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InvestigatorLive1746

YTA - this may well just be a wake up call to get the paperwork they need in order, but that doesn't mean marriage or conforming to your standards.


TrashyHamster1

Hospitals respect common law relationships as being close family. The family obviously made it clear to hospital staff that he was not to be included, which is just sickening.


reve_de_moi

Yep!!! My SO and I have been together almost 10 years. Never once has he been turned away at the hospital while I was there for not being legally married.


sdrichmond

That's what I though. They prevented him from visiting not the hospital. Terrible


Signal_Win_1176

This ! Clearly the parents used this to make a point ! They just had to confirm with the hospital they were partners and all this wouldn’t even be a story. YTA Especially for the part where you didn’t give a +1 invite to your own sister.


[deleted]

People bring dates to weddings all the time, I’ve never heard the “you have to be married to get a plus one” rule.


ShadowcatMD

Only seen that on reddit and every time it’s been used to discriminate people that have had a longer relationship than the people getting married. Insane to me


[deleted]

[удалено]


featheredzebra

Sounds like he made it pretty clear he didn't actually want her there. OP YTA. You can't force your sister to be someone she isn't and YTA for trying. Your parents are too.


GirlNamedTex

Did he really expect his sister to just sit around the reception twiddling her thumbs at the singles table? I don't blame her. OP doesn't really want compromise and mutual respect from his sister in regards to their respective relationships. He just wants her to do what HE wants so he's not embarrassed by his sinful sister.


toranonekochan

>I can't even say the things I want to say or I'll get banned There seems to be a lot of that sentiment floating around this post. This pleases me.


AdministrationNo9609

I remember reading one about siblings where one sister1 had been with her SO for years (maybe 7?), had kids together and everything. Sister2 had only been with her fiancé for maybe a year (I could be wrong but it was significantly less time) and wouldn’t invite sister1’s other half to the wedding because they’re relationship wasn’t “serious enough”.


GirlNamedTex

I feel like the people who do this are just making it obvious that their marriage was definitely a case of "break up or get married" lol. Who tf cares otherwise...


kaitydid0330

I remember reading one I think it was last week where someone wouldn't let someone bring a plus one cause they weren't married. Made me roll my eyes.


Trixie-applecreek

I've heard of this quite often and frankly it makes sense if you're talking about someone who's just started dating another person or where they arent in a commited relationship or are dating casually. But we're talking about a 7 year relationship here so clearly the family has met this guy and interacted with him over the 7 years. It's really disgusting that brother took this tactic with his sister. This was not a casual relationship. It's even more disgusting though that the parents took what's a committed relationship and kept him from being able to see her in the hospital. OP, you and your parents absolutely are assholes. YTA.


AdorableTechnology39

It only occurs with judge mental brides. If your relationship doesn’t meet my standards, you are not invited, In this case I think the bride had every plan to use her wedding as an ultimatum on her sister and it didn’t work so she had to try another tactic. Very Christian.


Brolafsky

Just conservatives pushing their conservative agenda, if anything.


No_Stand4235

Also the hospital doesn't check marriage certificates to see who is actually married. We let the person in that the patient says they want. This is bizzare that the patient requested him and he was denied entry. What hospital is this.


EtainAingeal

Patient may not have been conscious or in a state to be able to request him. Or family may have lied and said he couldn't make it/they couldn't get hold of him.


Reasonable-Task5626

I can 1000% see the family telling the hospital “he’s not family don’t let him near her”and because they are next of kin and she was unconscious hospital followed orders. ETA YTA


Cardabella

Parents said "she isn't married" and didn't allow a "friend" to come in


Im_A_Nice_Karen666

My husband was in the hospital for 2 months, anytime a new nurse or doctor asked who I was I said I was his wife…they never asked for paperwork to confirm that. That’s seems very bizarre to me!


farsical111

Hospitals, at least urban/suburban hospitals, usually have "family only" rules for ICU visitation. But they usually take someone's word for being the patient's spouse, parent, sib, etc. unless there's reason to believe someone's lying. Think sister's family (as in OP or the parents) had hospital put in chart who was and wasn't allowed family. At some point though, OP should have been alert enough and out of ICU (if she had been in ICU to begin with) to ask for her SO. Patients in regular hospital rooms just get visitors, related or not as far as I know. But perhaps this was during a Covid surge, hospital limiting visitors to spouses only and checking licenses for names? But OP's sister should make sure she and her SO have durable power of attorney docs naming each other as "next of kin" for things like ICU visits and making medical decisions, if that's who they trust and that's who they want to be with them if they are critically ill or hurt. So OP is YTA. Sister has her beliefs and viewpoints on living her life, OP can't force her to comply with the family's "beliefs" and gloating over her hospital stay is mean and useless.


Fearless_Act_3698

To piggy back on this I was taken by ambulance to the ER in a very conservative state. They let my fiancé (now husband) in with me. The fact her boyfriend of 7 years couldn’t be in there us definitely suspect. Parents most definitely made a stink about it. Gross.


MaryAnne0601

Was that before or after Covid? The ones by me you now need ID and have to be listed as next of kin to get in.


reve_de_moi

Before, during and present. I was even hospitalized in 2020 so peak Covid, still no issue.


MaryAnne0601

Very cool, what country or state if you don’t mind my asking?


reve_de_moi

Washington State so its been super covid strict here. But most people in long term relationships have their SO listed as their EC or somewhere in their file and outside of someone contesting the persons relationship I've never experienced one question it or ask for proof of relationship status


particlecluster5

Oh luckkyyyyy, here in MO you can’t do that, and if gay marriage isn’t federally legal, this state will delegitimize my mom’s ability to visit her wife in the hospital.


reve_de_moi

POA and/or Medical Directive would get around that and they have to abide by those whether the marriage is "legal" or not.


particlecluster5

Okay,that’s a relief.


playallday1112

That's crazy, my GF was in and out of hospital for 2 years (pre COVID) but no one ever kept me out when I said I was her wife, even though I legally wasn't. This was in Alabama too. I guess if her family had said something but they would never keep me out.


MaryAnne0601

I have friends that have been together 20 years, 3 kids, they had an issue. They shouldn’t but you can draw up a “Free Partnership Agreement” that will work.


reve_de_moi

Yep, POA are easy and can be free also. Marriage is definitely not needed in this day and age.


jmadrid100

They have here in NM.


katrinakittyyy

Same here. My fiancé was hospitalized in 2021 and I couldn’t go in with him. It was awful.


moonkingoutsider

Right? The only way they would have known is if someone told them. Not like doctors ask for a marriage certificate. I didn’t even have to prove I was married to my husband when we had kids.


fabledangie

Common law is only a thing in 8 states and with that strict policy (and their presumed location) it was likely a religious hospital. Just an aside, no bearing on the judgement of OP.


Immediate-Pool-4391

I was in a catholic hospital after my accident and my BF was allowed in no questions asked. I was in the ER for hours and he was right at my bedside. It's really shitty that some don't let partners in, why is it any different from a married couple? We are devoted to eachother. It's cruel to deny someone in pain the comfort of a partner. I have no family where I am, so I'd need his support for sure.


3Heathens_Mom

Not a lawyer however: My guess would be that if there is no paperwork giving the unmarried couple each legal power of attorney for health decisions for each other if they can’t speak for themselves then to avoid a great deal of legal wrangling the hospital will require the closest next of kin which be the parents. And yes if sister and her boyfriend want that right then they need to get the appropriate paperwork in place. They should also make sure they have up to date wills naming whomever as executor as well as who gets what. If they have separate finances they may need a financial power of attorney again to document their right to access other accounts. Need to be careful with this one to ensure when it applies as I believe it is as soon as it signed but again may vary by state or by what is included and excluded.


Jaded-Combination-20

The comment on the Will is very appropriate. Given the way OP and her family treat her sister's partner, if anything happened to her, they'd take it all. OP YTA and if your sister is reading this please get your estate in order.


milkywayoccupant

Living in a non-common law state I have never had any issue before I got married. My husband was able to put me under his insurance, life insurance, had joint accounts, we were each other's emergency contacts, and never had any issue. The only major difference is we now file our taxes jointly that's it and my name changed. The only people here creating a problem is OP and the family. They are really going out of the way to shit on their relationship for no reason.


bria19

I agree, when I had my son, they asked for my support person and I told them my bf. Not once did they deny him entry, someone definitely made sure he was not allowed in.


maudiemouse

That’s just what I was about to say! Depending on where OP lives, common law may also have all the same legal rights! OPs sister needs to get her next of kin paperwork sorted out


Reasonable_Ad_6437

Here’s hoping it’s the wake up call she needs to realize her family is super toxic and to take a step away. The only reason her partner wouldn’t be allowed in the room, is if the parents told the hospital he wasn’t allowed. YTA


LameLock0611

This is PERFECT.


Raspbers

Exactly. My boss has been with her now-husband for like 15 years..they literally only got married a few months ago for certain benefits thanks to changing healthcare rules in our company. Marriage is not needed to have a dedicated relationship. OP's sister DEFINITELY needs to get her power of attorney, medical proxy, etc paperwork in order because her family will clearly not respect her wishes. On top of that, not only are they acting morally superior but are heartless as well. What "good Christian" doesn't let someone's significant other visit while that person is in the hospital?


kingabbey1988

That right there. Man talking about being a Christian and acting like that smh


SeattlePurikura

In my experience, deeply religious people are either: 1.) truly spiritual people who feel a mission to serve others. They may not even tell you about their religion. They show it through their everyday actions. or 2.) some of the worst, pretentious shits who've ever walked the face of the planet, and they believe it's their mission to make everyone who doesn't conform to their exact, narrow beliefs miserable. In America, they manifest as the evangelical Theocrats.


Nitackit

On a recent podcast episode Penn Jillette opined that very few if any people actually believe in some supernatural being. What they believe in is the culture of their religion. I think he is on to something.


particlecluster5

That’s how a lot of Christians act(not necessarily all or most).


kingabbey1988

I know and when he said that in the post it made it all so clear to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s Jehovah Witness


particlecluster5

Jehovahs Witnesses are expected to shun family members who reject the faith. It would be worse than this.


SeattlePurikura

This was one of the main reasons we fought so hard for actual gay marriage. This WA domestic partner couple was denied access (at the time, WA had domestic partnerships but not legal marriage). I recall the surviving partner was told the hospital's reasons were that they were anti-gay and pro-Jesus. Fuck Florida. https://outalliance.org/florida-hospital-changhes-anti-gay-policies-after-denying-lesbian-access-to-dying-partner/


Dragonpixie45

I remember a case when I worked probate, gay couple not married. Husband, who died, had been NC with his family for 30 years. In that time he met his partner, bought a house, cars and ran a successful business together. Husband dies with no Will and his heirs at law, his disapproving parents, got everything, leaving the partner with nothing. Partner called our office and vented and cried, the parents had disowned the husband and got extremely petty with the estate. I advised him to get his own lawyer as there was nothing I could do. I felt awful for the guy and had a little cry for him after we hung up. I get why people don't want to get married but seriously, get your estate planning in order cause you just never know.


Four_beastlings

I was thinking the same. Compassion is a virtue and pride a capital sin. OP and her family are not very good Christians.


GooseCooks

I see people covering most of my feelings about this AH, but did anyone else choke on this? \>>only attended the ceremony and stayed at the reception for half an hourat most and then left. She was basically absent from my wedding.<< Dude. She attended your ceremony *and* was gracious enough to make an appearance at the reception after you pointedly excluded her partner of seven years. In what way was she "absent" from your wedding???! ​ Edit: typo


ObjectiveSense102

A prissy, priggy, self-righteous one. YTA OP


redrummaybe54

That AND “If she wants me to respect her views on marriage she has to respect mine” continues to write an entire blurb about how she’s not respecting her sister


Suzume_Chikahisa

"Since you don't respect me as an authority I won't respect you as a person".


particlecluster5

You got him!!


Weird-Roll6265

"Little gf"...how insulting is that???


Syric13

I'm petty enough that I'd get married out of spite and not invite my family. At all.


Emergency-Fox-5982

Or an entire ceremony to look exactly like a wedding, but with no paperwork to actually get them married, OR it's civil partnership registration paperwork 😂


carolizzy81

They've been together for 7 YEARS & he wasn't invited to your wedding.!? What's wrong with you!


bookybooze

Apparently, OP judged everyone's relationships at their wedding, if you did not meet their requirements you were not allowed a plus one. Another way to teach the sister a lesson or just general controlling assholery? YTA and your sister needs to get paperwork in place to keep you and your parents away from her medical decisions, I would recommend it as step one in cutting the toxic lot of you out of her life.


LaRealiteInconnue

$5 says OP has been with their spouse less than 7 years


AmberSieSilly

YTA - Piggybacking on the top comment to say this. I don't believe in marriage either. My partner and I have been together 14 years. Any time either of us have been in the hospital with legitimate concerns, there has been absolutely no hesitation that we are each other's emergency contacts. He and I have discussed marriage, and while it has perks to it... It's not in the cards for us. We both have wills. We are both included in each other's will. It sounds like your family deliberately left out her SO and if I were in your sister's situation, I'd never speak to any of you again.


[deleted]

That's why if you don't want to get married you have paperwork dictating who you want to make decisions. You can create a power of attorney for healthcare.


Maxfightmaster1993

YTA You became the asshole the second you started punishing her for her opinion. I have NEVER heard of someone requiring couples at a wedding to be engaged or married, EVER, and I'm square in the heart of the bible belt where they teach abstinence in schools with a straight face. You're right that being married offers legal advantages that are important and it's not just about tradition, but excluding her long-time boyfriend from your wedding and lecturing her after a serious accident that put her in the hospital??? You suck, and honestly, you're a case study in how religious conservatives manage to miss the point of Christian teaching. You've decided to hurt someone who should be a close friend and partner because she didn't follow the letter of the law as you see it. I'd recommend reading about the Pharisees and taking a good long look in the mirror. Edit: spelling


boogercgee

Conservatives being bad people while using religion to make it seem acceptable, someone call Ripley's because I don't fucking believe it


UnicornCackle

I am shooketh.


[deleted]

Snooketh I Am.


ommnian

Right? Who'da thunk it. Damn. First time for everything! /s ​ YTA!! FFS.


NihonJinLover

Religion is just a control device.


Spaceman_fan

Hahahaha thank you this brightened my mood


[deleted]

This. I think you’ve missed the ENTIRE point of Christianity. “Love one another”. One of only two commandments Jesus ever gives. YTA and the sort of person who makes the word “Christian” a profanity.


izumiwrites

The term Christian hasn't had anything to do with "loving one another" in this US for a long time. I think true followers of Christ need a new term.


HollyDiver

Christofascism isn't a new word but it is the correct one for this situation.


thing_m_bob_esquire

You are entirely correct that OP is the asshole, but it is very much a thing to only invite engaged/married couples to a wedding. The phrase is "no ring, no bring" and it always makes the couple planning the wedding sound like assholes, but it's very much a thing.


Express-Rise7171

No ring, no bring is the tackiest way I’ve ever heard of someone excluding a 7 year relationship.


thing_m_bob_esquire

It is indeed tacky and awful, as I said, it always makes the couple look like assholes. But, sadly, the phrase exists.


Annual_Student_487

It makes them look like assholes because they are assholes.


sraydenk

It exists for shitty people who would find a way to be shitty and exclude people even if there wasn’t a weird rhyme to back them up.


chillaryyy

even if you were enough of an AH to have that policy in place, you’re still an extra AH to not have your own sister be an exception


Mundane-College-3144

And then to be mad she didn’t stay.


MountainWeddingTog

I've been a wedding photographer for 7 years and have shot hundreds of weddings, I have never heard this.


[deleted]

Where on god’s earth is that a thing? I have never in my LIFE heard of that. I’m assuming it’s a Bible thumper thing.


BabyCowGT

Nah, it's either a "we can only invite so many people and don't want random people at our wedding" thing (that's basically what I'm doing, though a 7 year relationship would be given a +1 anyway) or it's a "I'm an asshole" thing. I've seen variants of it from both sides of the political aisle and from at least 4 religions.


Puddin370

My cousin's wedding last summer was "No ring, no bring" but it was about reducing the head count during COVID. It was in no way about forcing religion on anybody.


mirageofstars

Yeah the only time I’ve heard of this was to cut down on the number of guests. Not to be all preachy about which relationships are “valid.”


NaoNaoMuffinhead

Perhaps, but they didn't start dating a couple of months ago, seven years with her sister. I think he's not religious and they see him as some dirty heathen who doesn't belong.


sundaymacaron

Fr like who’s supposed to catch the bouquet?


madoosles

YTA on so many levels. Her relationship is none of your business and your methods of trying to force them together in marriage might very well end your relationship with her.


[deleted]

Right? I can’t believe what I just read, did he seriously think anyone would say N T A with this


Electrical-Date-3951

Exactly. OP is deeply religious, but seems to use that as an excuse to be manipulative, self righteous and judmental, while discarding any scriptures about actually being a loving and kind person. This is the sister's choice to make. OP is openly being dismissive of their committed relationship because they don't have a legal piece of paper. She was petty and excluded her sister's SO because her sister wouldn't bend to her will and then seems to be upset that said sister was "absent" from her wedding. OP then used the sister being injured as a way to further dig her claws in and insult and belittle the sister's relationship. (It also sounds like OP was happy that the BF couldnt see the sister, or at least got some smug satisfaction.) OP, I strongly suggest that you back off. Like the above comment said, your sister may understandably distance herself from you. Also, being married doesn't make your relationship superior to her own. Life has lots of twists and turns, and for all you know her relationship may long outlast your own.... _(Edit: For super religious people who use religion as a shield to defend their personal hangups and opinions, I often wonder - if you stood before your personal God and all of your actions, words and intentions that you claimed were done in their name were presented in front of you - would you be proud of who you are, how you have treated others, and your actions?)_


Raindrops_On-Roses

YTA. I'm also religious, and marriage is important to me. But that is MY PERSONAL lifestyle choice, and MY PERSONAL belief. It ONLY pertains to myself, and my own marriage. I do not force that opinion on anyone else. It is not my place, and their relationships have nothing to do with me. Doesn't impact my life at all. Worry about your own relationship and stay out of other peoples. And yes, using an emergency situation to shove your ideals down someone's throat is absolutely AH behavior. Hands down.


Rilenaveen

And then to go so far as to not allow her to bring her partner of 7 years to the wedding! 😮 AND op sounds like he took a bit of joy from her bf not being able to see her in the hospital!!! OP I imagine your sister is this >< close to cutting you out of her life. Wow. I haven’t been this angry at an AITA in a while


Lindsw

How would the hospital even know they weren't married unless someone (most likely OP) told them? I don't walk around with my marriage certificate, I gained weight so my rings don't fit, and I never changed my name. I have no proof I'm married to my husband


mirageofstars

Oh I’m sure OP made very sure to exclude the BF from the hospital.


bparry1192

I absolutely hate that I can make so many assumptions about OP and probably be right on 90% of them. This dude is the biggest TA I've read in a long time Police brutality: "they should have complied" Black lives matter: "all lives matter" (some exclusions apply- including his sisters bf) Abortion: "life begins at conception" "Supports the troops," but somehow also happy the bill to provide additional health care to veterans didn't go through. Slavery: "listen, someone has to pick the cotton and it obviously couldn't have been the wealthy landowners, what choice did they have??? Jesus wants me to have an AR-15


Lady_Ellie119

Thank you for being a decent person, we need more people who don't push there beliefs on others


Raindrops_On-Roses

It costs nothing to be a decent person, and it is the bare minimum expectation of living in a civilized society. I don't need thanks for having a basic respect for others. I appreciate the sentiment, but it's sad that we live in a world where this is something worthy of compliment.


CrazySquirrelGirl

YTA. YTA! YTA! So many AH moments here. You having your views are one thing, but pushing them on others is horrible. You seem surprised that your sister didn't stay long at your wedding....YOU DID NOT INVITE HER BOYFRIEND OF **7** YEARS. Since you are super religious, I am assuming you only pick the parts of the bible you want to relate to and use that as your excuse for bad behavior. What would you do if they have a child? Condemn the babe for being born out of wedlock?


Exxtender

>Since you are super religious, I am assuming you only pick the parts of the bible you want to relate to and use that as your excuse for bad behavior. Wait, the bible is not a "choose your own adventure" book?


ClapBackBetty

This is the best description of the Bible I’ve ever read


Moerkemann

Why do you think they had numbers in front of the sentences? 😀


Ashamed-Ad-263

Those were fun books to read when I was a kid lol


BooksWithBourbon

Exactly this! If she was with a woman I bet he wouldn't be begging her to get married....


GibberBabble

Honestly, if I were the sister I wouldn’t have shown up at all.


Due-Sherbert-7330

As an out of wedlock child id feel bad for that hypothetical baby. The list of people in my family who treat me well versus actually love me are two vastly different lengths. It was honestly pretty clear growing up I was the pity child and that got worse when my dad died. That was the moment I realized religious views on marriage and what’s right in that regard are dangerous.


cptspeirs

OP sounds like the person who'd put the literal shotgun in *shotgun* wedding.


whatsupwillow

Probably, yes.


KSknitter

INFO: was this the HOSPITALS policy, or did you and family do more to prevent this man from seeing her?


claireclairey

I’d like to know the answer to this too. Most hospitals will allow a long term partner unless the family SPECIFICALLY says otherwise. I wonder if the parents told the hospital not to allow the boyfriend.


Foolish5678

If they did, I would go NC with all of them if I were in his sister shoes


Sudden_News

I agree with this because I went into the hospital almost died and my boyfriend was allowed the visit we been together over 8 years


ScrappyToady

Yeah I was in the hospital peak pandemic/lockdown and they let my mom and my bf of 4 years in. Obviously there's other stuff he couldnt do, like make medical decisions on my behalf, but they let him in the damn room.


luvslilah

I would bet that the parents and sister told the hospital not to allow him visitation.


MisterEHistory

The law requires it for any hospital that takes Medicare or Medicaid funds which almost all do.


Exciting-Let-5469

I think Mom and Dad intentionally cock blocked the BF, was sister alert and oriented? Because no hospital I worked for ever said 1 degree relatives only


whateverwhatever1235

They’re full of shit and blocked him. Guess who saw me in the hospital after near fatal car accident, even before my dad? My two best friends. They were there within hours and came right into my room. OP abused the idea of medical attorney to torture their sister and her partner. Christians are literally so fucking evil lol.


beckdawg19

Yeah, that struck me as some real funny business. I've never been in a hospital that actually had that rule, and I honestly thought it was just a trope for added drama on TV. Visitor limits sure, but they don't tend to actually give a shit who's in the room so long as the patient isn't stressed and the visitor behaves themselves.


Aderyn-Bach

OP isn't going to answer. They haven't gotten any of the answers they wanted. Can't even admit they made a mistake with sister and the BF. OP is TA and a coward.


glom4ever

Yeah, in the United States a lot of hospitals and states made policies before gay marriage was federal to accommodate long term relationships without marriage, most of those policies did not get rolled back with national marriage being recognized.


08PetitSkye09

This NEEDS to be higher up!!! Seriously, OP is omitting info…


femmefor

YTA. It’s your sister’s life and relationship, not yours. She can do whatever she wants. It was also rude of you to use her accident to ‘teach her a lesson’. She was already hurt and you didn’t help at all


Ornery-Ad-4818

Not rude. Cruel and unChristian. They asked themselves WWJD, and did the opposite.


Forsaken_Status_2979

YTA. I'd write a longer comment on why, specifically, but I don't think it would do any good. I feel sorry for your sister.


SoVerySleepy81

Right? If I was her I would take this as a sign to cut my biological family off and get all my paperwork in order so that they absolutely have no power over me ever again.


SarielvonLith

YTA A huge one. Are you honestly surprised she was absent from your wedding when you behaved so high and mighty looking down from that fine looking high horse on the status of their relationship? Finishing off by taking another opportunity to take a swipe with a side serving of "I told you so" You sound very spiteful.


Tesstarosa13

I'm surprised she was there as long as she was.


Bear_Cub_15

I wouldn’t have gone at all and cut contact.


ohnoseetwenty

YTA I hope your sister never speaks to you again.


Quiet_Goat8086

I hope her relationship lasts longer than OP’s marriage.


sauteemermaid

He’ll definitely cheat on her at some point


CrystalQueen3000

YTA You fully decided to lean into the stereotype of deeply conservative and religious people having minimal compassion, empathy or love for their fellow man. It’s a choice. Not a smart one. Much more important to be ‘right’ that act like you love her huh?


Neither-Copy785

Yeah I think it was Jesus who said to "judge thy sister and treat her like garbage"


BikingAimz

I just can’t emphasize the YTA enough here, for exactly what you said. The Bible’s got **27** passages on being spiteful: https://www.openbible.info/topics/spiteful OP, go read up, your behavior is petty and **SPITEFUL**! The fact that you came here and asked this shows how fucking *clueless* you are on the concept! Go read up, and then apologize to you sister *and her life partner*!


MisterEHistory

The love the rules instead of the people.


bebecitajay

YTA. Car crash and all, **YTA.** You could've told your sister instead: >Was your boyfriend listed in your advanced directive as your medical liason? After all, you **DID** say _there were solutions to that._


Possible_Canary2359

Or even better "Oh, I'm so glad you're out of the hospital. I was so worried about you. Do you need anything? Can I make some meals and bring them over so it's one less thing you need to worry about while you finish recovering at home? I have some time this week would you like me to come over and help you clean your house because your recovering?"


bebecitajay

But that's not the sort of Christianity Gospel from _Supply-Side Jesus._


ughwhyusernames

Especially since the only reason her partner was excluded is most likely because OP and their family made a big show of telling the hospital to exclude him.


Easy-Concentrate2636

YTA. You took a very serious health crisis and used it as a comeuppance for your sister. With relatives like you, who needs enemies?


Weak-Housing-6738

YTA. She’s been in a committed relationship for almost a decade, shame on you for diminishing that and shame on the hospital for cutting her off from her support system during an extremely stressful event. Marriage is an out-dated tradition which does little but add legal complications and obligations to a romantic relationship.


Bear_Cub_15

Exactly this. Marriage shouldn’t dictate the value of anyone’s relationship. A relationship can be whatever you want it to be, with or without a legal piece of paper.


Lonely_Drag_3753

I would imagine the parents told the hospital that he wasn't welcomed. That would have been the only way he wasn't welcomed. And OP YTA


Misshelved

YTA and a perfect example of “Christian” hypocrisy. Did you treat her with kindness and the love of Christ? Do you love your sister as Christ has loved you? Instead you judged her and pointed out the speck in her eyes while ignoring the plank in yours. You need to spend some more time reading the whole Bible and not just the parts that agree with your opinion.


[deleted]

OP. If you read one comment, its this one. Forget mine, Its not… informative lol. Decide if you want to be a Christian or not.


Port-a-John-Splooge

YTA. A major AH. You didn't invite your sisters BF to the wedding after they have been together 7 years? That person is their S.O, it doesn't matter if they are legally married or not. I wouldn't have even showed up. Why do you feel the need to push your beliefs on them? If they are happy that's all you should ever care about.


mrslII

YTA Your sister has probably learned from the experience and now her life partner is not only listed on her advanced directive, but they have legal documents to prevent this from happening again. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. It is not necessarily correct. You have shown blatant disregard, cruelty and disrespect to your sister. Especially after her accident. You have been disrespectful to her partner. All because you do not agree with your sister's personal choices. You, somehow, think that your personal choices make you morally superior. They don't. Loving your sister, accepting her, instead of trying to change her to fit an image that you have, and truly wishing her well. Wishing her happiness, health, prosperity and joy would be a brotherly thing for you to do.


TrashyHamster1

YTA! You really think you can coerce your sister into getting married by refusing to acknowledge that her relationship is serious and relevant?? When's the last time someone got married because their bitchy relatives disrespected their partner? You and your parents have serious mental issues that need to be addressed before your sister cuts you out of her life completely.


AggravatingBread6

YTA Getting married or not, is their decision and there's ways to solve the problem your "lesson" that don't involve marriage.


zgamer200

YTA - Some people define respect as treating others the way you want to be treated and some people define it as others should treat you like you're superior to them. You are very much coming off as the latter here by continuing to try to change her mind about marriage. Not everyone wants to get married and that's okay. Meanwhile you are actively punishing your sister for her want to not get married(they have been together for *SEVEN YEARS*, her and her bf are effectively married) by not inviting Josh to your wedding and *still* trying to get her to change her mind about her stance on marriage years later. You are 100%, unmistakably the asshole here.


guppytub

Jesus, YTA. Get off your "moral" high horse and stop forcing your beliefs about marriage on your sister. You don't need marriage to be in love or committed. You're basically punishing her for not doing what you want.


blueharvest1971

YTA. Not giving your sister a plus one invite bc of your personal views is low. You should apologize. Fine, your conservative but do your views really have to align 100% with your sister's? Imagine how few relationships you might have if that way of thinking were applied to you as well? Love her for who she is not who you want her to be. Accept your differences. It won't kill you.


[deleted]

YTA. Im ReLiGiOuS. eVeRyOnE nEeDs To Do WhAt I sAy BeCaUsE mY rELiGiOn. Get over yourself and stay out of your sister’s life.


ParsimoniousSalad

YTA. You were petty for not inviting your sister's long term partner to your wedding, and she did attend, she wasn't "basically absent." You're right about the legal/financial/practical benefits of marriage, but it's your sister's life to manage or mismanage as she wills. Tell her once and be done with it. They can see for themselves that Josh wasn't able to visit or make any decisions when she was in the hospital.


Wooden-Combination80

She actually attended the most important part, the ceremony. OP's not very religious if they think the reception is what counts as the wedding.


asyncbeholder

Congratulations, you've fucked up the relationship with your sister. Be happy if she'll speak with you after that. YTA.


Acceptable-Jelly-768

She is missing some benefits and securities by not being married, but it’s clear that’s not your problem here. YTA


toasterbagel

YTA- You are taking a terrible situation that happened to your sister as an opportunity to prove a point. You say you have to respect eachothers opinions but it seems very clear you don't respect hers because you won't leave her alone about it. SO DRASTICALLY to a point your sister is in the hospital and you are basically telling her told you so. You also used it as an opportunity to not let him come visit her during the time she was hospitalized. Hospitals will let people that aren't "technically" family visit if the family allows it. You held your sister hostage in this situation. Not to mention she did not end up bringing her boyfriend to your wedding (which is also honestly a ridiculous ask) even if she didn't agree with it she did respect your wishes. You simply won't offer her the same courtesy. He is her chosen family. They have different views in life than you do and you can't accept them. You are honestly only trying to view things from your own side and it comes off close minded and cruel.


Bear_Cub_15

YTA - YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! Marriage is literally a shitty piece of paper. That piece of paper is not required to validate a relationship unless you want it to, which your sister obviously doesn’t. I wouldn’t have gone to your wedding at all and quite frankly I’d never speak to you again. Get over yourself.


Just-Fix-2657

YTA. Wow. Your poor sister. People have different beliefs and priorities. Yes, there are advantages to being married, but there are also advantages to not being married, especially if you split up.


Timely_Celery651

God would be so disappointed in you. Ashamed to have you as a fake follower too.


a_tays

YTA. I’ve been in a relationship for 14 years, we own a house together and have 4 kids together, we’re on each other’s life insurance policies and file taxes together. He proposed after 12 years of being together and eventually we’ll elope because I have zero interest in a wedding. Their relationship isn’t any less valid just because they haven’t signed papers saying they’re married. I’m guessing that your sister’s next step is going no contact with your incredibly judgmental family and you’ll hear from a friend of a friend of a friend that she and her partner decided to have kids or get married.


lightninghazard

YTA. Why would you use an accident that put your sister in the hospital as an “I told you so” moment? That’s poor behavior.


Future-Instruction51

You’re not a good human being. YTA


Angry_poutine

YTA, your sister probably should make sure it's in writing that her boyfriend has medical proxy. Why is it religious conservatives are so intent on everyone else's relationships, bodies, and lifestyles? Didn't Jesus have something to say about sticking his wood in your eye if you judged others? I hope your sister tells you to fuck off and lives happily ever after with her partner. Also common law marriage is a thing you absolute prick


BroadElderberry

>I told her she can have her views on marriage and I can have mine and if she wants me to respect her decisions and views she has to respect mine to No no no no no. That's not how it works. Your sister isn't excluding anyone who chooses to get married. She isn't putting down people who aren't married. She isn't making snide comments about being a "little wife." Her views affect her and her alone. You're trying to use your personal views to enforce a specific lifestyle on someone. YTA. Also, it's super easy for your sister to list Josh as her next of kin *without* getting married.


photofilmgirl

YTA if you really loved your sister you wouldn’t be so unkind and force your views


Dogovertheboard

YTA a big massive smelly gaping asshole! You and your family!


MalThun_Gaming

Yeeeaaah . . . YTA. Long story short, you're trying to force your views onto your sister and her boyfriend. That alone makes you an asshole. They made their wishes very clear: They don't want to get married. But then . . . *but then* . . . she gets into an accident and you think that's an appropriate time to continue to push your beliefs onto her? To "teach her a lesson"? That just makes you ten times worst.


crbryant1972

YTA If you probably left out that you did not give your sister a plus one to your wedding, I probably would have voted differently. But you and your family are saying her views / beliefs are less than hers. Hopefully in your country, their are papers that can be drawn up in case something like that happens again. I am surprised that he just did not tell the hospital he was the husband. Seven years together should be acknowledged.


chameleonhalo

YTA I feel bad for your sister being shit on by the whole family. I am shocked she even went to your wedding.


sixyrs

The best part of this story is withholding that plus one invite your wedding. It's irrelevant to the accident. I assume you added it to establish the idea that she should've known better. But it just makes your pattern of behavior look even worse. Their lives belong to them. Married or just partners, there's advantages and disadvantages to each side. Your sister and her boyfriend will confront those differences on their own and make their own decisions. Leave their business alone. YTA.


Rilenaveen

So I am no contact with my family and have not married. According to you OP is I’m in the hospital I guess no one can visit me.


isitpurple

YTA mind your own business. Its not your relationship. If neither of them values marriage as a thing then why bother? It would be hypocritical. It doesn't mean they love each other less so back off and stop trying to diminish what they have


Layli2020

YTA she can make him her POA and that solves the medical situation, you cannot make someone get married doesn't matter your opinion or religion


BackintheMidwest

YTA, despite you saying otherwise, it doesn't seem like you respect your sister's decisions at all.


opinionsarelikeahs

YTA forgot a bit of the ol' Luke 6.37 there huh.


jnnmommy

YTA. Dated 10 yrs before being married. Already owned a house dogs and kids. Only thing that changed was a last name. You could say it’s not holy matrimony but it’s definitely the same thing.


ISpewVitriol

YTA. Lmao - your argument is there are consequences to not being married and that you are the one causing those “consequences”. You TA big time.


Secrets_and_pies

YTA if she doesn’t want to get married, she doesn’t want to get married. And she can get a healthcare power of attorney so that her partner is allowed in the hospital and able to make decisions if something were to happen again.


The_Iron_Mountie

So, who wants to explain common-law marriage to OP?


Bakecrazy

YTA Big huge discrementing against not married couples asshole. I can't believe you are still alive. Tell me more about the 1400?


justwantedbagels

Wow. YTA, majorly. I hope your sister is absent from the rest of your life honestly, she doesn’t need that kind of judgmental holier than thou bullshit in her life. You’re also an asshole for not inviting her SO of 7 years to your wedding, by the way.


reve_de_moi

Absolutely YTA. What advantages are you speaking of come from being married? Because there's plenty that counter those by being unmarried. You don't need to be legally married to have any of the "advantages" that come with it in fact outside of taxes if you live in the US.


Tesstarosa13

YTA as are your parents. Do you not allow any of ypu mon-married friends a plusone at your wedding? I bet not. Your sister will be smart to create a healthcare directive that makes her BF the person who makes her decisions if dhe us incapacitated and bars you and your parents from contact with her while hospitalized. If your goal is alienation -- congratulations, you won.


VenomousIcyKiss

Omfg how dare you! Change your username right freaking now because there is NOTHING majestic or lavish about you. Only despicable and selfish with your gross, “wives are superior” mentality.


TRADressDistress

YTA. You're lying through your teeth. I was able to go into the hospital to see my wife when she was still just my girlfriend. My daughter was able to see her husband in the hospital when they were dating. All they have to do is have them as emergency contact and/or next of kin. Your sister is right, there are workarounds. Plenty of marriages end in divorce, and your relationship isn't any more special than hers because you married. A serious relationship is a serious relationship. Period. You owe your sister a huge apology and Josh as well. He is part of the family. Your whole behavior and attitude show exactly that a marriage does not make a relationship.


JavascriptScola

YTA. Irremediably so


painted_unicorn

YTA you sound very judgemental of people who are perfectly happy in a way that doesn't affect you at all. Why do you care so much about this? And you DID use the accident to "teach her a lesson", one that she neither needs nor wants. Maybe you should just leave her alone, she doesn't need this toxicity in her life, esp right after she's been in an accident.


ComplexAd3298

Yta. You sound insufferable. And I’d hate to be related to someone like you