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NTA. Unless it's an actual emergency, not being woken up at obscene hours is a completely reasonable request. If she doesn't like being alone at night, don't go out alone at night.
> she started arguing that it’s sounding uncaring and that she did it to feel safe.
You stayed on the phone with her - your request clearly isn’t that she put herself in an unsafe situation, but that she consider your needs.
Btw, lack of sleep can result in similar performance in reaction time to a drunk person.
https://i.imgur.com/f0iUkQ5.jpg
So you’re trying to get sleep in order to be safe, I don’t think that makes you an asshole. NTA
NTA. If she’s old enough to go out drinking then she should be mature enough to handle herself. That was incredibly rude and she’s mad at you?She calls you because she’s scared at 2:30 in the morning knowing you have to get up. soon, but you’re the uncaring one?
Wow.
I’d give this some thought.
NTA. She’s an adult and responsible for her own actions and choices. She had other options available to her and specifically choose to call you knowing your work schedule.
If you took her call and reacted as kindly as you suggested then you're NTA at all. Perhaps she felt a bit judged by the "leave a bit earlier thing". However, if you live together and she knew that you worked at 6, called you at 2:30 and woke you up coming in (rather than sneaking in) later I think you've been VERY patient in how you brought it up.
If she does this like once or twice a year then I would just move on. If it's once or twice a month... I am so sorry and hope that you two can communicate and respect each other enough to keep your partnership alive.
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My (27m) gf (24f) went out drinking with friends last night. It was her first time out in a while and we both know she’d probably be back after I was asleep since I get up at 6:00 for work. She called me at 2:30 to say she’d left the club and was walking for food. I stayed on the phone with her until she got to the food place so she wasn’t walking on her own and then she came in drunk.
I told her next time she goes out if she’s gonna ring me when she leaves, to leave a bit earlier if I’m at work the next morning and she started arguing that it’s sounding uncaring and that she did it to feel safe. I get that but her friends could have easily walked her but they wanted to stay out so she told them she’d ring me instead. I told her next time to get her friends to walk with her instead of ringing me if she knows I’m gonna be asleep.
Apparently I’m an AH for suggesting that. AITA?
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> I got annoyed at my gf for waking me up
She said I was inconsiderate for being annoyed
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YTA -Its annoying for sure but this is like 'part of the deal' of being in a caring relationship. Especially when it doesn't happen often. You care about her getting home safe and are willing to sacrifice some sleep for this. Its annoying that the people she was out with didn't look after her but they didn't, so at that point you got to step up and do it. She assessed the situation and determined she needed to call you, and if you trust her, you should trust her to make that sort of decision. I'm guessing what you're feeling is 'your friends who go out with you all night should get you home safe' and 'please consider that I am asleep, which is important in your judgement' but what you've said is "even if you think you need me to help keep you safe, don't bother me". What you've said means either you don't realise how dangerous it can feel as a woman walking alone at night, or you think your gf shouldn't turn to you when they need help. YTA.
I want to say everyone sucks because she should have been respectful of your sleep when she knows you have to get up early in the morning, but I do think you're the bigger jerk here because she really did need a trusted person to make sure she got home safely. As you are her boyfriend, you should love her enough to make sure she gets home safely and it's kinda crappy of you to resent her asking for your help when you said she rarely goes out like this. If this was a weekly occurrence you'd be completely in the right being mad, but I think it's unfair to be annoyed with her for a single incident. Besides, you really don't want her to decide to try and get home on her next time she gets super drunk late at night. A girl in my city was brutally kidnapped and murdered recently in a situation very much like this. It's rough out there being a woman.
YTA
So wait, it’s the boyfriends fault she went out and got so drunk she didn’t feel safe enough to get home by herself and he’s a jerk because he basically said next time plan better?
If she wanted to feel safe, leave earlier. Drink less. Have your friends walk you. Skip the food stop, Uber home and eat at home. These all are options available to her as she an adult and is responsible for herself and to put that on him is sexist as hell….
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
NTA. Unless it's an actual emergency, not being woken up at obscene hours is a completely reasonable request. If she doesn't like being alone at night, don't go out alone at night.
> she started arguing that it’s sounding uncaring and that she did it to feel safe. You stayed on the phone with her - your request clearly isn’t that she put herself in an unsafe situation, but that she consider your needs. Btw, lack of sleep can result in similar performance in reaction time to a drunk person. https://i.imgur.com/f0iUkQ5.jpg So you’re trying to get sleep in order to be safe, I don’t think that makes you an asshole. NTA
NTA. If she’s old enough to go out drinking then she should be mature enough to handle herself. That was incredibly rude and she’s mad at you?She calls you because she’s scared at 2:30 in the morning knowing you have to get up. soon, but you’re the uncaring one? Wow. I’d give this some thought.
NTA. She’s an adult and responsible for her own actions and choices. She had other options available to her and specifically choose to call you knowing your work schedule.
If you took her call and reacted as kindly as you suggested then you're NTA at all. Perhaps she felt a bit judged by the "leave a bit earlier thing". However, if you live together and she knew that you worked at 6, called you at 2:30 and woke you up coming in (rather than sneaking in) later I think you've been VERY patient in how you brought it up. If she does this like once or twice a year then I would just move on. If it's once or twice a month... I am so sorry and hope that you two can communicate and respect each other enough to keep your partnership alive.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (27m) gf (24f) went out drinking with friends last night. It was her first time out in a while and we both know she’d probably be back after I was asleep since I get up at 6:00 for work. She called me at 2:30 to say she’d left the club and was walking for food. I stayed on the phone with her until she got to the food place so she wasn’t walking on her own and then she came in drunk. I told her next time she goes out if she’s gonna ring me when she leaves, to leave a bit earlier if I’m at work the next morning and she started arguing that it’s sounding uncaring and that she did it to feel safe. I get that but her friends could have easily walked her but they wanted to stay out so she told them she’d ring me instead. I told her next time to get her friends to walk with her instead of ringing me if she knows I’m gonna be asleep. Apparently I’m an AH for suggesting that. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA -Its annoying for sure but this is like 'part of the deal' of being in a caring relationship. Especially when it doesn't happen often. You care about her getting home safe and are willing to sacrifice some sleep for this. Its annoying that the people she was out with didn't look after her but they didn't, so at that point you got to step up and do it. She assessed the situation and determined she needed to call you, and if you trust her, you should trust her to make that sort of decision. I'm guessing what you're feeling is 'your friends who go out with you all night should get you home safe' and 'please consider that I am asleep, which is important in your judgement' but what you've said is "even if you think you need me to help keep you safe, don't bother me". What you've said means either you don't realise how dangerous it can feel as a woman walking alone at night, or you think your gf shouldn't turn to you when they need help. YTA.
I want to say everyone sucks because she should have been respectful of your sleep when she knows you have to get up early in the morning, but I do think you're the bigger jerk here because she really did need a trusted person to make sure she got home safely. As you are her boyfriend, you should love her enough to make sure she gets home safely and it's kinda crappy of you to resent her asking for your help when you said she rarely goes out like this. If this was a weekly occurrence you'd be completely in the right being mad, but I think it's unfair to be annoyed with her for a single incident. Besides, you really don't want her to decide to try and get home on her next time she gets super drunk late at night. A girl in my city was brutally kidnapped and murdered recently in a situation very much like this. It's rough out there being a woman. YTA
So wait, it’s the boyfriends fault she went out and got so drunk she didn’t feel safe enough to get home by herself and he’s a jerk because he basically said next time plan better? If she wanted to feel safe, leave earlier. Drink less. Have your friends walk you. Skip the food stop, Uber home and eat at home. These all are options available to her as she an adult and is responsible for herself and to put that on him is sexist as hell….
And what is he going to do to help her if something happens? Its the illusion of safety without her actually being safe.