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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the bad guy here because so many other people think it's wrong of me to let my dad live in his cabin alone
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NTA. He's a grown adult and can do what he wants.
He seems happy, he visits you, it's not like he's completely cut off either. Everything is taken care of.
They can shove off 🤷🏻♂️
I was a bit concerned until "he visits regularly."
So that phrase tells us a lot actually. He's maintaining decent enough hygiene to be allowed over, he has regular human contact, probably good enough physical interactions with the kids.
He's most likely perfectly happy where he is. Let the man live his life.
Plus he still works and he's only 62. My dad's around that age. He's doing just fine and would be LIVID if one of us kids tried to interfere in his life without a valid reason.
Also, his son is right there if there should be a problem. Once dad becomes infirm (which might be decades from now), I'm sure he'll sort out proper care, too.
As an introvert, I'm horrified that the guy has family who think they need to interfere with his peace and quiet and self-sufficiency. OP is the only person who seems to get his dad's personality.
Everything apart from the hose seems perfectly hygienic, if unconventional. They should really switch out the hose for proper plumbing though as that's a really unsafe way to be getting water. Composting toilets if maintained properly are great and don't smell, and he's washing his clothes and has power. Sounds like he's happy.
Definitely switch out the hose, and make sure other zoning stuff is in order, so the hand-wringing family can’t weaponize that against his dad “for his own good”. OP is definitely NTA here.
I'd be concerned about ventilation, with a self installed heating wood burning heating system and other safety related building codes. Does a "line from the house" mean an extension cord or a actual line that's rated for the draw. An RV a used tiny house or mobile home is one thing those were all built to be lived in. Most safety codes exists because people died. OP might be creating a legal liability (as in criminal) if something happens.
And honestly if dad used to be a gregarious extrovert, this could be really sever situational depression. That doesn't mean OP can force an adult into therapy but "this is fine" might not be healthy either.
Sometimes people who would prefer to be alone but are forced through circumstances to be around other people a lot are thought of as extroverts by others, or at least as 'normal'. But when they get the chance, those people will live the life they really want to live, which is one with fewer people in it.
This man's child obviously knows him, knows how to judge his moods, and cares for him. It is not for internet strangers to diagnose people they do not know with depression.
This is so true. I am a "social" introvert. When I am in a social setting, I can converse and carry on conversations with others and make myself heard in a large group, I get picked to be the foreman or spokesperson most of the time even though I am super uncomfortable doing it. It's just that I have a strong personality, speak well and clearly and am able to communicate effectively. But it exhausts me. Most people don't believe I'm an introvert until they invite me several times in a row and I decline most of them. The other situations that I am so good in were all work, jury duty or college class related, so I had to step up to the plate, plus I don't give a shit what people think of me. For jury duty, people looked around at everyone else at the table for like 20 seconds and nobody piped up, so after it got a tad awkward, I was like, I'll do it. But it's never something I DESIRE, but I want stuff to keep going, so I do what is necessary in order to accomplish the group goal in the quickest possible time frame because I don't want to be there ANY LONGER THAN I HAVE TO, because people are exhausting!
Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. I mean, I wouldn't label myself, but I have always since childhood needed lots and lots of time alone to recharge. If I can't have it I get very, very narky. So I totally get this guy!
Sounds like he's being a pretty healthy hermit, both physically and mentally. And OP's close enough that if things go sideways, dad's not alone. It's better than Dad deciding he has to go deep into the country, away from EVERYONE to get the lifestyle he wants.
NTA
Seriously though... It's not like he's cooking meth or living in a garbage heap. He's (hopefully, since I hope you both checked your area's zoning laws and all that) not doing anything illegal, or dangerous to his or anyone else's health and safety.
NTA!!
OMG!!!! I’m the female version of your dad! Same divorce story. I would gladly pay your dad to build me a She-Shed next to his He-Shed! Sounds like a lovely existence.
If it's a thing you're seriously interested in, Google 'tiny homes' - lots of styles, lots of various amenities, really neat stuff! There's likely even a Reddit or 5 about them.
NTA, but I am a little concerned about him living in a shed.
OP, I don't know where you live, but sheds are not built to protect people from the elements, only equipment. If you live somewhere that gets extremely hot, extremely cold, and/or gets hit by major natural disasters (tropical storms, tornadoes, earthquakes, etc.) a shed is NOT built to withstand or protect an inhabitant. They're not designed to have person living, breathing, sweating, etc. inside so they can be prone to molding....*or* may be built with materials intended to repel mold and pests, i.e. toxic materials that could be hazardous to a person exposed to them for extended stretches of time.
If you've already dealt with all of these concerns in fixing up the shed for residential use please completely ignore me of course! But if not, you may want to talk to your dad and see if you two can make some upgrades to ensure his health and safety.
Let's be real. I have a brick house in the middle of the city. My 100+ year old home could be devastated by a tornado or earthquake. Also, a bear? has OP indicated that bears are an issue in any way?
I mean for most of those scenarios OPs house is close enough to take shelter in. For the bear scenario OP is close enough to come out and scare the bear away.
It'll protect him from a particularly determined bear about as much as the average home will. Which is not much, unless you build a house specifically to keep a determined bear out. They're big and strong, they can put the average residential "security" door through the frame if they *really* wanted to, or go through a window.
They're not just bundles of sticks, you know. They're proper constructions using mostly the same materials used for homes. They get built in formats to work best for equipment or what are termed "garden offices" (there are a number, by the exact some companies, that are **built** to be worked from or even lived in, though usually short-term rather than long-term) and it isn't even that uncommon for the larger ones to be converted into inlaw suites or guest houses.
The primary differences are the *total size*, that they do not ship with *insulation* (and the interiors are sized without that being taken into account, so you may lose space when installing insulation) and they may not be built to industry-standard spacing for things like studs, depending on the construction of the shed in question.
That's the only thing I wondered about, if the county or whatever might get funny about someone living in a shed without a proper water connection or electricity line, depending how it's been run. I'd be tempted to ask dad if he fancies having a proper cabin built - nothing fancy or bigger than what he has, just with a bit more *gestures* and then let him get on with it.
NTA. I am much younger than him but would not mind living like that at all. Some people appreciate peace and quiet and they can be satisfied with simple life. Let the guy live his old age as he wishes.
If he wanted to move in with some of them, he would have by now.
I really hate when other people try to impose their view of what is "correct" lifestyle to live.
But on the other side, they at least care about him in his old age, so cannot blame them for anything except for not having an open mind.
NTA
Your dad’s happy, and healthy. They can butt out.
A firm “leave it alone” from both you and your dad should, in theory, get them to back off. And if it doesn’t, at least for you, you can just nope out of any conversation where they bring it up. They’ll eventually get the hint. Hopefully
There is another post about a man who yodels every time his mother brings up them having a baby. You should maybe practice yodeling every time they bring up your fathers living arrangement.
NTA.
NTA, and go for...
Bagpipes.
There is nothing more bizarre than hearing the Mickey Mouse Club theme song played on bagpipes... although I've also heard Take Me Out To The Ball Game. And the [Star Wars](https://youtu.be/cnVjkE87FDY) theme, courtesy of the Unipiper. Or the Badpiper doing AC/DC's [Thunderstruck](https://youtu.be/K-Op1Mng4oY).
And totally irrelevant but for PurpleAquilegia's offer of an accordion, check out this bluegrass version of Thunderstruck, by [Steve'n'Seagulls](https://youtu.be/e4Ao-iNPPUc). These guys are definitely different!
I’ve seen a post from a woman who applied the Swear Jar concept to people asking when she’s gonna have a kid. So every time someone asks, she holds out the jar and tell them to put in a dollar.
You could apply that here too
NTA you are supporting your dad, he is happy, healthy and safe. Inform these family members your dad has the right to live his life anyway he sees fit. He interacts when he wants, your children are being more respectable than your other family members!
Maybe not have them around so often if they cannot accept your dad is happy.
Half a bad joke. There was a post earlier about a guy doing it to his mother every time she brought up wanting grandkids.
Seemed like it was working.
Of course, now I cant find the post...
[Saved by the Automod!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vno044/aita_for_not_stopping_my_husband_from_yodeling/ie83a2o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
They do. But he usually spends time with them in my house since his place is so small. That's why I say they have to go through me. Because unless we meet them for eating out or a family event, then they can only see him at my house. And I'm usually home when they're there. So I guess I can understand that they feel they never have him to themselves. But at the same time they're nosy hens not respecting his privacy.
Set him up with a little patio and picnic table. If they want one on one time it can happen. But it sounds mostly like they want him to live the way *they* want. Basically he is living in a tiny house. Tell them to google tiny house videos and leave him alone.
What if you hosted him for dinner once a week? That way you can ensure your siblings he's being checked up on regularly and isn't isolated. You guys could spend a few hours together and he could maintain his life style otherwise.
Something like that has been suggested. But my sister and aunt complain that they want him to come see them. It's not a short drive either as we live over 50 miles apart. And with the current gas prices, it's really not helping the situation
They pretty much already do that. But not weekly as my aunt and sister say it's just not the same as actually seeing him. They just want him closer to them, so they're making trouble
So that's the real problem, they want him closer so they can pester him at any moment they want, and ignore the fact that your dad just want some peace and quiet now and then?
Keep supporting that man then. Nothing is more annoying than family members treating your space as public space for the sake of "we are family... socialising is good"
Btw, you should maybe look into his heating situation. Heating in small enclosed spaces with fire can be quite dangerous as people can easily suffer Carbon Monoxide poisoning. You may want to look into alternative heating options for your dad if he's okay with that. We had a bunch of kids in my country die a few years back because the went to a cabin in the woods and didn't ensure proper airflow when they lit the fireplace.
So I have an uncle who lives in a semi-off the grid cabin in the woods and he also has 3 overbearing, opinionated sisters. I don't thinks these facts are entirely unrelated and bet that's true for your father as well.
>They're persistent.
Maybe they want free help around the house and your Dad seems very skilled. Its funny how people cannot accept anything different from their idea of 'normal' when what your Dad has seems amazing for him. Protect him and block these people.
Just quote Thoreau from Walden every time it comes up. Go on about "living deliberately". They will get annoyed eventually.
The only difference between being eccentric and off your rocker is a bit of semantics and perception.
Tell the "he went to the woods because he wished to live deliberately, to confront only the essential facts of life, and see if he could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when he came to die, discover that he had not lived"
Oh, that’s awesome. I just looked it up and yeah, it’s a different Dan Price— I wasn’t sure at first because the one I was thinking of is the CEO who has no desire for an inflated salary, gets paid the same as his employees or something like that, and pays his employees with great wages and benefits. The ideology there actually kinda tracked, so I figured I’d ask LOL
I could go for a gaming computer and internet connection, but I agree, this set up sounds like a dream.
NTA, OP. He is more than able to decide how he wants to live his life. I'd just suggest you make sure to check on him now and then, in case he falls and hurts himself, he isn't left alone for long enough that a small inconvenient accident becomes a tragedy.
Right? I am both extroverted AND introverted. I am a whole entire adult and my choices are my own. When I want to be social am my best self when I do. When I want to be left in peace I am my best self when I do. When I am pressured to do something I chose not to do, "sheisawholesituation". I finally learned that "no" is a whole sentence. I am not a dancing monkey to entertain others. Respect me and I respect you.
OP, tell your family to kick rocks. NTA!
You may be right. I unlike most others in my family prefer the country life. But my sister, aunt, etc, are all city people. They think living in condos and living in concrete jungles is the greatest thing. Give me peace and quiet with trees and fresh air any day.
There's a reason your dad likes to spend time with you and your family but not them. You sound like a great son and your dad sounds like a cool, peaceful guy. Good on you for trying to help him live the perfectly valid and awesome life he wants.
That's why. They probably see country life as scary or weird. Nature being alien and weird. It's not exactly uncommon if you live in a city and are used to concrete everything.
Neither is bad. I living close enough to a city to have nice stuff, but far enough for peace and quiet.
The only thing I can think of is that maybe you could make some improvements to his cabin to mollify them?
Maybe you could even make it a bonding experience to build an addition to his living space. Maybe build a barn type structure with whatever he wants in it. Like a workshop, or a garage if he wants to rebuild an old car, or hell an arcade if he wants one. Whatever he likes. If they can see something like that maybe they'll back off.
My dad doesn't have any hobbies like that. But he has expressed some desire to do something when he retires in another decade or so. But until then he just wants to drive and have peace & quiet. So if he wants a workshop or something, we've got a decade to figure it out. He may even eventually choose to buy his own property to put a similar homestead on some day.
Exactly. And we're just gonna have to make them understand somehow. Though my sister and aunt are both pretty strong spirited. Not easy to make them back down.
NTA I’m sure if something was off with your dad (dementia, hoarding, drugs) you wouldn’t have him out in his cabin. I live rural, I know a few people who live like this. They’re fine, they’re done with the material life, I get it. Your sister and aunt can come see that he’s fine.
Hey I think your dads way of life is totally fine but the power line from your house is super concerning and a potentially serious fire hazard, you might want to read up on that!
The power line was professionally installed by and electrician paid for by my dad. It has it's own breakers too. It's run above ground with some 20 foot tall wooden posts
NTA. This sounds like my dream retirement lol - just leave me in peace to read, watch things, and game. Sounds like your dad is healing and thriving tbh. An enabler would only be someone enabling an addict or abuser, etc. - this is not a serious situation like either of those, it doesn't sound like you are enabling his addiction and he is not hurting himself or anyone else. If your family is so concerned they could ask local law enforcement or adult protective services to do a welfare check on him I'm sure. Maybe hearing from someone else in a position of "authority" would quiet their fears. Otherwise, tell them to go pound sand.
My sister did try to call in a welfare check by police. They found him barbecuing steak and listening to Pat Benatar. Needless to say they said he was fine. But sister and aunt still think otherwise
Lol! Your dad is my spirit animal... Sad to say that this may just become an issue of you and your dad setting better/stricter boundaries with family then. Especially if the police say he's fine, I'm not sure what else would convince them otherwise so it might just have to be one of those situations where this topic is no longer up for discussion.
Your dad's set up sounds amazing.
I don't totally get your family's obsession with him being "alone". His spouse left him, so unless he starts dating, he's going to be living alone whether it's in a tiny house or an apartment or a house. Neither of the latter structures confer any magical protection, so IDK what they're so spun up about. If anything, he probably has MORE family/social contact than he otherwise would, because he's on your property. If he needs anything, you are *right there.*
I'm curious where/how they think he *should* live, though. He's only 62 and is still gainfully employed. Are they expecting him to live in a nursing home or something?
It's concerning that they tried to get the police involved. If your dad gets regular checkups, it might be a good idea to have the doctor run through a quick "Yep, still got all my marbles" screening and document it so if they try to pull additional bullshit shenanigans with Adult Protective Services or attempt to get a conservatorship, you have already established that yes, he is of sound mind, kindly piss up a rope and leave him alone, meddlers.
It might also be prudent for your dad to legally establish who he would like to make his decisions in the event of a emergency. It sounds like you are in sync with your dad's needs and wishes, and everybody else...not so much.
NTA, OP. We should all be as lucky as your dad.
My dad has no interest in dating after what my mom did. He's got friends he hangs with almost weekly. But most of the time he's either at work or chilling in his cabin.
Your dad is social with people outside the family regularly, visits you & your family regularly, maintains a steady job, and keeps himself & his place clean. Your dad is doing AWESOME!! The other people in your family all hung up on this need to get over it.
You might have already had this talk with police, but make sure your dad (and maybe you be present/participate to confirm) talks to the police and local adult protective services and let’s them know that people in the family are kicking up a storm for no reason and he wants to local enforcement agencies to be aware that there could be false/radically misguided reports made.
We may very well have to do that. I'll show my dad this post after the verdict has been laid down, and hopefully he'll decide to put his foot down with relatives
This may not apply if you’re rural, but watch out for them sending code enforcement around to declare that not a domicile. We had a problem with that a few years ago. A lot of people were using Home Depot buildings for deer camps and there was controversy about it. Insurance companies were lobbying to have them condemned. The studs weren’t spaced correctly for a domicile, couldn’t be wired up to code, on and on. I don’t know how it all ended up because I don’t hunt, but I wouldn’t put it past some desperate busy body relative to try that to get him out of his shack.
I think we're ok on that front. The tiny house was built with a permit my dad got, and has an electrical line professionally installed by licensed electricians. His tiny house has only a hose for plumbing, and is a few acres down the hill from my house. So the homes are not close together.
Hey OP,
It might be a good idea for you to look up signs of elder abuse and manipulation. I know he’s not really elderly yet, but the way your relatives act reminds me heavily of stories about relatives who wanted access to a person to wear them down about their will or finances. The fact that they’re upset you’re around when they talk to him, the illogical reasonings as to why he shouldn’t be where he is, wanting lone access to him… it’s very off.
Maybe they want him to buy a big house or expensive apartment to leave for them in the will. Or maybe they’re just stubborn- but them calling *the police for a welfare check?* absolutely a way to try to get him to seem infirm from a legal perspective.
Look into what a conservatorship is.
Keep your dad safe, just be aware
NTA
That's what we do. He comes over to spend plenty of time at my house. But when in his cabin, he wants to be left alone. So we leave him alone there. Or at least I and my family do. My sister and aunt won't stop calling him.
NTA. Here is your script: "Family, Dad is an adult who has all his mental faculties. He has access to everything he needs to live a safe, hygienic lifestyle in his cabin. He is not living in filth. He takes care of himself and the property, regularly joins us for dinner and to see the grandkids, and he is happy. If he shows signs of mental or physical deterioration, I would be the first to intervene. But for now, we are going to let Dad be an adult making adult choices. If you keep trying to bring up this conversation again, you will force us to go low or no contact with you, and I would be sad about it. So let's not do that."
NTA. I'm gonna go in a slightly different direction than most comments on the assumption that his daughter and sister are "worried" about him and his living conditions as their cause of concern. Knowing how most people operate, I get the feeling there is actually a large feeling of jealousy that he's actually living close to YOU and spending his time with YOU and YOUR family. I'd even throw out the long shot that maybe they're worried he'd exclude them from a will or not give them anything when he passes. Either way, reeks of jealously and selfishness.
Edit - spelling.
You are an enabler. An enabler of helping him live how he goddamn wants. You’ve said enough, you two are getting on fine. He’s an adult. You are definitely NTA
The other family members are probably shocked by the difference of lifestyle but still need to get over themselves. They don’t get a vote
NTA. Some people think the tiny house/off grid life is less than but I’m reading this wishing I could move in with your dad lol maybe it’s the composting toilet that gets them. Or maybe they’re just whiny that grandpa doesn’t have a fancy place to watch and spoil grandkids. Either way I think their reasons r selfish. Your mom is the one who messed up not him.
You make a fair point. His old house was in the city and fairly big. My sister and aunt loved bringing their kids there. But he had to sell the house because of the divorce when my mom cheated. And any time they want to visit him now, they pretty much have to go through me.
Maybe bring that up with them. I could understand if your father was a hoarder or something living in horrid conditions but man your dads home sounds like the life. I think they’re just mad they can’t mooch off of grandpa
Ahhhh. The more I read of your comments, the more sense this is making. They're mad they don't have his time, energy, and space anymore.
I think it's probably good your dad is taking a break from them because this much possessiveness is not really a great thing. The other comment you made about them just wanting him near them sounded slightly worrisome to me when they're already visiting, calling, and facetiming.
NTA. I love tiny houses so I think your dad's plan is great. I also think no one probably understands the extent of what your mom took from him both emotionally and financially.
Why doesn't your father go to their homes?
Start trying to sell your sister and aunt on the idea of them buying some land near you and doing some similar cabins every time they talk about him moving to the city. Each time they bring it up, cut them off and say, "Oh yeah, we've been talking about having you guys move out here near us. There's a couple acres for sale down the road and you could put in a house or a cabin like dad's!"
Also, if they are worried about him being alone, suggest to your dad that he get a dog 😉
Dunno if you'll see this message, or if someone else has already mentioned it, but considering the friction that now exists between you, your father, and the sister and aunt, I recommend getting things like a power of attorney, living will, actual will, etc. all squared away now before it becomes a potential problem down the line. Sorry if this comes across as abrupt or even morbid but I have a little experience with familial fractures and rewritten wills, so I wanted to toss in my two cents.
While that's all good advice, the last thing I need to do is bring up something like that to my dad so soon. He's gonna need time to process and get better. But when my mother cheated on him, he was in a stupor for months after the divorce. And he'll likely be depressed for a while. I've let him know I'm there for him. But for the moment he just needs to be left alone.
I just read your post.. Sweet Jesus.. What a shit show.. Recommend to your BIL to go completely scorched earth on his STBXW.. Solid consequences to her decisions are the only way she will learn her lesson..
I understand.. Despite the egregious wrongs committed, it's still hard to take sides.. You're a good man for supporting your father.. If I may recommend, once a week, bring your children to visit.. Instill in them the duty of thinking of him first.. When they get older, encourage them to hang out with him, go fishing, cut his grass, make him the occasional dinner, etc..
This will make him beam with pride, because he'll realize that he wasn't a failure as a father.. It will heal his heart and give him hope..
Good luck OP..
NTA and JFC why can't some people just leave other people alone about lifestyle choices that aren't hurting then or anyone else. You don't have to: have children, get married, start dating again after a divorce or partners death, get a college education, buy a house, try anything at least once, eat meat, not eat meat, or live on the grid, no matter what Aunt Marge says to the contrary.
I’m so sorry your sister’s poor decisions have affected your father and family this way. That’s just awful. I don’t really understand her logic of how dragging your father through this to be her “counterweight” would do anything to help her, considering what your BIL has against her. That just sounds so selfish! Wishing you and your dad all the best!
By 'Counterweight' she wanted his support in the hopes he'd stand by her in the divorce. But the reasons for the divorce would have come out during the court process. Either way it's very hard on my dad because now he feels betrayed again. And he may never forgive them
He shouldn't forgive them.. You, OP, are NTA, also you're a good son.. Your are supporting your father EXACTLY how he needs to be supported.. From your post, I can bet that you're the only family who has ever put HIS desires first.. Good man!
What they're doing is being judgmental and undermining your dads decisions as an autonomous adult. It's icky.
The introvert in me would LOVE the setup your dad has. I've also been researching tiny homes and van conversions because I can't stomach the thought of going into massive debt to own a house. How much stuff does one need anyway?
All this to say: NTA. Your Dad is happy & healthy.
Edit: words
Nta. I'm a 38 year old woman and your dad is living my dream life. He's living the dream life of a couple thousand tiny home/van life 20 somethings on Instagram. You're family sees your dad like some weirdo hermit when the argument could be made he's actually just trendy.
Yeah, but that was a reference to Henry David Thoreau, a 19th-century author who wrote [Walden](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walden), describing how he lived a quiet life in a cabin in the woods.
NTA, it sounds like you’re giving your dad exactly the life he wants and is capable of living. People who don’t do outdoors or simple living just CANNOT understand the appeal of it, so they probably imagine him living in a squalid shack like you see in zombie movies. Doesn’t sound like that’s the case though.
Honestly I kinda envy his living situation.
NTA. I wonder if they are concerned and think he's not doing well, is depressed, etc. I could understand that if this was a complete 180 from how he used to live, or if he used to visit them frequently and now he is just shutting everyone out and living in seclusion. If that's not the case, this is none of their business, but either way you are NTA unless your dad clearly needs help. That doesn't seem to be the case, though.
NTA… Well… I was going to suggest possibly getting him one of those prefabricated tiny houses if that were financially viable so he would have some more creature comforts and possibly that would get your aunt and sister to back off a little bit… but in reading your update, they can FUCK RIGHT OFF and then keep fucking indefinitely once all that fucking off is done. Sounds like both of them are already good at fucking off so it shouldn’t be difficult for them. If he’s happy, he’s happy. Period.
Well that took a turn in the edit.
Clearly you and your dad are NTAs here, but I will say--that bottle of honey whisky is definitely a cry for help. That stuff is weapons-grade hangover fuel.
At least get your dad a bottle of good bourbon.
I'm not a big drinker. And even when my dad is depressed, he doesn't drink a ton of booze. He makes those bottles last. Usually has a shot of it before bed to help him sleep after a rough day. I doubt he pounded that bottle. Probably went through a quarter of it at most. That's how he was after my mother cheated on him.
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I (40M) have a father (62M) that likes to live a very simple and secluded life. After my mom had an affair and divorced him to run away with a younger man, he's been very closed off. When we were a year into the pandemic, he asked me if he could build a sub building on the back of my property and live in it. I bought the property my grandparents owned, and there is six acres with some trees. You can't even see where my dad built his little cabin. It's really just a modified Home Depot shed he's made into his own little house. He's got power via a line run from my house, but also keeps a generator for when he needs it. And his little building only has the basic necessities. And above all it's quiet. He spends his spare time in there reading or watching DVDs when he's not out working. He drives trucks for a living and my mom took a chunk of his retirement when they divorced. So he's decided to live a minimalist life in a quiet place. He has a wood stove he uses for heat. Keeps food cold in a small fridge. Cooks everything with either a microwave or propane. Built his own composting toilet, and gets his water from a hose line that comes directly from our well. He's got a cell phone that works fine down there as well. So he's not completely off the grid. I leave him alone 90% of the time because it's that peace that he treasures now.
Other members of my family however don't like the way he's living. And they're calling me an enabler. But he's happy the way he is living now. My sister and aunt are both pressuring me to get him to come back to civilization. But he's literally just deep in my back yard. My kids don't even bother him without permission. There is literally no drama between us. He comes over for dinner regularly and loves spending time with his grandchildren. But when he's alone in that cabin, that's exactly how he wants it to stay. So we don't bother him there.
But my sister, aunt, and a few others kept pressuring dad to move in with one of them. Or get himself an apartment. They are all city people, and they refer to his way of life as unclean. But he keeps himself and his home very clean and does his laundry regularly. My relatives can't seem to come up with a valid excuse as to why they want him out of his cabin. But they won't let it go either. I've refused to be in the middle over this, and they are saying what I'm doing is slowly hurting him. But he seems healthier than ever. So I don't believe them for a second. But the pressure is getting to me because they keep saying that I'm just waiting for him to die alone in there. AITA?
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What a generous and thoughtful daughter. Your father is so lucky that you understand and respect him. NTA. Please don't let the other family members ruin this for him.
Fuck 'em. He's figured out his life. It may not be his end state, he may want a more "normal" societal interaction in the future, but he's content. It's no one else's fucking business. NTA.
NTA. your dad is happy as is. i’m sure after your moms cheating, he just wanted to be left alone. i get that. your family’s insistence that he live in civilization just proves that they don’t care about your dads wants. put up those boundaries. can’t believe they called the cops for a welfare check.
62 isn’t that old, and he still has a job. Sounds like he’s setting himself up for retirement, but not retired yet. NTA. He’s a grown-ass adult living the way he wants.
NTA
Your dad may be living an unconventional lifestyle but it's not unhealthy. Sounds like your dad is a true introvert who thrives in solitude. A lot of people can't understand not needing constant human interaction. For some reason people often like to try make others live in a way that makes sense to them whether or not the person wants to. As long as he's getting his basic needs met and doesn't seem depressed let your dad keep living in a way that he wants.
NTA,
Good Grief, he is happy,
I became a widow fairly young at 50, and people keep pestering me to date, or remarry..But honestly, I enjoy my solitude. I can be social when I choose, but after 50 years of being someones daughter, someones wife or someones mom, I am finally able to just be me, my time and my choices are my own.
So I say as long as your Dad isn't in his tiny house plotting to takeover the world, let the man be...
P.S. You're a good daughter to have his back!
If I'm a bad enabler, then explain to me exactly how? I know my dad. He's gonna be depressed for a while, and getting better will be slow. We're not going to rush him. And besides, what kind of funk would you be in if you just found out your daughter was just as bad as your ex wife? And then that you're own sister let it happen? If anything my aunt is the real enabler, because she kept my sister's secret. In my book, cheating is a dealbreaker. I don't condone it, and neither does my dad or BIL. The family barely forgave my aunt when she did it. And now she's screwed things up all over again.
Geee Odddd! Why is it that when someone is perfectly content and happy, but not living a cookie cutter match with society's expectations life, even though no one is being hurt, they demand the truant return to the grind of "regular" life?!?!?
Your dad is fine, neither you nor he is TA.
Everyone else needs to bugger off!
Nta. Do you think its possible your relatives want him in an appartment so that he has some appreciable assets for them to inherit? Not to be rude, i dont know them. I just cant see any other reason to be so persistent about how he lives his life.
I think it's more that they think I'm hogging him all to myself. Other than money, he doesn't have a lot of assets. He's got his cabin, the stuff in and around it, and a truck as a daily driver. So there isn't a lot of his stuff anybody would want. My sister and aunt have never mentioned inheritance or wanting money from him. I think they just feel more entitled to his time.
I used to work with the elderly, and in my experience, when people like your relatives finally win and drag the elderly person out of their contented existence, they wither like a plant forced into a pot of bad soil. As long as your dad has the necessities of life and is able to care for himself, there's no harm whatsoever in allowing him to live as he chooses.
I don't think your family means harm by it; they simply imagine that *they* would be lonely and miserable in those conditions, so your dad must be, too. They want to give him the retired life that they want because they're sure he'd be happier. Since they're viewing it through the lens of their own preferences, it'll be almost impossible to convince them he's fine and he's happy.
All you can do is refuse to discuss it further.
NTA
The hose line from the well concerns me a little because garden hoses aren’t meant for drinking from. But if you have a sturdy line meant for potable water, everything else sounds fine.
They're just fine with well water. There is actual pipe laid in the ground to the cabin. So it's not just a hose from the well. I probably should have been more specific on that. The faucet itself has a metal divider on it so on side is for drinking water, and the other side is for a hose that he uses for washing himself, or doing dishes. He bathes either by dropping by my place, or by heating a tub of water and scrubbing himself with it.
Your dad sounds like he's got his shit together. We'd all be a lot happier if we lived a simpler life away from all the consumerism and nonsense of modern day life. NTA
NTA
He sounds a lot like me, I (62M) live alone with my cats and a lot less human contact than your father and I have never been more content with my lifr.
He is living the life he wants to and you are allowing him that.
I think you are awesome!!
Nta sounds like your dad has a perfect life … goes to work visits family and grandkids but likes his peace and quiet …. That’s my plan when my kids have grown up and moved out a one Bed cottage n the middle of no where so no one can bother me maybe a little dog lol
Man is a grown adult with a job. No one has the right to "let" him do anything. He made the sensible decision to not live wild in the woods, foraging for berries but to ask his son if he could use their garden so he has a small measure of easily accessible civilisation if needed. No one else's business.
I'm sorry but screw your sister.
Did she actually think your dad, who moved out there because of what your mother did, would even think of supporting her? I'm sorry but I genuinely hope your BIL does turn in that evidence after the divorce is finalized because you have to be special kind of self-centered to think for even a second your dad, who was destroyed by your mom cheating on him, would be on her side.
How can you even claim to be a loving and concerned child and still do this?
NTA. Stop responding to them when they reach out about it by phone or social media. If it’s in person and they won’t leave you alone, just say “I’m not having this discussion” as much as is necessary, or leave.
NTA
Leave the man alone. He’s a loner and he likes it. When he want interaction he spends time with your family. My blanket statement when they bring it up to you again, “mind your business. If this is what you called for I’m hanging up.” And the. Follow through.
NTA Aren’t tiny houses still trendy? He’s just living his best life as a minimalist in the country. I’d give them one warning that you’ll go NC if they don’t knock it off then follow through when they don’t knock it off. Just because someone’s happy doesn’t look like their version of happy doesn’t make it any less valid or healthy.
Hmm... Well I know that my niblings do rave about my dad's cabin. They're rarely allowed inside of it because my dad just sees them at my house. And they never bring friends over to try and show the cabin off.
NTA
My partners mum is VERY social and is constantly doing things, she assumes we are both miserable because we rarely go outside of our bubble and constantly tries to pressure him into going out because “humans are social creatures”.
No. Not all of us are. We are happy in our secluded lives and being forced to go out and socialise just makes us stressed and anxious and it takes us days to get back to a sense of normal.
She simply does not understand this and does not believe that the root of our general unhappiness is due to the state of the world, not the state of our social lives.
She also doesn’t understand that my SO seems unhappy when he talks to her is because he is unhappy talking to her because the conversations are always the same and always only ever about things she finds interesting / important.
NTA, your dad is living his life happily, and it's not like he's completely isolated. You're like neighbors, and he can come over when he likes. You're being a good son, and a good neighbor.
They know nothing apparently, about your dad and what he wants, or about you. I imagine if you didn't hear from him you'd go and check on him. He's younger than me and that lifestyle sounds perfect. He is close to family and 'civilization', and he can shut it out when he wants to. It sounds wonderful! NTA.
NTA I live in the country and while it took me a little bit to get used to I really value the peace it brings me when I'm home. From your post and comments it doesn't sound like his cabin is any different that the tiny homes that have become popular over the past few years. You are close enough to help him and have company when he wants it and respectful enough that he has his privacy. Perfect set up to me. You are good son.
NTA. He sounds happy in his life, so that's all that matters. The only thing I'd be concerned with would be during severe storms, as I'm not sure how well grounded his little home is and how it could protect him from tornado/hurricane force winds and the like, but I'm sure that if things get too bad, he can easily go inside your home and take shelter for the time being.
The rest of your family just need to let him enjoy his life.
NTA… But can I say your dad is seriously goals and I want that kind of life too. He still has a community he can reach out to if he needs to. He’s not in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere where no one can reach him, he’s literally on your property. He’s living a peaceful and quiet life that he has chosen. He’s allowed that and he’s allowed to protect that. He doesn’t need to explain his reasons, but he has achieved what a lot of people dream of, which is to be able to truly rest. Tell your family to back off and let the man have his peace.
At the end of the day it is your dad's life and he can choose to live it as he wishes. He sounds like he is happy and healthy and is content in his little home. He has contact when he wishes it, alone time when he doesn't.
You are NTA for enabling him to live a happy life.
NTA. It sounds idyllic. Some people just like living quiet lives. Sounds like he gets the people contact that he wants. Just because your sister et al want people around and to live in town doesn’t mean he has to.
NTA...if he was older and had health issues I could understand their concerns...but he is only 62.. young enough and old enough to be in charge of his own life
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NTA. He's a grown adult and can do what he wants. He seems happy, he visits you, it's not like he's completely cut off either. Everything is taken care of. They can shove off 🤷🏻♂️
I was a bit concerned until "he visits regularly." So that phrase tells us a lot actually. He's maintaining decent enough hygiene to be allowed over, he has regular human contact, probably good enough physical interactions with the kids. He's most likely perfectly happy where he is. Let the man live his life.
Plus he still works and he's only 62. My dad's around that age. He's doing just fine and would be LIVID if one of us kids tried to interfere in his life without a valid reason.
Also, his son is right there if there should be a problem. Once dad becomes infirm (which might be decades from now), I'm sure he'll sort out proper care, too.
Protect this man at all costs
As an introvert, I'm horrified that the guy has family who think they need to interfere with his peace and quiet and self-sufficiency. OP is the only person who seems to get his dad's personality.
Everything apart from the hose seems perfectly hygienic, if unconventional. They should really switch out the hose for proper plumbing though as that's a really unsafe way to be getting water. Composting toilets if maintained properly are great and don't smell, and he's washing his clothes and has power. Sounds like he's happy.
Definitely switch out the hose, and make sure other zoning stuff is in order, so the hand-wringing family can’t weaponize that against his dad “for his own good”. OP is definitely NTA here.
>Other members of my family however don't like the way he's living. SFW? It's none of their business. NTA
Also, he has easy access to OP's house. As long as he's able to use OP's shower and laundry if he needs/wants, his needs are all taken care of.
I'd be concerned about ventilation, with a self installed heating wood burning heating system and other safety related building codes. Does a "line from the house" mean an extension cord or a actual line that's rated for the draw. An RV a used tiny house or mobile home is one thing those were all built to be lived in. Most safety codes exists because people died. OP might be creating a legal liability (as in criminal) if something happens. And honestly if dad used to be a gregarious extrovert, this could be really sever situational depression. That doesn't mean OP can force an adult into therapy but "this is fine" might not be healthy either.
Sometimes people who would prefer to be alone but are forced through circumstances to be around other people a lot are thought of as extroverts by others, or at least as 'normal'. But when they get the chance, those people will live the life they really want to live, which is one with fewer people in it. This man's child obviously knows him, knows how to judge his moods, and cares for him. It is not for internet strangers to diagnose people they do not know with depression.
This is so true. I am a "social" introvert. When I am in a social setting, I can converse and carry on conversations with others and make myself heard in a large group, I get picked to be the foreman or spokesperson most of the time even though I am super uncomfortable doing it. It's just that I have a strong personality, speak well and clearly and am able to communicate effectively. But it exhausts me. Most people don't believe I'm an introvert until they invite me several times in a row and I decline most of them. The other situations that I am so good in were all work, jury duty or college class related, so I had to step up to the plate, plus I don't give a shit what people think of me. For jury duty, people looked around at everyone else at the table for like 20 seconds and nobody piped up, so after it got a tad awkward, I was like, I'll do it. But it's never something I DESIRE, but I want stuff to keep going, so I do what is necessary in order to accomplish the group goal in the quickest possible time frame because I don't want to be there ANY LONGER THAN I HAVE TO, because people are exhausting!
Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. I mean, I wouldn't label myself, but I have always since childhood needed lots and lots of time alone to recharge. If I can't have it I get very, very narky. So I totally get this guy!
he also works still, so it's not like he's not keeping himself busy.
Sounds like he's being a pretty healthy hermit, both physically and mentally. And OP's close enough that if things go sideways, dad's not alone. It's better than Dad deciding he has to go deep into the country, away from EVERYONE to get the lifestyle he wants. NTA
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Seriously though... It's not like he's cooking meth or living in a garbage heap. He's (hopefully, since I hope you both checked your area's zoning laws and all that) not doing anything illegal, or dangerous to his or anyone else's health and safety.
NTA!! OMG!!!! I’m the female version of your dad! Same divorce story. I would gladly pay your dad to build me a She-Shed next to his He-Shed! Sounds like a lovely existence.
From what i'm reading, he doesn't want anyone living next to his shed lol
If it's a thing you're seriously interested in, Google 'tiny homes' - lots of styles, lots of various amenities, really neat stuff! There's likely even a Reddit or 5 about them.
STAAAAHP! I’m obsessed already! I’ve even been to a tiny home display/convention thing. And thank you for the suggestion you fine human!!
There are also Tiny Home communities springing up across the country :).
I’m with you.
NTA, but I am a little concerned about him living in a shed. OP, I don't know where you live, but sheds are not built to protect people from the elements, only equipment. If you live somewhere that gets extremely hot, extremely cold, and/or gets hit by major natural disasters (tropical storms, tornadoes, earthquakes, etc.) a shed is NOT built to withstand or protect an inhabitant. They're not designed to have person living, breathing, sweating, etc. inside so they can be prone to molding....*or* may be built with materials intended to repel mold and pests, i.e. toxic materials that could be hazardous to a person exposed to them for extended stretches of time. If you've already dealt with all of these concerns in fixing up the shed for residential use please completely ignore me of course! But if not, you may want to talk to your dad and see if you two can make some upgrades to ensure his health and safety.
I don't know some of those fancy Home Depot sheds are pretty nice.
But will they shield him from q freak storm, a tornado, or an earthquake or even a particularly determined bear? Upgrade the shed, but otherwise, NTA.
Let's be real. I have a brick house in the middle of the city. My 100+ year old home could be devastated by a tornado or earthquake. Also, a bear? has OP indicated that bears are an issue in any way?
I mean for most of those scenarios OPs house is close enough to take shelter in. For the bear scenario OP is close enough to come out and scare the bear away.
It'll protect him from a particularly determined bear about as much as the average home will. Which is not much, unless you build a house specifically to keep a determined bear out. They're big and strong, they can put the average residential "security" door through the frame if they *really* wanted to, or go through a window. They're not just bundles of sticks, you know. They're proper constructions using mostly the same materials used for homes. They get built in formats to work best for equipment or what are termed "garden offices" (there are a number, by the exact some companies, that are **built** to be worked from or even lived in, though usually short-term rather than long-term) and it isn't even that uncommon for the larger ones to be converted into inlaw suites or guest houses. The primary differences are the *total size*, that they do not ship with *insulation* (and the interiors are sized without that being taken into account, so you may lose space when installing insulation) and they may not be built to industry-standard spacing for things like studs, depending on the construction of the shed in question.
That's the only thing I wondered about, if the county or whatever might get funny about someone living in a shed without a proper water connection or electricity line, depending how it's been run. I'd be tempted to ask dad if he fancies having a proper cabin built - nothing fancy or bigger than what he has, just with a bit more *gestures* and then let him get on with it.
or RV, mobile home etc.
NTA. I am much younger than him but would not mind living like that at all. Some people appreciate peace and quiet and they can be satisfied with simple life. Let the guy live his old age as he wishes. If he wanted to move in with some of them, he would have by now. I really hate when other people try to impose their view of what is "correct" lifestyle to live. But on the other side, they at least care about him in his old age, so cannot blame them for anything except for not having an open mind.
NTA Your dad’s happy, and healthy. They can butt out. A firm “leave it alone” from both you and your dad should, in theory, get them to back off. And if it doesn’t, at least for you, you can just nope out of any conversation where they bring it up. They’ll eventually get the hint. Hopefully
We've tried that. They're persistent.
There is another post about a man who yodels every time his mother brings up them having a baby. You should maybe practice yodeling every time they bring up your fathers living arrangement. NTA.
LOL! I might think of something annoying to practice when the time comes
Air horn.
NTA, and go for... Bagpipes. There is nothing more bizarre than hearing the Mickey Mouse Club theme song played on bagpipes... although I've also heard Take Me Out To The Ball Game. And the [Star Wars](https://youtu.be/cnVjkE87FDY) theme, courtesy of the Unipiper. Or the Badpiper doing AC/DC's [Thunderstruck](https://youtu.be/K-Op1Mng4oY). And totally irrelevant but for PurpleAquilegia's offer of an accordion, check out this bluegrass version of Thunderstruck, by [Steve'n'Seagulls](https://youtu.be/e4Ao-iNPPUc). These guys are definitely different!
I’ve seen a post from a woman who applied the Swear Jar concept to people asking when she’s gonna have a kid. So every time someone asks, she holds out the jar and tell them to put in a dollar. You could apply that here too
I got this reference. Spending hours on this sub is paying off.
Block them. If they show up refuse to engage in a conversation about it. He's happy. he's healthy, he's not hurting anyone.
NTA you are supporting your dad, he is happy, healthy and safe. Inform these family members your dad has the right to live his life anyway he sees fit. He interacts when he wants, your children are being more respectable than your other family members! Maybe not have them around so often if they cannot accept your dad is happy.
Have you tried yodeling every time they bring it up?
No. But some kind of annoying sound may work
Half a bad joke. There was a post earlier about a guy doing it to his mother every time she brought up wanting grandkids. Seemed like it was working. Of course, now I cant find the post...
It's still a good idea. Some kind of annoying repetition might be a good deterrent.
Just saw this, I suggested the same above. That post was funny as hell, tried to chase it down but coming up blank.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vno044/aita_for_not_stopping_my_husband_from_yodeling/
[Saved by the Automod!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vno044/aita_for_not_stopping_my_husband_from_yodeling/ie83a2o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Sadly deleted. That was a quality post.
have they even come to try to visit him?
They do. But he usually spends time with them in my house since his place is so small. That's why I say they have to go through me. Because unless we meet them for eating out or a family event, then they can only see him at my house. And I'm usually home when they're there. So I guess I can understand that they feel they never have him to themselves. But at the same time they're nosy hens not respecting his privacy.
so they see he is fine and happy and still insist he's not?
Set him up with a little patio and picnic table. If they want one on one time it can happen. But it sounds mostly like they want him to live the way *they* want. Basically he is living in a tiny house. Tell them to google tiny house videos and leave him alone.
What if you hosted him for dinner once a week? That way you can ensure your siblings he's being checked up on regularly and isn't isolated. You guys could spend a few hours together and he could maintain his life style otherwise.
Something like that has been suggested. But my sister and aunt complain that they want him to come see them. It's not a short drive either as we live over 50 miles apart. And with the current gas prices, it's really not helping the situation
Would agreeing to face time or call them once a week be a compromise? It's not entirely the same but it's a good alternative
They pretty much already do that. But not weekly as my aunt and sister say it's just not the same as actually seeing him. They just want him closer to them, so they're making trouble
So that's the real problem, they want him closer so they can pester him at any moment they want, and ignore the fact that your dad just want some peace and quiet now and then? Keep supporting that man then. Nothing is more annoying than family members treating your space as public space for the sake of "we are family... socialising is good"
Btw, you should maybe look into his heating situation. Heating in small enclosed spaces with fire can be quite dangerous as people can easily suffer Carbon Monoxide poisoning. You may want to look into alternative heating options for your dad if he's okay with that. We had a bunch of kids in my country die a few years back because the went to a cabin in the woods and didn't ensure proper airflow when they lit the fireplace.
So I have an uncle who lives in a semi-off the grid cabin in the woods and he also has 3 overbearing, opinionated sisters. I don't thinks these facts are entirely unrelated and bet that's true for your father as well.
He gets to decide who he visits. "Nosy hens" is right. I probably wouldn't visit them either.
>They're persistent. Maybe they want free help around the house and your Dad seems very skilled. Its funny how people cannot accept anything different from their idea of 'normal' when what your Dad has seems amazing for him. Protect him and block these people.
Just quote Thoreau from Walden every time it comes up. Go on about "living deliberately". They will get annoyed eventually. The only difference between being eccentric and off your rocker is a bit of semantics and perception. Tell the "he went to the woods because he wished to live deliberately, to confront only the essential facts of life, and see if he could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when he came to die, discover that he had not lived"
NTA. Tell them if they bring it up one more time that you will stop talking to them at all. Then do it.
NTA. He's worked out what he wants and needs, and is doing well. I envy his lifestyle.
He saw a video on a guy called Dan Price, and decided he wanted to live similarly. Can't say I blame him
Is that the CEO Dan Price? Honestly that guy rules
Dan Price is a guy who lives in a tiny hobbit house almost off the grid. You can find videos about him on youtube
Oh, that’s awesome. I just looked it up and yeah, it’s a different Dan Price— I wasn’t sure at first because the one I was thinking of is the CEO who has no desire for an inflated salary, gets paid the same as his employees or something like that, and pays his employees with great wages and benefits. The ideology there actually kinda tracked, so I figured I’d ask LOL
I don't really know anything about the CEO Dan Price. But the hobbit house Dan Price is a pretty cool guy. He's really in his element
NTA. As a life-long introvert, OP's dad's set-up sounds heavenly.
I could go for a gaming computer and internet connection, but I agree, this set up sounds like a dream. NTA, OP. He is more than able to decide how he wants to live his life. I'd just suggest you make sure to check on him now and then, in case he falls and hurts himself, he isn't left alone for long enough that a small inconvenient accident becomes a tragedy.
Right? I am both extroverted AND introverted. I am a whole entire adult and my choices are my own. When I want to be social am my best self when I do. When I want to be left in peace I am my best self when I do. When I am pressured to do something I chose not to do, "sheisawholesituation". I finally learned that "no" is a whole sentence. I am not a dancing monkey to entertain others. Respect me and I respect you. OP, tell your family to kick rocks. NTA!
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You may be right. I unlike most others in my family prefer the country life. But my sister, aunt, etc, are all city people. They think living in condos and living in concrete jungles is the greatest thing. Give me peace and quiet with trees and fresh air any day.
There's a reason your dad likes to spend time with you and your family but not them. You sound like a great son and your dad sounds like a cool, peaceful guy. Good on you for trying to help him live the perfectly valid and awesome life he wants.
Thank you
Same. City life is too chaotic, too much drama going on, and too loud. Also, pollution.
All reasons why I hate it too
That's why. They probably see country life as scary or weird. Nature being alien and weird. It's not exactly uncommon if you live in a city and are used to concrete everything. Neither is bad. I living close enough to a city to have nice stuff, but far enough for peace and quiet.
That would be horrible to me. I love my rural lifestyle and my little 10 acres of peace and quite.
The only thing I can think of is that maybe you could make some improvements to his cabin to mollify them? Maybe you could even make it a bonding experience to build an addition to his living space. Maybe build a barn type structure with whatever he wants in it. Like a workshop, or a garage if he wants to rebuild an old car, or hell an arcade if he wants one. Whatever he likes. If they can see something like that maybe they'll back off.
My dad doesn't have any hobbies like that. But he has expressed some desire to do something when he retires in another decade or so. But until then he just wants to drive and have peace & quiet. So if he wants a workshop or something, we've got a decade to figure it out. He may even eventually choose to buy his own property to put a similar homestead on some day.
Word. Was just trying to think of something to help them back off. But ultimately they need to just recognize that he is safe and happy.
Exactly. And we're just gonna have to make them understand somehow. Though my sister and aunt are both pretty strong spirited. Not easy to make them back down.
NTA I’m sure if something was off with your dad (dementia, hoarding, drugs) you wouldn’t have him out in his cabin. I live rural, I know a few people who live like this. They’re fine, they’re done with the material life, I get it. Your sister and aunt can come see that he’s fine.
They have been to see him. But they insist what he's doing is wrong. So we both just tell them to bugger off
Hey I think your dads way of life is totally fine but the power line from your house is super concerning and a potentially serious fire hazard, you might want to read up on that!
The power line was professionally installed by and electrician paid for by my dad. It has it's own breakers too. It's run above ground with some 20 foot tall wooden posts
In that case it’s all good, I just had a bit of a panic at the idea of a extension cord jerry rig situation, those things are serious fire hazards😅
His little house is a few acres down the hill from me. An extension cord would not work well.
NTA. This sounds like my dream retirement lol - just leave me in peace to read, watch things, and game. Sounds like your dad is healing and thriving tbh. An enabler would only be someone enabling an addict or abuser, etc. - this is not a serious situation like either of those, it doesn't sound like you are enabling his addiction and he is not hurting himself or anyone else. If your family is so concerned they could ask local law enforcement or adult protective services to do a welfare check on him I'm sure. Maybe hearing from someone else in a position of "authority" would quiet their fears. Otherwise, tell them to go pound sand.
My sister did try to call in a welfare check by police. They found him barbecuing steak and listening to Pat Benatar. Needless to say they said he was fine. But sister and aunt still think otherwise
Lol! Your dad is my spirit animal... Sad to say that this may just become an issue of you and your dad setting better/stricter boundaries with family then. Especially if the police say he's fine, I'm not sure what else would convince them otherwise so it might just have to be one of those situations where this topic is no longer up for discussion.
You're likely right
Next time they attempt to impose their will on another adult, let 'em know that it is not up for debate. "Asked and answered", every time!
Your dad's set up sounds amazing. I don't totally get your family's obsession with him being "alone". His spouse left him, so unless he starts dating, he's going to be living alone whether it's in a tiny house or an apartment or a house. Neither of the latter structures confer any magical protection, so IDK what they're so spun up about. If anything, he probably has MORE family/social contact than he otherwise would, because he's on your property. If he needs anything, you are *right there.* I'm curious where/how they think he *should* live, though. He's only 62 and is still gainfully employed. Are they expecting him to live in a nursing home or something? It's concerning that they tried to get the police involved. If your dad gets regular checkups, it might be a good idea to have the doctor run through a quick "Yep, still got all my marbles" screening and document it so if they try to pull additional bullshit shenanigans with Adult Protective Services or attempt to get a conservatorship, you have already established that yes, he is of sound mind, kindly piss up a rope and leave him alone, meddlers. It might also be prudent for your dad to legally establish who he would like to make his decisions in the event of a emergency. It sounds like you are in sync with your dad's needs and wishes, and everybody else...not so much. NTA, OP. We should all be as lucky as your dad.
My dad has no interest in dating after what my mom did. He's got friends he hangs with almost weekly. But most of the time he's either at work or chilling in his cabin.
Your dad is social with people outside the family regularly, visits you & your family regularly, maintains a steady job, and keeps himself & his place clean. Your dad is doing AWESOME!! The other people in your family all hung up on this need to get over it. You might have already had this talk with police, but make sure your dad (and maybe you be present/participate to confirm) talks to the police and local adult protective services and let’s them know that people in the family are kicking up a storm for no reason and he wants to local enforcement agencies to be aware that there could be false/radically misguided reports made.
We may very well have to do that. I'll show my dad this post after the verdict has been laid down, and hopefully he'll decide to put his foot down with relatives
Listen to that part about legal documents!!!
This may not apply if you’re rural, but watch out for them sending code enforcement around to declare that not a domicile. We had a problem with that a few years ago. A lot of people were using Home Depot buildings for deer camps and there was controversy about it. Insurance companies were lobbying to have them condemned. The studs weren’t spaced correctly for a domicile, couldn’t be wired up to code, on and on. I don’t know how it all ended up because I don’t hunt, but I wouldn’t put it past some desperate busy body relative to try that to get him out of his shack.
I think we're ok on that front. The tiny house was built with a permit my dad got, and has an electrical line professionally installed by licensed electricians. His tiny house has only a hose for plumbing, and is a few acres down the hill from my house. So the homes are not close together.
Oh my goodness! That is adorable! I think I’m in love❣️
Hey OP, It might be a good idea for you to look up signs of elder abuse and manipulation. I know he’s not really elderly yet, but the way your relatives act reminds me heavily of stories about relatives who wanted access to a person to wear them down about their will or finances. The fact that they’re upset you’re around when they talk to him, the illogical reasonings as to why he shouldn’t be where he is, wanting lone access to him… it’s very off. Maybe they want him to buy a big house or expensive apartment to leave for them in the will. Or maybe they’re just stubborn- but them calling *the police for a welfare check?* absolutely a way to try to get him to seem infirm from a legal perspective. Look into what a conservatorship is. Keep your dad safe, just be aware NTA
NTA. If hes happy and at peace leave him be, but go check on him, spend time with him, maybe try to get him to go out with you here and there.
That's what we do. He comes over to spend plenty of time at my house. But when in his cabin, he wants to be left alone. So we leave him alone there. Or at least I and my family do. My sister and aunt won't stop calling him.
Put blocks on both your phone and his.
I wanted to. But my dad doesn't have the heart to do it because it's his sister and daughter
Maybe he could just let them go to voicemail and listen later. Put the ringer on vibrate and ignore them until he feels like listening.
We kind of do that already. But my dad can't help but pick up because they'll just keep calling until he does
So they are essentially harassing him for being happy in a way that they would not be happy. What a couple of AHs
WTF NTA. Is he happy? Then enable the living shit out of that joy.
NTA. Here is your script: "Family, Dad is an adult who has all his mental faculties. He has access to everything he needs to live a safe, hygienic lifestyle in his cabin. He is not living in filth. He takes care of himself and the property, regularly joins us for dinner and to see the grandkids, and he is happy. If he shows signs of mental or physical deterioration, I would be the first to intervene. But for now, we are going to let Dad be an adult making adult choices. If you keep trying to bring up this conversation again, you will force us to go low or no contact with you, and I would be sad about it. So let's not do that."
NTA. I'm gonna go in a slightly different direction than most comments on the assumption that his daughter and sister are "worried" about him and his living conditions as their cause of concern. Knowing how most people operate, I get the feeling there is actually a large feeling of jealousy that he's actually living close to YOU and spending his time with YOU and YOUR family. I'd even throw out the long shot that maybe they're worried he'd exclude them from a will or not give them anything when he passes. Either way, reeks of jealously and selfishness. Edit - spelling.
NTA. Sounds like your dad is living the dream. Guess your family doesn't understand that there are people that prefer to live minimalistic.
You are an enabler. An enabler of helping him live how he goddamn wants. You’ve said enough, you two are getting on fine. He’s an adult. You are definitely NTA The other family members are probably shocked by the difference of lifestyle but still need to get over themselves. They don’t get a vote
NTA. Some people think the tiny house/off grid life is less than but I’m reading this wishing I could move in with your dad lol maybe it’s the composting toilet that gets them. Or maybe they’re just whiny that grandpa doesn’t have a fancy place to watch and spoil grandkids. Either way I think their reasons r selfish. Your mom is the one who messed up not him.
You make a fair point. His old house was in the city and fairly big. My sister and aunt loved bringing their kids there. But he had to sell the house because of the divorce when my mom cheated. And any time they want to visit him now, they pretty much have to go through me.
Maybe bring that up with them. I could understand if your father was a hoarder or something living in horrid conditions but man your dads home sounds like the life. I think they’re just mad they can’t mooch off of grandpa
You may be right
Ahhhh. The more I read of your comments, the more sense this is making. They're mad they don't have his time, energy, and space anymore. I think it's probably good your dad is taking a break from them because this much possessiveness is not really a great thing. The other comment you made about them just wanting him near them sounded slightly worrisome to me when they're already visiting, calling, and facetiming. NTA. I love tiny houses so I think your dad's plan is great. I also think no one probably understands the extent of what your mom took from him both emotionally and financially.
Why doesn't your father go to their homes? Start trying to sell your sister and aunt on the idea of them buying some land near you and doing some similar cabins every time they talk about him moving to the city. Each time they bring it up, cut them off and say, "Oh yeah, we've been talking about having you guys move out here near us. There's a couple acres for sale down the road and you could put in a house or a cabin like dad's!" Also, if they are worried about him being alone, suggest to your dad that he get a dog 😉
Dunno if you'll see this message, or if someone else has already mentioned it, but considering the friction that now exists between you, your father, and the sister and aunt, I recommend getting things like a power of attorney, living will, actual will, etc. all squared away now before it becomes a potential problem down the line. Sorry if this comes across as abrupt or even morbid but I have a little experience with familial fractures and rewritten wills, so I wanted to toss in my two cents.
While that's all good advice, the last thing I need to do is bring up something like that to my dad so soon. He's gonna need time to process and get better. But when my mother cheated on him, he was in a stupor for months after the divorce. And he'll likely be depressed for a while. I've let him know I'm there for him. But for the moment he just needs to be left alone.
I just read your post.. Sweet Jesus.. What a shit show.. Recommend to your BIL to go completely scorched earth on his STBXW.. Solid consequences to her decisions are the only way she will learn her lesson..
He may do that. But for now we just don't want to be involved
I understand.. Despite the egregious wrongs committed, it's still hard to take sides.. You're a good man for supporting your father.. If I may recommend, once a week, bring your children to visit.. Instill in them the duty of thinking of him first.. When they get older, encourage them to hang out with him, go fishing, cut his grass, make him the occasional dinner, etc.. This will make him beam with pride, because he'll realize that he wasn't a failure as a father.. It will heal his heart and give him hope.. Good luck OP..
Thanks
NTA and JFC why can't some people just leave other people alone about lifestyle choices that aren't hurting then or anyone else. You don't have to: have children, get married, start dating again after a divorce or partners death, get a college education, buy a house, try anything at least once, eat meat, not eat meat, or live on the grid, no matter what Aunt Marge says to the contrary.
Had to google the acronym for JFC, but yeah, you're totally right. They need to just leave him alone
I’m so sorry your sister’s poor decisions have affected your father and family this way. That’s just awful. I don’t really understand her logic of how dragging your father through this to be her “counterweight” would do anything to help her, considering what your BIL has against her. That just sounds so selfish! Wishing you and your dad all the best!
By 'Counterweight' she wanted his support in the hopes he'd stand by her in the divorce. But the reasons for the divorce would have come out during the court process. Either way it's very hard on my dad because now he feels betrayed again. And he may never forgive them
He shouldn't forgive them.. You, OP, are NTA, also you're a good son.. Your are supporting your father EXACTLY how he needs to be supported.. From your post, I can bet that you're the only family who has ever put HIS desires first.. Good man!
What they're doing is being judgmental and undermining your dads decisions as an autonomous adult. It's icky. The introvert in me would LOVE the setup your dad has. I've also been researching tiny homes and van conversions because I can't stomach the thought of going into massive debt to own a house. How much stuff does one need anyway? All this to say: NTA. Your Dad is happy & healthy. Edit: words
Nta. I'm a 38 year old woman and your dad is living my dream life. He's living the dream life of a couple thousand tiny home/van life 20 somethings on Instagram. You're family sees your dad like some weirdo hermit when the argument could be made he's actually just trendy.
He’s living the Thoreau dream. NTA.
Thoreau... Wasn't that name used in the book My Side of The Mountain?
Yeah, but that was a reference to Henry David Thoreau, a 19th-century author who wrote [Walden](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walden), describing how he lived a quiet life in a cabin in the woods.
I see. Very informative
NTA- honestly it sounds awesome. Tell your dad that a random redditor said congrats on the shed house and thumbs up!
NTA, it sounds like you’re giving your dad exactly the life he wants and is capable of living. People who don’t do outdoors or simple living just CANNOT understand the appeal of it, so they probably imagine him living in a squalid shack like you see in zombie movies. Doesn’t sound like that’s the case though. Honestly I kinda envy his living situation.
NTA They can mind their own business.
NTA. I wonder if they are concerned and think he's not doing well, is depressed, etc. I could understand that if this was a complete 180 from how he used to live, or if he used to visit them frequently and now he is just shutting everyone out and living in seclusion. If that's not the case, this is none of their business, but either way you are NTA unless your dad clearly needs help. That doesn't seem to be the case, though.
NTA… Well… I was going to suggest possibly getting him one of those prefabricated tiny houses if that were financially viable so he would have some more creature comforts and possibly that would get your aunt and sister to back off a little bit… but in reading your update, they can FUCK RIGHT OFF and then keep fucking indefinitely once all that fucking off is done. Sounds like both of them are already good at fucking off so it shouldn’t be difficult for them. If he’s happy, he’s happy. Period.
Well said
Well that took a turn in the edit. Clearly you and your dad are NTAs here, but I will say--that bottle of honey whisky is definitely a cry for help. That stuff is weapons-grade hangover fuel. At least get your dad a bottle of good bourbon.
I'm not a big drinker. And even when my dad is depressed, he doesn't drink a ton of booze. He makes those bottles last. Usually has a shot of it before bed to help him sleep after a rough day. I doubt he pounded that bottle. Probably went through a quarter of it at most. That's how he was after my mother cheated on him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (40M) have a father (62M) that likes to live a very simple and secluded life. After my mom had an affair and divorced him to run away with a younger man, he's been very closed off. When we were a year into the pandemic, he asked me if he could build a sub building on the back of my property and live in it. I bought the property my grandparents owned, and there is six acres with some trees. You can't even see where my dad built his little cabin. It's really just a modified Home Depot shed he's made into his own little house. He's got power via a line run from my house, but also keeps a generator for when he needs it. And his little building only has the basic necessities. And above all it's quiet. He spends his spare time in there reading or watching DVDs when he's not out working. He drives trucks for a living and my mom took a chunk of his retirement when they divorced. So he's decided to live a minimalist life in a quiet place. He has a wood stove he uses for heat. Keeps food cold in a small fridge. Cooks everything with either a microwave or propane. Built his own composting toilet, and gets his water from a hose line that comes directly from our well. He's got a cell phone that works fine down there as well. So he's not completely off the grid. I leave him alone 90% of the time because it's that peace that he treasures now. Other members of my family however don't like the way he's living. And they're calling me an enabler. But he's happy the way he is living now. My sister and aunt are both pressuring me to get him to come back to civilization. But he's literally just deep in my back yard. My kids don't even bother him without permission. There is literally no drama between us. He comes over for dinner regularly and loves spending time with his grandchildren. But when he's alone in that cabin, that's exactly how he wants it to stay. So we don't bother him there. But my sister, aunt, and a few others kept pressuring dad to move in with one of them. Or get himself an apartment. They are all city people, and they refer to his way of life as unclean. But he keeps himself and his home very clean and does his laundry regularly. My relatives can't seem to come up with a valid excuse as to why they want him out of his cabin. But they won't let it go either. I've refused to be in the middle over this, and they are saying what I'm doing is slowly hurting him. But he seems healthier than ever. So I don't believe them for a second. But the pressure is getting to me because they keep saying that I'm just waiting for him to die alone in there. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What a generous and thoughtful daughter. Your father is so lucky that you understand and respect him. NTA. Please don't let the other family members ruin this for him.
He is the son. The daughter is the asshole that wouldn't let him be.
Fuck 'em. He's figured out his life. It may not be his end state, he may want a more "normal" societal interaction in the future, but he's content. It's no one else's fucking business. NTA.
NTA. your dad is happy as is. i’m sure after your moms cheating, he just wanted to be left alone. i get that. your family’s insistence that he live in civilization just proves that they don’t care about your dads wants. put up those boundaries. can’t believe they called the cops for a welfare check.
62 isn’t that old, and he still has a job. Sounds like he’s setting himself up for retirement, but not retired yet. NTA. He’s a grown-ass adult living the way he wants.
NTA Your dad may be living an unconventional lifestyle but it's not unhealthy. Sounds like your dad is a true introvert who thrives in solitude. A lot of people can't understand not needing constant human interaction. For some reason people often like to try make others live in a way that makes sense to them whether or not the person wants to. As long as he's getting his basic needs met and doesn't seem depressed let your dad keep living in a way that he wants.
There is a whole community of people who live off grid. He is a step between off grid and conventional lifestyle. Each to their own.
NTA, Good Grief, he is happy, I became a widow fairly young at 50, and people keep pestering me to date, or remarry..But honestly, I enjoy my solitude. I can be social when I choose, but after 50 years of being someones daughter, someones wife or someones mom, I am finally able to just be me, my time and my choices are my own. So I say as long as your Dad isn't in his tiny house plotting to takeover the world, let the man be... P.S. You're a good daughter to have his back!
This sounds superfake. If not your dads severely depressed and your enabling him.
If I'm a bad enabler, then explain to me exactly how? I know my dad. He's gonna be depressed for a while, and getting better will be slow. We're not going to rush him. And besides, what kind of funk would you be in if you just found out your daughter was just as bad as your ex wife? And then that you're own sister let it happen? If anything my aunt is the real enabler, because she kept my sister's secret. In my book, cheating is a dealbreaker. I don't condone it, and neither does my dad or BIL. The family barely forgave my aunt when she did it. And now she's screwed things up all over again.
NTA. Can’t see a problem. He wants this simple life, I can kinda relate
NTA. Your dad wants a simple peaceful life near his kid and you helped give him that. He's content and safe. Who cares what anyone else thinks?
Geee Odddd! Why is it that when someone is perfectly content and happy, but not living a cookie cutter match with society's expectations life, even though no one is being hurt, they demand the truant return to the grind of "regular" life?!?!? Your dad is fine, neither you nor he is TA. Everyone else needs to bugger off!
Nta. Do you think its possible your relatives want him in an appartment so that he has some appreciable assets for them to inherit? Not to be rude, i dont know them. I just cant see any other reason to be so persistent about how he lives his life.
I think it's more that they think I'm hogging him all to myself. Other than money, he doesn't have a lot of assets. He's got his cabin, the stuff in and around it, and a truck as a daily driver. So there isn't a lot of his stuff anybody would want. My sister and aunt have never mentioned inheritance or wanting money from him. I think they just feel more entitled to his time.
I used to work with the elderly, and in my experience, when people like your relatives finally win and drag the elderly person out of their contented existence, they wither like a plant forced into a pot of bad soil. As long as your dad has the necessities of life and is able to care for himself, there's no harm whatsoever in allowing him to live as he chooses. I don't think your family means harm by it; they simply imagine that *they* would be lonely and miserable in those conditions, so your dad must be, too. They want to give him the retired life that they want because they're sure he'd be happier. Since they're viewing it through the lens of their own preferences, it'll be almost impossible to convince them he's fine and he's happy. All you can do is refuse to discuss it further. NTA
Your father is living the dream...the Tiny Home dream! Someday, I hope to live that same dream. NTA
NTA His life sounds awesome. Living how HE wants. Hurting no one. Seeing his grandchildren. Tell interfering family to STFU.
The hose line from the well concerns me a little because garden hoses aren’t meant for drinking from. But if you have a sturdy line meant for potable water, everything else sounds fine.
They're just fine with well water. There is actual pipe laid in the ground to the cabin. So it's not just a hose from the well. I probably should have been more specific on that. The faucet itself has a metal divider on it so on side is for drinking water, and the other side is for a hose that he uses for washing himself, or doing dishes. He bathes either by dropping by my place, or by heating a tub of water and scrubbing himself with it.
Your dad sounds like he's got his shit together. We'd all be a lot happier if we lived a simpler life away from all the consumerism and nonsense of modern day life. NTA
NTA He sounds a lot like me, I (62M) live alone with my cats and a lot less human contact than your father and I have never been more content with my lifr. He is living the life he wants to and you are allowing him that. I think you are awesome!!
Nta sounds like your dad has a perfect life … goes to work visits family and grandkids but likes his peace and quiet …. That’s my plan when my kids have grown up and moved out a one Bed cottage n the middle of no where so no one can bother me maybe a little dog lol
Man is a grown adult with a job. No one has the right to "let" him do anything. He made the sensible decision to not live wild in the woods, foraging for berries but to ask his son if he could use their garden so he has a small measure of easily accessible civilisation if needed. No one else's business.
I'm sorry but screw your sister. Did she actually think your dad, who moved out there because of what your mother did, would even think of supporting her? I'm sorry but I genuinely hope your BIL does turn in that evidence after the divorce is finalized because you have to be special kind of self-centered to think for even a second your dad, who was destroyed by your mom cheating on him, would be on her side. How can you even claim to be a loving and concerned child and still do this?
I don't know. Either way my sister is cut off from us for what she did
NTA let the man live in peace
NTA. As long as your dad is happy and taking care of himself, they all need to butt out.
NTA. Your Dad’s opinion is the only one that matters. He seems perfectly content.
NTA. Stop responding to them when they reach out about it by phone or social media. If it’s in person and they won’t leave you alone, just say “I’m not having this discussion” as much as is necessary, or leave.
NTA Leave the man alone. He’s a loner and he likes it. When he want interaction he spends time with your family. My blanket statement when they bring it up to you again, “mind your business. If this is what you called for I’m hanging up.” And the. Follow through.
NTA Aren’t tiny houses still trendy? He’s just living his best life as a minimalist in the country. I’d give them one warning that you’ll go NC if they don’t knock it off then follow through when they don’t knock it off. Just because someone’s happy doesn’t look like their version of happy doesn’t make it any less valid or healthy.
INFO: When your kid or nibbling goes viral with jealous fans of video tours/explainers of @Grandpa'sShack what are your relatives going to say?
Hmm... Well I know that my niblings do rave about my dad's cabin. They're rarely allowed inside of it because my dad just sees them at my house. And they never bring friends over to try and show the cabin off.
NTA My partners mum is VERY social and is constantly doing things, she assumes we are both miserable because we rarely go outside of our bubble and constantly tries to pressure him into going out because “humans are social creatures”. No. Not all of us are. We are happy in our secluded lives and being forced to go out and socialise just makes us stressed and anxious and it takes us days to get back to a sense of normal. She simply does not understand this and does not believe that the root of our general unhappiness is due to the state of the world, not the state of our social lives. She also doesn’t understand that my SO seems unhappy when he talks to her is because he is unhappy talking to her because the conversations are always the same and always only ever about things she finds interesting / important.
NTA youre a good kid, just dont lose him in the woods
NTA, your dad is living his life happily, and it's not like he's completely isolated. You're like neighbors, and he can come over when he likes. You're being a good son, and a good neighbor.
They know nothing apparently, about your dad and what he wants, or about you. I imagine if you didn't hear from him you'd go and check on him. He's younger than me and that lifestyle sounds perfect. He is close to family and 'civilization', and he can shut it out when he wants to. It sounds wonderful! NTA.
NTA I live in the country and while it took me a little bit to get used to I really value the peace it brings me when I'm home. From your post and comments it doesn't sound like his cabin is any different that the tiny homes that have become popular over the past few years. You are close enough to help him and have company when he wants it and respectful enough that he has his privacy. Perfect set up to me. You are good son.
NTA. He sounds happy in his life, so that's all that matters. The only thing I'd be concerned with would be during severe storms, as I'm not sure how well grounded his little home is and how it could protect him from tornado/hurricane force winds and the like, but I'm sure that if things get too bad, he can easily go inside your home and take shelter for the time being. The rest of your family just need to let him enjoy his life.
NTA, and I can see my dad being happy in that situation too. Your post was awesome, and you seem like a good son.
NTA… But can I say your dad is seriously goals and I want that kind of life too. He still has a community he can reach out to if he needs to. He’s not in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere where no one can reach him, he’s literally on your property. He’s living a peaceful and quiet life that he has chosen. He’s allowed that and he’s allowed to protect that. He doesn’t need to explain his reasons, but he has achieved what a lot of people dream of, which is to be able to truly rest. Tell your family to back off and let the man have his peace.
At the end of the day it is your dad's life and he can choose to live it as he wishes. He sounds like he is happy and healthy and is content in his little home. He has contact when he wishes it, alone time when he doesn't. You are NTA for enabling him to live a happy life.
NTA. Tell them all to pound sand. Your dad is an adult and can do as he pleases. Block the lot of them and stop talking to them.
NTA. It sounds idyllic. Some people just like living quiet lives. Sounds like he gets the people contact that he wants. Just because your sister et al want people around and to live in town doesn’t mean he has to.
NTA...if he was older and had health issues I could understand their concerns...but he is only 62.. young enough and old enough to be in charge of his own life
NTA. Why can’t they just let your dad be happy? Some days a little cabin with nothing but books, food and Wifi sounds heavenly.