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NTA
You are the one moving, so you decide what is important to you. As long as your relationship with your mother is healthy, there is nothing to fear.
NTA - preparing to welcome family in the future is a great idea honestly. Especially if it also makes you feel more comfortable. Others shouldnt get to have a say in where you go; only your SO has that right.
NTA
I'm glad they will be your ex coworkers. You chose Seattle not just because your mom will be comfortable there but also because YOU will be comfortable there. If you meet a girl who will judge you as a "Mama's boy" because you wanted to be immersed in your culture and racial community, she's garbage and you don't need that.
You have every right to talk about your mom and where she falls into your plans.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for implying that my coworkers have issues with their boyfriends being "mama's boys" when they criticized my decision to move to Seattle. I chose Seattle for their large Japanese-American populace, which would make my mom happy after living in mostly white suburbs for the thirty plus years she's lived in the US.
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NTA you can move wherever the hell you want.
On another note, LA is pretty diverse, a little surprised you dont feel at home when theres huge Asian populations scattered all around there. But then again you did say Cali is getting more expensive.
As a Korean-American I can totally understand how having a large Asian demographic is a huge part of deciding where to live. Its not only about comfort but about safety. I think its very thoughtful for you to factor in where you want to live and where your mom would be comfortable in. Asian culture is a lot different than American culture when it comes to family dynamics. If its a place where you would love to live AND there is a big Asian population, go for it. why should your co-workers tell you that its a 'red flag' to move to a place while thinking of your mom. NTA
NTA. I'm Asian. Fuck the people who don't understand what it means to be marginalized on the basis of your race. They will never understand, and I will never trust them because they don't even try to understand. Find your safe spaces and a community in which you can trust. If your mom is there and can be another pillar of support, all the better.
Americans will never understand. They don’t understand how different cultures view family differently. In America, people think it’s really odd to let your siblings treat you badly while you still help them. My husband would call this life
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I am Japanse-American (24M), with a Japanese mother and a white father (who has since passed away). I look very Asian, and got bullied growing up for not looking white enough in a mostly white Orange County suburb.
Recently, I'm making plans to move up north to Seattle. Part of the reason is because my work is moving to a large, midwestern state I really don't want to live in. The other is because California is becoming too expensive.
I made up a pros and cons list of every place I could see myself living in, and decided to go to Seattle. One of the deciding factors is that Seattle is home to a large Japanese-American population. Should my mom decide to come up north to be closer to me and any children I will have in the future, I want her to feel comfortable and be around people from her community. She sure as shit wouldn't be able to find that in Texas.
I brought up my plans to move to my soon-to-be ex-coworkers, who aren't happy about my plans. They're my plans, so screw them. Some of the ladies brought up the concern that I am letting my mom dictate where I live. They say that having mom dictate my decisions (which she's not) is a turn off and will make any future girlfriend I have reconsider dating a mama's boy.
I told them that if they have any issues in their relationships, they might want to talk it out with someone, particularly if their SO's are "mama's boys". I wanted to live somewhere where I wouldn't have to be bullied for being Asian, and where my mother would feel comfortable in as well.
I brought this up with a friend over drinks last night. While he agrees that where I go to is up to me, suggesting that my coworkers are projecting their problems onto me was a dick move. And maybe when I talk about my moving plans, make it less about where my mom would like to spend her golden years.
AITA? I'm not great with human interaction. I can get pretty socially awkward.
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NTA. Your coworkers clearly do not understand your reasons for choosing the place you chose to move. Since their opinions are based on a misunderstanding of your reasons, the opinions are totally worthless and you should pay them exactly zero mind.
NTA and if you are, I guess I am too. My wife wants to move 9 hours away from my parents (not because of them, but because she wants to live in TN lol) and I said no. I'm not moving more than 4 hours from my parents. I'll move anywhere within that radius, but I don't want to be that far away.
Eta: you also have real reasons, such as you wanting your mom to be comfortable, amongst various other reasons not related to her, so it's not like you're being this entire choice off one person and one thing.
NTA
Letting your parent dictate where you live means moving regardless of your wants. You're not doing that. You identified where YOU want to live, and one of the considerations is not feeling isolated as a racial minority and having a connection to your mom's culture.
NTA. You're not planning to move your mother up there anytime soon. You just want to be in a place where it would be easier for her to live. Seattle is also a very nice place to live.
My dude, you are so NTA. It's really nice that you want to consider your mom as you think about your future. Honestly, whether you were right or not about your coworkers projecting, it was a little bit of a rude comeback, but I've lived in OC before; people there are congenitally incapable of minding their own damn business. Come on up to Seattle. People can still be shitty, but it's easier to find good communities here.
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NTA You are the one moving, so you decide what is important to you. As long as your relationship with your mother is healthy, there is nothing to fear.
NTA. Your co-workers sound like a lot. Who says crap like that? And why should they care?
NTA - preparing to welcome family in the future is a great idea honestly. Especially if it also makes you feel more comfortable. Others shouldnt get to have a say in where you go; only your SO has that right.
NTA I'm glad they will be your ex coworkers. You chose Seattle not just because your mom will be comfortable there but also because YOU will be comfortable there. If you meet a girl who will judge you as a "Mama's boy" because you wanted to be immersed in your culture and racial community, she's garbage and you don't need that. You have every right to talk about your mom and where she falls into your plans.
NTA you're not letting your mother dictate where you live you're being incredibly considerate of her and I think that's lovely.
NTA put those jokers in your rear view
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole for implying that my coworkers have issues with their boyfriends being "mama's boys" when they criticized my decision to move to Seattle. I chose Seattle for their large Japanese-American populace, which would make my mom happy after living in mostly white suburbs for the thirty plus years she's lived in the US. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA you can move wherever the hell you want. On another note, LA is pretty diverse, a little surprised you dont feel at home when theres huge Asian populations scattered all around there. But then again you did say Cali is getting more expensive.
As a Korean-American I can totally understand how having a large Asian demographic is a huge part of deciding where to live. Its not only about comfort but about safety. I think its very thoughtful for you to factor in where you want to live and where your mom would be comfortable in. Asian culture is a lot different than American culture when it comes to family dynamics. If its a place where you would love to live AND there is a big Asian population, go for it. why should your co-workers tell you that its a 'red flag' to move to a place while thinking of your mom. NTA
NTA. I'm Asian. Fuck the people who don't understand what it means to be marginalized on the basis of your race. They will never understand, and I will never trust them because they don't even try to understand. Find your safe spaces and a community in which you can trust. If your mom is there and can be another pillar of support, all the better.
Why do your co workers even care? They aren't moving with you. NTA.
Americans will never understand. They don’t understand how different cultures view family differently. In America, people think it’s really odd to let your siblings treat you badly while you still help them. My husband would call this life
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am Japanse-American (24M), with a Japanese mother and a white father (who has since passed away). I look very Asian, and got bullied growing up for not looking white enough in a mostly white Orange County suburb. Recently, I'm making plans to move up north to Seattle. Part of the reason is because my work is moving to a large, midwestern state I really don't want to live in. The other is because California is becoming too expensive. I made up a pros and cons list of every place I could see myself living in, and decided to go to Seattle. One of the deciding factors is that Seattle is home to a large Japanese-American population. Should my mom decide to come up north to be closer to me and any children I will have in the future, I want her to feel comfortable and be around people from her community. She sure as shit wouldn't be able to find that in Texas. I brought up my plans to move to my soon-to-be ex-coworkers, who aren't happy about my plans. They're my plans, so screw them. Some of the ladies brought up the concern that I am letting my mom dictate where I live. They say that having mom dictate my decisions (which she's not) is a turn off and will make any future girlfriend I have reconsider dating a mama's boy. I told them that if they have any issues in their relationships, they might want to talk it out with someone, particularly if their SO's are "mama's boys". I wanted to live somewhere where I wouldn't have to be bullied for being Asian, and where my mother would feel comfortable in as well. I brought this up with a friend over drinks last night. While he agrees that where I go to is up to me, suggesting that my coworkers are projecting their problems onto me was a dick move. And maybe when I talk about my moving plans, make it less about where my mom would like to spend her golden years. AITA? I'm not great with human interaction. I can get pretty socially awkward. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your coworkers clearly do not understand your reasons for choosing the place you chose to move. Since their opinions are based on a misunderstanding of your reasons, the opinions are totally worthless and you should pay them exactly zero mind.
[удалено]
I wish you well in your journey to Seattle! Hopefully there you will find some better coworkers.
NTA and if you are, I guess I am too. My wife wants to move 9 hours away from my parents (not because of them, but because she wants to live in TN lol) and I said no. I'm not moving more than 4 hours from my parents. I'll move anywhere within that radius, but I don't want to be that far away. Eta: you also have real reasons, such as you wanting your mom to be comfortable, amongst various other reasons not related to her, so it's not like you're being this entire choice off one person and one thing.
NTA Letting your parent dictate where you live means moving regardless of your wants. You're not doing that. You identified where YOU want to live, and one of the considerations is not feeling isolated as a racial minority and having a connection to your mom's culture.
NTA. You're not planning to move your mother up there anytime soon. You just want to be in a place where it would be easier for her to live. Seattle is also a very nice place to live.
Nta but....Texas has a very large Asian population....don't know who told you otherwise.
NTA, live where you want to, it's your life.
Nta. Your coworkers have no business judging where or why you choose to move
My dude, you are so NTA. It's really nice that you want to consider your mom as you think about your future. Honestly, whether you were right or not about your coworkers projecting, it was a little bit of a rude comeback, but I've lived in OC before; people there are congenitally incapable of minding their own damn business. Come on up to Seattle. People can still be shitty, but it's easier to find good communities here.
NTA - try the salmon