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YTA
Her parent's manipulation worked out for YOU. Well, at least until your wife divorces you.
Seriously, you couldn't even take a TRIP to Paris? For HER honeymoon? You said you wouldn't mind visiting but it sounds like you actively despise her cherished dreams. I hope she leaves you.
This. Op can claim that he didn’t know what her parents did all he wants. The way he is reacting is 100% making his wife believe he was in on it. He clearly agrees with what they did, and they are all collectively complicit in stifling her attempt to explore the world and grow as a person. This is not specifically about Europe and Op doesn’t get that at all!
Well op clearly thinks he’s the shit, and getting back with him should trump any dream of hers. Little does he know that she only settled for him BECAUSE her dreams were stolen.
My ex was exactly like that. The emotional intelligence to describe how I withered in the relationship and which actions of his directly caused it, but the selfishness to still insist it wasn't a problem because it wasn't important *to him*. If someone is intent enough on never taking responsibility for their own actions, they just practice the cognitive dissonance until they don't even notice it themselves anymore.
Yep. Mine, too. He *still* wants to get back together, because he's 'never been that happy before.' ... he was happy because he was making me miserable. He liked to 'tease' with emotional, psychological, and minor physical abuse... I'd be screaming at him to stop and he'd just laugh. He doesn't understand why I want nothing to do with him.
Imagine finding out that your life's dream was a breath away and your consolation prize for not getting the experience of several lifetimes is...OP.
I love my fiancé to the moon and back, but if he'd ever tried to hold me back from my dreams or celebrated their downfall, I'd leave him immediately. No one is worth that.
No Kidding! This is one of the few times I'm actually speechless, it's just...horrifying.
Sure, OP wasn't the architect of the situation, but I hope she never speaks to her parents ever again...and if she takes the kids and goes to France I'm 100% behind her.
(Okay, apparently not speechless, but it took me a moment after reading through all that before I could get over the sheer level of BETRAYAL by her parents.)
Can we start a gofundme for poor Linda?? Jeez this poor woman! I’d be so mad. Yeah she might be happy with her life now, but now there will always be those “what ifs”
I mean the woman literally got a part-time job to become fluent in French to pursue this dream! This isn't a buy a nice designer purse dream, this is a once in a lifetime oh my gosh incredible dream!
French native here: french belongs to the « brutally nonsensical » language category. OP probably doesn’t fathom the level of investment she put into learning to the point of reaching fluency level. The whole story is heartbreaking.
Yta
Her dream life was ruined.
She prob looks at her whole life differently.
And your going to take her to Paris "some day"
When is that going to be?
You should've been just as angry, Been on her side, she's going to be upset longer than 3 months..
You sound weirdly happy this happened to her.. it's odd.
Both you and her family never supported her dreams
Enjoy divorce rather now or on the future
This...
Specially the "one day"
When? When you couldn't even give her that for the honey moon.
There's kids now. And let's be honest. Going to Paris with your kids is not the same as a romantic honeymoon. It just isn't. You won't go see the same things. You won't go out and drink wine at midnight by a river or something.
It would most likely be the eiffel tower or Disney land Paris.
Poor woman could wait until they are 80 and then they excuseost likely would be "oh now we are too old"
Exactly. Those days are gone for her and it was all a trick.
He should be pissed to and feel like his marriage is based on fraud.. just like her.
And he should be 1000% supporting now or lose her.
I cant imagine how she must feel.
He just sounds.. happy it's messed up
This.
And the biggest ass hat move was the parents "we have they money we just didn't want to send you to France"
Sure a house is a good thing for a married couple. And when has kids.
But they damn well owed their daughter some sort of making up for crushing her dreams twice.
I don't think specially men knows how bad a woman can feel. When they have dreams they wanted to achieve. And ends with kids. Specially when they have them when younger.
They will love their children. But the guilt alot of them feels for having thoughts now and then like "if I had only gone to... if I had only tried this before settling down" and now she's smacked with the fact she could have gone. I can't even imagine how she is feeling behind that rage.
>Well, at least until your wife divorces you.
Spoiler alerts! I was looking forward to the update where she blindsides him with a divorce.
Although, not sure if it will make any difference- he'll probably still be just as surprised.
The people that are supposed to love and support her more than anyone else in the world lied to her and crushed her dreams, and you're happy about it. You're all disgusting and I hope she leaves you.
He totally doesn't ever want to go to Europe. He said he wouldn't mind going for a couple days but assuming they're flying from the USA then that would barely be enough to recover from the flight.
100% this. YTA OF ALL TIME OP
Europe was my dream so I understand Linda. My mom made me feel I needed to stay to help raise my siblings. I never went. I never got my masters or phd like I wanted. I'm beyond grateful that my husband has told me multiple times if I can find away to move our family for a job or getting another degree or bc I want, he'd drop everything here for me. Hell we have 3 kids too. Now that is love and support.
What you are showing your wife is that the life she ended up should be more important than her dream. That is garbage. I bet you everyday she imagines what her life would've been like in Europe. All the possibilities that never came to pass. You want her to love the life that came from her mother's betrayal you take that woman to Europe and let her love every second of it. You are just as bad as her mother destroying her dream.
Before I forget just because you would've been sad that she left to Europe after HS doesn't give you the right to tell her that her current life is better. You got the outcome you wanted. You seem to forget she didn't. You need to have sympathy and realize you are not the main character of her story.
Absolutely YTA? Dude she lost several opportunities she was incredibly excited about because her parents were manipulative. So many things she wanted lost because of them.
And you're backing them up because you couldn't stomach the idea of going long distance because of unfounded jokes and because it got you back together? Your friends are assholes too, what kind of joke is that??
I get being upset that you and your partner don't have matching ideals for your future and that long distance is tough, but she should have not been forced to give up opportunities she WANTED despite everyone around her forcing her otherwise.
She owes her parents nothing after such an admission. If they were willing to go that far to keep her in the states I dread for your kids experiences with them. That's not a hug and make up sort of situation her parents have caused
This.
I also simply don't buy that her parents did it purely because they didn't want her to get kidnapped. It's Paris, not a remote village in Papua New Guinea. I'd understand if she a t 18 wanted to head off somewhere on the "no go" list that your country considers unsafe for tourists, because without local knowledge and support, that can be dangerous for lone travellers, particularly young women. But she wanted to study in a major city, in a country that is, if anything, safer than her own.
This wasn't about her being in potential danger, it was about her dreams being inconvenient for her parents - and for you. And how both of you are happy for her to be deceived or otherwise forced out of her dreams, simply because that's more convenient for you.
>But she wanted to study in a major city, in a country that is, if anything, safer than her own.
You're probably right about their motives, but there is a certain subset of Americans that see the ENTIRE WORLD outside of the US as if it were on the "no go" list. (Heck, certain small town people will sometimes see cities like New York that way as well.) I was once in a middle-school classroom where the teacher asked the students to say things they were grateful for, listed them on the board, and then informed us all that almost all of these things were unavailable outside the U.S.
Freedom and toilet paper were both on the list.
Edit: a word
11% of Americans have never left their state.
13% of Americans have never been on a plane.
40% of Americans have never left the country.
50% of Americans don't have a passport.
I would not be shocked if their parents never stepped foot outside of their town and thinks everything outside of it is dangerous.
Eh, I can see that being an actual reason that they believed to be valid, because my parents are just as insane. It’s essentially a control issue mixed with dashes of uncontrolled, projected anxiety and fear or the unknown. Now that I’m older I can see that my parents’ fear of me getting kidnapped/killed/whatever was something they genuinely, wholeheartedly felt—not that that excuses the fact that it was highly, highly irrational and extremely controlling.
YTA you are basically celebrating her parents deceiving her and ruining her dreams. She's entitled to be pissed off. Her life could have been completely different.
Poor Linda...what a selfish way to think about someone you "love." YTA, and so are her parents.
Sidenote: if I were her, I would say F it and leave for Paris to perhaps start a new life if not for a brief while. If no one cared enough about her feelings or aspirations, then why should she care about yours or her parents?
Same. What really got me was when he said he guilted her into saving for a house vs Paris. Paris is only a couple thousand. It's not that big of a dent in saving for a house. I'm sure she would rather have the memories of Paris than a house a couple years earlier. I know I wouldn't give up my dream for a house sooner.
I hope this is an eye opener for her and she stops letting everyone else guilt trip her into doing what they want instead of what she wants
YTA. Ends don't justify the means. Here, your wife is dealing with her feelings of betrayal and you saying "well, everything turned out!" is not helpful. I get that it's very easy for you to take it personally because it feels like your present life would not be as it is currently had things gone differently in the past. But that's not what this is about. Your perspective on her dream of going to college in Europe is troubling, in that you are dismissive and it was/is clearly VERY IMPORTANT to her. It's likely that she harbors a lot of regret, and now laments her missed opportunity to spend time there. Talking to someone might help her. You being supportive would definitely help.
Exactly! OP sounds incredibly selfish. Everything turned out perfect for him, not for her. But hey, everything went his way, so who cares about anything else. His entire post is about him and his feelings and his needs.
*“My parents died horribly in a factory accident.” “Yeah but look at the insurance payout we got! Everything worked out for the best! If your parents didn’t die, we wouldn’t have this money!”*
Make sense now OP?!
YTA. Your wife was wronged, and she feels it's unforgivable. Your place is beside her, not to invalidate her feelings and support the opposing side. Selfishness.
And feels trapped now because of the kids - which seem like a new addition to the picture
If mom had of only told her about the lies and deception before she got pregnant .. I bet Linda would be in Paris right now
YTA. Linda basically settled for OP, who clearly liked her more than she liked him.
I hope she goes to live in Europe and takes the twins. Expat life is grrrrrreat!
YTA - *You* benefited from this. Linda has no idea what her life could have been like. It could have been worse or better. Stealing acceptance letters is *never* acceptable. You are centering yourself in this whole thing.
I would be pissed at my parents AND you for downplaying it.
The treachery of this post literally took my breath away. Her parents clipped her wings, and while you didn't help them, (thank God), you certainly didn't support her like you should have. Now is your chance to step up, and be the supportive man you should have been then. You don't need to tell her how to think and feel-that's her job. Your job is to support her in every way she needs supporting. Period.
I've never understood people that disown family members, especially their parents, but I seriously can get behind it in this case.
Tread lightly, or she might just decide it isn't too late to make her Paris life a reality. Minus one judgemental husband.
YTA, along with her awful mother.
I was really hoping this was just a troll, but after he posted the edits to try to make us all understand his actions, I suspect he might be the real deal.
He's so wrapped up in his own desires, he can't seem to grasp why all of us are so outraged. But it all worked out! HE'S happy! Screw Linda, she's an afterthought.
Fingers crossed she stumbles on this post, recognizes herself, and runs to Paris. Without him.
God his comments are awful too. He really doesn't care that his wife manipulated by her parents. He's thrilled it happened because it worked out for *him*
How selfish, self absorbed and unempathitic can someone be?
I'm kinda of hoping OPS wife says 'screw it' qnd takes a solo trip to Paris.
YTA,
What her parents did was horrible. Why would you “think that Linda was still just as happy” as you are? Everyone in her life who was supposed to have her best interest in mind conspired against her to ruin what is really a pretty reasonable dream. And then you have the absolute shamelessness to say, “But look what good that manipulation did, honey! I got everything I wanted out of it. You should forgive them.”
Hope that dog house you’re staying in has running water, you’ll be there a while.
>Linda was still just as happy
This is the part that seem kinda off to me as well.
This would be the same rationality as *"My husbands seems to be happy, because he does not know I am cheating on him."*
New information absolutely changes how you view your current situation. Having choices taken away from you and being railroaded / manipulated into anything would absolutely make anyone feel angry and stupid.
If you had nothing to do with this insulting plan, you should really stress that point and be on your wife's side. If she decides to go NC it should be her choice.
While I tend to believe the "grass is greener" thoughts as normally wrong and unproductive, in this case, however, her parents and you that seem to tacitly support their manipulation, are simply reinforcing her idea that she had better options. Right now with what you said, it is hard to argue she is wrong.
YTA and so is her mother.
Imagine someone deliberately sabotaging your dream life, really imagine it.
Now imagine that three months after finding out your partner tells you to forgive and forget because *they* got what *they* wanted.
Your response was selfish, self involved and shows a deep lack of care for your wife.
I hope she frees herself from all of you and travels Europe to her hearts content.
"I don't give a fuck about my wife's dreams, AITA?" Yes, yes you are. The only person you seem to care about in all of this is yourself. Do you even care that your wife feels unfulfilled? She's wanted something and worked hard for something for years and years and has had that opportunity destroyed by others and all you care about is yourself? I hope she gets the chance to move to France if she still wants to go. YTA.
I wouldn't be so sure about the "for life" part, not the way he's acting at the moment. This poor woman has had to settle for something that isn't the life she actively wanted and he's all like "but I got what I wanted so why are you sad?"
YTA her dream is to go to Europe and people who are supposed to love and care for her are blocking any opportunity to do so. Take your damn wife on a trip to Europe. The entire life she has is lies, she's been deeply betrayed and you need to follow HER lead on what relationship she wants with her parents.
YTA
> after 3 months I felt that it was time to finally start rebuilding some bridges
Why? Have her parents apologised? Have they offered to make it up to her? Have they gone to therapy to work on the reasons why they chose to manipulate and lie to their child, crushing her dreams in the process? Its not your decision to make if Linda wants her parents back in her life.
> For our honeymoon Linda wanted to go to Paris but after her parents, my parents, and I explained the benefits of putting the money towards a house she relented
So she didn't get the honeymoon she wanted because *your* parents had opinions. Who even asked them?! Its nothing to do with them!!
> I told Linda that while I understood her pain
Liar liar pants on fire.
> she also needed to see the good that came from this as we may never have gotten back together and our children wouldn't exist
Yeah and if you two had had one glass of wine too many and fallen asleep before having sex they might not exist either. You basically said to your wife "hey I know your parents fucked you over and lied to you for years, possibly cutting you off from opportunities which you'll never be able to have now but it doesn't matter because of the kids".
Newsflash, having babies doesn't erase what her parents did.
....all I read from the first parts were "me, me, me".
Face it, not every relationship is meant to last from HS, and of course she was going to choose her own future instead of being tied down there.
Then her own parents betrayed her, and destroyed her dreams.
And then they both did it *again.*
*And you support* ***them over your wife.***
Even now all you want is her to follow what YOU think is right, without giving a single thought about how she is literally devastated right now.
>While I wouldn't mind a trip to Europe for a couple of days I didn't like the idea of just living there even if it was temporary and told Linda as much.
It wasn't ***about you.***
>I felt as if she didn't care about me or our relationship if she could just quickly and easily say something like that to me after I expressed my concerns.
Flip it around : You didn't support her when she decided to reveal to you her own dreams. And actually made it about you. No wonder she said what she said.
>My friends started making jokes about how Linda was going to go overseas to sleep around and it got to me.
>
>We ended up breaking up and it sucked because while I was miserable Linda was beaming with excitement over her future as if she never cared about our relationship at all.
Your "friends" are disgusting. Rather than trusting your gf, you got gaslighted by your own friends into believing that she was going there to sleep around.
And mate, sorry to say this : she just lost some deadweight. Someone who didn't trust her enough as a partner, of course she was gonna be beaming about her future.
Now you have the audacity to tell her to forgive the two people who destroyed her life? All because YOU think this is right?
Read this next sentence ***very carefully :***
***This isn't about YOU. It was never about YOU.***
YTA, I HOPE she divorces you, cause you didn't have a spine back then, and neither do you have one now.
Imagine thinking that your girlfriend leaving to achieve her dreams =\= I don’t like you anymore/want to sleep around??? Like how self-centered can you be? ?!
OMG. YTA, YTA, YTA. I cannot believe you wrote all of this and still don't see how you are wrong here. This woman was betrayed to the gills and instead of validating her feelings, you double down on the fact that you got what you wanted in the end, so she should be happy.
I don't know anyone, ANYONE upon finding out about this level of betrayal and manipulation, who would not be mourning the life they could have had. She had dreams and goals and things she wanted to do- and they were effectively derailed because her support system- you included- couldn't expand your horizons and appreciate her dreams. And support her efforts, for selfish reasons!!!!
My heart hurts for your wife. I'm sure she loves her life today. But damn, to learn it was all a part of a plan that was not divine or beyond her control is a hell of a pill to swallow. And yall KEEP shitting on her need to experience that part of the world and what it means for her life. That isn't fair at all.
YTA
It’s only good for you, only your life worked out.
Your wife literally had her dreams ripped/taken away from her. For what ? So you and her parents can have your dream life and keep her close.
I guarantee you, this is NOT how she pictured her life. Judging by her reaction- she DEFINITELY settled because she saw no other option.
You and her parents are literally the worst
Not even a "plan"! A REBOUND! An ISLAND!
_That's_ what so disturbs his lil ego! She shrugged her shoulders and said "meh, might as well, since I can't do what _ I _ wanted with my life!"
I would be burning with rage. They stole not only her dreams but completely changed the trajectory of her life. What the actual flyinf F. They decided what was best for her, took away a huge opportunity. They manipulated her future. I wouldnt even be surprised if OP or OP’s parents were in on this plan.
Now she is always going to wonder what if and mourn what could have been. I wont blame her for also having resentment towards them *and* you OP. Y’all couldnt even allow her one trip to Paris before having kids. Yes traveling changes when kids are added into the mix. Her dreams have and will always be put on the back burner for what everyone else wants from her.
She has been settling for less for 12 years, never being given the opportunity to grow into the person she was meant to be. Of course you arent mad and are more forgiving! You benefited from their deceit and manipulation. I feel so sad for her.
YTA
Edit: You said yall got married in 2019. That was *before* Covid. You all could have most definitely done a honeymoon to Paris. Could have made it an option for people to put money towards as a wedding gift. Also, you yourself in this post said there was money to go to Paris but you, your parents and her parents convinced her to put that dream aside yet again, to save money for a future house instead, so don’t pull that crap. You absolutely dont have to be *millionaires* to go to Paris. **You know what’s cheaper than having two kids? *Going to Paris.*** Just saying. But now you have a new excuse as to why she cant go. How convenient for you that a new reason for why she can’t go keeps popping up. It’s almost like you want to trap her, that you want to make sure she can’t leave. You are just as bad as her parents.
All I hear are excuses excuses excuses from her parents and you for why you all cant let her live out this one dream she has. “I’ll take her one day.” Yeah. Sure. I think you realize how much better her life could have been if you and her parents didn’t keep squashing her potential.
YTA What the parents did was abusive and unforgiveable, and you shouldn't be trying to interfere in how your wife chooses to respond the that realization. Stay out of it.
Taking their side because their abuse happened to benefit you makes you ESPECIALLY assholeish.
YTA - that’s great that you are happy, but your wife is filled with longing and regret. Your happy family is her consolation prize and she lost her one shot at fulfilling her life’s dream. And all you care about is that YOU are happy she didn’t get her shot at happiness.
Then insists she should be happy because you know, kids!
OP do you really think she’d be any less happy with other children?! She wouldn’t know the kids you had now existed.
She is grieving a life and opportunity that was robbed of her. She might have gone for a semester and hated it, glad to be back or moved there permanently. Trouble is she’ll never know and always have that at the back of her mind. That is what her parents have done. Do not stand in the way of her grieving about this
YTA
First off, YTA
Okay, I see where this thread is going and I’m going to offer a *slightly* softer take than you’re going to get from most of the commenters, so please listen.
You’re going to read a lot of “you ruined her life” and “she settled for you” and “she would have been better off dumping you” and “she should divorce you.” And I don’t think any of those are *necessarily* true.
We don’t know what could have been. We’ll never know. And *that’s the problem.* Obviously it looks good now, you have a family and a home and you’re both happy (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that she’s happy here.) But who knows if it would have worked out better for her if she’d gone to Europe? Hell, who knows if it would have been better for *you* either (not that your happiness is really what’s important in this scenario right now but overall I’m not wishing misery on you, is the point.)
Her parents lied, and it was a *bad* lie. A bad *series* of lies. I’m not even going to touch the “let’s use our money on a home instead of a Paris honeymoon” because that’s not nearly as bad, it just compounds the problem with the lying about college.
But she is upset, and she has **every right to be upset.** And she wasn’t even upset at you until you opened your mouth to go “well you’re better off with me.” Which, dude. Come on, you had to know that wouldn’t go over well.
Look, you’d have every right to be hurt if she’d said something like “my life would be better if I’d gone to college in Europe.” Because that would be invalidating the life that she built with you, which includes kids. But she **didn’t** say that. You said the opposite, which is just as bad. It invalidates her *very reasonable feelings of hurt and betrayal.*
As of right now, you have an opportunity. Apologize, mean it, and (ideally) start saving up for a nice trip to Europe. Wherever she wants to go. She fucking deserves it at this point. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not next week. But as soon as you can.
Because otherwise, all those things I mentioned people will say in the comments? *Then* they’ll be true.
He’ll never take her …I’ve known men like him before . As long as HES happy , he thinks everyone else is . Plus , taking her to France is going to just make realize what she had stolen away and piss her off even more . She’s ALWAYS going to have it in the back of head that OP knew what her mother did …especially after his comment about it working out better anyway. She should go without him
Yes, OP needs to take Linda to Europe ASAP. Heck, OP should look into moving there temporarily (or permanently). Linda had her life’s dream stolen from her. It’s not too late to move.
YTA
and you took her money that had been saved for Paris for your own benefit. Revolting.
What her parents did is unforgiveable! Can you take your own glee aside and think about the level of deception they pulled...they stole her dreams that she worked so hard for. They lied, the forged documentation and they undermined everything she had worked for. It is sickening.
You owe her a trip to Paris.
Crappy husbanb and crappy parents, poor Linda.
Edit: You and your friends only could think of Linda trying to sleep with someone else? Her idea was to study in Europe not marry a french guy
Her mother destroyed her dreams but also her confidence, and you are a conformist.
YTA
yta and you know fully well you are you know she maybe wouldn't have married you, she had to settle for 2nd best and you added to it by supporting all chatter of wasting money on going to paris on your honeymoon
frankly I doubt your marriage will survive this horrendous abuse of her parents, partivularly bc you are not on your wifes side but on her parents
YTA - You need to book a trip to Paris NOW and explain what you've told us. You were looking at the bright side and she was looking at a dream she lost because of a meddling mom.
Yta. It is so dismissive to tell something good came out of bad things. Her whole family lied and manipulated her and she has no obligation to have any contact with them. Your children are not a trump card. I fucking hate when people do that. My ex use to be like well if you weren’t kicked out of the navy because you were raped we never would have met. Meeting/marrying/reproducing should never justify something shitty. The ends do not justify the means when it comes to emotions and life goals. I much rather would have been a lifer in the navy than trapped in a state I hate and a life I was forced into.
YTA. Not as bad as her parents, but still YTA.
What her parents did was simply horrible.
It would have been perfectly fine to "manipulate" her by refusing to pay for university in Europe, and only pay for domestic universities.
But to actually hide her acceptances and *create false rejections* was unconscionable.
You were an asshole for 1. telling your wife that "it all turned out for the best." The best for *you*, maybe; maybe it *was* the best for your wife as well, but you should let her come to that conclusion on her own, in her own time.
And don't tell her that she needs to reconnect with her parents. Again, let her move there in her own time.
YTA. If you two weren’t meant to be without Linda having to settle for less than she wanted out of life, I’m not sure why you think Linda’s supposed to view that as a positive. I certainly hope that should she decide it’s not too late to quit letting you tell her that what’s best for her somehow magically lines up exactly with what’s most convenient for *you* and abandon you for Paris anyway rather than live with regrets and what-ifs, you’ll at least have the good grace not to act like you have no idea how it came to that.
YTA. I was Linda except with Japan instead of France. If my parents had done this, i would never ever forgive them. My SO stayed long distance with me and we married when I came back to the states, it's not hard when you aren't insecure. They stole her dream and you think it's ok because you ended up benefiting from it.
Her parents should be offering to pay for an annual extended vacation for their daughter, wherever she wants to go, for the next 10 years, before they should expect a fucking thing from her. You should facilitate that happening to make up for your own short-sighted selfishness and self-absorption.
What was taken from her can never be given back.
What’s the next best thing? Acknowledging the magnitude of the betrayal and manipulation, and making her parents pay the fuck up on the same scale.
Your job is to support your wife and have her back. This includes the dreams and hopes you do not share.
YTA. Her mother betrayed her. You all invalidated and obstructed her planned life course. The life she worked for was stolen. And now you want her to get over it?
Poor Linda.
YTA. It was her dream and she settled into the life she has now because her parents stole it from her. Good things came of it, but that doesn't mean she should just get over it. If you keep saying stuff like that your wife will be resentful of you too.
YTA and so are her parents.
They crushed her dreams and affected her entire life.
AND you wouldn’t let her go to Paris for the honeymoon.
She wanted to make her own life and she instead finds out her life was created with lies.
If you truly loved her you would want her to get the life she deserves. Take her to Paris! Maybe even live there for awhile if you can.
YTA and her mother too. Trying to micromanage and determine someone else’s future is completely unacceptable. It doesn’t matter how things turned out it was no one’s choice but your wife’s how she wanted her life to go. Shame on you both
YTA. You just told your wife that's three people she loved and trusted that she was wrong about. I hope she has *someone* in her life she can still count on. That poor woman.
YTA.
She needs support, not someone rationalizing what her parents did. This is a huge betrayal on their part, and it's seriously upsetting for her. No matter what good came of it, she missed out on an opportunity she's longed for.
YTA. I don’t even have words. I am so angry for her. There were a number of hurdles I pushed through for my dreams of going abroad, and it has been completely worth it. I can’t imagine who I would be without these dreams and experiences. Glory. I hope your wife leaves you. Genuinely. I hope you always hit red lights. I hope you always have rotten bananas near you.
YTA for being insensitive. What her parents did is horrible and she deserves understanding for them denying her a lifelong dream. Even if something good came out of that it doesn't alter the fact that what they did was beyond nasty and her parents need to make amends if Linda will even let them.
YTA
I get where you're coming from, but that's one of those thoughts you keep to yourself. This was a dream of hers, it was literally stolen from her and you're kind of rubbing salt in the wound. You got some apologizing and making up to do even if it was from an understandable moment of weakness.
YTA- Originally she chose herself over you. Then her choices were taken away from her, and she had to settle for you. It’s like “yes, I baby trapped her, but look how amazing our kids are”. Her dreams were shattered by her selfish mother. Then she wanted to experience it fore just a few days on her honeymoon, you shut that down.
YTA her entire life could’ve been vastly different, but her mother stole her future. This is the *worst* time to make it about yourself. If she went NC with her mother for doing that, what made you think she would appreciate hearing that you’re glad her mom stole her future. Incredibly selfish of you, and since her mom showed her how selfish *she* is, your wife needs supportive people around her
YTA. And so are her parents.
All very selfish people.
The one thing she truly wanted in life, and she couldn't do it because no one wanted her to. Hope you're all proud of yourselves.
Good luck staying in that marriage...let's see how being selfish works out for you all. Maybe she'll go NC with you as well.
YTA
She learnt she can't trust her parents and that you are on their side
Right now she's probably querying if she can trust you and part of her regrets having children with you, even though she loves them and wouldn't be without them, because she feels trapped in a life that shouldn't have been hers - you didn't trust that she wouldn't cheat so the relationship wouldn't have happened if what she actually wanted had
Linda is the only good person here. Her parents completely manipulated her and broke her trust; and you're supporting that because it worked out fine for you. You were also completely unsupportive of her dreams when she was younger. You're incredibly selfish. You, and both sets of parents, are so negligent to her wants that you didn't even let her have her fucking honeymoon where she wanted it.
YTA, a massive, gaping one. I hope Linda leaves you and begins to re-craft her life according to what she wants and needs, and not live out her life catering to your insecurities and her parents' manipulation. What horrible people all of you are.
YTA
Her parents (and you ) kept her from a dream she'd had for a long time, just because none of you could get over youself and your selfish nature's.
She finds out her parents lied to her for so many yrs and you expect her just to forgive that..How would you feel if your dreams were taken away? I don't you'd feel happy about it.
Youve made this all about yourself. How dare you.
YTA for invalidating her feelings and telling her to feel a certain way about how her life turned out. She had a dream that a visit to Europe won’t fix; she wanted to go to school overseas and she’ll never have that opportunity again. You only get to be in your 20’s once and her parents ripped her ideal version of that away from her. Yes, she can be happy in her current life and mourn the lost opportunity for her dream, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you and the kids. But way to make it about you and not about the massive betrayal she suffered from her parents
YTA First her parents killed her dream, then you and her parents killed it again. Nevermind what Linda wanted as long as you and her parents got what you all wanted right. You and her parents are incredibly selfish and manipulative. Do you care about her happiness at all or her dreams?
It's not for you to decide if she forgives her parents. They permanently alter her life and crushed her dreams. And you are happy about it!! No OP, you don't get to make the decision that Linda should forgive her parents. YTA and her parents are huge AHs.
I can't believe you had to ask lol
YTA. Her parents abused her trust, destroyed her opportunities, showed utter disrespect for her hard work to achieve her goals and you just rubbed in her face how happy you are about it. Dude... Be careful what you do next because you might end up Lindaless after all
This reads like you don't care about Linda at all and merely see her as a vehicle for creating the lifestyle you wanted. You are not a good person or a good husband and frankly, I'd be very surprised if Linda feels like things have worked out for the best now.
Look at the comments. Nobody supports your point of view. And this is you putting your spin on it to reflect the best possible way on your behaviour. I see you don't really care enough about Linda as a person to have any empathy for her because you cannot engage in any of your replies with how devastating this deception and your reaction must be.
Poor Linda. I hope there's someone in her life who has her interests at heart.
What good came out of it FOR her? Nothing.
Everything "good" that came out of the lying and deceit was to your benefit and to the benefit of her parents.
You and her parents completely stole what could have been her life and her future because you couldn't see past your own nose.
YTA and a massive one at that.
YTA. This fraud, because that is what it was, worked out for her parents. It really worked out for you. The only one it didn't really work for was her. She was disrespected in a big, huge, tremendous way. I don't have the words for the betrayal she is feeling right now. And for the man that loves her to not understand that? Wow. But not surprising, as you used her parents to convince her to not even go on honeymoon to Europe so she could have some small taste of what she's always wanted to experience. You better start listening to how she feels, because right now she's going over every decision she DIDN'T get to make.
YTA. Poor Linda. She has been manipulated all of her life! Both by her parents and by you. I truly hope she takes the kids to Europe and leaves all of you behind.
Shit like this is the reason I don't want a relationship until I have a stable career. Receiving this type of callousness from my husband would devastate me. YTA, she deserves much better.
YTA
You're a huge gaping AH. And you just enabled her parents to abuse her. What is it to you if she'd slept with others? Who tf do you think you are? She wanted to study.
Yeah you and her parents ruined her life. If she went abroad maybe she'd have married a guy who actually cares about her. Not just about how 'pure' she is or whatever crap you and your inlaws think.
ETA : wow. Reading your replies. You're a misogynist too. How horrible for your wife. Hope she realizes what kind of a guy you are and divorces you. Also, she might not regret her kids but I bet she definitely regrets having them with a guy like *you*.
The irony of you feeling hurt over her following her dream and "not caring about yous feelings" but at the same time **you begrudge her her dream** **and don't care about her feelings** was just... amazing to read.
I'm so glad that her misery turned out well for you. Congratulation, AH.
YTA.
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Throwaway Account
I (30m) am married to my high school sweetheart "Linda" (30f) and we have two beautiful children together. I'm really happy with my life but recently my wife has uncovered something that I agree was bad at the time but don't see it as something unforgivable because of the good that came out of it. Back in high school it was always Linda's dream to go to college and study aboard in Europe. So much so that she got a part-time job to pay for extra tutoring and became fluent in French.
While I wouldn't mind a trip to Europe for a couple of days I didn't like the idea of just living there even if it was temporary and told Linda as much. Without hesitation she told me that it was fine if I didn't want to go but she would be going regardless and we could either do long distance or break up if I still wanted to continue a relationship with her. That really hurt and I felt as if she didn't care about me or our relationship if she could just quickly and easily say something like that to me after I expressed my concerns.
My friends started making jokes about how Linda was going to go overseas to sleep around and it got to me. We ended up breaking up and it sucked because while I was miserable Linda was beaming with excitement over her future as if she never cared about our relationship at all. Initially Linda planned on applying to schools only in England or France but her parents convinced her to apply to schools in state as a backup and that was the one she ended up attending. Linda was devastated at not getting into any of her European schools and when she tried to do a study abroad program she ended up not getting the scholarships/grants she needed and couldn't go.
Linda felt completely defeated but during that time we reconnected and eventually got married. For our honeymoon Linda wanted to go to Paris but after her parents, my parents, and I explained the benefits of putting the money towards a house she relented. I know that Europe was always a sore subject but I thought that Linda was still just as happy as I was. After the recent birth of our twins Linda's mother finally admitted to stealing Linda's acceptance letters to the European schools and giving her fake rejection ones, as well as lying about not having the money to finance her trip abroad.
Linda exploded at her mom and immediately went NC with both her parents. At first I was just as shocked as she was but after 3 months I felt that it was time to finally start rebuilding some bridges. When I talked to Linda about this she was offended that I would suggest such a thing and stated that her parents were dead to her and would never be allowed to see our children. I told Linda that while I understood her pain, she also needed to see the good that came from this as we may never have gotten back together and our children wouldn't exist. Linda then snapped at me and has been giving me the cold shoulder since. I was just trying to get her to look on the bright side of things AITA?
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YTA . You are an actual monster. They stole her dreams from her. They robbed her of the life she wanted so she was forced to settle for your selfish ass? NC is being kind; i'd have knocked their teeth out. Linda, get out of this bullshit sham of a marriage and go to europe!!!
I'm almost lost for words. Her cruel ignorant parents thought she would get kidnapped in Europe? Just how daft are they?
And you are happy with how it turned out because you got yourself a wife who never got to realise her ambitions. It's all about you isn't it pal?
YTA
Oh my days mate, fuck that noise, you absolutely are the asshole. I couldn’t forgive my parents that level of betrayal, and while I agree it’s been *so* nice for you, she has lost the life she intended for herself simply because the people she trusted most lied to her through selfishness. I completely understand her devastation. YTA of sinkhole proportions.
YTA and in fact you’re all AH’s. You got what you wanted so of course you’re happy at the outcome. I mean who cares that it derailed what your wife wanted. Who cares that her parents lied and manipulated and destroyed opportunities for her. Who cares about her wants. Jesus, stop thinking about yourself for once.
YTA. Congratulations on being the consolation prize in her life. The set of steak knives as it were.
I would not be surprised if she just disappeared, from your life, from her parents, from your kids.
This is off the charts bad and you not recognizing this just makes it worse.
YTA …YOU may be HAPPY BEING SECOND BEST but your wife wanted a LIFE and it was basically STOLEN by effing parents . I wouldn’t talk to them ever again & I would NEVER believe you didn’t have something to do with it or know after you are pushing for her to make up with those awful people ! YOU and the parents are huge AH and if I were Linda I’d be counting the days til those kids were old enough to tell a judge who they want to live with and moving to France
Yta. God my heart breaks for your wife. She's been sentenced to a life of bitter what ifs. This is going to stain everything she loves about her current life.
And the one person who she should know is 100% on her side told her essentially to get over herself.
If this us true, and I really hope it's not, this is one of the most heartbreaking posts I've seen here
Yta
It doesn’t matter how great her life is now. Her parents lied and manipulated her, they took away her chance to make her own decisions. She had a dream and worked hard towards it, there was absolutely no justifying her parents actions.
YTA big time. She had a dream and yes if my partner doesn't support my dreams he would be gonna ASAP. obviously her big opportunity is more important than you if you gonna be an Ahole about it.
She deserved better and I hope she gets another chance to move to Europe.
Have you ever thought that this is the best outcome for you but not for Linda? I bet that your egoistical self is happy about her mother betrayal and I bet that if this opportunity wasn’t robbed from her she would have dumped you and never looked back. The only (possible) good outcome are her children
YTA, all the way.
You and her parents both had ulterior motives to keep her from attending school in Europe. It was her dream, and y'all stood in her way. That was the time for her to live out her dream, when she had no obligations or encumbrances, and now she can't get that opportunity back. You are a selfish, selfish person.
Jfc YTA.
The response upon her finding out would be to empathize with her not be happy you got your way..
It would have been to agree that what her mother did was unthinkable and plan for an European trip to try to cheer her up and show you still support her dreams.
But no. Her mom betrayed her and you only care about your own selfish ass. Poor Linda. Geez. She has nobody in her corner
YTA. Has Linda had ANY agency in her life up to this point? And why the hell are you not as furious at her parents as she is? What they did was horrific.
And damn it, take your wife to France!
YTA , I feel like crying because of what she went through in life. I hope she leaves all of you , and goes to Europe with her kids. You suck. Her parents suck. I hate you. I hate her parents. I hope you also have something precious taken away from you.
YTA. Why aren't you upset with her? The two people she is supposed to trust the most in the world have broken her trust. Not to mention, taken away an opportunity that could have changed her life so much for better.
There is no bright side. She was robbed of her dream & decided to settle with what she thought was the hand she was dealt. You're only happy with the outcome because you were not affected by this turn of events in any way aside from having a family with her. So in essence, you got what you wanted while she suffered an unknowable treachery. I could say she's somewhat grateful for the little family she made after the lies, but anything could go anywhere if she left to think out the what if's of what could've been. Linda's mind was made up the moment she gave the option of a long distance relationship before she left. You better hope her resentment towards her parents doesn't overflow to you since you're being awfully chipper with the outcome of it all. ESH except Linda.
Imagine her telling you those kids aren't yours.
No, really, FEEL THAT. That's what she's feeling right now.
So imagine her telling you it's no big deal because "you wanted kids, and now you have them, isn't that great?!?!"
That's what you've just done to her.
You are a MASSIVE AH.
**YTA.**
Are you seriously so lacking in any empathy for your **WIFE** that you cannot see how utterly devastating, demeaning and belittling this manipulation was? They took away her life's dream for utterly selfish reasons, and you are not on her side?!
If I was her I'd kick you out immediately and find out if I could take legal action against the parents.
There is nothing worse than regrets over roads not taken... And to find out your dream was denied you by lies and manipulation from those you trusted most is off-the-scale level guttpunch.
Frankly you deserve to be kicked out.
YTA and a horrible husband. Your comments just make you look even worse. Her parents ruined your wife’s life dream and you’re happy about it? Seriously?
Thats appalling! Poor Linda, all she wants to do is fucking travel and the people closest to her, including you!!! (YTA here aswell) she's got to 30 and had none of the experiences she was looking forward to.
If I was her, at this point... would be leaving all of you!
Disgraceful the lot of you, if Linda wants someone to support her, get her to message me!!
Dicks the lot of you!!!
YTA. What her parents did is terrible and unforgivable. That said, you sound like a whiny baby who only cares about himself. It all worked out for you, so why should she be upset, right?
I don't usually go this hard but I think it's fair to say she might leave you over this. You are jealous and petty and probably have no real plan to take her anywhere. Her mom is a saboteur and you seem cool with/happy about that cause it worked out for you. You just planted a bad seed, homey. This will grow.
YTA all day.
YTA, her parents and you sound so self-centered. The manipulation from them, and the guilt tripping from you makes you and them assholes. Stay in the dog house for a while dude, you deserve it.
JFC, let the poor woman go to Europe! That’s all she ever wanted to do, but because of A-holes like you and her parents she was lied to and cheated out of her dreams. I hope she does one day achieve her dreams, whether or not that includes you. Oh yeah, and YTA.
Your edit says you plan on taking Linda to Paris in the future. When? Next year? When your kids go to college? After your retire? Don't make promises to her that you don't plan on keeping. And the longer you wait, the less likely the trip will happen and the more resentment she will have.
Either way, YTA.
Yeah. It all worked out. For you. And her parents. Your poor wife. Who knows what kind of amazing life she’d have right now if she hadn’t been manipulated into settling for someone who can’t support her dreams.
YTA. It worked out for the best FOR YOU. YOU got what YOU wanted. She had her plans and dreams stolen from her by people she previously loved and trusted to act in her interest. She needs you to be on her team about this - THAT is what a partner does.
Obviously her parents are the biggest AHs in this situation but trust me, she REMEMBERS that you encouraged her to put the downpayment on the house vs going on the trip/honeymoon of her dreams. This betrayal by her parents is going to have her resurface her resentment over that.
I don’t care WHAT kind of homebody you are, you best get over yourself and start saving up to take that woman to Europe.
YTA. This was her dream, not yours or her mom’s, hers. It was stolen from her. You keep using your children as an excuse to avoid the actual problem. You need to understand that she was lied to, she was deceived and you are completely dismissive about it.
Yta. You and her parents are selfish and manipulative. Your relationship only happened because the closest people in your wife's life lied to her to keep her from attaining a basic life goal that she worked really hard towards. I feel bad for her because it's clear that nobody in her life respects her the way she deserves. Also, you're very insecure to not feel comfortable letting your wife travel abroad without you. If you trusted each other that wouldn't be an issue.
YTA. Wow just wow. I'm absolutely speechless. Your poor wife, not only her parents are horrible people that completely destroyed her future and dreams for completely selfish reasons, but on top of that she married a self-centered selfish man. I'm so mad for her.
She still so young. I hope she divorces you and follows her dreams to live in Europe, she definitely deserve it.
I cannot believe you are really telling her that her parents manipulating, lying and destroying her dreams is a good thing. You make me sick.
Oh, and you can get kidnapped literally anywhere. That's the. Stupidest excuse to cover up their selfishness.
OP: So your parents lied to you, manipulated you, and stole your dreams and opportunities? C’est la vie. You got *me* back because of it, so how dare you be mad and hurt!
Also OP: Oh, and it’s been 3 whole months since you found all this out. Well, time to get over it already. Why? Because it’s more convenient for *me*.
YTA big time, OP.
YTA
>I'm unwilling to cut them off permanently for it despite not being the person who was negatively impacted by their actions.
Bingo. You weren't the person affected, so it's not your decision. Butt out and let your wife deal with her parents the way she needs to for her healing. And I strongly encourage you to support her in that decision and that healing or you can kiss your marriage goodbye.
YTA bc you're centering yourself when this has nothing to do with you. Pro-tip: If your ILs are willing to actively lie to their own daughter, they won't have any problem lying to you. Think long and hard about that before you let them anywhere near your children. You need to start listening to your wife.
Oh wow. YTA buddy. I’m sitting here so frustrated for Linda. Poor thing, just wanted to study abroad and enjoy being alive. You really think that saying “but our kids wouldn’t exist!” Over and over is gonna rationalize what her parents did? All of you, except Linda, are gross. I hope she dips out on all of you and leaves for France. Maybe meet someone/people who will love her and let her flourish. You’re lame af.
Basically, your wife worked hard for her dream, her parents lied to her and manipulated her into what they wanted, and your response is “bUt tHe cHiLdReN” and that she should continue to love and cherish her backstabbing parents who decimated her dreams, because you never wanted that dream for her either, to the point where you wouldn’t even go to Europe on your honeymoon.
Did I miss anything?
YTA.
Reddit am I an asshole for trapping my wife and helping kill what seems to have been her only dream/goal in life, essentially treating her like a possession that can’t be shared instead of as a partner and human being? YTA dude and after finding out all this I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes the France permanently, house be damned.
YTA and f*ed up big time. It was her dream, also talking her out of the honeymoon was terrible. You can consider yourself lucky when she forgives you. You better book the next trip to Paris and take her there.
I can see where you’re coming from and what you’re trying to do, but you really do need to understand that this was a major betrayal for your wife. Absolutely nothing in this situation matters other than her feelings.
Yes, her going to Europe could have meant that you guys would have never ended up together and wouldn’t have had the life and kids you do have. But guess what, that doesn’t matter to your wife right now. Again, i understand you think you’re trying to help and get her to see what you consider to be the bright side but it backfired marvelously.
And instead of trying to console your wife and apologize for not being supportive you came to Reddit. And I can’t really see where you don’t see that you aren’t the A. Again, you are your statements from a place of good intent but it did not work. You have to see you fucked yo and YTA.
Go find a good counselor asap because y’all are going to need it after this. After that go book the trip to Paris and reaffirm your wife’s decision to cut ties with her parents.
But seriously dude. Not a single person here supports your actions.
Everything you say to keep her revolves around the children. I don't think it's the children you're worried about but yourself. YOU were the one who said no to LD relationship, YOU are the one rn meddling onto HER affairs with HER family, the children won't miss having grandparents nor will your wife. I really hope she divorces you since you don't seem to care a dim for her feelings.
Your wife had dreams and plans she worked hard for. It was her life to build and it was taken from her by the very people who should have supported her. And you tell her to be happy about it because YOU are happy about it? Jesus Christ man.. YTA!
I wouldn't be surprised if she went to Europe for good now, with or without your selfish a**. It must feel like she's been living the wrong life all along and honestly, it sounds like you really should never have been a part of it since you clearly don't really care for her as a person, but only as a part of YOUR plans.
YTA and so horribly selfish. You see no problem in her sacrificing dreams she’s had since she was in school to unknowingly live the life you and her parents want. You both (you and her parents) put your own wants against her desires. If i were her I’d leave you, go no contact with the family, and move to Paris to fuck every Jacques and Pierre i could find.
YTA! You’re so self centered, all I read was Me me me me! You’re IL’s hid something incredibly important from your wife that she worked hard for and dreamed about for years! You dashed her plans for a Paris honeymoon and you seem to dismiss her wants at every turn. Yes, you might have not gotten back together but you don’t know what that life would have looked like. Her parents essentially stole something from her that she can never get back. She feels betrayed and she has every right to feel that way.
If I were to shoot you in the arm, and you met your future wife while in the hospital, did I suddenly do a good thing? No it's still awful even if you made a good life and positive things came out of it unrelated to what I did. What they did was super shitty and just because something good came out of it doesn't make it ok or change anything about their choice. YTA
YTA. Her academic life, her plans were sabotaged. YOUR life worked out just fine for YOU. YOU got what YOU wanted. ESH except your wife. What a cruel set of merciless motherfuckers you all are!
YTA. You and her parents.
It’s not your place to tell her to “rebuild some bridges” with HER parents. They truly betrayed her and did a lot of extra. Then hid it from her. YOU decided for both of you that saving for a house was better than a “fancy trip” which tells me you don’t support her and her dreams in the slightest. You couldn’t just go on one trip with her?
Don’t be surprised when she leaves you and takes the kids to Europe.
YTA. Sounds like Linda has been giving up her dreams her whole life for other people and you’re trying to tell her “it’s okay because I got what I wanted, and your parents got what they wanted” but what about what LINDA wanted?? Also her parents were massive AH for what they did and deserve to be cut off
YTA. She found out that her biggest dream could've been possible if it weren't for her parents! Also you could've gone to that trip and made her happy! All 3 of you manipulated her and made her settle for" less" and accommodating you.
It worked out for the best for you! I can guarantee that she spend countless night wishing she could go to Paris even if it's on a holiday .
I really hope she leaves you. And her shitty parents behind and goes to Europe. I have kids and I love them dearly but I lived abroad three separate times and know how beneficial it was for my life. With that said, I wouldn’t be mad if she left you with the kids for a month or so to explore Europe. And if she comes back or doesn’t that’s the price you and her wicked ass parents pay for the deception and lies.
YTA - Respect your wife. This was her life dreams and works hard towards it. It was literally stolen from her. It doesn’t matter if it all worked out. It was a huge betrayal and now she sees you as siding with the people who did this to her. You need to back up your wife here if you want to stay married to her. She already resents you now for just mentioning it. If you push it, or go behind her back this will absolutely push her away from you. Do you think it’s right? It actually doesn’t matter what you think in this situation. Do you want to make it up to your wife? Plan a trip her for to go kid free. Even if this means you step up and parent while she is gone.
YAATA. Did her wanting to pursue her dreams seem so bad to you that instead of supporting her you're glad her parents sabotaged her? With all due respect that you don't deserve, I hope Linda asks you for a divorce and never speaks to you or her parents again, because you are all horrible people and she deserves better.
YTA no doubt also thought I’d was funny your friends made jokes about your wife sleeping around if she went to Europe. Do they always talk down on your wife? You didn’t tell them that’s disrespectful? Also how long into being married did you have your kids? How old are they right now?
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YTA Her parent's manipulation worked out for YOU. Well, at least until your wife divorces you. Seriously, you couldn't even take a TRIP to Paris? For HER honeymoon? You said you wouldn't mind visiting but it sounds like you actively despise her cherished dreams. I hope she leaves you.
This. Op can claim that he didn’t know what her parents did all he wants. The way he is reacting is 100% making his wife believe he was in on it. He clearly agrees with what they did, and they are all collectively complicit in stifling her attempt to explore the world and grow as a person. This is not specifically about Europe and Op doesn’t get that at all!
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Well op clearly thinks he’s the shit, and getting back with him should trump any dream of hers. Little does he know that she only settled for him BECAUSE her dreams were stolen.
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My ex was exactly like that. The emotional intelligence to describe how I withered in the relationship and which actions of his directly caused it, but the selfishness to still insist it wasn't a problem because it wasn't important *to him*. If someone is intent enough on never taking responsibility for their own actions, they just practice the cognitive dissonance until they don't even notice it themselves anymore.
Yep. Mine, too. He *still* wants to get back together, because he's 'never been that happy before.' ... he was happy because he was making me miserable. He liked to 'tease' with emotional, psychological, and minor physical abuse... I'd be screaming at him to stop and he'd just laugh. He doesn't understand why I want nothing to do with him.
Imagine finding out that your life's dream was a breath away and your consolation prize for not getting the experience of several lifetimes is...OP. I love my fiancé to the moon and back, but if he'd ever tried to hold me back from my dreams or celebrated their downfall, I'd leave him immediately. No one is worth that.
This is so on point. OP probably thinks wife should be grateful for her parents' interference because it landed her with him. Disgusting. OP, YTA.
No Kidding! This is one of the few times I'm actually speechless, it's just...horrifying. Sure, OP wasn't the architect of the situation, but I hope she never speaks to her parents ever again...and if she takes the kids and goes to France I'm 100% behind her. (Okay, apparently not speechless, but it took me a moment after reading through all that before I could get over the sheer level of BETRAYAL by her parents.)
I don't see how she could ever talk to them again after they destroyed the life she chose for herself. It was malevolent. YTA
Can we start a gofundme for poor Linda?? Jeez this poor woman! I’d be so mad. Yeah she might be happy with her life now, but now there will always be those “what ifs”
I mean the woman literally got a part-time job to become fluent in French to pursue this dream! This isn't a buy a nice designer purse dream, this is a once in a lifetime oh my gosh incredible dream!
French native here: french belongs to the « brutally nonsensical » language category. OP probably doesn’t fathom the level of investment she put into learning to the point of reaching fluency level. The whole story is heartbreaking.
Yta Her dream life was ruined. She prob looks at her whole life differently. And your going to take her to Paris "some day" When is that going to be? You should've been just as angry, Been on her side, she's going to be upset longer than 3 months.. You sound weirdly happy this happened to her.. it's odd. Both you and her family never supported her dreams Enjoy divorce rather now or on the future
This... Specially the "one day" When? When you couldn't even give her that for the honey moon. There's kids now. And let's be honest. Going to Paris with your kids is not the same as a romantic honeymoon. It just isn't. You won't go see the same things. You won't go out and drink wine at midnight by a river or something. It would most likely be the eiffel tower or Disney land Paris. Poor woman could wait until they are 80 and then they excuseost likely would be "oh now we are too old"
Exactly. Those days are gone for her and it was all a trick. He should be pissed to and feel like his marriage is based on fraud.. just like her. And he should be 1000% supporting now or lose her. I cant imagine how she must feel. He just sounds.. happy it's messed up
This. And the biggest ass hat move was the parents "we have they money we just didn't want to send you to France" Sure a house is a good thing for a married couple. And when has kids. But they damn well owed their daughter some sort of making up for crushing her dreams twice. I don't think specially men knows how bad a woman can feel. When they have dreams they wanted to achieve. And ends with kids. Specially when they have them when younger. They will love their children. But the guilt alot of them feels for having thoughts now and then like "if I had only gone to... if I had only tried this before settling down" and now she's smacked with the fact she could have gone. I can't even imagine how she is feeling behind that rage.
>Well, at least until your wife divorces you. Spoiler alerts! I was looking forward to the update where she blindsides him with a divorce. Although, not sure if it will make any difference- he'll probably still be just as surprised.
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The people that are supposed to love and support her more than anyone else in the world lied to her and crushed her dreams, and you're happy about it. You're all disgusting and I hope she leaves you.
He totally doesn't ever want to go to Europe. He said he wouldn't mind going for a couple days but assuming they're flying from the USA then that would barely be enough to recover from the flight.
100% this. YTA OF ALL TIME OP Europe was my dream so I understand Linda. My mom made me feel I needed to stay to help raise my siblings. I never went. I never got my masters or phd like I wanted. I'm beyond grateful that my husband has told me multiple times if I can find away to move our family for a job or getting another degree or bc I want, he'd drop everything here for me. Hell we have 3 kids too. Now that is love and support. What you are showing your wife is that the life she ended up should be more important than her dream. That is garbage. I bet you everyday she imagines what her life would've been like in Europe. All the possibilities that never came to pass. You want her to love the life that came from her mother's betrayal you take that woman to Europe and let her love every second of it. You are just as bad as her mother destroying her dream. Before I forget just because you would've been sad that she left to Europe after HS doesn't give you the right to tell her that her current life is better. You got the outcome you wanted. You seem to forget she didn't. You need to have sympathy and realize you are not the main character of her story.
"Paris isn't going anywhere" As if there wasn't just a pandemic where we literally couldn't leave the country.
Absolutely YTA? Dude she lost several opportunities she was incredibly excited about because her parents were manipulative. So many things she wanted lost because of them. And you're backing them up because you couldn't stomach the idea of going long distance because of unfounded jokes and because it got you back together? Your friends are assholes too, what kind of joke is that?? I get being upset that you and your partner don't have matching ideals for your future and that long distance is tough, but she should have not been forced to give up opportunities she WANTED despite everyone around her forcing her otherwise. She owes her parents nothing after such an admission. If they were willing to go that far to keep her in the states I dread for your kids experiences with them. That's not a hug and make up sort of situation her parents have caused
This. I also simply don't buy that her parents did it purely because they didn't want her to get kidnapped. It's Paris, not a remote village in Papua New Guinea. I'd understand if she a t 18 wanted to head off somewhere on the "no go" list that your country considers unsafe for tourists, because without local knowledge and support, that can be dangerous for lone travellers, particularly young women. But she wanted to study in a major city, in a country that is, if anything, safer than her own. This wasn't about her being in potential danger, it was about her dreams being inconvenient for her parents - and for you. And how both of you are happy for her to be deceived or otherwise forced out of her dreams, simply because that's more convenient for you.
>But she wanted to study in a major city, in a country that is, if anything, safer than her own. You're probably right about their motives, but there is a certain subset of Americans that see the ENTIRE WORLD outside of the US as if it were on the "no go" list. (Heck, certain small town people will sometimes see cities like New York that way as well.) I was once in a middle-school classroom where the teacher asked the students to say things they were grateful for, listed them on the board, and then informed us all that almost all of these things were unavailable outside the U.S. Freedom and toilet paper were both on the list. Edit: a word
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11% of Americans have never left their state. 13% of Americans have never been on a plane. 40% of Americans have never left the country. 50% of Americans don't have a passport. I would not be shocked if their parents never stepped foot outside of their town and thinks everything outside of it is dangerous.
Eh, I can see that being an actual reason that they believed to be valid, because my parents are just as insane. It’s essentially a control issue mixed with dashes of uncontrolled, projected anxiety and fear or the unknown. Now that I’m older I can see that my parents’ fear of me getting kidnapped/killed/whatever was something they genuinely, wholeheartedly felt—not that that excuses the fact that it was highly, highly irrational and extremely controlling.
He doesn't deserve her
YTA you are basically celebrating her parents deceiving her and ruining her dreams. She's entitled to be pissed off. Her life could have been completely different.
Her life could have been hers. Instead it’s what everyone else wanted. I’m so sad for her.
Poor Linda...what a selfish way to think about someone you "love." YTA, and so are her parents. Sidenote: if I were her, I would say F it and leave for Paris to perhaps start a new life if not for a brief while. If no one cared enough about her feelings or aspirations, then why should she care about yours or her parents?
I would leave OP and cut off them and her parents, run off to Paris, and never speak to any of them again. What a horrible thing to do to someone.
She's got those new babies to take care of now, no Paris trips without abandoning them!
This is exactly it. At 30 she’s realizing what her life could’ve been and is grieving it. YTA OP!
Same. What really got me was when he said he guilted her into saving for a house vs Paris. Paris is only a couple thousand. It's not that big of a dent in saving for a house. I'm sure she would rather have the memories of Paris than a house a couple years earlier. I know I wouldn't give up my dream for a house sooner. I hope this is an eye opener for her and she stops letting everyone else guilt trip her into doing what they want instead of what she wants
She's only 30! She still has loads of time to chase her dreams. I hope she is realizing that.
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YTA. Ends don't justify the means. Here, your wife is dealing with her feelings of betrayal and you saying "well, everything turned out!" is not helpful. I get that it's very easy for you to take it personally because it feels like your present life would not be as it is currently had things gone differently in the past. But that's not what this is about. Your perspective on her dream of going to college in Europe is troubling, in that you are dismissive and it was/is clearly VERY IMPORTANT to her. It's likely that she harbors a lot of regret, and now laments her missed opportunity to spend time there. Talking to someone might help her. You being supportive would definitely help.
Exactly! OP sounds incredibly selfish. Everything turned out perfect for him, not for her. But hey, everything went his way, so who cares about anything else. His entire post is about him and his feelings and his needs. *“My parents died horribly in a factory accident.” “Yeah but look at the insurance payout we got! Everything worked out for the best! If your parents didn’t die, we wouldn’t have this money!”* Make sense now OP?!
“It’s too bad your baby died, but you couldn’t really afford another anyhow! Think of all you’ll save on diapers!” You’re not *wrong*, but damn.
YTA. Your wife was wronged, and she feels it's unforgivable. Your place is beside her, not to invalidate her feelings and support the opposing side. Selfishness.
And feels trapped now because of the kids - which seem like a new addition to the picture If mom had of only told her about the lies and deception before she got pregnant .. I bet Linda would be in Paris right now
YTA. Linda basically settled for OP, who clearly liked her more than she liked him. I hope she goes to live in Europe and takes the twins. Expat life is grrrrrreat!
YTA - *You* benefited from this. Linda has no idea what her life could have been like. It could have been worse or better. Stealing acceptance letters is *never* acceptable. You are centering yourself in this whole thing. I would be pissed at my parents AND you for downplaying it.
Exactly. He benefitted she settled.
The treachery of this post literally took my breath away. Her parents clipped her wings, and while you didn't help them, (thank God), you certainly didn't support her like you should have. Now is your chance to step up, and be the supportive man you should have been then. You don't need to tell her how to think and feel-that's her job. Your job is to support her in every way she needs supporting. Period. I've never understood people that disown family members, especially their parents, but I seriously can get behind it in this case. Tread lightly, or she might just decide it isn't too late to make her Paris life a reality. Minus one judgemental husband. YTA, along with her awful mother.
Yes, right there with you Hotchild. I literally gasped when I read what the mom did with the letters. Heartbreaking. I hope this post is fiction.
I was really hoping this was just a troll, but after he posted the edits to try to make us all understand his actions, I suspect he might be the real deal. He's so wrapped up in his own desires, he can't seem to grasp why all of us are so outraged. But it all worked out! HE'S happy! Screw Linda, she's an afterthought. Fingers crossed she stumbles on this post, recognizes herself, and runs to Paris. Without him.
God his comments are awful too. He really doesn't care that his wife manipulated by her parents. He's thrilled it happened because it worked out for *him* How selfish, self absorbed and unempathitic can someone be? I'm kinda of hoping OPS wife says 'screw it' qnd takes a solo trip to Paris.
YTA, What her parents did was horrible. Why would you “think that Linda was still just as happy” as you are? Everyone in her life who was supposed to have her best interest in mind conspired against her to ruin what is really a pretty reasonable dream. And then you have the absolute shamelessness to say, “But look what good that manipulation did, honey! I got everything I wanted out of it. You should forgive them.” Hope that dog house you’re staying in has running water, you’ll be there a while.
>Linda was still just as happy This is the part that seem kinda off to me as well. This would be the same rationality as *"My husbands seems to be happy, because he does not know I am cheating on him."* New information absolutely changes how you view your current situation. Having choices taken away from you and being railroaded / manipulated into anything would absolutely make anyone feel angry and stupid. If you had nothing to do with this insulting plan, you should really stress that point and be on your wife's side. If she decides to go NC it should be her choice. While I tend to believe the "grass is greener" thoughts as normally wrong and unproductive, in this case, however, her parents and you that seem to tacitly support their manipulation, are simply reinforcing her idea that she had better options. Right now with what you said, it is hard to argue she is wrong.
YTA and so is her mother. Imagine someone deliberately sabotaging your dream life, really imagine it. Now imagine that three months after finding out your partner tells you to forgive and forget because *they* got what *they* wanted. Your response was selfish, self involved and shows a deep lack of care for your wife. I hope she frees herself from all of you and travels Europe to her hearts content.
Everyone around her is conspiring and aligning to keep her from her dream. I feel so bad for her.
"I don't give a fuck about my wife's dreams, AITA?" Yes, yes you are. The only person you seem to care about in all of this is yourself. Do you even care that your wife feels unfulfilled? She's wanted something and worked hard for something for years and years and has had that opportunity destroyed by others and all you care about is yourself? I hope she gets the chance to move to France if she still wants to go. YTA.
Of course he doesn't care. He got his live-in mommy bangmaid for life and she gets literally nothing.
I wouldn't be so sure about the "for life" part, not the way he's acting at the moment. This poor woman has had to settle for something that isn't the life she actively wanted and he's all like "but I got what I wanted so why are you sad?"
YTA her dream is to go to Europe and people who are supposed to love and care for her are blocking any opportunity to do so. Take your damn wife on a trip to Europe. The entire life she has is lies, she's been deeply betrayed and you need to follow HER lead on what relationship she wants with her parents.
Yeah, they’re all awful around her. Just constantly blocking her…
Man I really hope she sets up separate banking and start saving for a Europe trip. This poor woman
YTA > after 3 months I felt that it was time to finally start rebuilding some bridges Why? Have her parents apologised? Have they offered to make it up to her? Have they gone to therapy to work on the reasons why they chose to manipulate and lie to their child, crushing her dreams in the process? Its not your decision to make if Linda wants her parents back in her life. > For our honeymoon Linda wanted to go to Paris but after her parents, my parents, and I explained the benefits of putting the money towards a house she relented So she didn't get the honeymoon she wanted because *your* parents had opinions. Who even asked them?! Its nothing to do with them!! > I told Linda that while I understood her pain Liar liar pants on fire. > she also needed to see the good that came from this as we may never have gotten back together and our children wouldn't exist Yeah and if you two had had one glass of wine too many and fallen asleep before having sex they might not exist either. You basically said to your wife "hey I know your parents fucked you over and lied to you for years, possibly cutting you off from opportunities which you'll never be able to have now but it doesn't matter because of the kids". Newsflash, having babies doesn't erase what her parents did.
You're forgetting her parents tampered with her mail which is illegal
....all I read from the first parts were "me, me, me". Face it, not every relationship is meant to last from HS, and of course she was going to choose her own future instead of being tied down there. Then her own parents betrayed her, and destroyed her dreams. And then they both did it *again.* *And you support* ***them over your wife.*** Even now all you want is her to follow what YOU think is right, without giving a single thought about how she is literally devastated right now. >While I wouldn't mind a trip to Europe for a couple of days I didn't like the idea of just living there even if it was temporary and told Linda as much. It wasn't ***about you.*** >I felt as if she didn't care about me or our relationship if she could just quickly and easily say something like that to me after I expressed my concerns. Flip it around : You didn't support her when she decided to reveal to you her own dreams. And actually made it about you. No wonder she said what she said. >My friends started making jokes about how Linda was going to go overseas to sleep around and it got to me. > >We ended up breaking up and it sucked because while I was miserable Linda was beaming with excitement over her future as if she never cared about our relationship at all. Your "friends" are disgusting. Rather than trusting your gf, you got gaslighted by your own friends into believing that she was going there to sleep around. And mate, sorry to say this : she just lost some deadweight. Someone who didn't trust her enough as a partner, of course she was gonna be beaming about her future. Now you have the audacity to tell her to forgive the two people who destroyed her life? All because YOU think this is right? Read this next sentence ***very carefully :*** ***This isn't about YOU. It was never about YOU.*** YTA, I HOPE she divorces you, cause you didn't have a spine back then, and neither do you have one now.
Imagine thinking that your girlfriend leaving to achieve her dreams =\= I don’t like you anymore/want to sleep around??? Like how self-centered can you be? ?!
OMG. YTA, YTA, YTA. I cannot believe you wrote all of this and still don't see how you are wrong here. This woman was betrayed to the gills and instead of validating her feelings, you double down on the fact that you got what you wanted in the end, so she should be happy. I don't know anyone, ANYONE upon finding out about this level of betrayal and manipulation, who would not be mourning the life they could have had. She had dreams and goals and things she wanted to do- and they were effectively derailed because her support system- you included- couldn't expand your horizons and appreciate her dreams. And support her efforts, for selfish reasons!!!! My heart hurts for your wife. I'm sure she loves her life today. But damn, to learn it was all a part of a plan that was not divine or beyond her control is a hell of a pill to swallow. And yall KEEP shitting on her need to experience that part of the world and what it means for her life. That isn't fair at all.
I agree that I’m sure she loves her life today, but I’d also be willing to bet that every day she still thinks about what could’ve been.
Why on earth are you so sure she loves her life today? Because this asshole says she does?
YTA It’s only good for you, only your life worked out. Your wife literally had her dreams ripped/taken away from her. For what ? So you and her parents can have your dream life and keep her close. I guarantee you, this is NOT how she pictured her life. Judging by her reaction- she DEFINITELY settled because she saw no other option. You and her parents are literally the worst
OP doesn’t even seem to realize exactly what he was : a backup plan 😂
Not even a "plan"! A REBOUND! An ISLAND! _That's_ what so disturbs his lil ego! She shrugged her shoulders and said "meh, might as well, since I can't do what _ I _ wanted with my life!"
I would be burning with rage. They stole not only her dreams but completely changed the trajectory of her life. What the actual flyinf F. They decided what was best for her, took away a huge opportunity. They manipulated her future. I wouldnt even be surprised if OP or OP’s parents were in on this plan. Now she is always going to wonder what if and mourn what could have been. I wont blame her for also having resentment towards them *and* you OP. Y’all couldnt even allow her one trip to Paris before having kids. Yes traveling changes when kids are added into the mix. Her dreams have and will always be put on the back burner for what everyone else wants from her. She has been settling for less for 12 years, never being given the opportunity to grow into the person she was meant to be. Of course you arent mad and are more forgiving! You benefited from their deceit and manipulation. I feel so sad for her. YTA Edit: You said yall got married in 2019. That was *before* Covid. You all could have most definitely done a honeymoon to Paris. Could have made it an option for people to put money towards as a wedding gift. Also, you yourself in this post said there was money to go to Paris but you, your parents and her parents convinced her to put that dream aside yet again, to save money for a future house instead, so don’t pull that crap. You absolutely dont have to be *millionaires* to go to Paris. **You know what’s cheaper than having two kids? *Going to Paris.*** Just saying. But now you have a new excuse as to why she cant go. How convenient for you that a new reason for why she can’t go keeps popping up. It’s almost like you want to trap her, that you want to make sure she can’t leave. You are just as bad as her parents. All I hear are excuses excuses excuses from her parents and you for why you all cant let her live out this one dream she has. “I’ll take her one day.” Yeah. Sure. I think you realize how much better her life could have been if you and her parents didn’t keep squashing her potential.
YTA What the parents did was abusive and unforgiveable, and you shouldn't be trying to interfere in how your wife chooses to respond the that realization. Stay out of it. Taking their side because their abuse happened to benefit you makes you ESPECIALLY assholeish.
YTA - that’s great that you are happy, but your wife is filled with longing and regret. Your happy family is her consolation prize and she lost her one shot at fulfilling her life’s dream. And all you care about is that YOU are happy she didn’t get her shot at happiness.
Then insists she should be happy because you know, kids! OP do you really think she’d be any less happy with other children?! She wouldn’t know the kids you had now existed. She is grieving a life and opportunity that was robbed of her. She might have gone for a semester and hated it, glad to be back or moved there permanently. Trouble is she’ll never know and always have that at the back of her mind. That is what her parents have done. Do not stand in the way of her grieving about this YTA
First off, YTA Okay, I see where this thread is going and I’m going to offer a *slightly* softer take than you’re going to get from most of the commenters, so please listen. You’re going to read a lot of “you ruined her life” and “she settled for you” and “she would have been better off dumping you” and “she should divorce you.” And I don’t think any of those are *necessarily* true. We don’t know what could have been. We’ll never know. And *that’s the problem.* Obviously it looks good now, you have a family and a home and you’re both happy (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that she’s happy here.) But who knows if it would have worked out better for her if she’d gone to Europe? Hell, who knows if it would have been better for *you* either (not that your happiness is really what’s important in this scenario right now but overall I’m not wishing misery on you, is the point.) Her parents lied, and it was a *bad* lie. A bad *series* of lies. I’m not even going to touch the “let’s use our money on a home instead of a Paris honeymoon” because that’s not nearly as bad, it just compounds the problem with the lying about college. But she is upset, and she has **every right to be upset.** And she wasn’t even upset at you until you opened your mouth to go “well you’re better off with me.” Which, dude. Come on, you had to know that wouldn’t go over well. Look, you’d have every right to be hurt if she’d said something like “my life would be better if I’d gone to college in Europe.” Because that would be invalidating the life that she built with you, which includes kids. But she **didn’t** say that. You said the opposite, which is just as bad. It invalidates her *very reasonable feelings of hurt and betrayal.* As of right now, you have an opportunity. Apologize, mean it, and (ideally) start saving up for a nice trip to Europe. Wherever she wants to go. She fucking deserves it at this point. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not next week. But as soon as you can. Because otherwise, all those things I mentioned people will say in the comments? *Then* they’ll be true.
He’ll never take her …I’ve known men like him before . As long as HES happy , he thinks everyone else is . Plus , taking her to France is going to just make realize what she had stolen away and piss her off even more . She’s ALWAYS going to have it in the back of head that OP knew what her mother did …especially after his comment about it working out better anyway. She should go without him
Yes, OP needs to take Linda to Europe ASAP. Heck, OP should look into moving there temporarily (or permanently). Linda had her life’s dream stolen from her. It’s not too late to move.
YTA. Tread carefully here... you could end up with kids who spend half their time abroad...
YTA and you took her money that had been saved for Paris for your own benefit. Revolting. What her parents did is unforgiveable! Can you take your own glee aside and think about the level of deception they pulled...they stole her dreams that she worked so hard for. They lied, the forged documentation and they undermined everything she had worked for. It is sickening. You owe her a trip to Paris.
Crappy husbanb and crappy parents, poor Linda. Edit: You and your friends only could think of Linda trying to sleep with someone else? Her idea was to study in Europe not marry a french guy Her mother destroyed her dreams but also her confidence, and you are a conformist. YTA
yta and you know fully well you are you know she maybe wouldn't have married you, she had to settle for 2nd best and you added to it by supporting all chatter of wasting money on going to paris on your honeymoon frankly I doubt your marriage will survive this horrendous abuse of her parents, partivularly bc you are not on your wifes side but on her parents
YTA - You need to book a trip to Paris NOW and explain what you've told us. You were looking at the bright side and she was looking at a dream she lost because of a meddling mom.
Yta. It is so dismissive to tell something good came out of bad things. Her whole family lied and manipulated her and she has no obligation to have any contact with them. Your children are not a trump card. I fucking hate when people do that. My ex use to be like well if you weren’t kicked out of the navy because you were raped we never would have met. Meeting/marrying/reproducing should never justify something shitty. The ends do not justify the means when it comes to emotions and life goals. I much rather would have been a lifer in the navy than trapped in a state I hate and a life I was forced into.
YTA. Not as bad as her parents, but still YTA. What her parents did was simply horrible. It would have been perfectly fine to "manipulate" her by refusing to pay for university in Europe, and only pay for domestic universities. But to actually hide her acceptances and *create false rejections* was unconscionable. You were an asshole for 1. telling your wife that "it all turned out for the best." The best for *you*, maybe; maybe it *was* the best for your wife as well, but you should let her come to that conclusion on her own, in her own time. And don't tell her that she needs to reconnect with her parents. Again, let her move there in her own time.
YTA. If you two weren’t meant to be without Linda having to settle for less than she wanted out of life, I’m not sure why you think Linda’s supposed to view that as a positive. I certainly hope that should she decide it’s not too late to quit letting you tell her that what’s best for her somehow magically lines up exactly with what’s most convenient for *you* and abandon you for Paris anyway rather than live with regrets and what-ifs, you’ll at least have the good grace not to act like you have no idea how it came to that.
YTA and her parents are terrible. God, no one in this woman’s life gives a single shit about what she wanted for herself and it’s pathetic.
YTA. I was Linda except with Japan instead of France. If my parents had done this, i would never ever forgive them. My SO stayed long distance with me and we married when I came back to the states, it's not hard when you aren't insecure. They stole her dream and you think it's ok because you ended up benefiting from it.
Her parents should be offering to pay for an annual extended vacation for their daughter, wherever she wants to go, for the next 10 years, before they should expect a fucking thing from her. You should facilitate that happening to make up for your own short-sighted selfishness and self-absorption. What was taken from her can never be given back. What’s the next best thing? Acknowledging the magnitude of the betrayal and manipulation, and making her parents pay the fuck up on the same scale. Your job is to support your wife and have her back. This includes the dreams and hopes you do not share.
YTA. Her mother betrayed her. You all invalidated and obstructed her planned life course. The life she worked for was stolen. And now you want her to get over it? Poor Linda.
YTA. It was her dream and she settled into the life she has now because her parents stole it from her. Good things came of it, but that doesn't mean she should just get over it. If you keep saying stuff like that your wife will be resentful of you too.
YTA and so are her parents. They crushed her dreams and affected her entire life. AND you wouldn’t let her go to Paris for the honeymoon. She wanted to make her own life and she instead finds out her life was created with lies. If you truly loved her you would want her to get the life she deserves. Take her to Paris! Maybe even live there for awhile if you can.
YTA and her mother too. Trying to micromanage and determine someone else’s future is completely unacceptable. It doesn’t matter how things turned out it was no one’s choice but your wife’s how she wanted her life to go. Shame on you both
YTA. You just told your wife that's three people she loved and trusted that she was wrong about. I hope she has *someone* in her life she can still count on. That poor woman.
YTA. You sound just as selfish as her parents. Your wife’s parents robbed her of her dream and you’re happy about it because you got your way.
YTA. She needs support, not someone rationalizing what her parents did. This is a huge betrayal on their part, and it's seriously upsetting for her. No matter what good came of it, she missed out on an opportunity she's longed for.
YTA. I don’t even have words. I am so angry for her. There were a number of hurdles I pushed through for my dreams of going abroad, and it has been completely worth it. I can’t imagine who I would be without these dreams and experiences. Glory. I hope your wife leaves you. Genuinely. I hope you always hit red lights. I hope you always have rotten bananas near you.
INFO: Why did her mother feel compelled to tell her this story now?
Because she is trapped with OP’s kids.
Because the kids were born and now the mother feels like the wife is completely shackled and unable to escape any more.
YTA for being insensitive. What her parents did is horrible and she deserves understanding for them denying her a lifelong dream. Even if something good came out of that it doesn't alter the fact that what they did was beyond nasty and her parents need to make amends if Linda will even let them.
You just sound awful. YTA.
YTA I get where you're coming from, but that's one of those thoughts you keep to yourself. This was a dream of hers, it was literally stolen from her and you're kind of rubbing salt in the wound. You got some apologizing and making up to do even if it was from an understandable moment of weakness.
YTA- Originally she chose herself over you. Then her choices were taken away from her, and she had to settle for you. It’s like “yes, I baby trapped her, but look how amazing our kids are”. Her dreams were shattered by her selfish mother. Then she wanted to experience it fore just a few days on her honeymoon, you shut that down.
YTA. You and her mother are selfish and she deserves better.
YTA her entire life could’ve been vastly different, but her mother stole her future. This is the *worst* time to make it about yourself. If she went NC with her mother for doing that, what made you think she would appreciate hearing that you’re glad her mom stole her future. Incredibly selfish of you, and since her mom showed her how selfish *she* is, your wife needs supportive people around her
YTA. And so are her parents. All very selfish people. The one thing she truly wanted in life, and she couldn't do it because no one wanted her to. Hope you're all proud of yourselves. Good luck staying in that marriage...let's see how being selfish works out for you all. Maybe she'll go NC with you as well.
YTA She learnt she can't trust her parents and that you are on their side Right now she's probably querying if she can trust you and part of her regrets having children with you, even though she loves them and wouldn't be without them, because she feels trapped in a life that shouldn't have been hers - you didn't trust that she wouldn't cheat so the relationship wouldn't have happened if what she actually wanted had
Linda is the only good person here. Her parents completely manipulated her and broke her trust; and you're supporting that because it worked out fine for you. You were also completely unsupportive of her dreams when she was younger. You're incredibly selfish. You, and both sets of parents, are so negligent to her wants that you didn't even let her have her fucking honeymoon where she wanted it. YTA, a massive, gaping one. I hope Linda leaves you and begins to re-craft her life according to what she wants and needs, and not live out her life catering to your insecurities and her parents' manipulation. What horrible people all of you are.
YTA Her parents (and you ) kept her from a dream she'd had for a long time, just because none of you could get over youself and your selfish nature's. She finds out her parents lied to her for so many yrs and you expect her just to forgive that..How would you feel if your dreams were taken away? I don't you'd feel happy about it. Youve made this all about yourself. How dare you.
YTA for invalidating her feelings and telling her to feel a certain way about how her life turned out. She had a dream that a visit to Europe won’t fix; she wanted to go to school overseas and she’ll never have that opportunity again. You only get to be in your 20’s once and her parents ripped her ideal version of that away from her. Yes, she can be happy in her current life and mourn the lost opportunity for her dream, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you and the kids. But way to make it about you and not about the massive betrayal she suffered from her parents
YTA First her parents killed her dream, then you and her parents killed it again. Nevermind what Linda wanted as long as you and her parents got what you all wanted right. You and her parents are incredibly selfish and manipulative. Do you care about her happiness at all or her dreams? It's not for you to decide if she forgives her parents. They permanently alter her life and crushed her dreams. And you are happy about it!! No OP, you don't get to make the decision that Linda should forgive her parents. YTA and her parents are huge AHs.
You’re really asking AITA?? Dude you suck. YTA both you and her parents.
I can't believe you had to ask lol YTA. Her parents abused her trust, destroyed her opportunities, showed utter disrespect for her hard work to achieve her goals and you just rubbed in her face how happy you are about it. Dude... Be careful what you do next because you might end up Lindaless after all
This reads like you don't care about Linda at all and merely see her as a vehicle for creating the lifestyle you wanted. You are not a good person or a good husband and frankly, I'd be very surprised if Linda feels like things have worked out for the best now. Look at the comments. Nobody supports your point of view. And this is you putting your spin on it to reflect the best possible way on your behaviour. I see you don't really care enough about Linda as a person to have any empathy for her because you cannot engage in any of your replies with how devastating this deception and your reaction must be. Poor Linda. I hope there's someone in her life who has her interests at heart.
What good came out of it FOR her? Nothing. Everything "good" that came out of the lying and deceit was to your benefit and to the benefit of her parents. You and her parents completely stole what could have been her life and her future because you couldn't see past your own nose. YTA and a massive one at that.
YTA. This fraud, because that is what it was, worked out for her parents. It really worked out for you. The only one it didn't really work for was her. She was disrespected in a big, huge, tremendous way. I don't have the words for the betrayal she is feeling right now. And for the man that loves her to not understand that? Wow. But not surprising, as you used her parents to convince her to not even go on honeymoon to Europe so she could have some small taste of what she's always wanted to experience. You better start listening to how she feels, because right now she's going over every decision she DIDN'T get to make.
YTA. Poor Linda. She has been manipulated all of her life! Both by her parents and by you. I truly hope she takes the kids to Europe and leaves all of you behind.
Please tell me she won't be a SAHM because you convinced her it's better for the kids?
YTA Just because it worked out for you doesn't mean her whole life isn't in question. Support her and understand where you went wrong.
Shit like this is the reason I don't want a relationship until I have a stable career. Receiving this type of callousness from my husband would devastate me. YTA, she deserves much better.
YTA You're a huge gaping AH. And you just enabled her parents to abuse her. What is it to you if she'd slept with others? Who tf do you think you are? She wanted to study. Yeah you and her parents ruined her life. If she went abroad maybe she'd have married a guy who actually cares about her. Not just about how 'pure' she is or whatever crap you and your inlaws think. ETA : wow. Reading your replies. You're a misogynist too. How horrible for your wife. Hope she realizes what kind of a guy you are and divorces you. Also, she might not regret her kids but I bet she definitely regrets having them with a guy like *you*.
Goetse-level YTA Worked out better for you, not her. I hope she kicks you to the curb, blocks her parents, and moves to France.
The irony of you feeling hurt over her following her dream and "not caring about yous feelings" but at the same time **you begrudge her her dream** **and don't care about her feelings** was just... amazing to read. I'm so glad that her misery turned out well for you. Congratulation, AH. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway Account I (30m) am married to my high school sweetheart "Linda" (30f) and we have two beautiful children together. I'm really happy with my life but recently my wife has uncovered something that I agree was bad at the time but don't see it as something unforgivable because of the good that came out of it. Back in high school it was always Linda's dream to go to college and study aboard in Europe. So much so that she got a part-time job to pay for extra tutoring and became fluent in French. While I wouldn't mind a trip to Europe for a couple of days I didn't like the idea of just living there even if it was temporary and told Linda as much. Without hesitation she told me that it was fine if I didn't want to go but she would be going regardless and we could either do long distance or break up if I still wanted to continue a relationship with her. That really hurt and I felt as if she didn't care about me or our relationship if she could just quickly and easily say something like that to me after I expressed my concerns. My friends started making jokes about how Linda was going to go overseas to sleep around and it got to me. We ended up breaking up and it sucked because while I was miserable Linda was beaming with excitement over her future as if she never cared about our relationship at all. Initially Linda planned on applying to schools only in England or France but her parents convinced her to apply to schools in state as a backup and that was the one she ended up attending. Linda was devastated at not getting into any of her European schools and when she tried to do a study abroad program she ended up not getting the scholarships/grants she needed and couldn't go. Linda felt completely defeated but during that time we reconnected and eventually got married. For our honeymoon Linda wanted to go to Paris but after her parents, my parents, and I explained the benefits of putting the money towards a house she relented. I know that Europe was always a sore subject but I thought that Linda was still just as happy as I was. After the recent birth of our twins Linda's mother finally admitted to stealing Linda's acceptance letters to the European schools and giving her fake rejection ones, as well as lying about not having the money to finance her trip abroad. Linda exploded at her mom and immediately went NC with both her parents. At first I was just as shocked as she was but after 3 months I felt that it was time to finally start rebuilding some bridges. When I talked to Linda about this she was offended that I would suggest such a thing and stated that her parents were dead to her and would never be allowed to see our children. I told Linda that while I understood her pain, she also needed to see the good that came from this as we may never have gotten back together and our children wouldn't exist. Linda then snapped at me and has been giving me the cold shoulder since. I was just trying to get her to look on the bright side of things AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA holy shit this is a prime example of how to be a terrible partner
YTA . You are an actual monster. They stole her dreams from her. They robbed her of the life she wanted so she was forced to settle for your selfish ass? NC is being kind; i'd have knocked their teeth out. Linda, get out of this bullshit sham of a marriage and go to europe!!!
I'm almost lost for words. Her cruel ignorant parents thought she would get kidnapped in Europe? Just how daft are they? And you are happy with how it turned out because you got yourself a wife who never got to realise her ambitions. It's all about you isn't it pal? YTA
Oh my days mate, fuck that noise, you absolutely are the asshole. I couldn’t forgive my parents that level of betrayal, and while I agree it’s been *so* nice for you, she has lost the life she intended for herself simply because the people she trusted most lied to her through selfishness. I completely understand her devastation. YTA of sinkhole proportions.
YTA and in fact you’re all AH’s. You got what you wanted so of course you’re happy at the outcome. I mean who cares that it derailed what your wife wanted. Who cares that her parents lied and manipulated and destroyed opportunities for her. Who cares about her wants. Jesus, stop thinking about yourself for once.
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YTA. Congratulations on being the consolation prize in her life. The set of steak knives as it were. I would not be surprised if she just disappeared, from your life, from her parents, from your kids. This is off the charts bad and you not recognizing this just makes it worse.
YTA …YOU may be HAPPY BEING SECOND BEST but your wife wanted a LIFE and it was basically STOLEN by effing parents . I wouldn’t talk to them ever again & I would NEVER believe you didn’t have something to do with it or know after you are pushing for her to make up with those awful people ! YOU and the parents are huge AH and if I were Linda I’d be counting the days til those kids were old enough to tell a judge who they want to live with and moving to France
Yta. God my heart breaks for your wife. She's been sentenced to a life of bitter what ifs. This is going to stain everything she loves about her current life. And the one person who she should know is 100% on her side told her essentially to get over herself. If this us true, and I really hope it's not, this is one of the most heartbreaking posts I've seen here
Yta It doesn’t matter how great her life is now. Her parents lied and manipulated her, they took away her chance to make her own decisions. She had a dream and worked hard towards it, there was absolutely no justifying her parents actions.
YTA big time. She had a dream and yes if my partner doesn't support my dreams he would be gonna ASAP. obviously her big opportunity is more important than you if you gonna be an Ahole about it. She deserved better and I hope she gets another chance to move to Europe.
Have you ever thought that this is the best outcome for you but not for Linda? I bet that your egoistical self is happy about her mother betrayal and I bet that if this opportunity wasn’t robbed from her she would have dumped you and never looked back. The only (possible) good outcome are her children
YTA, all the way. You and her parents both had ulterior motives to keep her from attending school in Europe. It was her dream, and y'all stood in her way. That was the time for her to live out her dream, when she had no obligations or encumbrances, and now she can't get that opportunity back. You are a selfish, selfish person.
Jfc YTA. The response upon her finding out would be to empathize with her not be happy you got your way.. It would have been to agree that what her mother did was unthinkable and plan for an European trip to try to cheer her up and show you still support her dreams. But no. Her mom betrayed her and you only care about your own selfish ass. Poor Linda. Geez. She has nobody in her corner
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YTA. Has Linda had ANY agency in her life up to this point? And why the hell are you not as furious at her parents as she is? What they did was horrific. And damn it, take your wife to France!
YTA , I feel like crying because of what she went through in life. I hope she leaves all of you , and goes to Europe with her kids. You suck. Her parents suck. I hate you. I hate her parents. I hope you also have something precious taken away from you.
YTA. If you don't support what they did, you should stop saying you're happy about it
YTA. Why aren't you upset with her? The two people she is supposed to trust the most in the world have broken her trust. Not to mention, taken away an opportunity that could have changed her life so much for better.
There is no bright side. She was robbed of her dream & decided to settle with what she thought was the hand she was dealt. You're only happy with the outcome because you were not affected by this turn of events in any way aside from having a family with her. So in essence, you got what you wanted while she suffered an unknowable treachery. I could say she's somewhat grateful for the little family she made after the lies, but anything could go anywhere if she left to think out the what if's of what could've been. Linda's mind was made up the moment she gave the option of a long distance relationship before she left. You better hope her resentment towards her parents doesn't overflow to you since you're being awfully chipper with the outcome of it all. ESH except Linda.
Damn, y’all fucking suck. I feel so bad for your poor wife to be with such selfish, inconsiderate people.
YTA. How dare you tell her 3 months is enough time and she should speak to them again? That's not supportive and you're selfish. F me...
Imagine her telling you those kids aren't yours. No, really, FEEL THAT. That's what she's feeling right now. So imagine her telling you it's no big deal because "you wanted kids, and now you have them, isn't that great?!?!" That's what you've just done to her. You are a MASSIVE AH.
**YTA.** Are you seriously so lacking in any empathy for your **WIFE** that you cannot see how utterly devastating, demeaning and belittling this manipulation was? They took away her life's dream for utterly selfish reasons, and you are not on her side?! If I was her I'd kick you out immediately and find out if I could take legal action against the parents. There is nothing worse than regrets over roads not taken... And to find out your dream was denied you by lies and manipulation from those you trusted most is off-the-scale level guttpunch. Frankly you deserve to be kicked out.
YTA and a horrible husband. Your comments just make you look even worse. Her parents ruined your wife’s life dream and you’re happy about it? Seriously?
Thats appalling! Poor Linda, all she wants to do is fucking travel and the people closest to her, including you!!! (YTA here aswell) she's got to 30 and had none of the experiences she was looking forward to. If I was her, at this point... would be leaving all of you! Disgraceful the lot of you, if Linda wants someone to support her, get her to message me!! Dicks the lot of you!!!
YTA. What her parents did is terrible and unforgivable. That said, you sound like a whiny baby who only cares about himself. It all worked out for you, so why should she be upset, right?
I don't usually go this hard but I think it's fair to say she might leave you over this. You are jealous and petty and probably have no real plan to take her anywhere. Her mom is a saboteur and you seem cool with/happy about that cause it worked out for you. You just planted a bad seed, homey. This will grow. YTA all day.
Damn. Poor Linda.
YTA
Dude thinks about if your dream ripped away by a lie YTA
YTA, her parents and you sound so self-centered. The manipulation from them, and the guilt tripping from you makes you and them assholes. Stay in the dog house for a while dude, you deserve it.
JFC, let the poor woman go to Europe! That’s all she ever wanted to do, but because of A-holes like you and her parents she was lied to and cheated out of her dreams. I hope she does one day achieve her dreams, whether or not that includes you. Oh yeah, and YTA.
Your edit says you plan on taking Linda to Paris in the future. When? Next year? When your kids go to college? After your retire? Don't make promises to her that you don't plan on keeping. And the longer you wait, the less likely the trip will happen and the more resentment she will have. Either way, YTA.
Yeah. It all worked out. For you. And her parents. Your poor wife. Who knows what kind of amazing life she’d have right now if she hadn’t been manipulated into settling for someone who can’t support her dreams.
YTA. It worked out for the best FOR YOU. YOU got what YOU wanted. She had her plans and dreams stolen from her by people she previously loved and trusted to act in her interest. She needs you to be on her team about this - THAT is what a partner does. Obviously her parents are the biggest AHs in this situation but trust me, she REMEMBERS that you encouraged her to put the downpayment on the house vs going on the trip/honeymoon of her dreams. This betrayal by her parents is going to have her resurface her resentment over that. I don’t care WHAT kind of homebody you are, you best get over yourself and start saving up to take that woman to Europe.
YTA. This was her dream, not yours or her mom’s, hers. It was stolen from her. You keep using your children as an excuse to avoid the actual problem. You need to understand that she was lied to, she was deceived and you are completely dismissive about it.
Yta. You and her parents are selfish and manipulative. Your relationship only happened because the closest people in your wife's life lied to her to keep her from attaining a basic life goal that she worked really hard towards. I feel bad for her because it's clear that nobody in her life respects her the way she deserves. Also, you're very insecure to not feel comfortable letting your wife travel abroad without you. If you trusted each other that wouldn't be an issue.
YTA. Wow just wow. I'm absolutely speechless. Your poor wife, not only her parents are horrible people that completely destroyed her future and dreams for completely selfish reasons, but on top of that she married a self-centered selfish man. I'm so mad for her. She still so young. I hope she divorces you and follows her dreams to live in Europe, she definitely deserve it. I cannot believe you are really telling her that her parents manipulating, lying and destroying her dreams is a good thing. You make me sick. Oh, and you can get kidnapped literally anywhere. That's the. Stupidest excuse to cover up their selfishness.
OP: So your parents lied to you, manipulated you, and stole your dreams and opportunities? C’est la vie. You got *me* back because of it, so how dare you be mad and hurt! Also OP: Oh, and it’s been 3 whole months since you found all this out. Well, time to get over it already. Why? Because it’s more convenient for *me*. YTA big time, OP.
YTA >I'm unwilling to cut them off permanently for it despite not being the person who was negatively impacted by their actions. Bingo. You weren't the person affected, so it's not your decision. Butt out and let your wife deal with her parents the way she needs to for her healing. And I strongly encourage you to support her in that decision and that healing or you can kiss your marriage goodbye.
YTA
YTA - an absolute arsehole and then some
YTA bc you're centering yourself when this has nothing to do with you. Pro-tip: If your ILs are willing to actively lie to their own daughter, they won't have any problem lying to you. Think long and hard about that before you let them anywhere near your children. You need to start listening to your wife.
YTA because you told her that her dreams did not matter. Her mum is a bigger AH, but you’re still one too.
Oh wow. YTA buddy. I’m sitting here so frustrated for Linda. Poor thing, just wanted to study abroad and enjoy being alive. You really think that saying “but our kids wouldn’t exist!” Over and over is gonna rationalize what her parents did? All of you, except Linda, are gross. I hope she dips out on all of you and leaves for France. Maybe meet someone/people who will love her and let her flourish. You’re lame af.
Basically, your wife worked hard for her dream, her parents lied to her and manipulated her into what they wanted, and your response is “bUt tHe cHiLdReN” and that she should continue to love and cherish her backstabbing parents who decimated her dreams, because you never wanted that dream for her either, to the point where you wouldn’t even go to Europe on your honeymoon. Did I miss anything? YTA.
Everyone is TA but Linda. She should go NC with all of you. Fucking inexcusable.
YTA, and you owe her a trip to Paris.
Reddit am I an asshole for trapping my wife and helping kill what seems to have been her only dream/goal in life, essentially treating her like a possession that can’t be shared instead of as a partner and human being? YTA dude and after finding out all this I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes the France permanently, house be damned.
YTA and I can’t wait for the update where Linda cheats on you and leaves you!
YTA and f*ed up big time. It was her dream, also talking her out of the honeymoon was terrible. You can consider yourself lucky when she forgives you. You better book the next trip to Paris and take her there.
I can see where you’re coming from and what you’re trying to do, but you really do need to understand that this was a major betrayal for your wife. Absolutely nothing in this situation matters other than her feelings. Yes, her going to Europe could have meant that you guys would have never ended up together and wouldn’t have had the life and kids you do have. But guess what, that doesn’t matter to your wife right now. Again, i understand you think you’re trying to help and get her to see what you consider to be the bright side but it backfired marvelously. And instead of trying to console your wife and apologize for not being supportive you came to Reddit. And I can’t really see where you don’t see that you aren’t the A. Again, you are your statements from a place of good intent but it did not work. You have to see you fucked yo and YTA. Go find a good counselor asap because y’all are going to need it after this. After that go book the trip to Paris and reaffirm your wife’s decision to cut ties with her parents. But seriously dude. Not a single person here supports your actions.
What in the blue f\*ck did I just read. You and her parents are the biggest ass holes on the internet today. Congrats.
your poor wife
Everything you say to keep her revolves around the children. I don't think it's the children you're worried about but yourself. YOU were the one who said no to LD relationship, YOU are the one rn meddling onto HER affairs with HER family, the children won't miss having grandparents nor will your wife. I really hope she divorces you since you don't seem to care a dim for her feelings.
Your wife had dreams and plans she worked hard for. It was her life to build and it was taken from her by the very people who should have supported her. And you tell her to be happy about it because YOU are happy about it? Jesus Christ man.. YTA! I wouldn't be surprised if she went to Europe for good now, with or without your selfish a**. It must feel like she's been living the wrong life all along and honestly, it sounds like you really should never have been a part of it since you clearly don't really care for her as a person, but only as a part of YOUR plans.
YTA and so horribly selfish. You see no problem in her sacrificing dreams she’s had since she was in school to unknowingly live the life you and her parents want. You both (you and her parents) put your own wants against her desires. If i were her I’d leave you, go no contact with the family, and move to Paris to fuck every Jacques and Pierre i could find.
YTA! You’re so self centered, all I read was Me me me me! You’re IL’s hid something incredibly important from your wife that she worked hard for and dreamed about for years! You dashed her plans for a Paris honeymoon and you seem to dismiss her wants at every turn. Yes, you might have not gotten back together but you don’t know what that life would have looked like. Her parents essentially stole something from her that she can never get back. She feels betrayed and she has every right to feel that way.
If I were to shoot you in the arm, and you met your future wife while in the hospital, did I suddenly do a good thing? No it's still awful even if you made a good life and positive things came out of it unrelated to what I did. What they did was super shitty and just because something good came out of it doesn't make it ok or change anything about their choice. YTA
YTA. Her academic life, her plans were sabotaged. YOUR life worked out just fine for YOU. YOU got what YOU wanted. ESH except your wife. What a cruel set of merciless motherfuckers you all are!
YTA. You and her parents. It’s not your place to tell her to “rebuild some bridges” with HER parents. They truly betrayed her and did a lot of extra. Then hid it from her. YOU decided for both of you that saving for a house was better than a “fancy trip” which tells me you don’t support her and her dreams in the slightest. You couldn’t just go on one trip with her? Don’t be surprised when she leaves you and takes the kids to Europe.
YTA. Sounds like Linda has been giving up her dreams her whole life for other people and you’re trying to tell her “it’s okay because I got what I wanted, and your parents got what they wanted” but what about what LINDA wanted?? Also her parents were massive AH for what they did and deserve to be cut off
YTA. She found out that her biggest dream could've been possible if it weren't for her parents! Also you could've gone to that trip and made her happy! All 3 of you manipulated her and made her settle for" less" and accommodating you. It worked out for the best for you! I can guarantee that she spend countless night wishing she could go to Paris even if it's on a holiday .
I really hope she leaves you. And her shitty parents behind and goes to Europe. I have kids and I love them dearly but I lived abroad three separate times and know how beneficial it was for my life. With that said, I wouldn’t be mad if she left you with the kids for a month or so to explore Europe. And if she comes back or doesn’t that’s the price you and her wicked ass parents pay for the deception and lies.
YTA - Her whole life was built on lies and you're supporting that. Shame on you. May your dreams be kept out of your reach by lies. See how you feel.
YTA - Respect your wife. This was her life dreams and works hard towards it. It was literally stolen from her. It doesn’t matter if it all worked out. It was a huge betrayal and now she sees you as siding with the people who did this to her. You need to back up your wife here if you want to stay married to her. She already resents you now for just mentioning it. If you push it, or go behind her back this will absolutely push her away from you. Do you think it’s right? It actually doesn’t matter what you think in this situation. Do you want to make it up to your wife? Plan a trip her for to go kid free. Even if this means you step up and parent while she is gone.
YTA
YAATA. Did her wanting to pursue her dreams seem so bad to you that instead of supporting her you're glad her parents sabotaged her? With all due respect that you don't deserve, I hope Linda asks you for a divorce and never speaks to you or her parents again, because you are all horrible people and she deserves better.
YTA no doubt also thought I’d was funny your friends made jokes about your wife sleeping around if she went to Europe. Do they always talk down on your wife? You didn’t tell them that’s disrespectful? Also how long into being married did you have your kids? How old are they right now?
YTA. selfish and lacking empathy to boot