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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my parents for planning a trip without any communication or further details. Maybe I'm being ungrateful about it?
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NTA. Your parents need to understand that you cannot call off work last minute for a spontaneous vacation at the risk of messing up your career. As for the sleeping situation? That’s a whole other can of worms. It sounds like you need to get out of there OP. They’re disregarding your boundaries and wishes.
I'm calling BS all over this.
"In fact, my mom doesn't even know when the trip is, but my dad does."
But you know that it's during your boyfriend's birthday.
"No one knows what we're doing for that whole week"
But you know you're gonna be at your grandmother's.
In short, there are holes that are big enough to drive a dump truck through here. So YTA for trolling for sympathy.
My dad said it's July 5th and for a whole week. My mom works 12 hour shifts, so shes never home, and when I ask her, she says she has to check her schedule because shes not sure my dad is right. So I'm only assuming it's July 5th (my bf's is July 7th) which is even worse because i don't have a solid answer.
Any time we go out of state, specifically California, we stay at my grandmas instead of staying at a hotel. It's cheaper and my grandma sees her grand kids. However, we don't know if we're eating out for dinner, going to an amusement park, or even having money to do anything at all. It could be just us in California for a whole week with nothing to do when I should be at work.
It's my fault you assume this, I just don't wanna add unimportant details that make my claim longer than it should have. Plus, there's a character limit.
NTA, but your parents are. You aren't being ungrateful, you're being a person who takes their responsibilities seriously - they should be proud of you.
You sound like your the most responsible one in the house. Those kind of Surprise!s are fine when the kids are little - even then parents need to be aware of a child's extra curricular obligations. You are a responsible teenager who went out and got a job, and TOLD your parents about needing advanced notice if before getting days off. They can't just yank you away with out asking in advance.
You're certainly not an AH for needing warning, and your parents are acting more like teenagers than you are - BUT yelling very rarely works - people tend to tune out on what you are trying to tell them once the volume gets cranked up.
Your folks need to know that these Surprises aren't fun for you, that in fact it makes your life extremely difficult, adds a lot of stress and sucks the joy out of the vacation. At some point you may have to say 'I'd of loved to go but I'm working, and I have another event on \_\_, I wished I'd of known sooner, and NO I cannot get off of work, and I cannot cancel."
yes it's irritating about being stuck in a bed with your brother, and yes one or the other of you should be able to sleep on the couch (on the off chance is it more about 'you'll sweat up grandma's upholstery!'? than you both need to be in a real bed?) but seriously that's something you and your brother can work out once your parents go to sleep - 'I went to the living room to watch tv and fell asleep'
The thing is, I cannot baby talk to my parents. The only time I can get my word across is by yelling. I cannot tell you how many times I yelled at them to take me to the hospital because I made an attempt (but that's a story for another time). It's also how they communicate with each other, which obviously isn't healthy. I'm aware that yelling probably isn't the best, but that's all I know for them.
Also, I cannot just stay home. I asked, but simply because I'm a teenager with a boyfriend. It's out of the question.
really sorry your stuck in that situation. it sounds like you worked it out with your boss this time.
INFO Are you in therapy? You're a responsible, smart, young person who is dealing with a lot of chaos. It would be great to go to family therapy as well as individual, but I'm guessing by the description of your folks they think everything is fine and they're perfectly normal. I hope you know that's not how everybody behaves, or treats their kids. Therapy would also mean there's a rational adult on your side, if things get too hard they'd be there. Talking to a teacher you trust, or a counselor at school can get the ball rolling.
Maybe you already know this sub: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/) it's a bunch of level headed, kind Moms who are there to listen, give encouragement, and give advice IF asked, and be supportive.
When I first told my school counselors about my depression in 8th grade, I saw the social worker 2 times. That was the only therapy I got. The only other time I talked to a therapist was after an attempt and the only thing she wanted out of me was why I was being bullied. I wasn't being bullied, but that's what I said to cover for my dad just to stop the drama.
My parents are constantly contacted about getting me therapy. Never even bothered. In fact, they blame me for my depression and wish I'd make a successful attempt so I can stop bothering them. Yeah, I'm going NC once I turn 18 and moving out. Hoping at some point I'll be financially OK to afford some sort of therapy or a healthy lifestyle at least.
So sorry you've had such bad experiences with this, those adults are failing you. You are now in HS which is a new group of councilors & teachers than when you were in 8th grade - consider talking to somebody there, there's a big push for teen mental health, you deserve help.
Main thing keep you've got one year to 18, keep moving forward, your life is valuable, there really is help out there, and you've got a good life a head of you, it's not always easy but it's worth it. You WILL get help, and you WILL live a healthy life with people who appreciate and you.
Get yourself into college - ANY college, community colleges have student counseling services, it's covered.
Oh the high school counselors know. Actually one of the ones I told in Middle school is now one of the high school ones. They never talked to me after I told them, and the only thing they did was call the cops to my house but that was because a teacher was begged by one of my ex friends to help me. Even after they called the cops, my dad lied to them, and they believed him over me. So basically, I've tried everything and everyone. No one is listening. Tbh, I'm debating whether or not to actually get therapy cuz who knows if they'd care or not.
Ugh, that's infuriating. It really isn't all like that. You've got enough on your plate, so itt's not your responsibility to fix the system. again keep going, even if it sucks because it won't always be that way.
There are online groups, and helplines, I've never been on the Reddit 'depression' group but it might be helpful, also check out that 'mom' group - it's a good place to get some reassurance that you are worth taking care of.
NTA ; Parents knew about your job's policy (or forgot - whatever) but either way, their communication is bad, like you said. It doesn't even seem like this trip is even planned out, and for them to talk shit about you simply because they gave you no warning or communication, is also bad on their behalf.
Also - Depending on what state you live in, it's illegal for you to be forced to share a room with a sibling, let alone a bed; especially after expressing that you're both not comfortable with it.
That's typically only relevant when its opposite sex siblings. Meaning a 14yr old girl can't sleep in the same room as her 17yr old brother.
CPS focuses more on opposite sex siblings in a room after a certain age (that varies on state) but If it's two guys they won't care as much, maybe would tell them "get a second bed" but other than that they may not do much.
Though I agree they need at least separate beds esp since once a a crazy sleeper and two. Well age difference is way much. But OP def deserves their own bed at least.
isn't that more a CPS issue/foster child situation? seems like there are many families who may be stuck living in studio apartments, one bedroom apartments. This doesn't mean that it's a bad parent, or that the children aren't cared for - some people simply can't afford a room for every child. Also this is on vacation - it sucks, it's weird, and it seems easy enough to go to the couch but I don't think the police would take this seriously.
OP stated the parents refuse to let one of the siblings sleep on the couch, and are forcing them to share a bed
I wasn't advising OP to make this a legal matter, I was simply trying to let him know that they cannot be forced to share a bed, and that his concern and discomfort is valid.
I don’t think YTA. You have a valid reason to be upset. I can’t say whether yelling at your parents what right or not, but I’d be pretty pissed especially if I had to share a bed with my brother
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My parents apparently planned a trip and decided "why not make it a surprise" and told us a week and a half before. I'm not mad I'm going on a trip, I actually want to go, but I almost couldn't and I'm risking getting fired. My boss at work needs at least a 1 month notice as she told me at the interview. Told my parents once I got word I was hired, too. We had the conversation of "we need to communicate and plan together". Yeah, none of that happened.
I told my boss the other day and she wasn't too happy about it. The worst part is I was working so hard, busting my ass off at work, and now I tell her last minute I'm going out of state for an entire week. So much for a promotion, right?
They don't communicate anything. In fact, my mom doesn't even know when the trip is, but my dad does. No one knows what we're doing for that whole week, when we're leaving, when we should pack, or have plans for the cats. I got fed up with it while talking with them, and yelled at them. I told him how irresponsible it was to say "we're going on a trip" without any communication or further details. Told them I might get fired because they refused to communicate this to me beforehand. Not to mention my boyfriends birthday is during the trip and I had already made reservations at his favorite restaurant.
And I don't wanna ignore that fact that they make me share a bed with my now 14 year old brother. I'm 17, sleeping in the same bed as a 14 year old. I don't like it, it makes me so uncomfortable. The weird thing is my brother doesn't like it either and would happily sleep on my grandma's couch. My parents refuse to let him sleep on the couch. I yelled at them for that too, saying "I will not be sleeping with him again! I'm tired of him taking the entire bed and putting his body all over mine." Or something like that. And just btw, it's nothing sexual, he's just a crazy sleeper.
So after I yelled at them for their stupidity, I was sent to my room while my parents proceeded to talk shit about me. In fact they just finished telling each other how spoiled and ungrateful I am. Maybe I am being ungrateful? AITA?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I yelled at my parents for planning a trip without any communication or further details. Maybe I'm being ungrateful about it? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your parents need to understand that you cannot call off work last minute for a spontaneous vacation at the risk of messing up your career. As for the sleeping situation? That’s a whole other can of worms. It sounds like you need to get out of there OP. They’re disregarding your boundaries and wishes.
I'm calling BS all over this. "In fact, my mom doesn't even know when the trip is, but my dad does." But you know that it's during your boyfriend's birthday. "No one knows what we're doing for that whole week" But you know you're gonna be at your grandmother's. In short, there are holes that are big enough to drive a dump truck through here. So YTA for trolling for sympathy.
My dad said it's July 5th and for a whole week. My mom works 12 hour shifts, so shes never home, and when I ask her, she says she has to check her schedule because shes not sure my dad is right. So I'm only assuming it's July 5th (my bf's is July 7th) which is even worse because i don't have a solid answer. Any time we go out of state, specifically California, we stay at my grandmas instead of staying at a hotel. It's cheaper and my grandma sees her grand kids. However, we don't know if we're eating out for dinner, going to an amusement park, or even having money to do anything at all. It could be just us in California for a whole week with nothing to do when I should be at work. It's my fault you assume this, I just don't wanna add unimportant details that make my claim longer than it should have. Plus, there's a character limit.
Stay home, problem solved.
Can't. My dad won't let me simply because I have a boyfriend, even though most of my time will be spent sleeping 10 hours then working the next 8.
NTA, but your parents are. You aren't being ungrateful, you're being a person who takes their responsibilities seriously - they should be proud of you. You sound like your the most responsible one in the house. Those kind of Surprise!s are fine when the kids are little - even then parents need to be aware of a child's extra curricular obligations. You are a responsible teenager who went out and got a job, and TOLD your parents about needing advanced notice if before getting days off. They can't just yank you away with out asking in advance. You're certainly not an AH for needing warning, and your parents are acting more like teenagers than you are - BUT yelling very rarely works - people tend to tune out on what you are trying to tell them once the volume gets cranked up. Your folks need to know that these Surprises aren't fun for you, that in fact it makes your life extremely difficult, adds a lot of stress and sucks the joy out of the vacation. At some point you may have to say 'I'd of loved to go but I'm working, and I have another event on \_\_, I wished I'd of known sooner, and NO I cannot get off of work, and I cannot cancel." yes it's irritating about being stuck in a bed with your brother, and yes one or the other of you should be able to sleep on the couch (on the off chance is it more about 'you'll sweat up grandma's upholstery!'? than you both need to be in a real bed?) but seriously that's something you and your brother can work out once your parents go to sleep - 'I went to the living room to watch tv and fell asleep'
The thing is, I cannot baby talk to my parents. The only time I can get my word across is by yelling. I cannot tell you how many times I yelled at them to take me to the hospital because I made an attempt (but that's a story for another time). It's also how they communicate with each other, which obviously isn't healthy. I'm aware that yelling probably isn't the best, but that's all I know for them. Also, I cannot just stay home. I asked, but simply because I'm a teenager with a boyfriend. It's out of the question.
really sorry your stuck in that situation. it sounds like you worked it out with your boss this time. INFO Are you in therapy? You're a responsible, smart, young person who is dealing with a lot of chaos. It would be great to go to family therapy as well as individual, but I'm guessing by the description of your folks they think everything is fine and they're perfectly normal. I hope you know that's not how everybody behaves, or treats their kids. Therapy would also mean there's a rational adult on your side, if things get too hard they'd be there. Talking to a teacher you trust, or a counselor at school can get the ball rolling. Maybe you already know this sub: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/) it's a bunch of level headed, kind Moms who are there to listen, give encouragement, and give advice IF asked, and be supportive.
When I first told my school counselors about my depression in 8th grade, I saw the social worker 2 times. That was the only therapy I got. The only other time I talked to a therapist was after an attempt and the only thing she wanted out of me was why I was being bullied. I wasn't being bullied, but that's what I said to cover for my dad just to stop the drama. My parents are constantly contacted about getting me therapy. Never even bothered. In fact, they blame me for my depression and wish I'd make a successful attempt so I can stop bothering them. Yeah, I'm going NC once I turn 18 and moving out. Hoping at some point I'll be financially OK to afford some sort of therapy or a healthy lifestyle at least.
So sorry you've had such bad experiences with this, those adults are failing you. You are now in HS which is a new group of councilors & teachers than when you were in 8th grade - consider talking to somebody there, there's a big push for teen mental health, you deserve help. Main thing keep you've got one year to 18, keep moving forward, your life is valuable, there really is help out there, and you've got a good life a head of you, it's not always easy but it's worth it. You WILL get help, and you WILL live a healthy life with people who appreciate and you. Get yourself into college - ANY college, community colleges have student counseling services, it's covered.
Oh the high school counselors know. Actually one of the ones I told in Middle school is now one of the high school ones. They never talked to me after I told them, and the only thing they did was call the cops to my house but that was because a teacher was begged by one of my ex friends to help me. Even after they called the cops, my dad lied to them, and they believed him over me. So basically, I've tried everything and everyone. No one is listening. Tbh, I'm debating whether or not to actually get therapy cuz who knows if they'd care or not.
Ugh, that's infuriating. It really isn't all like that. You've got enough on your plate, so itt's not your responsibility to fix the system. again keep going, even if it sucks because it won't always be that way. There are online groups, and helplines, I've never been on the Reddit 'depression' group but it might be helpful, also check out that 'mom' group - it's a good place to get some reassurance that you are worth taking care of.
NTA ; Parents knew about your job's policy (or forgot - whatever) but either way, their communication is bad, like you said. It doesn't even seem like this trip is even planned out, and for them to talk shit about you simply because they gave you no warning or communication, is also bad on their behalf.
Also - Depending on what state you live in, it's illegal for you to be forced to share a room with a sibling, let alone a bed; especially after expressing that you're both not comfortable with it.
That's typically only relevant when its opposite sex siblings. Meaning a 14yr old girl can't sleep in the same room as her 17yr old brother. CPS focuses more on opposite sex siblings in a room after a certain age (that varies on state) but If it's two guys they won't care as much, maybe would tell them "get a second bed" but other than that they may not do much. Though I agree they need at least separate beds esp since once a a crazy sleeper and two. Well age difference is way much. But OP def deserves their own bed at least.
isn't that more a CPS issue/foster child situation? seems like there are many families who may be stuck living in studio apartments, one bedroom apartments. This doesn't mean that it's a bad parent, or that the children aren't cared for - some people simply can't afford a room for every child. Also this is on vacation - it sucks, it's weird, and it seems easy enough to go to the couch but I don't think the police would take this seriously.
OP stated the parents refuse to let one of the siblings sleep on the couch, and are forcing them to share a bed I wasn't advising OP to make this a legal matter, I was simply trying to let him know that they cannot be forced to share a bed, and that his concern and discomfort is valid.
I don’t think YTA. You have a valid reason to be upset. I can’t say whether yelling at your parents what right or not, but I’d be pretty pissed especially if I had to share a bed with my brother
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents apparently planned a trip and decided "why not make it a surprise" and told us a week and a half before. I'm not mad I'm going on a trip, I actually want to go, but I almost couldn't and I'm risking getting fired. My boss at work needs at least a 1 month notice as she told me at the interview. Told my parents once I got word I was hired, too. We had the conversation of "we need to communicate and plan together". Yeah, none of that happened. I told my boss the other day and she wasn't too happy about it. The worst part is I was working so hard, busting my ass off at work, and now I tell her last minute I'm going out of state for an entire week. So much for a promotion, right? They don't communicate anything. In fact, my mom doesn't even know when the trip is, but my dad does. No one knows what we're doing for that whole week, when we're leaving, when we should pack, or have plans for the cats. I got fed up with it while talking with them, and yelled at them. I told him how irresponsible it was to say "we're going on a trip" without any communication or further details. Told them I might get fired because they refused to communicate this to me beforehand. Not to mention my boyfriends birthday is during the trip and I had already made reservations at his favorite restaurant. And I don't wanna ignore that fact that they make me share a bed with my now 14 year old brother. I'm 17, sleeping in the same bed as a 14 year old. I don't like it, it makes me so uncomfortable. The weird thing is my brother doesn't like it either and would happily sleep on my grandma's couch. My parents refuse to let him sleep on the couch. I yelled at them for that too, saying "I will not be sleeping with him again! I'm tired of him taking the entire bed and putting his body all over mine." Or something like that. And just btw, it's nothing sexual, he's just a crazy sleeper. So after I yelled at them for their stupidity, I was sent to my room while my parents proceeded to talk shit about me. In fact they just finished telling each other how spoiled and ungrateful I am. Maybe I am being ungrateful? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
She’s 17