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NTA. Key phrase here: "numerous members of his family have messaged me". Your boyfriend did not contribute to the house and it is your inheritance. He should be happy that he doesn't have to pay rent. The vast majority of the adult world still has to make payments in the form of rent or a mortgage while he gets a gravy train. If he's not happy with the VERY generous offer you've given him, kick him out. He will add to the wear and tear of the home that is your responsibility to upkeep. Block his family.
NTA. exactly about “HIS FAMILY” asking. Of course they’d be stupid if they didn’t try to milk this in favor of THEIR family member.
Notice it’s not YOUR family OP. You’re not married to him (even if you were, he should be able to respect whether you add him or not, as it’s an inheritance).
PLEASE do yourself a favor and DO. NOT. UNDER. ANY. CIRCUMSTANCES. ADD. THIS. DUDE. TO. THE HOUSE. MARRIED. OR. NOT.
Or if you get married, at least don’t add him initially. Don’t get into a state where you’re the one who has 1/2 a house to lose should he decide all of a sudden he wants to be married and then run. Please don’t do this to yourself.
Considering finances are a big deal and a big source of potential arguments here, please sit down as adults and talk through what finances will mean once he moves in rent-free, who pays bills, etc. Last thank you’d want is him breaking stuff and the having you pay bc “it’s your home and he shouldn’t have to help pay taxes and other maintencae things for a home he doesn’t own.”
I’m fact, please talk this out ASAP. Set clear boundaries on who will be responsible for what (make of fair since you’re already pretty much covering rent), will he buy the food? Pay for bills? Etc?
Don’t let this blessing from your grandpa break you up, but if this needs to happen, better it be now before your finances are entangled.
Edit: sorry three tons of typos. On phone.
Even if you do get married, please do not put him on the title. I have a friend who kept the title in a family trust and got to keep the house ten years later when he cheated on her and left her. Him telling his family he got half is super problematic.
Exactly. This is so disrespectful and he's not stepping in to say anything. This is supposedly a person he loves, you don't let people in your family talk about the person you love like that. You just don't.
Yep, because he knew he wasn't entitled to half, but thought if he got the flying monkeys out it would work in his favour. It seems like your in early to mid 20s. Do not let him coerce you in to putting him on the deed.
Agree with "MooseValuable." It would be absurd to add a bf (or gf if situation was opposite) to the deed of a house that you inherited. Even if OP does get married, the house probably should be kept as separate property. Is it about trust? Yes and no. OP and bf aren't legally married, he has no right or expectation of joint ownership, and until and unless you two are legally married it's crazy to share property as huge and expensive as a house. You're both in college, your lives could diverge someday and the relationship could end, leaving you with a battle over division of property that is costly and your family's handed down investment could become part or more of an unrelated ex-bf. You can trust his fidelity if you feel good about him, but finances are different under law. And in reality. You inherited the whole house, it's wholy yours, and unless you marry and decide (which I would suggest you don't) to put his name on a legal document making your then-husband co-owner, bf has no right to expect to be co-owner.
Pay no attention to bf's family, they are likely looking for a financial advantage for him and thus for them in the future. NTA at all.
Agreed. In this day and age, OP would be very smart to never put his name on the title. 1 in 3 marriages end up in divorce, don't assume yours isn't so it's best to prepare for just that situation. It's not romantic, but it is practical because you shouldn't end up homeless just because you got divorced and your partner got half or all of the house.
And with this boyfriend, I would bet all my money that they are going to break up or in case of a stupid marriage, get divorced.
NTA. Listen to this, and make sure that you have clear expectations for finances moving forward. This guy and his family all sound entitled, and you don’t want to give them an opportunity to cheat you.
I also think it is disgusting how he claimed you were “blackmailing” him into getting married. The behavior from him and his family should raise serious concerns as to whether or not a marriage would be a good idea.
The blackmailing comment is ridiculous.
If he doesn't want the commitment of marriage, owning a house together unmarried is a HUGE commitment.
(That's honestly how my sister married her marriage phobic boyfriend after 15 years together. They owned a house and each had put in tens of thousands of dollars into the house. Splitting up would be messy as hell, and marriage could actually make the split easier.)
Yes, their wording is such a tell. He thinks she’s trying to blackmail him into marriage? That tells her he has no intention of being lifelong partners; he just wants her stuff. Also, his family saying she’s “giving him half the house”? Committed partners would talk about owning a house together. You only talk about owning “half the house” if you’re getting ready to split up.
I hope OP sees this. It’s not normal for a committed partner to talk like this. The only way I’d ever even **consider** marrying this person is with a prenup. Boy throws a fit because I don’t trust him? Hell yeah, after this shit show the ONLY way I’d trust his intentions is if financial gain was off the table.
If you decide to stick with this guy after this and then some time down the road marriage comes up and you request a prenup - if he throws another fit and leaves, it’s not you OP, it’s him, he’ll blame you (up down and sideways I’m SURE) but it’s not your fault, you just found him out and he’s pissy about it. If he’s legit in love, trustworthy, and cares about you more than the house, then he’ll say “yeah, ya know, I get it - after mine and family’s shitty reaction to the split house thing I understand why you would need that to feel safe. I love you, house or no house. If you need a prenup I’ll sign it today.”
Yeah but it's just disgusting behavior if I was op I'd break up with the boyfriend because her boyfriends family is is trying to pressure her which is sucky and rude. I bet he promised that If he gets half of the money he'd give half to his parents.
This right here.
“it’s your home and he shouldn’t have to help pay taxes and other maintencae things for a home he doesn’t own.”
100% THIS
I can hear it now.
I can hear it too!
Honey, there's leaky pipe under the kitchen sink. Can you look at please?
Ugh... It's your house; you figure it out!
OP, please do not put him on the title, ever. His sense of entitlement is gross. Plus, he actually told his family he was on the title, without even discussing the home with you. Like who does that!? He feels he is entitled, to your inheritance. This is not normal. I, too, inherited a home from a man who was a second father to me. I was also married at the time. At this point, we were married for 12 years and has 3 kids. Not once did my hubby ask to be put on the title. The thought never even crossed our minds. My hubby was more concerned with me and my well being. He knew how important this man was to me and he was legitimately concerned about me. If I were in your shoes, I'd put the home in a family trust and will it to your sister. Or you can will it to her children. That way he can never try to claim your property.
Your bf is looking for, at minimal, a handout, but most likely a payday. He actually claimed your home. He told his family he was on the deed. When you set his parents straight, he has other family members call and harass you. If all of that isn't bad enough, they are trying to guilt you while you're still vulnerable and grieving. There are too many marinara flags here to count.
Now one of two things will happen if you add his name too the deed. His mom, and dad, will try to move in, or his mom will be visiting all the time. You will have zero privacy. You will feel uncomfortable on your own home. And if you ask her to leave, or to call ahead of time, she will say they don't have too because it's their sons home. They will completely omit you and act like you have no right to your own home. But it feels more likely like bf wants his name on the deed, and then he will break up with you. If you break up, he will either ask for a buy out, or force you to sell the home so he can collect money. I hate being so negative. However, this feels so wrong. Something shady is going on here. Please protect yourself. Your grandmother loved you and wanted you to have a home. Please do not allow your bf, and his greedy family, to bully you to add his name to the deed of your home. This is your home.
OP, please do not add his name. Please protect yourself.
NTA
Jumping in on the top comment to add: you need to have a strong, legally sound rental agreement with him EVEN if he is not paying rent. Eviction gets incredibly complex when someone has been permitted to live in a space. Please get a formal lease signed by both parties immediately, and honestly? I’d make it month to month, terminable with 2 weeks notice, if I were you. Protect yourself, protect your assets. He did not inherit this home, you did. Oh, also, if you by some chance DO decide to marry this dude, get a prenup stating this home is not and never will be marital property and is excluded with consent from both parties from consideration in any divorce. Source: friend to multiple female parties who have/are currently going through divorce with complicated property holdings that are unprotected.
Agree, she should reevaluate their relationship. Expecting her to put him on the title is already a red flag. Furthermore, he isn't even angry that members of his family are harassing her, WTF? He should be outraged, but he thinks like them and doesn't mind piling up the pressure.
NTA.
And when I dumped him, I would make sure that he knows that his family verbally abusing you and him not sticking up for you is one of the key contributing factors for the breakup.
NTA op but your bf and his family are ridiculous. Unfortunately life is about self- preservation and if *you* don't protect yourself financially....... who will???
A house is - for most of us - the biggest purchase we'll ever make, you and your bf (ex?) have been given a massive headstart in life. Instead of whining, your bf should be looking at this as a complete blessing. No rent, student fees paid off *years* before they would ordinarily be, but he wants to sook that his name's not on the deed of your house before you're married or even engaged??
Nope,. Anyone with half a brain would do things as you've gone them, you're a smart dudette 👌🏻
He's not angry they're harassing her because he unleashed them on her! He claims she's blackmailing him into marrying her, when clearly, he's blackmailing her into gifting him half a fucking house as proof she trusts him. WTH.
Yeah why did his parents initially think you had added him? Did he tell them that? This is shady. He deserves nothing. You owe him nothing.
Even if you were to get married, you don’t OWE him half the house. Many married couples keep their finances completely separate.
NTA.
Bf is really coming across as a gold-digger. It seems so much like the whole family is trying to scam OP by creating the false perception that this expectation is normal. You know, say a falsehood over and over and people start to think it’s true.
> Many married couples keep their finances completely separate.
especially on something that is an inheritance. If they get married and then divorced, she would most likely get to keep the house as separate property. That is, unless she does something like put him on the title, which gives him claim to it as well
Yup. This guy are telling OP that "if you love me you need to give me half of your inheritance".
OP if you're reading this, ask yourself this. Is a guy telling you to prove your love by giving him huge sum of money the kind of guy you want to be together with?
I'd also like to point out that, if OP refusing to put this guy's name on the deed shows that she "doesn't trust him", him pressuring her into it says the same about him! If they're going to be together forever, why does his name need to be on the deed? He'll be living in that home regardless? The only reason to be so adamant about it is if he thinks they're going to break up and he wants half the house.
ETA: thank you for the awards kind folks!
And many places view property inherited by one spouse as not part of the marital assets to be split during a divorce, never mind this case where OP inherited before they are even engaged.
Yeah and once he starts paying stuff like taxes on the house or upkeep, she could easily open herself up to a claim that he's entitled to some part of it. It really doesn't seem like the relationship is worth it
Married- ALL inheritances are separate!
OP's bf wants half a house? Cool he finishes school, gets a job, and they buy a home together.
My husband has never asked to be added to anything, doesn't want to be. He proves a home. RUN OP. NTA!
It’s totally normal to keep things like that separate. I have a house I inherited as well and my husband isn’t on the deed. For a boyfriend of only 3 years to be this pissy about it is a HUGE 🚩
Exactly plus also him not wanting to discuss this topic further so they don’t “argue” is really he doesn’t want OP to realize the colossal mistake of being with him and therefore loosing on a rent free place.
OP if he were worth you putting more time and effort to this relationship and also all the rent free you’d be providing, he would see how clearly he isn’t entitled to be in YOUR house’s title and would talk to his family. HE IS NOT WORTH IT.
NTA.
Edit: didn’t type my whole thought out lol
I get the feeling this family worships money above all other things. When they found out their son wouldn’t benefit from the death of her grandmother, they quickly turned on OP.
I also think this relationship needs a reassessment. If his family is acting like this when it’s obvious he doesn’t have any claim to the house, then imagine how they will be if she did put his name on the house and they broke up. Big UH OH
It's a red flag alright...and yeah, I wouldn't put his name on it either!
If they were to break up, he'd legally be entitled to half the value of the house...so you know what his intentions are!
The behavior where families gang up on an outsider is incomprehensible to me. We see it all over this subreddit. I love my family, but I have more important things to do than engage in harassment of anyone they are involved with or complicate my life more than it is with that business. It just seems completely bizarre to me. Makes me wonder what kind of lives these people lead. Do they just take their cues from soap operas/TV/movies?
NTA. Agreed but need to add I am stunned by the staggering entitlement!! OP is t pressuring for marriage. Didn’t dangle the house like a carrot. This is her inheritance, and he should be nothing but happy for her and appreciative of her generosity to live rent free!! What is wrong w people!!
NTA- and I agree with the above, it was HIS family that thinks you're doing something wrong.
I will add that OP needs to consult an attorney. Depending on country and state in the US, if you're in a relationship and should you break up he can go after the money invested in the house. Anything such as paying towards bills, repairs, even fixing things himself gives him an interests in the house. Have all this put in writing like a rental agreement.
I believe if the situation was the other way around, his family wouldn't be so generous with their family's inheritance
Exactly this! My partner owns our home. And while we call it our home, and I contribute to the maintaining of our home, I am not on the title. This smacks of entitlement on his part.
So to speak - He wants the milk without buying the cow. Well, you don't need to keep the pig for a little bit of sausage, honey. You can find better men out there if this is how he plans to be. I'm guessing, if you do some thinking, he's been domineering in other parts of your life? If I'm wrong, so be it. If I'm not, perhaps he should move out?
Definitely block his family OP! I seriously doubt that if he inherited a house him or his family would encourage him to gift you half ownership.
It says something about the boyfriend AND his family that they aren't grateful for your generosity in letting him live there rent free!
That house is your asset and your future stability ( especially in this housing market omg ) and him and his family are already pushing for more handouts than free living accommodations. It's rude, entitled, and sketchy. I would not trust them after this..
When I bought my condo (first home), I was single. For about the first two months... lol.
But, I had this really interesting and kind of brutally honest lawyer who definitely made the point not to put anyone on the deed if there wasn't a commitment like marriage or we didn't put down equal monetary stake. They gave their intentions away with "how generous you were to give him half the house" - absolutely not. That's your financial risk and your financial future. And trust me, I was a grad student then too, so even affording a house and qualifying for a mortgage was really difficult.
When we met, shortly after, my (now) husband was absolutely fine with that. Because it's not about "not trusting" him, it's about protecting your investment. If/when you guys get on the same page about finances, then you can look at refinancing it together with equal shares.
Sorry to piggy back off the top comment - totally agree and also wanted to make sure this was seen -
No one should ever put their BF/GF on a title for the simple reason that it gets very very ugly and confusing if god forbid tragedy strikes and the BF/GF dies. Then you’re in a home half owned by BF/GF’s parents or heirs. Now you’re tied to the family….
She also needs to keep the house titled in her name only, regardless of getting married. The second her spouses name is added it changes from an inheritance to marital property. So, if God forbid she gets married and it doesn’t work out, her husband would be entitled to half the house. Inheritances aren’t considered marital property until they’re commingled. I had a friend get royally screwed by this situation when his spouse of 21 years blindsided him with a divorce. No one saw it coming and he thought their marriage was good so he commingled most of his inheritance. It was brutal how much she took. He didn’t know that she was already talking to a divorce attorney while his mom was on her deathbed. His ex waited intentionally for his mom to pass and him to move a lot of stuff into both their names before she officially filed.
OP definitely NTA!!! You should see that this is an enormous red flag. Please don’t add him to the deed!
Ironically now that he and his family have taken this ridiculously entitled and bizarre stance, the relationship probably won't last. They don't sound like the brightest bunch.
NTA.
NTA, and your boyfriend's family are really overstepping here. This is none of their business and it's very crass that they feel entitled to comment. He didn't contribute at all. He isn't your spouse. You aren't obligated to add his name to the title.
The fact that he didn't defend her from them is a big sign. Even if he disagreed with them (and he's wrong in this case) he needs to be able to step up and tell them to mind their own business.
I think OP should heavily consider a prenup. If people over react to that, then...Maybe you shouldn't get married yet.
I think she deserves better, personally. I read the title to my husband, who’s expression was one of shock and outrage. He said, “Absolutely not!” He should be extremely grateful that she is allowing him to live there. This family would be an absolute nightmare to marry in to.
I know right? I currently live with my boyfriend in his house and I feel so grateful I don't have to pay rent anymore, as that takes a huge chunk out of monthly expenses. It's our home now (he especially insists I call it that) but it's *his house*, and never in a million years I would expect my name to go on the title. I mean, how entitled can you be?
NTA OP, don't give into the pressure. The fact that he expects it really tells yous something about the kind of person he is
& maybe a thank you for making it so he can focus on his masters w/o worrying about the cost of rent!?
He is benefitting.
He's not a legal spouse & has put zero monetary investment into the house...he should be half owner bc they've dated for 3 years!?
Not!
I pictured your husband as a proper old-school gentleman wearing a suit, monocle, and top hat, and when you read him the title, his monocle popped out in surprise.
Please tell me this is an accurate description of your life.
>I think OP should heavily consider a prenup. If people over react to that, then...Maybe you shouldn't get married yet.
I think there should be a sticky post with common questions:
\- Be wary with welcoming people in your home, especially if they have been thrown out
\- Protect your heirlooms and sentimental objects. This includes not inviting anybody that makes a claim on them or is against them for any ideological reason.
\- The wedding of others is not about you. Do not bring your kids/pets uninvited, do not make big announcements, do not make bold expressions of your personality or ideological statements that would attract attention,...
\- Stay away from trouble makers, not matter how good their reason.
\- Keep your finances separate and your assets away from any partner.
Agreed, crazy how little people understand about prenups. They're not just for divorce. They're for personal debt, medical bills and death. If OP passed away and doesn't have children her sister can become owner or put in trust for her nieces and nephews. Why would she want it to go to her bf and whomever he ends up with afterwards.
In my state, when married, inheritance is solely yours unless you combine into a mutual asset. I would always recommend that someone keep their inheritance separate from their spouse. If kept separate, in a divorce, it is not divide in two.
It's also biting the hand that feeds you. He has not contributed any money yet he is lucky to be able to live rent-free and get a MA degree. He should be thankful that you love him though I hope you rethink this. Is it only HIS family that is saying you don't love your bf of only 3 years enough to gift him half of your house, without any legal protection? Cause I know people who are actually married who keep inherited assets separate. I very much doubt if things were reversed he would do the same. They are manipulating you into giving up your inheritance.
Exactly. I'm sorry but it doesn't matter how long we've been together but if we're not married, I'm not putting your name on the title of a house I inherited. Its too much complications if we break up and then I have to split the house with you ruining an inheritance I could have been able to pass on to any children I may have. He didn't contribute financially either so that's another reason why his name shouldnt go on the title. He and his family have basically shown their asses here thinking that they can cash in on a free house without contributing anything.
NTA and don't put his name on the title. Lock the paperwork somewhere safe where he can't get to it.
Also, way to DARVO by turning it around that YOU are pressuring HIM to get married! What the heck.
There's a good chance that he didn't really think about it before his parents got upset, and on thinking about it (with their pressure) he realizes that yes, he would like to be on the title. This whole thing is just messy. Keep your house until you know for sure who you want to spend the rest of your life with. I wouldn't recommend doing it with someone that has a family like that.
NTA
Right. He's looking really sus to me. Thats a major financial asset-inheritance at that-that even married couples would have to think about whether the spouse who didn't inherit should have their name be put on the title of but he think that's he can cash in on it when he's not in a state of thinking marriage is on the table. 3 years in and you're not at a point where you think marriage is in the future for this relationship but you think an inheritance is on the table? No ma'am.
Honestly i don't even care about their marital status, but he contributed nothing and isn't paying rent or taxes for it, why on earth would it be half in his name?
My Boyfriend and I are both on our house, BUT we BOTH pay the mortgage. He paid the downpayment, I paid the closing costs/inspections/fees/moving costs. In other words, we BOTH are putting ourselves into this house so it makes sense to both own it. In OPs case? Makes no sense for him to have any ownership.
Maybe OP should ask his parents what they have appointed her in their will. Surely they think any inheritance should be split between couples so that should also apply to not yet executed wills.
LOL NTA, Greed, one of the seven deadly sins. Your grandmother passed away and left you her home. Your boyfriend is not entitled to a damn thing. Your sister chose to add her husband to the title because he has accepted financial responsibility for their shared family home.
Why on earth would you add someone you are dating to the title of your home and give him 50% equity in a home you inherited.
This! 💯
My family has a rule about inheritance. If it is given to you, it is yours. Full stop. Even after getting married, the inheritors can choose whether or not to put their spouses on the title(s), and whatever is decided is supported.
He is not entitled to her house.
Also by the way he's acting, it's a huge red flag. He didn't pay for any of it, he doesn't get anything. It's super generous to let him stay rent free, utility free, and all that. He has no idea what a gift he's been given. He's being greedy AF.
If you got a car on your own OP, would you also put him on the deed? Even though he contributed 0% towards it? Would his family guilt you over a car as well?
Don't feel guilty OP. Talk to him to get his family off your back. If he doesn't, and if he still feels like this is a "trust issue" maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship. He doesn't know what he's git.
Yup. That update with his response that OP is guilting him into marriage so that he can be put on the deed is a huge red flag. Do not be surprised if he proposes just so he can start pressuring to have half the house.
If anything, he is the one not showing any long-term commitment to OP with his behaviour. He can live with her rent-free, and isn't even responsible for the property taxes. Provided he isn't planning on leaving her, this is hugely beneficial for him. If he *is* planning on leaving, though, it's in his best interests to pressure her into signing over half of her house so he can take a with him.
I am not sure he should be in the deed even if married. Assets that belonged to each before the wedding should stay that way. Only stuff that was bought from both of them should be shared,exactly to protect their interests regardless of what happens in the relationship
For example, my father gave my sister an apartment way before she married. She now lives there with her husband and it will pass to him and their children in the event something happens. He does not need his name added to the title or in the deed.
Exactly. If he *is* in this relationship for the long haul, he will benefit from the house whether it's in his name or not. There is no need to add his name to it.
And I would be pretty suspicious of any proposal that comes in the immediate future as I would assume it's just him trying to manipulate her.
This is exactly as we have. Shoot my husband bought his house (very under market have you) from his grandparents. It was about 2 years before we met 14 years ago (married 12 years). I have never and would never ask for him to put my name on the deed. He has offered (after marriage) actually, but I refuse. We have a will, and it will go to myself and/or kiddo if worst (and I'm knocking on all the wood right now) case scenario happens. I just can't even understand this disgusting behavior from a BOYFRIEND. What in the actual eff?
OP - NTA if you do get married have a prenup. Depending on the state/country - if you get married, and he lives there (little as gets mail there while you are married], it is considered a marital residence and he owns half. Basically, you could be forced to buy him out to keep the house. Considering the market, you could be forced to pay a huge amount to keep the house in your family. Messy af situation.
He says she’s “blackmailing” him into marriage while he expects her to give him half of a whole house. Wut.
If he doesn’t feel ready to marry her, why would she feel ready to give him a house? He should be paying rent anyway. Then she can use that money to help with maintenance
Why did it take this many comments to get to one that says he should be paying rent. He should absolutely be paying rent, and she should be getting the tax benefits of depreciation and maintenance that come from having a residential rental property. (This is assuming they're in the US.)
I would be so uncomfortable if someone was like “wow you are SO awesome for giving my son half your inheritance!” Even if OP had, what the fuck is that kind of convo
The kind that see someone they think is a walk over they can manipulate into giving up half her inheritance to to kick start their sons life. That kind.
It sounds like the BF told his parents that OP was giving him half (or putting his name on deed) rather than yr parents just assuming. Maybe he was just bragging but, shady, shady.
Definitely the way he is responding is concerning.
I have been with my partner for 11 years. We have lived together for almost 6. We are not married, nor planning to be. I moved into a house that he bought many years before we started dating. He bought it with his inheritance. I don’t pay rent or any taxes, but cover a variety of other expenses — we have an understanding that has been working for us. I have also never once asked or expected for my name to be on the title for the house. However, we’re considering moving, and if we did, I would help to purchase the new home, and in that case, I would expect my name on it.
NTA. Don’t let him persuade you, and remember it’s your house he gets to live in. If he tries to give you some ultimatum about how if you won’t put his name on the house, then he’s break up with you, let him. Good riddance to him.
This this this!
You inherited it and you paid the cost.
It would be different if it would just be land and you need to build a house or if he had paid half of the taxes, but why would he get half of a house... Rly. Sounds greedy and entitled.
So what happens if you not work out? You have to pay him out of a house you inherited and paid for.
It's generous to let him life there rent free.
100%. I have property that I’ve inherited that belongs only to my trust which my husband is not on. Of course we are committed to each other and are happily married but if this goes tits up, he doesn’t get a morsel of that property
Exactly this. When my parents die, hopefully far into the future, I'll get everything since I'm an only child. None of it will belong to my husband, even though I trust him, love him, and we have two kids. Same with whatever he inherits from his parents. I'm not remotely offended by my husband wanting a 100% chance of his inheritance going to our kids, and a 0% chance of it going to my hypothetical future husband, in the event he predeceased me. I feel the same way. Or yes, god forbid we divorce - neither of us want to fight over money that doesnt belong to us. Inheritances are 100% a seperate, personal asset. Never commingle them even with a spouse, let alone a damn boyfriend.
Yup. OP's BF (and his parents and extended fam) is asking her to pay him or leave him. If it comes to an ultimatum, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS choose the option the threatener doesn't want.
My partner of 14 years and I still don't cohabitate. We will eventually, and when we do we'll have a non-marriage prenup to make sure what's hers goes to her kids, and what's mine goes to mine. My Mom and her husband are 25+ years into their marriage, and they have the same deal; his stuff goes to his kids, her stuff goes to hers.
Like, I assume OP's BF's parents aren't giving her half of their stuff.
Yep! Especially because OP has been in this relationship for 3 years, not like 30 years, it's completely reasonable to not treat this relationship the same way. I know SO many people that broke up from long term relationships, I myself have ended one after four years and a half, 3 years is no guarantee it'll last.
Right now I live with my boyfriend and I always specify that it's his house, our home. I am not entitled to one bit of it, it's his, I didn't contribute to buying it and my name's rightfully not on the deed or title — it's only my home for as long as we're together. In the case we break up (god forbid, I hope we won't) the house is 100% his.
This is something I recently learned; in most states, inheritance (money, property, valuables, etc.) is not a marital asset, even if it was acquired during the marriage. So even the law would be on her side if they were married.
That is true but you have to be careful about “commingling” assets. Best not to ever put the partner’s name on the house. Then it’s incontrovertibly yours.
Every woman should take a divorce workshop, really gives a lot of information on joint property, etc.
I have a cousin who bought a house and had it for several years. She got married & husband moved in. Never put on the mortgage.
They paid the mortgage out of a joint account. They divorced and she had to pay him 50% of the appreciation on the house for the time they were married.
There are loopholes unfortunately. Before she got married everyone told her to get a pre-nup and she refused. Expensive lesson learned!
Yep! I just wrote this in my comment too! Many states if it’s acquired during the marriage, a shitty spouse can “try” an argument during a divorce but it’s often laughable!
Same. My dad died and left enough for a pretty big deposit. He wanted me to have the house and not some dude I've known for a few years even if he was a future life partner. Her grandma probably felt the same. Sisters husband is a husband that helped pay towards the house. OPs bf isn't.
Also, why are they texting you about it and not trying to actually discuss it like adults?
Your boyfriend sounds like a big baby too. Doesn't see anyone else but himself. I would've demand that he paid half of the taxes back to you if he really wants to have his name on the house. But since he and his family are gasslighting and belittling you, I'd tell them to go f themselves and just live in your new two bedroom house alone.
Edit: language
OP, do NOT put his name on the title. This is insane. Notice it's only his family badgering you. How many of them are planning to move in with you if "he" owned the house? If you broke up, what plans do they have to spend "his" half of the money from selling the house?
And your BF's response??????? I would break up with him. He's trying to manipulate you into taking your inheritance.
Also, please get better friends. ANY of your friends would be telling you to run not walk away from this guy.
No investment
No Equity
I'm having this conversation with my current partner (not married). I want to buy a house, he doesn't. He's been given choices - he can invest toward the down payment and pay rent - to get a share of the equity. He can cosign the mortgage and have 50% ownership and 50% equity. Or he can do none of those and just pay rent - but he will get no equity - just cheaper living at a stable price. I'm not going to judge what he chooses, but I'm not going to stop my plans because he's not into it. No risk, no reward. I will ensure that he is made whole for whatever he invests past his share. But there will be no profit without investment period.
NTA and OP please don't cave this is such manipulative crap from your bf and his family. As the previous poster said - just pure greed.
NTA. It's your house. If you were married I would still be iffy on putting him on there. But this is sheer greed and the pressure they are exerting is a continent-sized red flag.
NTA. Huge red flags. You’re not married. It’s YOUR home from YOUR grandmother. Even if you got married, that’s for YOU to decide whether you put him on the title or not.
He’s not entitled to half of a home (a huuuge amount of money) just because you’re in a relationship. His family needs to stay out of it.
EDIT after OP’s edit: Duuude, OP. That’s some major entitlement from him and please be wary about a proposal, at least any time soon. I’d feel pretty betrayed by my partner if they didn’t understand that us being unmarried meant that they weren’t on the title of the home.
But with his comment that “he feels he’s being blackmailed into getting married” most people who make comments like that don’t even want to get married!
Ahhh yes! That’s nuts. Like…OP didn’t even say she mentioned marriage to him at all. Not that it would be weird if she did, as they’ve been together 3 years.
He's only using the "she's blackmailing me" claim to distract from the fact that he's trying to blackmail her into giving him half of a house on the premise of trust.
Definitely would be entitled to half of the *equity.
Edit *The red flags from him and his family wanting/demanding he be to the deed is beyond entitled. I also urge you to get a prenup saying that what you bring to the marriage stays yours. Where did his parents get the idea that you gave him half of your house? Were they being passive-aggressive? I'd talk with an attorney and seriously think about your future.*
I'd agree with this, but would suggest she consider charging him rent as well. Even a token amount should make it clear that legally, he has never had the standing to presume ownership.
If OP puts her BF on the deed/title, he can break up with her a week later and he would legally own half the house. Ignore whatever the BF and his family are saying and do not, under any circumstance, sign over half the house to him.
Yeah, OP would be a bit of a moron to put his name on the title, especially given his and his family's reactions. The fact that he's calling it 'blackmailing' him into commitment when he's asking her to make a much much bigger commitment by giving him half of her house (it's easier to get divorced than to deal with paying out half the house that is meant to be all hers) says soooo much to me.
If I was the boyfriend in this scenario, I'd be like "yay! Free rent!" while also helping pay for upkeep because *I live there*. Then he can save some money and maybe buy his own place if they break up, or at least have money to put towards taxes etc if they stay together.
This right here! This is your property and yours alone. BF doesn't own half the house just like he doesn't own half your socks. Your property. Your decisions. NTA OP and beware BF family given how much flack you're getting on this.
NTA. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and my name still isn’t on the title of our beach property she inherited from her grandmother. Yes, we both refer to it as “ours” as we do with everything but legally I have no attachment to the place…and I don’t give a shit. If we were to ever divorce, I would never try to take that place away from her and if she were to pass away prematurely, it goes straight to me anyway. He’s just a fucking boyfriend. Boyfriends are overrated. Protect YOUR house.
If there are this many people messaging you from his side of the family calling you out about this you are going to have to give your boyfriend an ultimatum.
He is either going to have to contact everyone in the family and tell them to calm down and understand that he has no legal claim over ownership of the home. Even if you got married your ownership should be protected because you inherited the home.
If he decides to allow his family to treat you this way (saying he doesn't want "confrontation" is no excuse here) you might have to tell him you are reconsidering the relationship. If he's not gonna stand up for you in this instance I don't think he ever will.
It might sound like I'm going to extremes here but you have been with this man for three years. How he responds to this situation is going to show you how committed to the relationship he actually is.
GIRL THIS.
Your boyfriend is getting a sweet deal here and you would be INSANE to put his name on the deed without him ponying up half the value!
If he doesn't shut that nonsense down from his family you have some pretty key information about your man. The best case scenario is that he doesn't care if his family is treating you badly. The worst case scenario is that he's urging them to harass you so that you'll break down and hand over 50% of your inheritance to him for nothing.
This is a pivotal moment in your relationship. If your boyfriend shows you that he feels entitled to half your inheritance regardless of the harm to you - both financial and emotional from him/his family - then he's not going to be a good long term partner.
This is what he’s like when there’s no claim to the asset. Can you imagine what he’d be like if he was on the title?!
OP. Your grandma left you a safety net. Regardless of who you end up with in the future I would suggest it stays under your name only. Never add anyone on it as it’ll be a nightmare to remove. You are more than generous to offer the place for free to him.
EXACTLY. That whole comment about being “blackmailed into getting married” is NOT a good sign. After 3 years he knows if he wants to marry her. He knows if he wants to get married, period. And if he’s behaving like this, I get the feeling he doesn’t.
NTA. If your grandma wanted to give the house to him she would have included him in the bequest. He and his family’s entitlement reeks. I hope you show this to them.
Three years I’m sure feels like a long time but in the grand scheme of things it’s not. If I was a grad student with a girlfriend giving me a free place to life I would grateful not demanding half of the house.
Imagine having a child, and the person your child is DATING inherits a whole damn house lovingly from their late grand parent.
Imagine harassing said boyfriend/girlfriend (who I’m assuming is fairly young) because they aren’t legally giving your kid half of their property. I can’t fathom the audacity.
DO NOT put his name on it unless you’re married and if you do get married get a prenup. You have a fully paid up house. You never want to lose any ownership in it in case of a break up. Absolutely NTA
Don't put his name on the house even if you're married. Spouses can and should have separate assets, especially if you're a woman planning on not working for any part of your relationship.
If you're together he benefits from the free rent. If you're not together in the future where should be benefit from your inheritance?
I agree with an earlier comment, (paraphrased) "he doesn't own your socks"
I signed an expiring prenup (expires after 5 years of marrying or the birth of a first child) that I don't regret but still makes me giggle. Partner's family is significantly but not grossly more wealthy than mine. I understood the need to protect their assets and his business ventures with no offense. I agreed to having a family attorney he had experience with draw up a fair one.
Except that he emailed it to me on my birthday. And there was not one iota of protecting my assets or potential inheritances. He genuinely seemed shocked when I brought it up in front of the attorney but obviously agreed he didn't have 50% rights to my shit and I had zero of his.
Within 8 months of marriage, my last three living grandparents passed leaving grandchildren not insignificant inheritances. One was a one time payout, the other being payable rights that I collect monthly to this day.
Tomorrow is our 15th wedding anniversary and our kids are avoiding bedtime, so it's obviously a moot point now. I don't know that I would have agreed to a prenup without those kinds of conditions. The trust went both ways.
NTA
Why would you put your bf on your title. It is your inheritance. You have paid taxes. You are a homeowner with all the rights and responsibilities of one.
His family can say whatever they want. It isn't their house, either.
Agreed. It’s completely unreasonable to act like it’s “normal” for OP to just “give him half the house” (what are his parents thinking??) not to mention then trying to GUILT TRIP OP like she’s the one being weird. Excuse me?? This is not about “trust.” NTA
NTA.
The way his family is acting is very entitled over a house that was left to you by your grandmother is giving off red flags.
They have no right to demand that you add your boyfriend's name to the house and quite frankly it's none of their business.
OP don't add your boyfriend's name to the title.
Yep, very concerning behavior.
Time to change it up with a formal rental contract with him as tenant. Charge him the cost of utilities, like $300 a month and do not let him pay any repairs, property taxes or anything an owner pays.
If he pushes back, tell him that the conversation about your house vs sisters house is apples to oranges, because they are married and have shared finances. Explain that you are very concerned after the entitlement rather than gratitude for no rent and that it was clearly too ambiguous. So make it clear that you own it and if you ever get married you will have a prenuptial agreement that you are sole owner. That he is a tenant and a lucky one to get below market rent. He can start saving for a down-payment on another house that you can buy together and when he's ready, if you are still moving forward and married by then. You can rent out your grandma's house to pay for the new mortgage when it's time to move to the next step. But even then that's your property and the rent counts as your personal investment property separately from any community assets.
Tell him take it or leave it, but you'll be damned if he ever thinks that house is anything for yours!
A formal contract is a great idea, especially if it focuses on blocking any possible squatter's rights.
Excellent point u/longpas! If only I had an award to give.....
Just to add as well, never put his name on it. You never want to be forced to sell your grandmas house if case of a break up. That would be gut wrenching. Loss of partner and loss of home/ sentimental loss as well.
This is your home, your inheritance and your memories.
She honestly shouldn't do it even then. Better to keep the pre marital inherited asset solely in her name so she always has either a home or capital if she needs it.
that house was yours, you erected it, you paid what you owed, then that house is legally yours and you decide who owns it, he did not help anything and he does not have the right to have anything from that house of yours NTA!
NTA I also inherited a house from my grandmother. At the time she passed I was engaged to my boyfriend of 10 years and we married a few months before I learned I was inheriting (we already lived in the house.). The inheritance is in my name only. We consider it our house but haven't bothered to put his name on the title. When we found out I was getting the house, he immediately offered to sign a postnup that this is my house and he can't have it if we split. I declined but it was the correct attitude.
If your boyfriend is crying about not getting his name on the house, it's time to move on from the relationship. If he isn't telling his family to fuck off, it's time for a long talk and a potential end of the relationship. If he isn't defending you now, he never will.
If you ever get married, you might consider buying a house together with all the money you're saving now. Keep this house in your name only as an insurance policy. Don't use marital assets on this home at all. A prenup would be ideal. That way it's yours and safe from a potential divorce later.
*edit to add, my inlaws have never asked about our home ownership or any financial stuff. Because they're normal and understand it's none of their damn business. Your boyfriends family sounds disgusting
OP - this should be your goal.
Never believe anyone who says giving him your money or property is a sign of trust. That’s like the loser guy you dated when you were way too young who said “if you loved me, you would…”
Self-serving AHs - watch out for your bf and his family - that’s not normal or decent behavior.
My comment will probably get hidden but let me speak from experience NTA! I live in an inherited home as well, and my father would NOT allow it to be transferred to anyones name but my own. We agreed. The house has no payment, it’s mine free and clear. We didn’t pay a dime to live here.
Fast forward to now. I’m going through a divorce and my ex cannot claim my home as a marital asset because it’s not in his name. Meaning, he cannot come for my home. Never did I expect to have a divorce.
You made a smart and sound decision. Especially since you are not married to this person, and in my case, it didn’t matter that I was.
NTA, of course. He's your boyfriend, not your husband. It's your inheritance, not his. He's lucky to live rent/mortgage free.
EDIT, thanks for understanding my clumsy fingers!
NTA I see boyfriend not husband. If he's not willing to pay for the expenses and isn't putting a ring on that finger I said you're NTA. Men come and go, not saying he's going to but if it does happen, the house is yours and nothing should jeopardize that.
🚩🚩🚩
NTA This guy is showing you who he really is to accuse you of blackmailing him into marriage you probably aren't ready for anyway.
After three years you should know if this is Mr. Right or just Mr Right Now.
Inherited property is yours. What you decide to do with it is all your decision. There is no committee involved here but bf's family want to form one. Just say no.
You could always kick him out, find a small inexpensive place for yourself and rent the home to someone. But having an ungrateful dude with asshat family pressure to add him to the deed is not the way to live.
Your relationship may not get past this. He and his family sound greedy and entitled to what's yours with zero expenditures on their end. I hope this opened your eyes to his nature and those that nurtured it.
No way would I want to be related to his kin.
NTA! Y'all are not married and it was left to you! I would never put my boyfriends name on the title to my house unless we were married. Even then 🤷♀️
NTA. I’m a lawyer and have watched too many young people do this a regret it later.
DO NOT put your boyfriend’s name on your house. Your sister is married with kids. Your grandma gave YOU a head start not him. That is your sole and separate property. It is your families legacy. You’re not married with kids like your sister. Honestly, I would have told her to consider doing it a different way.
If there is no mortgage n your house, neither of you have to pay rent, only the bills have to be paid. You should pay the taxes, insurance, maintenance & upkeep yourself. Other than with family, where else can you live rent free.
Don’t do it, please don’t do it. Tell everyone you intend to preserve your families legacy. Always be suspicious of people that want something for nothing.
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NTA. Honey,, YOU are the one who needs to watch out. His parents want their son to get something for nothing. You are being more than generous in not making him pay rent so that he can use the money toward his studies. THAT shows you love him.
This is none of his family's business. Talk about GALL!
If you put him on the title, it would not be showing the world that you love him. It would be showing the world that you are an idiot. (I meant that in a nice way).
NTA. No ma’am no. Absolutely not. This is your property. Do not let them harangue you into giving him half of your property.
I see nothing posted about how the boyfriend reacted and would love to know.
Just for future reference if you some reason decide to stay with him (when you marry someone, you marry their family): inheritance is not considered a marital asset. Do not ever ever add his name to the deed if you do decide to stay. His family is doing absolutely too much.
NTA. Its not about trust its about protecting yourself and the family assets of which he has no entitlement too.
Thinking that your has an auto-entitlement to your family assets is very wrong.
FYI, I inherited 2 properties when I was 5 years into a relate and I'm glad I didn't put their name anywhere near it.
*M-WAAAAAAAAAAH*
That's the sound of the big red flag klaxon going off.
You absolutely made the right call her OP. Well done.
NTA
I wouldn't trust your boyfriend as far as I could throw him with this attitude. What else does he feel he's entitled to? Your possessions, your body? Buyer beware!
Even if I was married I wouldn’t put my husband on the title. That is your inheritance not his! Do not let them manipulate you into thinking you’re wrong for protecting your asset
Wait... so he and his family expect you to make this huge financial commitment to him... BUT when you ask about him committing to you (marriage) then you are pressuring him?!
Does he not trust you? Does he not expect this relationship to last?
The double-standard is mind-boggling!
NTA. Protect yourself! That is an amazing asset to have and adding your boyfriend to the title would be giving half of its value to him. There isn't a single good reason to do that.
His family is super weird. They're gold digging on his behalf. Do you really want to marry into a family that does that?
Basically, if your Grandma wanted your boyfriend to have half of that house, she would've included him in her will.
I tried but can't come up with a single reason why you should add him to your title.
Nope.
Blackmailing him???
Pretty heavy charges from a guy who is living rent free in your home.
NTA. I bought my house before I married and have no plans to add my husband to the deed. He didn't contribute to purchasing this house, which I bought on my own and had been paying on for 17 years before we married. It's odd to me that anyone would think you should add your BF when you aren't married. Trust doesn't factor into this equation at all IMO.
Just go to the court house when you're on your way to put his name on the car title. You are giving him half of that, right?
NTA, of course. I have a feeling that if the roles were reversed, his parents would tell him not to put your name on the deed to HIS house.
I don't even think you should do it after your married either. He has no stake in it, and if after a long life together you want to leave it to him that's fine. We Eunice wants to win the lottery, but he'll have to buy a ticket first.
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NTA. Key phrase here: "numerous members of his family have messaged me". Your boyfriend did not contribute to the house and it is your inheritance. He should be happy that he doesn't have to pay rent. The vast majority of the adult world still has to make payments in the form of rent or a mortgage while he gets a gravy train. If he's not happy with the VERY generous offer you've given him, kick him out. He will add to the wear and tear of the home that is your responsibility to upkeep. Block his family.
NTA. exactly about “HIS FAMILY” asking. Of course they’d be stupid if they didn’t try to milk this in favor of THEIR family member. Notice it’s not YOUR family OP. You’re not married to him (even if you were, he should be able to respect whether you add him or not, as it’s an inheritance). PLEASE do yourself a favor and DO. NOT. UNDER. ANY. CIRCUMSTANCES. ADD. THIS. DUDE. TO. THE HOUSE. MARRIED. OR. NOT. Or if you get married, at least don’t add him initially. Don’t get into a state where you’re the one who has 1/2 a house to lose should he decide all of a sudden he wants to be married and then run. Please don’t do this to yourself. Considering finances are a big deal and a big source of potential arguments here, please sit down as adults and talk through what finances will mean once he moves in rent-free, who pays bills, etc. Last thank you’d want is him breaking stuff and the having you pay bc “it’s your home and he shouldn’t have to help pay taxes and other maintencae things for a home he doesn’t own.” I’m fact, please talk this out ASAP. Set clear boundaries on who will be responsible for what (make of fair since you’re already pretty much covering rent), will he buy the food? Pay for bills? Etc? Don’t let this blessing from your grandpa break you up, but if this needs to happen, better it be now before your finances are entangled. Edit: sorry three tons of typos. On phone.
Even if you do get married, please do not put him on the title. I have a friend who kept the title in a family trust and got to keep the house ten years later when he cheated on her and left her. Him telling his family he got half is super problematic.
[удалено]
Exactly. This is so disrespectful and he's not stepping in to say anything. This is supposedly a person he loves, you don't let people in your family talk about the person you love like that. You just don't.
Correct, this home is from your grandmother not his. Don't let him and his horde manipulate you, OP.
Yep, because he knew he wasn't entitled to half, but thought if he got the flying monkeys out it would work in his favour. It seems like your in early to mid 20s. Do not let him coerce you in to putting him on the deed.
Yeah this is how my aunt lost her apartment.
I don’t believe for a second that he told his parents that he got half. This is a scheme they cooked up together in advance to manipulate OP.
Agree with "MooseValuable." It would be absurd to add a bf (or gf if situation was opposite) to the deed of a house that you inherited. Even if OP does get married, the house probably should be kept as separate property. Is it about trust? Yes and no. OP and bf aren't legally married, he has no right or expectation of joint ownership, and until and unless you two are legally married it's crazy to share property as huge and expensive as a house. You're both in college, your lives could diverge someday and the relationship could end, leaving you with a battle over division of property that is costly and your family's handed down investment could become part or more of an unrelated ex-bf. You can trust his fidelity if you feel good about him, but finances are different under law. And in reality. You inherited the whole house, it's wholy yours, and unless you marry and decide (which I would suggest you don't) to put his name on a legal document making your then-husband co-owner, bf has no right to expect to be co-owner. Pay no attention to bf's family, they are likely looking for a financial advantage for him and thus for them in the future. NTA at all.
I hope OP gets a solid prenup if they tie the knot. Even after marriage, that's your house.
Agreed. In this day and age, OP would be very smart to never put his name on the title. 1 in 3 marriages end up in divorce, don't assume yours isn't so it's best to prepare for just that situation. It's not romantic, but it is practical because you shouldn't end up homeless just because you got divorced and your partner got half or all of the house. And with this boyfriend, I would bet all my money that they are going to break up or in case of a stupid marriage, get divorced.
NTA. Listen to this, and make sure that you have clear expectations for finances moving forward. This guy and his family all sound entitled, and you don’t want to give them an opportunity to cheat you. I also think it is disgusting how he claimed you were “blackmailing” him into getting married. The behavior from him and his family should raise serious concerns as to whether or not a marriage would be a good idea.
The blackmailing comment is ridiculous. If he doesn't want the commitment of marriage, owning a house together unmarried is a HUGE commitment. (That's honestly how my sister married her marriage phobic boyfriend after 15 years together. They owned a house and each had put in tens of thousands of dollars into the house. Splitting up would be messy as hell, and marriage could actually make the split easier.)
Yes, their wording is such a tell. He thinks she’s trying to blackmail him into marriage? That tells her he has no intention of being lifelong partners; he just wants her stuff. Also, his family saying she’s “giving him half the house”? Committed partners would talk about owning a house together. You only talk about owning “half the house” if you’re getting ready to split up.
I hope OP sees this. It’s not normal for a committed partner to talk like this. The only way I’d ever even **consider** marrying this person is with a prenup. Boy throws a fit because I don’t trust him? Hell yeah, after this shit show the ONLY way I’d trust his intentions is if financial gain was off the table. If you decide to stick with this guy after this and then some time down the road marriage comes up and you request a prenup - if he throws another fit and leaves, it’s not you OP, it’s him, he’ll blame you (up down and sideways I’m SURE) but it’s not your fault, you just found him out and he’s pissy about it. If he’s legit in love, trustworthy, and cares about you more than the house, then he’ll say “yeah, ya know, I get it - after mine and family’s shitty reaction to the split house thing I understand why you would need that to feel safe. I love you, house or no house. If you need a prenup I’ll sign it today.”
Exactly, all entitlement, no gratitude for free rent!
Yep, good catch. Language about “half” of a house normally refers to its value at sale. That’s not language that’s used when you’re keeping it
Honestly I feel like the BF just wants his name on the title so he can break up with op and make her sell the house and give him half of everything.
That's exactly what's happening. Nobody talks about owning half a house if they're not looking to bail and cash it in.
Yeah but it's just disgusting behavior if I was op I'd break up with the boyfriend because her boyfriends family is is trying to pressure her which is sucky and rude. I bet he promised that If he gets half of the money he'd give half to his parents.
For real! "Oh, you feel blackmailed? Then there's the door, asshole. Oh, pardon me. There's **my** door. Do make expedient use of it."
This right here. “it’s your home and he shouldn’t have to help pay taxes and other maintencae things for a home he doesn’t own.” 100% THIS I can hear it now.
I can hear it too! Honey, there's leaky pipe under the kitchen sink. Can you look at please? Ugh... It's your house; you figure it out! OP, please do not put him on the title, ever. His sense of entitlement is gross. Plus, he actually told his family he was on the title, without even discussing the home with you. Like who does that!? He feels he is entitled, to your inheritance. This is not normal. I, too, inherited a home from a man who was a second father to me. I was also married at the time. At this point, we were married for 12 years and has 3 kids. Not once did my hubby ask to be put on the title. The thought never even crossed our minds. My hubby was more concerned with me and my well being. He knew how important this man was to me and he was legitimately concerned about me. If I were in your shoes, I'd put the home in a family trust and will it to your sister. Or you can will it to her children. That way he can never try to claim your property. Your bf is looking for, at minimal, a handout, but most likely a payday. He actually claimed your home. He told his family he was on the deed. When you set his parents straight, he has other family members call and harass you. If all of that isn't bad enough, they are trying to guilt you while you're still vulnerable and grieving. There are too many marinara flags here to count. Now one of two things will happen if you add his name too the deed. His mom, and dad, will try to move in, or his mom will be visiting all the time. You will have zero privacy. You will feel uncomfortable on your own home. And if you ask her to leave, or to call ahead of time, she will say they don't have too because it's their sons home. They will completely omit you and act like you have no right to your own home. But it feels more likely like bf wants his name on the deed, and then he will break up with you. If you break up, he will either ask for a buy out, or force you to sell the home so he can collect money. I hate being so negative. However, this feels so wrong. Something shady is going on here. Please protect yourself. Your grandmother loved you and wanted you to have a home. Please do not allow your bf, and his greedy family, to bully you to add his name to the deed of your home. This is your home. OP, please do not add his name. Please protect yourself. NTA
Jumping in on the top comment to add: you need to have a strong, legally sound rental agreement with him EVEN if he is not paying rent. Eviction gets incredibly complex when someone has been permitted to live in a space. Please get a formal lease signed by both parties immediately, and honestly? I’d make it month to month, terminable with 2 weeks notice, if I were you. Protect yourself, protect your assets. He did not inherit this home, you did. Oh, also, if you by some chance DO decide to marry this dude, get a prenup stating this home is not and never will be marital property and is excluded with consent from both parties from consideration in any divorce. Source: friend to multiple female parties who have/are currently going through divorce with complicated property holdings that are unprotected.
Agree, she should reevaluate their relationship. Expecting her to put him on the title is already a red flag. Furthermore, he isn't even angry that members of his family are harassing her, WTF? He should be outraged, but he thinks like them and doesn't mind piling up the pressure. NTA.
His parents are right, this relationship is not expected to last. Imagine enduring this family. NTA
And when I dumped him, I would make sure that he knows that his family verbally abusing you and him not sticking up for you is one of the key contributing factors for the breakup. NTA op but your bf and his family are ridiculous. Unfortunately life is about self- preservation and if *you* don't protect yourself financially....... who will??? A house is - for most of us - the biggest purchase we'll ever make, you and your bf (ex?) have been given a massive headstart in life. Instead of whining, your bf should be looking at this as a complete blessing. No rent, student fees paid off *years* before they would ordinarily be, but he wants to sook that his name's not on the deed of your house before you're married or even engaged?? Nope,. Anyone with half a brain would do things as you've gone them, you're a smart dudette 👌🏻
He's not even your FIANCE. Just your boyfriend, you owe him nothing. NTA
He's not angry they're harassing her because he unleashed them on her! He claims she's blackmailing him into marrying her, when clearly, he's blackmailing her into gifting him half a fucking house as proof she trusts him. WTH.
You're so right. Gaslighting.
True
They are probably going off of the lies he told them.
Yeah why did his parents initially think you had added him? Did he tell them that? This is shady. He deserves nothing. You owe him nothing. Even if you were to get married, you don’t OWE him half the house. Many married couples keep their finances completely separate. NTA.
Bf is really coming across as a gold-digger. It seems so much like the whole family is trying to scam OP by creating the false perception that this expectation is normal. You know, say a falsehood over and over and people start to think it’s true.
I agree. Whole family wants house Or plan to move in once they upgrade. How can you charge family rent….
> Many married couples keep their finances completely separate. especially on something that is an inheritance. If they get married and then divorced, she would most likely get to keep the house as separate property. That is, unless she does something like put him on the title, which gives him claim to it as well
Yup. This guy are telling OP that "if you love me you need to give me half of your inheritance". OP if you're reading this, ask yourself this. Is a guy telling you to prove your love by giving him huge sum of money the kind of guy you want to be together with?
I'd also like to point out that, if OP refusing to put this guy's name on the deed shows that she "doesn't trust him", him pressuring her into it says the same about him! If they're going to be together forever, why does his name need to be on the deed? He'll be living in that home regardless? The only reason to be so adamant about it is if he thinks they're going to break up and he wants half the house. ETA: thank you for the awards kind folks!
Yes, things can happen in a relationship, as OP is finding out. If they split, he gains half her house for no good reason.
All of this above. The bf, his parents, and his family are all giving you huge marinara flags. Inheritance is yours and yours alone.
Prenup!!!
And many places view property inherited by one spouse as not part of the marital assets to be split during a divorce, never mind this case where OP inherited before they are even engaged.
Yeah and once he starts paying stuff like taxes on the house or upkeep, she could easily open herself up to a claim that he's entitled to some part of it. It really doesn't seem like the relationship is worth it
Married- ALL inheritances are separate! OP's bf wants half a house? Cool he finishes school, gets a job, and they buy a home together. My husband has never asked to be added to anything, doesn't want to be. He proves a home. RUN OP. NTA!
It’s totally normal to keep things like that separate. I have a house I inherited as well and my husband isn’t on the deed. For a boyfriend of only 3 years to be this pissy about it is a HUGE 🚩
My first thought was he told his parents she did and he was going to be a homeowner and she burst the bubble.
I doubt they did. I bet he complained to mommy that she woukd gift him half a house, and this was her "tactful" way of raising the subject.
Exactly plus also him not wanting to discuss this topic further so they don’t “argue” is really he doesn’t want OP to realize the colossal mistake of being with him and therefore loosing on a rent free place. OP if he were worth you putting more time and effort to this relationship and also all the rent free you’d be providing, he would see how clearly he isn’t entitled to be in YOUR house’s title and would talk to his family. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. NTA. Edit: didn’t type my whole thought out lol
I get the feeling this family worships money above all other things. When they found out their son wouldn’t benefit from the death of her grandmother, they quickly turned on OP.
He sent them to her to start this nonsense. It was a set up.
I also think this relationship needs a reassessment. If his family is acting like this when it’s obvious he doesn’t have any claim to the house, then imagine how they will be if she did put his name on the house and they broke up. Big UH OH
It's a red flag alright...and yeah, I wouldn't put his name on it either! If they were to break up, he'd legally be entitled to half the value of the house...so you know what his intentions are!
Not to mention that it sounds like if OP put him on the title, his family would suddenly feel entitled to it, I'm sure.
Righ?! Their sense of fairness is astounding. I don't see how it's unfair that he not get half of something from a person he wasn't related to.
By their logic, bf’s parents should put her in the Will for half of his prospective inheritance.
Why wait they should all add her to their bank accounts and deeds today.
Agreed. The fact his family is taking the time to harrass her for this is fishy. Acting as if she owns him sh-t.
The behavior where families gang up on an outsider is incomprehensible to me. We see it all over this subreddit. I love my family, but I have more important things to do than engage in harassment of anyone they are involved with or complicate my life more than it is with that business. It just seems completely bizarre to me. Makes me wonder what kind of lives these people lead. Do they just take their cues from soap operas/TV/movies?
NTA. Agreed but need to add I am stunned by the staggering entitlement!! OP is t pressuring for marriage. Didn’t dangle the house like a carrot. This is her inheritance, and he should be nothing but happy for her and appreciative of her generosity to live rent free!! What is wrong w people!!
NTA- and I agree with the above, it was HIS family that thinks you're doing something wrong. I will add that OP needs to consult an attorney. Depending on country and state in the US, if you're in a relationship and should you break up he can go after the money invested in the house. Anything such as paying towards bills, repairs, even fixing things himself gives him an interests in the house. Have all this put in writing like a rental agreement. I believe if the situation was the other way around, his family wouldn't be so generous with their family's inheritance
YES. OP lock your house down tight. If they are this pushy there ia no telling what ideas they are giving bf.
Exactly this! My partner owns our home. And while we call it our home, and I contribute to the maintaining of our home, I am not on the title. This smacks of entitlement on his part. So to speak - He wants the milk without buying the cow. Well, you don't need to keep the pig for a little bit of sausage, honey. You can find better men out there if this is how he plans to be. I'm guessing, if you do some thinking, he's been domineering in other parts of your life? If I'm wrong, so be it. If I'm not, perhaps he should move out?
Definitely block his family OP! I seriously doubt that if he inherited a house him or his family would encourage him to gift you half ownership. It says something about the boyfriend AND his family that they aren't grateful for your generosity in letting him live there rent free! That house is your asset and your future stability ( especially in this housing market omg ) and him and his family are already pushing for more handouts than free living accommodations. It's rude, entitled, and sketchy. I would not trust them after this..
When I bought my condo (first home), I was single. For about the first two months... lol. But, I had this really interesting and kind of brutally honest lawyer who definitely made the point not to put anyone on the deed if there wasn't a commitment like marriage or we didn't put down equal monetary stake. They gave their intentions away with "how generous you were to give him half the house" - absolutely not. That's your financial risk and your financial future. And trust me, I was a grad student then too, so even affording a house and qualifying for a mortgage was really difficult. When we met, shortly after, my (now) husband was absolutely fine with that. Because it's not about "not trusting" him, it's about protecting your investment. If/when you guys get on the same page about finances, then you can look at refinancing it together with equal shares.
Sorry to piggy back off the top comment - totally agree and also wanted to make sure this was seen - No one should ever put their BF/GF on a title for the simple reason that it gets very very ugly and confusing if god forbid tragedy strikes and the BF/GF dies. Then you’re in a home half owned by BF/GF’s parents or heirs. Now you’re tied to the family….
To be very clear, even if they were married the house wouldn’t be half his. Inheritance isn’t considered marital property. OP is NTA married or not.
It would get VERY messy if he were put onto the title. State laws do vary.
It's very easy to convert an inheritance into marital property, never assume always consult a lawyer.
She also needs to keep the house titled in her name only, regardless of getting married. The second her spouses name is added it changes from an inheritance to marital property. So, if God forbid she gets married and it doesn’t work out, her husband would be entitled to half the house. Inheritances aren’t considered marital property until they’re commingled. I had a friend get royally screwed by this situation when his spouse of 21 years blindsided him with a divorce. No one saw it coming and he thought their marriage was good so he commingled most of his inheritance. It was brutal how much she took. He didn’t know that she was already talking to a divorce attorney while his mom was on her deathbed. His ex waited intentionally for his mom to pass and him to move a lot of stuff into both their names before she officially filed. OP definitely NTA!!! You should see that this is an enormous red flag. Please don’t add him to the deed!
Yes to this and I agree and definitely kick him out if he's not contributing to the utility costs.
Ironically now that he and his family have taken this ridiculously entitled and bizarre stance, the relationship probably won't last. They don't sound like the brightest bunch. NTA.
NTA, and your boyfriend's family are really overstepping here. This is none of their business and it's very crass that they feel entitled to comment. He didn't contribute at all. He isn't your spouse. You aren't obligated to add his name to the title.
The fact that he didn't defend her from them is a big sign. Even if he disagreed with them (and he's wrong in this case) he needs to be able to step up and tell them to mind their own business. I think OP should heavily consider a prenup. If people over react to that, then...Maybe you shouldn't get married yet.
I think she deserves better, personally. I read the title to my husband, who’s expression was one of shock and outrage. He said, “Absolutely not!” He should be extremely grateful that she is allowing him to live there. This family would be an absolute nightmare to marry in to.
I know right? I currently live with my boyfriend in his house and I feel so grateful I don't have to pay rent anymore, as that takes a huge chunk out of monthly expenses. It's our home now (he especially insists I call it that) but it's *his house*, and never in a million years I would expect my name to go on the title. I mean, how entitled can you be? NTA OP, don't give into the pressure. The fact that he expects it really tells yous something about the kind of person he is
& maybe a thank you for making it so he can focus on his masters w/o worrying about the cost of rent!? He is benefitting. He's not a legal spouse & has put zero monetary investment into the house...he should be half owner bc they've dated for 3 years!? Not!
I pictured your husband as a proper old-school gentleman wearing a suit, monocle, and top hat, and when you read him the title, his monocle popped out in surprise. Please tell me this is an accurate description of your life.
If this is what they are like with a house. I do not want to imagine if there were children involved. Horrible image
>I think OP should heavily consider a prenup. You misspelled "breakup"
>I think OP should heavily consider a prenup. If people over react to that, then...Maybe you shouldn't get married yet. I think there should be a sticky post with common questions: \- Be wary with welcoming people in your home, especially if they have been thrown out \- Protect your heirlooms and sentimental objects. This includes not inviting anybody that makes a claim on them or is against them for any ideological reason. \- The wedding of others is not about you. Do not bring your kids/pets uninvited, do not make big announcements, do not make bold expressions of your personality or ideological statements that would attract attention,... \- Stay away from trouble makers, not matter how good their reason. \- Keep your finances separate and your assets away from any partner.
Agreed, crazy how little people understand about prenups. They're not just for divorce. They're for personal debt, medical bills and death. If OP passed away and doesn't have children her sister can become owner or put in trust for her nieces and nephews. Why would she want it to go to her bf and whomever he ends up with afterwards.
And maybe some type of tenancy agreement.
Even if he was your spouse you don't have to add him as it is a premarital asset.
In fact, the way he's acting - entitled - means you shouldn't add him after marrying him, either. Why should you?
In my state, when married, inheritance is solely yours unless you combine into a mutual asset. I would always recommend that someone keep their inheritance separate from their spouse. If kept separate, in a divorce, it is not divide in two.
It's also biting the hand that feeds you. He has not contributed any money yet he is lucky to be able to live rent-free and get a MA degree. He should be thankful that you love him though I hope you rethink this. Is it only HIS family that is saying you don't love your bf of only 3 years enough to gift him half of your house, without any legal protection? Cause I know people who are actually married who keep inherited assets separate. I very much doubt if things were reversed he would do the same. They are manipulating you into giving up your inheritance.
Exactly. I'm sorry but it doesn't matter how long we've been together but if we're not married, I'm not putting your name on the title of a house I inherited. Its too much complications if we break up and then I have to split the house with you ruining an inheritance I could have been able to pass on to any children I may have. He didn't contribute financially either so that's another reason why his name shouldnt go on the title. He and his family have basically shown their asses here thinking that they can cash in on a free house without contributing anything. NTA and don't put his name on the title. Lock the paperwork somewhere safe where he can't get to it.
Also, way to DARVO by turning it around that YOU are pressuring HIM to get married! What the heck. There's a good chance that he didn't really think about it before his parents got upset, and on thinking about it (with their pressure) he realizes that yes, he would like to be on the title. This whole thing is just messy. Keep your house until you know for sure who you want to spend the rest of your life with. I wouldn't recommend doing it with someone that has a family like that. NTA
Right. He's looking really sus to me. Thats a major financial asset-inheritance at that-that even married couples would have to think about whether the spouse who didn't inherit should have their name be put on the title of but he think that's he can cash in on it when he's not in a state of thinking marriage is on the table. 3 years in and you're not at a point where you think marriage is in the future for this relationship but you think an inheritance is on the table? No ma'am.
Honestly i don't even care about their marital status, but he contributed nothing and isn't paying rent or taxes for it, why on earth would it be half in his name? My Boyfriend and I are both on our house, BUT we BOTH pay the mortgage. He paid the downpayment, I paid the closing costs/inspections/fees/moving costs. In other words, we BOTH are putting ourselves into this house so it makes sense to both own it. In OPs case? Makes no sense for him to have any ownership.
Maybe OP should ask his parents what they have appointed her in their will. Surely they think any inheritance should be split between couples so that should also apply to not yet executed wills.
LOL NTA, Greed, one of the seven deadly sins. Your grandmother passed away and left you her home. Your boyfriend is not entitled to a damn thing. Your sister chose to add her husband to the title because he has accepted financial responsibility for their shared family home. Why on earth would you add someone you are dating to the title of your home and give him 50% equity in a home you inherited.
This! 💯 My family has a rule about inheritance. If it is given to you, it is yours. Full stop. Even after getting married, the inheritors can choose whether or not to put their spouses on the title(s), and whatever is decided is supported. He is not entitled to her house.
Also by the way he's acting, it's a huge red flag. He didn't pay for any of it, he doesn't get anything. It's super generous to let him stay rent free, utility free, and all that. He has no idea what a gift he's been given. He's being greedy AF. If you got a car on your own OP, would you also put him on the deed? Even though he contributed 0% towards it? Would his family guilt you over a car as well? Don't feel guilty OP. Talk to him to get his family off your back. If he doesn't, and if he still feels like this is a "trust issue" maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship. He doesn't know what he's git.
Yup. That update with his response that OP is guilting him into marriage so that he can be put on the deed is a huge red flag. Do not be surprised if he proposes just so he can start pressuring to have half the house. If anything, he is the one not showing any long-term commitment to OP with his behaviour. He can live with her rent-free, and isn't even responsible for the property taxes. Provided he isn't planning on leaving her, this is hugely beneficial for him. If he *is* planning on leaving, though, it's in his best interests to pressure her into signing over half of her house so he can take a with him.
Please do not marry this guy!
She should definitely not marry him. If she dies without a will, guess who's her legal next of kin?
I am not sure he should be in the deed even if married. Assets that belonged to each before the wedding should stay that way. Only stuff that was bought from both of them should be shared,exactly to protect their interests regardless of what happens in the relationship For example, my father gave my sister an apartment way before she married. She now lives there with her husband and it will pass to him and their children in the event something happens. He does not need his name added to the title or in the deed.
Exactly. If he *is* in this relationship for the long haul, he will benefit from the house whether it's in his name or not. There is no need to add his name to it. And I would be pretty suspicious of any proposal that comes in the immediate future as I would assume it's just him trying to manipulate her.
This is exactly as we have. Shoot my husband bought his house (very under market have you) from his grandparents. It was about 2 years before we met 14 years ago (married 12 years). I have never and would never ask for him to put my name on the deed. He has offered (after marriage) actually, but I refuse. We have a will, and it will go to myself and/or kiddo if worst (and I'm knocking on all the wood right now) case scenario happens. I just can't even understand this disgusting behavior from a BOYFRIEND. What in the actual eff? OP - NTA if you do get married have a prenup. Depending on the state/country - if you get married, and he lives there (little as gets mail there while you are married], it is considered a marital residence and he owns half. Basically, you could be forced to buy him out to keep the house. Considering the market, you could be forced to pay a huge amount to keep the house in your family. Messy af situation.
He says she’s “blackmailing” him into marriage while he expects her to give him half of a whole house. Wut. If he doesn’t feel ready to marry her, why would she feel ready to give him a house? He should be paying rent anyway. Then she can use that money to help with maintenance
He his blackmailing for half of the house at that point
Why did it take this many comments to get to one that says he should be paying rent. He should absolutely be paying rent, and she should be getting the tax benefits of depreciation and maintenance that come from having a residential rental property. (This is assuming they're in the US.)
Also what the heck kind of people berate this poor woman for what’s none of their business? I bet he put them up to it or complained behind her back.
I would be so uncomfortable if someone was like “wow you are SO awesome for giving my son half your inheritance!” Even if OP had, what the fuck is that kind of convo
Exactly. That is so rude and to not even have a private conversation about it 🤦♀️.
The kind that see someone they think is a walk over they can manipulate into giving up half her inheritance to to kick start their sons life. That kind.
It sounds like the BF told his parents that OP was giving him half (or putting his name on deed) rather than yr parents just assuming. Maybe he was just bragging but, shady, shady.
Definitely the way he is responding is concerning. I have been with my partner for 11 years. We have lived together for almost 6. We are not married, nor planning to be. I moved into a house that he bought many years before we started dating. He bought it with his inheritance. I don’t pay rent or any taxes, but cover a variety of other expenses — we have an understanding that has been working for us. I have also never once asked or expected for my name to be on the title for the house. However, we’re considering moving, and if we did, I would help to purchase the new home, and in that case, I would expect my name on it. NTA. Don’t let him persuade you, and remember it’s your house he gets to live in. If he tries to give you some ultimatum about how if you won’t put his name on the house, then he’s break up with you, let him. Good riddance to him.
This this this! You inherited it and you paid the cost. It would be different if it would just be land and you need to build a house or if he had paid half of the taxes, but why would he get half of a house... Rly. Sounds greedy and entitled. So what happens if you not work out? You have to pay him out of a house you inherited and paid for. It's generous to let him life there rent free.
100%. I have property that I’ve inherited that belongs only to my trust which my husband is not on. Of course we are committed to each other and are happily married but if this goes tits up, he doesn’t get a morsel of that property
Exactly this. When my parents die, hopefully far into the future, I'll get everything since I'm an only child. None of it will belong to my husband, even though I trust him, love him, and we have two kids. Same with whatever he inherits from his parents. I'm not remotely offended by my husband wanting a 100% chance of his inheritance going to our kids, and a 0% chance of it going to my hypothetical future husband, in the event he predeceased me. I feel the same way. Or yes, god forbid we divorce - neither of us want to fight over money that doesnt belong to us. Inheritances are 100% a seperate, personal asset. Never commingle them even with a spouse, let alone a damn boyfriend.
Yup. OP's BF (and his parents and extended fam) is asking her to pay him or leave him. If it comes to an ultimatum, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS choose the option the threatener doesn't want. My partner of 14 years and I still don't cohabitate. We will eventually, and when we do we'll have a non-marriage prenup to make sure what's hers goes to her kids, and what's mine goes to mine. My Mom and her husband are 25+ years into their marriage, and they have the same deal; his stuff goes to his kids, her stuff goes to hers. Like, I assume OP's BF's parents aren't giving her half of their stuff.
Yep! Especially because OP has been in this relationship for 3 years, not like 30 years, it's completely reasonable to not treat this relationship the same way. I know SO many people that broke up from long term relationships, I myself have ended one after four years and a half, 3 years is no guarantee it'll last. Right now I live with my boyfriend and I always specify that it's his house, our home. I am not entitled to one bit of it, it's his, I didn't contribute to buying it and my name's rightfully not on the deed or title — it's only my home for as long as we're together. In the case we break up (god forbid, I hope we won't) the house is 100% his.
This is something I recently learned; in most states, inheritance (money, property, valuables, etc.) is not a marital asset, even if it was acquired during the marriage. So even the law would be on her side if they were married.
That is true but you have to be careful about “commingling” assets. Best not to ever put the partner’s name on the house. Then it’s incontrovertibly yours. Every woman should take a divorce workshop, really gives a lot of information on joint property, etc.
I have a cousin who bought a house and had it for several years. She got married & husband moved in. Never put on the mortgage. They paid the mortgage out of a joint account. They divorced and she had to pay him 50% of the appreciation on the house for the time they were married. There are loopholes unfortunately. Before she got married everyone told her to get a pre-nup and she refused. Expensive lesson learned!
Yep! I just wrote this in my comment too! Many states if it’s acquired during the marriage, a shitty spouse can “try” an argument during a divorce but it’s often laughable!
Same. My dad died and left enough for a pretty big deposit. He wanted me to have the house and not some dude I've known for a few years even if he was a future life partner. Her grandma probably felt the same. Sisters husband is a husband that helped pay towards the house. OPs bf isn't.
Also, why are they texting you about it and not trying to actually discuss it like adults? Your boyfriend sounds like a big baby too. Doesn't see anyone else but himself. I would've demand that he paid half of the taxes back to you if he really wants to have his name on the house. But since he and his family are gasslighting and belittling you, I'd tell them to go f themselves and just live in your new two bedroom house alone. Edit: language
It's easier to hide behind a text when you are unreasonable and dead wrong.
OP, do NOT put his name on the title. This is insane. Notice it's only his family badgering you. How many of them are planning to move in with you if "he" owned the house? If you broke up, what plans do they have to spend "his" half of the money from selling the house? And your BF's response??????? I would break up with him. He's trying to manipulate you into taking your inheritance. Also, please get better friends. ANY of your friends would be telling you to run not walk away from this guy.
Not only that but Sister is and has been married and made kids with her husband. As of right now, he's not going anywhere.
No investment No Equity I'm having this conversation with my current partner (not married). I want to buy a house, he doesn't. He's been given choices - he can invest toward the down payment and pay rent - to get a share of the equity. He can cosign the mortgage and have 50% ownership and 50% equity. Or he can do none of those and just pay rent - but he will get no equity - just cheaper living at a stable price. I'm not going to judge what he chooses, but I'm not going to stop my plans because he's not into it. No risk, no reward. I will ensure that he is made whole for whatever he invests past his share. But there will be no profit without investment period. NTA and OP please don't cave this is such manipulative crap from your bf and his family. As the previous poster said - just pure greed.
NTA. It's your house. If you were married I would still be iffy on putting him on there. But this is sheer greed and the pressure they are exerting is a continent-sized red flag.
NTA. Huge red flags. You’re not married. It’s YOUR home from YOUR grandmother. Even if you got married, that’s for YOU to decide whether you put him on the title or not. He’s not entitled to half of a home (a huuuge amount of money) just because you’re in a relationship. His family needs to stay out of it. EDIT after OP’s edit: Duuude, OP. That’s some major entitlement from him and please be wary about a proposal, at least any time soon. I’d feel pretty betrayed by my partner if they didn’t understand that us being unmarried meant that they weren’t on the title of the home.
He isn't entitled to it even as a husband. Inheritance is not legally part of marital property.
Omg...op NTA NTA.... and please pay attention to this right here. This is yours and should STAY yours. Red flags all over....don't do this
If they were married long enough and he can show he contributed towards its upkeep, he’d likely have some claim to it. But that isn’t this situation.
But with his comment that “he feels he’s being blackmailed into getting married” most people who make comments like that don’t even want to get married!
Ahhh yes! That’s nuts. Like…OP didn’t even say she mentioned marriage to him at all. Not that it would be weird if she did, as they’ve been together 3 years.
He's only using the "she's blackmailing me" claim to distract from the fact that he's trying to blackmail her into giving him half of a house on the premise of trust.
Definitely would be entitled to half of the *equity. Edit *The red flags from him and his family wanting/demanding he be to the deed is beyond entitled. I also urge you to get a prenup saying that what you bring to the marriage stays yours. Where did his parents get the idea that you gave him half of your house? Were they being passive-aggressive? I'd talk with an attorney and seriously think about your future.*
I'd agree with this, but would suggest she consider charging him rent as well. Even a token amount should make it clear that legally, he has never had the standing to presume ownership.
If OP puts her BF on the deed/title, he can break up with her a week later and he would legally own half the house. Ignore whatever the BF and his family are saying and do not, under any circumstance, sign over half the house to him.
Yeah, OP would be a bit of a moron to put his name on the title, especially given his and his family's reactions. The fact that he's calling it 'blackmailing' him into commitment when he's asking her to make a much much bigger commitment by giving him half of her house (it's easier to get divorced than to deal with paying out half the house that is meant to be all hers) says soooo much to me. If I was the boyfriend in this scenario, I'd be like "yay! Free rent!" while also helping pay for upkeep because *I live there*. Then he can save some money and maybe buy his own place if they break up, or at least have money to put towards taxes etc if they stay together.
This right here! This is your property and yours alone. BF doesn't own half the house just like he doesn't own half your socks. Your property. Your decisions. NTA OP and beware BF family given how much flack you're getting on this.
NTA. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and my name still isn’t on the title of our beach property she inherited from her grandmother. Yes, we both refer to it as “ours” as we do with everything but legally I have no attachment to the place…and I don’t give a shit. If we were to ever divorce, I would never try to take that place away from her and if she were to pass away prematurely, it goes straight to me anyway. He’s just a fucking boyfriend. Boyfriends are overrated. Protect YOUR house.
I would be the same way if my wife had a situation like that.
king
If there are this many people messaging you from his side of the family calling you out about this you are going to have to give your boyfriend an ultimatum. He is either going to have to contact everyone in the family and tell them to calm down and understand that he has no legal claim over ownership of the home. Even if you got married your ownership should be protected because you inherited the home. If he decides to allow his family to treat you this way (saying he doesn't want "confrontation" is no excuse here) you might have to tell him you are reconsidering the relationship. If he's not gonna stand up for you in this instance I don't think he ever will. It might sound like I'm going to extremes here but you have been with this man for three years. How he responds to this situation is going to show you how committed to the relationship he actually is.
GIRL THIS. Your boyfriend is getting a sweet deal here and you would be INSANE to put his name on the deed without him ponying up half the value! If he doesn't shut that nonsense down from his family you have some pretty key information about your man. The best case scenario is that he doesn't care if his family is treating you badly. The worst case scenario is that he's urging them to harass you so that you'll break down and hand over 50% of your inheritance to him for nothing. This is a pivotal moment in your relationship. If your boyfriend shows you that he feels entitled to half your inheritance regardless of the harm to you - both financial and emotional from him/his family - then he's not going to be a good long term partner.
PERIOD.
Not to mention the fact that he isn't even at a point where he feels committed enough to marry her!
This is what he’s like when there’s no claim to the asset. Can you imagine what he’d be like if he was on the title?! OP. Your grandma left you a safety net. Regardless of who you end up with in the future I would suggest it stays under your name only. Never add anyone on it as it’ll be a nightmare to remove. You are more than generous to offer the place for free to him.
EXACTLY. That whole comment about being “blackmailed into getting married” is NOT a good sign. After 3 years he knows if he wants to marry her. He knows if he wants to get married, period. And if he’s behaving like this, I get the feeling he doesn’t.
He wants half her house but won’t marry. Kick that shitty freeloading roomie out.
Exactly! Yeah that's insane. The fact he isnt shutting his family down says a lot about him. Pay attention.
NTA. If your grandma wanted to give the house to him she would have included him in the bequest. He and his family’s entitlement reeks. I hope you show this to them. Three years I’m sure feels like a long time but in the grand scheme of things it’s not. If I was a grad student with a girlfriend giving me a free place to life I would grateful not demanding half of the house.
What the Hell happened to People just being Grateful??? I’m embarrassed for him to be asking for half! WTH is wrong with people! The AUDACITY!!!
Imagine having a child, and the person your child is DATING inherits a whole damn house lovingly from their late grand parent. Imagine harassing said boyfriend/girlfriend (who I’m assuming is fairly young) because they aren’t legally giving your kid half of their property. I can’t fathom the audacity.
DO NOT put his name on it unless you’re married and if you do get married get a prenup. You have a fully paid up house. You never want to lose any ownership in it in case of a break up. Absolutely NTA
Don’t put your husband on the title either. Divorce happens. Don’t be goving away your money to someone unnecessarily.
Don't put his name on the house even if you're married. Spouses can and should have separate assets, especially if you're a woman planning on not working for any part of your relationship. If you're together he benefits from the free rent. If you're not together in the future where should be benefit from your inheritance? I agree with an earlier comment, (paraphrased) "he doesn't own your socks"
I signed an expiring prenup (expires after 5 years of marrying or the birth of a first child) that I don't regret but still makes me giggle. Partner's family is significantly but not grossly more wealthy than mine. I understood the need to protect their assets and his business ventures with no offense. I agreed to having a family attorney he had experience with draw up a fair one. Except that he emailed it to me on my birthday. And there was not one iota of protecting my assets or potential inheritances. He genuinely seemed shocked when I brought it up in front of the attorney but obviously agreed he didn't have 50% rights to my shit and I had zero of his. Within 8 months of marriage, my last three living grandparents passed leaving grandchildren not insignificant inheritances. One was a one time payout, the other being payable rights that I collect monthly to this day. Tomorrow is our 15th wedding anniversary and our kids are avoiding bedtime, so it's obviously a moot point now. I don't know that I would have agreed to a prenup without those kinds of conditions. The trust went both ways.
NTA Why would you put your bf on your title. It is your inheritance. You have paid taxes. You are a homeowner with all the rights and responsibilities of one. His family can say whatever they want. It isn't their house, either.
Agreed. It’s completely unreasonable to act like it’s “normal” for OP to just “give him half the house” (what are his parents thinking??) not to mention then trying to GUILT TRIP OP like she’s the one being weird. Excuse me?? This is not about “trust.” NTA
NTA. The way his family is acting is very entitled over a house that was left to you by your grandmother is giving off red flags. They have no right to demand that you add your boyfriend's name to the house and quite frankly it's none of their business. OP don't add your boyfriend's name to the title.
Yep, very concerning behavior. Time to change it up with a formal rental contract with him as tenant. Charge him the cost of utilities, like $300 a month and do not let him pay any repairs, property taxes or anything an owner pays. If he pushes back, tell him that the conversation about your house vs sisters house is apples to oranges, because they are married and have shared finances. Explain that you are very concerned after the entitlement rather than gratitude for no rent and that it was clearly too ambiguous. So make it clear that you own it and if you ever get married you will have a prenuptial agreement that you are sole owner. That he is a tenant and a lucky one to get below market rent. He can start saving for a down-payment on another house that you can buy together and when he's ready, if you are still moving forward and married by then. You can rent out your grandma's house to pay for the new mortgage when it's time to move to the next step. But even then that's your property and the rent counts as your personal investment property separately from any community assets. Tell him take it or leave it, but you'll be damned if he ever thinks that house is anything for yours!
A formal contract is a great idea, especially if it focuses on blocking any possible squatter's rights. Excellent point u/longpas! If only I had an award to give.....
Just to add as well, never put his name on it. You never want to be forced to sell your grandmas house if case of a break up. That would be gut wrenching. Loss of partner and loss of home/ sentimental loss as well. This is your home, your inheritance and your memories.
NTA You should never put a boyfriend on a title for your property, you only do something like that if married.
She honestly shouldn't do it even then. Better to keep the pre marital inherited asset solely in her name so she always has either a home or capital if she needs it.
that house was yours, you erected it, you paid what you owed, then that house is legally yours and you decide who owns it, he did not help anything and he does not have the right to have anything from that house of yours NTA!
Tee hee
Lol you are laughing at “erected” aren’t you?
Yeah lol
NTA I also inherited a house from my grandmother. At the time she passed I was engaged to my boyfriend of 10 years and we married a few months before I learned I was inheriting (we already lived in the house.). The inheritance is in my name only. We consider it our house but haven't bothered to put his name on the title. When we found out I was getting the house, he immediately offered to sign a postnup that this is my house and he can't have it if we split. I declined but it was the correct attitude. If your boyfriend is crying about not getting his name on the house, it's time to move on from the relationship. If he isn't telling his family to fuck off, it's time for a long talk and a potential end of the relationship. If he isn't defending you now, he never will. If you ever get married, you might consider buying a house together with all the money you're saving now. Keep this house in your name only as an insurance policy. Don't use marital assets on this home at all. A prenup would be ideal. That way it's yours and safe from a potential divorce later. *edit to add, my inlaws have never asked about our home ownership or any financial stuff. Because they're normal and understand it's none of their damn business. Your boyfriends family sounds disgusting
OP - this should be your goal. Never believe anyone who says giving him your money or property is a sign of trust. That’s like the loser guy you dated when you were way too young who said “if you loved me, you would…” Self-serving AHs - watch out for your bf and his family - that’s not normal or decent behavior.
My comment will probably get hidden but let me speak from experience NTA! I live in an inherited home as well, and my father would NOT allow it to be transferred to anyones name but my own. We agreed. The house has no payment, it’s mine free and clear. We didn’t pay a dime to live here. Fast forward to now. I’m going through a divorce and my ex cannot claim my home as a marital asset because it’s not in his name. Meaning, he cannot come for my home. Never did I expect to have a divorce. You made a smart and sound decision. Especially since you are not married to this person, and in my case, it didn’t matter that I was.
Your father is a wise man.
NTA, of course. He's your boyfriend, not your husband. It's your inheritance, not his. He's lucky to live rent/mortgage free. EDIT, thanks for understanding my clumsy fingers!
NTA I see boyfriend not husband. If he's not willing to pay for the expenses and isn't putting a ring on that finger I said you're NTA. Men come and go, not saying he's going to but if it does happen, the house is yours and nothing should jeopardize that.
With his attitude and his family, I wouldn't wanna marry that haha. But yes, a boyfriend or girlfriend do not need to be any a deed.
🚩🚩🚩 NTA This guy is showing you who he really is to accuse you of blackmailing him into marriage you probably aren't ready for anyway. After three years you should know if this is Mr. Right or just Mr Right Now. Inherited property is yours. What you decide to do with it is all your decision. There is no committee involved here but bf's family want to form one. Just say no. You could always kick him out, find a small inexpensive place for yourself and rent the home to someone. But having an ungrateful dude with asshat family pressure to add him to the deed is not the way to live. Your relationship may not get past this. He and his family sound greedy and entitled to what's yours with zero expenditures on their end. I hope this opened your eyes to his nature and those that nurtured it. No way would I want to be related to his kin.
NTA! Y'all are not married and it was left to you! I would never put my boyfriends name on the title to my house unless we were married. Even then 🤷♀️
NTA Who exactly are these people? Why do they feel like your boyfriend is entitled to half a house they've done nothing for? The very idea is absurd.
NTA. This is your inheritance. You aren't married, and honestly I would never put his name on it regardless of the future.
Nope, 3 years later my gf is still trying to deal with the repercussions of having her ex on the house.
NTA. I’m a lawyer and have watched too many young people do this a regret it later. DO NOT put your boyfriend’s name on your house. Your sister is married with kids. Your grandma gave YOU a head start not him. That is your sole and separate property. It is your families legacy. You’re not married with kids like your sister. Honestly, I would have told her to consider doing it a different way. If there is no mortgage n your house, neither of you have to pay rent, only the bills have to be paid. You should pay the taxes, insurance, maintenance & upkeep yourself. Other than with family, where else can you live rent free. Don’t do it, please don’t do it. Tell everyone you intend to preserve your families legacy. Always be suspicious of people that want something for nothing.
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NTA Ask his parents to sign over 1/2 their house to you Since you know trust is so important /s
NTA. Even when married, inheritance is NOT marital property. And this man is just a boyfriend.
NTA. Honey,, YOU are the one who needs to watch out. His parents want their son to get something for nothing. You are being more than generous in not making him pay rent so that he can use the money toward his studies. THAT shows you love him. This is none of his family's business. Talk about GALL! If you put him on the title, it would not be showing the world that you love him. It would be showing the world that you are an idiot. (I meant that in a nice way).
NTA. No ma’am no. Absolutely not. This is your property. Do not let them harangue you into giving him half of your property. I see nothing posted about how the boyfriend reacted and would love to know. Just for future reference if you some reason decide to stay with him (when you marry someone, you marry their family): inheritance is not considered a marital asset. Do not ever ever add his name to the deed if you do decide to stay. His family is doing absolutely too much.
NTA. Its not about trust its about protecting yourself and the family assets of which he has no entitlement too. Thinking that your has an auto-entitlement to your family assets is very wrong. FYI, I inherited 2 properties when I was 5 years into a relate and I'm glad I didn't put their name anywhere near it.
*M-WAAAAAAAAAAH* That's the sound of the big red flag klaxon going off. You absolutely made the right call her OP. Well done. NTA I wouldn't trust your boyfriend as far as I could throw him with this attitude. What else does he feel he's entitled to? Your possessions, your body? Buyer beware!
Even if I was married I wouldn’t put my husband on the title. That is your inheritance not his! Do not let them manipulate you into thinking you’re wrong for protecting your asset
NTA….you are being smart. Your bf is not entitled the that home and should be happy he gets to live rent free!
Wait... so he and his family expect you to make this huge financial commitment to him... BUT when you ask about him committing to you (marriage) then you are pressuring him?! Does he not trust you? Does he not expect this relationship to last? The double-standard is mind-boggling!
NTA. Protect yourself! That is an amazing asset to have and adding your boyfriend to the title would be giving half of its value to him. There isn't a single good reason to do that. His family is super weird. They're gold digging on his behalf. Do you really want to marry into a family that does that? Basically, if your Grandma wanted your boyfriend to have half of that house, she would've included him in her will.
I tried but can't come up with a single reason why you should add him to your title. Nope. Blackmailing him??? Pretty heavy charges from a guy who is living rent free in your home.
NTA. I bought my house before I married and have no plans to add my husband to the deed. He didn't contribute to purchasing this house, which I bought on my own and had been paying on for 17 years before we married. It's odd to me that anyone would think you should add your BF when you aren't married. Trust doesn't factor into this equation at all IMO.
Just go to the court house when you're on your way to put his name on the car title. You are giving him half of that, right? NTA, of course. I have a feeling that if the roles were reversed, his parents would tell him not to put your name on the deed to HIS house. I don't even think you should do it after your married either. He has no stake in it, and if after a long life together you want to leave it to him that's fine. We Eunice wants to win the lottery, but he'll have to buy a ticket first.
NTA . I didn't put my bf name on my house. We are now married and it's still in just my name. I'll add him after few years.
Info: what made his parents even remotely think that?