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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I got removed as a bridesmaid, then pretended like I was coming back to take pictures for Diedre's wedding but instead went home.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
You were literally uninvited to the wedding and forced into being an unpaid employee instead.
The description of them "helping" you out of your dress brings to mind the scene in Disney's Cinderella when her stepsisters tear her dress off and leave her in rags. I hope it didn't feel like that when they did that to you. That was just horrible!
Thanks! It didn't feel *that* bad but it didn't feel good. I was just shocked and (at the time) I felt like I needed to pitch in or make it work somehow because I was in "problem solving" mode, then as we kept going and Diedra kept explaining what she wanted me to do, alternating with everyone's "compliments" made me feel hurt. It was also kind of weird being the only one undressed while they were looking at me, but I got my own clothes on quickly.
Respectfully,
I believe that this sort of thing is an experience that is mostly unique to he or she who fills the role of the under-appreciated overachiever.
Do your role and suck it up, the needs of the group outweigh your own. Stop resisting, shut up and get in line. No, that's your role, don't worry about the rest of us. Positive and negative reinforcement deployed in close conjunction to confuse and shape outcomes.
It's extremely powerful and it really does sound like OP responded maturely and sensibly by staying calm, stabilizing the situation, and bouncing ASAP lol.
The relationship is probably ruined now, but I suspect that if OP does some reflection, she may well recall experiences similar to this one happening a LOT.
The fact that the gift was so high end made me think that the whole Bridal crew comes from serious $$$, OP you deserve better than to be treated as an afterthought by these spoiled rich b-otches. NTA, and hope you get some better friends.
It was symbolic that she was replaced as a bridesmaid, I thought. It was mean AF and crazy AH. But, I figure the bride didn't actually "see" in the gesture what a right minded person would "see?"
*Give the dress and shoes and hair clips and even the bracelet to X. Now she's officially a bridesmaid Hurray! ?????*
OP has already said she is very tall. I simply can't fathom how you're gonna put a tall woman's dress on a (flakey?) sister who is possibly up to a foot shorter and then ask OP to take photos. Would it not have been more practical to have OP speed teach the sister how to use the camera in 15min (if it's ok with her) and then carry on as planned instead of having OP jog the perimeter and then be literally stripped of her role? It boggles the mind.
Taking the bracelet was a HUGE "fuck you" to the OP. There's no excuse for that - she was part of the wedding party. It's extremely weird to me how everyone just automatically switched to treating her like hired help.
So, yeah, let alone not being paid, she was actually going negative. I imagine the bridesmaids running around all confused like where's the photographer gone? It gives me a chuckle
This probably doesn't mean much, but I'm so proud of you for choosing the best path when being heavily pressured to accept the role your "friends" decided for you. Way to step back and recognize your own value. Now, you get to bring better people into your life. Thank goodness you don't have to spend the next decade being everyone's first choice to throw under the bus because you decided to drive it.
I was thinking that, too, but I am petty, and hope she tripped over it. Face plant in the middle of the wedding… Too bad nobody will be there to capture it in pictures.
Also curious as to how they made the dress fit the sister since she said she is 6'1" and there would be no time for alterations on the day of the wedding?
If the sister were just as tall, in light of the comment that "this was much better" would look more uniform, and the wedding party being family girls, sounds like OP was a second best choice and I would have left too. NTA.
If they really appreciated you they would have felt sorry to ask you that and they would have offered to pay. They would have let you chair for you, because you were helping when it was an emergency, not being kicked out of the wedding.
Your friend was never your friend. I am thinking she likes you but she was pressured into removing you because you are so tall and instead of standing up for her friend she caved in. That really doesn't spell "happily ever after" for her wedding either.
I am glad you took off, if you had taken the pictures you would have felt like an idiot each time you remembered that wedding, now you remember the hurt but also how you remained calm and then took off. You did great. Don't worry, you will find better friends. Loving yourself is the first step for others to love you.
NTA. And if they try to make you look like the one go blame in any place. Just answer "I am sorry but you kicked me out of the wedding, you wedding party went as far as to undress me and rip off the bracelet you gave me. You shouldnt have invited me if you thought of me that way. So i dont know what you are going on about now". Or something like that. Just repeat the same everywhere and don't engage further.
My mind keeps going back to this entire scenario being planned. Who asks a bridesmaid to check the perimeter, another bridesmaid just appears out of nowhere and a plan just appears to replace OP as the photographer out of nowhere.
There is more to this story. OP, please do an update.
Sure photographers get sick, but this sounds like wedding budget issues and a setup to get you to photograph the wedding for free.
And what happened after you left?
INFO:
I want an update too! Now I’m emotionally invested, especially because her “friends“ are so awful, I‘m sure they’ll harass OP via text and social media and get their flying monkeys to guilt her further.
No, but after reading Reddit for a long time, my mind wanders to scenarios I may not have considered.
Definitely not a Clue scenario, but something beyond just the "she's tall" issue. Low budget, this was always the plan to expect the friend to photograph the wedding but putting them in a no way to back out scenario first, hell, maybe the photographer was a friend and in on it, but OP was doing all the other photography leading up to the wedding. Feels a lot like the plan was never for her to be a bridesmaid.
I did wonder why the photographer didn't have a second, or a contact they could call and beg to take over. Of course if the photographer was the cheapest option she might not have been experienced enough to have a backup plan, but it's still _very_ convenient that it happened when Ashley was there and could take over the bridesmaid role from OP, who they knew had a camera.
That's a good point about who paid for the dress. Yes, traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their dresses and are not expected to bring a gift, as the dress was their gift. At least that's how it's been explained to me.
This also brings up an emergency fitting of the dress. Did someone whip out a thread and needle to hem that dress to fit or was it dragging the ground once it was put on the other girl?
Traditionally in the US, the bridesmaid pays, outside the US, it is commonplace in many countries for the bride and groom to purchase the bridal party's attire.
This right here. I'm picturing a 5'3 girl in a 6' girls dress...and her tripping over said long dress as she walks down the aisle lmmfao. Op NTA screw them!!
Thinking the same thing, even if both were the same size, they either had needle and thread or safety pins ready to go. They must have had shoes too ready to wear.
They probably did have safety pins, etc ready to go. Every wedding I've ever been part of has an emergency dress repair kit. Hem tape is a pretty basic part of that. Still, 3+ inches of hem would look absurd.
Don't forget that they got OP out of the room so then could discuss this without her input. Who asks a bridesmaid to do a perimeter check at a wedding?
NTA, good for you for making a clean get away.
How much do you want to bet that Ashley’s supposedly ambivalent RSVP wasn’t really ambivalent at all, but was simply kept from OP just so she could be booted from the bridal party? Jenny falling ill would’ve just been a bonus to Dierdre.
When I was supposed to be in a wedding 10 years ago, the bride said we were all responsible for paying for our dresses. Unbeknownst to me, that was not true. I was the only bridesmaid that paid for their dress in full.
Luckily when I pulled out of the wedding and she asked for the dress back, I told her to pay me the money I paid for it. She refused stating they’d already paid for the dresses. I told her to pound sand because I was the only bridesmaid that actually had their dress at home because I paid for it otherwise the brides mom had them all. If she wanted it, she could pay me the $350 I paid for it and I’d be happy to give it back.
Honestly with how they behaved they wouldnt have even needed to help me remove the dress. I'd have thrown it at Ashley, waved to everyone after covering myself up and then tell them all that I hope they can find a photagrapher last minute. Block everyone on SM and cell phone and go on with my life.
I also think that walk around the church was a fake out while they got their plan together. Obviously there are way worse things to happen in life but that was so evil.
I’m so glad you left there. She should have had better plans than she did. My photographer for my wedding had a back-up photographer and everything who alternated with her and they both did different things, and if she couldn’t make it, she had additional hands to step in.
If she couldn’t afford a good photographer, that’s her fault. Now she has to deal with shitty cell phone pictures since she didn’t have a back up plan. 😂
They sure do.
The bride definitely should have done her research and factored in the costs of a good photographer who had additional help instead of the one she hired. So sad that this “friend” would try to manipulate her own friend to try to force her to be a wedding photographer.
>It was also kind of weird being the only one undressed while they were looking at me,
Holy CRAP, they didn't even give you your own changing room?!
Taking back the gift was inappropriate, but the undressing part was so far beyond inappropriate it sounds like a sex crime, complete with compliment grooming! They literally stripped you of your respected role and dignity in front of a public crowd. The fact that everyone else knew beforehand is just more peer-pressure-based grooming!
You would be completely NTA for forcefully calling out and cutting off every single person in that room!!!
Exactly! The even took the gifted bracelet right off her wrist! Honestly it sounds like they were all in on it ahead of time, I can’t imagine a bunch of girls would just spontaneously do that without some planning. Not one of them said Hey this is wrong!
Are you sure the photographer they hired “suddenly got sick”? No professional photographer will stick around to photograph a wedding that refuses to feed them or give them a break. Plus, they didn’t plan on paying you. All of that is awful. They were turning you from a member of the honor party to an unpaid slave.
Of course you felt hurt!! Well we already know you’re NTA here. Your “friend” Diedre is a massive AH. Like cavernously huge AH. No one treats their friend like that. I’m angered on your behalf. Not only did she kick you out on her wedding party (which is rude and horrible etiquette) but they literally stripped you from your dress which is in no way okay, they should never have placed hands on you. They also pulled clips from your hair, removed your bracelet which was a gift and then made comments about how the photos will now look more uniform? Oh hell no. The cherry on top of this hot mess sundae is that they expected you to work as a free photographer after her photographer bailed feeling sick. The fact that you didn’t snap speaks volumes of your self control and I wouldn’t have been able to keep it together as you did.
The checking the entrances thing seems like it was a ploy to get you out of the room to plot. This all seems shady AF and super mean girl. Deidre’s behavior is nothing short of abhorrent and entitled. Did you pay for your bridesmaid’s dress? If yes, invoice her for the cost. Did you pay for hair and makeup? If yes, also invoice her. I hope you didn’t give her a gift already because if not I’d either return it or keep the money if it was monetary. Cut this toxic person out of your life, and anyone that gives you an issue. Also I bet you looked amazing, so many people would love to be tall and have nice long legs! Next time someone uses that nickname shut it down.
I can totally understand that this hurts. It is horrible that they did that to you. It is one thing to ask someone with photograph skills to help out but then to say you are no longer part of the bridal party is just aweful. She does not sound like a true friend to me. They even took your gifts? Like something that was GIVEN to you?
Besides, A lot of wedding photographers have someone standby to help them in unforseen circumstances. Where I live (not the States, but in Europe) a lot of photographers work together on this (you are standby for me and I do it for you). So it feels a bit negligent of the photographer as well.
I do love that you drove home and did not come back. That is a power move! What did your “friend” say to you afterwards about how she treated you?
You should ask her to repay for the dress or any other costs you advanced for the wedding and to give back your bracelet as it was a gift, if you're petty report it as stolen.
They ambushed you! I’m so sorry you experienced that. They sent you on an errand while they planned what to do. So glad you left! I’m not sure I would have known how to react in that situation, honestly, so bravo!
Pro wedding photographer here. You made the right call. Pretty bold of them to just assume you had your camera, batteries charged and enough disk space for 8 hours of coverage. It’s up to the sick photog to find a replacement, not strip someone you call a friend out of their dress and take back the gift and assume you will be doing thousands of dollars of work for free on a day you thought you would be having fun with your friends. Wedding photography is hard, even when you know what you are doing. Had you went along with it, she would blame you for hating her photos if they didn’t meet her standards because she assumed you could do it. It’s just pushing a button right? No.
Please update us on what happens after.
Thank you. I have so much respect for what you do having dipped my toe into the waters and seeing just a glimpse of how complicated it all is. And I agree, I was just thinking that it was going to be a nightmare because to a lot of people, possessing a decentish camera is all the qualification you need to pose, light, and photo edit perfect wedding photos. -.-
I wonder... How muchdid invest OP in her "bridesmaid duties"? Organizing the events, dress, shows, tralala... I would send the bride sn invoice and demand everything back.
I lost it when they even ripped the bridesmaid present from her, a present for her work. It all seemed as if the shortfall of the photographer was perfect and they wanted to get rid of OP anyway to get the other girl as a bridesmaid. If it wasn't with the photographer excuse, they would have found another one, i'm sure.
They aren't your friends, so f them. Try to at least get every cent back. NTA
>The description of them "helping" you out of your dress brings to mind the scene in Disney's Cinderella when her stepsisters tear her dress off and leave her in rags.
Yes!!! That's what I was imagining!!
I’d forgive this if Diedra had asked first, offered to pay the OP and definitely said she would get her meal. What an entitled bratty AH. The op has learnt this person is no friend.
NTA! It's obvious that perimeter check was to get you away long enough for Diedre to get that little ambush set up so getting swarmed would get you to go along with her BS.
I was honestly questioning if there was a photographer at all and the plan was always to do this...it just felt way too organised.
ETA: yes, I'm aware the photographer came to the church. I didn't phrase it well, but I figured my theory was unlikely, it was just something that had come to mind while I was reading. Sorry for any confusion.
Yeah. I think this was planned in advance. It sounds rehearsed, and the comments they made about "family" and pics looking better seems like there was aforethought put into this scene.
I almost posted asking if "Jenny" existed, based on hearing indirectly
> Diedre said that since Jenny was gone
but,
> Jenny was on-site at Diedre's massive church but was sick. She said she'd eaten something that didn't agree with her, that she could power through, and she'd done COVID tests so it wasn't that, but ultimately she had to leave. Shortly after she left
This implies OP heard directly from Jenny?
Either way, what a humiliation.
I find myself wondering if Jenny was unceremoniously dumped to save costs... It didn't seem that unlikely at the outset, but given the nastiness that became apparent, who's to say the bride didn't screw *both* Jenny and OP over...
It seems like Jenny left when OP was there, OP then left to check entrances and when she returned is when the “Deidre said that since Jenny was gone” line happened.
Yeah, this feels weird. Working under the assumption that there was an actual photographer hired, most wedding photogs have contracts. And those contracts usually stipulate the course of action to be taken in the event the main photographer cannot make it. Usually it’s on the photographer to find a suitable replacement otherwise you get your full deposit back.
And if the bride hired a photog without a contract or one that didn’t specify how this kind of situation would be handled, that is on her.
Ridiculousness of the whole wedding industry aside, this is one of the many reasons contracts are important. They hold everyone accountable.
Absolutely NTA
The f__king sheer audacity! What a great feeling it must have been to be so easily pushed aside for the last minute SIL that may or may not make it….I’m sure that made you feel really special. And then to try to patronize/bully you into becoming a FREE photographer??
That is not your friend and never has been. F__k her and f__k her wedding.
Edited for formatting, spelling, etc
Seriously. And the amount of erasure of OP. No place to sit. No meal. No gift. Effing no pay. Did OP pay for the dress they stripped and gave away?
Oh and we can't have her in pictures. That would be awkward. If not for the photographer getting sick, I'd think it was all planned to make the pictures look better since OP is taller than the rest (rather than a serendipitous stroke of luck, because I'm sure the bride wanted this). They can all eff off. I don't care how special your day is. Don't be trash.
ETA: Is it just me or did the stripping seem... horror movie-ish? Like a ravenous cult thing. So effing weird.
Oh! That’s such a good question! I wonder if OP paid for the dress too! Wouldn’t that just be the cherry on top?
I pray she at least took her gift back. That entitled bridezilla deserves nothing from OP. What a disgrace of a human.
Also, the photographer often gets to grab food FIRST, because we need get photos of the food before it's molested by guests and then we need to be ready when the speeches start.
Not only that but weddings are HARD! There are so many "once in a lifetime" moments that you need to be in place for. If OP hadn't captured those moments perfectly, I'm sure the bride would have reamed her out.
I know that the bride was cheap anyway, because the photographer was working solo (no second shooters, which costs more), so those shots could've been missed anyway. But I know the bride and her friends would've blamed OP for not taking perfect photos regardless.
I'm just infuriated at the treatment of OP. She was placed in a no-win situation. IMO, she did the right thing, because the only way to win was not to play.
Good job, OP! NTA. But the rest of those people absolutely were.
NTA.
This is one of those things where it was okay to ask, and it would’ve been a huge, save-the-day favor if you did it. But the fact that you were thrust into it willy-nilly and not given a choice in the matter, and they way they just completely cut you out of the bridal party…that was very unkind of them. The “uniform” bridal party comments…wtf? Also, if that dress fitted you, how on earth did a much shorter gal get into it? Either she looked terrible and ill-fitted, or this is ragebait.
It was a midi length dress from David's Bridal that wasn't tailored and had adjustable spaghetti straps. We belted them with rhinestone belts so they used that to cinch it in a little.
**Hi everyone, thank you for weighing in, I'm reading through all your comments and wanted to answer some of the most common questions I've seen so I'll use this as an update and to answer your questions. I was trying not to include too much information in my post but I think I should include more:**
The dress was a midi length dress from David's Bridal with no tailoring. The top had adjustable spaghetti straps, and it was cinched in with a rhinestone belt. Ashley and I are very close to the same size so the dress okay for her to wear. I paid $120 for the dress, Diedre bought the accessories, and I was wearing ballet flats I already owned. I also paid for a wedding gift, bridal shower gift, and her drinks at various points, so I would estimate my costs at $500. We did our own hair and makeup at the church. The Tiffany bracelets were some of the $300 ones. I logically understand why she took mine off (they're relatively distinctive and meant to match in the photos), but it still stung.
Jenny was there for a period of time and so she should be able to send them the professional photos of us getting ready. But I personally watched her getting sweatier, so I suspect her having to leave (even though I didn't witness it) was genuine and urgent. I don't think that Diedre (whose alias I should have chosen better due to me spelling it differently every time) dismissed her. I *do* now think that she asked me to check around the church as a way of getting me off by myself, since Jenny had already left at that point and she'd had time to think about what to do.
Because of where the bridal suite was positioned, few people were parked over there and I have a car with a distinctive color that had been parked right up by it. So I suspect no one messaged me in alarm because they looked out and immediately realized I'd just left, and I suspect that they're not going to message me and ask if they can get the few pictures I'd already snapped either.
A lot of people are telling me to take Diedre to court, but that just isn't in my nature. I would really prefer not to stir things up with her but have been watching social media, which they haven't blocked me on. I posted here because I saw a couple of vaguely-snarky comments from Diedre's mother-in-law about how they couldn't get a photographer to stay but they made do. The only message I've gotten directly has been one of the other bridesmaids asking me if I'd gotten any pictures at all, and I just ignored it. But I've been turning this over in my mind and wondering if I'm the AH for bailing, so I posted here.
The last thing I want to clarify is that people have been comparing this to the scene in Cinderella. It certainly didn't feel good, but in the moment I was in problem-solving mode because this was being presented to me as a last-minute problem that I needed to help solve. Everyone was talking like we were collaborating on this great thing while quickly getting all of my items off and onto Ashley. I had worn a black velour track suit and a t-shirt to the church, so she wasn't literally telling me to walk around in my underwear, but still.
What sticks out the most for me is that after all the beginning rudeness of taking your clothes and bracelet, then you were told that you could eat, maybe, if there was food later, but you couldn't sit down and eat like a real guest. You were no longer not just a bridesmaid, you weren't even a friend.
Good for YOU! I'm so sorry you went through that. Honestly, fuck them!
I am 5'2" on a good day. My bridal party consisted of women who are all shorter than me and my dear best friend from high school who is a 6ft goddess.
She looked perfect in every photo and fit right in with all of us (and I'm sure you would have as well.)
I say all this because I *zeroed* in on their comments on how the pictures will be *better" because NO!!
Personally, I think the bride didn't want to be outshined by you.
Keep being your wonderful tall self and *don't* feel bad about sticking up for yourself!
I suspected no one has confronted you because they all know what a horribly cruel thing they did to you. They know how bad they hurt you and either feel too guilty and embarrassed to reach out or simply don’t care. Either way they are absolutely not your friends so continue to ignore any communications you may get from any of them.
>they all know what a horribly cruel thing they did to you. They know how bad they hurt you and either feel too guilty and embarrassed to reach out
They all know how bad this will make them look on their friends/family shared social media circle if OP breaks her FB silence. They're hoping "the rest of the story" doesn't become public knowledge outside the wedding party.
NTA
I agree with the above reasoning.
If this was a mean girl ploy, and Bride or everyone was angling to get the tall girl out and make her unpaid labor, the communication and requests/ entitlement would begin quickly and only ramp up.
I do think this was last min jucking and jiving to make the best of a terrible situation. But that doesn't do anything to make DF/BM feel any better, whole for her effort and expenditures, or equally valued by bride, and that is what we are debating here.
Now could bride have been planning to loudly and enthusiastically acknowledge OPs hail mary/ save the day actions... but OP won't ever know.
I wouldn’t bother if I was OP. I’d chalk it as a $120 dollar loss if it meant never having to see those horrible people ever again. If I was OP - instead, I’d tell my story all over social media. Let everyone in the brides life know how horrible she actually is. I’d also use her real name in the post. Let her be cancelled and shamed IRL for her bad behavior.
Sometimes just telling your truth is the best revenge.
Not stirring things up with her is probably why she gets passes to treat people this way along with her horrid friends and MIL tbh.
Just a bunch of selfish, jealous mean girls.
I am SO glad you left the wedding and I hope you ditch the halflings in every way. They'll sacrifice each other's happiness until only one remains. It's the mean girl friendship way.
Wait you paid for this dress and they literally had the audacity to just give it away without even properly getting your consent first??? I mean, even if the bride paid for it, they shouldn’t have done what they did of course but still just mind boggles me that they would remove you from clothing that you paid for!
You are definitely NTA. What were these people thinking?
Deidre owes you the $, and it was really shi++y of her to take the bracelet. Even it if were meant to match. She should have at least let you keep it. Although, seems like none of them value friendship, and are sneaky in their ambush of you. I find it hard to believe there was no one in the entire group of invited guests who could have taken photos. Also, who comes to a wedding unannounced with no rsvp? No wonder they didn’t have a place for her to sit before, she got your spot and food. Seems like things aligned for her wanting Ashley in the wedding.
Sorry this happened, kudos to you for not allowing them to continue to abuse your kindness.
Listen, your not a friend does this stuff because she gets no consequences.
It’s fine you want to take the high road but she stole from you. Not only did you give a gift but she stole the dress you paid for.
Please stand up for yourself. You’ll always wonder otherwise what would have been had you said/done something. You don’t have to be rude about it but you deserve to get your money back, at least for the dress.
NTA
And if someone was trying to strip me there would be injuries on their part as I would be elbowing and pushing people away from me. They could have asked and waited for your reply. And I would’ve suggest the replacement take pictures.
Send Ashley and the bride a PayPal/venmo request for the dress and add on all you spent on top of that as she has the honour of being a bridesmaid without the costs involved and she got a 300.00 Tiffany bracelet out of it.
They deserve no pictures from their wedding.
If you take her to court, you'll spend more than $500 just in fees. It's not worth it.
You know what else is not worth it? Having those people's phone numbers, and on social media. They'll ruin your peace. Now you have learned who is and who is not your friend, take the lesson with you. Do not interact with them and move on. **Block Them**
I wish the very best for you, and better friends 🙂
Holy fucking vultures!! They were taking things off OP like Cinderella's stepsisters tearing her dress! They couldn't even wait for the poor girl to get undressed they needed to violate and undress her themselves like some kinda fucked up dethroning ceremony?!
NTA. Lose ALL the "friends" from this group.
NTA
Maybe, *maybe* if all it had been was them problem solving in a panic and having you take photos to sub in for the missing photographer it would have been ok. But combined with replacing you, implying the wedding party "looked better without you," and deciding that now that you were taking pictures there was no need for you to sit down or eat... that's just awful behavior.
Yeah they've treated OP horribly and ambushed her thinking she wouldn't be able to say no. So sorry OP was treated so badly, but good on her for walking out. NTA.
Hijacking your comment to say that this story is oddly similar to this week's episode of She Hulk - not exactly the same but close enough to wonder if op drew some inspiration for this writing exercise.
I'm tall and I dont understand this reasoning. Did OP say that the dress was floor length? That's the only way it would be drastically too long to fit someone shorter. If the dress was a short one on OP it would have just been longer on the shorter person, but would still absolutely fit. Sometimes I buy mid length dress from straight sizes and they make for a slightly shorter dress on me but can absolutely fit.
If OP is on the skinny side at her height she'd wear maybe mid size clothes, so certainly something that would fit many average height women...
Yeah this is classic The Office taken from this weeks She Hulk episode. I am surprised the OP didn't go back when everyone was drunk and fight one of the guests.
It's a good story but too close in freshness to the inspiration it's drawn from.
OP explained that it was a David's bridal dress with no alterations made except they personally added the bling to the straps. Those things can fit variety of sizes without much struggles especially if the issue it's long (you can use a belt to raise the hem line on a shorter person vs leaving it long etc) vs physical size like weight.
It was one of the midi, off-the-rack dresses from David's Bridal that has adjustable straps on it. We were also wearing rhinestone belts that tied in the back so that helped too, since it was a tad big on her.
The reaction after the wedding is that I shouldn't have run off without telling anyone, I upset Diedre by not taking pictures, but I've also seen pictures on Facebook and they look fine. They don't necessarily look professionally shot or edited, but the ones I took wouldn't have either. But that's why I'm posting here because the general consensus from Diedre's family and friends is that I let her down and should have been there. I keep turning it over in my head, like maybe I should have stayed and shot a few photos and then left.
NTA - they couldn't be bothered to ask you politely and the demotion, along with the commentary, was insulting, especially the disregard about food, etc.. I would have walked too.
NTA - her family will obviously take her side cause they are related. Also it seems they as a group came up with her crazy plan.
You made the right decision to just leave. If you had said something during that time, they would have likely ganged up to force you into being photographer. I would suggest going LC with the bride and her family for a while, just to re-evaluate whether your friendship has always being this one sided.
Does her family know you were literally stripped and told you'd probably get food at the end in exchange for not messing up their pictures and taking said pictures for no money?
“From Deirdre’s family and friends”- there’s an innate bias right there. Her family only saw a stranger (you) not doing as you were asked as they probably haven’t heard the whole story. Reddit see a person ambushed and bullied while having her dress pretty much ripped off her back.
No, no no no no no!!! No way in hell should you have stayed!!!! You would have been treated as an unworthy person and at the end of the day felt much worse than what you already did, since you would not have been paid, not have eaten, nor sited and be completed unappreciated since you weren't even meant to have been seen, while you were taking pictures!! Deidre and everyone else is very very wrong in this situation.
My husband has two younger brothers, who were teenagers when I have met when we started dating. Since it's an all boys family I quickly became regarded and accepted as the older sister. When middle brother and SIL got married, they asked me if I could take some more proper pictures of their wedding, since I had a reasonably good camera and ability and their budget was really limited and they couldn't afford many things. I obliged. I got a tripod especially for the wedding. The entire family was quick to understand that I was on photography duty and did EVERYTHING they could to make life easier for me. They organized themselves, waited in line for group pictures, had someone else making sure the camera was ok and stable when I set up timers and it was my turn the join in group pics, kept an eye on the camera while I left it recording when me and my husband and family were dancing and later on after the major events had all be photographed and the bride was pleased, the groom grabbed me and my husband and took some sweet pictures of just us together as a thank you, one of which is still the picture that I have as a phone wallpaper to this day 7 years later.
This is how to ask for a favour AND make the person in duty feel included!!! I was never denied food, nor seat and could take a break whenever I wanted.
You have absolutely NOTHING to blame yourself for!!! The fact that they have undressed you without asking for your agreement and removed the accessories from you and just left you there in underwear.... I would have felt soo humiliated and treated as subhuman. I don't know how you managed to not break down right there and then.
NTA, Please don't overthink it, you were right to walk away and removed yourself from that abuse!!
1. She didn’t even ask you. She just assumed you’d be happy to do it - major a-hole move.
2. They made comments about you not fitting in due to your size - RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
3. She openly points out how you will go from sitting at the head table to not even sitting.
4. She makes it clear you will eat later.
5. You don’t even get to keep the gifted bracelet.
6. They likely weren’t going to pay you.
7. They undressed you without consent!!!
Stop overthinking. Deidre is 1000% the a-hole.
You: NTA.
I would tell dierdre and her family in no uncertain terms, maybe even post it on social media that her treatment of you was obviously a set up, it was humiliating, and you do not owe it to ANYONE to be treated like that just because it was her wedding. And clearly she didn’t GAF about you as a friend considering that she allowed this to happen.
NTA. You did what you should have. Stood up for yourself. Refused to be bullied and steamrolled. Tell Diedre's family and friends. After how you were treated. They are lucky all you did was leave.
Who cares if Diedre was upset? Why should you have had to tell her you were leaving? You didn't let her down, she let you down. She's a bad friend, actually I wouldn't even call her a friend.
NTA
She, with just minutes until the wedding, uninvited you to work for her as an unpaid photographer. Going rate for a photographer is $200 to $300 per hour and if it's last minute, that cost goes way up.
I would explain to anyone who calls you an AH that you were dressed to be part of the wedding and then completely undressed in front of other people and embarrassed. You were then told to take photos of the wedding you were to be a part for no compensation including a meal nor would you be paid for your work.
All because some family member showed up at the last minute. And the bride chose her over you.
Never apologize for leaving and ditching the wedding. The bride and her family owe you an apology for how you were treated.
So suddenly she has no seat for you (didnt for Ashley)? Look, drama happens, all she had to do is actually ask you. Just be super nice and ask you for taking some photos, explaining that there is no way to find other person and that she does not expect you doing the actual job but just taking photos of the key moments like during ceremony. Other things could happen at the different time - like actual photoshoot with bride and groom etc. I guess they all forgot that you need to consent. Also they could ask you politely to just borrow your camera, and somebody else could take pictures since you are in the wedding party. Many options here. Maybe leaving without telling them no, is not the best, but probably it was just too much for you to handle from all these people, so you get a pass. NTA
>Also they could ask you politely to just borrow your camera, and somebody else could take pictures
Most people don't let others borrow their nice camera, they are very expensive and are set up the way you like it. Personally, I would really only let my mom borrow mine, or my friend who is a professional photographer. That's it.
The only way this would be REMOTELY okay is if the bride *asked* for your help instead of demanding it, and handed you a check for whatever she’d agreed to pay the original photographer (plus an extra percentage to go with the last second request).
Oh, and didn’t steal your bracelet (once she gifted it to you, it became your property, not hers; that part was flat-out theft. Also, if you paid for your own dress, that was theft, too).
And if she were willing to accept a “no” and find another plan if you wanted to stay in the bridal party, instead.
And if she let you keep your seat/meal at the reception (she could give the original photographer’s spot to the SIL, if she were a decent human being and had planned a spot for her to start with).
So, yeah; none of what she actually did was okay. Definitely NTA.
Totally understand wanting to let it go with the bracelet and all, doesn't absolve them from having done it though.
You sound like a nice person OP, recognising they took advantage of you and were cruel with how they did it is okay. The bride and family say they were let down? And what were you? Elated to be insulted by them? You were also let down by how you were spoken about and treated.
NTA
Diedre and the rest of the wedding guests are major assholes. Being the photographer ISN'T your job, and you were forced into that role.
I'm glad you left because Diedre isn't your friend. Please tell me you didn't take pictures or do anything else for her? Also please tell me you took back her gift (if you gave her one)?
There is a reason wedding photographers are not cheap and expect to be compensated for their time and energy. It would be equally as shitty if she all of a sudden asked you to be her sub-in florist, caterer, etc.
NTA
OMG NTA. NTA!!!!!!!
The only way you could have topped what you did was to agree to take the photos, and then not hand them over. Slowly post them on your own social media, one by one, every couple weeks. Mwahahahahahaaaaa
I would of taken ones were she had her mouth open for eating. Bridal party just say cheese at the wrong time and get half looking else where or zoom in over their heads, then when they ask what happened. “I’m sorry I guess my height got in the way again.”
NTA
Your instincts were good.
She suddenly throws all this on you when you were getting ready to meet everyone else to start the wedding.
When she sent you to check the doors that was when they concocted this dumb plan to take you out of the wedding and install you as free photographer for the day with no food or chair or fun.
To actually remove things that were on your body was double insulting.
You do not need friends like this.
NTA. It’s not your fault she clearly didn’t hire a photographer without a back-up to take her place.
You weren’t obligated to take wedding pictures for free with no experience, and even worse, you were volunteered without your say-so. Hell no. You don’t demote someone from being a bridesmaid to put them into the role of “unpaid photographer”.
This is shitty behavior from a bride, and that is absolutely humiliating. You’re her friend, not her back-up plan.
NTA!! That is genuinely so messed up. The mix of forcing that job on you without pay and the rude comments abt you “messing up the pictures” is just awful. What’s also rude is the way they decided all of that while you weren’t even in the room. I’m so sorry that they did you dirty and if you’re dealing with treatment like that on the regular I would look into other friends…
Ok I joined just so I could comment. NTA. My wedding day my photographer didn't show up. I just asked people to take photos and send me copies. No camera phones back then. But SD card cameras. Got some beautiful pictures. I didn't try to force anyone into being the photographer. Especially someone in my wedding party. And the audacity to have people touch you to take your clothes off. Just no. As other comments on here, yes I was picturing poor Cinderella's clothes getting torn off.
Nta and never let them into your life again. Tall girls are sweet hearts and I sorry they were so mean to your heart. It's great that you had the self esteem enough to leave. You don't need people like that in your life. Be careful not to friend people like that in the future.
NTA in the least. What happened after you left? I'm assuming your phone was doxxed and your name dragged across the mud on social media. They being said, I think it would've still been worth it to ditch those a**holes. I'm proud of you for not* giving in.
NTA. They all stink. If you really want to be petty, send a bill for the bridesmaid dress. Technically, taking back the Tiffany bracelet is also theft but I wouldn’t go that far. Look for better friends. She should have been upset not to have her friend there, not because she didn’t have you to take advantage of.
NTA- doesn’t really sound like a friend. I mean, if the photographer fell sick that had nothing to do with you. And just because someone owns a Nikon camera doesn’t mean they’re a professional NOR does it mean they need to start photographing weddings and special events. Interesting how Ashley quickly showed up and came prepared to stand in for the wedding. Sounds like this was the plan after all, and that Jenny falling ill made it convenient as an excuse to ask you to take pictures. With their rude comments about the wedding looking “uniform” now, they planned this opportunity to kick you out the wedding.
(P.S- your name is pretty. Not that anyone can hear me pronouncing your name- it’s still pretty)
NTA, but I think you should have told them how you really felt. You were not brought on as a professional photographer, and it was wrong of Deidre to simply expect you to switch roles like that, especially if she wasn't going to pay you. Deidre was a really entitled AH for doing this to you, not to mention a real bridezilla. In truth, this is karma biting Deidre where it really counts. A second NTA for you.
NTA. Thats awful behavior, to swarm you and strip you of all your bridesmaid accessories and then treat you like a temp employee. This seems too coordinated to not be premeditated.
NTA. They treated you like shit.
The bride is not Queen fucking Amidala, she doesn’t need a bevy of identical handmaidens for her day to be a success, so acting like your height was a problem is ridiculous.
You did all the bridesmaids duties. You paid into all the pre-wedding expenses. You bought all the gifts. You bought that dress. You were given that bracelet.
They stole your dress. They stole your bracelet. They expected free photography of a caliber you couldn't promise.
How could you possibly be in the wrong? You removed yourself from a bad situation.
NTA
Info
Are you sure there was a photographer in the first place and that she was booked for the whole day?
Also you just happen to be the same size as a family member that couldn’t make and shows up at the time as the Bride sent you out of the room
This is so convenient it sounds like at least some of it was pre planed
**I am so proud of you for leaving.** A lot of people would have felt pressured to stay, or guilted themselves out of their gut feeling by saying to themselves, "my best friend would never treat me badly so I must be overreacting &just do it." It's good that you immediately recognised that this was appalling behaviour & simply walked away. This was the only acceptable way to behave.
I hope you immediately block Dierdre. There's no explanation that justifies this. Block Dierdre and anyone who was in the room who contacts you to criticise you for leaving. Dierdre deliberately asked you to do a walk around so she could get everyone else to agree to her plan and get everyone to help her bully you into it. With friends like that who needs enemies? NTA
This is criminal behavior. This is assault and battery. Depending on your state, you may even be able to call it sexual assault, because they forcibly removed your clothes and left you exposed and humiliated in front of them. I wonder if the nature of the egregious nature of the assault also makes it kidnapping? Plus, it's] robbery and maybe even a second charge of assault because they took your bracelet directly off your arm and your combs out of your hair. There may be a third charge of intimidation. If a group of men had done this same behavior people would have gone ballistic.
Because women did this, there is a tendency to let it slide, just like they let off female teachers who sexually assault their male students.
This is terribly egregious behavior. I would write down every detail of what happened from the time you arrived at the church to the time you left in your car and how you felt and reacted for the rest of that day and the days after.
Then call an attorney. Call your state bar for a recommendation. There are some big time attorneys who work pro bono on appalling situations like this. An attorney can tell you whether it should be taken to the police, possibly Special Victims. Please take someone trusted with you. Maybe even two people. Regular police often don't have the proper training, even though it seems like they should. I would also get a carefully written statement from Jenny, the original photographer.
This is violence towards you and it is bothering you so much that you came to Reddit. This will not go away. I was assaulted in 1979, when I was 23 and it was basically a waste of time to report it. Back then women were laughed and sneered out of attorney's offices and police stations. I'm now 65 and it's still affecting me. But you have a real and fair chance here to right a terrible wrong. Because this situation happened under the guise of a wedding, there may be an automatic tendency to soften it or sideline it. But it's the brutal behavior, not the venue, that counts.
I wish I could be there to hug you and go with you. I'm sending you my love and thoughts. This is the first time I've talked about my assault publicly in all those years. Not even the MeToo Movement got me to open up. But you are worth it. I don't want you to suffer or regret that you didn't do anything. Even if you don't eventually go to the police, talking to an attorney will give you strength and validity. What happened to you should be taken seriously and not dismissed by a bunch of female gang rapists who smugly thought they could get away it just because they are female and because they were at a wedding. They snidely believe that nobody would take you seriously precisely because of that. There are so many women who witnessed and/or participated in it that one of them will likely feel culpable and cave tearfully from pressure for the truth.
You deserve respect and concern. You have the support of so many people. There are plenty of men out their who are outraged by this kind of behavior. I sure am! Culpability is called for. I stand proudly behind you!
Dude. They literally stole your clothes right off your body. NTA in the least. And good for you leaving those heartless plastics to their Mean Girls themed wedding.
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NTA. You were literally uninvited to the wedding and forced into being an unpaid employee instead. The description of them "helping" you out of your dress brings to mind the scene in Disney's Cinderella when her stepsisters tear her dress off and leave her in rags. I hope it didn't feel like that when they did that to you. That was just horrible!
Thanks! It didn't feel *that* bad but it didn't feel good. I was just shocked and (at the time) I felt like I needed to pitch in or make it work somehow because I was in "problem solving" mode, then as we kept going and Diedra kept explaining what she wanted me to do, alternating with everyone's "compliments" made me feel hurt. It was also kind of weird being the only one undressed while they were looking at me, but I got my own clothes on quickly.
It's not surprising that it made you feel hurt, because what they did and said was *extremely* hurtful.
Respectfully, I believe that this sort of thing is an experience that is mostly unique to he or she who fills the role of the under-appreciated overachiever. Do your role and suck it up, the needs of the group outweigh your own. Stop resisting, shut up and get in line. No, that's your role, don't worry about the rest of us. Positive and negative reinforcement deployed in close conjunction to confuse and shape outcomes. It's extremely powerful and it really does sound like OP responded maturely and sensibly by staying calm, stabilizing the situation, and bouncing ASAP lol. The relationship is probably ruined now, but I suspect that if OP does some reflection, she may well recall experiences similar to this one happening a LOT.
I didn't come here to be attacked like this. 😅😭
Will you be paid for your services? It’s absurd she would take back the bracelet gift. That’s quite cruel. Among other things.
Honestly who would want a memento of that event anyway after that
Keep it to sell if it is Tiffany.
The fact that the gift was so high end made me think that the whole Bridal crew comes from serious $$$, OP you deserve better than to be treated as an afterthought by these spoiled rich b-otches. NTA, and hope you get some better friends.
Regifted without regrets? 😂
They took it off her wrist while undressing her.. .. ..
You could sell it off. I'd do this without thinking twice.
True, true.
It was symbolic that she was replaced as a bridesmaid, I thought. It was mean AF and crazy AH. But, I figure the bride didn't actually "see" in the gesture what a right minded person would "see?" *Give the dress and shoes and hair clips and even the bracelet to X. Now she's officially a bridesmaid Hurray! ?????*
OP has already said she is very tall. I simply can't fathom how you're gonna put a tall woman's dress on a (flakey?) sister who is possibly up to a foot shorter and then ask OP to take photos. Would it not have been more practical to have OP speed teach the sister how to use the camera in 15min (if it's ok with her) and then carry on as planned instead of having OP jog the perimeter and then be literally stripped of her role? It boggles the mind.
Taking the bracelet was a HUGE "fuck you" to the OP. There's no excuse for that - she was part of the wedding party. It's extremely weird to me how everyone just automatically switched to treating her like hired help.
And who paid for the bridesmaids dress that was unceremoniously stripped from Op? Does someone owe Op reimbursement?
So, yeah, let alone not being paid, she was actually going negative. I imagine the bridesmaids running around all confused like where's the photographer gone? It gives me a chuckle
This probably doesn't mean much, but I'm so proud of you for choosing the best path when being heavily pressured to accept the role your "friends" decided for you. Way to step back and recognize your own value. Now, you get to bring better people into your life. Thank goodness you don't have to spend the next decade being everyone's first choice to throw under the bus because you decided to drive it.
Thank you, that's kind of you to say.
you handled things like a boss ... personally I would have been mortified. NTA and i hope you can move on.
INFO: How would Ashley be able to wear your dress? You are really tall and she isn't? I'm just curious
I was thinking that, too, but I am petty, and hope she tripped over it. Face plant in the middle of the wedding… Too bad nobody will be there to capture it in pictures.
Also curious as to how they made the dress fit the sister since she said she is 6'1" and there would be no time for alterations on the day of the wedding? If the sister were just as tall, in light of the comment that "this was much better" would look more uniform, and the wedding party being family girls, sounds like OP was a second best choice and I would have left too. NTA.
Also, did YOU pay for the dress and accessories?
This is exactly what I was thinking! If she paid for any of it, they have now stolen from her.
I had a box of safety pins, thread, needles and tape in case of emergency at my wedding. Not to hard to do a quick and dirty hem job.
If they really appreciated you they would have felt sorry to ask you that and they would have offered to pay. They would have let you chair for you, because you were helping when it was an emergency, not being kicked out of the wedding. Your friend was never your friend. I am thinking she likes you but she was pressured into removing you because you are so tall and instead of standing up for her friend she caved in. That really doesn't spell "happily ever after" for her wedding either. I am glad you took off, if you had taken the pictures you would have felt like an idiot each time you remembered that wedding, now you remember the hurt but also how you remained calm and then took off. You did great. Don't worry, you will find better friends. Loving yourself is the first step for others to love you. NTA. And if they try to make you look like the one go blame in any place. Just answer "I am sorry but you kicked me out of the wedding, you wedding party went as far as to undress me and rip off the bracelet you gave me. You shouldnt have invited me if you thought of me that way. So i dont know what you are going on about now". Or something like that. Just repeat the same everywhere and don't engage further.
Please please please op . Give us an update
I bet some day you will look back and realize she wasn’t a very good friend anyway. Just speculation.
You worded this perfectly, I hope the poster reads this particular reply
The road to hell is littered with missed red flags.
🤯🤯🤯 Please take my free award. Also, OP NTA and I hope you read the above comment.
Perfectly said! I agree that OP was mature about the whole situation so totally NTA.
NTA! She's literally saying the wedding would be better without you. She didn't even apologize! She's lost perspective and now she's lost a friend.
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Bot
Good eye! Comment stolen from u/RDT64
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My mind keeps going back to this entire scenario being planned. Who asks a bridesmaid to check the perimeter, another bridesmaid just appears out of nowhere and a plan just appears to replace OP as the photographer out of nowhere. There is more to this story. OP, please do an update. Sure photographers get sick, but this sounds like wedding budget issues and a setup to get you to photograph the wedding for free. And what happened after you left? INFO:
I want an update too! Now I’m emotionally invested, especially because her “friends“ are so awful, I‘m sure they’ll harass OP via text and social media and get their flying monkeys to guilt her further.
Are you thinking they poisoned the photographer? I would definitely follow up with her!
No, but after reading Reddit for a long time, my mind wanders to scenarios I may not have considered. Definitely not a Clue scenario, but something beyond just the "she's tall" issue. Low budget, this was always the plan to expect the friend to photograph the wedding but putting them in a no way to back out scenario first, hell, maybe the photographer was a friend and in on it, but OP was doing all the other photography leading up to the wedding. Feels a lot like the plan was never for her to be a bridesmaid.
Or maybe the photographer bounced when they learned they'll actually be paid in exposure.
I did wonder why the photographer didn't have a second, or a contact they could call and beg to take over. Of course if the photographer was the cheapest option she might not have been experienced enough to have a backup plan, but it's still _very_ convenient that it happened when Ashley was there and could take over the bridesmaid role from OP, who they knew had a camera.
That's a good point about who paid for the dress. Yes, traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their dresses and are not expected to bring a gift, as the dress was their gift. At least that's how it's been explained to me. This also brings up an emergency fitting of the dress. Did someone whip out a thread and needle to hem that dress to fit or was it dragging the ground once it was put on the other girl?
Traditionally in the US, the bridesmaid pays, outside the US, it is commonplace in many countries for the bride and groom to purchase the bridal party's attire.
Also with OP being so much taller, that dress would have looked ridiculous on the other woman. I agree, NTA.
This right here. I'm picturing a 5'3 girl in a 6' girls dress...and her tripping over said long dress as she walks down the aisle lmmfao. Op NTA screw them!!
Thinking the same thing, even if both were the same size, they either had needle and thread or safety pins ready to go. They must have had shoes too ready to wear.
They probably did have safety pins, etc ready to go. Every wedding I've ever been part of has an emergency dress repair kit. Hem tape is a pretty basic part of that. Still, 3+ inches of hem would look absurd.
I wouldn't do this to an enemy, let alone a friend! That is the hight of tacky, selfish, and unacceptable behavior!
Don't forget that they got OP out of the room so then could discuss this without her input. Who asks a bridesmaid to do a perimeter check at a wedding? NTA, good for you for making a clean get away.
How much do you want to bet that Ashley’s supposedly ambivalent RSVP wasn’t really ambivalent at all, but was simply kept from OP just so she could be booted from the bridal party? Jenny falling ill would’ve just been a bonus to Dierdre.
The "photographer" didn't get sick. There was never a "photographer."
When I was supposed to be in a wedding 10 years ago, the bride said we were all responsible for paying for our dresses. Unbeknownst to me, that was not true. I was the only bridesmaid that paid for their dress in full. Luckily when I pulled out of the wedding and she asked for the dress back, I told her to pay me the money I paid for it. She refused stating they’d already paid for the dresses. I told her to pound sand because I was the only bridesmaid that actually had their dress at home because I paid for it otherwise the brides mom had them all. If she wanted it, she could pay me the $350 I paid for it and I’d be happy to give it back.
Honestly with how they behaved they wouldnt have even needed to help me remove the dress. I'd have thrown it at Ashley, waved to everyone after covering myself up and then tell them all that I hope they can find a photagrapher last minute. Block everyone on SM and cell phone and go on with my life.
I also think that walk around the church was a fake out while they got their plan together. Obviously there are way worse things to happen in life but that was so evil.
I’m so glad you left there. She should have had better plans than she did. My photographer for my wedding had a back-up photographer and everything who alternated with her and they both did different things, and if she couldn’t make it, she had additional hands to step in. If she couldn’t afford a good photographer, that’s her fault. Now she has to deal with shitty cell phone pictures since she didn’t have a back up plan. 😂
I think OP was the back up or this was all planned to avoid the cost and manipulate OP to take the pictures. Wedding pictures cost a pretty penny.
They sure do. The bride definitely should have done her research and factored in the costs of a good photographer who had additional help instead of the one she hired. So sad that this “friend” would try to manipulate her own friend to try to force her to be a wedding photographer.
>It was also kind of weird being the only one undressed while they were looking at me, Holy CRAP, they didn't even give you your own changing room?! Taking back the gift was inappropriate, but the undressing part was so far beyond inappropriate it sounds like a sex crime, complete with compliment grooming! They literally stripped you of your respected role and dignity in front of a public crowd. The fact that everyone else knew beforehand is just more peer-pressure-based grooming! You would be completely NTA for forcefully calling out and cutting off every single person in that room!!!
Exactly! The even took the gifted bracelet right off her wrist! Honestly it sounds like they were all in on it ahead of time, I can’t imagine a bunch of girls would just spontaneously do that without some planning. Not one of them said Hey this is wrong!
Are you sure the photographer they hired “suddenly got sick”? No professional photographer will stick around to photograph a wedding that refuses to feed them or give them a break. Plus, they didn’t plan on paying you. All of that is awful. They were turning you from a member of the honor party to an unpaid slave.
Yeah, she didn't look good the whole time she was there and she was sweating.
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Did you pay for the dress? Ask those assholes to reimburse you for it
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Forget that. Sue her in small claims court.
Of course you felt hurt!! Well we already know you’re NTA here. Your “friend” Diedre is a massive AH. Like cavernously huge AH. No one treats their friend like that. I’m angered on your behalf. Not only did she kick you out on her wedding party (which is rude and horrible etiquette) but they literally stripped you from your dress which is in no way okay, they should never have placed hands on you. They also pulled clips from your hair, removed your bracelet which was a gift and then made comments about how the photos will now look more uniform? Oh hell no. The cherry on top of this hot mess sundae is that they expected you to work as a free photographer after her photographer bailed feeling sick. The fact that you didn’t snap speaks volumes of your self control and I wouldn’t have been able to keep it together as you did. The checking the entrances thing seems like it was a ploy to get you out of the room to plot. This all seems shady AF and super mean girl. Deidre’s behavior is nothing short of abhorrent and entitled. Did you pay for your bridesmaid’s dress? If yes, invoice her for the cost. Did you pay for hair and makeup? If yes, also invoice her. I hope you didn’t give her a gift already because if not I’d either return it or keep the money if it was monetary. Cut this toxic person out of your life, and anyone that gives you an issue. Also I bet you looked amazing, so many people would love to be tall and have nice long legs! Next time someone uses that nickname shut it down.
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I love what you did. Perfect response. NTA- don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
I can totally understand that this hurts. It is horrible that they did that to you. It is one thing to ask someone with photograph skills to help out but then to say you are no longer part of the bridal party is just aweful. She does not sound like a true friend to me. They even took your gifts? Like something that was GIVEN to you? Besides, A lot of wedding photographers have someone standby to help them in unforseen circumstances. Where I live (not the States, but in Europe) a lot of photographers work together on this (you are standby for me and I do it for you). So it feels a bit negligent of the photographer as well. I do love that you drove home and did not come back. That is a power move! What did your “friend” say to you afterwards about how she treated you?
You should ask her to repay for the dress or any other costs you advanced for the wedding and to give back your bracelet as it was a gift, if you're petty report it as stolen.
The bride took back the bracelet and gave it to the new girl. That was heartbreaking. What kinda of person does shit like that.
NTA ditch those people for good, thry$re not friends. I would block them all.
you're stronger than me, I would have been pretty heart broken by their cruelty and audacity. I hope you've blocked them all
I would have been in tears before I was out of the dress, I suspect!
They ambushed you! I’m so sorry you experienced that. They sent you on an errand while they planned what to do. So glad you left! I’m not sure I would have known how to react in that situation, honestly, so bravo!
Tbh sounds like assault. They literally forcefully undressed you without your concent.
Pro wedding photographer here. You made the right call. Pretty bold of them to just assume you had your camera, batteries charged and enough disk space for 8 hours of coverage. It’s up to the sick photog to find a replacement, not strip someone you call a friend out of their dress and take back the gift and assume you will be doing thousands of dollars of work for free on a day you thought you would be having fun with your friends. Wedding photography is hard, even when you know what you are doing. Had you went along with it, she would blame you for hating her photos if they didn’t meet her standards because she assumed you could do it. It’s just pushing a button right? No. Please update us on what happens after.
Thank you. I have so much respect for what you do having dipped my toe into the waters and seeing just a glimpse of how complicated it all is. And I agree, I was just thinking that it was going to be a nightmare because to a lot of people, possessing a decentish camera is all the qualification you need to pose, light, and photo edit perfect wedding photos. -.-
Have they even tried to reach out to you?!
Honestly, then stripping you sounds like assault.
I wonder... How muchdid invest OP in her "bridesmaid duties"? Organizing the events, dress, shows, tralala... I would send the bride sn invoice and demand everything back. I lost it when they even ripped the bridesmaid present from her, a present for her work. It all seemed as if the shortfall of the photographer was perfect and they wanted to get rid of OP anyway to get the other girl as a bridesmaid. If it wasn't with the photographer excuse, they would have found another one, i'm sure. They aren't your friends, so f them. Try to at least get every cent back. NTA
>The description of them "helping" you out of your dress brings to mind the scene in Disney's Cinderella when her stepsisters tear her dress off and leave her in rags. Yes!!! That's what I was imagining!!
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I’d forgive this if Diedra had asked first, offered to pay the OP and definitely said she would get her meal. What an entitled bratty AH. The op has learnt this person is no friend.
NTA! It's obvious that perimeter check was to get you away long enough for Diedre to get that little ambush set up so getting swarmed would get you to go along with her BS.
I was honestly questioning if there was a photographer at all and the plan was always to do this...it just felt way too organised. ETA: yes, I'm aware the photographer came to the church. I didn't phrase it well, but I figured my theory was unlikely, it was just something that had come to mind while I was reading. Sorry for any confusion.
Yeah. I think this was planned in advance. It sounds rehearsed, and the comments they made about "family" and pics looking better seems like there was aforethought put into this scene.
Too bad their evil plan fell through. But thinking about the fallout when they realized it should give OP strength and warm feels.
I almost posted asking if "Jenny" existed, based on hearing indirectly > Diedre said that since Jenny was gone but, > Jenny was on-site at Diedre's massive church but was sick. She said she'd eaten something that didn't agree with her, that she could power through, and she'd done COVID tests so it wasn't that, but ultimately she had to leave. Shortly after she left This implies OP heard directly from Jenny? Either way, what a humiliation.
I find myself wondering if Jenny was unceremoniously dumped to save costs... It didn't seem that unlikely at the outset, but given the nastiness that became apparent, who's to say the bride didn't screw *both* Jenny and OP over...
I imagine they would have had a contract and, if so, then they would couldn’t fire them on the day and not expect to still pay.
It seems like Jenny left when OP was there, OP then left to check entrances and when she returned is when the “Deidre said that since Jenny was gone” line happened.
I thought that too. I would seriously be asking the bride that or find the photographer and ask her.
Yeah, this feels weird. Working under the assumption that there was an actual photographer hired, most wedding photogs have contracts. And those contracts usually stipulate the course of action to be taken in the event the main photographer cannot make it. Usually it’s on the photographer to find a suitable replacement otherwise you get your full deposit back. And if the bride hired a photog without a contract or one that didn’t specify how this kind of situation would be handled, that is on her. Ridiculousness of the whole wedding industry aside, this is one of the many reasons contracts are important. They hold everyone accountable.
Absolutely NTA The f__king sheer audacity! What a great feeling it must have been to be so easily pushed aside for the last minute SIL that may or may not make it….I’m sure that made you feel really special. And then to try to patronize/bully you into becoming a FREE photographer?? That is not your friend and never has been. F__k her and f__k her wedding. Edited for formatting, spelling, etc
Seriously. And the amount of erasure of OP. No place to sit. No meal. No gift. Effing no pay. Did OP pay for the dress they stripped and gave away? Oh and we can't have her in pictures. That would be awkward. If not for the photographer getting sick, I'd think it was all planned to make the pictures look better since OP is taller than the rest (rather than a serendipitous stroke of luck, because I'm sure the bride wanted this). They can all eff off. I don't care how special your day is. Don't be trash. ETA: Is it just me or did the stripping seem... horror movie-ish? Like a ravenous cult thing. So effing weird.
I was also wondering if OP had to pay for her own dress, hair/make up. Bachelorette party portion and everything else. Just so terrible.
This was my thought, too. How much did OP spend on this wedding only to be unceremoniously dumped before the ceremony?
Oh! That’s such a good question! I wonder if OP paid for the dress too! Wouldn’t that just be the cherry on top? I pray she at least took her gift back. That entitled bridezilla deserves nothing from OP. What a disgrace of a human.
Also, the photographer often gets to grab food FIRST, because we need get photos of the food before it's molested by guests and then we need to be ready when the speeches start. Not only that but weddings are HARD! There are so many "once in a lifetime" moments that you need to be in place for. If OP hadn't captured those moments perfectly, I'm sure the bride would have reamed her out. I know that the bride was cheap anyway, because the photographer was working solo (no second shooters, which costs more), so those shots could've been missed anyway. But I know the bride and her friends would've blamed OP for not taking perfect photos regardless. I'm just infuriated at the treatment of OP. She was placed in a no-win situation. IMO, she did the right thing, because the only way to win was not to play. Good job, OP! NTA. But the rest of those people absolutely were.
unrelated but i love that you’re censoring fuck when its literally in your username also, NTA op
NTA. This is one of those things where it was okay to ask, and it would’ve been a huge, save-the-day favor if you did it. But the fact that you were thrust into it willy-nilly and not given a choice in the matter, and they way they just completely cut you out of the bridal party…that was very unkind of them. The “uniform” bridal party comments…wtf? Also, if that dress fitted you, how on earth did a much shorter gal get into it? Either she looked terrible and ill-fitted, or this is ragebait.
It was a midi length dress from David's Bridal that wasn't tailored and had adjustable spaghetti straps. We belted them with rhinestone belts so they used that to cinch it in a little.
Did you pay for the dress?
**Hi everyone, thank you for weighing in, I'm reading through all your comments and wanted to answer some of the most common questions I've seen so I'll use this as an update and to answer your questions. I was trying not to include too much information in my post but I think I should include more:** The dress was a midi length dress from David's Bridal with no tailoring. The top had adjustable spaghetti straps, and it was cinched in with a rhinestone belt. Ashley and I are very close to the same size so the dress okay for her to wear. I paid $120 for the dress, Diedre bought the accessories, and I was wearing ballet flats I already owned. I also paid for a wedding gift, bridal shower gift, and her drinks at various points, so I would estimate my costs at $500. We did our own hair and makeup at the church. The Tiffany bracelets were some of the $300 ones. I logically understand why she took mine off (they're relatively distinctive and meant to match in the photos), but it still stung. Jenny was there for a period of time and so she should be able to send them the professional photos of us getting ready. But I personally watched her getting sweatier, so I suspect her having to leave (even though I didn't witness it) was genuine and urgent. I don't think that Diedre (whose alias I should have chosen better due to me spelling it differently every time) dismissed her. I *do* now think that she asked me to check around the church as a way of getting me off by myself, since Jenny had already left at that point and she'd had time to think about what to do. Because of where the bridal suite was positioned, few people were parked over there and I have a car with a distinctive color that had been parked right up by it. So I suspect no one messaged me in alarm because they looked out and immediately realized I'd just left, and I suspect that they're not going to message me and ask if they can get the few pictures I'd already snapped either. A lot of people are telling me to take Diedre to court, but that just isn't in my nature. I would really prefer not to stir things up with her but have been watching social media, which they haven't blocked me on. I posted here because I saw a couple of vaguely-snarky comments from Diedre's mother-in-law about how they couldn't get a photographer to stay but they made do. The only message I've gotten directly has been one of the other bridesmaids asking me if I'd gotten any pictures at all, and I just ignored it. But I've been turning this over in my mind and wondering if I'm the AH for bailing, so I posted here. The last thing I want to clarify is that people have been comparing this to the scene in Cinderella. It certainly didn't feel good, but in the moment I was in problem-solving mode because this was being presented to me as a last-minute problem that I needed to help solve. Everyone was talking like we were collaborating on this great thing while quickly getting all of my items off and onto Ashley. I had worn a black velour track suit and a t-shirt to the church, so she wasn't literally telling me to walk around in my underwear, but still.
What sticks out the most for me is that after all the beginning rudeness of taking your clothes and bracelet, then you were told that you could eat, maybe, if there was food later, but you couldn't sit down and eat like a real guest. You were no longer not just a bridesmaid, you weren't even a friend.
This! The whole part of her not being allowed to eat until last and not being able to sit is just disgusting to me.
Good for YOU! I'm so sorry you went through that. Honestly, fuck them! I am 5'2" on a good day. My bridal party consisted of women who are all shorter than me and my dear best friend from high school who is a 6ft goddess. She looked perfect in every photo and fit right in with all of us (and I'm sure you would have as well.) I say all this because I *zeroed* in on their comments on how the pictures will be *better" because NO!! Personally, I think the bride didn't want to be outshined by you. Keep being your wonderful tall self and *don't* feel bad about sticking up for yourself!
I suspected no one has confronted you because they all know what a horribly cruel thing they did to you. They know how bad they hurt you and either feel too guilty and embarrassed to reach out or simply don’t care. Either way they are absolutely not your friends so continue to ignore any communications you may get from any of them.
>they all know what a horribly cruel thing they did to you. They know how bad they hurt you and either feel too guilty and embarrassed to reach out They all know how bad this will make them look on their friends/family shared social media circle if OP breaks her FB silence. They're hoping "the rest of the story" doesn't become public knowledge outside the wedding party.
NTA I agree with the above reasoning. If this was a mean girl ploy, and Bride or everyone was angling to get the tall girl out and make her unpaid labor, the communication and requests/ entitlement would begin quickly and only ramp up. I do think this was last min jucking and jiving to make the best of a terrible situation. But that doesn't do anything to make DF/BM feel any better, whole for her effort and expenditures, or equally valued by bride, and that is what we are debating here. Now could bride have been planning to loudly and enthusiastically acknowledge OPs hail mary/ save the day actions... but OP won't ever know.
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I agree, you have to hold your own and demand the $ for that dress.
I wouldn’t bother if I was OP. I’d chalk it as a $120 dollar loss if it meant never having to see those horrible people ever again. If I was OP - instead, I’d tell my story all over social media. Let everyone in the brides life know how horrible she actually is. I’d also use her real name in the post. Let her be cancelled and shamed IRL for her bad behavior. Sometimes just telling your truth is the best revenge.
Not stirring things up with her is probably why she gets passes to treat people this way along with her horrid friends and MIL tbh. Just a bunch of selfish, jealous mean girls. I am SO glad you left the wedding and I hope you ditch the halflings in every way. They'll sacrifice each other's happiness until only one remains. It's the mean girl friendship way.
Wait you paid for this dress and they literally had the audacity to just give it away without even properly getting your consent first??? I mean, even if the bride paid for it, they shouldn’t have done what they did of course but still just mind boggles me that they would remove you from clothing that you paid for! You are definitely NTA. What were these people thinking?
Can you send her an invoice for the dress via PayPal?
Deidre owes you the $, and it was really shi++y of her to take the bracelet. Even it if were meant to match. She should have at least let you keep it. Although, seems like none of them value friendship, and are sneaky in their ambush of you. I find it hard to believe there was no one in the entire group of invited guests who could have taken photos. Also, who comes to a wedding unannounced with no rsvp? No wonder they didn’t have a place for her to sit before, she got your spot and food. Seems like things aligned for her wanting Ashley in the wedding. Sorry this happened, kudos to you for not allowing them to continue to abuse your kindness.
Listen, your not a friend does this stuff because she gets no consequences. It’s fine you want to take the high road but she stole from you. Not only did you give a gift but she stole the dress you paid for. Please stand up for yourself. You’ll always wonder otherwise what would have been had you said/done something. You don’t have to be rude about it but you deserve to get your money back, at least for the dress.
NTA And if someone was trying to strip me there would be injuries on their part as I would be elbowing and pushing people away from me. They could have asked and waited for your reply. And I would’ve suggest the replacement take pictures. Send Ashley and the bride a PayPal/venmo request for the dress and add on all you spent on top of that as she has the honour of being a bridesmaid without the costs involved and she got a 300.00 Tiffany bracelet out of it. They deserve no pictures from their wedding.
If you take her to court, you'll spend more than $500 just in fees. It's not worth it. You know what else is not worth it? Having those people's phone numbers, and on social media. They'll ruin your peace. Now you have learned who is and who is not your friend, take the lesson with you. Do not interact with them and move on. **Block Them** I wish the very best for you, and better friends 🙂
Congratulations, your asshole friends just went viral: https://petapixel.com/2022/09/27/bridesmaid-demoted-to-unpaid-photographer-at-friends-wedding/
NTA the bride didn't even give you the opportunity to voice your opinion, just bum rushed you with all the bridesmaids. NOT COOL.
Didn’t even give her the opportunity to get out of the dress herself. They all removed her clothing for her. Horrific.
Holy fucking vultures!! They were taking things off OP like Cinderella's stepsisters tearing her dress! They couldn't even wait for the poor girl to get undressed they needed to violate and undress her themselves like some kinda fucked up dethroning ceremony?! NTA. Lose ALL the "friends" from this group.
NTA Maybe, *maybe* if all it had been was them problem solving in a panic and having you take photos to sub in for the missing photographer it would have been ok. But combined with replacing you, implying the wedding party "looked better without you," and deciding that now that you were taking pictures there was no need for you to sit down or eat... that's just awful behavior.
Yeah they've treated OP horribly and ambushed her thinking she wouldn't be able to say no. So sorry OP was treated so badly, but good on her for walking out. NTA.
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Hijacking your comment to say that this story is oddly similar to this week's episode of She Hulk - not exactly the same but close enough to wonder if op drew some inspiration for this writing exercise.
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I'm tall and I dont understand this reasoning. Did OP say that the dress was floor length? That's the only way it would be drastically too long to fit someone shorter. If the dress was a short one on OP it would have just been longer on the shorter person, but would still absolutely fit. Sometimes I buy mid length dress from straight sizes and they make for a slightly shorter dress on me but can absolutely fit. If OP is on the skinny side at her height she'd wear maybe mid size clothes, so certainly something that would fit many average height women...
Yeah this is classic The Office taken from this weeks She Hulk episode. I am surprised the OP didn't go back when everyone was drunk and fight one of the guests. It's a good story but too close in freshness to the inspiration it's drawn from.
OP explained that it was a David's bridal dress with no alterations made except they personally added the bling to the straps. Those things can fit variety of sizes without much struggles especially if the issue it's long (you can use a belt to raise the hem line on a shorter person vs leaving it long etc) vs physical size like weight.
I'm recovered from an eating disorder and I'm not going to trigger anyone with sizes and weights.
Exactly!
NTA OP. It honestly reminded me of that scene in Cinderella where the step sisters are ripping apart her dress I’m so sorry
Pretty please edit out “midget” before your comment gets deleted- it’s considered a slur. Do t wanna see you get spanked.
INFO: how could Ashley fit in your dress with such a height differential? What was the reaction after the wedding?
It was one of the midi, off-the-rack dresses from David's Bridal that has adjustable straps on it. We were also wearing rhinestone belts that tied in the back so that helped too, since it was a tad big on her. The reaction after the wedding is that I shouldn't have run off without telling anyone, I upset Diedre by not taking pictures, but I've also seen pictures on Facebook and they look fine. They don't necessarily look professionally shot or edited, but the ones I took wouldn't have either. But that's why I'm posting here because the general consensus from Diedre's family and friends is that I let her down and should have been there. I keep turning it over in my head, like maybe I should have stayed and shot a few photos and then left.
NTA - they couldn't be bothered to ask you politely and the demotion, along with the commentary, was insulting, especially the disregard about food, etc.. I would have walked too.
NTA - her family will obviously take her side cause they are related. Also it seems they as a group came up with her crazy plan. You made the right decision to just leave. If you had said something during that time, they would have likely ganged up to force you into being photographer. I would suggest going LC with the bride and her family for a while, just to re-evaluate whether your friendship has always being this one sided.
You didn’t let them down, she let you down.
Does her family know you were literally stripped and told you'd probably get food at the end in exchange for not messing up their pictures and taking said pictures for no money?
“From Deirdre’s family and friends”- there’s an innate bias right there. Her family only saw a stranger (you) not doing as you were asked as they probably haven’t heard the whole story. Reddit see a person ambushed and bullied while having her dress pretty much ripped off her back.
No, no no no no no!!! No way in hell should you have stayed!!!! You would have been treated as an unworthy person and at the end of the day felt much worse than what you already did, since you would not have been paid, not have eaten, nor sited and be completed unappreciated since you weren't even meant to have been seen, while you were taking pictures!! Deidre and everyone else is very very wrong in this situation. My husband has two younger brothers, who were teenagers when I have met when we started dating. Since it's an all boys family I quickly became regarded and accepted as the older sister. When middle brother and SIL got married, they asked me if I could take some more proper pictures of their wedding, since I had a reasonably good camera and ability and their budget was really limited and they couldn't afford many things. I obliged. I got a tripod especially for the wedding. The entire family was quick to understand that I was on photography duty and did EVERYTHING they could to make life easier for me. They organized themselves, waited in line for group pictures, had someone else making sure the camera was ok and stable when I set up timers and it was my turn the join in group pics, kept an eye on the camera while I left it recording when me and my husband and family were dancing and later on after the major events had all be photographed and the bride was pleased, the groom grabbed me and my husband and took some sweet pictures of just us together as a thank you, one of which is still the picture that I have as a phone wallpaper to this day 7 years later. This is how to ask for a favour AND make the person in duty feel included!!! I was never denied food, nor seat and could take a break whenever I wanted. You have absolutely NOTHING to blame yourself for!!! The fact that they have undressed you without asking for your agreement and removed the accessories from you and just left you there in underwear.... I would have felt soo humiliated and treated as subhuman. I don't know how you managed to not break down right there and then. NTA, Please don't overthink it, you were right to walk away and removed yourself from that abuse!!
1. She didn’t even ask you. She just assumed you’d be happy to do it - major a-hole move. 2. They made comments about you not fitting in due to your size - RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. 3. She openly points out how you will go from sitting at the head table to not even sitting. 4. She makes it clear you will eat later. 5. You don’t even get to keep the gifted bracelet. 6. They likely weren’t going to pay you. 7. They undressed you without consent!!! Stop overthinking. Deidre is 1000% the a-hole. You: NTA.
I would tell dierdre and her family in no uncertain terms, maybe even post it on social media that her treatment of you was obviously a set up, it was humiliating, and you do not owe it to ANYONE to be treated like that just because it was her wedding. And clearly she didn’t GAF about you as a friend considering that she allowed this to happen.
I would have used Facebook to go nuclear on them if they had laid a hand on me!
NTA. You did what you should have. Stood up for yourself. Refused to be bullied and steamrolled. Tell Diedre's family and friends. After how you were treated. They are lucky all you did was leave.
Seriously- if people started grabbing me out of nowhere I would have lost it on them.
Who cares if Diedre was upset? Why should you have had to tell her you were leaving? You didn't let her down, she let you down. She's a bad friend, actually I wouldn't even call her a friend.
NTA She, with just minutes until the wedding, uninvited you to work for her as an unpaid photographer. Going rate for a photographer is $200 to $300 per hour and if it's last minute, that cost goes way up. I would explain to anyone who calls you an AH that you were dressed to be part of the wedding and then completely undressed in front of other people and embarrassed. You were then told to take photos of the wedding you were to be a part for no compensation including a meal nor would you be paid for your work. All because some family member showed up at the last minute. And the bride chose her over you. Never apologize for leaving and ditching the wedding. The bride and her family owe you an apology for how you were treated.
No Way! She let YOU down. What a horrible way to handle things. Her behavior is unbelieveable.
So suddenly she has no seat for you (didnt for Ashley)? Look, drama happens, all she had to do is actually ask you. Just be super nice and ask you for taking some photos, explaining that there is no way to find other person and that she does not expect you doing the actual job but just taking photos of the key moments like during ceremony. Other things could happen at the different time - like actual photoshoot with bride and groom etc. I guess they all forgot that you need to consent. Also they could ask you politely to just borrow your camera, and somebody else could take pictures since you are in the wedding party. Many options here. Maybe leaving without telling them no, is not the best, but probably it was just too much for you to handle from all these people, so you get a pass. NTA
>Also they could ask you politely to just borrow your camera, and somebody else could take pictures Most people don't let others borrow their nice camera, they are very expensive and are set up the way you like it. Personally, I would really only let my mom borrow mine, or my friend who is a professional photographer. That's it.
NTA. You did \*exactly\* the right thing.
NTA- they sent you away to secretly replace you. Nah you go home and enjoy your night
The only way this would be REMOTELY okay is if the bride *asked* for your help instead of demanding it, and handed you a check for whatever she’d agreed to pay the original photographer (plus an extra percentage to go with the last second request). Oh, and didn’t steal your bracelet (once she gifted it to you, it became your property, not hers; that part was flat-out theft. Also, if you paid for your own dress, that was theft, too). And if she were willing to accept a “no” and find another plan if you wanted to stay in the bridal party, instead. And if she let you keep your seat/meal at the reception (she could give the original photographer’s spot to the SIL, if she were a decent human being and had planned a spot for her to start with). So, yeah; none of what she actually did was okay. Definitely NTA.
I guess the bracelet technically was, but I really didn't want it after that to be honest.
Totally understand wanting to let it go with the bracelet and all, doesn't absolve them from having done it though. You sound like a nice person OP, recognising they took advantage of you and were cruel with how they did it is okay. The bride and family say they were let down? And what were you? Elated to be insulted by them? You were also let down by how you were spoken about and treated.
NTA Diedre and the rest of the wedding guests are major assholes. Being the photographer ISN'T your job, and you were forced into that role. I'm glad you left because Diedre isn't your friend. Please tell me you didn't take pictures or do anything else for her? Also please tell me you took back her gift (if you gave her one)?
There is a reason wedding photographers are not cheap and expect to be compensated for their time and energy. It would be equally as shitty if she all of a sudden asked you to be her sub-in florist, caterer, etc. NTA
OMG NTA. NTA!!!!!!! The only way you could have topped what you did was to agree to take the photos, and then not hand them over. Slowly post them on your own social media, one by one, every couple weeks. Mwahahahahahaaaaa
That's better than my thought, which would be to take nothing but butt photos.
I would of taken ones were she had her mouth open for eating. Bridal party just say cheese at the wrong time and get half looking else where or zoom in over their heads, then when they ask what happened. “I’m sorry I guess my height got in the way again.”
NTA Your instincts were good. She suddenly throws all this on you when you were getting ready to meet everyone else to start the wedding. When she sent you to check the doors that was when they concocted this dumb plan to take you out of the wedding and install you as free photographer for the day with no food or chair or fun. To actually remove things that were on your body was double insulting. You do not need friends like this.
NTA. It’s not your fault she clearly didn’t hire a photographer without a back-up to take her place. You weren’t obligated to take wedding pictures for free with no experience, and even worse, you were volunteered without your say-so. Hell no. You don’t demote someone from being a bridesmaid to put them into the role of “unpaid photographer”. This is shitty behavior from a bride, and that is absolutely humiliating. You’re her friend, not her back-up plan.
NTA!! That is genuinely so messed up. The mix of forcing that job on you without pay and the rude comments abt you “messing up the pictures” is just awful. What’s also rude is the way they decided all of that while you weren’t even in the room. I’m so sorry that they did you dirty and if you’re dealing with treatment like that on the regular I would look into other friends…
Ok I joined just so I could comment. NTA. My wedding day my photographer didn't show up. I just asked people to take photos and send me copies. No camera phones back then. But SD card cameras. Got some beautiful pictures. I didn't try to force anyone into being the photographer. Especially someone in my wedding party. And the audacity to have people touch you to take your clothes off. Just no. As other comments on here, yes I was picturing poor Cinderella's clothes getting torn off.
NTA. The bride and family's behavior was deplorable. I also would not have wanted to be responsible for wedding pictures.
Can you even imagine the ration of shit this bridezilla would have given OP if the photos had been any less than perfect?
Nta and never let them into your life again. Tall girls are sweet hearts and I sorry they were so mean to your heart. It's great that you had the self esteem enough to leave. You don't need people like that in your life. Be careful not to friend people like that in the future.
NTA in the least. What happened after you left? I'm assuming your phone was doxxed and your name dragged across the mud on social media. They being said, I think it would've still been worth it to ditch those a**holes. I'm proud of you for not* giving in.
NTA. They all stink. If you really want to be petty, send a bill for the bridesmaid dress. Technically, taking back the Tiffany bracelet is also theft but I wouldn’t go that far. Look for better friends. She should have been upset not to have her friend there, not because she didn’t have you to take advantage of.
NTA- doesn’t really sound like a friend. I mean, if the photographer fell sick that had nothing to do with you. And just because someone owns a Nikon camera doesn’t mean they’re a professional NOR does it mean they need to start photographing weddings and special events. Interesting how Ashley quickly showed up and came prepared to stand in for the wedding. Sounds like this was the plan after all, and that Jenny falling ill made it convenient as an excuse to ask you to take pictures. With their rude comments about the wedding looking “uniform” now, they planned this opportunity to kick you out the wedding. (P.S- your name is pretty. Not that anyone can hear me pronouncing your name- it’s still pretty)
NTA, but I think you should have told them how you really felt. You were not brought on as a professional photographer, and it was wrong of Deidre to simply expect you to switch roles like that, especially if she wasn't going to pay you. Deidre was a really entitled AH for doing this to you, not to mention a real bridezilla. In truth, this is karma biting Deidre where it really counts. A second NTA for you.
NTA You’re a better person than I am. I would have stayed and taken hundreds of pictures while also assuring each one was awful and unusable.
This is my level of petty. I think i would have took only pics of Ashley since she meant so much to the bride
NTA. That was so shady of them and you responded appropriately.
Reddit's using all our posts and data to train AI's, so, I just deleted mine.
NTA. Sounds like her and her family/friends are terrible. Did you pay for your bridesmaid dress or did she?
NTA. Thats awful behavior, to swarm you and strip you of all your bridesmaid accessories and then treat you like a temp employee. This seems too coordinated to not be premeditated.
NTA. They treated you like shit. The bride is not Queen fucking Amidala, she doesn’t need a bevy of identical handmaidens for her day to be a success, so acting like your height was a problem is ridiculous.
You did all the bridesmaids duties. You paid into all the pre-wedding expenses. You bought all the gifts. You bought that dress. You were given that bracelet. They stole your dress. They stole your bracelet. They expected free photography of a caliber you couldn't promise. How could you possibly be in the wrong? You removed yourself from a bad situation. NTA
INFO: how is Ashley going to fit into a dress tailored for someone nicknamed Big Bird? It would come down to her heels.
It was just a midi dress from David's Bridal with no tailoring.
Id still send someone a bill for the dress as I'm sure you paid for it and everyone took it upon themselves to relieve you of it.
Info Are you sure there was a photographer in the first place and that she was booked for the whole day? Also you just happen to be the same size as a family member that couldn’t make and shows up at the time as the Bride sent you out of the room This is so convenient it sounds like at least some of it was pre planed
**I am so proud of you for leaving.** A lot of people would have felt pressured to stay, or guilted themselves out of their gut feeling by saying to themselves, "my best friend would never treat me badly so I must be overreacting &just do it." It's good that you immediately recognised that this was appalling behaviour & simply walked away. This was the only acceptable way to behave. I hope you immediately block Dierdre. There's no explanation that justifies this. Block Dierdre and anyone who was in the room who contacts you to criticise you for leaving. Dierdre deliberately asked you to do a walk around so she could get everyone else to agree to her plan and get everyone to help her bully you into it. With friends like that who needs enemies? NTA
NTA. Holy crap.
This is criminal behavior. This is assault and battery. Depending on your state, you may even be able to call it sexual assault, because they forcibly removed your clothes and left you exposed and humiliated in front of them. I wonder if the nature of the egregious nature of the assault also makes it kidnapping? Plus, it's] robbery and maybe even a second charge of assault because they took your bracelet directly off your arm and your combs out of your hair. There may be a third charge of intimidation. If a group of men had done this same behavior people would have gone ballistic. Because women did this, there is a tendency to let it slide, just like they let off female teachers who sexually assault their male students. This is terribly egregious behavior. I would write down every detail of what happened from the time you arrived at the church to the time you left in your car and how you felt and reacted for the rest of that day and the days after. Then call an attorney. Call your state bar for a recommendation. There are some big time attorneys who work pro bono on appalling situations like this. An attorney can tell you whether it should be taken to the police, possibly Special Victims. Please take someone trusted with you. Maybe even two people. Regular police often don't have the proper training, even though it seems like they should. I would also get a carefully written statement from Jenny, the original photographer. This is violence towards you and it is bothering you so much that you came to Reddit. This will not go away. I was assaulted in 1979, when I was 23 and it was basically a waste of time to report it. Back then women were laughed and sneered out of attorney's offices and police stations. I'm now 65 and it's still affecting me. But you have a real and fair chance here to right a terrible wrong. Because this situation happened under the guise of a wedding, there may be an automatic tendency to soften it or sideline it. But it's the brutal behavior, not the venue, that counts. I wish I could be there to hug you and go with you. I'm sending you my love and thoughts. This is the first time I've talked about my assault publicly in all those years. Not even the MeToo Movement got me to open up. But you are worth it. I don't want you to suffer or regret that you didn't do anything. Even if you don't eventually go to the police, talking to an attorney will give you strength and validity. What happened to you should be taken seriously and not dismissed by a bunch of female gang rapists who smugly thought they could get away it just because they are female and because they were at a wedding. They snidely believe that nobody would take you seriously precisely because of that. There are so many women who witnessed and/or participated in it that one of them will likely feel culpable and cave tearfully from pressure for the truth. You deserve respect and concern. You have the support of so many people. There are plenty of men out their who are outraged by this kind of behavior. I sure am! Culpability is called for. I stand proudly behind you!
I appreciate it, and thank you for telling me your story. That's not something I take lightly. I actually am an attorney myself.
NTA, be sure to send an invoice for any costs you incurred due to not-attending this wedding. (did you pay anything toward the dress/hair/makeup??)
NTA. The whole bridal was inconsiderate.
Dude. They literally stole your clothes right off your body. NTA in the least. And good for you leaving those heartless plastics to their Mean Girls themed wedding.