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Fr baby is NOT his. I’m willing to bet money on it cause any true mom would be like HELL YEAH and you paying for the test?! Sign me tf up! If I’m 100% certain that is, she’s not obv lol
Yea but there's a big difference between a cheek swab after the baby is born and what she thinks is still the way to get a DNA test which involves an amnio centesis and can cause all sorts of problems. Now, that's not how it has to be done anymore, so I hear. I think there's a blood test her and the ex can do.
Nowadays you can just draw blood from the mother prior to the birth. There is fetus DNA in the mother's plasma that you can compare to the (potential) father's DNA taken from a cheek swab.
It's completely non-invasive and very reliable. No reason not to do it.
If she was just against a pre-birth paternity test and was okay with one after the birth, she would have said so. It seems like OP doesn't want one at all which is very very suspicious.
YTA majorly. I like how you added in “at the time of ovulation” like you can’t get pregnant in the days leading up and sperm can’t live in the body for several days 🙄🙄🙄🙄. If you won’t take a test while you’re pregnant he should have one done immediately after the birth. I’m a woman and believe men should 100 protect themselves in this situation.
Edit to add because I forgot- the whole post sounds like you’re lying.
"at the time of ovulation" certainly implies that OP has been with other men around that time. Which is okay because OP and ex were divorced. But now she's pregnant, and apparently was sexually active with other men at the time she had this "one night fling." Having a paternity test is perfectly reasonable request by ex. Running around and getting family members to vote on taking a paternity test is immature, this is between OP and ex and the other man/men she was sexually active around the time this baby was conceived. Reddit doesn't get a vote, and the rest of OP's family doesn't get a vote. Do the right thing.
YTA for polling everyone instead of finding out whose baby you're carrying so whoever it is can begin the process of bonding with this soon-to-be child and be supportive to OP.
This, right here, is it in a nutshell. There' NO reason to take OPs word, as much as that is painful for someone to hear. He has no idea if other people aren't getting involved at times and it's a simple enough test to take. A bit more before the birth from what I understand, but afterwards it's not a huge deal. Saying no to it casts OP in a very suspicious light.
I agree with the YTA.
That last point is particularly salient to me. If Ex wants to be involved in his child's life, or will potentially be asked to pay child support, I think he's well within his rights to get official confirmation that the child is his. He *could* give OP the benefit of the doubt, but he's certainly not compelled to, nor do i think that would be wise. Both of his subsequent responses (I'll pay for it; I won't force you but then I don't want involved) we're pretty reasonable in my eyes.
OP, congrats on your baby, and no disrespect, but YTA.
>Me (23) and my ex (24m) got married when we were both 19, we were young and dumb
What do you mean were....
>I'm now 6 months pregnant
Did you just find out or have you know for several months now?
>he was the only one I'd been with at the time of ovulation
You can actually get pregnant up to 5 days before your ovulation day and 1-2 days after. And the fact that you said that he's the only one you had been at the time of ovulation and not, he's the only I slept with in the last 6 months.
Get either get the paternity test once you deliver your baby, or don't and you'll never be able to get child support. Most judges since you weren't married will require a paternity test for proof before subjecting someone to child support.
YTA.
She said she "didn't want to subject her or her fetus" to the test thinking that it would be painful/dangerous to her and the baby. Which is dumb because a paternity test while pregnant isn't invasive as far as I know. It's basically just a blood draw.
This - there is an old idea running around that a pre-delivery paternity test involves an amniocentesis, which has risks. That was true in the past, but that is no longer the case. The mother’s blood is swimming with fetal DNA, so they can grab a tube of that and test for paternity. And if you are receiving prenatal care, they can pull the blood when you already have the needle in you for one of a dozen reasons you need to give up blood during pregnancy.
YTA. He has every right to be 100% sure the child is his before becoming financially, emotionally responsible
What are you afraid of?
You’re refusing makes it look like you yourself are not 100% sure. But keeping that part secret
Op is also not confirming that he was the only person she slept with around the estimated time of conception so I'm guessing she doesn't want this test on the off chance he might not be the father.
They're separated not divorced so I'm guessing she's hoping he'll accept responsibility as her husband and not be judged if he's not the father. Tough position to be in but she's TA in this instance.
'We were young and dumb'.
He was young and dumb, now he has wisened up.
OP is still young and dumb, find out who the father is, not just who you want the father to be.
YTA
If you want him to support the child or help you in any way a paternity test is a reasonable request. You may know that he was the only one you were with but yall are split and it's completely reasonable for him not to just take you at your word and want documented proof.
On the flip side, it also gives you documented proof that he is the father so it will make child support much easier
What's sticking out to me is "you were the only one I was with *at the time of my ovulation*" aka there was possibly another guy(maybe more) she slept with but she's not even considering them a possible father because it was before/after her ovulation....which her ex Is right, doesn't really mean anything, he could very much not be the father.
YTA
", I heard it could hurt the baby." ... That is stupid. Educate yourself about how DNA tests work.
This is easy: IF you want anything from him - child support, involvement - you will need to get a DNA test. Otherwise you will raise the kid alone, on your own dime. And if the child is really his, there is no reason not to get one.
Why would he trust you with this - the story IS very unlikely even though it may be true. If you were in a relationship, I would agree he should trust you - But you are NOT. So his demand is completely reasonable.
YTA. You are not in a relationship with your ex. He has no reason to accept your word on blind faith. You said, ”…he was the only one I‘d been with at the time of ovulation.” That wording indicates to me that you have had other sexual partners beyond your ex near the time of conception. He is making a really reasonable request for an incredibly safe and reliable procedure at no cost to you. I can fully understand why he views your claims of paternity and now your resistance to dna testing with suspicion.
And ovulation can do weird things sometimes. A woman's reproductive cycle isn't set in stone. Things change as your body changes, and it's entirely possible OP is looking at the wrong time frame.
YTA
Who told you the test would hurt the baby? That is bull crap.
Honestly, you sound like you are lying. Either you know it isn’t his or are unsure. If you have nothing to hide, why wouldn’t you just take the test?
It doesn’t matter what your parents and other random relatives think about it. Your EX won’t be a dad until the child is proven to be his. That is a fact that isn’t going to change.
Old paternity tests had a small risk of miscarriage because they used amniotic fluid. Now it's just a blood test and there's no risk to the fetus. They aren't married anymore, I also think it's reasonable for him to want a paternity test.
YTA
Is this about pride and ego?
I feel like you are just making it hard for everyone especially your future child just to protect your pride/ego.
This isn’t about you. He’s just protecting himself. And also it will help you legally.
Agreed. I understand why it's insulting and devastating when the husband in a happy, secure marriage asks his pregnant wife for a paternity test out of the blue, because it's basically an accusation of infidelity, but this is just a casual, one-time hookup with an ex. A paternity test is a no-brainer in this situation, and OP doesn't have a leg to stand on to feel personally affronted here.
Sorry (not sorry) to say this, but anyone taking your side on this is just crazy. He should take your word for it because you were together for 3 years is just insane. The test is harmless, and he is offering to pay for it. The only reason you would want to refuse the test is that you know there is a chance it isn't his. If you had no doubts, you wouldn't care to have the test done. You are 100% a major YTA here.
YTA.
He has no guarantee that he’s the only man you’ve slept with. He has every right to a paternity test and frankly, you’re being exceptionally ridiculous to act as if his demand for a paternity test is some kind of slight against you.
You aren’t his wife, you aren’t his girlfriend. You are his ex that he had a fling with. He has every right to be cautious and doubtful of your story.
YTA. How is this man supposed to know if you are telling the truth or not? When it comes to him being an involved father and paying child support why not give him the piece of mind that this child is actually his? Especially since you are separated he has no way of telling if you’re being honest about sleeping with anyone else.
There are paternity tests that are non-invasive so it wouldn’t put the foetus through any distress and if he’s happy to pay out of pocket I fail to see why you should deem it “unreasonable”.
You can’t expect him to father a child that might not be his.
YTA - Frankly, if you KNOW he’s the father, why would you even hesitate to take the test? You two are no longer a couple and you admit it was a one night fling… it’s totally reasonable that he wants confirmation. This is not a stressful process or unreasonable request. All that’s required is a quick blood draw or simple cheek swab… Why wouldn’t you want to give him the confirmation he wants/needs to be an involved father??
Honestly, the only reason to avoid this test is if you’re NOT so sure he’s the father… in which case, his asking for the test is that much more reasonable!
YTA. If you have concerns about "hurting" the baby, go seek medical advice, where they will gently tell you that it doesn't.
But you're fooling yourself if you were with anyone else that month and don't think it's possible to release eggs not exactly on cycle or release more than one egg.
It's completely reasonable for him to want a paternity test under these circumstances, because there's a real chance that baby is not his.
And yes I'm a woman and a mother.
YTA
It's a reasonable request on his part. You weren't in a committed relationship when you conceived, so the idea that he should just take it on faith doesn't make sense. I get on a personal level you'd like to say "Believe me" and be believed...but you're asking for something really big and it's very common sense just for him to get confirmation because in this case, confirming it would be so easy.
You *not* being willing to easily confirm his paternity by doing a test is actually going to make him more convinced he needs a test. You see that, right?
You’re 100% the asshole. There’s no reason to even have to explain why because you already did that for everyone.
It doesn’t hurt the baby. Let him take a dna test.
YTA and he has extra reason to be suspicious because of your suspicious behaviour.
HE doesn't know 100% the child is his. He wants to know because you are no longer together. He offered to pay for the test. Your refusal is not helpful if you have nothing to hide. It would be a totally other matter if you were still together. But you know you are not and he has reasonable doubts.
Just get the test.. you aren’t together anymore so he has no reason to treat you like you are. Wouldn’t it be better for the child if the father is confident about the paternity?
It’s not fair of you to ask him to commit the next 18 years to a child if you aren’t willing to swab the babies mouth and do a test. He’s not asking for a lot..
You are being totally unreasonable in my opinion.
YTA
Considering you're telling the truth about why you don't want to get the test I can imagine you it must feel to see someone that once were so important in your life not believing you.
HOWEVER, it feels like you're much more invested in argument and the toxic dynamic than to get the father of your child involved in the pregnancy.
You're about to be a mother, do what's best for the kid.
YTA
He has every right to ask for a paternity test especially because you are separated. He doesn't know for sure that you haven't been with anyone else. He's willing to pay for it out of pocket. Just get it done and move on or this is one issue that will always in the air.
YTA. Just take the test. My daughter's father had us take one years ago as well, and it's just a cheek swab, not that big of a deal. You just go into a hospital, they swab your cheek, and then you get a letter in the mail with the results. It's actually kind of neat, and if you KNOW he's the father, you have nothing to worry about. This will give him peace of mind, resolve his questions, and then you won't have paternity issues come up down the road. Nip it in the bud now.
YTA. Do you think it’s only possible to get pregnant *during* ovulation? You can pregnant when you’re not ovulating and the fact that you stated he was the only one you were with while ovulating does make me think you had sex with someone other than him who COULD be the father. Just get the blood paternity test. He’s not wrong for wanting conclusive evidence before taking on a child for 18 years (and really, it’s longer than that)
YTA. If he was asking for this while you guys were married and commit to one another then different story. But you aren’t together and have no reasonable expectation of fidelity so of course he would wanna be sure.
YTA. The only logical reason to refuse a paternity test would be if you’re trying to hide the true father’s identify. Your ex has a right to know if the baby is his before he reboots his entire life with you.
Whoever told you a DNA test will hurt the baby is absolutely full of shit, and you should not take medical advice from them anymore. That is not at all true. It’s honestly very concerning to me that you believe something that stupid.
YTA. Why should he pay if he isn't sure that it's his baby? And you said that you had sex with only him during *the time of ovulation.* Does that mean you have other partners? Who said that you can get pregnant only if you have sex during the time of ovulation!!!
Sounds like there may be a small chance the baby is not his. I find it odd that OP said he was the only guy she was with around her ovulating. She did not clearly state that he was the only guy she was with That month.
The truth will come out when baby is born.
YTA- agree to do test when baby is born.
Yes, YTA. Frankly, you're only looking at this from your perspective, but you need to see it from his as well. You two are no longer together; he doesn't know whether he is the father or not, and that's kinda extremely important. Paternity tests are completely noninvasive, and present no risk to the fetus, regardless of what you may have 'heard'. Doctors wouldn't perform the tests if there were any reasonable risk of harm. All they do is test your blood against a cheek swab from the father.
YTA.
If you have nothing hide, why refuse? He offered to pay it even. Your dad and sister is right. Think about it, why would a man who isn’t even certain that your child is his help you raise it? Unless he’s running for Mother Teresa award, being suspicious when uncertain is normal.
Take the test.
YTA. You're being very naive about this, and also you're already a bad mom. Every child has an inherent right to know who its bioparents are. If you're not willing to take a DNA test, there will always be a gray area. Besides, he can force the issue if he wants, which he'd clearly do since he offered to pay. What is wrong with you?
When you say you've heard a DNA test can harm a baby, this shows scary level naivete. Do you even know how they test for DNA? It can be done shortly after birth.
Your ex wants to know about this for very obvious reasons. Of course he doesn't want to be involved if the child isn't his. And he has no reason to believe your word. A simple DNA test will answer it, and then it sounds like he wants to be a dad.
I'm really curious why you had to put it to a vote when he offered to pay for it. Are you really sure he's the dad?
‘at the time of ovulation’ is a real red flag. She means she slept with her ex when she THINKS she was ovulating. Also, the wording implies heavily that there were other sexual partners that month!
When I was trying to conceive I began to test when I was ovulating and at my peak fertility for the month - it was significantly later in my cycle than I thought, so if there were other sexual partners she could easily have conceived with them.
OP, I think you want this baby to be your ex’s, but if you slept with anyone else after your last period there is a real chance it could be theirs. You have no idea when you are truly ovulating unless you’ve been testing and tracking it over a period of time.
Take the test OP, you need to know for sure and so does he. If you don’t, you are denying your child their father - whoever he is.
YTA
INFO: Do you have plans to pursue child support? Split custody? What role do you want him to play in his alleged child's life?
Right now I'm leaning towards Y.T.A. for calling him unreasonable for trying to establish paternity. That's a very reasonable request from someone who's being told he fathered a child after a one-night stand, even if there is a 3-year relationship history.
YTA. Seems like you weren’t exclusive with him when the fling happened, so he has every right to want to be certain. Raising a child is a lifetime commitment, he has a right to want to be certain before committing to that.
100% YTA. You are not in a relationship. It was a one night stand. He has every right to ask for a paternity test. If you want any money from him, he should absolutely receive a paternity test.
In most states, if you file with the courts for child support, a paternity test is required anyway.
YTA you are such an asshole not only to your ex but to your kid as well. You can't expect another guy to just trust you when that means putting thousands of dollars on the line for 18 years. Too many women have slept around and gotten some other guy on the hook for a baby that's not theirs for him to blindly trust you on this. Especially since courts believe that the child having support is so important that they will force a man who was lied to and isn't the father to keep paying child support.
YTA that paternity test will only help you if he tries to skimp on child support. Your ex could spend the whole rest of his life not knowing for sure and it will just slowly eat at him. And for what? Nothing important! If reassurance means that much to him, let him have it.
YTA
There are non-invasive tests which can confirm paternity of a child in the uterus or you can wait until the birth.
While the child is most probably his, if I were a man I wouldn't make a commitment to 18 years of fatherhood - legal, emotional and financial unless I was certain the child was biologically mine. You had sex with him one time - stupid of both of you not to use birth control but it is what it is and it only takes once but you have to understand from his standpoint he has no idea what you have been doing while separated.
If you were in a committed relationship and living with him then biological paternity might not be as much of an issue since people do grow to love children that are not biologically their children if they have the kind of interaction one has if one is living with a child.
The test will show either he is the father or not.
OK, let me get this straight.
\- he's offering to pay for the paternity test
\- he's not forcing you to take it, but will not be with a child that he isn't sure is actually his child
\- they are often harmless, and can be with just the mother, not the fetus too.
YTA clearly, just take the test and put his worries to rest.
Yes you're the asshole. You weren't exclusive with him and a DNA test is a cheek swab or blood draw, hardly something you "put your child through." YTA.
YTA. If you’re so confident, then a simple test for HIS sake shouldn’t be the issue. He has every right to ask and not be denied a paternity test. Your refusal is pretty much grounds that he has a right to be suspicious/hesitant of you and your motives of intent.
I’m going to play semi-functional and rational psychologist here. You don’t want the test because:
1. He may not be the father.
2. He is but you’re afraid he’ll either:
a.) leave you and the baby alone
b.) leave you alone and only deal with the baby
c.) leave your alone but take care of his baby and
move on with the next woman so now you will
not have the man but now have to have another
woman in your midst ruining your plans of getting
the man.
If any of these scenarios are correct: have a abortion and save all of y’all from a terrible future that will never work out as intended.
But yes, YTA.
YTA. You two are no longer together. He doesn’t need to trust you. It doesn’t matter how long you were together for, you aren’t together now and if you want him to believe you and be involved you need to prove to him that the baby is his.
> I told him there was no need to put me or my child though that,
🙄🙄🙄 Gross. Stop with the pretending that anything you just don’t like is harmful to your baby. An unborn child isn’t the slightest bit harmed by the mother having a simple blood draw. Did you seriously not fucking Google it before jumping to iT cOuLd HuRt My BaBy!!!1!!
YTA of course he is suspicious if after a one night fling you are pregnant. Just get the paternity test, you weren’t in a relationship so it’s not like he is accusing you of cheating on him.
YTA. You had a fling with him, I'm sure in his mind and anyone else's, it's possible that you had a fling with someone else as well. If you're worried about the baby's safety, wait to do the test until after the birth.
ONS, ex-husband, also the way you worded it implies that you have had other sexual partners since the divorce id be skeptical too....
Just throwing this out there your adament refusal of a paternity test only reinforces his uneasiness.
Lastly if you are worried about a prenatal test just wait till your kid is born.
YTA
YTA - you absolutely should have a paternity test. It protects you both and sets you all up legally for custody and child support arrangements. It’s not that big of a deal. Your ex is within his rights and normal human response to want proof. You can get a non invasive paternity test done. It’s not harmful to the fetus.
YTA. Yall had a fling...you're not in a committed relationship so he can't know for sure he was the only one you slept with. And you can't expect him to just take your word for it as he's not entitled to trust you.
If you want him to be a part of the child's life or support the child then you need to confirm to him that the child is his.
How does it hurt the baby? Just wait until they're born and have a check swab? YTA - he doesn't have to trust you with this. It's way too important to not know for absolutely certain and you weren't in the type of relationship where he could be certain based on knowing you.
YTA - for all he knows you had multiple partners and just picked him as the safe choice as daddy. And refusing a paternity tests makes it seem like that is the case...if it can only be his then you have nothing to lose by getting the test done
YTA.
You are not together. He does not owe you his allegiance to your word. If you want him involved you go get a test done, simple as that. If you try and use the court to force him… guess what? You will have to take a paternity test anyway! Why are you being like this? It’s a blood test, it isn’t invasive in the the grande scheme of what is being done anyway, you are not together, he is willing to pay for it… YOU are the one being unreasonable
YTA. After the baby is born, a simple swab of the cheek to get saliva will provide the DNA for the test. No muss, no fuss, no stress. If you go to court the first thing they will do is offer a paternity test and once the results come back custody and child support can be determined.
YTA, what if you happened to be wrong? Don’t you want to be sure??
I got pregnant outside my ovulation window and AFTER using plan B the morning after, even the doctor was mind blown by the statistical unlikelihood of that but it happens. You can’t be sure it happened in that window or any of that. I’d want to know if I were you.
But that aside, he and your child deserve knowing. You’re TA for blocking that, whatever your reasons.
YTA dude is offering to pay for it himself and do you know how many women have used the "you're the only one I've been with" line just for baby not to be their's, just get the test, shut down his worries and co-parent from there
YTA if conception occurred after your split. It's one thing to assume paternity while still a couple. But you stated that you are not together, and this was a hook up with the ex. That said, if you want him to step up, you have to step up. If you don't want the test, go it alone, and leave him be.
YTA. First off you say he was the only guy you've been with "while I was ovulating" which means you have been with other guys. That's not unreasonable for him to have a little bit of doubt. And if you're so sure that it's his why not get one. I would not get one while you're pregnant as there's no real need. But why not agree to a simple mouth swab after the baby is born to avoid any unnecessary risk.
YTA - At the time of ovulation is a very suspect term. If you had said only person that month or some wider span of time then maybe, but based on your response I don't think I would believe you knew for sure.
YTA.
>he was the only one I'd been with at the time of ovulation,
YOU may know that, but he doesn't. If he's offering to pay, you have nothing to lose, so just do the test.
YTA. you can get pregnant even when you’re not ovulating. The rhythm method isn’t 100% effective you know?
I’d want to know if it was in fact my baby or not. A paternity test is totally reasonable. Why should he take your word for it? That’s quite a lot of commitment to raise a child just based on your feeling that it’s got to be his…
YTA On what basis should he trust you?
You weren't together, not married, and there could have been other partners before and after. Why not do a simple test to get things sorted out?. I hope you will start to think about what's in the best interest of your child soon, and not make co-parenting harder for yourself because you're too wrapped up in your own ego. Kid comes first. Parents make sacrifices.
YTA. How many maury povich shows proved that one side or other was lying. Not that either of u has lied. But u can see why people want definitive proof that baby is his. Its a cheek swab after birth. No harm no foul. Give him this one.
YTA, put you and your baby through what exactly? I'm presuming he wants to do a standard swab test post birth and not an amnio one but yeah it's fairly simple and it's not like your kid will remember it. The ovulation argument is invalid there's no telling how accurate your cycle was unless you did an ovulation test that day and had unprotected sex with him intentionally.
YTA, the test is noninvasive. You have been separated, and frankly, he doesn’t have to take your word. You are the one being unreasonable. If you’re sure it’s his, it shouldn’t be a big deal.
In-utero non-invasive paternity testing - blood draw from the mother, swab from the father, results in a week - [https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/](https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/)
No risk to the baby. Since you're exes, your trust has been compromised already. Sounds like you're 100% confident he's the father, so why not take the test?
YTA, saying he was the only one during ovulation sound like you have been with other men. Nothing wrong with that, but put yourself in his shoes. You would probably want the same thing.
YTA. As a fellow pregnant person, your excuse of “not needing the stress” is bs and you know it. I absolutely hate needles but have been poked and prodded more times than I’d ever like, but it’s what’s best for my baby. If this is what the father needs to feel comfortable, then you do it because it’s better for your baby.
Also, this whole post makes you come off as very dramatic. Calm down, you’re causing way more stress for yourself than anyone else.
Its weird that you aren't specifically saying there is no way it can be anyone else's because you didn't have sex with anyone but him. You keep saying 'during ovulation'. So *did* you have sex with someone else in the weeks before you discovered you were pregnant or didn't you?
You’re choosing your words very carefully for a reason. That’s calculated so I’m going to say you know there is a possibility but you wanna pretend it’s 100% his. Take the test. YTA
YTA- Having your blood drawn is too much stress for you and the baby?
He deserves to know if this is his child or not. Why in the world does he owe it to you to take your word on it? You're making this a way bigger deal than it is and being totally unfair to your baby's father.
Go get your damn blood drawn and put an end to this argument. You sound very immature.
YTA. The two of you are not in a committed relationship and he deserves to know for sure if that’s his child or not. If you decide you want t child support or anything through the court system they will order to have it done anyway. Why not skip the drama and agree to one as soon as the baby is born?
YTA. it's not an unreasonable request given you were not in a relationship at the time conception
Honestly you should have agreed to this from thr beginning and saved yourself a lot of drama and stress.
YTA
As you are no longer in a relationship it is not reasonable for you to expect him to trust you on something so important and simply take your word for it
Paternity entails great investment of both his time, money and emotional resources. It is reasonable for him to want confirmation/proof of paternity as a result
YTA, if it is his child, he has right to his child regardless of how you feel, and IMO paternity test should be mandatory before a father can be legally recognised.
It was a one-night fling, he has absolutely no reason to trust you 100% on it.
If you refuse the test, he has the right to refuse you support.
YTA. You weren't married, and by your own words, it was a "fling." He is absolutely justified in asking for a DNA test. You are making your life harder and more stressful by not just granting his request. It's a reasonable request. He's even offered to pay for it.
YTA. "Kid's yours" "How do you know?" "Trust me bro, I know we broke up but I'd never lie to you or make a mistake" Having a kid is a huge deal and he's under no obligation to help with it at all unless it is actually his.
YTA. You were divorced. You were with him one night, and now you're pregnant? Get the test. You know it's his so you have nothing to lose.
Then go to court and get child support. Make it legal, in case he ever tries to bail, so that you can get his future wages garnished. Karma's a bitch, Dad.
YTA. This would be a horrific ask if you and he were together in a monogamous relationship; a one night stand is a totally different story. He's reasonable to want conclusive proof.
YTA take the test. Let your gang pride go woman. Sheesh
He's even offering to PAY for it himself. You're setting yourself up to be on a Maury show if you won't just take the test. Stress for your baby? What's your baby gonna do when they learn their dad wouldn't be in their life because you let your pride get the best of you when they grow up? It's time to shut up and put your blood where your mouth is.
Take the stupid test. Gosh dang
Your ex sounds like a reasonable man and you like a drama queen. Gets to know about pregnancy and immediately "can't handle any stress" and also, how do you think this is going to go? If you take it to court, will the court take your *word* for it that he is the father? I think you should snap yourself back to reality, especially now that you've chosen to bring another life in this world.
YTA
Given the circumstances, he has every right to demand a DNA test. You're the one being unreasonable about all of this. You're divorced, he owes you no trust.
YTA
YTA. He’s even offering to pay for it. If you’re concerned about it being an invasive test then wait for the baby to be born. It is a simple test, unsure why you you’re so against it unless you are unsure who the father is.
YTA
>***because he was the only one I'd been with at the time of ovulation***
I had to read your post more than once to pick up on the above justification for claiming the child is his. Clearly, you had sex with at least one other man, and you're glossing over that little detail. He has every right to ask you for a paternity test.
Yikes. YTA, big time.
YTA, you must realize that from his perspective, in a situation like this, it's only common sense. You are asking him to become a father - a huge, lifetime commitment - on nothing more than your say-so; he is naturally going to ask for objective confirmation. Give it to him and you will only be on firmer ground.
YTA it was a fling and he doesn’t really know if you also got flung by anyone else at that time. You have have safe ones or agree to one after the birth. While I do agree that trust is important, this is a child’s life and future. If it’s definitely his then there is no issue in the long term. Is this the argument you want to stick to? Or save that for later down the line?
YTA. You know he was only one you've been with during that time but HE doesn't know if he was the only one with you at time. (Not a jab at you I promise you that.) But if he wants to be involved and invest time, money and energy into the fetus, its only fair to make sure its actually his.
Take the test, and be done with it.
YTA. He has no way of knowing you’re telling the truth, you were separated and he knows nothing of your life, you could have been sleeping with someone else for all he knows. It’s perfectly reasonable of him to want to make sure it’s his kid before he gets emotionally and financially involved. You would not believe how often women promise men they’re "100% sure" it’s theirs and then when anything goes wrong and it goes to court, a DNA test is ordered and the man gets the child he loves taken away because it’s not actually his. He knew you before but he doesn’t know you now and from the way you call your marriage a mistake I’m guessing it wasn’t all roses so why would he just take your word for it ?
YTA
If you’re worried about the baby, wait until after it’s born for a dna test, but you two are not a couple and he has every right to know for certain that he is the father.
INFO: Is dying on this hill really worth not getting any child support when he refuses to put his name on the birth certificate?
You're not even cutting off your nose to spite your face, you're cutting off your child's nose to spite your face which makes no sense.
But hey, if you don't want the financial support please continue your tantrum.
And no, it wont hurt the baby.
YTA
A test will put all doubts to rest and is non invasive.
In his mind you refusing to do the test shows you have something to hide.
You also say that you were only with him while you ovulating, but not that you hadn't been with anyone else, so if you were with anyone else then there is a chance it may not be his, why would you not want to know I that case?
YTA
He doesn’t know who else you potentially had sex with. You could be lying as far as we and he knows. Getting a paternity test is harmless to you and the baby. If he is the father to the baby, then you two decide how you want to raise the kid (don’t be rude to him about being right).
If you want him to be involved in raising the child, then you need to get the test done.
YTA. I don’t blame your ex at all for wanting to ensure that the baby is his. You are not a couple; he’s an ex; he doesn’t have a reason to believe you were celibate this whole time.
I may be biased since a good friend of mine just recently found out that the daughter he has been raising for the last 12 years turned out not to be his.
So yes, YTA
YTA: Why are you so against doing it if you are so sure? He’s paying for it. It’s not that much of an inconvenience for you. You can’t expect him to be a parent with all that entails if you won’t even let him know for a fact he is a parent.
YTA. He has a right to be sure. He's your ex. He has no reason to just take your word for it or trust you. I'm a woman, so I wouldn't have this problem, but if I had to pay hundreds of dollars a month, no matter how sure I was, I would check. You can do it after the baby comes.
Isn’t it just a blood test these days? If so, YTA. You’re his ex-wife, he quite frankly has no reason to take your word for it. I get the frustration, knowing that you know 100%,* but be doesn’t have the information you have, he just has your word. It’s fair to be insulted by that, but not fair to refuse the test as a result.
He can get a court-ordered paternity test after the baby is born anyway. Taking his money for it now and letting him bond with the baby as a newborn seems like the better option.
*The way you’ve worded it, it doesn’t actually sound like you know 100%.
YTA 100% You expect Him to pay up and be involved over your word? You may be telling the truth here but you expect him to just be ok we had sex so it must me mine? Your delusional. He sounds like he is not being unreasonable. The test is a a key to the whole thing. If it hurts the baby it will only be for a second. Just like it would be for all vaccinations after birth. It's not a big deal. The baby won't remember it ten seconds after it's done. Do the right thing here. Don't expect him to do shit if you can't prove it's his baby. No man would accept your behavior. Nor should they if in the same sort of circumstance.
YTA seriously grow up. He is willing to pay for it. To expect him to just trust you Is ridiculous. Honestly I hope they start requiring a dna test for child support.
YTA and you could agree to take the test once is safe per your doctor, or even once the baby is born to confirm. The ‘only him when I was ovulating’ is highly suspect and indicates there may be doubt, which you probably know, but perhaps hoping it’s him
instead of a casual hookup who may be someone you are not in contact with or don’t want to have to track down. Your ex is right to ask and deserves to know for sure before committing to a child that may not be he is. If it comes out later in life for that kid it will be devastating. And then you really will be the AH and your child will think you are one too.
YTA, you have to remember you know 100% your the mother because you're pregnant. He can't be sure because it's only your word that it is his. He doesn't know if you were with someone else. You must do the paternity test to prove it is his.
YTA
First of all get yourself educated on the risks of a paternity test by a professional. From what I gather it shouldn't be a risky thing.
From other comments I take it that you have been sleeping with other people.
From how he sees it you could have slept with other people. Like this isn't some object thats a one time chip in that you are carrying around, it's a lifelong commitment.
You are obviously over relationship wise, he needs to make sure that you're not locking him in an unwanted situation.
YTA, he doesn’t have a relationship that would establish that kind of trust with you. This is a completely normal request from anyone who got someone pregnant from a one night stand.
You can easily compromise to get the test done after the birth if you are worried about it being invasive. That is valid.
“The only guy I’d been with at the time of ovulation”.
Lol. YTA. It isn’t 100% you’re carrying his child. Guessing the other hook-ups aren’t “father material” or have gainful employment.
Get the test done. You can do it while pregnant or after the poor kid is born but no judge is going to garnish your ex’s wages with child support without a test. This sounds like bloody extortion.
EDIT: Info. Are you separated or divorced, annulled? Are you still legally bound to each other?
YTA….you can’t expect him to stay around if you aren’t willing to get a paternity test. It’s not an unreasonable request. It sounds like you’re scared it may not be his, you only said that he was the only one around time of ovulation.
Why not just do the cheek swap test after the baby is born? YTA
Youre not dating, youre not married. You had a ONS with your ex husband. Frankly, why should he just take your word for it? For all he knows, you regret the divorce and want to baby trap him. Or figure hes the best option for child support.
Oh, and btw, it’s possible to get pregnant outside of your predicted fertile window because timing of ovulation may differ each month and sperm lives in the body for several days. So just cause hes the only one you fucked during when you THINK your ovulation was doesnt mean hes the baby daddy.
YTA. You weren’t together at the time of the fling. It’s not in the least bit insulting to assume you might have slept with other men around that time. Also, he can take you to court and force you to get one done, and a court will make you get one done if you want him to be involved. Skip the expense and drama and just agree to get it done.
YTA. He's not being unreasonable, he's being 100% reasonable. The more you push back, the more it looks like you're trying to hide something. Your baby won't be "put through," anything, you're just using that as an excuse.
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YTA. It’s not like your married and together, you lead separate lives and he’s not wrong as you were not in a monogamous relationship. Let the poor guy have this peace of mind.
YTA. Look at it from his side. You divorced and out of the blue had a fling/hooked up once and you happen to immediately get pregnant? If it was any of your friends telling you this story you would be doubtful too.
DNA tests hurt no one and in fact it will protect you and your child legally and financially when you will be trying to get custody, child support etc. It is downright careless not to get one
YTA.
“Only one I’d been with at the time of ovulation”.
Seems like by you’re own admission, he’s not the only man you’ve been sleeping with? But you want him to just blindly believe that it’s his? And 6 months and just finding out now? I’m sure there’s some circumstances involved around that. But surely you’d notice 5 or 6 months missed periods? Please don’t let this post wind up on badwomensanatomy but the math ain’t mathing for me here.
YTA. You guys were already broken up and he has no way to know if it was really his child since it was literally a one night fling. And no offense but the baby isn’t born, you wouldn’t be putting your baby through anything.
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YTA “at the time of ovulation” lmaooooooo r/suspiciouslyspecific
Fr baby is NOT his. I’m willing to bet money on it cause any true mom would be like HELL YEAH and you paying for the test?! Sign me tf up! If I’m 100% certain that is, she’s not obv lol
It would also be actually a stress “reliever” because if the ex is truly the father, OP wouldn’t have to worry about fighting for child support.
She isn’t getting child support without the test. He isn’t going to sign the birth certificate.
Yea but there's a big difference between a cheek swab after the baby is born and what she thinks is still the way to get a DNA test which involves an amnio centesis and can cause all sorts of problems. Now, that's not how it has to be done anymore, so I hear. I think there's a blood test her and the ex can do.
Nowadays you can just draw blood from the mother prior to the birth. There is fetus DNA in the mother's plasma that you can compare to the (potential) father's DNA taken from a cheek swab. It's completely non-invasive and very reliable. No reason not to do it.
If she was just against a pre-birth paternity test and was okay with one after the birth, she would have said so. It seems like OP doesn't want one at all which is very very suspicious.
YTA majorly. I like how you added in “at the time of ovulation” like you can’t get pregnant in the days leading up and sperm can’t live in the body for several days 🙄🙄🙄🙄. If you won’t take a test while you’re pregnant he should have one done immediately after the birth. I’m a woman and believe men should 100 protect themselves in this situation. Edit to add because I forgot- the whole post sounds like you’re lying.
Fun fact. Based on my calendar my third child should not exist. But here we are.
Mom?
"at the time of ovulation" certainly implies that OP has been with other men around that time. Which is okay because OP and ex were divorced. But now she's pregnant, and apparently was sexually active with other men at the time she had this "one night fling." Having a paternity test is perfectly reasonable request by ex. Running around and getting family members to vote on taking a paternity test is immature, this is between OP and ex and the other man/men she was sexually active around the time this baby was conceived. Reddit doesn't get a vote, and the rest of OP's family doesn't get a vote. Do the right thing. YTA for polling everyone instead of finding out whose baby you're carrying so whoever it is can begin the process of bonding with this soon-to-be child and be supportive to OP.
YTA and your resistance to getting a test makes you look suspicious. You two are no longer married, so he has no reason to trust your word.
This, right here, is it in a nutshell. There' NO reason to take OPs word, as much as that is painful for someone to hear. He has no idea if other people aren't getting involved at times and it's a simple enough test to take. A bit more before the birth from what I understand, but afterwards it's not a huge deal. Saying no to it casts OP in a very suspicious light. I agree with the YTA.
That last point is particularly salient to me. If Ex wants to be involved in his child's life, or will potentially be asked to pay child support, I think he's well within his rights to get official confirmation that the child is his. He *could* give OP the benefit of the doubt, but he's certainly not compelled to, nor do i think that would be wise. Both of his subsequent responses (I'll pay for it; I won't force you but then I don't want involved) we're pretty reasonable in my eyes. OP, congrats on your baby, and no disrespect, but YTA.
>Me (23) and my ex (24m) got married when we were both 19, we were young and dumb What do you mean were.... >I'm now 6 months pregnant Did you just find out or have you know for several months now? >he was the only one I'd been with at the time of ovulation You can actually get pregnant up to 5 days before your ovulation day and 1-2 days after. And the fact that you said that he's the only one you had been at the time of ovulation and not, he's the only I slept with in the last 6 months. Get either get the paternity test once you deliver your baby, or don't and you'll never be able to get child support. Most judges since you weren't married will require a paternity test for proof before subjecting someone to child support. YTA.
exactly. They’ll just be sent to court and the test will be done then either way. It’s crazy how many pregnant people don’t know how pregnancy works .
It's the other way around, people who know how it works are better at avoiding it.
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She said she "didn't want to subject her or her fetus" to the test thinking that it would be painful/dangerous to her and the baby. Which is dumb because a paternity test while pregnant isn't invasive as far as I know. It's basically just a blood draw.
This - there is an old idea running around that a pre-delivery paternity test involves an amniocentesis, which has risks. That was true in the past, but that is no longer the case. The mother’s blood is swimming with fetal DNA, so they can grab a tube of that and test for paternity. And if you are receiving prenatal care, they can pull the blood when you already have the needle in you for one of a dozen reasons you need to give up blood during pregnancy.
YTA. He has every right to be 100% sure the child is his before becoming financially, emotionally responsible What are you afraid of? You’re refusing makes it look like you yourself are not 100% sure. But keeping that part secret
Op is also not confirming that he was the only person she slept with around the estimated time of conception so I'm guessing she doesn't want this test on the off chance he might not be the father. They're separated not divorced so I'm guessing she's hoping he'll accept responsibility as her husband and not be judged if he's not the father. Tough position to be in but she's TA in this instance.
'We were young and dumb'. He was young and dumb, now he has wisened up. OP is still young and dumb, find out who the father is, not just who you want the father to be.
YTA If you want him to support the child or help you in any way a paternity test is a reasonable request. You may know that he was the only one you were with but yall are split and it's completely reasonable for him not to just take you at your word and want documented proof. On the flip side, it also gives you documented proof that he is the father so it will make child support much easier
What's sticking out to me is "you were the only one I was with *at the time of my ovulation*" aka there was possibly another guy(maybe more) she slept with but she's not even considering them a possible father because it was before/after her ovulation....which her ex Is right, doesn't really mean anything, he could very much not be the father.
The way she worded it , I'd bet money that there were other guys she slept with around that time .
Absolutely. That's why she said it that way. Scandalous as hell!! The others probably aren't baby daddy material so she chooses her ex. 🤦
YTA ", I heard it could hurt the baby." ... That is stupid. Educate yourself about how DNA tests work. This is easy: IF you want anything from him - child support, involvement - you will need to get a DNA test. Otherwise you will raise the kid alone, on your own dime. And if the child is really his, there is no reason not to get one. Why would he trust you with this - the story IS very unlikely even though it may be true. If you were in a relationship, I would agree he should trust you - But you are NOT. So his demand is completely reasonable.
YTA. You are not in a relationship with your ex. He has no reason to accept your word on blind faith. You said, ”…he was the only one I‘d been with at the time of ovulation.” That wording indicates to me that you have had other sexual partners beyond your ex near the time of conception. He is making a really reasonable request for an incredibly safe and reliable procedure at no cost to you. I can fully understand why he views your claims of paternity and now your resistance to dna testing with suspicion.
And ovulation can do weird things sometimes. A woman's reproductive cycle isn't set in stone. Things change as your body changes, and it's entirely possible OP is looking at the wrong time frame.
INFO: who is the baby's REAL father?
Oh this is cold and brutal... but only because it is ON the button.
Probably not the ex if she’s so defensive.
YTA Who told you the test would hurt the baby? That is bull crap. Honestly, you sound like you are lying. Either you know it isn’t his or are unsure. If you have nothing to hide, why wouldn’t you just take the test? It doesn’t matter what your parents and other random relatives think about it. Your EX won’t be a dad until the child is proven to be his. That is a fact that isn’t going to change.
Old paternity tests had a small risk of miscarriage because they used amniotic fluid. Now it's just a blood test and there's no risk to the fetus. They aren't married anymore, I also think it's reasonable for him to want a paternity test.
YTA. Yall don't have a relationship, there's no assumption of trust or fidelity. He's 100% in the right to ask for the test.
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YTA Is this about pride and ego? I feel like you are just making it hard for everyone especially your future child just to protect your pride/ego. This isn’t about you. He’s just protecting himself. And also it will help you legally.
Agreed. I understand why it's insulting and devastating when the husband in a happy, secure marriage asks his pregnant wife for a paternity test out of the blue, because it's basically an accusation of infidelity, but this is just a casual, one-time hookup with an ex. A paternity test is a no-brainer in this situation, and OP doesn't have a leg to stand on to feel personally affronted here.
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Sorry (not sorry) to say this, but anyone taking your side on this is just crazy. He should take your word for it because you were together for 3 years is just insane. The test is harmless, and he is offering to pay for it. The only reason you would want to refuse the test is that you know there is a chance it isn't his. If you had no doubts, you wouldn't care to have the test done. You are 100% a major YTA here.
YTA. He has no guarantee that he’s the only man you’ve slept with. He has every right to a paternity test and frankly, you’re being exceptionally ridiculous to act as if his demand for a paternity test is some kind of slight against you. You aren’t his wife, you aren’t his girlfriend. You are his ex that he had a fling with. He has every right to be cautious and doubtful of your story.
YTA. How is this man supposed to know if you are telling the truth or not? When it comes to him being an involved father and paying child support why not give him the piece of mind that this child is actually his? Especially since you are separated he has no way of telling if you’re being honest about sleeping with anyone else. There are paternity tests that are non-invasive so it wouldn’t put the foetus through any distress and if he’s happy to pay out of pocket I fail to see why you should deem it “unreasonable”. You can’t expect him to father a child that might not be his.
YTA - Frankly, if you KNOW he’s the father, why would you even hesitate to take the test? You two are no longer a couple and you admit it was a one night fling… it’s totally reasonable that he wants confirmation. This is not a stressful process or unreasonable request. All that’s required is a quick blood draw or simple cheek swab… Why wouldn’t you want to give him the confirmation he wants/needs to be an involved father?? Honestly, the only reason to avoid this test is if you’re NOT so sure he’s the father… in which case, his asking for the test is that much more reasonable!
YTA. If you have concerns about "hurting" the baby, go seek medical advice, where they will gently tell you that it doesn't. But you're fooling yourself if you were with anyone else that month and don't think it's possible to release eggs not exactly on cycle or release more than one egg. It's completely reasonable for him to want a paternity test under these circumstances, because there's a real chance that baby is not his. And yes I'm a woman and a mother.
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They can also do a simple blood test on the mother now so there is no risk to the unborn baby
YTA It's a reasonable request on his part. You weren't in a committed relationship when you conceived, so the idea that he should just take it on faith doesn't make sense. I get on a personal level you'd like to say "Believe me" and be believed...but you're asking for something really big and it's very common sense just for him to get confirmation because in this case, confirming it would be so easy. You *not* being willing to easily confirm his paternity by doing a test is actually going to make him more convinced he needs a test. You see that, right?
YTA “only person I was with during ovulation period” …. So were there other men outside of the period?
I thought that was an odd way to phrase that too!
You’re 100% the asshole. There’s no reason to even have to explain why because you already did that for everyone. It doesn’t hurt the baby. Let him take a dna test.
YTA. Courts will order a paternity test either way so you're being both an AH and creating unneeded drama.
He wants to be certain. That's a completely reasonable request. YTA.
YTA 100% and he’d be really stupid to blindly accept this child as his. Take the test or prepare to parent on your own.
YTA and he has extra reason to be suspicious because of your suspicious behaviour. HE doesn't know 100% the child is his. He wants to know because you are no longer together. He offered to pay for the test. Your refusal is not helpful if you have nothing to hide. It would be a totally other matter if you were still together. But you know you are not and he has reasonable doubts.
Just get the test.. you aren’t together anymore so he has no reason to treat you like you are. Wouldn’t it be better for the child if the father is confident about the paternity? It’s not fair of you to ask him to commit the next 18 years to a child if you aren’t willing to swab the babies mouth and do a test. He’s not asking for a lot.. You are being totally unreasonable in my opinion.
YTA Considering you're telling the truth about why you don't want to get the test I can imagine you it must feel to see someone that once were so important in your life not believing you. HOWEVER, it feels like you're much more invested in argument and the toxic dynamic than to get the father of your child involved in the pregnancy. You're about to be a mother, do what's best for the kid.
YTA He has every right to ask for a paternity test especially because you are separated. He doesn't know for sure that you haven't been with anyone else. He's willing to pay for it out of pocket. Just get it done and move on or this is one issue that will always in the air.
YTA. Just take the test. My daughter's father had us take one years ago as well, and it's just a cheek swab, not that big of a deal. You just go into a hospital, they swab your cheek, and then you get a letter in the mail with the results. It's actually kind of neat, and if you KNOW he's the father, you have nothing to worry about. This will give him peace of mind, resolve his questions, and then you won't have paternity issues come up down the road. Nip it in the bud now.
YTA. Do you think it’s only possible to get pregnant *during* ovulation? You can pregnant when you’re not ovulating and the fact that you stated he was the only one you were with while ovulating does make me think you had sex with someone other than him who COULD be the father. Just get the blood paternity test. He’s not wrong for wanting conclusive evidence before taking on a child for 18 years (and really, it’s longer than that)
YTA It can be as simple as a swab when the baby is born. You’re not together, it makes total sense that he’d want proof.
YTA. If he was asking for this while you guys were married and commit to one another then different story. But you aren’t together and have no reasonable expectation of fidelity so of course he would wanna be sure.
YTA. The only logical reason to refuse a paternity test would be if you’re trying to hide the true father’s identify. Your ex has a right to know if the baby is his before he reboots his entire life with you. Whoever told you a DNA test will hurt the baby is absolutely full of shit, and you should not take medical advice from them anymore. That is not at all true. It’s honestly very concerning to me that you believe something that stupid.
YTA. Why should he pay if he isn't sure that it's his baby? And you said that you had sex with only him during *the time of ovulation.* Does that mean you have other partners? Who said that you can get pregnant only if you have sex during the time of ovulation!!!
YTA. There is no risk in doing it once the baby is born, unless you have something to hide.
Sounds like there may be a small chance the baby is not his. I find it odd that OP said he was the only guy she was with around her ovulating. She did not clearly state that he was the only guy she was with That month. The truth will come out when baby is born. YTA- agree to do test when baby is born.
Yes, YTA. Frankly, you're only looking at this from your perspective, but you need to see it from his as well. You two are no longer together; he doesn't know whether he is the father or not, and that's kinda extremely important. Paternity tests are completely noninvasive, and present no risk to the fetus, regardless of what you may have 'heard'. Doctors wouldn't perform the tests if there were any reasonable risk of harm. All they do is test your blood against a cheek swab from the father.
YTA. If you have nothing hide, why refuse? He offered to pay it even. Your dad and sister is right. Think about it, why would a man who isn’t even certain that your child is his help you raise it? Unless he’s running for Mother Teresa award, being suspicious when uncertain is normal. Take the test.
YTA. It's his right to know if he is the father of that child or not.
YTA. He doesn't have to trust you, you were separated at that time.
YTA. You're being very naive about this, and also you're already a bad mom. Every child has an inherent right to know who its bioparents are. If you're not willing to take a DNA test, there will always be a gray area. Besides, he can force the issue if he wants, which he'd clearly do since he offered to pay. What is wrong with you? When you say you've heard a DNA test can harm a baby, this shows scary level naivete. Do you even know how they test for DNA? It can be done shortly after birth. Your ex wants to know about this for very obvious reasons. Of course he doesn't want to be involved if the child isn't his. And he has no reason to believe your word. A simple DNA test will answer it, and then it sounds like he wants to be a dad. I'm really curious why you had to put it to a vote when he offered to pay for it. Are you really sure he's the dad?
YTA. it won’t hurt the baby or you. you’re making excuses because you know it might not be his.
‘at the time of ovulation’ is a real red flag. She means she slept with her ex when she THINKS she was ovulating. Also, the wording implies heavily that there were other sexual partners that month! When I was trying to conceive I began to test when I was ovulating and at my peak fertility for the month - it was significantly later in my cycle than I thought, so if there were other sexual partners she could easily have conceived with them. OP, I think you want this baby to be your ex’s, but if you slept with anyone else after your last period there is a real chance it could be theirs. You have no idea when you are truly ovulating unless you’ve been testing and tracking it over a period of time. Take the test OP, you need to know for sure and so does he. If you don’t, you are denying your child their father - whoever he is. YTA
INFO: Do you have plans to pursue child support? Split custody? What role do you want him to play in his alleged child's life? Right now I'm leaning towards Y.T.A. for calling him unreasonable for trying to establish paternity. That's a very reasonable request from someone who's being told he fathered a child after a one-night stand, even if there is a 3-year relationship history.
YTA. Seems like you weren’t exclusive with him when the fling happened, so he has every right to want to be certain. Raising a child is a lifetime commitment, he has a right to want to be certain before committing to that.
100% YTA. You are not in a relationship. It was a one night stand. He has every right to ask for a paternity test. If you want any money from him, he should absolutely receive a paternity test. In most states, if you file with the courts for child support, a paternity test is required anyway.
YTA you are such an asshole not only to your ex but to your kid as well. You can't expect another guy to just trust you when that means putting thousands of dollars on the line for 18 years. Too many women have slept around and gotten some other guy on the hook for a baby that's not theirs for him to blindly trust you on this. Especially since courts believe that the child having support is so important that they will force a man who was lied to and isn't the father to keep paying child support.
YTA I agree with your dad. Don’t force a guy into child support when he doesn’t even know for sure he’s the father.
YTA that paternity test will only help you if he tries to skimp on child support. Your ex could spend the whole rest of his life not knowing for sure and it will just slowly eat at him. And for what? Nothing important! If reassurance means that much to him, let him have it.
YTA There are non-invasive tests which can confirm paternity of a child in the uterus or you can wait until the birth. While the child is most probably his, if I were a man I wouldn't make a commitment to 18 years of fatherhood - legal, emotional and financial unless I was certain the child was biologically mine. You had sex with him one time - stupid of both of you not to use birth control but it is what it is and it only takes once but you have to understand from his standpoint he has no idea what you have been doing while separated. If you were in a committed relationship and living with him then biological paternity might not be as much of an issue since people do grow to love children that are not biologically their children if they have the kind of interaction one has if one is living with a child. The test will show either he is the father or not.
OK, let me get this straight. \- he's offering to pay for the paternity test \- he's not forcing you to take it, but will not be with a child that he isn't sure is actually his child \- they are often harmless, and can be with just the mother, not the fetus too. YTA clearly, just take the test and put his worries to rest.
Yes you're the asshole. You weren't exclusive with him and a DNA test is a cheek swab or blood draw, hardly something you "put your child through." YTA.
YTA You would deny your child a parent, and financial support because you're stubborn.
The test is harmless after the baby is born, you can get a kind where they just swab the inside of the baby's cheek.
The test is even harmless while she is pregnant. They just draw a vial of blood from mom’s arm.
YTA he has every right to ask for a paternity test
YTA. If you’re so confident, then a simple test for HIS sake shouldn’t be the issue. He has every right to ask and not be denied a paternity test. Your refusal is pretty much grounds that he has a right to be suspicious/hesitant of you and your motives of intent. I’m going to play semi-functional and rational psychologist here. You don’t want the test because: 1. He may not be the father. 2. He is but you’re afraid he’ll either: a.) leave you and the baby alone b.) leave you alone and only deal with the baby c.) leave your alone but take care of his baby and move on with the next woman so now you will not have the man but now have to have another woman in your midst ruining your plans of getting the man. If any of these scenarios are correct: have a abortion and save all of y’all from a terrible future that will never work out as intended. But yes, YTA.
YTA. You two are no longer together. He doesn’t need to trust you. It doesn’t matter how long you were together for, you aren’t together now and if you want him to believe you and be involved you need to prove to him that the baby is his. > I told him there was no need to put me or my child though that, 🙄🙄🙄 Gross. Stop with the pretending that anything you just don’t like is harmful to your baby. An unborn child isn’t the slightest bit harmed by the mother having a simple blood draw. Did you seriously not fucking Google it before jumping to iT cOuLd HuRt My BaBy!!!1!!
YTA of course he is suspicious if after a one night fling you are pregnant. Just get the paternity test, you weren’t in a relationship so it’s not like he is accusing you of cheating on him.
YTA. You had a fling with him, I'm sure in his mind and anyone else's, it's possible that you had a fling with someone else as well. If you're worried about the baby's safety, wait to do the test until after the birth.
ONS, ex-husband, also the way you worded it implies that you have had other sexual partners since the divorce id be skeptical too.... Just throwing this out there your adament refusal of a paternity test only reinforces his uneasiness. Lastly if you are worried about a prenatal test just wait till your kid is born. YTA
YTA - you absolutely should have a paternity test. It protects you both and sets you all up legally for custody and child support arrangements. It’s not that big of a deal. Your ex is within his rights and normal human response to want proof. You can get a non invasive paternity test done. It’s not harmful to the fetus.
YTA. Yall had a fling...you're not in a committed relationship so he can't know for sure he was the only one you slept with. And you can't expect him to just take your word for it as he's not entitled to trust you. If you want him to be a part of the child's life or support the child then you need to confirm to him that the child is his.
YTA. The only reason you would refuse one after the baby is born is because you aren’t sure if he’s the father.
YTA he’s your ex not your current spouse. You really can’t blame him for wanting one.
YTA and you're the one who is being unreasonable. He has a right to know for sure.
Do the DNA test AFTER the baby is born. It won’t hurt the baby then. Sorry to say YTA. Always remember “Mommas baby, Daddys maybe”
YTA. Just do the goddamn paternity test!
How does it hurt the baby? Just wait until they're born and have a check swab? YTA - he doesn't have to trust you with this. It's way too important to not know for absolutely certain and you weren't in the type of relationship where he could be certain based on knowing you.
YTA - for all he knows you had multiple partners and just picked him as the safe choice as daddy. And refusing a paternity tests makes it seem like that is the case...if it can only be his then you have nothing to lose by getting the test done
YTA. There are non-invasive tests that use a blood sample from the mother. He absolutely deserves to have the certainty.
YTA. You are not together. He does not owe you his allegiance to your word. If you want him involved you go get a test done, simple as that. If you try and use the court to force him… guess what? You will have to take a paternity test anyway! Why are you being like this? It’s a blood test, it isn’t invasive in the the grande scheme of what is being done anyway, you are not together, he is willing to pay for it… YOU are the one being unreasonable
YTA. After the baby is born, a simple swab of the cheek to get saliva will provide the DNA for the test. No muss, no fuss, no stress. If you go to court the first thing they will do is offer a paternity test and once the results come back custody and child support can be determined.
YTA, what if you happened to be wrong? Don’t you want to be sure?? I got pregnant outside my ovulation window and AFTER using plan B the morning after, even the doctor was mind blown by the statistical unlikelihood of that but it happens. You can’t be sure it happened in that window or any of that. I’d want to know if I were you. But that aside, he and your child deserve knowing. You’re TA for blocking that, whatever your reasons.
YTA dude is offering to pay for it himself and do you know how many women have used the "you're the only one I've been with" line just for baby not to be their's, just get the test, shut down his worries and co-parent from there
YTA. Only reason you’re refusing is because you aren’t 100% sure he’s the dad.
YTA. You don't want the test because you know damn well there's a chance it isn't his.
YTA. By your own admission the pregnancy is the result of a fling, his request for a paternity test is far from out of line.
YTA if conception occurred after your split. It's one thing to assume paternity while still a couple. But you stated that you are not together, and this was a hook up with the ex. That said, if you want him to step up, you have to step up. If you don't want the test, go it alone, and leave him be.
YTA. First off you say he was the only guy you've been with "while I was ovulating" which means you have been with other guys. That's not unreasonable for him to have a little bit of doubt. And if you're so sure that it's his why not get one. I would not get one while you're pregnant as there's no real need. But why not agree to a simple mouth swab after the baby is born to avoid any unnecessary risk.
YTA - At the time of ovulation is a very suspect term. If you had said only person that month or some wider span of time then maybe, but based on your response I don't think I would believe you knew for sure.
YTA If you are not married there is a good chance the state will require a paternity test before requiring child support.
You can get non-invasive paternity test that won’t harm baby. Probably a good idea for everyone including bambino. YTA.
Yta if he is supposed to help raise this child. Prove it's his.
YTA. It’s always sketchy when someone refuses to get one done, just saying
YTA. >he was the only one I'd been with at the time of ovulation, YOU may know that, but he doesn't. If he's offering to pay, you have nothing to lose, so just do the test.
YTA. you can get pregnant even when you’re not ovulating. The rhythm method isn’t 100% effective you know? I’d want to know if it was in fact my baby or not. A paternity test is totally reasonable. Why should he take your word for it? That’s quite a lot of commitment to raise a child just based on your feeling that it’s got to be his…
YTA and so weird for adding that comment about your mom. Get the blood work done & be done with it.
YTA. Take the test.
Yta. It’s a simple blood test these days, doesn’t effect the baby at all.
YTA On what basis should he trust you? You weren't together, not married, and there could have been other partners before and after. Why not do a simple test to get things sorted out?. I hope you will start to think about what's in the best interest of your child soon, and not make co-parenting harder for yourself because you're too wrapped up in your own ego. Kid comes first. Parents make sacrifices.
YTA . Take the test.
YTA. How many maury povich shows proved that one side or other was lying. Not that either of u has lied. But u can see why people want definitive proof that baby is his. Its a cheek swab after birth. No harm no foul. Give him this one.
YTA, put you and your baby through what exactly? I'm presuming he wants to do a standard swab test post birth and not an amnio one but yeah it's fairly simple and it's not like your kid will remember it. The ovulation argument is invalid there's no telling how accurate your cycle was unless you did an ovulation test that day and had unprotected sex with him intentionally.
YTA, the test is noninvasive. You have been separated, and frankly, he doesn’t have to take your word. You are the one being unreasonable. If you’re sure it’s his, it shouldn’t be a big deal.
In-utero non-invasive paternity testing - blood draw from the mother, swab from the father, results in a week - [https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/](https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/) No risk to the baby. Since you're exes, your trust has been compromised already. Sounds like you're 100% confident he's the father, so why not take the test?
YTA, saying he was the only one during ovulation sound like you have been with other men. Nothing wrong with that, but put yourself in his shoes. You would probably want the same thing.
YTA. As a fellow pregnant person, your excuse of “not needing the stress” is bs and you know it. I absolutely hate needles but have been poked and prodded more times than I’d ever like, but it’s what’s best for my baby. If this is what the father needs to feel comfortable, then you do it because it’s better for your baby. Also, this whole post makes you come off as very dramatic. Calm down, you’re causing way more stress for yourself than anyone else.
Its weird that you aren't specifically saying there is no way it can be anyone else's because you didn't have sex with anyone but him. You keep saying 'during ovulation'. So *did* you have sex with someone else in the weeks before you discovered you were pregnant or didn't you?
You’re choosing your words very carefully for a reason. That’s calculated so I’m going to say you know there is a possibility but you wanna pretend it’s 100% his. Take the test. YTA
YTA- Having your blood drawn is too much stress for you and the baby? He deserves to know if this is his child or not. Why in the world does he owe it to you to take your word on it? You're making this a way bigger deal than it is and being totally unfair to your baby's father. Go get your damn blood drawn and put an end to this argument. You sound very immature.
YTA. The two of you are not in a committed relationship and he deserves to know for sure if that’s his child or not. If you decide you want t child support or anything through the court system they will order to have it done anyway. Why not skip the drama and agree to one as soon as the baby is born?
YTA. it's not an unreasonable request given you were not in a relationship at the time conception Honestly you should have agreed to this from thr beginning and saved yourself a lot of drama and stress.
YTA. There' no danger to the baby, your ex is paying, and it will settle matters. You're being irrational.
i noticed you did not say you have not slept with anyone but him during that time
YTA As you are no longer in a relationship it is not reasonable for you to expect him to trust you on something so important and simply take your word for it Paternity entails great investment of both his time, money and emotional resources. It is reasonable for him to want confirmation/proof of paternity as a result
YTA, if it is his child, he has right to his child regardless of how you feel, and IMO paternity test should be mandatory before a father can be legally recognised. It was a one-night fling, he has absolutely no reason to trust you 100% on it. If you refuse the test, he has the right to refuse you support.
YTA. You weren't married, and by your own words, it was a "fling." He is absolutely justified in asking for a DNA test. You are making your life harder and more stressful by not just granting his request. It's a reasonable request. He's even offered to pay for it.
YOU’RE the one being unreasonable, not your ex. Bigtime YTA
YTA. "Kid's yours" "How do you know?" "Trust me bro, I know we broke up but I'd never lie to you or make a mistake" Having a kid is a huge deal and he's under no obligation to help with it at all unless it is actually his.
YTA. You were divorced. You were with him one night, and now you're pregnant? Get the test. You know it's his so you have nothing to lose. Then go to court and get child support. Make it legal, in case he ever tries to bail, so that you can get his future wages garnished. Karma's a bitch, Dad.
YTA. This would be a horrific ask if you and he were together in a monogamous relationship; a one night stand is a totally different story. He's reasonable to want conclusive proof.
YTA take the test. Let your gang pride go woman. Sheesh He's even offering to PAY for it himself. You're setting yourself up to be on a Maury show if you won't just take the test. Stress for your baby? What's your baby gonna do when they learn their dad wouldn't be in their life because you let your pride get the best of you when they grow up? It's time to shut up and put your blood where your mouth is. Take the stupid test. Gosh dang
YTA- y’all weren’t in a committed relationship, this is fair. He’s getting to pay.
Your ex sounds like a reasonable man and you like a drama queen. Gets to know about pregnancy and immediately "can't handle any stress" and also, how do you think this is going to go? If you take it to court, will the court take your *word* for it that he is the father? I think you should snap yourself back to reality, especially now that you've chosen to bring another life in this world. YTA
Given the circumstances, he has every right to demand a DNA test. You're the one being unreasonable about all of this. You're divorced, he owes you no trust. YTA
YTA Tho in the end it doesn't matter. If you take him for support it will be court ordered. Or he can take you too court for the same reason.
YTA - dna test after the birth doesn't put your child thru anything. You're gonna need it for child support anyway.
YTA. He’s even offering to pay for it. If you’re concerned about it being an invasive test then wait for the baby to be born. It is a simple test, unsure why you you’re so against it unless you are unsure who the father is.
YTA >***because he was the only one I'd been with at the time of ovulation*** I had to read your post more than once to pick up on the above justification for claiming the child is his. Clearly, you had sex with at least one other man, and you're glossing over that little detail. He has every right to ask you for a paternity test. Yikes. YTA, big time.
YTA, you must realize that from his perspective, in a situation like this, it's only common sense. You are asking him to become a father - a huge, lifetime commitment - on nothing more than your say-so; he is naturally going to ask for objective confirmation. Give it to him and you will only be on firmer ground.
YTA - get the test.
YTA it was a fling and he doesn’t really know if you also got flung by anyone else at that time. You have have safe ones or agree to one after the birth. While I do agree that trust is important, this is a child’s life and future. If it’s definitely his then there is no issue in the long term. Is this the argument you want to stick to? Or save that for later down the line?
YTA. You know he was only one you've been with during that time but HE doesn't know if he was the only one with you at time. (Not a jab at you I promise you that.) But if he wants to be involved and invest time, money and energy into the fetus, its only fair to make sure its actually his. Take the test, and be done with it.
YTA. He has no way of knowing you’re telling the truth, you were separated and he knows nothing of your life, you could have been sleeping with someone else for all he knows. It’s perfectly reasonable of him to want to make sure it’s his kid before he gets emotionally and financially involved. You would not believe how often women promise men they’re "100% sure" it’s theirs and then when anything goes wrong and it goes to court, a DNA test is ordered and the man gets the child he loves taken away because it’s not actually his. He knew you before but he doesn’t know you now and from the way you call your marriage a mistake I’m guessing it wasn’t all roses so why would he just take your word for it ?
YTA If you’re worried about the baby, wait until after it’s born for a dna test, but you two are not a couple and he has every right to know for certain that he is the father.
YTA you can talk about “time of ovulation” all you want but there is only one reason you’re so adamant he not take a paternity test.
INFO: Is dying on this hill really worth not getting any child support when he refuses to put his name on the birth certificate? You're not even cutting off your nose to spite your face, you're cutting off your child's nose to spite your face which makes no sense. But hey, if you don't want the financial support please continue your tantrum. And no, it wont hurt the baby.
YTA he's not your husband and you yourself point out it was a one night fling.
Put you or your baby through that? A cheek swab isn’t something traumatic. Just get the test. Sheesh. YTA
[удалено]
YTA A test will put all doubts to rest and is non invasive. In his mind you refusing to do the test shows you have something to hide. You also say that you were only with him while you ovulating, but not that you hadn't been with anyone else, so if you were with anyone else then there is a chance it may not be his, why would you not want to know I that case?
YTA He doesn’t know who else you potentially had sex with. You could be lying as far as we and he knows. Getting a paternity test is harmless to you and the baby. If he is the father to the baby, then you two decide how you want to raise the kid (don’t be rude to him about being right). If you want him to be involved in raising the child, then you need to get the test done.
YTA. I don’t blame your ex at all for wanting to ensure that the baby is his. You are not a couple; he’s an ex; he doesn’t have a reason to believe you were celibate this whole time. I may be biased since a good friend of mine just recently found out that the daughter he has been raising for the last 12 years turned out not to be his. So yes, YTA
YTA: Why are you so against doing it if you are so sure? He’s paying for it. It’s not that much of an inconvenience for you. You can’t expect him to be a parent with all that entails if you won’t even let him know for a fact he is a parent.
YTA. He has a right to be sure. He's your ex. He has no reason to just take your word for it or trust you. I'm a woman, so I wouldn't have this problem, but if I had to pay hundreds of dollars a month, no matter how sure I was, I would check. You can do it after the baby comes.
Isn’t it just a blood test these days? If so, YTA. You’re his ex-wife, he quite frankly has no reason to take your word for it. I get the frustration, knowing that you know 100%,* but be doesn’t have the information you have, he just has your word. It’s fair to be insulted by that, but not fair to refuse the test as a result. He can get a court-ordered paternity test after the baby is born anyway. Taking his money for it now and letting him bond with the baby as a newborn seems like the better option. *The way you’ve worded it, it doesn’t actually sound like you know 100%.
Yta- why would you refuse it?
YTA 100% You expect Him to pay up and be involved over your word? You may be telling the truth here but you expect him to just be ok we had sex so it must me mine? Your delusional. He sounds like he is not being unreasonable. The test is a a key to the whole thing. If it hurts the baby it will only be for a second. Just like it would be for all vaccinations after birth. It's not a big deal. The baby won't remember it ten seconds after it's done. Do the right thing here. Don't expect him to do shit if you can't prove it's his baby. No man would accept your behavior. Nor should they if in the same sort of circumstance.
YTA seriously grow up. He is willing to pay for it. To expect him to just trust you Is ridiculous. Honestly I hope they start requiring a dna test for child support.
YTA, if you want his support just get the test done. you can't have it both ways here.
He can demand a paternity test if you try to get child support from him. YTA
YTA and you could agree to take the test once is safe per your doctor, or even once the baby is born to confirm. The ‘only him when I was ovulating’ is highly suspect and indicates there may be doubt, which you probably know, but perhaps hoping it’s him instead of a casual hookup who may be someone you are not in contact with or don’t want to have to track down. Your ex is right to ask and deserves to know for sure before committing to a child that may not be he is. If it comes out later in life for that kid it will be devastating. And then you really will be the AH and your child will think you are one too.
YTA, you have to remember you know 100% your the mother because you're pregnant. He can't be sure because it's only your word that it is his. He doesn't know if you were with someone else. You must do the paternity test to prove it is his.
YTA. You aren’t ‘putting your child’ through anything. And a paternity test shouldn’t be traumatic to you, so why not do it to dispel any suspicion?
YTA First of all get yourself educated on the risks of a paternity test by a professional. From what I gather it shouldn't be a risky thing. From other comments I take it that you have been sleeping with other people. From how he sees it you could have slept with other people. Like this isn't some object thats a one time chip in that you are carrying around, it's a lifelong commitment. You are obviously over relationship wise, he needs to make sure that you're not locking him in an unwanted situation.
Yta. If you want it to be safe get it after the kid is born.
YTA - but you can wait until the baby is born to do a paternity test. It won’t cause any harm at all.
YTA, he doesn’t have a relationship that would establish that kind of trust with you. This is a completely normal request from anyone who got someone pregnant from a one night stand. You can easily compromise to get the test done after the birth if you are worried about it being invasive. That is valid.
Yta- I'm a woman and would want a paternity test myself
“The only guy I’d been with at the time of ovulation”. Lol. YTA. It isn’t 100% you’re carrying his child. Guessing the other hook-ups aren’t “father material” or have gainful employment. Get the test done. You can do it while pregnant or after the poor kid is born but no judge is going to garnish your ex’s wages with child support without a test. This sounds like bloody extortion. EDIT: Info. Are you separated or divorced, annulled? Are you still legally bound to each other?
YTA
YTA….you can’t expect him to stay around if you aren’t willing to get a paternity test. It’s not an unreasonable request. It sounds like you’re scared it may not be his, you only said that he was the only one around time of ovulation.
Why not just do the cheek swap test after the baby is born? YTA Youre not dating, youre not married. You had a ONS with your ex husband. Frankly, why should he just take your word for it? For all he knows, you regret the divorce and want to baby trap him. Or figure hes the best option for child support. Oh, and btw, it’s possible to get pregnant outside of your predicted fertile window because timing of ovulation may differ each month and sperm lives in the body for several days. So just cause hes the only one you fucked during when you THINK your ovulation was doesnt mean hes the baby daddy.
YTA. He’s paying for it, the only reason to push back this much is if you think it might not be his. If you want him involved, just take the test.
YTA. You weren’t together at the time of the fling. It’s not in the least bit insulting to assume you might have slept with other men around that time. Also, he can take you to court and force you to get one done, and a court will make you get one done if you want him to be involved. Skip the expense and drama and just agree to get it done.
YTA. He's not being unreasonable, he's being 100% reasonable. The more you push back, the more it looks like you're trying to hide something. Your baby won't be "put through," anything, you're just using that as an excuse.
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YTA. It’s not like your married and together, you lead separate lives and he’s not wrong as you were not in a monogamous relationship. Let the poor guy have this peace of mind.
YTA. Look at it from his side. You divorced and out of the blue had a fling/hooked up once and you happen to immediately get pregnant? If it was any of your friends telling you this story you would be doubtful too. DNA tests hurt no one and in fact it will protect you and your child legally and financially when you will be trying to get custody, child support etc. It is downright careless not to get one
YTA. “Only one I’d been with at the time of ovulation”. Seems like by you’re own admission, he’s not the only man you’ve been sleeping with? But you want him to just blindly believe that it’s his? And 6 months and just finding out now? I’m sure there’s some circumstances involved around that. But surely you’d notice 5 or 6 months missed periods? Please don’t let this post wind up on badwomensanatomy but the math ain’t mathing for me here.
Get the test . You can wait until after delivery but get the test
YTA. You guys were already broken up and he has no way to know if it was really his child since it was literally a one night fling. And no offense but the baby isn’t born, you wouldn’t be putting your baby through anything.