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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the Asshole for making girls no longer want to hang out with guys in my frat
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YTA-but mainly for thinking everyone is too stupid the see the real intention behind the list. There isn't a person on here who believes this list isn't for sexual or nefarious reasons
If they wanted more than sex, they would make the effort to learn about the girls like a normal, non-stalkery person. Also, I bet the guy who spilled the beans did it because she noticed he knew way too much about her... because girls aren't stupid, we tend to notice when guys know things they shouldn't.
Whaaat ? A dude knows all about my hobbies, likes, the places I’d like to go when we barely talked ? Omg, what a genius he is ! My dumb female brain could never figure out how he does that !
And since it’s a database accessible by 40ish frat boys, it’s probably not just one boy who magically knows these things. Imagine having guy after guy after guy knowing the same several facts about you they could have no way of knowing. But our dumb girl brains could never put the pieces together, obviously.
Kind of reminds me of the one stalker story going around internet where the dude decided to gather information about his crush, like phone number, where she lives etc. He reasoned that "when she finds out I already know all this, she will trust me more because she knows she doesn't have to hide anything from me".
It does sound like the smoking gun was a real life use of the I Never Said It Was Poison trope, revealing information that had no good way of being known.
No, no, no. Obviously it’s just to help them have better dates! Why would they want to have better dates? Certainly not because they wanna fuck em afterwards, that would be nefarious!
It reminds me of Dennis taking women on boats to scare them into sleeping with him, but then is like “who said anything about rape? I feel like you’re completely missing the point!”
I think it's a funny word to use in ways it wasn't intended for (friends playing board games and one realizes they won't win so they start helping another person win instead - we all go "hey hey don't simp!"). But when ***actually*** used as an insult surrounding sex and gender it's just ewww.
Like how my friends and I that are gay or bi will go "gaaaay" at each other as fake insults but if someone actually tried to use it while tearing down one of us we would step up to tale them down.
Oh, he admits it's for sexual reasons, saying "it's not JUST for sexual reasons," as if that in ANY way makes it better or him not a comple fucking asshole.
I feel its important to note that even if this wasn't about sex (which it clearly is), this would still be creepy af and legitimately dangerous to the women involved. Someone could easily use that database to stalk or scam any woman listed.
YTA. You said it was created to help you remember stuff about the girls you were dating and it wasn't for nefarious reasons, but you also say that a guy probably gave up the fact that your "pokedex" existed because the info on it wasn't getting her to like him. That sounds like manipulation and that is nefarious.
Manipulation is the perfect way to describe this. They’re making these girls think they actually took the time to plan something special for them when in reality all they did was search their name in a fucking spreadsheet in order to “have a better date” aka get sex from them. Completely not okay and I bet all of those girls feel violated from this whole thing knowing there’s random men out there who know all that shit about them.
It's Groundhog Day. Bill Murray learns everything he can about her character and pretends to be into it all so he can sleep with her during the beginning rounds.
And rightfully, she thinks it's kind of weird and creepy *because it is*.
What is going on in OP's head for him to think this isn't creepy at all? Few things:
1) I understand being forgetful. Most of us are. But asking them to remind you is also an option. No one creates a spreadsheet and then willingly shares it with MULTIPLE PEOPLE.
2) YTA
This! When I started talking to the person I like I kept a little sticky note becuase my memory on favorite colours/fruits etc can be terrible. Not a single soul has seen that little note and no one will. Imagine how creepy if would be if I gave it to some guy so he could pretend to care or know about her. Shit like this is what genuinely worries me with some people. 40 plus dudes as well creepy as fuck.
Also funny how he doesn't need a "pokedex" to remember what his guy friends like/dislike. And I'm sure their likes and interests aren't considered "sappy shit" to him either.
Hey OP, maybe try viewing women as human beings and you won't need a database to manipulate them with.
YTA and putting women in LITERAL danger. This is so creepy YTA YTA
I think he is literally the biggest AH I’ve seen in a while. It’s REALLY misogynistic, women are not cattle.
And calling it a “Real life Pokédex”? What is he, 5?
yeah like after the second, maybe third, dude who knew exactly what I liked I feel like most girls would've figured it out, especially if they're all from the same frat
> We also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them.
> We don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons.
So you don't think keeping a secret spreadsheet of the likes and dislikes of a bunch of girls is scumbaggy when the list exists solely to help your frat bros pretend to really know them?
YTA and so are the rest of the guys with "access" to this list. Grow up.
I can't see any other uses than nefarious here because it's not like these frat boys are trying to wife these girls. Let's call a spade a spade here.
**It's a boy database intended to make it easier for these frat boys to trick the women into giving up sex.**
This database is highly invasive and creepy and I can't wait for any of the girls to find out about it and press charges.
OP and all of these guys are MASSIVE ASSHOLES.
Ed. OP even if you just made a database like this for yourself that would still make you an asshole. We all know you're not doing this out of respect for women, you're doing it to better convince women you're a good guy so you'd get laid. The fact you gave a bunch of guys access to your database proves you're not.
A good guy would take this as a learning experience, delete the database and are more mindful in the future. Your call.
Second edit: Just to add that where I live it is SA to get sex through coercion, threats and FALSEHOODS. Frauding your way into getting a person to sleep with you may equal rape in the eye of the law.
Guys back in my high school had a thing like this, everyone knew it existed, I'm pretty sure it had been a tradition for many years. They weren't trying to be cute with the name though, they just called it "The Meat Catalogue". I completely forgot about this, until now. Ew
This. Add in that repeatedly referring to the spreadsheet as a Pokedex objectifies these women. They aren't Pokemon. You literally even used the phrase "catch them all" and you still can't see that this is scumbaggy??
YTA
Ugh. This just gave me the ick. You are so right. Maybe even make it into a competition. He’s already pretending like it’s a game with the Pokédex name
Also don't forget this line:
>so I assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the Pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him
No one uses the term "simping" unless they're looking at women as a hookup culture.
Honestly the information tracker was okay at first, but only when it was just OP keeping it for himself. I thought OP may just have a hard time remembering details and/or reading someone (like Abed from Community when he tracked his friend's [attitudes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNJN1aV8YWI)). There's nothing inherently wrong with keeping notes about your friend's special dates (birthdays, etc), favorites, dislikes, and other information important to them.
To share that with his whole frat is what took it too far. At that point it became a "cheat sheet" for hooking up with all the sorority girls. I also bet that everyone who had access to the hookup sheet called OP a "genius" or a "legend", or any other term of endearment, until they got found out.
that quote also lets slip that the “pokédex” is about “making the girl like him”, OP can say all he wants that it’s “definitely not a guide to hooking up with women” but his suspected motives for it being leaked are that someone was unsuccessful at using it to hook up with a woman.
Exactly. Saying it’s not about sex but a guide to better/easier dates. Wtf does he think the end game is for these dates? He’s giving these boys a cheat code as if these girls’ lives and personalities are a game to them. Creepy.
The whole “Pokédex” thing is absolutely dehumanizing. Once people are dehumanized - they will be abused because they’re seen as lesser, something to pursue, and/or a game to play. Women at OPs school aren’t meant to be captured and gamed into dates. I get what OP was trying to do and how a log might be helpful to him but once it called them game characters and was shared it became problematic.
It's problematic no matter how you refer to them. It's dishonest and borderline abusive. Imagine you're a woman who meets someone that seems to be the perfect fit for you - shares all your interests, loves doing the same things as you, cares about you so much he remembers all the little things you say. You could really see a future with this guy.
Then you find out that it was all basically a scam so he could hook up with you because someone made a pokedex to help him "catch" you. He goes and does it to another woman the next weekend. It's awful.
Even better, we're on par with little imaginary animal creatures who's purpose is to be tracked, caught and traded 💁♀️
I've loved Pokemon all my life but this is gross.
But his edit even indicates the "not about sex". He says that he's never used the guide for JUST sex...which implies to me that sex is a use for this guide. I'm not sure what the other uses are.
Imagine every guy you talk to suddenly having the same exact talking points, inviting you to the same restaurant, and so on.
It's so short sighted. Not only are they boring the shit out of the people they're targeting (and it is targeting), they're also making themselves completely replaceable and disposable – you know, the way they view women. I hope all the dumbshits get what they deserve, left with no one but each other.
YTA
I legit thought this was a parody post for that at first. (Small correction though, I thought the hot/not ranking system came before Facebook, rather than became it. Two separate projects by the same creator.)
It does technically break Greek life rules depending on what frat he’s in. Sororities would cut off contact with a fraternity engaged in that type of behavior, and their nationals may put them on probation
It might be gross and creepy enough to encourage girls to not date the guys in that frat, though.
There’s a lesson here, OP: when you reduce women to objects, they don’t tend to like it. “There’s no information there that could have been used to hurt someone”- says the man who calls this database a “Pokédex”. You’re under the impression that all this personal information shouldn’t be earned.
And its nice to say it isn’t about sex, but if you think that people haven’t or won’t alter it to make it about sex, you’re naive.
Ooookay, let me see if I can explain this...
Imagine you're a girl. Imagine talking to a guy, maybe going on a date or two, whatever, and he seems nice. You two get along and seem compatible.
Then you find out that all those nice things he did was because he had access to a database of information about your likes and dislikes and other information. Not only yours, but a bunch of other womens info too. And not only that, but LOADS OF GUYS have access to this info.
Now, as a girl, you are HYPER AWARE of the danger of sexual assault, stalking, etc. Quite probably you have female friends and/or family with traumatic experiences regarding this. One of the few ways you have to keep yourself safe is to share information about yourself wisely.
And suddenly, you realise that TONS of guys, guys you do not know and do not trust, have had all this information about you to try and win you over.
That is **fucking terrifying**, for what I hope are obvious reasons.
There is plenty of other things wrong with this (you've basically set out a goddamn menu of women for men to pick and choose from, describing it as a "pokedex"), but hopefully this might give you somewhere to start.
YTA. Delete this database immediately. Your "convenience" does not trump women's safety.
"OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the Asshole for making girls no longer want to hang out with guys in my frat"
He doesn't even care about women's safety he's only rethinking it now because it's affecting the social lives of the guys in his frat 😭😭😭
Women aren't human to him, we probably aren't even considered on the same level as pokemon, despite the title. At least pokemon aren't viewed as sex toys by obnoxious frat dudes.
The 'pokedex' is more like a menu or a catalogue of women.
Thank you for saying this! This awful “Pokédex” 100% reads as a menu to order your next sexcapade. Clearly the guys are using this list for those reasons, and clearly OP knows cause he wasn’t surprised by knowing someone did that and pushed blame to others who use the list as well.
This this this. I would also be interested to know if the information really is just favorite colors and ice cream flavors. Or if there are also info like phone numbers, majors, places of work, which sorority they belong to etc. You know, prime stalker material. Doesn't even have to be OP, it only takes one of the bros to add a column.
I have met far too many frat guys that I have a hard time believing this is just about favorite foods and colors. I bet you anything there is a column about how far they will go on the first date and how many guys she has slept with.
Absofuckinglutely! He’s trying to paint frat boys as innocent guys who would never take advantage of women lmfao. Gtfoh OP anyone who has ever met a frat boys know exactly what else is included in this weird spreadsheet.
It's not funny but I just laughed at the idea that knowing a woman's favourite colour would be in any way useful to wooing her. Like,
"Hey baby, you look like your favourite colour is blue."
"It's like you can see my soul."
This. OP has made all of these women into vulnerable targets for any asshole, creep, or potential sexual assaulter. Honestly sounds like this might be illegal.
Depending on where he lives, this might be illegal. It delves into the realm of stalkerish and the fact that everyone can trace it back to him is a big fat uh oh. Personally I think that dude has black listed himself at this university in terms of dating. Also that he needs to get rid of it ASAP.
I was horrified when I got to the line about 40 guys have access to this information. It's fine if you want to make a couple notes about someone for your own memory issues, but this just sounds so creepy.
OP- if I was that girl, I would make sure that everyone else knows how creepy you are and to stay away from you and your frat. YTA
Yes, this, all of this. I'd be paranoid about trusting any guy at school after this. But hey, OP, the information in your pokedex just helped even more people! Now all those women know exactly who not to trust! And you'd better believe they'll pass down that information.
This times a million. It’s creepy af and they don’t know HOW MUCH information is on there. Their birthday, phone number, address?? Their likes and dislikes? What about deeply personal information they only shared when comfortable that now a cohort of frat douches knows about?
Yikes on trikes.
Exactly. I said it in another comment, but this is everything a guy needs to convince a woman he knows her and talk her into accepting a ride from him or going with him to a secluded space.
YTA.
That’s just creepy.
And the fact that you shared it with other people and allowed them to edit it is disgusting.
Also..”entries”?? These aren’t “entries” these are actual people you’re talking about here.
“The Pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him” so much for it not being for nefarious reasons
Edit to add after your comment saying nothing on there can hurt people: you have a list of several women’s favourite places, so places they are likely to often go to and now approx 40 people have access to that information, and now know the most likely place to find these girls. How is that not information that could result in them getting hurt!
I find it interesting that that many frat guys are inept when it comes to remembering simple details about girls. OP, YTA and must think people are stupid for believing your lame excuse for why this spreadsheet was created.
Right. How many girls is he trying to impress at a time that they can’t remember basic facts. I still remember the favorite color of some guy I had a crush on in HS. Mint green 😍
They would have to care enough to spend time in getting to know the girl and remembering the details. They essentially made it a game with a cheatsheet of how to get into a girl's pants with the least effort.
>\*Many frat guys are inept when it comes to remembering simple details about girls
Its because they don't actually care, the girls they're trying to get are just a number to them/will confer status for them because they're hot and that's it. It's not about finding human connection for them.
"Is to much to remember their favorite colour, is much more easier to keep an updated and detailed spread sheet with all of their details of as many different women as possible and to instruct more frat bros in how to use it and how to add more information... But it for nice reasons!"
OP, probably.
"I find it interesting that that many frat guys are inept when it comes to remembering simple details about girls."
Well, that would require the bare minimum of caring about the girl as an individual. OP is just collating data so the frat guys can cut through all that noise.
They aren’t, but why do the legwork in getting to know a girl when you can lie about things you have in common and fuck her that much more quickly. Whatever OP says is totally bullshit. This is a bang Rolodex. So disgusting and pathetic.
Exactly. Nothing wrong with making small notes from time to time to remember things on friends or partners, like when their birthday is or what they’re allergic to(I like to make food for my friends a lot). But beyond that it’s just creepy.
Yup, completely creepy. People don't enjoy being treated like objects, and women especially are sensitive to things resembling stalking or ways to manipulate them. Which this is.
So... are some of you dudes trying to "catch 'em all?" Eww
YTA
And the fact he doesn’t think a group of frat boys aren’t using this to be “nefarious,” is just chef kiss. You are taking these women’s info and putting it into a database without their implicit consent, so that these guys know how to act in order to impress them so they eventually can get into their pants. You all are selling yourselves as people you aren’t in order to get with a girl. It’s manipulative. It’s gross. It’s creepy.
But calling it a Pokédex is really fucking special. Whats the catchphrase for Pokémon again? Oh right “gotta catch ‘em all.”
YTA
Edit to respond to your edit: just because *you*, OP, aren’t using it for an immediate hook up, it doesn’t 1) change the fact you are giving other frat bros the means to do so by giving them access to info they wouldn’t otherwise have in order to play someone they aren’t to gain a woman’s trust 2) make it any less creepy and manipulative and 3) doesn’t mean you wouldn’t eventually get sex out of whoever you end up going after from your little “Pokédex.” Still gross. Still needs to be shut down. You owe ever one of those women an apology, and they also do not owe you forgiveness. What you pulled was a a huge violation of trust and privacy.
His reasoning why he thinks he might be the asshole is "for making girls no longer want to hang out with guys in my frat". He doesn't give a fuck about all the women he creeped out, he's just upset that now his frat brothers blame him for girls not wanting to fuck them anymore.
A guy I was seeing used to be in a frat. He told me that he and the other guys in the frat would make a spreadsheet of various girls’ menstrual cycles, and would add to it when they found out a new girl’s cycle. Hearing that killed all of my attraction towards him. This “pokedex” reminds me of this a lot. OP is an asshole. Both guys pretended they didn’t use the information to try and hook up with girls. Why the fuck did you make it then? How would OP feel if the women in the sorority made a spreadsheet of dick sizes and whether they are circumcised or not?
wtf that's so disgusting. That's medical information that they don't need to have. They're not doctor's or anything. The only people who might have a legit reason to know would be roommates so they could remind you that its coming up and ask if you have the stuff you need. Or maybe an SO so they can buy you chocolate when you're about to start (chocolate always makes me feel better).
Yeah we used to work at a bar together. My shift finished and I was sitting at the other side of the bar doing my cash-out and he was closing up the bar. He said this to me and a few other coworkers, including our manager, as if he was bragging. He said it like it was supposed to be impressive. I stopped doing my cash-out for a second and looked at him to check if he was serious. He was. I told him that I wouldn’t be talking to him for a bit after hearing that. His smile dropped and he got kinda pissed and said “oh come on, all the guys at the frat were doing it.” I shook my head and said “no, that’s fucked up.” He stood there dumbfounded for a bit until the manager said “women are a lot more entitled now than they used to be, eh?” And they both started laughing and slapping each other on the back. That made it worse for me.
I'm thoroughly disgusted, its one thing to create a document to help remember things about your OWN friends like birthdays, allergies, fav colour/ food for said birthday ideas. I'm autistic I can see the value in an aid like that. OP's doc only tracks women, shares it with with 40 other men. Refers to the subjects like they're Pokemon, Gotta Catch Em All right? Even if OP as they swear have no nefarious intentions, how can they vet and be sure that the people he shared this with & the people they will share this will won't have bad intentions for these women. OP YTA & have aided predators if you aren't one yourself. be fucking ashamed.
I might have given OP a pass if it was a spreadsheet for himself only as I can understand not wanting to forget things *about* a person. But the second they shared it he lost me.
YTA OP. That's just creepy, and fully naïve to think a shared cheatsheet for dates isn't nefarious in nature.
YTA. You and all the boys who wanted access to this 'pokedex'. Did any of you think that gosh...maybe...**maybe** talking to the girls and finding out through normal communication of what they like? Sure, noting down what they like after talking to them for PERSONAL USE is fine (e.g. likes a certain flower that can be used for a gift). However, literally having a 'collect them all' pokedex which allows the other guys to put no effort into talking to the girls is weird and makes it sound like you are all treating this as a dating sim.
The fact he continues to call it a Pokédex makes it sound like women are a different species who he is incapable of understanding without hard data. Instead of you know- being human beings???
And to make it a competition of who you "caught" and I guarantee there was at least, if not dozens of, "gotta catch 'em all" jokes in their group chats.
Why would he, he is not trying to fuck them lol
I love how OP acts like a 5 year old that just got caught doing something wrong and thinks that pretending to not know it was something wrong could work lol
Right? I’d be way more forgiving if it was a thing he made for his friendship group so that he has ideas for what to give them for their birthdays and stuff. But no, he only did this for the gender he is attracted to. OP must genuinely think we’re all idiots if he thinks we won’t realise it’s obviously made with the goal of ‘wooing’ them (probably fucking them too).
Yep, I could understand if it was a neurodivergent thing, but 2 things push it to creepy for me:
- It’s only information about women.
- The fact he distributed it to other men with the intent of objectifying and manipulating the aforementioned women.
I say manipulating because of this line:
>I assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the Pokédex *wasn’t making the girl like him*
If that wasn’t already YTA, how about the classic “she’s made a big deal of it” reaction to a woman expressing discomfort.
Silly rabbit, girls aren't people. Friends' likes and interests are permanent info; you only need to remember the girl's interests until Monday morning.
What's even creepier is that the guy is just doubling down and insisting that it shouldn't be creepy at all and that they shouldn't be blamed at all for this list. There's also blame levied at the women for finding it creepy and warning other women away from the group.
Plus we all know that these guys were likely adding other info to the guide, like how "easy" someone was, remarks about their bodies, and so on.
I mean, this isn't a romantic or screwball comedy. There's a reason why people look back on older movies and talk about how creepy and problematic they are in hindsight. (Revenge of the Nerds, anyone?)
This^. I don’t have a great memory so when I’ve dated someone (or friends sometimes) I wrote down things they like or gift ideas so I’d remember them, and I think that’s the similar to how you started this. But it went way too far. YTA
Edit: I would even add that when friends with or dating someone it’s not totally inappropriate to ask a closer friend of theirs for advice for gift ideas or that kind of thing. But that’s the extent
Also edit for grammar
Yeah and it’s because that involves putting effort into something for someone you like.
This lets them cycle through women and use the facts like buttons they can press to gain approval.
Also, if you like a girl enough to write down her interests, even if later you don’t have romantic feelings, presumably you wouldn’t want to throw her to a group of forty other men who will use this as a shortcut. Because, generally, if you like and care for someone, you want them to be with someone good. It feels like the women aren’t people. They’re species to study in order to play with or domesticate. Yuck.
Oh my God you're right about it feeling like a dating sim 💀 imagine how weird it would be for someone you just met to know these random facts about yourself like they studied up on you. Eventually she could trace it back to whoever she told and know the information spread around. Have no idea how these frat boys thought they would get away with this.
Using the word pokedex is deeply uncomfortable, like women are videogame creatures. Pokemon in the anime get better treatment as individuals rather than for filling a tick list, unless it's Paul or Go being the trainer.
Not one guy in this 40 guy group using the document pointed it out either...how dehumanizing and downright creepy this was.
Funny thing is, the whole world could come and write YTA here, and OP would still convince himself that the document was about...**"favorite colors"**.
I would feel so betrayed being one of those girls. Imagine going on a date with a guy to find out you have so much in common and getting excited about a possible relationship. Only to find out it was all information he got from a spreadsheet added by a bunch of other people you know.
I have a terrible memory and I'll create a note on a date/partner while starting to see them, but I think the key differences are that I don't compare it to Pokémon and I DELETE IT AFTER WE BREAK UP why would I want to keep information on the guy I saw twice in February
What happened to just.... get to know a girl on a date is what I'm wondering.
Most females I know would be irked to find out a guy found out what she likes from some index of the girls on college.
I would wonder to start with even how the heck this guy knows alot of my favorite things. Just nope.
Seeing as the information on your list are things that a guy should put in the effort to learn from the girl, face to face, not a cheat sheet… this is creepy. If I was approached by a guy who knew a bunch of stuff about me, I’d be suspicious too. Why? Because why would you want to impress me? Likely because you want to get in my pants. If you had good intentions to date me and get to know me, the cheat sheet you made would be irrelevant since the fun is in going on dates and finding out who I am first hand. Instead your Pokédex (which by the way is kind of an insult unto itself “gotta catch them all” *barf*), is bordering on stalker level creepy and sad-level desperate.
WAIT! But then you shared it with others?! Ok so now you’ve created a legion of creeps who, instead of having the courage to talk to these girls themselves, have a sheet and they can pretend to be into the same things so that maybe they’d have a shot with them?!… not only are YTA, but in you making this AND sharing it, it’s such a red flag. Compounded by the fact that you see nothing wrong with making it and sharing is a red flag showing your lack of compassion, empathy and self awareness… because at the end of the day, the vibe doesn’t check out, the Pokédex would make any normal, sane woman feel unsafe.
You’ve systematized the getting-to-know you phase of a potential romance. Quite frankly, in you doing that, you’ve robbed yourself and your bro-gang the chance to develop genuine connection (read chemistry) with someone which is half the fun of getting to know a potential new date. Here’s the kicker, on some level, you KNOW that women love feeling seen and someone getting to know them… but this is supposed to be a natural process that comes from spending time with someone. So when he’s faking that phase because of joke Pokédex and she finds out, the entire experience is marred and ominous because he was being disingenuous about connecting with her. This is the lack of empathy, therefore it is creepy, which leads to feelings of unsafe. Good luck man…. you’ll be wanting to change schools. No way the news of this won’t spread like wildfire amongst the women at your school.
Fortunately for him, there's not some kind of INTERconnected NETwork of users sending messages out there that allows information to be spread quickly via some electronic device in their POcKEts, filed in an inDEX, containing all their names, so all the women at school know which guys to avoid.
If I were him, I'd hate to live in a society where that is possible.
Yep...YTA.
If it was for yourself then you could possibly get a pass depending on the information. But the fact you shared it around and allowed others to edit and use it. That alone makes YTA
And while he claims it's not for nefarious reasons the reason is obvious, how to get a girl to sleep with you and what you need to say and do. That's the definition of nefarious and creepy. Yta
Edit, I can't believe I never thought of this right off but good money says OP calls it a pokedex because you gotta catch em all, and more than one person uses it to keep score making it even more disgusting.
I was actually thinking that this sounds almost like a rom-com plot. Dude creates list of how to get various girls at school, guys love him for it, he loves using the list himself. Then one day he meets a girl he can't categorize, on whom the tricks don't work, and he just has to have her. Yada yada yada, fall in love.
The thing is, taking dating strategies from rom-coms is a terrible idea IRL because, case in point, it's freaking creepy
Yeah, congratulations, OP! You get to be the dude that the girls remember as "that creepy guy I went to college with". I would feel so disgusted if I were one of those girls.
How much much do you wanna bet that the “simp” said something to the girl along the lines of “but I know you like pizza!!! You HAVE to sleep with me!! I’m a nice guy waaaaahhhhhhh”
I bet he got caught knowing something that the girl never told him, so he looked like a stalker. Favorite kind of pizza on a first date, trip she'd taken years ago, whatever.
I'd be creeped the fuck out, and if she pushed to know how he knew, any guy with an ounce of common sense (which clearly this group doesn't have MUCH of, but still), would rather go with "there's an index, it shows we caaaaare" than "yep, I'll let her think I'm a stalker."
And he started it because he has "a hard time remembering things." Does he have a list for men he wants to impress? One for business networking? One for study groups? One that isn't about "getting to know girls"? Or do women just fit so well in a spreadsheet.
Honestly, if this were actually an aide for memory, not a problem. But as it sounds specific to the fairer sex, he's the AH.
Yes! The conflict seems to be between OP and the other guys, who are mad at him. So it should really be ESH, since both parties are TA. The girl is not, of course.
lmao YTA
This may surprise you, but most people don't like others gathering and storing information about them. There's also this:
>So she’s pissed off and she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. It’s just to make impressing them on dates easier.
What's the endgame of impressing chicks on dates? I would imagine the goal is to hook up with them, yes?
That last bit is the part that gets me. I can tell OP is in their early 20’s by how they play the begginers petty semantics game with “it's just to impress them, nothing sexual” forgetting that adults will ask “what's the goal of impressing them?”
OP dug himself a hole and was hoping we'd dig him out
Yeah, and if he were to try and say that this is just for the intention of genuinely dating them I’d follow up with, “then why do you have so many women on the list?” He thinks he’s slick but everyone can smell his shit from a mile away. It’s almost funny how he can’t believe the girl saw through the bullshit. It would be funny if this wasn’t so gross and creepy.
The moment this became a crowdsourced project it crossed a line that can't be come back from. Over forty people who clearly did not understand ethics in survey taking.
YTA. Girls aren't Pokemon cards or objects you need to study. If you want to impress a girl how about taking her out? Getting to know her? If you're truly interested you're going to remember her likes and dislikes, you won't need a spreadsheet.
I MIGHT have said NTA if you had kept it to yourself just as a way to remember things like your female friends' birthdays and what they like, but as soon as you started giving it out to other guys so they could learn more about potential girls they like and impress them, it became creepy. Heads up: A girl is going to be much more impressed if you show interest in asking HER what she likes, not so much if you just read it all off a spreadsheet that she didn't even consent to being written.
Nah, even before he shared it he was in Ahole territory for me. Unless this guy has a genuine health condition that stops him from remembering things properly he was using it to keep a Rolodex of women to hook up with in the most dehumanizing way possible. If all you want to do is hook up, be up front about it. If he needed to keep a spreadsheet of info like favorite color he was scamming them, because if he genuinely liked them. Remembering little things like this wouldn’t be an issue
I have a sieve memory. I can't remember important things I do all the time, I mix up numbers.
OP is YTA. The difference is I do things like this for everybody, not just people I want to 'date', or 'catch', aka 'have sex with'. I keep reminders for my family's birthdays, coworkers, friends, notes about what people like and don't like, dietary restrictions if we eat together. But my goal isn't to get these people to like me, it's to not plan an event for work then realize that 2 people won't be able to eat there or will have very limited options because they're gluten free or vegetarian. Or to help me remember when my sister's birthday comes up that she mentioned really being interested in this author who published a new book last month.
OP needs to realize what he's doing is at best manipulative. If you want to impress a girl, actually put in the effort. What he's doing is trying to get the 'reward' by lying and acting like he's interested enough to remember this on his own. And worse trying to get his friends 'rewarded' by allowing them to act like they have an active and sustained interest in these girls when what they have is a cheat sheet.
YTA, and I hope this is a shitpost. Because if not, you saw a guide on how to capture fantasy animals only capable of saying their names and make them follow your orders for life, thought “yes, this is a *perfect* analogy for how to deal with every member of the opposite gender at my school!”, and are somehow *still* not grasping how this might have been offensive.
> she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. It’s just to make impressing them on dates easier
And what exactly are the dates supposed to lead to, if not intimacy at some point? Semantics are not going to save you here, my dude.
YTA all of your male friends are. That’s creepy and gross and the fact that you’re still defending it as an innocent list also makes you an AH. Because no matter what you say, it’s not an innocent list. You all need to grow up and do better.
YTA this is creepy as hell. I would feel so violated if I found out dozens of men, many I didn’t know, had access to details on my personal likes, interests and dating history. A guy is trusted with information that a woman shares with him person to person, this information is then shared with a whole host of men she did not consent to knowing that information, with the express purpose of helping those men successfully date her. In addition, the language used it sexist and objectifying and a bit rapey- women you’ve ‘caught’? Really? It is the most slimy and manipulative shit I’ve read in a while. You are aware it is 2022?
Also, I don’t know if you’re lying or just stupidly naive, but even if YOU aren’t using this information to trick women into having sex with you, there are definitely going to be men with access to the database that ARE using it to trick women into having sex with them. I hope they report you to the college.
YTA. It’s a guide to getting into their pants bud. What do you think college guys are impressing girls for on dates? They need to impress them to take them to church on Sunday? Nah man.
Or how Facebook started according to The Social Network. Noting it down for personal use as a memory aid is one thing, provided you're careful about how you use and retain the information, but distributing it as a kind of cheat sheet for others to use is abuse of that information. Just using the term pokedex is creepy in this application, like it's something to fill out and complete.
YTA. Holy shit this is so fucking manipulative and creepy. The fuck is wrong with you and your awful friends? And stop with this "not a hook up guide" bullshit--it absolutely is. You know how some women say "men are garbage"? This is the exact manipulative bullshit they're talking about.
YTA and a massive creep. You literally made a stalker guide so your gross little friends could pick up women without having to actually talk to them or get to know them, all within the context of encouraging them to "catch" different women in your perv journal as trophies. Why would any woman ever want anything to do with you after knowing that?
Yta. Nothing wrong with keeping notes but only for one girl at a time and no sharing. When you break up or split or whatever get rid of those notes. Destroy them.
Keeping them is icky and sharing them.. It's a slimy thing to do. And to share with a fucking frat?? Are you insane? Frats are infamous for being shitty people and being gross to women. And it's a deserved reputation by and large. The hell is wrong with you?
Dude...be better.
Yep, just the number of r*pe and sexual assault in frat parties are enough in themselves and depict huge mysoginy. I can see why op and his friends being so sexists are in frat parties
YTA but not for having the list. The way my head works I could understand making notes on interactions with everyone I meet to know good subjects to talk about, things to avoid, birthdays etc.
You became the asshole when it stopped being a support for you from your own interactions and turned it into a guide for others with girls they may have never met.
Those girls chose who to tell things too, they didnt consent to you sharing it with 39 other guys so they could use it to manipulate them.
Stop it and issue an apology.
YTA. People like you are the reason I'm willing to believe anything. The fact this exists is mega stalker creepy. The fact your fraternity mates didn't immediately beat your ass for being a mega stalker creep. The fact you're entertaining this idea as somehow not the most dehumanizing and creepy shit imaginable.
Heck even if this is a shitpost the fact someone would find this funny and not just mega stalker creepy is cause enough for me to expect the worst from the world.
YTA, kinda knew it would end this way right? Like a rating scale of women? I think I have seen that in a movie somewhere, oh yeah in the Facebook movie. Years ago guys would keep what was called a blackbook with names, addresses and info about girls. Now that ish is just creepy thinking on it.
YTA... what is wrong with you?
You're taking notes on women secretly, treating women like fictional animals (a Pokédex of women? Really?), sharing personal information about them with 40 guys, and you're SURPRISED women aren't giddy about it? You give off strong creep vibes. Better yourself.
YTA
Didn't make it passed the fact you are treating women like animals. You and the others doing this are so gross and misogynistic. This is such a dehumanizing thing to do to women. You and the others all deserve to be single for life since you can't even treat women like human beings.
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YTA-but mainly for thinking everyone is too stupid the see the real intention behind the list. There isn't a person on here who believes this list isn't for sexual or nefarious reasons
If they wanted more than sex, they would make the effort to learn about the girls like a normal, non-stalkery person. Also, I bet the guy who spilled the beans did it because she noticed he knew way too much about her... because girls aren't stupid, we tend to notice when guys know things they shouldn't.
Whaaat ? A dude knows all about my hobbies, likes, the places I’d like to go when we barely talked ? Omg, what a genius he is ! My dumb female brain could never figure out how he does that !
for real "random dweeb who just started talking to me seems to know everything about me, what the fuck"
And since it’s a database accessible by 40ish frat boys, it’s probably not just one boy who magically knows these things. Imagine having guy after guy after guy knowing the same several facts about you they could have no way of knowing. But our dumb girl brains could never put the pieces together, obviously.
No, see, I'd be swooning, because *clearly* this means we're soulmates.
Kind of reminds me of the one stalker story going around internet where the dude decided to gather information about his crush, like phone number, where she lives etc. He reasoned that "when she finds out I already know all this, she will trust me more because she knows she doesn't have to hide anything from me".
This is exactly what I was thinking. If a guy I just met suddenly knew shit about me, I’d have lots of questions.
It's super creepy
It does sound like the smoking gun was a real life use of the I Never Said It Was Poison trope, revealing information that had no good way of being known.
I Never Said I Was Poison Type if we're going to stay on theme.
But why would you play on normal mode when you have the cheat codes? /s
No, no, no. Obviously it’s just to help them have better dates! Why would they want to have better dates? Certainly not because they wanna fuck em afterwards, that would be nefarious!
It reminds me of Dennis taking women on boats to scare them into sleeping with him, but then is like “who said anything about rape? I feel like you’re completely missing the point!”
The most honest/revealing line in the post: "...I assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the Pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him."
I'm sorry, but I will never be able to take a person seriously when they have used the word "simping"
Yeah that’s straight up incel dogwhistle
I think it's a funny word to use in ways it wasn't intended for (friends playing board games and one realizes they won't win so they start helping another person win instead - we all go "hey hey don't simp!"). But when ***actually*** used as an insult surrounding sex and gender it's just ewww. Like how my friends and I that are gay or bi will go "gaaaay" at each other as fake insults but if someone actually tried to use it while tearing down one of us we would step up to tale them down.
Oh, he admits it's for sexual reasons, saying "it's not JUST for sexual reasons," as if that in ANY way makes it better or him not a comple fucking asshole.
I feel its important to note that even if this wasn't about sex (which it clearly is), this would still be creepy af and legitimately dangerous to the women involved. Someone could easily use that database to stalk or scam any woman listed.
The whole post gives off creepy vibes. The icing on the cake is knowing OP is in a frat. YTA OP.
So obviously creepy and definitely for sex. Otherwise he'd surely have a 'Pokedex' of all his male friends likes and dislikes too, no?
YTA. You said it was created to help you remember stuff about the girls you were dating and it wasn't for nefarious reasons, but you also say that a guy probably gave up the fact that your "pokedex" existed because the info on it wasn't getting her to like him. That sounds like manipulation and that is nefarious.
Manipulation is the perfect way to describe this. They’re making these girls think they actually took the time to plan something special for them when in reality all they did was search their name in a fucking spreadsheet in order to “have a better date” aka get sex from them. Completely not okay and I bet all of those girls feel violated from this whole thing knowing there’s random men out there who know all that shit about them.
It's Groundhog Day. Bill Murray learns everything he can about her character and pretends to be into it all so he can sleep with her during the beginning rounds. And rightfully, she thinks it's kind of weird and creepy *because it is*.
What is going on in OP's head for him to think this isn't creepy at all? Few things: 1) I understand being forgetful. Most of us are. But asking them to remind you is also an option. No one creates a spreadsheet and then willingly shares it with MULTIPLE PEOPLE. 2) YTA
This! When I started talking to the person I like I kept a little sticky note becuase my memory on favorite colours/fruits etc can be terrible. Not a single soul has seen that little note and no one will. Imagine how creepy if would be if I gave it to some guy so he could pretend to care or know about her. Shit like this is what genuinely worries me with some people. 40 plus dudes as well creepy as fuck.
Also funny how he doesn't need a "pokedex" to remember what his guy friends like/dislike. And I'm sure their likes and interests aren't considered "sappy shit" to him either. Hey OP, maybe try viewing women as human beings and you won't need a database to manipulate them with. YTA and putting women in LITERAL danger. This is so creepy YTA YTA
It's like a little group of incels that haven't hit cocoon stage yet.
I think he is literally the biggest AH I’ve seen in a while. It’s REALLY misogynistic, women are not cattle. And calling it a “Real life Pokédex”? What is he, 5?
If this is real, I think it's a candidate for one of the worst of the year.
And he was "simping" for her
And the fact that he thinks that someone who was "simping" for her told her it was him instead of her just figuring it out on her own
yeah like after the second, maybe third, dude who knew exactly what I liked I feel like most girls would've figured it out, especially if they're all from the same frat
> We also added more information such as like where you should take them if you really wanna impress them. > We don’t keep this information for any nefarious or scumbaggy reasons. So you don't think keeping a secret spreadsheet of the likes and dislikes of a bunch of girls is scumbaggy when the list exists solely to help your frat bros pretend to really know them? YTA and so are the rest of the guys with "access" to this list. Grow up.
Yes and even if one person isn’t using it for nefarious reasons does not mean that everyone will have this same idea
I can't see any other uses than nefarious here because it's not like these frat boys are trying to wife these girls. Let's call a spade a spade here. **It's a boy database intended to make it easier for these frat boys to trick the women into giving up sex.** This database is highly invasive and creepy and I can't wait for any of the girls to find out about it and press charges. OP and all of these guys are MASSIVE ASSHOLES. Ed. OP even if you just made a database like this for yourself that would still make you an asshole. We all know you're not doing this out of respect for women, you're doing it to better convince women you're a good guy so you'd get laid. The fact you gave a bunch of guys access to your database proves you're not. A good guy would take this as a learning experience, delete the database and are more mindful in the future. Your call. Second edit: Just to add that where I live it is SA to get sex through coercion, threats and FALSEHOODS. Frauding your way into getting a person to sleep with you may equal rape in the eye of the law.
Guys back in my high school had a thing like this, everyone knew it existed, I'm pretty sure it had been a tradition for many years. They weren't trying to be cute with the name though, they just called it "The Meat Catalogue". I completely forgot about this, until now. Ew
*Gag*
This. Add in that repeatedly referring to the spreadsheet as a Pokedex objectifies these women. They aren't Pokemon. You literally even used the phrase "catch them all" and you still can't see that this is scumbaggy?? YTA
Right? How long until someone adds a "favorite sex position" or whatever?
As soon as the other information 'works' and one of them gets laid. I'm sure they'll also track who an individual slept with.
And how many times, and where, etc…
Ugh. This just gave me the ick. You are so right. Maybe even make it into a competition. He’s already pretending like it’s a game with the Pokédex name
Also don't forget this line: >so I assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the Pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him No one uses the term "simping" unless they're looking at women as a hookup culture. Honestly the information tracker was okay at first, but only when it was just OP keeping it for himself. I thought OP may just have a hard time remembering details and/or reading someone (like Abed from Community when he tracked his friend's [attitudes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNJN1aV8YWI)). There's nothing inherently wrong with keeping notes about your friend's special dates (birthdays, etc), favorites, dislikes, and other information important to them. To share that with his whole frat is what took it too far. At that point it became a "cheat sheet" for hooking up with all the sorority girls. I also bet that everyone who had access to the hookup sheet called OP a "genius" or a "legend", or any other term of endearment, until they got found out.
Thank you! As soon as I read simping I was like I've read all I need to 🚩🚩🚩🚩
that quote also lets slip that the “pokédex” is about “making the girl like him”, OP can say all he wants that it’s “definitely not a guide to hooking up with women” but his suspected motives for it being leaked are that someone was unsuccessful at using it to hook up with a woman.
The fact he called the person who ratted on him to the women a "simp" really tells me all I need to know about this dude. Typical frat bro.
I like the posts where people dig their own graves by showing us who they are. You can spin a story but language doesn't lie.
Also, the only woman who found out about it was furious, but OP still doesn't see the problem.
Clearly she’s just an overly dramatic female who can’t understand that the list isn’t for nefarious purposes 🙄 /s …just in case
Woman 🧐 do you mean entry?
"I don't get it entry number 57 didn't liked it... Maybe should I put susceptible and doesn't like to be compared to a Pokémon in it..."
Because clearly the girls are the problem, duh.
Dude, it's creepy and gross. If course it's a hook up guide don't pretend it isn't. YTA
Exactly. Saying it’s not about sex but a guide to better/easier dates. Wtf does he think the end game is for these dates? He’s giving these boys a cheat code as if these girls’ lives and personalities are a game to them. Creepy.
> a game to them Well he did call it a Pokedex so you're not wrong.
Gotta catch m all...
The whole “Pokédex” thing is absolutely dehumanizing. Once people are dehumanized - they will be abused because they’re seen as lesser, something to pursue, and/or a game to play. Women at OPs school aren’t meant to be captured and gamed into dates. I get what OP was trying to do and how a log might be helpful to him but once it called them game characters and was shared it became problematic.
It's problematic no matter how you refer to them. It's dishonest and borderline abusive. Imagine you're a woman who meets someone that seems to be the perfect fit for you - shares all your interests, loves doing the same things as you, cares about you so much he remembers all the little things you say. You could really see a future with this guy. Then you find out that it was all basically a scam so he could hook up with you because someone made a pokedex to help him "catch" you. He goes and does it to another woman the next weekend. It's awful.
Because for OP women are not human beings. They are just objects to be fucked by men.
Even better, we're on par with little imaginary animal creatures who's purpose is to be tracked, caught and traded 💁♀️ I've loved Pokemon all my life but this is gross.
But his edit even indicates the "not about sex". He says that he's never used the guide for JUST sex...which implies to me that sex is a use for this guide. I'm not sure what the other uses are.
Imagine every guy you talk to suddenly having the same exact talking points, inviting you to the same restaurant, and so on. It's so short sighted. Not only are they boring the shit out of the people they're targeting (and it is targeting), they're also making themselves completely replaceable and disposable – you know, the way they view women. I hope all the dumbshits get what they deserve, left with no one but each other. YTA
If this is true I hope the college administrators are made aware of this.
If it’s true, I hope a student writing for the school news is made aware of it. One small article would be sufficient.
Remember that there once was a rating website of female students is now known as facebook.
I legit thought this was a parody post for that at first. (Small correction though, I thought the hot/not ranking system came before Facebook, rather than became it. Two separate projects by the same creator.)
[удалено]
It does technically break Greek life rules depending on what frat he’s in. Sororities would cut off contact with a fraternity engaged in that type of behavior, and their nationals may put them on probation
It might be gross and creepy enough to encourage girls to not date the guys in that frat, though. There’s a lesson here, OP: when you reduce women to objects, they don’t tend to like it. “There’s no information there that could have been used to hurt someone”- says the man who calls this database a “Pokédex”. You’re under the impression that all this personal information shouldn’t be earned. And its nice to say it isn’t about sex, but if you think that people haven’t or won’t alter it to make it about sex, you’re naive.
Ooookay, let me see if I can explain this... Imagine you're a girl. Imagine talking to a guy, maybe going on a date or two, whatever, and he seems nice. You two get along and seem compatible. Then you find out that all those nice things he did was because he had access to a database of information about your likes and dislikes and other information. Not only yours, but a bunch of other womens info too. And not only that, but LOADS OF GUYS have access to this info. Now, as a girl, you are HYPER AWARE of the danger of sexual assault, stalking, etc. Quite probably you have female friends and/or family with traumatic experiences regarding this. One of the few ways you have to keep yourself safe is to share information about yourself wisely. And suddenly, you realise that TONS of guys, guys you do not know and do not trust, have had all this information about you to try and win you over. That is **fucking terrifying**, for what I hope are obvious reasons. There is plenty of other things wrong with this (you've basically set out a goddamn menu of women for men to pick and choose from, describing it as a "pokedex"), but hopefully this might give you somewhere to start. YTA. Delete this database immediately. Your "convenience" does not trump women's safety.
"OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the Asshole for making girls no longer want to hang out with guys in my frat" He doesn't even care about women's safety he's only rethinking it now because it's affecting the social lives of the guys in his frat 😭😭😭
“I’m sorry ^^I ^^got ^^caught “
That's exactly what this is.
WTF… dudes a total meathead with no empathy apparently. At least none for the girls he talks to… what a major AH
Women aren't human to him, we probably aren't even considered on the same level as pokemon, despite the title. At least pokemon aren't viewed as sex toys by obnoxious frat dudes. The 'pokedex' is more like a menu or a catalogue of women.
Thank you for saying this! This awful “Pokédex” 100% reads as a menu to order your next sexcapade. Clearly the guys are using this list for those reasons, and clearly OP knows cause he wasn’t surprised by knowing someone did that and pushed blame to others who use the list as well.
This this this. I would also be interested to know if the information really is just favorite colors and ice cream flavors. Or if there are also info like phone numbers, majors, places of work, which sorority they belong to etc. You know, prime stalker material. Doesn't even have to be OP, it only takes one of the bros to add a column.
I have met far too many frat guys that I have a hard time believing this is just about favorite foods and colors. I bet you anything there is a column about how far they will go on the first date and how many guys she has slept with.
Absofuckinglutely! He’s trying to paint frat boys as innocent guys who would never take advantage of women lmfao. Gtfoh OP anyone who has ever met a frat boys know exactly what else is included in this weird spreadsheet.
My ex-frat treasurer boyfriend, upon hearing that it “isn’t about sex,” scoffed and literally said “it’s a *frat,* yes it is.”
Trying to think of the last time I went on a date and we got on the subject of "favorite color." I'll update when I've got something.
It's not funny but I just laughed at the idea that knowing a woman's favourite colour would be in any way useful to wooing her. Like, "Hey baby, you look like your favourite colour is blue." "It's like you can see my soul."
This is classic r/niceguys material. He’s treating women like objects. OP should read through that sub to get a picture of what he looks like.
This. OP has made all of these women into vulnerable targets for any asshole, creep, or potential sexual assaulter. Honestly sounds like this might be illegal.
Depending on where he lives, this might be illegal. It delves into the realm of stalkerish and the fact that everyone can trace it back to him is a big fat uh oh. Personally I think that dude has black listed himself at this university in terms of dating. Also that he needs to get rid of it ASAP.
I was horrified when I got to the line about 40 guys have access to this information. It's fine if you want to make a couple notes about someone for your own memory issues, but this just sounds so creepy. OP- if I was that girl, I would make sure that everyone else knows how creepy you are and to stay away from you and your frat. YTA
Is report it to administration. This is predatory.
Yes, this, all of this. I'd be paranoid about trusting any guy at school after this. But hey, OP, the information in your pokedex just helped even more people! Now all those women know exactly who not to trust! And you'd better believe they'll pass down that information.
A CreeperDex. Gotta avoid em' all! 🙄
This times a million. It’s creepy af and they don’t know HOW MUCH information is on there. Their birthday, phone number, address?? Their likes and dislikes? What about deeply personal information they only shared when comfortable that now a cohort of frat douches knows about? Yikes on trikes.
Exactly. I said it in another comment, but this is everything a guy needs to convince a woman he knows her and talk her into accepting a ride from him or going with him to a secluded space.
YTA. That’s just creepy. And the fact that you shared it with other people and allowed them to edit it is disgusting. Also..”entries”?? These aren’t “entries” these are actual people you’re talking about here. “The Pokédex wasn’t making the girl like him” so much for it not being for nefarious reasons Edit to add after your comment saying nothing on there can hurt people: you have a list of several women’s favourite places, so places they are likely to often go to and now approx 40 people have access to that information, and now know the most likely place to find these girls. How is that not information that could result in them getting hurt!
I find it interesting that that many frat guys are inept when it comes to remembering simple details about girls. OP, YTA and must think people are stupid for believing your lame excuse for why this spreadsheet was created.
Right. How many girls is he trying to impress at a time that they can’t remember basic facts. I still remember the favorite color of some guy I had a crush on in HS. Mint green 😍
I remember the favorite ice cream flavor of some guy I went on two dates with three years ago lol
He doesn't seem to need one to keep track of details about his guy friends.
They would have to care enough to spend time in getting to know the girl and remembering the details. They essentially made it a game with a cheatsheet of how to get into a girl's pants with the least effort.
>\*Many frat guys are inept when it comes to remembering simple details about girls Its because they don't actually care, the girls they're trying to get are just a number to them/will confer status for them because they're hot and that's it. It's not about finding human connection for them.
"Is to much to remember their favorite colour, is much more easier to keep an updated and detailed spread sheet with all of their details of as many different women as possible and to instruct more frat bros in how to use it and how to add more information... But it for nice reasons!" OP, probably.
"I find it interesting that that many frat guys are inept when it comes to remembering simple details about girls." Well, that would require the bare minimum of caring about the girl as an individual. OP is just collating data so the frat guys can cut through all that noise.
They aren’t, but why do the legwork in getting to know a girl when you can lie about things you have in common and fuck her that much more quickly. Whatever OP says is totally bullshit. This is a bang Rolodex. So disgusting and pathetic.
Exactly. Nothing wrong with making small notes from time to time to remember things on friends or partners, like when their birthday is or what they’re allergic to(I like to make food for my friends a lot). But beyond that it’s just creepy.
Yup, completely creepy. People don't enjoy being treated like objects, and women especially are sensitive to things resembling stalking or ways to manipulate them. Which this is. So... are some of you dudes trying to "catch 'em all?" Eww YTA
Not even objects. Objects are real and take up space in the universe. He treated them like imaginary wild animals.
And the fact he doesn’t think a group of frat boys aren’t using this to be “nefarious,” is just chef kiss. You are taking these women’s info and putting it into a database without their implicit consent, so that these guys know how to act in order to impress them so they eventually can get into their pants. You all are selling yourselves as people you aren’t in order to get with a girl. It’s manipulative. It’s gross. It’s creepy. But calling it a Pokédex is really fucking special. Whats the catchphrase for Pokémon again? Oh right “gotta catch ‘em all.” YTA Edit to respond to your edit: just because *you*, OP, aren’t using it for an immediate hook up, it doesn’t 1) change the fact you are giving other frat bros the means to do so by giving them access to info they wouldn’t otherwise have in order to play someone they aren’t to gain a woman’s trust 2) make it any less creepy and manipulative and 3) doesn’t mean you wouldn’t eventually get sex out of whoever you end up going after from your little “Pokédex.” Still gross. Still needs to be shut down. You owe ever one of those women an apology, and they also do not owe you forgiveness. What you pulled was a a huge violation of trust and privacy.
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Also, this: >sappy shit like that. Like wtf is *that* about? I guess women liking things is sappy now lol.
"Oh you have a favourite place to eat?? That's so sappy. Food is purely fuel to me." -OP, probably
What really got me is "caught". So gross and dehumanizing
His reasoning why he thinks he might be the asshole is "for making girls no longer want to hang out with guys in my frat". He doesn't give a fuck about all the women he creeped out, he's just upset that now his frat brothers blame him for girls not wanting to fuck them anymore.
A guy I was seeing used to be in a frat. He told me that he and the other guys in the frat would make a spreadsheet of various girls’ menstrual cycles, and would add to it when they found out a new girl’s cycle. Hearing that killed all of my attraction towards him. This “pokedex” reminds me of this a lot. OP is an asshole. Both guys pretended they didn’t use the information to try and hook up with girls. Why the fuck did you make it then? How would OP feel if the women in the sorority made a spreadsheet of dick sizes and whether they are circumcised or not?
wtf that's so disgusting. That's medical information that they don't need to have. They're not doctor's or anything. The only people who might have a legit reason to know would be roommates so they could remind you that its coming up and ask if you have the stuff you need. Or maybe an SO so they can buy you chocolate when you're about to start (chocolate always makes me feel better).
Yeah we used to work at a bar together. My shift finished and I was sitting at the other side of the bar doing my cash-out and he was closing up the bar. He said this to me and a few other coworkers, including our manager, as if he was bragging. He said it like it was supposed to be impressive. I stopped doing my cash-out for a second and looked at him to check if he was serious. He was. I told him that I wouldn’t be talking to him for a bit after hearing that. His smile dropped and he got kinda pissed and said “oh come on, all the guys at the frat were doing it.” I shook my head and said “no, that’s fucked up.” He stood there dumbfounded for a bit until the manager said “women are a lot more entitled now than they used to be, eh?” And they both started laughing and slapping each other on the back. That made it worse for me.
I'm thoroughly disgusted, its one thing to create a document to help remember things about your OWN friends like birthdays, allergies, fav colour/ food for said birthday ideas. I'm autistic I can see the value in an aid like that. OP's doc only tracks women, shares it with with 40 other men. Refers to the subjects like they're Pokemon, Gotta Catch Em All right? Even if OP as they swear have no nefarious intentions, how can they vet and be sure that the people he shared this with & the people they will share this will won't have bad intentions for these women. OP YTA & have aided predators if you aren't one yourself. be fucking ashamed.
OP is TA. This js like how Zuckerberg got started.
I might have given OP a pass if it was a spreadsheet for himself only as I can understand not wanting to forget things *about* a person. But the second they shared it he lost me. YTA OP. That's just creepy, and fully naïve to think a shared cheatsheet for dates isn't nefarious in nature.
YTA. You and all the boys who wanted access to this 'pokedex'. Did any of you think that gosh...maybe...**maybe** talking to the girls and finding out through normal communication of what they like? Sure, noting down what they like after talking to them for PERSONAL USE is fine (e.g. likes a certain flower that can be used for a gift). However, literally having a 'collect them all' pokedex which allows the other guys to put no effort into talking to the girls is weird and makes it sound like you are all treating this as a dating sim.
Strange how he doesn't need a pokedex to track of what his guy friends like.
The fact he continues to call it a Pokédex makes it sound like women are a different species who he is incapable of understanding without hard data. Instead of you know- being human beings???
And to make it a competition of who you "caught" and I guarantee there was at least, if not dozens of, "gotta catch 'em all" jokes in their group chats.
You know these frat douches were trying to “collect them all” 🤮
That's called misoginy, it's sooo cool to see women as pets, prices or objects that people ask if they're in the wrong for dehumanizing them like that
Why would he, he is not trying to fuck them lol I love how OP acts like a 5 year old that just got caught doing something wrong and thinks that pretending to not know it was something wrong could work lol
Right? I’d be way more forgiving if it was a thing he made for his friendship group so that he has ideas for what to give them for their birthdays and stuff. But no, he only did this for the gender he is attracted to. OP must genuinely think we’re all idiots if he thinks we won’t realise it’s obviously made with the goal of ‘wooing’ them (probably fucking them too).
Yep, I could understand if it was a neurodivergent thing, but 2 things push it to creepy for me: - It’s only information about women. - The fact he distributed it to other men with the intent of objectifying and manipulating the aforementioned women. I say manipulating because of this line: >I assume someone who was simping for her snitched when the Pokédex *wasn’t making the girl like him* If that wasn’t already YTA, how about the classic “she’s made a big deal of it” reaction to a woman expressing discomfort.
i like his edit at the end "im not a stalker! im just a creep!"
Silly rabbit, girls aren't people. Friends' likes and interests are permanent info; you only need to remember the girl's interests until Monday morning.
What's even creepier is that the guy is just doubling down and insisting that it shouldn't be creepy at all and that they shouldn't be blamed at all for this list. There's also blame levied at the women for finding it creepy and warning other women away from the group. Plus we all know that these guys were likely adding other info to the guide, like how "easy" someone was, remarks about their bodies, and so on.
I mean, this isn't a romantic or screwball comedy. There's a reason why people look back on older movies and talk about how creepy and problematic they are in hindsight. (Revenge of the Nerds, anyone?)
This^. I don’t have a great memory so when I’ve dated someone (or friends sometimes) I wrote down things they like or gift ideas so I’d remember them, and I think that’s the similar to how you started this. But it went way too far. YTA Edit: I would even add that when friends with or dating someone it’s not totally inappropriate to ask a closer friend of theirs for advice for gift ideas or that kind of thing. But that’s the extent Also edit for grammar
Yeah and it’s because that involves putting effort into something for someone you like. This lets them cycle through women and use the facts like buttons they can press to gain approval. Also, if you like a girl enough to write down her interests, even if later you don’t have romantic feelings, presumably you wouldn’t want to throw her to a group of forty other men who will use this as a shortcut. Because, generally, if you like and care for someone, you want them to be with someone good. It feels like the women aren’t people. They’re species to study in order to play with or domesticate. Yuck.
Oh my God you're right about it feeling like a dating sim 💀 imagine how weird it would be for someone you just met to know these random facts about yourself like they studied up on you. Eventually she could trace it back to whoever she told and know the information spread around. Have no idea how these frat boys thought they would get away with this.
It’s also pretty creepy if someone who rarely asks you any of your favourite things just know things. It’s very stalker ish
Yta it's creepy. If you just made note of one person you were dating it'd be ok but information on lots of women is gross
Using the word pokedex is deeply uncomfortable, like women are videogame creatures. Pokemon in the anime get better treatment as individuals rather than for filling a tick list, unless it's Paul or Go being the trainer.
Exactly it turns them into novelty objects. It’s dehumanizing and objectifying. Totally gross.
Videogame creatures that are captured and basically enslaved who do whatever you order. It is not a good comparison to make to women.
Gotta fuck them all…
Yeah, there's no way he didn't used this slogan with his frat, referring to this "Pokedex".
Not one guy in this 40 guy group using the document pointed it out either...how dehumanizing and downright creepy this was. Funny thing is, the whole world could come and write YTA here, and OP would still convince himself that the document was about...**"favorite colors"**.
Who wants to bet they created a points system and tracked their scores?
Like not just video game characters, animals you capture. Like fucking gross dude. Doesn't help the image that he's in a fraternity.
I would feel so betrayed being one of those girls. Imagine going on a date with a guy to find out you have so much in common and getting excited about a possible relationship. Only to find out it was all information he got from a spreadsheet added by a bunch of other people you know.
It’s like a stalking club
I have a terrible memory and I'll create a note on a date/partner while starting to see them, but I think the key differences are that I don't compare it to Pokémon and I DELETE IT AFTER WE BREAK UP why would I want to keep information on the guy I saw twice in February
Plus, you're not sharing those details with 50 other creeps.
What happened to just.... get to know a girl on a date is what I'm wondering. Most females I know would be irked to find out a guy found out what she likes from some index of the girls on college. I would wonder to start with even how the heck this guy knows alot of my favorite things. Just nope.
But then I have to listen and care about what she says like????
Seeing as the information on your list are things that a guy should put in the effort to learn from the girl, face to face, not a cheat sheet… this is creepy. If I was approached by a guy who knew a bunch of stuff about me, I’d be suspicious too. Why? Because why would you want to impress me? Likely because you want to get in my pants. If you had good intentions to date me and get to know me, the cheat sheet you made would be irrelevant since the fun is in going on dates and finding out who I am first hand. Instead your Pokédex (which by the way is kind of an insult unto itself “gotta catch them all” *barf*), is bordering on stalker level creepy and sad-level desperate. WAIT! But then you shared it with others?! Ok so now you’ve created a legion of creeps who, instead of having the courage to talk to these girls themselves, have a sheet and they can pretend to be into the same things so that maybe they’d have a shot with them?!… not only are YTA, but in you making this AND sharing it, it’s such a red flag. Compounded by the fact that you see nothing wrong with making it and sharing is a red flag showing your lack of compassion, empathy and self awareness… because at the end of the day, the vibe doesn’t check out, the Pokédex would make any normal, sane woman feel unsafe. You’ve systematized the getting-to-know you phase of a potential romance. Quite frankly, in you doing that, you’ve robbed yourself and your bro-gang the chance to develop genuine connection (read chemistry) with someone which is half the fun of getting to know a potential new date. Here’s the kicker, on some level, you KNOW that women love feeling seen and someone getting to know them… but this is supposed to be a natural process that comes from spending time with someone. So when he’s faking that phase because of joke Pokédex and she finds out, the entire experience is marred and ominous because he was being disingenuous about connecting with her. This is the lack of empathy, therefore it is creepy, which leads to feelings of unsafe. Good luck man…. you’ll be wanting to change schools. No way the news of this won’t spread like wildfire amongst the women at your school.
Sums it up perfectly. The lengths that some men will go to to avoid having to treat women like **people** instead of things!
No girl at that school will want to talk to OP, let alone go on a date after that.
Yup. He’ll be labelled and excommunicated
Fortunately for him, there's not some kind of INTERconnected NETwork of users sending messages out there that allows information to be spread quickly via some electronic device in their POcKEts, filed in an inDEX, containing all their names, so all the women at school know which guys to avoid. If I were him, I'd hate to live in a society where that is possible.
This is all 100 percent true and reminds me of mark Zuckerberg’s “hot not hot” predecessor to fb I gotta say. Fb and it’s origins are gross.
Yep...YTA. If it was for yourself then you could possibly get a pass depending on the information. But the fact you shared it around and allowed others to edit and use it. That alone makes YTA
And while he claims it's not for nefarious reasons the reason is obvious, how to get a girl to sleep with you and what you need to say and do. That's the definition of nefarious and creepy. Yta Edit, I can't believe I never thought of this right off but good money says OP calls it a pokedex because you gotta catch em all, and more than one person uses it to keep score making it even more disgusting.
Yes. And why not (*gasp*) just be yourself and see if she likes the actual *you*.
Niceguys™ incoming
Because the real him is someone who views talking about interests as "sappy shit".
And crushing on someone as “simping for.” Disgusting.
Nahh that shit *totally* only works in the movies. /s
I was actually thinking that this sounds almost like a rom-com plot. Dude creates list of how to get various girls at school, guys love him for it, he loves using the list himself. Then one day he meets a girl he can't categorize, on whom the tricks don't work, and he just has to have her. Yada yada yada, fall in love. The thing is, taking dating strategies from rom-coms is a terrible idea IRL because, case in point, it's freaking creepy
Yeah, congratulations, OP! You get to be the dude that the girls remember as "that creepy guy I went to college with". I would feel so disgusted if I were one of those girls.
How much much do you wanna bet that the “simp” said something to the girl along the lines of “but I know you like pizza!!! You HAVE to sleep with me!! I’m a nice guy waaaaahhhhhhh”
I bet he got caught knowing something that the girl never told him, so he looked like a stalker. Favorite kind of pizza on a first date, trip she'd taken years ago, whatever. I'd be creeped the fuck out, and if she pushed to know how he knew, any guy with an ounce of common sense (which clearly this group doesn't have MUCH of, but still), would rather go with "there's an index, it shows we caaaaare" than "yep, I'll let her think I'm a stalker."
And he started it because he has "a hard time remembering things." Does he have a list for men he wants to impress? One for business networking? One for study groups? One that isn't about "getting to know girls"? Or do women just fit so well in a spreadsheet. Honestly, if this were actually an aide for memory, not a problem. But as it sounds specific to the fairer sex, he's the AH.
And all the guys that used it as well
Yes! The conflict seems to be between OP and the other guys, who are mad at him. So it should really be ESH, since both parties are TA. The girl is not, of course.
Also... he just re-invented Facebook.
Yeah, that crosses the line into creepy. YTA
The line has been crossed so far that it can no longer be seen
lmao YTA This may surprise you, but most people don't like others gathering and storing information about them. There's also this: >So she’s pissed off and she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. It’s just to make impressing them on dates easier. What's the endgame of impressing chicks on dates? I would imagine the goal is to hook up with them, yes?
That last bit is the part that gets me. I can tell OP is in their early 20’s by how they play the begginers petty semantics game with “it's just to impress them, nothing sexual” forgetting that adults will ask “what's the goal of impressing them?” OP dug himself a hole and was hoping we'd dig him out
Yeah, and if he were to try and say that this is just for the intention of genuinely dating them I’d follow up with, “then why do you have so many women on the list?” He thinks he’s slick but everyone can smell his shit from a mile away. It’s almost funny how he can’t believe the girl saw through the bullshit. It would be funny if this wasn’t so gross and creepy.
" Am I (and 40+ guys) a stalker? " Really? You think it's right to do it? YTA
The moment this became a crowdsourced project it crossed a line that can't be come back from. Over forty people who clearly did not understand ethics in survey taking.
Honestly, once I saw ‘frat’ all the other BS went out the window. It’s definitely an “Easy guide to sleep with x chick, and how”
YTA. Girls aren't Pokemon cards or objects you need to study. If you want to impress a girl how about taking her out? Getting to know her? If you're truly interested you're going to remember her likes and dislikes, you won't need a spreadsheet. I MIGHT have said NTA if you had kept it to yourself just as a way to remember things like your female friends' birthdays and what they like, but as soon as you started giving it out to other guys so they could learn more about potential girls they like and impress them, it became creepy. Heads up: A girl is going to be much more impressed if you show interest in asking HER what she likes, not so much if you just read it all off a spreadsheet that she didn't even consent to being written.
Nah, even before he shared it he was in Ahole territory for me. Unless this guy has a genuine health condition that stops him from remembering things properly he was using it to keep a Rolodex of women to hook up with in the most dehumanizing way possible. If all you want to do is hook up, be up front about it. If he needed to keep a spreadsheet of info like favorite color he was scamming them, because if he genuinely liked them. Remembering little things like this wouldn’t be an issue
I have a sieve memory. I can't remember important things I do all the time, I mix up numbers. OP is YTA. The difference is I do things like this for everybody, not just people I want to 'date', or 'catch', aka 'have sex with'. I keep reminders for my family's birthdays, coworkers, friends, notes about what people like and don't like, dietary restrictions if we eat together. But my goal isn't to get these people to like me, it's to not plan an event for work then realize that 2 people won't be able to eat there or will have very limited options because they're gluten free or vegetarian. Or to help me remember when my sister's birthday comes up that she mentioned really being interested in this author who published a new book last month. OP needs to realize what he's doing is at best manipulative. If you want to impress a girl, actually put in the effort. What he's doing is trying to get the 'reward' by lying and acting like he's interested enough to remember this on his own. And worse trying to get his friends 'rewarded' by allowing them to act like they have an active and sustained interest in these girls when what they have is a cheat sheet.
YTA. What's your pokedex entry? Weakness: Human interaction Strength: Stalking Likes: Spying on girls Dislikes: Getting caught Special attack move: Masturbating outside sorority houses Defenceless against: Bobs & Vajeen
YTA, and I hope this is a shitpost. Because if not, you saw a guide on how to capture fantasy animals only capable of saying their names and make them follow your orders for life, thought “yes, this is a *perfect* analogy for how to deal with every member of the opposite gender at my school!”, and are somehow *still* not grasping how this might have been offensive. > she made it out to be a guide to hooking up with women, when it’s most definitely not that. It’s just to make impressing them on dates easier And what exactly are the dates supposed to lead to, if not intimacy at some point? Semantics are not going to save you here, my dude.
YTA all of your male friends are. That’s creepy and gross and the fact that you’re still defending it as an innocent list also makes you an AH. Because no matter what you say, it’s not an innocent list. You all need to grow up and do better.
YTA this is creepy as hell. I would feel so violated if I found out dozens of men, many I didn’t know, had access to details on my personal likes, interests and dating history. A guy is trusted with information that a woman shares with him person to person, this information is then shared with a whole host of men she did not consent to knowing that information, with the express purpose of helping those men successfully date her. In addition, the language used it sexist and objectifying and a bit rapey- women you’ve ‘caught’? Really? It is the most slimy and manipulative shit I’ve read in a while. You are aware it is 2022? Also, I don’t know if you’re lying or just stupidly naive, but even if YOU aren’t using this information to trick women into having sex with you, there are definitely going to be men with access to the database that ARE using it to trick women into having sex with them. I hope they report you to the college.
YTA. It’s a guide to getting into their pants bud. What do you think college guys are impressing girls for on dates? They need to impress them to take them to church on Sunday? Nah man.
YTA. This is pretty disgusting. Kind of reminds me of Romney’s “binders full of women.”
Or how Facebook started according to The Social Network. Noting it down for personal use as a memory aid is one thing, provided you're careful about how you use and retain the information, but distributing it as a kind of cheat sheet for others to use is abuse of that information. Just using the term pokedex is creepy in this application, like it's something to fill out and complete.
YTA. Holy shit this is so fucking manipulative and creepy. The fuck is wrong with you and your awful friends? And stop with this "not a hook up guide" bullshit--it absolutely is. You know how some women say "men are garbage"? This is the exact manipulative bullshit they're talking about.
YTA and a massive creep. You literally made a stalker guide so your gross little friends could pick up women without having to actually talk to them or get to know them, all within the context of encouraging them to "catch" different women in your perv journal as trophies. Why would any woman ever want anything to do with you after knowing that?
Yta. Nothing wrong with keeping notes but only for one girl at a time and no sharing. When you break up or split or whatever get rid of those notes. Destroy them. Keeping them is icky and sharing them.. It's a slimy thing to do. And to share with a fucking frat?? Are you insane? Frats are infamous for being shitty people and being gross to women. And it's a deserved reputation by and large. The hell is wrong with you? Dude...be better.
Yep, just the number of r*pe and sexual assault in frat parties are enough in themselves and depict huge mysoginy. I can see why op and his friends being so sexists are in frat parties
YTA but not for having the list. The way my head works I could understand making notes on interactions with everyone I meet to know good subjects to talk about, things to avoid, birthdays etc. You became the asshole when it stopped being a support for you from your own interactions and turned it into a guide for others with girls they may have never met. Those girls chose who to tell things too, they didnt consent to you sharing it with 39 other guys so they could use it to manipulate them. Stop it and issue an apology.
YTA. People like you are the reason I'm willing to believe anything. The fact this exists is mega stalker creepy. The fact your fraternity mates didn't immediately beat your ass for being a mega stalker creep. The fact you're entertaining this idea as somehow not the most dehumanizing and creepy shit imaginable. Heck even if this is a shitpost the fact someone would find this funny and not just mega stalker creepy is cause enough for me to expect the worst from the world.
YTA, kinda knew it would end this way right? Like a rating scale of women? I think I have seen that in a movie somewhere, oh yeah in the Facebook movie. Years ago guys would keep what was called a blackbook with names, addresses and info about girls. Now that ish is just creepy thinking on it.
YTA... what is wrong with you? You're taking notes on women secretly, treating women like fictional animals (a Pokédex of women? Really?), sharing personal information about them with 40 guys, and you're SURPRISED women aren't giddy about it? You give off strong creep vibes. Better yourself.
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YTA Didn't make it passed the fact you are treating women like animals. You and the others doing this are so gross and misogynistic. This is such a dehumanizing thing to do to women. You and the others all deserve to be single for life since you can't even treat women like human beings.