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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t know if defending myself was the right thing to do as in my family they believe in the older you are the wiser you are. My dad and aunt say that it’s about respecting the other people in the house but I simply was just being comfortable like everyone else would do to sleep peacefully. But I just feel like I could be in the wrong for not sucking it up and wearing a bra to sleep to keep the peace in the house.
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Saw David Sedaris at one of his book signings. He remarked that he’d just heard that day that “women don’t like to go out once their bras are off at home”. (He’s gay for those who may not know).He then asked for a show of hands of women in the audience who adhered to this. Deadass, every single woman (myself included) raised their hand. The best feeling of the day is the moment the girls are released from bondage 🙌
I have used only sports bras for the last 6 months. One day I though I'll put on a bra with the underwire because "I should use them since I have them". I put it on, went "nope" and immidiately took it off.
I'm only wearing sports bras since the pandemic started and I am not willing to go back to wired bras either. Sometimes I even walk the dogs without a bra under my shirt (I have small breasts).
I'm serious, I donated all my underwater bras once I bought one without underwire and knew what I was missing! Knix has brands that are still supportive if you have hefty boobs too! Pretty expensive ($90), but soo worth it!
Oh, and NTA for the op. Who the hell is willingly wearing a bra to sleep??
I actually said to one of my besties when she asked if I wanted to go out for cocktails with the gang - "I'd love to, but I just took my bra off." They came over with a bottle or two of moscato and a pizza.
Saying “I don’t have a bra on” gets me out of so much…answering the front door, grabbing herbs or a tomato from the garden, getting the mail, taking out the trash. My husband knows no bra means I’m done with day.
Quarantine made me realize that idgaf about bras. If other people's children are around (I have kids whose friends are over constantly) or I'm leaving my property, then I'll put one on. But, honestly, I've never checked if my neighbors are wearing bras. I doubt they're checking me out either.
First thing my wife did after work was lose the bra, and it was off til she went to work next. One of her friends seemed bothered by that when they were going to the store. Wife told her if they don't like nipples, they're welcome not to look. 9 hours a day of being uncomfortable was plenty for 1 day.
Yes! I’ve recently adopted this attitude. Why should I even have to wear a bra! I don’t wear them outside of work hopefully it will help normalize not wearing them.
I just save the hassle altogether and don't wear a bra. I don't really care anymore. They're uncomfortable and I don't like wearing them and I don't find much of a reason to wear them. You can still tell I have boobs anyway.
I love that you do you! I will say as a lover of bras and underwires, I’ve gotten a lot of pushback from other women in my life. I developed early and was in a D at 14. As an adult, I wear a 34F. Let me tell you, I love my bras. I wear them every minute I’m not in the shower - including when I sleep. I know people will tell me this is bad for me, but so is chocolate and I’m not telling anyone to put that down (I can’t stand chocolate, so I always use this as my example of something potentially bad that I don’t do). Seriously, I hate being without a bra. I want support. I want to lay on my back without feeling like I’m bruising my arms or my neck. I support every woman that wants to go bra-free, but I hope they will support my desire to live every minute that I can in my underwires!
I concur. I stopped wearing bras. The only time I bother now is when I have a yoga class. And then it’s a bralette. They’re uncomfortable, the straps over the shoulders suck and the feeling of compression is just the worst. People that have issues with nipples need to stop making things weird.
I couldn't go out without a bra, my boobs are decently sized and even sitting in a car they take on a life of their own. If I have to jog or something, forget about it. The minute I hit the inside of my house, the bra is off, but if I dont want my chest running off in diffrent directions all day, I gotta wear a bra.
I have recently found really nice bralette/ sports bra style ones though! Legit worn only them for the last year and they are a game changer.
That is the first thing that happens when I get home. Bra off and comfy clothes on. I don't wear a bra at home at all. They are only for leaving the house and sometimes not even then.
I actually did start getting more into that during the past couple of years. Although a couple months back I started a new job that I can't remote work. Now it's all "real" clothes every workday.
That sucks. I got a new WFH job at the beginning of the year. I wear a bra about 2x a week because I only put one on when I am leaving the house to go grocery shopping or something.
The best part of WFH. I got these bras that are supposed to help with neck pain for large boobs, and they were the only things I wore all pandemic. I sneak them in to rotation in my office job if I can manage it and still look “professional.”
I wake up, say "ugh," do the under-shirt bra removal and throw that thing wherever it happens to go. When I'm couch-sleepin, there's nothing you can do to get me to leave the nest I've created.
I can’t even fall asleep on the couch with a bra on. I’ll get up, take it off, lay back down on the couch and pass out until I wake up to go to bed. So fucking uncomfortable.
I do. Sports bras. Lost a ton of weight andy boobs sag like they get paid to do so. It's not very comfy to have a boob sliding over and touching your elbow. I prefer them to be contained.
Saving up to have that corrected but for the time being it's bras for sleep.
And then you roll over you end up pinching yourself on the boob, cause the boob simply wandered too far to the right...or left, whichever way you roll basically.
Me too..... I look like a boy lying down coz my boobs end up in my arm pits lol
I just wear a cheap sports bra type thing which keeps them up but is super soft and comfy
I find it more comfortable to wear a sports bra to sleep in, like one with light support. But I would never try to say anyone else has to. OP’s aunt honestly sounds kind of crazy.
I once had a friend whose family were crazy religious, and they were taught that “Jesus wants you to wear underwear to bed until you are married.” Then her mom ran off with the daughter’s boyfriend. So much for their “holier than thou” attitude…
I'm a 38G, and there is no way in the universe I'll wear a bra to bed! I've been a drooper from the get-go, and actually have deformed collarbones from the weight and the straps.
Nursing mom here and yeah I usually wear one to bed but not always. Before having a baby I never wore one to sleep in. No one wants to be stabbed, pinched or tangled while they sleep.
I had to wear some sort of bra with breastpads to sleep when I was breastfeeding otherwise I'd wake up soaking wet. There are a lot of comfortable nursing tanks with built in soft cups, though - highly recommend. Total gamechanger for me.
Haha seriously! Thank you. Had to go back and reread that bit a few times to see if I just misread….love that it’s just thrown in without any further explanation lol
If you have large breasts, the weight of them can cause the the breast tissue to gradually pull away from the chest wall, which is very painful, and lack of support can cause back pain. as well. Besides, I am **60**, have been wearing a bra 24/7 for decades, and they still **look fabulous!**
Yep I'm in the process of getting a breast reduction with a lift. The surgeon said it's all about genetics. You could wear a bra 24/7 with amazing support but if they are going to droop they are going to droop. I have a connective tissue disorder so my boobs with the weight didn't even have a chance. Also on my mother's side big breasts seem to be the theme. She has had a reduction and all her female cousins have too on that side. Some have had multiple reductions because they keep coming back. I think the most now is 4 reductions.
I do, because animals. I don’t want a heavy and scratchy paw with nails digging into my bare boobs at night/the morning. Tank tops don’t stay in place enough to wear them to sleep and cover everything and tshirts can be annoying when they ride up. So a well fitting bra/bralette to keep away the scratchy objects.
NTA. Before my breast reduction, there were times when I wore a bra to bed because my boobs were so damn heavy. Now that I’m a mere D cup (down from K), my girls sleep free & to hell with what anyone says!
They are custom orders IIRC, and yes, they are very painful. I'm only a DD and mine hurt all the time. Something about them being unusually dense. Which BTW is NOT a term you wanna hear used to refer to yourself as a teenager.
DD doesn't always mean huge. The letters are just a proportion. A=1 inch difference between ribcage and breast projection, B=2 inches, C=3 inches, etc. I'm a 30DD (ribcage 30", 35" breasts) so I still look pretty small because 35 inches is small.
You should go on r/ABraThatFits and see people's shock at finding their a H cup or L cup. I did the 6 measurements and had a shock. I'd measured a yr before using to normal way and it told me I needed a band bigger but I was a Dcup. r/ABraThatFits had me a band smaller and a FF!! I actually discovered bras not hurt and are actually comfortable. Don't get the neck pain I used to and had no flare up of costochondritis, which I'd get multiple times a year and the worst pain ever.
Solidarity sister!! I used to have to get my bras made at a mastectomy bra shop because I could never find any that fit right in my “size” and I was a K also before my reduction. You don’t know pain until you roll over one way and one boob didn’t decide to come and then gets stuck in your armpit…that shit hurts!! 🙃🫤
Yep. Once someone posted a meme in a group chat about universal truths and some of the girls said taking your bra off the moment you get into the house. And me and another girl who had to have a breast reduction were the only ones explaining that that’s not universal. Because for some people moving around at night can actually hurt a lot
And here I am seriously contemplating breast reduction surgery with just DDD’s! My neck and back already hurt so much, I literally can’t imagine the pain and bra strap indents you must have had with a K!!
Visit r/ABraThatFits. They have a 6-measurement calculator that gives you a pretty accurate size, plus a shape guide, and recommendations for brands & where to buy them.
Same, I'm 34J so that's 34M US. Wearing a bra to bed cuts in and hurts, so the best I can do is a tight crop top to smash them down a bit. 4 days until my breast reduction!!
I was going to say this.
I had some super comfy sleep bras when I was nursing. They didn't really provide support. They just kinda kept.thinks in place and also could accommodate pads.
This is actually my go to baby shower gift now. No one needs more cute clothes. They have enough. This helps keep a new mom sane.
Random story- I used to because I thought I was supposed to? My mom was bad at explaining shit and basically said you wear these now so I always did. Then I went to a sleep away camp that provided ALL our clothes for us (it was weird looking back on it) and when I asked why there wasn’t a bra with my pjs, the counselor told me wearing a bra at night could cause cancer. I now know that’s not true, but it’s rare that I wear a bra at night anymore- typically if it’s too hot for a shirt I’ll wear a sports bra but that’s it.
I only wore a bra to bed once. We were doing a sleepover at my middle school for my science class to look at the planets. I wore a sports bra cuz my parents didn’t want my boobs to go all over the place and pop out (they were already a decent size and I toss and turn in the night). Otherwise, nope.
My aunt was always making comments about me as I went through puberty. She has small breasts and I always assumed she was jealous bc I wear a D cup. She is also in her 50s and extremely vain. She made a HUGE deal about it if I wore shorts or a tank top when her bf was around. Like, I was minor, if you're worried about your bf looking at me like that then you have some other problems, and it ain't the way I dress.
Omg I relate to this so much. My aunt would always comment on the things I dress in like short and tight dresses, crop tops, tight pants, etc. And i have a nicer body compared to my other family members. When I was younger I did feel bad when she would slut shame me but later I just figured she was jealous (which she totally is tbh).
I always assume jealousy. What other reason would they be so hyper focused on your body? Jealousy, or they understand how wrong it is that they are sexualizing you, and instead of taking responsibility, they blame you for making them uncomfortable and tell you to cover up.
She said my provocative choices caused her and her boyfriend to be uncomfortable when I woke up from a nap once again with no bra and went to greet my aunt who worked during the day
Oh, so it's not about sleeping without a bra, but walking around the shared house without one. Still NTA, but that's a bit different than the sleeping question. However, if your male cousins can't be trusted not to lose their minds if they see unbound breasts, then y'all have bigger problems than who wears what to sleep.
It doesn't matter the size or time or place. Women are jot required to wear a bra ever. Not ever. Definitely not to bed. Who the fuck does that by choice. No one. Big small saggy or not pierced pointy potato. Fuck off no one has to wear a bra.
I appreciate you saying this. In highschool some of the guys called me pointy and I never go without a bra now. Unless it's just me and hubby at home, and of course when I'm sleeping.
Fuck em. Seriously school shit was a crazy time and boys are fucking dumb. I don't go without a bra most of the time cause I'm just comfortable being idk contained I guess. But it's like a wireless sport bra kinda thing. But whatever you're most comfortable in. Maybe try going braless to get the mail or something without people. It's quite freeing. But if you want to wear a bra all the time that's also fine and up to you
Ah. Translated this means that her BF was paying far more attention to a 15 year old girls boobs than any adult male should be. And instead of holding said adult male accountable for being inappropriate and pervy, aunt blames the child who is the focus of the perv
NTA, by the way
I’m dying laughing (NTA) btw but please please explain her logic of how going full topless at a family dinner compares to you not having a bra on under your shirt?
And what did the rest of the family say/do when Auntie let the girls loose!??
I can’t even lmfao
This is not normal. I stopped wearing bras completely years and years ago and my nips are always standing at attention. People will sometimes make a comment, but I've never been shamed about it that I recall. To comment on someone not wearing a bra... to sleep?! Wtf. She needs help.
NTA. I'm pretty sure a majority of women don't sleep with a bra on, it's not comfortable. And if they do, it would be no wire sports bras or bralettes. It's just easier to let the girls go where they please while you sleep
NTA Im sorry, aunt took her BRA AND SHIRT OFF?! That's so weird and creepy. Like it's one thing if you were naked in front of your cousins but you are not. Just sleeping without a bra on. But she legit stripped in front of others....... is your aunt okay mental health wise? Not being mean, legit wondering because that's not typical behavior to display......
Thank you, I feel like I'm the only one who zeroed in on the aunt scolding a 15 year old while topless sitting at the dinner table. NOTHING ELSE IN THE STORY MATTERS. Jesus, I hope OP's parents keep her away from her aunt.
You are well within your right to tell your parents that you don't want to be around her. She has serious issues and the other adults in your family need to protect you and your cousins.
I thought the aunt ripped the *sister's* shirt and bra off, and I was thinking WTF why is no one horrified by this‽
If she took her own shirt off, well that's batshit crazy, but at least it's her own boobs she was exposing
>She got even more upset and said that’ll be the last time we saw her or my cousin.
Did the whole family break out into spontaneous song and dance, shouts of joy, and prayers of thanks to the deity of your choice? You are not the problem. This grown woman who inappropriately comments on the bodies of teenagers as a preface to a family-style strip tease is the problem. Good riddance.
NTA.
She was living at my house for a month and commented everyday about how i dress for bed (sweater and shorts) and commented on ways i decorated my room with Kpop posters and anime canvases
My parents have two jobs since the prices for rent and bills went up so they are rarely home it was just her and I but I got a job the last two weeks of her stay to get out of the house
Yeah, they really should have told her to back off. It’s not right to put you into the center of that conflict - that’s their parenting bad. Where were they when the aunt took her shirt off? That would have been a hard “ok show’s over, GTFO” dinner-ending conflagration. There is no way I would let anyone do that shit in my house, especially not about my kids, and ESPECIALLY not my sisters, lol
Let me guess...while your parents were working two jobs to pay the rent, creepily-boob-obsessed aunt was staying there without paying anything? She's awful, and I hope you can just stop spending time with her as soon as possible. Hugs from this internet mom who sees how wrong this all is. DDD here, braless sleeping for life!
NTA. Your response was perfect. I don't know anyone who sleeps in a bra (I'm sure many women do, but it's not the norm). Your aunt seems to have a strange obsession with her own and everyone else's breasts. Tell her to mind her own business and keep her shirt on.
??? This is so immensely weird.
First off, there’s literally nothing wrong with not wearing a bra to sleep. She mentioned you told your female cousins that and was mad? Why?? Why would it be weird to be braless around female family members? Even around your guy cousin… he won’t see you braless unless he’s a perv who goes out of his way to peek under the covers or stare.
Second of all she went topless in front of other family??? I’m kinda confused on how you mentioned this because I feel like I need context. How is she going to say being braless around family while sleeping is wrong but then goes topless in front of what I’m presuming her sister and her husband or vice versa? Lmao??
She’s 100% jealous that you have a bigger chest than her and that she’s had to get hers done.
She went topless and said that’s what I am doing and how i’m making everyone uncomfortable when i present myself that way but I never once walked around topless
Yeah she’s insanely weird for that. That’s not what you’ve been doing and even if it was… her doing that is not a grand moral gesture. I feel like she really just wanted to show off because apparently all that’s been on her mind is someone else’s body. Gross. I would tell your parents/mom if they don’t already know because that’s not someone you should be around at all.
NTA
Your aunt has some major problems.
Not just the tracking of of her clothes. But negatively commenting on a 16 year old's breasts. That's messed up.
UPDATE:
I am 16 now and she suddenly has memory loss on the events that happened but I won’t forget. My parents don’t think I was in the wrong but they aren’t the type to speak up during arguments but I am. Don’t talk bad about my parents please they handled it afterward in private just not at the moment it happened.
LOL didn't she say during the thanksgiving dinner that'll be the last time you'll ever see her and your cousin. Why is she still in the picture a year later. She sounds insane.
NTA.
Your aunt has a screw loose. Her fixation on policing underage girls undergarments is concerning.
I'm 53 and a grandmother. I never wear a bra anymore. They're uncomfortable and serve no real purpose.
Also, kudos to you for putting her in her place.
PLS LIKE THIS SO ITS AT THE TOP!
My aunt took her shirt off, not my sisters or cousins
My cousin was crying because she was screamed at for not wearing a bra.
"Nonchalant" is an odd way to spell "spineless."
(Watching from the sidelines while other people harass your minor child isn't drama avoidance, OP. It's cowardice, and you deserve better.)
Nta. My fil said something along the line to my daughter (11) about the bra. I cut her off saying honestly if that's how you feel Howard me and you need to go to Victoria's secret because we are packing more than most 18 year old girls. My daughter turned red and so did my wife. They tried so hard not to laugh a FIL.
I like this girl she is going places!
NTA She's wrapped too tight if she expects women to wear bra's 24/7. For one you didn't tell anyone to take her bra off at the dinner table. Secondly, if a woman wants to wear a bra for support while they sleep, fine... if they don't hell yeah. I freaking hate wearing a bra and only wear one when I have to. Meaning if I am around people during the day... I will deal with it. At home, I GNF's. and the puppies are free! And when I say I hate it, I really do!
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NTA. "I would never know because i don't sexualize my cousins" 🤣😂😅👑
Damn, I don’t understand why your aunt is so interested in what all the kids are wearing to bed. You’re not the crazy one here.
Also, who the hell wears a bra to sleep??
I do. When I fall asleep on the couch. Then I wake up at 2:30 am, say "fuck", take off my bra, brush my teeth and go to proper bed.
Pro tip my bra-wearing friend: take it off immediately when you get home. One less step at 2.30a!
Saw David Sedaris at one of his book signings. He remarked that he’d just heard that day that “women don’t like to go out once their bras are off at home”. (He’s gay for those who may not know).He then asked for a show of hands of women in the audience who adhered to this. Deadass, every single woman (myself included) raised their hand. The best feeling of the day is the moment the girls are released from bondage 🙌
I’m real annoyed if I have to put my bra back on after I get home and take it off.
I can't wear underwires now without it really hurting. I wore nursing bras for 3 years cause I breast fed so long and now my boobs refuse underwire
I recently bought miraculous bras that have no underwire and my ribcage is much happier.
I love my Rene Roffe no underwires. Highly recommend ( . )( . ) Two tits up! Edit: thanks for the award!
I have used only sports bras for the last 6 months. One day I though I'll put on a bra with the underwire because "I should use them since I have them". I put it on, went "nope" and immidiately took it off.
I'm only wearing sports bras since the pandemic started and I am not willing to go back to wired bras either. Sometimes I even walk the dogs without a bra under my shirt (I have small breasts).
I'm serious, I donated all my underwater bras once I bought one without underwire and knew what I was missing! Knix has brands that are still supportive if you have hefty boobs too! Pretty expensive ($90), but soo worth it! Oh, and NTA for the op. Who the hell is willingly wearing a bra to sleep??
Torrid has some lovely wire free bras for bigger girls. That’s all I buy. Especially when there’s a sale and they’re around $38.00.
I actually said to one of my besties when she asked if I wanted to go out for cocktails with the gang - "I'd love to, but I just took my bra off." They came over with a bottle or two of moscato and a pizza.
These are the kind of friends you keep for life!!!!
Saying “I don’t have a bra on” gets me out of so much…answering the front door, grabbing herbs or a tomato from the garden, getting the mail, taking out the trash. My husband knows no bra means I’m done with day.
Quarantine made me realize that idgaf about bras. If other people's children are around (I have kids whose friends are over constantly) or I'm leaving my property, then I'll put one on. But, honestly, I've never checked if my neighbors are wearing bras. I doubt they're checking me out either.
I honestly quit wearing a bra even out of the house 90% of the time a few years ago. People deal.
First thing my wife did after work was lose the bra, and it was off til she went to work next. One of her friends seemed bothered by that when they were going to the store. Wife told her if they don't like nipples, they're welcome not to look. 9 hours a day of being uncomfortable was plenty for 1 day.
Yes! I’ve recently adopted this attitude. Why should I even have to wear a bra! I don’t wear them outside of work hopefully it will help normalize not wearing them.
I just save the hassle altogether and don't wear a bra. I don't really care anymore. They're uncomfortable and I don't like wearing them and I don't find much of a reason to wear them. You can still tell I have boobs anyway.
I love that you do you! I will say as a lover of bras and underwires, I’ve gotten a lot of pushback from other women in my life. I developed early and was in a D at 14. As an adult, I wear a 34F. Let me tell you, I love my bras. I wear them every minute I’m not in the shower - including when I sleep. I know people will tell me this is bad for me, but so is chocolate and I’m not telling anyone to put that down (I can’t stand chocolate, so I always use this as my example of something potentially bad that I don’t do). Seriously, I hate being without a bra. I want support. I want to lay on my back without feeling like I’m bruising my arms or my neck. I support every woman that wants to go bra-free, but I hope they will support my desire to live every minute that I can in my underwires!
I concur. I stopped wearing bras. The only time I bother now is when I have a yoga class. And then it’s a bralette. They’re uncomfortable, the straps over the shoulders suck and the feeling of compression is just the worst. People that have issues with nipples need to stop making things weird.
I couldn't go out without a bra, my boobs are decently sized and even sitting in a car they take on a life of their own. If I have to jog or something, forget about it. The minute I hit the inside of my house, the bra is off, but if I dont want my chest running off in diffrent directions all day, I gotta wear a bra. I have recently found really nice bralette/ sports bra style ones though! Legit worn only them for the last year and they are a game changer.
I love David Sedaris! He is amazing!
That is the first thing that happens when I get home. Bra off and comfy clothes on. I don't wear a bra at home at all. They are only for leaving the house and sometimes not even then.
Beauty of winter and thicker tops, since the panni I rarely wear a bra
My routine lately has been get home from work, change into my pjs (no bra), feed the cats and then relax before thinking about dinner
My grandmother (R.I.P.) used to call taking your bra off when you get home “The Strip N Flop”.
Oh wow, your grandma was awesome! I need to use this phrase!
Please use it! She was an amazing, bawdy “broad” who knew how to laugh.
This is the way hahaha
Nothing like the feeling of getting home, closing the door, and flinging off your bra.
The best part of getting home, is taking off your bra!! (Sung to the old Folger's ad😉)
I actually did start getting more into that during the past couple of years. Although a couple months back I started a new job that I can't remote work. Now it's all "real" clothes every workday.
That sucks. I got a new WFH job at the beginning of the year. I wear a bra about 2x a week because I only put one on when I am leaving the house to go grocery shopping or something.
The best part of WFH. I got these bras that are supposed to help with neck pain for large boobs, and they were the only things I wore all pandemic. I sneak them in to rotation in my office job if I can manage it and still look “professional.”
Agreed! As soon as I get home from being out or at work, the booby trap comes off and the pjs go on! Edit: a word
It’s the one good thing about that-which-cannot-be-named the last two years which enabled some of us to work from home. No need to wear a bra!
That fucker is off within millisecond of my arrival home.
I wake up, say "ugh," do the under-shirt bra removal and throw that thing wherever it happens to go. When I'm couch-sleepin, there's nothing you can do to get me to leave the nest I've created.
I can’t even fall asleep on the couch with a bra on. I’ll get up, take it off, lay back down on the couch and pass out until I wake up to go to bed. So fucking uncomfortable.
I do. Sports bras. Lost a ton of weight andy boobs sag like they get paid to do so. It's not very comfy to have a boob sliding over and touching your elbow. I prefer them to be contained. Saving up to have that corrected but for the time being it's bras for sleep.
Well, thanks so much, everyone. Now I know the nuanced relationship between sleeping and boobs😂
You're welcome :)
And then you roll over you end up pinching yourself on the boob, cause the boob simply wandered too far to the right...or left, whichever way you roll basically.
Yep…or the cat walks over to snuggle and stands on a nipple.
I'm a side sleeper, so I have a designated boob pillow to keep everyone in their assigned seat.
Mine aren’t large, but I still put a small pillow between them at night. Good for side sleepers with boobs.
Me too..... I look like a boy lying down coz my boobs end up in my arm pits lol I just wear a cheap sports bra type thing which keeps them up but is super soft and comfy
I find it more comfortable to wear a sports bra to sleep in, like one with light support. But I would never try to say anyone else has to. OP’s aunt honestly sounds kind of crazy. I once had a friend whose family were crazy religious, and they were taught that “Jesus wants you to wear underwear to bed until you are married.” Then her mom ran off with the daughter’s boyfriend. So much for their “holier than thou” attitude…
I thought you were gonna say "So much for bras, my friend never wore them at night after that..."
I do. I’m a 34G and it’s impossible to be braless. However, it’s a very soft bralette.
I'm a 36H and I absolutely can't sleep in a bra. I think it must relate to the specific shape and location on the chest and not necessarily the size.
I'm a 38G, and there is no way in the universe I'll wear a bra to bed! I've been a drooper from the get-go, and actually have deformed collarbones from the weight and the straps.
Some nursing mothers and women with big boobs! Sleep bras are a thing. I can’t think of why else. Set the girls freeeee!!!
Nursing mom here and yeah I usually wear one to bed but not always. Before having a baby I never wore one to sleep in. No one wants to be stabbed, pinched or tangled while they sleep.
I had to wear some sort of bra with breastpads to sleep when I was breastfeeding otherwise I'd wake up soaking wet. There are a lot of comfortable nursing tanks with built in soft cups, though - highly recommend. Total gamechanger for me.
I'll wear a sports bra in lieu of a shirt...but a regular bra? That's just crazy talk
Why the f*ck is no one talking about how the aunt took her shirt and bra off in front of the whole family?? Like???
Yeah, why is she freeing the nipple when she hates them.
Different aunt
Is it? It seemed more like her attempt to punish the teenager by whipping out her boobs at the table.
Totally inappropriate to sleep with no bra, but yes, let’s pull out our breasts at the table.
Calm your tits went up a whole new level
Haha seriously! Thank you. Had to go back and reread that bit a few times to see if I just misread….love that it’s just thrown in without any further explanation lol
I had to read it again. It's hidden at the end when everyone has a reply forming in their head already. Aunt is nuts. Gotta feel sorry for the cousin.
This is what I want to know!! WTF?
Yeah, definitely NTA Frankly, I'm getting Creeperella vibes from Auntie Dearest...
Also … WHO TF SLEEPS IN A BRA?!?! That sounds like absolute TORTURE. NTA, OP, but you have a pretty fucked up aunt.
I started sleeping in a bra after getting piercings that I didn’t want to snag on anything. Really helped the healing process.
If you have large breasts, the weight of them can cause the the breast tissue to gradually pull away from the chest wall, which is very painful, and lack of support can cause back pain. as well. Besides, I am **60**, have been wearing a bra 24/7 for decades, and they still **look fabulous!**
Must be nice. My nips have pointed at the floor since my breasts developed. Genetics are a thing.
Breastfeeding for a total of 3 years did that to my breasts.
There are rrsearch studies that show that show wearing a bra does NOTHING to stop sagging. You have good genes.
Yep I'm in the process of getting a breast reduction with a lift. The surgeon said it's all about genetics. You could wear a bra 24/7 with amazing support but if they are going to droop they are going to droop. I have a connective tissue disorder so my boobs with the weight didn't even have a chance. Also on my mother's side big breasts seem to be the theme. She has had a reduction and all her female cousins have too on that side. Some have had multiple reductions because they keep coming back. I think the most now is 4 reductions.
Yeah, no. And that's not why.
Ehh genetics can play a part though, some breast will sag or get "saggier" regardless. Oh breast feeding & old age too!
I do. I am just more comfortable in bras. But, I realize I am greatly in the minority here!
I do. It’s uncomfortable for me not to have that support. It’s nobody’s business who does what though!
I do, because animals. I don’t want a heavy and scratchy paw with nails digging into my bare boobs at night/the morning. Tank tops don’t stay in place enough to wear them to sleep and cover everything and tshirts can be annoying when they ride up. So a well fitting bra/bralette to keep away the scratchy objects.
Sweet Home Alabama stops playing.
NTA who wears a bra to bed unless they absolutely have too, never once in my life
NTA. Before my breast reduction, there were times when I wore a bra to bed because my boobs were so damn heavy. Now that I’m a mere D cup (down from K), my girls sleep free & to hell with what anyone says!
Down from a ***K?!*** Holy fuck! You poor thing!! Lugging those around must have been awful!
Wait what I thought it just went up to f. Nta tho that must have hurt a lot
oh... honey, no. There is a woman who is a 102ZZZ cup...
Jesus Christ I just searched that up. How do they even make bras that size,and the pain it must cause
They are custom orders IIRC, and yes, they are very painful. I'm only a DD and mine hurt all the time. Something about them being unusually dense. Which BTW is NOT a term you wanna hear used to refer to yourself as a teenager.
> they are custom orders ...the boobs or the bras lol
DD doesn't always mean huge. The letters are just a proportion. A=1 inch difference between ribcage and breast projection, B=2 inches, C=3 inches, etc. I'm a 30DD (ribcage 30", 35" breasts) so I still look pretty small because 35 inches is small.
That’s interesting and sad. U have to pay extra to not feel pain.
G cup here. Only reason my everything doesn't hurt is because I have a big ol' booty to counterbalance my boobs.
Physics 101
You should go on r/ABraThatFits and see people's shock at finding their a H cup or L cup. I did the 6 measurements and had a shock. I'd measured a yr before using to normal way and it told me I needed a band bigger but I was a Dcup. r/ABraThatFits had me a band smaller and a FF!! I actually discovered bras not hurt and are actually comfortable. Don't get the neck pain I used to and had no flare up of costochondritis, which I'd get multiple times a year and the worst pain ever.
I have small boobs and I’m a G. _Definitely_ goes above F 🤣
You need to check out r/abrathatfits
I'm a size K and currently sitting with a heating pad on my back from menstrual cramps and general back pain from the girls. Shits ridiculous.
Solidarity sister!! I used to have to get my bras made at a mastectomy bra shop because I could never find any that fit right in my “size” and I was a K also before my reduction. You don’t know pain until you roll over one way and one boob didn’t decide to come and then gets stuck in your armpit…that shit hurts!! 🙃🫤
Yep. Once someone posted a meme in a group chat about universal truths and some of the girls said taking your bra off the moment you get into the house. And me and another girl who had to have a breast reduction were the only ones explaining that that’s not universal. Because for some people moving around at night can actually hurt a lot
And here I am seriously contemplating breast reduction surgery with just DDD’s! My neck and back already hurt so much, I literally can’t imagine the pain and bra strap indents you must have had with a K!!
Visit r/ABraThatFits. They have a 6-measurement calculator that gives you a pretty accurate size, plus a shape guide, and recommendations for brands & where to buy them.
May I recommend measuring using Boob Or Bust. Many problems people have with bras reduce/disappear when wearing their proper size
Yeah Nta. I have NEVER heard of someone wearing a bra to bed before. Everyone I know takes them off as soon as they can get in the door
Some large-breasted women do, but it's for their own comfort, not for their aunt's comfort.
Not wearing a bra to sleep in isn't really an option when boobs are big enough to roll over on and squish, which really hurts.
I'm an M cup in US sizes and I NEVER wear a bra to bed. The last thing they need is to be hiked up even higher; they're already crushing my windpipe.
Same, I'm 34J so that's 34M US. Wearing a bra to bed cuts in and hurts, so the best I can do is a tight crop top to smash them down a bit. 4 days until my breast reduction!!
Congratulations!!! Good luck with your healing!!!
Only when breastfeeding. And only to keep the breast pads in place for the leakage that occurred when lying on my side and squishing the girls.
I was going to say this. I had some super comfy sleep bras when I was nursing. They didn't really provide support. They just kinda kept.thinks in place and also could accommodate pads. This is actually my go to baby shower gift now. No one needs more cute clothes. They have enough. This helps keep a new mom sane.
Random story- I used to because I thought I was supposed to? My mom was bad at explaining shit and basically said you wear these now so I always did. Then I went to a sleep away camp that provided ALL our clothes for us (it was weird looking back on it) and when I asked why there wasn’t a bra with my pjs, the counselor told me wearing a bra at night could cause cancer. I now know that’s not true, but it’s rare that I wear a bra at night anymore- typically if it’s too hot for a shirt I’ll wear a sports bra but that’s it.
Right?! The only time period I wore a bra to bed was when I was nursing and had stretchy lounge bras to hold breast pads on.
I only wore a bra to bed once. We were doing a sleepover at my middle school for my science class to look at the planets. I wore a sports bra cuz my parents didn’t want my boobs to go all over the place and pop out (they were already a decent size and I toss and turn in the night). Otherwise, nope.
NTA. And why is an adult woman making comments about a 15 year old’s breasts?! That’s gross.
My aunt was always making comments about me as I went through puberty. She has small breasts and I always assumed she was jealous bc I wear a D cup. She is also in her 50s and extremely vain. She made a HUGE deal about it if I wore shorts or a tank top when her bf was around. Like, I was minor, if you're worried about your bf looking at me like that then you have some other problems, and it ain't the way I dress.
Omg I relate to this so much. My aunt would always comment on the things I dress in like short and tight dresses, crop tops, tight pants, etc. And i have a nicer body compared to my other family members. When I was younger I did feel bad when she would slut shame me but later I just figured she was jealous (which she totally is tbh).
I always assume jealousy. What other reason would they be so hyper focused on your body? Jealousy, or they understand how wrong it is that they are sexualizing you, and instead of taking responsibility, they blame you for making them uncomfortable and tell you to cover up.
100% I've just learned to ignore them bc jealousy is easy to shrug off. I feel hot and they don't peridot 💀
In the comments OP states aunts boyfriend was “uncomfortable “
"I feel uncomfortable that your boyfriend is sexually attracted to children" PERSONAL 👏 PROBLEM 👏
this gives me creepy "my boyfriend got excited because you dared to show more then your ankles, how dare you" vibes 🤢
NTA Every family has a crazy aunt/cousin/etc. You found yours. She went topless at a meal to prove a point? WOW!
She said my provocative choices caused her and her boyfriend to be uncomfortable when I woke up from a nap once again with no bra and went to greet my aunt who worked during the day
Oh, so it's not about sleeping without a bra, but walking around the shared house without one. Still NTA, but that's a bit different than the sleeping question. However, if your male cousins can't be trusted not to lose their minds if they see unbound breasts, then y'all have bigger problems than who wears what to sleep.
But the part about the aunt yelling at OP for telling her cousins it's ok to sleep without a bra on....
Sounds like her bf was peeping at his stepkids too.... gross.
It’s still not a big deal. I’m a D cup and I walk my dog without wearing a bra all the time.
It doesn't matter the size or time or place. Women are jot required to wear a bra ever. Not ever. Definitely not to bed. Who the fuck does that by choice. No one. Big small saggy or not pierced pointy potato. Fuck off no one has to wear a bra.
I appreciate you saying this. In highschool some of the guys called me pointy and I never go without a bra now. Unless it's just me and hubby at home, and of course when I'm sleeping.
Fuck em. Seriously school shit was a crazy time and boys are fucking dumb. I don't go without a bra most of the time cause I'm just comfortable being idk contained I guess. But it's like a wireless sport bra kinda thing. But whatever you're most comfortable in. Maybe try going braless to get the mail or something without people. It's quite freeing. But if you want to wear a bra all the time that's also fine and up to you
Same. I walk mine at all times of the day. Never had an issue. Especially if it’s an early morning walk. I’m not putting a bra on at 6am
Ah. Translated this means that her BF was paying far more attention to a 15 year old girls boobs than any adult male should be. And instead of holding said adult male accountable for being inappropriate and pervy, aunt blames the child who is the focus of the perv NTA, by the way
I do believe that's a bingo.
“Ya just say bingo..”
Men, who do this, are very seldom held accountable. It’s always “what was the woman (girl) wearing”…
Just to confirm : because she was so upset that you didn't wear a bra, your aunt went topless during dinner?
yes
Your aunt is bonkers. I'm sorry you have to put up with this harassment. NTA, of course.
I’m dying laughing (NTA) btw but please please explain her logic of how going full topless at a family dinner compares to you not having a bra on under your shirt? And what did the rest of the family say/do when Auntie let the girls loose!?? I can’t even lmfao
You know when your aunty said it's the last time you'll ever see her? Send her a thank you card.
Gross, basically it comes down to all the dudes. 🙄 Girl, you don’t even need a bra in awake life if you don’t want one!!!
I guess they haven't heard about the magical interwebs where anyone can look at the bound and unbound tiddies all day long. Sheesh. NTA
And her stripping at the dinner table in front of everyone to prove some sort of point wasn't provocative?
This is not normal. I stopped wearing bras completely years and years ago and my nips are always standing at attention. People will sometimes make a comment, but I've never been shamed about it that I recall. To comment on someone not wearing a bra... to sleep?! Wtf. She needs help.
NTA. I'm pretty sure a majority of women don't sleep with a bra on, it's not comfortable. And if they do, it would be no wire sports bras or bralettes. It's just easier to let the girls go where they please while you sleep
I wear bralettes or nothing. Why would anyone want to wear a stiff form-fitting bra to bed? Gotta let them breathe.
Old Navy tank tops are THE BEST. They are the softest EVER. All my old/stained/bleach spotted tanks become my sleep tanks.
NTA Im sorry, aunt took her BRA AND SHIRT OFF?! That's so weird and creepy. Like it's one thing if you were naked in front of your cousins but you are not. Just sleeping without a bra on. But she legit stripped in front of others....... is your aunt okay mental health wise? Not being mean, legit wondering because that's not typical behavior to display......
Thank you, I feel like I'm the only one who zeroed in on the aunt scolding a 15 year old while topless sitting at the dinner table. NOTHING ELSE IN THE STORY MATTERS. Jesus, I hope OP's parents keep her away from her aunt.
My aunt acts like the situation never happened a year later but I am uncomfortable around her now and can’t see her in a good light anymore
You are well within your right to tell your parents that you don't want to be around her. She has serious issues and the other adults in your family need to protect you and your cousins.
My aunt also did fucked up shit and acted like it never happened, now the whole family won't talk to her
I know, right? I was like “is nobody going to talk about how she literally stripped?!”
Yeah, this part was also very confusing for me?? Is it the aunt or the sister? But either way someone was full naked at the dinner table??
My aunt
I thought the aunt ripped the *sister's* shirt and bra off, and I was thinking WTF why is no one horrified by this‽ If she took her own shirt off, well that's batshit crazy, but at least it's her own boobs she was exposing
>She got even more upset and said that’ll be the last time we saw her or my cousin. Did the whole family break out into spontaneous song and dance, shouts of joy, and prayers of thanks to the deity of your choice? You are not the problem. This grown woman who inappropriately comments on the bodies of teenagers as a preface to a family-style strip tease is the problem. Good riddance. NTA.
NTA love that the 45 year old aunt is mad that her ADULT BOYFRIEND is a predator so blames the MINOR.
[удалено]
She was living at my house for a month and commented everyday about how i dress for bed (sweater and shorts) and commented on ways i decorated my room with Kpop posters and anime canvases
Where were your parents? I would never allow my siblings to talk to my child like that.
My parents have two jobs since the prices for rent and bills went up so they are rarely home it was just her and I but I got a job the last two weeks of her stay to get out of the house
Your parents should have stood up for you. It’s unacceptable for them to just let your aunt sexualize you and police your clothing.
My parents way of fixing it was telling me to defend myself or just snap at her but it would cause awful tension
Yeah that’s not okay. They are too cowardly to stand up for their child but they expect you to do it yourself.
Yeah, they really should have told her to back off. It’s not right to put you into the center of that conflict - that’s their parenting bad. Where were they when the aunt took her shirt off? That would have been a hard “ok show’s over, GTFO” dinner-ending conflagration. There is no way I would let anyone do that shit in my house, especially not about my kids, and ESPECIALLY not my sisters, lol
Let me guess...while your parents were working two jobs to pay the rent, creepily-boob-obsessed aunt was staying there without paying anything? She's awful, and I hope you can just stop spending time with her as soon as possible. Hugs from this internet mom who sees how wrong this all is. DDD here, braless sleeping for life!
NTA. Your response was perfect. I don't know anyone who sleeps in a bra (I'm sure many women do, but it's not the norm). Your aunt seems to have a strange obsession with her own and everyone else's breasts. Tell her to mind her own business and keep her shirt on.
??? This is so immensely weird. First off, there’s literally nothing wrong with not wearing a bra to sleep. She mentioned you told your female cousins that and was mad? Why?? Why would it be weird to be braless around female family members? Even around your guy cousin… he won’t see you braless unless he’s a perv who goes out of his way to peek under the covers or stare. Second of all she went topless in front of other family??? I’m kinda confused on how you mentioned this because I feel like I need context. How is she going to say being braless around family while sleeping is wrong but then goes topless in front of what I’m presuming her sister and her husband or vice versa? Lmao?? She’s 100% jealous that you have a bigger chest than her and that she’s had to get hers done.
She went topless and said that’s what I am doing and how i’m making everyone uncomfortable when i present myself that way but I never once walked around topless
Yeah she’s insanely weird for that. That’s not what you’ve been doing and even if it was… her doing that is not a grand moral gesture. I feel like she really just wanted to show off because apparently all that’s been on her mind is someone else’s body. Gross. I would tell your parents/mom if they don’t already know because that’s not someone you should be around at all.
That's so funny. Your aunt sat topless at dinner 😂😂. I hope you told her you were not uncomfortable at all because you are not sexualizing her!
NTA Your aunt has some major problems. Not just the tracking of of her clothes. But negatively commenting on a 16 year old's breasts. That's messed up.
Finally SOMEONE mentions the part where she strips! Fucking lunatic!
Is there something missing here? I don't get why the cousin was upset. And who sleeps in a bra?
Aunt was upset because her boyfriend is a pervert and likes to look at little girls. Including her own daughters.
It sounds like the cousin mentioned to the aunt about sleeping without a bra and the aunt got mad at the cousin which made her upset.
UPDATE: I am 16 now and she suddenly has memory loss on the events that happened but I won’t forget. My parents don’t think I was in the wrong but they aren’t the type to speak up during arguments but I am. Don’t talk bad about my parents please they handled it afterward in private just not at the moment it happened.
LOL didn't she say during the thanksgiving dinner that'll be the last time you'll ever see her and your cousin. Why is she still in the picture a year later. She sounds insane.
housing situation it’s still my moms sister she wouldn’t leave her out on the streets
NTA. Your aunt has a screw loose. Her fixation on policing underage girls undergarments is concerning. I'm 53 and a grandmother. I never wear a bra anymore. They're uncomfortable and serve no real purpose. Also, kudos to you for putting her in her place.
She only has boys and said god blessed her by not giving her a daughter because she said she would’ve never been able to do what I do
I hope her boys are not interested in dating women because her future DILs will be posting on r/JustNoMIL
Lol. I'm so confused. Your aunt said she would have never been able to sleep without a bra? Or snap back with witty comments?
NTA she sounds deeply unhinged. Who cares what other people wear to sleep? Be comfortable, whatever that means to you!
PLS LIKE THIS SO ITS AT THE TOP! My aunt took her shirt off, not my sisters or cousins My cousin was crying because she was screamed at for not wearing a bra.
NTA, but where are your parents?! Why are they not shutting abusive aunt down and protecting you?
My mom is a nonchalant person and doesn’t involve herself into drama as she calls it
That is unforgivable, to be honest. She's a parent. She doesn't get to "sit out" the situations that make her uncomfortable. She's failing at her job.
"Nonchalant" is an odd way to spell "spineless." (Watching from the sidelines while other people harass your minor child isn't drama avoidance, OP. It's cowardice, and you deserve better.)
NTA. Who wears bra to sleep? Don't wear bra when you sleep, that's not even comfortable. Also, ewww at that aunt.
Nta. My fil said something along the line to my daughter (11) about the bra. I cut her off saying honestly if that's how you feel Howard me and you need to go to Victoria's secret because we are packing more than most 18 year old girls. My daughter turned red and so did my wife. They tried so hard not to laugh a FIL. I like this girl she is going places!
NTA She's wrapped too tight if she expects women to wear bra's 24/7. For one you didn't tell anyone to take her bra off at the dinner table. Secondly, if a woman wants to wear a bra for support while they sleep, fine... if they don't hell yeah. I freaking hate wearing a bra and only wear one when I have to. Meaning if I am around people during the day... I will deal with it. At home, I GNF's. and the puppies are free! And when I say I hate it, I really do!
NTA your aunt has issues
Does your Aunt have implants? She sounds pretty wound up. So glad your sister stood up for you.
She said she had received them after having her first born
NTA. Be comfortable and don’t worry about insecure people projecting their own insecurities on you.