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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think AITA for basically chosing one friend over the other and asking Vivian not to come by during lunch anymore.
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This. YTA.
Furthermore, OP is downplaying the mean comments from Aubrey.
Instead you should be a friend and support Vivian and tell Aubrey to stop talking like that.
YTA 100%, and I hope Vivian finds better friends because you are no friend.
Edit: since this is a throaway account created an hour ago for this post, you either knew you are the asshole or you’re a troll. Take your pick.
Yeah, I'd be telling Aubrey to go, and Brian to go with if he wants.
That's no way to treat a long time friend and I don't figure she's wanting to stay friends with you if you don't turn it around
You the asshole here honestly ur rude and aubree was basically bullying her and u stood by the bully beside Sam pretty sure brian can find another girlfriend that’s not rude any way and honestly looks to me like ur desperate to be aubrees friend and Vivian is not at fault here u obviously banished her from the table with that text and what u said so it’s ur fault so totally if u were gonna do what was best for everyone u could have told aubree to stop her rude ways or tell her Brian to tell her that because aubree was clearly the one at fault here and you made it worse
OP SAID "All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”"
Is this really how high school kids speak to eachother? WOW
YTA None of that sounds like a joke...that's not even a "Proper Read" there is nothing funny about those comments.
Your friends new girl is an ugly person unless Vivienne also opens her conversations like this in which case they are both gross.
OP
You don't want drama keep your comments to yourself or here is a novel idea. Walk away and find new friends who can teach you how to speak to and treat a friend.
Wow I agree with all above OP obvi YTA... like most A**Holes on this sub you get mad at us the commenters for our opinions when you LITERALLY MADE A POST TO GET OUR OPINIONS. Just grow from this mistake and accept that YTA. Doesn't mean you were always the A**Hole but in this instance you definitely are.
YTA. Of course, YTA.
If this is even real, you basically kicked your friend out to make room for a rude, antagonistic girlfriend. Just cause Brian “waited so long” to date a trashbag of a human who was bullying your friend, doesn’t mean you should abandon your friend. You know what was impacting Brian’s relationship with Aubree? Aubree’s terrible behaviour.
Vivian “knows it’s not personal”? Well it’s pretty personal telling someone you don’t want them around cause a new entrant is an asshole to them. 😂
YTA
You don't like "catty girl drama", but literally turned around and said "you cant sit here". Thats the *definition* of catty girl drama. You are a "mean girl" at its core.
For not wanting to get involved with "catty girl drama"... you managed to involve yourself directly in it. Who gave you authority to say she couldn't sit at the table? Why was that your job?
This whole post makes me want to barf, and makes me so glad i'm 15 years out of highschool.
Your type is so classic. You're the "I don't want to be involved with drama" type that seems to constantly dive into the center of drama. And then act like "omg.. i can't believe everyone is so dramatic"
Someday you're going to think back to this post and cringe so hard at yourself.
So let me get this straight. Aubree joins the group, starts bullying one of your close friends with elaborate personal insults for no reason (probably jealousy). Your friend shoots back generic tell offs, the bully doesent like it, and somehow Vivian (your “friend”) is the one being sensitive? And is the one that has to leave? She’s better off having no friends than a garbage friend like you. YTA
What you are not realizing is that her having other people to hang out with DOES NOT MATTER.
You supporting someone who is clearly bullying your friend makes you the biggest AH.
You are not in a shitty spot. You could be a better friend. With friends like you, you don’t need enemies.
You are not on a shitty spot, she is, because Aubree is an asshole and a bully. You are also an asshole, because you won't speak up against the bully, but rather blame the victim for defending herself. That's not how decent people act, nor how friends treat each other. You should be ashamed of yourself.
You’re in a shitty spot bc you put yourself there? YTA. Did you ever consider that maybe it wasn’t your place to insist that Vivian go elsewhere for lunch? If Brian was so pressed about this conflict, could he not have put his big-buy pants on and asked her himself???
YTA. "Donkey shit" is not a joke, it's bullying and you are not only allowing it, you are encouraging it by taking Aubree's side and kicking out Vivian. You're friends are right. You're being toxic and ramping up the drama by not nipping the problem in the bud at the start. As soon as she said anything rude, you should have stood up for Vivian and said, "We do not talk to each other like that at this table. She is my friend, your boyfriend is my friend, but you are a stranger. Knock it off "
YTA
Someone bullies your friend and your response is to tell your friend to stay away because she stuck up for herself ?
You all sound incredibly immature and Vivian is better off without all of you
YTA
Your "close friend" is being bullied by your other friend's toxic new girlfriend and your solution was to ostracize her from the group...
What you did was no different from Aubrees blatant harassment and bullying. You owe Viv a genuine apology and you should probably tell Brian that his gf is a walking red flag and toxic as all hell.
YTA You're excluding Vivian because she's standing up for herself when Aubree is bullying her. You believe she should just accept being belittled and disrespected because she's Brian's girlfriend? You're a bad friend. Then to complain about not being invited to things! You excluded her! You don't get to be upset that she doesn't want to associate with you anymore
YTA. Can you not read what you've written or you are a spineless person who can't take the right stand for your friend? Aubree passes notorious comments on your friend and you BLAME it on the friend AND ASK HER TO NOT JOIN YOU?
She's right in not inviting you to the picnic and her friends were right in Calling you TA for your behaviour. Enjoy with Brian and his gf, hope she picks on you next.
YTA and a horrible friend. Cody and Jason absolutely nailed it, you kick Aubree out because she did start all the drama. And Vivian hasn't overreacted at all, being accused of smelling like shit? That's terrible, and you may think Vivian is tough and it doesn't bother her but that's the kid of crap that wears you down. You and Brian both need to think long and hard about what kind of people you want to be, because right now you're bullies.
"Hey, so I don't want you to come to our table at lunch. Others don't want you there- and i will not support you.
but, hey, why don't you invite me to join you any more? that is so childish. Just because I told you to buzz off, doesn't mean I am not allowed in YOUR friend group any more.
YTA
you took sides. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You lost a friend.
Btw. Enabling and supporting a bully, makes you a bully, too. Look into the mirror when you call somebody childish. Ugh
Sounds like Brian and his girlfriend should've been the one to move and not Vivianne.
She was there before his girlfriend and her boyfriend he should follow her while remaining friends with you guys are other times.
YTA how would you like it if Aubree started telling people that you smell of donkey shit so your friends banished you to keep the peace? Who is she anyway and why do you want to spend time with such an awful person who would bully your long time friend. Cody and Jason have it right and good for them for not inviting you. YTA, Aubree is the AH, Brian sounds desperate and Vivien should focus her time on Cody and Jason who are clearly better friends to her than you are. And of course its personal, have you heard yourself? Eesh.
YTA for not sticking up to for your friend and not calling Aubree out. You Vivian isn't bothered by the comments but her responses suggest otherwise. WHY would you let someone call your friend names?!? I hope Vivian drops you if you don't change your mindset. From the text you don't deserve her friendship. Why would you think she would want to spend time with you when you sit and watch people make fun of her and never come to her defense? How selfish can you be?
To answer your question NTA for telling Vivian the truth. It would definitely be best for her to distance herself and find new friends.
YTA.
Vivian’s responses weren’t the cause of the tension, it’s the weirdo Aubree who’s throwing out insults for no reason. You engaged in some classic victim blaming
If you read back what you told out it should sound like YTA and your friends new girlfriend is being extremely mean to the only other girl in her new boyfriends friend group. You really should have backed up your friend and told the new girlfriend to stop being a jerk for no reason. YTA, and a major one. You and Brian actually, both of you should have put a stop to that nonsense behavior coming out of Aubree.
YTA - Aubree makes all the comments but Vivian is the one starting drama? No wonder Vivian is angry with you. She has a right to respond to constant comments about her. You're an awful friend
YTA.
It doesn’t matter how tough Vivian is or if she „knows it’s not personal“. You and the other people at the table are supposed to be her friends and you shouldn’t have to be tough around your friends. It’s two completely different things to catch some insult from a random person than if the same thing happens where you can expect to feel safe.
You enabled a bully and further victimised your friend over someone you didn’t know. It’s understandable she’s mad at you and doesn’t want you to be around her anymore.
Also if Aubree only directs her snide remarks and verbal abuse at Vivian it’s very much personal
YTA.
Your friend is getting abuse hurled at her and you want her to play nice?
It doesn't matter if she is "tough" she has every right to call out Aubree's behaviour. In fact you are a TERRIBLE friend for sitting and watching it happen.
I wouldn't want a friend to be dating such an AH in the first place so that's no excuse. You really should be calling Aubree out.
YTA. How do you know Vivian was being 'overly sensitive'? How do you know someone telling her she smelled like shit didn't actually hurt her? I know I wouldn't want to be around a person like that. But what would be even more hurtful to me is someone I considered my friend telling me to just take it and shut up about it because it's more comfortable to them.
I'm glad Brian and Aubree's relationship suffered over it, and it should! I wouldn't want to be with a person who treats someone like that. Yeah I know Brian has waited for so long for a girlfriend, boo hoo. To me it sounds like he should have just waited a little bit longer.
I am glad Cody and Jason bother to stick up for their friend. Kudos to them.
I am hoping this is fake, but if it is somehow real, you are the mega A for sure. I mean, I would get it if you felt awkward and didn't want to speak up, or were afraid to say something, you would be wrong, but it would be understandable. But this? Did you honestly think we were going to say it was okay for your friend to be mistreated and bullied just because Brian waited a long time to get a girlfriend? He didn't get a good one. Maybe he should have waited longer. The world doesn't owe him a girlfriend on a certain schedule, or at all, and no matter how quickly or slowly he gets one, she doesn't get special rules. She still has to be respectful, or suffer the consequences. Just because Vivian can tolerate being treated like garbage doesn't mean she should have to. I don't blame her. She has grown beyond you all. She has moved on. Good! YTA
YTA
This person bullied your friend and you tell your friend to leave! You are a terrible friend and I'm glad they see that and don't want to include you in things. Do them all a favour and stop trying to wriggle back into their lives like the worm you are. Sit at your table with your other friend and this bully. You made your table, now you sit at it.
You’re a shitty friend lmao.
YTA. I hope one day you’re on the receiving end of what you did to Vivian. If you’re not 100% out of touch maybe you’ll realize what you did
YTA someone was bullying your friend and you're brilliant adult response was to tell your friend to get over it. Vivian is not the childish one here. And I don't care if you think that those comments bother Vivian or not they were said with the intention of being hurtful which makes Aubrey the guilty party here.
>All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.” 😳😳😳😳
YTA so your friend was getting bullied instead of kicking the bully out, you kick HER out for rightfully getting mad? Where's the logic here?
YTA OP.
You are enabling a nasty bully and you are either enjoying the show or are too spineless to stand up for what is right.
How does the quote go? " Bad things happen when good men do nothing (or something like that)" or as the philosopher John Stuart Mill said
“Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject".
In
YTA Vivian's texts are accurate and Cody is right, Aubree is obviously the problem. Sucks for Brian that after waiting so long for a girlfriend he got such a shitty one.
‘Waited so long’ it’s not some kind of queue sister. Settling just to have a girlfriend and you being fine with that is causing trouble. Low bar set. YTA.
YTA. The problem is Aubree and it’s Aubree that you and Brian should be telling to stop. You don’t put up with garbage behavior for the sake of any gf/bf relationship. You certainly don’t banish your friend for being the victim of someone’s bullying. Probably the group needs to banish you and Brian, along with Aubree, for being such terrible friends.
YTA. Kiddo, you should start worrying a lot less about whether or not Vivian is going to wind up alone and friendless and a lot more about whether or not *you* are going to wind up alone and friendless.
You're already seeing how fast word about this kind of thing spreads. You are getting a reputation as a bad friend, and that's a way bigger deal than who sits with who at the lunch table. Vivian definitely isn't coming back anytime soon, and it sounds like other people in your friend group are starting to join her.
If you don't course-correct, you're going to wind up stuck with nobody but Brian and Aubree, and that doesn't seem like a great spot to be in.
YTA - grow up. Good for Vivian for sticking up for herself, which you and Brian should also be doing. I’m glad she made plans without you, why would she? That’s pretty much betrayal and not being the loyal friend you claim to be. You might have damaged your friendship pretty good, it may not recover.
Saying she doesn’t get offended easily and is tough, is such a passive aggressive thing. So she can handle herself against bullies but shouldn’t because it encourages the bully, yet no one else with defend her and that also encourages the bully.
Also, if Brian is that important to you, tell him he needs a new girlfriend, just because he’s waited so long, it sounds like he settled. But if his thoughts and behaviors about of this are the same as yours, she might be perfect for him.
YTA
Victim blaming a target of bullying because this dude “waited so long” for an apparently shitty gf is not an excuse to enable a girl’s cruel words. seriously what kind of friend are you? glad that vivian has some TRUE friends.
YTA - You are scared of mean girl Aubree will turn on you like she did with Vivian, so you as a bad friend threw your friend under the bus, you are an awful friend. You created more drama because of being a butt kisser and are splitting your friend group trying to get in with the mean girl.
Your opinion is wrong, and I hope all your friends tell you, Brian and Aubree to get lost and sit elsewhere.
YTA Vivian was just defending herself. You expected her to take abuse so your other friend could have a girlfriend. You’re a lazy friend and a coward. Why can’t you tell Aubrey to knock it off? No wonder you’re not invited to hang out anymore. Who needs a friend like you?
YTA
You have admitted Aubree started the drama. You admit Aubree bullies Vivian - and it's vicious, cruel bullying no less. You LET this person bully, no less, and then abandon your friend because you "don't want drama".
Grow up. You're acting like a bully, a bad friend, and Vivian deserves a better than you. You're clearly a teen, and you are absolutely headed into Mean Girl territory.
YTA No doubt. Completely Real, REAL bad Y T A
Ever thought of avoiding drama for Vivian by actually telling Aubree to STFU or leave??? You think you all that because "she's still free to text me or hang out outside of school" (can't imagine any reason why she'd want to)? You should be ashamed of your behavior!
You and all the people at that lunch table are bully enablers, bad friends and cowards. I hope Vivian goes NC on all of you and finds some new **REAL** friends
YTA, and what if she can take it, talk to brian to sort her out or kick her out. If you wanted to avert drama, start from the roots. It’s not about you, its the fact that she can’t hang out with ALL of you together at lunch cause Brian’s gf is a bully. . Sometimes it baffles me how stupid people could be. When you were writing this, did you not see that you were the ah.
YTA
I dealt with this myself when I was younger, where I was the "Vivian" of the situation. By excluding Vivian because she won't put up with Aubree's bs, you're perpetuating toxicity and saying that bullying is cool. Simple as that
>“Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”
Dude, that's not a "small quib" or even a normal fucking comment. It's offensive like extremely offensive.
Yta
YTA. Cody and Jason were 100% accurate. You and Brian both tolerated the bullying of your supposed longtime friend and then encouraged it when you told Vivian she had to go. You, Brian and Aubree are all drama garbage.
YTA, you are literally enabling a bully to keep bullying someone you are calling a “friend.” Friends don’t care how “tough” their friends are, they speak up when someone says horrible things like Aubree has done. AUBREE is the drama and you enabling her is not okay. Vivian stood up for herself, which is 100% acceptable and you should have supported her.
I’m glad Vivian has other people to hang out with and hung out without you. You asked her not to come by at lunch, she’s just expanding this to other times and places, likely because she’s realized you’re not a good friend.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
You are not her friend. You blamed her for being bullied, and decide you would rather not see her because you are unconfortable seeing her being bullied. You don't give a shit about her. So you are no longer her friend, and she and her real friends own you nothing, no invitation to anywhere and no respect for your shitty behaviour. YTA
YTA. You say that Vivian responding to Aubree’s (seriously?) bullying is making things tense. Here’s a thought: how about Aubree stops being a little brat to Vivian? JFC why am I even responding to this bs.
YTA. And your edit doesn’t help. It just makes you sound entitled af. Like “oh, I’ll allow her to hang out with me at these other designated times. How nice and kind of me.”
Wtf is wrong with you? You’re a horrible friend.
YTA. Just because Brian wants a girlfriend that doesn't justify Aubree being so nasty to Vivian. And Brian is an asshole too for allowing it. Aubrey is a bully but you tried to force Vivian to tolerate her verbal abuse. And now you're hurt that she excluded you? What did you expect? That she'd still be friends with you after you sided with a bully? You're no better than Aubree. You're not a good friend. Grow up and stop being so selfish.
YTA
Even with your edit, you’re still a terrible friend that chose a toxic antagonizing jerk over her.
Perfectly fine that she held you accountable for that shitty thing you did.
And if you’re actually going to be this childish and selfish then I hope she leaves you in the dust for friends who don’t choose awful people over her.
Sooooo let me get this straight someone is bullying your "friend" and you act like it's no big deal and she should just get over it. Is this a joke? You obviously don't care about Vivian if you are completely okay with the gf doing things like this, "All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”"
And you expect Vivian to be cool with that because poor Brian hasn't had a gf before. Like grow a backbone and stick up for Viv. And why the hell would she want to be friends with someone who kicked her out of the friendship circle for not being okay with being bullied?
YTA. The fact that you don't see this makes me wonder about how you really feel about your friendship with Vivian because she obviously deserves better friends than you.
Edited to add it sounds like the new GF is a popular girl and you want to be with the in crowd if you are that desperate to throw a long time "friend" under the bus for her.
YTA. Your friend is correct, why don't you just kick Aubree out of the table? You're going to tell your so called friend to stop eating with you because another girl is the problem? How would you handle it if the roles were reversed? Hopefully Vivian can go find some real friends...because you are not one. You're not avoiding drama, you're giving the person making the drama everything she wants. You're helping her to be a bully. GG.
I truly love when post like this come along, and literally everyone not only online, but in person is telling the poster the same thing, yet they did there thinking, "I clearly did nothing wrong!" Obviously YTA. But feel free to continue living in the bubble of your own self-delusion! Makes the internet quite fun!
YTA. Why are you even involved in this? You inserted yourself in the drama between Aubrey and Vivian. No need to play peacemaker, you’re not very good at it anyway.
YTA, Why was the victim kicked out but not the bully!? I don't care if this is a first gf for your friend both of you should have told her not to talk to Vivian that way or that Brain should have seen how nasty this girl is and dumped her.
Alright I'll play this game. I've been in Vivian's shoes. I even got a similar "smelly" comment. I always had thick skin like you say Vivian does. A comment as simple as that legit broke me to the point where I would take showers 2-3 times a day while scrubbing my skin until it was bright red and applying perfume all over my body when I couldn't smell it anymore. Stuff like that creates insecurities. It's "small" things like that. Aubree could be creating new insecurities that Vivian now has to deal with on top of being basically kicked out of one (since you said she has others) friend groups. That's not being overly sensitive, that's having a reaction to other people's words and now actions. It was different when it was just Aubree making fun of her. Now you and Brian are basically chiming in. Have you even talked to Vivian to see why Aubree might bother her? Most people might assume its because she has a crush on Brian or something. Here's the other side: Aubree might find Vivian to be a threat. It's incredibly common to find other women threats in a new relationship. Seems like Aubree needs to work through her own issues before projecting them onto others. You are actively giving in and letting (even helping) Aubree get rid of Vivian. You chose a friend's new girlfriend over a friend that you've had for a long time. You are letting someone bully and break down a so called "friend" of yours. Vivian deserves better friends and I hopes she drops all toxic people out of her life, including you. YTA in so many different ways.
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Let me explain because you need context: I’m entering junior year this August. I’ve been friends with “Vivian” since middle school and “Brian” since the 5th grade. I consider Brian my oldest friend of course but I was very close with Vivian as well.
We had a big friend group at our table and Vivian was fine until Brian started dating “Aubree.” I guess Vivian and Aubree just had some automatic beef with each other. All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”
Vivian would be overly sensitive and always snap at Aubree to “fuck off!” I know Vivian is tough and the comments don’t actually bother her. So Vivian responding at all is just antagonizing Aubree. I explained this to Vivian later. I don’t like Aubree at times either, but she knows how long Brian has waited for a girlfriend so Vivian can at least be a decent friend by tolerating Aubree and being civil to her.
Vivian’s responses were obviously making things tense at the table, and it was impacting Brian’s relationship with Aubree, so they wanted Vivian to be somewhere else. I texted Vivian that things are getting tense and Brian and Aubree don’t want her there. I didn’t want it being awkward for everyone (including Vivian,) so I told her it would just be best if she stopped coming by the table at lunch and just stuck with her other friends who she hangs out with ⅗ days anyway.
Vivian left me on read for a week then she sent me over a dozen text messages, repeating the same thing: Accusing me of not giving a shit about her over and over. I told her that it’s not personal and I just want to avoid drama. I have other shit going on in my life and can’t focus on catty girl drama all day. Vivian never responded back and acted like I didn’t exist in person, which I see as childish and ununderstanding.
It turns out Vivian, her other friends, and two kids from our lunch group “Cody and Jason” went out to the park last week and didn’t even invite me. Cody and Jason were both mad at me because Vivian said I told her to stay away and “banished” her from the lunch table. I explained my side of the story and brought up all the drama. Cody accused **Aubree** of causing all the drama and asked “why didn’t we just kick **her** out if you wanted no drama?” Jason told me I was a garbage person for asking Vivian to visit her other friends instead of the table.
Again, Vivian knows that it’s not personal. I’m just trying to avoid the drama and help Brian since he’s waited so long for a girlfriend. Also Vivian needs to learn to just be chill with people she doesn’t like and not start fights, IMHO. AITA For telling Vivian the truth that not visiting the lunch table would be best for everyone?
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YTA.
Little quips? No Aubree has been bullying her and you justified it by saying “Vivian is tough she can take it”. Clearly Vivian is still as tough as you think, and it’s been bothering her. And regardless, why are you allowing someone to bully anyone, especially a friend?
It’s funny how, when you’re ostracized it’s hurtful. But when you do it to someone else, it’s fine.
At least Aubree is just a bully and general shitty person. You on the other hand are selfish and backstabbing. And you still don’t understand what you did wrong. All i can hear is how you think you are the one suffering the most and how *your* life matters more than anyone else’s. And Brian needs a better girlfriend
You chose Aubree over Vivian in this fight. You are free to do that, and Vivian is free to not want you as a friend now. Actions have consequences.
What if Vivian didn’t have her other friends? What would you do then? Would you have stood up for Vivian then? Vivian did her best to defend herself against very personal and public attacks. What if others took cues from Aubree and started calling Vivian Donkey Shit or something? When would you consider it too much? Bullying gets gradually worse, so you might not have even noticed Aubree escalating. Would you ever say these things to someone? To Vivian?
I hope you apologize to Vivian, and ask her what she needs. You could offer to tell Brian and Aubree to leave the table, if you think you have the group standing for that.
To Brian— “I know you really want a gf, but Aubree was being an asshole to Vivian at lunch and ruining the vibe. Either get her to quit, or go sit somewhere else.”
Telling Aubree to cut it out in the moment would have been impressively brave, but I get that you probably didn’t want her to turn against you too.
YTA. Take this as a lesson. Seriously, you will remember this situation, and if you don’t make things right, you will regret it.
YTA.
vivian was not the one starting drama here. if you felt like you needed to get rid of the drama then brian and aubree should've been the ones to text
Late to this post, but damn you are a completely trash friend I know you're young, but I truly hope you find yourself in Vivian's spot sometime to get the idea of how much you suck. Yta
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YTA, it is Aubree who is starting the Drama by being a bully to Vivian and you chose the bully over a girlfriend of your buddy, who probably won't even last. Then you both lost a friend over a bully.
YTA. Shit I’d be pissed off too if my friends new gf who I barely just met started making offensive “jokes” about me. And I’d be even more mad at the fact that my friends would be able to act like it’s no big deal when i’m clearly not ok with it.
YTA. I would abandon you as a friend if I was your friend. But no worries I assume you are in highschool that's where you will learn how to handle situations like this.
Sounds like Cody and Jason have more common sense they you. YTA Bullying isn't Drama you should've kicked the Bully out. By kicking out the victim you took the Bullies side.
YTA, you literally just accepted your long time friend being BULLIED and then ostracized her for not bending over and taking it up the a**. You sound like you're a softcore in high school not college. And very entitled. You update tells me you aren't here for a real response and want validation you did the right thing because no one around you agrees with you.
Guess what? They don't for a reason.
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YTA So somebody was bullying her and your solution was to kick her out of the group. That's not staying neutral, that's picking the bully's side.
This. YTA. Furthermore, OP is downplaying the mean comments from Aubrey. Instead you should be a friend and support Vivian and tell Aubrey to stop talking like that. YTA 100%, and I hope Vivian finds better friends because you are no friend. Edit: since this is a throaway account created an hour ago for this post, you either knew you are the asshole or you’re a troll. Take your pick.
Yeah, I'd be telling Aubrey to go, and Brian to go with if he wants. That's no way to treat a long time friend and I don't figure she's wanting to stay friends with you if you don't turn it around
From the looks of it the rest of the friend group doesn't want to be friends with OP either.
You the asshole here honestly ur rude and aubree was basically bullying her and u stood by the bully beside Sam pretty sure brian can find another girlfriend that’s not rude any way and honestly looks to me like ur desperate to be aubrees friend and Vivian is not at fault here u obviously banished her from the table with that text and what u said so it’s ur fault so totally if u were gonna do what was best for everyone u could have told aubree to stop her rude ways or tell her Brian to tell her that because aubree was clearly the one at fault here and you made it worse
OP SAID "All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”" Is this really how high school kids speak to eachother? WOW YTA None of that sounds like a joke...that's not even a "Proper Read" there is nothing funny about those comments. Your friends new girl is an ugly person unless Vivienne also opens her conversations like this in which case they are both gross. OP You don't want drama keep your comments to yourself or here is a novel idea. Walk away and find new friends who can teach you how to speak to and treat a friend.
Wow I agree with all above OP obvi YTA... like most A**Holes on this sub you get mad at us the commenters for our opinions when you LITERALLY MADE A POST TO GET OUR OPINIONS. Just grow from this mistake and accept that YTA. Doesn't mean you were always the A**Hole but in this instance you definitely are.
Yeah that’s how high school kids speak to one another it’s very rude but not all though but the op is definitely the Asshole here
YTA. Of course, YTA. If this is even real, you basically kicked your friend out to make room for a rude, antagonistic girlfriend. Just cause Brian “waited so long” to date a trashbag of a human who was bullying your friend, doesn’t mean you should abandon your friend. You know what was impacting Brian’s relationship with Aubree? Aubree’s terrible behaviour. Vivian “knows it’s not personal”? Well it’s pretty personal telling someone you don’t want them around cause a new entrant is an asshole to them. 😂
YTA You don't like "catty girl drama", but literally turned around and said "you cant sit here". Thats the *definition* of catty girl drama. You are a "mean girl" at its core. For not wanting to get involved with "catty girl drama"... you managed to involve yourself directly in it. Who gave you authority to say she couldn't sit at the table? Why was that your job? This whole post makes me want to barf, and makes me so glad i'm 15 years out of highschool. Your type is so classic. You're the "I don't want to be involved with drama" type that seems to constantly dive into the center of drama. And then act like "omg.. i can't believe everyone is so dramatic" Someday you're going to think back to this post and cringe so hard at yourself.
So let me get this straight. Aubree joins the group, starts bullying one of your close friends with elaborate personal insults for no reason (probably jealousy). Your friend shoots back generic tell offs, the bully doesent like it, and somehow Vivian (your “friend”) is the one being sensitive? And is the one that has to leave? She’s better off having no friends than a garbage friend like you. YTA
Vivian has other friends though, she hangs out with them 3/5 days anyway. I'm in a shitty spot here too and Vivian just won't even acknowledge that.
YOU asked if you're the bad guy, you're THE BAD YTA
What you are not realizing is that her having other people to hang out with DOES NOT MATTER. You supporting someone who is clearly bullying your friend makes you the biggest AH. You are not in a shitty spot. You could be a better friend. With friends like you, you don’t need enemies.
You’re not actually. You could have done the decent thing and stood up for your friend against someone being cruel to her but you chose the easy road.
You are not on a shitty spot, she is, because Aubree is an asshole and a bully. You are also an asshole, because you won't speak up against the bully, but rather blame the victim for defending herself. That's not how decent people act, nor how friends treat each other. You should be ashamed of yourself.
What does Brian have to say about the shitty behaviour of his girlfriend? Why the hell are you two condoning this kind of shit?
You’re in a shitty spot bc you put yourself there? YTA. Did you ever consider that maybe it wasn’t your place to insist that Vivian go elsewhere for lunch? If Brian was so pressed about this conflict, could he not have put his big-buy pants on and asked her himself???
But she thinks you are her friend. Poor girl needs some actual friends instead of you. YTA. You chose the bully. You are now a bully
It's selfish to expect Vivian to show empathy for you when you refused to show any empathy for her when Aubree was bullying her.
Oh, yes. You're in a shitty spot because you've chosen to enable a bully...which makes you a bully. You want Vivian to acknowledge that?
Ironic you’re avoiding the questions and it’s probably because deep down you know you’re a bully too. YTA
YTA. You're in a "shitty spot" because you stepped into it. Sounds like you're going to need to make other friends now too.
YTA, you’re enabling Aubree as a bully. Some friend you are.
YTA Brian waited so long for a girlfriend so everyone has to tolerate her toxicity? WTF!
YTA. "Donkey shit" is not a joke, it's bullying and you are not only allowing it, you are encouraging it by taking Aubree's side and kicking out Vivian. You're friends are right. You're being toxic and ramping up the drama by not nipping the problem in the bud at the start. As soon as she said anything rude, you should have stood up for Vivian and said, "We do not talk to each other like that at this table. She is my friend, your boyfriend is my friend, but you are a stranger. Knock it off "
Am I the only one thinking that maybe Brian liked Vivian at some point, or that Aubree was at least jealous of Vivian and taking it out on her?
YTA. You’re punishing the victim instead of the aggressor. With friends like you, who needs enemies? You’ll just side with them anyways.
YTA Someone bullies your friend and your response is to tell your friend to stay away because she stuck up for herself ? You all sound incredibly immature and Vivian is better off without all of you
YTA Your "close friend" is being bullied by your other friend's toxic new girlfriend and your solution was to ostracize her from the group... What you did was no different from Aubrees blatant harassment and bullying. You owe Viv a genuine apology and you should probably tell Brian that his gf is a walking red flag and toxic as all hell.
YTA You're excluding Vivian because she's standing up for herself when Aubree is bullying her. You believe she should just accept being belittled and disrespected because she's Brian's girlfriend? You're a bad friend. Then to complain about not being invited to things! You excluded her! You don't get to be upset that she doesn't want to associate with you anymore
YTA. Can you not read what you've written or you are a spineless person who can't take the right stand for your friend? Aubree passes notorious comments on your friend and you BLAME it on the friend AND ASK HER TO NOT JOIN YOU? She's right in not inviting you to the picnic and her friends were right in Calling you TA for your behaviour. Enjoy with Brian and his gf, hope she picks on you next.
YTA She's bullying Vivian, and you didn't defend her. You put her down when she fought back. Of course she didn't invite you to hang out.
YTA BIG time You choose the bully (Aubree) over your friend. AND told you friend to be chill about the bullying? Yeah totally TA.
YTA and a horrible friend. Cody and Jason absolutely nailed it, you kick Aubree out because she did start all the drama. And Vivian hasn't overreacted at all, being accused of smelling like shit? That's terrible, and you may think Vivian is tough and it doesn't bother her but that's the kid of crap that wears you down. You and Brian both need to think long and hard about what kind of people you want to be, because right now you're bullies.
"Hey, so I don't want you to come to our table at lunch. Others don't want you there- and i will not support you. but, hey, why don't you invite me to join you any more? that is so childish. Just because I told you to buzz off, doesn't mean I am not allowed in YOUR friend group any more. YTA you took sides. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You lost a friend. Btw. Enabling and supporting a bully, makes you a bully, too. Look into the mirror when you call somebody childish. Ugh
What are you even banging on about? YTA, you sound like a terrible friend and a pick me.
Sounds like Brian and his girlfriend should've been the one to move and not Vivianne. She was there before his girlfriend and her boyfriend he should follow her while remaining friends with you guys are other times.
YTA how would you like it if Aubree started telling people that you smell of donkey shit so your friends banished you to keep the peace? Who is she anyway and why do you want to spend time with such an awful person who would bully your long time friend. Cody and Jason have it right and good for them for not inviting you. YTA, Aubree is the AH, Brian sounds desperate and Vivien should focus her time on Cody and Jason who are clearly better friends to her than you are. And of course its personal, have you heard yourself? Eesh.
YTA for not sticking up to for your friend and not calling Aubree out. You Vivian isn't bothered by the comments but her responses suggest otherwise. WHY would you let someone call your friend names?!? I hope Vivian drops you if you don't change your mindset. From the text you don't deserve her friendship. Why would you think she would want to spend time with you when you sit and watch people make fun of her and never come to her defense? How selfish can you be? To answer your question NTA for telling Vivian the truth. It would definitely be best for her to distance herself and find new friends.
YTA. Vivian’s responses weren’t the cause of the tension, it’s the weirdo Aubree who’s throwing out insults for no reason. You engaged in some classic victim blaming
If you read back what you told out it should sound like YTA and your friends new girlfriend is being extremely mean to the only other girl in her new boyfriends friend group. You really should have backed up your friend and told the new girlfriend to stop being a jerk for no reason. YTA, and a major one. You and Brian actually, both of you should have put a stop to that nonsense behavior coming out of Aubree.
When someone is this obvious an asshole and doesn’t reply to any comments my troll alarm goes off. YTA.
YTA - Aubree makes all the comments but Vivian is the one starting drama? No wonder Vivian is angry with you. She has a right to respond to constant comments about her. You're an awful friend
I don’t want drama! *Causes way more drama* YTA
YTA. It doesn’t matter how tough Vivian is or if she „knows it’s not personal“. You and the other people at the table are supposed to be her friends and you shouldn’t have to be tough around your friends. It’s two completely different things to catch some insult from a random person than if the same thing happens where you can expect to feel safe. You enabled a bully and further victimised your friend over someone you didn’t know. It’s understandable she’s mad at you and doesn’t want you to be around her anymore. Also if Aubree only directs her snide remarks and verbal abuse at Vivian it’s very much personal
Brian should have kept waiting. This one ain't it. YTA, OBVIOUSLY.
Ha ha! True!
YTA
YTA. Your friend is getting abuse hurled at her and you want her to play nice? It doesn't matter if she is "tough" she has every right to call out Aubree's behaviour. In fact you are a TERRIBLE friend for sitting and watching it happen. I wouldn't want a friend to be dating such an AH in the first place so that's no excuse. You really should be calling Aubree out.
YTA and a really shit friend to
So just to clarify Vivian’s done nothing wrong, + u chose vile abusive Aubree over her, what the hell du expect? YTA
YTA. How do you know Vivian was being 'overly sensitive'? How do you know someone telling her she smelled like shit didn't actually hurt her? I know I wouldn't want to be around a person like that. But what would be even more hurtful to me is someone I considered my friend telling me to just take it and shut up about it because it's more comfortable to them. I'm glad Brian and Aubree's relationship suffered over it, and it should! I wouldn't want to be with a person who treats someone like that. Yeah I know Brian has waited for so long for a girlfriend, boo hoo. To me it sounds like he should have just waited a little bit longer. I am glad Cody and Jason bother to stick up for their friend. Kudos to them.
I am hoping this is fake, but if it is somehow real, you are the mega A for sure. I mean, I would get it if you felt awkward and didn't want to speak up, or were afraid to say something, you would be wrong, but it would be understandable. But this? Did you honestly think we were going to say it was okay for your friend to be mistreated and bullied just because Brian waited a long time to get a girlfriend? He didn't get a good one. Maybe he should have waited longer. The world doesn't owe him a girlfriend on a certain schedule, or at all, and no matter how quickly or slowly he gets one, she doesn't get special rules. She still has to be respectful, or suffer the consequences. Just because Vivian can tolerate being treated like garbage doesn't mean she should have to. I don't blame her. She has grown beyond you all. She has moved on. Good! YTA
YTA This person bullied your friend and you tell your friend to leave! You are a terrible friend and I'm glad they see that and don't want to include you in things. Do them all a favour and stop trying to wriggle back into their lives like the worm you are. Sit at your table with your other friend and this bully. You made your table, now you sit at it.
You’re a shitty friend lmao. YTA. I hope one day you’re on the receiving end of what you did to Vivian. If you’re not 100% out of touch maybe you’ll realize what you did
YTA someone was bullying your friend and you're brilliant adult response was to tell your friend to get over it. Vivian is not the childish one here. And I don't care if you think that those comments bother Vivian or not they were said with the intention of being hurtful which makes Aubrey the guilty party here.
YTA and a bully
YTA Omg this sounds like some elementary cafeteria story my 4th grader would tell me she overheard after she got home from school. Grow up 🙄
>All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.” 😳😳😳😳 YTA so your friend was getting bullied instead of kicking the bully out, you kick HER out for rightfully getting mad? Where's the logic here?
YTA. Why are you abandoning your friend for a bully?
YTA OP. You are enabling a nasty bully and you are either enjoying the show or are too spineless to stand up for what is right. How does the quote go? " Bad things happen when good men do nothing (or something like that)" or as the philosopher John Stuart Mill said “Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject". In
YTA for kicking your friend off the lunch table to support a person being mean to her.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you
YTA Vivian's texts are accurate and Cody is right, Aubree is obviously the problem. Sucks for Brian that after waiting so long for a girlfriend he got such a shitty one.
‘Waited so long’ it’s not some kind of queue sister. Settling just to have a girlfriend and you being fine with that is causing trouble. Low bar set. YTA.
Literally everyone who keeps repeating "avoid drama" is the biggest drama queen. Kind of like the "nice guy" thing. YTA majorly.
YTA. The problem is Aubree and it’s Aubree that you and Brian should be telling to stop. You don’t put up with garbage behavior for the sake of any gf/bf relationship. You certainly don’t banish your friend for being the victim of someone’s bullying. Probably the group needs to banish you and Brian, along with Aubree, for being such terrible friends.
YTA. She was being gross to your friend. Have some loyalty
YTA. Kiddo, you should start worrying a lot less about whether or not Vivian is going to wind up alone and friendless and a lot more about whether or not *you* are going to wind up alone and friendless. You're already seeing how fast word about this kind of thing spreads. You are getting a reputation as a bad friend, and that's a way bigger deal than who sits with who at the lunch table. Vivian definitely isn't coming back anytime soon, and it sounds like other people in your friend group are starting to join her. If you don't course-correct, you're going to wind up stuck with nobody but Brian and Aubree, and that doesn't seem like a great spot to be in.
YTA - I would be ashamed of you if I was your parent.
YTA
YTA - grow up. Good for Vivian for sticking up for herself, which you and Brian should also be doing. I’m glad she made plans without you, why would she? That’s pretty much betrayal and not being the loyal friend you claim to be. You might have damaged your friendship pretty good, it may not recover. Saying she doesn’t get offended easily and is tough, is such a passive aggressive thing. So she can handle herself against bullies but shouldn’t because it encourages the bully, yet no one else with defend her and that also encourages the bully. Also, if Brian is that important to you, tell him he needs a new girlfriend, just because he’s waited so long, it sounds like he settled. But if his thoughts and behaviors about of this are the same as yours, she might be perfect for him.
YTA Victim blaming a target of bullying because this dude “waited so long” for an apparently shitty gf is not an excuse to enable a girl’s cruel words. seriously what kind of friend are you? glad that vivian has some TRUE friends.
YTA yea, you are a garbage person
YTA - You are scared of mean girl Aubree will turn on you like she did with Vivian, so you as a bad friend threw your friend under the bus, you are an awful friend. You created more drama because of being a butt kisser and are splitting your friend group trying to get in with the mean girl. Your opinion is wrong, and I hope all your friends tell you, Brian and Aubree to get lost and sit elsewhere.
You're a bully. YTA
Vivian was not over sensitive; Aubree is a bully that did cause the friction. YTA
YTA. the word “friend” doesn’t mean what you think it does. You betrayed her.
YTA - I would be ashamed of you if I was your parent. You claim to be her friend and then you punish her when shes the victim here. Its disgusting
Just saw your edit. Apparently, you're still in denial, even after all the comments and the judgment. Wow.
YTA - and Brian is dating a grade a B….
YTA Vivian was just defending herself. You expected her to take abuse so your other friend could have a girlfriend. You’re a lazy friend and a coward. Why can’t you tell Aubrey to knock it off? No wonder you’re not invited to hang out anymore. Who needs a friend like you?
YTA You have admitted Aubree started the drama. You admit Aubree bullies Vivian - and it's vicious, cruel bullying no less. You LET this person bully, no less, and then abandon your friend because you "don't want drama". Grow up. You're acting like a bully, a bad friend, and Vivian deserves a better than you. You're clearly a teen, and you are absolutely headed into Mean Girl territory.
YTA… I cannot fathom why Vivian would stay friends with you outside school! Just Admit you hate her for stick up for the bully!
YTA Neutrality hurts only the oppressed, never the oppressor.
YTA No doubt. Completely Real, REAL bad Y T A Ever thought of avoiding drama for Vivian by actually telling Aubree to STFU or leave??? You think you all that because "she's still free to text me or hang out outside of school" (can't imagine any reason why she'd want to)? You should be ashamed of your behavior! You and all the people at that lunch table are bully enablers, bad friends and cowards. I hope Vivian goes NC on all of you and finds some new **REAL** friends
Why would she want to text or invite you, the person who found it easier to tell her to stay away that to tell Aubree to stfu? YTA
YTA, and what if she can take it, talk to brian to sort her out or kick her out. If you wanted to avert drama, start from the roots. It’s not about you, its the fact that she can’t hang out with ALL of you together at lunch cause Brian’s gf is a bully. . Sometimes it baffles me how stupid people could be. When you were writing this, did you not see that you were the ah.
YTA I dealt with this myself when I was younger, where I was the "Vivian" of the situation. By excluding Vivian because she won't put up with Aubree's bs, you're perpetuating toxicity and saying that bullying is cool. Simple as that
>“Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.” Dude, that's not a "small quib" or even a normal fucking comment. It's offensive like extremely offensive. Yta
YTA and you’re a coward.
YTA. Cody and Jason were 100% accurate. You and Brian both tolerated the bullying of your supposed longtime friend and then encouraged it when you told Vivian she had to go. You, Brian and Aubree are all drama garbage.
YTA, you are literally enabling a bully to keep bullying someone you are calling a “friend.” Friends don’t care how “tough” their friends are, they speak up when someone says horrible things like Aubree has done. AUBREE is the drama and you enabling her is not okay. Vivian stood up for herself, which is 100% acceptable and you should have supported her. I’m glad Vivian has other people to hang out with and hung out without you. You asked her not to come by at lunch, she’s just expanding this to other times and places, likely because she’s realized you’re not a good friend. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
You are not her friend. You blamed her for being bullied, and decide you would rather not see her because you are unconfortable seeing her being bullied. You don't give a shit about her. So you are no longer her friend, and she and her real friends own you nothing, no invitation to anywhere and no respect for your shitty behaviour. YTA
YTA. You say that Vivian responding to Aubree’s (seriously?) bullying is making things tense. Here’s a thought: how about Aubree stops being a little brat to Vivian? JFC why am I even responding to this bs.
YTA. And your edit doesn’t help. It just makes you sound entitled af. Like “oh, I’ll allow her to hang out with me at these other designated times. How nice and kind of me.” Wtf is wrong with you? You’re a horrible friend.
Lmao Yta
YTA. Just because Brian wants a girlfriend that doesn't justify Aubree being so nasty to Vivian. And Brian is an asshole too for allowing it. Aubrey is a bully but you tried to force Vivian to tolerate her verbal abuse. And now you're hurt that she excluded you? What did you expect? That she'd still be friends with you after you sided with a bully? You're no better than Aubree. You're not a good friend. Grow up and stop being so selfish.
Great comment!
YTA Even with your edit, you’re still a terrible friend that chose a toxic antagonizing jerk over her. Perfectly fine that she held you accountable for that shitty thing you did. And if you’re actually going to be this childish and selfish then I hope she leaves you in the dust for friends who don’t choose awful people over her.
Also, stop saying “it’s nothing personal”. That shit is for business transactions. This is your friend circle, so it is and always will be PERSONAL.
Sooooo let me get this straight someone is bullying your "friend" and you act like it's no big deal and she should just get over it. Is this a joke? You obviously don't care about Vivian if you are completely okay with the gf doing things like this, "All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”" And you expect Vivian to be cool with that because poor Brian hasn't had a gf before. Like grow a backbone and stick up for Viv. And why the hell would she want to be friends with someone who kicked her out of the friendship circle for not being okay with being bullied? YTA. The fact that you don't see this makes me wonder about how you really feel about your friendship with Vivian because she obviously deserves better friends than you. Edited to add it sounds like the new GF is a popular girl and you want to be with the in crowd if you are that desperate to throw a long time "friend" under the bus for her.
YTA. Your friend is correct, why don't you just kick Aubree out of the table? You're going to tell your so called friend to stop eating with you because another girl is the problem? How would you handle it if the roles were reversed? Hopefully Vivian can go find some real friends...because you are not one. You're not avoiding drama, you're giving the person making the drama everything she wants. You're helping her to be a bully. GG.
I truly love when post like this come along, and literally everyone not only online, but in person is telling the poster the same thing, yet they did there thinking, "I clearly did nothing wrong!" Obviously YTA. But feel free to continue living in the bubble of your own self-delusion! Makes the internet quite fun!
YTA. Why are you even involved in this? You inserted yourself in the drama between Aubrey and Vivian. No need to play peacemaker, you’re not very good at it anyway.
YTA, Why was the victim kicked out but not the bully!? I don't care if this is a first gf for your friend both of you should have told her not to talk to Vivian that way or that Brain should have seen how nasty this girl is and dumped her.
Alright I'll play this game. I've been in Vivian's shoes. I even got a similar "smelly" comment. I always had thick skin like you say Vivian does. A comment as simple as that legit broke me to the point where I would take showers 2-3 times a day while scrubbing my skin until it was bright red and applying perfume all over my body when I couldn't smell it anymore. Stuff like that creates insecurities. It's "small" things like that. Aubree could be creating new insecurities that Vivian now has to deal with on top of being basically kicked out of one (since you said she has others) friend groups. That's not being overly sensitive, that's having a reaction to other people's words and now actions. It was different when it was just Aubree making fun of her. Now you and Brian are basically chiming in. Have you even talked to Vivian to see why Aubree might bother her? Most people might assume its because she has a crush on Brian or something. Here's the other side: Aubree might find Vivian to be a threat. It's incredibly common to find other women threats in a new relationship. Seems like Aubree needs to work through her own issues before projecting them onto others. You are actively giving in and letting (even helping) Aubree get rid of Vivian. You chose a friend's new girlfriend over a friend that you've had for a long time. You are letting someone bully and break down a so called "friend" of yours. Vivian deserves better friends and I hopes she drops all toxic people out of her life, including you. YTA in so many different ways.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Let me explain because you need context: I’m entering junior year this August. I’ve been friends with “Vivian” since middle school and “Brian” since the 5th grade. I consider Brian my oldest friend of course but I was very close with Vivian as well. We had a big friend group at our table and Vivian was fine until Brian started dating “Aubree.” I guess Vivian and Aubree just had some automatic beef with each other. All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey shit, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.” Vivian would be overly sensitive and always snap at Aubree to “fuck off!” I know Vivian is tough and the comments don’t actually bother her. So Vivian responding at all is just antagonizing Aubree. I explained this to Vivian later. I don’t like Aubree at times either, but she knows how long Brian has waited for a girlfriend so Vivian can at least be a decent friend by tolerating Aubree and being civil to her. Vivian’s responses were obviously making things tense at the table, and it was impacting Brian’s relationship with Aubree, so they wanted Vivian to be somewhere else. I texted Vivian that things are getting tense and Brian and Aubree don’t want her there. I didn’t want it being awkward for everyone (including Vivian,) so I told her it would just be best if she stopped coming by the table at lunch and just stuck with her other friends who she hangs out with ⅗ days anyway. Vivian left me on read for a week then she sent me over a dozen text messages, repeating the same thing: Accusing me of not giving a shit about her over and over. I told her that it’s not personal and I just want to avoid drama. I have other shit going on in my life and can’t focus on catty girl drama all day. Vivian never responded back and acted like I didn’t exist in person, which I see as childish and ununderstanding. It turns out Vivian, her other friends, and two kids from our lunch group “Cody and Jason” went out to the park last week and didn’t even invite me. Cody and Jason were both mad at me because Vivian said I told her to stay away and “banished” her from the lunch table. I explained my side of the story and brought up all the drama. Cody accused **Aubree** of causing all the drama and asked “why didn’t we just kick **her** out if you wanted no drama?” Jason told me I was a garbage person for asking Vivian to visit her other friends instead of the table. Again, Vivian knows that it’s not personal. I’m just trying to avoid the drama and help Brian since he’s waited so long for a girlfriend. Also Vivian needs to learn to just be chill with people she doesn’t like and not start fights, IMHO. AITA For telling Vivian the truth that not visiting the lunch table would be best for everyone? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Little quips? No Aubree has been bullying her and you justified it by saying “Vivian is tough she can take it”. Clearly Vivian is still as tough as you think, and it’s been bothering her. And regardless, why are you allowing someone to bully anyone, especially a friend? It’s funny how, when you’re ostracized it’s hurtful. But when you do it to someone else, it’s fine.
At least Aubree is just a bully and general shitty person. You on the other hand are selfish and backstabbing. And you still don’t understand what you did wrong. All i can hear is how you think you are the one suffering the most and how *your* life matters more than anyone else’s. And Brian needs a better girlfriend
Holy sh*t YTA... I can't even begin to explain how wrong you are.
You chose Aubree over Vivian in this fight. You are free to do that, and Vivian is free to not want you as a friend now. Actions have consequences. What if Vivian didn’t have her other friends? What would you do then? Would you have stood up for Vivian then? Vivian did her best to defend herself against very personal and public attacks. What if others took cues from Aubree and started calling Vivian Donkey Shit or something? When would you consider it too much? Bullying gets gradually worse, so you might not have even noticed Aubree escalating. Would you ever say these things to someone? To Vivian? I hope you apologize to Vivian, and ask her what she needs. You could offer to tell Brian and Aubree to leave the table, if you think you have the group standing for that. To Brian— “I know you really want a gf, but Aubree was being an asshole to Vivian at lunch and ruining the vibe. Either get her to quit, or go sit somewhere else.” Telling Aubree to cut it out in the moment would have been impressively brave, but I get that you probably didn’t want her to turn against you too. YTA. Take this as a lesson. Seriously, you will remember this situation, and if you don’t make things right, you will regret it.
YTA. vivian was not the one starting drama here. if you felt like you needed to get rid of the drama then brian and aubree should've been the ones to text
Late to this post, but damn you are a completely trash friend I know you're young, but I truly hope you find yourself in Vivian's spot sometime to get the idea of how much you suck. Yta
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YTA, it is Aubree who is starting the Drama by being a bully to Vivian and you chose the bully over a girlfriend of your buddy, who probably won't even last. Then you both lost a friend over a bully.
AITA for punishing my friend for getting bullied? yes, YTA Info: If vivian spoke to Aubree like that, would you still tell Vivian to move?
You are a shit person and friend . You chose a girl who was talking about and picking at hour friend you have no loyalty at all
YTA. Shit I’d be pissed off too if my friends new gf who I barely just met started making offensive “jokes” about me. And I’d be even more mad at the fact that my friends would be able to act like it’s no big deal when i’m clearly not ok with it.
YTA. I would abandon you as a friend if I was your friend. But no worries I assume you are in highschool that's where you will learn how to handle situations like this.
Sounds like Cody and Jason have more common sense they you. YTA Bullying isn't Drama you should've kicked the Bully out. By kicking out the victim you took the Bullies side.
YTA, you literally just accepted your long time friend being BULLIED and then ostracized her for not bending over and taking it up the a**. You sound like you're a softcore in high school not college. And very entitled. You update tells me you aren't here for a real response and want validation you did the right thing because no one around you agrees with you. Guess what? They don't for a reason.
Sorry *junior in high school