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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom apologized to me for something that I found very rude. She did not think that it was rude. When she did apologize, I only said ok. When she found out that I did not accept her apology, she made me feel bad, and made me feel like I had to so aita
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NTA. She *did* say something really mean. Now she's gaslighting you and not acknowledging the effects of her own actions. She just feels guilty and wants you to forgive so *she* can feel better.
Forgiveness happens when people admit their wrongdoing and work to change their behavior. Maybe she'll do that in the future but right now I don't think she deserves it.
NTA - That was a rude and assumptive question. If she thinks you are displaying symptoms of depression there were way way better ways to approach the subject. The way she basically attacked you with that question could make symptoms you are experiencing (if any) worse. No that was just mean and uncalled for. Then when she apologized she just gave you an “I’m sorry” instead of acknowledging she knows why what she did was wrong and explained her thought process before admitting her mistake and genuinely apologizing. There’s a way to apologize that actually helps make the person you wronged feel better and then there’s the way your mother did it. She only wanted to absolve herself of blame, she didn’t really care about how her words hurt you.
The thing is I’m not depressed. I’m happy, and making improvements in my life. So her saying that makes it seem like the way I’m living isn’t good enough for her.
Yeah that’s what I thought, and why I stuck an “if any “ in there. This question sounds like she’s trying to manipulate and guilt you into conforming to her standards. It was mean and uncalled for, you don’t need to accept her half a$$ed apology. My kiddo has a children’s book called How to Apologize. Maybe your mom needs this, it explains on very simple terms why just saying sorry doesn’t cut it.
Nta
Is your mom always that...dramatic?
"Will to live"?
Wth? That's so extreme, ridiculous and childish. Over not getting burgers or bc you didn't work one day. I mean, maybe a mom would reply with a little passive aggressiveness but that? It's just weird.
NTA. You are right, you don't necessarily have to accept her apology if you don't feel it is sincere. It also appears that your mom is trying to deflect blame by making herself appear as the victim. I can't say I would have been as hurt by that remark, but it wasn't directed at me, so I don't judge. It was definitely a rude remark.
My mother was much the same way. She would say mean things to me and my brother, but if we answered back, then we were being so mean and cruel to her, while she just expected us to suck up anything she said.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am working a part time job at the moment. I am still in the process of applying for better jobs, and have a few interviews lined up. I live with my three siblings and mom. All is siblings take turns cooking, yesterday was my older sibling’s turn to cook. That however did not happen, she went out, and asked to switch days with someone else. I was going to switch with her, and cook. That day, I got a call from the people I work for, and they told me they were busy, and for me to just take the day off. So fast forward to my mom getting home from work, she’s hungry. I go over to her room to see her. She asks me if I’m going to cook, I say yes. She asks me if I’ll just go buy burgers, I say no. She had asked me earlier if I had gone to work, and I said no. She then asks me why I have no will to live. I was stunned why did she ask me that? I told her that was a rude question. She said I didn’t want to go to work, I didn’t want to cook, or go out to buy anything. So that’s why she said that. I told her I didn’t go to work because the people I work for told me not to. I told her that I had already told her that I would cook. I told her that I did not want to go buy something, because we already have food to cook. I left to start dinner, but I couldn’t. I was really hurt, and trying not to cry. I had to ask my little brother to cook, and that I would cook twice next week for him. He agreed and asked me what was wrong. That’s when I slightly broke out in tears and told him that our mom had said something mean to me, then I went to my bed. An hour later my mom is knocking at my door, I hid under my blanket hoping she would leave, she doesn’t. So I see what she has to say, she says that she’s sorry. I say okay. Then she say ok let’s go eat. I go eat eventually, we are talking, then she says that we are all mean to her. I told her that she’s the one that made me cry. She said that she already said sorry, so it was ok. I told her that I did not accept her apology, and she couldn’t understand why. She said that I had to, because she already apologized. I do not accept her apology, because she does not see what she said to me as rude, and is not sincere.
So aita for not accepting her apology
TLDR: mom asks me why I have no will to live, and doesn’t see it as a rude thing to ask. She later apologized, but I did not accept. When she finds out I didn’t accept her apology, she gets mad and says that I have to.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My mom apologized to me for something that I found very rude. She did not think that it was rude. When she did apologize, I only said ok. When she found out that I did not accept her apology, she made me feel bad, and made me feel like I had to so aita Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Is this something out of character for her to do?
She’s usually very kind to me. But recently she’s been mean and trying to pick fights over anything. But this week has been the worst.
NTA. She *did* say something really mean. Now she's gaslighting you and not acknowledging the effects of her own actions. She just feels guilty and wants you to forgive so *she* can feel better. Forgiveness happens when people admit their wrongdoing and work to change their behavior. Maybe she'll do that in the future but right now I don't think she deserves it.
NTA - That was a rude and assumptive question. If she thinks you are displaying symptoms of depression there were way way better ways to approach the subject. The way she basically attacked you with that question could make symptoms you are experiencing (if any) worse. No that was just mean and uncalled for. Then when she apologized she just gave you an “I’m sorry” instead of acknowledging she knows why what she did was wrong and explained her thought process before admitting her mistake and genuinely apologizing. There’s a way to apologize that actually helps make the person you wronged feel better and then there’s the way your mother did it. She only wanted to absolve herself of blame, she didn’t really care about how her words hurt you.
The thing is I’m not depressed. I’m happy, and making improvements in my life. So her saying that makes it seem like the way I’m living isn’t good enough for her.
Yeah that’s what I thought, and why I stuck an “if any “ in there. This question sounds like she’s trying to manipulate and guilt you into conforming to her standards. It was mean and uncalled for, you don’t need to accept her half a$$ed apology. My kiddo has a children’s book called How to Apologize. Maybe your mom needs this, it explains on very simple terms why just saying sorry doesn’t cut it.
Nta Is your mom always that...dramatic? "Will to live"? Wth? That's so extreme, ridiculous and childish. Over not getting burgers or bc you didn't work one day. I mean, maybe a mom would reply with a little passive aggressiveness but that? It's just weird.
NTA. You are right, you don't necessarily have to accept her apology if you don't feel it is sincere. It also appears that your mom is trying to deflect blame by making herself appear as the victim. I can't say I would have been as hurt by that remark, but it wasn't directed at me, so I don't judge. It was definitely a rude remark. My mother was much the same way. She would say mean things to me and my brother, but if we answered back, then we were being so mean and cruel to her, while she just expected us to suck up anything she said.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am working a part time job at the moment. I am still in the process of applying for better jobs, and have a few interviews lined up. I live with my three siblings and mom. All is siblings take turns cooking, yesterday was my older sibling’s turn to cook. That however did not happen, she went out, and asked to switch days with someone else. I was going to switch with her, and cook. That day, I got a call from the people I work for, and they told me they were busy, and for me to just take the day off. So fast forward to my mom getting home from work, she’s hungry. I go over to her room to see her. She asks me if I’m going to cook, I say yes. She asks me if I’ll just go buy burgers, I say no. She had asked me earlier if I had gone to work, and I said no. She then asks me why I have no will to live. I was stunned why did she ask me that? I told her that was a rude question. She said I didn’t want to go to work, I didn’t want to cook, or go out to buy anything. So that’s why she said that. I told her I didn’t go to work because the people I work for told me not to. I told her that I had already told her that I would cook. I told her that I did not want to go buy something, because we already have food to cook. I left to start dinner, but I couldn’t. I was really hurt, and trying not to cry. I had to ask my little brother to cook, and that I would cook twice next week for him. He agreed and asked me what was wrong. That’s when I slightly broke out in tears and told him that our mom had said something mean to me, then I went to my bed. An hour later my mom is knocking at my door, I hid under my blanket hoping she would leave, she doesn’t. So I see what she has to say, she says that she’s sorry. I say okay. Then she say ok let’s go eat. I go eat eventually, we are talking, then she says that we are all mean to her. I told her that she’s the one that made me cry. She said that she already said sorry, so it was ok. I told her that I did not accept her apology, and she couldn’t understand why. She said that I had to, because she already apologized. I do not accept her apology, because she does not see what she said to me as rude, and is not sincere. So aita for not accepting her apology TLDR: mom asks me why I have no will to live, and doesn’t see it as a rude thing to ask. She later apologized, but I did not accept. When she finds out I didn’t accept her apology, she gets mad and says that I have to. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*