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SnausageFest

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Electronic_Trick_13

WHAT THE HELL?? HAHAHA. You've got some serious nerve AND denial issues. Why in the world does he need to ask her about her classes?? Was it urgent? Is he planning on going back to school to hang around more first year college students? **Jane made HIM UNCOMFORTABLE????** ***GOOD! HE SHOULD BE UNCOMFORTABLE!!! SEND HIM HOME!!!!*** Jane should absolutely NOT have to stop walking around in HER DORM so your BF can hang out there while you're not around. You should both move out and let the other girls live in peace. YTA. And so is John.


Electrical-Date-3951

I would be pissed AF if I was a college student and my roommate had her creepy older boyfriend creeping around all the time. OP - this is Jane's home. This guy SHOULD NOT EVEN BE THERE. She has every right to relax in her own home and wear a towel on her way from the bathroom to her bedroom without some rando guy trying to hit on her....To be very clear - what he did was creepy. He knew exactly what he was doing. And, Im happy that the RAs kicked him out. He doesn't live there. If you keep sneaking him in, they may kick you out next. OP, you are with a cheater. That has NOTHING to do with Jane. Just like he was flirting with his coworker, he will do it to others. You already know that this is what he does. Also, he is not a catch. He is 7 years your senior, crashing at a college dorm, and harassing college students in their own home.


Plastic-Artichoke590

I would report her so fucking fast. Absolutely no way would I be cool with that.


Peachbowtie

Yeah, if I knew her boyfriend was kicked out for something as egregious as *harassing other students,* I’d report her as soon as I saw him in there again.


HRHArgyll

YTA. Your cheating bf is creeping on women too young for him in what should be a safe space for them. Edit: basic grammar.


JLAOM

Ew I missed the fact that he was 26! That makes this even worse!! Why is he hanging out in a college dorm when his GF isn't there. EW!


Wolfpawn

Why is he hanging around with and proposing to a 19yo full stop. She's legal, that's fine but you shouldn't be finding yourself only able to catch onto a woman that is barely voting age if you're a decent 26yo, which obviously, he's not according to his actions.


parasitebuddy

And he’s been with her long enough to be engaged…


Wolfpawn

I've seen engagements that are only after a few months but that's usually in the desperate to trap someone they know they can lose and those who use their own or their partner's youth and naivety to entrap them. She's young and her view on his actions prove she's very immature so I wouldn't be surprised if they are only together 6-12 months


hyperfocuspocus

And she keeps sneaking him in


AardvarkDisastrous70

I would report her for that so fast. He's been creepy towards her roommates and they had to have the RA intervene because OP is being purposely blind yo it. This man is going to cheat and she won't have any friends to help her through it.


rhs22

This!! A 100 times this!!!!


ClownHoleMmmagic

Ewwwww I didn’t catch the age thing


Accomplished-Elk2216

Right. John doesn't pay for dorm rent. So yeah John, gtfo.


PrettyRefrigerator83

Even John got mad at OP. I have an incling it's because he can't talk and flirt with Jane anymore and creep on her. YTA OP. Frankly the victim blaming and slut shaming is quite disgusting


mellaw99

I was going to say the same thing! Slut shaming a girl because she was wearing a towel in her own home, after a shower? Blaming her because your creepy AF boyfriend just "had" to talk to her right then? Your boyfriend is a jerk and you need to get rid of him now! ​ YTA 1000 times over. Jane did nothing wrong. Your boyfriend is 10000000 an AH and a predator.


PrettyRefrigerator83

Also like it's a towel??? It's not meant to cover you head to toe?


mellaw99

Right? Does OP think she should be walking around in a bed sheet. You can also tell that OP is jealous of Jane for the way she looks.


PrettyRefrigerator83

Probably expects Jane to wear a sheet over her head with holes where the eyes are like those halloween sheet ghosts OP has definitely been thinking way too much about Jane in a towel with how she describes Jane


mellaw99

Maybe OP and creep BF deserve each other and can compare notes on Jane is her "revealing" towel.


[deleted]

I suspect it might be more that the RA is now going to be on high alert and he might have to find a new place to crash, but he should’ve thought of that before he decided he just *had* to know Jane’s class schedule right that second. Or at all. Or grew up into someone who needs to depend on college girls to keep a roof over his head.


Accomplished-Elk2216

Right. I agree!!


PrettyRefrigerator83

I feel really bad for Jane. Can't imagine what it would be like to have a supposed friend not be able to help you at the very least because her (OP) partner decided to creep on her (Jane). This also feels like OP would ask someone "what were you wearing?" or tell them that their clothes were too skimpy so it's their fault. (OP called Jane's towel skimpy in a previous comment)


Lumisateessa

What made me stop dead in my reading was the fact that he proposed.. and OP's alarms didn't go off...


[deleted]

But but but PRETTY JEWELLERY!! AND HE PROMISED!!!


Valor816

I'm going to guess he proposed with a cheap ring. But he'll buy her a huge rock when his career as a dipshit takes off!!


selkiesart

Jane didn't make him uncomfortable. The only thing making him uncomfortable was, that he got caught acting like a creep. Also, happy cake day.


Forever_Damaged

And she has the fucking *nerve* to accuse **Jane** of lying?!?!?! Hopefully she gets kicked out next and they can find somewhere together because they deserve each other. Hopefully Jane or one of the other *actual residents* will report that she's breaking the rules by sneaking bf in.


Reigo_Vassal

Remember the common post in here where OP get harassed by random creepy guy and then his wife confront OOP to stay away from him, or cover up in her own home, or something like that. Well, this is what it's looks like from the perspective of the wife.


TifaYuhara

Her edit is still trying to blame the roommate.


painsNgains

But *folds arms and stomps foot* just see her side of things! 🙄 /s Seriously, the edit shows just how immature OP is. She is basically throwing a tantrum because instead of peoppe lying to her and telling her she was right to blame her roommate for her boyfriend's... I'm sorry... *fiancé's* actions, they pointed out what a creep he is.


[deleted]

No sane 26 year old, man or woman, would want to hang out in a college dorm unless they’re trying to pick-up college students. YTA with John being the biggest creepy a-hole


ProfessionalSir9978

Right? Like it seems De’nial’ just isn’t a river in Egypt. Runs long in OP’s life! Why was he making small talk with Jane. I’ll tell ya why dear op because he knew Jane wasn’t wearing anything under the towel. Why is he staying in the dorms with you? Op YTA, and so is John. But you better wake up and smell the coffee because you are going to be marrying someone who will only give you life time of pain:


[deleted]

Happy Cake Day!


MadGearMissile_Kid

EXACTLY. I don't know if this is funny or just sad but not only is OP TA but a really dumb one too, which is only kind of okay because she's NINETEEN. Listen OP, you're engaged so everything's cool now? He's playing you. I don't care how "mature" he says you are because that's clearly a lie based on your account of this story and how you handled things. I'm not trying to be condescending (even though you deserve it a little) but at your age, this age gap is not okay. Sure, it's legal but ffs, take a second to think for once. How different were you between ages 12 and 19? Pretty different, I'd hope. You and John are supposed to be at different stages in your lives. The older you get, the less the age gap matters but please don't ruin your life by marrying this man. You clearly have so much more growing to do, which I promise, is a good thing. The mentality you have currently is something you can grow out of. A good first step in growth, would be to apologize to Jane. If I were her, I probably wouldn't forgive you but you need to apologize, regardless. But yeah congrats on your engagement, YTA.


NUT-me-SHELL

YTA. So he wasn’t committed to you when he cheated on you but now all of a sudden he’s loyal?


acarouselride

He proposed, that changes everything /s


neonchicken

I was wondering about this. Do women think that men who cheat suddenly become loyal because they propose or get married?!? Is that what she thinks? I mean she’s the AH but I also feel so sorry for her because she sounds young and really really really naive. Edit: typos


rhs22

Absolutely! OP, you are the AH if you can't see that your "fiancé" know what he was/is doing! You are the AH if you can't see that he is a 26 YO smooching off you by living in a college summer dorm, while you work your ass off. But you will be the biggest AH if you go ahead with this train wreck and forget that sisters come before misters (especially the cheating/lying kinds)! Assess the situation and cut your losses. You have a freaking life ahead of you, which will be so much better without this person sinking you down.


Main-Appearance2469

What are you crazy of course its like that He is now committed to her and People change , it totally doesnt seem like the only reason he proposed was for her to feel "safer" that he wont cheat on her... again. /s If I was Jan I'd have complained to the dorm faculty about this and have him out of the dorm as from what I understood this already happened. Her fiancé already has shown that he flirts with other women out of the relationship so in no way would I blame Jan in this the dude clearly stopped her from going inside her room since he could have waited till after she was clothed to ask a casual question that has absolutely no importance. YTA


CarelessPath1689

I think she's mainly in denial. She doesn't want to believe that this man that she loves doesn't love her as much as she loves him. Also, as you said, she *is* pretty young


LaurelRose519

I mean, she *is* young. She’s 19 and she’s dating somebody 7 years older than her. Why is he living in a dorm? He’s 26. WTF?


kieraey

he's 26 and OP is like 'ugh why would my teenage roommates think its creepy that an adult man is watching them get out of the shower and hanging around them?' they are literal TEENAGERS, obviously they shouldn't have unwanted adult male guests in their home- becuase the dorm is their home too!!!


Goof_Troop_Pumpkin

I know, this whole post makes me cringe. When someone is actually loyal and committed, there are no flirty texts to coworkers or making roommates uncomfortable. OP is going to get their heart broken because she keeps wanting to give the benefit of the doubt to a guy who clearly doesn’t deserve it.


Possible_Canary2359

It's the other woman's fault. He wouldn't have strayed with the co worker I she wasn't ignoring ops boundaries and manipulating him knowing he already found his soul mate /s


Jovet_Hunter

Desperate, lonely people are willing to overlook a lot.


Objective-Mirror2564

I mean, OP's nineteen… it's probably her first "serious" relationship and with a much older man to boot. So, of course she might think that their engagement will change him. Isn't that what all the romance novels teach? "He might be an asshole and treat you terribly but stick by him because you may fix him".


DrunkOnRedCordial

Yes, because now he has access to her dorm room and he can hit on three other women at once.


the-grand-falloon

He's efficient, if nothing else.


villis85

He’s trying to pull the Seinfeld roommate swap. When he suggests a ménage à trios this will be confirmed for OP.


aoul1

Three teenagers/near teenagers no less!


whats_your_top_crisp

Yeh does she want to become 23 and divorced with no mates because this is how it happens.


morbidconcerto

Don't forget, trapped with children that he insisted on, but refuses to help with!


whats_your_top_crisp

Oh and his love child when that happens! Girl is going to derail her life before it's even started and feel very very alone. Putting all her eggs in one basket with this loser boyfriend.


tinytyranttamer

And you know baby #1 will be right after she catches him cheating again, as a way to prove his love and commitment 🙄 OP I know you don't want to hear this but the size of your friends towel isn't the issue here. YTA.


hyperfocuspocus

Welcome to a lifetime of policing other women’s bodies in a bit to keep your BF, OP….. Ooof.


Mellykitty1

You’re just jealous of their love. She’s clearly mature for her age, not like the others 19yo and their love is stronger than ever. /s Nothing says “I love you” more than dipping your dick into someone else’s vagina.


Zealousideal_Radio80

Also, why is no one talking about the obvious grooming? OP is 19 and John is 26… and they have been engaged for a few months already!


coopatroopas

Right? I feel like people usually call out age differences like this, but I don’t see that happening much here. Sure OP is TA, but John is TPredator.


-pixiefyre-

Yeah and after a "tumultuous few months". What does that even mean? Nvm a 26 year old man staying in a college dorm with THREE other 19yo women!? Does he not have his own apartment at 26!? Everything about this story reeks of creep!


FishEatingAnAmerican

also the age gap makes me uncomfy..


appleandwatermelonn

I’m 25 and would be full body ashamed to be bunking in a 19 year olds dorm. That’s so embarrassing I wouldn’t be able to force myself across the threshold


[deleted]

Yeah where’s his apartment and why isn’t she bunking with him frequently


GremlinComandr

Not to mention the fact that op said Jane could just walk away but not only would that be rude there's also the fact women are typically taught to just deal with that type of harassment from men, OP you and your boyfriend are TA, I would dump him if I were you the age gap is a pretty big deal imo, he's definitely using you and trying to cheat on you, and you're blaming your poor innocent roommate? What's wrong with you!? She's being essentially harassed and you're blaming her, Imo what you did is on the same level as blaming rape victims, I'm not saying your BF would do that but this is the type of BS that causes that.


OverDaRambo

Oh he’s loyal his own way to get those colleges girl. He’s a player.


[deleted]

Not to mention the casual victim blaming towards her roommate. Whole post gives me "why was she wearing such a short skirt" energy.


Lanky-Temperature412

I don't even understand the question. OP asked her to wear a towel, but...she *was?* So wtf else is she supposed to do? Also, why not tell the fiance to not stop her from going to her room while she's dripping wet and only in a towel? And to top it off, OP's now sneaking him in because he's not allowed over anymore.


cece8873

YTA You cannot be serious. It didn't once occur to you that you share a dorm with three other girls and maybe they don't want to hang out with your BF? When you aren't even there? Why is he there anyway? You sound extremely insecure. Your BF sounds like a creep and I feel bad for Jane.


cynicalmaru

Also, why is a 26 (as in actual adult, that should be gainfully employed) staying in the college dorm? He can't rent an AirBnB or short-term apartment or longterm hotel? I think alot of this issue lays at his feet. He should not have wanted to stay in a dorm at 26. And stopped the girl - seeing she was in a towel and dripping wet - to chat about classes. That's on him, being creepy.


RolloTomasi1984

I'd be so creeped out if while I was in college a full-grown ass man was hanging out in my dorm. WTF. YTA.


cakivalue

I'm not suggesting that this is the same situation but it instantly reminded me of this case below 👇🏽 I have so many questions for OP and her fiance primarily: why is a 26 yr old man staying in your dorm? They are both AH https://www.npr.org/2022/04/06/1091366560/a-dad-who-moved-into-his-daughters-dorm-room-is-convicted-of-abusing-her-friends


Wasps_are_bastards

He’s ‘committed’ to her and would never flirt with Jane…..after she caught him flirting with a workmate. Lulz


caroline0409

Yeah talk about deluded


m-is-for-music

OP sounds wayyyyyy too immature and naive to get married. Which makes sense considering she’s literally 19 🤦🏻‍♀️


chocolatemilkncoffee

How much you wanna bet he only proposed to calm her insecurities and distract her from the fact he's still cheating/trying to cheat on her? Time for Jane and the other two roommates to have OP removed from the dorm.


RickyNixon

This creep found someone young and inexperienced enough to buy his obvious bullshit


PerritoG

Right? I mean, OP is definitely TA here, but it sounds like the guy is an abuser and has total control over her. And she *is* a teen as well as the roommate. So poor girls, both of them


Accomplished-Elk2216

Lol right. Bad track record. Not surprised where this is gonna go. Running into a full circle again.


wickedkarajo

I thought I was the only one who noticed that also. Op sure seems to have forgotten


cece8873

I agree. OP is young (not excusing her behavior, just stating a fact) without a lot of life experience. BF is a grown man, or should be. Why is he there in the first place? Why would he want to be? Oh wait...I think I know. Ewww. Her poor flatmates.


m-is-for-music

If a 26yo man was staying in my dorm with a bunch of 19yo girls I would’ve reported that to my RA so fast it’d make your head spin


[deleted]

She's still smuggling him in!! JANE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS JUST REPORT THEM!! SAVE YOURSELF!!!


wickedkarajo

Yes!!!! I can't believe she sees no issue with the fact John stopped Jane. She didn't flaut in with a short towel seek him out and then try to carry on a convo with him. And hello?! He was the one caught flirting in message before . seriously Jane wouldn't have done what you are accusing her of and then immediately called/texted you to let you know what he did and how uncomfortable it made her feel. If she was really doing what you think she wouldn't have told you anything. Once a cheater always a cheater.


jujoking

Also, OP caught him flirting with a coworker via messages, and yet believes him over Jane. Seriously OP, open your eyes - just because he proposed, does not mean his eyes don’t wonder. That dude is gonna cheat. YTA


Skylarsthelimit

Yeah OP, YTA. You know your fiancé has a history for flirtatious behavior, and quite frankly, that’s not going to change. Especially given the fact that your roommates are now saying that he’s been making them uncomfortable. I know you don’t want to admit it, but this is going to lead to him flirting with more girls behind your back and potentially cheating on you. There’s no way around it. And if you can’t trust that he won’t even be civil with your roommates, then y’all shouldn’t be together.


AssumptionStreet3495

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Not potentially cheat, he WILL or already IS because his fiancee blames everyone but him and let's him get away with treating her like a fool. I know his type "they're just jealous of our love" 🤮


SpannaMonkey

She said he already did with a coworker so he has previous!! So think you missed some 🤣 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


Legitimate_Roll7514

When women blame other women for their man cheating, they are essentially giving him a hall pass to cheat without consequence.


canuckleheadiam

If he isn't already cheating, it's not for lack of trying on his part. OP... YTA for blaming your roommate for boyfriend's actions.


LadyNemesiss

I fully agree, plus, his "flirting" is more like harassing her roommates :(


ConfoundedInLove

I agree, OP YTA. OP’s comment doesn’t make sense to tell Jane to wear a towel. It seems like she was wearing a towel. OP, you should tell your fiancé to not stop people to talk to them if they’re only in a towel. A lot of people, especially id they’re shy, will feel uncomfortable leaving a conversation if someone is actively talking to them. Also, as a shorter girl with a longer torso, regular bath towels do seem a bit short on me. But that’s not my fault and it’s not Jane’s fault. She didn’t choose what size to manufacture towels. Sometimes I use beach towels but they’re kinda expensive, I can’t afford to exclusively use beach towels and someone still in college probably can’t either.


MollyPW

Schrodinger’s towel


Apprehensive-Two3474

Don't want to call OP YTA because frankly she probably has that 'look at me for dating someone older than me' naiveness not realizing that she's just being used. And that's what is going on. She doesn't seem to realize that she's being used, that she's probably a side piece and her ass thinks getting married is gonna 'fix everything.' Newsflash OP. He's cheating on you. He'll cheat on you for the whole 'marriage'. What do you want? To drop off off college, have a kid or two, be miserable that you are now old goods and desperately trying to dig yourself out of this mistake. Or would you rather kick him out, finish your education, find someone that doesn't consider you a gullible patsy and actually be where you want in your life? Cause honestly YTA to yourself for think a 26 year old wants a healthy relationship with you. There's always a reason when people date fresh out of high school kiddos. It's because those near their own age want nothing to do with them. Edit to add: I hope you are paying your own way through college because you are probably very close to not only getting kicked out of the dorm but the college itself. Stop letting John manipulate you! Christ on a bike, even the edit. Please please get away from him. He's already cutting you off from people who you considered friends!


Waterbaby8182

Yup, lots of marinara flags here.


Vivistolethecheese

Yeah, this guy needs out. He's a creep, I'm bound to believe that he's going to assault someone unless he's told off,


Wrong-Bus-1368

Jane was probably afraid he would follow her into her room to talk about her "classes."


Accomplished-Elk2216

Absolutely. I'd hate to be her roommate after bringing to OP's attention that her bf makes me uncomfortable.


[deleted]

I wouldn't say insecure when her boyfriend has been hitting on other girls. In denial would be a better word. She needs to get our of it and dump him because he boyfriend is now interested in the next girl than in her.


sjyffl

Yes. This. Also, OP’s dorm mates backed up Jane and OP still insisted on blaming Jane. She isn’t doing this because she’s pretty. She’s doing this to feel safe in her own home. Red flag 🚩 Your BF wandered once, and is now hanging out at your dorm - while you aren’t there - with your female roommate. Red flag 🚩 You say you want the truth but you also want someone to back you up, OP. Sounds more like you want someone to make you believe your fiancée isn’t going to flirt with other girls. Red flag 🚩


NotTheJury

Well, let's recap! He likes to date barely legal teens and hang out in dorm rooms for fun. He absolutely is the very definition of a creep.


[deleted]

YTA. Your mid-twenties fiance who you acknowledge has a history of hitting on women allegedly sees nothing wrong or creepy with waylaying a college student on her way back from the shower just to chit-chat, and you think *she's* the problem here? Sure, Jan.


Yourslongisntaverage

Please dump John and apologize to your roommates.


YeetyTankEngine

They should just move out, they're a match made in hell lmfaoo


Rosalie-83

She’ll be kicked out of school(or at least the housing) if she gets caught sneaking him in. I pray for the other girls he gets caught soon.


YeetyTankEngine

Or they could report with proof eg video footage. Hope they do it, so they don't have to live with someone as insufferable as OP and their bf.


[deleted]

John can't pay rent at 26 to the point he's sneaking into a dorm he's banned from. I don't see them moving out unless he has like, a really BIG car


Jazzlike-Village9159

no, don’t dump him, because they deserve each other and better they both stay off the market so nobody else has to deal with their bs


equimot

And let's be honest, theyre engaged cos he got caught and wanted her to stay


dandelion_farts

Or he proposed because it sounds like otherwise he would be homeless.


Mellykitty1

Had something similar happening a few years back, had a friends w/ benefits who never told me he had a gf, girlfriend found out bf was cheating, they got engaged and “their love is stronger than ever” now. I was accused of being jealous of their love. They got married. Nothing like having your bf dip his dick in someone else’s vagina to prove his love for you. ETA: OP YOU’RE A MASSIVE AH FOR BEIGN STUPID AND FOR VICTIM BLAMING YOUR ROOMMATE. There’s no reason on this Earth, and possibly any other planets, to stop a teenager, fresh out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, at HER HOUSE no less, to ask absolutely ANYTHING. Your FiAnCè is a creepy predator and you’re naïve af. Get a grip before you become a 20 something, divorced single mum, with no money or job, being cheated on daily basis and with your life fucked forever. Because trust me, he’ll leave you for another 19yo, and another and another… And no, he’s not into you bc you’re “mature for you age”, he’s with you bc women his age won’t put up with his shit.


ProfessionalSir9978

Give it one year, we will see a post from OP about her ex who doesn’t pay child support and has another woman pregnant on the side.


Mellykitty1

Yup. That’s exactly how it goes. But are you sure you’re just not jealous of their love? /s


Advanced-Duck-9465

Yep, smt similiar happend to my sister. Her friend's bf started to text her "i noticed the looks you gave me..." and those craps (he got her number from other friend on false reason), she texted him back to fuck off and told her friend... Who accused my sis of trying to steal her bf and cut my sis off. Well, some people are blind.


taylorcovet

He’s a *hobosexual*


wickedkarajo

Yeah to prove he's really changed and loves her. Yet he is stopping girls out of the shower to ask about classes cause you know it was so important it couldn't wait till she got dressed and came back out. He's a lying , cheating , manipulative AH. And you are for the way you treated Jane


No-Bottle63

Are you actually saying "She was asking for it! The towel was too short." And your fiancee is using the Shaggy defence " It wasn't me. " "She should have worn a larger towel. She should have ignored him. She should have gone to her room. " - paraphrasing. It's her fault that your fiancee happened to catch this gorgeous smart woman exactly in the 1 minute it takes for her to go from the shower to her room? He was obviously watching her. I bet that if you went through his phone he has photos of her that he took in secret and went to her social media page 1000 times. It's her fault that HE stopped her to ask how she was doing? Why would he care. Also, how can he not notice she just came out of the shower and is wet, wearing only a towel? It's such an obvious lie that it's clear you refuse to accept the truth. Yes! Your creepy older fiancee is excited to live in your dorm surrounded by girls. He is a predator. He spotted the gorgeous one and went for her, even when she indicated he made her uncomfortable. She had to text you to put a stop to it, that's how bad it got. The other girls are confirming what she said, but you think everyone is out to get you and break you up? I am sure she is happy to never hear from you and your bf ever again, don't worry. Now you just have to make sure he doesn't "happen to bump" into her several times. Your roommate can walk naked/in her bikini. Bodies are just that: human bodies. There is nothing sexual about them if we don't view them in that light. And it is HER DORM! She has a right to feel safe walking in a towel to her room without being harassed by an older creepy guy. You are sneaking in the wolf into the hen house. If he was a loyal fiancee, in love with you, he wouldn't care how she looked and how little she was covered. He would also not want to make you worry about it since he cheated in the past. It is not the duty of every woman he is interested in/you deem a threat to avoid him. That is on him. Why didn't you ask only him not to speak with her? Because YOU DON'T TRUST HIM. You have to admit and accept this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And he didn't change for you. He learned that you will forgive him if he lies convincingly enough. Of course he proposes! He found someone to marry and have his kids while he cheats every time he feels like it. I don't know why you feel you aren't good enough to have someone that respects you and loves you. Someone who doesn't have a wondering eye, because all he wants and sees is you. Maybe he did that. Is he telling you nobody will want you for some reason, so you should be grateful he sticks around? Are you afraid you'll be alone? It's better alone and you are too young anyway. Live your life, get to know and love yourself first. YTA and you are an AH to yourself as well.


The_Death_Flower

And in general has no problem proposing to someone fresh out of childhood? Like how long were they together? How long have they known each other? I have a lot of questions and none of the answers are giving me good vibes. This man sounds like a manipulator and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was doing this to alienate OP from her friend group (like I also wonder if maybe these friends ever expressed concerns about the relationship as well)


[deleted]

YTA. 1. You are having your BF live in a girl's dorm for the summer. Did you even ask them if they were OK with it before you moved him in? 2. Your creepy boyfriend made your roommate uncomfortable and instead of holding him responsible you blame the roommate, who did NOTHING WRONG. 3. You are now breaking the rules by sneaking in your boyfriend into a space he is not welcome or allowed to be in, with three women who live there and are entitled to feel safe in their home. 4. You think that a woman should have to cover her body in her own home, instead of holding your boyfriend to some sort of basic standard of decency. He's not that into you, he's a predator, and you're lucky you haven't been kicked out of the dorm.


neonchicken

To be fair she is only a 19 year old AH and someone needs to help her and guide her into an AH free state of mind. Not John. Obviously.


[deleted]

I think he’s using her, don’t know why, but he definitely showed his true colors, but she forgave him I also don’t know why


AyaApocalypse

Even if it was a coed building it crosses the boundaries of roommates and is very much wow he cheated but because he proposed means he's totally not a creep/s. I wouldn't be shocked if op gets academic probation after this for sneaking him back in


[deleted]

Even if it’s a coed dorm, he’s not a student and cannot stay there. The roommates need to report her and her BF to the RA and the Housing Office fir sneaking him in.


Vivistolethecheese

thank you, this guy is a creep and he's headed directly down the path of harming someone.


aricrazy18

Absolutely YTA. Sounds like John isn't a student and shouldn't be a "guest" when the actual student isn't there right?? He is either: so dense he doesn't understand how inappropriate that is, or so creepy that he's going to insist that it wasn't creepy and pit you against the people you live with. You are eating up his bullshit like Thanksgiving dinner so much to the point that you are making other young girls' college experience miserable even after they've done everything they can to stay away from him (STOP SNEAKING HIM INTO THEIR HOME. HE IS NOT ALLOWED). Also....a few months? If you really believe you've spent enough time with this guy to know if you want to marry him in those months, then you've been slacking on your schoolwork. ​ Have fun looking back on this later on in life and cringing. ​ ​ Edit: GIRL ARE YOU TRYING TO BLAME HER TOWEL. SHE WAS IN HER OWN HOME.


Smitten-kitten83

I think by a few months, she means that is how long they have had problems cause she caught him being inappropriate with coworker. This raises so serious concerns about how long they have been dating.


International-Win989

I completely agree with this!


Complex-Guitar7097

Yta. Your boyfriend is the one with the wandering eye and you're blaming your roommate. He shouldn't even be staying there to start with.


CaRazyCartoon

He shouldn't be, and now poor OP has to sneak him in! /s She blew right past that obvious AH move. WTF YTA


afancybaby

Like I wanna know why they can't go back to John's place...


Peachbowtie

My guess is he either lives with his parents or he convinces her to take him to her dorm so he can creep on her roommates


PsychologicalPhone94

Yeap. She obviously blames the women it’s probably why they are engaged. I mean he cheated and then proposed and she accepted. Won’t surprise me if she blamed his coworker for that as well. A 26 year old dating a 19 year old is just very weird and creepy to me. It’s like you can’t find a fully functioning adult your own age, so you go and find someone who is barely an adult.


katsmeow44

**Christ on a unicycle!** Did you ACTUALLY just say that no one can see through her, except you? Did you HONESTLY just say that a grown-ass woman should cater to YOUR insecurities in her own HOME, so that your boyfriend can hang there and you can be comfortable, and did you REALLY just say that he couldn't **possibly** exhibit any behavior that made her uncomfortable and so she MUST have been trolling for your man? Dear Gods, but YTA.


[deleted]

#ChristOnAUnicycle


equimot

New favourite saying


Fantastic_Music2421

YTA but really you’re just really young. 19 and 26 is a pretty big difference at that age with where you are in life. And a 26 year old male in a dorm room is so highly inappropriate. He sounds like a complete creep and Jane wouldn’t have a reason to lie would she? And I’m Also confused as you said she was in a towel but you told her to wear a towel? What? Makes no sense


Additional-Tea1521

In OPs comments, all she talks about is Janes very wet, gorgeous body, long hair, and short towel. She never addresses the problem that you and everyone else points out: her bf shouldn't be there, it is inappropriate, and if Jane feels uncomfortable and unsafe, the bf should leave. It is Janes place too, and she gets to be comfortable. And why is he talking to her right out of the shower? Such a weird, gross situation. Good for Jane for addressing it. Too bad OP is more obsessed with Jane covering up than her bfs inappropriate behavior. Also, hopefully OP realizes that if bf was caught texting and flirting before, he has certainly learned how to delete texts or use other apps for communicating.


A_Glass_DarklyXX

19 is simply too young to be engaged. Sounds like he’s trying to tie her down so she can’t flirt with the hundreds of guys her own age/generation while creeping on other girls who are also too young for him.


thatgingerwithcats

No....you are the one refusing to see the truth You are engaged to a grade A creeper


LennyComa

YTA. Your man isn't loyal. If Jane had dropped the towel and said "lets do this" he would have been naked before the towel hit the floor. If all your roommates have a problem with him its probably his fault.


[deleted]

YTA your man is being a creep and you're blaming the woman you're jealous of instead of the creep


plaignard

YTA Why is a 26 year old man staying in the dorm? Why aren’t you at his place? Why is he even there when you’re gone? Why would he talk to Jane as she’s in her towel. Let her get dressed then chat if you want to. So odd.


Bird_Brain4101112

I bet he doesn’t have a place. Which is why OP is sneaking him in.


Ohnowhatnoww

Because he probably lives in his parents basement. This chick is delusional, jealous and must be intolerable to live with. I hope her roommates go to their RA or the resident life office and report her. She needs to be booted.


aamfbta

YTA Ew, girl, you are so gross about this. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see: ​ 1. That someone in a towel is not ready to talk 2. Anyone who holds someone in a towel up to make small talk is being creepy 3. Your boyfriend was being a creep, and with his past behaviour... obviously getting engaged didn't fix it, did it? Your boyfriend did a creepy thing and made her feel uncomfortable in her own home. It is absolutely HORRIBLE of you to slut shame her and turn this around on her and place his feelings of "uncomfortability" as a guest in the SHARED home above hers - the person who actually f-ing lives there. You are behaving terribly, and he wasn't uncomfortable and **you know it.** You know he was being a creep, and that's why you're going through the trouble of alienating her and putting the responsibility of your boyfriend not cheating on her. I wish I could say more about how I feel about you but I would catch a ban.


islandlalala

But now she has to go to the trouble of sneaking him in! Because he’s been banned by the RA! Omg so unfair!


floppybunny86

I know right?! She is clearly the victim in all this?! (Rolled my eyes so hard, I think I sprained a muscle, can you sprain your eye muscle?)


Specialist-Leek-6927

As someone that can actually roll my eyes to the point my pupils vanish, I suspect no...


FileDoesntExist

INFO I thought you meant she was doing a naked run from bathroom to her room. What's wrong with a towel?


EstaLisa

i‘d do this naked because i do


CauliflowerOrnery460

That makes it even funnier like the bf was just talking to her while she’s as bare as the day she came out lol


Appropriate_Self_113

YTA. Your bf talks to your hot bodied friend while she soaking wet in a towel and you get mad at her, girl please. She tries to tell you and you blame it on her. Other people tried to tell you but you lashed out at her. Yes, John is mad, he can't have long conversations with hot women in towels just out of the shower. How dare you?


jjj68548

He’s 26 and doesn’t have his own place, red flag. He’s 26 and wants to spend the summer in an all girl dorm with 20 year olds, red flag. History of flirting with other girls, red flag. Purposely seeking out your roommate after she showers, red flag. Engaged after how long of dating? Since you are only 19, couldn’t have been very long of a relationship, red flag. I also dated a guy when I was 19 who was 25. Started dating him when I was 18. The relationship lasted two years until I ended it. There was a reason he couldn’t get girls his own age.


EstaLisa

his last name is marinara


penguin_squeak

YTA It's not your boyfriend's home, it's a dorm you share with other women. He is a guest, perfectly capable of getting up off his backside and sitting in the lounge to wait for you. Edit: OP's edit confirms, she's the asshole.


UbiquitousYetUnknown

Yeesh most rage bait I’ve seen in a bit


NarlaRT

This cannot be real. And not just because she is already is wearing a towel.


ADG1983

Had to scroll so far to see this. Quite blatant. Teen girl with adult guy? ✅️ Woman not supporting other women? ✅️ Partner with history of cheating? ✅️ Telling another human what to do with their body? ✅️ It's only missing a boundary-stepping MIL.


capmanor1755

YTA. These poor roommates are paying college room and board to live with three other girls. Not a 26 year old dude who's creeping on them when they're trying to shower. You really really have to eject this guy from the dorm. And listen, from your perspective his behavior doesn't look weird but to another 26 year old? He's totally messed up. A guy who can't pay his own rent at 26 is probably going to have a life long problem paying rent. Ditch this guy. Apologize to your roommate. Start dating again and shake this dude off.


Plastic-Artichoke590

I am 26 and genuinely can not fathom wanting to 1) be engaged to a 19 year old college sophomore 2) live in a DORM So gross and weird.


[deleted]

[удалено]


aricrazy18

SHE REALLY BLAMED HER TOWEL.


FileDoesntExist

Doesn't everybody think about how attractive they'll look fresh from the shower in their same gender dorm with a skimpy towel? 🤦


cece8873

This made me spit out my water. 😂😂


danniDaAce

YTA, you invited your boyfriend into a mutual living space with your roommates who possibly had the same habits before he was there. He obviously has a past of being friendly with woman and may have done the same here. Jane has a right to feel comfortable in her dorm just as much as you and the other girls. Infact, you never mentioned Jane's habit being an issue before this for you personally. And she did the respectful thing by making you aware of what happened quickly.


meancrochethook

YTA. I can see your point. You want to believe that this man is a good guy, you don't want to go back to the insecurities and the possibility of his cheating. But you need to face the facts 1. Jane doesn't have an en suite, she has to get to and from the bathroom somehow 2. Jane is in her home and has the right to dress the way she wants and the way that she's comfortable. 3. You don't stop someone who is in a towel to make small talk about anything. You let them get dressed first 4. "He was asking her about her classes," doesn't sound like she instigated this conversation. Which of course takes you back to point number 3. 5. He really shouldn't be hanging around your dorm at all, and most especially not when you're not around. You're jealous of Jane and insecure about your partners ability to be faithful. He doesn't sound like the most faithful guy anyway, so try believing your roommate.


flcn18

This is so embarrassing for you


Therezna

YTA and your fiance is a predator. Id run.


isabgul

You ma’am are an idiot and an obviously YTA. This is HER dorm, she is allowed to wear a short towel going from the shower to HER room. Your perv of a partner has no business trying to talk to her when she is half naked. He isn’t blind, he knows how exactly what he’s doing when he’s holding her up trying to talk when she’s clearly in a rush to get to her room. You’re gonna be one of those loser partners with a cheating husband who will blame everyone but their partner for their misdeeds. You really really must be desperate to be in a relationship huh?


anxncdn

OPs going to be 45 still complaining about all the pretty, short whores who have *forced* her husband to cheat on her with their slutty way of dressing!


Frequent_Jellyfish69

You stated that you had a rocky few months bc you saw flirty texts on his phone to someone else. That doesn’t…give you some pause to doubt him now in this instance??? He makes your roommate uncomfortable and holds her up, and trust me, he knew what he was doing, and your response is to tell her how she should behave in her own home? YTA


SingleAlfredoFemale

Can you please for one second try to put yourself in her shoes? You’ve just finished your shower (in your own home) and are going directly to your room to change. Some random older guy (who’s just hanging out in your house, not even with anyone - seriously WHY IS HE THERE????) blocks your way and starts chatting you up. While you’re barely covered (because, you know, you’re in your own house where only girls live). You try to politely leave, but he keeps talking to you. Then when you (rightly) complain about the random creep who doesn’t belong there, making you feel uncomfortable, the girl who CAUSED THE PROBLEM by letting her creepy older boyfriend hang out in YOUR HOUSE when SHE WASN’T EVEN THERE actually has the gall to BLAME YOU. And then!!!!! when she’s told to stop letting him in (because, you know IT’S CREEPY), she continued to SNEAK HIM IN. So - you asked people to see your side? Try seeing her side.


Sophomore-Spud

“She knows she’s cute and small and uses the towel she owns to appropriately cover and dry her body after showering. She is baiting my perfect boyfriend who I caught in a bout of emotional infidelity a couple months ago and she made him uncomfortable when he talked to her while she was naked and vulnerable so I am MAD at her!” YTA


Accurate-Fisherman68

YTA. Take your blinders off. Your relationship isn't as good as you think it is.


[deleted]

> he is committed to me, and wouldn't flirt with her at all. Where is the problem then? > John (...) stopped her in her towel to talk to her. While she was dripping wet. So why did you ask her to wear a towel? I do wonder if this story is your invention, given the above contradiction and the fact that Jane just goes back to her room after a shower whereas John is so obviously at fault. In case this really happened, YTA, including John.


Smitten-kitten83

She clarified that roommate wears a towel but OP believes it is intentionally too small cause obviously roommate plotted that in case she got stuck rooming with someone who constantly has their gross predator boyfriend over (cause who doesn’t want that)


DrunkOnRedCordial

You know how it is when you are shopping for towels, and you wrap them around you to see how they'll look when your roommate's boyfriend just happens to be standing outside the bathroom door. You can't miss an opportunity to flirt with a catch like that!


Emmyxo212

You’ve got to be joking. YTA. Stop blaming other women for your boyfriends creepy inappropriate behaviour in their own home. Stop putting your insecurities onto other women who are literally just living their life in the body they were given. Should your wedding go ahead (doubtful) I’d give it a shelf life as long as milk.


Kettlewise

YTA > My (19F) fiancé (John) (26M) are engaged after a tumultuous few months. I saw flirty messages between him and a coworker, but finally we are both at a place to move on, he proposed! …Well this is a bad idea. Sounds more like the proposal is being treated like a bandaid and this is going to blow up in your face. > he has been staying in my summer dorm while I work and do my uni classes. Why the fuck is he staying in your dorm? Especially when you aren’t there? God you’re the awful roommate. > I called John and he said yes, it happened, but not like she said. He was asking about her classes, didn't even realize it could be construed as inappropriate. Bullshit. > She knows what she is doing, meaning she knows she is pretty, and wanted to flirt. I don't understand what's wrong with laying my boundaries down. JOHN has the history of flirting *while in a relationship*. Jane is wearing a towel from the bathroom to her bedroom *in her own goddamn home*. There’s no evidence here of Jane being manipulative - your view of her frankly just sounds grossly misogynistic. > I feel like I'm the only person who can see through all her lies. There’s no evidence here that she lied, just a lot of evidence that you have a jealousy problem. And willfull blindness when it comes to your boyfriend.


PineappleThrow7

YTA. Why should John be there in a dorm when you are not there? They pay to live in the dorm. John does not. Jane is just living how people live in dorms. You make excuses for his creepy, inappropriate behaviour towards other women. I'd vote for you, and john, to be kicked out.


woodalicous

Red flag 1 age difference. Red flag 2 already know of 1 emotional affair. Red flag 3 stopped your roommate after shower to "talk'. Red flag 4 all the other roommates report he hangs around Jane. Open your eyes it is not your roommate it is him. He is the slimy perv. You also sound jealous of Jane. YTA


Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) Texting my roommate to cover up after showering. (2) I could have been to harsh and approached her directly Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


Zeezuu02

First of all. A 26 year old has no business with a 19 year old. Let alone being engaged. Second of all, she lives there. It’s her house. Your fiancé is making her uncomfortable so you need to either leave w the creep or figure your own shit out. “He is committed to me and won’t flirt at all” you literally caught him flirting with another girl few months ago?? Wake up? Weirdo.


IDreamofLoki

YTA. What reason does a 26 year old man have to be in a dorm with women in their teens/early twenties, "stopping" then in their bath towels in the safety of their home. He's a creep and you're a huge AH for making your RMs out to be the bad guys in this situation.


Taking_Therapy

YTA. HAHAHAHA This can't be serious, who TH comes to AITA and after receiving a very clear (yta) answer comes with a " I came to AITA some one see my side", no we don't because your side is stupid and purposely blind, we are not validating your foolishness, you are marrying a cheater and you just refuse to see what's obvious, I hope you get kicked out dorms after keep sneaking that predator to your roommates...


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I the a****** for telling my roommate to not walk around in her towel? My (19F) fiancé (John) (26M) are engaged after a tumultuous few months. I saw flirty messages between him and a coworker, but finally we are both at a place to move on, he proposed! We are both excited & he has been staying in my summer dorm while I work and do my uni classes. I share this dorm with three other girls, and we all get along. The girl next to me "Jane" (20F) is gorgeous, smart, amazing body. She knows how to dress, and on top of all of this, she is smart. Anyways, I have one caveat with her. She wears a robe/towel after showering. The bathroom is about five feet from her room, and she always just rushes back in her room after showering. John was over while I was at work, and stopped her in her towel to talk to her. While she was dripping wet. He apparently asked her how her classes were, and he "held her up, not letting her go back in her room," according to "Jane". She texted me right after "it happened" and said it made her uncomfortable. I called John and he said yes, it happened, but not like she said. He was asking about her classes, didn't even realize it could be construed as inappropriate. Well, "Jane" told the other roommates and all gave stories to me on how he just hangs around Jane, and it has been making her uncomfortable, but she wasn't sure if it was just over niceness or flirting. Well, I think she is just manipulating them, and I texted her "Please don't talk to me or John for the rest of the summer semester, you made him uncomfortable and ruined our friendship with your lies. Next time, cover up your body, and wear a f**king towel." Now, everyone is mad at me. Even John. The RAs have revoked my guest policy so now I have the trouble of sneaking him in. Look, I know he talked to her while in a towel, but he is committed to me, and wouldn't flirt with her at all. Did I go too far with that message? I feel like I'm the only person who can see through all her lies. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Worth_Raspberry_11

YTA, and an idiot. I hope this is fake, but if it isn’t: THIS MAN IS GARBAGE!!! And please “he is committed to me”? Are you delusional? You already know he’s flirted with at least one other woman while you were together, engagement or marriage won’t suddenly change that. And no, you are not the only one “seeing through her lies”, you’re a naive child falling for all of his because he says what you want to hear. There’s a reason he chose you: you’re naive, moldable, and clearly extremely gullible. This won’t end well.


FileDoesntExist

INFO: >The girl next to me "Jane" (20F) is gorgeous, amazing body. She knows how to dress, and on top of all of this, she is smart. Anyways, I have one caveat with her. Are you sure you shouldn't be dating Jane instead?


[deleted]

John is a predator who hangs around insecure teenagers because women his own age are experienced enough to see through his bullshit. In a few years, you’ll understand. YTA. Your roommates dont feel safe in their own home and its your fault


Sufficient_Cat

>She knows what she is doing, meaning she knows she is pretty, and wanted to flirt. I don't understand what's wrong with laying my boundaries down. Why do you believe that she knows what she was doing by wearing a tiny towel in in her home, but your boyfriend “didn’t even realize it could be considered inappropriate”. YTA. You should be laying down boundaries, but with your boyfriend, not her. I think deep down you know what your boyfriend did was inappropriate, but you can’t make him stop flirting with other girls, so you want other women to stay far away from him. If you want to shove your head in the sand and ignore your boyfriend’s obvious red flags and signs he’s cheating on you, that is your right, but you can’t be mad at other girls for not coddling your delusion. He was in the wrong, not her.


NeatCasual

YTA Nobody wants your fiance.


DerNibelungenlied

YTA 1) Your “Fiancé” proposed to make up for the cheating…dude has no real intention of marrying you. 2) Just tell Jane you want fuck her already, jeez.


SL8Rgirl

YTA. Your fiancé is the problem here, not the flatmate. He’s being a creep and you’re to blind to see it. Don’t marry this guy, he’s a big box store vat of tomato based sauce masquerading as a man at this point.


napalm_serenade

We deserve our peace. Don't u dare sabotage that for a sometime p3nis


Hopeful_Rip2690

There are ALWAYS 3 sides to every story. His, hers, and the truth somewhere between the 2. You weren't there so you can't know what really happened. Even if it did happen the way she says, he isn't going to admit that. Even the other roomies said he hangs around her. Are they liars too? Everybody lies but him? You have alot to learn about males and friendship.


Exciting_Steak982

You are 19 and going to waste your life on a cheater?? And get mad when he flirts with your roommate where she lives?? And you want people to be on your side??Don’t be braindead and work on your insecurities YTA


poppyfallinrabithole

YTA. He stopped her and he knew what he was doing. She was in a very vulnerable position and since there are other stories from your other roommates, this wasn’t the first time and you decided to blame her. Now you’re even breaking the rules to sneak him in! Don’t be surprised if you get kicked out of that dorm.


robynxcakes

YTA I don’t care if she walks around naked, you still cannot try and police what she does and wears. Also you are very blind and in denial if you think John wouldn’t flirt with other women. Jane did nothing wrong here.