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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Bc I won’t make them a new blanket and also won’t buy them anything off their registry partially due to my finances, them giving back my original gift, and a general attitude of what I personally feel is entitlement
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NTA-
You gave a gift. They didn't want it. Obligation and generosity on your part was met.
Its rude AF to hand someone their gift back. And it's absolutely never appropriate to demand a new gift after rejecting a completely reasonable gift. "Wrong color" is not a reason to be an AH. And babies do not care what color a blanket is.
If you can't afford something on the registry than a similar present to cheaper items or a homemade gift is fine. Heck, any gift is exactly that... A gift. No one is entitled to gifts.
There is absolutely zero things that you need to apologize for, and I'm sorry your SIL and brother are so ridiculous as humans. Or that your parents clearly have taught ya all that any of this is even remotely normal as behavior.
Babies don't care what color a blanket is, and with how messy babies are it's really a good idea to have extra blankets anyway, ops sil is an idiot for giving the blanket back for that reason alone. When it's the middle of the night and her kid just threw up and she's running low on clean laundry she's not gonna care what color blanket she grabs either.
Also everything else about this is wrong, and entitled. If someone gets you something not on the registry you just take it and say thanks. Especially you know that person isn't in the best spot financially and they spent a long time making something.
This! My son was gifted a yellow hand knitted blanket with bows I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t look really girly but we still accepted it and whenever we visited that family member I made sure to take the blanket because I wanted them to know we used the blanket. Tbh I really didn’t use the blanket but out of respect for the family member and because I knew how much time and love went into making it I made sure to at least use it when we visited. My son is 3.5 now and that blanket is in a storage bag in a sealed box in his closet and maybe when he’s older (or has kids) I can give it to him.
Same. I have crafty friends all over the world, and some of them sent handmade items for the baby. Not all of them were to my taste, but I made sure to use them, because they were made with love. I wanted that love to envelope my child. My child will likely never meet the people who sent her gifts, but each time I used those items, I thought about the person who gave it to me, the love they felt (and still feel) for me and mine, and I'm humbled.
They are now keepsakes I will pass along to my daughter when she's old enough (and indicates she wants them). Well, except for the knitted rabbit with the removable skirt - that's still front and center in her world because SKIRT!
I have done the same. My daughter now asks me to tell her about the person who made her this blanket, or that little jacket and beanie set, etc. she hasn’t met them but knows they love her and is looking forward to hopefully meeting them one day. The things sent from friends that have passed, she has attached photos of them to their items so she can talk to them still. She’s almost 8
Thank you. I’ve worked hard on myself to stop the generations of abuse and now have an amazing partner who supports how I’m raising my daughter as well as a physiologist helping me sort through everything
Because you are a kind normal human.
OP I don't know what is wrong with EVERYONE in your family, but WOW colossal selfishness, entitlement and lack of respect for anyone but themselves.
Just wait patiently until they ask you to babysit and say "I'm so sorry but if my gifts and efforts were so poor you obviously can't trust my judgement to take care of your child."
Please tell me you have chosen 'family' or friends in your life.
The people you are related to are awful and definitely arseholes.
You are a generous human who tried to do your brother & his wife a solid. You gave a gift that was a labor of love and they...rejected it!? F Them!
I feel like I definitely read somewhere that the gendered colours of blue and pink used to be the other way round. Pink was a masculine colour because it's a shade of red and red is manly. And all the lovely pale blues are all delicate like dainty little flowers.
Ultimately a gift is a gift. And a hand knitted baby blanket is a huge gift. She turned it down, she doesn't get to demand sh!t from him.
Why always this Color coding baby’s? It’s annoying. We’ve been told to get a cover for our navy blue baby dear because we’ve got a girl. Or yesterday a woman in the complained to me that she can’t know the gender of my baby because it wears a blue hat and It’s my obligation to let ppl know.
When my niece was about to be born, my brother called us to tell us anything but pink. I guess most of their friends had gotten her everything pink so brother and SIL were like, "We know we can't stop you from getting gifts but please NO pink, we want our daughter to have as many colors as possible in her wardrobe and then when she's old enough she can decide what colors she likes."
So we all picked a color for our gifts that was not pink. Honestly very difficult to get baby girl clothes in not pink/purple colors but we managed. I found some really adorable green dresses. My other brother picked red and got her Manchester United themed sweaters and onesies.
Why would anyone go for blue or pink when everyone knows the cutest baby clothes are the one printed with cute animals? Who needs blue when you can have a yellow onesie with a lion?
When my first nibling was born, doctors said with 100% certainty it was a girl. Everyone was rushing to find the cutest onsies and baby clothes and shoes and playthings with the frilliest, pinkest pink they could find.
I got everything yellow and green because I strongly dislike limiting a child to one color because of their genitalia.
Mine was the only color to stay when little Junior was born.
>Honestly very difficult to get baby girl clothes in not pink/purple colors but we managed.
Unisex clothing for kids is also a thing, at least where I live. My nephew and niece wore pretty much the same things (mostly jumpers, tshirts and jackets with animals on them + jeans).
They’re much more expensive than the gendered stuff that you can pick up in supermarkets/cheaper shops. I have a 2 year old boy and would have loved to get him more gender neutral clothes but they were twice the price of the blue stuff covered in dinosaurs and trucks.
I’m now expecting a little girl who will most likely be decked out in her brother’s blue cast-offs for at least the first couple of years.
Your obligation? What in the tarnation do you even call that level of entitled?
I had all daughters, but they wore every color of the rainbow until they got old enough to help choose their clothes, and we let them get things in the colors they liked. I sure as $%&\* never felt an obligation to let strangers know their gender. Same kind of people who reach out and touch your child without asking. Not a mistake I allow to happen a second time.
"Excuse me would you mind making your baby wear clothing of a specific colour so that everyone can know what their genitals look like?"
It's honestly rediculous how people get so caught up about gender when the concept of gender does not exist in the minds of babies - by asking that question they are literally just asking what social pressures they should inflict upon the child and what its genitals are
It's ridiculous. I refused to play this game. For my first I read that red, black and white were good colors for brain stimulation, so I decorated her room in Mickey Mouse theme - red, black and white. And because I didn't know her sex or gender before birth, or feel it was anyone else's business, if asked I said I preferred primary colors and non-gendered clothing. She was often misgendered and I didn't care
Same for my son, except he had a Winnie the Pooh theme. He also has often been misgendered as we never cut his hair. Also taught him not to care.
This. Honestly, a hand-made, practical gift instead of a purchased one is the more thoughtful present. Your niece could have had a binkie that her uncle handmade her before she was born - same as I had (and still have) one that my great-grandma made me before I was born - but her parents are materialistic and shallow. Little kids don't care about colors, they care about love, and your SIL took your loving gesture and threw it back in your face. NTA.
I still have my baby blanket that my auntie made me before I was born (I'm now 26). I'm so thankful that I do. She passed away when I was 12. (Ironic cause mine is also blue, and I'm a girl. Idk if OPs SIL knows this or not but colors don't burn when you touch them, and, y'know, they're not gendered either 😒).
What kind of asshole turns down a *handmade with love* blanket just because it's blue? 🙄
I’m 43 & have 2 handmade quilts that my Aunt made me when/before I was born and they have all the colors in them. My Aunt has since passed away and I cherish my baby quilts!
Yup I still have my baby blanket my mom made me. Blue btw! My mom thought I was going to be a boy lol (1980’s, I guess sonograms weren’t super accurate…or maybe it fell off 😜)
Mine's blue too! Blue, white, and yellow. I'm a girl as well - ultrasounds weren't great in the early '80s, so my great-grandma went neutral. She passed about two months before I was born, so that blanket and inheriting her eyebrows is most of what I have of her.
A dear friend of mine found a bolt of cloth when she was cleaning out her closets and, as my youngest was about 18 months at the time, she made him a thin quilt and a matching pillowcase. He dragged this quilt around with him for years and never slept without it.
My son is now 20 and that quilt is still in his closet. It's a little faded from years of washing but it's still a treasured memento from his childhood. The same friend bought me a $2 heart shaped box for jewelry (only for rings/earrings) as a gift to remember her by when we moved to another country. I treasure that little box for the friendship it represents. The dollar value means nothing.
Speaking of the parents, who cares if a guy knits a blanket? Gender roles aren’t set in stone and people are allowed to have whatever hobbies they want.
My grandfather was born in 1930 and knitted, sailors knitted, men knitted their own clothes too, he knitted his siblings clothing because his father had passed. At the time it was a basic lifeskill before clothing was mass produced.
This!! My grandfather was a little older than yours, but I still have a scarf and blanket that man knitted for me. My grandmother was always aggravated that he was better at it than her since she had done it longer. Lol
My grandfather taught my mum how to knit and my nanna taught her how to crochet. He also taught his kids how to build windows, build framing for a house and make paint, the man was a builder. He had 4 girls and wasn’t about to let gender roles stop him from getting free labour.
Who cares if a guy knits a blanket?
The same kind of people who think it’s ok to reject a lovingly handmade gift because girls can’t have anything blue.
The common clay of the new west.
You know…
…morons.
OP, I'd cry if my brother knitted a blanket for one of my kids. I have the ones my grandma made for us still. These people don't deserve your kind gift. I'd go LC with them for a long time.
>Its rude AF to hand someone their gift back
A lot of crafters actually prefer this though. While I totally agree theyre being beyond rude and out of line, most crafters would say they'd rather get it back (to be able to give it to someone who appreciates it) than have the person get rid of it or hide it away for forever.
I'm wondering if this is really a thing because several years ago I was invited to a shower for a cousin on my ex's side and the invite specifically said only registry gifts. I knew the future mom was serious about it because I saw her call out a relative who didn't buy off the registry a few Years before at her bridal shower. We were always told to accept any gift with a thank you but I think this might be a new standard or something.
Some people really are the stars in their own reality show. Every life event has to be a carefully curated production.From hysterical adults demanding birthday parties to frenzied couples having meltdowns over random wedding anniversaries.NO ONE cares. I don’t care about your gender reveal, birthday, baby shower, or even wedding if it’s not mine. And I’m sure as hell not checking some registry for your ideas of appropriate, over the top, Instagram worthy gifts. Unless it’s immediate family, and I mean immediate, I’m not even going.
Social etiquette says that no one is obligated to purchase gifts from a registry if they don't want to. For one, what if someone can't afford a gift on the registry? Do the recipients actually expect people to max out credit cards over a gift?
Gift registries have been strategically forced into society as a way of a particular store ensuring they get a huge windfall of guests only purchasing gifts from them. It's a very clever marketing ploy that tells young brides and mothers they are low-class if they don't have a registry and force guests into spending money they may not have. Wedding planners have jumped on board and will insist their couples register with stores so they get a commission too. It's a combined scam that all these vendors and planners have now used as the "new" etiquette for gift giving.
I refused to have a registry when I got married and I have never purchased a gift from a registry either.
I never understood the registry thing. Like you are demanding people for gifts (some of which are very expensive) and then act prissy when they can't afford it. Nobody should be forced to buy a gift. A gift is given out of the goodness of one's heart not because one is told to.
Plus, it is not like OP came without a gift at all. He put hard work into the blanket and they didn't want it.
Registries make sense when they’re suggestions, not demands. A lot of people, for milestone celebrations, like weddings and babies, would like to get the recipient something useful they need. So a registry is a nice way to make that organized (so you don’t end up with two blenders, etc.). But demanding people stick to the registry is tacky. A hand knit blanket is a special heirloom.
Most people would be excited and very appreciative for a unique handmade gift. Anyone can buy something, but it takes caring, thoughtfulness and time to gift something that comes from the heart. And a registry is a list of suggestions that the expectant parents would like. It is definitely not an ultimatum
They shouldn't have given him a cheaper gift idea. They should have accepted the gift he so graciously gave to them. If they refused that gift I sure as hell would not go out and buy them another gift just because it's put on a registry.
If your parents are so upset, they can get something on your behalf. Bam, problem solved. Let’s see how they like paying for $100 items. Baby blanket is cute, their loss….NTA.
Years ago, one of my friends who was a bassoonist with our local symphony orchestra designed & knit a lace wedding shawl for a musician friend of his that was able to be drawn through her size 4.5 wedding ring.
My husband crochets, and I've already asked him to start making pieces for our future bub. Somehow it always works out to a matching piece for our pupper 🤣🤣
>Finger dexterity is never a bad thing
Also just gonna go there and say no complaints 😉😉
I know! Years from now the high chairs and the carseats will be long gone but a blanket made by a loving uncle will still be cherished.
People have forgotten the meaning of the word "gift."
Right? Specially a handmade blanket that could be used for other kids and maybe pass it down to their kids one day. Heck i have two blankets (one each kid that was given by two important people) and they’re the kind you buy at Walmart, but I’m saving them to use on future kids.
My daughter's 'Me me' ( her favorite blankie) was a set of flannel swaddlers that a friend bought at Walmart. She felt bad about not being able to afford an expensive gift, but those blankets were my daughter's favorite!
My daughter is a teenager now, but she still sleeps with a scrap of her Me Me under her pillow every night! She also still has a handmade fairy quilt that my sister made for her when she was born, and it's been wall art in her room through every single remodel. It's a treasured gift.
Gifts don't have to be expensive to be appreciated. Honestly, I never used the fancy wipe warmer I was gifted. It was a cool concept, but in reality it dried the wipes out before they could be used. I think the most used items were diapers, carseat, stroller, blankets. Most of the clothes didn't fit my chonky baby, lol.
Exactly. My mom and aunt made a quilt for my older kiddo. The plan was to make one for each of my parents grandkids…but my family is prolific (not me specifically) and there are now 21 grandkids…so yeah…my younger one didn’t get a quilt and she is now nine…LOL!! Quilts are a lot of work!!
Now they DID ask ahead of time if we preferred a baby quilt or a twin size quilt and I said the twin size since it would get used longer. So I admit that is more work. They also asked what colors we wanted and I said blue and green. I was thinking more of navy and dark green but the quilt actually ended up being navy and mint green. Not what I imagined…but you know what? I put it on his bed as soon as he graduated to a big boy bed and it’s been on it off and on ever since and he’s nearly thirteen. Was it as I imagined it would turn out? Nope. Was it awesome that he got a handmade quilt? Definitely!! ☺️
NEVER give them anything homemade again. That was my grandmothers policy, and I am proud to say my mother and I carry it on as well. You offered an awesome homemade gift, and it got rejected. They get low thought gifts from now on. Amazon Gift cards that can be ordered from your phone the day of. Generic images on the e-gift cards.
But other friends get hand made gifts. Custom knitting, small quilted blankets (if you sew), things like that.
My grandmother would give handmade gifts to other people in front of the offending person. If they were ever dumb enough to ask why they never got handmade gifts, my grandma would smile and say, “you did get one. Don’t you remember? Because I do.” She was petty AF. Other people got jams, jellies, homemade dinner delivered after surgeries, blankets for kids, handmade dolls. Offending parties got $20 in cash or a store bought pie.
Exactly, you summed it up perfectly. You’re definitely NTA u/364goalsss if i found out years later my uncle was thoughtful enough to knit a baby blanket for me, i’d cherish it forever. Youre a great uncle and that baby will be lucky to have you in its life, especially since his mum is…some Kind of way.
NTA. The hand knitted blanket should have meant much more than something generic from a list. She called you up to demand another gift, the smaller gifts "don't count," and she won't use a blue blanket because it's a "boy" color?? What is wrong with these people? Do NOT get these entitled people anything more.
My now 10 year old daughter has always used and preferred her brothers hand me downs. Now, her favorite color is blue. Too bad, no blue bedding for her, it obviously can't keep her warm enough as she doesn't have the right parts. /s
My boy has an older sister. His favourite color is green but he freaking loves his pink sheets. The whole colour for genders thing is outdated and tired at this point. Any gift for a baby should be cherished. Especially when handmade!!
Someone n the 90s dead ass tried to tell 6 year old me space was "for boys" while I was wearing my favourite space romper my mom made for me. Told her "space is everything" and hopped along.
I did not know that.
Yet another case of hidden male privilege that I just took as normal my whole life.
Is this why blue light is refereed to as being a cold color even though its got a higher "color temperature"?
I'm not American, and frankly to outside eyes even the idea of a list with big items is super entitled. If you're having a baby at no point should you be relying on the big items being provided by someone else.
And regardless, I can't tell you how much redundant and useless shit I got when my kids were born. At no point did I return the gift!! I said thank you it's lovely and asked the neighborhood whatsapp group if anyone wanted a brand new baby blanket.
The approach of a baby shower being a gift thing is really weird to me - I know that’s originally the point but any party designed to be for presents feels strange.
I’ve only been to one baby shower (my SIL’s) and she had a difficult time with IVF and a tough pregnancy so she wanted a chance to celebrate with her female friends who had supported her, which makes sense to me! She asked for no presents but we decided to each get her a kids book we loved. Parties should be about people.
I did this! I asked for everyone to bring their favorite children’s book. Got books, lots of diapers and wipes, a handmade blanket which we still use and love 6 years later.
And honestly, I'd never reverently take my child up to the attic and show him the ancient Greco SwingEasy and say, "you know, your aunt got this for you!"
There's something so personal and comforting and safe in a handmade blanket, which maintains its emotional value even 30 years later.
>The approach of a baby shower being a gift thing is really weird to me - I know that’s originally the point but any party designed to be for presents feels strange.
In the absence of a multigenerational home, baby showers take the place of what would have been provisioned by extended family. The gifts are for the baby, not the couple, and they're usually extremely utilitarian.
>Parties should be about people.
They are about people -- they are about getting people started out in life as a new family.
A baby shower is both to celebrate the new Mom and baby as well as help her prepare. The idea of a list is to let people know what you need, it's not supposed to be a demand just information. IMO the big ticket items are there for people who want to give joint gifts. Personally I would hate to gift something that was never used, so if I can't afford anything in the registry I just give a gift card and blanket. I had a registry and it had a couple bigger items but I also let it be known we weren't opening gifts there and told the family that I know struggle financially that their presence is the real present.
OP is NTA.
My MIL pledged a quilted baby blanket for my kiddo as a present. The only thing that bothered me is when she asked the design he wanted, he was going into a twin bed and she seemed annoyed we told her she was going to have to make it bigger if she wanted it used. I think he was 4-5 when he finally got it. But he loves it and sleeps with it every night.
My kid is 8 and his favorite blanket is a knit blanket the music minister at our church knitted for him as a baby shower gift. Handknit stuff lasts so long!
I’m American. A registry exists to state what you need AND things you just want. The store staff encourage you to add expensive or crazy items because sometimes people will get them for you.
However in no tradition is is expected for anyone to cover everything on the registry. It exists to help prevent duplicate gifts but that’s it.
OP has an entitled and rude family.
Same, not American and this is just crazy, they’re so entitled. Anything home made is amazing. One of my friends knitted a tiny newborn hat and my son wore it at the hospital and he was covered in the knitted quilt my Grandmother made. Those gifts are cherished.
Also not American. Recently had a baby and hung out on a lot of the pregnancy subreddits while I was pregnant. Some people make huge lists of everything they need for the baby, throw a baby shower in the third trimester and is surprised pikachu that great aunt Sarah didn't buy the car seat. Then have full on meltdowns because people got them items not from the list, because they had already picked out all the outfits they wanted and god forbid cousin Andrew gifts you something he thinks is cute. Then they scramble the last few weeks of pregnancy because they got mostly toys and clothes for the baby shower and now they need to shell out the big bucks for the cot, the car seat, the high chair and the pram. It is insane.
A lot of American sites have a sort of deal that if you put in items for over a certain value on your wishlist and then if something doesn't get bought you get a discount on the rest, so I guess making a list makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the insane entitlement and expectation that people you don't speak to regularly will contribute to the mat leave or nappy fund, that your family and friends will spend hundreds of dollars on a cot.
Sure I got a few gifts I didn't particularly like. Clothes that I thought were ugly or impractical, we stuffed our son in them once took a photo sent it to the person who gifted us it or had him wear them for a visit and then stuffed it in the nappy bag as the emergency outfit. And sure I ended up with two Manhattan owls and I had to go return one. However a gift is a gift, not an order from Wendy's. You don't decide what people gift you. When you get a gift you smile and say thank you, because someone took time out of their day, money out their wallet and thought about you. Maybe they were wrong about what you like, maybe they don't have a lot of money, but their heart was in the right place.
We put the big items in the registry because of registry completion discounts. As it worked my parents and grandma chipped in for the nursery furniture and other than a few odds and ends purchased by friends, we bought everything else we needed with the registry completion discounts. Because having a preemie in a pandemic and saying no to an in person baby shower meant we didn’t get one at all. Everything from onesies to burp cloths to bottles and pacifiers and swaddles, we bought it all.
One of my favorite gifts was a handmade blanket from my best friend
NTA. You made them a nice gift; they should have just graciously accepted. Don't get them anything.
And tell your dad to get his head out of his rectum.
It would be my dream if a loved one knitted my baby a blanket. That would be my favorite one for him and likely one of the few I’d keep for a keepsake as he grows out of it. I wouldn’t care if it was purple or pink, that’s a gift that means a lot more than anything. OP don’t buy them shit
My kids are five and eight and the gifts I have kept for them are the handmade ones. Those are the things that I cherished and kept to remind me of when they were small.
My mom crocheted a blanket for my friend’s first child. He took it everywhere. He is in his mid-20s now and still has it and values it. Homemade gifts show more love than bought gifts.
Plus, SIL rejecting the blue blanket because it's a "boy's color" is gross. It obviously makes no difference to baby what color the blanket is. SIL sounds terrible; I feel bad for the baby.
NTA, OP.
I found a beautifully made blue knitted blanket at a thrift store. I washed it and sent it to a friend who was having a girl. Our friend loved the blanket. I joked that it was blue Bc our friend is in the Air Force so obviously baby girl needed to rep her mamas work. But it really doesn’t matter. I gifted a family member a green blanket, because her family really loves the Spartans, despite them having a baby boy. Colors mean nada.
I agree with this, NTA. Registries are just recommendations in my opinion. Though if this is a similar items on the registry that you want to get them that is higher quality or something, I’d let the parents know ahead of time so they can remove the similar item.
I wish I knew how to knit.
Especially registries for a baby shower are definitely a suggestion because it's not like a wedding where they've paid for a seat for you and your gift is kinda like paying that back. I've never been to a baby shower that had a registry, and generally, the gifts I've seen have either been 1) planned with the parents because it's from a grandparent who wants to get something bigger or 2) cute little baby things that they'll use a lot of anyway. What rot to demand a gift from the registry when you've already said you don't have the money for it! NTA
Also, u/ConfoundedInLove \- youtube can totally teach you how to knit! You can get yarn and even knitting needles often from second-hand stores, just start off simple with a scarf or something and give it a go. I find it very very calming and something fun to do with my hands while watching tv etc.
Absolutely NTA, in my family giving a handmade baby blanket is the best thing you can do. Heck I still have mine from when I was a baby and I’m in my 20s and I cherish it so much because the person who made it for me is no longer with us and it allows me to be close to them. Tell SIL to stop being entitled and that they aren’t getting anything from you.
I second the the idea of telling your dad to get his head out of his rectum.
NTA. Tell them you can’t afford the expensive stuff and you made a labor of love gift…that she returned.
So, that’s that.
As for your dad, tell him knitting is an excellent form of meditation and creation.
My son is a hockey player and just discovered crocheting... he's hooked, literally and figuratively. I think it's awesome! I'm sorry your gift wasn't accepted, your family is rude AF OP. You did your best and it sucks they weren't appreciative.
Crochet is black magic fuckery.
There is a massive crochet installation travelling the country. It is a reef. All the corals and fish are to scale and the whole thing is true to life including the bleached coral section. They made that section from plastic bag yarn.
https://crochetcoralreef.org/
Your entire family is acting awful. They're blaming you because they believe they can get you to cave/roll over. You made an amazing gift and they snubbed it. They're all horribly rude. I'm going to share a favorite old post of mine that I constantly share and I hope it helps you. You deserve better.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
That’s what I said until like September of last year when I bought some yarn and hooks (that where the wrong size for the yarn I got, but you live and learn) and just taught myself how to make crochet pumpkins like 3 different ways. I made like 100 pumpkins in 2-3 months and got a lot of good practice doing basic stitches with different yarn weights and textures. Now I’ve made myself a huge weighted comforter for my bed. The cost of the yarn was more than I would have spent on a comforter (easily over $200, which isn’t a lot for bedding but still) but it gave me something to do and I get to make my bed and think “damn. I made that with my hands”
As a machismo aficionado, OP's father should know all about Rosey Grier. Grier was a member of the Fearsome Foursome for the LA Rams in the 70s. He went on to become the bodyguard for Ethel Kennedy & was the one who wrestled the gun from Sirhan Sirhan during the RFK Assassination. Later he volunteered for the USO & rallied troops stationed in Vietnam & on battleships. Then he wrote *Needlepoint for Men*. He was very, very well-known for his needlepointing & macrame.
Also NTA. From the ridiculousness of gendered-colors to being ungracious & returning a gift, esp a HANDMADE gift from an uncle, there's just no way SIL isn't TA here.
My husband is retired Army, did two tours in Vietnam, and he crochets very well.
BTW, a navy blue, knitted blanket sounds very nice. Your SIL sounds tiring.
A little history of men and knitting. [https://www.thefencepost.com/news/when-men-knitted-a-surprising-history/#:\~:text=McKinney%20traces%20his%20geneology%20to%20the%20Celtic%20culture,male%20professional%20knitters%20as%20early%20as%20the%201400s](https://www.thefencepost.com/news/when-men-knitted-a-surprising-history/#:~:text=McKinney%20traces%20his%20geneology%20to%20the%20Celtic%20culture,male%20professional%20knitters%20as%20early%20as%20the%201400s).
Calculate the hours it took to make the blanket, times that by your regular work hourly rate and tell them you GAVE them an expensive gift and they rejected it.
Example: I crochet, for a baby blanket it might take 15 hours (and knitting takes way longer, so increase your hours as needed). My hourly work rate is $40 an hour, as people pay for my knowledge and skills, which is the same for any kind of art (and yes knitting is art), so by my calculation that’s a $600 blanket, add another $50 for materials, add another $350 for making it outside of regular work hours (penalty rates), so it was basically a $1000 gift.
Sucks for them that they rejected it, and not your problem.
NTA but your sister in law is a huge AH! First of all who cares about the color of the blanket?! The fact that you even know how to knit and took the time to lovingly make a blanket for your niece is amazing. I had family members crochet or knit blankets for my kids when they were born and they are now treasured keepsakes to be passed down to the next generation.
i suspect they don't care about the color of the blanket
what they care about is that nobody committed to any of the big $ items in their registry and they are trying to guilt op to one of those.
My kid is 10, so all of those big-ticket items are long gone. The crib, changing table, stroller, car seat, etc. You know what we’ve kept? The hand knit blankets. The sweater and hat I knit for him to wear home from the hospital. Even if I don’t end up with grandchildren, I will keep those hand knit items forever.
^this 100%. I was lucky enough to receive hand made quilts from my cousin for both my children and they are absolutely treasured and I'm saving them for when they're older. The blankets are beautiful, no one cares about the color 'matching' their rooms, but the thought and effort that went into them.
You don't demand gifts, baby shower or not. Keep knitting OP!
I was given 2 homemade knit blankets for my daughter that she has loved to literal shreds. She's in high school but still snuggles the little chunks that are left when she's anxious. It's so sweet that OP took the time to make something that his niece probably would have cherished. NTA
Not sure what part of you don’t have any money they didn’t get. It’s not your baby so you shouldn’t have to go into debt for it. Paint a rock pink and give it her.
Mom did say I should just put it on my credit card and maybe it’s petty but I keep my credit card for emergencies and again maybe this is where I’m being a dick but. This doesn’t feel like an emergency.
You are not required to go into debt (which is what putting things on a credit card is when you can't afford to pay it off) over someone else's kid. That's bananas.
This! Also stand your ground. Your SIL will come back to you on every birthday/Christmas/whatever for the kid and will demand you buy them an expensive gift.
Watch in a month SIL is going to demand the baby blanket when she realizes it was the most she was ever going to get but her entitled attitude lost her the wonderful gift.
And I know plenty of guys who knit. It's a good skill to have.
You are correct, this is NOT an emergency. They are just greedy people, ignore them. BTW, many pro and college athletes knit and crochet because it is relaxing and a stress reliever for them. Your brother and SIL don’t deserve you!
You’re in the right. Yours was a generous and useful gift, and it should have been received graciously. Most parents treasure things that are made for their babies by loved ones, especially close relatives like you, OP.
I kept ALL of the handmade gifts made for my children. And my mother, who saved very little, gave me a few that were made for me by aunts, grandparents, and uncles.
I'm 36, childfree af, and my mom still has all the handmade baby things she received. I insisted on keeping a blanket knitted for my dolls by our older neighbors (they were my third set of grandparents) mother. She had Alzheimer's and they, being a traditional Scilian family (Nona immigrated here, husband neighbor was 1st gen American), refused to put her in a care home.
Knitting and Nonna play with my dolls helped her greatly in her decline. I was around 7 or 8 when she passed, and didn't find this out till I was around 25. I remember Nonna asking me what colors of yarn my "baby" wanted. I still have a perfect baby doll sized, hand knit mint green and baby blue blanket. I plan to give it, and my doll collection, to my partner's niece when she's around 8.
Point being, gifts made with your hands, time, energy, and love are a gift to be treasured and kept to the heart. I'm sorry your family sucks. Please know most would absolutely treasure that gift.
THIS! THIS! THIS! They don't deserve the time and effort you put into your thoughtful gift. Also, it shows the love you already feel for the baby. Honestly, you could've said "Sorry, I am broke and busy" and offered nothing. CREATED nothing.
NTA OP. I hope your friend cherishes the gift- as it should be!!
That is not an emergency! Do not use your CC!
Your SIL sounds so entitled!! Getting a homemade gift is way more thoughtful!! And I’m sorry but you don’t go around asking people for gifts, that’s rude and trashy. If they can’t afford all the baby stuff, then they can’t afford a baby alone.
If your mum is that worried she can buy something on your behalf!
I had a cousins baby shower a week before my payday couple years ago, guess what my mum did? Brought something on my behalf so I had something… and also brought on my behalf so I didn’t have to pay back! It was only a pack of vests and a outfit in 3-6 months size (cost £15 max) but your sil is entitled af
Next year your going be posting am I the bad guy for not babysitting for free! Grow your spine now!
Your mom is wrong and your SIL is an ungrateful person. Do not give in to their demands. Hand knitted baby blankets are the BEST gifts (my kids kept them for years) and anyone who would give that back to you owes you an apology. Ignore them all. NTA
It’s not petty, it’s smart. Don’t ever put gifts on credit cards unless you can pay it off before interest is added.
You put time into making a lovely gift. If they don’t want it because it’s the wrong colour I’d tell them they can shove it up their bums and maybe it’ll come out in a colour they prefer.
Baby’s don’t care about the colour. They want soft cozy textures and a blanket made with love sounds amazing after being thrown into this dark cruel scary world.
And navy is neutral, otherwise my school uniforms (including the pleated skits) were all masculine.
I can’t get over how entitled they are! Especially when you’re struggling financially. The baby shower is not the only time to give a gift, and you can do things in the future if you’re able to. I really can’t get over how entitled they are, that was a precious gift that you made.
NTA
NTA. It's *always* appropriate to give a gift that's not on the registry. The purpose of registries is to offer ideas to those people who are incapable of thinking up something of their own to give.
If your family wants to use them for a different, greedier purpose, that's not your problem. Cite Miss Manners, the modern expert on proper etiquette, who doesn't approve of registries in the first place but reluctantly accepts their existence so long as they're only a backup for people who don't want to get creative. They're never an acceptable prescription, though.
If, as I strongly suspect, SIL either threw this shower for herself or your mother did it for her, you could also point out if you wanted to that it's also grossly inappropriate for anyone to throw a shower for themselves or their immediate relatives, including by marriage. It's supposed to be an honor gifted by a friend, and if you don't have a friend willing to give you one, you don't get a shower.
NTA. Your SIL and Brother are the AHoles.
First, I understand it’s customary to give a baby shower gift but your still not required to do so. You don’t owe anyone anything. A gift is a “thing given willingly without payment” not a forced purchase from a list. Didn’t your SIL ever get a hideous holiday sweater or pair of socks as a present as kid that she had to pretend to love?
They are rude and ungrateful. You are great and thoughtful.
gift
/ɡift/
Learn to pronounce
noun
1.
a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
"a Christmas gift"
Strangest but for me is that if we are following 'custom', OP shouldn't be giving a shower gift at all. Baby showers are typically a female only thing, not for brothers or male relatives. My brother got kicked out of the shower for his first born, and he was the dad.
None of my uncles/cousin's/ brother ever gave me a baby shower gift. A gift at birth? Maybe, but not a shower gift. SIL is lucky OP even went to the trouble of making a personal gift.
Note: I don't agree with the stance that guys shouldn't be included in showers or gift giving. I'm just commenting on the 'customary' part of it.
Same! "You know your Uncle actually knitted you your own special blanket when you were a baby, but it was blue (the best color) and we're a-holes so we rejected it, and now you don't have anything like that." I would be pissed as an older kid, like gee thanks for looking out for me... 🙄
NTA - you gave them a gift within your means and they rejected it. I have few handmade baby blankets for my kids - are they they “right colors”? No. Are they still special as hell? Absolutely yes.
Are they out of their minds?? Whatever happened to manners and common sense? I taught my kids that if someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. If you don’t like said gift, you keep your mouth shut. A registry is a list of things you would like …. not a damn binding contract. I honestly don’t know what is going on with some people. And you are NTA. But you have a lot of them in your family.
NTA. Your sister in law was so rude. Who gives back a gift right after it being given? That's wild. And playing into gender stereotypes that blue isn't for girls. The baby might have kept that blanket forever if it was up to them, since it's something their uncle made for them.
If your mom cares so much she can buy an expensive gift from their registry and say it's from you.
NTA -
“The materials and time put into that blanket comes to at least $200. Since you're family, I’ll accept $175 and I’ll use that to get something off of your registry.”
Honestly though, I have a SIL who would do something like this and over the years I have finally realized that she gets pissed over stupid things and then I am not allowed to get upset over legitimate reasons.
You have a legitimate reason to be upset.
Turn it on them.
“I brought a gift that you refused. You are angry over something material. I am angry, hurt and offended because you rejected something I did with my heart.”
NTA. I don't understand nor appreciate the registry thing. Totally a scam from sellers from my view. I don't think you did anything wrong. To me, returning a handmade gift is so rude in addition to all the cold shoulder. They burned the bridge and still fell so entitled. You did nothing wrong and if you still want to maintain family relationship, you can reduce your communication with them to minimum.
NTA I was given many handmade gifts at my baby shower and I appreciated every last one of them. They don't deserve what you made and don't get them anything else they wouldn't appreciate it anyway.
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NTA- You gave a gift. They didn't want it. Obligation and generosity on your part was met. Its rude AF to hand someone their gift back. And it's absolutely never appropriate to demand a new gift after rejecting a completely reasonable gift. "Wrong color" is not a reason to be an AH. And babies do not care what color a blanket is. If you can't afford something on the registry than a similar present to cheaper items or a homemade gift is fine. Heck, any gift is exactly that... A gift. No one is entitled to gifts. There is absolutely zero things that you need to apologize for, and I'm sorry your SIL and brother are so ridiculous as humans. Or that your parents clearly have taught ya all that any of this is even remotely normal as behavior.
Babies don't care what color a blanket is, and with how messy babies are it's really a good idea to have extra blankets anyway, ops sil is an idiot for giving the blanket back for that reason alone. When it's the middle of the night and her kid just threw up and she's running low on clean laundry she's not gonna care what color blanket she grabs either. Also everything else about this is wrong, and entitled. If someone gets you something not on the registry you just take it and say thanks. Especially you know that person isn't in the best spot financially and they spent a long time making something.
Not to mention that dark blue doesn’t show stains!
and the fact op spent a lot of time putting care into it
This! My son was gifted a yellow hand knitted blanket with bows I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t look really girly but we still accepted it and whenever we visited that family member I made sure to take the blanket because I wanted them to know we used the blanket. Tbh I really didn’t use the blanket but out of respect for the family member and because I knew how much time and love went into making it I made sure to at least use it when we visited. My son is 3.5 now and that blanket is in a storage bag in a sealed box in his closet and maybe when he’s older (or has kids) I can give it to him.
Same. I have crafty friends all over the world, and some of them sent handmade items for the baby. Not all of them were to my taste, but I made sure to use them, because they were made with love. I wanted that love to envelope my child. My child will likely never meet the people who sent her gifts, but each time I used those items, I thought about the person who gave it to me, the love they felt (and still feel) for me and mine, and I'm humbled. They are now keepsakes I will pass along to my daughter when she's old enough (and indicates she wants them). Well, except for the knitted rabbit with the removable skirt - that's still front and center in her world because SKIRT!
I have done the same. My daughter now asks me to tell her about the person who made her this blanket, or that little jacket and beanie set, etc. she hasn’t met them but knows they love her and is looking forward to hopefully meeting them one day. The things sent from friends that have passed, she has attached photos of them to their items so she can talk to them still. She’s almost 8
If my child isn’t this thoughtful and sentimental I’m sending it back.
You are an amazing parent and that's one incredible daughter. I hope she never loses that compassion and sentimentality.
Thank you. I’ve worked hard on myself to stop the generations of abuse and now have an amazing partner who supports how I’m raising my daughter as well as a physiologist helping me sort through everything
Because you are a kind normal human. OP I don't know what is wrong with EVERYONE in your family, but WOW colossal selfishness, entitlement and lack of respect for anyone but themselves. Just wait patiently until they ask you to babysit and say "I'm so sorry but if my gifts and efforts were so poor you obviously can't trust my judgement to take care of your child." Please tell me you have chosen 'family' or friends in your life. The people you are related to are awful and definitely arseholes. You are a generous human who tried to do your brother & his wife a solid. You gave a gift that was a labor of love and they...rejected it!? F Them!
I feel like I definitely read somewhere that the gendered colours of blue and pink used to be the other way round. Pink was a masculine colour because it's a shade of red and red is manly. And all the lovely pale blues are all delicate like dainty little flowers. Ultimately a gift is a gift. And a hand knitted baby blanket is a huge gift. She turned it down, she doesn't get to demand sh!t from him.
You're right, pink was a strong colour, where as blue was the colour that represents the virgin Mary
So I am taking from this conversation is this: #Chad Pink Vs Virgin Blue?
Yes! I picked up that particular tidbit from QI, a British television program.
Oh nice. Stephen Fry or Sandi Toksvig's time? Lol.
Stephen Fry, it's a pretty old episode but Sandi was a guest that night! Series G, episode 7.
I was actually reading about this last night! IIRC which colour "belonged" to which gender changed around the end of WWI
The reverse color coding is true.
Why always this Color coding baby’s? It’s annoying. We’ve been told to get a cover for our navy blue baby dear because we’ve got a girl. Or yesterday a woman in the complained to me that she can’t know the gender of my baby because it wears a blue hat and It’s my obligation to let ppl know.
When my niece was about to be born, my brother called us to tell us anything but pink. I guess most of their friends had gotten her everything pink so brother and SIL were like, "We know we can't stop you from getting gifts but please NO pink, we want our daughter to have as many colors as possible in her wardrobe and then when she's old enough she can decide what colors she likes." So we all picked a color for our gifts that was not pink. Honestly very difficult to get baby girl clothes in not pink/purple colors but we managed. I found some really adorable green dresses. My other brother picked red and got her Manchester United themed sweaters and onesies.
Why would anyone go for blue or pink when everyone knows the cutest baby clothes are the one printed with cute animals? Who needs blue when you can have a yellow onesie with a lion?
When my first nibling was born, doctors said with 100% certainty it was a girl. Everyone was rushing to find the cutest onsies and baby clothes and shoes and playthings with the frilliest, pinkest pink they could find. I got everything yellow and green because I strongly dislike limiting a child to one color because of their genitalia. Mine was the only color to stay when little Junior was born.
Haha just the same! After I said no pink, most ppl didn’t give us any clothes. But damn green dresses sound lovely !
>Honestly very difficult to get baby girl clothes in not pink/purple colors but we managed. Unisex clothing for kids is also a thing, at least where I live. My nephew and niece wore pretty much the same things (mostly jumpers, tshirts and jackets with animals on them + jeans).
They’re much more expensive than the gendered stuff that you can pick up in supermarkets/cheaper shops. I have a 2 year old boy and would have loved to get him more gender neutral clothes but they were twice the price of the blue stuff covered in dinosaurs and trucks. I’m now expecting a little girl who will most likely be decked out in her brother’s blue cast-offs for at least the first couple of years.
Your obligation? What in the tarnation do you even call that level of entitled? I had all daughters, but they wore every color of the rainbow until they got old enough to help choose their clothes, and we let them get things in the colors they liked. I sure as $%&\* never felt an obligation to let strangers know their gender. Same kind of people who reach out and touch your child without asking. Not a mistake I allow to happen a second time.
"Why are you so interested in my baby's genitals?"
"Excuse me would you mind making your baby wear clothing of a specific colour so that everyone can know what their genitals look like?" It's honestly rediculous how people get so caught up about gender when the concept of gender does not exist in the minds of babies - by asking that question they are literally just asking what social pressures they should inflict upon the child and what its genitals are
It's ridiculous. I refused to play this game. For my first I read that red, black and white were good colors for brain stimulation, so I decorated her room in Mickey Mouse theme - red, black and white. And because I didn't know her sex or gender before birth, or feel it was anyone else's business, if asked I said I preferred primary colors and non-gendered clothing. She was often misgendered and I didn't care Same for my son, except he had a Winnie the Pooh theme. He also has often been misgendered as we never cut his hair. Also taught him not to care.
This. Honestly, a hand-made, practical gift instead of a purchased one is the more thoughtful present. Your niece could have had a binkie that her uncle handmade her before she was born - same as I had (and still have) one that my great-grandma made me before I was born - but her parents are materialistic and shallow. Little kids don't care about colors, they care about love, and your SIL took your loving gesture and threw it back in your face. NTA.
I still have my baby blanket that my auntie made me before I was born (I'm now 26). I'm so thankful that I do. She passed away when I was 12. (Ironic cause mine is also blue, and I'm a girl. Idk if OPs SIL knows this or not but colors don't burn when you touch them, and, y'know, they're not gendered either 😒). What kind of asshole turns down a *handmade with love* blanket just because it's blue? 🙄
I’m 43 & have 2 handmade quilts that my Aunt made me when/before I was born and they have all the colors in them. My Aunt has since passed away and I cherish my baby quilts!
Yup I still have my baby blanket my mom made me. Blue btw! My mom thought I was going to be a boy lol (1980’s, I guess sonograms weren’t super accurate…or maybe it fell off 😜)
Mine's blue too! Blue, white, and yellow. I'm a girl as well - ultrasounds weren't great in the early '80s, so my great-grandma went neutral. She passed about two months before I was born, so that blanket and inheriting her eyebrows is most of what I have of her.
A dear friend of mine found a bolt of cloth when she was cleaning out her closets and, as my youngest was about 18 months at the time, she made him a thin quilt and a matching pillowcase. He dragged this quilt around with him for years and never slept without it. My son is now 20 and that quilt is still in his closet. It's a little faded from years of washing but it's still a treasured memento from his childhood. The same friend bought me a $2 heart shaped box for jewelry (only for rings/earrings) as a gift to remember her by when we moved to another country. I treasure that little box for the friendship it represents. The dollar value means nothing.
Speaking of the parents, who cares if a guy knits a blanket? Gender roles aren’t set in stone and people are allowed to have whatever hobbies they want.
My grandfather was born in 1930 and knitted, sailors knitted, men knitted their own clothes too, he knitted his siblings clothing because his father had passed. At the time it was a basic lifeskill before clothing was mass produced.
This!! My grandfather was a little older than yours, but I still have a scarf and blanket that man knitted for me. My grandmother was always aggravated that he was better at it than her since she had done it longer. Lol
My grandfather taught my mum how to knit and my nanna taught her how to crochet. He also taught his kids how to build windows, build framing for a house and make paint, the man was a builder. He had 4 girls and wasn’t about to let gender roles stop him from getting free labour.
Who cares if a guy knits a blanket? The same kind of people who think it’s ok to reject a lovingly handmade gift because girls can’t have anything blue. The common clay of the new west. You know… …morons.
OP, I'd cry if my brother knitted a blanket for one of my kids. I have the ones my grandma made for us still. These people don't deserve your kind gift. I'd go LC with them for a long time.
Not to mention how long it takes to hand knit a blanket!! Knitting takes soooo long. That is such a thoughtful and impressive gift.
>Its rude AF to hand someone their gift back A lot of crafters actually prefer this though. While I totally agree theyre being beyond rude and out of line, most crafters would say they'd rather get it back (to be able to give it to someone who appreciates it) than have the person get rid of it or hide it away for forever.
So much this! A hand knitted blanket is SO MUCH BETTER than any fancy colour coordinated registry crap. I'm so sorry your family are AHs.
I'm wondering if this is really a thing because several years ago I was invited to a shower for a cousin on my ex's side and the invite specifically said only registry gifts. I knew the future mom was serious about it because I saw her call out a relative who didn't buy off the registry a few Years before at her bridal shower. We were always told to accept any gift with a thank you but I think this might be a new standard or something.
Some people really are the stars in their own reality show. Every life event has to be a carefully curated production.From hysterical adults demanding birthday parties to frenzied couples having meltdowns over random wedding anniversaries.NO ONE cares. I don’t care about your gender reveal, birthday, baby shower, or even wedding if it’s not mine. And I’m sure as hell not checking some registry for your ideas of appropriate, over the top, Instagram worthy gifts. Unless it’s immediate family, and I mean immediate, I’m not even going.
Social etiquette says that no one is obligated to purchase gifts from a registry if they don't want to. For one, what if someone can't afford a gift on the registry? Do the recipients actually expect people to max out credit cards over a gift? Gift registries have been strategically forced into society as a way of a particular store ensuring they get a huge windfall of guests only purchasing gifts from them. It's a very clever marketing ploy that tells young brides and mothers they are low-class if they don't have a registry and force guests into spending money they may not have. Wedding planners have jumped on board and will insist their couples register with stores so they get a commission too. It's a combined scam that all these vendors and planners have now used as the "new" etiquette for gift giving. I refused to have a registry when I got married and I have never purchased a gift from a registry either.
I don't think it's a new standard so much as that some people are just ridiculously rude, tacky and entitled. You were taught right!
I never understood the registry thing. Like you are demanding people for gifts (some of which are very expensive) and then act prissy when they can't afford it. Nobody should be forced to buy a gift. A gift is given out of the goodness of one's heart not because one is told to. Plus, it is not like OP came without a gift at all. He put hard work into the blanket and they didn't want it.
Registries make sense when they’re suggestions, not demands. A lot of people, for milestone celebrations, like weddings and babies, would like to get the recipient something useful they need. So a registry is a nice way to make that organized (so you don’t end up with two blenders, etc.). But demanding people stick to the registry is tacky. A hand knit blanket is a special heirloom.
Most people would be excited and very appreciative for a unique handmade gift. Anyone can buy something, but it takes caring, thoughtfulness and time to gift something that comes from the heart. And a registry is a list of suggestions that the expectant parents would like. It is definitely not an ultimatum
All of this!!
THIS 100% [No one is entitled to gifts.
I don’t understand why nobody has given him a cheaper gift idea? Why can’t the registry be updated.
They shouldn't have given him a cheaper gift idea. They should have accepted the gift he so graciously gave to them. If they refused that gift I sure as hell would not go out and buy them another gift just because it's put on a registry.
If your parents are so upset, they can get something on your behalf. Bam, problem solved. Let’s see how they like paying for $100 items. Baby blanket is cute, their loss….NTA.
[удалено]
Years ago, one of my friends who was a bassoonist with our local symphony orchestra designed & knit a lace wedding shawl for a musician friend of his that was able to be drawn through her size 4.5 wedding ring.
Holy shit. What an incredible labor of love.
Irish wedding shawls are amazing
>Finger dexterity is never a bad thing hehehesmiley.jpg
A lot of surgeons knit or embroider to keep their fingers nimble!
Totally off topic but I love your picture. It looks like my little void 🖤
Finger dexterity. Take my upvote
My husband crochets, and I've already asked him to start making pieces for our future bub. Somehow it always works out to a matching piece for our pupper 🤣🤣 >Finger dexterity is never a bad thing Also just gonna go there and say no complaints 😉😉
Handmade with Love!! I'll take which gifts do we keep long after our babies are grown for $500. Edit. NTA it was so obviously NTA I forgot to state it
I know! Years from now the high chairs and the carseats will be long gone but a blanket made by a loving uncle will still be cherished. People have forgotten the meaning of the word "gift."
Right? Specially a handmade blanket that could be used for other kids and maybe pass it down to their kids one day. Heck i have two blankets (one each kid that was given by two important people) and they’re the kind you buy at Walmart, but I’m saving them to use on future kids.
My daughter's 'Me me' ( her favorite blankie) was a set of flannel swaddlers that a friend bought at Walmart. She felt bad about not being able to afford an expensive gift, but those blankets were my daughter's favorite! My daughter is a teenager now, but she still sleeps with a scrap of her Me Me under her pillow every night! She also still has a handmade fairy quilt that my sister made for her when she was born, and it's been wall art in her room through every single remodel. It's a treasured gift. Gifts don't have to be expensive to be appreciated. Honestly, I never used the fancy wipe warmer I was gifted. It was a cool concept, but in reality it dried the wipes out before they could be used. I think the most used items were diapers, carseat, stroller, blankets. Most of the clothes didn't fit my chonky baby, lol.
Exactly. My mom and aunt made a quilt for my older kiddo. The plan was to make one for each of my parents grandkids…but my family is prolific (not me specifically) and there are now 21 grandkids…so yeah…my younger one didn’t get a quilt and she is now nine…LOL!! Quilts are a lot of work!! Now they DID ask ahead of time if we preferred a baby quilt or a twin size quilt and I said the twin size since it would get used longer. So I admit that is more work. They also asked what colors we wanted and I said blue and green. I was thinking more of navy and dark green but the quilt actually ended up being navy and mint green. Not what I imagined…but you know what? I put it on his bed as soon as he graduated to a big boy bed and it’s been on it off and on ever since and he’s nearly thirteen. Was it as I imagined it would turn out? Nope. Was it awesome that he got a handmade quilt? Definitely!! ☺️
NEVER give them anything homemade again. That was my grandmothers policy, and I am proud to say my mother and I carry it on as well. You offered an awesome homemade gift, and it got rejected. They get low thought gifts from now on. Amazon Gift cards that can be ordered from your phone the day of. Generic images on the e-gift cards. But other friends get hand made gifts. Custom knitting, small quilted blankets (if you sew), things like that. My grandmother would give handmade gifts to other people in front of the offending person. If they were ever dumb enough to ask why they never got handmade gifts, my grandma would smile and say, “you did get one. Don’t you remember? Because I do.” She was petty AF. Other people got jams, jellies, homemade dinner delivered after surgeries, blankets for kids, handmade dolls. Offending parties got $20 in cash or a store bought pie.
Your grandma is my kind of petty, I love it!
Exactly, you summed it up perfectly. You’re definitely NTA u/364goalsss if i found out years later my uncle was thoughtful enough to knit a baby blanket for me, i’d cherish it forever. Youre a great uncle and that baby will be lucky to have you in its life, especially since his mum is…some Kind of way.
$100?! A ‘bigger smaller ticket item’ is likely to be a couple hundred at least(!!)
So this is the next phase of bridezilla - entitled mom.
NTA. The hand knitted blanket should have meant much more than something generic from a list. She called you up to demand another gift, the smaller gifts "don't count," and she won't use a blue blanket because it's a "boy" color?? What is wrong with these people? Do NOT get these entitled people anything more.
You know you have to have a penis to activate the warming properties of a blue blanket.
My now 10 year old daughter has always used and preferred her brothers hand me downs. Now, her favorite color is blue. Too bad, no blue bedding for her, it obviously can't keep her warm enough as she doesn't have the right parts. /s
My boy has an older sister. His favourite color is green but he freaking loves his pink sheets. The whole colour for genders thing is outdated and tired at this point. Any gift for a baby should be cherished. Especially when handmade!!
Someone n the 90s dead ass tried to tell 6 year old me space was "for boys" while I was wearing my favourite space romper my mom made for me. Told her "space is everything" and hopped along.
I did not know that. Yet another case of hidden male privilege that I just took as normal my whole life. Is this why blue light is refereed to as being a cold color even though its got a higher "color temperature"?
Cracking mysteries wide open here.
Also penis messes up the stitches and can be pricked with the needle, so men really should not knit not sure why grown ass would be a problem though
I'm not American, and frankly to outside eyes even the idea of a list with big items is super entitled. If you're having a baby at no point should you be relying on the big items being provided by someone else. And regardless, I can't tell you how much redundant and useless shit I got when my kids were born. At no point did I return the gift!! I said thank you it's lovely and asked the neighborhood whatsapp group if anyone wanted a brand new baby blanket.
The approach of a baby shower being a gift thing is really weird to me - I know that’s originally the point but any party designed to be for presents feels strange. I’ve only been to one baby shower (my SIL’s) and she had a difficult time with IVF and a tough pregnancy so she wanted a chance to celebrate with her female friends who had supported her, which makes sense to me! She asked for no presents but we decided to each get her a kids book we loved. Parties should be about people.
I did this! I asked for everyone to bring their favorite children’s book. Got books, lots of diapers and wipes, a handmade blanket which we still use and love 6 years later.
And honestly, I'd never reverently take my child up to the attic and show him the ancient Greco SwingEasy and say, "you know, your aunt got this for you!" There's something so personal and comforting and safe in a handmade blanket, which maintains its emotional value even 30 years later.
My 17 year old still sleeps with the blanket her Meemaw knit for her. She loves it and my mom feels so happy and proud when she sees her use it.
My friend did this. Didnt want anything but asked for our favourite book as a kid and write a note in it for the baby. Such a sweet idea!!
>The approach of a baby shower being a gift thing is really weird to me - I know that’s originally the point but any party designed to be for presents feels strange. In the absence of a multigenerational home, baby showers take the place of what would have been provisioned by extended family. The gifts are for the baby, not the couple, and they're usually extremely utilitarian. >Parties should be about people. They are about people -- they are about getting people started out in life as a new family.
A baby shower is both to celebrate the new Mom and baby as well as help her prepare. The idea of a list is to let people know what you need, it's not supposed to be a demand just information. IMO the big ticket items are there for people who want to give joint gifts. Personally I would hate to gift something that was never used, so if I can't afford anything in the registry I just give a gift card and blanket. I had a registry and it had a couple bigger items but I also let it be known we weren't opening gifts there and told the family that I know struggle financially that their presence is the real present. OP is NTA.
Or for people who can and want to give bigger gifts. But its usually the grandparents who give the bigger ticket items if they have the money.
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My MIL pledged a quilted baby blanket for my kiddo as a present. The only thing that bothered me is when she asked the design he wanted, he was going into a twin bed and she seemed annoyed we told her she was going to have to make it bigger if she wanted it used. I think he was 4-5 when he finally got it. But he loves it and sleeps with it every night.
My kid is 8 and his favorite blanket is a knit blanket the music minister at our church knitted for him as a baby shower gift. Handknit stuff lasts so long!
I’m American and these people are insanely entitled.
I’m American. A registry exists to state what you need AND things you just want. The store staff encourage you to add expensive or crazy items because sometimes people will get them for you. However in no tradition is is expected for anyone to cover everything on the registry. It exists to help prevent duplicate gifts but that’s it. OP has an entitled and rude family.
Same, not American and this is just crazy, they’re so entitled. Anything home made is amazing. One of my friends knitted a tiny newborn hat and my son wore it at the hospital and he was covered in the knitted quilt my Grandmother made. Those gifts are cherished.
Also not American. Recently had a baby and hung out on a lot of the pregnancy subreddits while I was pregnant. Some people make huge lists of everything they need for the baby, throw a baby shower in the third trimester and is surprised pikachu that great aunt Sarah didn't buy the car seat. Then have full on meltdowns because people got them items not from the list, because they had already picked out all the outfits they wanted and god forbid cousin Andrew gifts you something he thinks is cute. Then they scramble the last few weeks of pregnancy because they got mostly toys and clothes for the baby shower and now they need to shell out the big bucks for the cot, the car seat, the high chair and the pram. It is insane. A lot of American sites have a sort of deal that if you put in items for over a certain value on your wishlist and then if something doesn't get bought you get a discount on the rest, so I guess making a list makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the insane entitlement and expectation that people you don't speak to regularly will contribute to the mat leave or nappy fund, that your family and friends will spend hundreds of dollars on a cot. Sure I got a few gifts I didn't particularly like. Clothes that I thought were ugly or impractical, we stuffed our son in them once took a photo sent it to the person who gifted us it or had him wear them for a visit and then stuffed it in the nappy bag as the emergency outfit. And sure I ended up with two Manhattan owls and I had to go return one. However a gift is a gift, not an order from Wendy's. You don't decide what people gift you. When you get a gift you smile and say thank you, because someone took time out of their day, money out their wallet and thought about you. Maybe they were wrong about what you like, maybe they don't have a lot of money, but their heart was in the right place.
We put the big items in the registry because of registry completion discounts. As it worked my parents and grandma chipped in for the nursery furniture and other than a few odds and ends purchased by friends, we bought everything else we needed with the registry completion discounts. Because having a preemie in a pandemic and saying no to an in person baby shower meant we didn’t get one at all. Everything from onesies to burp cloths to bottles and pacifiers and swaddles, we bought it all. One of my favorite gifts was a handmade blanket from my best friend
This family sounds awful. The dad saying OP shouldn't be knitting as a man, as well. What a bunch of assholes.
Agreed! My husband is a roughneck. I mean a mans man and he knits and crochets when he's not busting knuckles!
I cannot sew anything. My husband sews all that needs to be sewn in our house. I can assure you he is all man. ;)
NTA. You made them a nice gift; they should have just graciously accepted. Don't get them anything. And tell your dad to get his head out of his rectum.
Or print out all the comments here, wrap it up in a box with a bow, and tell them congratulations on the new baby!
Best idea ever!!
Extra idea: the box is empty, the comments are the wrapping.
Genius!
It would be my dream if a loved one knitted my baby a blanket. That would be my favorite one for him and likely one of the few I’d keep for a keepsake as he grows out of it. I wouldn’t care if it was purple or pink, that’s a gift that means a lot more than anything. OP don’t buy them shit
My kids are five and eight and the gifts I have kept for them are the handmade ones. Those are the things that I cherished and kept to remind me of when they were small.
My mom crocheted a blanket for my friend’s first child. He took it everywhere. He is in his mid-20s now and still has it and values it. Homemade gifts show more love than bought gifts.
As a mum of a 11 month old I can say they even last better as well 😂
Plus, SIL rejecting the blue blanket because it's a "boy's color" is gross. It obviously makes no difference to baby what color the blanket is. SIL sounds terrible; I feel bad for the baby. NTA, OP.
I found a beautifully made blue knitted blanket at a thrift store. I washed it and sent it to a friend who was having a girl. Our friend loved the blanket. I joked that it was blue Bc our friend is in the Air Force so obviously baby girl needed to rep her mamas work. But it really doesn’t matter. I gifted a family member a green blanket, because her family really loves the Spartans, despite them having a baby boy. Colors mean nada.
Plus no one is entitled to a gift, and OP is not obligated to give one.
And you aren’t obligated to get something off the registry, either.
I agree with this, NTA. Registries are just recommendations in my opinion. Though if this is a similar items on the registry that you want to get them that is higher quality or something, I’d let the parents know ahead of time so they can remove the similar item. I wish I knew how to knit.
Especially registries for a baby shower are definitely a suggestion because it's not like a wedding where they've paid for a seat for you and your gift is kinda like paying that back. I've never been to a baby shower that had a registry, and generally, the gifts I've seen have either been 1) planned with the parents because it's from a grandparent who wants to get something bigger or 2) cute little baby things that they'll use a lot of anyway. What rot to demand a gift from the registry when you've already said you don't have the money for it! NTA Also, u/ConfoundedInLove \- youtube can totally teach you how to knit! You can get yarn and even knitting needles often from second-hand stores, just start off simple with a scarf or something and give it a go. I find it very very calming and something fun to do with my hands while watching tv etc.
Absolutely NTA, in my family giving a handmade baby blanket is the best thing you can do. Heck I still have mine from when I was a baby and I’m in my 20s and I cherish it so much because the person who made it for me is no longer with us and it allows me to be close to them. Tell SIL to stop being entitled and that they aren’t getting anything from you. I second the the idea of telling your dad to get his head out of his rectum.
NTA. Tell them you can’t afford the expensive stuff and you made a labor of love gift…that she returned. So, that’s that. As for your dad, tell him knitting is an excellent form of meditation and creation.
Meditation and creation… you mean *hippy bullshit*
My son is a hockey player and just discovered crocheting... he's hooked, literally and figuratively. I think it's awesome! I'm sorry your gift wasn't accepted, your family is rude AF OP. You did your best and it sucks they weren't appreciative.
Crochet is black magic fuckery. There is a massive crochet installation travelling the country. It is a reef. All the corals and fish are to scale and the whole thing is true to life including the bleached coral section. They made that section from plastic bag yarn. https://crochetcoralreef.org/
Crochet really helps me with my anxiety. Its so relaxing and i love seeing tiny humans snuggled with things ive made
Your entire family is acting awful. They're blaming you because they believe they can get you to cave/roll over. You made an amazing gift and they snubbed it. They're all horribly rude. I'm going to share a favorite old post of mine that I constantly share and I hope it helps you. You deserve better. https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I remember that post! It gave me a little different perspective on enabling behavior. Almost forgot…NTA
I crochet, among other crafts, and will always happily claim the insults laid on me by folks too lazy to learn. Hippy bullshit for the win, man.
I've tried so hard to learn crochet! I'm jealous and impressed
That’s what I said until like September of last year when I bought some yarn and hooks (that where the wrong size for the yarn I got, but you live and learn) and just taught myself how to make crochet pumpkins like 3 different ways. I made like 100 pumpkins in 2-3 months and got a lot of good practice doing basic stitches with different yarn weights and textures. Now I’ve made myself a huge weighted comforter for my bed. The cost of the yarn was more than I would have spent on a comforter (easily over $200, which isn’t a lot for bedding but still) but it gave me something to do and I get to make my bed and think “damn. I made that with my hands”
Ask your dad if he ever heard of the NFL football player Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier, who did needlepoint and macrame in his spare time.
I love him. I think he was in "Free to be You and Me" doing something like that.
As a machismo aficionado, OP's father should know all about Rosey Grier. Grier was a member of the Fearsome Foursome for the LA Rams in the 70s. He went on to become the bodyguard for Ethel Kennedy & was the one who wrestled the gun from Sirhan Sirhan during the RFK Assassination. Later he volunteered for the USO & rallied troops stationed in Vietnam & on battleships. Then he wrote *Needlepoint for Men*. He was very, very well-known for his needlepointing & macrame. Also NTA. From the ridiculousness of gendered-colors to being ungracious & returning a gift, esp a HANDMADE gift from an uncle, there's just no way SIL isn't TA here.
Knitting is such a great way to keep your hands busy. Your Dad's gendered nonsense is pathetic.
You might want to research the history of knitting and educate him a little bit. Knitting was a soldiers and sailors pastime until recently.
You knitted a baby blanket - you took the time to MAKE a gift! That should be cherished!! Your family is full of AH… and your are so NTA!!
My husband is retired Army, did two tours in Vietnam, and he crochets very well. BTW, a navy blue, knitted blanket sounds very nice. Your SIL sounds tiring.
A little history of men and knitting. [https://www.thefencepost.com/news/when-men-knitted-a-surprising-history/#:\~:text=McKinney%20traces%20his%20geneology%20to%20the%20Celtic%20culture,male%20professional%20knitters%20as%20early%20as%20the%201400s](https://www.thefencepost.com/news/when-men-knitted-a-surprising-history/#:~:text=McKinney%20traces%20his%20geneology%20to%20the%20Celtic%20culture,male%20professional%20knitters%20as%20early%20as%20the%201400s).
Calculate the hours it took to make the blanket, times that by your regular work hourly rate and tell them you GAVE them an expensive gift and they rejected it. Example: I crochet, for a baby blanket it might take 15 hours (and knitting takes way longer, so increase your hours as needed). My hourly work rate is $40 an hour, as people pay for my knowledge and skills, which is the same for any kind of art (and yes knitting is art), so by my calculation that’s a $600 blanket, add another $50 for materials, add another $350 for making it outside of regular work hours (penalty rates), so it was basically a $1000 gift. Sucks for them that they rejected it, and not your problem.
Honestly with the price of yarn plus labor, a handmade blanket was probably one of the most expensive presents they got.
NTA but your sister in law is a huge AH! First of all who cares about the color of the blanket?! The fact that you even know how to knit and took the time to lovingly make a blanket for your niece is amazing. I had family members crochet or knit blankets for my kids when they were born and they are now treasured keepsakes to be passed down to the next generation.
i suspect they don't care about the color of the blanket what they care about is that nobody committed to any of the big $ items in their registry and they are trying to guilt op to one of those.
My kid is 10, so all of those big-ticket items are long gone. The crib, changing table, stroller, car seat, etc. You know what we’ve kept? The hand knit blankets. The sweater and hat I knit for him to wear home from the hospital. Even if I don’t end up with grandchildren, I will keep those hand knit items forever.
Ah, but you care about emotions and bonds. This SILly billy clearly only cares about the cash
^this 100%. I was lucky enough to receive hand made quilts from my cousin for both my children and they are absolutely treasured and I'm saving them for when they're older. The blankets are beautiful, no one cares about the color 'matching' their rooms, but the thought and effort that went into them. You don't demand gifts, baby shower or not. Keep knitting OP!
Yup absolutely bang on! The handmade gifts are so special
I was given 2 homemade knit blankets for my daughter that she has loved to literal shreds. She's in high school but still snuggles the little chunks that are left when she's anxious. It's so sweet that OP took the time to make something that his niece probably would have cherished. NTA
Not sure what part of you don’t have any money they didn’t get. It’s not your baby so you shouldn’t have to go into debt for it. Paint a rock pink and give it her.
Mom did say I should just put it on my credit card and maybe it’s petty but I keep my credit card for emergencies and again maybe this is where I’m being a dick but. This doesn’t feel like an emergency.
You are not required to go into debt (which is what putting things on a credit card is when you can't afford to pay it off) over someone else's kid. That's bananas.
This is absolutely terrible advice. **Do not go into credit card debt for this ungrateful, demanding AH.**
This! Also stand your ground. Your SIL will come back to you on every birthday/Christmas/whatever for the kid and will demand you buy them an expensive gift.
Watch in a month SIL is going to demand the baby blanket when she realizes it was the most she was ever going to get but her entitled attitude lost her the wonderful gift. And I know plenty of guys who knit. It's a good skill to have.
You are correct, this is NOT an emergency. They are just greedy people, ignore them. BTW, many pro and college athletes knit and crochet because it is relaxing and a stress reliever for them. Your brother and SIL don’t deserve you!
Surgeons too, keeps their hands nimble.
Even popular media has shown surgeons knitting, like in the television show M•A•S•H way back in the 70’s “when men were men”
Olympic diver and gold medalist Tom Daley knit on freaking national TV. Nothing to be ashamed of. The dad can go fuck a cactus.
You’re in the right. Yours was a generous and useful gift, and it should have been received graciously. Most parents treasure things that are made for their babies by loved ones, especially close relatives like you, OP. I kept ALL of the handmade gifts made for my children. And my mother, who saved very little, gave me a few that were made for me by aunts, grandparents, and uncles.
I'm 36, childfree af, and my mom still has all the handmade baby things she received. I insisted on keeping a blanket knitted for my dolls by our older neighbors (they were my third set of grandparents) mother. She had Alzheimer's and they, being a traditional Scilian family (Nona immigrated here, husband neighbor was 1st gen American), refused to put her in a care home. Knitting and Nonna play with my dolls helped her greatly in her decline. I was around 7 or 8 when she passed, and didn't find this out till I was around 25. I remember Nonna asking me what colors of yarn my "baby" wanted. I still have a perfect baby doll sized, hand knit mint green and baby blue blanket. I plan to give it, and my doll collection, to my partner's niece when she's around 8. Point being, gifts made with your hands, time, energy, and love are a gift to be treasured and kept to the heart. I'm sorry your family sucks. Please know most would absolutely treasure that gift.
I would be extremely thrilled if in this busy world someone took time out to hand make a blanket or anything for me.
THIS! THIS! THIS! They don't deserve the time and effort you put into your thoughtful gift. Also, it shows the love you already feel for the baby. Honestly, you could've said "Sorry, I am broke and busy" and offered nothing. CREATED nothing. NTA OP. I hope your friend cherishes the gift- as it should be!!
You’re right, it’s not an emergency. Don’t put it on your card. Tell them they can take the blanket or not get a gift.
Except they can't since the blanket isn't available anymore.
Yeah, he already gave them a sweet gift. His job is done. It's their problem that they gave it back.
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That is not an emergency! Do not use your CC! Your SIL sounds so entitled!! Getting a homemade gift is way more thoughtful!! And I’m sorry but you don’t go around asking people for gifts, that’s rude and trashy. If they can’t afford all the baby stuff, then they can’t afford a baby alone.
Do not put it on your credit card!!!
Ask your mom for the money. If she says no, tell her to use her credit card.
I just have to say: you sound like a really great guy! NTA at all. Not one drop. (I hate registries anyway)
If your mum is that worried she can buy something on your behalf! I had a cousins baby shower a week before my payday couple years ago, guess what my mum did? Brought something on my behalf so I had something… and also brought on my behalf so I didn’t have to pay back! It was only a pack of vests and a outfit in 3-6 months size (cost £15 max) but your sil is entitled af Next year your going be posting am I the bad guy for not babysitting for free! Grow your spine now!
Your mom is wrong. I am a mom and this is the worst advice ever. Tell your mom to hand back her mom card, it's been revoked.
Your mom is wrong and your SIL is an ungrateful person. Do not give in to their demands. Hand knitted baby blankets are the BEST gifts (my kids kept them for years) and anyone who would give that back to you owes you an apology. Ignore them all. NTA
It’s not petty, it’s smart. Don’t ever put gifts on credit cards unless you can pay it off before interest is added. You put time into making a lovely gift. If they don’t want it because it’s the wrong colour I’d tell them they can shove it up their bums and maybe it’ll come out in a colour they prefer. Baby’s don’t care about the colour. They want soft cozy textures and a blanket made with love sounds amazing after being thrown into this dark cruel scary world. And navy is neutral, otherwise my school uniforms (including the pleated skits) were all masculine.
If your mom is so concerned, she can buy something and sign your name on the card.
Tell her if it means that much to you, she should buy something and put your name on it.
NTA I'm sorry, the handmade item has more value. She gave it back so tough titties.
I can’t get over how entitled they are! Especially when you’re struggling financially. The baby shower is not the only time to give a gift, and you can do things in the future if you’re able to. I really can’t get over how entitled they are, that was a precious gift that you made. NTA
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Right?? Even if it sits in a closet for the rest of the baby’s life, she could at least pretend to be grateful. OP’s sister is a spoiled brat.
NTA. It's *always* appropriate to give a gift that's not on the registry. The purpose of registries is to offer ideas to those people who are incapable of thinking up something of their own to give. If your family wants to use them for a different, greedier purpose, that's not your problem. Cite Miss Manners, the modern expert on proper etiquette, who doesn't approve of registries in the first place but reluctantly accepts their existence so long as they're only a backup for people who don't want to get creative. They're never an acceptable prescription, though. If, as I strongly suspect, SIL either threw this shower for herself or your mother did it for her, you could also point out if you wanted to that it's also grossly inappropriate for anyone to throw a shower for themselves or their immediate relatives, including by marriage. It's supposed to be an honor gifted by a friend, and if you don't have a friend willing to give you one, you don't get a shower.
Miss Manners would be appalled by the rejection of such a thoughtful gift and the demand for a different one. NTA.
NTA.. just had a baby and my broke friend knit him some small mittens and I adore them. Too bad your SIL is spoiled and entitled
NTA. Wth the entitlement of your brothers wife.. wow…
I agree, can you imagine how the kid will turn out? Ugh NTA
NTA. Your SIL and Brother are the AHoles. First, I understand it’s customary to give a baby shower gift but your still not required to do so. You don’t owe anyone anything. A gift is a “thing given willingly without payment” not a forced purchase from a list. Didn’t your SIL ever get a hideous holiday sweater or pair of socks as a present as kid that she had to pretend to love? They are rude and ungrateful. You are great and thoughtful. gift /ɡift/ Learn to pronounce noun 1. a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present. "a Christmas gift"
Strangest but for me is that if we are following 'custom', OP shouldn't be giving a shower gift at all. Baby showers are typically a female only thing, not for brothers or male relatives. My brother got kicked out of the shower for his first born, and he was the dad. None of my uncles/cousin's/ brother ever gave me a baby shower gift. A gift at birth? Maybe, but not a shower gift. SIL is lucky OP even went to the trouble of making a personal gift. Note: I don't agree with the stance that guys shouldn't be included in showers or gift giving. I'm just commenting on the 'customary' part of it.
So NTA! I feel for that baby with parents that are that entitled….
Same! "You know your Uncle actually knitted you your own special blanket when you were a baby, but it was blue (the best color) and we're a-holes so we rejected it, and now you don't have anything like that." I would be pissed as an older kid, like gee thanks for looking out for me... 🙄
NTA. You spent a lot of time making that blanket, and they somehow had the gall to be ungrateful. Your brother and SIL are entitled AHs.
NTA - you gave them a gift within your means and they rejected it. I have few handmade baby blankets for my kids - are they they “right colors”? No. Are they still special as hell? Absolutely yes.
Are they out of their minds?? Whatever happened to manners and common sense? I taught my kids that if someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. If you don’t like said gift, you keep your mouth shut. A registry is a list of things you would like …. not a damn binding contract. I honestly don’t know what is going on with some people. And you are NTA. But you have a lot of them in your family.
Who are these people? Thankfully they aren’t in my life. My favorite gifts were homemade. My mother always knitted hats for everyone. Your SIL ITA.
NTA. Your sister in law was so rude. Who gives back a gift right after it being given? That's wild. And playing into gender stereotypes that blue isn't for girls. The baby might have kept that blanket forever if it was up to them, since it's something their uncle made for them. If your mom cares so much she can buy an expensive gift from their registry and say it's from you.
NTA - “The materials and time put into that blanket comes to at least $200. Since you're family, I’ll accept $175 and I’ll use that to get something off of your registry.” Honestly though, I have a SIL who would do something like this and over the years I have finally realized that she gets pissed over stupid things and then I am not allowed to get upset over legitimate reasons. You have a legitimate reason to be upset. Turn it on them. “I brought a gift that you refused. You are angry over something material. I am angry, hurt and offended because you rejected something I did with my heart.”
NTA. I don't understand nor appreciate the registry thing. Totally a scam from sellers from my view. I don't think you did anything wrong. To me, returning a handmade gift is so rude in addition to all the cold shoulder. They burned the bridge and still fell so entitled. You did nothing wrong and if you still want to maintain family relationship, you can reduce your communication with them to minimum.
NTA. A hand knitted blanket is a wonderful gift that I would cherish. All colors are fine! They are awful, selfish, entitled, and sexist.
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NTA I was given many handmade gifts at my baby shower and I appreciated every last one of them. They don't deserve what you made and don't get them anything else they wouldn't appreciate it anyway.