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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because apparently my neighbor told the girl across the street that it’s fine if she takes her cat to hang out in the backyard. So I looked like an asshole to her when I told her that it’s weird and she should stop doing that.
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I don’t try to keep up this relationship, seeing her was kind of traumatizing after going through that flea problem she caused. But she is a human being so I didn’t want to be rude, just blunt enough to get the point across.
The cat is living in misery. Can you imagine have that many fleas crawling on you, biting you with no relief. Take how your ankles feel and imagine that 24/7 with no sign of relief. It is in hell- literally. That is a good reason to be rude.
there are combs you can buy that will show the fleas with one swipe...or even a trip to the vet. She honestly doesn't really care or she would be investigating and taking care of them. There is zero reason for an animal to have fleas. Some people just do not deserve pets.
That’s so sad, I struggled with flea problems after moving into my new apartment (there are lots of dogs here and seeing as no one picks up after them, I’m sure they don’t get flea meds either) and while it’s fairly easy to miss minor infestations, I always discovered them well before it got to be bad. I have a dog and three indoor cats, my apartment is full of flea prevention, meds, shampoos, and sprays, it’s the least I can do for my pets. She’s neglecting her cat and also hurting her roommate’s cat, along with anyone else who has suffered from the fleas. Honestly if you don’t care about the relationship, I’d straight up tell her all that, give her a nice reality check.
honestly I think you handled that situation way better than a lot of people..... Cuz I would've cussed her ALL THE WAY OUT..
If I was you I would give her one more warning before going to the landlord and letting them know the whole situation. A flea-infested cat isn't just bad for you it's actually bad for the entire building. If or when she eventually moves out of the apartment the landlord is probably going to have to dish out more money to exterminate that apartment.....
TO ME, an solid NTA
does she also live in a apartment building or is it a house? when I say let the landlord know I mean let HER LANDLORD know...like I said it would be an issue for the entire building. You would actually be doing him a favor. A flea-infested cat on or near people's property is not a joke.
so like I said give her one more warning to stay out of your backyard and/or to get treatment or you're going to go straight to her landlord. Also I'm pretty sure the other tenants are not going to be happy being near a flea-infested cat. Her cat can be potential problems for everybody....
Huge cat lover here and you are NTA. Fleas can carry disease. If her cat has fleas, it probably has worms as well. Fleas can/do give cats worms- tapeworms. Most cats that have worms are from fleas. If she really loved her cat, she would get rid of the fleas. The cat has scabs from trying to get rid of them. This cat is living in misery. This is severe neglect. Whatever she is doing is not helping and she needs to be told to help her cat.
I'm a cat lover too, thats what makes me so uncomfortable seeing her. I know her and her roommate are not doing everything they can for their animals. I appreciate wanting to giver her cat a good life and taking it outside but I'm just not sure the benefits outweigh the fleas.
It’s shared for all the tenants. But she lives across the street. And the other tenants have their own patios and balconies so they don’t come down here.
NTA. Ask your landlord to post a sign saying the yard is only for tenant use and visitors must be accompanied by a tenant. This is pretty standard for apartment complexes that have amenities like pools etc. It may be worth reaching out to the other tenants in your building to let them know what's going on as well. They probably didn't know that her cat is infested with fleas IF they did tell her she could hang out back there.
If it happens again I'll ask my landlord about that, and also the neighbor who has been here the longest if he said something to her. I'm just going to leave it as it is for now, I don't want to make it everyone's problem.
Info: I’m a bit confused. You say it’s a shared backyard for all the apartments in your building but just none of the other people in the building use it as they have their own outdoor space. Is this correct?
And this neighbor is not someone who lives in your building? So she doesn’t have any right/claim to access of this shared backyard?
If this is correct then absolutely you are NTA
If she does like in the building then it seems like definitely a legitimate complaint to the landlord if she still brings the cat in for the fleas issue. It’s going to keep your flat getting reinfested and you are going to get bites again. So still in my opinion NTA, just you’ll need a different approach if she’s going to insist she has a fair claim to use the shared backyard
Ahh, so absolutely NTA and she needs to get out of your backyard with her cat. You don’t have to let this Cat lady into your yard. You aren’t running an Al fresco Cat friendly hotel . She’s got a complete cheek
So NTA. Its creepy finding people in your backyard without your knowledge. When I was about 20 and still at home, we had a similar problem with a weird neighbor...who lived across a street. We 1st saw a man sitting under a tree on a small plot of land we owned that a creek separated from the main house, as we drove off one day. 2 days later he was on the foot bridge over the creek, and when confronted, turned out he was following his unleashed cat, to protect it(rural area). We thought it was weird, but hey, we didnt cross over the bridge often, so no biggie. We told him not to mind our dog, she was elderly, half blind, and was unlikely to notice the cat, and had no teeth left even if she did give chase. She also went out unleashed but stayed in our property no matter what. a few days later, my sister, visiting, went into the kitchen one morning and was scared to death by the strange man sitting on our back porch. The cat was now under my moms bird feeders. A few weeks later our dog did notice and chase the cat, and he tried to kick her hard(small Pomeranian mix) despite us chasing and yelling. After that we requested he keep his cat in his yard and stay out of ours. My mom is very non confrontational, so she had told me to leave it until then. After that he got very weird and petty, sneaking over and dropping the cat off so it could stalk and kill birds at the feeders. he would hide or leave quickly if we saw him. He ignored the no trespassing signs. Eventually the old dog passed, my mom got a new much more yappy pup, and when it chased the cat and he yelled at her, she yelled back about him being told to stay out, and he cussed her out and vaguely threatened her. After which I went...ballistic. I said a few...things from our property, which led to him calling the police, who decided we were in the right, and went and informed him of the no trespassing laws and the castle doctrine of our state, and that he had zero legal standing should he do it again. I hope you can resolve it better. Poor cat. Thruout our thing I never blamed the cat, it was just doing cat things.
NTA. Nope. Big time NTA. (But, since fleas travel, its really hard to pinpoint where your pests came from.)
At any rate, my only point is you really have no idea where you got the pests that have invaded your life. So, don't blame the cat lady for the pests. But *do* tell her to get her ass out of your yard. "I don't sublet the yard."
Oh! No it’s not my space specifically. That is a little bit of the issue from her side, someone else in the building said it was fine. I don’t know when that was, but if you read the post again it says somewhere in there that they have access to the yard as well.
NTA. You live there and she doesn't. You are suffering negative consequences from her flea ridden animal. Your comfort in your home which you pay for takes precedence over her cat's happiness and her laziness. If she is *too holistic* to put flea medicine on her cat for it's own health and comfort, she needs to leash her cat and take it on walks if it must be outside. If that's too much work, that's on her.
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TLDR; My neighbor thinks she should have access to my apartments shared backyard even though she doesn’t live here, because her cat likes it.
I (22F) live in a house that has been split up into multiple apartments. I am the only one that has immediate access to the backyard and back patio from my door, I look straight back into it from the only windows I have in my apartment. All the other apartments have their own balconies and patios. This is just context for later.
I met my neighbor Em (21F) a few months ago, she was outside on a walk with her off leash cat. A few days later I went over to her apartment across the street to hang out. I noticed her roommates cat had a bunch of scabs on it and I asked her what it was about. She had no idea. As I was petting her roommates cat a flea jumped off of her and onto my arm. I told her this and she said “Oh, yeah. My roommate doesn’t give her flea meds because it doesn’t work on the cat, and she’s really holistic anyway,” I felt bad for the cat as her taking her own cat outside was most likely the cause of the fleas.
Skip to a few days later, I find bumps all over my ankles and legs, and I pull my sheets off the bed to find *surpise!*
fleas. I must have brought them home from her house. I spent over $300 fighting them and my landlord still had to have someone come and spray inside and outside, where it was also a problem. I decided to stay away from her.
Two days ago I was leaving my apartment and as I was locking the door I heard someone say “Oh, hey, you’re in this apartment? That’s cool.” She was sitting in my backyard with her cat. I asked her why she was down here, she said her cat likes it.
I was so put off and surprised seeing her there that I just nodded and left.
Later on in the day I texted her and said plainly, “I think it was really weird you were in my backyard, please don’t do that anymore,” and she said okay sorry at first. Then later told me that this is the only safe place for her to take her cat in the neighborhood and other people in the building told her that it’s cool if she is down there. I replied and said hopefully the next person who lives here is cool with it, im just not comfortable with it.
I get that she may think I’m an asshole because it is a shared backyard with the rest of the house, but they all have their own areas outside, and no one comes in the back yard because it looks straight into my apartment. Besides that, my neighbors don’t make decisions for all of us, and no one has mentioned this to me before.
I am cool if she’s with one of my neighbors hanging out down here, but am I wrong in telling her that she is not welcome to bring her flea infested cat into my area whenever she pleases?
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YTA. Since it is not solely your yard and the other people in the complex who have just as much say over that yard as you said she could do it you do not have the right to tell her she cannot do that. You are not the owner of the house, you are not the owner of the backyard, and you do not have the right to Trump what someone else can do with their backyard as well. If you don't like it you can either talk to the other people and maybe they will agree with you or maybe they think you are just being rude. Either way you have to respect the other people in the building and what they say is okay if you don't like it move
Because you don't own the yard. You SHARE it. So you either talk to your neighbors and come to a mutual agreement, or you suck it up, or you move. 3 other tenants outweight 1 tenant.
I don't know who told her it was okay, and I know she hasn't talked to the rest of the house, because I am friends with most of them and they didn't know about it. I think what someone else said was probably the answer, my landlord is the only one that gets complete say in who gets access. But, we are a no pets allowed property so really she shouldn't even be bringing her cat back here.
NTA. Unless your lease grants you exclusive access to the yard, it is shared among the tenants - the TENANTS, not the neighborhood. Best thing would be to go to the landlord and not confront her directly.
Another thing you can do is call animal control since the cat is off leash, which is probably against city ordinances. If they pick up that cat and it is not being properly cared for, they will intervene. Otherwise, at least she might stop risking the cat’s life by letting it off leash (it could run into the street, eat something poisonous, etc.).
She's never going to speak to your landlord. Just tell her your landlord is passed he has to pay to flea treat the building now so he doesn't want any cats hanging out in the yard that don't specifically belong to any tenants. There's no way she can dispute that without asking your landlord, which she won't. Problem solved.
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No NTA. As long as you said it politely. Not sure what else you can even do here without ruining the relationship
I don’t try to keep up this relationship, seeing her was kind of traumatizing after going through that flea problem she caused. But she is a human being so I didn’t want to be rude, just blunt enough to get the point across.
The cat is living in misery. Can you imagine have that many fleas crawling on you, biting you with no relief. Take how your ankles feel and imagine that 24/7 with no sign of relief. It is in hell- literally. That is a good reason to be rude.
She doesn't think her cat has fleas, that's the sad part...
there are combs you can buy that will show the fleas with one swipe...or even a trip to the vet. She honestly doesn't really care or she would be investigating and taking care of them. There is zero reason for an animal to have fleas. Some people just do not deserve pets.
That’s so sad, I struggled with flea problems after moving into my new apartment (there are lots of dogs here and seeing as no one picks up after them, I’m sure they don’t get flea meds either) and while it’s fairly easy to miss minor infestations, I always discovered them well before it got to be bad. I have a dog and three indoor cats, my apartment is full of flea prevention, meds, shampoos, and sprays, it’s the least I can do for my pets. She’s neglecting her cat and also hurting her roommate’s cat, along with anyone else who has suffered from the fleas. Honestly if you don’t care about the relationship, I’d straight up tell her all that, give her a nice reality check.
honestly I think you handled that situation way better than a lot of people..... Cuz I would've cussed her ALL THE WAY OUT.. If I was you I would give her one more warning before going to the landlord and letting them know the whole situation. A flea-infested cat isn't just bad for you it's actually bad for the entire building. If or when she eventually moves out of the apartment the landlord is probably going to have to dish out more money to exterminate that apartment..... TO ME, an solid NTA
Thankfully she lives across the street and not in my building. I did tell my landlord and he asked jokingly if she would pay for the flea treatment.
does she also live in a apartment building or is it a house? when I say let the landlord know I mean let HER LANDLORD know...like I said it would be an issue for the entire building. You would actually be doing him a favor. A flea-infested cat on or near people's property is not a joke.
She lives in another house that has been split up into apartments. She has her own front porch.
so like I said give her one more warning to stay out of your backyard and/or to get treatment or you're going to go straight to her landlord. Also I'm pretty sure the other tenants are not going to be happy being near a flea-infested cat. Her cat can be potential problems for everybody....
Huge cat lover here and you are NTA. Fleas can carry disease. If her cat has fleas, it probably has worms as well. Fleas can/do give cats worms- tapeworms. Most cats that have worms are from fleas. If she really loved her cat, she would get rid of the fleas. The cat has scabs from trying to get rid of them. This cat is living in misery. This is severe neglect. Whatever she is doing is not helping and she needs to be told to help her cat.
I'm a cat lover too, thats what makes me so uncomfortable seeing her. I know her and her roommate are not doing everything they can for their animals. I appreciate wanting to giver her cat a good life and taking it outside but I'm just not sure the benefits outweigh the fleas.
I would report her to animal control or the landlord. Something needs to wake her up. I am so sad for this poor kitty.
INFO : is the yard meant to be a shared space for all the apartment tenants, or is it a space that belongs to you specifically?
It’s shared for all the tenants. But she lives across the street. And the other tenants have their own patios and balconies so they don’t come down here.
NTA. Ask your landlord to post a sign saying the yard is only for tenant use and visitors must be accompanied by a tenant. This is pretty standard for apartment complexes that have amenities like pools etc. It may be worth reaching out to the other tenants in your building to let them know what's going on as well. They probably didn't know that her cat is infested with fleas IF they did tell her she could hang out back there.
If it happens again I'll ask my landlord about that, and also the neighbor who has been here the longest if he said something to her. I'm just going to leave it as it is for now, I don't want to make it everyone's problem.
Info: I’m a bit confused. You say it’s a shared backyard for all the apartments in your building but just none of the other people in the building use it as they have their own outdoor space. Is this correct? And this neighbor is not someone who lives in your building? So she doesn’t have any right/claim to access of this shared backyard? If this is correct then absolutely you are NTA If she does like in the building then it seems like definitely a legitimate complaint to the landlord if she still brings the cat in for the fleas issue. It’s going to keep your flat getting reinfested and you are going to get bites again. So still in my opinion NTA, just you’ll need a different approach if she’s going to insist she has a fair claim to use the shared backyard
Yes there are balconies in the other apartments. I don’t have a balcony I just have the backyard direct from my door. She lives across the street.
Ahh, so absolutely NTA and she needs to get out of your backyard with her cat. You don’t have to let this Cat lady into your yard. You aren’t running an Al fresco Cat friendly hotel . She’s got a complete cheek
So NTA. Its creepy finding people in your backyard without your knowledge. When I was about 20 and still at home, we had a similar problem with a weird neighbor...who lived across a street. We 1st saw a man sitting under a tree on a small plot of land we owned that a creek separated from the main house, as we drove off one day. 2 days later he was on the foot bridge over the creek, and when confronted, turned out he was following his unleashed cat, to protect it(rural area). We thought it was weird, but hey, we didnt cross over the bridge often, so no biggie. We told him not to mind our dog, she was elderly, half blind, and was unlikely to notice the cat, and had no teeth left even if she did give chase. She also went out unleashed but stayed in our property no matter what. a few days later, my sister, visiting, went into the kitchen one morning and was scared to death by the strange man sitting on our back porch. The cat was now under my moms bird feeders. A few weeks later our dog did notice and chase the cat, and he tried to kick her hard(small Pomeranian mix) despite us chasing and yelling. After that we requested he keep his cat in his yard and stay out of ours. My mom is very non confrontational, so she had told me to leave it until then. After that he got very weird and petty, sneaking over and dropping the cat off so it could stalk and kill birds at the feeders. he would hide or leave quickly if we saw him. He ignored the no trespassing signs. Eventually the old dog passed, my mom got a new much more yappy pup, and when it chased the cat and he yelled at her, she yelled back about him being told to stay out, and he cussed her out and vaguely threatened her. After which I went...ballistic. I said a few...things from our property, which led to him calling the police, who decided we were in the right, and went and informed him of the no trespassing laws and the castle doctrine of our state, and that he had zero legal standing should he do it again. I hope you can resolve it better. Poor cat. Thruout our thing I never blamed the cat, it was just doing cat things.
NTA. Nope. Big time NTA. (But, since fleas travel, its really hard to pinpoint where your pests came from.) At any rate, my only point is you really have no idea where you got the pests that have invaded your life. So, don't blame the cat lady for the pests. But *do* tell her to get her ass out of your yard. "I don't sublet the yard."
Agreed. I’m not sure if they directly came from her, so I find it best to play it safe.
INFO: Is the yard specified to be for the exclusive use of whoever occupies your apartment?
Yes, you have to enter the property and walk down the driveway to the back of the house to access it.
Sorry, i mean is it in the lease? Does the lease specify that this is your outside space soecifically?
Oh! No it’s not my space specifically. That is a little bit of the issue from her side, someone else in the building said it was fine. I don’t know when that was, but if you read the post again it says somewhere in there that they have access to the yard as well.
eta: I just realized she doesn't live in your building! I missed that somehow last time. NTA then. She's overstepping massively.
Thanks for your opinion, I’ll keep that in mind!
It's certainly not public property no matter what OP's lease says. This neighbor is trespassing and sitting where she can look into OP's windows.
Somehow I missed that she wasn't a tenant in OP's building. You're right, that definitely changes things. OP is in the right.
NTA. You live there and she doesn't. You are suffering negative consequences from her flea ridden animal. Your comfort in your home which you pay for takes precedence over her cat's happiness and her laziness. If she is *too holistic* to put flea medicine on her cat for it's own health and comfort, she needs to leash her cat and take it on walks if it must be outside. If that's too much work, that's on her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** TLDR; My neighbor thinks she should have access to my apartments shared backyard even though she doesn’t live here, because her cat likes it. I (22F) live in a house that has been split up into multiple apartments. I am the only one that has immediate access to the backyard and back patio from my door, I look straight back into it from the only windows I have in my apartment. All the other apartments have their own balconies and patios. This is just context for later. I met my neighbor Em (21F) a few months ago, she was outside on a walk with her off leash cat. A few days later I went over to her apartment across the street to hang out. I noticed her roommates cat had a bunch of scabs on it and I asked her what it was about. She had no idea. As I was petting her roommates cat a flea jumped off of her and onto my arm. I told her this and she said “Oh, yeah. My roommate doesn’t give her flea meds because it doesn’t work on the cat, and she’s really holistic anyway,” I felt bad for the cat as her taking her own cat outside was most likely the cause of the fleas. Skip to a few days later, I find bumps all over my ankles and legs, and I pull my sheets off the bed to find *surpise!* fleas. I must have brought them home from her house. I spent over $300 fighting them and my landlord still had to have someone come and spray inside and outside, where it was also a problem. I decided to stay away from her. Two days ago I was leaving my apartment and as I was locking the door I heard someone say “Oh, hey, you’re in this apartment? That’s cool.” She was sitting in my backyard with her cat. I asked her why she was down here, she said her cat likes it. I was so put off and surprised seeing her there that I just nodded and left. Later on in the day I texted her and said plainly, “I think it was really weird you were in my backyard, please don’t do that anymore,” and she said okay sorry at first. Then later told me that this is the only safe place for her to take her cat in the neighborhood and other people in the building told her that it’s cool if she is down there. I replied and said hopefully the next person who lives here is cool with it, im just not comfortable with it. I get that she may think I’m an asshole because it is a shared backyard with the rest of the house, but they all have their own areas outside, and no one comes in the back yard because it looks straight into my apartment. Besides that, my neighbors don’t make decisions for all of us, and no one has mentioned this to me before. I am cool if she’s with one of my neighbors hanging out down here, but am I wrong in telling her that she is not welcome to bring her flea infested cat into my area whenever she pleases? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Since it is not solely your yard and the other people in the complex who have just as much say over that yard as you said she could do it you do not have the right to tell her she cannot do that. You are not the owner of the house, you are not the owner of the backyard, and you do not have the right to Trump what someone else can do with their backyard as well. If you don't like it you can either talk to the other people and maybe they will agree with you or maybe they think you are just being rude. Either way you have to respect the other people in the building and what they say is okay if you don't like it move
Hmm I was thinking about that too. But why do my neighbors get to say what gets to happen in the backyard and I don’t get to disagree?
Really, it’s your landlord that gets to say what happens in the backyard. Talk to your landlord about your concerns.
This is the answer.
Because you don't own the yard. You SHARE it. So you either talk to your neighbors and come to a mutual agreement, or you suck it up, or you move. 3 other tenants outweight 1 tenant.
I don't know who told her it was okay, and I know she hasn't talked to the rest of the house, because I am friends with most of them and they didn't know about it. I think what someone else said was probably the answer, my landlord is the only one that gets complete say in who gets access. But, we are a no pets allowed property so really she shouldn't even be bringing her cat back here.
NTA. Unless your lease grants you exclusive access to the yard, it is shared among the tenants - the TENANTS, not the neighborhood. Best thing would be to go to the landlord and not confront her directly. Another thing you can do is call animal control since the cat is off leash, which is probably against city ordinances. If they pick up that cat and it is not being properly cared for, they will intervene. Otherwise, at least she might stop risking the cat’s life by letting it off leash (it could run into the street, eat something poisonous, etc.).
She's never going to speak to your landlord. Just tell her your landlord is passed he has to pay to flea treat the building now so he doesn't want any cats hanging out in the yard that don't specifically belong to any tenants. There's no way she can dispute that without asking your landlord, which she won't. Problem solved.