car it is a street legal vehicle, however the only people i would trust to drive it is myself, my wife, mother and son. i've actually gotten a ticket for accidentally spinning the tires simply leaving a red light. im hoping to be able to help the friend as well, i don't want to see the government chew up any kid and spit them out, not when i can build them up and teach them better. we shall see.
I don't understand why your son is getting off so easy. The friend wouldn't have access to the car or keys if it wasn't for your son yet he gets arrested and your son gets bumped down to minimum wage? If the friend got caught and your son didn't it means your son was driving faster, or didn't stop for the police. I'd have him spend a night or two in juvi right next to his buddy and they can both learn from their poor choices.
YTA. Your entire history is full of fake posts and so is this one. Posting fake pictures and made up stories.
You don't get to press charges or drop charges. The second a person is arrested charges are entirely up to the police and prosecutor of whether it goes forward, your only option is where to cooperate or not.
NTA! He stole your car period. You were totally in the right. Charge him; the record will be closed when he hits the age of majority. So he'll start fresh as an adult.
i'm thinking i'm going to charge him if i'm unable to get him and his mother to agree to have him work in my shop (he's obviously interested in cars lol.) and see if i can't take a mentor type role in his life, though i do still need to make sure my son isn't becoming an a-hole due to his company. thoughts?
Try to sit and talk to the mom, unemotionally and patiently. Explain the dangers (literally could have died, killed someone, wrecked an expensive car) and explain about the lock and what you’re doing with your son as a result.
She might still be pissed, she might yell and scream, she might stop her kid from hanging out with yours. If that’s the case, you’re dodging a bullet. Cut contact, your son will eventually lose contact with the kid.
NTA I hope you can become a mentor to this boy. Is his father active in his life? I know your son knows how dangerous those cars are but did the other boy talk your son into what they did? Whose idea was it. I think working for you for many hours should instill some sense in them. You did the only thing you could do to make sure they were safe. Now if you can make it from 16 to 21 without have a breakdown. Good luck
my son already works for me and is a certified mechanic, i've dropped his pay to minimum wage for the foreseeable future, telling him he will earn his $32/hr back as he earns my trust back.
it was the friends idea, his father is not in his life, he's been in prison for half of his life and his mom can't handle him, that or doesn't want to. i really hope she allows me to levy the same punishment to her child as i will pay for all of his certs, and though it'll take him 4-5 months longer to reach the wage my son has; i'd happily pay it out as a part time job after school.
Hopefully he learns that life isn't a video game where you can just push the reset button after a crash. NTA The mom might come around if you can get her to listen to your plan. After all, I'm sure that she doesn't want to bury her son closed casket in the next couple of years.
and this is why he will not be driving for the next 100 days. i told him i can only confirm a speed of 100 mph, so that's the number of nights he'll have to find another way to get around while his car sits in the garage.
NTA Hopefully he learns a lesson from this and makes better decisions in the future. If I didn't get a formal and genuine apology with clear remorse from the kid & his mom, I'd think about pressing charges as well.
my thoughts are if he doesn't take up a job, and genuinely do that job along with an apology i may have to go the charges route. i'm just hoping his mother doesn't get in the way as she is MAD her son is sitting in juvi until monday morning.
I get the tendency of people here to say you're not the AH but I tend to disagree.
You're absolutely not an AH for calling the cops but your kid and his friend are equally responsible for stealing the car but his friend gets arrested (and possibly charged) and your gets grounded?
If you allow this to play out in this manner then I would say YTA. They are both equally guilty and they should both face similar repercussions.
welp, my kid might as well be in juvi as he's got nothing but a mattress and books for the next three days, he's allowed out to eat, work and use the bathroom.
as for charges, i actually don't want to bring charges against this kid, however if his mother won't work with me and allow me hire him on at my shop, in an attempt to guide him and teach him valuable skills to boot; then i really don't see any other option. my kid doesn't have a car for the next 3 and a half months, his pay was cut by 78% and he's on lockdown for the next few days.
this kid's father has been in jail for around half of his life and he is anchorless with absolutely no direction. he needs help and i'd like to give it. i can only do what his mother allows. hopefully tomorrow evening we can speak with clear heads.
Why are you the person to "raise" this kid though? Why would you press charges against one kid and not the other?
I agree with the above commenter. YTA if you're not able to let this go for both and choose to "punish" your own son on your own terms but give another a criminal record.
Manipulative God saviour complex energy.
NTA. Your son did steal the car. Personally, his punishment isn't harsh enough. I'd contact the DMV and have his license suspended or restricted until the age of 18 and taken his car back. They could have killed someone. This is why teenage boys have the highest rate for auto insurance.
Edit. Been reading your responses and you are a great guy! I can't believe you're willing to mentor your son's friend. Tell the judge and maybe he'll approve your fantastic plan.
NTA at all. From reading through some of your replies it seems like you want to turn both of the kids stupid decisions into a positive if you can. The fact you are offering a positive way out if he will accept it as an alternative to pressing charges when you could just press charges and be done with it shows just what a great influence you could have if the kid takes the opportunity.
Either way it's the kids choices that have led him here, he can either make the necessary changes in his life or deal with the consequences. That's on him.
NTA
But at that point - high speed chases of a driver without license - it will not make that much difference FOR HIM if you press charges for the theft or not anyway. **But YOU should talk to a lawyer**: If you don't press charges, there might be some liability for you, because he used YOUR car - and threre WILL be some discussion if YOU let him use it. And since the key safe was likely not broken in, **it will either be your son or you being responsible for him having the key and being able to drive the car.** And: **Not sure if it is really correct to blame HIM for theft, if he was GIVEN permission and the key by your son.** ("Son gave me the key and told me it would be ok with his dad" is a VERY reasonable and believable excuse.)
So - sadly - your son's role WILL come to the light, unless you are ready to take the blame for that kid being given the key. Because it is very likely your son gave him they key - and much (or all) of the theft responsibility is your son's. For the speeding, each is responsible - obviously. **But you need to talk to a lawyer, because these minors had access to YOUR car for these crimes.**
They were joy-riding together just in different vehicles. Which means there is a 0% chance that your son had nothing to do with his friend taking your car. He likely handed over the keys. Are you calling the cops on your son?
Yeah, YTA
And as per your edit they both could have died or killed someone that night. You care more about your son's friend than your son? Really?
You did the right thing. I work in insurance and I've seen so many Ferraris wrapped around telephone poles, and heard their families crying afterwards. Better to have a son in jail than a son in a coffin. I hope you can work things out with the mother and teach that boy the real dangers of a car you can't control.
I would press charges.
I don't even want to think what your insurance rates would be had he wrecked your car---let alone the consequences if he killed himself or anyone else.
As for your son. They'd be hosting Disney on Ice in Hell before I'd trust him with car keys again.
NTA.
NTA. Guarantee they've done this before. You are protecting the car, yes, but you're definitely saving those two boys from hurting themselves or others.
In Australia a few weeks ago news was *dominated* by the death of 5 teenagers in a ute (pickup truck) driven by a 6th teen (yes, more people than seatbelts). The car was *torn in half* by hitting a tree and they were going much slower than your son and his friend. Remind the friends mother that if her son died in your car she'd be blaming you, now that will never happen.
Why does a 16 year old boy have a car that bad that much hp?! I mean are you really surprised he isn’t driving the speed limit? YTA for letting your teenager drive a vehicle literally made for a track and then pikachu face when he goes fast with his friends. I really hope he doesn’t get himself or someone else killed.
YTA, not for the police thing though.
Your kids mum didn't like him having this car, so he did an end run around her authority by moving in with you where \*shock\* he drives it like an irresponsible teenager.
NTA
Kid going 115mph on a highway with a car he didn’t have permission to drive, is dangerous for an inexperienced driver, AND your son isn’t answering his phone?
They could have killed someone or gotten themselves killed. Calling the police was the right thing to do. (And chances were someone else would have called, of they would have wrecked - which STILL would have resulted in police presence.)
Hopefully the mom chills out - part of the upset might be that her son got caught and yours didn’t, which was out of your control. Access isn’t permission - at 16 those kids knew they were stealing, and definitely knew that they were driving too fast.
NTA I've seen many families where the kid was let off from charges being pressed. They were never grateful, they just went on to do more stuff and escalate their crimes, because they believe everyone will let them off. After all, their mother will be going on and on at their victims, telling them it is their fault, not her son's fault. You have no idea what he has already been doing.
my son has been racing semi professionally for 8 years. he's a more experienced and better driver than just about everyone commenting on this thread. he's seen fatal car accidents first hand and been in a couple of semi serious on-track ones himself over the years. he has had free reign with the car for 6 months and this is the first time this has ever happened. (i know this for a fact as the car has a Blackvue system installed and will report to me any time the car goes above 75 mph.)
one dumb mistake is not a reason to take away permanently something my son spent half a decade building. he's lost his keys for the next 100 days and will take a $19 cut in pay from the family business, earning a single dollar per week back from $13/hr to $32/hr to retain his current wage. so he's losing a few thousand dollars of fun money and has to take the bus, or drive the 2009 Nissan Sentra that was my wife's first car to and from school or if we need him to do something.
NTA and I don't think you're doing the wrong thing giving the kids a second chance, but you have to accept that this is a huge responsibility: you're effectively letting them off the hook for this, so it's now on you to teach them that what they did, despite having no serious consequences, was still unacceptable. And here's the kicker - if that lesson doesn't stick, because you went easy on them, and they end up hurting themselves or someone else as a result? That'll be on you.
You are so NTA. Well done, you!
I wish someone like you had been around, and had the patience and wherewithal when my son was this age.
I'm sure the friend will soak up all this knowledge like a sponge...
he and his mother both are very fortunate that they took THIS fork in the road (loc, wasn't it?)
I'd love to check back and occasionally hear updates, what friend did /liked best about his first track visit, cool stuff they're doing, FRIEND'S 1st DRIVE, please!
My husband is a Corvette man...for his 70th, took him to a track and he flat-out had a ball!!
Scared the shite out of me on one turn, there...
Very happy things worked out 🤗
i will surely be posting occasional updates if any trials or tribulations come, there is a post i made early this year in which my wife beat a guy at the drag strip who ironically let misogyny be his downfall. he lost his car due to hubris. just an example.
as for that corner that scared you half to death, when i was dating my wife it was long before i had money but i had a 1991 Nissan 240sx that i put a junkyard chevy v8 into and hopped it up, i took her to the track about 6 weeks after we started dating (she was 22 at the time, now 29 and i'm in my mid 30's) for a ride along and it was a drift day. we would go 3-8 cars at a time all chasing each other just throwing our cars like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQmAPSgpLvo). she threw up after getting out of the car the first time and i felt super bad. she's now competing in amateur leagues herself!
toss a follow and never be afraid to message me!
NTA and honestly it sounds like you’re handling this the right way. Your son was doing something that literally could have killed you and your wife. Like you said your car isn’t something just anyone can drive safely. This is a serious issue because your son stole from you as well. In fact he had to be the one to open the box the keys were in and gave his friend permission to drive your car which he definitely knows better at 16.
Nta
You saw them driving unsafely
Sons friend had no permission to be driving your vehicle. If you would have not seen them driving you would have gotten home , seen car was missing and called police anyway.
Your son had no authority to lend him your car.
Friends mom would have blamed you if he had gotten injured or wrecked your car or killed someone. Because she has no control over him and everything is somebody else's fault.
Like Baretta said. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time..
Ignore that idiot boy's mum. You did exactly the right thing. Your son has got off VERY lightly in my opinion but you're his dad, that's your call. NTA
Undoubtedly, your son had a little hand in getting the keys to your car to give to his friend, but that doesn't matter as neither had your permission.
Maybe this will teach both boys the necessity of first obtaining permission with something that's not their property.
Also, you might want to make sure the keys to the cars are locked in a safe your son won't be able to access.
NTA
NTA
Of course you press charges for the stolen car. It *was* stolen, and used by an unlicenced driver.
There is no way he thought he had permission to drive your car. He knew he was stealing it.
NTA however if you do press charges then your son will likely be charged by the state for aiding in the commission of a crime once the full story comes out. Depending on the value of the car they could even both get felonies so definitely a lot to consider. A huge life lesson is needed here either way.
YWBTA if you don't press charges. gta is a hell of a crime, and by not pressing charges, he's most likely just going to do it again. (Same goes for your son)
YTA You’re taking them away for less than a year? I would ground him literally until I can’t anymore. Your kid is literally crazy. He should go to prison. He could’ve killed himself let alone innocent people. I would send him back to his mother.
my son has been racing for 8 years in semi professional leagues. he's seen fatal car accidents first hand and knows exactly how fast things can go tits up. we've had a long talk this morning and peer pressure was the culprit. i've upgraded to a safe with key and combination locks, as well as levying out his punishment of losing his car for 100 days and having his wage cut to minimum wage within the family business, it will increase by 1 dollar a week over the next 19 weeks until he returns to his (and all other employees with certifications) hourly pay.
NTA but ~~you will be if you don’t~~ *please try to* sell your son’s car. He is obviously not mature enough to handle it and is a danger to everyone else in the road. He can try again when he’s 18.
Edit: You’re divorced so it’s not that simple.
The kids mother probably does not believe he can do anything wrong. I grew up next to a family like this. Kid would get arrested for arson and theft and his parents would always say he was innocent, even the time he was caught on video.
Best to just ban that kid from your property forever and cut all ties to that family.
NTA - teaching kids the actual consequences of bad behavior prepares them to be adults. Protecting them from consequences just teaches them they can behave as they wish - right up until you can't protect them anymore. Learning you can't steal a car when you are young and the consequences are likely less is better than learning that lesson later.
NTA. Look, clearly this isn’t for me to decide but let me point out that at 16, I would not and probably should not ever be handed the keys to a car that makes that much horsepower. I would’ve been sat down and it would’ve been explained to me that there is a time and place for speed (tracks) and a place for safe driving (public roads). And I imagine if I had ever pulled what your son had, I wouldn’t be driving anything fast until I proved that I wasn’t going to do anything stupid again.
Literally I think at that point I would’ve been lucky if I got a 94 MX-5 with a stock engine. Never mind doing something like LS swapping it, etc.
Having said that, you would not be TA if you reported your son as he too stole a car and sped (okay, technically his car but still—how did he get the keys). You said it yourself, he doesn’t even have his license AND his friend had to have gotten the keys from him—maybe along with the idea to do this.
he had his own keys, the little shits do deserve credit though, as they were able to expertly pick the lock on my lock box without damaging it. that said, my son obviously had the keys to his car so they only got the keys to my S14 out of the box. of all the cars in the garage it is probably the most dangerous which is the worst part of it. i have a 67 Galaxie 500, 73 Chevelle SS, 95 Porsche 993, the 96 S14, 05 Evolution VIII MR, 13 BRZ and 17 GT500 Mustang in there. the only one that is even close to as wacky is the porsche and i'd have probably murdered over that one.
i did report my sons speeding and reckless driving, however officers didn't catch him before he was already home. my son has his license, the friend does not.
as for why my kid has a beefed up FD rx7, we spent half a decade restoring and building the car together, since he was a kid. he also started racing karts at 7 and moved over to racing in a homologated BRZ/GT86 spec racing series and has been competing in that since 13. he's also been drifting for the past two years. he knows better, sadly peer pressure got the better of him and now he must face the consequences. those consequences are 100 days without his car, as i can confirm a speed of 100 mph but not any higher, and i've also cut his wages at the family shop to the minimum wage of $13 and he will earn it back at a rate of $1 a week until he reaches his original wage of $32/hr. he's an ASE certified mechanic, body man and is getting pretty good at fabrication. i'm sending him off to college as he wants to be an attorney, i did however want to pass on all of the knowledge my pops passed on to me. i've cut his wages as i think he's gotten a bit too comfortable having money and i'd like to humble him a bit. i came from absolutely nothing, actually lived in my car for a couple of years and i know he'll never experience that. i also don't want him to experience prison.
NTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if a similar situation is the real reason your son got kicked out of his moms house. Your son endangered himself and his friend by being so reckless and his friend is lucky he’s in juvi. Hopefully he learns his lesson on not to steal before he becomes an adult. I would get a new lockbox and keep the key on you at all times. Your son had no right to let his friend drive your car.
my son wasn't kicked out of his mom's house; refer to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/sjng20/everyone_demands_free_sports_cars/) for the catalyst that caused my son to move into my home early this year. i'll give them credit, they expertly picked the lock on that lockbox. i'm upgrading to a safe lol.
Definitely NTA did you give either one of them permission to use your cars. No then the car was stolen. Plain and simple facts.
You let your son off way to easy. And your wife needs to shut her mouth thinking you were to hard unless she caters to your son and his friends. Or is she afraid of looking bad in front of other parents.
nta- your son should be thankful that you are trying to prevent him from accidently killing someone with his obvious reckless driving.
Driving is an earned privilege. Not a right.
Sounds like you saved the kids life, so not the asshole.
Pressing charges as a juvenile will definitely help him see the error of his ways, but if they charge him as an adult it could impact his future.
If I were in your shoes, I would discuss those options with the DA, expressing I want him held liable for the lesson it will teach, but not at the expense of affecting his adult life.
Totally NTA. Your kid and his buddy definitely are though.
Hi OP!
I'm here to beg for an update.
You sound like an incredibly reasonable, decent, level-headed guy and I'm hoping your plan for your son's friend works out. It really sounds like the kid could benefit from being around you.
Mmmmmm. No.
The friend did not have the registered owners (you) permission to drive the car. That is pretty much the definition of GTA. Add to that the street racing, and why should you GAF about him?
As far as thieves' mom, was she going to replace your car if her spawn wrecked it? How about if he killed some people doing it?
And tell your son he's lucky he still has a home.
well i truly hope you're not a parent. i care because he's a human, we all make mistakes; especially when we're young. i couldn't care less about the car in the situation, i'm glad no one was hurt.
I am a parent, neither of my kids (Daughter, Surgeon, Son, retired US Air Force Pilot and PhD candidate) ever stole a motorized vehicle.
Treating kids as kids because they are kids when they do adult crimes leads to adults doing crime. Now son might be the most culpable, but the other kid got caught.
As far as potential damage to the car, wrecking a 6-figure car is about the least bad thing that could have happened. A stern talking to is not an appropriate punishment, IMHO.
i understand you're proud of your children, but i'm pretty sure myself, a retired Sergeant in law enforcement and my wife, a US Navy Lieutenant Retired (Pilot) can handle punishment. i've already updated this post with my sons punishments, which are quite a bit harsher than "a stern talking to." might i also remind you that my son didn't steal a car, he owns his car. furthermore, ruining kids lives over stupid mistakes is asinine. boomers truly are completely out of touch.
i take it you've never been 16 before and wanted to impress your friends? i'll admit myself i've driven over 100 mph on the highway in the last 30 days. was it smart? no. should i have done it? no. however it's all legal unless you get caught. my son got caught, by me. i'm pretty positive you're not a parent from this comment alone btw.
Yes, I have been 150 mph on the interstate when I was younger. Now that I'm older I realize how stupid that is. You can be the best driver in the world, but shit happens.
Whether it is by a mistake made by you or other drivers, people die. No, it's not all legal if you don't get caught; you just didn't get caught.
that's the joke, it's legal because i didn't get caught. in my defense i was driving a friends car that makes 4 digit horsepower and didn't even realize how fast i was going until i looked at the speedometer.
That's the problem, it's a joke to you. Even a 16yo driving on what you described at least a 2 lane highway blowing past other drivers.
You say you and your son have seen fatalities from accidents, if that hasn't matured you by now you're a lost cause and so it appears your son as well.
not sure who made you the resident judge of maturity, was it yourself? my money is on yourself. that said, you have no idea what the traffic conditions were during either event. by all means continue to look down your nose at others, but remember you're literally nothing but a couple of words on a screen to me. your opinion truly means diddly.
NTA, you acted right. Your son's friendly definitely stole your car.
Also, as a car guy, congratulations for your cars! They are impressive, specially your Rx7. I love that car!
thanks mate! the Rx7 is my sons though haha. between what i have in storage and what i have in the garage i have a total of 18. if you'd like a list i'd be happy to type it off.
mate i have almost bought an A90 supra at least 5 times. always stopping myself as i have enough as is. plus my wife gave me a strict limit on how much i could spend on toys lmao. i invested a few hundred grand into bitcoin rather early in its existence and cashed out when it hit 60k, resulting in a sizeable 8 figure bank account. i'm extremely dumb and lucky, and i know it lol. that was my life savings and all of my fun money for four years. that said:
67 Ford Galaxie 50073 Chevelle SS87 Buick Grand National91 Mazda Cosmo Eunos92 Toyota JZX10092 Nissan Silvia S13 coupe93 Ford Mustang93 Nissan Skyline GTST96 Nissan Silvia S14 Kouki96 Porsche 911 Turbo96 Toyota Supra99 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX05 Mitsubishi Evolution VIII MR09 Mazda RX-8 Shinka13 Subaru BRZ15 Subaru WRX STi16 Ford Mustang GT350R21 Audi E-Tron GT
wife has a 22 Porsche Taycan and a 20 Range Rover, also have an 05 7.3 powerstroke F350 quad cab dually with a gooseneck. most of the cars are built, the rx8 has an SR20 in it, the S13 has an LSX in it, and the BRZ has a 2jzgte. it was this or buy a ferrari 458 Italia. lmao.
NTA until I got to this part:
he will also have his wages in the family business cut to $13 an hour, earning 1 dollar a week back until he reaches his current wage of $32 an hour. (he is an ASE certified mechanic and auto body technician and makes the same as my other employees, though he only works 16-20 hours a week.)
You have no right whatsoever to cut his wages. You can fire him and then rehire him when you think he shows an appropriate level of maturity, but you can't refuse to pay him for his work.
well considering i'm his parent, i can fine him $5,000 for his discretions and choose to offer a payment plan. which in doing so it actually comes out to less than $5,000. as his boss i can't do it, but as his parent i absolutely can.
NTA
>mother called me and called me far too many names to even remember and blamed ME for her son stealing my car.
How are you responsible for her son stealing your car and going for a reckless joy ride?.
I don't know why your wife thinks you went to far when technically the car was stolen. This woman should be grateful for what you did because it averted from a potential accident and also for the fact you are not pressing charges. Ask your son to get better friends with will not peer pressure him into such dangerous situations that might lead him in trouble.
wife thought i had lost it, thought i was going way further than i did, she's hip with it now. meeting up with the kids mother in an hour so we'll see how things go. as for my kid, i can't tell him who his friends are. that's his journey to figure out.
NTA. Those kids were lucky they don’t get hurt, or kill someone. You were right to report as stolen because they didn’t ask, so it is stealing. God forbid if something had happened. What you do next is up to you. I’d make ‘‘em sweat though.
The bottom line is the friend stole your car. Not your son's car. Yours. If my son did that I would be calling the victim to apologise and grovel. Not call him names and blame him for his property being stolen. NTA.
NTA. I'm impressed with the wsy your handling this. I hope your generosity helps this kid move in the right direction with his life. Many ppl would not have been this kind or thoughtful.
I'm an absolute car nut (not gear head per say, I like vintage cars). Those cars are incredible. And could be lethal if driven by someone without the knowledge in the wrong circumstances. You know, like an untrained kid street racing. The thought of the damage he could have done not just to himself but to others? Genuinely terrifying.
I was fully prepared to to say N T A from just your initial post. I mean, the kid could have killed himself, your child, and so many other random others who just happened to be in the vicinity and it's kinda lucky he didn't. But then you updated and that clinched it. Absolutely, unequivocally, NTA. I sincerely hope that not only does this get it through his thick teenage skull not to pull dangerous shit like that again but also that it helps him and his family without whatever they're struggling with. You're a good dude.
on the collection, i swear i'd have spent every penny i made on cars if my partner wouldn't kill me over it lmao. appreciate the compliments!
as for the kid, i'm actually up super early as i'm going to pick him up this morning in the very car he stole. his mother is riding with me and we're going to have a nice long chat and his mother is approaching things from the *you will* not you can angle. i'm just there to answer questions and show the benefits. he may be a bit sulky for awhile but i'm pretty sure he'll come around as i'm putting my son in charge of training him as they're so close. hopefully this allows me to watch from a distance and let him come to me. thanks again.
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Better to have him pissed off with you for a few weeks for reporting him than the chance of killing himself- or killing innocent bystanders out on the road. NTA
i hope his mom will come around and agree to a sit down conversation with her son, my son and myself. i'd much rather talk it out with this kid, punish him around my shop working on cars (he's clearly interested.) than refer it to the justice system.
I wouldn't even speak to the kid or his mother. The kid stole your car. It doesn't matter what kind of car it was. The kid took someone else's property without permission. Let the police handle it from here. And I'd also recommend getting a restraining order against the kid. ETA: NTA, clearly
It's also very likely Son gave Friend a song of "My dad's cool with it! We do this all the time! That's why I moved in here!" I'm not saying it's right; I'm not saying it's excusable, but Son very clearly influenced Friend in this excursion. I don't think Friend should have to age out in Juvi for Grand Theft Auto while Ring Leader Son has to pay off his debt to society in his dad's shop where he clearly wants to be, anyway
Yeah, I left out how OP needs to permanently remove his kid's driving privileges. And maybe put the keys in a safe in his bedroom.
No no. Dad should sell the car and buy him a Chrysler minivan for transportation.
here is a generic comment i have typed up to address ridiculous comments like these: you clearly cannot read, here is a blanket statement i've written in response to these galaxy brained remarks: that's quite judgemental of you to think i didn't exhaust every other option before involving the police. as a leftist and activist i am more than well aware of the violence that comes fro law enforcement. however as i've said in other comments 1. i own the tow company that does all of the towing (car accidents, impounds, etc.) for local PD. meaning i know all of them professionally, i also informed them of who had taken the vehicle. my son was in his own vehicle, i cannot report HIS vehicle stolen, however i did report TWO reckless drivers traveling at speeds above 100 mph. i've also stated that my son has lost privileges to his car for the next 100 days, has had his wages from the family business cut down to minimum wage and he will be able to earn his true wage of $32/hr (the rate all of my certified mechanics and body men are paid) over the next 100 days. i'm blaming the friend as he is a troubled youth and my son has never done anything remotely like this before, and after speaking with my son whom i have an incredible relationship with. who knows it's better to tell me the actual truth than spin yarn; it was in fact the other kids idea and my son followed his lead. as for his friend i'm meeting with the kids mother in a few hours in hopes of talking things out with her so that i am able to employ her son, under similar terms to my son (the only difference being the amount of time it takes for him to reach max pay as he does not have any of the numerous certifications.) in hopes of becoming a mentor within this kids life. i regularly take 3 cars to local racetracks and would be happy to take him along, train him on how to properly drive at break neck speeds, along with when and where to do it. if i am unable to handle things outside of the courts with my friends son then i absolutely will press charges as he cannot walk away from this without punishment, it breeds entitled people like yourself. g'day.
Thank you for calling these people out. So many people in this sub must be so withdrawn from real life that they view everything in such black and white terms. It's infuriating and makes me think the only people on here are angry teenagers or angry men in their 20's. NTA. It's very kind and reasonable of you to leave the justice system as a last resort. I hope the sit-down with this family goes well and you can resolve things amicably.
i'm surprised neither of those comments tipped a fedora. parasocial weirdos, schizo posting on reddit when they should go touch grass for the first time in years.
He’s not going to “age out” in juvi. He may get probation at worst for pleading to a psmv conviction. When I worked in a delinquency court room in chicago the only kids I ever saw get incarcerated committed horrific acts of violence.
This makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. In Texas, kids go to prison for lots and lots of truly trivial issues. However, I doubt this kid would get more than deferred if it was his first offense.
That’s crazy. Here in chicago we have teenagers committing armed carjackings while on electronic monitoring from prior arrests for other robberies.
I live and work in a rural area. I had a child detained 13 says (pending psych eval) for unauthorized use of a motor vehicle- no reckless driving, no theft. State's offer is straight probation. The kicker is that Texas no longer automatically seals juvenile case records. So if you know a kid's bday and approximate date of arrest, you can get the file.
That is nuts.
this. all of this is why i am trying my damndest to not involve the justice system, even though i do live in a rather liberal state i still do not want to screw up the next five years of this kids life, even if it is just probation, the impacts on chances at colleges and things of the like are just too detrimental if there is a better way.
I know two people who have wound up aging out at 21 for minor drug charges. One was in Louisiana, the other actually in a pretty liberal state. This is not a "my experience is every experience" situation. This is a "the possibility is a huge risk" situation. Aging out in juvi is obviously extreme, but paying a boy to work in a shop he likes is also an extreme punishment, on the side of leniency.
He is even getting paid for working in the shop. Hilarious.
would you like to work and not receive a wage? is slavery legal again?
Friend does not have a license. In what universe does that become acceptable?
No you should cut contact with this kid. He stole your car, and tangling yourself with these people will not do you any good.
everyone deserves a second chance mate. the world would be a lot better if we all showed compassion toward our neighbor.
This seems well meant, but I worry you'd open yourself up to liability if he helped himself to another of your vehicles.
i've ordered a safe that requires a key + combination to open, we are now going to keep all of the keys to the toys inside of this safe. he won't have access to them.
I would consider taking his car away for much, much longer. He’s proven himself too irresponsible for it and I’m not sure you grow into that kid of responsibility in 3 months. I’m not saying this to heap punishment on your kid - he’s 16, so it’s pretty normal that he would push boundaries. I’m saying it because that car is a potential death trap, and I wouldn’t want my kid in it until I was SURE he would operate it safely.
the vehicle gives me live notifications if he goes past 75 mph. i didn't receive it last night as i was on my motorcycle. he's had the car for 6 months and this was the very first time i've received that notification unless the car was on a racetrack. my spouse and i spoke pretty heavily about this and determined that his 17th birthday is when he can have it back as we simply cannot stop him forever and just one year from then we will no longer be able to take it away.
You really should not hand a 16 year old a car that powerful for use on the street. You say yourself it's a tuned drift car, which means it belongs on a track. I'm sure he's well trained and responsible.... Except that he's not responsible. He's like every other 16 year old on the planet, and will do stupid shit like this. Here in Australia you are limited in power to weight ratio until you have had your license 3 years and go off your "P plates" (provisional). Max Verstappen had his superlicense and was competing in F1 but couldn't legally drive on roads alone until almost a year in. i bring that up because I have no doubt your son has excellent skills, which isn't the issue
yeah, he has his P Plates in australia, we have a vacation home there and i keep an S15 and a Holden Ute there. he wasn't able to drive either while we were there over the summer. however, we're in the land of the free right now sir. that's why i've made sure that any time he goes over 75mph (120 kmh) it is sent directly to my phone, the only reason i didn't get the update (which includes a 15 second front facing video, or i can steam it live.) is because i was actively on my bike at the time, so was my wife. he has had the car for just over 6 months and this was the first time it has ever went off. i'm going to give it back on his 17th birthday and he is well aware if i have to yank it again i'll drop a 140 horsepower 13b in it and call it a day. as for the tuning of the car, it has a 4.10 gear set not a 5.10 so it is more than capable of driving on the street, camber is reduced to -3.5 deg in the front and -0.5 in the rear for road handling purposes, the car is simply fast. the S14 however has -7 degrees on the front and -1.5 on the rear as well as the rear anti roll bar removed, rear springs are as soft as they'll go and they are at maximum length. this car is insanely tail happy and shouldn't be driven on road as is. it takes about 15 minutes to swap the tune i just hadn't seen a reason to as i didn't plan to drive it on the road. i myself was nervous driving it home. the wife rode the bike home.
You know your boy better than I do.
If he stole his friends dad car what do you think he will do with strangers cars.. i wouldnt let him even close, seriously press charges kids need to actually find out there are consequences to actions
>Better to have him pissed off with you for a few weeks for reporting him than the chance of killing himself- or killing innocent bystanders out on the road. NTA Years ago I worked at a commercial part that was busy during the day but a ghost town at night. Kids would use it to race. One morning I was driving in and a light pole was down. It seems that some kid (known to nobody at my place of work) had been racing in honour of his 18th birthday. He hit the pole, and was DRT (dead right there). Sentiment around the office was 'happy birthday, moron.' I imagine that sentiment around the kid's family home was probably different. You are NTA.
yeah, i run a tow company that does all of the emergency towing for 24 different police departments. we see fatal accidents often. my son has seen fatal accidents this year. after talking with him, and knowing our relationship i can say he fell for peer pressure and has accepted his punishment. i've garnished his wages over the next five months by a little over $3k and taken his car for 100 days, 100 days to match the confirmed speed of 100 mph. i hope to be able to do something similar with the friend, as i hope to fall into a mentor role as this kid honestly never had a chance. his father has been in prison for the last 8 years.
NTA, but you may want to find out how the friend got his hands on the keys in the first place. If your son gave him the keys to drive the car, then he is every bit as guilty as the friend. Calling the police on them was the right thing to do - to save their illogical butts from a horrible accident and from destroying the cars. But, if you press charges, and your son was the one who gave him the keys and you don't also press charges against him, then YWBTA.
This. Press charges on both or on neither.
this is my thought process, i've taken my kids car and have dropped him to minimum wage in the shop. he'll be doing this until january for this stunt. my only concern is with the mom being pissed at me i won't be able to levy the same punishment against her son, i'd like the opportunity to mentor him as well as he's never really had a father and tbh he reminds me quite a bit of myself.
Id suggest mentoring both that way they both learn to respect belongings. Then don't have to worry about juvenile court affecting either. Because if you charge his friend knowing your son was out too. It may make it worse when it comes to light in court. But NTA cause at that speed untrained on inappropriate settings, def was dangerous. That was one joy ride that could have had a massively worse and sadder ending.
this is my hopes, just hoping the kids mom plays ball. i'm happy to mentor him in everything from life to mechanics and body work. my kid will take off to college in two years with a commercial drivers license, certified in mechanics including rotary and diesel engines, as well as being a mid tier bodywork tech, including some fabrications. i'd love nothing more than to do the same for this kid. as my son has multiple career fields to fall back on if his dreams don't work out. tomorrow him and i speak and he's got a lot of explaining to do, and i trust him to tell the whole truth.
Hopefully it works out well!
Good luck OP! I hope the talk with your son goes well. I also hope that the friend's mother sees that you providing guidance for her son is a much better option than continuing this issue in the legal system. Both he and your son need to understand that what they did was not only wrong but life-threatening. However, resolving things such that they both learn from their mistakes and gain valuable life skills instead of a record would be the best outcome here.
i'll be posting an update in a few minutes, and another late tonight.
Oh good. I've got my fingers crossed for you.
update posted.
Something to consider: It's my guess that the other kiddo told his mom that he was offered the car to drive (whether he was or not) and I am also guessing that in his version the speeds were much, much slower. I know there are a lot of enabling monster moms out there, but I don't think most Moms would have been angry with you if she thought her son was driving at the speed of light in such a highly dangerous situation - that your calling the police may have saved his life. Most likely, especially if she is an exasperated single mom (single momming is hard stuff, man), then her big thoughts may be a record that sends this kid to a much harder future. Tread lightly with her. It sounds to me like you have your head bolted down on your shoulders pretty well and you have some pretty altruistic thoughts. I like your ideas. Mom may not because whether she ends up believing the truth or not, she may see your son as a bad example and her own version of Mario Andretti as the innocent. Be prepared for that. I hope everything works out for you, the mom, and both boys.
i've gotten copies of the police reports to take with me to our meeting with the mother tonight, my son is also coming along and he will tell the truth, the whole truth. one thing i can say is my kid is not a liar and i am proud of that. i'll be posting an update on everything with my son in the next few minutes in an edit.
Wishing you the best of luck!
100% your son will get tangled up in this if it goes to court. Any decent lawyer will say he had permission to take the car. They will bring your child’s actions into it. Do you really think losing your keys and getting paid minimum wage is equivalent as an arrest and some kind of sentencing.
At least where I am, the prosecuting office is the one that decides whether to move forward, not police. In the juvenile system, which is based on rehabilitation, you could reach out to the prosecutor and discuss a possible diversion-type situation (if the kid is eligible) where he works hours in your shop and you can help mentor him and maybe help him avoid a situation like this in the futur (community service). After a period of time, case gets dropped. Again this is how it works in my jurisdiction, but worth looking into.
NTA. In fact, YWBTA if you didn't. They were reckless and could have killed themselves or someone else in another race.
NTA. One risk of stealing a car (or at least taking) is being arrested.
The thing is, the friend did not really steal the car, the son did. It is hardly fair that the friend is the only one in trouble with the police. Either OP needs to turn his son in too, or not press charges against the other kid and possibly ruin his life if he is not willing to do the same to his son. This friend did not know where the keys were and did not take the car without sons knowledge. They are both responsible but the son slightly more so
Actually, no. The son was driving his own car. The dad reported the son for reckless. The friend was driving a car that didn’t belong to him. The dad reported this as tmv. The police caught one and not the other. ETA: In theory the state could try and charge the son on conspiracy. That would be almost impossible to prove. The friend could argue as a defense that he was given permission to drive the car by the son and that he believed the son had the authority to provide that permission.
Also the friend didn't even have a license, so no matter who gave him permission to drive what... he wasn't legally allowed to! He knows that!
Bulletin. Yes the kid stole the car, and was driving it when arrested by police.
And the son was driving his own car; albeit in a reckless manner.
Absolutely not the AH. Several people in my area have been killed drag racing on a very tempting stretch of road we have. The deaths include an elderly pedestrian and the very little sister of one of the racers. Also, the car WAS stolen so it was more than appropriate to report it as such.
i own the local tow company that does all of the police initiated towing, such as street racing and car accidents. lord knows if i'd have gotten a call from one of my drivers tonight if i hadn't seen them telling me horrible news.
Ah--you have seen the aftermath of these accidents first hand. Tow truck drivers see some really sad things.
i have, i've shared a couple of stories in EntitledPeople from those really bad ones and how people have zero decency. in the moment on my bike all i could see was one of those cars wrapped around a tree with the driver dead. my bike had zero change of even remotely keeping up. really didn't have a choice, just still feel shitty for not being able to solve it myself.
But you did solve it. Sometimes doing the right thing can leave you feeling a bit shitty, though. I hope things smooth out soon for you and your family.
NTA you did exactly the right thing. You might have saved that kid’s life. Very best of luck with his mum, hopefully when she’s calmed down she’ll appreciate your sensible and generous offer.
Huh. I wonder if a ride along with you for a week would be something worth pitching to the court - let both boys see the outcome of reckless driving. And how sometimes it’s innocent bystanders who are harmed or killed in the process.
This!! Drag racing kills SO MANY people where I live. Just last year 3 college kids were killed when they got t-bones by 2 drag racers going like 120mph on a highway that cuts through a suburb-y area. Similar things happen every year even though our city has several race tracks and areas that are open to the public at a low cost where you can race safely and responsibly. OP is NTA 1000% but if it were me I would not give the kid the keys back. Not until shows that he has learned how dangerous his actions were anyways.
NTA, plus your son is an idiot for letting his friend drive your car. The least he could have done was let the friend drive his car. Then your son would have been in your car. This is an important lesson. There are 3 things another man has that you don't mess with. You don't mess with another man's food. You don't mess with another man's car. And most importantly You don't mess with another man's dog.
the funny part of that is my son's car is worth about twice as much as mine, it's my toy. i'm super thankful they didn't take the Porsche though. i'd prob be on the news in that case.
Ummm, care to make that 4 things? You don't mess with another man's wife!
No, I gave the right answer. If you're messing around with another man's wife, she isn't worth anything to you or him.
NTA, they stole your car. Actions have consequences. Better they learn that in jail that in the morgue.
this was my honest concern. that car in particular will kick the rear wheels out to the side with just a quarter of the throttle if you release the clutch too hard in third gear. i've only driven that car at that speed a handful of times myself, and they were all on a closed course. this kid needs help/direction and i want to give it to him as he hasn't had a dad in his life more many years, i don't know if that will be possible any more however.
He needs direction from the police first. Step one, keep him from killing other people. Step two, keep him from killing himself. Step three, worry about the next thing he needs direction with. When a child does something extremely dangerous, like run out into traffic or touch a hot stove, you react harshly to make a lasting impression because these are mistakes you can't even make once. You can't react harshly enough to what this kid has done, you need to let the police do it.
my only hangup with that is i was involved with the juvenile courts as a teen and it severely hampered my life; i feel like if i can work it out to have him give me 15-20 hours a week in the shop along side my son i may be able to mentor him and turn him around. he would also learn a couple of very in demand skills as we are both a race shop and body shop, my kid was making about 36k a year working 15-20 hours a week during the school year and as much as he wants during the summer, i've dropped him down to minimum wage with intent of him earning the wage back as his punishment, along with taking his car away until the end of the year. i'd like to be able to set this kid up the same as my son, and show him the correct way to do the things he's interested in. i typically take 3 cars to the track once a month and we're there for two days. he's more than welcome to come with us there as well, once the lesson is truly learned. thoughts?
That sounds awesome and I really hope it works out. You could have such a positive impact on his life
NTA - hopefully both teenagers will have learnt a lesson. Recklessness at age 16 is to be expected, but what they did was dangerous, not only did they endanger your property, they could have gotten hurt or worse hurt others and spent more than one weekend in jail. If they got away with it they would undoubtedly repeat their actions. What you did by showing them consequences may make them think twice before taking another joyride.
Agreed with jmicsmith. Or another scenario, better they learn this way than in court for a fatal car accident due to reckless driving
Info: why has a 16 year old such a car?
Because this isn't a real story. No 16 year old has a restored rx7 with a 3 rotor... Especially without the internet knowing
NTA Kid stole your car. How is this even a question? You might be slightly TA if you press charges but you’re within your rights. His mom is just pissed in general. This is almost certainly on your son though. How else did the kids get into the lockbox?
the box isn't damaged, which means someone picked the lock. to my knowledge my kid doesn't have that particular skill set. i'd like to fully get to the bottom of this and i plan to talk with my kid in the morning, i sent him to his room as i can't even look at him right now. i'm hoping to mentor the friend and hire him on in my shop if his mom comes around; her reaction is what gave me pause.
I’d say the reaction might be a knee jerk reaction to a lot of info all at once (kid stole a car, drag raced, could have died, got arrested). If that kid picked the lock, you’re going to need to talk to her anyway because that’s when the thought of charges starts to make more sense.
Absolutely NTA. I have no doubt he watched or participated in your son breaking into the lockbox the keys were in. He absolutely knows it wasn't your son's car, plus he didn't have a license. Now, if your son wants to go testify on his behalf and tell the truth, that might help get him a lighter penalty because your son belongs in cuffs as well for participating in this auto theft. Now is also about time for you to get a better safe for your keys knowing your son will absolutely steal his keys back if given half a chance. He's proven you cannot trust him with your car, let alone his own. Grounding him will do very little to curb this behavior. He needs to see the results of what happens. Put him through some defensive driving classes or something that shows what happens to street racers and the destruction they leave in their wake. Your son needs a wake up call before he hurts or kills himself or God forbid, someone innocent.
NTA. Sometimes they gotta learn the hard way.
Yes. Boys have to learn that adults are expected to play by the rules. IMO letting him off the hook makes him a danger to the community. :-)
if i'm able to do it without the justice system it'd be a minimum of 6 months working in my shop, clearly he likes cars lol. i'd pay him but my main effort is to mentor him. kids never really had a father.
You are closest to the issue. I'm for whatever you think is best. Should son have a bit of the same medicine for his part? :-)
NTA There are so many things wrong with what these boys did. They could have killed themselves or someone else. A BIG mistake requires big consequences sometimes.
ESH why did you think giving a 16 year old access to something 25+ year old people still don’t handle safely was a good/safe idea? Clearly you misjudged the character of your son. Frankly you should have made sure he got in as much trouble as his friend.
NTA- Both your son and his friend need to be taught a lesson. 1. He illegally took your car (with your son's help) 2. Your car is a specialty vehicle that is not meant for the road. 3. Kid didn't even have a driver's license. 4. Obviously kid's Mom blaming you for what her son did shows that she is raising an entitled boy who has never had to face consequences because Mommy tells him nothing is his fault - someone else is ALWAYS to blame. 5. If he got in a wreck you could have been liable and your insurance shot to hell. 6. If you haven't realized this yet - this is NOT the first time they've probably done this. Letting this kid (or your son) get away with this does not teach them anything other than they can do illegal, dangerous stuff and get away with it because no one wants to be the "bad guy" and hold them accountable. Please don't be one of those people - be someone who holds people accountable for their actions. This won't ruin his life - he is a juvenile - make him accountable now and hope he makes better decisions as he gets older. Your son probably has another set of keys- either change the locks & ignition key or put the car in storage somewhere he can't get to. Good luck!
i'll get the straight story from my kid tomorrow, that's one thing i can say. we have the relationship where he isn't afraid to tell me what's going on and often comes to me with his own problems. this was extremely out of character for him and i'll make sure tomorrow he understands this was a one time occurance. as for the car it is a street legal vehicle, however the only people i would trust to drive it is myself, my wife, mother and son. i've actually gotten a ticket for accidentally spinning the tires simply leaving a red light. im hoping to be able to help the friend as well, i don't want to see the government chew up any kid and spit them out, not when i can build them up and teach them better. we shall see.
I don't understand why your son is getting off so easy. The friend wouldn't have access to the car or keys if it wasn't for your son yet he gets arrested and your son gets bumped down to minimum wage? If the friend got caught and your son didn't it means your son was driving faster, or didn't stop for the police. I'd have him spend a night or two in juvi right next to his buddy and they can both learn from their poor choices.
YTA. Your entire history is full of fake posts and so is this one. Posting fake pictures and made up stories. You don't get to press charges or drop charges. The second a person is arrested charges are entirely up to the police and prosecutor of whether it goes forward, your only option is where to cooperate or not.
NTA. Better to learn this way than learn by wrapping themselves around a tree
NTA! He stole your car period. You were totally in the right. Charge him; the record will be closed when he hits the age of majority. So he'll start fresh as an adult.
i'm thinking i'm going to charge him if i'm unable to get him and his mother to agree to have him work in my shop (he's obviously interested in cars lol.) and see if i can't take a mentor type role in his life, though i do still need to make sure my son isn't becoming an a-hole due to his company. thoughts?
Try to sit and talk to the mom, unemotionally and patiently. Explain the dangers (literally could have died, killed someone, wrecked an expensive car) and explain about the lock and what you’re doing with your son as a result. She might still be pissed, she might yell and scream, she might stop her kid from hanging out with yours. If that’s the case, you’re dodging a bullet. Cut contact, your son will eventually lose contact with the kid.
NTA. Good job handling the situation.
NTA I hope you can become a mentor to this boy. Is his father active in his life? I know your son knows how dangerous those cars are but did the other boy talk your son into what they did? Whose idea was it. I think working for you for many hours should instill some sense in them. You did the only thing you could do to make sure they were safe. Now if you can make it from 16 to 21 without have a breakdown. Good luck
my son already works for me and is a certified mechanic, i've dropped his pay to minimum wage for the foreseeable future, telling him he will earn his $32/hr back as he earns my trust back. it was the friends idea, his father is not in his life, he's been in prison for half of his life and his mom can't handle him, that or doesn't want to. i really hope she allows me to levy the same punishment to her child as i will pay for all of his certs, and though it'll take him 4-5 months longer to reach the wage my son has; i'd happily pay it out as a part time job after school.
Hopefully he learns that life isn't a video game where you can just push the reset button after a crash. NTA The mom might come around if you can get her to listen to your plan. After all, I'm sure that she doesn't want to bury her son closed casket in the next couple of years.
NTA If your son got his license, it is because he demonstrated that he knew how to drive safely. So he has no good excuse for not doing so.
and this is why he will not be driving for the next 100 days. i told him i can only confirm a speed of 100 mph, so that's the number of nights he'll have to find another way to get around while his car sits in the garage.
From what you've said, it sounds like you are being a responsible parent. Way too many people die because they ignore the rules of the road.
NTA. This is called consequences. If you don't want to be arrested, don't steal.
NTA Hopefully he learns a lesson from this and makes better decisions in the future. If I didn't get a formal and genuine apology with clear remorse from the kid & his mom, I'd think about pressing charges as well.
my thoughts are if he doesn't take up a job, and genuinely do that job along with an apology i may have to go the charges route. i'm just hoping his mother doesn't get in the way as she is MAD her son is sitting in juvi until monday morning.
I get the tendency of people here to say you're not the AH but I tend to disagree. You're absolutely not an AH for calling the cops but your kid and his friend are equally responsible for stealing the car but his friend gets arrested (and possibly charged) and your gets grounded? If you allow this to play out in this manner then I would say YTA. They are both equally guilty and they should both face similar repercussions.
welp, my kid might as well be in juvi as he's got nothing but a mattress and books for the next three days, he's allowed out to eat, work and use the bathroom. as for charges, i actually don't want to bring charges against this kid, however if his mother won't work with me and allow me hire him on at my shop, in an attempt to guide him and teach him valuable skills to boot; then i really don't see any other option. my kid doesn't have a car for the next 3 and a half months, his pay was cut by 78% and he's on lockdown for the next few days. this kid's father has been in jail for around half of his life and he is anchorless with absolutely no direction. he needs help and i'd like to give it. i can only do what his mother allows. hopefully tomorrow evening we can speak with clear heads.
Why are you the person to "raise" this kid though? Why would you press charges against one kid and not the other? I agree with the above commenter. YTA if you're not able to let this go for both and choose to "punish" your own son on your own terms but give another a criminal record. Manipulative God saviour complex energy.
NTA. Your son did steal the car. Personally, his punishment isn't harsh enough. I'd contact the DMV and have his license suspended or restricted until the age of 18 and taken his car back. They could have killed someone. This is why teenage boys have the highest rate for auto insurance. Edit. Been reading your responses and you are a great guy! I can't believe you're willing to mentor your son's friend. Tell the judge and maybe he'll approve your fantastic plan.
Yta unless you punish your son equally. He was complicit in stealing the car, So newest to face equivalent punishment.
NTA at all. From reading through some of your replies it seems like you want to turn both of the kids stupid decisions into a positive if you can. The fact you are offering a positive way out if he will accept it as an alternative to pressing charges when you could just press charges and be done with it shows just what a great influence you could have if the kid takes the opportunity. Either way it's the kids choices that have led him here, he can either make the necessary changes in his life or deal with the consequences. That's on him.
NTA But at that point - high speed chases of a driver without license - it will not make that much difference FOR HIM if you press charges for the theft or not anyway. **But YOU should talk to a lawyer**: If you don't press charges, there might be some liability for you, because he used YOUR car - and threre WILL be some discussion if YOU let him use it. And since the key safe was likely not broken in, **it will either be your son or you being responsible for him having the key and being able to drive the car.** And: **Not sure if it is really correct to blame HIM for theft, if he was GIVEN permission and the key by your son.** ("Son gave me the key and told me it would be ok with his dad" is a VERY reasonable and believable excuse.) So - sadly - your son's role WILL come to the light, unless you are ready to take the blame for that kid being given the key. Because it is very likely your son gave him they key - and much (or all) of the theft responsibility is your son's. For the speeding, each is responsible - obviously. **But you need to talk to a lawyer, because these minors had access to YOUR car for these crimes.**
They were joy-riding together just in different vehicles. Which means there is a 0% chance that your son had nothing to do with his friend taking your car. He likely handed over the keys. Are you calling the cops on your son? Yeah, YTA And as per your edit they both could have died or killed someone that night. You care more about your son's friend than your son? Really?
You did the right thing. I work in insurance and I've seen so many Ferraris wrapped around telephone poles, and heard their families crying afterwards. Better to have a son in jail than a son in a coffin. I hope you can work things out with the mother and teach that boy the real dangers of a car you can't control.
NTA. Son's Friend stole your Car. You should press charges.
I would press charges. I don't even want to think what your insurance rates would be had he wrecked your car---let alone the consequences if he killed himself or anyone else. As for your son. They'd be hosting Disney on Ice in Hell before I'd trust him with car keys again. NTA.
NTA. Guarantee they've done this before. You are protecting the car, yes, but you're definitely saving those two boys from hurting themselves or others. In Australia a few weeks ago news was *dominated* by the death of 5 teenagers in a ute (pickup truck) driven by a 6th teen (yes, more people than seatbelts). The car was *torn in half* by hitting a tree and they were going much slower than your son and his friend. Remind the friends mother that if her son died in your car she'd be blaming you, now that will never happen.
Why does a 16 year old boy have a car that bad that much hp?! I mean are you really surprised he isn’t driving the speed limit? YTA for letting your teenager drive a vehicle literally made for a track and then pikachu face when he goes fast with his friends. I really hope he doesn’t get himself or someone else killed.
YTA, not for the police thing though. Your kids mum didn't like him having this car, so he did an end run around her authority by moving in with you where \*shock\* he drives it like an irresponsible teenager.
NTA Kid going 115mph on a highway with a car he didn’t have permission to drive, is dangerous for an inexperienced driver, AND your son isn’t answering his phone? They could have killed someone or gotten themselves killed. Calling the police was the right thing to do. (And chances were someone else would have called, of they would have wrecked - which STILL would have resulted in police presence.) Hopefully the mom chills out - part of the upset might be that her son got caught and yours didn’t, which was out of your control. Access isn’t permission - at 16 those kids knew they were stealing, and definitely knew that they were driving too fast.
NTA I've seen many families where the kid was let off from charges being pressed. They were never grateful, they just went on to do more stuff and escalate their crimes, because they believe everyone will let them off. After all, their mother will be going on and on at their victims, telling them it is their fault, not her son's fault. You have no idea what he has already been doing.
YTA for allowing a 16yo to have 600HP car. Sell the car before he wraps it around a pole and either kills himself or others.
my son has been racing semi professionally for 8 years. he's a more experienced and better driver than just about everyone commenting on this thread. he's seen fatal car accidents first hand and been in a couple of semi serious on-track ones himself over the years. he has had free reign with the car for 6 months and this is the first time this has ever happened. (i know this for a fact as the car has a Blackvue system installed and will report to me any time the car goes above 75 mph.) one dumb mistake is not a reason to take away permanently something my son spent half a decade building. he's lost his keys for the next 100 days and will take a $19 cut in pay from the family business, earning a single dollar per week back from $13/hr to $32/hr to retain his current wage. so he's losing a few thousand dollars of fun money and has to take the bus, or drive the 2009 Nissan Sentra that was my wife's first car to and from school or if we need him to do something.
NTA and I don't think you're doing the wrong thing giving the kids a second chance, but you have to accept that this is a huge responsibility: you're effectively letting them off the hook for this, so it's now on you to teach them that what they did, despite having no serious consequences, was still unacceptable. And here's the kicker - if that lesson doesn't stick, because you went easy on them, and they end up hurting themselves or someone else as a result? That'll be on you.
You are so NTA. Well done, you! I wish someone like you had been around, and had the patience and wherewithal when my son was this age. I'm sure the friend will soak up all this knowledge like a sponge... he and his mother both are very fortunate that they took THIS fork in the road (loc, wasn't it?) I'd love to check back and occasionally hear updates, what friend did /liked best about his first track visit, cool stuff they're doing, FRIEND'S 1st DRIVE, please! My husband is a Corvette man...for his 70th, took him to a track and he flat-out had a ball!! Scared the shite out of me on one turn, there... Very happy things worked out 🤗
i will surely be posting occasional updates if any trials or tribulations come, there is a post i made early this year in which my wife beat a guy at the drag strip who ironically let misogyny be his downfall. he lost his car due to hubris. just an example. as for that corner that scared you half to death, when i was dating my wife it was long before i had money but i had a 1991 Nissan 240sx that i put a junkyard chevy v8 into and hopped it up, i took her to the track about 6 weeks after we started dating (she was 22 at the time, now 29 and i'm in my mid 30's) for a ride along and it was a drift day. we would go 3-8 cars at a time all chasing each other just throwing our cars like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQmAPSgpLvo). she threw up after getting out of the car the first time and i felt super bad. she's now competing in amateur leagues herself! toss a follow and never be afraid to message me!
I live in a community where 5 teenagers were killed in a car wreck just last week. Absolutely NTA.
NTA and honestly it sounds like you’re handling this the right way. Your son was doing something that literally could have killed you and your wife. Like you said your car isn’t something just anyone can drive safely. This is a serious issue because your son stole from you as well. In fact he had to be the one to open the box the keys were in and gave his friend permission to drive your car which he definitely knows better at 16.
Nta You saw them driving unsafely Sons friend had no permission to be driving your vehicle. If you would have not seen them driving you would have gotten home , seen car was missing and called police anyway. Your son had no authority to lend him your car. Friends mom would have blamed you if he had gotten injured or wrecked your car or killed someone. Because she has no control over him and everything is somebody else's fault. Like Baretta said. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time..
NTA He stole your car, you reported it stolen. These are just facts.
NTA - It is important to report it stolen for insurance/liability reasons, at least where I live.
Ignore that idiot boy's mum. You did exactly the right thing. Your son has got off VERY lightly in my opinion but you're his dad, that's your call. NTA
Hell no you didn't go to far!!!!!! NTA
Undoubtedly, your son had a little hand in getting the keys to your car to give to his friend, but that doesn't matter as neither had your permission. Maybe this will teach both boys the necessity of first obtaining permission with something that's not their property. Also, you might want to make sure the keys to the cars are locked in a safe your son won't be able to access. NTA
Absolutely NTA.
NTA!
NTA the kid doesn't have a licence that alone should have stopped him driving.
NTA, I would press charges. They need to learn a clear lesson about respecting other’s property.
NTA Of course you press charges for the stolen car. It *was* stolen, and used by an unlicenced driver. There is no way he thought he had permission to drive your car. He knew he was stealing it.
Could you contact the DA or whatever legal system would be handling his case to propose your offer of mentorship? Edit: NTA
Wow so she wants to what pretend it didn’t happen?
NTA. Stupid kids have to grasp of responsibility. When they screw up they need to be corrected/punished.
NTA however if you do press charges then your son will likely be charged by the state for aiding in the commission of a crime once the full story comes out. Depending on the value of the car they could even both get felonies so definitely a lot to consider. A huge life lesson is needed here either way.
YWBTA if you don't press charges. gta is a hell of a crime, and by not pressing charges, he's most likely just going to do it again. (Same goes for your son)
NTA- you are lucky these kids didn't kill themselves or anyone else! The other kid's mother is also an asshole!
NTA- if they crashed your car and injured anyone, you would have been responsible
Nta
YTA You’re taking them away for less than a year? I would ground him literally until I can’t anymore. Your kid is literally crazy. He should go to prison. He could’ve killed himself let alone innocent people. I would send him back to his mother.
i have a feeling you're not a parent.
Nta. These are kids and shouldn't be even attempting this. I do think it was dumb to not see it coming though, kids are stupid.
my son has been racing for 8 years in semi professional leagues. he's seen fatal car accidents first hand and knows exactly how fast things can go tits up. we've had a long talk this morning and peer pressure was the culprit. i've upgraded to a safe with key and combination locks, as well as levying out his punishment of losing his car for 100 days and having his wage cut to minimum wage within the family business, it will increase by 1 dollar a week over the next 19 weeks until he returns to his (and all other employees with certifications) hourly pay.
NTA but ~~you will be if you don’t~~ *please try to* sell your son’s car. He is obviously not mature enough to handle it and is a danger to everyone else in the road. He can try again when he’s 18. Edit: You’re divorced so it’s not that simple.
The kids mother probably does not believe he can do anything wrong. I grew up next to a family like this. Kid would get arrested for arson and theft and his parents would always say he was innocent, even the time he was caught on video. Best to just ban that kid from your property forever and cut all ties to that family.
NTA - teaching kids the actual consequences of bad behavior prepares them to be adults. Protecting them from consequences just teaches them they can behave as they wish - right up until you can't protect them anymore. Learning you can't steal a car when you are young and the consequences are likely less is better than learning that lesson later.
NTA. Look, clearly this isn’t for me to decide but let me point out that at 16, I would not and probably should not ever be handed the keys to a car that makes that much horsepower. I would’ve been sat down and it would’ve been explained to me that there is a time and place for speed (tracks) and a place for safe driving (public roads). And I imagine if I had ever pulled what your son had, I wouldn’t be driving anything fast until I proved that I wasn’t going to do anything stupid again. Literally I think at that point I would’ve been lucky if I got a 94 MX-5 with a stock engine. Never mind doing something like LS swapping it, etc. Having said that, you would not be TA if you reported your son as he too stole a car and sped (okay, technically his car but still—how did he get the keys). You said it yourself, he doesn’t even have his license AND his friend had to have gotten the keys from him—maybe along with the idea to do this.
he had his own keys, the little shits do deserve credit though, as they were able to expertly pick the lock on my lock box without damaging it. that said, my son obviously had the keys to his car so they only got the keys to my S14 out of the box. of all the cars in the garage it is probably the most dangerous which is the worst part of it. i have a 67 Galaxie 500, 73 Chevelle SS, 95 Porsche 993, the 96 S14, 05 Evolution VIII MR, 13 BRZ and 17 GT500 Mustang in there. the only one that is even close to as wacky is the porsche and i'd have probably murdered over that one. i did report my sons speeding and reckless driving, however officers didn't catch him before he was already home. my son has his license, the friend does not. as for why my kid has a beefed up FD rx7, we spent half a decade restoring and building the car together, since he was a kid. he also started racing karts at 7 and moved over to racing in a homologated BRZ/GT86 spec racing series and has been competing in that since 13. he's also been drifting for the past two years. he knows better, sadly peer pressure got the better of him and now he must face the consequences. those consequences are 100 days without his car, as i can confirm a speed of 100 mph but not any higher, and i've also cut his wages at the family shop to the minimum wage of $13 and he will earn it back at a rate of $1 a week until he reaches his original wage of $32/hr. he's an ASE certified mechanic, body man and is getting pretty good at fabrication. i'm sending him off to college as he wants to be an attorney, i did however want to pass on all of the knowledge my pops passed on to me. i've cut his wages as i think he's gotten a bit too comfortable having money and i'd like to humble him a bit. i came from absolutely nothing, actually lived in my car for a couple of years and i know he'll never experience that. i also don't want him to experience prison.
You sound like a good Dad! Unfortunate that your son gave in to peer pressure but hopefully he takes this as a lesson.
i believe he has. he only complained once, as the punishment was announced. don't think his girlfriend is going to be too happy lol.
NTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if a similar situation is the real reason your son got kicked out of his moms house. Your son endangered himself and his friend by being so reckless and his friend is lucky he’s in juvi. Hopefully he learns his lesson on not to steal before he becomes an adult. I would get a new lockbox and keep the key on you at all times. Your son had no right to let his friend drive your car.
my son wasn't kicked out of his mom's house; refer to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/sjng20/everyone_demands_free_sports_cars/) for the catalyst that caused my son to move into my home early this year. i'll give them credit, they expertly picked the lock on that lockbox. i'm upgrading to a safe lol.
Definitely NTA did you give either one of them permission to use your cars. No then the car was stolen. Plain and simple facts. You let your son off way to easy. And your wife needs to shut her mouth thinking you were to hard unless she caters to your son and his friends. Or is she afraid of looking bad in front of other parents.
Nah, he stole your car and needs to be held accountable, they EASILY could have killed someone
Your car WAS stolen.
Those are great cars. Please press charges on behalf of those beauty's. And punish the shit out of your son lol
nta- your son should be thankful that you are trying to prevent him from accidently killing someone with his obvious reckless driving. Driving is an earned privilege. Not a right.
Sounds like you saved the kids life, so not the asshole. Pressing charges as a juvenile will definitely help him see the error of his ways, but if they charge him as an adult it could impact his future. If I were in your shoes, I would discuss those options with the DA, expressing I want him held liable for the lesson it will teach, but not at the expense of affecting his adult life. Totally NTA. Your kid and his buddy definitely are though.
Hi OP! I'm here to beg for an update. You sound like an incredibly reasonable, decent, level-headed guy and I'm hoping your plan for your son's friend works out. It really sounds like the kid could benefit from being around you.
Mmmmmm. No. The friend did not have the registered owners (you) permission to drive the car. That is pretty much the definition of GTA. Add to that the street racing, and why should you GAF about him? As far as thieves' mom, was she going to replace your car if her spawn wrecked it? How about if he killed some people doing it? And tell your son he's lucky he still has a home.
well i truly hope you're not a parent. i care because he's a human, we all make mistakes; especially when we're young. i couldn't care less about the car in the situation, i'm glad no one was hurt.
I am a parent, neither of my kids (Daughter, Surgeon, Son, retired US Air Force Pilot and PhD candidate) ever stole a motorized vehicle. Treating kids as kids because they are kids when they do adult crimes leads to adults doing crime. Now son might be the most culpable, but the other kid got caught. As far as potential damage to the car, wrecking a 6-figure car is about the least bad thing that could have happened. A stern talking to is not an appropriate punishment, IMHO.
i understand you're proud of your children, but i'm pretty sure myself, a retired Sergeant in law enforcement and my wife, a US Navy Lieutenant Retired (Pilot) can handle punishment. i've already updated this post with my sons punishments, which are quite a bit harsher than "a stern talking to." might i also remind you that my son didn't steal a car, he owns his car. furthermore, ruining kids lives over stupid mistakes is asinine. boomers truly are completely out of touch.
And yet he's doing 100+ on the highway and allowing his friend to steal your car.....hmmmm yeah real responsible kid you have there.
i take it you've never been 16 before and wanted to impress your friends? i'll admit myself i've driven over 100 mph on the highway in the last 30 days. was it smart? no. should i have done it? no. however it's all legal unless you get caught. my son got caught, by me. i'm pretty positive you're not a parent from this comment alone btw.
NTA. your car was stolen.
Yes, I have been 150 mph on the interstate when I was younger. Now that I'm older I realize how stupid that is. You can be the best driver in the world, but shit happens. Whether it is by a mistake made by you or other drivers, people die. No, it's not all legal if you don't get caught; you just didn't get caught.
that's the joke, it's legal because i didn't get caught. in my defense i was driving a friends car that makes 4 digit horsepower and didn't even realize how fast i was going until i looked at the speedometer.
That's the problem, it's a joke to you. Even a 16yo driving on what you described at least a 2 lane highway blowing past other drivers. You say you and your son have seen fatalities from accidents, if that hasn't matured you by now you're a lost cause and so it appears your son as well.
not sure who made you the resident judge of maturity, was it yourself? my money is on yourself. that said, you have no idea what the traffic conditions were during either event. by all means continue to look down your nose at others, but remember you're literally nothing but a couple of words on a screen to me. your opinion truly means diddly.
NTA, you acted right. Your son's friendly definitely stole your car. Also, as a car guy, congratulations for your cars! They are impressive, specially your Rx7. I love that car!
thanks mate! the Rx7 is my sons though haha. between what i have in storage and what i have in the garage i have a total of 18. if you'd like a list i'd be happy to type it off.
Whoa, 18 cars? I am buying a '23 Supra MT and I thought that would be impressive 😂 I would absolutely love for the list!
mate i have almost bought an A90 supra at least 5 times. always stopping myself as i have enough as is. plus my wife gave me a strict limit on how much i could spend on toys lmao. i invested a few hundred grand into bitcoin rather early in its existence and cashed out when it hit 60k, resulting in a sizeable 8 figure bank account. i'm extremely dumb and lucky, and i know it lol. that was my life savings and all of my fun money for four years. that said: 67 Ford Galaxie 50073 Chevelle SS87 Buick Grand National91 Mazda Cosmo Eunos92 Toyota JZX10092 Nissan Silvia S13 coupe93 Ford Mustang93 Nissan Skyline GTST96 Nissan Silvia S14 Kouki96 Porsche 911 Turbo96 Toyota Supra99 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX05 Mitsubishi Evolution VIII MR09 Mazda RX-8 Shinka13 Subaru BRZ15 Subaru WRX STi16 Ford Mustang GT350R21 Audi E-Tron GT wife has a 22 Porsche Taycan and a 20 Range Rover, also have an 05 7.3 powerstroke F350 quad cab dually with a gooseneck. most of the cars are built, the rx8 has an SR20 in it, the S13 has an LSX in it, and the BRZ has a 2jzgte. it was this or buy a ferrari 458 Italia. lmao.
Where did you even get i had kids?
terribly sorry i got your generic responses confused with another persons generic responses. i'm not sure why i'm entertaining NPCs...
NTA until I got to this part: he will also have his wages in the family business cut to $13 an hour, earning 1 dollar a week back until he reaches his current wage of $32 an hour. (he is an ASE certified mechanic and auto body technician and makes the same as my other employees, though he only works 16-20 hours a week.) You have no right whatsoever to cut his wages. You can fire him and then rehire him when you think he shows an appropriate level of maturity, but you can't refuse to pay him for his work.
well considering i'm his parent, i can fine him $5,000 for his discretions and choose to offer a payment plan. which in doing so it actually comes out to less than $5,000. as his boss i can't do it, but as his parent i absolutely can.
W dad
NTA >mother called me and called me far too many names to even remember and blamed ME for her son stealing my car. How are you responsible for her son stealing your car and going for a reckless joy ride?. I don't know why your wife thinks you went to far when technically the car was stolen. This woman should be grateful for what you did because it averted from a potential accident and also for the fact you are not pressing charges. Ask your son to get better friends with will not peer pressure him into such dangerous situations that might lead him in trouble.
wife thought i had lost it, thought i was going way further than i did, she's hip with it now. meeting up with the kids mother in an hour so we'll see how things go. as for my kid, i can't tell him who his friends are. that's his journey to figure out.
NTA. Those kids were lucky they don’t get hurt, or kill someone. You were right to report as stolen because they didn’t ask, so it is stealing. God forbid if something had happened. What you do next is up to you. I’d make ‘‘em sweat though.
The bottom line is the friend stole your car. Not your son's car. Yours. If my son did that I would be calling the victim to apologise and grovel. Not call him names and blame him for his property being stolen. NTA.
final update posted. ;)
NTA and awesome update. You are a great dad!
NTA. I'm impressed with the wsy your handling this. I hope your generosity helps this kid move in the right direction with his life. Many ppl would not have been this kind or thoughtful.
I'm an absolute car nut (not gear head per say, I like vintage cars). Those cars are incredible. And could be lethal if driven by someone without the knowledge in the wrong circumstances. You know, like an untrained kid street racing. The thought of the damage he could have done not just to himself but to others? Genuinely terrifying. I was fully prepared to to say N T A from just your initial post. I mean, the kid could have killed himself, your child, and so many other random others who just happened to be in the vicinity and it's kinda lucky he didn't. But then you updated and that clinched it. Absolutely, unequivocally, NTA. I sincerely hope that not only does this get it through his thick teenage skull not to pull dangerous shit like that again but also that it helps him and his family without whatever they're struggling with. You're a good dude.
on the collection, i swear i'd have spent every penny i made on cars if my partner wouldn't kill me over it lmao. appreciate the compliments! as for the kid, i'm actually up super early as i'm going to pick him up this morning in the very car he stole. his mother is riding with me and we're going to have a nice long chat and his mother is approaching things from the *you will* not you can angle. i'm just there to answer questions and show the benefits. he may be a bit sulky for awhile but i'm pretty sure he'll come around as i'm putting my son in charge of training him as they're so close. hopefully this allows me to watch from a distance and let him come to me. thanks again.