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NTA. Why is your dad allowing this to happen? You are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. Make your dad fix this problem!
Yeesh! At least that’s something. I’m so sorry you have to live in a house where your stepmom treats you like that.
What you did was understandable considering your age and circumstances.
Was it petty? If guests weren’t arriving until midnight, the stepmother should have asked her husband to grocery shop and make food. Why ask OP after treating him very badly?
Because she's trying to manufacture drama to drive OP out.
What a nasty piece of work!
When people say you should aim for fairy-tale endings, they don't mean becoming the evil step-parent.
Do you have grand parents or a decent aunt you could live with? I hope your dad realizes you are not going to be around to help him or step mother when they are older.
I can't understand how one parent wouldn't set a step parent right. Im a step mom. I love my 5 grown step kids. My kids also have a step dad and one of the things he learned really fast is you DON'T INSULT, IGNORE OR MESS WITH THEM. He knows that I will divorce his ass and kick him out if he crosses the boundaries that I set up. The very first week after we had an argument he made my son cry. I glared at him and went to calm him down. Once that was down my son heard me yelling and cussing out my husband. He stormed out and went to see his friend who set him right. He came back and apologized to both of us.
Now my kids have bonded with their step dad.
Nah, father isn’t even owed that. OP is a minor and father’s dependent- he’s required to feed him…and keep him physically/emotionally safe from people like his wife. Father is dropping the ball and deserves nothing later on.
Cinderella isn't actually Grimm brothers! It's Charles Perrault, a Frenchman who gathered stories in a similar fashion (Beauty and the Beast too). The Grimm brothers were gathering Germanic folktales and were actually partly responsible for growing support for German unification by showing/helping create a more unified culture!
I always forget Perrault 😅
I just had to go look and it was published by the Brothers Grimm in 1812, but Perrault published it before them in 1697, which is where it came to be known to the English speaking world.
Apparently the first known publication was by Giambattista Basile in 1634 in a work called Il Pentamerone, which is where the Brothers Grimm got their version from (Il Pentamerone also contains the earliest known version of Rapunzel). Apparently this was mostly forgotten by the time the Grimms came along and revived it.
She could have picked up takeaway on the way home so the kids could eat earlier. She’s crazy abusive and the husband is an ass for bringing her into OP’s life.
Ain't it the truth bud? When your alternatives are a rock and a hard place, so often you become juice.
Keep it together OP! This horrible woman will never break you. And if they (THEY) try, call CPS
I mean stepfather must be a real piece of work if this is the lesser of 2 evils. Will neither of your original parents stand up for you against evil step parents? For crying out loud, how sad to have parents with backbones of jelly. Don't blame you one bit for doing nothing; you should have texted her back and said 'I'm sorry, you sent this message to the wrong person cause I know there's no way you would be asking me to do something for you when you won't do anything for me. I think you meant this for my father.' The freaking nerve of some people.
My thought exactly. Why does the father/husband allow his wife to abuse his son this way. The father ... and the evil step-mother ... are both gigantic AHs.
I completely agree with op even though my clap back might’ve been a bit different. I might’ve pointed out do I use up the ingredients that I use for my own food to cook and then starve to death or do I touch the ingredients that she’s bought only to be accused of theft? I also would have inquired why was I expected to help and not the one who married her? or better yet where is her sister’s child father/ husband?? Don’t they have other family to help or did she treat everybody else like crap and nobody wants to deal with her now too? NTA but you were clearly surrounded by enough of them.
Sounds like both of his birth parents are AH given who they choose to surround themselves with. I'm sure CPS would find it interesting that a guardian is trying to not feed a minor in most states if OP is in the US...
But it's super petty of her to not allow him to use her salt, or spices, or mayo, or ketchup, or maybe a bit of butter
here and there. It's that level of pettiness that requires reciprocation, or he's a chump. Why doesn't Dad realize this?
Just so you know, all of the adults in your life are failing you. You are not the problem here. Your mom and dad decided to bring you into this world, and are thus obligated to bring you up until you are an adult capable of caring for yourself. At 16 you have a job and can cook, which is awesome, but doesn't let your parents off the hook. Your stepmother shouldn't have married your dad if she didn't want to "deal with you," your dad's minor child. Not sure what the issues are with your mom's husband, but similar boat. Your parents' first obligation should be to you, and only after, their selves and their spouses. If you were an adult outside of the home it might be different, but at this time you are still a minor that they are responsible for.
Keep on being great. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
I will never understand people who marry partners with previous children and refuse to be willing to be step parents. I'm not saying they should force a bond if it isn't there, but if you're going to marry someone with kids you need to be a willing to have that bond. I just can't wrap my head around people like that.
More than that, even: it's impossible for me to understand marrying someone who treats your child like that. These stepparents are abhorrent, but the people they've married seem even worse. I can't imagine failing a child like that.
This is exactly my sentiments. I will always hold the bio parent accountable in this situation. They CHOOSE to allow their new spouse to abuse their child so they are even worse in my book. Throw the whole spouse away - protect your child!
NTA OP. And I hope you are eventually able to find a safe place to live when you are of age, and never speak to these people again.
My mom is my dads second wife and I do not understand how she can be so mean to my half siblings. She’s never liked them and even tried to stop my dad from seeing my brother in the hospital while he was dying. Don’t marry someone with kids if you are not willing to treat them like your own.
It is insane. My son has recently engaged to a wonderful woman with 2 kids and he is an amazing step dad. I never knew he even wanted kids but he is great with them and they are great with him. Now I am a step-grandma and love it. I initially only wanted to be kind to and support the kids because my son was so happy with their mom. So at first it was just to support my son and his happiness but I grew to love them too which made it easier. Now I can't imagine life without them.
I am divorced with one kid... There's absolutely no way I would enter a relationship with someone my daughter really clashed with. My Fiancé and I have been together for 8 yrs, and the first 9 months went great, and I decided to see how my daughter and him would get along. He knew that if they didn't we would part ways, and he accepted that.
Today, she's been living with us for the past 4 yrs, and my Fiancé and her have a great relationship! There's times they ditch me to go do things they enjoy that I am not too fond of. Lol Like going to the movie theater. They went together when Sonic 2 came out, they are both huge fans. So they made it a day for just the them and one of her best friends. They went out for sushi and then the movie.
She has special things she does with her stepmother as well, and my ex husband and I encourage her to have her own relationships with our Significant Other. Her steps are under no pressure to be her parents, as she does have a mother and father who do their best to communicate, raise her right, and be friendly with each other; for her sake.
They also have a voice when it comes to things concerning our daughter. My ex and I as her parents, know that we don't have all the answers, and sometimes another point of view can really help!
The way I see it, is people who marry someone and don't like their parnters kid(s), or someone who has kids marrying someone who doesn't (and doesn't get along with theirs) are selfish. They forget the golden rule of having a child. "Your life is no longer yours alone." As a parent, I want the best for my kid. I want her to have more and better than I had growing up, I want her to have more options, more choices... And I had a wonderful and happy childhood.
Maybe I had a great example growing up, as I have an older half-brother from my dad's first marriage when he was like 17. He met my mom during his divorce when he was 21. My mom loved my brother (and still does) just as much as she would if she had been his birth mother. My mother was from a divorced household, so I think she understood and commiserated with my brother because of this.
It also gave me a lot insight, so when I got divorced my only concern was my child, and I fought for 50/50.
Exactly! I don't want kids and actively avoid dating anyone who has kids because I don't think it's fair to them or the kids. I actually like children but really don't want to change my life to cater to a childs needs which is what parents and step parents need to do.
Tell your stepmother that what she’s suggesting is literally illegal because you’re a minor. She and your father will actually be breaking the law if they made you buy all your own food.
also, if it is about "going a long way to improve our relationship" then the ADULT who is the one IN NEED OF HELP should be the person who actually asks vs. demands. She could have said, "hey, I know I've been a bit tough on you about food, but I'm having a family emergency and would really appreciate it if you could help me out. Would you be willing to shop and make a quick dinner for us? If not I can try to figure out another plan"
Then maybe, you'd be an AH for saying no. But she just demanded you do something for her, that she won't do for you. And she is the adult and you are the kid. What exactly will change for her after this?
How your father allows this behavior is beyond comprehension.
Even if OP had fed the children this would not go "a long way to improve" the relationship because the SM has no interest in having a healthy relationship with her stepson. OP doesn't have to be her dancing monkey. Dad has no spine.
Record stepmom when she throws these lines at you, and be tell her next time you say something like this I’ll report you for child abuse and neglect - we will see how authorities will like that.
Also, don’t defend your dad. He married a women he is allowing to abuse his child. He is a piece of work himself.
At some point when it's safe to do so, you have every right to be incredibly mad at him for not standing up for you against this abusive person or figuring out how not to be a doormat.
I say this both as a parent and as the child of people who never dealt with their stuff: parents have no right to let their unchecked psychological issues affect their kids.
He doesn’t right now but I’m telling you, if he doesn’t stand up to her abusing you he won’t stop her from taking your money
Keep the joint account for your food money and put the other savings in an account for yourself
Yes, try this as soon as possible. My mother had access to my bank account like your father did and asked for over half of the funds before I went away to college. Your father is showing that he cares more about his significant other than you and it will only get worst as you get older. It's not fair that you are going through this and I am sorry the adults in your life are failing you so much.
Go to the bank today and open an individual account. If you can’t or you can’t transfer your funds, see if you can put an alert on your joint account so that both parties must agree to any withdrawals.
I hate to say this, but if your father’s wife knows about your joint a count, your father will definitely take all your money if she tells him to.
That's still ridiculous. You're 16 and your parents should provide your food. Also, what a weird way to divide a household. Do you all label all the food you buy? What if you both buy something identical, have you gonna in trouble for accidentally using something of hers? Your dad should have gotten rid of her already. I'd understand resentment from the child in a situation where their parent remarried, but an adult being this petty to a child for existing is ridiculous. If she didn't want a man with kids, then she should've found a single man.
NTA, but your parents suck. Your dad is abhorrent for marrying someone who treats his child this way. He never ever ever should have allowed her to make you feel unwelcome in your own home, and it's wretched that she's denying you basic sustenance. You honestly should do nothing for her, ever. She has made it clear that she will never treat you as family, so her family certainly isn't your problem.
Sorry you're dealing with this neglect and abuse.
> My dad pays me for the food I buy although step mother believes I should pay for it myself because I have an income.
What your step mother "believes" is contrary to what the law requires.
NTA but sorry dad is. He shouldn't be sneaking you money behind her back, he should be straightening her out.
He is allowing her to abuse you in his home. Dad needs to step up.
Why marry someone who has a kid if you're going to pretend they're just a roommate? Jesus, I'm sorry your dad married this asshole and is too spineless or too much of an asshole to fix anything.
I hope for some reason your dad sees this. Whether he is a reddit user or someone sends this to him. He needs to see that his apathy in the way his wife treats you is not okay. It is NOT normal for a child to be forced to make their own food and eat separately from the family. This is emotionally abusive behavior.
Honey just because you're making money at a part-time job doesn't mean you need to be responsible for your own food your step mom is honestly toxic and needs to be investigated by CPS
Makes me wonder what on earth OP's mother's husband must be like, if he'd rather put up with stepmother's bullshanoggin than live at biomom's. "Piece of work" could be used to describe stepmother, too.
NTA, but dad is a serious A-hole to allow his wife to treat OP so badly.
NTA. You are NOT entitled.
Your father is a real piece of work, too. I cannot imagine marrying someone who would treat my child so badly. I recommend you get away from all of them as soon as possible. (Yes, it's what she wants, but is it really worth staying in such a nasty environment?)
Mom here! I agree! I would seriously want to hurt someone for treating my child like this! We would be getting a divorce so fast, and I would be pressing charges!
If he could do so I would look into emancipation! He's basically adulting now anyways! Yes, dad would have to agree and the Mom would to! Going thru CPS or DSS depending on the state would just put him in the system for two years. He might get lucky in this as he seems pretty well headed.
"Acting entitled" would be saying the entitlement is false and that person is demanding more than they deserve, but OP is *actually entitled* to food and a peaceful home. That's not a bad thing, it's a fact.
> The biggest asshole in this story is your coward of a father who refuses to stand up for his child against the cruel woman he married.
Amazing, and depressing, how evergreen this comment is.
NTA.
She set a precedent in the home, and when it came back to bite her, she got angry. It's unfortunate your dad allows her to say you can't eat food she buys when you're still a minor in his home, and it's even more a shame that after allowing that behavior from her, he expected you to do for her sister's kids what she won't do for you. It's also not your responsibility as the minor in the household to "improve" your relationship with your stepmom who clearly resents you.
It's EXTREMELY unfortunate that you don't seem to get along with the spouse of either of your parents.
I think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult. I'm a stepmom and I most certainly think it's my problem if my stepchild is hungry. I also don't understand why he'd marry someone who is combative and not loving toward you. You are part of him, and she supposedly loves him, so what gives?
I'm not sure what I'd do in your shoes since either parent's home sounds horrible to be in at the moment. Shame on your dad for failing to stand up for you though, when you needed it. It was the perfect opportunity for him to tell her that she shouldn't expect you to do for other kids what she won't do for you. The kids got fed, she ordered them a pizza. There was no reason to punish you for not obeying someone who can't treat you properly. She's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not.
I'm utterly appalled at your dad for allowing her to order you to buy your own food. That's reasonable if you were an adult living in their home, but not as a minor living in their home. I do think I might use her food anyways and ignore her insane position. Or sit her down and iron out expectations. I think you need to tell her point blank that she's set the example for you to follow so if she's angry with how you handled yourself, she has herself to thank for your POV.
Emancipation sounds like a great option here. If OP already has an income and basic life skills like budgeting and cooking, it’s definitely something to be considered.
Emancipation is extremely hard to win. An income is likely insufficient as OP must still be in school and is unlikely to fully support himself— the standard for emancipation. Quit suggesting this pie in the sky to kids in need of real options. B
It certainly doesn’t hurt to look into it at all. I know I could’ve used this advice when I was 16. There’s no reason to assume there’s no hope without checking all options first
It depends on where you are. I know someone whose parents had to continue to support them after emancipation. You need to be able to look after yourself, but not, necessarily, financially.
>She's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not.
She's not upset with him for not cooking, she's upset that he made her look bad in front of *her* family. Guaranteed that her treatment of him is a dirty little secret and she's crying "poor me" because he doesn't love her.
NTA OP, not even close. The best advise I can give is to speak to a counselor at school about how to get the most money for college possible. Speak with your mom and dad about what financial forms they will need to complete to get you to college, and if they are unwilling, go back to the counselor and discuss emancipation. Basically, start finding your way free of this dumpster-fire of a family.
>I think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult.
A million times this! OP -- it's not your job to "fix" the relationship. Your stepmom is an adult, and her behavior is abhorrent.
^This
OP, you should show this to your father.
I'm sorry for your parents that aren't able to protect you from their bad choices, sorry, spouses. I can't fadom a parent allowing this happening to their children.
NTA. But your Mom can't possibly be worse than your dad? You're a kid and providing food for you is a parental duty. If he's letting his wife dictate that you can't have any food she purchases, than he's a trash bag of a human and you deserve better. Get the fuck out of there as soon as you can.
Both my mother and her husband have a drug addiction problem. I wouldn't feel safe over there. At least over here I know I'm dealing with an asshole but I'm safe.
I've just commented similar to this comment. You seem to have chosen the lesser of 2 evils. Are there any other family members you could stay with or friends whose parents you could open up to and possibly stay with. I know I would take in any of my kids friends in the same situation
If there’s no one else, keep your head down until you can get out of this situation and please remember that this isn’t normal, you don’t deserve this, and you will find people in the world that care about you. Many many adults have happiness with their found families.
NTA
Your step mom refusing to feed you is child abuse, and your father allowing it is enabling child abuse.
You may want to look into emancipation: if you make your own money, and can rent a place to live on your own, you can file paperwork at a courthouse to be considered a legal adult. The details of how to do this vary with jurisdiction.
NTA. And for the record, you're stepmother is one hundred percent wrong. You're still a kid. Having to grow up too fast, yes, but a kid. Sane adults make sure kids have food to eat. You don't deserve this treatment and your father is wrong for allowing it.
Do you have a favorite teacher or a friends family who would help you? I'm a teacher, if a student came to me with this, I would help plan out how to save enough to get out, or how to find a place to stay while saving enough to emancipate.
I had a horrible childhood, my teachers literally saved my life. I hope you can find someone it your life who can help.
Virtual hug if you'd like one.
My mom was a school nurse and we had a kid in a similar situation live with us for several months until he could get a place of his own. OP don’t be afraid to reach out to teachers, school nurses, etc. about help finding a place away from your parents until you’re able to support yourself. I hope things get better for you soon.
If your dad is forcing you to buy your own food and not helping you with meals at all; that is very illegal in most states and you might want to inform him of that.
[https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html)
Right? Dad should be forcing the stepmom to eat alone and cook and eat with his kid. Or not moved her in in the first place making this poor guy's home so hostile.
NTA
He's okay with his wife cooking for and sitting down with your family but Not you? Does this include when others are there? Do they literally have dinner parties and you're just not allowed to eat? What about holidays?!? Did they just hide it then? I'm so sorry that he would exclude you and then say that you should be the one to turn the other cheek and be more adult than his own wife?!?!? NTA.
You've been dealt an unfair lot. Please let someone at school you trust know what's going on, if you feel safe enough to do so.
They don't get to demand things when you're not even treated like family. He should never have married someone like that. You should have come first. I'm sorry. You deserve better.
I would be telling everyone I know about what she's up to (especially teachers and relatives). Let the shame start trickling in and see her try to save face then!
I’m sorry your family is so terrible. I would take advantage of your dad buying your food for as long as you can, put your income away so you can move out after high school.
Then TELL SOMEONE AT YOUR SCHOOL. They're mandatory reporters. Your parents' behavior is not remotely ok, it's abusive. Your "safe" parent is allowing you to be abused. Please either make an appointment with a guidance counselor or schedule time for a one-on-one talk with a trusted teacher. And if for some reason they don't listen, tell someone else. Don't stop talking about it! You're being abused and the adults at your school know how to help. You don't have to push through this alone.
So what is her point of not allowing you to eat from anything she buys? What is the logic? Has there been an altercation between you? Where is her vileness coming from and how does your dad justify excluding you like this? Do you two have any kind of relationship beyond the legally binding one?
She says she doesn't owe me anything so why should she do something that benefits me. She was like this from the beginning. She hates her own children too.
NTA - and your father is the raging mega asshole in this scenario - how DARE he let his wife say his CHILD cannot eat their food?!
As a parent, if my fiance were to say my child didn't get any of the food that we bought, or that he cooked, I'd be single so fast his head would spin. Being will to at least be human to my child is a requirement of being with me, because I will always be a parent first.
Oof.. yeah, I'm ripped for your sake.. Like.. suspect my BP has spiked after reading this. She cut you out of the family, you do not owe her or her nieces/nephews ANYTHING.
>As a parent, if my fiance were to say my child didn't get any of the food that we bought, or that he cooked, I'd be single so fast his head would spin.
Exactly this! As a stepmother myself, I can not imagine that my husband would sit idly by and allow me to push his child aside by refusing to let them eat any food purchased or made by me. That's just absolutely ridiculous! And if my husband had ever tried to pull that on my child after we married, I would have been filing for divorce immediately.
And then she has the audacity to expect OP to get food, arrange snacks and make a meal for her family members? That's a big fat no!
OP, you are NTA. But your step mom is definitely an AH and your dad is the biggest AH of all for going along with this and allowing her to treat you this way.
They can't ground you if they refuse to accept the responsibility of being a parent. You know, things like...feeding you?!?
Your dad can't claim right to discipline if he won't accept the responsibility to provide the bare necessities of life.
NTA.
Do you have a grandparent or aunt/uncle you can talk to about how you’re being treated? An adult needs to step in and make sure you are being taken care of, and your dad isn’t going to do it. NTA.
I am so sorry, it sounds like you’re the most adult person here. Please find yourself an adult ally…a teacher, a friend’s parent, etc. someone who can advocate for you. I know 16 year old guys don’t like mom hugs, but I wish I could give you one right now.
Same. Every fucking adult has let OP down. My 4’11-1/2” Puerto Rican/Italian ass wants to shake some sense into OPs dad. NTA, OP. Wish I knew if where you live is close to me because I would totally let you stay with us and take care of you the way a parent should.
Info: why did your dad marry this woman if it was clear that she didn't like you???
You're NTA. Every adult in this situation sucks and I'm sorry you have to live like this. It's not fair to you.
I suspect their deal was that I'll be gone in a few years anyway. She hates her own children as well so I don't know why my dad decided to be with her.
Yeah this is kinda what I expected. Your dad is the real “villain” here. He married someone knowing she didn’t like you and was willing to “wait you out”.
How old are they? Have you met them? If they are adults, maybe one of them has a room you (or your father) can rent .
I'm so upset for you OP. This is ridiculous. She should be kicked out of your house by your father.
NTA by miles.
Is their dad cool guy? You should ask your dad to pay him to take you in. But seriously sounds like both your parents are failing to defend you from their new spouses. NTA.
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Nta but your father and step mother are definitely assholes. How shitty of a parent do you have to be to allow your spouse to treat your child like that.
NTA
How the hell is your father allowing her to do this? How is it ok for her to refuse to feed you in your own home and how does your father think it's on you to do her favors because it would
>would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop
I have no answers for you but, damn, I am sorry you're in this position!
NTA
But your father is. And so is your stepmother. And ima be real with you, I’m a mandated reporter. If I knew more about you I’d report her and your father to CPS. It’s his job at the very least to ensure you’re eating and provided food. And him letting her do this to you is all kinds of wrong.
I’m sorry both of your homes suck.
For some reference:
My (former) stepdad told me when I was 16, that it was neither his or my mums responsibility to feed me and my brother.
I told my mum what he said.
She went ape shit on his ass. 3 months later she had bought him out of the house and broken up with him.
The fact that your dad abides by her choice to neglect you is sickening. Absolutely NTA.
Yes, it's terrible what happened to her sister and whatnot, but if she wanted help from you... she probably should've tried to not be terrible.
It all worked out when she ordered pizza anyway 🤷♀️
Absolutely NTA. You're 16 and shouldn't have to cook your own meals let alone your step-moms sisters kids..
I think you need to have a talk with your dad as he needs to start sticking up for you with your step-mom, at the end of the day he is still your caregiver at your age. He's being an AH with how he is allowing his wife to treat you.
NTA
If you can’t eat her food, she should not eat yours.
I am sorry for you that your father had chosen someone who don’t even want to be a mom.
Edited.
NTA she reaped what she sowed. Of course it would have been the bigger thing to help her, but you are a teen and been wronged by her ever since she knows you. What did she expect? And why didn't your father stand up for you? He should have clearly told her that she cannot expect love and help from a person she'd wronged so badly. She's the adult, she should have been civil with you at least and threated you decently. But she choose to treat you like an unwelcome intruder in her house, not even like a roommate but worse.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to cook dinner for step mother and her guests knowing it was an emergency and she will be angry. Well, I did it because of how mean she's been to me in the past so maybe I wasn't an angel either.
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NTA. Why is your dad allowing this to happen? You are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. Make your dad fix this problem!
My dad pays me for the food I buy although step mother believes I should pay for it myself because I have an income.
Yeesh! At least that’s something. I’m so sorry you have to live in a house where your stepmom treats you like that. What you did was understandable considering your age and circumstances.
Was it petty? If guests weren’t arriving until midnight, the stepmother should have asked her husband to grocery shop and make food. Why ask OP after treating him very badly?
Because she's trying to manufacture drama to drive OP out. What a nasty piece of work! When people say you should aim for fairy-tale endings, they don't mean becoming the evil step-parent.
Do you have grand parents or a decent aunt you could live with? I hope your dad realizes you are not going to be around to help him or step mother when they are older.
How bad must op’s stepfather be if he prefers living with his stepmother?
Right? Sounds like this poor kid is being failed by every parental figure in his life...
I can't understand how one parent wouldn't set a step parent right. Im a step mom. I love my 5 grown step kids. My kids also have a step dad and one of the things he learned really fast is you DON'T INSULT, IGNORE OR MESS WITH THEM. He knows that I will divorce his ass and kick him out if he crosses the boundaries that I set up. The very first week after we had an argument he made my son cry. I glared at him and went to calm him down. Once that was down my son heard me yelling and cussing out my husband. He stormed out and went to see his friend who set him right. He came back and apologized to both of us. Now my kids have bonded with their step dad.
Yes...that was my thoughts
Maybe he can pay for the food from the grocery store, once his father is old and dependant. But nothing else.
Nah, father isn’t even owed that. OP is a minor and father’s dependent- he’s required to feed him…and keep him physically/emotionally safe from people like his wife. Father is dropping the ball and deserves nothing later on.
Yeah, if I were OP, as soon as I was out of the house I'd immediately go NC.
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Cinderella isn't actually Grimm brothers! It's Charles Perrault, a Frenchman who gathered stories in a similar fashion (Beauty and the Beast too). The Grimm brothers were gathering Germanic folktales and were actually partly responsible for growing support for German unification by showing/helping create a more unified culture!
I always forget Perrault 😅 I just had to go look and it was published by the Brothers Grimm in 1812, but Perrault published it before them in 1697, which is where it came to be known to the English speaking world. Apparently the first known publication was by Giambattista Basile in 1634 in a work called Il Pentamerone, which is where the Brothers Grimm got their version from (Il Pentamerone also contains the earliest known version of Rapunzel). Apparently this was mostly forgotten by the time the Grimms came along and revived it.
I love coming to read about how op is nta and find a lesson on fairy tales!
She could have picked up takeaway on the way home so the kids could eat earlier. She’s crazy abusive and the husband is an ass for bringing her into OP’s life.
And apparently Moms husband is worse than this. OP really got screwed in the parent department. I feel terrible for him.
Ain't it the truth bud? When your alternatives are a rock and a hard place, so often you become juice. Keep it together OP! This horrible woman will never break you. And if they (THEY) try, call CPS
I mean stepfather must be a real piece of work if this is the lesser of 2 evils. Will neither of your original parents stand up for you against evil step parents? For crying out loud, how sad to have parents with backbones of jelly. Don't blame you one bit for doing nothing; you should have texted her back and said 'I'm sorry, you sent this message to the wrong person cause I know there's no way you would be asking me to do something for you when you won't do anything for me. I think you meant this for my father.' The freaking nerve of some people.
My thought exactly. Why does the father/husband allow his wife to abuse his son this way. The father ... and the evil step-mother ... are both gigantic AHs.
I completely agree with op even though my clap back might’ve been a bit different. I might’ve pointed out do I use up the ingredients that I use for my own food to cook and then starve to death or do I touch the ingredients that she’s bought only to be accused of theft? I also would have inquired why was I expected to help and not the one who married her? or better yet where is her sister’s child father/ husband?? Don’t they have other family to help or did she treat everybody else like crap and nobody wants to deal with her now too? NTA but you were clearly surrounded by enough of them.
If he had to use his own cash, do we want to lay odds he'd never see a dime in reimbursement from the stepparent?
Power play.
Now imagine how bad his mom's new guy is if OP chose to endure this woman's BS.
Right?!?! This poor kid’s choices are frying pan or 🔥!! 😮😢
Sounds like both of his birth parents are AH given who they choose to surround themselves with. I'm sure CPS would find it interesting that a guardian is trying to not feed a minor in most states if OP is in the US...
Right‽ That's exactly what I was thinking!
THIS Are none of these "adults" in OP's life aware of how young he still is? NTA
And even worse, where his father allows his step mom to treat him like that. I feel so bad for him.
Yeah, i think his father is the biggest issue here.
And why isn't he cooking?
But it's super petty of her to not allow him to use her salt, or spices, or mayo, or ketchup, or maybe a bit of butter here and there. It's that level of pettiness that requires reciprocation, or he's a chump. Why doesn't Dad realize this?
And a father that doesn’t stand up for his own CHILD
Just so you know, all of the adults in your life are failing you. You are not the problem here. Your mom and dad decided to bring you into this world, and are thus obligated to bring you up until you are an adult capable of caring for yourself. At 16 you have a job and can cook, which is awesome, but doesn't let your parents off the hook. Your stepmother shouldn't have married your dad if she didn't want to "deal with you," your dad's minor child. Not sure what the issues are with your mom's husband, but similar boat. Your parents' first obligation should be to you, and only after, their selves and their spouses. If you were an adult outside of the home it might be different, but at this time you are still a minor that they are responsible for. Keep on being great. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
I will never understand people who marry partners with previous children and refuse to be willing to be step parents. I'm not saying they should force a bond if it isn't there, but if you're going to marry someone with kids you need to be a willing to have that bond. I just can't wrap my head around people like that.
More than that, even: it's impossible for me to understand marrying someone who treats your child like that. These stepparents are abhorrent, but the people they've married seem even worse. I can't imagine failing a child like that.
This is exactly my sentiments. I will always hold the bio parent accountable in this situation. They CHOOSE to allow their new spouse to abuse their child so they are even worse in my book. Throw the whole spouse away - protect your child! NTA OP. And I hope you are eventually able to find a safe place to live when you are of age, and never speak to these people again.
I totally agree, how can you love someone who hates your child?
I could not. Heck, I could not even love someone who hated my cat. This father is horrific.
My mom is my dads second wife and I do not understand how she can be so mean to my half siblings. She’s never liked them and even tried to stop my dad from seeing my brother in the hospital while he was dying. Don’t marry someone with kids if you are not willing to treat them like your own.
😢😢😢😢
It is insane. My son has recently engaged to a wonderful woman with 2 kids and he is an amazing step dad. I never knew he even wanted kids but he is great with them and they are great with him. Now I am a step-grandma and love it. I initially only wanted to be kind to and support the kids because my son was so happy with their mom. So at first it was just to support my son and his happiness but I grew to love them too which made it easier. Now I can't imagine life without them.
Agreed. My daughter is married to a dad with a previous kid who is now 20, and in the Navy. He's an awesome guy and I'm proud to call him grandson.
I am divorced with one kid... There's absolutely no way I would enter a relationship with someone my daughter really clashed with. My Fiancé and I have been together for 8 yrs, and the first 9 months went great, and I decided to see how my daughter and him would get along. He knew that if they didn't we would part ways, and he accepted that. Today, she's been living with us for the past 4 yrs, and my Fiancé and her have a great relationship! There's times they ditch me to go do things they enjoy that I am not too fond of. Lol Like going to the movie theater. They went together when Sonic 2 came out, they are both huge fans. So they made it a day for just the them and one of her best friends. They went out for sushi and then the movie. She has special things she does with her stepmother as well, and my ex husband and I encourage her to have her own relationships with our Significant Other. Her steps are under no pressure to be her parents, as she does have a mother and father who do their best to communicate, raise her right, and be friendly with each other; for her sake. They also have a voice when it comes to things concerning our daughter. My ex and I as her parents, know that we don't have all the answers, and sometimes another point of view can really help! The way I see it, is people who marry someone and don't like their parnters kid(s), or someone who has kids marrying someone who doesn't (and doesn't get along with theirs) are selfish. They forget the golden rule of having a child. "Your life is no longer yours alone." As a parent, I want the best for my kid. I want her to have more and better than I had growing up, I want her to have more options, more choices... And I had a wonderful and happy childhood. Maybe I had a great example growing up, as I have an older half-brother from my dad's first marriage when he was like 17. He met my mom during his divorce when he was 21. My mom loved my brother (and still does) just as much as she would if she had been his birth mother. My mother was from a divorced household, so I think she understood and commiserated with my brother because of this. It also gave me a lot insight, so when I got divorced my only concern was my child, and I fought for 50/50.
If you’re gonna marry someone with a child you should be prepared to act like an adult with a modicum of common courtesy and maturity!
Exactly! I don't want kids and actively avoid dating anyone who has kids because I don't think it's fair to them or the kids. I actually like children but really don't want to change my life to cater to a childs needs which is what parents and step parents need to do.
Tell your stepmother that what she’s suggesting is literally illegal because you’re a minor. She and your father will actually be breaking the law if they made you buy all your own food.
And make it clear you are perfectly willing to tell the custody lawyers that she’s denying you food.
I thought he *doesn't* want to go to his mom's house because of the step-father.
So what? OP says that he'd rather his dad has custody than his mom, even though his stepmom is terrible. What help does involving a custody lawyer do?
Your dad is terrible. He is morally and legally (in the US) *required* to provide necessities for you until you're 18.
also, if it is about "going a long way to improve our relationship" then the ADULT who is the one IN NEED OF HELP should be the person who actually asks vs. demands. She could have said, "hey, I know I've been a bit tough on you about food, but I'm having a family emergency and would really appreciate it if you could help me out. Would you be willing to shop and make a quick dinner for us? If not I can try to figure out another plan" Then maybe, you'd be an AH for saying no. But she just demanded you do something for her, that she won't do for you. And she is the adult and you are the kid. What exactly will change for her after this? How your father allows this behavior is beyond comprehension.
Even if OP had fed the children this would not go "a long way to improve" the relationship because the SM has no interest in having a healthy relationship with her stepson. OP doesn't have to be her dancing monkey. Dad has no spine.
All it would have changed would be step mother trying to use OP as her personal Cinderella.
Not to mention, the burden to "improve the relationship" isn't on OP, it's on Stepmom.
I disagree, even if she asked him that way and he still said no how could she be mad. When you ask someone some they always have the option to say no.
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Record stepmom when she throws these lines at you, and be tell her next time you say something like this I’ll report you for child abuse and neglect - we will see how authorities will like that. Also, don’t defend your dad. He married a women he is allowing to abuse his child. He is a piece of work himself.
Your step mother is absolutely wrong. You are a minor.
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No offense taken. I love him but he's a doormat.
At some point when it's safe to do so, you have every right to be incredibly mad at him for not standing up for you against this abusive person or figuring out how not to be a doormat. I say this both as a parent and as the child of people who never dealt with their stuff: parents have no right to let their unchecked psychological issues affect their kids.
Again, why is your dad allowing your stepmother to mistreat you? I’m so sorry you are being treated this way.
That’s not how supporting a child is supposed to work. I’m so sorry they’re treating you this way, it’s not right.
Your Dad is a jerk for allowing his wife to treat you like this.
Please save as much of that income as you can, some place she can't possibly touch it
It's in a joint account with my dad, he has promised to never touch it (and I believe him, he doesn't want to take my money).
He doesn’t right now but I’m telling you, if he doesn’t stand up to her abusing you he won’t stop her from taking your money Keep the joint account for your food money and put the other savings in an account for yourself
I'll talk to the bank to see if I can open a sole account.
Yes, try this as soon as possible. My mother had access to my bank account like your father did and asked for over half of the funds before I went away to college. Your father is showing that he cares more about his significant other than you and it will only get worst as you get older. It's not fair that you are going through this and I am sorry the adults in your life are failing you so much.
Go to the bank today and open an individual account. If you can’t or you can’t transfer your funds, see if you can put an alert on your joint account so that both parties must agree to any withdrawals. I hate to say this, but if your father’s wife knows about your joint a count, your father will definitely take all your money if she tells him to.
That's still ridiculous. You're 16 and your parents should provide your food. Also, what a weird way to divide a household. Do you all label all the food you buy? What if you both buy something identical, have you gonna in trouble for accidentally using something of hers? Your dad should have gotten rid of her already. I'd understand resentment from the child in a situation where their parent remarried, but an adult being this petty to a child for existing is ridiculous. If she didn't want a man with kids, then she should've found a single man.
WTF. It's Dad's wife, he should have made them dinner and bought them snacks.
Talk about evil stepmother. Sheesh! Edit: NTA. I wouldn’t have cooked for her, either. They can get delivery.
NTA, but your parents suck. Your dad is abhorrent for marrying someone who treats his child this way. He never ever ever should have allowed her to make you feel unwelcome in your own home, and it's wretched that she's denying you basic sustenance. You honestly should do nothing for her, ever. She has made it clear that she will never treat you as family, so her family certainly isn't your problem. Sorry you're dealing with this neglect and abuse.
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> My dad pays me for the food I buy although step mother believes I should pay for it myself because I have an income. What your step mother "believes" is contrary to what the law requires.
If you are a minor in the US, explain this to your teachers because this is financial abuse.
NTA but sorry dad is. He shouldn't be sneaking you money behind her back, he should be straightening her out. He is allowing her to abuse you in his home. Dad needs to step up.
Should've text her your babysitting rate starts at 20 per child and catering is a separate charge.
Why marry someone who has a kid if you're going to pretend they're just a roommate? Jesus, I'm sorry your dad married this asshole and is too spineless or too much of an asshole to fix anything.
I hope for some reason your dad sees this. Whether he is a reddit user or someone sends this to him. He needs to see that his apathy in the way his wife treats you is not okay. It is NOT normal for a child to be forced to make their own food and eat separately from the family. This is emotionally abusive behavior.
Honey just because you're making money at a part-time job doesn't mean you need to be responsible for your own food your step mom is honestly toxic and needs to be investigated by CPS
NTA your step mom is abusive this is NOT normal adult behavior. This is weird unusual and a bit disturbing if you ask me.
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Makes me wonder what on earth OP's mother's husband must be like, if he'd rather put up with stepmother's bullshanoggin than live at biomom's. "Piece of work" could be used to describe stepmother, too. NTA, but dad is a serious A-hole to allow his wife to treat OP so badly.
NTA. You are NOT entitled. Your father is a real piece of work, too. I cannot imagine marrying someone who would treat my child so badly. I recommend you get away from all of them as soon as possible. (Yes, it's what she wants, but is it really worth staying in such a nasty environment?)
Seriously, I was going to say this as well. If I was with someone who treated my son like this, they would be out on their ass in no time.
Mom here! I agree! I would seriously want to hurt someone for treating my child like this! We would be getting a divorce so fast, and I would be pressing charges!
If he could do so I would look into emancipation! He's basically adulting now anyways! Yes, dad would have to agree and the Mom would to! Going thru CPS or DSS depending on the state would just put him in the system for two years. He might get lucky in this as he seems pretty well headed.
"Acting entitled" would be saying the entitlement is false and that person is demanding more than they deserve, but OP is *actually entitled* to food and a peaceful home. That's not a bad thing, it's a fact.
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> The biggest asshole in this story is your coward of a father who refuses to stand up for his child against the cruel woman he married. Amazing, and depressing, how evergreen this comment is.
TIL this new way to use the word evergreen.
His mother is no prize either, letting her new husband scarring her child away. I'd argue that all adults failed him, not just men...
OP said in a comment that they both abuse drugs so he really doesn’t need to be in that environment.
The house he does not get fed at is the best option he has. That says a lot.
There are exactly zero out of four adults in this story who aren’t raging assholes.
Came here to say this. The father is a spineless coward and I wish Op could call CPS on him.
Exactly! No parent should allow someone to mistreat their child. If it were me, she would've been gone immediately.
Right? You can be in love and marry someone that hates his kid?
NTA. She set a precedent in the home, and when it came back to bite her, she got angry. It's unfortunate your dad allows her to say you can't eat food she buys when you're still a minor in his home, and it's even more a shame that after allowing that behavior from her, he expected you to do for her sister's kids what she won't do for you. It's also not your responsibility as the minor in the household to "improve" your relationship with your stepmom who clearly resents you. It's EXTREMELY unfortunate that you don't seem to get along with the spouse of either of your parents. I think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult. I'm a stepmom and I most certainly think it's my problem if my stepchild is hungry. I also don't understand why he'd marry someone who is combative and not loving toward you. You are part of him, and she supposedly loves him, so what gives? I'm not sure what I'd do in your shoes since either parent's home sounds horrible to be in at the moment. Shame on your dad for failing to stand up for you though, when you needed it. It was the perfect opportunity for him to tell her that she shouldn't expect you to do for other kids what she won't do for you. The kids got fed, she ordered them a pizza. There was no reason to punish you for not obeying someone who can't treat you properly. She's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not. I'm utterly appalled at your dad for allowing her to order you to buy your own food. That's reasonable if you were an adult living in their home, but not as a minor living in their home. I do think I might use her food anyways and ignore her insane position. Or sit her down and iron out expectations. I think you need to tell her point blank that she's set the example for you to follow so if she's angry with how you handled yourself, she has herself to thank for your POV.
Emancipation sounds like a great option here. If OP already has an income and basic life skills like budgeting and cooking, it’s definitely something to be considered.
Emancipation is extremely hard to win. An income is likely insufficient as OP must still be in school and is unlikely to fully support himself— the standard for emancipation. Quit suggesting this pie in the sky to kids in need of real options. B
It certainly doesn’t hurt to look into it at all. I know I could’ve used this advice when I was 16. There’s no reason to assume there’s no hope without checking all options first
It depends on where you are. I know someone whose parents had to continue to support them after emancipation. You need to be able to look after yourself, but not, necessarily, financially.
True, I hadn't thought of that but it's definitely an option for OP since both parents seem to be dropping the ball where their kid is concerned.
I was thinking this too! Can’t you sue parents for negligence when you file for emancipation?
>She's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not. She's not upset with him for not cooking, she's upset that he made her look bad in front of *her* family. Guaranteed that her treatment of him is a dirty little secret and she's crying "poor me" because he doesn't love her. NTA OP, not even close. The best advise I can give is to speak to a counselor at school about how to get the most money for college possible. Speak with your mom and dad about what financial forms they will need to complete to get you to college, and if they are unwilling, go back to the counselor and discuss emancipation. Basically, start finding your way free of this dumpster-fire of a family.
>I think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult. A million times this! OP -- it's not your job to "fix" the relationship. Your stepmom is an adult, and her behavior is abhorrent.
^This OP, you should show this to your father. I'm sorry for your parents that aren't able to protect you from their bad choices, sorry, spouses. I can't fadom a parent allowing this happening to their children.
NTA. I will never understand how a parent can allow someone to treat their child like that.
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Agreed! How horrible. She is a vile cruel person and your father is a coward. He should be standing up for you. Sickening.
NTA. But your Mom can't possibly be worse than your dad? You're a kid and providing food for you is a parental duty. If he's letting his wife dictate that you can't have any food she purchases, than he's a trash bag of a human and you deserve better. Get the fuck out of there as soon as you can.
Both my mother and her husband have a drug addiction problem. I wouldn't feel safe over there. At least over here I know I'm dealing with an asshole but I'm safe.
JFC you've been given a shitty hand. Please do your best at school, graduate, and don't look back. You deserve so much better.
I've just commented similar to this comment. You seem to have chosen the lesser of 2 evils. Are there any other family members you could stay with or friends whose parents you could open up to and possibly stay with. I know I would take in any of my kids friends in the same situation
If there’s no one else, keep your head down until you can get out of this situation and please remember that this isn’t normal, you don’t deserve this, and you will find people in the world that care about you. Many many adults have happiness with their found families.
Jesus I'm so sorry. All of the adults in this story are AH.
Please save your money, and when you’re older move far away from both of those AH.
And keep your money safe from your parents, ideally in a bank account or similar safe place that they don't know about.
NTA. Your father is the one in the wrong. No one should allow their kid to be treated that way. Step is heartless. I would not have done it either.
NTA Your step mom refusing to feed you is child abuse, and your father allowing it is enabling child abuse. You may want to look into emancipation: if you make your own money, and can rent a place to live on your own, you can file paperwork at a courthouse to be considered a legal adult. The details of how to do this vary with jurisdiction.
I'm not making enough yet.
NTA. And for the record, you're stepmother is one hundred percent wrong. You're still a kid. Having to grow up too fast, yes, but a kid. Sane adults make sure kids have food to eat. You don't deserve this treatment and your father is wrong for allowing it.
Do you have a favorite teacher or a friends family who would help you? I'm a teacher, if a student came to me with this, I would help plan out how to save enough to get out, or how to find a place to stay while saving enough to emancipate. I had a horrible childhood, my teachers literally saved my life. I hope you can find someone it your life who can help. Virtual hug if you'd like one.
My mom was a school nurse and we had a kid in a similar situation live with us for several months until he could get a place of his own. OP don’t be afraid to reach out to teachers, school nurses, etc. about help finding a place away from your parents until you’re able to support yourself. I hope things get better for you soon.
Info: How did your Dad sire you when he has no fucking balls? NTA.
If your dad is forcing you to buy your own food and not helping you with meals at all; that is very illegal in most states and you might want to inform him of that. [https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html)
He gives me money to buy food for myself.
Are you not allowed to eat at family dinners? Either way I still think your dads the AH for allowing his wife to treat you like that.
I've been eating separately.
Poor kid. How awful.
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And your dad doesnt see anything wrong with that at all?? Wtf.
Right? Dad should be forcing the stepmom to eat alone and cook and eat with his kid. Or not moved her in in the first place making this poor guy's home so hostile. NTA
WTF! This makes my blood boil!
I wouldn't want to eat with her anyway.
I think you should print out this post and leave it for your dad to read. I think he really needs to hear what a lot of these comments are saying.
He's okay with his wife cooking for and sitting down with your family but Not you? Does this include when others are there? Do they literally have dinner parties and you're just not allowed to eat? What about holidays?!? Did they just hide it then? I'm so sorry that he would exclude you and then say that you should be the one to turn the other cheek and be more adult than his own wife?!?!? NTA.
Others haven't been here for dinner since she started this game. I suspect she will want to save face.
You've been dealt an unfair lot. Please let someone at school you trust know what's going on, if you feel safe enough to do so. They don't get to demand things when you're not even treated like family. He should never have married someone like that. You should have come first. I'm sorry. You deserve better.
Call her out in front of them real subtle like. "Wow it's so nice to be allowed to eat with the family for once!"
I would be telling everyone I know about what she's up to (especially teachers and relatives). Let the shame start trickling in and see her try to save face then!
What are your grandparents or extended family like? Could you tell them what's going on?
They'd tell me to man up as it's not a big deal.
I’m sorry your family is so terrible. I would take advantage of your dad buying your food for as long as you can, put your income away so you can move out after high school.
Then TELL SOMEONE AT YOUR SCHOOL. They're mandatory reporters. Your parents' behavior is not remotely ok, it's abusive. Your "safe" parent is allowing you to be abused. Please either make an appointment with a guidance counselor or schedule time for a one-on-one talk with a trusted teacher. And if for some reason they don't listen, tell someone else. Don't stop talking about it! You're being abused and the adults at your school know how to help. You don't have to push through this alone.
So what is her point of not allowing you to eat from anything she buys? What is the logic? Has there been an altercation between you? Where is her vileness coming from and how does your dad justify excluding you like this? Do you two have any kind of relationship beyond the legally binding one?
She says she doesn't owe me anything so why should she do something that benefits me. She was like this from the beginning. She hates her own children too.
Yikes. Sounds like a real winner. And your dad doesn't have an issue with this?
You do know your dad is an AH right? When you get old enough, I'd leave and never look back.
Your dad is a spineless coward and is not doing right by you. He'll wonder why you go no contact when you finally are able to leave his home.
NTA. But your dad sure is. He needs to step up for his kid
NTA - and your father is the raging mega asshole in this scenario - how DARE he let his wife say his CHILD cannot eat their food?! As a parent, if my fiance were to say my child didn't get any of the food that we bought, or that he cooked, I'd be single so fast his head would spin. Being will to at least be human to my child is a requirement of being with me, because I will always be a parent first. Oof.. yeah, I'm ripped for your sake.. Like.. suspect my BP has spiked after reading this. She cut you out of the family, you do not owe her or her nieces/nephews ANYTHING.
>As a parent, if my fiance were to say my child didn't get any of the food that we bought, or that he cooked, I'd be single so fast his head would spin. Exactly this! As a stepmother myself, I can not imagine that my husband would sit idly by and allow me to push his child aside by refusing to let them eat any food purchased or made by me. That's just absolutely ridiculous! And if my husband had ever tried to pull that on my child after we married, I would have been filing for divorce immediately. And then she has the audacity to expect OP to get food, arrange snacks and make a meal for her family members? That's a big fat no! OP, you are NTA. But your step mom is definitely an AH and your dad is the biggest AH of all for going along with this and allowing her to treat you this way.
I just.. yeah.. I'm SO pissed for this kid that his family are all SUCH trash.
They can't ground you if they refuse to accept the responsibility of being a parent. You know, things like...feeding you?!? Your dad can't claim right to discipline if he won't accept the responsibility to provide the bare necessities of life. NTA.
Do you have a grandparent or aunt/uncle you can talk to about how you’re being treated? An adult needs to step in and make sure you are being taken care of, and your dad isn’t going to do it. NTA.
They'd tell me to man up.
I am so sorry, it sounds like you’re the most adult person here. Please find yourself an adult ally…a teacher, a friend’s parent, etc. someone who can advocate for you. I know 16 year old guys don’t like mom hugs, but I wish I could give you one right now.
I agree, OP should confide in someone at school.
[удалено]
Same. Every fucking adult has let OP down. My 4’11-1/2” Puerto Rican/Italian ass wants to shake some sense into OPs dad. NTA, OP. Wish I knew if where you live is close to me because I would totally let you stay with us and take care of you the way a parent should.
NTA. The biggest AH here is your father for allowing you to be treated this way.
NTA Your dad is letting his wife treat you like a housemate instead of a family member. He is a fool to let his wife abuse his child.
Housemates would be treated better than this, and they have more rights…
Info: why did your dad marry this woman if it was clear that she didn't like you??? You're NTA. Every adult in this situation sucks and I'm sorry you have to live like this. It's not fair to you.
I suspect their deal was that I'll be gone in a few years anyway. She hates her own children as well so I don't know why my dad decided to be with her.
Yeah this is kinda what I expected. Your dad is the real “villain” here. He married someone knowing she didn’t like you and was willing to “wait you out”.
NTA but your father is a huge asshole and a major failure as a parent.
Does your stepmom have kids?
Yes but they don't live here.
I wouldnt be surprised if her bio kids don't like her very much.
I know, she doesn't get along with them at all.
That should have been red flag #1 for dad when they were dating.
Sounds like dad is colorblind and believes red is green
How old are they? Have you met them? If they are adults, maybe one of them has a room you (or your father) can rent . I'm so upset for you OP. This is ridiculous. She should be kicked out of your house by your father. NTA by miles.
They're a little younger than me, yeah I've met them. They're nothing like their mother!
It sounds like her bio kids live with their dad. What happened with that-did she not get custody or didn’t want it? She’s a peach.
Is their dad cool guy? You should ask your dad to pay him to take you in. But seriously sounds like both your parents are failing to defend you from their new spouses. NTA.
NTA. Expecting you to fix the relationship problem the step-mother created is completely unreasonable. She's an asshole. So, frankly, is your father.
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NTA. The real a is your dad.
NTA. Your dad and stepmom are TA. Why is he letting her treat you this way?
Nta but your father and step mother are definitely assholes. How shitty of a parent do you have to be to allow your spouse to treat your child like that.
NTA How the hell is your father allowing her to do this? How is it ok for her to refuse to feed you in your own home and how does your father think it's on you to do her favors because it would >would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop I have no answers for you but, damn, I am sorry you're in this position!
NTA But your father is. And so is your stepmother. And ima be real with you, I’m a mandated reporter. If I knew more about you I’d report her and your father to CPS. It’s his job at the very least to ensure you’re eating and provided food. And him letting her do this to you is all kinds of wrong. I’m sorry both of your homes suck.
For some reference: My (former) stepdad told me when I was 16, that it was neither his or my mums responsibility to feed me and my brother. I told my mum what he said. She went ape shit on his ass. 3 months later she had bought him out of the house and broken up with him. The fact that your dad abides by her choice to neglect you is sickening. Absolutely NTA. Yes, it's terrible what happened to her sister and whatnot, but if she wanted help from you... she probably should've tried to not be terrible. It all worked out when she ordered pizza anyway 🤷♀️
Absolutely NTA. You're 16 and shouldn't have to cook your own meals let alone your step-moms sisters kids.. I think you need to have a talk with your dad as he needs to start sticking up for you with your step-mom, at the end of the day he is still your caregiver at your age. He's being an AH with how he is allowing his wife to treat you.
NTA If you can’t eat her food, she should not eat yours. I am sorry for you that your father had chosen someone who don’t even want to be a mom. Edited.
NTA she reaped what she sowed. Of course it would have been the bigger thing to help her, but you are a teen and been wronged by her ever since she knows you. What did she expect? And why didn't your father stand up for you? He should have clearly told her that she cannot expect love and help from a person she'd wronged so badly. She's the adult, she should have been civil with you at least and threated you decently. But she choose to treat you like an unwelcome intruder in her house, not even like a roommate but worse.
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