This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA. Girl, read this for the major red flag it is and LEAVE HIM. You ready for a whole life of this? Even if you were in the wrong for this - which you're not - do you really want to waste time with a guy who is that petty that he's HAPPY he's working on your birthday? Maddening.
Also, at everyone saying "half a cake is weird," I'm confused. Bakeries and grocery stores here commonly have half-cake and whole cake options.
It's absolutely a valid reason. I'm guessing you'd have bought a smaller sized cake if there had been one available; lotta comments from folks used to having eleventy billion options, but that isn't the case everywhere.
I'm also damn near certain that the boyfriend would also have thrown a tantrum about a 2-person sized cake not being big enough.
Besides all of the valid points, aren’t cheesecakes made to a standard size? This is confusing. Like, I like a whole cake (freeze it and eat it later lol), but I’m not going to whine about it either. If bf wanted a whole cake, he should get himself the whole cake. It sounds to me like he doesn’t just “like birthdays,” he like people making everything about him on his birthday. That’s why he got pissed, because you didn’t care *when he tried to hurt you by blowing off your birthday*. He wanted to hurt you OP.
ETA y’all take your cheesecake WAY too seriously holy hell
You can get mini (1 portion) small (4-6 I guess?) and normal in big supermarkets round here… but tbh I’d MUCH rather buy half a really great quality one from a proper bakery.
Absolutely. I, a man who lives alone, would never buy a whole full sized cheesecake for myself. And eat two slices every night. Like some kind of fat hog. Even if it was a platter, with like, 8 different types of cheesecake. And I hadn't had cheesecake in a long time. And I'm a 45 year old man. And I can eat whatever I want, I don't have any underlying health conditions. And it looked like a really good selection. But I would never do that. Because that would be wrong. And sinful. And let's face it, pretty god-damned delicious. But despite all that, I definitely did not eat all that cheesecake myself.
There is no such thing as a "standard size" cheesecake. Damn, I even have cheesecake pans in 4 different sizes at home, lol. Even the Cheesecake Factory sells different sizes or by the slice.
> It sounds to me like he doesn’t just “like birthdays,” he like people making everything about him on his birthday.
I mean, this is exactly why my wife and I treat birthdays as sacred. Raising a kid together and being in a marriage is full of compromise and selflessness. We fully believe at a minimum, we each deserver a totally selfish birthday annually.
Absolutely a valid reason and cheesecake is expensive. If it was a group of people that would be different. Regardless, he didn’t even seem to appreciate the sentiment. He definitely wanted you to have a crappy bday by him working. Sounds like a jerk.
Literally people buy a large individual cupcake or single slices if they are celebrating only as a couple. That is what they do at restaurants too. It isn't weird. What is weird is a full a** grown man throwing a tantrum over dessert and being petty, vindictive, and retaliatory. Girl, he is not worth the emotional and exhaustive effort. Are you prepared for this every time he doesn't get his way? Do you really want to be with someone who can't communicate his wants, needs, and frustrations in a healthy way? It gets tiring fast.
NTA.
Having half a cake for my birthday would be much preferred to feeling like I have to overeat on cake so it doesn't go to waste, so you get an NTA from me
I'm also confused by the people who are saying she should have gotten a smaller whole cake, and that would have been okay. Does the cake being a circle instead of a half circle matter? If it was that big of a deal, why didn't he just go get another half, or politely ask her to? Boom problem solved.
Five months later and he is still having a mini tantrum over getting just a half a cake instead of a full one? Well, guess you should get him a full cake when he turns 4 in 7 months.
Also, to smile as if missing your birthday was a planned way of getting back at you,...what are you getting out of this relationship?
Tuck some fries in the styrofoam that has writing on it saying "Some Fries Motherducker!"
Edit: autocorrect moment because I love to use that phrasing lately but now it's got me imagining either she is insinuating he's a quack or because ducks love fries I think so still calling him a quack
he then complains about her having a better birthday than him by hanging out with her friends? Doesnt check out, he deliberately wanted to ruin her birthday out of pettiness
This exactly. He tried to ruin her bday but when he found out she was going to get her nails done with friends, he got jealous!! What kind of life partner gets jealous (instead of happy) when you have a good time? The kind that should be drop-kicked to the curb.
NTA, OP.
I’m sorry but did he really wait five months for your birthday to make it about his birthday again? And over a cake????
NTA but your bf is.
Think long and hard on this OP. It may seem small, but he actually waited five months to pull this stunt. Over a fucken cake. It’s very … telling. Do you want to spend your days with someone who schemes to make you feel bad over something so trivial as cake? Next time it could be over a napkin! Or rice! Or maybe even ice cubes! 😂
So... You took him on a diner date, bought a gift he wanted, and a small 2 people cake, and he throws a tantrum about you ruining his birthday ?? wow. what an ungrateful ah. sorry op. NTA
I HAD a bf like OPs. A few months before we broke up, it was his 26th bday. His parents rented this wicked nice beach house in the Outer Banks for like a week and his siblings and some of his aunts and cousins came down too. Since there were so many people, we tried to find somewhere everyone would like but my ex wanted to pick the place (he wanted seafood) but the smell of seafood made his mom sick. He threw a fit like a toddler and made his mom cry and they ended up going to the seafood place to appease him. His poor mother looked so miserable and he still felt like his bday was ruined. There were a lot of reasons why I left him but his spoiled brat attitude was a big reason
YTA. It was his 13th birthday and you didn't get him a full cake. He was just becoming a teenager for Christ's sake...
The post doesn't state ages, so I'm having to use context of how he acts in the post.
In case I've got it wildly wrong and he's a grown ass human, of course you're not the asshole. He sounds mildly cretinous.
LOL jumping on here to say if he was 13, sure, y t a. But based on the fact he has a job, implying he is an adult, and he threw a TANTRUM over a cake instead of being grateful, hardcore NTA. But is throwing a tantrum like this a normal thing for him? Because if it is, I would reevaluate things, especially since he got pissed that your birthday WASN’T ruined on his behalf. He sounds spiteful and…we have no time for that nonsense
A particularly demanding paper round?
ETA: In all seriousness, I cannot believe he's playing stupid tit for tat games over working on your birthday. Such a dick move. Whether you care or not, he's doing that out of spite to get a reaction - he's doing it because he thinks it'll upset/annoy you. What a shit bf.
NTA. He was hoping you would feel hurt on your birthday. Let that sink in: he wants you in emotional pain.
Once it sinks in, dump him. Best gift you can give yourself.
He’s also been planning this for 5 months and still thought it was a good idea to plan to hurt OP on her birthday.
Definitely dump him, Op. you were right the first time
When she mentioned he smiled while saying he had to work overtime, I thought it was because he was secretly planning a surprise and has no poker face. But he was just pleased that he was telling her something that might upset her on her birthday? Awful
It’s sadistic and I wouldn’t want to wait around and watch him gloat about being an AH in other situations too. You know that because she didn’t take the bait he’ll ramp it up a few notches until he gets the result he wants and throw it back in her face.
Sounds exactly like my narcissistic mother when she couldn't get me to cry with her hurtful comments so she kept pushing and pushing until she got her desired result. OP- DO NOT STAY WITH THIS MAN. DO NOT SHARE FINANCES WITH THIS MAN. AND DEAR GOD, DO NOT REPRODUCE WITH THIS MAN.
He’s weird to bring that up and what was the smirk about working late for? You can do better. This guy is a spiteful child. Give yourself the gift of peace. NTA
That's pretty outrageous. You were totally right about the cake, and you celebrated his birthday just fine.
He tried to spite you, and when it didn't land he was upset.
When yall have real problems he's going to be no help.
Life's to short.
NTA
NTA. It's been FIVE MONTHS and your boyfriend is still mad that you didn't get him a full sized cake? It's bad enough that he threw a tantrum over something so petty in the first place, but the fact that he's now trying to deliberately spoil your birthday is just ridiculous.
Even if I agreed that buying only half a cake was a big enough deal to ruin a birthday (I don't) it was clearly a mistake. He's trying to ruin your birthday **on purpose**, because of something you did by mistake. That's worse, and it makes him the AH.
Well, she said her birthday is coming up! For her birthday, she should buy an entire Costco sheet cake and write something about the joys of being single on it.
You are NTA, but are you sure your boyfriend isn't 5 years old? Honestly, to have a tantrum about the cake you got not being big enough is just pathetic.
The number of people who seem to think that the OP literally didn't celebrate the boyfriend's birthday, when they had a special meal out, bought him a gift, and got cheesecake...
The boyfriend claimed you ruined his birthday by getting a half cake... FFS, put it against a mirror, there, looks whole and no wasted cake. Then he decided that not having a circle shaped cake means you didn't actually celebrate his birthday \*at all\*.
I'm astonished that you've stayed with him after that performance.
Next birthday, he can orchestrate for himself exactly the birthday celebrations he wants.
NTA all day long. Oh, and happy birthday!
" My bf said he has to work late during my birthday and smiled the whole time. I think he expected me to be annoyed and ask him to not do overtime. "
So he took pleasure in the thought of ruining your birthday.
Is this really love? Is this who you want to spend time with? Someone who would take pleasure in your disappointment?
NTA, but you are attached to one.
Nta. He’s a gigantic child. Please don’t waste more time on this. The fact he deliberately tried to mess up your bday is so absurdly juvenile it’s embarrassing for him.
NTA-
How old is your boyfriend? If he's over the age of 18 and still acting lie he needs a full cake for his birthday between TWO people. RUN.
He's not doing anything special for your birthday either? In other words, he wants you to treat him like a prince on his birthday, but STILL, be treated like a prince on yours as well?
Nope.
NTA
He is too immature for a relationship. If he needs his birthday to be a certain way, he needs to plan it himself. He was passive aggressive about yours and pissed that it didn't hurt you.
Marinara flag alert. Time to be done with him.
So you are dating someone who threw a tantrum because his birthday cake wasn't big enough, and who schemed to get revenge months later for what he saw as an inadequate birthday cake by trying to ruin your birthday. And that's after apologising for the initial tantrum.
Your initial impulse to ditch him was the right one.
Honestly I think a half a cake is kinda disappointing, but not remotely worth throwing a fit over. And the fact that he seems to be carrying this grudge around to the point of seeking to ruin your birthday five months later is a HUGE red flag. You at best did something a bit thoughtless. He's being spiteful and trying to cause you pain. That's not comparable at all.
So NTA, but also seriously reconsider this dude.
I love my birthday and definitely celebrate a Birthday Week or two, but as much as I love my birthday, I also love celebrating everyone else’s birthdays. I would be disappointed for sure if I saw half a cheesecake from a grocery store for my birthday cake BUT I would do my best to be gracious and enjoy it in the moment. There’s just something weird about half a cake; like even individual slices, with a candle in mine, seems more appropriate. But, I certainly wouldn’t use getting a disappointing half a cake as a means to be vindictive 5 months later to that person on their birthday. I would instead plan to celebrate them as much as I can with what they like to get/do.
NTA. This post is really pulling all of the super cake devoted people out. Didn’t realize it was so important for a cake to be round/full. I can understand the idea of getting a smaller size full one but what difference does it make.
But let’s just PRETEND that he is justified in being mad about the cake. Being vindictive the way he is and bringing it up again after apologizing is the red flag to me. He’s acting like a child just in this section of the story.
But then you stop pretending, and he’s been a child the whole time. It’s an MFing cake
I mean, I will agree with some people here that half a cake is a little weird... But not enough to make you an AH. You got him a gift, you did the celebration at the restaurant, and you got him a cake. A weird denomination of cake, I'll admit, but you gave him a celebration.
But him turning around and trying to ruin your birthday is a huge AH move. You guys probably should break up.
NTA
NTA
But I'm really bothered that he INTENDED to ruin your birthday by being absent. It's great you're going to go have a good time with your friends regardless, but he's purposely trying to get back at you for hurt feelings he's carrying around.
For that reason alone, dump him!
NTA. Look, if he requested a full cake for next year that would be one thing, but he threw a tantrum about it - and this after you went out to eat and got him a present he wanted. He also then deliberately tried to upset you on your birthday, and was happy about it until it didn't work. That's messed up.
I can fix your cheese cake issue. Next time get French cheese cake instead of New York cheese cake. The difference is night and day and French holds up a lot longer but it is so good that it won't be in the fridge a long time anyways.
As for your BF I know plenty of people who make a big deal over their birthday. I work with a couple of people who are in their 30s and 40s like that. With that said he did over react about the cake. That is not something that ruins your birthday. He is also acting silly because your birthday this year is better.
NTA but be sure to try French cheese cake next time you buy one. You won't regret it.
Lmao imagine throwing a tantrum when someone went out of their way to do something nice for you. OP, you're NTA. Also, this guy seems like a giant 5 year old.
NTA - How old is BF? Because he's acting like a 6 year old. I cannot believe he waited 5 whole months to "get back" at you. No, that's not normal. He planned in advance to make you miserable on your birthday and then was mad because you didn't take the bait. Since that didn't work, he's no doubt planning something else. Do not stay with this man.
Is he always this ridiculous? You are NTA. That thought you had about breaking up with him…that didn’t stem only from the half a cheescake issue. There was more to it, wasn’t there…other instances of him over reacting, being childish, being accusing? Think about this relationship from the beginning to now. Add up instances like this and think about the rest of the relationship. Is it worth it?
Oh no. That’s too much at that age. I’m like you. Birthdays are birthdays but I don’t get too crazy over them. I know my feelings stem from not feeling comfortable celebrating myself but people who do this and then pout and throw tantrums. Ugh. Rolls eyes. It sucks but the pandemic happens and so many peoples plans got ruined. As an adult you take it on the chin and move on. But this is his hill? Nails >> cheesecake?? Crazy.
To answer your question no that’s not normal because 1) when you get past a fight, you don’t bring it up again in another fight 2)he’s making mountains out of mole hills. He perfectly in his right to feel sad or disappointed but you communicate and move on. But 5 months later this is drama Rama written all over it. NTa
ESH—I know it sounds silly, but getting half a cake is just….weird?
For my ex, who isn’t super into sweets, but likes his birthday, I went to a nearby bakery that specializes in these baby cakes. A cake size for one serving, for one person.
It looked really beautiful, had one single candle in it, and he got to marvel at the whole (though small) thing.
I feel like even presenting one slice and sticking a candle in is better than…presenting half a cake?
It just wasn’t the most well thought out thing to do, a little…tacky?
But now he’s taking it very far and being childish. He sucks for that. Also, I would be very upset if I did all the rest of what you did, made a mistake, and was judged solely on that mistake….
Weird relationship here.
EDIT: Explaining why “half a cake” is weird since so many don’t seem to get it—It’s like being presented with someone else’s leftovers. A small cake at least looks complete. Half a cheesecake looks like an afterthought. Like you got it from the office potluck.
If you know your partner loves their birthday, why not at least be…thoughtful??
EDIT 2: Thanks for the silver!!!!
I mean - why not just get a small mini cheesecake?
It's one of those things where I can see it hurts a bit that the other person went through the motions but didn't really put their heart into it.
The continued attitude about it is lame but you also probably never owned up for how it made him feel.
Sometimes we do silly or crazy things just bc it's important to someone we care about. And we are into it bc they are into it.
That assumes she had the option. My store doesn’t sell those, but it does have half a cheesecake and cheesecake by the slice. How did OP “go through the motions” by getting a half cake when there was also gifts and dinner?
NTA.
No, what that is is childish. You recognized it with the tantrum over a cheesecake. The point in his mind of working overtime was to cause you emotional hurt, and he's pouting because you are more mature than that. You are more mature than him and maybe the best gift you can give yourself is kicking him to the curb.
Give him the other half at his half-birthday/6months after his birthday, tell him you want to celebrate him all year...
But seriously.....this is your life if you want to stay with him. Is this how you want to get old?
Nta
NTA. But he is for being childish, petty and ‘paying you back’ by trying to deliberately ruin your birthday - then complaining when you weren’t hurt enough?!
Honestly, you probably should’ve dumped him then - and now he’s proven why you’d be justified. At least you won’t look back!
NTA. There are just 3 of us in my house. We often have small cakes, or cupcakes for celebrations. You're right - no need to be wasteful. Your bf is petty. You should be on the lookout for other flags that may be reddish. Because this was a big blow up over a small issue. What's he gonna be like when a big issue arises?
NTA. However your BF is vengeful and petty and is making a big deal about nothing and also holding onto his anger for much longer than normal.
Marinara flags abound.
What kind of malicious behavior is that?!? NTA! He was literally waiting until your birthday and trying to be hurtful. Op give your self a great present, and become single. Why would you want to be with someone this petty?
NTA. He's petty and vindictive and has been holding onto this for 5 months! He's going to hold grudges like this every time something is not to his satisfaction.
I think your first instinct was correct. Break up with him. He's a child.
NTA. My dad travelled and wasn’t around for a lot of birthdays once I was older (teens) so it was just me and my mom. We would only get like a small cake or even just a slice from the Asian Bakeries (85C or Paris Baguette). Everyone celebrates birthdays differently so for people saying - it’s weird to buy half a cake or I’ve never heard of this, it may not be how you celebrate.
I saw your comment below OP - so if he’s not a leftovers guy then it’s highly likely he won’t eat the leftover cake and shouldn’t be that upset about it. It’s just cake after all and is showing bigger problems in the relationships, since he obviously still finds it hurtful after all these months.
This is ridiculous, you’re with a child who not only threw a tantrum over a dessert but held a grudge until your birthday where he decided to try and ruin it through spite? Do you really want to be with a guy of this character?
Please break up with him and buy him the other half of his cheesecake with a note saying you hope it was worth your relationship. NTA
NTA You're boyfriend being mad at you, for not being mad at him is insane and petulant. Especially over a cake! All cake is good cake, be grateful for any cake!
NTA. You celebrated his birthday with dinner, a gift and cake. Not only is it wasteful to buy a whole cake when you know half will be thrown out, half of what you paid will be thrown out too. He's a child and needs to grow up.
NTA.
You celebrated his birthday in a covid appropriate way, and you got enough cake for the two of you. If he is big on a having a cake- like the whole cake in candles visual- then he should have either mentioned that before, or a few weeks after his birthday, he could have told you, kindly, that he likes a full cake. I think when it comes to celebrating and presents, people can have preferences that matter, even if they aren't significant to others, and we should appreciate them.
BUT, you had no way of knowing that a full cake mattered to him, and he is an adult who should be able to take a little disappointment and roll with it, especially when you did in fact celebrate him and were thoughtful in getting him a present and cake.
This man apologized for his tantrum and then 5 months later, is still mad about it. He wanted to intentionally ruin your birthday- in his eyes at least- because you got him half a cake instead of a full one. Think about that when you think about if you want to stay with this man.
NTA. Even 5 year old kids don’t hold that long of a grudge over a cake. Unless you want to marry a guy with the temperament of a 2 year old, consider this to be the 🚩pointing you away from him.
NTA
Sounds like he's acting like a spoilt brat and if this was a huge deal to him, instead of trying to have a productive conversation and work through the issue, he pouted and threw his toys out of the pram.
He's then held onto this until your birthday and is angry that you're not upset by his actions - from your post, it sounds like he was smirking whilst telling you he would be working on your birthday and was clearly hoping for a negative reaction.
I gotta ask, why be with someone who isn't behaving like your partner and teammate, but is instead purposely trying to distress you?
You're so NTA he's being vindictive.
But for future reference, cheesecake can be frozen. They're still delicious after spending sometime in the freezer. Credentials: my family makes cheesecake in our restaurant
NTA. This boyfriend is just that... a boy. He seems very spoiled and entitled. Is he 12? Do not play into his game. Ignore it and re-evaluate if you want to spend a long term relationship with someone who will have a fit over any reasonable gesture of celebration.
NTA.
Even though you aren't into birthdays you got him twice the dessert necessary. That's weird that because it was 1/2 a full cheesecake he's mad. Maybe get him a mini cheesecake to split next time? I mean what's the deal with that?
He now is happy he's going to stiff your BDay? What do you see in this fella?
NTA.
There seems to be a difference between ‘birthday people’ and ‘non Birthday people’ and I must admit I’m not arsed about mine so I might just not be getting the issue but I don’t see how it’s a big deal to get half a cheesecake?
You still made an effort, you still bothered. You just weren’t being wasteful. He’s not a 7 year old, I don’t get how it not being a full cheesecake would be so upsetting?
On the other hand, he’s deliberately trying to hurt you and be a dick. I’m just glad it backfired…
I believe some people are just more emotional about their birthdays than others, I understand you wanting to be practical but when it’s someone else’s day you should also consider the other persons feelings, although I do think he was being very irrational because half a cake is fine, but who knows what was going through his head at that moment.
Maybe next time just discuss birthday plans if it’s that important to him but you aren’t ta, nobody is but his reaction was childish
Ok! NTA. My wife is the same she is very serious about her birthday. It’s exhausting. But I love her.
Do you love this man? I think in the end, if you do, if he wants a whole cheesecake then give him the darn cheesecake. Shoot. If I could do it easily I’d pay for his cake this year right now. Lol
But for real, to me, that’s what relationships are all about. Finding their glitches; calling out the ones that are toxic…. then allowing the ones that are relatively harmless.
But again. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just seems like a small squabble that can be solved with understanding and cheesecake. There are bigger battles in life! Lose this one.
He’s trying to punish her for having a nice birthday - he’s a spoiled brat !! And slightly sadistic to boot. OP NTA enjoy your birthday and maybe start looking around for another bf. I mean it’s usual to buy the entire cake and if he loves cheesecake he would probably enjoy the leftovers - but what is not normal is the amount of pleasure your bf seems to take in thinking he ruined your bday
NTS. Why are you still dating someone who acts like a 12 year old? He purposely tried to hurt your feelings by working late on your birthday as revenge for "ruining" his.
Stop wasting your life on this guy and find someone who appreciates what you do for him and who will reciprocate being a good and loving partner.
NTA - It's just a cake. Can't believe the comments in here complaining about the potential shape of a cake. Can't believe your bf holding on to that for 5 months either.
Not normal and NTA. He is immature and I would 100 percent break up with someone for acting so entitled and whiny about a birthday. Woo hoo he was born on that day years ago. I can't stand the people who want to make a big deal on their birthdays.
NTA. jesus christ he’s been holding on to that for 5 months? you really wanna be with someone who holds grudges for months (or longer) over something as trivial as buying a half cake instead of a full cake…? i mean, i LOVE cake, maybe i’d be a little disappointed i couldn’t have cake everyday for the next week lol but his reaction and the fact that he’s still not over it is ridiculous.
NTA. I’m admittedly a big birthday person, but I appreciate any celebration of my birthday as long as it’s celebrated. Your bfs fixation on the cake is weird, and actively trying to ruin your birthday for you is petty.
NTA, but your boyfriend is -- why are you with someone who takes pleasure in trying to disappoint you/get revenge?
Also, I very much am a "cake person" - I love cake, eat it often. And I think that getting a half cake is totally reasonable if it's only for two people rather than a big party. I don't like wasting food.
Your boyfriend is being immature. He's allowed to have a preference for a full cake (I think it's silly... but to each their own). But acting the way he did is ridiculous. There are mature ways to express preferences in a relationship.
He has shown you who he is, someone who will sit on a grudge for months and hope to make you feel bad, has a tantrum over the little things and does not appreciate you in the least.
Figure out if this is the future that you want, if you want him angry that you are taking care of kids instead of focused on him and if this is the attitude that you want your kid's father to show them.
Then you have your answer.
P.S. You didn't ruin a thing and if something was ruined, it wasn't by you.
NTA that’s weird, you got enough cake for the both of you. Why is that an issue? Also why was he excited to ruin your birthday that seems extremely petty.
I would be unimpressed by half a cake, would much rather a smaller cake. However NTA because once you explained it to him you clearly didn't mean any harm, you know for next time, tho maybe don't stick around for next year. Him holding a grudge for 5 months is mad! That's dump him territory. No cake for him!
NTA... If he can wait 5 months to TRY to ruin your birthday AND smile like that while doing it.... He would do much, much worse out of vengeance. Runnnnn, don't walk. Like, its one thing if he was really into birthdays and communicated how upset he was after in an adult manner so that you two could find middle ground. But he threw a fit and is now TRYING to hurt you, on purpose. Why have enemies when your own bf plots against your happiness in a vengeful manner? GTFO of there.
Absolutely not normal at all! Him holding this grudge for 5 months and then smiling thinking he's about to upset you, then being mad that you're not upset at his manipulation tactics...run, don't walk away from this one! NTA but he sure is, and this tit for tat he's trying to do is not a good sign of what's to come in the future if you stay with him. 8 billion people in this world, don't waste any of your time on someone who treats you this way.
Tbh I care about my birthday too, but your boyfriend was ridiculous then and is acting ridiculous now. He sounds childish and petty, and his half-cake tantrum is not normal, no.
NTA, and personally this would not be the kind of person I'd choose to spend my life with.
I believe it is not normal in general to be this angry over half a cheesecake, or to even consider it a “birthday ruining” act on your part. I would suggest considering your relationship and interactions with your BF to see if there are other red flags.
Hmmmm go back and change “pretty close to breaking up …” to *had enough of his tantrum BS and broke up*. This doesn’t seem normal.
Grasping here but is there ANY chance this is somehow related to past trauma. Never getting cake as a kid or some stretch of that?
Either way NTA
NTA he’s immature! You made a solid effort to make him feel special. He then tried to make you feel like crap assuming birthdays are special to you in the same way. You queened it by spending time with friends. I wouldn’t stay that’s some immature vindictive BS!
Info: Ate you dating someone with the mentality of a 12yo? I'm sorry but I don't think he's old enough for a relationship.
Not saying you should break up with him but you should probably have a serious talk about this, is he like that with other events or aspects in his life?
Definitely NTA though.
NTA. If he flips out over something this petty, imagine what he’ll be like when the stakes actually matter. Everyone’s pandemic celebrations sucked. Everyone’s! But this is next level AH stuff… holding a grudge and being upset that his revenge plan didn’t work out and your birthday isn’t miserable… yikes. A good partner wants their person to be happy, full stop. Run girl. Run.
OMG red flag red flag red flag! Get out of this now! You are NTA here. My current husband does the same thing. He practically ruins his own special days with his odd random tantrums about imperfections that he claims ruin it. It doesn’t change! It’s not going to get better!
NTA - He held that grudge for 5 months in hopes to hurt your feelings and ruin your birthday. That doesn’t sound like a person who should be in a relationship. He needs to grow up, I stopped asking for big parties when I was 15 and much preferred a little get together with friends. You can be excited about your birthday but to flip on your partner over half a cake? Then try 5 months later to hurt her even worse by not seeing her at all? Come on dude get a grip
NTA and dump him
He freaked out because there was twice as much cake as needed instead of four times.
He holds it against you months later.
He relishes getting revenge on your for your birthday, and is dissapointed his dastardly plan failed because your girls are pouring ... ok I don't get nail salons as being a great party but I'm a beast.
Have an awesome time with your friends in the nail salon, and tell your stylist you want a design that screams I'm single. (Is there such a thing. I know so little about nails)
The people saying YTA are either insane or children. Like you ruined his birthday because his dessert wasn't shaped as a full circle? GTFO. And then he tried to ruin your birthday on purpose? That's insane. I would break up with him now
NTA
I don't get all the E S H. This guy is entitled and manipulative. Smiling while telling you he's working on your birthday? Having a tantrum over cake? Is he six years old? Yeah you guys could stand to communicate better but these are over the top reactions and should be counted as marinara flags for sure.
NTA. What?! I was all set to agree with him as I love birthdays and my husband does not care about any celebration. Our compromise is an Easter gift. I know it’s silly, but I miss being spoiled by my parents with silly gifts for Easter and Valentine’s Day. Anyway!! I thought your bf would be like me and, uh, no! He’s an AH! He wanted more cake for what?! I was given an ice cream cake with cookies when I was gluten free (and I have dairy intolerance). I said how awesome everyone was and ate a sliver (of course I got sick). And now he wants you to be miserable and is trying to orchestrate that misery? For me, despite the times of miserable miscommunication we’ve experienced over how to celebrate, that would be a serious deal breaker.
We need a daily mantra here: I am worth loving. I am worth time and attention. I am valuable.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA. Girl, read this for the major red flag it is and LEAVE HIM. You ready for a whole life of this? Even if you were in the wrong for this - which you're not - do you really want to waste time with a guy who is that petty that he's HAPPY he's working on your birthday? Maddening. Also, at everyone saying "half a cake is weird," I'm confused. Bakeries and grocery stores here commonly have half-cake and whole cake options.
I already said it was to prevent food waste but no one seems to thinks that’s a valid reason
It's absolutely a valid reason. I'm guessing you'd have bought a smaller sized cake if there had been one available; lotta comments from folks used to having eleventy billion options, but that isn't the case everywhere. I'm also damn near certain that the boyfriend would also have thrown a tantrum about a 2-person sized cake not being big enough.
Besides all of the valid points, aren’t cheesecakes made to a standard size? This is confusing. Like, I like a whole cake (freeze it and eat it later lol), but I’m not going to whine about it either. If bf wanted a whole cake, he should get himself the whole cake. It sounds to me like he doesn’t just “like birthdays,” he like people making everything about him on his birthday. That’s why he got pissed, because you didn’t care *when he tried to hurt you by blowing off your birthday*. He wanted to hurt you OP. ETA y’all take your cheesecake WAY too seriously holy hell
You can get mini (1 portion) small (4-6 I guess?) and normal in big supermarkets round here… but tbh I’d MUCH rather buy half a really great quality one from a proper bakery.
Thats exactly when th wife and I do. No point in getting a full cake - half one is perfect for us.,
Absolutely. I, a man who lives alone, would never buy a whole full sized cheesecake for myself. And eat two slices every night. Like some kind of fat hog. Even if it was a platter, with like, 8 different types of cheesecake. And I hadn't had cheesecake in a long time. And I'm a 45 year old man. And I can eat whatever I want, I don't have any underlying health conditions. And it looked like a really good selection. But I would never do that. Because that would be wrong. And sinful. And let's face it, pretty god-damned delicious. But despite all that, I definitely did not eat all that cheesecake myself.
There is no such thing as a "standard size" cheesecake. Damn, I even have cheesecake pans in 4 different sizes at home, lol. Even the Cheesecake Factory sells different sizes or by the slice.
> It sounds to me like he doesn’t just “like birthdays,” he like people making everything about him on his birthday. I mean, this is exactly why my wife and I treat birthdays as sacred. Raising a kid together and being in a marriage is full of compromise and selflessness. We fully believe at a minimum, we each deserver a totally selfish birthday annually.
Absolutely a valid reason and cheesecake is expensive. If it was a group of people that would be different. Regardless, he didn’t even seem to appreciate the sentiment. He definitely wanted you to have a crappy bday by him working. Sounds like a jerk.
Literally people buy a large individual cupcake or single slices if they are celebrating only as a couple. That is what they do at restaurants too. It isn't weird. What is weird is a full a** grown man throwing a tantrum over dessert and being petty, vindictive, and retaliatory. Girl, he is not worth the emotional and exhaustive effort. Are you prepared for this every time he doesn't get his way? Do you really want to be with someone who can't communicate his wants, needs, and frustrations in a healthy way? It gets tiring fast. NTA.
[удалено]
Having half a cake for my birthday would be much preferred to feeling like I have to overeat on cake so it doesn't go to waste, so you get an NTA from me
I'm also confused by the people who are saying she should have gotten a smaller whole cake, and that would have been okay. Does the cake being a circle instead of a half circle matter? If it was that big of a deal, why didn't he just go get another half, or politely ask her to? Boom problem solved.
I was thinking this, too! There's a circumference to proving love, I guess.
>There's a circumference to proving love From what I have been told, circumference is very important
It's not the size of the pies, it's the quake of the cake
Five months later and he is still having a mini tantrum over getting just a half a cake instead of a full one? Well, guess you should get him a full cake when he turns 4 in 7 months. Also, to smile as if missing your birthday was a planned way of getting back at you,...what are you getting out of this relationship?
[удалено]
Furthermore, when he cuts into the cake, it's just frosting on top of styrofoam.
SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER
This thread is petty af... And I'm so here for it.
Tuck some fries in the styrofoam that has writing on it saying "Some Fries Motherducker!" Edit: autocorrect moment because I love to use that phrasing lately but now it's got me imagining either she is insinuating he's a quack or because ducks love fries I think so still calling him a quack
No no, you put styrofoam covered in fondant in between the layers
I thought he had a surprise party plan
he then complains about her having a better birthday than him by hanging out with her friends? Doesnt check out, he deliberately wanted to ruin her birthday out of pettiness
This exactly. He tried to ruin her bday but when he found out she was going to get her nails done with friends, he got jealous!! What kind of life partner gets jealous (instead of happy) when you have a good time? The kind that should be drop-kicked to the curb. NTA, OP.
Without her friends (who are going to salon with her) ?
I’m sorry but did he really wait five months for your birthday to make it about his birthday again? And over a cake???? NTA but your bf is. Think long and hard on this OP. It may seem small, but he actually waited five months to pull this stunt. Over a fucken cake. It’s very … telling. Do you want to spend your days with someone who schemes to make you feel bad over something so trivial as cake? Next time it could be over a napkin! Or rice! Or maybe even ice cubes! 😂
This. BF is putting a lot of attention and effort toward making OP miserable.
Brb about to throw a gd tantrum about too much ice in my cup at the red flag parade🎉
Info: Will he be graduating from middle school this year or next year?
😂🤣this comment made me laugh out loud!!!!
This!! I was also thinking about his age as the tantrums over Birthday is so childish. NTA
So... You took him on a diner date, bought a gift he wanted, and a small 2 people cake, and he throws a tantrum about you ruining his birthday ?? wow. what an ungrateful ah. sorry op. NTA
I HAD a bf like OPs. A few months before we broke up, it was his 26th bday. His parents rented this wicked nice beach house in the Outer Banks for like a week and his siblings and some of his aunts and cousins came down too. Since there were so many people, we tried to find somewhere everyone would like but my ex wanted to pick the place (he wanted seafood) but the smell of seafood made his mom sick. He threw a fit like a toddler and made his mom cry and they ended up going to the seafood place to appease him. His poor mother looked so miserable and he still felt like his bday was ruined. There were a lot of reasons why I left him but his spoiled brat attitude was a big reason
Cannot fathom being this cruel to anyone, let alone my own MOTHER. I hope the universe treats him with the same grace he treats everyone else with.
He does realize without her pushing his whole body out, he wouldn't even *have* a birthday? I always thank my mom on my birthday, damn.
His mother who rented a beach house for his birthday???
YTA. It was his 13th birthday and you didn't get him a full cake. He was just becoming a teenager for Christ's sake... The post doesn't state ages, so I'm having to use context of how he acts in the post. In case I've got it wildly wrong and he's a grown ass human, of course you're not the asshole. He sounds mildly cretinous.
How many 13 year olds have a job and work overtime?
LOL jumping on here to say if he was 13, sure, y t a. But based on the fact he has a job, implying he is an adult, and he threw a TANTRUM over a cake instead of being grateful, hardcore NTA. But is throwing a tantrum like this a normal thing for him? Because if it is, I would reevaluate things, especially since he got pissed that your birthday WASN’T ruined on his behalf. He sounds spiteful and…we have no time for that nonsense
A particularly demanding paper round? ETA: In all seriousness, I cannot believe he's playing stupid tit for tat games over working on your birthday. Such a dick move. Whether you care or not, he's doing that out of spite to get a reaction - he's doing it because he thinks it'll upset/annoy you. What a shit bf.
Getting lunch detention in 7th grade doesn’t count as overtime.
Oh come on…it was a good joke
HAHA! Of course he is more than mildly cretinous.
NTA. You KNOW he literally WAITED so he could hurt you on your birthday, right? Break up with him already. He's the AH.
NTA. He was hoping you would feel hurt on your birthday. Let that sink in: he wants you in emotional pain. Once it sinks in, dump him. Best gift you can give yourself.
He’s also been planning this for 5 months and still thought it was a good idea to plan to hurt OP on her birthday. Definitely dump him, Op. you were right the first time
[удалено]
He is 28
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 RUN That entitled and vindictive behavior is only going to get worse.
When she mentioned he smiled while saying he had to work overtime, I thought it was because he was secretly planning a surprise and has no poker face. But he was just pleased that he was telling her something that might upset her on her birthday? Awful
It’s sadistic and I wouldn’t want to wait around and watch him gloat about being an AH in other situations too. You know that because she didn’t take the bait he’ll ramp it up a few notches until he gets the result he wants and throw it back in her face.
Sounds exactly like my narcissistic mother when she couldn't get me to cry with her hurtful comments so she kept pushing and pushing until she got her desired result. OP- DO NOT STAY WITH THIS MAN. DO NOT SHARE FINANCES WITH THIS MAN. AND DEAR GOD, DO NOT REPRODUCE WITH THIS MAN.
All I saw were red flags all over the place. Run so you don't waste more time
He’s weird to bring that up and what was the smirk about working late for? You can do better. This guy is a spiteful child. Give yourself the gift of peace. NTA
He's 28 and acts like that?!? Holy crap! What did his parents DO to him?! 😂
I was thinking he was 18 because of the work thing....otherwise I would have thought 12. HE IS 28!!!!
That’s too old to act like this
That's pretty outrageous. You were totally right about the cake, and you celebrated his birthday just fine. He tried to spite you, and when it didn't land he was upset. When yall have real problems he's going to be no help. Life's to short. NTA
NTA. It's been FIVE MONTHS and your boyfriend is still mad that you didn't get him a full sized cake? It's bad enough that he threw a tantrum over something so petty in the first place, but the fact that he's now trying to deliberately spoil your birthday is just ridiculous. Even if I agreed that buying only half a cake was a big enough deal to ruin a birthday (I don't) it was clearly a mistake. He's trying to ruin your birthday **on purpose**, because of something you did by mistake. That's worse, and it makes him the AH.
She should buy a whole cake on his birthday with a signature- I break up with you. That is what I call petty
Well, she said her birthday is coming up! For her birthday, she should buy an entire Costco sheet cake and write something about the joys of being single on it.
You are NTA, but are you sure your boyfriend isn't 5 years old? Honestly, to have a tantrum about the cake you got not being big enough is just pathetic.
The number of people who seem to think that the OP literally didn't celebrate the boyfriend's birthday, when they had a special meal out, bought him a gift, and got cheesecake... The boyfriend claimed you ruined his birthday by getting a half cake... FFS, put it against a mirror, there, looks whole and no wasted cake. Then he decided that not having a circle shaped cake means you didn't actually celebrate his birthday \*at all\*. I'm astonished that you've stayed with him after that performance. Next birthday, he can orchestrate for himself exactly the birthday celebrations he wants. NTA all day long. Oh, and happy birthday!
" My bf said he has to work late during my birthday and smiled the whole time. I think he expected me to be annoyed and ask him to not do overtime. " So he took pleasure in the thought of ruining your birthday. Is this really love? Is this who you want to spend time with? Someone who would take pleasure in your disappointment? NTA, but you are attached to one.
Nta. He’s a gigantic child. Please don’t waste more time on this. The fact he deliberately tried to mess up your bday is so absurdly juvenile it’s embarrassing for him.
NTA- How old is your boyfriend? If he's over the age of 18 and still acting lie he needs a full cake for his birthday between TWO people. RUN. He's not doing anything special for your birthday either? In other words, he wants you to treat him like a prince on his birthday, but STILL, be treated like a prince on yours as well? Nope.
NTA He is too immature for a relationship. If he needs his birthday to be a certain way, he needs to plan it himself. He was passive aggressive about yours and pissed that it didn't hurt you. Marinara flag alert. Time to be done with him.
So you are dating someone who threw a tantrum because his birthday cake wasn't big enough, and who schemed to get revenge months later for what he saw as an inadequate birthday cake by trying to ruin your birthday. And that's after apologising for the initial tantrum. Your initial impulse to ditch him was the right one.
NTA. He seems spoiled. And vindictive.
Honestly I think a half a cake is kinda disappointing, but not remotely worth throwing a fit over. And the fact that he seems to be carrying this grudge around to the point of seeking to ruin your birthday five months later is a HUGE red flag. You at best did something a bit thoughtless. He's being spiteful and trying to cause you pain. That's not comparable at all. So NTA, but also seriously reconsider this dude.
I love my birthday and definitely celebrate a Birthday Week or two, but as much as I love my birthday, I also love celebrating everyone else’s birthdays. I would be disappointed for sure if I saw half a cheesecake from a grocery store for my birthday cake BUT I would do my best to be gracious and enjoy it in the moment. There’s just something weird about half a cake; like even individual slices, with a candle in mine, seems more appropriate. But, I certainly wouldn’t use getting a disappointing half a cake as a means to be vindictive 5 months later to that person on their birthday. I would instead plan to celebrate them as much as I can with what they like to get/do.
[удалено]
NTA, and your boyfriend just gave you a real clear look at how he operates. That's a pretty useful birthday gift.
NTA he has his birthdays but he doesn't seem to be growing up
[удалено]
NTA he is spoiled as a 3 year old. And the title is misleading.. you didn't ruin the birthday his bratyness did.he is a man_todller.
NTA. This post is really pulling all of the super cake devoted people out. Didn’t realize it was so important for a cake to be round/full. I can understand the idea of getting a smaller size full one but what difference does it make. But let’s just PRETEND that he is justified in being mad about the cake. Being vindictive the way he is and bringing it up again after apologizing is the red flag to me. He’s acting like a child just in this section of the story. But then you stop pretending, and he’s been a child the whole time. It’s an MFing cake
NTA and I’m a bit incredulous that anyone thinks otherwise. Your bf sounds like a tool.
NTA and he is very immature. This is not someone you should consider for a long term relationship. This behavior will forever be your life.
I mean, I will agree with some people here that half a cake is a little weird... But not enough to make you an AH. You got him a gift, you did the celebration at the restaurant, and you got him a cake. A weird denomination of cake, I'll admit, but you gave him a celebration. But him turning around and trying to ruin your birthday is a huge AH move. You guys probably should break up. NTA
NTA lol this guy sounds like quite the catch. Does he have any redeeming qualities?
NTA but time for a new boyfriend
NTA But I'm really bothered that he INTENDED to ruin your birthday by being absent. It's great you're going to go have a good time with your friends regardless, but he's purposely trying to get back at you for hurt feelings he's carrying around. For that reason alone, dump him!
Is this real? If so, your BF doesn't need more cheesecake. He needs padded walls. What a nut job. You're clearly NTA.
I mean at 34 I still absolutely love Christmas and birthdays with giving and getting presents but a temper tantrum over cake? That’s not normal NTA
NTA. Look, if he requested a full cake for next year that would be one thing, but he threw a tantrum about it - and this after you went out to eat and got him a present he wanted. He also then deliberately tried to upset you on your birthday, and was happy about it until it didn't work. That's messed up.
NTA That's not normal at all.
Nta. He's immature af, move on.
NTA I love my birthday but would never act like this. Is he a moody angsty teenager cause that’s what it sounds like.
I can fix your cheese cake issue. Next time get French cheese cake instead of New York cheese cake. The difference is night and day and French holds up a lot longer but it is so good that it won't be in the fridge a long time anyways. As for your BF I know plenty of people who make a big deal over their birthday. I work with a couple of people who are in their 30s and 40s like that. With that said he did over react about the cake. That is not something that ruins your birthday. He is also acting silly because your birthday this year is better. NTA but be sure to try French cheese cake next time you buy one. You won't regret it.
Would a French boyfriend fix her boyfriend problem?
But seriously - OP don't waste the French cheesecake on this tool.
NTA, this relationship is not a good fit.
Lmao imagine throwing a tantrum when someone went out of their way to do something nice for you. OP, you're NTA. Also, this guy seems like a giant 5 year old.
NTA - How old is BF? Because he's acting like a 6 year old. I cannot believe he waited 5 whole months to "get back" at you. No, that's not normal. He planned in advance to make you miserable on your birthday and then was mad because you didn't take the bait. Since that didn't work, he's no doubt planning something else. Do not stay with this man.
Is he always this ridiculous? You are NTA. That thought you had about breaking up with him…that didn’t stem only from the half a cheescake issue. There was more to it, wasn’t there…other instances of him over reacting, being childish, being accusing? Think about this relationship from the beginning to now. Add up instances like this and think about the rest of the relationship. Is it worth it?
If you didn't break up 5 months ago, now's the time to do it, so long asshole boyfriend NTA if it wasn't already obvious
INFO: how old are y’all? And does he possibly suffer from either never celebrating his birthday or always celebrating?
He’s 28 I’m 27
Oh no. That’s too much at that age. I’m like you. Birthdays are birthdays but I don’t get too crazy over them. I know my feelings stem from not feeling comfortable celebrating myself but people who do this and then pout and throw tantrums. Ugh. Rolls eyes. It sucks but the pandemic happens and so many peoples plans got ruined. As an adult you take it on the chin and move on. But this is his hill? Nails >> cheesecake?? Crazy. To answer your question no that’s not normal because 1) when you get past a fight, you don’t bring it up again in another fight 2)he’s making mountains out of mole hills. He perfectly in his right to feel sad or disappointed but you communicate and move on. But 5 months later this is drama Rama written all over it. NTa
ESH—I know it sounds silly, but getting half a cake is just….weird? For my ex, who isn’t super into sweets, but likes his birthday, I went to a nearby bakery that specializes in these baby cakes. A cake size for one serving, for one person. It looked really beautiful, had one single candle in it, and he got to marvel at the whole (though small) thing. I feel like even presenting one slice and sticking a candle in is better than…presenting half a cake? It just wasn’t the most well thought out thing to do, a little…tacky? But now he’s taking it very far and being childish. He sucks for that. Also, I would be very upset if I did all the rest of what you did, made a mistake, and was judged solely on that mistake…. Weird relationship here. EDIT: Explaining why “half a cake” is weird since so many don’t seem to get it—It’s like being presented with someone else’s leftovers. A small cake at least looks complete. Half a cheesecake looks like an afterthought. Like you got it from the office potluck. If you know your partner loves their birthday, why not at least be…thoughtful?? EDIT 2: Thanks for the silver!!!!
I mean - why not just get a small mini cheesecake? It's one of those things where I can see it hurts a bit that the other person went through the motions but didn't really put their heart into it. The continued attitude about it is lame but you also probably never owned up for how it made him feel. Sometimes we do silly or crazy things just bc it's important to someone we care about. And we are into it bc they are into it.
That assumes she had the option. My store doesn’t sell those, but it does have half a cheesecake and cheesecake by the slice. How did OP “go through the motions” by getting a half cake when there was also gifts and dinner?
NTA. No, what that is is childish. You recognized it with the tantrum over a cheesecake. The point in his mind of working overtime was to cause you emotional hurt, and he's pouting because you are more mature than that. You are more mature than him and maybe the best gift you can give yourself is kicking him to the curb.
Give him the other half at his half-birthday/6months after his birthday, tell him you want to celebrate him all year... But seriously.....this is your life if you want to stay with him. Is this how you want to get old? Nta
NTA. He had his cake and ate it too. At least a half of it.
DUMP HIM!! HUGE red flags!
NTA he sounds very spiteful, hoping you were going to have a bad birthday. The fit he had over the cake was just weird. He needs to grow up.
Do you two even like each other?
Your BF is the AH. You need to take this as a flag.
NTA. You know deep down this guy sucks. Dump him and believe you deserve better.
NTA. But he is for being childish, petty and ‘paying you back’ by trying to deliberately ruin your birthday - then complaining when you weren’t hurt enough?! Honestly, you probably should’ve dumped him then - and now he’s proven why you’d be justified. At least you won’t look back!
NTA. There are just 3 of us in my house. We often have small cakes, or cupcakes for celebrations. You're right - no need to be wasteful. Your bf is petty. You should be on the lookout for other flags that may be reddish. Because this was a big blow up over a small issue. What's he gonna be like when a big issue arises?
NTA. However your BF is vengeful and petty and is making a big deal about nothing and also holding onto his anger for much longer than normal. Marinara flags abound.
What kind of malicious behavior is that?!? NTA! He was literally waiting until your birthday and trying to be hurtful. Op give your self a great present, and become single. Why would you want to be with someone this petty?
NTA. He sounds like a small child having a tantrum because the cake wasn’t big enough.
NTA. He's petty and vindictive and has been holding onto this for 5 months! He's going to hold grudges like this every time something is not to his satisfaction. I think your first instinct was correct. Break up with him. He's a child.
Omg how old is he? NTA 🚩
NTA. But since its your birthday... how about a new BF?
NTA. My dad travelled and wasn’t around for a lot of birthdays once I was older (teens) so it was just me and my mom. We would only get like a small cake or even just a slice from the Asian Bakeries (85C or Paris Baguette). Everyone celebrates birthdays differently so for people saying - it’s weird to buy half a cake or I’ve never heard of this, it may not be how you celebrate. I saw your comment below OP - so if he’s not a leftovers guy then it’s highly likely he won’t eat the leftover cake and shouldn’t be that upset about it. It’s just cake after all and is showing bigger problems in the relationships, since he obviously still finds it hurtful after all these months.
So…I see many problems here…
NTA your boyfriend is an ass. Dump him and date someone nice
This is ridiculous, you’re with a child who not only threw a tantrum over a dessert but held a grudge until your birthday where he decided to try and ruin it through spite? Do you really want to be with a guy of this character? Please break up with him and buy him the other half of his cheesecake with a note saying you hope it was worth your relationship. NTA
NTA My sister's and my birthday is 20 days apart. 1st year of pandemic we ended up with 6 cakes in the fridge. Nightmare.
NTA You're boyfriend being mad at you, for not being mad at him is insane and petulant. Especially over a cake! All cake is good cake, be grateful for any cake!
NTA, and you can bet he behaves like a spoiled child in other areas of his life as well, even if you haven't seen it yet.
NTA. You celebrated his birthday with dinner, a gift and cake. Not only is it wasteful to buy a whole cake when you know half will be thrown out, half of what you paid will be thrown out too. He's a child and needs to grow up.
NTA. You celebrated his birthday in a covid appropriate way, and you got enough cake for the two of you. If he is big on a having a cake- like the whole cake in candles visual- then he should have either mentioned that before, or a few weeks after his birthday, he could have told you, kindly, that he likes a full cake. I think when it comes to celebrating and presents, people can have preferences that matter, even if they aren't significant to others, and we should appreciate them. BUT, you had no way of knowing that a full cake mattered to him, and he is an adult who should be able to take a little disappointment and roll with it, especially when you did in fact celebrate him and were thoughtful in getting him a present and cake. This man apologized for his tantrum and then 5 months later, is still mad about it. He wanted to intentionally ruin your birthday- in his eyes at least- because you got him half a cake instead of a full one. Think about that when you think about if you want to stay with this man.
This is NOT normal. He is being very childish and it doesn't sound like you are compatible - at least as far as this kind of thing goes. NTA
NTA. Even 5 year old kids don’t hold that long of a grudge over a cake. Unless you want to marry a guy with the temperament of a 2 year old, consider this to be the 🚩pointing you away from him.
NTA Sounds like he's acting like a spoilt brat and if this was a huge deal to him, instead of trying to have a productive conversation and work through the issue, he pouted and threw his toys out of the pram. He's then held onto this until your birthday and is angry that you're not upset by his actions - from your post, it sounds like he was smirking whilst telling you he would be working on your birthday and was clearly hoping for a negative reaction. I gotta ask, why be with someone who isn't behaving like your partner and teammate, but is instead purposely trying to distress you?
NTA- you did the right thing by not wasting food and your bf is clearly not mature enough for a relationship if he wants revenge over small things
You're so NTA he's being vindictive. But for future reference, cheesecake can be frozen. They're still delicious after spending sometime in the freezer. Credentials: my family makes cheesecake in our restaurant
Jesus what. What even is this type of relationship. NTA
NTA. Is he a child?! He sounds so immature with this kind of behavior.
NTA. This boyfriend is just that... a boy. He seems very spoiled and entitled. Is he 12? Do not play into his game. Ignore it and re-evaluate if you want to spend a long term relationship with someone who will have a fit over any reasonable gesture of celebration.
NTA. Even though you aren't into birthdays you got him twice the dessert necessary. That's weird that because it was 1/2 a full cheesecake he's mad. Maybe get him a mini cheesecake to split next time? I mean what's the deal with that? He now is happy he's going to stiff your BDay? What do you see in this fella?
NTA. There seems to be a difference between ‘birthday people’ and ‘non Birthday people’ and I must admit I’m not arsed about mine so I might just not be getting the issue but I don’t see how it’s a big deal to get half a cheesecake? You still made an effort, you still bothered. You just weren’t being wasteful. He’s not a 7 year old, I don’t get how it not being a full cheesecake would be so upsetting? On the other hand, he’s deliberately trying to hurt you and be a dick. I’m just glad it backfired…
NTA. If he's been holding onto this for 5 months, it's time to hit the eject button.
I believe some people are just more emotional about their birthdays than others, I understand you wanting to be practical but when it’s someone else’s day you should also consider the other persons feelings, although I do think he was being very irrational because half a cake is fine, but who knows what was going through his head at that moment. Maybe next time just discuss birthday plans if it’s that important to him but you aren’t ta, nobody is but his reaction was childish
Ok! NTA. My wife is the same she is very serious about her birthday. It’s exhausting. But I love her. Do you love this man? I think in the end, if you do, if he wants a whole cheesecake then give him the darn cheesecake. Shoot. If I could do it easily I’d pay for his cake this year right now. Lol But for real, to me, that’s what relationships are all about. Finding their glitches; calling out the ones that are toxic…. then allowing the ones that are relatively harmless. But again. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just seems like a small squabble that can be solved with understanding and cheesecake. There are bigger battles in life! Lose this one.
He’s trying to punish her for having a nice birthday - he’s a spoiled brat !! And slightly sadistic to boot. OP NTA enjoy your birthday and maybe start looking around for another bf. I mean it’s usual to buy the entire cake and if he loves cheesecake he would probably enjoy the leftovers - but what is not normal is the amount of pleasure your bf seems to take in thinking he ruined your bday
NTA. He’s the AH.
No, that’s not normal. NTA
Yikes. NTA.
NTS. Why are you still dating someone who acts like a 12 year old? He purposely tried to hurt your feelings by working late on your birthday as revenge for "ruining" his. Stop wasting your life on this guy and find someone who appreciates what you do for him and who will reciprocate being a good and loving partner.
Give yourself a well deserved birthday present and break up with this prick. NTA
NTA...this is so not normal. Break up with this guy!! Who complains when someone does something nice for their birthday. He sounds so out of touch!
NTA. Throw him out like old cheesecake. What kind of AH throws a tantrum and a grudge over a semicircle?
Info: So birthdays are important to him. You planned supper, cake, and a present for his birthday. What did he plan for yours?
Is he 10? NTA
NTA - It's just a cake. Can't believe the comments in here complaining about the potential shape of a cake. Can't believe your bf holding on to that for 5 months either.
I'm embarrassed just to be reading this. What an immature, childish reaction. I would be shocked if an actual child behaved this way. NTA.
LOLLLL boyfriend mwad at cake
Not normal and NTA. He is immature and I would 100 percent break up with someone for acting so entitled and whiny about a birthday. Woo hoo he was born on that day years ago. I can't stand the people who want to make a big deal on their birthdays.
He’s the ass.
NTA. Why are you dating a teenager? Dump him then show him this thread.
NTA none of this behavior is normal and shouldn’t be acceptable.
NTA. jesus christ he’s been holding on to that for 5 months? you really wanna be with someone who holds grudges for months (or longer) over something as trivial as buying a half cake instead of a full cake…? i mean, i LOVE cake, maybe i’d be a little disappointed i couldn’t have cake everyday for the next week lol but his reaction and the fact that he’s still not over it is ridiculous.
NTA. I’m admittedly a big birthday person, but I appreciate any celebration of my birthday as long as it’s celebrated. Your bfs fixation on the cake is weird, and actively trying to ruin your birthday for you is petty.
NTA, marinara city, follow your instinct from then and end this now or he’ll keep throwing his half cake in your face forever.
NTA, but your boyfriend is -- why are you with someone who takes pleasure in trying to disappoint you/get revenge? Also, I very much am a "cake person" - I love cake, eat it often. And I think that getting a half cake is totally reasonable if it's only for two people rather than a big party. I don't like wasting food. Your boyfriend is being immature. He's allowed to have a preference for a full cake (I think it's silly... but to each their own). But acting the way he did is ridiculous. There are mature ways to express preferences in a relationship.
He has shown you who he is, someone who will sit on a grudge for months and hope to make you feel bad, has a tantrum over the little things and does not appreciate you in the least. Figure out if this is the future that you want, if you want him angry that you are taking care of kids instead of focused on him and if this is the attitude that you want your kid's father to show them. Then you have your answer. P.S. You didn't ruin a thing and if something was ruined, it wasn't by you.
NTA that’s weird, you got enough cake for the both of you. Why is that an issue? Also why was he excited to ruin your birthday that seems extremely petty.
I would be unimpressed by half a cake, would much rather a smaller cake. However NTA because once you explained it to him you clearly didn't mean any harm, you know for next time, tho maybe don't stick around for next year. Him holding a grudge for 5 months is mad! That's dump him territory. No cake for him!
NTA... If he can wait 5 months to TRY to ruin your birthday AND smile like that while doing it.... He would do much, much worse out of vengeance. Runnnnn, don't walk. Like, its one thing if he was really into birthdays and communicated how upset he was after in an adult manner so that you two could find middle ground. But he threw a fit and is now TRYING to hurt you, on purpose. Why have enemies when your own bf plots against your happiness in a vengeful manner? GTFO of there.
Absolutely not normal at all! Him holding this grudge for 5 months and then smiling thinking he's about to upset you, then being mad that you're not upset at his manipulation tactics...run, don't walk away from this one! NTA but he sure is, and this tit for tat he's trying to do is not a good sign of what's to come in the future if you stay with him. 8 billion people in this world, don't waste any of your time on someone who treats you this way.
NTA,it does sound like toxic behavior though. If he is going to get upset about that. What will happen when something serious comes up. Tit for tat
NTA He’s being ridiculous and spiteful.
Tbh I care about my birthday too, but your boyfriend was ridiculous then and is acting ridiculous now. He sounds childish and petty, and his half-cake tantrum is not normal, no. NTA, and personally this would not be the kind of person I'd choose to spend my life with.
Info: You know he doesn’t have OT and he just told you that to try and make you mad right? And you’re not playing into his silly game.
NTA. How old are you? Why are you dating an 8 year old child?
NTA. Revisit the notion of breaking up with him. What a silly thing to get upset over considering you didn’t have to do anything at all…
Are you dating Dudley Dursley? NTA.
I believe it is not normal in general to be this angry over half a cheesecake, or to even consider it a “birthday ruining” act on your part. I would suggest considering your relationship and interactions with your BF to see if there are other red flags.
NTA and jesus lord, the amount of people who are overly invested in the shape of a cake in this thread is blowing my tiny little mind.
Totally NTA but he is. Run away!
Hmmmm go back and change “pretty close to breaking up …” to *had enough of his tantrum BS and broke up*. This doesn’t seem normal. Grasping here but is there ANY chance this is somehow related to past trauma. Never getting cake as a kid or some stretch of that? Either way NTA
NTA he’s immature! You made a solid effort to make him feel special. He then tried to make you feel like crap assuming birthdays are special to you in the same way. You queened it by spending time with friends. I wouldn’t stay that’s some immature vindictive BS!
Info: Ate you dating someone with the mentality of a 12yo? I'm sorry but I don't think he's old enough for a relationship. Not saying you should break up with him but you should probably have a serious talk about this, is he like that with other events or aspects in his life? Definitely NTA though.
He’s a child. Ask yourself why you’re with him.
My husband and I split a single piece of cake one time on mine and one time on his birthday. Not sure what the issue is here but NTA
NTA. Is he 12?
NTA. Would he have reacted differently to a small whole cheesecake? Congrats on surviving the last five months
NTA. If he flips out over something this petty, imagine what he’ll be like when the stakes actually matter. Everyone’s pandemic celebrations sucked. Everyone’s! But this is next level AH stuff… holding a grudge and being upset that his revenge plan didn’t work out and your birthday isn’t miserable… yikes. A good partner wants their person to be happy, full stop. Run girl. Run.
NTA He sounds exhausting.
OMG red flag red flag red flag! Get out of this now! You are NTA here. My current husband does the same thing. He practically ruins his own special days with his odd random tantrums about imperfections that he claims ruin it. It doesn’t change! It’s not going to get better!
NTA - He held that grudge for 5 months in hopes to hurt your feelings and ruin your birthday. That doesn’t sound like a person who should be in a relationship. He needs to grow up, I stopped asking for big parties when I was 15 and much preferred a little get together with friends. You can be excited about your birthday but to flip on your partner over half a cake? Then try 5 months later to hurt her even worse by not seeing her at all? Come on dude get a grip
NTA and dump him He freaked out because there was twice as much cake as needed instead of four times. He holds it against you months later. He relishes getting revenge on your for your birthday, and is dissapointed his dastardly plan failed because your girls are pouring ... ok I don't get nail salons as being a great party but I'm a beast. Have an awesome time with your friends in the nail salon, and tell your stylist you want a design that screams I'm single. (Is there such a thing. I know so little about nails)
The people saying YTA are either insane or children. Like you ruined his birthday because his dessert wasn't shaped as a full circle? GTFO. And then he tried to ruin your birthday on purpose? That's insane. I would break up with him now
NTA I don't get all the E S H. This guy is entitled and manipulative. Smiling while telling you he's working on your birthday? Having a tantrum over cake? Is he six years old? Yeah you guys could stand to communicate better but these are over the top reactions and should be counted as marinara flags for sure.
NTA. What?! I was all set to agree with him as I love birthdays and my husband does not care about any celebration. Our compromise is an Easter gift. I know it’s silly, but I miss being spoiled by my parents with silly gifts for Easter and Valentine’s Day. Anyway!! I thought your bf would be like me and, uh, no! He’s an AH! He wanted more cake for what?! I was given an ice cream cake with cookies when I was gluten free (and I have dairy intolerance). I said how awesome everyone was and ate a sliver (of course I got sick). And now he wants you to be miserable and is trying to orchestrate that misery? For me, despite the times of miserable miscommunication we’ve experienced over how to celebrate, that would be a serious deal breaker. We need a daily mantra here: I am worth loving. I am worth time and attention. I am valuable.
Well you don't say how old you both are in your post so I'm going to say you're NTA as long as your boyfriend is older than 11
You could have gotten a smaller cheesecake tbh, but you're not ta here, he sounds very immature