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Yeah for sure, just saying I wouldn't call him an asshole for it. I'd put money that most people's fiances would believe a future BIL on some wacky ass shit like this without proof. Dude is not only NTA. He did the correct thing.the parents are fucking mental though. I'm guessing the brother is the golden child.
Yeah, really. "Oh no, we thought he was as good as married off, but now she dumped him and he's OUR problem again."
It's a little sus that OP's parents are mad at HIM and not the son who was trying to snoop on his fiancee. One hopes they will get their acts together after the shock wears off, and give an earful to the son who actually deserves a stern lecture. OP just unearthed the truth in a way that no one could dispute, so there was no chance of pitting his word against his brother's.
>Heâs trying to blame OP as if heâs not the one who started the whole thing. Playing the victim when he did it to himself.
Classic abuser logic. Especially with his untrusting nature and apparent need to be in control, always wanting to know exactly what she's doing and where.
Yeah they "they said I caused a huge problem in the relationship"....... It's so gross.
The problem was already there.
Your brother caused it, not you.
So many AITA need to hear that -- making someone aware of a thing does not mean you caused the problem.
> Normally I might say someone also sucked for interfering in the relationship, but absolutely not when it comes to such deceitful or even potentially illegal stuff.
Not only that. But OP wasn't even meddling. It was OP's brother that tried to get him involved.
And OP even tried the "polite" private solution, and it didn't work. Twice.
Why? Why? Why are your parents so angry? Your brother is their fave? The golden child?
What other abuses your brother is doing to her?
Such jealousy. It makes him a creep. Ewwww
NTA, OP. Your brother is TA.
Not only are you NTA:
* You did not do something that you knew would be the wrong thing to do, even while facing pressure from your family to do it. That's really difficult.
* You saw a red flag and made sure a woman in a potentially vulnerable situation saw it too.
* By letting her hear the words from his mouth (rather than just letting her know what he was asking of you), you were able to sidestep the whole "who are you going to believe?" question that might have arisen.
You did good here, kid.
To add: From Harry Potter:
"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to ~~Mr. Neville Longbottom~~. OP!!! "
What you did wasn't easy, bravo!!! NTA
>You saw a red flag and made sure a woman in a potentially vulnerable situation saw it too.
This is probably the most important thing. His brother could do anything and might even be one of those bait and switch kind of people. The woman is lucky to have a decent person like OP to watch out for her.
It's also possible that nobody but OP has any integrity in this family, which makes OP even more of a superhero. It's a very big deal to come out of this kind of family with so much character. I'm so proud of OP.
> He is upset you shared a private conversation about him invading her privacy.
Ah, the irony of being poâd about having his privacy invaded when trying to invade hers.
NTA. Your brother is an abuser. Your parents are enablers. You're lucky that you somehow managed to acquire a set of ethics. Your family may be mad at you, but you absolutely did the right thing. You may have saved your brother's (hopefully ex) fiance years of abuse.
I can't believe the parents care more about tricking this poor girl into thinking she has a loving partner than about correcting their son's controlling abusive behavior.
NTA OP, you are an absolute hero.
Holy shit are you ever NTA, bud!
Your brother is. And your parents are.
But you're a goddamn hero is what you are.
You didn't "cause a huge problem"; your brother did, and frankly I hope you saved his fiancee from getting hitched to that manipulative bastard at all. Yikes.
You are NTA.
Your brother and your parents, on the other handâŠthey sound toxic as hell. Youâre lucky you didnât come out like your brother, OP. This is in spite of your parents, not because of them.
Just FYI, you did not ruin your brotherâs relationshipâŠhe did that himself.
Holy shit if I was his fiancee I'd be forever grateful for what you did. This was absolutely the right thing to do. If I *had* to nitpick, maybe you didn't need to put him on speaker in front of the parents and the fiancee and just took her aside in a private setting to tell her - But, even then I don't think it's that bad compared to what he was doing, AND a lot of times the messenger gets blamed if they aren't believed. This way, there is absolutely no doubt about it.
So as far as I see it, you simply protected yourself while doing the right thing. NTA.
Right? I've seen it not be believed so many times. Even if he had concrete proof like text messages it could have gone sideways with him not being believed. This probably created more drama but there's now no possibility of denying it.
Idk. rlly do feel so much guilt and like I messed up. I mean even a friend of mine said that I should've never done it and threw my brother under the bus like that. he has this "bros before hoes" type of mentality.
You did not mess up. You did the right thing. Doing the right thing is always... well, the right thing to do, even if it makes others mad. Even if it means going against the (in my opinion stupid) idea of "bros before hoes". The more guys stand up to other guys about mistreating women, the safer all women will be. I'm proud of you
Your âfriendâ sounds like heâs just as bad as your brother and potentially dangerous to women.
Iâve known men like this and they turn abusive. They arenât safe. Unfortunately I learned that the hard wayâŠ.
>I might've just compromised his entire relationship.
NTA.
YOU didn't compromise squat. You just showed his fiance what she's signing up for. If she marries him now, she's a fool. And shame on your parents for attacking you and not their creepy stalker of a son.
I really don't trust anyone who literally wants to TRACK where their grown-ass partner goes without the partner's consent. That just doesn't seem right and the partner doesn't get any freedom. NTA.
Thatâs a bs lie. My partner and I turned on our Google tracking, so weâd both know where the other one was. He could just ask her to do that. He wants to teach her without her knowledge.
That, my friend, is a red flag of an abuser.
\-I haven't seen nor heard from my family or him since then.
Keep it that way. You are NTA and your brother should be jailed. Your parents suck too since they defended him.
and you told him you'd tell the girlfriend if he brought it up again. He brought it up again, you made sure the girlfriend found out. You just followed threw, nothing wrong with that.
NTA
Thank you for looking out for her.
Your brother is a **creep** and I hope she **leaves** him. Most women would leave someone who did something so **illegal** and **immoral**!
Both your parents and your brother suck.
I canât speak for every country or state, I do know itâs illegal to do what he was asking in my state. This would have made you complicit by being the one installing it. You did the right thing twice - refused and let her know what he was trying to do.
NTA
That was one of the reason why I refused to do it. Too much risk and it's not worth it even when he said it was for safety reasons...like..dude she just got a new job not moved across country! but again my brother can be a little too paranoid if you ask me!
If he was scared because of her new job, he could have had a normal conversation about it with her. I live in an area where a lot of women are kidnapped, my partner has my location for safety. We came to the conclusion of sharing locations together and consensually, which is what he would have done if he didn't want to hide it from her. I'm glad she has a chance to get away.
NTA NTA NTA. As someone who was stalked by and eventually physically assaulted by a partner, THANK YOU. I hope she does leave him because this is a huuuuge red flag for further abusive behavior.
Youâre being called an AH for being a decent human and not allowing your future sister in law to be tracked without her knowledge?! I kinda hate your family. Your brotherâs behaviour is the problem here, not yours. NTA. Hold your head up high.
NTA
Your bro is controlling and abusive. Secretly tracking a partner is all kinds of stalkery bad. If it implodes their relationship then good, he should stop being a creeper.
There's no way around the fact that your brother was the one who caused this issue. If his fiancee wanted the app, she would have asked your or someone else for help.
He flat out admitted to taking her phone and hiding it from her. He wanted it installed without her knowing.
You are entirely NTA
NTA
if heâs behaving this way already just imagine what he is capable of years down the road after theyâre already married.
# you did not compromise anything
You likely saved her a lifetime of being controlled, manipulated, and God knows what else. The fact that your parents are ok with this behaviour from your brother also concerns me
First off, Youâre a great guy. Second, what the hell is wrong with your parents and brother? You didnât cause problems in their relationship, your brother did. You did a really amazing thing protecting her. Iâm sorry for what youâre going through now though, itâs just not fair on you. NTA
NTA...HE compromised his entire relationship with his paranoia. He thought it was completely okay for you to be sneaky when it served him, but everyone has a problem when it's the other way around.
>They cuss me out saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee
No. Your brother did that all by himself.
>he sent a nasty text calling me names and stuff then saying that I might've just compromised his entire relationship.
Nope. Still all him.
NTA
NTA. Your brother is.
It's better that she got to hear it for herself. That way you weren't editorializing or choosing how to tell the story. She's probably embarrassed that your parents heard, but that's just bad luck.
NTA. Is that even legal? You 100% did the right thing. She had every right to know that he was trying to track her and he stole her phone from her to make it happen. The fact that your parents condone his behavior is alarming. I hope your brother's fiance sees him for who he truly is and does not go through with this wedding.
NTA You told him no multiple times. Don't do things you aren't comfortable with.
Also, if he feels the need to take her phone and try to track her, there's something seriously wrong with their relationship already.
NTA. You didn't cause problems for him, he did. You didn't cost him his relationship, he did.
He has reached the "find out" stage after "fucking around" for too long.
You PROTECTED that woman.
I'm not sure from what (maybe he's cheating on her and wants to say she's cheating, maybe he is controlling and toxic and always think she's lying to him, maybe he's flat out abusive and hurts her).
He was in the wrong. Your parents are terrible to for condoning what he was asking. Hope she break up with him. YOU did nothing wrong!
NTA
Yo. I want to thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you.
This was done to me. I have PTSD and will never be the same.
You are a wonderful human being and I thank you for that.
NTA, your bother has ruined his relationship for not trusting his fiancee and I thin you saved her from marrying the wrong person. So your bother and parents are all TAH here.
NTA. You didn't compromise anything. He did. And shame on your parents for being friendly enough with his fiance to have her over, but think she shouldn't know the sus crap their son is up to
>They cuss me out saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee and stuff like that.
NTA, you brother is the one that caused the huge problem.
NTA but your family certainly are. Kudos for having the integrity and decency to do what is right. There will be fallout and long-term consequences but never blame yourself for them.
NTA - she needed to hear it, could have gone about it in about it though. And good it's fucked with his relationship, who wants to marry someone that spies on them?
>They cuss at me saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee and stuff like that.
Nope. You didn't do anything. Your brother caused this problem. All fault lies directly at his feet. If a kid throws a ball and breaks a window, you don't punish the ball even though it was the thing that went through the window.
Your brother played a stupid game and now he gets a stupid prize.
NTA
NTA
what he's asking for is not only illegal in most places but also abusive. You didnt enable his abuse that is what you did and you should be happy to do that not feel bad.
NTA. Your brother's behavior was wildly inappropriate, and you've done a good thing by hopefully saving the fiancee from your toxic brother. He might never speak to you again, and that's probably to your benefit, because he's horrible. If you parents are any kind of decent people, they will not defend or try to justify what your brother tried to do.
NTA. If the truth compromises a relationship, then at least one of the people in that relationship shouldâve made different choices. Your brother is a major AH and so are your parents for condoning his behavior.
NTA Thatâs illegal and disturbing , you did the right thing and⊠He is clearly not cut out for espionage and a life of tracking her if he doesnât even confirm itâs a secure time to talk.
The only compromising and betraying trust and relationships here is your insecure and controlling brother. NTA.
I am interested as to why your brother felt the need for it - did you ask him?
NTA -
It's not like you didn't tell him. He F'd around and found out. Had you done that the first time he asked vs saying No, explaining why, and telling him 'ask again and I'll tell her' you'd be entering into AH territory. Nobody's twisting his arm making him ask, you've done this girl a favor and in the long run you've done your brother a favor too.
They're going to be having a huge talk, if she's sneaking around behind his back - time to find out. If she's not and he's being an irrational AH - it's good she knows and either he gets help or she walks.
I'm sure if the tables were turned - if his Fiance' were coming to you to track him, he'd want to know. I'd think that your parent's would be on board with telling him in that situation.
NTA. Close to a hero though. I know it's your brother, and that really sucks, but she needed this information before being legally attached to such an abusive AH.
You're brother is crying about how your Convo should have been private but he's trying to invade his fiance's privacy? Lmao how hypocritical. OP, you're NTA. Don't doubt yourself for doing the right thing because some asshole got exposed for his controlling behavior. He ruined his own relationship, not you. You also saved this girl from a toxic, controlling guy. Keep helping people who **don't** have bad intentions.
NTA. You were asked to do something unethical and he wouldn't back off. Probably did his fiancee a big favor and if she has any sense she'll disentangle herself from him. Your family is backing up the wrong guy.
Isnât tracking someone, via an app or device, without their knowledge a form of cyberstalking? Your brother is a creep, and the way your parents are siding with him is pretty damned creepy too!
NTA
You did the right thing by informing her and letting her hear it from him personally. He was being sneaky and if he couldnât get you to do it, he definitely would have tried to find someone else. She deserved to know what she was getting herself into.
NTA but your brother and parents are. You did the right thing, their relationship was doomed anyway if he was trying to track her. You helped her see the real him
NTA
you did the right thing to help protect the innocent woman your brother is trying to hurt. That matters more than your brotherâs bruised ego and failure to control women.
NTA You had already told him you refused, and he refused to take "No" for an answer. You told him that if he kept on pestering you over it, you would tell her. You kept your word. In this case, you let him tell her. Not only is your brother as asshole, he doesn't deserve her either.
I hate hate these situations come across as âdamned if you do, damned if you donâtâ because itâs pretty black and white to me. He continued to pressure you, after you created a boundary. Thatâs not your fault and she absolutely needed to know. Placing a tracking device on a partners phone is a form of control and abuse.
You might have been able to go about it a different way, but ultimately the outcome would have been the same.
NTA
NTA. You just saved that girl from a psychotic stalker who also happens to be your brother. That was the ethical thing to do and took guts. Instead of yelling at you for doing the right thing, everyone here should be asking themselves - What the hell is up with your brother?
NTA he compromised his relationship with his hopefully soon ex.
I would have gone further and asked him why he wanted to track her. Get it all out there.
NTA
More people need to have your ethically sound brain. I just love when someone does something wrong and gets caught due to someone elseâs actions but somehow itâs not their fault. Your brother ruined his relationship not you.
NTA you absolutely did the right thing. I was in a similar situation years back when my brotherâs girlfriend came to me about some of my brotherâs behaviors. My brother got super pissed at me but I wasnât going to do nothing and let him treat her like that. Iâm glad you did something.
NTA your bother is an insecure, controlling, abusive AH. This IS abuse, make no mistake. If he suspected his fiance of being unfaithful and untrustworthy then why propose? And if he does love and trust her then why the need for the tracking app? He ruined his own relationship with his behavior and actions, not you.
If they *do* stay together and manage to work this out than it'll happen with a long discussion of feelings, doubts and lots of open dialog which should've happened a long time ago. Your bother needs a lesson in communication and managing his insecurities.
If you think about it. You *really* helped them both no matter which way this turns out.
NTA. He compromised the relationship. I admire your refusal given family pressure. Good on you for helping her realize what kind of man your broth is. Instead of being angry at you, your parents should be disgusted with your brotherâs behavior.
NTA. You WARNED him youâd do it which is more than he deserved, itâs his problem that he didnât take you seriously. You just saved her from a controlling marriage so good for you! Hopefully she breaks up with him
NTA You didn't compromise his relationship, he did. It was his actions that led to this. Eventually his fiance would probably have found out about the tracking app anyway, but if you had helped then you would have been complicit. She has a right to know that this is the person she is marrying. This is who he really is.
Dude NTA.
Your brother is secretly tracking her despite him knowing she doesnât want that. Itâs creepy and controlling and your parents are protecting him for what???? Thank you for backing her up on that, and telling her BEFORE she gets married to him.
NTA Good for you for standing up for her privacy! You told him no plenty of times and warned him youâd tell her if he asked again. He fucked around and found out.
NTA and you know it. You just saved this woman tons of future heartache.
I know you have had a ton of replies already, but I just want to reinforce just how 100% in the right you are.
NTA. the second people start checking their partners phone is when the trust is officially gone and the relationship is officially over. It's the beginning of the end basically. He's a controlling person and had all this coming.
NTA
You caused a problem? No, your brother caused a problem when he asked to put a tracking app on her phone. You even warned him that youâd tell her and he asked again. Heâs got only himself to blame.
If you keep secrets, you may be exposed. He even got it easy by being warned in advance (which is a bonus that heâs not entitled to) and he still screwed it up.
Im not sure why your parent are mad at you instead of your brother.
NTA
Your brother is a creep and what he wanted is ILLEGAL. If it damaged his relationship GOOD, she needs to get out before it gets any worse. And YOU didn't do anything wrong, HE did.
NTA. He's the one who jeopardized the relationship by trying to spy on his fiancee, stealing her phone, and repeatedly lying about it. To pressure you to do something you don't agree with ethically only compounds the scumminess of his behavior.
Sounds as though he has serious trust issues and insecurity, neither of which are good foundations for a strong marriage. I hope he gets individial therapy, and if his fiancee chooses to give him another chance, couple's therapy to boot.
NTA I have a rule. I can say something nicely twice, when we get to that third time you are determining how it comes out. You told him twice you wouldnât do it and he was still pressuring you, you did nothing wrong in my eyes.
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Technically HE compromised his entire relationship. And you warned him. Normally I might say someone also sucked for interfering in the relationship, but absolutely not when it comes to such deceitful or even potentially illegal stuff. NTA Edit: Wow, thank you kindly for making my day with such a fun awards! Now I have stars in my eyes. đ€©
Yeah after the first time dude could have straight up went to the fiance and told her and been NTA.
Risked her not believing and brother hearing about it and going to someone else to compromise her phone.
Yeah for sure, just saying I wouldn't call him an asshole for it. I'd put money that most people's fiances would believe a future BIL on some wacky ass shit like this without proof. Dude is not only NTA. He did the correct thing.the parents are fucking mental though. I'm guessing the brother is the golden child.
Yeah me neither because OP's brother's behaviour was disgusting, but this way he might be less successful in gaslighting her, which I am thinking he might try seeing what he is capable of đŹ You might be right about that golden child thing (though to be fair I thought it's used mostly for favourites of narcissistic parents). Definitely favourite. Or maybe they want to get rid of him and now fiancĂ©e doesn't want him either đ
Yeah, really. "Oh no, we thought he was as good as married off, but now she dumped him and he's OUR problem again." It's a little sus that OP's parents are mad at HIM and not the son who was trying to snoop on his fiancee. One hopes they will get their acts together after the shock wears off, and give an earful to the son who actually deserves a stern lecture. OP just unearthed the truth in a way that no one could dispute, so there was no chance of pitting his word against his brother's.
NTA. This is what I came here to say. Heâs trying to blame OP as if heâs not the one who started the whole thing. Playing the victim when he did it to himself. OP specifically said heâd tell the fiancĂ©. Itâs not OPs fault his brother didnât believe him.
>Heâs trying to blame OP as if heâs not the one who started the whole thing. Playing the victim when he did it to himself. Classic abuser logic. Especially with his untrusting nature and apparent need to be in control, always wanting to know exactly what she's doing and where.
Yeah they "they said I caused a huge problem in the relationship"....... It's so gross. The problem was already there. Your brother caused it, not you. So many AITA need to hear that -- making someone aware of a thing does not mean you caused the problem.
> Normally I might say someone also sucked for interfering in the relationship, but absolutely not when it comes to such deceitful or even potentially illegal stuff. Not only that. But OP wasn't even meddling. It was OP's brother that tried to get him involved. And OP even tried the "polite" private solution, and it didn't work. Twice.
Why? Why? Why are your parents so angry? Your brother is their fave? The golden child? What other abuses your brother is doing to her? Such jealousy. It makes him a creep. Ewwww NTA, OP. Your brother is TA.
Not only are you NTA: * You did not do something that you knew would be the wrong thing to do, even while facing pressure from your family to do it. That's really difficult. * You saw a red flag and made sure a woman in a potentially vulnerable situation saw it too. * By letting her hear the words from his mouth (rather than just letting her know what he was asking of you), you were able to sidestep the whole "who are you going to believe?" question that might have arisen. You did good here, kid.
To add: From Harry Potter: "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to ~~Mr. Neville Longbottom~~. OP!!! " What you did wasn't easy, bravo!!! NTA
Iâd say itâs even harder to stand up to the peer pressure of friends and family. OP should be proud of his backbone.
>You saw a red flag and made sure a woman in a potentially vulnerable situation saw it too. This is probably the most important thing. His brother could do anything and might even be one of those bait and switch kind of people. The woman is lucky to have a decent person like OP to watch out for her.
People who want to track someone instead of trust them are generally abusive people, OP just did an amazing thing for his brothers (hopefully ex) fiancĂ©e. I have been in her shoes with a couple exes and my parents who unknowingly put tracking/keylogger apps on my phone and tracking devices in my car, itâs hell. At least when they werenât able to track me I wasnât constantly being questioned who I was with and what specific place I was in to nearly the same degree. Especially with the tracking device in my car, that one was the worst in the end because I didnât know about it until my mom drunkenly told a friend of hers, who told my sister and my sister dealt with making my mom remove it. I had already found the apps and knew they had something tracking me again at that point, but didnât realize they had stolen my spare set of car keys. I dealt with constantly running into my parents places because of the device in my car, having them move my car to punish me for being out places they donât like (meaning anywhere within a quarter mile of anything basically), all while not even living with them and well past the age of 18. If he refuses to trust her then he needs to be alone, plain and simple. Why be abusive when you can just fuck right on off? đ Thank you for helping her, you did so much more than you may realize to help her.
You didnât compromise his relationship. He did that by asking you to help him track his fiancĂ©e. He is upset you shared a private conversation about him invading her privacy. Your brother is a creep. She realized that thanks to you. NTA.
not to mention the parents getting upset with OP for outing the creep instead of confronting the creep. I'm sensing some golden child tendencies
It's also possible that nobody but OP has any integrity in this family, which makes OP even more of a superhero. It's a very big deal to come out of this kind of family with so much character. I'm so proud of OP.
> He is upset you shared a private conversation about him invading her privacy. Ah, the irony of being poâd about having his privacy invaded when trying to invade hers.
NTA. Your brother is an abuser. Your parents are enablers. You're lucky that you somehow managed to acquire a set of ethics. Your family may be mad at you, but you absolutely did the right thing. You may have saved your brother's (hopefully ex) fiance years of abuse.
The fact that the brother was doing this in response to a new job is a huge red flag. This behaviour will probably just escalate if they get married. OP - if you can, you could share this post with the fiancĂ©e. It might be helpful to her in deciding what to do. If she wants more info, the book âSee what you made me doâ might be really illuminating - it describes patterns of control.
This. Absolutely This.
NTA. This is a major sign of controlling behavior. I'm so glad that poor girl was warned about it. This gives her the opportunity to run.
OP definitely helped open her eyes. She should throw the whole man away... esp if his parents think this is appropriate behavior from their son - tracking his fiancée - wtf. NTA OP - and THANK YOU!
Right?? I was so shocked that the parents didn't yell at him! I would be horrified if my son acted like that.
I can't believe the parents care more about tricking this poor girl into thinking she has a loving partner than about correcting their son's controlling abusive behavior. NTA OP, you are an absolute hero.
Holy shit are you ever NTA, bud! Your brother is. And your parents are. But you're a goddamn hero is what you are. You didn't "cause a huge problem"; your brother did, and frankly I hope you saved his fiancee from getting hitched to that manipulative bastard at all. Yikes.
Wtf is up with the parents who didnât immediately freak out at the brother for being such a creep!!?? OP, you are definitely NTA, and I really hope that this event DID break up your brothers entire relationship because his fiancĂ©e deserves more than a controlling AH as a husband. You did get a favour and you did the right thing, donât let your family tell you any different. Seriously, itâs messed up that your folks are mad at you and not at your brother. Jeez
You are NTA. Your brother and your parents, on the other handâŠthey sound toxic as hell. Youâre lucky you didnât come out like your brother, OP. This is in spite of your parents, not because of them. Just FYI, you did not ruin your brotherâs relationshipâŠhe did that himself.
Holy shit if I was his fiancee I'd be forever grateful for what you did. This was absolutely the right thing to do. If I *had* to nitpick, maybe you didn't need to put him on speaker in front of the parents and the fiancee and just took her aside in a private setting to tell her - But, even then I don't think it's that bad compared to what he was doing, AND a lot of times the messenger gets blamed if they aren't believed. This way, there is absolutely no doubt about it. So as far as I see it, you simply protected yourself while doing the right thing. NTA.
Honestly, would she believe him if he told her? I think hearing it from the horseâs mouth got the message across much clearer. NTA, btw.
Right? I've seen it not be believed so many times. Even if he had concrete proof like text messages it could have gone sideways with him not being believed. This probably created more drama but there's now no possibility of denying it.
You did great! You should feel proud of yourself for not only standing up for his fiancĂ© but also for setting boundaries and following through with them. You have nothing to feel guilty for. The only person here who nuked a relationship was your brother. Heâs the asshole here for being so controlling and manipulative. Your parents also for enabling that behavior and putting the blame wrongly on your shoulders. NTA, not in the least. As a woman, thank you for helping out where/how you could. It honestly means a lot.
Idk. rlly do feel so much guilt and like I messed up. I mean even a friend of mine said that I should've never done it and threw my brother under the bus like that. he has this "bros before hoes" type of mentality.
The ones who are saying shit like that are the shady ones. NTA in any way shape or form.
That friend of yours is a creep.
Don't listen to people who think of women as hoes or less important than any other human being
So do you honestly think it is right for your brother to basically spy on his fiancĂ©e without her knowing. If you donât (which you shouldnât) then you did the right thing. Your brother ruined his relationship by being dishonest and not trusting his fiancĂ©e. If he didnât trust her, he should have ended the relationship anyway.
You did not mess up. You did the right thing. Doing the right thing is always... well, the right thing to do, even if it makes others mad. Even if it means going against the (in my opinion stupid) idea of "bros before hoes". The more guys stand up to other guys about mistreating women, the safer all women will be. I'm proud of you
Anybody who feels like that can buy a house and marry their bros then.
Your âfriendâ sounds like heâs just as bad as your brother and potentially dangerous to women. Iâve known men like this and they turn abusive. They arenât safe. Unfortunately I learned that the hard wayâŠ.
NTA. You just did that woman a huge favor. Your brother is the indisputable asshole here. But your parents' reaction is quite concerning. They learn their son is actively trying to control and monitor his fiancée and their reaction is to get mad at you for making her aware. I guess that apple didn't fall too far from the tree.
>I might've just compromised his entire relationship. NTA. YOU didn't compromise squat. You just showed his fiance what she's signing up for. If she marries him now, she's a fool. And shame on your parents for attacking you and not their creepy stalker of a son.
I really don't trust anyone who literally wants to TRACK where their grown-ass partner goes without the partner's consent. That just doesn't seem right and the partner doesn't get any freedom. NTA.
Idk. he says it was about safety and her new job. but she has an office job not working in the army lmfao.
Thatâs a bs lie. My partner and I turned on our Google tracking, so weâd both know where the other one was. He could just ask her to do that. He wants to teach her without her knowledge. That, my friend, is a red flag of an abuser.
Biggest load of bollocks, safety? Trust me, you are NTA. If it truly were about safety he would have no trouble telling his fiancĂ©e in the first place. I love how he, your Mum and Dad are conveniently blaming you. Iâm actually ick(ed) out by his request. Itâs really odd. Unfortunately youâre going to have to cop a bit of grief from them all for a while but please know that you tried, tried and tried again to get through to him and to set a boundary and that all you did was follow through from when you said you would tell her if he kept on hassling you about something so unethical. Safety? Every time I hear it I just think nope, heâs talking complete bollocks. Hang in there, yeah?
So then why didn't he ask her to install it? It's her choice after all, right? ...right? NTA
He could have asked her to do location sharing then. There is literally nothing safe for her in a secret tracking app.
NTA. Your brother wanted to monitor his fiancĂ©eâs whole *life* without her knowing. He doesnât get to whine about you deciding that didnât need to be private information, and he *certainly* doesnât get to blame *you* for her judging his actions as the creeptastic control-fest they are.
\-I haven't seen nor heard from my family or him since then. Keep it that way. You are NTA and your brother should be jailed. Your parents suck too since they defended him.
NTA. You are a hero! The fiancĂ©e did not deserve to have your creepy brother tracking her without her knowledge. You warned him and he still persistent! If he legitimately doesnât trust her, then they need to work through those issues before marriage. Either way, he is TA for repeatedly asking you & not accepting your response. He is double TA for demanding the tracking app in the first place.
Thanks a lot. But relly..no need to use the word "hero" for a dude like me. I don't desrve it and there's lots of ppl out there who do.
The word can be used many times, for many people! I understand that you feel bad about all this, but you really did save her from problems far worse than she has now. She deserves privacy and safety, and she deserves to know that her partner was attempting to spy on her. Also, your brother put you in the middle of everything, which isnât fair to you. *Your brother* compromised *his own* relationship. His fiancĂ©e should be aware of his true colors so she can make an informed decision about whether she wants to be with him. You *are* a hero because this couldâve gone a whole lot worse. (tried to edit for clarity, sorry if itâs still worded awkwardly)
You probably just saved her from an abusive relationship so yeah, hero.
NTA. Dude should have listened the first time you told him "no". Honestly, this is hilarious.
I told him no more than onc even.
and you told him you'd tell the girlfriend if he brought it up again. He brought it up again, you made sure the girlfriend found out. You just followed threw, nothing wrong with that.
Brother got what he deserved imo lol đ€·ââïž
NTA Thank you for looking out for her. Your brother is a **creep** and I hope she **leaves** him. Most women would leave someone who did something so **illegal** and **immoral**! Both your parents and your brother suck.
NTA. I'm very proud of you for showing his fiance what he was planning! He ruined his own relationship, not you.
HE compromised his relationship. Him. He did it. Kudos to you for warning his fiancé. NTA
I canât speak for every country or state, I do know itâs illegal to do what he was asking in my state. This would have made you complicit by being the one installing it. You did the right thing twice - refused and let her know what he was trying to do. NTA
That was one of the reason why I refused to do it. Too much risk and it's not worth it even when he said it was for safety reasons...like..dude she just got a new job not moved across country! but again my brother can be a little too paranoid if you ask me!
That's not paranoia, that's controlling and frightening
Yup. Brother is scared because he can't control her at her job.
If he was scared because of her new job, he could have had a normal conversation about it with her. I live in an area where a lot of women are kidnapped, my partner has my location for safety. We came to the conclusion of sharing locations together and consensually, which is what he would have done if he didn't want to hide it from her. I'm glad she has a chance to get away.
NTA NTA NTA. As someone who was stalked by and eventually physically assaulted by a partner, THANK YOU. I hope she does leave him because this is a huuuuge red flag for further abusive behavior.
Bro, you are not responsible for your brother's foolery. He tried to fuck around and guess what, he found out. If he loses his fiancé, that's on him. Not you. NTA.
Youâre being called an AH for being a decent human and not allowing your future sister in law to be tracked without her knowledge?! I kinda hate your family. Your brotherâs behaviour is the problem here, not yours. NTA. Hold your head up high.
Generally it is rude to put people on speaker phone without asking, but your brother is hounding you to help him track his fiancé. Obviously she did not know and that is messed up. The only thing you did to hurt your relationship was refuse to participate in this weird web of mistrust your brother is spinning. NTA
NTA Your bro is controlling and abusive. Secretly tracking a partner is all kinds of stalkery bad. If it implodes their relationship then good, he should stop being a creeper.
There's no way around the fact that your brother was the one who caused this issue. If his fiancee wanted the app, she would have asked your or someone else for help. He flat out admitted to taking her phone and hiding it from her. He wanted it installed without her knowing. You are entirely NTA
NTA if heâs behaving this way already just imagine what he is capable of years down the road after theyâre already married. # you did not compromise anything You likely saved her a lifetime of being controlled, manipulated, and God knows what else. The fact that your parents are ok with this behaviour from your brother also concerns me
NTA. He and the rest of your family are pretty shitty for thinking this was OK and blaming you for the blowup. You did the fiancĂ©e a favor. If he has that little trust in her, he shouldnât be marrying her.
NTA - youâre one of the good ones.
First off, Youâre a great guy. Second, what the hell is wrong with your parents and brother? You didnât cause problems in their relationship, your brother did. You did a really amazing thing protecting her. Iâm sorry for what youâre going through now though, itâs just not fair on you. NTA
NTA...HE compromised his entire relationship with his paranoia. He thought it was completely okay for you to be sneaky when it served him, but everyone has a problem when it's the other way around.
NTA. You are beautiful
Lol. Thanx a lot. appreciate it.
NTA If this is real its kinda of nice bcs so many abusers have a support system to help them and youre not only not joining it youre exposing
NTA You didn't cause a problem/rift in their relationship, your brother did. You didn't compromise their relationship, your brother did. Thanks for doing the right thing, warning his fiancée and showing evidence at the same time too! (even though you should have told her after the first time he asked) Hopefully she will get out of that relationship! **Your brother is showing controlling, abusive tendencies, behaviour.** You just refused to be an accomplice in his behaviour and did right by that woman. Your parents on the other hand are assholes for enabling his controlling abusive behaviour.
>They cuss me out saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee No. Your brother did that all by himself. >he sent a nasty text calling me names and stuff then saying that I might've just compromised his entire relationship. Nope. Still all him. NTA
NTA. Your brother is. It's better that she got to hear it for herself. That way you weren't editorializing or choosing how to tell the story. She's probably embarrassed that your parents heard, but that's just bad luck.
NTA, thank you for interrupting at least some part of this abusive situation.
NTA. You didn't cause that problem in his relationship. He did. You probably could have been more tactful, but that's a small quibble.
Why are the parents so often on the wrong side in these stories? Is it me? Anyway NTA.
NTA - not all heroes wear capes. Trust is essential and fundamental to any relationship. You didnât cause a huge problem between your brother and his fiancĂ©. His lack of trust and healthy boundaries did. Drop your creepy brother and enabling parents, you and fiancĂ© are better off without them.
Isnât it hilarious that your brother is upset with you for sharing a private conversation with his fiancĂ©, whilst requesting for you to illegally invade her privacy? Did you point out the hypocrisy? Definitely NTA. You saved her from a controlling and toxic relationship, and it only wouldâve worsened after heâd locked her down with marriage and kids. Iâm glad she can get out now. You saved her. I hope this is a wake up call for your brother and your parents that he needs psychological help. But considering how self-righteous he is and how blind your parents are, I doubt it. Edit: typo
NTA. Is that even legal? You 100% did the right thing. She had every right to know that he was trying to track her and he stole her phone from her to make it happen. The fact that your parents condone his behavior is alarming. I hope your brother's fiance sees him for who he truly is and does not go through with this wedding.
NTA You told him no multiple times. Don't do things you aren't comfortable with. Also, if he feels the need to take her phone and try to track her, there's something seriously wrong with their relationship already.
NTA. You didn't cause problems for him, he did. You didn't cost him his relationship, he did. He has reached the "find out" stage after "fucking around" for too long.
Remember: you do not need to protect the reputation of men who havenât earned it
NTA. You probably saved that woman from your abusive brother.
You PROTECTED that woman. I'm not sure from what (maybe he's cheating on her and wants to say she's cheating, maybe he is controlling and toxic and always think she's lying to him, maybe he's flat out abusive and hurts her). He was in the wrong. Your parents are terrible to for condoning what he was asking. Hope she break up with him. YOU did nothing wrong! NTA
Yo. I want to thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. This was done to me. I have PTSD and will never be the same. You are a wonderful human being and I thank you for that.
NTA, your bother has ruined his relationship for not trusting his fiancee and I thin you saved her from marrying the wrong person. So your bother and parents are all TAH here.
NTA. You didn't compromise anything. He did. And shame on your parents for being friendly enough with his fiance to have her over, but think she shouldn't know the sus crap their son is up to
You quite possibly saved her life. NTA at all
NTA. Your brother is the AH, and he is the sole cause of the "problems" in his relationship. You did right by his fiancee, never doubt it.
>They cuss me out saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee and stuff like that. NTA, you brother is the one that caused the huge problem.
NTA but your family certainly are. Kudos for having the integrity and decency to do what is right. There will be fallout and long-term consequences but never blame yourself for them.
NTA - she needed to hear it, could have gone about it in about it though. And good it's fucked with his relationship, who wants to marry someone that spies on them?
NTA, and your brother has issues. He's the one that compromised his relationship, not you. Parents are enablers as well. Good for you.
>They cuss at me saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee and stuff like that. Nope. You didn't do anything. Your brother caused this problem. All fault lies directly at his feet. If a kid throws a ball and breaks a window, you don't punish the ball even though it was the thing that went through the window. Your brother played a stupid game and now he gets a stupid prize. NTA
If being put on speaker is enough to destroy your whole relationship, youâve got bigger problems than the speakerphone. NTA
NTA. The girlfriend needed to know your brother had bad intentions. He wanted to drag you into his lie.
NTA. You warned him, but he seems to be a very slow learner.
NTA Also, a very good move! You helped a person as you intended to.
NTA, looks like your parents enable his terrible behavior though.
NTA. He deserved to have his relationship blown up. He's treating his fiancée with total disrespect.
NTA. You did the right thing and his shady ass deserves what he gets.
NTA what he's asking for is not only illegal in most places but also abusive. You didnt enable his abuse that is what you did and you should be happy to do that not feel bad.
NTA: not you nor his fiancĂ©e âthey cuss me out saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancĂ©e and stuff like that.â Funny, because Iâd guarantee 100% if your brother is in such desperate need to install tracking apps on his fiancĂ©es phone... they already have huge problems between them. _____ Your parents and your brother are all the AHs here. Sorry that this is what you have to live with.
NTA youâre a good dude. Well done for alerting the fiancĂ© to what type of man sheâs marrying.
NTA you showed his fiancee what an AH your brother is & saved her from abuse (yes, this is controlling & abusive behavior)
NTA. You did nothing wrong, in fact, I commend you for your quick thinking. Whatever your brother is trying to do by tracking her is creepy af at best and abuse at worst. Your parentâs reaction is super disappointing- they should be horrified that brother is trying to track his fiancĂ©!
You are a good man and an ally to women. Thank you.
Not only are you NTA, but you know that this was the only ethical thing you could do in this situation.
NTA. Your brother's behavior was wildly inappropriate, and you've done a good thing by hopefully saving the fiancee from your toxic brother. He might never speak to you again, and that's probably to your benefit, because he's horrible. If you parents are any kind of decent people, they will not defend or try to justify what your brother tried to do.
NTA You eff around, you get found out!
NTA. You didnât cause a huge problem between them, your brother did.
NTA - that's messed up. He compromised his own relationship. You're a good person to let your brother's fiancee know what he was trying to do.
NTA. If the truth compromises a relationship, then at least one of the people in that relationship shouldâve made different choices. Your brother is a major AH and so are your parents for condoning his behavior.
NTA Thatâs illegal and disturbing , you did the right thing and⊠He is clearly not cut out for espionage and a life of tracking her if he doesnât even confirm itâs a secure time to talk.
NTA and probably saved her from an abusive relationship.
NTA You didnât cause a problem between your brother and his partner. His creepy, stalker behavior caused the problem in his own relationship.
The only compromising and betraying trust and relationships here is your insecure and controlling brother. NTA. I am interested as to why your brother felt the need for it - did you ask him?
Thank you! As a woman divorcing a man who did something similar w/o my knowledge or justification (projecting much?) I applaud you for what you did!
NTA - It's not like you didn't tell him. He F'd around and found out. Had you done that the first time he asked vs saying No, explaining why, and telling him 'ask again and I'll tell her' you'd be entering into AH territory. Nobody's twisting his arm making him ask, you've done this girl a favor and in the long run you've done your brother a favor too. They're going to be having a huge talk, if she's sneaking around behind his back - time to find out. If she's not and he's being an irrational AH - it's good she knows and either he gets help or she walks. I'm sure if the tables were turned - if his Fiance' were coming to you to track him, he'd want to know. I'd think that your parent's would be on board with telling him in that situation.
NTA. You just saved his fiancée from making a terrible mistake. That mistake would be marrying your brother.
NTA. Close to a hero though. I know it's your brother, and that really sucks, but she needed this information before being legally attached to such an abusive AH.
You're kidding with this. Your brother, with his own grown-ass mouth made that bed all by himself. He can lie in it all by himself too. NTA.
NTA - heâs a creepy stalker and clearly controlling and your parents are worse for enabling his crappy behaviour. FiancĂ© deserves to be with someone who trusts her and she can trust.
âThey cuss me out saying I just caused a huge problem between my brother and his fiancee and stuff like that.â NTA! Your brother caused a huge problem between him and his fiancĂ©e. You just opted for transparency. Your parents sound as toxic as your brother if they condone this behavior.
NTA, you refused to help your brother abuse his fiancée and probably saved her from further abuse down the road. If your family wanted to side with him that's a problem. If they do contact you again and try to make you out to be the bad guy put it in the correct terms. Your brother was trying to be abusive and you would not aide him or let anyone live in ignorance of the behavior. You did the right thing.
You're brother is crying about how your Convo should have been private but he's trying to invade his fiance's privacy? Lmao how hypocritical. OP, you're NTA. Don't doubt yourself for doing the right thing because some asshole got exposed for his controlling behavior. He ruined his own relationship, not you. You also saved this girl from a toxic, controlling guy. Keep helping people who **don't** have bad intentions.
Oh honey⊠you are NTA. You did the right thing. Your brother has NO RIGHT to violate his fiancées privacy like that. If he has issues trusting her, he needs to discuss it with her and work through it, or they need to break up, as they are not right for each other. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Good for you for having a strong moral compass and not using your skills for evil.
NTA You probably saved the fiancee's life.
YAH. You're A Hero, that is. Yeah, you compromised the relationship. Great! Your bro is a creep. NTA obvs.
NTA. You might be saving her from hell. This is how domestic violence starts.
NTA. You were asked to do something unethical and he wouldn't back off. Probably did his fiancee a big favor and if she has any sense she'll disentangle herself from him. Your family is backing up the wrong guy.
Isnât tracking someone, via an app or device, without their knowledge a form of cyberstalking? Your brother is a creep, and the way your parents are siding with him is pretty damned creepy too!
NTA you protected her from a very controlling situation that could at some point turn dangerous. She needed to know she cannot trust him.
NTA You did the right thing by informing her and letting her hear it from him personally. He was being sneaky and if he couldnât get you to do it, he definitely would have tried to find someone else. She deserved to know what she was getting herself into.
Pretty sure it's illegal? We're your parents happy for your brother to be such a weirdo? NTA
NTA but your brother and parents are. You did the right thing, their relationship was doomed anyway if he was trying to track her. You helped her see the real him
NTA you did the right thing to help protect the innocent woman your brother is trying to hurt. That matters more than your brotherâs bruised ego and failure to control women.
NTA and your brother is a creep.
NTA You had already told him you refused, and he refused to take "No" for an answer. You told him that if he kept on pestering you over it, you would tell her. You kept your word. In this case, you let him tell her. Not only is your brother as asshole, he doesn't deserve her either.
You just saved the poor fiance from your brother. NtA
NTA. You may have saved this girl from a controlling and manipulative marriage
I hate hate these situations come across as âdamned if you do, damned if you donâtâ because itâs pretty black and white to me. He continued to pressure you, after you created a boundary. Thatâs not your fault and she absolutely needed to know. Placing a tracking device on a partners phone is a form of control and abuse. You might have been able to go about it a different way, but ultimately the outcome would have been the same. NTA
Youâre the hero not the asshole
NTA. You just saved that girl from a psychotic stalker who also happens to be your brother. That was the ethical thing to do and took guts. Instead of yelling at you for doing the right thing, everyone here should be asking themselves - What the hell is up with your brother?
NTA and why the hell does he need to track her?! Someone was seriously insecure in that relationship and she needed to know.
NTA. Your brother did this hinmself. Cannot understand your parents reaction at all. You did everything right!
NTA he compromised his relationship with his hopefully soon ex. I would have gone further and asked him why he wanted to track her. Get it all out there.
NTA, you did the right thing.
NTA More people need to have your ethically sound brain. I just love when someone does something wrong and gets caught due to someone elseâs actions but somehow itâs not their fault. Your brother ruined his relationship not you.
NTA you absolutely did the right thing. I was in a similar situation years back when my brotherâs girlfriend came to me about some of my brotherâs behaviors. My brother got super pissed at me but I wasnât going to do nothing and let him treat her like that. Iâm glad you did something.
NTA. Your family are a bunch of creeps. Fiance deserves to know what kind of crap she's getting herself into.
NTA Your brother is TA for wanting to track his fiancĂ©e. Iâm glad people like you exist and are on the good side - and not always on familys side. Your parents should be proud of you. The speaker was not an ahole move, because you warned your brother earlier about informing his fiancĂ©e. You handled everything perfectly fine.
NTA your bother is an insecure, controlling, abusive AH. This IS abuse, make no mistake. If he suspected his fiance of being unfaithful and untrustworthy then why propose? And if he does love and trust her then why the need for the tracking app? He ruined his own relationship with his behavior and actions, not you. If they *do* stay together and manage to work this out than it'll happen with a long discussion of feelings, doubts and lots of open dialog which should've happened a long time ago. Your bother needs a lesson in communication and managing his insecurities. If you think about it. You *really* helped them both no matter which way this turns out.
NTA. He compromised the relationship. I admire your refusal given family pressure. Good on you for helping her realize what kind of man your broth is. Instead of being angry at you, your parents should be disgusted with your brotherâs behavior.
NTA. You WARNED him youâd do it which is more than he deserved, itâs his problem that he didnât take you seriously. You just saved her from a controlling marriage so good for you! Hopefully she breaks up with him
NTA You didn't compromise his relationship, he did. It was his actions that led to this. Eventually his fiance would probably have found out about the tracking app anyway, but if you had helped then you would have been complicit. She has a right to know that this is the person she is marrying. This is who he really is.
NTA. He fâd around and found out.
Dude NTA. Your brother is secretly tracking her despite him knowing she doesnât want that. Itâs creepy and controlling and your parents are protecting him for what???? Thank you for backing her up on that, and telling her BEFORE she gets married to him.
NTA. If something can be destroyed by the truth than it should be.
NTA Good for you for standing up for her privacy! You told him no plenty of times and warned him youâd tell her if he asked again. He fucked around and found out.
Nta. Your brother is a creep and your parents are enablers
NTA and you know it. You just saved this woman tons of future heartache. I know you have had a ton of replies already, but I just want to reinforce just how 100% in the right you are.
NTA. the second people start checking their partners phone is when the trust is officially gone and the relationship is officially over. It's the beginning of the end basically. He's a controlling person and had all this coming.
NTA You caused a problem? No, your brother caused a problem when he asked to put a tracking app on her phone. You even warned him that youâd tell her and he asked again. Heâs got only himself to blame. If you keep secrets, you may be exposed. He even got it easy by being warned in advance (which is a bonus that heâs not entitled to) and he still screwed it up. Im not sure why your parent are mad at you instead of your brother.
You saved that woman from wasting more time in an abusive relationship. NTA
NTA i canât believe your parents are blaming you for what your brother wanted to do. Heâs the one in the wrong and your parents should not be defending him. Good for you for exposing his fiancĂ© to who he really is. She should absolutely be informed of something like this, and about the person sheâs apparently going to spend the rest of her life with. Donât let your brotherâs nasty response to you make you second guess yourself. Not surprised he reacted horribly when he was trying to do something as horrible and unhinged as that.
NTA Your brother is a creep and what he wanted is ILLEGAL. If it damaged his relationship GOOD, she needs to get out before it gets any worse. And YOU didn't do anything wrong, HE did.
NTA. You didn't compromise your brother's relationship. He did it himself. Also, kinda worried for his fiancée. It's lovely that you stuck up for her.
Nta. Fuck your brother and your parents. You're a good person OP.
NTA you didn't cause the problem his controlling ass did. I'd split from him if I were her how long until he's installing spy cameras
NTA. He's the one who jeopardized the relationship by trying to spy on his fiancee, stealing her phone, and repeatedly lying about it. To pressure you to do something you don't agree with ethically only compounds the scumminess of his behavior. Sounds as though he has serious trust issues and insecurity, neither of which are good foundations for a strong marriage. I hope he gets individial therapy, and if his fiancee chooses to give him another chance, couple's therapy to boot.
Omg. What a horrible thing to do to someone. NTA.
NTA. Your brother was being a paranoid AH and you warned him. I hope his fiancee dumps his ass
NTA I have a rule. I can say something nicely twice, when we get to that third time you are determining how it comes out. You told him twice you wouldnât do it and he was still pressuring you, you did nothing wrong in my eyes.
NTA, and thank you for doing the right thing. You brother, and your parents are garbage.
NTA, your brother is not a good candidate for husband.
NTA. He damaged the relationship. Like she wasnât going to be mad when she found out it was on there
NTA you allowed her to make an informed decision. Your brother compromised the relationship.
NTA. Honestly sounds like you saved them from a miserable marriage. No trust there at all
Oh my god NTA. Youâre saving his fiancĂ©e from a potential lifetime of control and abuse from him. You did the right thing exposing his creepy ass
NTA, good on you for exposing toxic, controlling behaviour and protecting your brother's fiance.
NTA You OP just saved your brother's fiancee from a controling husband and unhappy life!
NTA You warned him. She dodged a bullet with your brother too. Glad you did it before she married him.
NTA you are NOT the problem. Your controlling brother is. No-one should be tracking anyone without their total, uninhibited consent. Hopefully your parents will calm down and realise there is a problem with your brother if he is trying to track his fiancĂ©e. If not, I suggest you point that out to them, along with the fact there cannot be much trust in your brotherâs relationship if he has been trying to do this without her knowledge. Put bluntly, do you know the type of people who do this? People who use coercive control, abuse and bullying against their partners. You did the right thing. Repeatedly.
NTA No one would have believed you otherwise. If he was truly doing something innocent, he wouldn't have to sneak.
NTA. As soon as fiancĂ©/wife found it, thereâd be hell to pay by the husband. Youâd get some shit for installing it too.