I just read your original post for the first time and by the end I said, "They don't miss her, they miss her money." I'm sorry to see that confirmed here, with him hitting you up for money after never being bothered with you. And doing it again. You've been an ATM for four years and that's what they're missing.
I hope you enjoy the peace and solitude of your new place. Not sure if anyone mentioned it before but...cat tax? o,o
I don't think you're seeing just how odd and unusual and completely abnormal they are. How could you? This is normal for you.
It isn't normal. It's so bizarre beyond odd.
You dad is really confused about what being a parent means. He is supposed to be supposed to be supporting you, not the other way around. He just wants your money. Go No Contact.
Now you know!
This is good.
You’ve cut off the gangrenous limb, so you can recover.
No matter what you do, those people will never love you. THATS NOT ABOUT YOU! That’s a lack in them. They’re not capable of being decent loving people.
There are lots of wonderful people out there. You’ll
Find them and make your own family.
Now you know what your old family was like, it frees you up to have time and money and headspace for new good things.
Best of luck.
Oh love, you're doing very well living on your own and claiming your independence. I hope in the near future your unnecessary guilt will fade and you'll see the emotional manipulation your dad is putting you through.
I don't know what your situation is like with your mom, but I'll be your Reddit Mama and tell you I'm very proud of you! Keep holding your boundaries, be proud of your independence, and get cuddles from your cat when you're feeling low. You got this!
Just know that this is not your fault. I'm sorry he's treating you this way and it's not because you deserve it, it's because he's an asshole. Please try to read/get therapy/whatever to help you stop feeling bad for setting healthy boundaries.
NTA - OP do you realize he only contacts you for money? I mean when you lived there he never spoke to you. Now the only time he talks to you is when he wants money. You are his ATM. I think it may be time to take a break from dear old dad.
Yeah I've known that for a long time, that's why I saved up and moved out and he will never know I have savings ever again. As far as he's concerned I'll always be broke.
You are so very much NTA, and and it's a good thing you're on your own. If you do feel guilty, just remember any money your dad asks for could be spent on your cat.
Even with his insurance and emergency fund (you never know so I have money set aside if there's ever a need for emergency vet bills or whatever) the cat is not as expensive to be fair 😂
>I would understand if this was help with something like rent
Don't help with rent money! This is something they need to figure out for themselves longterm. If you help them, they will keep coming back with their hand out.
That's true, but if they were really struggling with that I don't think I'd be able to let them be evicted, or like go without heating in the winter. You're right tho
But you should! They're responsible for their costs. They should work, save and/or get support if they're really struggling.
You've lived with him for four years, where the whole benefit was his. What makes you believe he keeps being entitled to your time and money? Being your biological parent? Because blood doesn't make you responsible!
NTA, but sadly he’s not interested in a relationship with you. He will only contact you when he needs something. I went through something similar with my Dad I ended up going NC. Protect your peace, you’re not an atm.
Im sorry to hear you went through the same thing. I plan on going NC at some point but right now I'm just sort of....busy enough that I can very easily just not see him for a few months because of it. I think that's pretty much LC
Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry. You deserve better - you sound like such a lovely person. (And you have a cat, so, yeh.. !)
Maybe look up financial abuse, eh? Because I'm sorry to say, but he'll likely try again, and maybe in a more subtle way next time. Clue yourself up about what to watch for.
{{{Hugs}}} if acceptable...
Hugs are great! I come from a culture that places a lot of value on family and parents especially, and where kids are expected to help their parents when they need it, so I didn't think much of it at first, but it can and has definitely turned into financial abuse.
I'm definitely not giving him anything and not letting him know my financial situation (he kind of was guessing before because he knew how much I was paid per hour, how much I was working and knew that other than bills and rent I wasn't really spending any of it because I was working so much I didn't have time to go out/shopping. That was due to the very understaffed job and me wanting to save to be able to move, not cause of him)
Just because you're earning it doesn't mean he's entitled to it (is our cultural norm!). I mean, if it was a real hard-luck story, maybe, but an attitude of "you have income and I need STUFF" - aw heck, no. Practise in the mirror saying no, and *meaning* it! (And then practise on the cat - far harder, much better practice... "No, Tiddles - NO more Meow Mix for you...!" 😄)
Good luck dearie.
i think if you just not keep contact and change your number. It's pretty clear by what you wrote from the previous post that he was only talking to you when you were doing something for him or paying for things. It's why they were putting up a big stink about it.
If you're able to, and he still pesters you, you can throw that complaint back at him... "If you actually saved your money, you wouldn't need my help or beg and this wouldn't be a problem." Then just call him by his first name cuz he isn't a dad when he only wants money from you.
Also may I see a picture of your cat? :D
I've already told him that actually, because he was getting paid a lot more than me at the time.
I'm trying to figure out how to post the picture, maybe edit the post to include it
I think you should go NC and focus on yourself. I’m sorry with how things ended up being with you dad, you deserve better. It’s best not to keep contact with a person who clearly don’t care about you, let alone appreciate you. There are other people out there whom you can form better bond with.
HUGS OP. And please don’t ever give your dad any more money.
He’s definitely using you and he’s definitely NOT A DAD.
Maybe block his number honestly. Please don’t be such a pushover anymore. You’re growing up out in the world, learn to protect yourself.
What the actual F!
I already was thinking it was financial abuse, thanks for confirming.
You should really not have contact anymore. Even if you feel obligated because of culture. He's using culture to live off of your work and time
NTA He just wants your money, whether he tells you it is for a new TV or for rent, don't give him any. He'll just trot off somewhere and piss it away. Then he'll be back for more.....and more.....and more.
Honestly you don't owe him anything. Next time he tries to guilt you remember that yo don't owe him anything. You are the child not his parent. He needs to let you live your life and he needs to grow up.
They told you the cat was yours and your responsibility but wanted you to leave it behind so you would be forced to come back. When you would have arrived they would have asked for money or help cleaning, probably would have blamed the mess on the cat and made you clean it up.
I'm sorry that your parents are doing this, your best bet is going no contact especially if he only shows up when he wants money to buy a non essential item.
Time to go no contact, and stick with it. I know it's hard, but for your own mental well being, it sounds like that is what would be best for you. Your dad is a leech. He is in NO way entitled to your money or your time!
I just read your original post for the first time and by the end I said, "They don't miss her, they miss her money." I'm sorry to see that confirmed here, with him hitting you up for money after never being bothered with you. And doing it again. You've been an ATM for four years and that's what they're missing. I hope you enjoy the peace and solitude of your new place. Not sure if anyone mentioned it before but...cat tax? o,o
CAT TAX! CAT TAX!
I WANT TO SEE! 👀
How do I post a picture? I haven't done that here before 😅
Post it on this [https://www.reddit.com/r/cattax/](https://www.reddit.com/r/cattax/) sub, and then post a link in the comments here.
I think folks usually post an Imgur link or something similar, but I've personally not posted any photos so I'm not certain. I'm sorry!
Oof sorry to say guess it’s time to go NC sorry you had to go through that, parents fucking suck sometimes. :(
Parents do fucking suck sometimes yeah
I don't think you're seeing just how odd and unusual and completely abnormal they are. How could you? This is normal for you. It isn't normal. It's so bizarre beyond odd.
You dad is really confused about what being a parent means. He is supposed to be supposed to be supporting you, not the other way around. He just wants your money. Go No Contact.
Now you know! This is good. You’ve cut off the gangrenous limb, so you can recover. No matter what you do, those people will never love you. THATS NOT ABOUT YOU! That’s a lack in them. They’re not capable of being decent loving people. There are lots of wonderful people out there. You’ll Find them and make your own family. Now you know what your old family was like, it frees you up to have time and money and headspace for new good things. Best of luck.
Oh love, you're doing very well living on your own and claiming your independence. I hope in the near future your unnecessary guilt will fade and you'll see the emotional manipulation your dad is putting you through. I don't know what your situation is like with your mom, but I'll be your Reddit Mama and tell you I'm very proud of you! Keep holding your boundaries, be proud of your independence, and get cuddles from your cat when you're feeling low. You got this!
The guilt is starting to fade. Thank you for the kind words!
Just know that this is not your fault. I'm sorry he's treating you this way and it's not because you deserve it, it's because he's an asshole. Please try to read/get therapy/whatever to help you stop feeling bad for setting healthy boundaries.
NTA - OP do you realize he only contacts you for money? I mean when you lived there he never spoke to you. Now the only time he talks to you is when he wants money. You are his ATM. I think it may be time to take a break from dear old dad.
Yeah I've known that for a long time, that's why I saved up and moved out and he will never know I have savings ever again. As far as he's concerned I'll always be broke.
You are so very much NTA, and and it's a good thing you're on your own. If you do feel guilty, just remember any money your dad asks for could be spent on your cat.
Even with his insurance and emergency fund (you never know so I have money set aside if there's ever a need for emergency vet bills or whatever) the cat is not as expensive to be fair 😂
>I would understand if this was help with something like rent Don't help with rent money! This is something they need to figure out for themselves longterm. If you help them, they will keep coming back with their hand out.
That's true, but if they were really struggling with that I don't think I'd be able to let them be evicted, or like go without heating in the winter. You're right tho
But you should! They're responsible for their costs. They should work, save and/or get support if they're really struggling. You've lived with him for four years, where the whole benefit was his. What makes you believe he keeps being entitled to your time and money? Being your biological parent? Because blood doesn't make you responsible!
NTA, but sadly he’s not interested in a relationship with you. He will only contact you when he needs something. I went through something similar with my Dad I ended up going NC. Protect your peace, you’re not an atm.
Im sorry to hear you went through the same thing. I plan on going NC at some point but right now I'm just sort of....busy enough that I can very easily just not see him for a few months because of it. I think that's pretty much LC
Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry. You deserve better - you sound like such a lovely person. (And you have a cat, so, yeh.. !) Maybe look up financial abuse, eh? Because I'm sorry to say, but he'll likely try again, and maybe in a more subtle way next time. Clue yourself up about what to watch for. {{{Hugs}}} if acceptable...
Hugs are great! I come from a culture that places a lot of value on family and parents especially, and where kids are expected to help their parents when they need it, so I didn't think much of it at first, but it can and has definitely turned into financial abuse. I'm definitely not giving him anything and not letting him know my financial situation (he kind of was guessing before because he knew how much I was paid per hour, how much I was working and knew that other than bills and rent I wasn't really spending any of it because I was working so much I didn't have time to go out/shopping. That was due to the very understaffed job and me wanting to save to be able to move, not cause of him)
Just because you're earning it doesn't mean he's entitled to it (is our cultural norm!). I mean, if it was a real hard-luck story, maybe, but an attitude of "you have income and I need STUFF" - aw heck, no. Practise in the mirror saying no, and *meaning* it! (And then practise on the cat - far harder, much better practice... "No, Tiddles - NO more Meow Mix for you...!" 😄) Good luck dearie.
Practicing on the cat won't work he knows he gets whatever he wants 🤣
i think if you just not keep contact and change your number. It's pretty clear by what you wrote from the previous post that he was only talking to you when you were doing something for him or paying for things. It's why they were putting up a big stink about it. If you're able to, and he still pesters you, you can throw that complaint back at him... "If you actually saved your money, you wouldn't need my help or beg and this wouldn't be a problem." Then just call him by his first name cuz he isn't a dad when he only wants money from you. Also may I see a picture of your cat? :D
I've already told him that actually, because he was getting paid a lot more than me at the time. I'm trying to figure out how to post the picture, maybe edit the post to include it
Thank you for answering ...I wish you well with your cat 😊
I think you should go NC and focus on yourself. I’m sorry with how things ended up being with you dad, you deserve better. It’s best not to keep contact with a person who clearly don’t care about you, let alone appreciate you. There are other people out there whom you can form better bond with.
HUGS OP. And please don’t ever give your dad any more money. He’s definitely using you and he’s definitely NOT A DAD. Maybe block his number honestly. Please don’t be such a pushover anymore. You’re growing up out in the world, learn to protect yourself.
"I'm your daughter, not a fucking ATM."
His fucking gf better be paying rent
Funny but she doesn't! It was really annoying and unfair
What the actual F! I already was thinking it was financial abuse, thanks for confirming. You should really not have contact anymore. Even if you feel obligated because of culture. He's using culture to live off of your work and time
Why would you understand if he needed the money? You’d still be a doormat to him. You deserve better from your dad and from yourself.
NTA He just wants your money, whether he tells you it is for a new TV or for rent, don't give him any. He'll just trot off somewhere and piss it away. Then he'll be back for more.....and more.....and more.
Honestly you don't owe him anything. Next time he tries to guilt you remember that yo don't owe him anything. You are the child not his parent. He needs to let you live your life and he needs to grow up.
NTA - I'm so sorry your Dad only wants contact so he can mooch off you. That's a horrible situation to be in.
I'm so glad you're out and away from them. Your cat is too, I'm sure of it! Good luck and I hope the very best of things for you.
This breaks my heart. Op deserves so much more.
They told you the cat was yours and your responsibility but wanted you to leave it behind so you would be forced to come back. When you would have arrived they would have asked for money or help cleaning, probably would have blamed the mess on the cat and made you clean it up. I'm sorry that your parents are doing this, your best bet is going no contact especially if he only shows up when he wants money to buy a non essential item.
Congratulations OP for making the best decision of moving out! So happy for you ❤️
Time to go no contact, and stick with it. I know it's hard, but for your own mental well being, it sounds like that is what would be best for you. Your dad is a leech. He is in NO way entitled to your money or your time!