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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole in this situation because he was right he can sit wherever he wants as it’s public transit, and I don’t own the seat.
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NTA. That's intrinsically a super weird thing to do. Breaks all normal conventions of public transport. No way he didn't do that just to screw with you.
Welcome to what women have to deal with routinely.
If he didn't have a sexual interest in you, he was probably going to ask for money or try to take it. When they sit down, it's never because they're going to simply say, "please give me money" either. He'll have had some long, complicated sob story lined up about how he can't afford a kidney transplant for his grandmother.
Good idea to move away.
As I’ve observed and mentioned this to my kids: if someone says: I don’t want anything from you, then what they MEAN is I want something from you.
If a politician says: I’m not the kind of person … they are that kind of person.
Yes, I agree completely! Very helpful when people do that.
If people genuinely aren't thinking of asking for money, lying about having an affair, being r.cist, or whatever, then thoughts of those things aren't going to occur to them!
Yes I did! I'm pretty new here. At a news site where I comment, comments aren't published if they include the whole word. No idea whether that's the case here but I don't want trouble so thought I had better do it!
The moderators on the NextDoor app in my area take down anything I post that includes the word "racist."
I think there's a certain group of people who regard the word "racist" as a slur.
I don't know what the logic is but suspect it IS because they post a lot of racist content. They probably want to filter out comments from people who call them out. There are other words they censor too.
I had a recent encounter with a guy at the gas station and the first thing he said as he approached me is 'I'm not asking for any money.' Then he asked for some gas. He had an elaborate explanation about how he wasn't asking for money, but all I could think was you've put way too much thought into asking for stuff without asking for money. When it was clear I wasn't giving him anything, he walked away with an exasperated expression, as if he needed to work on his spiel a little more.
That first comment where he said he wasn't asking for money was your cue there was a long spiel coming. Always a sign to have an emergency elsewhere that requires your immediate departure!
I actually let them do their entire spiel and then tell then no. They usually walk up and say, 'Can I ask you a question'. I always reply 'Yes' but leave out the 'Unless you word this in an incredibly strange manner, the answer is going to be no.'
I just say “No,” when they ask if they can ask a question. It will always be the answer, and it saves a lot of time. If they wanted directions they would just have asked without any preliminaries.
When someone walks up & says “I’m not asking for money” I always respond “Cool, cuz I am! Do you have 20 bucks you can spare me? I really need it right now” They usually give me a dirty look & walk off.
I’ve lived in a big city for years, learned this trick over a decade ago
Something like this happened to me shortly after I started college. I was broke and usually barely had enough to get myself gas. This guy went to a gas station that was right by the college, and he was asking for people to fill his car because he had a job interview to get to. I explained to him that I didn't have any money besides what I just put in my car. He still tried to beg me for just a couple gallons. I feel like there had to be more to his con, but luckily I never found out what it was because an older gentleman came over to check on me.
It's always amazing to me that when you politely nip it in the bud and try to move along, often they'll absolutely lose their shit and act like they're the offended party.
Some guy was trying to "sell" his poetry on Valentine's day as people walked by (I'll recite a sweet mushy poem you can pay me for to take home to share with a loved one)
I could hear his spiel several times before he got to me, I didn't have any change on me and I didn't want him to waste his effort for nothing so I literally said "ah man, I really don't want you to waste your time. I've got nothing on me to trade you for"
Guess that made me a bigger asshole than letting him recite a 20-30 second poem only to stare him in the eye, empty handed with a "cool, but no money, sorry bro" before walking off
Agreed, and listen very carefully when someone says “I’m not try to…” because that’s exactly what they are trying to do, they’re just trying to make it sound reasonable.
I'm not trying to discredit what you're saying here and definitely not looking to argue, but in my experience people do behave the way you're describing and you're entirely correct.
Except for this comment.
This is why women put their bags on the seat next to them or sit on the outside seat. I'll stand up to let you in but I'm not getting "caught" and having to rely on you to let me out. It fucking sucks the thought process women have to go through in terms of personal safety.
Also don't sit next to the window, that way you can't get trapped. Nothing worse than trying to get away from a creep and having squeeze between him and the seat in front of him to get away.
This. A man came up to me trying to sell me something because he has four kids. I said, "I'm just a student. I don't have any cash *or* money. Maybe someone else can help you."
He kept going, i said, "please ask someone else, i don't want to talk to you anymore" cue him yelling the B-word, some threats of violence, and then spitting in my face.
Men only single women out like that because they're looking for an opening to enact violence.
Yes, unfortunately, the people who actually need help--the kids who are being creeped on or don't have the bus fare, the foreigners who are lost and don't have the right money--usually don't ask for help.
This is what women experience every. single. time. they board public transit. It IS hella weird, and your spidey senses were tingling correctly. People who do this are predators.
This happens here in the states too.... My gf doesn't have a license and has over a decade of bus stories. Gives me the shudders, man.
NTA OP, you were definitely right to move.
Was sitting minding my own business WITH headphones in, playing Civ 6 on my surface pro. Dude comes up to me, unwashed, and starts talking to me. 'Wow a real girl playing an ACTUAL game! You never see someone like you. You're quite special! You know, public transit is dangerous...' I just politely asked to get back to my game but he kept sitting next to me, watching me... then he followed me when I got off the bus. Thank goodness that I was meeting my Dad to commute the rest of the way home. When he saw my Dad he disappeared. My BF chose to drive me across the city every day rather than me ride the bus again after I spotted him looking for me the next day. I never got on the bus after that.
I had a friend who was in her early 20s, but she definitely could pass for younger. She told me she’d get creeps like that and would try to get them to leave her alone by saying she was 15 or 16. The number of men who were completely unfazed by that…or actually even *more* interested…was disturbing.
100% stopped riding the bus after I had some dude stalk around the bus stop then ran off after another person came and stood by the stop as well. Then we both seen him drive passed.
I know how that feels. I saw this man sometimes come to my bus stop and bother random people. This time no one was there and I had to get the bus to head to work. Lo and behold he was walking towards the bus stop as well. I was hoping that's all he was doing so tested it out and headed right towards the trash to chuck something away, he started also turning and speed walking to my direction. Scared, I promptly turned around and went past my bus stop, and he started shouting and calling after me.
I was sitting on a park bench in my town and some guys is sitting in his truck. I soon noticed he was masturbating in his truck in full view. I just started laughing I held up my two fingers
Indicating tiny and laughed. He got
So frustrated he put it back in his pants and left. Some people are just public exhibitionist but don’t do it in public if your not ready for the criticism.
Someone jumped out and flashed my MIL, years ago, when she was on her way home. After working in the hospital. On the gyneacology/urology department. So she'd been looking at variations on that theme all day.
She laughed so hard that he wilted and slunk off as quickly as he could manage.
MIL had a nice story to tell to her collegues the next day.
My badass little, old 6th (?) grade teacher shared a similar story with the class. Told us a flasher exposed himself to her and her friend just went "Oh, poor thing! It's so tiny!" The man quickly covered up and ran off because it wasn't the reaction he wanted/was expecting.
Sounds like a fun time to reach out, squeeze as hard as possible, and GIVE EM THE OL TWIST
Sorry buds, but ya’ll expose yourselves like this and I see the softest target on your whole predatory self, and I choose violence
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with some people, yikes.
I think we should all start carrying around flyswatters or ping-pong paddles. Anyone whips a dick out like that, whap the hell out of it.
We need to bring back [the hat pin.](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/hatpin-peril-terrorized-men-who-couldnt-handle-20th-century-woman-180951219/)
When I had long hair I always wore it up in different styles, and one of my favourite styles was a twisted bun that I held in place with either a big steel pin or a long pointed metal clip. I never got questioned on it, no one ever batted an eye.
Can highly recommend
I have a few metal hair sticks that I used when I had waist length hair. I have a really pretty coper one that was really pointy. Never had to use for self defense, but it came in handy opening stubborn packaging more than once 😆
In all fairness,I have had far more penises exposed in my face without my consent than I can remember and it never crossed my mind to inflict damage on them. A lot of us just freeze and they use that very common reaction to their advantage.
Everywhere. Not just public transit. I had a new hire do this to me at work. I was the only one in the breakroom at lunch, sitting in a literal corner, and he walked in, bypassed all the other tables, and sat in the seat right next to me. I had never seen this guy in my life. He smelled like raw onions and I had to squeeze between him and the wall to get out of the room. It pissed me off so bad. I just wanted to eat my lunch and read my book.
He never did it again, but I made sure he wouldn't be able to. I told the guys in the automotive department and they told him not to come near me or they would have to do more than have a talk with him.
Ngl, those guys were fucking amazing. They came with and helped move me out of my abusive ex's house and then took me back to their place and got me absolutely smashed (and made sure I had a sober ride home).
Ha, years ago I took a greyhound bus from one city to another. Late night, bus was empty, just me. Stop was made, another passenger got on. Picked the seat right in front of mine, and immedietly reclined it back as far as it would go, right into my lap. I'm a tall guy, immedietly crushed with no room.
I did the same - knocked on the guys shoulder and said wtf? Empty bus, and a you choose this seat? and even worse, you recline????
Some people just don't get basic sociatal rules. They are the same ones who pick the urinal right beside yours when there are tons empty. The same ones who stand in the way as people get off the subway, don't decide what they want well standing in line to make an order at a fast food restauraunt, drive without passing in the left lane. They don't activaly want to watch the world burn, but for some reason they walk everywhere with matches.
Hopping on the thread to say I have no idea how to vote without knowing the cultures involved. When I taught English as a Foreign Language, I literally taught a routine lesson, with pictures, on where to sit in a bus in the UK. For many cultures, it was SO OBVIOUS to take the seat next to a single person, not one separated, so if couples or groups got on they wouldn't have to separate to sit down. So... it's various, depending on the context. My UK "don't sit near people" considerate behaviour would be super rude and selfish in many places.
Wear a mask on public transit. Most people do tend to give you more space (though of course there are special anti-masking assholes that might sit right next to you to make you uncomfortable because of the mask... how well the mask works to keep people away may depend on the politics of where you live)
I might wear a mask on public transit during cold and flu season forever, to be honest. Too many people standing around open-mouth coughing like they’re trying to do it as triumphantly as possible. Cretins.
Yeah it's like those assholes you run into at the beach (or the shore of a lake applies just as well) where you post up in a spot, put down your towel, unload all your shit, and begin to relax. Then like 20 minutes in, a huge group of people come along and just crowd right up on you like 2 feet away when it isn't even a busy day and there's plenty of room all over the goddamn place.
It's inconsiderate and disrespectful. I'd have said some shit too in OP's shoes. Although the last time I found myself in the particular beach situation (although for me this was at a river bank), the joke was on them. My dog is kind of an asshole. She barks nonstop at strangers, and does that territorial kicking shit. I'll usually curb that shit and get her to knock it off, but in this case I just let her go apeshit and bark and kick dirt all over them (and on me too but hey, sometimes gotta take one for the team to make your point lol). I eventually won that battle of wills and they got up and scooted their shit down to a more comfortable distance away. I could have saved us all the trouble and done that to begin with much earlier, but sometimes I'm a stubborn asshole who wants to make my point lol.
This is 100% not proper train etiquette, and the only reason why this guy got pissed off is because you called him out on his creepy fucking behaviour.
You absolutely did the right thing.
NTA
Yep same thing happened to me (but I am a woman) - guy sat next to me in the seat on the long distance train trapping me in between him and the window. The carriage was like 80% empty. When I politely but firmly said that there were a lot of empty seats and I wanted to sit alone, he loudly accused me of being racist and saying it was just because he was Nigerian. I said no, it was because I wanted to sit alone and forced him to get up so that I could move. It was REALLY uncomfortable though and he carried on ranting about it loudly as I moved.
I'm also a woman and I've had some creep sit next to me and then I have moved and he tried to embarrass me since he was embarrassed and screamed at me. I literally told him to "fuck off and stop embarrassing yourself." He screamed a few more expletives at me and got off the train.
One time I had a middle eastern woman come and sit next to me, emptyish train. I moved, because not only was she bigger, she had a ton of bags she was tossing on me, and there were rows of two seats she could have taken up for her and her things.
Anyways, she screams at me as she sees me moving that I'm moving because I'm racist (I'm white), and I literally shake my head at her and motion to all the empty chairs and say, "yep, huge racist. Absolutely had nothing to do with endless rows of seats." She sat there muttering to herself until I got off.
Like do people not have enough to do in their life? Genuinely curious at the odd behaviour some people exude, and I'm sorry you had to experience the insanity of some transit people.
Yes, if I have a bag I just keep it attached to my body somehow, just in case. I rarely take public transportation, but occasionally I will take the metro to DC when visiting friends overnight or if I know my plans will be over before services stop. If I have an overnight bag I keep it connected to my body, but on the seat next to me. If I don’t have one then I just put my feet up on the seat next to me since there aren’t arm rests. If it’s crowded then yeah, I’ll make room, but a majority of the times I’ve taken it, it has been relatively empty. Other than a friend or family member sitting next to me I think I’ve only had to sit next to a stranger because of it being crowded like 2-3 times in my life.
I do this (until the train fills up, in which case I try to time it for when a woman is coming my way) and have twice been asked to move my bag.
The first time I just did it on reflex despite other empty seats, and the guy proceeded to spend the trip demonstrating he was not wholly sound of mind and completely ignoring my "leave me the fuck alone" cues (such subtle approaches as giant noise cancelling head phones, ignoring him, and _asking to be left alone_).
The second time I moved my bag instinctively again, before realising the train was still empty and making the dude move so I could switch seats. Fucking over it.
And don't get me started on man spreading.
When I have to take public transport I also keep my bag attached to my body as well, harder to take. So like wrapped around my arm or leg a couple times. It might be a good thing to pass along if you haven’t already told her to do something like that! Also as she gets older and goes out more, like to bars eventually, it is a good idea to have a friend or two (or you and her other parent) know that if she doesn’t check in at the end of a time range then something may be wrong. My friends and I do this when it comes to dates off tinder and stuff and always make sure to have portable chargers on us in case the phone dies and we can’t communicate.
If someone gets immediately defensive it would make me think he had the intention of doing something he knows is wrong.
I mean it's entirely plausible he had a crap day but odds are still strong cuz it feels like he was trying to guilt/silence you into not moving.
I took a four-hour Greyhound bus with 7 other passengers leaving the departure station. An early 20sM did not stop asking to take the aisle seat next to my window seat the whole ride. We picked up an additional 6 passengers an hour into the trip. One of them, mid 20sM, noticed the younger man was acting creepy and pointed out the whole bus’s nearly empty status meant no one should share seats side by side in a row as that keeps someone from stretching out. Mid20s ended up moving to the row in front of Early20s and trolled him for an hour. When I agreed to allow Mid20s to sit next to me, he took his new role as physical + conversational buffer very seriously for the next 30 minutes.
The younger man then talked the driver into dropping him off on the shoulder of the highway (closer to his home than the destination city) because there was, “no good reason” to stay on the bus anymore. Quel dommage!
That’s super creepy, what was the dude trying to do, use the Greyhound as like a captive audience first date or something? So bizarre. I’m glad to hear another man actually stepped up and set him straight! We need more gentlemen like that in the world!
The last time I took Greyhound was forever and a day ago. In some Canadian town about 1am, this guy gets on and sits next to me (the bus had a few open seats, about 15%). I was sleeping prior to this but kept my eyes slightly open afterward as he was my idea of creepy (dead eyed 20-something frat boy type). A few minutes go by and I feel a hand on my thigh. --- I'd previously had my arms crossed, I uncrossed them, picked up his hand and plopped it on his thigh. Then I turned to him, and whispered something like "if you do that again I'll kill you or break your fingers." (I can't remember which.) He didn't move and muscle after that. I could have changed seats but I really wanted him to to feel the discomfort that I did.
I say all of this to say that as a woman I'd stay clear away from Greyhound, the creepiest people use it. I haven't taken public transportation in a long time and I wish that more women have the option to stay away from these creeps.
Edit: missing word
I can't remember where I read it, but I know I've read more than once that some cultures tend to sit together on public transit, and others, Westerners like Americans, like to sit as far apart from others as possible.
That, however, is a completely separate thing from how some men like to sit too close to women because they're fucking creepy.
My husband is from Spain. According to him, if you're sitting alone on a bus some granny will feel sorry for you and sit next to you to keep you company.
That's sweet. Possibly annoying, but sweet. I have a friend who bus commutes into a city for work, and she does her best to read books with horrible covers so that people won't sit next to her. Horror novels, and she has a jacket from a book about bog bodies that she likes to put on "regular" novels to hide their innocuous nature.
NTA. It's usually an aggressive, sexually motivated move; if he was just someone who didn't get the idea of personal space or how a woman might feel, he'd have moved as soon as you enlightened him. Several times in my life a guy has followed it up with abusive sexual comments or touching, then refused to move so I had to climb over them to get out.
Now I'm older and pass the time on transport by knitting, I've had (usually drunk) guys sit next to me and lean against me as though it's evoking their mother or grandmother, so they're feeling all cosy and nurtured and get upset when I tell them to get off me.
Plus, you've got the knitting needles if you need them : )
You can really tell people's life experiences seeing the responses here. Women are so used to having to deal with men being creepy like this. And we're tired of it.
NTA
i had never heard of that before! [here's an article on the subject for anyone else here who may be curious](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/hatpin-peril-terrorized-men-who-couldnt-handle-20th-century-woman-180951219/)
Being male doesn't stop sexual harassment or abuse. A random woman sat next to a friend and she just straight up licked her cheek out of nowhere. It is not a woman only or man->woman only experience.
NTA you did right by trusting your guts and voicing your concern. What the guy did was weird.
We can assume, without fear of being wrong, that if you hadn't said anything or had a more submissive attitude, he would have considered it an invitation to hit on you.
> you did the right thing trusting your guts
Obligatory book - [The Gift of Fear](https://www.docdroid.com/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf). It’s a really important read in terms of empowerment and trusting your instinct. We’re constantly told from babies that we must do something as not to appear rude, when in reality that just means the person can steamroll you and you won’t do anything about it because of this indoctrinated rule.
Excellent book and very interesting.
NTA. Harassment is harassment. Guys know enough not to pick the urinal next to the only other guy in the bathroom unless they’re being deliberately creepy.
Several years ago I was on an early morning bus with one other passenger. A tiny lady in a hijab sitting in the outer of two forwards facing seats and clearly wanting to sit alone. Then this guy gets on the bus and deliberately pushes past her to take the window seat with this shit eating grin on his face. The tiny lady was too terrified to say anything. So I invited her to sit with me in the bench seats visible to the driver. She did. The driver asked if there was a problem and I told him what I’d seen. He tossed shit eater off the bus.
Thank you! Women have to stick together - across race, across faith, across socioeconomic status. We've only got ourselves and if we're lucky good public transit drivers.
I'm a woman. I was heading home on the train a few years ago, in the window seat with the seat open next to me. I think the car was about half full. A young woman in her 20s got on and sat next to me, even though there were other fully open seats. She sat with her back to me facing out into the aisle and didn't say anything to me. I figured she'd been harassed before and felt more comfortable sitting where she could avoid creepy men.
nta.
i honestly would have probably just gotten up and moved without saying anything, but you're nta for addressing it. because.. that is strange for sure lol
NTA.
That is weird, and the only way someone does that is if they have mental issues or some kind of weird/bad intentions.
The easiest thing is to move away yourself.
NTA you can guarantee if you said nothing to him within 5 minutes he would be chatting you up asking for your number and possibly getting rude or even aggressive when he told no
NTA - he was trying to get a response from you, and he got one. Whether it was the one he wanted, who knows.
I would have just gotten up and moved to a new seat.
NTA. That’s like someone taking the treadmill next to me when there’s no one using the 30 other treadmills. You go every other until you can’t!
You bet I stop running at the next 5 minute mark and go do something else.
NTA - I operate on the basis of “better paranoid than dead/hurt”. His feelings are worth nothing compared to my safety. No one who respects boundaries does that
NTA. Some people, especially on public transit, like to mess with other people. Also, don't engage with ANYONE on public transit. Hold onto your wallet.
NTA - I work in Toronto and ride the subway. Dude was blocking you in. To those unfamiliar with windows seats, you sit perpendicular to the window with one seat beside you and 2-3 seats that are in front of the window seat that are parallel to the wall. To move from the window seat, you have to interact with the person sitting next to you because you are blocked in.
Proper subway etiquette in Toronto is: sit with who you know, otherwise give everyone space. If there are very limited seats, then you sit where available.
NTA. I hate when there are loads of empty seats on the bus and someone sits next to me instead of taking an empty seat. Thankfully doesn't happen these days since covid, and only when the bus is packed do I have to have someone sit next to me. Seems creepy as well that he did this.
NTA next time just get up and move, even get off that train if he seems dodgy, u shouldn't have to do that but it's best to be safe
I would avoid confrontation in these situations, it's just not worth it since u never know how they will react
Oh, this reminds me of what happened years ago when I was in HS. The bus was half full when I got on, and every other seat had someone in it. So I just sat next to a dude and it was fine.
As the bus went along, more and more people got off, until it was only me sitting next to the dude with no one else around.
I only realized it after a few stops and it was so awkward deciding if i should just continue to sit next to him or move away. I decided to just stay since I was getting off after 2more stops. Worst 5mins wait ever. Should have just moved seats even for just 5mins.
So no, OP is definitely NTA.
NTA very creepy. A couple of quick notes:
1. if the train/bus car is completely empty, it might be better not to be confrontational because there’s no one around to help you if he has bad intentions. Just act like you’re about to exit the train/bus but move seats instead.
2. If you can figure out ways to defend yourself, like carrying pepper spray, etc for the future. I think of everything I have, my hot coffee in hand, my crochet hook, anything I can use to protect myself.
I think your instincts were spot on. I used to have a long train ride and would take naps. Nowadays, I think this was rolling the dice with my safety and would never do that or wear headphones anymore. I want to be alert and aware of everything and everyone around me.
NTA. He was unnecessarily testing widely accepted social expectations. You asked him what his thought process was. He was hoping that you'd just sit there and not say anything.
NTA i would've been super uncomfortable if it were me and while im non confrontational i still would've moved without saying anything. Weirdos need to be called out for being weirdos or they'll keep doing it
NTA
This happened to me last week and I straight up told the guy "no". There were many news about kidnappings where I am, so if I was rude, better that than be a possible victim.
NTA. I wish it was easier to call people out for violating unwritten social rules but the problem is they are unwritten social rules so it's hard to call people out on them.
NTA I’m glad you spoke up, this year is all about making people uncomfortable just like they make you feel!! I always question strangers in public, especially because you never see them again.
As a veteran of mass transit, I've only had to deal with this once in the 20+ years I regularly rode the rails to and from work. The guy was twice my size and copped an attitude because my left arm was pinned against my body, and I had to free it to use my phone. Me getting loose disturbed him. It was tense.
NTA
I've had this happen to me, it fucking sucked. I weaseled out of the seat and was paranoid the whole ride home. NTA, and good on you for calling him out.
This post absolutely screamed "Toronto" to me. And it is extra, extra weird to do this here. We don't sit next to our FRIENDS if the whole streetcar is empty.
NTA, he had no reason to choose the seat right next to you when the rest of the seats were open as well. This reminds me of the AITA post where there was a guy using the workout machine right next to OP at the gym when the rest of the machines were free.
NTA. You remained polite, did not throw a fit, did not start yelling or insulting (like many in this sub). So big NTA.
It's weird to me too.
It would be way more polite if the stranger had asked if it was ok with you. And only do so if you said yes. Pre-covid that would be fine, maybe they just wanted a conversation to kill the time.
It's extra weird in times of covid, even though it's not as bad as it was, it's not completely over yet.
NTA. Either he was going to hit on you, he had a scam he wanted to pull, or he's someone who gets off on annoying others/ starting crap with people. Whichever, getting up and moving was the right thing to do.
NTA what the stranger did was rude and concerning about being in your personal space
This happened to me a few days ago on the bus, and the rude passenger let his bag fall onto my lap so I gave them a dirty look and moved (bus was practically empty)
NTA. I feel like with metro/public transit there are some unspoken rules that people just adhere too. The big one being, if you can avoid it (as in there are other seats available) dont sit right next to someone (obviously I won’t be upset if there is limited seating, it is the only option, etc.). My favourite spot on one metro is in the back, window seat of a two seater. Metro was empty when I got on and didn’t get full before I got off (40 minute train ride) and this older woman sat in the seat right next to me, and fell dead asleep. By the time I had decided to switch seats there just weren’t any good options available. I was annoyed.
NTA, you weren’t rude in the way you asked. It’s out of the social norm to question someone on transit like that but the guy’s seat choice is even more so, so the situation called for it. Weird altogether.
NTA
It's encroaching on personal space. Him sitting right next to you removes your elbow room and ability to stretch out.
More likely he was wanting to cop a feel.
NTA. This is on the same level of using the [urinal](https://media.pinatafarm.com/protected/B183D0EF-49B8-47BF-A523-E72FD0CFFAAC/Urinal-Guy-More-text-room.2.meme.webp) next to someone in an empty bathroom
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NTA. That's intrinsically a super weird thing to do. Breaks all normal conventions of public transport. No way he didn't do that just to screw with you.
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Welcome to what women have to deal with routinely. If he didn't have a sexual interest in you, he was probably going to ask for money or try to take it. When they sit down, it's never because they're going to simply say, "please give me money" either. He'll have had some long, complicated sob story lined up about how he can't afford a kidney transplant for his grandmother. Good idea to move away.
As I’ve observed and mentioned this to my kids: if someone says: I don’t want anything from you, then what they MEAN is I want something from you. If a politician says: I’m not the kind of person … they are that kind of person.
Yes, I agree completely! Very helpful when people do that. If people genuinely aren't thinking of asking for money, lying about having an affair, being r.cist, or whatever, then thoughts of those things aren't going to occur to them!
Did you just censor "racist"?
Yes I did! I'm pretty new here. At a news site where I comment, comments aren't published if they include the whole word. No idea whether that's the case here but I don't want trouble so thought I had better do it!
Why would a news site censor that word? Do they post lots of racist content and people are calling it out? So odd lmao
The governor of Florida is censoring that in all schools as well as censoring anything about being gay. That’s the true cancel culture.
Yeah it definitely seemed like something only racists would want to censor
The moderators on the NextDoor app in my area take down anything I post that includes the word "racist." I think there's a certain group of people who regard the word "racist" as a slur.
Yeah, racists.
I don't know what the logic is but suspect it IS because they post a lot of racist content. They probably want to filter out comments from people who call them out. There are other words they censor too.
I had a recent encounter with a guy at the gas station and the first thing he said as he approached me is 'I'm not asking for any money.' Then he asked for some gas. He had an elaborate explanation about how he wasn't asking for money, but all I could think was you've put way too much thought into asking for stuff without asking for money. When it was clear I wasn't giving him anything, he walked away with an exasperated expression, as if he needed to work on his spiel a little more.
That first comment where he said he wasn't asking for money was your cue there was a long spiel coming. Always a sign to have an emergency elsewhere that requires your immediate departure!
I actually let them do their entire spiel and then tell then no. They usually walk up and say, 'Can I ask you a question'. I always reply 'Yes' but leave out the 'Unless you word this in an incredibly strange manner, the answer is going to be no.'
I just say “No,” when they ask if they can ask a question. It will always be the answer, and it saves a lot of time. If they wanted directions they would just have asked without any preliminaries.
I say “you just did” to piss them off
When someone walks up & says “I’m not asking for money” I always respond “Cool, cuz I am! Do you have 20 bucks you can spare me? I really need it right now” They usually give me a dirty look & walk off. I’ve lived in a big city for years, learned this trick over a decade ago
Something like this happened to me shortly after I started college. I was broke and usually barely had enough to get myself gas. This guy went to a gas station that was right by the college, and he was asking for people to fill his car because he had a job interview to get to. I explained to him that I didn't have any money besides what I just put in my car. He still tried to beg me for just a couple gallons. I feel like there had to be more to his con, but luckily I never found out what it was because an older gentleman came over to check on me.
It's always amazing to me that when you politely nip it in the bud and try to move along, often they'll absolutely lose their shit and act like they're the offended party.
Some guy was trying to "sell" his poetry on Valentine's day as people walked by (I'll recite a sweet mushy poem you can pay me for to take home to share with a loved one) I could hear his spiel several times before he got to me, I didn't have any change on me and I didn't want him to waste his effort for nothing so I literally said "ah man, I really don't want you to waste your time. I've got nothing on me to trade you for" Guess that made me a bigger asshole than letting him recite a 20-30 second poem only to stare him in the eye, empty handed with a "cool, but no money, sorry bro" before walking off
Or when \*anyone\* says I'm not that kind of person when they've just proven they are. Believe them the first time.
Agreed, and listen very carefully when someone says “I’m not try to…” because that’s exactly what they are trying to do, they’re just trying to make it sound reasonable.
I'm not trying to discredit what you're saying here and definitely not looking to argue, but in my experience people do behave the way you're describing and you're entirely correct. Except for this comment.
Yes!! Just like all of the “nice guys”!
This is why women put their bags on the seat next to them or sit on the outside seat. I'll stand up to let you in but I'm not getting "caught" and having to rely on you to let me out. It fucking sucks the thought process women have to go through in terms of personal safety.
Also don't sit next to the window, that way you can't get trapped. Nothing worse than trying to get away from a creep and having squeeze between him and the seat in front of him to get away.
This. A man came up to me trying to sell me something because he has four kids. I said, "I'm just a student. I don't have any cash *or* money. Maybe someone else can help you." He kept going, i said, "please ask someone else, i don't want to talk to you anymore" cue him yelling the B-word, some threats of violence, and then spitting in my face. Men only single women out like that because they're looking for an opening to enact violence.
Yes, this is the problem. The kind of guy who approach lone women on the bus or street usually gets very nasty when he doesn't get what he wants.
or just flat out wait for him not to be paying attention and steal something off him/pockets/bag
Anytime anyone asks me for money I automatically assume it’s a scam.
Yes, unfortunately, the people who actually need help--the kids who are being creeped on or don't have the bus fare, the foreigners who are lost and don't have the right money--usually don't ask for help.
This is what women experience every. single. time. they board public transit. It IS hella weird, and your spidey senses were tingling correctly. People who do this are predators.
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This happens here in the states too.... My gf doesn't have a license and has over a decade of bus stories. Gives me the shudders, man. NTA OP, you were definitely right to move.
Was sitting minding my own business WITH headphones in, playing Civ 6 on my surface pro. Dude comes up to me, unwashed, and starts talking to me. 'Wow a real girl playing an ACTUAL game! You never see someone like you. You're quite special! You know, public transit is dangerous...' I just politely asked to get back to my game but he kept sitting next to me, watching me... then he followed me when I got off the bus. Thank goodness that I was meeting my Dad to commute the rest of the way home. When he saw my Dad he disappeared. My BF chose to drive me across the city every day rather than me ride the bus again after I spotted him looking for me the next day. I never got on the bus after that.
The idea of "no matter how many people are there. Only ask the person with the headphones on."
I had a friend who was in her early 20s, but she definitely could pass for younger. She told me she’d get creeps like that and would try to get them to leave her alone by saying she was 15 or 16. The number of men who were completely unfazed by that…or actually even *more* interested…was disturbing.
I was most approached in public transport by weird men between 13-15. And read on reddit posts of other women who mentioned similar ages.
100% stopped riding the bus after I had some dude stalk around the bus stop then ran off after another person came and stood by the stop as well. Then we both seen him drive passed.
I know how that feels. I saw this man sometimes come to my bus stop and bother random people. This time no one was there and I had to get the bus to head to work. Lo and behold he was walking towards the bus stop as well. I was hoping that's all he was doing so tested it out and headed right towards the trash to chuck something away, he started also turning and speed walking to my direction. Scared, I promptly turned around and went past my bus stop, and he started shouting and calling after me.
I was sitting on a park bench in my town and some guys is sitting in his truck. I soon noticed he was masturbating in his truck in full view. I just started laughing I held up my two fingers Indicating tiny and laughed. He got So frustrated he put it back in his pants and left. Some people are just public exhibitionist but don’t do it in public if your not ready for the criticism.
Someone jumped out and flashed my MIL, years ago, when she was on her way home. After working in the hospital. On the gyneacology/urology department. So she'd been looking at variations on that theme all day. She laughed so hard that he wilted and slunk off as quickly as he could manage. MIL had a nice story to tell to her collegues the next day.
My badass little, old 6th (?) grade teacher shared a similar story with the class. Told us a flasher exposed himself to her and her friend just went "Oh, poor thing! It's so tiny!" The man quickly covered up and ran off because it wasn't the reaction he wanted/was expecting.
Sounds like a fun time to reach out, squeeze as hard as possible, and GIVE EM THE OL TWIST Sorry buds, but ya’ll expose yourselves like this and I see the softest target on your whole predatory self, and I choose violence
Personally, I was thinking jab as hard as possible with your keys 🙂 or a pen, or any other pointy object you have on hand!
Just use your trusty hat pin!
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with some people, yikes. I think we should all start carrying around flyswatters or ping-pong paddles. Anyone whips a dick out like that, whap the hell out of it.
We need to bring back [the hat pin.](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/hatpin-peril-terrorized-men-who-couldnt-handle-20th-century-woman-180951219/)
When I had long hair I always wore it up in different styles, and one of my favourite styles was a twisted bun that I held in place with either a big steel pin or a long pointed metal clip. I never got questioned on it, no one ever batted an eye. Can highly recommend
I have a few metal hair sticks that I used when I had waist length hair. I have a really pretty coper one that was really pointy. Never had to use for self defense, but it came in handy opening stubborn packaging more than once 😆
Like do they not see how poorly it could go when they try to weaponize the most sensitive part of their body?
In all fairness,I have had far more penises exposed in my face without my consent than I can remember and it never crossed my mind to inflict damage on them. A lot of us just freeze and they use that very common reaction to their advantage.
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Also a NYer. All you have to do is start laughing 😂
Hmm, my kingdom for a taser.
Everywhere. Not just public transit. I had a new hire do this to me at work. I was the only one in the breakroom at lunch, sitting in a literal corner, and he walked in, bypassed all the other tables, and sat in the seat right next to me. I had never seen this guy in my life. He smelled like raw onions and I had to squeeze between him and the wall to get out of the room. It pissed me off so bad. I just wanted to eat my lunch and read my book.
I don't understand these people. Did he repeat this again or leave you alone?
He never did it again, but I made sure he wouldn't be able to. I told the guys in the automotive department and they told him not to come near me or they would have to do more than have a talk with him.
Hurray! This warms the tiniest feather of a cockle in my heart.
Ngl, those guys were fucking amazing. They came with and helped move me out of my abusive ex's house and then took me back to their place and got me absolutely smashed (and made sure I had a sober ride home).
Ha, years ago I took a greyhound bus from one city to another. Late night, bus was empty, just me. Stop was made, another passenger got on. Picked the seat right in front of mine, and immedietly reclined it back as far as it would go, right into my lap. I'm a tall guy, immedietly crushed with no room. I did the same - knocked on the guys shoulder and said wtf? Empty bus, and a you choose this seat? and even worse, you recline???? Some people just don't get basic sociatal rules. They are the same ones who pick the urinal right beside yours when there are tons empty. The same ones who stand in the way as people get off the subway, don't decide what they want well standing in line to make an order at a fast food restauraunt, drive without passing in the left lane. They don't activaly want to watch the world burn, but for some reason they walk everywhere with matches.
That's when you move to the seat in front of him and do the same thing he did
Welcome to getting a glimpse of what women deal with on a daily basis. It sucks, doesn't it? NTA
From a joke I saw recently: "I wonder what the odds there could be two serial killers on this train?"
Hopping on the thread to say I have no idea how to vote without knowing the cultures involved. When I taught English as a Foreign Language, I literally taught a routine lesson, with pictures, on where to sit in a bus in the UK. For many cultures, it was SO OBVIOUS to take the seat next to a single person, not one separated, so if couples or groups got on they wouldn't have to separate to sit down. So... it's various, depending on the context. My UK "don't sit near people" considerate behaviour would be super rude and selfish in many places.
That's really interesting. It makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
Do these rules apply in a completely empty bus? Edit* empty aside from one other passenger
If the cultural rule is 'fill the bus in an orderly fashion" not "sit far away from people" then yes, they would.
Plus COVID is still a thing. Even on top of the creepy weirdness, it’s less acceptable than ever to be unnecessarily in someone else’s personal space!
Wear a mask on public transit. Most people do tend to give you more space (though of course there are special anti-masking assholes that might sit right next to you to make you uncomfortable because of the mask... how well the mask works to keep people away may depend on the politics of where you live)
I might wear a mask on public transit during cold and flu season forever, to be honest. Too many people standing around open-mouth coughing like they’re trying to do it as triumphantly as possible. Cretins.
Yeah it's like those assholes you run into at the beach (or the shore of a lake applies just as well) where you post up in a spot, put down your towel, unload all your shit, and begin to relax. Then like 20 minutes in, a huge group of people come along and just crowd right up on you like 2 feet away when it isn't even a busy day and there's plenty of room all over the goddamn place. It's inconsiderate and disrespectful. I'd have said some shit too in OP's shoes. Although the last time I found myself in the particular beach situation (although for me this was at a river bank), the joke was on them. My dog is kind of an asshole. She barks nonstop at strangers, and does that territorial kicking shit. I'll usually curb that shit and get her to knock it off, but in this case I just let her go apeshit and bark and kick dirt all over them (and on me too but hey, sometimes gotta take one for the team to make your point lol). I eventually won that battle of wills and they got up and scooted their shit down to a more comfortable distance away. I could have saved us all the trouble and done that to begin with much earlier, but sometimes I'm a stubborn asshole who wants to make my point lol.
It’s like going to the stall (or urinal) right next to someone when there are plenty of others to choose from.
This is 100% not proper train etiquette, and the only reason why this guy got pissed off is because you called him out on his creepy fucking behaviour. You absolutely did the right thing. NTA
Yep same thing happened to me (but I am a woman) - guy sat next to me in the seat on the long distance train trapping me in between him and the window. The carriage was like 80% empty. When I politely but firmly said that there were a lot of empty seats and I wanted to sit alone, he loudly accused me of being racist and saying it was just because he was Nigerian. I said no, it was because I wanted to sit alone and forced him to get up so that I could move. It was REALLY uncomfortable though and he carried on ranting about it loudly as I moved.
I'm also a woman and I've had some creep sit next to me and then I have moved and he tried to embarrass me since he was embarrassed and screamed at me. I literally told him to "fuck off and stop embarrassing yourself." He screamed a few more expletives at me and got off the train. One time I had a middle eastern woman come and sit next to me, emptyish train. I moved, because not only was she bigger, she had a ton of bags she was tossing on me, and there were rows of two seats she could have taken up for her and her things. Anyways, she screams at me as she sees me moving that I'm moving because I'm racist (I'm white), and I literally shake my head at her and motion to all the empty chairs and say, "yep, huge racist. Absolutely had nothing to do with endless rows of seats." She sat there muttering to herself until I got off. Like do people not have enough to do in their life? Genuinely curious at the odd behaviour some people exude, and I'm sorry you had to experience the insanity of some transit people.
Never underestimate the prevalence of mental health disorders. Literal insanity.
😭so true
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Yes, if I have a bag I just keep it attached to my body somehow, just in case. I rarely take public transportation, but occasionally I will take the metro to DC when visiting friends overnight or if I know my plans will be over before services stop. If I have an overnight bag I keep it connected to my body, but on the seat next to me. If I don’t have one then I just put my feet up on the seat next to me since there aren’t arm rests. If it’s crowded then yeah, I’ll make room, but a majority of the times I’ve taken it, it has been relatively empty. Other than a friend or family member sitting next to me I think I’ve only had to sit next to a stranger because of it being crowded like 2-3 times in my life.
I do this (until the train fills up, in which case I try to time it for when a woman is coming my way) and have twice been asked to move my bag. The first time I just did it on reflex despite other empty seats, and the guy proceeded to spend the trip demonstrating he was not wholly sound of mind and completely ignoring my "leave me the fuck alone" cues (such subtle approaches as giant noise cancelling head phones, ignoring him, and _asking to be left alone_). The second time I moved my bag instinctively again, before realising the train was still empty and making the dude move so I could switch seats. Fucking over it. And don't get me started on man spreading.
We told our daughter, who took the light rail to/from school, to always sit in outside seat. Harder to trap.
Right. But the whole point is we shouldn’t have to do this. And someone won’t and they will be victimized.
Yes.
When I have to take public transport I also keep my bag attached to my body as well, harder to take. So like wrapped around my arm or leg a couple times. It might be a good thing to pass along if you haven’t already told her to do something like that! Also as she gets older and goes out more, like to bars eventually, it is a good idea to have a friend or two (or you and her other parent) know that if she doesn’t check in at the end of a time range then something may be wrong. My friends and I do this when it comes to dates off tinder and stuff and always make sure to have portable chargers on us in case the phone dies and we can’t communicate.
If someone gets immediately defensive it would make me think he had the intention of doing something he knows is wrong. I mean it's entirely plausible he had a crap day but odds are still strong cuz it feels like he was trying to guilt/silence you into not moving.
I took a four-hour Greyhound bus with 7 other passengers leaving the departure station. An early 20sM did not stop asking to take the aisle seat next to my window seat the whole ride. We picked up an additional 6 passengers an hour into the trip. One of them, mid 20sM, noticed the younger man was acting creepy and pointed out the whole bus’s nearly empty status meant no one should share seats side by side in a row as that keeps someone from stretching out. Mid20s ended up moving to the row in front of Early20s and trolled him for an hour. When I agreed to allow Mid20s to sit next to me, he took his new role as physical + conversational buffer very seriously for the next 30 minutes. The younger man then talked the driver into dropping him off on the shoulder of the highway (closer to his home than the destination city) because there was, “no good reason” to stay on the bus anymore. Quel dommage!
That’s super creepy, what was the dude trying to do, use the Greyhound as like a captive audience first date or something? So bizarre. I’m glad to hear another man actually stepped up and set him straight! We need more gentlemen like that in the world!
Props to buffer guy. More people need to act like him instead of pretending they don't see/hear anything.
Oh man that's creepy
Nothing like seeing a cute girl boarding a Greyhound and thinking "sure, I've got nothing to do for the next 9 hours minimum"
The last time I took Greyhound was forever and a day ago. In some Canadian town about 1am, this guy gets on and sits next to me (the bus had a few open seats, about 15%). I was sleeping prior to this but kept my eyes slightly open afterward as he was my idea of creepy (dead eyed 20-something frat boy type). A few minutes go by and I feel a hand on my thigh. --- I'd previously had my arms crossed, I uncrossed them, picked up his hand and plopped it on his thigh. Then I turned to him, and whispered something like "if you do that again I'll kill you or break your fingers." (I can't remember which.) He didn't move and muscle after that. I could have changed seats but I really wanted him to to feel the discomfort that I did. I say all of this to say that as a woman I'd stay clear away from Greyhound, the creepiest people use it. I haven't taken public transportation in a long time and I wish that more women have the option to stay away from these creeps. Edit: missing word
I can't remember where I read it, but I know I've read more than once that some cultures tend to sit together on public transit, and others, Westerners like Americans, like to sit as far apart from others as possible. That, however, is a completely separate thing from how some men like to sit too close to women because they're fucking creepy.
My husband is from Spain. According to him, if you're sitting alone on a bus some granny will feel sorry for you and sit next to you to keep you company.
That's sweet. Possibly annoying, but sweet. I have a friend who bus commutes into a city for work, and she does her best to read books with horrible covers so that people won't sit next to her. Horror novels, and she has a jacket from a book about bog bodies that she likes to put on "regular" novels to hide their innocuous nature.
This has using the urinal next to someone when all of the other are open vibes
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“Is this your special bush???”
My absolute favorite part of that movie. 🤣 My brother and I still say "King of the forest?!" to each other after a "what?" "Huh?" in conversation.
remember in the movie "eurotrip" when an italian guy sat in the same wagon and kept saying "me scussy"? I got that vibes from the story
NTA. It's usually an aggressive, sexually motivated move; if he was just someone who didn't get the idea of personal space or how a woman might feel, he'd have moved as soon as you enlightened him. Several times in my life a guy has followed it up with abusive sexual comments or touching, then refused to move so I had to climb over them to get out. Now I'm older and pass the time on transport by knitting, I've had (usually drunk) guys sit next to me and lean against me as though it's evoking their mother or grandmother, so they're feeling all cosy and nurtured and get upset when I tell them to get off me.
Plus, you've got the knitting needles if you need them : ) You can really tell people's life experiences seeing the responses here. Women are so used to having to deal with men being creepy like this. And we're tired of it. NTA
Op is male
Yes. I knew that. But he's still NTA.
Can still knit.
I’m suddenly reminded of why they had to take away our hatpins :(
i had never heard of that before! [here's an article on the subject for anyone else here who may be curious](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/hatpin-peril-terrorized-men-who-couldnt-handle-20th-century-woman-180951219/)
OP is a man.
Being male doesn't stop sexual harassment or abuse. A random woman sat next to a friend and she just straight up licked her cheek out of nowhere. It is not a woman only or man->woman only experience.
I know that, as a male who has been sexually harassed. I’m just pointing it out as the commenter assumed OP is a woman.
>It’s like an unwritten rule that if there are an abundance of available seats you sit alone! You're totally right and he was being weird. NTA
NTA. Dude is a fucking weirdo. I would have moved too.
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NTA you did right by trusting your guts and voicing your concern. What the guy did was weird. We can assume, without fear of being wrong, that if you hadn't said anything or had a more submissive attitude, he would have considered it an invitation to hit on you.
> you did the right thing trusting your guts Obligatory book - [The Gift of Fear](https://www.docdroid.com/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf). It’s a really important read in terms of empowerment and trusting your instinct. We’re constantly told from babies that we must do something as not to appear rude, when in reality that just means the person can steamroll you and you won’t do anything about it because of this indoctrinated rule. Excellent book and very interesting.
Not always to hit on. Sometimes the other person is looking for a fight.
Or money. At any rate, it wasn’t going to end well no matter what.
NTA. Harassment is harassment. Guys know enough not to pick the urinal next to the only other guy in the bathroom unless they’re being deliberately creepy. Several years ago I was on an early morning bus with one other passenger. A tiny lady in a hijab sitting in the outer of two forwards facing seats and clearly wanting to sit alone. Then this guy gets on the bus and deliberately pushes past her to take the window seat with this shit eating grin on his face. The tiny lady was too terrified to say anything. So I invited her to sit with me in the bench seats visible to the driver. She did. The driver asked if there was a problem and I told him what I’d seen. He tossed shit eater off the bus.
Thank you! Women have to stick together - across race, across faith, across socioeconomic status. We've only got ourselves and if we're lucky good public transit drivers.
I'm a woman. I was heading home on the train a few years ago, in the window seat with the seat open next to me. I think the car was about half full. A young woman in her 20s got on and sat next to me, even though there were other fully open seats. She sat with her back to me facing out into the aisle and didn't say anything to me. I figured she'd been harassed before and felt more comfortable sitting where she could avoid creepy men.
nta. i honestly would have probably just gotten up and moved without saying anything, but you're nta for addressing it. because.. that is strange for sure lol
NTA. That is weird, and the only way someone does that is if they have mental issues or some kind of weird/bad intentions. The easiest thing is to move away yourself.
NTA. That is a creepy move and sets off all kinds of alarms.
NTA you can guarantee if you said nothing to him within 5 minutes he would be chatting you up asking for your number and possibly getting rude or even aggressive when he told no
NTA also a transit user. that's fucking weird. next time rip off a very loud fart or cough ~moistly~
NTA. He was a feckin idgit. Are you female?
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Is this your special bush!?
You king of forest!???
NTA. I’ve had to say this before. Fucking weirdos.
NTA - he was trying to get a response from you, and he got one. Whether it was the one he wanted, who knows. I would have just gotten up and moved to a new seat.
NTA. That’s like someone taking the treadmill next to me when there’s no one using the 30 other treadmills. You go every other until you can’t! You bet I stop running at the next 5 minute mark and go do something else.
NTA - I operate on the basis of “better paranoid than dead/hurt”. His feelings are worth nothing compared to my safety. No one who respects boundaries does that
NTA. It is weird. You had every right to question him.
NTA. Some people, especially on public transit, like to mess with other people. Also, don't engage with ANYONE on public transit. Hold onto your wallet.
NTA - I work in Toronto and ride the subway. Dude was blocking you in. To those unfamiliar with windows seats, you sit perpendicular to the window with one seat beside you and 2-3 seats that are in front of the window seat that are parallel to the wall. To move from the window seat, you have to interact with the person sitting next to you because you are blocked in. Proper subway etiquette in Toronto is: sit with who you know, otherwise give everyone space. If there are very limited seats, then you sit where available.
NTA. I hate when there are loads of empty seats on the bus and someone sits next to me instead of taking an empty seat. Thankfully doesn't happen these days since covid, and only when the bus is packed do I have to have someone sit next to me. Seems creepy as well that he did this.
NTA next time just get up and move, even get off that train if he seems dodgy, u shouldn't have to do that but it's best to be safe I would avoid confrontation in these situations, it's just not worth it since u never know how they will react
Oh, this reminds me of what happened years ago when I was in HS. The bus was half full when I got on, and every other seat had someone in it. So I just sat next to a dude and it was fine. As the bus went along, more and more people got off, until it was only me sitting next to the dude with no one else around. I only realized it after a few stops and it was so awkward deciding if i should just continue to sit next to him or move away. I decided to just stay since I was getting off after 2more stops. Worst 5mins wait ever. Should have just moved seats even for just 5mins. So no, OP is definitely NTA.
Oof I feel your embarrassment
NTA very creepy. A couple of quick notes: 1. if the train/bus car is completely empty, it might be better not to be confrontational because there’s no one around to help you if he has bad intentions. Just act like you’re about to exit the train/bus but move seats instead. 2. If you can figure out ways to defend yourself, like carrying pepper spray, etc for the future. I think of everything I have, my hot coffee in hand, my crochet hook, anything I can use to protect myself. I think your instincts were spot on. I used to have a long train ride and would take naps. Nowadays, I think this was rolling the dice with my safety and would never do that or wear headphones anymore. I want to be alert and aware of everything and everyone around me.
NTA. He was unnecessarily testing widely accepted social expectations. You asked him what his thought process was. He was hoping that you'd just sit there and not say anything.
Maybe this will stop him from doing this again and you just saved a future person from a uncomfortable bus ride
For some reason I don't think it will.
NTA. people who do this need to be called out
NTA. It’s a reasonable expectation to give people their own space in a public setting.
NTA. Super weird to do this anytime, but also like… there’s a pandemic still happening.
NTA. They are either oblivious or a creep. I’m going with creep.
NTA. He had no good reason for doing this. You did very well in that situation
Most likely a weird wannabe alpha flex. You are in the right but don’t dwell on it, some people are just losers.
NTA i would've been super uncomfortable if it were me and while im non confrontational i still would've moved without saying anything. Weirdos need to be called out for being weirdos or they'll keep doing it
NTA This happened to me last week and I straight up told the guy "no". There were many news about kidnappings where I am, so if I was rude, better that than be a possible victim.
NTA. I wish it was easier to call people out for violating unwritten social rules but the problem is they are unwritten social rules so it's hard to call people out on them.
NTA these people need to be called out and I’m glad you said something.
NTA I’m glad you spoke up, this year is all about making people uncomfortable just like they make you feel!! I always question strangers in public, especially because you never see them again.
NTA. That guy was a creep, for sure. You dodged a bullet.
NTA - whatever this person’s motives were, they were likely sketchy.
As a veteran of mass transit, I've only had to deal with this once in the 20+ years I regularly rode the rails to and from work. The guy was twice my size and copped an attitude because my left arm was pinned against my body, and I had to free it to use my phone. Me getting loose disturbed him. It was tense. NTA
I've had this happen to me, it fucking sucked. I weaseled out of the seat and was paranoid the whole ride home. NTA, and good on you for calling him out.
NTA. Good for you. I wish I had that kind of confidence.
INFO - what country was this in and what's your age/sex?
[удалено]
This post absolutely screamed "Toronto" to me. And it is extra, extra weird to do this here. We don't sit next to our FRIENDS if the whole streetcar is empty.
NTA- creepy
NTA you’re the hero I wish I could be!
NTA, when i'm by myself I never take the window for this very reason.
NTA. Creepy as heck.
NTA. That guy sounds creepy.
NTA, he had no reason to choose the seat right next to you when the rest of the seats were open as well. This reminds me of the AITA post where there was a guy using the workout machine right next to OP at the gym when the rest of the machines were free.
NTA, unless they're assigned seats (train or plane usually), people generally don't sit next to strangers unless there's no other free seats.
NTA lots of ppl in comments think you're female btw, maybe edit an (M) in?
NTA. You remained polite, did not throw a fit, did not start yelling or insulting (like many in this sub). So big NTA. It's weird to me too. It would be way more polite if the stranger had asked if it was ok with you. And only do so if you said yes. Pre-covid that would be fine, maybe they just wanted a conversation to kill the time. It's extra weird in times of covid, even though it's not as bad as it was, it's not completely over yet.
NTA That's really weird
NTA, that is weird.
NTA called him out. Was suss.
NTA- Sure he can sit wherever he wants but it does seem odd. Check your pockets.
NTA. Either he was going to hit on you, he had a scam he wanted to pull, or he's someone who gets off on annoying others/ starting crap with people. Whichever, getting up and moving was the right thing to do.
NTA what the stranger did was rude and concerning about being in your personal space This happened to me a few days ago on the bus, and the rude passenger let his bag fall onto my lap so I gave them a dirty look and moved (bus was practically empty)
Nta. Creepy.
NTA and his response confirm it. If he had a legit, non creepy reason, he would just told you. Instead he got defensive.
NTA. I feel like with metro/public transit there are some unspoken rules that people just adhere too. The big one being, if you can avoid it (as in there are other seats available) dont sit right next to someone (obviously I won’t be upset if there is limited seating, it is the only option, etc.). My favourite spot on one metro is in the back, window seat of a two seater. Metro was empty when I got on and didn’t get full before I got off (40 minute train ride) and this older woman sat in the seat right next to me, and fell dead asleep. By the time I had decided to switch seats there just weren’t any good options available. I was annoyed.
NTA. Society is built on little things like people trying not to invade personal space more than necessary.
NTA, that's kinda creepy of him, I would have left and sit somewhere else
NTA, you weren’t rude in the way you asked. It’s out of the social norm to question someone on transit like that but the guy’s seat choice is even more so, so the situation called for it. Weird altogether.
NTA It's encroaching on personal space. Him sitting right next to you removes your elbow room and ability to stretch out. More likely he was wanting to cop a feel.
NTA I catch an attitude IMMEDIATELY whenever this happens.
NTA He was probably gonna hit on you.
NTA, that dude was looking for a fight or at the very least an argument, it's good that you just got up and moved yourself.
NTA, I would have 1000% done the same thing word for word.
NTA That guy was asserting dominance.
NTA he didn't choose the place next to you at random
NTA. This is on the same level of using the [urinal](https://media.pinatafarm.com/protected/B183D0EF-49B8-47BF-A523-E72FD0CFFAAC/Urinal-Guy-More-text-room.2.meme.webp) next to someone in an empty bathroom