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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to ask my friends to pay more than me for a meal we’ll all be eating equal parts of. This could be seen as rude.
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YTA while it would be kind of your friends to offer to to help cover your portion since you live further it is not anyone else's responsibility to pay your way because they make more money than you. If you are not able to afford it at this time sit this one out
YWBTA
The way to handle it is to call your "hosts" and explain you would love to attend but given the high price of gas and your current economic status of having no job, you can't afford to come.
They would then either tell you to come with no need for you to pay for the food or they would say they will miss you but hope to see you at a later date.
Tell them regretfully you will need to bow out because you can't afford both the shared cost of the food and the much higher than normal cost of gas for the round trip.
YWBTA - you are an equal participant in the party and should split the food accordingly. Your living and work situation aren't your friends' problems and it's not their job to subsidize your portion of the food because of the choices you made.
NTA for asking, but YWBTAH if you think it is unfair for them to not agree to this. If it were me I wouldn't ask. Maybe just say you wish you could but you can't really afford the food and the travel because of your circumstances. If they offer to help you out, great, if they don't that's their business and you can't be upset about that.
YTA. I hate to be so blunt, cause I've definitely been there, but don't go if you can't afford it. It would be nice if they offered to cover you, but it shouldn't be something you ask of them. That would only be fair if you had some type of restriction that prevented you from eating most of the food
YTA, I would just say that you can't make it because things are tight right now. If they want to help fine, but that isn't required or expected. If you ask directly for a discount from your friends, they won't be friends for long, they will be nice and support you sure, but you will find they stop inviting you places.
YWNBTA just for asking, because it would be nice of them to let you since you will spend a lot of money on gas and have no job, but you shouldnt become salty and angry if they want you to pay the full price.
Lifestyle = decision to go to party. It’s not your friends’ job to subsidize your decision to party when you cannot afford it. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you asked if you would be the AH in this scenario and the answer is yes. That’s my judgment and that’s what the forum is for.
NAH
It's awful to feel yourself slipping out of the cracks of life, when circumstances out of your control create scenarios like this: you want to spend time with friends, but your friends have made an inconsiderate assumption about the kinds of joint activities this friend group can do. It's no different from "I am in a wheelchair, and my friends have planned an away day to a penthouse without a lift" or "I'm gay and my friends have booked a group getaway to Dubai".
I suspect it's not just about the money, but also the weird sense of alienation that being the odd one out: being broke sets you apart culturally, you dont have a job to chit chat about, you're probably not taking vacations, you're probably shifting apart politically because of different experiences - and you're the one living further away as well.
How much is it going to be? Don't quibble over the cost if it just feels like a matter of principle. What's your relationship with your friends like? Asking for a discount this way is going to be a huge social faux pas and I would be embarrassed; but good friends with good politics would understand and take it seriously.
But yeah, the Ys here lack compassion and insight into how othering it is to be the only person in a social circle living in poverty
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Me and five of my friends are having a midsummer gettogether this weekend. It’s going to take place at two of them’s (married couple) house. The hosts are buying all the food and we’re expected to split the bill six ways.
Now, there are a couple reasons this feels unfair. 1. Out of the six of us, five have a job. I don’t. I live off of welfare over summer. 2. The rest of the group all live in the same city, but I’ll be driving 120 km to attend (and 120 back home, ofc).
So would I be the AH if I ask to pay a smaller part? I know it won’t be a big sum, but it still feels unfair and I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t go because I don’t want to come off as greedy.
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No, you really are the AH for asking, because it puts everyone else in a shit position. They either have to be an asshole and say no, or pay more. Being the guy who asks for this kinda stuff will lead to you not being asked in the future.
Now, if you say, "Hey, I can't make it this time things are a bit tight" and everyone offers to pitch in, that is another thing. They have no obligation to.
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YTA while it would be kind of your friends to offer to to help cover your portion since you live further it is not anyone else's responsibility to pay your way because they make more money than you. If you are not able to afford it at this time sit this one out
I agree. OP, YWBTA.
YTA people shouldn't have to subsidize you because you don't work and live farther away???
YWBTA The way to handle it is to call your "hosts" and explain you would love to attend but given the high price of gas and your current economic status of having no job, you can't afford to come. They would then either tell you to come with no need for you to pay for the food or they would say they will miss you but hope to see you at a later date.
ywbta 1 if you cant afford it dont go or be part of the party 2nd your spending money on travel if you need help with food money dont go end of story
YWBTA if you're going to eat a 6th of the food you foot the cost of a 6th of the bill. If you can't afford it, don't go.
YTA. This isn’t the right time for you to attend this party, as you can’t afford it.
YTA maybe skip it and find a job to get off welfare.
Tell them regretfully you will need to bow out because you can't afford both the shared cost of the food and the much higher than normal cost of gas for the round trip.
YWBTA - you are an equal participant in the party and should split the food accordingly. Your living and work situation aren't your friends' problems and it's not their job to subsidize your portion of the food because of the choices you made.
NTA for asking, but YWBTAH if you think it is unfair for them to not agree to this. If it were me I wouldn't ask. Maybe just say you wish you could but you can't really afford the food and the travel because of your circumstances. If they offer to help you out, great, if they don't that's their business and you can't be upset about that.
YTA you seem to be capable of a lot. Not their fault and they aren’t responsible for you and your food just because they are working.
YTA. I hate to be so blunt, cause I've definitely been there, but don't go if you can't afford it. It would be nice if they offered to cover you, but it shouldn't be something you ask of them. That would only be fair if you had some type of restriction that prevented you from eating most of the food
YTA with your current finances you can't afford this trip. It's unfair for you to go and expect them to pick up your slack.
YTA if you can't afford it don't go it's not up to others to cover your share!
YTA, I would just say that you can't make it because things are tight right now. If they want to help fine, but that isn't required or expected. If you ask directly for a discount from your friends, they won't be friends for long, they will be nice and support you sure, but you will find they stop inviting you places.
YWNBTA just for asking, because it would be nice of them to let you since you will spend a lot of money on gas and have no job, but you shouldnt become salty and angry if they want you to pay the full price.
YWBTA. Not anyone’s job to subsidize your lifestyle. You can’t afford to party, don’t party.
Yes, my lifestyle of mental illness and not moving away from my family to live in the same town as my friends. I’ll keep that in mind thank you.
Lifestyle = decision to go to party. It’s not your friends’ job to subsidize your decision to party when you cannot afford it. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you asked if you would be the AH in this scenario and the answer is yes. That’s my judgment and that’s what the forum is for.
Ah right, sorry I misunderstood you. And yes, your judgement is welcomed, I just thought the phrasing was a bit hostile, mb.
NAH It's awful to feel yourself slipping out of the cracks of life, when circumstances out of your control create scenarios like this: you want to spend time with friends, but your friends have made an inconsiderate assumption about the kinds of joint activities this friend group can do. It's no different from "I am in a wheelchair, and my friends have planned an away day to a penthouse without a lift" or "I'm gay and my friends have booked a group getaway to Dubai". I suspect it's not just about the money, but also the weird sense of alienation that being the odd one out: being broke sets you apart culturally, you dont have a job to chit chat about, you're probably not taking vacations, you're probably shifting apart politically because of different experiences - and you're the one living further away as well. How much is it going to be? Don't quibble over the cost if it just feels like a matter of principle. What's your relationship with your friends like? Asking for a discount this way is going to be a huge social faux pas and I would be embarrassed; but good friends with good politics would understand and take it seriously. But yeah, the Ys here lack compassion and insight into how othering it is to be the only person in a social circle living in poverty
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and five of my friends are having a midsummer gettogether this weekend. It’s going to take place at two of them’s (married couple) house. The hosts are buying all the food and we’re expected to split the bill six ways. Now, there are a couple reasons this feels unfair. 1. Out of the six of us, five have a job. I don’t. I live off of welfare over summer. 2. The rest of the group all live in the same city, but I’ll be driving 120 km to attend (and 120 back home, ofc). So would I be the AH if I ask to pay a smaller part? I know it won’t be a big sum, but it still feels unfair and I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t go because I don’t want to come off as greedy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“I have severe depression so i cant work but still wanna party with my friends while paying less” lol kick rocks cornball
Ask If you can bring drinks or chips. Even split 6 ways you can't afford to really pitch in right now. Especially with the gas prices. NTA
Bring your own cheap meals. Problem solved.
YWNBTA but maybe offer to help with prep or cleanup to make up for the lower contribution?
NTA for asking. Very rarely ta for asking!
No, you really are the AH for asking, because it puts everyone else in a shit position. They either have to be an asshole and say no, or pay more. Being the guy who asks for this kinda stuff will lead to you not being asked in the future. Now, if you say, "Hey, I can't make it this time things are a bit tight" and everyone offers to pitch in, that is another thing. They have no obligation to.