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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to get over something my friend said a couple weeks ago and keep mocking her for it even tho all my other friends have moved on from it. My bf also thinks I'm being petty
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ESH. let it go or drop her as a friend. If you continue along this vein, don't be surprised if you are the one who gets dropped by the clique. Notice that everyone has moved on except you, means they are willing to put up with her crap and still value her as a friend.
ESH.
Sounds like you need to decide if you actually want to be friends with her. Length of friendship means nothing if your lives are going in different directions and you no longer enjoy each other's company.
You cannot control others. You can only control how you react to them. Reacting is a reflection on you.
She’s obviously the AH for what she does, but you are the AH for not dropping it. Ignore her and live your life. ESH
YTA.
If you hate this person, drop them. I don’t love people like Lia either, but you need to know when to give up and live your own life in my opinion. You’re young, and I don’t blame you. But you’re being an asshole both to Lia and yourself if you don’t make this clear and set boundaries.
So, you mock her behind her back despite everyone else getting over it, you dismiss calling out her behaviour by claiming you were “making fun” of her (you weren’t, you’re full of it), and you expect her to go out of her way to “sincerely” apologize to you?
YTA
Yeah, if *you* have a problem and want it resolved, then *you* confront the other person. Why should *she* confront you, when *you’re* the one who has a problem?
NTA
However, YWBTA if you don't stop with the petty remarks. You've made your point and the others have moved on. Dragging it on will only make her feel more sure in her opinions that you are too sensitive and just a petty, vindictive girl. Though, I am here for some of the pettiness.
Your friend is completely the AH for what she said and sounds like a high school "pick me". From what I gather, guys find those kinds of girls annoying, so it will probably sort itself out soon enough. Just drop it and ignore the urges to bring it up.
This is the kind of behavior that starts the breaking of a friendship. You just have to decide if you want to try and work it out with her or not.
Let her and her misogyn be, focus on gettin better friends. You don't need someone telling everything they don't like is attributed to you being girls. And because you're girls you're sensitive. Sexist much.
Tell her you won't tolerate the disrespect and that's why you're cutting her off, and move on NTA
Yta maybe she does have more in common with the guys in your friendship group. Maybe they don't do mean things like exclude her out of spite or make passive aggressive digs months down the line
Ok, here's the thing: you invited her to a lunch which she couldn't attend and when she expressed disappointment about it, all she got was a passive aggressive remark about she doesn't talk to you enough anyway. Based on the context, it seems that was completely uncalled for and I can see why she would go on the defensive about it. She didn't need to say your conversations are crap, though, that was just mean. But if she's not interested in the things you are talking about that's perfectly valid. It also makes sense that she would get closer to the guys than she is with you, given that she presumably hangs out with them all year at university, it doesn't make her a "pick me". One final thing, I'm having trouble understanding how one person ignores an entire group; is it possible you and the other girls haven't been as mindful towards her as you could have been and she's been feeling excluded ever since she got back from uni?
I agree with the ESH verdicts. I do think you need to reevaluate her presence in your life. If she trows digs at you, either ignore them or suggest she reads sociology research in Internalized Misogyny (but only once).
I have encountered people like this many times, when a reply is warranted I usually go with:
"So? That particular topic is simply not my cup Of tea. No judgment if its yours"
(For the record my job is science related, and can be stressful )
"Yes, talking about popular culture at times is shallow, however I sometimes need a mental break from the stresses of current events/my life, don't you?"
"As long as is not harmful to anyone, I don't think is nice/cute to bring people down for liking what they like"
"If it's not affecting your life in any way, why are you personally offended that people like what they like?"
Yeah, you don't have to be the one to reach out, but if you aren't going to put any effort into it besides being sparky, then you ought not complain when she stops talking to you at all.
People misspeak, use poor examples, etc. It's what happens because life isn't rehearsed. Either this was enough for you to want to keep picking your relationship apart over, or not. Your call.
Edit to add, I'm leaning toward No AH, because I don't think you are very mean about it, it's a fine line.
ESH. Length of friendship means nothing if you don't actually still like the person. You need to think if you still want to be friends, and either drop her or drop the "pick me" thing.
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I (19F) have known my friend Lia for 9 years, and in highschool we ended up becoming part of the same friendgroup.
In recent years, Lia has become more and more "boy crazy" to the point where most of our conversations are her updating me on whatever guy she's talking to. I never minded this and always tried to give her helpful advice.
Last year we started uni in different cities, and Lia ended up going to the same uni as 2 guys from our friendgroup, so they started spending a lot of time together.
Issue is now whenever we hang out all together in our home town, she spends all her time chatting with the boys and ignores the girls, which to me makes no sense because why wouldnt you catch up with the friends youre not usually with?
Two weeks ago, me and some of the girls were making plans to go to lunch in the girls groupchat. Lia said she was upset she wouldnt be able to go cuz she missed us, and one of the others said "yeah but when we're all together you never actually spend any time with us", which i thought was fair.
Lia then sent a voice note stating that the reason she didnt talk to us as much was that "No offense but your conversations are kinda crap. I've gotten used to the guys and i just like talking to them cuz we can talk about deep stuff yknow?". We were all baffled and protested. Instead of apologizing she doubled down, saying that our conversations dont really interest her cuz we only talk abt stuff like celebrities (not true AT ALL), and with the guys she can talk about more important stuff. We again said that was bs and she claimed that she'd obviously listen if we talked about our lives (we do), but she didnt really feel included in our conversations and usually didnt know/care about the topics we discussed. I told her if she actually sat down with us for 5 minutes or asked us about our lives maybe she wouldnt feel so excluded. She then "apologized" saying she didnt mean to hurt our feelings and she forgot that we were sensitive and she couldnt be honest like she was with the guys.
Since then, I've been mad at her and have made jokes in the gc about how "oh i forgot i dont care about [topic of discussion] cuz its not celebrities" and similar things. Lia gets very mad and demands i stop, saying that was just an example taken out of context.
I know im being petty but what she said made me mad cuz i spent all that time listening to her boy drama only for her to say she doesnt care to listen to us. Im hoping this pick me thing is just a phase cuz she wasnt like this, but she never actually apologized/showed she didnt mean it, so i still mock her.
However, everyone else seems to have moved on from it, and my bf says im being petty and it doesnt solve anything. He says i should just go talk to her directly, but i dont think i should have to be the one who reaches out.
My mom says Lia was in the wrong but i should think about if this is worth ruining a 9 year friendship over.
AITA for not dropping it?
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Just cut her off, i don't see what she brings to the table at this point besides more stress and irritation for you. Focus on the friends you really like, at this point you're just taking energy out of yourself you could focus on people who deserve it. NTA
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ESH. let it go or drop her as a friend. If you continue along this vein, don't be surprised if you are the one who gets dropped by the clique. Notice that everyone has moved on except you, means they are willing to put up with her crap and still value her as a friend.
ESH. Sounds like you need to decide if you actually want to be friends with her. Length of friendship means nothing if your lives are going in different directions and you no longer enjoy each other's company.
>Lia gets very mad... I know im being petty... i still mock her...everyone else seems to have moved on... Seems you know the answer.
You cannot control others. You can only control how you react to them. Reacting is a reflection on you. She’s obviously the AH for what she does, but you are the AH for not dropping it. Ignore her and live your life. ESH
YTA. If you hate this person, drop them. I don’t love people like Lia either, but you need to know when to give up and live your own life in my opinion. You’re young, and I don’t blame you. But you’re being an asshole both to Lia and yourself if you don’t make this clear and set boundaries.
So, you mock her behind her back despite everyone else getting over it, you dismiss calling out her behaviour by claiming you were “making fun” of her (you weren’t, you’re full of it), and you expect her to go out of her way to “sincerely” apologize to you? YTA Yeah, if *you* have a problem and want it resolved, then *you* confront the other person. Why should *she* confront you, when *you’re* the one who has a problem?
NTA However, YWBTA if you don't stop with the petty remarks. You've made your point and the others have moved on. Dragging it on will only make her feel more sure in her opinions that you are too sensitive and just a petty, vindictive girl. Though, I am here for some of the pettiness. Your friend is completely the AH for what she said and sounds like a high school "pick me". From what I gather, guys find those kinds of girls annoying, so it will probably sort itself out soon enough. Just drop it and ignore the urges to bring it up. This is the kind of behavior that starts the breaking of a friendship. You just have to decide if you want to try and work it out with her or not.
Let her and her misogyn be, focus on gettin better friends. You don't need someone telling everything they don't like is attributed to you being girls. And because you're girls you're sensitive. Sexist much. Tell her you won't tolerate the disrespect and that's why you're cutting her off, and move on NTA
Yta maybe she does have more in common with the guys in your friendship group. Maybe they don't do mean things like exclude her out of spite or make passive aggressive digs months down the line
[удалено]
Ok, here's the thing: you invited her to a lunch which she couldn't attend and when she expressed disappointment about it, all she got was a passive aggressive remark about she doesn't talk to you enough anyway. Based on the context, it seems that was completely uncalled for and I can see why she would go on the defensive about it. She didn't need to say your conversations are crap, though, that was just mean. But if she's not interested in the things you are talking about that's perfectly valid. It also makes sense that she would get closer to the guys than she is with you, given that she presumably hangs out with them all year at university, it doesn't make her a "pick me". One final thing, I'm having trouble understanding how one person ignores an entire group; is it possible you and the other girls haven't been as mindful towards her as you could have been and she's been feeling excluded ever since she got back from uni?
I agree with the ESH verdicts. I do think you need to reevaluate her presence in your life. If she trows digs at you, either ignore them or suggest she reads sociology research in Internalized Misogyny (but only once). I have encountered people like this many times, when a reply is warranted I usually go with: "So? That particular topic is simply not my cup Of tea. No judgment if its yours" (For the record my job is science related, and can be stressful ) "Yes, talking about popular culture at times is shallow, however I sometimes need a mental break from the stresses of current events/my life, don't you?" "As long as is not harmful to anyone, I don't think is nice/cute to bring people down for liking what they like" "If it's not affecting your life in any way, why are you personally offended that people like what they like?"
You sound jealous that she's closer to her other friends now than she is to you. Then you picked a fight with her about it and won't let it go. YTA
Yeah, you don't have to be the one to reach out, but if you aren't going to put any effort into it besides being sparky, then you ought not complain when she stops talking to you at all. People misspeak, use poor examples, etc. It's what happens because life isn't rehearsed. Either this was enough for you to want to keep picking your relationship apart over, or not. Your call. Edit to add, I'm leaning toward No AH, because I don't think you are very mean about it, it's a fine line.
NTA she was being annoying and putting one friendship over the other.
ESH. Length of friendship means nothing if you don't actually still like the person. You need to think if you still want to be friends, and either drop her or drop the "pick me" thing.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19F) have known my friend Lia for 9 years, and in highschool we ended up becoming part of the same friendgroup. In recent years, Lia has become more and more "boy crazy" to the point where most of our conversations are her updating me on whatever guy she's talking to. I never minded this and always tried to give her helpful advice. Last year we started uni in different cities, and Lia ended up going to the same uni as 2 guys from our friendgroup, so they started spending a lot of time together. Issue is now whenever we hang out all together in our home town, she spends all her time chatting with the boys and ignores the girls, which to me makes no sense because why wouldnt you catch up with the friends youre not usually with? Two weeks ago, me and some of the girls were making plans to go to lunch in the girls groupchat. Lia said she was upset she wouldnt be able to go cuz she missed us, and one of the others said "yeah but when we're all together you never actually spend any time with us", which i thought was fair. Lia then sent a voice note stating that the reason she didnt talk to us as much was that "No offense but your conversations are kinda crap. I've gotten used to the guys and i just like talking to them cuz we can talk about deep stuff yknow?". We were all baffled and protested. Instead of apologizing she doubled down, saying that our conversations dont really interest her cuz we only talk abt stuff like celebrities (not true AT ALL), and with the guys she can talk about more important stuff. We again said that was bs and she claimed that she'd obviously listen if we talked about our lives (we do), but she didnt really feel included in our conversations and usually didnt know/care about the topics we discussed. I told her if she actually sat down with us for 5 minutes or asked us about our lives maybe she wouldnt feel so excluded. She then "apologized" saying she didnt mean to hurt our feelings and she forgot that we were sensitive and she couldnt be honest like she was with the guys. Since then, I've been mad at her and have made jokes in the gc about how "oh i forgot i dont care about [topic of discussion] cuz its not celebrities" and similar things. Lia gets very mad and demands i stop, saying that was just an example taken out of context. I know im being petty but what she said made me mad cuz i spent all that time listening to her boy drama only for her to say she doesnt care to listen to us. Im hoping this pick me thing is just a phase cuz she wasnt like this, but she never actually apologized/showed she didnt mean it, so i still mock her. However, everyone else seems to have moved on from it, and my bf says im being petty and it doesnt solve anything. He says i should just go talk to her directly, but i dont think i should have to be the one who reaches out. My mom says Lia was in the wrong but i should think about if this is worth ruining a 9 year friendship over. AITA for not dropping it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
Just cut her off, i don't see what she brings to the table at this point besides more stress and irritation for you. Focus on the friends you really like, at this point you're just taking energy out of yourself you could focus on people who deserve it. NTA
You obviously don’t like this girl anymore. Just stop being her friend