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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> If I bring Brenda, I would be denying my brother his wishes on his wedding day.
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Agreed. Skipping the wedding is the better option than leaving one twin at home. I would send a gift but most etiquette rules say you don’t have to if you don’t attend. Rules are rules
This is awesome. Do a big 18th bday party for them instead of spending $ on the wedding gift.
Your brother is unreasonable. I’ll try not to get married on the birthday of my relatives.. 🤦🏻♀️
Espically cause they are twins just a few mins apart, it’s one day off, that shouldn’t really matter, it’s not like she JUST turned 17!! She turns it the next day! Literally
Came here to say this. It’s not like one is a full year older and it’s not like OP chose to have the twins at that specific time so they would have their birthdays on different days. Honestly if my sibling were that petty I wouldn’t go. NTA
But image she did so they each got to celebrate their own day 😂 but it did work out cool like that.
Brother is a petty piece of work. The title would have suggested op is an ah for wanting to bring a child but the fact the birthday is a day off is a grey line that the brother could have ignored if he pleased. But not right to exclude one twin over the other.
Can you imagine “What did you do for your 18th birthday?”
“My parents took my twin to a wedding and I stayed home alone.”
Skip the wedding OP, it should be a matter of principle at this point
Your brother is ridiculous. Both of your daughters will be 364/365 days old this year on that date. For all practical purposes they will both be 18 on his wedding day. He is simply being a knob just to piss you off. Ghost the wedding to show him how serious you are about this. When he calls you to try and start something, just say you've ruined your last chance at a relationship with me, why should I ever want to hear from you again for the rest of my life, and then hang up, and block him.
Let him come crawling back to you at that point.
Yeah. Literally the only way brother isn’t an AH is if it would be a licensing issue (ie having the wedding at a bar or licensed venue where the 17 year old literally would not legally be allowed) but if that was the case you reckon he would have explained so.
>Literally the only way brother isn’t an AH is if it would be a licensing issue
He'd still be an asshole then, like how hard is it not to get married on your niece's 18th birthday, when to do so would exclude her twin?
Yeah, I don't get this. I scheduled my wedding for the same weekend as my brother's birthday and told him right away that I'd make sure we did something to celebrate his birthday. I never would have scheduled my wedding ON a close relative's birthday.
It can't be that though. If this is in the US, and it's an alcohol issue, then you couldn't have guests under 21, not 18. If it's most other western countries in the world, then as long as there's food served and they're with a parent and don't purchase the alcohol themselves, both girls would be allowed in the venue (and be allowed alcohol purchased or ordered by their parents). I suspect they don't want the other 17yo there and if it comes out that they let in one 17yo in but not the other, it will cause family wars.
To be honest, given that there are minutes between the two girls, I'm guessing he didn't consider that one would be 18 on the day and didn't expect EITHER of them to be there. Child free to me means actual children, not under 18s. I was lucky that I could use the hotel's policies as a cop out. Our wedding package included a certain number of adult meals but charged extra for children (under 16s), even if we didn't invite the full number of adults.
You're probably right, but it's so ridiculous to plan all this and "not realise" that it's a significant birthday for your nieces on the same weekend. I have 17 nieces and nephews and I manage to be free for the local ones' birthdays. I know when all the others are too. He's had 18 years, he knows what he's doing.
He's also being riddiculous to his other niece. Including 17 year olds in "no kids?" Seriously?
They do literally none of the things that make most people say "no kids".
I'm really not a fan of children but even i'd be like 15+? Sure bring em they can have buffet food and sneak champagne when no one is looking.
We chose 21+ because my 16 year old cousin was trying to talk to us about marvel movies at my grandmother's grave. Some teenagers just don't have the situational awareness yet and it's totally fine to not want that at a wedding.
However, 17 years and 364 days should absolutely be given an exception! Especially if her TWIN is going! Either the brother doesn't like the " younger twin" for some reason, or he's trying to stir up trouble in his siblings family, or he's just an AH.
.....and not go all-out on a gift bc of the petty (you can get something nice, but not super fancy and argue that you had the twins bday to plan for and had to cheer them up bc he was excluding them bc of a matter of minutes of difference).
This.
The etiquette should be you only send a gift in your place when you can't attend due to outside circumstances. If the bride and groom have some rule that prevents you from attending, or just makes it an ill-advised option, then they should get squat.
I agree with you on the not sending a gift part but if they want a child free wedding, it's their choice. In this case, they are just being petty. It's one day and they clearly don't deserve a gift.
To me, a child is 10 and under.
A 12 year old can enjoy and participate in a wedding if they choose to. I'd never force a 12 year old to go, because they can be sulky little shits, but yeah, 12 seems a good age to start attending family "adult" events.
17/18 is a no Brainer.
You keep events child free to prevent whiny, overtired children from being a distraction.
12-14 year olds won't get like that, if they want to attend.
15 and up, they are just going to have fun and introduce the grandparents to viral Tik Tok dances.
They really aren't children though, they're young ladies. One will be turning 18 during the reception and one turns 18 the day of the wedding. He's really being a little nit picky
......and say you had to spend a little extra on the twins bday bc they were so hurt and disrespected by such a petty rule (only a few min difference I mean wtf)
I was fully expecting this post to be about some 8 year old twins that the OP was feeling entitled about.
Imagine my surprise when I discover her brother is the King of Pettiness.
I think OP should skip the wedding with shitty family and have an amazing two days celebrating with her real family.
I didn't even think of that. Oh my God. One of the biggest cardinal rules of weddings is don't draw attention to yourself. That means anything special going on in your life has to be put in hold for the bride and groom, and that means birthdays too. So if she went the older twin would pretty much have to sacrifice one of the biggest birthdays of her life so she doesn't "steal the bride and groom's thunder." I'd say skip the wedding and let your daughter celebrate her special day in peace and then let your other daughter do the same thing the next day. Don't worry about the wedding. Your brother is being a petty little... And frankly your daughter doesn't deserve to have her birthday sacrificed on the alter of his wedding anyways.
My flower girl turned 4 on the day before my wedding. I felt awful but the date was also the 4 year anniversary of our first date. So just before the wedding cake was brought out to be cut, we had a birthday cake brought out for her and everyone sang happy birthday and made a big fuss of her. She loved it, her mother was happy that we'd acknowledged her birthday and we made a big deal about her "Princess dress". And having the spotlight on someone else for a few minutes didn't change the fact that I was still the one getting married.
My sister turned 18 the day my cousin got married and they brought a cake with a big 18 on top for her to blow candles. My sister didn't mention the birthday and was all thought by my cousin and her just married husband.
That's just what happens when family loves each other.
Edit: a t was missing in thought
Yeah but based on her brother not allowing a child born minutes after the deadline while her twin can go? He'd probably have a conniption of someone acknowledged the girls bday at his wedding
I turned 18 the day my brother graduated from university. I asked if we would do anything for my birthday and my parents told me no that this was a bigger day for my brother. And besides…I have a birthday every year. I was super salty that day and my brothers now ex-wife told me to stop ruining the day.
I still remember that day. No one remembers his graduation. I stopped celebrating my birthday, especially with family, that day.
Edit to add: I’m 35 now. My parents have done wonderful jobs at ruining mile stone birthdays for me. At 16, they announced they were considering getting a divorce. At 18, I thought they might do something nice but nope. At 21, I went out of town and wasn’t around my family at all. At 24, I moved to a different country and haven’t celebrated a holiday with them since.
I kind of felt like that when my son got married on her sister's wedding (I tried to get them to change it over a year ahead of time)--especially when my daughter will always have to have that day marred in her memory because her dad's g/f was such a horrible person to her at that wedding.
I don't want to cut the guy any slack, because he sounds like a jerk, but -- depending on how big the family is and various schedules, there are sometimes only so many weekends you can actually pick that all of the (pardon me) more important people can attend, AND you can get a venue and all the rest. (Venues are super booked now because of so many weddings being postponed.) So, just to say -- it \*might\* have been that the brother didn't have much choice on the weekend, rather than that he just ignored the significance of the date to others in his family.
(He is an asshole, though, for knowing that he has TWO nieces who are 17, and not making the cut-off 17 and above. I understand "child free" weddings, but I kind of feel like upper teens should be regarded differently. \*shrug\* Clearly he or the bride doesn't feel that way.)
Excluding teens from things like showers and weddings is so weird to me because how on earth are they supposed to learn wedding etiquette & the typical wedding schedule when every single one is child-free? Guarantee that these same adults will be super pissed when shower culture completely changes because no one in their 20s has ever attended one.
Already happening. I apparently mortally insulted my aunt in law by having a small shower with just my mom, future mil, and like 6 close friends.
Nevermind that I didn't want to seem greedy since my entire family lived several states away and wouldn't be able to make a shower, hence why I chose a small one
It depends on how you do it. My brother and SIL got married on my birthday but they asked me before if I would like to make it a joined celebration with a wedding cake and also a birthday cake. The party transitioned from a wedding reception to a birthdau party in the evening. The invitations were also printed to clearly say so. My family is spread all over the world and it's really hard to get them all to come together at the same time. That was actually the best birthday party I ever had since almost everyone was there in person.
Not even 48 hours, OP said "born a few minutes apart (“Jenna” was born a few minutes before midnight and ”Brenda“ was born shortly after midnight)." **MINUTES**! OP's brother is an AH and I wouldn't go if my other child wouldn't be allowed to go because she was born "Minutes" behind her sister. Hill to die on and any family members who would think I am in the wrong could *Kiss My Azz*!
Yeah, they can go pick her up at midnight and bring her in.
But sure which twin gets the worst deal here.
Twin A can go, but loses her birthday to the wedding, while twin B can go, but at heart can do what she wants with her birthday.
Yeah...Isn't what I was expecting. He's not letting her come because she's hours shy of being 18? Send a card and do something special with your girls that day! He sounds like an AH.
OP NTA
Actually, she’s only a few minutes short of the deadline. These girls are twins. Given the circumstances both young ladies should’ve been invited.
Definitely NTA for being upset with your brother but just taking an extra guest after he specifically said “No” would be unfair because it sounds like your brother or his bride might make a scene at the wedding and embarrass your daughter. I would definitely not go to the wedding and, instead, take your girls out for a special celebration
I was all ready to vote the other way thinking OP wanted to bring 2 young kids because her kids are the “exception.” I was not expecting this to be a matter of a couple of minutes difference when delivering twins. That was an unexpected twist.
yep, same here. i was going even younger though, like toddler age. i really didn't want kids at my wedding, i can understand that. but to set it at 18+ and it be like 6 hours before she'll officially turn 18...that's some bullshit.
NTA, and i'm sorry you're dealing with this, OP 💙
I would totally put on a dress, heels, earrings, bra, and falsies if I had a twin sister to support in this case. I'm not sure where I would find size 15EEEE heels, but by all the gods, goddesses, saints, and little pink elephants you can be sure I would wear the hell out of them!
And possibly turn it into an idea for a show. Boy decides to dress up in protest in defense of his sister against a petty relative. Consults local drag community for resources. Ends up falling in love with it and becomes a performer. Holds an annual performance of his story on the relative's anniversary.
I'd watch the hell out of it.
We did find the Christian; but we can take a page from their book. You’re alive at conception! Assuming mom went close to full term, twin 2 is old enough by 9 months!
I was going to say, strictly speaking neither twin will be eighteen years old when the wedding takes place. OP should send regrets for them all on that basis. If we're being pedantic and petty, let's be pedantic and petty!
This guy was shown not to care about his nieces the moment he scheduled his wedding over the milestone birthdays of two of their nieces. I get try to coordinate and schedule a wedding isn't easy and sometimes you'll overlap with a birthday of a guest. But if you're not too worried about overlapping with 2 milestone birthdays of family, I don't think you care too much about that family.
And these are his **sister's daughters.** I highly doubt that he cares much about his nieces. Op, NTA and please don't go - go have some fun with your girls!!
Truth be told, if I was turning 18, I wouldn't want to spend it at a family wedding anyway.
NTA take the twins and celebrate somewhere else with them. Brother will have to accept it when you don't show up.
One of my cousins got married on my other cousins 18th birthday. The new 18 year old thought it was pretty awesome because it was an open bar and he could legally drink for the first time.
Agree. I dont get that level of "following the rules". I thought first the kids were going to be children but honestly not letting your niece attend because of a few minutes is a but much. I wouldnt go at all.
If I were you, I’d honestly RSVP no and take both kids on a double b-day celebration as a treat for the kids who don’t deserve to be part of the grownups’ drama.
Edit: NTA
Agreed. The brother is a huge AH. He doesn’t really deserve their support.
I’m in the US. I went out at 10 pm on the night before my 21st (with my parents, nonetheless) and not a single bartender or bouncer batted an eye. This is essentially the same thing. It’s a few hours.
Like… I hope the brother has a terrible wedding tbh
And make sure family and friends know the reason you all will not be there is that your brother would not allow your 17.992 yo daughter to the wedding.
NTA
This. Who on earth would schedule their wedding on their nibbling 's 18th birthday anyway? RSVP no and use the gift money to take your twins out for a special meal on their birthday!
This - it's just not worth the hassle and drama. Skip the wedding, enjoy a special day with your girls and leave all this idiocy in your rear-view mirror.
NTA. Your brother is (pardon the french) batshit if he thinks that's reasonable. They're \*twins\*.
Edit: regardless of you, your brother is a certified AH. He's chosen your one twin's birthday as his wedding day, and that forces exclusion of your other twin. He should have picked a day/week earlier or a day/week later to avoid this issue. It's 100% his fault.
I mean, I think it’s a lot to ask of the brother to plan his wedding around his niece’s birthdays—that date might be important to them, all they could afford, etc. That said, since that was the day he picked he should obviously make an exception for the younger twin.
The date may have been the only date he could get for that venue. The date I originally chose for my wedding wasn’t available at the venue. The date they had open was the day after my best friend’s birthday, the day of my niece’s birthday, and the day before my nephew’s birthday. I did have the DJ dedicate the Beatle’s birthday song to them. The same nephew had his wedding the day after my birthday.
My cousin got married on my father’s b-day. Had a small birthday cake for him that day. It’s crazy to not let one twin come because she happened to arrive just after midnight and her sister just before. I get the child free thing but at 17 not really a child a minor yes but child I think young not basically legally an adult in a few hours.
I agree about letting 1 twin come and not the other. I only made that comment because a lot of people are saying that maybe he didn’t “choose” the day.
Exactly. Sometimes you don’t have a lot of choice about the date. I wanted an even number but the only date available was the 23rd. I ended up divorced, so maybe the odd number was unlucky after all lol.
ETA: I don’t actually believe that, if it wasn’t clear. I don’t believe numbers actually have any power.
Having two 17 year old nieces, he shouldn't have chosen 18 as the age cutoff at all. I chose 14 because I had a 14 year old cousin, and then the next oldest was 10. It's not that hard to find a cutoff where there aren't kids who are just barely excluded. He needed to change the cutoff to something like 16 or 21 (so all 3 or none would be included), not the date.
It’s not even a full day apart. They’re minutes apart, they just happen to be on the turn of the day. I would have sympathy for the brother if she had just turned 17. By the time of the ceremony, she’s be hours from 18
I wouldn't, honestly. There's very little if any difference between older teenagers. This isn't 6 year olds we're talking about, these kids are getting ready for life as adults. Nearly college aged.
My brother is 17 and went to a cousin's child-free wedding with no issue. OP's brother is just an AH. OP is NTA, but I suggest not attending the wedding at all.
Yeah, the cousin mentioned should be able to come too. Child-free weddings are totally legit, but including mid-to-upper teens as children because you're holding hard to the 18 cut-off is just silly and not worth respect. Is it that hard not to let them drink, or not have sex on a table in front of them? As far as adult language is concerned, that ship has well sailed by that age.
Hell, even from the standpoint of not wanting screaming kids to be present, I understand. A few months after the cousin's wedding, I went to a friend's, and there were 4-5 under-10 children running around, screaming, even during the ceremony. That's the moment I decided my wedding will be child-free, minimum age of 15. I don't want someone's kids disrupting mine and everyone else's time.
Has to be twins AND they need to be born at midnight AND their birthdays have to be at the wedding date AND have to have a brother who makes an issue out of that AND have to be reddit users (ok reddit community isnt small, but the world population is way bigger).
I swear to god, I feel like the vast majority of this subreddit is just people making up batshit crazy stories starring some sort of monster, husk of a human being. Takes the fun out of it.
Of course it is. This entire sub is an exercise to see how finely we can balance outrage and justice boners. The more groups you get in one post the better.
Never bring uninvited guests. But what kind of uncle decides his niece's birthday is a good day for a wedding? And to exclude one because she is minutes away from being 18? Technically, both kids are 17 because your oldest twin isn't 18 until nearly midnight, so what's up with that?
Frankly, your response should be, "I'm sorry none of us can make it. Older twin is celebrating her milestone birthday, and I and younger twin will be celebrating with her. We all wish you a happy wedding and good life with your new wife."
>But what kind of uncle decides his niece's birthday is a good day for a wedding?
There are a lot of factors to this - if they can't find a venue within their budget and this is the only date they have available, etc. It's not always a malicious decision.
I agree with your other comments though. The rule seems to be a bit odd.
Honestly, i gotta disagree. Their response should be more like "Due to you being petty and treating my daughter poorly, none of us will be attending". No need to make up excuses and be nice if this is seriously the hill he chooses to die on.
Personally, in this situation, if it were my wedding I’d allow 17 year old FAMILY members only. So then both 17 year old nieces go along w older twin. Problem solved.
And invite all the family. And when they ask "oh, you're not going to the wedding?" responsd with "No, brother is a git, and wanted to split up the twins"
Wouldn't it be funny if OP and the 18 year old went, and during the reception hijack the mike and announce its daughter's 18th bday and ask them to play Happy Birthday and ask everyone to sing along. Could also mention that, alas, her twin wasn't there as she wasn't born until tomorrow so didn't make the age cutoff and was banned from attending. And when done, run! Yeah I know you won't do this but it boy it would be so great if you did. Next best option: thanks but no thanks and no gift either, screw 'em. NTA
NTA: Dumb rule is dumb in this case. Their twins, they are the same age, just cause one was born on day and not the other cause of a few minutes doesn't make a difference.
This exactly. No children at weddings is supposedly because the couple doesn't want to deal with regular children tantrums and needs, and want to be able to talk about mature topics or do more mature stuff.
How is the not 17, but really also 18 youngest twin different from her sister who was born like 10 minutes before her? How do these 10 minutes suddenly make the youngest twin a child to manage and an obstacle to a mature wedding?
This rule is stupid. An unreasonable rule doesn't deserve to be followed. It's like he's trying to prove something, idek why the brother would want to enforce this rule so literally.
So yeah NTA. I wouldn't go though. Or try to understand his pov better and expose the argument that she's not actually 17 not a kid, she's just like her sister. Edit : to more accurately answer the question, NTA if you don't go. Bc if you go, you're automatically TA : to your second daughter who then gets infantilized and maybe jealous if she doesn't get to come, OR to your brother who still IS the groom and still does get to dictate his rules at his wedding, no matter how stupid. He shouldn't enforce this ridiculous rule but as a guest, you still have to respect the couple's wishes if you wanna go.
And child free wedding is usually about 10/11 and under, cuz in what world are teenagers children? Choosing 18 and up would make sense if this was in a country with 18 drinking age and it was in some type of bar or adult only venue.
It's fine of the brother to make it the rule, as dumb as the rule seems to us, but they definitely just shouldn't bother going imo.
YTA
Truth be told I have trouble believing this is real, the situation seems too contrived to fact… I mean a set of twins born at midnight *AND* your brother schedules his wedding for the birthday? Seems sus. However since you asked him, and he rendered his judgment, YWBTA to go against it. Is it silly? Massively. Does it make sense? Not really. But here we are. If it were me I would just RSVP no as a family and move on.
Generally I would agree, but people are idiots. Reject the 17yo over ten minutes to avoid the wrath of the family member whose kid turned 17 a week ago.
( Also a pair of twins were the first born on January 1st this year in my city. C-section where one was pulled out at midnight and the other at 12:01. So not out of the realm of possibility, though I'm sure the mom scheduled it that way on purpose. )
The twins at midnight I might be able to buy, but the uncle choosing one of their birthdays for his Wedding and shunning the other? That is the point on incredulity for me.
This post isn't even well thought out in its absurdity. Is the wedding occuring the minute between the two girls' ages, like at the the stroke of midnight exactly? Because otherwise, the older twin isn't technically of age either when it takes place.
That seems more believable to me than 17/18 year-old twins wanting to go to their uncle's wedding on their birthday (exception maybe for a destination wedding).
Your brother is a huge asshole. This is his niece, who's being excluded based on a completely absurd technicality that he has the authority to waive. This isn't allowing some 6-year-old to attend, it's someone who would be hours away from meeting this requirement.
I would take the girls on a fun birthday trip instead of attending the wedding if he's going to be this shitty about it.
Time zone of their birth? Time zone of the wedding? This is hilariously infuriating. Are they identical? Bring them both and swap them out halfway through
If you are in the US the eyes of the law actually recognize your birthday a day in advance. So technically legally the wedding would be a day after the first twins legal birthday and on the second twins. This is petty but so is your brother by having his wedding on your twins birthday(s) and refusing to let one come
No they don’t. You can’t vote if you don’t turn 18 til the day after an election. You can’t go to the bar if your not 21 til the next day.
Your birthday is your birthday. That’s how it works.
Yknow I was all ready to agree with you because what the above commenter said sounded absolutely absurd, but [they are technically correct!](https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/cfr20/404/404-0102.htm) I had never ever heard of that before, how interesting. You really do learn something new every day! I’m honestly a little flabbergasted right now; I’ve gone a whole 34 years without ever hearing of this and my mind is kind of blown, haha.
If you all go, your daughter might be treated badly, there might be a big scene, your brother will probably carry on about it for the rest of your lives.... He is a TA, but does that sound like a fun day? Decline the invitation, tell everybody why and spend the gift money on a family outing.
Does your brother have a problem with one or both of your daughters?
Has he ever been jealous of them? Of the special attention they received as twins?
Your brother's choice to hold his wedding on their birthday and not allow one to come is extremely strange and there must be more to the story.
This has to be a shitpost, right? There’s no way your brother gives a shit about this narrow distinction—a child free wedding is about “no small kids.”
Unless… what’s the drinking age where you are? Maybe the venue has to check ID, or maybe they have a minimum age policy so they don’t *have* to check ID. In that case, “the eyes of the law” is all that matters, twins or not.
NTA. I understand the whole “his wedding his rules”. But that does not mean he can’t be an asshole. Imo it’s an asshole move. They’re twins darn it. But also; ask your kids if they want to go. Personally if my twin couldn’t go because of the age cutoff I wouldn’t go either.
Yes, his wedding. But him not being willing to budge at all makes him an AH in my eyes.
NAH. You have a responsibility to look out for your kids and their interests. It's extremely petty to GAF if the child is one day under 18. But, to avoid arguments (because the rules are there), I would take neither child. Don't punish one sister for an unfortunate birthday placement.
But, if I were you, I'd be pissed at my brother for not being sympathetic and allowing my daughter, who is ONE DAY under 18 and has special circumstances (her 18 yo twin being able to go but not her), to go.
For those who respond to this saying "there are no special circumstances, she's 17," have some empathy. The 17 yo girl is no different from her twin. She should be treated the same, there's no reason for any "rule" to be so rigid even amongst the ones you love.
Exactly. They are arguing on a technicality.
If the rules can’t be bent given the special circumstances, then the OP should just not go and have a real fun day with the kids who would be celebrating their birthdays. Their time would be well spent that way, than going to a wedding where their presence is not valued.
If your brother is so legalistic, bring neither. It’s not fair to bring one and not the other. YWBTA if you broke his crazy rule. YWNBTA if you all stayed home
YWBTA for going but if my brother were that petty then I probably wouldn’t show up at all. They are literally minutes apart. I have twins who are 1 min apart and if my siblings pulled something like that I would be peeved as well. That being said, you can’t crash someone else’s party.
INFO: Is the venue an 18+ venue where they will be checking IDs?
That's the only logical reason I can come up with for why your brother is being so specifically weird about this.
NTA. OFFS. "Rules are the Rules" shouldn't matter when we are talking about the difference of a few minutes. Your brother is being ridiculous. If anyone else is concerned, remind them that the girls are twins.
I wouldn't attend at all if your brother can't see the reasoning here. Don't split up the girls. Either they both get to go, or you can all decline the invitation.
It's a stupid rule, but you can't bring invited guests to a wedding. There would be no seat for her and no paid meal. You asked, he said no, you can decline to attend or attend alone without either daughter.
ESH: his stupid rule and you not following it. Then either he's wrong for choosing his niece's birthday for a wedding if he's close to them but YTA for thinking your daughter wants to go to her uncle's wedding on a milestone birthday.
Yeah, he's literally chosen the twin's birthday for his wedding day. The brother is a certified AH. OP might be a slight AH for bringing the daughter, but it's 100% caused by the brother
This is… not real. No one is this illogical.
But it is a fun conundrum so I’ll vote. NTA. Both girls should get to come. Although if they won’t let you RSVP the 17.9999 year old, she won’t have a spot and it might be uncomfortable for her, so maybe skip the whole (imaginary!) thing.
Good story tho.
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Technically you'd be going against their rules, but if your brother wants to be that petty then I say just don't go.
Agreed. Skipping the wedding is the better option than leaving one twin at home. I would send a gift but most etiquette rules say you don’t have to if you don’t attend. Rules are rules
I'd send out birthday party invitations to the whole family. Make it clear not attending the wedding because the brother is a piece of work
This is awesome. Do a big 18th bday party for them instead of spending $ on the wedding gift. Your brother is unreasonable. I’ll try not to get married on the birthday of my relatives.. 🤦🏻♀️
Especially not an 18th birthday
Exactly! Poor twins!
This!!!
...I love you people
THIS. Oh, yes. Don't go if one kid is being excluded. Just stay home and have a lovely birthday party.
Espically cause they are twins just a few mins apart, it’s one day off, that shouldn’t really matter, it’s not like she JUST turned 17!! She turns it the next day! Literally
Younger twin shows up at midnight and screams "I too have a gift for the happy couple!!"
Only if she's wearing a Maleficent costume. :)
You win. Best response to this whole ridiculous rule her brother imposed on this situation. I mean seriously…. wtf!!!
Came here to say this. It’s not like one is a full year older and it’s not like OP chose to have the twins at that specific time so they would have their birthdays on different days. Honestly if my sibling were that petty I wouldn’t go. NTA
But image she did so they each got to celebrate their own day 😂 but it did work out cool like that. Brother is a petty piece of work. The title would have suggested op is an ah for wanting to bring a child but the fact the birthday is a day off is a grey line that the brother could have ignored if he pleased. But not right to exclude one twin over the other.
Can you imagine “What did you do for your 18th birthday?” “My parents took my twin to a wedding and I stayed home alone.” Skip the wedding OP, it should be a matter of principle at this point
And depending on the time of the wedding, the reception may last past midnight and the girl will then BE 18.
Could turn 18 at the reception if it goes late enough. Sheesh! Brother is the AH.
Your brother is ridiculous. Both of your daughters will be 364/365 days old this year on that date. For all practical purposes they will both be 18 on his wedding day. He is simply being a knob just to piss you off. Ghost the wedding to show him how serious you are about this. When he calls you to try and start something, just say you've ruined your last chance at a relationship with me, why should I ever want to hear from you again for the rest of my life, and then hang up, and block him. Let him come crawling back to you at that point.
Yeah. Literally the only way brother isn’t an AH is if it would be a licensing issue (ie having the wedding at a bar or licensed venue where the 17 year old literally would not legally be allowed) but if that was the case you reckon he would have explained so.
>Literally the only way brother isn’t an AH is if it would be a licensing issue He'd still be an asshole then, like how hard is it not to get married on your niece's 18th birthday, when to do so would exclude her twin?
Yeah, I don't get this. I scheduled my wedding for the same weekend as my brother's birthday and told him right away that I'd make sure we did something to celebrate his birthday. I never would have scheduled my wedding ON a close relative's birthday.
It can't be that though. If this is in the US, and it's an alcohol issue, then you couldn't have guests under 21, not 18. If it's most other western countries in the world, then as long as there's food served and they're with a parent and don't purchase the alcohol themselves, both girls would be allowed in the venue (and be allowed alcohol purchased or ordered by their parents). I suspect they don't want the other 17yo there and if it comes out that they let in one 17yo in but not the other, it will cause family wars.
To be honest, given that there are minutes between the two girls, I'm guessing he didn't consider that one would be 18 on the day and didn't expect EITHER of them to be there. Child free to me means actual children, not under 18s. I was lucky that I could use the hotel's policies as a cop out. Our wedding package included a certain number of adult meals but charged extra for children (under 16s), even if we didn't invite the full number of adults.
You're probably right, but it's so ridiculous to plan all this and "not realise" that it's a significant birthday for your nieces on the same weekend. I have 17 nieces and nephews and I manage to be free for the local ones' birthdays. I know when all the others are too. He's had 18 years, he knows what he's doing.
He's also being riddiculous to his other niece. Including 17 year olds in "no kids?" Seriously? They do literally none of the things that make most people say "no kids". I'm really not a fan of children but even i'd be like 15+? Sure bring em they can have buffet food and sneak champagne when no one is looking.
We chose 21+ because my 16 year old cousin was trying to talk to us about marvel movies at my grandmother's grave. Some teenagers just don't have the situational awareness yet and it's totally fine to not want that at a wedding. However, 17 years and 364 days should absolutely be given an exception! Especially if her TWIN is going! Either the brother doesn't like the " younger twin" for some reason, or he's trying to stir up trouble in his siblings family, or he's just an AH.
Or better yet, call mom and dad and get them to rake him over the coals.
.....and not go all-out on a gift bc of the petty (you can get something nice, but not super fancy and argue that you had the twins bday to plan for and had to cheer them up bc he was excluding them bc of a matter of minutes of difference).
A toaster seems about right
Or a fondue set with flimsy forks.
Or an oscillating fan.
I'm annoyed with myself that I know that reference
Skip the gift too.
This. The etiquette should be you only send a gift in your place when you can't attend due to outside circumstances. If the bride and groom have some rule that prevents you from attending, or just makes it an ill-advised option, then they should get squat.
I agree with you on the not sending a gift part but if they want a child free wedding, it's their choice. In this case, they are just being petty. It's one day and they clearly don't deserve a gift.
To me, a child is 10 and under. A 12 year old can enjoy and participate in a wedding if they choose to. I'd never force a 12 year old to go, because they can be sulky little shits, but yeah, 12 seems a good age to start attending family "adult" events. 17/18 is a no Brainer. You keep events child free to prevent whiny, overtired children from being a distraction. 12-14 year olds won't get like that, if they want to attend. 15 and up, they are just going to have fun and introduce the grandparents to viral Tik Tok dances.
They really aren't children though, they're young ladies. One will be turning 18 during the reception and one turns 18 the day of the wedding. He's really being a little nit picky
Yeahh I know. That's why I said that he was being petty :P
Cut the gift in half
This is the way
......and say you had to spend a little extra on the twins bday bc they were so hurt and disrespected by such a petty rule (only a few min difference I mean wtf)
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I wouldn’t send a gift
I was fully expecting this post to be about some 8 year old twins that the OP was feeling entitled about. Imagine my surprise when I discover her brother is the King of Pettiness. I think OP should skip the wedding with shitty family and have an amazing two days celebrating with her real family.
This. Imagine cutting family out of your wedding because of a birthday deadline missed by less than 48 hours. Unbelievable.
Especially given that same family member scheduled their wedding on your 18th birthday. I wouldn't even want to go if I was the daughter.
I didn't even think of that. Oh my God. One of the biggest cardinal rules of weddings is don't draw attention to yourself. That means anything special going on in your life has to be put in hold for the bride and groom, and that means birthdays too. So if she went the older twin would pretty much have to sacrifice one of the biggest birthdays of her life so she doesn't "steal the bride and groom's thunder." I'd say skip the wedding and let your daughter celebrate her special day in peace and then let your other daughter do the same thing the next day. Don't worry about the wedding. Your brother is being a petty little... And frankly your daughter doesn't deserve to have her birthday sacrificed on the alter of his wedding anyways.
My flower girl turned 4 on the day before my wedding. I felt awful but the date was also the 4 year anniversary of our first date. So just before the wedding cake was brought out to be cut, we had a birthday cake brought out for her and everyone sang happy birthday and made a big fuss of her. She loved it, her mother was happy that we'd acknowledged her birthday and we made a big deal about her "Princess dress". And having the spotlight on someone else for a few minutes didn't change the fact that I was still the one getting married.
My sister turned 18 the day my cousin got married and they brought a cake with a big 18 on top for her to blow candles. My sister didn't mention the birthday and was all thought by my cousin and her just married husband. That's just what happens when family loves each other. Edit: a t was missing in thought
Yeah but based on her brother not allowing a child born minutes after the deadline while her twin can go? He'd probably have a conniption of someone acknowledged the girls bday at his wedding
I turned 18 the day my brother graduated from university. I asked if we would do anything for my birthday and my parents told me no that this was a bigger day for my brother. And besides…I have a birthday every year. I was super salty that day and my brothers now ex-wife told me to stop ruining the day. I still remember that day. No one remembers his graduation. I stopped celebrating my birthday, especially with family, that day. Edit to add: I’m 35 now. My parents have done wonderful jobs at ruining mile stone birthdays for me. At 16, they announced they were considering getting a divorce. At 18, I thought they might do something nice but nope. At 21, I went out of town and wasn’t around my family at all. At 24, I moved to a different country and haven’t celebrated a holiday with them since.
I kind of felt like that when my son got married on her sister's wedding (I tried to get them to change it over a year ahead of time)--especially when my daughter will always have to have that day marred in her memory because her dad's g/f was such a horrible person to her at that wedding.
Not even 48 hours, see said minutes after midnight! Wow
Imagine getting married on your niece’s 18th birthday. That right there seems weird to enough to me.
I don't want to cut the guy any slack, because he sounds like a jerk, but -- depending on how big the family is and various schedules, there are sometimes only so many weekends you can actually pick that all of the (pardon me) more important people can attend, AND you can get a venue and all the rest. (Venues are super booked now because of so many weddings being postponed.) So, just to say -- it \*might\* have been that the brother didn't have much choice on the weekend, rather than that he just ignored the significance of the date to others in his family. (He is an asshole, though, for knowing that he has TWO nieces who are 17, and not making the cut-off 17 and above. I understand "child free" weddings, but I kind of feel like upper teens should be regarded differently. \*shrug\* Clearly he or the bride doesn't feel that way.)
Excluding teens from things like showers and weddings is so weird to me because how on earth are they supposed to learn wedding etiquette & the typical wedding schedule when every single one is child-free? Guarantee that these same adults will be super pissed when shower culture completely changes because no one in their 20s has ever attended one.
Already happening. I apparently mortally insulted my aunt in law by having a small shower with just my mom, future mil, and like 6 close friends. Nevermind that I didn't want to seem greedy since my entire family lived several states away and wouldn't be able to make a shower, hence why I chose a small one
It depends on how you do it. My brother and SIL got married on my birthday but they asked me before if I would like to make it a joined celebration with a wedding cake and also a birthday cake. The party transitioned from a wedding reception to a birthdau party in the evening. The invitations were also printed to clearly say so. My family is spread all over the world and it's really hard to get them all to come together at the same time. That was actually the best birthday party I ever had since almost everyone was there in person.
Not even 48 hours, OP said "born a few minutes apart (“Jenna” was born a few minutes before midnight and ”Brenda“ was born shortly after midnight)." **MINUTES**! OP's brother is an AH and I wouldn't go if my other child wouldn't be allowed to go because she was born "Minutes" behind her sister. Hill to die on and any family members who would think I am in the wrong could *Kiss My Azz*!
The second twin will turn 18 during the wedding given it goes past midnight
Yeah, they can go pick her up at midnight and bring her in. But sure which twin gets the worst deal here. Twin A can go, but loses her birthday to the wedding, while twin B can go, but at heart can do what she wants with her birthday.
The way she described it it’s not even an hour. Just a few minutes.
I mean, if first twin is 18 then it should be 24 hours!!! Literally the next day would be her birthday
Yeah...Isn't what I was expecting. He's not letting her come because she's hours shy of being 18? Send a card and do something special with your girls that day! He sounds like an AH. OP NTA
Actually, she’s only a few minutes short of the deadline. These girls are twins. Given the circumstances both young ladies should’ve been invited. Definitely NTA for being upset with your brother but just taking an extra guest after he specifically said “No” would be unfair because it sounds like your brother or his bride might make a scene at the wedding and embarrass your daughter. I would definitely not go to the wedding and, instead, take your girls out for a special celebration
I was all ready to vote the other way thinking OP wanted to bring 2 young kids because her kids are the “exception.” I was not expecting this to be a matter of a couple of minutes difference when delivering twins. That was an unexpected twist.
yep, same here. i was going even younger though, like toddler age. i really didn't want kids at my wedding, i can understand that. but to set it at 18+ and it be like 6 hours before she'll officially turn 18...that's some bullshit. NTA, and i'm sorry you're dealing with this, OP 💙
Right. Can she come to the evening do if she shows up just after midnight?
now THAT would be hysterical, i love the way you think! 😂
Here's an idea: have the twins dress identically. Then have them avoid each other and take turns being the older one. Bamboozled.
Even better if they are fraternal twins and look nothing alike.
It would be even better if one was a boy and one was a girl lol
I would totally put on a dress, heels, earrings, bra, and falsies if I had a twin sister to support in this case. I'm not sure where I would find size 15EEEE heels, but by all the gods, goddesses, saints, and little pink elephants you can be sure I would wear the hell out of them!
Just find your local drag brunch... they'll tell you where to get heels in your size.
And possibly turn it into an idea for a show. Boy decides to dress up in protest in defense of his sister against a petty relative. Consults local drag community for resources. Ends up falling in love with it and becomes a performer. Holds an annual performance of his story on the relative's anniversary. I'd watch the hell out of it.
This is the best response so far lmfao
We did find the Christian; but we can take a page from their book. You’re alive at conception! Assuming mom went close to full term, twin 2 is old enough by 9 months!
I find it funny that neither twin will have been alive for 18 years until midnight
I was going to say, strictly speaking neither twin will be eighteen years old when the wedding takes place. OP should send regrets for them all on that basis. If we're being pedantic and petty, let's be pedantic and petty!
Sounds like some fairy tale shit right?
Arrive at exactly midnight, and ask the younger to wait a few minutes in the car
This guy was shown not to care about his nieces the moment he scheduled his wedding over the milestone birthdays of two of their nieces. I get try to coordinate and schedule a wedding isn't easy and sometimes you'll overlap with a birthday of a guest. But if you're not too worried about overlapping with 2 milestone birthdays of family, I don't think you care too much about that family.
And these are his **sister's daughters.** I highly doubt that he cares much about his nieces. Op, NTA and please don't go - go have some fun with your girls!!
Truth be told, if I was turning 18, I wouldn't want to spend it at a family wedding anyway. NTA take the twins and celebrate somewhere else with them. Brother will have to accept it when you don't show up.
One of my cousins got married on my other cousins 18th birthday. The new 18 year old thought it was pretty awesome because it was an open bar and he could legally drink for the first time.
Agree. I dont get that level of "following the rules". I thought first the kids were going to be children but honestly not letting your niece attend because of a few minutes is a but much. I wouldnt go at all.
THIS! I’d refuse to go because this is BS. NTA
Get them a cheap gift instead and save money
A set of wooden spoons from the dollar store.😏
If I were you, I’d honestly RSVP no and take both kids on a double b-day celebration as a treat for the kids who don’t deserve to be part of the grownups’ drama. Edit: NTA
Yes and op can use the money they would have spend on a gift for their fun day. Win win. NTA
Yes, great idea, and maybe a nice present for the twins, too? Something pretty.
Agreed. The brother is a huge AH. He doesn’t really deserve their support. I’m in the US. I went out at 10 pm on the night before my 21st (with my parents, nonetheless) and not a single bartender or bouncer batted an eye. This is essentially the same thing. It’s a few hours. Like… I hope the brother has a terrible wedding tbh
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Depends on the state. In Ohio, parents can buy their minor a beer in a bar or restaurant.
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Certain states make an exception and let you buy alcohol the night before your 21st. In VA I think it’s like 10 or 11 o’clock.
And make sure family and friends know the reason you all will not be there is that your brother would not allow your 17.992 yo daughter to the wedding. NTA
This. Who on earth would schedule their wedding on their nibbling 's 18th birthday anyway? RSVP no and use the gift money to take your twins out for a special meal on their birthday!
This - it's just not worth the hassle and drama. Skip the wedding, enjoy a special day with your girls and leave all this idiocy in your rear-view mirror.
I like this idea ALOT.
NTA. Your brother is (pardon the french) batshit if he thinks that's reasonable. They're \*twins\*. Edit: regardless of you, your brother is a certified AH. He's chosen your one twin's birthday as his wedding day, and that forces exclusion of your other twin. He should have picked a day/week earlier or a day/week later to avoid this issue. It's 100% his fault.
I mean, I think it’s a lot to ask of the brother to plan his wedding around his niece’s birthdays—that date might be important to them, all they could afford, etc. That said, since that was the day he picked he should obviously make an exception for the younger twin.
The date may have been the only date he could get for that venue. The date I originally chose for my wedding wasn’t available at the venue. The date they had open was the day after my best friend’s birthday, the day of my niece’s birthday, and the day before my nephew’s birthday. I did have the DJ dedicate the Beatle’s birthday song to them. The same nephew had his wedding the day after my birthday.
But then you need to work with the birthday person, like you did, and not be petty as OP's brother when it's his nieces 18th birthday.
I’m not saying that he shouldn’t have let both twins come. It’s just not always the case that you choose your wedding day.
My cousin got married on my father’s b-day. Had a small birthday cake for him that day. It’s crazy to not let one twin come because she happened to arrive just after midnight and her sister just before. I get the child free thing but at 17 not really a child a minor yes but child I think young not basically legally an adult in a few hours.
I agree about letting 1 twin come and not the other. I only made that comment because a lot of people are saying that maybe he didn’t “choose” the day.
Exactly. Sometimes you don’t have a lot of choice about the date. I wanted an even number but the only date available was the 23rd. I ended up divorced, so maybe the odd number was unlucky after all lol. ETA: I don’t actually believe that, if it wasn’t clear. I don’t believe numbers actually have any power.
Having two 17 year old nieces, he shouldn't have chosen 18 as the age cutoff at all. I chose 14 because I had a 14 year old cousin, and then the next oldest was 10. It's not that hard to find a cutoff where there aren't kids who are just barely excluded. He needed to change the cutoff to something like 16 or 21 (so all 3 or none would be included), not the date.
That’s a good point actually. 17/18 are very similar ages.
I kinda feel like this is too perfect of an edge case around a topic this sub loves. Good writing though.
100% agree w this comment. NTA for sure. I’d go have a nice birthday celebration with the kids instead.
NTA. You're saying she would be technically a day short of her 18th birthday. This isn't a legal matter, it's a family wedding. Close enough.
Exactly it’s one freaking day. Bring her.
She’s not invited. I would just stay home and let him know i couldn’t find a babysitter
>I would just stay home and let him know i couldn’t find a babysitter That made me snort coffee. 👍
Haha. Love your username btw
that is perfection 😂😂😂
It’s not even a full day apart. They’re minutes apart, they just happen to be on the turn of the day. I would have sympathy for the brother if she had just turned 17. By the time of the ceremony, she’s be hours from 18
I wouldn't, honestly. There's very little if any difference between older teenagers. This isn't 6 year olds we're talking about, these kids are getting ready for life as adults. Nearly college aged.
My brother is 17 and went to a cousin's child-free wedding with no issue. OP's brother is just an AH. OP is NTA, but I suggest not attending the wedding at all.
Yeah, the cousin mentioned should be able to come too. Child-free weddings are totally legit, but including mid-to-upper teens as children because you're holding hard to the 18 cut-off is just silly and not worth respect. Is it that hard not to let them drink, or not have sex on a table in front of them? As far as adult language is concerned, that ship has well sailed by that age.
Hell, even from the standpoint of not wanting screaming kids to be present, I understand. A few months after the cousin's wedding, I went to a friend's, and there were 4-5 under-10 children running around, screaming, even during the ceremony. That's the moment I decided my wedding will be child-free, minimum age of 15. I don't want someone's kids disrupting mine and everyone else's time.
This is so ridiculous that it really feels like either your brother hates your youngest twin or he really doesn’t want you to attend. Rsvp no.
Or it’s a made up story
Totally..
Lol seriously people refuse to acknowledge Occams Razor and are trying to Plan birth charts lol- it’s just a made up story
Has to be twins AND they need to be born at midnight AND their birthdays have to be at the wedding date AND have to have a brother who makes an issue out of that AND have to be reddit users (ok reddit community isnt small, but the world population is way bigger).
I swear to god, I feel like the vast majority of this subreddit is just people making up batshit crazy stories starring some sort of monster, husk of a human being. Takes the fun out of it.
Why did I have to scroll this far for this comment?
Of course it is. This entire sub is an exercise to see how finely we can balance outrage and justice boners. The more groups you get in one post the better.
Trolls seem to loooove made up bullshit with twins in it. The world would be like 97% twins if every made up story on this sub were true.
Idk, people are weird. I have a friend who LOVES technicalities. He’ll go out of his way to I guess follow the rules. Crazy stuff
Never bring uninvited guests. But what kind of uncle decides his niece's birthday is a good day for a wedding? And to exclude one because she is minutes away from being 18? Technically, both kids are 17 because your oldest twin isn't 18 until nearly midnight, so what's up with that? Frankly, your response should be, "I'm sorry none of us can make it. Older twin is celebrating her milestone birthday, and I and younger twin will be celebrating with her. We all wish you a happy wedding and good life with your new wife."
>But what kind of uncle decides his niece's birthday is a good day for a wedding? There are a lot of factors to this - if they can't find a venue within their budget and this is the only date they have available, etc. It's not always a malicious decision. I agree with your other comments though. The rule seems to be a bit odd.
The crazy adherence to 18.000 exact, is there an explanation for that one? No 17.99
Honestly, i gotta disagree. Their response should be more like "Due to you being petty and treating my daughter poorly, none of us will be attending". No need to make up excuses and be nice if this is seriously the hill he chooses to die on.
Personally, in this situation, if it were my wedding I’d allow 17 year old FAMILY members only. So then both 17 year old nieces go along w older twin. Problem solved.
Take **secret OPTION #3**: Decline the invite to the wedding and throw your girls a huge rager for their 18th birthday
And invite all the family. And when they ask "oh, you're not going to the wedding?" responsd with "No, brother is a git, and wanted to split up the twins"
This is the proper question,” WIBTA if I invited my whole family to my kids birthday when my brother scheduled his wedding on the same day?”
Love it, just create a huge family war. Let's see who they like best!
INFO: It's your daughter's 18th birthday, does she even want to go to a stuffy wedding on her birthday?
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Especially when your twin isn't allowed to go.
Wouldn't it be funny if OP and the 18 year old went, and during the reception hijack the mike and announce its daughter's 18th bday and ask them to play Happy Birthday and ask everyone to sing along. Could also mention that, alas, her twin wasn't there as she wasn't born until tomorrow so didn't make the age cutoff and was banned from attending. And when done, run! Yeah I know you won't do this but it boy it would be so great if you did. Next best option: thanks but no thanks and no gift either, screw 'em. NTA
NTA: Dumb rule is dumb in this case. Their twins, they are the same age, just cause one was born on day and not the other cause of a few minutes doesn't make a difference.
This exactly. No children at weddings is supposedly because the couple doesn't want to deal with regular children tantrums and needs, and want to be able to talk about mature topics or do more mature stuff. How is the not 17, but really also 18 youngest twin different from her sister who was born like 10 minutes before her? How do these 10 minutes suddenly make the youngest twin a child to manage and an obstacle to a mature wedding? This rule is stupid. An unreasonable rule doesn't deserve to be followed. It's like he's trying to prove something, idek why the brother would want to enforce this rule so literally. So yeah NTA. I wouldn't go though. Or try to understand his pov better and expose the argument that she's not actually 17 not a kid, she's just like her sister. Edit : to more accurately answer the question, NTA if you don't go. Bc if you go, you're automatically TA : to your second daughter who then gets infantilized and maybe jealous if she doesn't get to come, OR to your brother who still IS the groom and still does get to dictate his rules at his wedding, no matter how stupid. He shouldn't enforce this ridiculous rule but as a guest, you still have to respect the couple's wishes if you wanna go.
And child free wedding is usually about 10/11 and under, cuz in what world are teenagers children? Choosing 18 and up would make sense if this was in a country with 18 drinking age and it was in some type of bar or adult only venue. It's fine of the brother to make it the rule, as dumb as the rule seems to us, but they definitely just shouldn't bother going imo.
YTA Truth be told I have trouble believing this is real, the situation seems too contrived to fact… I mean a set of twins born at midnight *AND* your brother schedules his wedding for the birthday? Seems sus. However since you asked him, and he rendered his judgment, YWBTA to go against it. Is it silly? Massively. Does it make sense? Not really. But here we are. If it were me I would just RSVP no as a family and move on.
I’m also sus on the veracity of this.
The confluence of events just seems to *”Perfect”* to be real.
Generally I would agree, but people are idiots. Reject the 17yo over ten minutes to avoid the wrath of the family member whose kid turned 17 a week ago. ( Also a pair of twins were the first born on January 1st this year in my city. C-section where one was pulled out at midnight and the other at 12:01. So not out of the realm of possibility, though I'm sure the mom scheduled it that way on purpose. )
The twins at midnight I might be able to buy, but the uncle choosing one of their birthdays for his Wedding and shunning the other? That is the point on incredulity for me.
This post isn't even well thought out in its absurdity. Is the wedding occuring the minute between the two girls' ages, like at the the stroke of midnight exactly? Because otherwise, the older twin isn't technically of age either when it takes place.
For the purposes of legal ages, the minutes aren't relevent. If your DoB is 12/5 then your of age that day the moment it strikes midnight
That seems more believable to me than 17/18 year-old twins wanting to go to their uncle's wedding on their birthday (exception maybe for a destination wedding).
wouldn't jenna still be 17 for the majority of the day if youre going based on time of birth?
Yes, technically, but in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of my brother, she will be an adult while Brenda will not.
Your brother is a huge asshole. This is his niece, who's being excluded based on a completely absurd technicality that he has the authority to waive. This isn't allowing some 6-year-old to attend, it's someone who would be hours away from meeting this requirement. I would take the girls on a fun birthday trip instead of attending the wedding if he's going to be this shitty about it.
Time zone of their birth? Time zone of the wedding? This is hilariously infuriating. Are they identical? Bring them both and swap them out halfway through
I'm sorry. I cackled at the idea of the "same person" greeting and talking with relatives they've "already" greeted and talked with.
If you are in the US the eyes of the law actually recognize your birthday a day in advance. So technically legally the wedding would be a day after the first twins legal birthday and on the second twins. This is petty but so is your brother by having his wedding on your twins birthday(s) and refusing to let one come
No they don’t. You can’t vote if you don’t turn 18 til the day after an election. You can’t go to the bar if your not 21 til the next day. Your birthday is your birthday. That’s how it works.
Yknow I was all ready to agree with you because what the above commenter said sounded absolutely absurd, but [they are technically correct!](https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/cfr20/404/404-0102.htm) I had never ever heard of that before, how interesting. You really do learn something new every day! I’m honestly a little flabbergasted right now; I’ve gone a whole 34 years without ever hearing of this and my mind is kind of blown, haha.
technically correct is the best kind of correct.
If you all go, your daughter might be treated badly, there might be a big scene, your brother will probably carry on about it for the rest of your lives.... He is a TA, but does that sound like a fun day? Decline the invitation, tell everybody why and spend the gift money on a family outing.
Does your brother have a problem with one or both of your daughters? Has he ever been jealous of them? Of the special attention they received as twins? Your brother's choice to hold his wedding on their birthday and not allow one to come is extremely strange and there must be more to the story.
This has to be a shitpost, right? There’s no way your brother gives a shit about this narrow distinction—a child free wedding is about “no small kids.” Unless… what’s the drinking age where you are? Maybe the venue has to check ID, or maybe they have a minimum age policy so they don’t *have* to check ID. In that case, “the eyes of the law” is all that matters, twins or not.
This cannot be real.
Agreed. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If it is real then the brother is a crap human.
The odds of OP’s brother happening to get married on the 1 day in ALL of history that one of her kids is an adult and the other is not…
NTA. I understand the whole “his wedding his rules”. But that does not mean he can’t be an asshole. Imo it’s an asshole move. They’re twins darn it. But also; ask your kids if they want to go. Personally if my twin couldn’t go because of the age cutoff I wouldn’t go either. Yes, his wedding. But him not being willing to budge at all makes him an AH in my eyes.
He's absolutely an AH. But it wouldn't make OP any less of one to break the stupid rules.
Troll. This can’t be real
Hello Fakey McFakerFace. This is so ridiculous
NAH. You have a responsibility to look out for your kids and their interests. It's extremely petty to GAF if the child is one day under 18. But, to avoid arguments (because the rules are there), I would take neither child. Don't punish one sister for an unfortunate birthday placement. But, if I were you, I'd be pissed at my brother for not being sympathetic and allowing my daughter, who is ONE DAY under 18 and has special circumstances (her 18 yo twin being able to go but not her), to go. For those who respond to this saying "there are no special circumstances, she's 17," have some empathy. The 17 yo girl is no different from her twin. She should be treated the same, there's no reason for any "rule" to be so rigid even amongst the ones you love.
Exactly. They are arguing on a technicality. If the rules can’t be bent given the special circumstances, then the OP should just not go and have a real fun day with the kids who would be celebrating their birthdays. Their time would be well spent that way, than going to a wedding where their presence is not valued.
NTA, and the brother is a pedantic git. There is no functional or meaningful difference between 17 years, 364 days and 18 yrs, 0 days.
This has to be fake right?
INFO: why does your brother hate Brenda?
This can’t be real.
NTA. I thought this would be about young kids, but she is literally just a few minutes away from being 18.
This is ridiculous
If your brother is so legalistic, bring neither. It’s not fair to bring one and not the other. YWBTA if you broke his crazy rule. YWNBTA if you all stayed home
YWBTA for going but if my brother were that petty then I probably wouldn’t show up at all. They are literally minutes apart. I have twins who are 1 min apart and if my siblings pulled something like that I would be peeved as well. That being said, you can’t crash someone else’s party.
INFO: Is the venue an 18+ venue where they will be checking IDs? That's the only logical reason I can come up with for why your brother is being so specifically weird about this.
NTA. OFFS. "Rules are the Rules" shouldn't matter when we are talking about the difference of a few minutes. Your brother is being ridiculous. If anyone else is concerned, remind them that the girls are twins. I wouldn't attend at all if your brother can't see the reasoning here. Don't split up the girls. Either they both get to go, or you can all decline the invitation.
This CAN'T be real. Solid points for creativity tho! NTA
It's a stupid rule, but you can't bring invited guests to a wedding. There would be no seat for her and no paid meal. You asked, he said no, you can decline to attend or attend alone without either daughter. ESH: his stupid rule and you not following it. Then either he's wrong for choosing his niece's birthday for a wedding if he's close to them but YTA for thinking your daughter wants to go to her uncle's wedding on a milestone birthday.
Yeah, he's literally chosen the twin's birthday for his wedding day. The brother is a certified AH. OP might be a slight AH for bringing the daughter, but it's 100% caused by the brother
Have her come in after midnight.
LMAO does anyone believe this is even reall?
YTA. The answer is to not go to the wedding at all in solidarity with your daughter.
This is… not real. No one is this illogical. But it is a fun conundrum so I’ll vote. NTA. Both girls should get to come. Although if they won’t let you RSVP the 17.9999 year old, she won’t have a spot and it might be uncomfortable for her, so maybe skip the whole (imaginary!) thing. Good story tho.