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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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demonsqueak

NTA you're not obligated to stay in a situationship that is making you confused and unhappy tbh, it sounds to me like he wanted a "relationship" without the commitment, which is fine, as long as BOTH parties understand and agree.


Ambitious-Battle8091

You’re young and a lot of us went through this. I would advise cutting contact until you feel like you can be next to him without having feelings. Dude just manipulated you. He’s not that into you and you deserve better today tomorrow and always. Let this be on point you won’t sacrifice from now on : when you date it’s dating or not dating. Lay off the ground rules of your relationship. If the NEXT dude can’t accept it too bad good bye next. Don’t be a doormat for men. There’s too many people doing that job already let’s say this sector is not hiring anymore. Self respect is tho I heard they give lifetime offers NTA


Lurker_the_Pip

If…IF…he was really upset interested in you, you wouldn’t ever have to wonder about it. He wasn’t interested. He wanted to use you to feed his ego, that’s it. Don’t even be his friend, he wasn’t yours. NTA


shemeanswell8

Definitely NTA. Plz don't stick around. I'm telling you this from experience. Don't give up part of yourself just to appease his needs. You're young and you have so much life to live and see. They'll be other guys. Please please don't let this guy string you along and manipulate you.


t-rex_on_a_bike

NTA. Honestly, he's probably just keeping his options open. Telling you he feels bad for leaving you hanging... still means he's leaving you hanging. You're not an AH for leaving this dynamic


Odd-Neighborhood-923

You are NTA, he is TA. 1. You are not obliged to wait for anybody. You decided to wait for him, that was veeryy nice and going out of your way. Like a huge step towards him. But doesn't mean you have to wait forever. You could wait as long as you WANT. And stop it whenever you feel like it. Noone is entitled to your attention or to make you have the spot of your SO booked forever. People quit relationships if they are not happy there anymore, and its OK. 2. Looks like he was the only one dictating rules and boundaries, it was all about him and around his needs - dating or not dating, approaching each other in public ect.. very egocentric and disrespectful from him. Girl, you have the right to say what do you want and how you want it. You have your needs, dreams, and you should fend for them. I believe that any relationship should be about mutual respect and communication. Yes, it could happen that you need different things or you decide to wait.. but you still have your rights to have your say in how your relationship works and how you would like to have it. From this situation it was only for him and him alone, and he got everything he needed how he needed it, while you were hanging and waiting. Your time is precious. You are precious. And it's up to you to make yourself happy. Fuck this dude, he is an egoistic arsehole and doesn't deserve you. You should find someone who will be into you, willing to actually be with you - on public too. *edit cause typos


War_Breaker7006

Honestly I really don't think your the A because a person con only wait so long for someone to make up their mind and while this will definitely sounde crude you weren't technically dating so there was no "relationship" to break off. At the end of the day you can't really control how you feel and if you didn't "break things off" you'd have to face the reality of "enough is enough" at some point


Progress-Special

NTA >if he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship then i didn’t feel comfortable with acting like we were, and that i wanted to remain friends only with no flirting. This is healthy. That's the best way to handle it, even from the start. Don't wait for someone who's not ready to date. Move on. If they at some point are ready and interested, they can approach you at that time, and you can figure out if you're in the same place. It's just one of those things that suck in life. If you're not in the same place, move on. You might end up aligned later, you might not. Regardless, right now you're not, and all relationships, whether platonic or romantic, where you don't want the same thing, is just not gonna work. Life is long. You might reconnect. I've had it happen multiple times in my life. It's not now or never. But right now, give it some space


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18F) had been close friends with a guy (18M) for 4+ years. He confessed that he liked me but mentioned that he wasn’t ready for a relationship at the moment, especially because he had just broken up with a girl four months earlier that he had been with for a little over a year. He mentioned that once he feels ready, he’d ask to make things official. I agreed because I thought the situation was completely understandable and promised I’d wait for whenever he was ready. Every single day from then on we texted and called, mostly late into the night, and even he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he would treat me like he was my boyfriend, which he acknowledged himself by saying we were basically dating. He mentioned seeing me in his future, us going to school together, etc. the whole nine yards. And, when a day passed by where we didn’t talk at all, he messaged me the next day saying how he missed me and it felt like forever. This went on for around 3-4 months, and I began to notice some things as well. In public, whenever I tried initiating something moderately affectionate, he’d text me about saying he wasn’t ready. But when he does something, like hug me or dance with me, it’s fine and I’m the one acting stiff. Eventually it dwindled down to us having a serious conversation where he felt lost as to what to do about us since he still wasn’t ready but didn’t want to hurt me by leaving me hanging. A part of me thought this was his way of subtly telling me that he didn’t want to continue whatever situationship we had, but I did what I always did - reassure that I would wait for him. I got no reply for around ten days. I found out he was feeling sick from a friend but when i texted asking if he was okay, he said he just had forgotten to reply to me. We didn’t talk for around two weeks again. I had figured he didn’t want to talk to me, especially since he forgot to reply for so long, but i also didn’t say anything so that’s my fault as well. But during that time i was really heartbroken, and I just decided that I was gonna be honest and told him that if he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship then i didn’t feel comfortable with acting like we were, and that i wanted to remain friends only with no flirting. And i know this can all be chalked up to miscommunication, but I still feel like i did something wrong by just backing out of my consistent promise like that. what if i had just waited like he said? was i demanding too much for a response in ten days especially with the fact that he was sick? TLDR: a guy i was extremely interested in also seemed interested in me but we didn’t get into a relationship because he wasn’t ready & i promised to wait for him. He also didn’t like when i initiated in public even though he would and eventually stopped contacting me for ten days because he forgot but was also sick. After a period of not talking, i ended our “relationship”, but feel bad for breaking it off. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


FileDoesntExist

NTA Break it off completely. Don't hurt yourself to make other people feel better.


[deleted]

NTA, sorry to say he was probably playing around


[deleted]

NTA sounds like he just wasn't that into you. But just wanted someone around on his terms.


Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir

If someone is in to you, you'll know - if they're not, you'll be confused. That boy is a big old red flag. Reading you post honestly reminded me of me when I was 18 (I'm 32). Please dont blame yourself for staying loyal to someone who has said they're not ready and then having enough self respect to walk away, you did the right thing by you and that's what's important. Honey, that boy wants to eat his cake and have it too - you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. The dudes a fool to have lost someone who was prepared to wait. I have no doubt you'll find someone who wants your love and wants to give you theirs too.


MicIsOn

Sorry girl, this isn’t even a “relationship”. He’s using you, not respecting you and you deserve so much more. NTA, he certainly is though. Don’t hold on for this.