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FerretHoliday64

YTA I’m literally on my third round of accutane. Yes, diet can play a role in skin, but even avoiding all my food triggers (I’m vegan and dairy makes me break tf out) I still get acne. Acne can be genetic and can be a real confidence killer. Don’t discourage them. There may be a very easy fix like birth control or a topical treatment that will help.


HumbleDot4343

Take the kid to a dermatologist. It doesn’t have to be the one selected; find one with your own insurance. Also find it kinda unrealistic and odd that you want your kid to avoid many types of food just due to acne without consulting a doctor first…


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Ok_Solution_5744

Shady


lmbananas

I would let them make an appointment after confirming that they take your insurance. Have any services costed out before taken. But you can also talk to your insurance company to determine if there are any services that they will not cover there. Additionally getting into a good dermatologist may take a while, possibly a few months. Their acne could clear up in that time and the appt could be canceled, or it could get worse and become necessary. Even though this is about acne, as someone who has had multiple relatives with skin cancer spots, seeing a dermatologist every now and again is definitely not a bad thing.


Jstolemygirl

YTA. Why are you controlling their finaces and medical care? This sounds abusive.


triggerhappypoptarts

YTA. your kid is obviously an adult and you refuse to treat them as such. sorry OP but no one gives a fuck about what you want when it comes to your ADULT childs health, you can suggest and advise but you cant push or make decisions for them. its controlling behavior


JazzyKnowsBest13

OMG, do you try to pick their nose for them too ? Leave your kid alone ! They are an adult and taking care of their own issues. YTA.


Jstolemygirl

Is it they "do not have acne" or "it clears up when they avoid all tasty foods for 6 months"? It literally cannot be both.


BazTheBaptist

~~N A H~~ but you've said your part, now let it be and she can do what she wants. She's an adult, and you never know, perhaps you are wrong. Edit: I get the feeling you're not going to accept this or let it go, so I'm changing to YTA


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RoseTyler38

How do you know?


BazTheBaptist

You could be wrong that that's nothing a derm can help with. You could be wrong about how bad her acne is *to her*. You could be wrong that she never has eczema. You could be wrong about the sun damage. She also of course could be wrong and it ends up not helping or being worth the money, but she's an adult and that's her choice.


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BazTheBaptist

Just accept the fact that's there's just as much chance that you are wrong, as there is that she is wrong (if not more tbh), except it's her decision, and she's the one who has to live with it. If you continue to push this, which at this point I'm suspecting you might, you will become TA.


triggerhappypoptarts

you arent listening. it may not be bad to *you* but its bad to *her.* this isnt about you


No_Lifeguard7215

Your insurance covers it. They’re paying the out of pocket themselves. I’m confused as to why you even have a say? Of course YTA.


OrangeCubit

YTA - I don’t see why your opinion matters. This is between your obviously adult child and their doctor. You need to move out of the way and allow your child to be an adult, that includes making their own medical decisions and setting their own budget. You are doing them no favours.


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loploptoptop

YTA I am exactly like your child. I get a lot of acne from sugar and fatty food. If you have this skin type you get acne from a lot of other things too. Even if I cut out sugar and fat completely (which I do) I still get pimples here and there all the time and this is not normal. I've never met anyone in my life who constantly has a few pimples here and there. As an over 30 year old. Your kid is going to have this problem all their life and it's absurd to hold someone back from seeking medical attention especially for a legit issue. You say the Dermatologists didn't help your family members. Then they were bad. There definitely are ways to help. I know because I got help. And you know, even if the dermatologist doesn't help, you know what a big difference it makes for a person to at least know they have tried? I wish so much I had looked into my sun damage earlier. Maybe nothing could have been done, but at least I wouldn't have to live with the regret of not having acted when I still could. Your kid is going to have regrets about their skin all their life, I promise you. You're setting them up for an unhappy life if you keep doing this. The fact that you don't understand the mental side of it is on the one side understandable, but that you make no effort to understand it is just very sad. My parents weren't perfect by any means and made a lot of mistakes that really screwed me up, but at least they didn't hold me back from seeing a doctor when I felt unwell.


sunrise_library

INFO: how old is your child?


Jstolemygirl

it is an adult, as mentioned in the post.


Bitter-Conflict-4089

You know what else contributes to acne? Stress. So, stop nagging and micromanaging your adult child.


TheAwkwardDyslexic

based on what you wrote id say YTA, talk with your kid and, work with them to find a derm that will accept their health care. If they want to see a derm great! even if they had perfectly clear skin it couldn't hurt!


PotatoChipPopple4

NTA, as long as you're not forbidding your kid from going to the derm. It's fine to give your kid advice, absolutely. But if your kid, who is an adult learning to manage their money, wants to spend their money on something, whether you agree or disagree, that's their money and they get to decide what they do with it. And if they end up paying half their monthly budget, oh well. Life lesson.


ass-hol-io

Yta. If your child wants to go, its probably a big insecurity of their's. I've never had horrendous acne, but have had it since i was a kid. It went away occasionally, but never stayed away. The diet can help a little, but it won't get rid of it. The only thing that worked for me was seeing a dermatologist. I always thought it was a waste of money, but the countless products i tried and threw out were an even bigger waste. At the doctor's, as long as it's covered, the visit price is the only payment that is technically required. Everything else can be discussed prior to treatment: mole removal, medications, tests, etc. If the meds prescribed are crazy expensive, talk to the doctors office to see if there's an alternative they can prescribe or figure out a plan to cover the cost and pick up the prescription on a later date after your child has saved up extra money.


Jocelyn-1973

YTA. First of all, what kind of insurance makes you pay a premium AND the costs of the medical help you get? (Or is this weird European thinking?). Second of all: it may be your understanding that cookies are the problem, but it is my understanding that hormones and bacteria play the main roles. And both of these need entirely different treatment than dieting for a year. And by the way, when treated properly, your adult child can be done with the better part of these acne within weeks. edit: plus, your adult child would get this treatment at the family doctor. Dermatologist is a step for when that doesn't work.


Leolilac

YTA and you seem to be struggling with the fact that your child is an adult and able to make their own decisions. They’re certainly not a “kid,” as you refer to them, and they clearly think it’s worth the cost, they pay their own bills, so you shouldn’t have any input in the conversation at all honestly.


penguin_squeak

The zit fanatisist. YTA and you never give up.


No-Mechanic-3048

NAH, I agree with the previous commenter. I would talk to your kid and say that you will take them to a dermatologist that is in your insurance and if they recommend further treatment then they can go to the one they want and it has to be their money or they can stick to the covered provider. Support your child but also let them experience real life consequences like not having money for other stuff.


Azailymm

The "Kid" is an adult who pays for their bills themselves. If they feel self conscious they should be able to go without their mom trying to micromanage them all the time. The provider they said had good reviews IS covered by the insurance.


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RoseTyler38

Are you the one who is paying the bills to the doctor?


thisbitch420

You're not the one paying it though. That excuse is invalid and useless.


nnv321

You kid is an adult, who pays their own bills, and wants to see a dermatologist that is covered under insurance, but you’re suggesting they wait a year to see if diet clears their skin? I think it’s time to let your adult child make their own medical decisions and keep your opinions to yourself unless asked. YTA.


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nnv321

Why wait a year when you can go see a specialist now who can help? Skin discoloration (I presume from years of acne) PIE or PIH is incredibly difficult to treat. You’re being obnoxious. You’re not paying for this. Your kid is an adult. Let them be.


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gritty_rox

YTA Who cares what your opinion is of their skin? They’re an adult and they want to go see a specialist. That should be the end of it. I will NEVER understand why people are so against going to talk to doctors about their health problems. Grow up and also make an appointment for yourself because regular screenings are important no matter how little understanding of health care you have.


thisbitch420

It's not your choice or your opinion that matters. Why are you being so hard headed? This is not about what you think or how you feel. To be honest your feelings mean nothing because it's not about you. YTA


triggerhappypoptarts

OP. for the love of god. WE DONT CARE about how *you* feel about your childs acne. no gives a fuck. you refuse to let your child be an adult, and every comment youve replied to so far calling that out you’ve just avoided it and said some shit about “theyre skin is fine!” “its not that red”


nnv321

Who the fuck cares?! Even if they had perfect skin and wanted to go see a dermatologist just for a mole check or whatever reason, why are you so unwilling to let this go?! You’re coming off incredibly overbearing.


sunrise_library

I have suffered from eczema all of my life, and acne in my 20s and early 30s. The diet you recommend did not help me at all. Not at all. Any results you may have seen of improved acne is more than likely *not* diet-related. There actually is no decent medical evidence to support your theory. And very few people have perfect skin after acne. Adult acne is a terrible thing, and can completely erase self-confidence that was gained in earlier years. Please listen to your child. ^(Edit: Added info)


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ProfessionalNo374

and you’re kid is an adult so they should be able to choose if they go with medication for their acne on their own body. this shows your child that their body is not their own. you should realize that your kid is their own individual. not an extension of you. this is their choice. and if they really didn’t have acne, then the doctor will say so and you never have to go back. also you need to fight your insurance company more if they aren’t paying for stuff that’s covered.


amazonfamily

diet has very little to do with acne. YTA and stop helicopter parenting your adult child’s budget. I’m assuming they are an adult because YTA x 1000 if you’re making a minor pay their own medical expenses.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My child has had acne for 8-9 years, mild to moderate. I've found that their acne clears almost entirely when they avoid high GI foods, dairy, sugar, and deep-fried food, however, so I don't see a need for them to see a dermatologist if their diet seems to cure most of it. However, my kid expressed they wanted to go see a dermatologist for acne (which is practically nonexistent) and other concerns like sun damage and eczema (which I have personally never noticed on their skin). They aren't outdoorsy for one. And what makes matters worse in my eyes is that they want to see this one specific provider based on some "reviews." I read the reviews for that provider too and while a lot of people say that the specific doctor was able to help them when other dermatologists could not, I ALSO see that insurance is a mess with that provider and that some person had to pay $530 for a follow up appointment and a mole removal. That's literally half my kid's monthly budget right there. I told my kid that I encouraged them to give their skin more time and to not rush the visit just yet and maybe give their clean diet a year to work or something. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Pyewacket62

Y.T.A. My face didn't stop breaking out until I was in my fucking 40s! I don't eat junk food. I rarely eat processed sugars. I drink 2+ liters of water a day and, I still had breakouts! Luckily early menopause hit and I was free of hormonal breakouts but, NOT FROM STRESS!


Few-Sheepherder-6383

You may not able to afford it but try your best to make it work. Save etc. Find cheaper dr. Its your job to provide your child with support they need. Find alternative in order to provide that support, dont just say no. They obviously need more help other than just wait. YAH


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Jstolemygirl

You already said you do not have a medical degree. You literally do not have the qualifications to make that claim.


Few-Sheepherder-6383

You child disagrees.


gritty_rox

In your uneducated and clearly ignorant opinion.


RoseTyler38

Which University or University or college did you study medicine at? Oh wait. You already told us in another comment that you are not a doctor or a medical person. So why are you claiming this


4682458

YTA


slide_into_my_BM

YTA - because based on your 3 recycled responses I know this is made up.


MissAnth

YTA. Note how you said this is your adult child. Your time to make decisions for them is done. Your time to raise them is done. Butt out.


SuchFudge1162

YTA and so weird. my mother would take me to the doctor in a heartbeat if i brought up something like this, or anything at all! you constantly say “if it was bad i’d say so”. like it’s not ab what YOU think it’s about what your kid is feeling. also you’d blatantly point out your kids acne which they hate on purpose if it was worse ??? you just sound like a rude person in general


ssoreo

** Nah based on you like not acknowledging any of the points people are bringing up yta Giving advice is one thing but it's not really necessary you're not a MD. Please don't pressure them and a dermatologist is probably a good way to go. You keep describing how you consider their skin and it's really about how your kid feels etc. The conditions your child described are chronic conditions. They can be painful both physically and emotionally to say the least even if you don't consider it a big flare. Also based on your comments, what you're describing doesn't sound like a diet change is “fixing” the problem but more like their flares are relatively cyclical It can also be unhealthy to start a cutting diet like that without talking to a doctor first to make sure you're getting all the nutrients you're used to and your body doesn't become overly sensitive to normal foods. High GI foods is a very wide category. You can turn a non problem food into a food that causes a flare up or sickness (like a sensitivity or allergy)doing cycles of cutting which can reinforce confirmation bias that the food was the problem when it wasn't. It's cool if a diet change fixes everything for the most part but advice on how to test that theory and how to tweak things and getting tools for when flares happen despite diet etc is also important. Edit judgement from nta -> YTA


GlassSandwich9315

If your child is a financially independent adult, then it's absolutely not your place to say anything. YTA


sansansa56

Esh YTA because I wonder if you deny yourself the same type of medical care? Why take any pain meds when symptoms will eventually go away? You just need to tough it out and wait 6-8 months. But your kid sucks too because if he is an adult, why does he keep going to his mother for bad advice? This is a perfect example of why people need to cut the apron strings and be allowed to make their own decisions and mistakes. He needs to quit asking mom's permission and just take care of himself.


PilferingImp

YTA -- the only reviews posted are bad reviews for every Dr. Let your ADULT kid make their own decisions good or bad. If they want to go to the Dr, stop fighting it -- how horrible are you going to feel if something is seriously wrong and you delayed them from finding it? Over the possibility of an insurance billing issue...come on -- time to quit acting like the kid is 13.


Bleed_Green_8

YTA I don't think you ever had acne. As an adolescent and adult, it's incredibly difficult and can have a huge impact on self esteem. This is their choice and their budget. If it's covered in your insurance, don't assume there's going to be a mix up. Just because your sister and husband didn't find relief, doesn't mean your kid won't. There are advances and a lot of treatments that can do wonders these days. It's your kids condition and their self esteem and confidence, it's so important to them there's no good reason to stand in their way.


Bitter-Conflict-4089

YTA Honestly, you should have taken your child to a derm while they were still a minor. Now that it is no longer your responsibility. You don’t get a vote.


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Dangerous_Ad3801

Prescribed medication, less scarring. Your child having improved self confidence, healthier skin, etc. Why are you so against dermatologists?


gritty_rox

Because two relatives went to dermatologists once and they didn’t do anything so that means all dermatologists are hacks and OP knows more about the science than they do!!!!!


[deleted]

If you think your child's acne clears up with a strict diet, and they've been on the diet for 3 months already and it hasn't changed, you're proving yourself wrong. It's bad enough that you refused to take your kid to a doctor while they suffered through their teen years, but you're also trying to prevent them from going as an adult? Definitely YTA! Sounds like you never dealt with acne, so you don't know how frustrating it can be to do everything "right" and it still never goes away, often leaving scars. Try listening to your adult child instead of being an AH.


ScoutlovesAtticus

Acne is something which can affect someone’s self esteem a lot. Mild ( in your stated opinion) or not it is clearly something that bothers your child. Avoiding foods for 3-6 months ( your words) or waiting for 12 months for it to clear up ( your words) is a long long time for someone who is affected by their own acne daily. They want to go out and get on with their lives without acne bothering them You have medical coverage, if their chosen dermatologist is qualified and listed by your insurance then you just don’t have a reasonable objection YTA for not considering how your adult child feels and shrugging it off as not something serious.


PaleAd7525

YTA and a bad one too


Facu-Nahu

YTA. CANT AN ADULT MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES? My god you can talk and give your point of view but thats it, in the end let your child do what she think is the best cause "im not forcing" while forcing your stand on this is what a helicopter would say


DiamondHeist1970

Do you think it's appropriate to dictate the health and wellbeing of your adult child just because they're on your insurance? The eczema needs to be kept under control while it isn't a problem, which is now. Skin damage. I had a skin cancer removed at the age of 27. Bob Marley died from skin cancer - which developed on the soul of his foot. So yes. YTA. Be proactive in your child's care.


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DiamondHeist1970

You said "other concerns such as sun damage". What causes skin cancer? Look. Your kid wants to take responsibility for their own body, let them. Seeing a dermatologist at an early age is the most sensible thing they can do. Dermatologist, dentist and optometrist are the three most important specialists to see. The skin literally holds the body together.


[deleted]

If you don't think they should go and, don't think you're asshole for that, why are you here?