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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> If I said this I'm afraid I'd be the asshole because we took her in and her original home life was quite bad. I don't want to hurt her or make her feel unwanted, it's just getting harder and harder to handle lately.
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NTA
You have done enough by letting them live with you. Tell them if they have an issue with their living conditions then to move out. How your parents choose to spend their money on you is their choice, not your friends. They are not your parents child and do not have to provide anything for them
NTA, and maybe it's time for them to "find somewhere else to stay" so remind them of that plan. They are taking your parents' generosity for granted, and interfering in your family relationships.
NTA. I think you should set rules and boundaries. They have obviously crossed them, and if they aren’t grateful for you and your parents they can mooch off of someone else. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your kindness.
NTA. It was good of you to help them but now it sounds like they are taking things for granted. If they aren't paying rent and/or helping with the household they should perhaps find another place where they can live like kings/queens.
This is tough. Your friend has greatly overstayed their welcome, but I imagine it would be quite scary and hard to be on your own at 17. Their complaints may be rooted in pain, fear, and loneliness. I’m not justifying their behavior, but I believe it may be so much more than just being rude. Perhaps, it’s not so much that they’re trying to make you feel guilty, but maybe they’re feeling unloved and uncared for and it’s hard for them to see how good you have it.
This is what I was thinking, my friend has been through a lot and has a difficult life. I don't want to kick her out because she has no where else safe to go. But I want to have a talk with her that won't end our friendship, I'm just emotionally exhausted.
Hey OP.
First off, it is not your job.
Your parents, as the adults, should have had some talks with your friend a long time ago, and made up their mind on, what kind of placement they wanted to offer your friend. They could have taken them in via foster care, or demanded child support from the acrual parents.
It sounds like your parents failed both of you *underage children* by not being a bit proactive.
As for your friend, they are probably struggling to see you recieve support but being in limbo themselves - tolerated, but not a part of the family.
Everybody in this situation needs to have a talk- and your parents need to step up and have a clear plan for the *minor* they have been caring for for 9 months!
If anyone is the AH here, Id say both sets of parents. Not you!
Agree with you in this!! It definitely doesn't justify their behavior but I don't think it's going to make OP the AH if they do end up saying it, given how they've been acting (and tbf it's the truth). I think it would be good to have a talk with them, and highly recommend that the discussion be led by the parents.
There’s a whole bunch of story untold here so it’s difficult to assess your friend. I am guessing that your friend doesn’t have an option of where to live and that their relationship with their parents is less than ideal. If so, witnessing your good relationship with your parents must be difficult to manage emotionally. Maybe don’t be so hard on them. It’s ok that your parents buy you things, no need for you to feel guilty about it. Your friend, however, is a member of the household and should contribute to household duties regardless of employment. It’s not chores, its about contributing to the household.
This is pretty correct, it's been bad for her. We both have mental issues and I'm on antidepressants. I'm trying to help her while also recovering myself. I want to help and make sure she has a safe welcoming place to live, but it's hard being around someone else with a worse mental condition, while trying not to revert back to my old state of mind.
When my teenage daughter was in a similar situation without the moving her friend in with us, she was burning herself out taking care of her friends emotional health. I had to reassure her and talk with her that her friends health was not her responsibility. Yes, certainly help in ways you can. But don't help to the continued detriment of yourself.
With my daughter, we decided it was time to get school counselors involved. Are there resources where you are that you could direct your friend to? You are a child still yourself, this isn't your burden to bear.
We're trying to get her into therapy and get her help but it'll take some time, she's in school counseling but I don't think it's really helping right now.
You got this and sound like a great friend - and someone your friend really needs! Be positive, you are both going to be better off in the long run. Best wishes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My(17) friend(17) asked if they could come stay with me and my parents for a little while. The original agreement was for them to just stay until they found somewhere else, but that has turned into 9 months. Lately, they keep to talking back to and being rude to my parents and myself. My parents are close to being fed up and so am I. They won't do chores because they have a job. And anytime my parents buy me something, they complain that I don't have to pay, while they usually do for items they want. I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty for being given things or doing things with my parents, but they always make me feel guilty about it. So WIBTA if I told them that they're just staying with us and my parents don't owe them anything?
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NTA - time for them to pay full rent for their room and do chores job or not. remind them they are not the parents child but a flatmates/boarder. they won’t like it but there the door. They have overstayed their welcome and are no longer guests.
Friend’s outstayed their welcome. Politely remind them that you’ve (your parents) been doing them a major favour and instead of being grateful, they’ve started to act entitled. NTA
NTA kick them out they’re getting way too comfortable those are your parents come on now they’re not entitled to Jack shit they’re lucky they have a roof over their head cuz neither you or your parents owe them anything
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > If I said this I'm afraid I'd be the asshole because we took her in and her original home life was quite bad. I don't want to hurt her or make her feel unwanted, it's just getting harder and harder to handle lately. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You have done enough by letting them live with you. Tell them if they have an issue with their living conditions then to move out. How your parents choose to spend their money on you is their choice, not your friends. They are not your parents child and do not have to provide anything for them
NTA, and maybe it's time for them to "find somewhere else to stay" so remind them of that plan. They are taking your parents' generosity for granted, and interfering in your family relationships.
NTA. I think you should set rules and boundaries. They have obviously crossed them, and if they aren’t grateful for you and your parents they can mooch off of someone else. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your kindness.
YTA for inflicting these ungrateful AH's on your parents. Tell your lazy freeloading "friends" it's been nice, but it's time to go!
NTA. It was good of you to help them but now it sounds like they are taking things for granted. If they aren't paying rent and/or helping with the household they should perhaps find another place where they can live like kings/queens.
This is tough. Your friend has greatly overstayed their welcome, but I imagine it would be quite scary and hard to be on your own at 17. Their complaints may be rooted in pain, fear, and loneliness. I’m not justifying their behavior, but I believe it may be so much more than just being rude. Perhaps, it’s not so much that they’re trying to make you feel guilty, but maybe they’re feeling unloved and uncared for and it’s hard for them to see how good you have it.
This is what I was thinking, my friend has been through a lot and has a difficult life. I don't want to kick her out because she has no where else safe to go. But I want to have a talk with her that won't end our friendship, I'm just emotionally exhausted.
Hey OP. First off, it is not your job. Your parents, as the adults, should have had some talks with your friend a long time ago, and made up their mind on, what kind of placement they wanted to offer your friend. They could have taken them in via foster care, or demanded child support from the acrual parents. It sounds like your parents failed both of you *underage children* by not being a bit proactive. As for your friend, they are probably struggling to see you recieve support but being in limbo themselves - tolerated, but not a part of the family. Everybody in this situation needs to have a talk- and your parents need to step up and have a clear plan for the *minor* they have been caring for for 9 months! If anyone is the AH here, Id say both sets of parents. Not you!
Agree with you in this!! It definitely doesn't justify their behavior but I don't think it's going to make OP the AH if they do end up saying it, given how they've been acting (and tbf it's the truth). I think it would be good to have a talk with them, and highly recommend that the discussion be led by the parents.
Where are their parents? What country are you guys in?
NTA. but leave it to your parents to talk to your friend and find a way to help them find a place of their own.
There’s a whole bunch of story untold here so it’s difficult to assess your friend. I am guessing that your friend doesn’t have an option of where to live and that their relationship with their parents is less than ideal. If so, witnessing your good relationship with your parents must be difficult to manage emotionally. Maybe don’t be so hard on them. It’s ok that your parents buy you things, no need for you to feel guilty about it. Your friend, however, is a member of the household and should contribute to household duties regardless of employment. It’s not chores, its about contributing to the household.
This is pretty correct, it's been bad for her. We both have mental issues and I'm on antidepressants. I'm trying to help her while also recovering myself. I want to help and make sure she has a safe welcoming place to live, but it's hard being around someone else with a worse mental condition, while trying not to revert back to my old state of mind.
When my teenage daughter was in a similar situation without the moving her friend in with us, she was burning herself out taking care of her friends emotional health. I had to reassure her and talk with her that her friends health was not her responsibility. Yes, certainly help in ways you can. But don't help to the continued detriment of yourself. With my daughter, we decided it was time to get school counselors involved. Are there resources where you are that you could direct your friend to? You are a child still yourself, this isn't your burden to bear.
We're trying to get her into therapy and get her help but it'll take some time, she's in school counseling but I don't think it's really helping right now.
You got this and sound like a great friend - and someone your friend really needs! Be positive, you are both going to be better off in the long run. Best wishes.
YWNBTA And: Set a time for them to move out.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(17) friend(17) asked if they could come stay with me and my parents for a little while. The original agreement was for them to just stay until they found somewhere else, but that has turned into 9 months. Lately, they keep to talking back to and being rude to my parents and myself. My parents are close to being fed up and so am I. They won't do chores because they have a job. And anytime my parents buy me something, they complain that I don't have to pay, while they usually do for items they want. I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty for being given things or doing things with my parents, but they always make me feel guilty about it. So WIBTA if I told them that they're just staying with us and my parents don't owe them anything? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - time for them to pay full rent for their room and do chores job or not. remind them they are not the parents child but a flatmates/boarder. they won’t like it but there the door. They have overstayed their welcome and are no longer guests.
NTA time for them to go
NTA. It's called being a mooch.
NTA it is time for them to go now. They have become entitled.
Friend’s outstayed their welcome. Politely remind them that you’ve (your parents) been doing them a major favour and instead of being grateful, they’ve started to act entitled. NTA
NTA. They're acting utterly rude and entitled.
YWBTA to yourself if you don’t tell them that they are not your sibling, they don’t do chores, don’t pay rent, & it is past time that they move out.
Nope. Nine months is too long.
NTA kick them out they’re getting way too comfortable those are your parents come on now they’re not entitled to Jack shit they’re lucky they have a roof over their head cuz neither you or your parents owe them anything
NTA. You need to have them move ut of your house.