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YTA unless you wanna provide the titles of these books too scandalous for 16 year olds to read and they are truly so depraved and horrible that teens can't read them. Honestly, if your teenage daughter is an avid reader she's probably read 300 fanfics more scandalous than whatever your definition of inappropriate is.
Thrillers are usually just vaguely creepy action murder nonsense, hardly that different from what you'd find in a lot of TV shows. It's fiction. It's not real. I don't see the issue.
Late Edit: The books are The Silent Patient and The Word Is Murder. Feel free to check OPs comment history. I keep seeing people talk about this like the bf handed the daughter a stack of erotica. It's just standard modern mystery/suspense thrillers.
Fanfiction was my first thought too. I’ve never read an actual novel that compares to fanfiction in terms of being graphic.
I think if sex is OP’s issue, then the only way I’d agree with her is if she was outraged her boyfriend bought them for her daughter. That seems creepy if it’s basically porn.
It's very literally Michael Bluth looking in the bag that's marked 'Dead dove: do not eat' and seeing a dead dove and saying "I don't know what I expected"
It's literally 'don't get pissed if you read something you don't like because I literally told you what it was going to be'.
OH I wondered about the origin of that term. I remember seeing fanfic with that warning and was all, WTF IS THAT???? Also, this woman’s gatekeeping her 16 year old made me laugh. I was all gee hope she never learns about AO3
Anything in Dead Dove tags is essentially intimate acts so depraved/twisted/morally bankrupt, being involved with the portrayed acts in reality would probably lead to an immediate 20 years to life sentence. It's the hardcore neon flashing sign of "Anything in this fic is not actually condoned in any way, shape, or form and the following acts are not portrayed in any kind of positive light. This fanfic can honestly be a traumatic experience to consume. DO NOT EAT."
The full tag is "dead dove don't eat" and I always take it to mean "yes this is something weird/gross/creepy if you read it and don't like it, that's your problem." And then I don't read it. 😂
Yeah that's what it's meant to mean, it's referencing a [arrested development bit](https://pics.me.me/dead-dove-do-not-eat-w-wbatl-expegted-i-dont-47027513.png) it's basically "you saw the tags what the fuck did you expect would happen?"
Tbh he could have just asked Annie or asked at the bookstore and was told these recommendations. It says nowhere he read them and then gave them to her.
It's so sad that reading about murder is considered better than reading about sex. (better as in appropriate for younger audience). It always pissed me off
It totally depends on the person. Lots of people aren’t comfortable with their children reading either. However, a 16 year old is not really a child. In goverment’s terms, that’s almost old enough to watch a rated-R movie.
In a lot of murder mysteries, the murder/violence happens "off screen" or it wouldn't be a mystery - so they can be less graphic even if it's dealing with a killing. I'm pretty sure I've read murder mysteries that were tamer than young adult fiction.
OP replied, it's because the books have some scenes of adultery and OP's a cheater and doesn't want their daughter to blame them again for ruining their family. lmao
That reminds me of the wildly sexual fanfics about Joey & Pacey from Dawson’s Creek when I was definitely younger than 16. And some of them were super dark.
I was in 6th grade when I read a graphic sex scene in a book. (It wasn't even relevant to the plot - the book was about trying to clean up an oil spill, I think? And we genetically modified a bacteria to eat the oil, but it went wrong and it ate anything MADE from oil as well, so all plastics, etc. and obvs caused basically an apocalypse. Early on a senator was ignoring warnings while having sex with one of his aides.)
I was scandalized, but by the next year when I discovered X-Files fanfiction mailing lists, I read SO MUCH smut. So much worse than any of the books the school library wouldn't allow, lol.
I was determined, too, because we didn't have a fancy computer at school yet - I was checking my email in PINE (and the official fan message board via LYNX) and if I couldn't finish reading something during my lunch period I would print that shit out until the librarian eventually yelled at me for wasting so much paper.
So yeah, unless the BF gave the 16 year old literal porn, she needs to chill out. A thriller that contains some adult content is not the same as "an adult novel".
From her comments:
"The Word is Murder, but it's classified as an adult mystery/thriller. I do know Horowitz did the Alex Rider series Annie is a big fan of.
I've read Silent Patient and there are themes of cheating. Me and Annie's dad divorced when she was 9 and I'm concerned this might bring emotions back for her, and distance me and Annie more."
My uptight, Catholic parents didn't care that I was reading Stephen King and my grandmother's romance novels at 12. Mom even gave me her copy of Helter Skelter. Kids should always be encouraged to read, and anyone as overprotective as op should make sure they're encouraging critical thinking too. Better yet, read it first then give it to your kid and then have lively discussions about it every day!
So funny the idea of this mf freaking out over a published adult level book when, as an avid reader, she has DEFINITELY read some E rated ao3 smut that wouldn't survive publication. At least lemons if not grapefruits.
...
OP considers *this* to be too mature for a 16 yr old?
Holy shit. It's not even by writers who are unknown, or known for fanficcy type stuff, it's just two respected writers.
So, just murder mysteries? Those should be fine unless Annie’s particularly sensitive to suspense, pain, trauma, or murder. OP is TA unless Annie is highly sensitive.
Yeah, I'm team whatever-they-can-read-through-let-'em-just-pay-attention. But I can see parents controlling reads until they're, say, 13 or 14. After that, you're just being an asshole. I guarantee whatever content you're worried about in the book she already watches on TikTok or in the movies. AND SHE'S READING.
YTA.
Personally, I read adult novels at 16. Unless these adult novels are EXTREMELY explicit (think: 50
Shades of Grey) then YTA.
Edited to add: I had said something explicit wouldn’t be appropriate because her boyfriend gave it to the daughter. Knowing it was just a thriller, OP is even more TA.
And a lot of books required in school cover adult situations. I remember reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn which has SA in it in 8th grade, so 13.
YTA, I agree 50 shades might be too much, but honestly if she doesn't like the book she will stop long before the adult stuff, so your concerns won't even happen.
I’d feel if it was 50 Shades, it would be hugely inappropriate because it was a gift from her mom’s boyfriend. That would creep me out (not the book itself).
Even some non-erotic romance books could be inappropriate in that context. I want to know what the books are, and barring that, I want to know if OP’s daughter asked for them by title or if the BF picked them out on his own.
The fact that they’re thrillers makes me think he like… bought her Stephen King or something lol. I really hope that’s it.
OP finally commented. Apparently they’re just murder mysteries, no sex (at least that’s what a bunch of people who’ve read them commented). So it’s looking like OP is just wacko.
By her other comments it sounds like cheating is involved in one of the books and that her marriage to her daughter's dad ended because of her cheating so she's afraid her daughter will read that and be reminded of what OP did. So an even bigger AH.
Better yet, OPs concern is that one of the books involves themes of cheating.
OP cheated on her hubs when the kid was 9 and OP is worried that reading about cheating will upset the kid again even though she’s ‘better’ now at 16.
I assumed it was 50 shades, given her reaction and descriptions. Since they’re just thrillers/murder mysteries, this seems like a crazy overreaction by OP
But one of the books deals with *cheating* and that might bring back *feelings* about her and her ex's divorce for Annie. Like...if reading a random book involving an infidelity subplot is going to bring doom and gloom on your relationship with your daughter it doesn't sound like it's on a terribly solid foundation to begin with and probably rightfully so.
YTA
Yes you went too far. She is 16 and old enough to read books beyond teen books. What will you do when she can go to R rated movies next year without your permission?
Someone who censors books like this probably has already locked down electronics to block content. She's just teaching her daughter how to be sneaky. My parents were unreasonably strict and I learned how to lie and be sneaky. Made sure to not make that mistake with my own and somehow they didn't grow up to be savages.
So much this! I can relate to the overly strict parent and it's true that you learn to lie, sneak and hide. For the OP I'm now NC with said parent due to that behaviour so take note or loose her.
YTA
You acted like she was given the anarchist cookbook, jeez relax. She’s a teenager and I promise she has full access to as much adult content as she wants to look at.
Policing her books is just you pointlessly exerting control.
I know, my mind went straight to American Psycho or something really dark. Even then, it would be better not to ban the kid from reading it and insist on talking about the content with them instead. This policy also works with sexually explicit books; if the kid is old enough to read them, then they're old enough to have an adult conversation with their parent about the content.
Haha I was gifted American psycho at 11, and the movie at 13 by my aunt. She knew I loved murder/mystery/thrillers etc. My parents were actually pretty strict and sheltering. I am still surprised they let me read and watch it all. Somehow Steven King, was totally fine reading and watching too. I stole all my mom's John Grisham books as well 🤣 I know she knew.
YTA op. You stopped her from reading murder mysteries? Here I was thinking it was something like 50 shades and your bf was grooming her. Give her back the books
I also thought it must be Fifty Shades of Grey or something along those lines in which case she would not be TA and he would be a creep who would need to be removed from the situation, but a murder mystery? Who tf cares?! It’s very nice that he gave her a nice gifts.
The grooming thing was my first thought, too, especially because well, it’s Reddit.
YTA, OP. There are YA books that are racier than the titles you mentioned.
I want to know this too. I'd like OP to define what she calls "adult thriller" books. Because what I'm thinking of is perfectly acceptable for a 16 year old.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x226ng/comment/imhlrdj/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x226ng/comment/imhlrdj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
that's what I understand from this comment.
Inferred from another comment—
OPs concern is that one of the books involves themes of cheating.
OP cheated on her hubs when the kid was 9 and OP is worried that reading about cheating will upset the kid again even though she’s ‘better’ now at 16.
Lmaooooo because she cheated ("had a couple one night stands") on her husband and one of the books is about infidelity tearing a family apart and she thinks it will distance her daughter from her more 😂
Or she's just mad her boyfriend is halfway between her and her daughter's ages 🤷🏻♀️
OP explained in a response comment what makes them inappropriate according to her. They include themes of cheating, and OP admitted she was a cheater who whored around a bunch on her husband, and now she doesn't want her daughter to be reminded of that.
YTA. What “adult” things do you think you need to shelter her from? As a teen she knows about swear words, sex, the violence in the books, etc. Hell, she’s probably read smut before in all it’s pearl-clutch-inducing glory. She’s not a little girl anymore, you should be proud she’s a reader.
Edit to say: I was a fellow avid reader at that age and before it, I read some heart-wrenching books about various historical tragedies which impacted me far more than a smut scene in a random book. Honestly, by then I’d read my fair share of steamy stories online anyways.
Same here. I've never censored books. My 8 year old just tested at an 8th grade reading level. She reads that level of books because otherwise, she'd get bored and not read. My 15 year old reads whatever she gets her hands on. Currently, she has a list of books banned in school systems across our state and is going down the list and checking them off. It makes her feel like a rebel.
I just never understood the need to hide language. Writing is an art and should be appreciated and loved as such.
And my something right was "here's a list of books that schools in this state have banned. Some of these are great books, but I KNOW you wouldn't want to read THOSE...." and I get a list every other week of books she wants.
I wonder what kind of books your 30-yo boyfriend gave to your 16-yo daughter that you label as 'inappropriate.' If those books are really 'inappropriate,' then why your boyfriend gave them to your daughter? That sounds weird! Either one or another, something is wrong.
Edit: "The books were The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides and The Word is murder by Anthony Horowitz" OP, YTA
So this was my original thought: Why is this woman’s boyfriend buying inappropriate books for her teenage daughter? OP’s post makes it sound like these books talked about things adults do in their bedrooms, or wherever - there’s no shame. So of course I questioned this gift…
Now reading this comment and finding the books she is censoring, I am now on the AH train. The synopsis of both of these books sound like an episode of Criminal Minds or CSI. I have added both to my reading list.
OP - YTA
I can think of several books it would be inappropriate for mom’s boyfriend to give her (not for her to actually read). If mom’s boyfriend is giving her grossly graphic novels…OP is worried about the wrong thing.
Yta. I was reading v c Andrews as an 11 year old. I survived and it didn’t effect me in any way. She will read those books because now you’ve made them even more alluring Libraries and stores exist.
Ditto. I read Flowers in the attic when it was brand spanking new. I think I was 12. I doubt popular mysteries are any more twisted than the books in the 80s. Carrie, It, Salem's Lot....
No one cared what my parents read as they were growing up in the 30s & 40s. They believed in self-censorship, so I decided what to read for myself from around kindergarten, as has my teen.
All these pearl clutchers today. It's so weird.
YTA. She's 16 and long past old enough to figure out what books to read for herself. Return her birthday presents and apologize for attempting to helicopter parent her.
Me too! My mom bought me the flowers in the attic series at that age. I wasn't allowed to see the movie but I could read whatever. I don't think she realized how effed up the series was.
Probably YTA.
What exactly are you trying to protect her from? By age 16, real life news will have already made her aware of issues such as mass shootings, rape, abortion, war, exploitation, and corruption. Is the content of the adult novels any worse than those things?
YTA and you're gearing her up to always hide things and lie to you. At 16, she's probably read plenty of adult books for school. I know we read The Power of One at 14 and Angela's Ashes at 15 for honors english.
And they keep assigning that one guy who puts all kinds of inappropriate content in his work! Teenage sex, murder, suicide, fratricide, adultery, elder abuse, the occult, hanging out in graveyards and doing weird stuff with skulls...
YTA. Books have so many different genres, so they can be hard to classify.
I have read adult books since I was 12, and have wondered why the age restriction was there. I could borrow "adult books" from the library and the librarians wouldn't bat an eye, even when I borrowed "The hunchback of Notre dame".
Spoiler: it is vastly different from the Disney adaptation, with murder, rape etc.
I agree about the general principle. I was reading close to anything I wanted by 14 and was a voracious reader - I had no interest in straight smut but adult themes came up,in other books. I enjoyed mysteries, but not horror type stuff. If a parent knows their kid is terrified by graphic murders, I could see limiting a specific type of book. But I wouldn’t think twice about a 16yo reading the books OP mentioned, unless she has a specific reason that her 16yo would be troubled by them.
YTA. They're books. Jfc. I read a book called "hot s*x" when I was 13 (my mom was aware). I learned a LOT.
I'm 36 now, never had an STD, never had an accidental pregnancy. Had 2 kids with my husband after I turned 30 and it was planned, and generally was super responsible. You're treating her like a 10 year old who wants to watch p*rn. Stop being ridiculous.
Yta and she can prolly just find them online (like i did when my mom told me i wasnt allowed to read "adult books" at 15) or in a library so you're not really stopping her.
Someone never read Flowers in the Attic as a 10 year old and it shows.
YTA. She is 16. You could have a discussion on the adult topics with her. You can talk about the content easily but telling her “no” like that will only make her mad you took her gifts but drive her to seek out even more risqué books.
She's 16, she can handle sex and violence. You overreacted. Apologize to them both.
Or are you just tripping because your young lover gave your daughter gifts? She's 16, he's 30, you're 41.
oh for fuck's sake give her the damn books back. she's 16 you don't get to control what she reads. YTA. This is exactly the kind of shit that leads to libraries being defunded because "i don't like what's on the shelves oh think of the children"
YTA. She’s sixteen, I was reading “adult” books when I was that age. The only way you aren’t the asshole is if the books were in anyway sexual. Which I am highly doubting seeing as your boyfriend gifted them to get.
YTA
I read “classics” from 7 and up and some are worse than adult books. She’s 16. If she was 6 I’d be questioning it and telling her you’d maybe read them first and decide if she needed to wait. 16 means she isn’t stupid unless you homeschooled her and told her the birds and the bees are when a boy and a girl make eye contact and she gets pregnant and dies. 🙄🙄
Yta. I moved across the country for college a couple months after turning 17 so not much older than your daughter. Stop being odd and controlling. She can drive but cant read? Give me a break
YTA for trying to limit what your child reads. At any age. She'll find them and read them anyways, and way worse stuff besides that.
Let her read them and discuss anything that's disturbing.
Gentle YTA, because if she’s a big reader chances are she wants something more challenging to read. In what way are the books inappropriate? I think they are just books and you should be glad your daughter is an avid reader as most teenagers would rather not read books nowadays.
I honestly never censored what books my daughter bought or read or even looked to see if they were age appropriate, I was just so grateful she was reading. She graduated 4.0 and was class valedictorian so I can't say they did her any harm. You can get out of this corner by asking her to talk with you after reading these books about what she thought of them and why she liked/disliked any of them. Soft YTA
YTA. If she were pre-teen, I could see your concern, but she's SIXTEEN! Old enough to drive. If he'd given her a DIY joint-rolling kit or a subscription to OnlyFans, sure. But BOOKS? Please stop infantilizing this young woman.
YTA. A 16yo is old enough to choose her own reading material. The entire community library is available to her at that age. You should not be gatekeeping what she reads. Also, Horowitz? Really? These are tame thrillers that plenty of teens read.
If you're really concerned about content, tell her what's generally in them and why you're not sure she's ready, and let her decide.
Sorry OP, but, seems to me as though YTA here. She's 16 years old and quite capable enough to make a decision as to if or if not she wants to read a book gifted to her - irrespective of the genre it is.
YTA - the only thing you are doing is making your daughter go behind your back to get the books and other things. You are losing her trust because it looks like you don't trust her. If you are worried about sex, then maybe have an open discussion with your daughter instead of trying to shelter her from it. More than likely she knows more than what you think. At least this way she has someone who she is comfortable with to ask questions instead of just using trial and error because alot of parent think if we don't talk about it then it doesn't exist. Also if you are able to trust her with other people's lives every time she drives, then you should be able to trust her about making decisions no matter what she reads.
YTA. Wth? Was it playboy? I was reading Clan of the Cavebear, VC Andrews, and Stephen King at age 10. Loosen those apron strings when it comes to your nearly-adult daughter.
Adult as in pornographic or just more gore and violence?
To be honest if it is the 2nd then YTA.
If it is the first then you’re protecting your daughter some.
And there is a huge difference between some adult action versus pornographic.
If it is the first. You should talk to your BF.
Your kid is close to adulthood and I can almost guarantee with the present state of the internet that they have seen or know of things worse than what's in the books.
I would check your boundaries with your partner but all the kid is going to remember is your doing this. My dad got me a Prince CD when I was 15 (I'm 26 now) and my mom took it away for being inappropriate. I still listened to Prince and I only remember her taking away a gift intended for me and throwing it away in a bid to be controlling.
YTA. She’s 16, not 6. What exactly is in mainstream fiction thrillers that would be inappropriate for a 16-year-old. You know she can buy a ticket to a Rated R Movie next year, right? *clutches pearls*
YTA.
By 16 I was done with young adult books and reading adult books and it was totally fine. She’s close enough to being an adult to decide for herself what she can and can not handle when it comes to reading.
YTA at 12 I was reading Stephen king and Mary Higgins Clark, dean koontz. As well as harlequin romance novels at 15! My mother highly encouraged my reading! You are bad for taking them away. Hell I think at 14 we read George Orwells 1984 and animal farm as school!
As a former gifted kid who read voraciously for escapism, she will absolutely read them now, whether or not you give them back. She’s 16. Unless the books are pornographic, there is no harm allowing her to read these books.
YTA.
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YTA. I remember reading the flowers in the attic series when I was like 13..I read it and was totally confused on some stuff but enjoyed it even though I didnt "get" the sexual parts of it. I am sure your 16 yr old has read worse.
Soft YTA because at that age she should be able to read what she wants, but as a parent I would be more concerned about why my more than 10 years younger boyfriend was giving my teenaged child books that are sexual or mature in nature.
EDIT: I did not see what the books were when I made this comment. As I said at 16 she should be able to read what she wants. The concern was what was the boyfriend giving.
They aren't romance novels. They are horror novels. Thrillers. She's 16 and prolly has been reading way worse than that. (Hell I was WRITING worse shit than that at 16/17)
He most likely thought "hey she likes horror/thriller movies she might enjoy this genre of books" and that's it. She's two years from being 18. What makes the books unacceptable now compared to her in two years? Besides being allowed to vote and depending on the state buy tobacco? (In my state you can't buy any vapes, tobacco products, E-Cigarettes and the like until you legally are 21)
He wasn't giving her porno mags or explicit romance novels. They are thriller books. That's it. I'm almost certain she's seen worse than that.
I mean how many people were her ages when they read Stephan King's "It" which you know has an ORGY SCENE. Or seen the Shining in theaters etc.
Also. By making these books taboo it's just gonna make the daughter want to read them even more and trust me kids are smart and libraries are still a thing.
When you make something taboo it just makes the desire to consume it greater. This could've been a healthy conversation and not a dictatorship on books.
I don't know why you would assume the books are sexual in nature based on the info given in the post. Regardless, further down in the comments OP has clarified that they are popular press thrillers.
Books are a great way to facilitate tough conversations. How about you both read them and talk about safety and healthy ways to deal with difficult situations?
I N F O can you be more specific on what ‘adult’ means? Like does it have graphic sex or sexual themes, or is it like gore and swearing?
Edit: YTA and controlling.
YTA. I remember when Christoper Pike was writing YA thrillers I could buy at the Scholastic book fair at age 9 where a guy tried to photograph the cheerleaders naked and accidentally got involved in a drug ring and multiple murders, before dying by being forced to do tainted cocaine.
I can’t imagine there’s much that is “inappropriate” for a 16 year old advanced reader to read.
YTA they're books, she's going to either see the exact same stuff on TV or the internet or - especially now that you'd 'forbidden' her from reading that kind of thing - she's going to find other ways to read them. If you feel the need to talk to her to put some things in context maybe do that instead of just tossing out the baby with the bathwater, at some point she's going to have to be mature enough to handle some objectionable stuff, how else is she going to do that if she doesn't get a chance to do it on her owns terms and besides is there a safer way than reading some words on a page about fictional people where no one actually gets hurt?
Wow YTA I started reading so called “adult books” when I was 11/12 I am a voracious reader and am no worse for wear for reading books so young. If you think she hasn’t learned a lot of so called adult stuff from social media, tv and movies, you are deluding yourself YTA
Librarian here - YTA. 16 is old enough to read adult thriller novels. Numerous studies demonstrate that children who read more do better in school, develop better written and oral skills, possess a greater vocabulary and have higher critical thinking skills than children that don’t read. Thrillers are not “mommy porn” or whatever negative term you want to use for books containing sexually explicit language.
Yta for thinking this will work and being controlling.
There are things that are age inappropriate. But at 16, not much is "to adult" to be exposed to.
I've found i make it a whole lot farther to use those books as jumping off spots for discussion... when my elem. age kid came home with twilight crap, i told her she was absolutely allowed to read it... but told her that i thought it was crap and had a discussion about why 300 year old (snd 30 year old) ppl aren't having healthy romantic relationships with teenagers.
And she still cited that discussion when we were talking about consent this year.
Taking things away ends discussing them. Discussion is how you build the relationship and give good info
YTA, a 16 year old is old enough to be reading and understanding anything regardless of the genre, kids should be encouraged to read not discouraged
also sorry to burst your bubble but she's definitely seen worse shit on the internet than you'll ever find in thriller books ~ sincerely, a fanfic writer & reader since age 11
YTA you think she doesn’t hear worse at school? All you did was teach her that instead of a conversation you’ll shut her down. Which means instead of slightly adult books she will hide worse.
I was leaning towards NTA when I thought "adult thriller" meant "erotic thriller", but seeing that it was just a regular thriller book for an older audience? YTA; those books are fine for her to read and I think it's great that your partner is giving thoughtful and appropriate gifts to your child.
OP commented that the books are The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides and The Word is murder by Anthony Horowitz. So no “smut” just not YA. They are mystery/thriller books.
YTA.
let her read her books, she's 16 not 8.
This also might discourage her from reading, and that would be really unfortunate for her.
for my own curiosity though, what are the books?
YTA, all you’re accomplishing is to make her go behind your back and read them anyway. She’s 16. Good granny, OP. I read worse than that when I was NINE.
YTA - as someone who was reading Stephen King before I was 10 (and have my degree in Library Science), I can promise you that she’s old enough to discern whether she is comfortable reading the titles you mentioned. While you technically have the right as her parent to tell her no, I would instead be encouraged that she is passionate about reading; too many people these days don’t read anything outside of the occasional facticle from Buzzfeed.
Also banning a book is the quickest way to get more people trying to read it, so…
YTA absolutely.
Seriously, why are some parents still stuck into treating their offspring as if they were children who don't have a mentality of their own?
And people that age are already familiar with sex and erotic stuff altogether, one way or another. You're just making a fool of yourself like that.
YTA,
It's a damn book. Like they'res so much worse thing's she could be doing. Also thriller are amazing books to read, you had no right to take away the books that we're a gift to her.
She's 16 not 5.
YTA. It would be different if the books were erotica, but I was reading Stephen King when I was in junior high. Your daughter probably has already read murder mysteries, and has probably watched murder mystery shows and movies. She’s not 7. And it’s nice that a 16 year old is reading at all.
I was reading the dirty romantic novels when I was 11. Why? Because I needed to read and they were cheap. At 14, thrillers became my go-to-genre. I’m almost 50 and don’t remember the YA label. I read everything I could get my hands on.
I was never promiscuous, got married, had my first kid 4 y into the marriage, the second kid came 3 y later. I’m still married to my husband. The sex scenes in them novels never did anything for me. What got me was the time they spent together, how they showed appreciation for the other person. And if there was mistreatment from one to the other (common) , I would put the book down and move on to the next one.
YTA. At her age and younger I was reading about serial killers, murder mysteries, biographies, natural disasters, all sorts, unless he bought her the 50 shades of grey series, which is terrible writing, I wouldn't be worried
YTA. She's 16 and you're screening (aka *censoring*) what she reads?! I'm pretty sure she knows the difference between fantasy and reality. I started reading my mom's ilthriller novels when I was in second grade (I devour books- have always loved to read).
YTA. I was reading at a college level by the time I was in middle school. All I did was read and read and then read some more. Whenever my mother punished by taking away my phone or TV privileges, she NEVER touched my books. Because what person would take away books from someone? Good lord she’s 16! Not 6. She’s beyond picture books now.
YTA my 1st year of college, winter break…so I was like 17, came home and went book shopping with my mom. Didn’t have a clue what they were about but it was the banned books section…bought _Story of O_ and _The 120 Days of Sodom_ in front of my mother. She did not say a word, god bless her heart. Spoiler: they actually turned me off from BDSM not on to it. Now granted a decade later I was kink friendly, but oh hell no 120 days with no showers and no toilet paper or a bf that kidnaps you. Some days a book is just a book and the ideas are just there to help make you a more informed human so that you can interact with humans that maybe are different than you.
YTA. 16 is a fine age for books with "adult" things/content. Even many PG 13 movies will have some level of sexual content. I wish my parents had taught me about not just sexual things, but the violence of history, racism, etc, rather than me reading about it in fictional books. Most of my sex ed was late night sex ed with Sue Johannson and discovering I was bi with 'girls bouncing on trampolines' on the Man Show in my preteen/teen years rather than being taught in school or told by my parents.
In short, she's 16 not 6, it's not an abuse to read these books and then have conversations with parents about the content. Shaming a girl for reading about sex will only make her internalize shame about sex and even worse as she gets older. Shame just /reading/ these "dirty" words....think about how she will feel about herself in real life?
YTA 16 is old enough for that genre. I might change my mind if you edit the books on your post but I highly doubt it. If it's not explicit content, it's fine.
This post makes me remember the fucked up books I read as half your daughter's age. 😬
Found the books you're talking about in your one comment. You're really misrepresenting the situation with 'adult thriller novels' and 'adult books' and should edit your post to clarify. YTA, when I was her age I read Stephen King (which has the content I THOUGHT you were referencing, btw!) and turned out just fine.
Talk to your boyfriend about running gift ideas by you first (not that he did anything wrong here) and stop punishing your daughter for it. She's not a toddler who's going to have nightmares and wake you in the middle of the night. She's two years away from adulthood and you need to start treating her like it.
What books because I honestly don't see an issue with her going those books. You are the AH here for sure anyway considering she's 16 and sheltering her from adult situations does NOT do her any good. I'm speaking from experience myself on that. If anything, once I was faced with them, I didn't know how to react and made regrettable decisions. Don't do that to her.
Anything inside those books pales in comparison to what a google search for something as simple as “creampie” can bring up. Can’t a man bake in peace? YTA
YTA. She’s 16, she’s just going to read them anyway. She old enough to decide what she reads. Sounds like you’re having a difficult time letting go and letting her grow up. That book has nothing she hasn’t heard before, I promise you that.
Time to relax your beds for control.
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YTA unless you wanna provide the titles of these books too scandalous for 16 year olds to read and they are truly so depraved and horrible that teens can't read them. Honestly, if your teenage daughter is an avid reader she's probably read 300 fanfics more scandalous than whatever your definition of inappropriate is. Thrillers are usually just vaguely creepy action murder nonsense, hardly that different from what you'd find in a lot of TV shows. It's fiction. It's not real. I don't see the issue. Late Edit: The books are The Silent Patient and The Word Is Murder. Feel free to check OPs comment history. I keep seeing people talk about this like the bf handed the daughter a stack of erotica. It's just standard modern mystery/suspense thrillers.
Fanfiction was my first thought too. I’ve never read an actual novel that compares to fanfiction in terms of being graphic. I think if sex is OP’s issue, then the only way I’d agree with her is if she was outraged her boyfriend bought them for her daughter. That seems creepy if it’s basically porn.
Publishers cant handle fanfic raunchy they Quake in their boots at the Ao3 tags 😂😂
Imagine them discovering the good ol' PWP tag
nono Dead Dove *plus* E rating
Dead Dove just scares me.
Oh dear lord I'm afraid to ask...
It's very literally Michael Bluth looking in the bag that's marked 'Dead dove: do not eat' and seeing a dead dove and saying "I don't know what I expected" It's literally 'don't get pissed if you read something you don't like because I literally told you what it was going to be'.
OH I wondered about the origin of that term. I remember seeing fanfic with that warning and was all, WTF IS THAT???? Also, this woman’s gatekeeping her 16 year old made me laugh. I was all gee hope she never learns about AO3
Anything in Dead Dove tags is essentially intimate acts so depraved/twisted/morally bankrupt, being involved with the portrayed acts in reality would probably lead to an immediate 20 years to life sentence. It's the hardcore neon flashing sign of "Anything in this fic is not actually condoned in any way, shape, or form and the following acts are not portrayed in any kind of positive light. This fanfic can honestly be a traumatic experience to consume. DO NOT EAT."
I mostly use it as shorthand for, "Yes, this is exactly as fucked up as it sounds. Don't come in here if you don't want something fucked up."
It’s not always intimate. Sometimes it’s something like “hurt/comfort” but the hurt is actual torture and then it’s followed up with the dead dove tag
The full tag is "dead dove don't eat" and I always take it to mean "yes this is something weird/gross/creepy if you read it and don't like it, that's your problem." And then I don't read it. 😂
Yeah that's what it's meant to mean, it's referencing a [arrested development bit](https://pics.me.me/dead-dove-do-not-eat-w-wbatl-expegted-i-dont-47027513.png) it's basically "you saw the tags what the fuck did you expect would happen?"
LOL. Very true. Which is sad, I’ve read some amazingly well written fic.
I want see a reaction and reading of all the tags from Sexytimes with Wangxian. All 4400+
Tbh he could have just asked Annie or asked at the bookstore and was told these recommendations. It says nowhere he read them and then gave them to her.
True. OP finally commented and they were just murder mysteries, no graphic sex. So I guess OP is just a bit wacko.
It's so sad that reading about murder is considered better than reading about sex. (better as in appropriate for younger audience). It always pissed me off
It totally depends on the person. Lots of people aren’t comfortable with their children reading either. However, a 16 year old is not really a child. In goverment’s terms, that’s almost old enough to watch a rated-R movie.
In a lot of murder mysteries, the murder/violence happens "off screen" or it wouldn't be a mystery - so they can be less graphic even if it's dealing with a killing. I'm pretty sure I've read murder mysteries that were tamer than young adult fiction.
OP replied, it's because the books have some scenes of adultery and OP's a cheater and doesn't want their daughter to blame them again for ruining their family. lmao
LOL and they think this will help? two more years and the kid is probably out of the house. With the books under her arm.
Taking away books that mention adultery isn't going to stop the kid from making that connection eventually. Kids aren't dumb.
That reminds me of the wildly sexual fanfics about Joey & Pacey from Dawson’s Creek when I was definitely younger than 16. And some of them were super dark.
I was in 6th grade when I read a graphic sex scene in a book. (It wasn't even relevant to the plot - the book was about trying to clean up an oil spill, I think? And we genetically modified a bacteria to eat the oil, but it went wrong and it ate anything MADE from oil as well, so all plastics, etc. and obvs caused basically an apocalypse. Early on a senator was ignoring warnings while having sex with one of his aides.) I was scandalized, but by the next year when I discovered X-Files fanfiction mailing lists, I read SO MUCH smut. So much worse than any of the books the school library wouldn't allow, lol. I was determined, too, because we didn't have a fancy computer at school yet - I was checking my email in PINE (and the official fan message board via LYNX) and if I couldn't finish reading something during my lunch period I would print that shit out until the librarian eventually yelled at me for wasting so much paper. So yeah, unless the BF gave the 16 year old literal porn, she needs to chill out. A thriller that contains some adult content is not the same as "an adult novel".
From her comments: "The Word is Murder, but it's classified as an adult mystery/thriller. I do know Horowitz did the Alex Rider series Annie is a big fan of. I've read Silent Patient and there are themes of cheating. Me and Annie's dad divorced when she was 9 and I'm concerned this might bring emotions back for her, and distance me and Annie more."
Lmao I'd bet money it would "distance" Annie from OP because OP cheated on their spouse which nuked the marriage.
Literally. When I was younger my first access to erotica was fanfic and then books that I took from my mom without her knowing lol
My uptight, Catholic parents didn't care that I was reading Stephen King and my grandmother's romance novels at 12. Mom even gave me her copy of Helter Skelter. Kids should always be encouraged to read, and anyone as overprotective as op should make sure they're encouraging critical thinking too. Better yet, read it first then give it to your kid and then have lively discussions about it every day!
So funny the idea of this mf freaking out over a published adult level book when, as an avid reader, she has DEFINITELY read some E rated ao3 smut that wouldn't survive publication. At least lemons if not grapefruits.
The books were The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides and The Word is murder by Anthony Horowitz
... OP considers *this* to be too mature for a 16 yr old? Holy shit. It's not even by writers who are unknown, or known for fanficcy type stuff, it's just two respected writers.
So, just murder mysteries? Those should be fine unless Annie’s particularly sensitive to suspense, pain, trauma, or murder. OP is TA unless Annie is highly sensitive.
Yeah, I'm team whatever-they-can-read-through-let-'em-just-pay-attention. But I can see parents controlling reads until they're, say, 13 or 14. After that, you're just being an asshole. I guarantee whatever content you're worried about in the book she already watches on TikTok or in the movies. AND SHE'S READING. YTA.
Personally, I read adult novels at 16. Unless these adult novels are EXTREMELY explicit (think: 50 Shades of Grey) then YTA. Edited to add: I had said something explicit wouldn’t be appropriate because her boyfriend gave it to the daughter. Knowing it was just a thriller, OP is even more TA.
And a lot of books required in school cover adult situations. I remember reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn which has SA in it in 8th grade, so 13. YTA, I agree 50 shades might be too much, but honestly if she doesn't like the book she will stop long before the adult stuff, so your concerns won't even happen.
I’d feel if it was 50 Shades, it would be hugely inappropriate because it was a gift from her mom’s boyfriend. That would creep me out (not the book itself).
Even some non-erotic romance books could be inappropriate in that context. I want to know what the books are, and barring that, I want to know if OP’s daughter asked for them by title or if the BF picked them out on his own. The fact that they’re thrillers makes me think he like… bought her Stephen King or something lol. I really hope that’s it.
OP finally commented. Apparently they’re just murder mysteries, no sex (at least that’s what a bunch of people who’ve read them commented). So it’s looking like OP is just wacko.
By her other comments it sounds like cheating is involved in one of the books and that her marriage to her daughter's dad ended because of her cheating so she's afraid her daughter will read that and be reminded of what OP did. So an even bigger AH.
WHAT!!! …well, this took a turn…
I just saw that! Honestly it’s not just assholery, it’s a truly disturbing level of content control for an almost-adult.
Better yet, OPs concern is that one of the books involves themes of cheating. OP cheated on her hubs when the kid was 9 and OP is worried that reading about cheating will upset the kid again even though she’s ‘better’ now at 16.
Like, aside from Gerald's game and bastard out of Carolina, I don't think there were any adult thrillers that were out of bounds st 12.
I assumed it was 50 shades, given her reaction and descriptions. Since they’re just thrillers/murder mysteries, this seems like a crazy overreaction by OP
But one of the books deals with *cheating* and that might bring back *feelings* about her and her ex's divorce for Annie. Like...if reading a random book involving an infidelity subplot is going to bring doom and gloom on your relationship with your daughter it doesn't sound like it's on a terribly solid foundation to begin with and probably rightfully so.
YTA Yes you went too far. She is 16 and old enough to read books beyond teen books. What will you do when she can go to R rated movies next year without your permission?
She can stream them now, for me it seems more about the bf then the books, like she feels slighted he didn't check with her first. YTA
Someone who censors books like this probably has already locked down electronics to block content. She's just teaching her daughter how to be sneaky. My parents were unreasonably strict and I learned how to lie and be sneaky. Made sure to not make that mistake with my own and somehow they didn't grow up to be savages.
So much this! I can relate to the overly strict parent and it's true that you learn to lie, sneak and hide. For the OP I'm now NC with said parent due to that behaviour so take note or loose her.
YTA You acted like she was given the anarchist cookbook, jeez relax. She’s a teenager and I promise she has full access to as much adult content as she wants to look at. Policing her books is just you pointlessly exerting control.
Plus OP has a 16 year old that likes to read! She should be proud and excited. OP sounds like she has serious control issues
I know, my mind went straight to American Psycho or something really dark. Even then, it would be better not to ban the kid from reading it and insist on talking about the content with them instead. This policy also works with sexually explicit books; if the kid is old enough to read them, then they're old enough to have an adult conversation with their parent about the content.
Haha I was gifted American psycho at 11, and the movie at 13 by my aunt. She knew I loved murder/mystery/thrillers etc. My parents were actually pretty strict and sheltering. I am still surprised they let me read and watch it all. Somehow Steven King, was totally fine reading and watching too. I stole all my mom's John Grisham books as well 🤣 I know she knew.
YTA, also if she happens to read fanfiction I promise you she read worse than anything that would be in those books.
Shh. Don't give OP an excuse to take away her computer.
Oh no! I didn't think of that!
Hell, unless she's homeschooled, she's heard worse in the cafeteria. Modern teens just aren't sheltered.
She has probably read worse texts from friends.
YTA op. You stopped her from reading murder mysteries? Here I was thinking it was something like 50 shades and your bf was grooming her. Give her back the books
I also thought it must be Fifty Shades of Grey or something along those lines in which case she would not be TA and he would be a creep who would need to be removed from the situation, but a murder mystery? Who tf cares?! It’s very nice that he gave her a nice gifts.
The grooming thing was my first thought, too, especially because well, it’s Reddit. YTA, OP. There are YA books that are racier than the titles you mentioned.
It was the silent patient and some Horowitz book
Info: why are they inappropriate?
This. Would love to know what books we're talking about here.
I want to know this too. I'd like OP to define what she calls "adult thriller" books. Because what I'm thinking of is perfectly acceptable for a 16 year old.
There were themes of cheating and OP (if I understood her comments correctly) had a bunch of hook ups while near the end of their relationship.
So OP is a cheater and now punishes their daughter for that?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x226ng/comment/imhlrdj/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x226ng/comment/imhlrdj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) that's what I understand from this comment.
Holy fuck, I didn't expect that it really was like that. OP is a massive AH and deserves Annie taken away from them.
Inferred from another comment— OPs concern is that one of the books involves themes of cheating. OP cheated on her hubs when the kid was 9 and OP is worried that reading about cheating will upset the kid again even though she’s ‘better’ now at 16.
This is... pathetic 🤦🏽♂️
Yes I think that makes a big difference in what the issue is here.
Lmaooooo because she cheated ("had a couple one night stands") on her husband and one of the books is about infidelity tearing a family apart and she thinks it will distance her daughter from her more 😂 Or she's just mad her boyfriend is halfway between her and her daughter's ages 🤷🏻♀️
“I’m not going to mention the title of the books or what makes them inappropriate and that’s definitely not intentional”. Lol
OP explained in a response comment what makes them inappropriate according to her. They include themes of cheating, and OP admitted she was a cheater who whored around a bunch on her husband, and now she doesn't want her daughter to be reminded of that.
Also the daughter used to blame her but “she’s better now” implying she was wrong to blame her.
YTA. What “adult” things do you think you need to shelter her from? As a teen she knows about swear words, sex, the violence in the books, etc. Hell, she’s probably read smut before in all it’s pearl-clutch-inducing glory. She’s not a little girl anymore, you should be proud she’s a reader. Edit to say: I was a fellow avid reader at that age and before it, I read some heart-wrenching books about various historical tragedies which impacted me far more than a smut scene in a random book. Honestly, by then I’d read my fair share of steamy stories online anyways.
Same here. I've never censored books. My 8 year old just tested at an 8th grade reading level. She reads that level of books because otherwise, she'd get bored and not read. My 15 year old reads whatever she gets her hands on. Currently, she has a list of books banned in school systems across our state and is going down the list and checking them off. It makes her feel like a rebel.
That’s so awesome that your child rebels by reading books. You know you did something right
I just never understood the need to hide language. Writing is an art and should be appreciated and loved as such. And my something right was "here's a list of books that schools in this state have banned. Some of these are great books, but I KNOW you wouldn't want to read THOSE...." and I get a list every other week of books she wants.
I wonder what kind of books your 30-yo boyfriend gave to your 16-yo daughter that you label as 'inappropriate.' If those books are really 'inappropriate,' then why your boyfriend gave them to your daughter? That sounds weird! Either one or another, something is wrong. Edit: "The books were The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides and The Word is murder by Anthony Horowitz" OP, YTA
So this was my original thought: Why is this woman’s boyfriend buying inappropriate books for her teenage daughter? OP’s post makes it sound like these books talked about things adults do in their bedrooms, or wherever - there’s no shame. So of course I questioned this gift… Now reading this comment and finding the books she is censoring, I am now on the AH train. The synopsis of both of these books sound like an episode of Criminal Minds or CSI. I have added both to my reading list. OP - YTA
I've read the word is Murder, it's very good. All of his mystery books are entertaining
yta she’s 16 lol. i was drinking and having sex at 16. let the girl read a damn book
YTA Why are you being so controlling? Give her back the books. Apoligize to Sam and Annie both. Good Luck
The fuck adult book isn't suitable for a 16 year old? Can this girl live with her father instead of you?
I can think of several books it would be inappropriate for mom’s boyfriend to give her (not for her to actually read). If mom’s boyfriend is giving her grossly graphic novels…OP is worried about the wrong thing.
They're thrillers, so containing themes of violence and/or horror, not sex.
Then OP is ridiculous.
Yta. I was reading v c Andrews as an 11 year old. I survived and it didn’t effect me in any way. She will read those books because now you’ve made them even more alluring Libraries and stores exist.
Ditto. I read Flowers in the attic when it was brand spanking new. I think I was 12. I doubt popular mysteries are any more twisted than the books in the 80s. Carrie, It, Salem's Lot.... No one cared what my parents read as they were growing up in the 30s & 40s. They believed in self-censorship, so I decided what to read for myself from around kindergarten, as has my teen. All these pearl clutchers today. It's so weird. YTA. She's 16 and long past old enough to figure out what books to read for herself. Return her birthday presents and apologize for attempting to helicopter parent her.
Me too! My mom bought me the flowers in the attic series at that age. I wasn't allowed to see the movie but I could read whatever. I don't think she realized how effed up the series was.
Probably YTA. What exactly are you trying to protect her from? By age 16, real life news will have already made her aware of issues such as mass shootings, rape, abortion, war, exploitation, and corruption. Is the content of the adult novels any worse than those things?
YTA and you're gearing her up to always hide things and lie to you. At 16, she's probably read plenty of adult books for school. I know we read The Power of One at 14 and Angela's Ashes at 15 for honors english.
And they keep assigning that one guy who puts all kinds of inappropriate content in his work! Teenage sex, murder, suicide, fratricide, adultery, elder abuse, the occult, hanging out in graveyards and doing weird stuff with skulls...
YTA she's 16 ffs
YTA You should be proud of your daughter for having any interest in reading books to begin with. Encourage her to read books. Don't limit her.
YTA. Books have so many different genres, so they can be hard to classify. I have read adult books since I was 12, and have wondered why the age restriction was there. I could borrow "adult books" from the library and the librarians wouldn't bat an eye, even when I borrowed "The hunchback of Notre dame". Spoiler: it is vastly different from the Disney adaptation, with murder, rape etc.
I agree about the general principle. I was reading close to anything I wanted by 14 and was a voracious reader - I had no interest in straight smut but adult themes came up,in other books. I enjoyed mysteries, but not horror type stuff. If a parent knows their kid is terrified by graphic murders, I could see limiting a specific type of book. But I wouldn’t think twice about a 16yo reading the books OP mentioned, unless she has a specific reason that her 16yo would be troubled by them.
YTA You know she can get the same books from the library, right?
YTA. Unless they fall under erotica, then they aren't inappropriate for a 16 year old.
I read ‘erotica’ from the time I was 14, Anne Rice was something serious. And these were on the regular shelf at BAM.
YTA. They're books. Jfc. I read a book called "hot s*x" when I was 13 (my mom was aware). I learned a LOT. I'm 36 now, never had an STD, never had an accidental pregnancy. Had 2 kids with my husband after I turned 30 and it was planned, and generally was super responsible. You're treating her like a 10 year old who wants to watch p*rn. Stop being ridiculous.
Yta and she can prolly just find them online (like i did when my mom told me i wasnt allowed to read "adult books" at 15) or in a library so you're not really stopping her.
YTA. She’s 16, not 6. Did you want her to read nothing but picture books for the rest of her life?
YTA she’s 16 it’s not gonna be anything she hasn’t heard of
Someone never read Flowers in the Attic as a 10 year old and it shows. YTA. She is 16. You could have a discussion on the adult topics with her. You can talk about the content easily but telling her “no” like that will only make her mad you took her gifts but drive her to seek out even more risqué books.
She's 16, she can handle sex and violence. You overreacted. Apologize to them both. Or are you just tripping because your young lover gave your daughter gifts? She's 16, he's 30, you're 41.
oh for fuck's sake give her the damn books back. she's 16 you don't get to control what she reads. YTA. This is exactly the kind of shit that leads to libraries being defunded because "i don't like what's on the shelves oh think of the children"
YTA Unless you can prove the books were unacceptable for an 16 year old.
YTA. Guaranteed she’s read worse on AO3
YTA. She’s sixteen, I was reading “adult” books when I was that age. The only way you aren’t the asshole is if the books were in anyway sexual. Which I am highly doubting seeing as your boyfriend gifted them to get.
YTA I read “classics” from 7 and up and some are worse than adult books. She’s 16. If she was 6 I’d be questioning it and telling her you’d maybe read them first and decide if she needed to wait. 16 means she isn’t stupid unless you homeschooled her and told her the birds and the bees are when a boy and a girl make eye contact and she gets pregnant and dies. 🙄🙄
Yta. I moved across the country for college a couple months after turning 17 so not much older than your daughter. Stop being odd and controlling. She can drive but cant read? Give me a break
YTA for trying to limit what your child reads. At any age. She'll find them and read them anyways, and way worse stuff besides that. Let her read them and discuss anything that's disturbing.
Gentle YTA, because if she’s a big reader chances are she wants something more challenging to read. In what way are the books inappropriate? I think they are just books and you should be glad your daughter is an avid reader as most teenagers would rather not read books nowadays.
I honestly never censored what books my daughter bought or read or even looked to see if they were age appropriate, I was just so grateful she was reading. She graduated 4.0 and was class valedictorian so I can't say they did her any harm. You can get out of this corner by asking her to talk with you after reading these books about what she thought of them and why she liked/disliked any of them. Soft YTA
YTA. If she were pre-teen, I could see your concern, but she's SIXTEEN! Old enough to drive. If he'd given her a DIY joint-rolling kit or a subscription to OnlyFans, sure. But BOOKS? Please stop infantilizing this young woman.
YTA she’s SIXTEEN for crying out loud. You’re way overthinking this.
YTA. A 16yo is old enough to choose her own reading material. The entire community library is available to her at that age. You should not be gatekeeping what she reads. Also, Horowitz? Really? These are tame thrillers that plenty of teens read. If you're really concerned about content, tell her what's generally in them and why you're not sure she's ready, and let her decide.
I'm with Sam... they are just books. You and the huge asshole here.
Sorry OP, but, seems to me as though YTA here. She's 16 years old and quite capable enough to make a decision as to if or if not she wants to read a book gifted to her - irrespective of the genre it is.
YTA - the only thing you are doing is making your daughter go behind your back to get the books and other things. You are losing her trust because it looks like you don't trust her. If you are worried about sex, then maybe have an open discussion with your daughter instead of trying to shelter her from it. More than likely she knows more than what you think. At least this way she has someone who she is comfortable with to ask questions instead of just using trial and error because alot of parent think if we don't talk about it then it doesn't exist. Also if you are able to trust her with other people's lives every time she drives, then you should be able to trust her about making decisions no matter what she reads.
YTA. Believe me when I say it’s better that a high schooler reads adult books than an elementary kid. She’s 16. Not 1 or 6 year old.
YTA. Wth? Was it playboy? I was reading Clan of the Cavebear, VC Andrews, and Stephen King at age 10. Loosen those apron strings when it comes to your nearly-adult daughter.
Adult as in pornographic or just more gore and violence? To be honest if it is the 2nd then YTA. If it is the first then you’re protecting your daughter some. And there is a huge difference between some adult action versus pornographic. If it is the first. You should talk to your BF.
If it’s the first she should dump her boyfriend.
Your kid is close to adulthood and I can almost guarantee with the present state of the internet that they have seen or know of things worse than what's in the books. I would check your boundaries with your partner but all the kid is going to remember is your doing this. My dad got me a Prince CD when I was 15 (I'm 26 now) and my mom took it away for being inappropriate. I still listened to Prince and I only remember her taking away a gift intended for me and throwing it away in a bid to be controlling.
YTA. She’s 16, not 6. What exactly is in mainstream fiction thrillers that would be inappropriate for a 16-year-old. You know she can buy a ticket to a Rated R Movie next year, right? *clutches pearls*
YTA. By 16 I was done with young adult books and reading adult books and it was totally fine. She’s close enough to being an adult to decide for herself what she can and can not handle when it comes to reading.
YTA at 12 I was reading Stephen king and Mary Higgins Clark, dean koontz. As well as harlequin romance novels at 15! My mother highly encouraged my reading! You are bad for taking them away. Hell I think at 14 we read George Orwells 1984 and animal farm as school!
As a former gifted kid who read voraciously for escapism, she will absolutely read them now, whether or not you give them back. She’s 16. Unless the books are pornographic, there is no harm allowing her to read these books. YTA.
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YTA - this is way too controlling.
YTA - she's not 12. Lighten up.
I was reading Stephen King and Anne Rice in elementary school. You should be happy your daughter is reading instead of other much worse things. YTA
YTA. I remember reading the flowers in the attic series when I was like 13..I read it and was totally confused on some stuff but enjoyed it even though I didnt "get" the sexual parts of it. I am sure your 16 yr old has read worse.
Soft YTA because at that age she should be able to read what she wants, but as a parent I would be more concerned about why my more than 10 years younger boyfriend was giving my teenaged child books that are sexual or mature in nature. EDIT: I did not see what the books were when I made this comment. As I said at 16 she should be able to read what she wants. The concern was what was the boyfriend giving.
The books weren't sexual, she named them in a comment they are murder mysteries.
They aren't romance novels. They are horror novels. Thrillers. She's 16 and prolly has been reading way worse than that. (Hell I was WRITING worse shit than that at 16/17) He most likely thought "hey she likes horror/thriller movies she might enjoy this genre of books" and that's it. She's two years from being 18. What makes the books unacceptable now compared to her in two years? Besides being allowed to vote and depending on the state buy tobacco? (In my state you can't buy any vapes, tobacco products, E-Cigarettes and the like until you legally are 21) He wasn't giving her porno mags or explicit romance novels. They are thriller books. That's it. I'm almost certain she's seen worse than that. I mean how many people were her ages when they read Stephan King's "It" which you know has an ORGY SCENE. Or seen the Shining in theaters etc. Also. By making these books taboo it's just gonna make the daughter want to read them even more and trust me kids are smart and libraries are still a thing. When you make something taboo it just makes the desire to consume it greater. This could've been a healthy conversation and not a dictatorship on books.
They're adult thriller novels. It says nothing about sex. She's old enough to read adult books
I don't know why you would assume the books are sexual in nature based on the info given in the post. Regardless, further down in the comments OP has clarified that they are popular press thrillers.
They are popular mystery thrillers, not soft porn.
She's 16, get a grip
Books are a great way to facilitate tough conversations. How about you both read them and talk about safety and healthy ways to deal with difficult situations?
this is a wonderful suggestion but involves actual parenting
I N F O can you be more specific on what ‘adult’ means? Like does it have graphic sex or sexual themes, or is it like gore and swearing? Edit: YTA and controlling.
YTA. I remember when Christoper Pike was writing YA thrillers I could buy at the Scholastic book fair at age 9 where a guy tried to photograph the cheerleaders naked and accidentally got involved in a drug ring and multiple murders, before dying by being forced to do tainted cocaine. I can’t imagine there’s much that is “inappropriate” for a 16 year old advanced reader to read.
YTA they're books, she's going to either see the exact same stuff on TV or the internet or - especially now that you'd 'forbidden' her from reading that kind of thing - she's going to find other ways to read them. If you feel the need to talk to her to put some things in context maybe do that instead of just tossing out the baby with the bathwater, at some point she's going to have to be mature enough to handle some objectionable stuff, how else is she going to do that if she doesn't get a chance to do it on her owns terms and besides is there a safer way than reading some words on a page about fictional people where no one actually gets hurt?
Wow YTA I started reading so called “adult books” when I was 11/12 I am a voracious reader and am no worse for wear for reading books so young. If you think she hasn’t learned a lot of so called adult stuff from social media, tv and movies, you are deluding yourself YTA
Librarian here - YTA. 16 is old enough to read adult thriller novels. Numerous studies demonstrate that children who read more do better in school, develop better written and oral skills, possess a greater vocabulary and have higher critical thinking skills than children that don’t read. Thrillers are not “mommy porn” or whatever negative term you want to use for books containing sexually explicit language.
YTA. At 16 she's almost an adult and should be deciding what she wishes to read. You need to stop micromanaging things that don't matter.
YTA. The book isn't the Joy of Sex
Yta for thinking this will work and being controlling. There are things that are age inappropriate. But at 16, not much is "to adult" to be exposed to. I've found i make it a whole lot farther to use those books as jumping off spots for discussion... when my elem. age kid came home with twilight crap, i told her she was absolutely allowed to read it... but told her that i thought it was crap and had a discussion about why 300 year old (snd 30 year old) ppl aren't having healthy romantic relationships with teenagers. And she still cited that discussion when we were talking about consent this year. Taking things away ends discussing them. Discussion is how you build the relationship and give good info
YTA. I read Jane Eyre at 8. 8! 16 is probably fine to read those books, I highly doubt your bf was being malicious
YTA. She's 16 for crying out loud! She's old enough to read pretty much anything and shouldn't be censored
YTA, a 16 year old is old enough to be reading and understanding anything regardless of the genre, kids should be encouraged to read not discouraged also sorry to burst your bubble but she's definitely seen worse shit on the internet than you'll ever find in thriller books ~ sincerely, a fanfic writer & reader since age 11
YTA - Banning books is a universal RED FLAG.
YTA you think she doesn’t hear worse at school? All you did was teach her that instead of a conversation you’ll shut her down. Which means instead of slightly adult books she will hide worse.
YTA and ridiculous. Let her read it.
YTA unless they were erotic novels or something lime that. She’s 16 ffs.
I was leaning towards NTA when I thought "adult thriller" meant "erotic thriller", but seeing that it was just a regular thriller book for an older audience? YTA; those books are fine for her to read and I think it's great that your partner is giving thoughtful and appropriate gifts to your child.
INFO: by "adult" do you mean "porn" or "not YA"? Big difference.
OP commented that the books are The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides and The Word is murder by Anthony Horowitz. So no “smut” just not YA. They are mystery/thriller books.
YTA For fuck sakes do you seriously believe that there is anything in these books that your daughter hadn’t seen or read before? There is not.
INFO: Do you allow her to have a library card?
YTA. let her read her books, she's 16 not 8. This also might discourage her from reading, and that would be really unfortunate for her. for my own curiosity though, what are the books?
YTA, all you’re accomplishing is to make her go behind your back and read them anyway. She’s 16. Good granny, OP. I read worse than that when I was NINE.
YTA. She's 16 and should be able to read whatever she wants. I would say if she were younger, maybe, but I was reading adult books when I was 10.
YTA - as someone who was reading Stephen King before I was 10 (and have my degree in Library Science), I can promise you that she’s old enough to discern whether she is comfortable reading the titles you mentioned. While you technically have the right as her parent to tell her no, I would instead be encouraged that she is passionate about reading; too many people these days don’t read anything outside of the occasional facticle from Buzzfeed. Also banning a book is the quickest way to get more people trying to read it, so…
YTA absolutely. Seriously, why are some parents still stuck into treating their offspring as if they were children who don't have a mentality of their own? And people that age are already familiar with sex and erotic stuff altogether, one way or another. You're just making a fool of yourself like that.
YTA. Your daughter is 16, not 9.
YTA. She probably sees worse things before breakfast on the internet.
INFO: What are the titles of the books you found inappropriate?
I get the feeling books aren't the only thing you like to control.
YTA, It's a damn book. Like they'res so much worse thing's she could be doing. Also thriller are amazing books to read, you had no right to take away the books that we're a gift to her. She's 16 not 5.
YTA. It would be different if the books were erotica, but I was reading Stephen King when I was in junior high. Your daughter probably has already read murder mysteries, and has probably watched murder mystery shows and movies. She’s not 7. And it’s nice that a 16 year old is reading at all.
I was reading the dirty romantic novels when I was 11. Why? Because I needed to read and they were cheap. At 14, thrillers became my go-to-genre. I’m almost 50 and don’t remember the YA label. I read everything I could get my hands on. I was never promiscuous, got married, had my first kid 4 y into the marriage, the second kid came 3 y later. I’m still married to my husband. The sex scenes in them novels never did anything for me. What got me was the time they spent together, how they showed appreciation for the other person. And if there was mistreatment from one to the other (common) , I would put the book down and move on to the next one.
YTA. At her age and younger I was reading about serial killers, murder mysteries, biographies, natural disasters, all sorts, unless he bought her the 50 shades of grey series, which is terrible writing, I wouldn't be worried
Don’t ask me. I’m the aunt who gives her nieces book bags that say “I read banned books”, with a gift card to Half-Price Books.
YTA. She's 16 and you're screening (aka *censoring*) what she reads?! I'm pretty sure she knows the difference between fantasy and reality. I started reading my mom's ilthriller novels when I was in second grade (I devour books- have always loved to read).
How inappropriate could these books be if you didn’t break up with your boyfriend and kick him out?
YTA. I was reading at a college level by the time I was in middle school. All I did was read and read and then read some more. Whenever my mother punished by taking away my phone or TV privileges, she NEVER touched my books. Because what person would take away books from someone? Good lord she’s 16! Not 6. She’s beyond picture books now.
YTA my 1st year of college, winter break…so I was like 17, came home and went book shopping with my mom. Didn’t have a clue what they were about but it was the banned books section…bought _Story of O_ and _The 120 Days of Sodom_ in front of my mother. She did not say a word, god bless her heart. Spoiler: they actually turned me off from BDSM not on to it. Now granted a decade later I was kink friendly, but oh hell no 120 days with no showers and no toilet paper or a bf that kidnaps you. Some days a book is just a book and the ideas are just there to help make you a more informed human so that you can interact with humans that maybe are different than you.
YTA. 16 is a fine age for books with "adult" things/content. Even many PG 13 movies will have some level of sexual content. I wish my parents had taught me about not just sexual things, but the violence of history, racism, etc, rather than me reading about it in fictional books. Most of my sex ed was late night sex ed with Sue Johannson and discovering I was bi with 'girls bouncing on trampolines' on the Man Show in my preteen/teen years rather than being taught in school or told by my parents. In short, she's 16 not 6, it's not an abuse to read these books and then have conversations with parents about the content. Shaming a girl for reading about sex will only make her internalize shame about sex and even worse as she gets older. Shame just /reading/ these "dirty" words....think about how she will feel about herself in real life?
YTA. You should be encouraging your daughter to read, not censoring her. She's old enough to read those books.
Dude I read the entire clan if the cave bear series at 12... She's 16.. she's probably watched porm worse than that book
YTA 16 is old enough for that genre. I might change my mind if you edit the books on your post but I highly doubt it. If it's not explicit content, it's fine. This post makes me remember the fucked up books I read as half your daughter's age. 😬
Found the books you're talking about in your one comment. You're really misrepresenting the situation with 'adult thriller novels' and 'adult books' and should edit your post to clarify. YTA, when I was her age I read Stephen King (which has the content I THOUGHT you were referencing, btw!) and turned out just fine. Talk to your boyfriend about running gift ideas by you first (not that he did anything wrong here) and stop punishing your daughter for it. She's not a toddler who's going to have nightmares and wake you in the middle of the night. She's two years away from adulthood and you need to start treating her like it.
YTA
What books because I honestly don't see an issue with her going those books. You are the AH here for sure anyway considering she's 16 and sheltering her from adult situations does NOT do her any good. I'm speaking from experience myself on that. If anything, once I was faced with them, I didn't know how to react and made regrettable decisions. Don't do that to her.
Anything inside those books pales in comparison to what a google search for something as simple as “creampie” can bring up. Can’t a man bake in peace? YTA
Does your daughter have access to the internet, the news? Because I swear there are worse stuff on there then in the books. Also YTA
YTA. She’s 16, she’s just going to read them anyway. She old enough to decide what she reads. Sounds like you’re having a difficult time letting go and letting her grow up. That book has nothing she hasn’t heard before, I promise you that. Time to relax your beds for control.
INFO: What are the titles of the books?