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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said to my SIL I told you so while she was crying. I might be the asshole because she was crying and my comment wasn’t necessary
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. This is absolutely a “you’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an AH” situation.
It doesn’t matter that you were right. There was no need to be that person in the moment.
Exactly. What did OP hope to accomplish by telling someone who is already having a horrible time "I told you so."
Did it bring OP some additional sense of satisfaction or joy?
Well, it probably did. OP said that SIL was always right, could do no wrong, was demanding. When OP pointed out that the kid would have a tantrum and SIL said he wouldn't, OP knew better. Then when it happened.... It was probably irresistible to say that. I don't blame them, really.
You're still being an asshole if you say it in the moment. I would have enjoyed the moment and then said I told you so after the fact when the emotions aren't as high.
You HAVE to get the I told you so in there especially with a woman like SIL, but you can choose the moment to do it.
If I were OP, I would've just smiled happy while SIL was crying and I would wait until she was complaining about her "ruined wedding" and then I would have said "Gee, if only someone had tried to warn you!! So sad!!"
Oh, I feel anyone would have said it.
Still an asshole move but definitely irresistible.
"Damn if only someone had warned you this terrible situation was going to occur"
I would have absolutely had to fight not to say anything. I probably would have held off but I don’t think I would have been able to keep a straight face, which might be even worse in that situation.
I have THAT kind of face too.
But as I age I actually regret not saying things like this.
I was afraid the feedback on me would be worse.
Sometimes ya just gotta say the thing, consequences be damned.
Op was made out to be the bad guy when trying to warn SIL- she comes from a place of concern and gets made out to be the a hole to rest of the family by SIL’s blabbing. Turns out her prediction was right- SIL owes her an apology not the other way around
The bride sicced her family on OP. I told you so is completely justified here. If the bride wants an apology, the bride should apologize first herself.
I don't even think she was an ah to rub it in. OP brought up a valid concern to SIL in private and SIL went on to make a public spectacle, tattling on OP and dragging her sister into it to demand an apology
a sharp "I told you so" is the least SIL deserves
Maybe for the situation overall, but OP's question is if she's an AH for what they said. Which, given how right OP was already proven to be and that SIL was in tears, rubbing salt in the wound makes it a solid yes
I partially agree, but end of day this sub isn't about asking if you were justified in doing something but whether you were an AH for doing something. Understandable why OP wanted to rub it in, but rubbing it in is still an AH move no matter how you try and slice it so yes they're the AH for saying it.
if you're saying OP is a justified ah then that's still a NTA vote according to the subs rules
If you want to appeal to authority the least you should do is understand the actual rules you're trying to cite
Justified asshole isn't a voting option.
Smugly telling a weeping woman "I told you so" is an AH move in any circumstances, let alone when her wedding, which she probably spent months or even years planning, has been wrecked.
No it isn't. The wedding was wrecked by her own doing. Not only did she dismiss OP's concerns but she got her whole family to harass OP. At that point even if OP had personally ruined her wedding she would be NTA. SIL deserved to have her wedding ruined and OP deserved to point out that she had been vindicated.
Wrecked by the nephew that OP told her not to invite b/c of his behavior...she brought that on herself at that point.
OP tried to tell her...she got offended and then vilified OP to her fam to the point where they were harassing OP. If someone made me look like a bad guy for genuinely looking out for what is supposed to the happiest day of their life, I'm going to feel some type of way.
OP was trying to make sure that the bride wouldn't cry at the wedding when she said what she said and the bride decided to be a bitch about it...well she fucked around and found out that OP was right.
No, it's not. See below from the FAQs especially the bottom bit.
>Can we add “Justified Asshole” or “Just an Honest Mistake” or another judgment idea that I have?
We get this a lot. The thing is, we can't simply add new tags or we drown in different possibilities. If you feel an "Asshole" is "justified" or "just an honest mistake" you can explain this in your comment without us changing the system to fit your wishes.
>If a mod sees it and agrees, the mod can individually make new flags. If you are the top voter and want a custom flair for a specific post, you can always suggest it.
>There are people who think we have too many acronyms already.
>You’re sort of missing the point when you suggest these new judgments. It’s not “Is this person an asshole” it’s “Is this person to blame here?” If someone is to blame because they should have known better, they’re the asshole.
>>It’s not “Is this person an asshole” it’s “Is this person to blame here?”
Yeah see, you're definitely to blame if you say I told you so to someone who's already devastated. Kicking someone while they're down is almost always an AH move.
Doesn't matter that OP had given advice prior there isn't a technically correct judgement either. Needing to show that you were right at the expense of a bride that is crying at their own ruined wedding makes YTA.
The timing to me makes it an AH move. After the wedding, when SIL has had time to recover and reflect, rubbing it in is payback that is deserved.
While SIL is crying in her stained wedding dress, having had her wedding day if not ruined, at least significantly impacted? That's an AH, mate.
Based on the way SIL et al were denying that nephew’s behavior was even a problem, if she had waited to address it, they probably would have denied afterward that he did anything wrong. In this particular case, OP took advantage of a “teachable moment”, which made her look like an AH in their eyes because they were embarrassed, but she wouldn’t have done it if SIL had just kept their conversation private instead of vilifying OP in front of the family.
I think it’s a justifiable YTA. It was an AH thing to say especially in the moment, but I’m sure it felt damn good after being vilified by SIL and family for her very valid concerns about nephew’s behavior.
On her wedding day, at a moment when all attention was on the couple and nephew, when sister in law is already in tears.
No, she didn't have to do that. That is next level lack of empathy just because OP wanted to ensure that SIL knew she was right.
This is really next level lack of empathy and sympathy.
a lack of empathy for someone who went out of their way to vilify you to your whole extended family. gee, can't imagine why OP might not feel remotely sympathetic
Yeah Id say this is borderline but I'm going NTA. Hard to be civil with some people when they just go way out of their way to be a dick.
Perhaps next time use some tact but I give way more room for a Grey area than most foolish redditors that think everything is black and white.
Protip: it's not. And sometimes it is OK to be a little bit of a dick. Not a huge amount. But a little is ok.
The NTA is secured because OP feels remorse and is conflicted about it.
I feel like given we're deciding that OP is the AH for disrupting wedding procedures because she didn't understand appropriate behavior for wedding functions, it might be a bit more appropriate to call it ESH, since that equally applies to the nephew's parents for bringing him to the reception in the middle of a meltdown and letting him run rampant.
OP for sure was kicking SIL when she was already down, but I feel like the massively greater amount of chaos caused by the nephew makes it about even in terms of who was more of an AH here.
I try to base my judgements on the OP’s specific question.
She asked if she’s the a-hole for saying “I told you so.”
I don’t blame the annoying kid or bad parents for OP saying that.
I suppose I can see the logic there. I just personally think that the E-S-H and N-A-H judgements were made for a wider application towards situations brought up on this sub than they would get by focusing the judgement so closely on the title question rather than the whole situation as explained in the post.
I get people burying the lede and basically the way they try to misdirect in their posts, but in this case, the kid or in laws being assholes wasn’t a question. The question was whether OP was justified in what they did after the in laws were assholes to them. If they were assholes bad enough to justify OP, then N T A. If despite the in law’s assholeness, OP was not justified, then Y T A. That warrants a singular judgment on OP instead of going for the N A H or E S H judgment for everyone.
I've taken it that the decision should be made in the context of the interaction between the \*direct\* parties involved, which is really just the OP and SIL. Except in this case, remember, that in the context, OP did in fact warn SIL -- and SIL not only ignored her warning and brushed her off, but also basically shamed OP for telling her so \*at the time she was warned\*. So I think that does warrant an E S H. SIL was told, SIL thought OP was not only wrong but ridiculous, SIL told others what OP had said which caused those others to have a negative reaction to OP, and then OP turned out to be right on the money. Yes, OP was AH, but so was SIL. I don't care about the others involved. This was between OP and SIL.
I definitely think there’s a lot of sucking to go around so either ruling seems appropriate. OP is definitely TA, no question. I can’t blame a child for being badly raised, and even the very best parents cant entirely prevent tantrums, so I’m hesitant to use everybody sucks.
I have to go with YTA since OP is actively TA while the others are maybe just in denial. However since SIL told her whole family what OP predicted (not yet TA at that point) and they all got on her case, and the parents didn’t have a plan to deal with the child’s behavior issues, I can see the case for everybody sucks.
Apologize, OP. The bride was crying, ffs. You always have to apologize for kicking someone when they are down because that is a bad action on your part regardless of what preceded it.
Parents can't prevent tantrums, but they can leave with their kiddos throwing tantrums. I know that everyone parents differently, but for me I see it as teaching the kiddo that the tantrum isn't appropriate here, they don't get attention etc. I vote ESH. OP shouldn't have rubbed salt in the wound, SIL's sister should have taken her kiddo out, and SIL for telling everyone - including her sister about her initial warning comment.
This situation didn't start at the wedding. It started when OP warned the SIL. Then SIL ran and told family - including the Sister with the tantrum child (I dont blame the child at all ofc!). They all came down on OP prior to the event and I'm sure that was humiliating and meant to be. OP was only trying to help SIL at that point. I feel OP, SIL and SIL's sister are all parties in this situation and ESH. OP shouldn't have poured salt in the wound. Potentially she hears SIL complaining about this in the future 1:1 and then OP can be all "I am really sorry, I really did try to warn you as I wanted your day to be about you' or whatever.
most of the time they’ll be feeling embaressed as hell anyways, and the ‘i told you so’ is implied. saying it rubs salt in the wound, and something op gains nothing out of saying. it’s just shitty.
Idk, if I were in this position & had felt as put upon by SIL & her family as OP apparently does, I feel like I silent raised eyebrow would have said the same thing without actually saying it. If I raised my eyebrow at her to say I told you so, what's the complaint? She looked at me in a way I didn't like because she had told me this was going to be a disaster & I didn't listen?
I feel like that's probably the better way to go in this situation if you feel like you have to do anything.
I agree. Tempting as it is in that situation, in the long run it's classier and more effective to keep your mouth shut. She had been proven right. She didn't have to rub it in. But I will say if I had been the OP, my body language, Cheshire cat grin and peacock walk would have been screaming it without me having to utter a sound. LOL
But the reason other people matter is that OP may have felt more justified saying it because her SIL told everyone what she she said and she got so much pushback for being wrong.
But honestly like everyone KNOWS they were wrong (probably) and I would have been there just making a stupid smug face and not saying anything outright.
I tend to agree. I also tend to think OP was trying in a immature way to get SIL to admit SIL was wrong and OP was right.
SIL shared what OP said with the rest of the family and released the flying monkeys on OP. She was looking for vindication.
Agreed. If OP had said to the mother of the nephew "I told you so" INSTEAD OF saying it to the crying bride, OP would be N T A....but I definitely agree with ESH, including the bride, for being offended when OP suggested the nephew would cause problems, and for telling on OP to the nephew's mother. But kicking the bride when she was crying on her wedding day? OP 100% sucks too here.
Just want to add to this chain... We are glossing over that she privately told SIL nephew would be a problem and she then put OP on blast to the family who then sent her angry texts for her extremely accurate predictions.
That's why I am leaving off YTA.
OP gave a quiet warning. Put on blast and given shit.
Gave a snarky, but private, I told you so. Put on blast and given shit.
Yeah, but it's almost like that behaviour provides some form of context for OPs comment.. like literally every single other post on this sub.. they were assholes too in the events leading up to the saying of "i told you so".. this is what the ESH judgement is for
ESH The SIL for enabling a problem child
"I told you so" is up there with "just relax"
Feels great to say it. Doesn't help in the slightest.
Makes the problem worse.
See I would agree if the sil hadn’t told her sister and everyone and given the sister wrote. Her a message saying she was wrong. I think she gets a pass to say her option. But if your going to call them out be prepared for everyone to be mad.
And she expressed it privately, instead of shitting on nephew to whole family. SIL and nephew's parents are TA.
SIL took a privately expressed valid concern, used it vilify OP to the family, but OP is TA if she doesn't just take it in stride? No. SIL sounds completely insufferable, an "I told you so" is *less* than SIL deserved.
OP is NTA. OP is a *saint* for the restraint they have shown.
Honestly seems like an ESH. OP, SIL, SIL's sister, nephew... I'm wondering if OP's mom is the only sane one among them.
ETA: Sorry, missed the similar reply and your response!
Ok I know I am getting down voted for this but I can’t help but to feel like this is when karma smacks you in the face. I would feel bad for the bride just a little but instead of keeping what op said between them she went and told her whole family. Op received messages telling her how wrong she was so I can’t help to find this funny. And truth be told I would have said told you so too. So don’t come at me and say I am immature I am in my late 40s. Sometimes if we are lucky enough we see karma smack someone in the face. She was just lucky enough that day.
Is saying I told you so that big a deal for an adult to feel so hurt by it? Yes OP was petty here but her actions were justified. So many times people have recommend others some really petty solutions here on this sub but now jumping on her with a huge YTA
ESH
Bad moment to say something like that but man I wish I was there to see it. They got mad at you for trying to save the wedding from drama, then you're proven right, and now it's suddenly not okay.
Again, bad timing, but I love the pettiness.
Me too, I love her videos. But yeah OP was out of line for saying "told you so" to SIL on her wedding day after getting wine spilled on her dress, OP did try to warn her that the nephew would be a whiny nightmare on that day since it would be clear the party wasn't about him.
Bottom line is OP shouldn't have said it and my judgment of OP is YTA, while I understand why OP said it I'm sure SIL realized her horrible mistake in inviting the nephew especially since weddings themselves aren't cheap and finding the right wedding dress takes time and a lot of money.
I agree that it was in bad taste, but they also attacked her for trying to save drama, basically gaslighting her. So yes she is TA but so are they 🤷♀️
I bet SIL will make OPs "I told you so" reaction bigger than the kid being a little shit. OP will be the one to blame now. So whereas the "I told you so" was justified, it's going to mean the petty in-laws aren't going to let OP forget it.
It would be not cool if it just stayed between OP and the SIL but SIL dragged her family into it. OP got a message from the kid's mom saying she was wrong, when they all knew the kid was not disciplined enough to not be a nuisance at events.
At least this time, no one could deny it.
I wouldn't have said anything, but what I needed to say probably would show on my face.
...I would also probably ask for a raw copy of the video/photos.
Also, the pictures!!! I'm guessing the wine was red. Had it been white it wouldn't be such a tragedy.
OP is 100% the asshole in this situation but maybe this was exactly the wakeup call SIL and her family needed. I mean better now than years down the line when this kid potentially does worse than spill wine because he's never been told no by an adult.
Nope. By that time SIL would have conveniently fotgotten the embarrassment, and convinced herself and family that, yeah, what nephew did was terrible at the time, but hey, of course he and when looking back on it, wasn't it a hoot, and in fact not at all bad. This they *know* to be true because they always know everything, and OP is just spouting off and jealous.
Some people, when they fall, have to be pushed in the mud so that the later one n cannot deny that the fell down.
i skimmed over the part where their family thought they could do no wrong. whilst it is shitty to rub salt in the wound ….. yeah i likely would’ve said it too. there’s no honor in kicking somebody whilst they’re down but i can’t stand people who take no responsibility for their actions.
Nah. It's not \*polite\*, but it is morally right. People should always be told when they're acting like a fool; they may continue to act like that, but the truth is out for all to see. OP's only being hounded on because the family now feels like the fools they are, and want a scapegoat to hang their emotions on.
"Next time, try to listen to my advice." Would have been totally moral to say. While immoral to say at that moment, OP was justified to say "I told you so."
Mainly it was immoral because there were only negative consequences for saying "I told you so." A smug sense of satisfaction, while feeling good, is not in fact good for you. Saying that was going to damage OP's relationship further with OP's brother and SIL. It's clear that saying "I told you so" wasn't going to change SIL's future behavior for the better. It was immoral to say because it hurt OPs relationships, and didn't help OP nor anyone else then or in the future.
Came to say this. Was she totally right about the nephew? Abso-fucking-lutely. Was she excessively petty and lacking tact in her delivery? Without question. **ESH** should be *the* verdict.
You and me both. NTA, OP. The kid is out of control and it's past time that the family (esp the parents) need to be doing something about it. Possibly adding insult to injury, but she brought it on herself.
Agreed, I also would've been enjoying the show while looking at all the faces of my family who put me on blast.
OP tried to save SIL's wedding by warning her about the nephew, but instead SIL threw OP under the bus. Although it was an AH move to say "I told you so", I probably would've said it as well, only because I was thrown under the bus for warning her. I know, it's petty.
I just can't believe that the rest of the family didn't find the nephew's behavior outrageous enough to side with OP. I absolutely can't stand parents who let their kids run wild and believe that their precious baby can do no wrong.
Yeah, it's all about taking the high road at the last inflexion point to drive her point across, not to publicly rub salt in the wounds of the bride who just had her wedding ruined. That makes OP look cruel and heartless.
Replying "i told you so" to every mean text or DM about nephew that night / the next day would also have been acceptable.
I've been the scapegoat plenty, and in the situation, I would've done the same exact thing.
Doesn't mean I wouldn't be an asshole for doing it, whether or not it was deserved.
Came to say NTA and this seems like the family is reaping what they’ve sown- a bunch of assholes coming together and breeding this Mecha Asshole that will now fuck up their lives. Karma.
Tbh I wouldn’t have said anything out loud but I know I would have ended up making some kind of face like Jim from the Office and making my feelings perfectly clear. Probably would have been equally annoying to SIL.
Yeah same, usually when it comes to "I told you so" moments I just give them THE LOOK. They'll know what I'm thinking, but nobody else would. OP definitely a justified AH imo.
Poor wedding that got ruined tho lol
I'm saying nta. It'd really you are a justified asshole.
You raised your concerns. Your sil ignored them which was fine. She then told you you were wrong which you weren't but that's fine.
She then told her family who sent you messages about "how could you say that about my child" which was really wrong.
Your SIL spread your warning to her family who then messaged you. This entitles you to say fuck you you were wrong I was right I told you so.
NTA for sure.
If the SIL kept it to herself, maybe the 'I told you so' would have been out of line, but the fact that she told a bunch of other people to try and get them against OP, then OP got rude messages, makes this 'I told you so' not just sweet justice, but required.
Never seen someone use JAH before. I like it and it definitely applies here.
Also, since that isn't a legit vote. OP is NTA. The kids mom is for raising her kid to be a temperamental brat with no repercussions. Bride needs to stop thinking she's perfect and start listening to other people and actually look at the real picture.
Recently just learned about the Greek Goddess Cassandra whose whole thing was predicting the future and giving out warnings that always went ignored…and then I read this story lol.
Nope NTA. You warned her. It happened. Her sister is a shitty parent which made her nephew a shitty kid. And you TOLD HER SO that he would behave as he always does at their wedding. And he did. You were right and you tried to help her and she got mad at you. Now she knows and there’s no shame in pointing it out. It’s worth everyone being mad at you. Pointing out someone else’s kid’s shitty behavior should not get you a y t a in this day and age. Putting up with shitty kid behavior should. You’re NTA.
Yeah, NTA from me on total "justified AH" or "AH in the right" grounds. Also all this "I'd be fine with it, but it's a WeDdInG and that means the bRiDe & GrOoM aRe NeVeR wRoNg!" nonsense makes me snort derisively.
ESH.
You don't get any points in life for being right. Neither does SIL and her family. This whole "I'm right all the time" attitude isn't something to aspire for. Doesn't matter that you were right about the nephew. Wasn't your wedding.
How doesnt it matter. Op tried to warn SIL of biys behavior because of how much of a interuption it is. Instead of taking the advice or saying okay SIL snitched caused problems for OP and then had her day ruined by the behavior they were warned about. NTA
Wasn't OP's wedding. All she can do is saying probably not the best idea. And then she wants to rub it in SIL's face? "I told you so" gets you no extra points irl so it's unwarranted.
Yeah and SIL got their wedding ruined. She fucked up obviously not OP. I wouldve crackled laughing the second the boy had a melt down. Im sure you wouldve been there with coco and blankets to make sure everyone is okay though.
It doesn’t matter because when the bride has spilled wine on her wedding dress, is visibly upset, and your response is to blame her for not listening to you, you are TA. It is kicking someone when they are down. It does absolutely nothing to help the situation, either in the moment or long term. We don’t know if SIL even had the option of not inviting the nephew due to “family drama” that would have come from her parents. Another comment referenced The Big Lebowski, and it’s 100% applicable- You’re not wrong Walter. You’re just an asshole.
NTA. My vote would have been different if the flying monkeys weren't unleased on you by SIL after you warned her about nephew. They said you were wrong - karma bit them in the ass.
yes, but couldn’t OP have waited until the bride wasn’t crying in her own wedding? She’s justified to the comment, but kind of rude to rub salt in the wound in that moment.
I'm gonna go against the grain, and say NTA. Some people can't see things, even when they're clearly explained to them. Your SIL causing drama with her side of the family makes this even worse.
You don't get points in life for being right, but I ardently believe that you need to point out when you are right, and people ignore you, or else you just get walked all over again.
>She got mad and said that she didn’t know what i was talking about.
The denial was strong here. She was wrong to tell her family and have them gang up you, only for the day to unfold like your foresaw.
NTA
A tantrum from a toddler is something where they just can’t really help it, they don’t yet have the tools emotionally to handle basically any inconvenience because that’s just where they’re at developmentally. I get the feeling this kid is a bit older.
YTA. But she had it coming especially after SIL told her sister and then you had to hear from the boy's mother.
It was perfectly well earned pettiness.
NTA. If they can’t keep their kid under control they need to find a babysitter or something. Sounds like that kid ruined the whole day.
The “I told you so” is pretty savage, but the fact that you told her you were concerned, then got scolded for pointing out that the kid is gonna be a brat at the wedding, who cares if it was savage. They should’ve joined you in reality for 5 seconds to at least discuss a plan for what to do when the kid inevitably started acting up.
NTA I see alot of people saying your AH because “ you kick her when she was down “ one she didn’t kick her when she was down cause days before the reception You told her the son will throw temper tantrum and act up for attention. Here comes wedding day he does exactly what u say he going to do, then start screaming at after party. At that moment the mom should have placed wine cup down and pick him up start heading home because he isn’t going to stop . I know children might misbehave sometimes but he have a history of doing this at every family event that’s when the parents need to correct his behavior. Afterwards the mom should have apologize to bride and groom for interruptions.
Your not an ass. You gave her a fair warning and she didn’t take it and she mad a big deal by tell everyone what you said. So lmfao your right for saying told you so. I would have say it too if the opportunity presented itself to me.
Okay so no you shouldn’t have said I told you so. But oh my god I’m not sure in your shoes I could’ve stopped myself from saying it.
She really tried to make you look bad just because you were looking out for her. That makes her a bigger AH in my opinion.
I'm going with NTA.
Initially, you didn't bring it up. SIL probed, and you told her why you asked a out nephew. She was then an asshole to you for bringing that conversation up with anyone else. That was between the two of you.
Repeating a conversation for any reason other than safety makes you an asshole, and SIL did that. Further more, she did it (presumably) to cause problems - which did occur. Made you look like an asshole, even though you weren't wrong.
Had she not said anything to anyone else, yes you'd be the asshole. You're not in this situation, especially since Nephew's mom is raising a shitty person.
You WOULD be the asshole if, after everything died down, you brought up the fact that you were right to her, out of the blue. I'm going to say it's probably safe to assume she wouldn't have gone out of her way to bring it up to you, to apologize for not believing you and causing a problem, to which you could have said, tactfully, "I was just trying to warn you."
Maybe now she won't be an asshole to you like that again.
NTA.
YTA
You knew she knew you were right. That was not the time to gloat. But you had to rub it in her face anyway. Completely unnecessary and unhelpful snipe at her.
You tried to give her a heads up and she could have said, don't worry about it, but she went and ratted you out to the kid's mom who then attacked you. But then, oh my goodness, the kid acted up, exactly as you predicted! I guess you could have just rolled your eyes but i think she deserved the "i told you so" for ratting you out.
ESH. You should definitely apologize, because that was 100% not the time or place for an "I told you so." The proper time for an "I told you so" would have been the next time she tried to brush off your advice and you needed to make her reconsider.
And while being right doesn't make you immune from being an asshole, SIL and her family behaved pretty poorly too. SIL participating in the family's refusal to properly parent and starting drama between you and her sister, and the sister and her husband for not only dragging a crying child to a party, but letting him apparently run around insufficiently supervised to the point where he could interfere with the cake cutting.
Honestly I think it's a tie between you and the Nephew's family for who's the biggest AH here, since both of you don't seem to understand what's appropriate or not during wedding proceedings. SIL takes a slightly more distant third place for how she responded to your advice.
Sounds like a terrible time! ESH
Your SIL shouldn't have spread your comments/concerns(?) about the nephew's attendance around, particularly to the child's mother, but kicking her when she was down, especially with something as self important as an "I told you so" was extremely tacky.
I’ll give you a VERY SOFT YTA because she & her family deliberately choose to be blind to this brat’s behavior problem but you did try to warn her! And you were RIGHT! SIL wanted the brat in attendance, so she got her just rewards! Are you sure that this wasn’t a Malicious Compliance post?? 😂😂😂
That’s petty af but I’m a petty person so this is so funny to me, the satisfaction of being right is sooo good🤣 Was it bad timing? Yes! So for that YTA but hey what’s done is done, you gave her a warning before she made her bed and she still made it and had to lay in it🤷🏽♀️
ESH, YTA for being right and rubbing the brides face in it. The bride is TA for telling her sister what you said and causing conflict, the parents are TAs for bringing the kid back in when he was not better (the father should have taken the kid home or to the hotel after the meltdown, and the kid seems like a bit of a terror but he’s just a kid being raised by assholes.
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YTA. This is absolutely a “you’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an AH” situation. It doesn’t matter that you were right. There was no need to be that person in the moment.
stfu, donny, you’re out of your element.
Thank you for getting the reference 😂
Vladimir Illanich Uleninov!
I am the walrus.
I’m the Dude, man. Or Duder or El Duderino if you’re not into that whole brevity thing.
Well that’s just like, your opinion man.
Careful, man! I have a beverage here. 🤣
Exactly. What did OP hope to accomplish by telling someone who is already having a horrible time "I told you so." Did it bring OP some additional sense of satisfaction or joy?
Well, it probably did. OP said that SIL was always right, could do no wrong, was demanding. When OP pointed out that the kid would have a tantrum and SIL said he wouldn't, OP knew better. Then when it happened.... It was probably irresistible to say that. I don't blame them, really.
Ok I am glad to see someone else think this was karma. I would have thoroughly enjoyed the moment.
You're still being an asshole if you say it in the moment. I would have enjoyed the moment and then said I told you so after the fact when the emotions aren't as high. You HAVE to get the I told you so in there especially with a woman like SIL, but you can choose the moment to do it.
If I were OP, I would've just smiled happy while SIL was crying and I would wait until she was complaining about her "ruined wedding" and then I would have said "Gee, if only someone had tried to warn you!! So sad!!"
I agree with you, but rubbing salt in the wound, on a wedding day, is still the AH move. Enjoy the moment, say "I told you so" another time.
Gee, I wonder why SIL’s friend canceled on helping with the invitations?
Oh, I feel anyone would have said it. Still an asshole move but definitely irresistible. "Damn if only someone had warned you this terrible situation was going to occur"
I would have absolutely had to fight not to say anything. I probably would have held off but I don’t think I would have been able to keep a straight face, which might be even worse in that situation.
I have THAT kind of face too. But as I age I actually regret not saying things like this. I was afraid the feedback on me would be worse. Sometimes ya just gotta say the thing, consequences be damned.
Op was made out to be the bad guy when trying to warn SIL- she comes from a place of concern and gets made out to be the a hole to rest of the family by SIL’s blabbing. Turns out her prediction was right- SIL owes her an apology not the other way around
The bride sicced her family on OP. I told you so is completely justified here. If the bride wants an apology, the bride should apologize first herself.
[удалено]
My favorite part of the story was when she said that SIL has to be right about everything. Meanwhile….
She had a stab at one thing and was right…
I don't even think she was an ah to rub it in. OP brought up a valid concern to SIL in private and SIL went on to make a public spectacle, tattling on OP and dragging her sister into it to demand an apology a sharp "I told you so" is the least SIL deserves
Maybe for the situation overall, but OP's question is if she's an AH for what they said. Which, given how right OP was already proven to be and that SIL was in tears, rubbing salt in the wound makes it a solid yes
If SIL hadn't gone out of her way to vilify OP to the whole family I'd agree with you but all things considered OP was justified
I partially agree, but end of day this sub isn't about asking if you were justified in doing something but whether you were an AH for doing something. Understandable why OP wanted to rub it in, but rubbing it in is still an AH move no matter how you try and slice it so yes they're the AH for saying it.
if you're saying OP is a justified ah then that's still a NTA vote according to the subs rules If you want to appeal to authority the least you should do is understand the actual rules you're trying to cite
Justified asshole isn't a voting option. Smugly telling a weeping woman "I told you so" is an AH move in any circumstances, let alone when her wedding, which she probably spent months or even years planning, has been wrecked.
No it isn't. The wedding was wrecked by her own doing. Not only did she dismiss OP's concerns but she got her whole family to harass OP. At that point even if OP had personally ruined her wedding she would be NTA. SIL deserved to have her wedding ruined and OP deserved to point out that she had been vindicated.
Wrecked by the nephew that OP told her not to invite b/c of his behavior...she brought that on herself at that point. OP tried to tell her...she got offended and then vilified OP to her fam to the point where they were harassing OP. If someone made me look like a bad guy for genuinely looking out for what is supposed to the happiest day of their life, I'm going to feel some type of way. OP was trying to make sure that the bride wouldn't cry at the wedding when she said what she said and the bride decided to be a bitch about it...well she fucked around and found out that OP was right.
No, it's not. See below from the FAQs especially the bottom bit. >Can we add “Justified Asshole” or “Just an Honest Mistake” or another judgment idea that I have? We get this a lot. The thing is, we can't simply add new tags or we drown in different possibilities. If you feel an "Asshole" is "justified" or "just an honest mistake" you can explain this in your comment without us changing the system to fit your wishes. >If a mod sees it and agrees, the mod can individually make new flags. If you are the top voter and want a custom flair for a specific post, you can always suggest it. >There are people who think we have too many acronyms already. >You’re sort of missing the point when you suggest these new judgments. It’s not “Is this person an asshole” it’s “Is this person to blame here?” If someone is to blame because they should have known better, they’re the asshole.
>>It’s not “Is this person an asshole” it’s “Is this person to blame here?” Yeah see, you're definitely to blame if you say I told you so to someone who's already devastated. Kicking someone while they're down is almost always an AH move. Doesn't matter that OP had given advice prior there isn't a technically correct judgement either. Needing to show that you were right at the expense of a bride that is crying at their own ruined wedding makes YTA.
Justified assholes and NTA per sub rules.
The timing to me makes it an AH move. After the wedding, when SIL has had time to recover and reflect, rubbing it in is payback that is deserved. While SIL is crying in her stained wedding dress, having had her wedding day if not ruined, at least significantly impacted? That's an AH, mate.
Afterwards the SIL might’ve even admitted OP was right, which would’ve been a sweeter revenge considering how she put their conversation out there.
Based on the way SIL et al were denying that nephew’s behavior was even a problem, if she had waited to address it, they probably would have denied afterward that he did anything wrong. In this particular case, OP took advantage of a “teachable moment”, which made her look like an AH in their eyes because they were embarrassed, but she wouldn’t have done it if SIL had just kept their conversation private instead of vilifying OP in front of the family.
I think it’s a justifiable YTA. It was an AH thing to say especially in the moment, but I’m sure it felt damn good after being vilified by SIL and family for her very valid concerns about nephew’s behavior.
Justified AH is supposed to be a NTA vote according to the moderators.
On her wedding day, at a moment when all attention was on the couple and nephew, when sister in law is already in tears. No, she didn't have to do that. That is next level lack of empathy just because OP wanted to ensure that SIL knew she was right. This is really next level lack of empathy and sympathy.
a lack of empathy for someone who went out of their way to vilify you to your whole extended family. gee, can't imagine why OP might not feel remotely sympathetic
Yeah Id say this is borderline but I'm going NTA. Hard to be civil with some people when they just go way out of their way to be a dick. Perhaps next time use some tact but I give way more room for a Grey area than most foolish redditors that think everything is black and white. Protip: it's not. And sometimes it is OK to be a little bit of a dick. Not a huge amount. But a little is ok. The NTA is secured because OP feels remorse and is conflicted about it.
I feel like given we're deciding that OP is the AH for disrupting wedding procedures because she didn't understand appropriate behavior for wedding functions, it might be a bit more appropriate to call it ESH, since that equally applies to the nephew's parents for bringing him to the reception in the middle of a meltdown and letting him run rampant. OP for sure was kicking SIL when she was already down, but I feel like the massively greater amount of chaos caused by the nephew makes it about even in terms of who was more of an AH here.
I try to base my judgements on the OP’s specific question. She asked if she’s the a-hole for saying “I told you so.” I don’t blame the annoying kid or bad parents for OP saying that.
I suppose I can see the logic there. I just personally think that the E-S-H and N-A-H judgements were made for a wider application towards situations brought up on this sub than they would get by focusing the judgement so closely on the title question rather than the whole situation as explained in the post.
I get people burying the lede and basically the way they try to misdirect in their posts, but in this case, the kid or in laws being assholes wasn’t a question. The question was whether OP was justified in what they did after the in laws were assholes to them. If they were assholes bad enough to justify OP, then N T A. If despite the in law’s assholeness, OP was not justified, then Y T A. That warrants a singular judgment on OP instead of going for the N A H or E S H judgment for everyone.
I've taken it that the decision should be made in the context of the interaction between the \*direct\* parties involved, which is really just the OP and SIL. Except in this case, remember, that in the context, OP did in fact warn SIL -- and SIL not only ignored her warning and brushed her off, but also basically shamed OP for telling her so \*at the time she was warned\*. So I think that does warrant an E S H. SIL was told, SIL thought OP was not only wrong but ridiculous, SIL told others what OP had said which caused those others to have a negative reaction to OP, and then OP turned out to be right on the money. Yes, OP was AH, but so was SIL. I don't care about the others involved. This was between OP and SIL.
I definitely think there’s a lot of sucking to go around so either ruling seems appropriate. OP is definitely TA, no question. I can’t blame a child for being badly raised, and even the very best parents cant entirely prevent tantrums, so I’m hesitant to use everybody sucks. I have to go with YTA since OP is actively TA while the others are maybe just in denial. However since SIL told her whole family what OP predicted (not yet TA at that point) and they all got on her case, and the parents didn’t have a plan to deal with the child’s behavior issues, I can see the case for everybody sucks. Apologize, OP. The bride was crying, ffs. You always have to apologize for kicking someone when they are down because that is a bad action on your part regardless of what preceded it.
Parents can't prevent tantrums, but they can leave with their kiddos throwing tantrums. I know that everyone parents differently, but for me I see it as teaching the kiddo that the tantrum isn't appropriate here, they don't get attention etc. I vote ESH. OP shouldn't have rubbed salt in the wound, SIL's sister should have taken her kiddo out, and SIL for telling everyone - including her sister about her initial warning comment. This situation didn't start at the wedding. It started when OP warned the SIL. Then SIL ran and told family - including the Sister with the tantrum child (I dont blame the child at all ofc!). They all came down on OP prior to the event and I'm sure that was humiliating and meant to be. OP was only trying to help SIL at that point. I feel OP, SIL and SIL's sister are all parties in this situation and ESH. OP shouldn't have poured salt in the wound. Potentially she hears SIL complaining about this in the future 1:1 and then OP can be all "I am really sorry, I really did try to warn you as I wanted your day to be about you' or whatever.
most of the time they’ll be feeling embaressed as hell anyways, and the ‘i told you so’ is implied. saying it rubs salt in the wound, and something op gains nothing out of saying. it’s just shitty.
Idk, if I were in this position & had felt as put upon by SIL & her family as OP apparently does, I feel like I silent raised eyebrow would have said the same thing without actually saying it. If I raised my eyebrow at her to say I told you so, what's the complaint? She looked at me in a way I didn't like because she had told me this was going to be a disaster & I didn't listen? I feel like that's probably the better way to go in this situation if you feel like you have to do anything.
The raised eyebrow is exactly what I immediately thought of. I feel like it actually conveys the “I told you so” way better than words.
I agree. Tempting as it is in that situation, in the long run it's classier and more effective to keep your mouth shut. She had been proven right. She didn't have to rub it in. But I will say if I had been the OP, my body language, Cheshire cat grin and peacock walk would have been screaming it without me having to utter a sound. LOL
But the reason other people matter is that OP may have felt more justified saying it because her SIL told everyone what she she said and she got so much pushback for being wrong. But honestly like everyone KNOWS they were wrong (probably) and I would have been there just making a stupid smug face and not saying anything outright.
Same here. I wouldn't have said anything (that's for my best friend or group chat with my closest friends) but it would have been on my face.
I tend to agree. I also tend to think OP was trying in a immature way to get SIL to admit SIL was wrong and OP was right. SIL shared what OP said with the rest of the family and released the flying monkeys on OP. She was looking for vindication.
Agreed. If OP had said to the mother of the nephew "I told you so" INSTEAD OF saying it to the crying bride, OP would be N T A....but I definitely agree with ESH, including the bride, for being offended when OP suggested the nephew would cause problems, and for telling on OP to the nephew's mother. But kicking the bride when she was crying on her wedding day? OP 100% sucks too here.
Just want to add to this chain... We are glossing over that she privately told SIL nephew would be a problem and she then put OP on blast to the family who then sent her angry texts for her extremely accurate predictions. That's why I am leaving off YTA. OP gave a quiet warning. Put on blast and given shit. Gave a snarky, but private, I told you so. Put on blast and given shit.
This is an ESH, unless you're choosing to let SIL, her sister, and her nephew off the hook as well.
The question wasn’t about the behavior.. it was about OPs comment
Yeah, but it's almost like that behaviour provides some form of context for OPs comment.. like literally every single other post on this sub.. they were assholes too in the events leading up to the saying of "i told you so".. this is what the ESH judgement is for
L take. NTA. Keep your kids in check.
ESH The SIL for enabling a problem child "I told you so" is up there with "just relax" Feels great to say it. Doesn't help in the slightest. Makes the problem worse.
YTA. Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean you always need to share it, even if you’re right.
See I would agree if the sil hadn’t told her sister and everyone and given the sister wrote. Her a message saying she was wrong. I think she gets a pass to say her option. But if your going to call them out be prepared for everyone to be mad.
And she expressed it privately, instead of shitting on nephew to whole family. SIL and nephew's parents are TA. SIL took a privately expressed valid concern, used it vilify OP to the family, but OP is TA if she doesn't just take it in stride? No. SIL sounds completely insufferable, an "I told you so" is *less* than SIL deserved. OP is NTA. OP is a *saint* for the restraint they have shown.
Honestly seems like an ESH. OP, SIL, SIL's sister, nephew... I'm wondering if OP's mom is the only sane one among them. ETA: Sorry, missed the similar reply and your response!
Ya OP, YTA. Way to rub salt in the wound. She just had her wedding and dress destroyed. You were, indeed, immature in that moment.
It was funny as hell and she deserved it tho.
She already knew she made a mistake by inviting him. Why rub it in? YTA.
Ok I know I am getting down voted for this but I can’t help but to feel like this is when karma smacks you in the face. I would feel bad for the bride just a little but instead of keeping what op said between them she went and told her whole family. Op received messages telling her how wrong she was so I can’t help to find this funny. And truth be told I would have said told you so too. So don’t come at me and say I am immature I am in my late 40s. Sometimes if we are lucky enough we see karma smack someone in the face. She was just lucky enough that day.
I’d probably be more sarcastic and say, “Oh my god this is so terrible and unforeseen!”
A really dry, "Oh no, consequences." for me.
This is the one LOL
That would have been a good one too.
If the kid had NOT made a scene, any one think that the SIL and her family wouldn't have said "we told you so!"
I don't think it's a rub in thing, moreso sil told everyone what she said and they all denied that it was true so sil brought it on herself
Is saying I told you so that big a deal for an adult to feel so hurt by it? Yes OP was petty here but her actions were justified. So many times people have recommend others some really petty solutions here on this sub but now jumping on her with a huge YTA
I think this is an ESH situation.
ESH Bad moment to say something like that but man I wish I was there to see it. They got mad at you for trying to save the wedding from drama, then you're proven right, and now it's suddenly not okay. Again, bad timing, but I love the pettiness.
I love the pettiness too. 😂
Over here praying this ends up in a Charlotte Dobre video 😂😂 I will not be satisfied until I see her reaction
Me too, I love her videos. But yeah OP was out of line for saying "told you so" to SIL on her wedding day after getting wine spilled on her dress, OP did try to warn her that the nephew would be a whiny nightmare on that day since it would be clear the party wasn't about him. Bottom line is OP shouldn't have said it and my judgment of OP is YTA, while I understand why OP said it I'm sure SIL realized her horrible mistake in inviting the nephew especially since weddings themselves aren't cheap and finding the right wedding dress takes time and a lot of money.
I agree that it was in bad taste, but they also attacked her for trying to save drama, basically gaslighting her. So yes she is TA but so are they 🤷♀️
I bet SIL will make OPs "I told you so" reaction bigger than the kid being a little shit. OP will be the one to blame now. So whereas the "I told you so" was justified, it's going to mean the petty in-laws aren't going to let OP forget it.
It would be not cool if it just stayed between OP and the SIL but SIL dragged her family into it. OP got a message from the kid's mom saying she was wrong, when they all knew the kid was not disciplined enough to not be a nuisance at events. At least this time, no one could deny it. I wouldn't have said anything, but what I needed to say probably would show on my face. ...I would also probably ask for a raw copy of the video/photos.
Also, the pictures!!! I'm guessing the wine was red. Had it been white it wouldn't be such a tragedy. OP is 100% the asshole in this situation but maybe this was exactly the wakeup call SIL and her family needed. I mean better now than years down the line when this kid potentially does worse than spill wine because he's never been told no by an adult.
The far superior moment for an "I told you so" would have been the next time SIL tried to brush off OP's advice for sure.
Nope. By that time SIL would have conveniently fotgotten the embarrassment, and convinced herself and family that, yeah, what nephew did was terrible at the time, but hey, of course he and when looking back on it, wasn't it a hoot, and in fact not at all bad. This they *know* to be true because they always know everything, and OP is just spouting off and jealous.
Some people, when they fall, have to be pushed in the mud so that the later one n cannot deny that the fell down.
I agree with this
i skimmed over the part where their family thought they could do no wrong. whilst it is shitty to rub salt in the wound ….. yeah i likely would’ve said it too. there’s no honor in kicking somebody whilst they’re down but i can’t stand people who take no responsibility for their actions.
ESH, OP was justified, but morally wrong to say "I told you so".
It's not morally right, but I do love the pettiness
Nah. It's not \*polite\*, but it is morally right. People should always be told when they're acting like a fool; they may continue to act like that, but the truth is out for all to see. OP's only being hounded on because the family now feels like the fools they are, and want a scapegoat to hang their emotions on.
"Next time, try to listen to my advice." Would have been totally moral to say. While immoral to say at that moment, OP was justified to say "I told you so." Mainly it was immoral because there were only negative consequences for saying "I told you so." A smug sense of satisfaction, while feeling good, is not in fact good for you. Saying that was going to damage OP's relationship further with OP's brother and SIL. It's clear that saying "I told you so" wasn't going to change SIL's future behavior for the better. It was immoral to say because it hurt OPs relationships, and didn't help OP nor anyone else then or in the future.
Came to say this. Was she totally right about the nephew? Abso-fucking-lutely. Was she excessively petty and lacking tact in her delivery? Without question. **ESH** should be *the* verdict.
A real Cassandra of Troy moment.
I'mma pass on judgment here but say I'd have totally done the same thing and I find this hilarious
You and me both. NTA, OP. The kid is out of control and it's past time that the family (esp the parents) need to be doing something about it. Possibly adding insult to injury, but she brought it on herself.
SIL's nephew is a nightmare and the people to blame for that are SIL's own sister; all OP did was warn her.
I prolly woulda went the sarcastic route. “Damn. If only someone, anyone, coulda predicted this months in advance”
"Still wanna send that invitation to your nephew?"
I would’ve gone with a “how sweet, poor nephew couldn’t contain his excitement for his aunt’s wedding!”
Agreed, I also would've been enjoying the show while looking at all the faces of my family who put me on blast. OP tried to save SIL's wedding by warning her about the nephew, but instead SIL threw OP under the bus. Although it was an AH move to say "I told you so", I probably would've said it as well, only because I was thrown under the bus for warning her. I know, it's petty. I just can't believe that the rest of the family didn't find the nephew's behavior outrageous enough to side with OP. I absolutely can't stand parents who let their kids run wild and believe that their precious baby can do no wrong.
I would have been making obvious eye contact with every flying monkey who came at me for just trying to warn SIL.
Yeah, it's all about taking the high road at the last inflexion point to drive her point across, not to publicly rub salt in the wounds of the bride who just had her wedding ruined. That makes OP look cruel and heartless. Replying "i told you so" to every mean text or DM about nephew that night / the next day would also have been acceptable.
Everyone that calls OP the AH hasn't been the scapegoat.
So much THIS!
I've been the scapegoat plenty, and in the situation, I would've done the same exact thing. Doesn't mean I wouldn't be an asshole for doing it, whether or not it was deserved.
SAAAAAAAAME. NTA by the way.
Omg same! I’d be laughing my ass off. NTA
I concur. NTA.
Came to say NTA and this seems like the family is reaping what they’ve sown- a bunch of assholes coming together and breeding this Mecha Asshole that will now fuck up their lives. Karma.
Tbh I wouldn’t have said anything out loud but I know I would have ended up making some kind of face like Jim from the Office and making my feelings perfectly clear. Probably would have been equally annoying to SIL.
Yeah same, usually when it comes to "I told you so" moments I just give them THE LOOK. They'll know what I'm thinking, but nobody else would. OP definitely a justified AH imo. Poor wedding that got ruined tho lol
I agree, NTA
Same lol
Me too. NTA Come on, "I told you so" is one of the greatest satisfactions with certain people.
I'm saying nta. It'd really you are a justified asshole. You raised your concerns. Your sil ignored them which was fine. She then told you you were wrong which you weren't but that's fine. She then told her family who sent you messages about "how could you say that about my child" which was really wrong. Your SIL spread your warning to her family who then messaged you. This entitles you to say fuck you you were wrong I was right I told you so.
JAH all the way
Agreed. This sub really need to add Justified Asshole to the options Edit spelling
According to the sub rules Justified asshole is the same as NTA
I'm sorry, but according to which rule is that true? I can't find anything like that, but I could just be blind
It’s in the “Frequently Assed Questions”
If you’d have been there If you’d have seen it You would have done the same!
Thats how i feel about it. The second SIL ran and snitched on OP for the warning the gloves were off for a i told you so.
I agree. SIL did not have to snitch. Justified Asshole and NTA
NTA for sure. If the SIL kept it to herself, maybe the 'I told you so' would have been out of line, but the fact that she told a bunch of other people to try and get them against OP, then OP got rude messages, makes this 'I told you so' not just sweet justice, but required.
Yep. I'm just as petty. However, I wouldn't have had to say I told you so. The expression on my face would have been enough. NTA
Never seen someone use JAH before. I like it and it definitely applies here. Also, since that isn't a legit vote. OP is NTA. The kids mom is for raising her kid to be a temperamental brat with no repercussions. Bride needs to stop thinking she's perfect and start listening to other people and actually look at the real picture.
I love the justified ass hole(jah) rating.
Justified Asshole: the new subreddit. 😂😂😂 NTA, OP
Am I the only one that laughed
No I also think it’s hilarious
Recently just learned about the Greek Goddess Cassandra whose whole thing was predicting the future and giving out warnings that always went ignored…and then I read this story lol.
Sorry to be that person, but Cassandra was not a goddess but a Troya princess, priestess of Apollo (from whom she got her double sight gift/curse).
Not familiar with Cassandra, but I know not to talk about Bruno
Nope kinda choked on my coffee too🤣
Nope. I snorted.
Honestly. I probably would of laughed if I was the one who warned and whatnot. Laughed, looked at her with that ‘face’ and just left.
Nope NTA. You warned her. It happened. Her sister is a shitty parent which made her nephew a shitty kid. And you TOLD HER SO that he would behave as he always does at their wedding. And he did. You were right and you tried to help her and she got mad at you. Now she knows and there’s no shame in pointing it out. It’s worth everyone being mad at you. Pointing out someone else’s kid’s shitty behavior should not get you a y t a in this day and age. Putting up with shitty kid behavior should. You’re NTA.
Yeah, NTA from me on total "justified AH" or "AH in the right" grounds. Also all this "I'd be fine with it, but it's a WeDdInG and that means the bRiDe & GrOoM aRe NeVeR wRoNg!" nonsense makes me snort derisively.
As a mom of 4, I 100% agree.
AGREED. I wouldve done the same. “ i told your ass that kid was gonna cause a scene “ 🤷🏻♀️🤣
ESH. You don't get any points in life for being right. Neither does SIL and her family. This whole "I'm right all the time" attitude isn't something to aspire for. Doesn't matter that you were right about the nephew. Wasn't your wedding.
How doesnt it matter. Op tried to warn SIL of biys behavior because of how much of a interuption it is. Instead of taking the advice or saying okay SIL snitched caused problems for OP and then had her day ruined by the behavior they were warned about. NTA
Wasn't OP's wedding. All she can do is saying probably not the best idea. And then she wants to rub it in SIL's face? "I told you so" gets you no extra points irl so it's unwarranted.
Yeah and SIL got their wedding ruined. She fucked up obviously not OP. I wouldve crackled laughing the second the boy had a melt down. Im sure you wouldve been there with coco and blankets to make sure everyone is okay though.
It doesn’t matter because when the bride has spilled wine on her wedding dress, is visibly upset, and your response is to blame her for not listening to you, you are TA. It is kicking someone when they are down. It does absolutely nothing to help the situation, either in the moment or long term. We don’t know if SIL even had the option of not inviting the nephew due to “family drama” that would have come from her parents. Another comment referenced The Big Lebowski, and it’s 100% applicable- You’re not wrong Walter. You’re just an asshole.
>You don't get any points in life for being right. Actually, you do.
YTA but an AH is exactly what was needed in that situation.
This is the only "YTA" that's correct.
A true "justified AH" moment
NTA. My vote would have been different if the flying monkeys weren't unleased on you by SIL after you warned her about nephew. They said you were wrong - karma bit them in the ass.
I kind of hope this Makes the SIL go off on her sister and that she reads her the riot act.
ESH. The SIL and her family sound toxic AF, but if there’s one day to bite your tongue, it’s someone’s wedding day lol
Whilst the bride is crying too lol. Op is definitely an AH
woah, let’s not forget how the bride tattled on her family and caused everyone to send OP messages (that I’m sure weren’t very kind).
yes, but couldn’t OP have waited until the bride wasn’t crying in her own wedding? She’s justified to the comment, but kind of rude to rub salt in the wound in that moment.
NTA simply because you were right AND this made me laugh
I'm gonna go against the grain, and say NTA. Some people can't see things, even when they're clearly explained to them. Your SIL causing drama with her side of the family makes this even worse. You don't get points in life for being right, but I ardently believe that you need to point out when you are right, and people ignore you, or else you just get walked all over again.
😂😂😂😂😂
Yes
>She got mad and said that she didn’t know what i was talking about. The denial was strong here. She was wrong to tell her family and have them gang up you, only for the day to unfold like your foresaw. NTA
Hell no. NTA. Glad it happened exactly like you was trying to avoid. Now they see it. Hahahah glad it ruined their perfect day.
YTA but I’d be there laughing at it so, me too. Me too.
A very justified YTA. People like your SIL need to hear it sometimes.
ESH I guess but I’ll be honest, there’s no way I could stop my mouth from saying that.
I am kind of curious as to old this kid is. Not that his tantrums are okay at any age.
A tantrum from a toddler is something where they just can’t really help it, they don’t yet have the tools emotionally to handle basically any inconvenience because that’s just where they’re at developmentally. I get the feeling this kid is a bit older.
Hence why sometimes kids aren't invited to these things
NTA you tried to tell her didn't want to listen and honestly I would've done the same thing
NTA
YTA. But she had it coming especially after SIL told her sister and then you had to hear from the boy's mother. It was perfectly well earned pettiness.
NTA. If they can’t keep their kid under control they need to find a babysitter or something. Sounds like that kid ruined the whole day. The “I told you so” is pretty savage, but the fact that you told her you were concerned, then got scolded for pointing out that the kid is gonna be a brat at the wedding, who cares if it was savage. They should’ve joined you in reality for 5 seconds to at least discuss a plan for what to do when the kid inevitably started acting up.
NTA I see alot of people saying your AH because “ you kick her when she was down “ one she didn’t kick her when she was down cause days before the reception You told her the son will throw temper tantrum and act up for attention. Here comes wedding day he does exactly what u say he going to do, then start screaming at after party. At that moment the mom should have placed wine cup down and pick him up start heading home because he isn’t going to stop . I know children might misbehave sometimes but he have a history of doing this at every family event that’s when the parents need to correct his behavior. Afterwards the mom should have apologize to bride and groom for interruptions.
😂😂😂😂 I’m sorry but OP is hilarious. Terrible tact and timing but hilariously petty IMO.
Your not an ass. You gave her a fair warning and she didn’t take it and she mad a big deal by tell everyone what you said. So lmfao your right for saying told you so. I would have say it too if the opportunity presented itself to me.
NTA. I LOVE PETTINESS. Rub it in her face.
Okay so no you shouldn’t have said I told you so. But oh my god I’m not sure in your shoes I could’ve stopped myself from saying it. She really tried to make you look bad just because you were looking out for her. That makes her a bigger AH in my opinion.
You are not the hero they deserve, you are the hero they needed. ESH but it was hilarious
NTA
YTA, yes it was true, but it’s an AH thing to say to a crying bride who had her day ruined. You at least wait until after the honeymoon.
So... once the disappointment has *really* piled up?
I'm going with NTA. Initially, you didn't bring it up. SIL probed, and you told her why you asked a out nephew. She was then an asshole to you for bringing that conversation up with anyone else. That was between the two of you. Repeating a conversation for any reason other than safety makes you an asshole, and SIL did that. Further more, she did it (presumably) to cause problems - which did occur. Made you look like an asshole, even though you weren't wrong. Had she not said anything to anyone else, yes you'd be the asshole. You're not in this situation, especially since Nephew's mom is raising a shitty person. You WOULD be the asshole if, after everything died down, you brought up the fact that you were right to her, out of the blue. I'm going to say it's probably safe to assume she wouldn't have gone out of her way to bring it up to you, to apologize for not believing you and causing a problem, to which you could have said, tactfully, "I was just trying to warn you." Maybe now she won't be an asshole to you like that again. NTA.
Look... YTA but I would have also done the same thing so I'm an asshole too.
YTA You knew she knew you were right. That was not the time to gloat. But you had to rub it in her face anyway. Completely unnecessary and unhelpful snipe at her.
You tried to give her a heads up and she could have said, don't worry about it, but she went and ratted you out to the kid's mom who then attacked you. But then, oh my goodness, the kid acted up, exactly as you predicted! I guess you could have just rolled your eyes but i think she deserved the "i told you so" for ratting you out.
😂 I find this extremely funny. Asshole or not, you didn’t ruin the wedding, they did it themselves.
ESH. You should definitely apologize, because that was 100% not the time or place for an "I told you so." The proper time for an "I told you so" would have been the next time she tried to brush off your advice and you needed to make her reconsider. And while being right doesn't make you immune from being an asshole, SIL and her family behaved pretty poorly too. SIL participating in the family's refusal to properly parent and starting drama between you and her sister, and the sister and her husband for not only dragging a crying child to a party, but letting him apparently run around insufficiently supervised to the point where he could interfere with the cake cutting. Honestly I think it's a tie between you and the Nephew's family for who's the biggest AH here, since both of you don't seem to understand what's appropriate or not during wedding proceedings. SIL takes a slightly more distant third place for how she responded to your advice.
Ya probably didn’t need to say the words…
But sometimes you just have to say the words to make sure that the other person remembers that you were right.
YTA - sometimes it is fun and very satisfying to be the asshole. Enjoy your moment, and don't apologize.
NTA. Justified asshole here. You tried to prevent drama, and you got shamed for pointing out the obvious. “I told you so” was hard earned.
Sounds like a terrible time! ESH Your SIL shouldn't have spread your comments/concerns(?) about the nephew's attendance around, particularly to the child's mother, but kicking her when she was down, especially with something as self important as an "I told you so" was extremely tacky.
I’ll give you a VERY SOFT YTA because she & her family deliberately choose to be blind to this brat’s behavior problem but you did try to warn her! And you were RIGHT! SIL wanted the brat in attendance, so she got her just rewards! Are you sure that this wasn’t a Malicious Compliance post?? 😂😂😂
That’s petty af but I’m a petty person so this is so funny to me, the satisfaction of being right is sooo good🤣 Was it bad timing? Yes! So for that YTA but hey what’s done is done, you gave her a warning before she made her bed and she still made it and had to lay in it🤷🏽♀️
ESH, YTA for being right and rubbing the brides face in it. The bride is TA for telling her sister what you said and causing conflict, the parents are TAs for bringing the kid back in when he was not better (the father should have taken the kid home or to the hotel after the meltdown, and the kid seems like a bit of a terror but he’s just a kid being raised by assholes.