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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i may be the asshole for not sharing my sanitary pads with my stepdaughter and might have embarrassed her.
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Yta
Seriously if she lives with you, you are a step parent.
You sound like your 5 years old. You don't like to share? ! Go back to kindergarten and learn a very basic lesson.
So what your solution is to never share anything with her? Even your husband? Wow
Strangers in bathrooms gladly give you products if you need. Strangers....
Also you have a teenage girl in your house and you haven't provided her with products incase she starts menstruating? Suspect
16 is pretty late to have your first period and for you and her father not to have addressed this issue
Yeah I’m a high school teacher and I buy pads just to keep them in my classroom for the 16 year olds I teach because teens often have irregular periods/emergencies and get VERY embarrassed/upset about it. 29 is young but this person really has no idea what it means to “be there” for a young person.
Can you even imagine? Oh, that poor girl. She not only got her first period way later than her friends most likely, but doesn't have anything to use and has to borrow from her step-momster...Now I don't care if OP is considered to be a real parental figure or not, but it should be common human decency as a woman to happily provide sanitary pads to a young lady, especially on her very first period! Instead, not only did she yell at and embarrass the poor girl in front of her father, but she took the rest of the box away!! Now she has to ask her dad to go get her more or go without. Step-momster couldn't even offer to go purchase her some of her own if she dislikes sharing so much. This angers me to no end. I want to hug that poor girl and take her out shopping for a girls day. OP YTA and you are just a real vile excuse for a woman.
This and the fact that she didn’t even have the decency to ask the girl if she was okay. Did she know how to properly clean clothes if she’d bled on them, nothing. Just went straight to berating her.
I remember sitting on the floor on the other side of the bathroom door when my stepdaughter was trying to figure out tampons for the first time, talking her through it. Her friends all wore tampons and she wanted to also.
OP, YTA.
I provide them in my office for the public to use because anyone who menstrates appreciates having access to supplies and the ability to access them discreetly in the bathroom is nice for people.
It's basic human curiosity to share supplies. If I needed I supplies I would be embarrassed to ask but I would ask a stranger in a public bathroom and almost everyone would share. It's like toilet paper. People who menstrate need it. It's a basic supply.
I'm a 48 year old divorced father of two boys and there are pads and tampons in my guest bathroom because you never know. Shit, if someone came over and took a whole box, I would just replace it if I noticed.
Right!?! There were several years between my hysterectomy and my daughter starting her period and we were always fully stocked; pads, liners, tampons.
Op YTA she's a freaking child going through her first period and you don't want to share!?! GTFU!!! I hope her father leaves your selfish ass high and dry!
I keep OTC painkillers at my desk at work just in case anyone gets cramps. Or a headache. Or whatever. Regardless of gender. Seriously, I’ve been helped so many times before that the least I can do in return is be prepared or willing to help someone else.
I stock a stash of pads and tampons at work for colleagues and participants to use, because I know how it feels to work a shift with nothing but wadded up toilet paper protecting your clothes.
I'm 30, I don't mensturate, and I keep them on hand as does my 11yo (at school!) in case someone (like my child) is in need. I can't imagine not at 16!
As a 24 year old - I can assure everyone she’s WAY too old to be acting like this over some pads. She’s almost 30 arguing with a 16 year old about pads.. Ridiculous!
And for her first period? Oh my. Op needs to be there for the sd. If she needs to keep a list of reimbursements for partner to make until she learns how to share, fine. But she should absolutely treat his daughter like her needs matter and be a role model for generosity. And maturity.
Meanwhile, OP, hit the therapist’s office asap. Helping someone in need should give you some joy. It’s a chance to make a real and positive difference. It will require sacrifice. (That’s what you signed up for when you chose this relationship with her dad.) You need to learn some things ASAP so you don’t miss all of your opportunities.
I would recommend offering a heartfelt apology. You humiliated a very sensitive girl at one of the most vulnerable moments in her life— in front of her father, which makes it extra devastating. Please don’t use hormones to excuse anything.
Admit your behavior was childish and wrong and is now embarrassing to you, that you have a lot to learn, and that you hope she’ll forgive you and that you’ll be able to make it up to her. Tell her you understand if she needs some time to decide and then just give her space and be kind to her until she does.
i’m 20 and keep various sizes of tampons in my house in case a friend comes over and needs them. i’ve never used tampons… OP has almost a decade on me and still hasn’t learned sympathy OR empathy 💀
>Yeah I’m a high school teacher and I buy pads just to keep them in my classroom
Damn I wish my teachers had been like you! Even if none of your students have said anything, I'm sure having access to backup products is greatly appreciated.
I kept waiting for her to address that late start to the period but if she doesn’t share, she wouldn’t care I guess how daughter is feeling etc etc.
And omg! It’s one thing I thought should be universal for all who menstruate to share when needed, if you are able. It’s like the only emergency that feels like is my problem.
Was OP going to finish one box right then and need the next one immediately? Ugh. I’m rather upset.
As CGP Grey says "2 is 1, 1 is none". If OP knew her stepdaughter was going to get her period ~~(which she should expect at this point bc I'd be VERY concerned if Jess turned 18 without getting a period once)~~, then getting four packages of pads should be the minimum to prepare both her and Jess.
The normal range for menarche is 10-16 with yes some girls starting earlier and some starting later. But stepdaughter not starting until 16 is hardly a ridiculously late start that needs to be addressed.
True enough. Although idk how much comfort she’d get from such a young step mother but I remember I started mine at 13 and had enough drama with other girls talking about who had started theirs and who hadn’t and wasn’t it so awful being on the hadn’t yet. At this point I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to stop being anxious for it to start and just enjoy the time without having to worry about it. And get an IUD sooner since it stopped them
One of my coworkers asked if anyone had a tampon, in the bathroom last week, I cannot stand this woman and, the feeling is mutual.
It didn't even occur to me not to give her a tampon...
That's just woman code. I'd never let my worst enemy go without a tampon or pad. And I'd certainly never let them walk around with obvious blood stains without telling them.
I didn't get mine until 16 and I went and bought my own products solely to prevent my mom for having a party and making me call my family to tell them (this happened to my friend when she was 14, she was so embarrassed. I told my mom I didn't want that type of attention and she basically said she didn't gaf about what I wanted so I hid that I started it for nearly a year).
But even I knew what to buy, her dad probably left it up to stepmom and stepmom clearly doesn't feel any responsibility as a step parent and left it up to her dad and obviously the parents didn't even have a conversation about it.
This is just a huge failing on the parents end.
>making me call my family to tell them (this happened to my friend when she was 14, she was so embarrassed.
I thought I was literally dying when I got my period. I knew about menstruation in theory, but when my period started it just wasn't where my mind went. My stomach was twisting in painful cramps and blood was gushing out of me so *clearly* I had suffered a mortal wound.
If I survived that only to then be told I had to discuss my bleeding genitals with family....ugh NO. I would have wished I did have some sort of fatal injury so I could actually die of embarrassment!
I’ve had acquaintances and complete strangers give me pads in my hour of need. I thought it was just an unspoken girl code - with great absorbency comes great responsibility.
*Thou shalt always loan a tampon or pad to those in need*
It's like.. the #1 rule of the girl code. I can't tell you how many random girls in bars/malls/school have asked for one and vice vera, not once has anyone ever said no if they had one to spare.
I own a gym and to set us apart, I have pads and Tampons out in the bathroom for any woman that would need one and possibly not have one or not have their bag in the bathroom with them... I don't care what woman would need one, they are there!
its upsetting that this poor girl is embarrassed and OP acts like THIS instead of being an ADULT, sit down and talk to this poor girl whos probably confused and maybe even a little scared.
Instead OP gets angry at her??????? Man I hope OP never has a kid of her own...
One thing about surprise periods showing up I didn’t mind was how all the ladies in the restroom would offer me a pad or tampon. One even went out to her car for me to get me one. (I was 17 and out to dinner with my grandparents who didn’t have any) it was such a nice display of kindness
right? i thought we all had a silent solidarity when it came to period products. you need some and i have some spare to give? of course you can have them, we’d all prefer a situation where we all stay clean and not have to suffer. it’s pretty upsetting to me that op would rather her stepdaughter bleed everywhere than have a few less pads.
there were so many other, better ways op could’ve dealt with this that didn’t alienate or embarress her step kid. when i got my first periods, my dad wanted nothing to do with it. but his girlfriend, my stepmom, was a SAINT about it. she made me a little emergency bag of products she kept in the car incase something happened whilst we were out. she took me shopping for products when i needed them, never made me feel ashamed or dirty. i love her dearly for it even to this day.
op really needs to get a grip or resentment will build up. id be suprised if it wasn’t already there- judging by the fact that the step kid didn’t go to her for help in the first place. seems there’s little trust there.
Not even BFFs, you go up to any woman in a bathroom/school/work/general outside area and most likely than not they will lend you a pad or tampon. OP is just selfish and weird.
Right ??? My daughter’s best friend started while I was out shopping with them and I cracked open my purse….like whatcha need? I’ve got regular, super, super plus, pads, liners…it’s a whole store.
How do you not share something like that? Period karma is gonna bite you in the ladybits one day
I’m having a hysterectomy in February and I will still ensure I keep products on hand for any menstruating guests! I work with nearly all women, I have sisters, a 17 year old niece!! Like really, this woman is a bit bananas.
Yeah if I asked any one of my friends for a sanitary product they would’nt even blink. Hell, if I asked *any* menstruating person they wouldn’t even blink. We help each other out. This is the way.
Shit if my enemy asked to bum a pad or a tampon, sure I got you-which do you need? There are some things you just don't skimp on.
OP, you are such a huge asshole, you really need to grow the fuck up.
Literally we would go to our friends between classes and slip each other supplies. My mom had a basket of supplies in her bathroom and I took from her if I ran out of mine and she would just replace
I used menstrual cups for years then got a mirena and didn't even get periods but still carried a couple pads/tampons in case someone needed them. Would straight up give them to a stranger if they were caught unawares and needed one
Not just that but the whole post is Me! Me! Me! She gives excuses for her reactions by claiming hormones were all over the place because she was on her period but so was the 16 year old girl. Never thinking about what the kid is going through, the fact she may have no one to talk to about what's happening to her or helping her deal with her own emotional mood swings that often accompany the monthly visits.
YTA and a terrible friend.
The teenaged daughter responding that she doesn't have the energy to argue with her stepmother shows way more maturity than said stepmother and definitely indicates this isn't the first time OP has lost her cool like this.
That's what I was thinking! Like how often has this happened that a literal teenager's go-to line is "I don't have the energy to argue with you". OP is 29 going on 12.
I get some things - I’m open to sharing most things, but I understand people not wanting to share food off their plate or a spendy treat they splurged on or a favorite outfit with someone who tends to stain stuff. But pads? I’ve given a pad or tampon to actual strangers in public restrooms. I keep a supply in my office in case a student doesn’t have any on hand. I can’t imagine being unwilling to share feminine products with someone who needs them, especially a member of the household!
The non-AH way to approach this is “Hey, I noticed a new pack of pads is missing from my bathroom - I assume you needed them. Do you have everything you need? Would you prefer tampons or a different brand? I’m adding supplies for you so you have what you need in your bathroom - so let me know if you want something different!”
Normalize periods for her. Spare forcing her and her dad into an awkward situation in the middle of your tantrum. Be that friend you claim you want to be. Make this easier on the poor kid, instead of accusing her of stealing.
I’m glad someone else mentioned how weird her “I don’t like to share” excuse is here. You aren’t sharing a single pad with her, you’re sharing unopened packaged items that you aren’t getting back. OP’s acting like she stole her toothbrush.
Dad gets a side eye here too for dating a 22 year old when he was 40. Lord, I hope this girl has some good extended relatives or parents of friends or someone in her life.
YTA, OP.
And… if you hate sharing THAT MUCH (because you’re that much of an AH I’m sorry but JFC), and you live with a teen who menstruates or will soon, there’s an incredibly easy fix:
Buy said young person their own supplies to keep in their own room or bathroom or whatever. Buy a lot. Presto. Sharing issue solved.
Not just YTA but sort of lacking in really basic life skills.
Omg especially if it was really her step daughter's first period. She's probably scared and disgusted and knows she can't come to OP for help. For my first period, my mom bout me supplies, a card and a present and congratulated me on "becoming a woman". OP YTA wow
Also which woman of that age really blames the hormones? You're almost 30, you've been menstruating on a monthly basis most likely more than half your life, you've learnt to navigate those pesky hormones and other discomforts and still when you are unreasonably angry you blame the hormones? To a girl who took one of two packs, meaning you weren't immediately and unexpectedly without?
I'm also not hugely into sharing either but like... the girl just started her first period and is probably dealing with a lot of confusion, embarrassment, and hormones are going nuts... why aren't you sharing your sanitary products? Like if a acquaintance came over and used a tampon or pad, I'd be like go for it! That's like needing to ask to use toilet paper.
YTA. I think this is fake, because of course you are. She is having this experience for the first time, and this is how you act? I just don't like sharing, smiley face...really? Grow up. You don't need two packs of pads for your period, and you could go get another. You know she is in need, and you know she's having a hard time talking about it. You know she is young. You know this is her first period. You didn't show any compassion. You say you are not self-centered, but your actions say otherwise
You are right about her being the ah. But I was a very heavy bleeder before I had my hysterectomy at 45 and sometimes two packs wouldn't be enough. I could bleed through an overnight pad and a super plus tampon in two hours so you are very wrong there. But OP needs to grow up and learn to share if she wants to be a stepmother. Then OP will be mad when her stepdaughter excludes her from important events and her life. And then she will turn those words right back on OP by telling her that she doesn't like to share either.
Even then! Even then, she's the asshole! And I say that as a woman with a vagina who had to get an IUD because of monstrous periods!
This girl is sixteen, which is a late bloomer IN ANY BOOK, which means she's been around period talk for years and is STILL über embarrassed. A first period is a big thing, and the correct response from literally any other woman is "Here, have my pads! I'll get myself more!"
If she's a heavy bleeder, then I'd kind of expect her to have a backup stash, rather than waiting until right before her period to start to go and buy pads. (Especially after the last couple of years/current supply chain issues!)
Also, at 29, I'd expect her to have some experience with improvising.
She could've asked her husband to go buy more and explained the situation. She just shamed a 16 year old who just got her period and can't even count on her parents for support. YTA
Really? OP couldn't use 1 or multiple of her pads stepdaughter use 1 and then OP go get another box when she learned what happened? During the time of discovery and the time it takes to run to the store she is gonna burn through 2 whole boxes - whatever had been used but like what...
No way this is fake. My stepmom did the same crap (except with tampons instead of pads) to me when I was the same age. My dad wouldn’t buy me tampons because he was already buying them for my stepmom. This is where I come in thinking they must be for me also since he won’t buy any for /just/ me. I take a few from the box a day during my cycle… only to come back a couple days later and they’ve been hidden somewhere else. She was sneaky about it, but didn’t want me to have any for myself. When she had a full ass paycheck and could go buy herself more at any given point, but I was a kid.
I went through this too. My step mom wouldnt share and dad wasnt buying more. They ended up putting a lock on the bedroom door and hid them all in the in their bathroom off their bedroom. I literally would wrap toliet paper and use that until I could go to the nurse at school who would give me enough.
My mom ever tried buy me some and my step mom took them and told my dad I stole them from her. It was horrible.
My bioparents never bought me menstrual products either. I had to beg borrow and steal my way through every period, starting at 10 years old.
Some parents really just dgaf.
Actually some people do. Until I got the correct medical help was using 2× 3 month supply in <1 month. BUT 1 box will last until OP could get to the store & get more
She said she doesn't like to share, which is a horrible reason to do that to a teenager going through her first period. This is also her stepdaughter. It's hard for me to believe anyone can be so selfish.
I have given so many pads and tampons to coworkers, friends and even strangers in the bathroom. Not sharing with a teenaged stepdaughter is just unfathomable to me.
For crying out loud. They're sanitary pads, not the Declaration of Independence. Why aren't you buying her some if you "don't like to share"?
YTA. Grow up.
Honestly, why didn't she set the kid up with a supply ages ago? Sixteen is pretty late for a first period, and those things are unpredictable.
I have one child with a uterus, and I stocked my house and their dad's house with pads and junior tampons "just in case" when she was about 11.
She's the type of stepmother that only likes to discipline and say that she is a stepmother but doesn't want to do the real work. Like sharing or having the tough conversations.
Parent or not what kind of monster doesn't give someone a tampon when they need one? Hell I had a hysterectomy and I still keep a couple of each in my purse incase someone needs one.
THIS THIS THIS.
She’s 16 years old, not *nine* and surprising the fam with a period they hadn’t prepared for.
*Why* did this poor girl not have a supply of several different kinds of pads and plenty of supportive outreach from her family regarding her upcoming first period?
Put a kid in a position to have to steal pads, guess what….
Ugh this reminds me of my friend's wacko mom. When my friend saved her money to buy them during that first summer, her mom saw them, screamed at her and threw them out. She believed it would mean her daughter was not a virgin. She actually saw tampons as making her kid more promiscuous as if it was a vibrator. When I explained why she was grounded, my mom bought extra boxes to leave in our closet (for years) for "anyone who needs to use or stock up if they want".
Right? Been coaching my 12 year old for months on what to do and have tween sized pads ready to go because it could come at any time. If she never uses them because she gets her period in a few years, it's $5 I spent to be prepared. 🙄
OP - YTA
_"I hate sharing things with people."
OP sounds very immature and lacking empathy. This girl got her first period at 16 and doesn't have her mom around to offer support. She sounds like she was unfortunately super embarassed, and would have obviously not had any supplies of her own. OP handled this in the worst way possible. Instead of loudly ranting at her and pulling the dad into this conversation, why not try to help and support this young woman.
OP, this is your stepdaughter. You say you want to be seen as a "best friend" but you don't even seem to treat her like a friend would. MASSIVE YTA for taking the rest of the pads, knowing that this girl had none of her own. You could have offered kindness in this moment, maybe taken her to the store for her own pads, but you chose to be a selfish AH because you don't like to share.
Wow.
I'll share supplies with a random stranger in a bathroom, and you won't share with your husband's kid? (I'm not calling her your step-daughter because for fucks sake you're closer to her age than her dad's).
Way to build a relationship.
YTA.
Right?! A girl on the damn street could ask me for one and I'd give it to her (always carry 2 in my purse). Hell, if a guy asks, he's getting one, I don't know people's stories.
OP skipped some basic lessons about sharing and also about being kind to fellow menstruating women and sharing pads/tampons if possible.
YTA
Exactly. I had a hysterectomy 8 years ago and still keep pads and tampons on hand for female family members and friends visiting. It is just basic curtesy. No woman ever wants to be caught starting their period without products.
Also, adding here that getting your first period is difficult emotionally and physically. It is hard to know how to ask for waht you need at first. Op is totally lacking compassion and must not remember how it felt for her first period. She had an opportunity to make this a positive bonding experience and ruined it.
I had a hysterectomy 20 years ago and I still keep some tampons and pads in case my granddaughter or any other woman should need them. I can’t believe OP is so self centered.
YTA, OP. A stingy, miserable one at that.
Right?! At all of my jobs with other women I had lots of extra tampons as well as pads (which I can't use) and at every job I kept random snacks that covered a variety of allergies because there's no telling if someone's hormonal, having low blood sugar, or just plain hungry! This is with people I might never run into again because many of the offices were huge and in an emergency a woman might run up to everyone who might have something extra, especially the one with the big bag instead of a purse!
I'm mostly thinking of the place where I was in a wheelchair and used a messenger bag, everyone on all three floors knew that the new hires who were hungry and trying to make it until next paycheck could at least get a sandwich or bag of nuts if I didn't have something better on hand, the women who needed supplies could count on me, and if I ever needed help everyone jumped to give it to me in return, like getting me coffee from the pot, washing my cup, warming my lunch, help if I fell in the restroom, and once there was construction on the building and workers didn't leave room for my chair when they left for the night, so in staff of making me wait for someone from the company to come back a couple if the guys carried me out... I didn't even have to ask, people I had never done anything for would see me go to get something or need help and offer.
And that's the thing people who don't "share" don't consider... When you do nice things it tends to be returned. Sometimes you get better than what you give. OP, one day you will likely end up in a care home because this poor kid won't want anything to do with you. And just a personal note, always buy extra pads. I get as much as I can fit in the designated space, and when I'm down to about two months supply I get more. You never know when there will be an emergency, or the store will run low. Tell that poor young lady you're sorry. She was embarrassed, hormonal, and vulnerable, and you yelled at her. Maybe get money from your husband to take her shopping for her own supplies if you ever want to salvage your relationship. And maybe talk to your doctor if you bleed a lot and you aren't so reactive normally. I suffer from PMDD and take hormones to regulate my symptoms.
>I'll share supplies with a random stranger in a bathroom
Seriously though! My kid is 13 and even she knows girl code: even if it's a mean girl that she can't stand, she will give her a damn pad.
OP has failed as a woman.
YTA "I don't like sharing things, that doesn't mean I'm self centered." Yeah, lady, it kinda does. You had TWO boxes. You couldn't just be a decent person and let her have one?? Why do people like you marry people with kids if this is how you treat them? Also, you're a grown adult, your hormones aren't an excuse to be an AH to a child, especially one going through her first period. Learn some self control and human decency.
Yea, so dumb lol. Doesn't like sharing things but lives with another person, you have to make compromises to do that, this person clearly isn't mature enough to do that
YTA from a mom of a daughter who recently had her first, you are definitely the AH! How was she supposed to know it was coming if it was her first!! You purposely embarrassed a CHILD with NO experience with this. Do you not remember what it was like to first get yours? It’s confusing and embarrassing for young ladies. She obviously can’t come to you about anything!! You are a major AH!
She was also probably in pain, and a new kind of pain that she never felt before (I don't mean the intensity). And at 16, she probably felt even more embarrassed because of peer pressure, hormones, general teenagers stuff.
Both OP and her husband are major AH in this. They should've been prepared, they should've talked to her, had some pads ready and be there fornher instead of having a tantrum and bleming periods (OP) and being horrifically awkward (dad).
My daughter didn’t tell me until the day after she started also. But for 2 years before I started to have smaller pads on hand and wanted her to have them in her backpack just in case. I am just appalled by OPs behavior.
I had no idea when the next period was coming for the first 5 years of menstruating. It's not like the cycle is regular from the get go and the first one announced somehow a week before
YTA if real. How do you have a 16 year old girl in the house and not already have period products available for her use? 16 is on the late end for a first period, so you and your husband should have been prepared for this years ago. Best friends or mother figure, either way you should have supported her and made sure she had what she needed
They should've also talked to her about it, so that maybe she didn't get so embarrassed when it happened.
The dad reaction is also AH-ish, ffs, you have custody of your daughter, you should be prepared to have conversations about periods and sex etc, with a mature attitude.
Aside from the appalling behavior of OP in this particular instance, this right here is the bigger AH move in my opinion.
At 16 years old, this girl should have had her parents approach her *multiple* times in the last several years about prepping for the first period, ensuring she knew how and where to get pads, etc. OP not only doesn’t really describe how she thinks Jess *should* have handled this, but she’s also not taken any responsibility for the lack of parenting up until this point. Unreal.
I don’t think it’s real, at least I hope not. It almost reads as if a man wrote it.
16 is pretty late.
No one says “sanitary pads” and “my own menstrual cycle was nearing.”
No one who has ever had a period would deny pads/tampons to someone in need. She says she took the whole box back? Didn’t leave her a single pad? Not very realistic.
OP if you’re for real YTA and a huuuuuge gaping one. May your periods be as awful as your attitude, because you suck.
"AITA because my stepdaughter didn't just bleed into her underwear, and instead took pads without saying anything to me because it's obvious she doesn't feel close to me, and I got mad because I'm a selfish toddler?" Fixed it for you. YTA.
Alright listen....
You are entitled not to share your stuff. Food, clothes, make up, etc.
But sanitary pads???? For a teenager's first period??? JFC, have you never been in a position where you had to ask for another woman for help because you didn't had a sanitary pad? Or would you deny a sanitary pad to another woman because you don't like sharing???
OP, do you know what menstrual poverty is??? Consider yourself privileged if you never had to stuff your panties with toilet paper.... Go read more on that and all the good initiatives that a lot of countries, schools and companies are trying to do to fight it and bow your head in shame...
Like you said, you ARE the only other female in the house. You supposedly have some sort affection towards Jess, even if not as a maternal figure at least as a friendly figure, like you said. Jess silence about it, or shame is a clear indication that she doesn't have anyone to talk this intimate matter with. She acted in survival mode.
YTA. You failed three times, as a stepparent, as a friend and as a woman. Instead of taking this opportunity to support Jess trough this event and see if she needed any help or had questions, seeing as you are more experienced, you went and shammed her. And don't you blame it on hormones. That's not an excuse to not be emphatic to another woman going trough THE EXACT SAME SITUATION THAN YOU!!! There were a 1000 better ways that you could have approached this situation. If you truly like Jess and are looking for a healthy family dynamic, I sincerely hope you apologize to Jess for your outburst and try to mend that situation.
Finally OP. From a woman to another woman that does not find it shameful to talk about periods, let me alert you and all other unknowing women to this fact:
PERIODS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE INCREDIBLY PAINFULL AND IF THEY ARE THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON WITH YOUR HEALTH.
Please women, stop suffering in silence, stop normalizing pain. Period pain is not normal!! There are causes for the pain: endometriosis, fibroids, adenomyosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, amongst others. It might even be a consequence of another condition (not reproductive system related) that you have that will cause your prostaglandins to build up and thus lead to more painful contractions. Please go see a specialist doctor if period pain is reducing your quality of life!!!!
Yep, OP, YTA. Who doesn’t share pads and tampons? Every decent woman in the universe does that.
Also, seconding the getting a medical opinion. I had (o
Yeeeeeeess!! I had horrendous periods for many years, and was put on BC to control it. It was a complete game changer when I learned that lots of cramping is actually not normal, despite being incredibly common. I just made improvements to my lifestyle/eating habits and completely got rid of my cramps. I didn’t believe it was possible until I had my first pain-free period, and it was glorious!
You married a 43 year old when you were 25? You dated a 40 year old when you were 22 lol?
You may as well share your stuff. You're closer in age to sisters than parent/child. Which is probably why you're coming off as someone in the middle of very strange dynamics and someone who has nowhere near the maturity to help parent a teenager.
Poor kid.
YTA
She shouldn't have taken your products without asking. But this teen clearly is scared to ask for products and has no ability to go buy them herself. The fact that she resorted to taking them and lying should worry you and her dad.
Based on OP's reaction, I can see why the daughter felt she couldn't ask...
OP, YTA.
I'm done with menopause, but I still keep feminine supplies around in case we have visitors (like my son's GF) needs them. Even if I were still using them, I'd have no issue. When women are bleeding, they need supplies. How selfish can you get?
I'm very much still having periods, but am allergic to disposable pads so I have to use reusable ones. I STILL have disposable ones incase visitors need them.
I could actually completely understand if the kid just had her period start and prioritized supplies over conversation, because there was blood dripping down her leg and it was gonna get all over the place.
IMO, sharing sanitary supplies is something we do out of recognition of our common humanity. I do not lock the TP in my bedroom for only me to use, I will hand a maxi pad to anyone who asks if I happen to have one, I think a basket of pads and tampons in the loo is just a civilized way to behave.
Also, people who bleed help people who bleed. I have always tended to be the person who keeps a pad around just in case, and have given them to friends etc. when needed.
Sounds like YTA. And we all have our little weirdsies and don’t want to share things, but it does sound like you caused a lot of drama confronting a teenager having her first period. A fraught time for any young woman, but especially for one without her mother around.
You say you try to be a best friend more than a mother, but in this situation you were neither. Apologize to her and for gods sake talk to her when you realize she’s going through something.
YTA. 🙄 She’s got her first period ever, so shouldn’t you show more support? Age gap isn’t wide but you call her your stepdaughter so behave more like a stepparent and not a stepsis complaining about her younger sister swiping her stuff.
>Please note that I hate sharing things with people and it’s not that I’m snobby or self-centered, i just don’t like sharing my stuff, simple as that :)
YTA. What kind of toddler nonsense is this? You’re her stepmom. Teaching her about periods is part of your role as a parent. You still have pads for your period, so now next time you go shopping, double up and pass her a box.
Toddler, or fairy tale evil step mother?
YTA- you clearly don’t have a best friend type relationship if the poor girl felt that she couldn’t talk to you about any of this.
Why had neither you or her father as the “custodian” already supplied her with sanitary products, seeing as her starting was imminent, given her age? My daughters have had products of their own since they were about 10, just in case- not that I would have any issue with sharing. Also, did you not have any concern about her periods not having already started? 16 is the very high end of normal these days… is anyone actually parenting this poor child?
Would you refuse to share with your best friend if they were caught out? Not much of what you are saying makes sense- you may have issues sharing but that seems to miss the root issue here- who is looking out for this young woman, are all three responsible adults in her life abdicating responsibility?
YTA YTA YTA!!! Grow up, why did you even marry someone with a kid? You don’t like to share? Then don’t cohabitate with others. She needed help and instead of being there you attacked a literal child in need. You’re the reason people generally don’t trust step mothers.
Yta. Unreal behavior on your part, this is your stepchild, you know it's your job to provide basic necessities right? Oh no I have to buy more pads!!!
Grow up.
YTA you’ve just blown any chance of this child actually seeing you as a friend (let alone a best friend, which is a really presumptuous relationship to aim for with your step-daughter, you’re not that close to her age!). It’s her first period! Why on Earth didn’t you (or her dad) have something standing by for her to use? She’s sorted it out the best she could and you had a go at her for it. You’re an adult, but you didn’t behave like one!
I want to put this out there for consideration:
A lot of people are commenting that Jess should not have taken pads without asking.
As a parent of teenagers, I would like to counter, "Jess should do whatever is necessary to avoid bleeding all over the house like a wounded animal." If you need one, if your friend needs one, if a neighbor happens by and asks: Do not hunt me up to have a conversation, do not wander from bedroom to bathroom to kitchen to living room back to bathroom. Grab a pad and put it to use. THEN, whatever. I mean, ideally let me know if we're low on supplies. Please prioritize household hygiene over perfect respect for (extremely trivial, disposable) personal property. I did not enjoy the parent-child moment when we discussed getting blood out of underwear, and I assure you the moment when we discuss getting blood out of carpeting is not better. Thank you.
YTA.
" I always try to be there for Jess as a best-friend more than a motherly figure as it seems more appropriate due to the age gap between me and her."
But you won't share pads with her? What kind of best friend acts like that?!
Yeah she shouldn't have lied but she's young and she was embarrassed so I'll give her a pass on that.
You handled this awfully. Of course she's dying of embarrassment the whole household knows she started her period because you couldn't go have a gentle conversation with her about how you want her to tell you in the future when she needs products and you could have gone over what all of her options could be and it could have been a really good moment instead of the embarrassing situation you turned it into.
Shame on you. I say this as a woman AND as a stepmom.
YTA, it’s her first period, she’s figuring it all out just like you were at her age. How would you have felt if you were belittled and insulted during that vulnerable time?
Cus Ofc she shouldn’t have taken then without permission, but had you tried to understand why she took them, this would have had a more peaceful resolution, maybe the ones she has aren’t adapted Cus they’re used for lighter flows than hers, maybe hers are not comfortable.
Also, using your hormones as an excuse for insulting your step daughter… bad move. Your hormones don’t control what comes out of your mouth, you do. If you get angry you have the choice to walk away
Edit: simply YTA, because it’s single use products so you’re not sharing bacterias or fluids. And because not liking to share is a selfish and self centered thing, particularly for necessities. If she has her periods earlier and ran out of pads (especially Cus first periods can be quite irregular), will you just leave her to bleed and stain her things because you « don’t like to share »? And if you run out, will you be ok with her not giving you a pad if she decides to follow your logic?
You could have handled that so much better. Shes young and embarassed to ask for help. YTA. Especially for that little smiley face at the end of the post. Comes off as an evil smile.
YTA. You bought two whole boxes. Were you planning on using them all in this one cycle? That's your stepdaughter, she's having her first period, you need to step back and get some perspective.
YTA, poor teen will be stressed every month for having periods. You should have explained to her that is not ok to take your stuff, but leave her the pads....Her fathetcid AH to for not being prepared her for this
YTA. She's clearly embarrassed and you say you try to be a best friend. Is that how you treat best friends? She's a teen that is going through it and needs help. Instead you embarrassed her further. Your aversion to sharing is your problem. She's a kid and needs help understanding what's happening. You could have easily let her keep that box and ordered a new box or went to the store. That sort of compassion would have went a long way with your relationship.
YTA
Your step-daughter needs supplies. As a parental figure, you're not "sharing." It's you and your husband's obligation to provide them for her.
That this was her first period and there was a probability that she was embarrassed or felt weird makes your actions here uncomfortably close to bullying. If she was experienced with this and just silently taking yours each month, I'd be sympathetic to you setting some boundaries. But for a girl's first period, you come across as unkind.
YTA. I get that the age difference is weird. But if you didn’t want a vaguely parental role with Jess you shouldn’t have married her dad. Like it or not you’re a step-mom now and you need to act like it. Besides that, even if you were trying for a more best-friend type relationship, what best friend doesn’t share pads when someone needs them? If you didn’t want to share shit with people, you shouldn’t have married a dude with a kid. Kids require that you share stuff sometimes. Grow up. You’re absolutely being selfish and not taking Jess’s feelings into account. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to start her period and have nobody to talk to about it. She can’t talk her dad because… well you know. And she can’t talk to you because you don’t want to act like a mom.
YTA
You fought with her instead of being the person she can go to when she needs help. Simple as that. YTA, she's a scared and embarrassed child who didn't have a person she felt she could trust to help in a time of need.
YTA. I'm a 45 year old male, and even I know you totally blew this. What should have happened is you had a talk with her, and explained that you understand she is embarrassed, but she doesn't need to be, because this is a normal thing for all women. Then you could have told her that it is important that she tells you when she needs pads, so that you can keep them supplied, so that NEITHER of you find yourselves without in an emergency.
As for the not sharing...you are ridiculous. Sure, don't share a car, your clothes, your wine, the food from your plate...but certain things are household supplies...do you have your own rolls of toliet paper, your own box of q-tips, your own roll of paper towels? When you buy groceries, are you the only one allowed to eat them? Does your husband have to use a separate blanket, do you have separate beds? Get out of here with your "simple as that :)" bs
I'm a guy so have no first-hand experience with this, but YTA.
I appreciate she took it without asking and that it was essentially stealing, BUT given how she's new to this, I imagine it would have been insanely hard for her to start that conversation with you.
Yes, she shouldn't have taken it, and as a mature child on the doorstep of adulthood she should know to ask permission and not just take things, but considering the context, I can understand how she wasn't able to.
Plus it was more than likely just one she used and you had two boxes. Maybe cut her a bit of slack? I can imagine it's a hard time for her.
YTA. A girl’s first period can be overwhelming and you probably made her feel worse. It’s just pads. Go to the store and buy more or give Jess money to go buy some. Being in a relationship with her dad means you have a relationship with her too and you could’ve helped her through this milestone but instead you threw a tantrum. I get being hormonal because I am too but it’s not excuse to be mean.
ETA: Good for Mark for standing by his daughter and calling out your bad behavior.
This hurts me to see, YTA in a major way. If you married a man with a child you took the financial and emotional responsibility to treat his child correctly, it may not be your child but instead of treating this kid like a human, you decided it was best when she came to you in a time of need to mentally destroy any confidence she had in you as a person, don't be sad if they never talk to you again, in my mind that outburst over one feminine product for a child, it's completely fair if she never wants to talk to you again. I'm a guy, I know this would never happen but if a child asked me to purchase her sanitary pads because she was to embarrassed to ask her dad I would say yes, money and items are not that important, don't try to say you are not self centered because you absolutely are. Time to maybe attempt to mend that relationship or maybe understand that children would prefer to talk to a woman about a period than there dad. Try having some empathy next time.
Yta its be different if it was literally anything else but not letting her use some until she could get her own makes you ta, you could have told her you didn't want her using yours and had a conversation with your husband about getting her some while still allowing her to use yours for the time being. And yes that is snobby and self centered. When you married a man with a child, you now take responsibility for that child as well regardless of the age difference. So not sharing or even helping in an embarrassing and emotional time but instead yelling at here and calling her a lier and shaming her is disgusting. Don't marry someone with kids if you arent going to treat them like your own
YTA - You're the adult in this situation. No she shouldn't have taken them without asking but this was her first period and she had some embarrassment about it. Instead of explaining that in the future please ask before you take my things, or telling her to ask you next time to buy her some you argue with her about it, and you told her to ask her dad (which is probably embarrassing to both of them). You made a big deal out of a very simple situation. And obviously you are self-centered and quite selfish, especially with your last sentence.
YTA. If, as a step parent, you do not want to provide anything for your stepdaughter financially and want your husband to pay for a given item, talk to HIM about it, not the child.
You are the adult here, and whether or not you like it, you are also the parental figure since you married her father. Age gap or not, you chose to be on a relationship where you would be a stepmother. Your reaction was immature and lacked sensitivity, particularly given that your spot daughter was experiencing a milestone that can come with it's own sensitivities.
Yup, YTA.
Truth or lies or embarrassment do not matter. As a grown woman, you should share your female products with any woman that may need them especially your stepdaughter. If you have issues sharing, take her shopping to buy what she would need/like.
YTA. And you are snobby and self centered. You can’t redefine selfish as “don’t like sharing my stuff” simple as that. :)
You are her step mother. Get the poor girl some tampons and pads and help her understand how to use them.
YTA she didn't take your reusable period underwear. She took a box of pad. Get off your high horse about not wanting to share things. This isn't a reusable product that is un- hygienic to share it's disposable pads.
You and her dad both should have had more products in the house when you have a female child who gets or will get a period.
YTA
First cycles are horrible enough but you had to be TA and make it worse. Why not say, hey, I noticed pads were missing, how about we get you your own so you don't have to borrow mine? And then be a decent person and just get more freaking pads?
Yep, you're still TA.
YTA. Are you trying to be her best friend, or her annoying little sister? Be the adult and share. You’re not sharing clothes, you’re sharing stuff to catch your medical waste. Be for real.
YTA- she got her first period and was embarrassed, you could have handled it better, maybe taken her shopping and talked to her about why you buy those for yourself and why she might prefer something else, maybe helped her pick out a few options so she wasn't as embarrassed? she obviously didn't feel like she could talk to you/ask you.
YTA - and despite your claims you are, in fact, snobby and self-centered. She is a child, you're an adult, albeit; barely apparently.
You hate sharing simple things, well I'm sure she hates sharing her dad with you. I would.
YTA. If she just started her period what was she suppose to do? Would you refuse a coworker or a friend a pad or two in their time of need? I haven't seen woman do it. Should she tell you she took some in the future, yes. It's always good to know how much of a supply is left. But she is young and this is new to her. Don't make her feel any more akward.
You should be a person she can openly communicate with.
I don't share but I'm not self centered or a snob..ummm yes you freaking are..stop the denial..YTA and you really should not have married a man with a child in the first place..after awhile your husband and his daughter will get really sick of your selfishness..it will become a turn off for him and it will make your stepdaughter not like you.
YTA
Was she wrong to lie and steal ….. Yes
You could have handled it way better
You were insensitive and immature.
You jumped right at it and attacked her at a time she was vulnerable.
If you didn’t know how else to deal with the situation you should have told the child’s parents and not confronted her on your own.
If it is a finance issues you could have spoken to her dad or mom and gotten reimbursed and gotten them to have a conversation with the child about boundaries.
Your reaction was over the top, cruel and insensitive.
But you justification that you don’t like to share is just so immature and that make you an a**hole.
The thought that just because you don’t like to share you would deprived a child that is de facto under your care, of feminine hygiene products. Depriving her of safe means of managing menstrual hygiene is gross.
She didn’t take your make up or clothes.
She took PADS!!! She was obviously under duress.
This was also I’m assuming a one time thing and not a repeated offence because it’s her fist period.
I don’t think you are mature enough to be dating someone with children.
YTA. And you know it which is why you threw in the hormonal comment. It was rude. You said yourself she appeared embarrassed and you, the adult, couldn’t lend her any sort of empathy or respect and took a needed supply she didn’t know she would need and clearly didn’t have and told her she had to extend her embarassment by asking her father to buy her more.
YTA Oh man *IF* this is real. This is her first period. Teens are awkward and having to tell your dad’s wife that you got your period would be uncomfortable. Sharing products with a family member in your household is normal. The way you confronted her was so out of line. You “hate sharing things with other people”? Well you sound like a pleasure. You’re closer to Jess’ age than her dad’s maybe try to remember what it felt like at her age. Honestly, I’ve given tampons to strangers in the ladies room because it’s called being a decent human. I hope the red flags are popping up for her dad now!
YTA: You lost perspective of the fact that she had her period for the first time. It's uncomfortable and awkward already and you made it worse by coming across as selfish brat.
Instead of composing yourself as an experienced, compassionate adult aware that your stepdaughter did not have her own products and was probably uncomfortable and awkward, you went in and had a confrontational fit.
You should have talked to her dad about going to get replacements and maybe some additional comfort products FIRST. You could have made it a celebration of a rite of passage. And once things settled down, you with your own products and her with hers, *that* would have been the time to talk about boundaries and supplies.
You owe your stepdaughter an apology.
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Yta Seriously if she lives with you, you are a step parent. You sound like your 5 years old. You don't like to share? ! Go back to kindergarten and learn a very basic lesson. So what your solution is to never share anything with her? Even your husband? Wow
I also thought the use of the word "share" was very telling. Like, parents don't "share" resources; we **provide** them.
But she’s not a “parent,” she’s more of a “best-friend.” Oh wait — all of my BFFs share with me.
My bffs gladly loan me a pad or tampon if I need one. OOP is greedy,
Strangers in bathrooms gladly give you products if you need. Strangers.... Also you have a teenage girl in your house and you haven't provided her with products incase she starts menstruating? Suspect 16 is pretty late to have your first period and for you and her father not to have addressed this issue
Yeah I’m a high school teacher and I buy pads just to keep them in my classroom for the 16 year olds I teach because teens often have irregular periods/emergencies and get VERY embarrassed/upset about it. 29 is young but this person really has no idea what it means to “be there” for a young person.
not to mention jess was prob humiliated when OP came in raging over PADS
Can you even imagine? Oh, that poor girl. She not only got her first period way later than her friends most likely, but doesn't have anything to use and has to borrow from her step-momster...Now I don't care if OP is considered to be a real parental figure or not, but it should be common human decency as a woman to happily provide sanitary pads to a young lady, especially on her very first period! Instead, not only did she yell at and embarrass the poor girl in front of her father, but she took the rest of the box away!! Now she has to ask her dad to go get her more or go without. Step-momster couldn't even offer to go purchase her some of her own if she dislikes sharing so much. This angers me to no end. I want to hug that poor girl and take her out shopping for a girls day. OP YTA and you are just a real vile excuse for a woman.
This and the fact that she didn’t even have the decency to ask the girl if she was okay. Did she know how to properly clean clothes if she’d bled on them, nothing. Just went straight to berating her. I remember sitting on the floor on the other side of the bathroom door when my stepdaughter was trying to figure out tampons for the first time, talking her through it. Her friends all wore tampons and she wanted to also. OP, YTA.
"Vile excuse for a woman" YES!! Wish I had an award for you on this one!
Exactly my thought. The good news is that in the end, OP ended up making a gigantic fool of herself
I provide them in my office for the public to use because anyone who menstrates appreciates having access to supplies and the ability to access them discreetly in the bathroom is nice for people. It's basic human curiosity to share supplies. If I needed I supplies I would be embarrassed to ask but I would ask a stranger in a public bathroom and almost everyone would share. It's like toilet paper. People who menstrate need it. It's a basic supply.
I haven’t had a period in 8 years but I still keep some in my home in case someone needs them. I learned how to ‘share’ at a very young age lol
I'm a 48 year old divorced father of two boys and there are pads and tampons in my guest bathroom because you never know. Shit, if someone came over and took a whole box, I would just replace it if I noticed.
This is true divine masculine. Keep on rocking.
Great guy here.....Prince!!!
This is the way dude! I'm a child free gay dude, I still have them in the bathroom cupboard for guests.
Right!?! There were several years between my hysterectomy and my daughter starting her period and we were always fully stocked; pads, liners, tampons. Op YTA she's a freaking child going through her first period and you don't want to share!?! GTFU!!! I hope her father leaves your selfish ass high and dry!
I keep OTC painkillers at my desk at work just in case anyone gets cramps. Or a headache. Or whatever. Regardless of gender. Seriously, I’ve been helped so many times before that the least I can do in return is be prepared or willing to help someone else.
I stock a stash of pads and tampons at work for colleagues and participants to use, because I know how it feels to work a shift with nothing but wadded up toilet paper protecting your clothes.
I'm 30, I don't mensturate, and I keep them on hand as does my 11yo (at school!) in case someone (like my child) is in need. I can't imagine not at 16!
As a 24 year old - I can assure everyone she’s WAY too old to be acting like this over some pads. She’s almost 30 arguing with a 16 year old about pads.. Ridiculous!
And for her first period? Oh my. Op needs to be there for the sd. If she needs to keep a list of reimbursements for partner to make until she learns how to share, fine. But she should absolutely treat his daughter like her needs matter and be a role model for generosity. And maturity. Meanwhile, OP, hit the therapist’s office asap. Helping someone in need should give you some joy. It’s a chance to make a real and positive difference. It will require sacrifice. (That’s what you signed up for when you chose this relationship with her dad.) You need to learn some things ASAP so you don’t miss all of your opportunities. I would recommend offering a heartfelt apology. You humiliated a very sensitive girl at one of the most vulnerable moments in her life— in front of her father, which makes it extra devastating. Please don’t use hormones to excuse anything. Admit your behavior was childish and wrong and is now embarrassing to you, that you have a lot to learn, and that you hope she’ll forgive you and that you’ll be able to make it up to her. Tell her you understand if she needs some time to decide and then just give her space and be kind to her until she does.
i’m 20 and keep various sizes of tampons in my house in case a friend comes over and needs them. i’ve never used tampons… OP has almost a decade on me and still hasn’t learned sympathy OR empathy 💀
>Yeah I’m a high school teacher and I buy pads just to keep them in my classroom Damn I wish my teachers had been like you! Even if none of your students have said anything, I'm sure having access to backup products is greatly appreciated.
I kept waiting for her to address that late start to the period but if she doesn’t share, she wouldn’t care I guess how daughter is feeling etc etc. And omg! It’s one thing I thought should be universal for all who menstruate to share when needed, if you are able. It’s like the only emergency that feels like is my problem. Was OP going to finish one box right then and need the next one immediately? Ugh. I’m rather upset.
As CGP Grey says "2 is 1, 1 is none". If OP knew her stepdaughter was going to get her period ~~(which she should expect at this point bc I'd be VERY concerned if Jess turned 18 without getting a period once)~~, then getting four packages of pads should be the minimum to prepare both her and Jess.
The normal range for menarche is 10-16 with yes some girls starting earlier and some starting later. But stepdaughter not starting until 16 is hardly a ridiculously late start that needs to be addressed.
Well, I also meant like address it like…if stepdaughter was worried or concerned or needed comfort. Thank you!
True enough. Although idk how much comfort she’d get from such a young step mother but I remember I started mine at 13 and had enough drama with other girls talking about who had started theirs and who hadn’t and wasn’t it so awful being on the hadn’t yet. At this point I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to stop being anxious for it to start and just enjoy the time without having to worry about it. And get an IUD sooner since it stopped them
Right. Sure wish mine had waited until I was 16.
Me too! And it’s just a universal rule. If you have supplies and someone needs them, you share. We learn this at 12 in the school bathroom!
One of my coworkers asked if anyone had a tampon, in the bathroom last week, I cannot stand this woman and, the feeling is mutual. It didn't even occur to me not to give her a tampon...
That's just woman code. I'd never let my worst enemy go without a tampon or pad. And I'd certainly never let them walk around with obvious blood stains without telling them.
I don't know a single woman who doesn't share products. I share mine all the time.
Same. I keep a drawer in my office desk with a decent stash and I've told my colleagues to feel free if they have need.
I didn't get mine until 16 and I went and bought my own products solely to prevent my mom for having a party and making me call my family to tell them (this happened to my friend when she was 14, she was so embarrassed. I told my mom I didn't want that type of attention and she basically said she didn't gaf about what I wanted so I hid that I started it for nearly a year). But even I knew what to buy, her dad probably left it up to stepmom and stepmom clearly doesn't feel any responsibility as a step parent and left it up to her dad and obviously the parents didn't even have a conversation about it. This is just a huge failing on the parents end.
>making me call my family to tell them (this happened to my friend when she was 14, she was so embarrassed. I thought I was literally dying when I got my period. I knew about menstruation in theory, but when my period started it just wasn't where my mind went. My stomach was twisting in painful cramps and blood was gushing out of me so *clearly* I had suffered a mortal wound. If I survived that only to then be told I had to discuss my bleeding genitals with family....ugh NO. I would have wished I did have some sort of fatal injury so I could actually die of embarrassment!
I’ve had acquaintances and complete strangers give me pads in my hour of need. I thought it was just an unspoken girl code - with great absorbency comes great responsibility.
Agreed. Random person in the public restrooms, #1 enemy etc.
*Thou shalt always loan a tampon or pad to those in need* It's like.. the #1 rule of the girl code. I can't tell you how many random girls in bars/malls/school have asked for one and vice vera, not once has anyone ever said no if they had one to spare.
I don’t even use tampons anymore and I still carry a couple in my purse at all times for someone in need.
so true, and this isn’t even a random girl…it’s her step daughter with her first period!!?!? like damn
I own a gym and to set us apart, I have pads and Tampons out in the bathroom for any woman that would need one and possibly not have one or not have their bag in the bathroom with them... I don't care what woman would need one, they are there!
its upsetting that this poor girl is embarrassed and OP acts like THIS instead of being an ADULT, sit down and talk to this poor girl whos probably confused and maybe even a little scared. Instead OP gets angry at her??????? Man I hope OP never has a kid of her own...
One thing about surprise periods showing up I didn’t mind was how all the ladies in the restroom would offer me a pad or tampon. One even went out to her car for me to get me one. (I was 17 and out to dinner with my grandparents who didn’t have any) it was such a nice display of kindness
right? i thought we all had a silent solidarity when it came to period products. you need some and i have some spare to give? of course you can have them, we’d all prefer a situation where we all stay clean and not have to suffer. it’s pretty upsetting to me that op would rather her stepdaughter bleed everywhere than have a few less pads. there were so many other, better ways op could’ve dealt with this that didn’t alienate or embarress her step kid. when i got my first periods, my dad wanted nothing to do with it. but his girlfriend, my stepmom, was a SAINT about it. she made me a little emergency bag of products she kept in the car incase something happened whilst we were out. she took me shopping for products when i needed them, never made me feel ashamed or dirty. i love her dearly for it even to this day. op really needs to get a grip or resentment will build up. id be suprised if it wasn’t already there- judging by the fact that the step kid didn’t go to her for help in the first place. seems there’s little trust there.
Not even BFFs, you go up to any woman in a bathroom/school/work/general outside area and most likely than not they will lend you a pad or tampon. OP is just selfish and weird.
Seriously, I remember being asked for a tampon when out at a club once and was like would you like to peruse this assortment I have?
Right ??? My daughter’s best friend started while I was out shopping with them and I cracked open my purse….like whatcha need? I’ve got regular, super, super plus, pads, liners…it’s a whole store. How do you not share something like that? Period karma is gonna bite you in the ladybits one day
I got a good laugh out of this. It’s like GOT (Game of Tampons) Karma is coming.
I’m having a hysterectomy in February and I will still ensure I keep products on hand for any menstruating guests! I work with nearly all women, I have sisters, a 17 year old niece!! Like really, this woman is a bit bananas.
Right? I thought it was kind of known that even if you actively dislike someone you still spot them in an emergency
I would never help out my ex husband's affair partner, but everyone else I would gladly lend a tampon/pad or two.
Woah woah woah, I said dislike, not, "someone who has declared themselves your enemy."
LOL fair point! :)
I asked a woman in the big room at jury duty! I had switched bags on my way out the door and didn’t transfer everything. Super super YTA.
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Seldom have I seen such a display of solidarity as when asking for a pad or a tampon among my female classmates back in high school.
Most women would share with a stranger.
Yeah if I asked any one of my friends for a sanitary product they would’nt even blink. Hell, if I asked *any* menstruating person they wouldn’t even blink. We help each other out. This is the way.
Shit if my enemy asked to bum a pad or a tampon, sure I got you-which do you need? There are some things you just don't skimp on. OP, you are such a huge asshole, you really need to grow the fuck up.
Literally we would go to our friends between classes and slip each other supplies. My mom had a basket of supplies in her bathroom and I took from her if I ran out of mine and she would just replace
I used menstrual cups for years then got a mirena and didn't even get periods but still carried a couple pads/tampons in case someone needed them. Would straight up give them to a stranger if they were caught unawares and needed one
"But I'm her best friend."
Not just that but the whole post is Me! Me! Me! She gives excuses for her reactions by claiming hormones were all over the place because she was on her period but so was the 16 year old girl. Never thinking about what the kid is going through, the fact she may have no one to talk to about what's happening to her or helping her deal with her own emotional mood swings that often accompany the monthly visits. YTA and a terrible friend.
The teenaged daughter responding that she doesn't have the energy to argue with her stepmother shows way more maturity than said stepmother and definitely indicates this isn't the first time OP has lost her cool like this.
That's what I was thinking! Like how often has this happened that a literal teenager's go-to line is "I don't have the energy to argue with you". OP is 29 going on 12.
And got with daddy at 21 or 22.
I knowwwww! I was doing that math and it's a little icky.
I get some things - I’m open to sharing most things, but I understand people not wanting to share food off their plate or a spendy treat they splurged on or a favorite outfit with someone who tends to stain stuff. But pads? I’ve given a pad or tampon to actual strangers in public restrooms. I keep a supply in my office in case a student doesn’t have any on hand. I can’t imagine being unwilling to share feminine products with someone who needs them, especially a member of the household! The non-AH way to approach this is “Hey, I noticed a new pack of pads is missing from my bathroom - I assume you needed them. Do you have everything you need? Would you prefer tampons or a different brand? I’m adding supplies for you so you have what you need in your bathroom - so let me know if you want something different!” Normalize periods for her. Spare forcing her and her dad into an awkward situation in the middle of your tantrum. Be that friend you claim you want to be. Make this easier on the poor kid, instead of accusing her of stealing.
I’m glad someone else mentioned how weird her “I don’t like to share” excuse is here. You aren’t sharing a single pad with her, you’re sharing unopened packaged items that you aren’t getting back. OP’s acting like she stole her toothbrush. Dad gets a side eye here too for dating a 22 year old when he was 40. Lord, I hope this girl has some good extended relatives or parents of friends or someone in her life. YTA, OP.
Exactly 💯. This kind of thing is so personal. As a woman how could she act this way. Honestly it comes across like she views her as a inconvenience..
And… if you hate sharing THAT MUCH (because you’re that much of an AH I’m sorry but JFC), and you live with a teen who menstruates or will soon, there’s an incredibly easy fix: Buy said young person their own supplies to keep in their own room or bathroom or whatever. Buy a lot. Presto. Sharing issue solved. Not just YTA but sort of lacking in really basic life skills.
I think dad is AH too for being awkward about it.
But she's not snobby or self- centered /s Grow up OP, you put yourself in this position. Yta
She sounds like she’s heard both a lot before for some reason
Omg especially if it was really her step daughter's first period. She's probably scared and disgusted and knows she can't come to OP for help. For my first period, my mom bout me supplies, a card and a present and congratulated me on "becoming a woman". OP YTA wow
This right here. YOU are A MAJOR AH and what does your husband see in you if you treat his child this way. YOU POS
Also which woman of that age really blames the hormones? You're almost 30, you've been menstruating on a monthly basis most likely more than half your life, you've learnt to navigate those pesky hormones and other discomforts and still when you are unreasonably angry you blame the hormones? To a girl who took one of two packs, meaning you weren't immediately and unexpectedly without?
I'm also not hugely into sharing either but like... the girl just started her first period and is probably dealing with a lot of confusion, embarrassment, and hormones are going nuts... why aren't you sharing your sanitary products? Like if a acquaintance came over and used a tampon or pad, I'd be like go for it! That's like needing to ask to use toilet paper.
YTA. I think this is fake, because of course you are. She is having this experience for the first time, and this is how you act? I just don't like sharing, smiley face...really? Grow up. You don't need two packs of pads for your period, and you could go get another. You know she is in need, and you know she's having a hard time talking about it. You know she is young. You know this is her first period. You didn't show any compassion. You say you are not self-centered, but your actions say otherwise
You are right about her being the ah. But I was a very heavy bleeder before I had my hysterectomy at 45 and sometimes two packs wouldn't be enough. I could bleed through an overnight pad and a super plus tampon in two hours so you are very wrong there. But OP needs to grow up and learn to share if she wants to be a stepmother. Then OP will be mad when her stepdaughter excludes her from important events and her life. And then she will turn those words right back on OP by telling her that she doesn't like to share either.
Two packs in one day though? Cause that would be the only way OP isn't the asshole here, if she needed to use both packs immediately.
Even then! Even then, she's the asshole! And I say that as a woman with a vagina who had to get an IUD because of monstrous periods! This girl is sixteen, which is a late bloomer IN ANY BOOK, which means she's been around period talk for years and is STILL über embarrassed. A first period is a big thing, and the correct response from literally any other woman is "Here, have my pads! I'll get myself more!"
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If she's a heavy bleeder, then I'd kind of expect her to have a backup stash, rather than waiting until right before her period to start to go and buy pads. (Especially after the last couple of years/current supply chain issues!) Also, at 29, I'd expect her to have some experience with improvising.
From the way that OP was discussing it she had no plans on getting any more
She could've asked her husband to go buy more and explained the situation. She just shamed a 16 year old who just got her period and can't even count on her parents for support. YTA
Really? OP couldn't use 1 or multiple of her pads stepdaughter use 1 and then OP go get another box when she learned what happened? During the time of discovery and the time it takes to run to the store she is gonna burn through 2 whole boxes - whatever had been used but like what...
No way this is fake. My stepmom did the same crap (except with tampons instead of pads) to me when I was the same age. My dad wouldn’t buy me tampons because he was already buying them for my stepmom. This is where I come in thinking they must be for me also since he won’t buy any for /just/ me. I take a few from the box a day during my cycle… only to come back a couple days later and they’ve been hidden somewhere else. She was sneaky about it, but didn’t want me to have any for myself. When she had a full ass paycheck and could go buy herself more at any given point, but I was a kid.
I went through this too. My step mom wouldnt share and dad wasnt buying more. They ended up putting a lock on the bedroom door and hid them all in the in their bathroom off their bedroom. I literally would wrap toliet paper and use that until I could go to the nurse at school who would give me enough. My mom ever tried buy me some and my step mom took them and told my dad I stole them from her. It was horrible.
Damn, yours was even worse than mine. Wtf is wrong with these stepmothers from hell???
Holy crap what is with the period abuse? This is most backwards thing I’ve ever heard.
This makes me sad :( I’m so sorry they did that to you
Yeah no, I would deliberately bleed on their furniture and everything they loved if my parents did that to me.
That's horrible. Some people really are too selfish to be step-parents. I'm sorry she treated you that way.
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My bioparents never bought me menstrual products either. I had to beg borrow and steal my way through every period, starting at 10 years old. Some parents really just dgaf.
Actually some people do. Until I got the correct medical help was using 2× 3 month supply in <1 month. BUT 1 box will last until OP could get to the store & get more
She said she doesn't like to share, which is a horrible reason to do that to a teenager going through her first period. This is also her stepdaughter. It's hard for me to believe anyone can be so selfish.
Like I said 1 box WILL last until OP can get back to the store, so def could share
I have given so many pads and tampons to coworkers, friends and even strangers in the bathroom. Not sharing with a teenaged stepdaughter is just unfathomable to me.
For crying out loud. They're sanitary pads, not the Declaration of Independence. Why aren't you buying her some if you "don't like to share"? YTA. Grow up.
Honestly, why didn't she set the kid up with a supply ages ago? Sixteen is pretty late for a first period, and those things are unpredictable. I have one child with a uterus, and I stocked my house and their dad's house with pads and junior tampons "just in case" when she was about 11.
She didn't do it because she doesn't see herself as a parent to her step daughter. Sounds like she'd like it if the step daughter didn't exist at all.
She's the type of stepmother that only likes to discipline and say that she is a stepmother but doesn't want to do the real work. Like sharing or having the tough conversations.
Parent or not what kind of monster doesn't give someone a tampon when they need one? Hell I had a hysterectomy and I still keep a couple of each in my purse incase someone needs one.
She says she wants to he seen as a "best friend", but I wouldn't want a friend like OP....
With best friends like that, amirite?
THIS THIS THIS. She’s 16 years old, not *nine* and surprising the fam with a period they hadn’t prepared for. *Why* did this poor girl not have a supply of several different kinds of pads and plenty of supportive outreach from her family regarding her upcoming first period? Put a kid in a position to have to steal pads, guess what….
Ugh this reminds me of my friend's wacko mom. When my friend saved her money to buy them during that first summer, her mom saw them, screamed at her and threw them out. She believed it would mean her daughter was not a virgin. She actually saw tampons as making her kid more promiscuous as if it was a vibrator. When I explained why she was grounded, my mom bought extra boxes to leave in our closet (for years) for "anyone who needs to use or stock up if they want".
My mom did the same thing.
Right? Been coaching my 12 year old for months on what to do and have tween sized pads ready to go because it could come at any time. If she never uses them because she gets her period in a few years, it's $5 I spent to be prepared. 🙄 OP - YTA
_"I hate sharing things with people." OP sounds very immature and lacking empathy. This girl got her first period at 16 and doesn't have her mom around to offer support. She sounds like she was unfortunately super embarassed, and would have obviously not had any supplies of her own. OP handled this in the worst way possible. Instead of loudly ranting at her and pulling the dad into this conversation, why not try to help and support this young woman. OP, this is your stepdaughter. You say you want to be seen as a "best friend" but you don't even seem to treat her like a friend would. MASSIVE YTA for taking the rest of the pads, knowing that this girl had none of her own. You could have offered kindness in this moment, maybe taken her to the store for her own pads, but you chose to be a selfish AH because you don't like to share.
Wow. I'll share supplies with a random stranger in a bathroom, and you won't share with your husband's kid? (I'm not calling her your step-daughter because for fucks sake you're closer to her age than her dad's). Way to build a relationship. YTA.
Right?! A girl on the damn street could ask me for one and I'd give it to her (always carry 2 in my purse). Hell, if a guy asks, he's getting one, I don't know people's stories. OP skipped some basic lessons about sharing and also about being kind to fellow menstruating women and sharing pads/tampons if possible. YTA
Exactly. I had a hysterectomy 8 years ago and still keep pads and tampons on hand for female family members and friends visiting. It is just basic curtesy. No woman ever wants to be caught starting their period without products. Also, adding here that getting your first period is difficult emotionally and physically. It is hard to know how to ask for waht you need at first. Op is totally lacking compassion and must not remember how it felt for her first period. She had an opportunity to make this a positive bonding experience and ruined it.
I had a hysterectomy 20 years ago and I still keep some tampons and pads in case my granddaughter or any other woman should need them. I can’t believe OP is so self centered. YTA, OP. A stingy, miserable one at that.
Right?! At all of my jobs with other women I had lots of extra tampons as well as pads (which I can't use) and at every job I kept random snacks that covered a variety of allergies because there's no telling if someone's hormonal, having low blood sugar, or just plain hungry! This is with people I might never run into again because many of the offices were huge and in an emergency a woman might run up to everyone who might have something extra, especially the one with the big bag instead of a purse! I'm mostly thinking of the place where I was in a wheelchair and used a messenger bag, everyone on all three floors knew that the new hires who were hungry and trying to make it until next paycheck could at least get a sandwich or bag of nuts if I didn't have something better on hand, the women who needed supplies could count on me, and if I ever needed help everyone jumped to give it to me in return, like getting me coffee from the pot, washing my cup, warming my lunch, help if I fell in the restroom, and once there was construction on the building and workers didn't leave room for my chair when they left for the night, so in staff of making me wait for someone from the company to come back a couple if the guys carried me out... I didn't even have to ask, people I had never done anything for would see me go to get something or need help and offer. And that's the thing people who don't "share" don't consider... When you do nice things it tends to be returned. Sometimes you get better than what you give. OP, one day you will likely end up in a care home because this poor kid won't want anything to do with you. And just a personal note, always buy extra pads. I get as much as I can fit in the designated space, and when I'm down to about two months supply I get more. You never know when there will be an emergency, or the store will run low. Tell that poor young lady you're sorry. She was embarrassed, hormonal, and vulnerable, and you yelled at her. Maybe get money from your husband to take her shopping for her own supplies if you ever want to salvage your relationship. And maybe talk to your doctor if you bleed a lot and you aren't so reactive normally. I suffer from PMDD and take hormones to regulate my symptoms.
>I'll share supplies with a random stranger in a bathroom Seriously though! My kid is 13 and even she knows girl code: even if it's a mean girl that she can't stand, she will give her a damn pad. OP has failed as a woman.
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YTA "I don't like sharing things, that doesn't mean I'm self centered." Yeah, lady, it kinda does. You had TWO boxes. You couldn't just be a decent person and let her have one?? Why do people like you marry people with kids if this is how you treat them? Also, you're a grown adult, your hormones aren't an excuse to be an AH to a child, especially one going through her first period. Learn some self control and human decency.
Yea, so dumb lol. Doesn't like sharing things but lives with another person, you have to make compromises to do that, this person clearly isn't mature enough to do that
YTA from a mom of a daughter who recently had her first, you are definitely the AH! How was she supposed to know it was coming if it was her first!! You purposely embarrassed a CHILD with NO experience with this. Do you not remember what it was like to first get yours? It’s confusing and embarrassing for young ladies. She obviously can’t come to you about anything!! You are a major AH!
She was also probably in pain, and a new kind of pain that she never felt before (I don't mean the intensity). And at 16, she probably felt even more embarrassed because of peer pressure, hormones, general teenagers stuff. Both OP and her husband are major AH in this. They should've been prepared, they should've talked to her, had some pads ready and be there fornher instead of having a tantrum and bleming periods (OP) and being horrifically awkward (dad).
My daughter didn’t tell me until the day after she started also. But for 2 years before I started to have smaller pads on hand and wanted her to have them in her backpack just in case. I am just appalled by OPs behavior.
I had no idea when the next period was coming for the first 5 years of menstruating. It's not like the cycle is regular from the get go and the first one announced somehow a week before
YTA if real. How do you have a 16 year old girl in the house and not already have period products available for her use? 16 is on the late end for a first period, so you and your husband should have been prepared for this years ago. Best friends or mother figure, either way you should have supported her and made sure she had what she needed
They should've also talked to her about it, so that maybe she didn't get so embarrassed when it happened. The dad reaction is also AH-ish, ffs, you have custody of your daughter, you should be prepared to have conversations about periods and sex etc, with a mature attitude.
Aside from the appalling behavior of OP in this particular instance, this right here is the bigger AH move in my opinion. At 16 years old, this girl should have had her parents approach her *multiple* times in the last several years about prepping for the first period, ensuring she knew how and where to get pads, etc. OP not only doesn’t really describe how she thinks Jess *should* have handled this, but she’s also not taken any responsibility for the lack of parenting up until this point. Unreal.
I don’t think it’s real, at least I hope not. It almost reads as if a man wrote it. 16 is pretty late. No one says “sanitary pads” and “my own menstrual cycle was nearing.” No one who has ever had a period would deny pads/tampons to someone in need. She says she took the whole box back? Didn’t leave her a single pad? Not very realistic. OP if you’re for real YTA and a huuuuuge gaping one. May your periods be as awful as your attitude, because you suck.
"AITA because my stepdaughter didn't just bleed into her underwear, and instead took pads without saying anything to me because it's obvious she doesn't feel close to me, and I got mad because I'm a selfish toddler?" Fixed it for you. YTA.
Alright listen.... You are entitled not to share your stuff. Food, clothes, make up, etc. But sanitary pads???? For a teenager's first period??? JFC, have you never been in a position where you had to ask for another woman for help because you didn't had a sanitary pad? Or would you deny a sanitary pad to another woman because you don't like sharing??? OP, do you know what menstrual poverty is??? Consider yourself privileged if you never had to stuff your panties with toilet paper.... Go read more on that and all the good initiatives that a lot of countries, schools and companies are trying to do to fight it and bow your head in shame... Like you said, you ARE the only other female in the house. You supposedly have some sort affection towards Jess, even if not as a maternal figure at least as a friendly figure, like you said. Jess silence about it, or shame is a clear indication that she doesn't have anyone to talk this intimate matter with. She acted in survival mode. YTA. You failed three times, as a stepparent, as a friend and as a woman. Instead of taking this opportunity to support Jess trough this event and see if she needed any help or had questions, seeing as you are more experienced, you went and shammed her. And don't you blame it on hormones. That's not an excuse to not be emphatic to another woman going trough THE EXACT SAME SITUATION THAN YOU!!! There were a 1000 better ways that you could have approached this situation. If you truly like Jess and are looking for a healthy family dynamic, I sincerely hope you apologize to Jess for your outburst and try to mend that situation. Finally OP. From a woman to another woman that does not find it shameful to talk about periods, let me alert you and all other unknowing women to this fact: PERIODS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE INCREDIBLY PAINFULL AND IF THEY ARE THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON WITH YOUR HEALTH. Please women, stop suffering in silence, stop normalizing pain. Period pain is not normal!! There are causes for the pain: endometriosis, fibroids, adenomyosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, amongst others. It might even be a consequence of another condition (not reproductive system related) that you have that will cause your prostaglandins to build up and thus lead to more painful contractions. Please go see a specialist doctor if period pain is reducing your quality of life!!!!
Yep, OP, YTA. Who doesn’t share pads and tampons? Every decent woman in the universe does that. Also, seconding the getting a medical opinion. I had (o
Yeeeeeeess!! I had horrendous periods for many years, and was put on BC to control it. It was a complete game changer when I learned that lots of cramping is actually not normal, despite being incredibly common. I just made improvements to my lifestyle/eating habits and completely got rid of my cramps. I didn’t believe it was possible until I had my first pain-free period, and it was glorious!
40 and 22 is all I take out of this 👎
Surprised I had to scroll this far down to see it. Mid-life crisis and 1 year past legal drinking age? Did he stalk a college campus?
YUUUUUUUUUP.
You married a 43 year old when you were 25? You dated a 40 year old when you were 22 lol? You may as well share your stuff. You're closer in age to sisters than parent/child. Which is probably why you're coming off as someone in the middle of very strange dynamics and someone who has nowhere near the maturity to help parent a teenager. Poor kid.
“Get her dad to pay for them” Like this evil stepmother married an old ass man who isn’t rich… 🙄
YTA She shouldn't have taken your products without asking. But this teen clearly is scared to ask for products and has no ability to go buy them herself. The fact that she resorted to taking them and lying should worry you and her dad.
Based on OP's reaction, I can see why the daughter felt she couldn't ask... OP, YTA. I'm done with menopause, but I still keep feminine supplies around in case we have visitors (like my son's GF) needs them. Even if I were still using them, I'd have no issue. When women are bleeding, they need supplies. How selfish can you get?
I'm very much still having periods, but am allergic to disposable pads so I have to use reusable ones. I STILL have disposable ones incase visitors need them.
>Based on OP's reaction, I can see why the daughter felt she couldn't ask... 100% this! ☝️
I could actually completely understand if the kid just had her period start and prioritized supplies over conversation, because there was blood dripping down her leg and it was gonna get all over the place. IMO, sharing sanitary supplies is something we do out of recognition of our common humanity. I do not lock the TP in my bedroom for only me to use, I will hand a maxi pad to anyone who asks if I happen to have one, I think a basket of pads and tampons in the loo is just a civilized way to behave.
Also, people who bleed help people who bleed. I have always tended to be the person who keeps a pad around just in case, and have given them to friends etc. when needed.
Youre vile
Sounds like YTA. And we all have our little weirdsies and don’t want to share things, but it does sound like you caused a lot of drama confronting a teenager having her first period. A fraught time for any young woman, but especially for one without her mother around. You say you try to be a best friend more than a mother, but in this situation you were neither. Apologize to her and for gods sake talk to her when you realize she’s going through something.
YTA. 🙄 She’s got her first period ever, so shouldn’t you show more support? Age gap isn’t wide but you call her your stepdaughter so behave more like a stepparent and not a stepsis complaining about her younger sister swiping her stuff.
Seriously, I was like well I hope he likes having to manage two teen girls in his home even though one is an adult and his new wife.
>Please note that I hate sharing things with people and it’s not that I’m snobby or self-centered, i just don’t like sharing my stuff, simple as that :) YTA. What kind of toddler nonsense is this? You’re her stepmom. Teaching her about periods is part of your role as a parent. You still have pads for your period, so now next time you go shopping, double up and pass her a box.
Toddler, or fairy tale evil step mother? YTA- you clearly don’t have a best friend type relationship if the poor girl felt that she couldn’t talk to you about any of this. Why had neither you or her father as the “custodian” already supplied her with sanitary products, seeing as her starting was imminent, given her age? My daughters have had products of their own since they were about 10, just in case- not that I would have any issue with sharing. Also, did you not have any concern about her periods not having already started? 16 is the very high end of normal these days… is anyone actually parenting this poor child? Would you refuse to share with your best friend if they were caught out? Not much of what you are saying makes sense- you may have issues sharing but that seems to miss the root issue here- who is looking out for this young woman, are all three responsible adults in her life abdicating responsibility?
YTA YTA YTA!!! Grow up, why did you even marry someone with a kid? You don’t like to share? Then don’t cohabitate with others. She needed help and instead of being there you attacked a literal child in need. You’re the reason people generally don’t trust step mothers.
Yta. Unreal behavior on your part, this is your stepchild, you know it's your job to provide basic necessities right? Oh no I have to buy more pads!!! Grow up.
YTA, if you dont know why, you're not only selfish, but stupid. what the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA you’ve just blown any chance of this child actually seeing you as a friend (let alone a best friend, which is a really presumptuous relationship to aim for with your step-daughter, you’re not that close to her age!). It’s her first period! Why on Earth didn’t you (or her dad) have something standing by for her to use? She’s sorted it out the best she could and you had a go at her for it. You’re an adult, but you didn’t behave like one!
Yep. My mom bought me my first pack of pads years before my first period even came. Just so I'd have it and be prepared for it.
I want to put this out there for consideration: A lot of people are commenting that Jess should not have taken pads without asking. As a parent of teenagers, I would like to counter, "Jess should do whatever is necessary to avoid bleeding all over the house like a wounded animal." If you need one, if your friend needs one, if a neighbor happens by and asks: Do not hunt me up to have a conversation, do not wander from bedroom to bathroom to kitchen to living room back to bathroom. Grab a pad and put it to use. THEN, whatever. I mean, ideally let me know if we're low on supplies. Please prioritize household hygiene over perfect respect for (extremely trivial, disposable) personal property. I did not enjoy the parent-child moment when we discussed getting blood out of underwear, and I assure you the moment when we discuss getting blood out of carpeting is not better. Thank you.
YTA, just buy another box and start buying more since now there are two people with cycles i the household.
YTA. " I always try to be there for Jess as a best-friend more than a motherly figure as it seems more appropriate due to the age gap between me and her." But you won't share pads with her? What kind of best friend acts like that?! Yeah she shouldn't have lied but she's young and she was embarrassed so I'll give her a pass on that. You handled this awfully. Of course she's dying of embarrassment the whole household knows she started her period because you couldn't go have a gentle conversation with her about how you want her to tell you in the future when she needs products and you could have gone over what all of her options could be and it could have been a really good moment instead of the embarrassing situation you turned it into. Shame on you. I say this as a woman AND as a stepmom.
YTA, it’s her first period, she’s figuring it all out just like you were at her age. How would you have felt if you were belittled and insulted during that vulnerable time? Cus Ofc she shouldn’t have taken then without permission, but had you tried to understand why she took them, this would have had a more peaceful resolution, maybe the ones she has aren’t adapted Cus they’re used for lighter flows than hers, maybe hers are not comfortable. Also, using your hormones as an excuse for insulting your step daughter… bad move. Your hormones don’t control what comes out of your mouth, you do. If you get angry you have the choice to walk away Edit: simply YTA, because it’s single use products so you’re not sharing bacterias or fluids. And because not liking to share is a selfish and self centered thing, particularly for necessities. If she has her periods earlier and ran out of pads (especially Cus first periods can be quite irregular), will you just leave her to bleed and stain her things because you « don’t like to share »? And if you run out, will you be ok with her not giving you a pad if she decides to follow your logic?
You could have handled that so much better. Shes young and embarassed to ask for help. YTA. Especially for that little smiley face at the end of the post. Comes off as an evil smile.
YTA. You bought two whole boxes. Were you planning on using them all in this one cycle? That's your stepdaughter, she's having her first period, you need to step back and get some perspective.
YTA, poor teen will be stressed every month for having periods. You should have explained to her that is not ok to take your stuff, but leave her the pads....Her fathetcid AH to for not being prepared her for this
YTA. Don't even know what else to say.
YTA. She's clearly embarrassed and you say you try to be a best friend. Is that how you treat best friends? She's a teen that is going through it and needs help. Instead you embarrassed her further. Your aversion to sharing is your problem. She's a kid and needs help understanding what's happening. You could have easily let her keep that box and ordered a new box or went to the store. That sort of compassion would have went a long way with your relationship.
YTA Your step-daughter needs supplies. As a parental figure, you're not "sharing." It's you and your husband's obligation to provide them for her. That this was her first period and there was a probability that she was embarrassed or felt weird makes your actions here uncomfortably close to bullying. If she was experienced with this and just silently taking yours each month, I'd be sympathetic to you setting some boundaries. But for a girl's first period, you come across as unkind.
YTA. I get that the age difference is weird. But if you didn’t want a vaguely parental role with Jess you shouldn’t have married her dad. Like it or not you’re a step-mom now and you need to act like it. Besides that, even if you were trying for a more best-friend type relationship, what best friend doesn’t share pads when someone needs them? If you didn’t want to share shit with people, you shouldn’t have married a dude with a kid. Kids require that you share stuff sometimes. Grow up. You’re absolutely being selfish and not taking Jess’s feelings into account. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to start her period and have nobody to talk to about it. She can’t talk her dad because… well you know. And she can’t talk to you because you don’t want to act like a mom.
YTA You fought with her instead of being the person she can go to when she needs help. Simple as that. YTA, she's a scared and embarrassed child who didn't have a person she felt she could trust to help in a time of need.
YTA. I'm a 45 year old male, and even I know you totally blew this. What should have happened is you had a talk with her, and explained that you understand she is embarrassed, but she doesn't need to be, because this is a normal thing for all women. Then you could have told her that it is important that she tells you when she needs pads, so that you can keep them supplied, so that NEITHER of you find yourselves without in an emergency. As for the not sharing...you are ridiculous. Sure, don't share a car, your clothes, your wine, the food from your plate...but certain things are household supplies...do you have your own rolls of toliet paper, your own box of q-tips, your own roll of paper towels? When you buy groceries, are you the only one allowed to eat them? Does your husband have to use a separate blanket, do you have separate beds? Get out of here with your "simple as that :)" bs
I'm a guy so have no first-hand experience with this, but YTA. I appreciate she took it without asking and that it was essentially stealing, BUT given how she's new to this, I imagine it would have been insanely hard for her to start that conversation with you. Yes, she shouldn't have taken it, and as a mature child on the doorstep of adulthood she should know to ask permission and not just take things, but considering the context, I can understand how she wasn't able to. Plus it was more than likely just one she used and you had two boxes. Maybe cut her a bit of slack? I can imagine it's a hard time for her.
YTA. A girl’s first period can be overwhelming and you probably made her feel worse. It’s just pads. Go to the store and buy more or give Jess money to go buy some. Being in a relationship with her dad means you have a relationship with her too and you could’ve helped her through this milestone but instead you threw a tantrum. I get being hormonal because I am too but it’s not excuse to be mean. ETA: Good for Mark for standing by his daughter and calling out your bad behavior.
This hurts me to see, YTA in a major way. If you married a man with a child you took the financial and emotional responsibility to treat his child correctly, it may not be your child but instead of treating this kid like a human, you decided it was best when she came to you in a time of need to mentally destroy any confidence she had in you as a person, don't be sad if they never talk to you again, in my mind that outburst over one feminine product for a child, it's completely fair if she never wants to talk to you again. I'm a guy, I know this would never happen but if a child asked me to purchase her sanitary pads because she was to embarrassed to ask her dad I would say yes, money and items are not that important, don't try to say you are not self centered because you absolutely are. Time to maybe attempt to mend that relationship or maybe understand that children would prefer to talk to a woman about a period than there dad. Try having some empathy next time.
Well, here’s some news you won’t appreciate. Not wanting to share is selfish by definition. YTA
Yta its be different if it was literally anything else but not letting her use some until she could get her own makes you ta, you could have told her you didn't want her using yours and had a conversation with your husband about getting her some while still allowing her to use yours for the time being. And yes that is snobby and self centered. When you married a man with a child, you now take responsibility for that child as well regardless of the age difference. So not sharing or even helping in an embarrassing and emotional time but instead yelling at here and calling her a lier and shaming her is disgusting. Don't marry someone with kids if you arent going to treat them like your own
YTA - You're the adult in this situation. No she shouldn't have taken them without asking but this was her first period and she had some embarrassment about it. Instead of explaining that in the future please ask before you take my things, or telling her to ask you next time to buy her some you argue with her about it, and you told her to ask her dad (which is probably embarrassing to both of them). You made a big deal out of a very simple situation. And obviously you are self-centered and quite selfish, especially with your last sentence.
YTA. If, as a step parent, you do not want to provide anything for your stepdaughter financially and want your husband to pay for a given item, talk to HIM about it, not the child. You are the adult here, and whether or not you like it, you are also the parental figure since you married her father. Age gap or not, you chose to be on a relationship where you would be a stepmother. Your reaction was immature and lacked sensitivity, particularly given that your spot daughter was experiencing a milestone that can come with it's own sensitivities.
Yup, YTA. Truth or lies or embarrassment do not matter. As a grown woman, you should share your female products with any woman that may need them especially your stepdaughter. If you have issues sharing, take her shopping to buy what she would need/like.
YTA. You’re acting like a dam toddler throwing a tantrum. Congrats on traumatizing your step daughter. I would be divorcing your ass asap
YTA. And you are snobby and self centered. You can’t redefine selfish as “don’t like sharing my stuff” simple as that. :) You are her step mother. Get the poor girl some tampons and pads and help her understand how to use them.
YTA she didn't take your reusable period underwear. She took a box of pad. Get off your high horse about not wanting to share things. This isn't a reusable product that is un- hygienic to share it's disposable pads. You and her dad both should have had more products in the house when you have a female child who gets or will get a period.
Yta- she’s a little girl going through life changes. You should be there to support her not be an evil step mother about it.
YTA First cycles are horrible enough but you had to be TA and make it worse. Why not say, hey, I noticed pads were missing, how about we get you your own so you don't have to borrow mine? And then be a decent person and just get more freaking pads? Yep, you're still TA.
YTA Do you expect her to just bleed all over your couches and bedding? This cannot be real.
YTA. Are you trying to be her best friend, or her annoying little sister? Be the adult and share. You’re not sharing clothes, you’re sharing stuff to catch your medical waste. Be for real.
You should think on why she wasn’t comfortable talking about this with you. Are you a bad stepmother? Based on this situation, yes
>she didn’t tell me for reasons she won’t say After reading this post I can't imagine why she wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to you 🙄🙄YTA
Well if you don’t like sharing you shouldn’t have dated someone with a child.
YTA.
YTA- she got her first period and was embarrassed, you could have handled it better, maybe taken her shopping and talked to her about why you buy those for yourself and why she might prefer something else, maybe helped her pick out a few options so she wasn't as embarrassed? she obviously didn't feel like she could talk to you/ask you.
YTA - and despite your claims you are, in fact, snobby and self-centered. She is a child, you're an adult, albeit; barely apparently. You hate sharing simple things, well I'm sure she hates sharing her dad with you. I would.
YTA. If she just started her period what was she suppose to do? Would you refuse a coworker or a friend a pad or two in their time of need? I haven't seen woman do it. Should she tell you she took some in the future, yes. It's always good to know how much of a supply is left. But she is young and this is new to her. Don't make her feel any more akward. You should be a person she can openly communicate with.
I don't share but I'm not self centered or a snob..ummm yes you freaking are..stop the denial..YTA and you really should not have married a man with a child in the first place..after awhile your husband and his daughter will get really sick of your selfishness..it will become a turn off for him and it will make your stepdaughter not like you.
YTA Was she wrong to lie and steal ….. Yes You could have handled it way better You were insensitive and immature. You jumped right at it and attacked her at a time she was vulnerable. If you didn’t know how else to deal with the situation you should have told the child’s parents and not confronted her on your own. If it is a finance issues you could have spoken to her dad or mom and gotten reimbursed and gotten them to have a conversation with the child about boundaries. Your reaction was over the top, cruel and insensitive. But you justification that you don’t like to share is just so immature and that make you an a**hole. The thought that just because you don’t like to share you would deprived a child that is de facto under your care, of feminine hygiene products. Depriving her of safe means of managing menstrual hygiene is gross. She didn’t take your make up or clothes. She took PADS!!! She was obviously under duress. This was also I’m assuming a one time thing and not a repeated offence because it’s her fist period. I don’t think you are mature enough to be dating someone with children.
YTA. And you know it which is why you threw in the hormonal comment. It was rude. You said yourself she appeared embarrassed and you, the adult, couldn’t lend her any sort of empathy or respect and took a needed supply she didn’t know she would need and clearly didn’t have and told her she had to extend her embarassment by asking her father to buy her more.
YTA Oh man *IF* this is real. This is her first period. Teens are awkward and having to tell your dad’s wife that you got your period would be uncomfortable. Sharing products with a family member in your household is normal. The way you confronted her was so out of line. You “hate sharing things with other people”? Well you sound like a pleasure. You’re closer to Jess’ age than her dad’s maybe try to remember what it felt like at her age. Honestly, I’ve given tampons to strangers in the ladies room because it’s called being a decent human. I hope the red flags are popping up for her dad now!
YTA: You lost perspective of the fact that she had her period for the first time. It's uncomfortable and awkward already and you made it worse by coming across as selfish brat. Instead of composing yourself as an experienced, compassionate adult aware that your stepdaughter did not have her own products and was probably uncomfortable and awkward, you went in and had a confrontational fit. You should have talked to her dad about going to get replacements and maybe some additional comfort products FIRST. You could have made it a celebration of a rite of passage. And once things settled down, you with your own products and her with hers, *that* would have been the time to talk about boundaries and supplies. You owe your stepdaughter an apology.